#like the past few days have just really solidified the fact that i'm not anyone's first priority yk

[xamag-draws]

BBR thoughts 2024

Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies

This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not

So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters

I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash

I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted

Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it

At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do

Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction

So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older

I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet

When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"

But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work

If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now

I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:

Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)

I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat

I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least

I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example

I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep

I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor

I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence

The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers

Some new Dolly outfits

Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days

Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo

I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused

One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book

An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well

So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)

#my art #xam rambles #the black brick road of oz

[callofdudes]

Been a while since I requested something, I shall grace this page with a request of being best friends with gaz headcanon please bestie 😊😊😊

Welcome back bestie 😊😊 I promise I'm working on all your other requests but mental health be doing backflips and I kinda feel like shit. I got some Gaz for you though.

Being best friends with Kyle "Gaz" Garrick.

Gaz is incredibly smart. If you look at his records his fighting reflex and knowledge is top chart stuff. But Gaz keeps it all very quiet. He doesn't boast about it like Soap would so when he does end up flipping heads on the enemy it's like "woah where did that guy come from-!"

Gaz uses this same skill to protect you. When you came to 141 Gaz was already settling. He had Ghost as a mentor and almost an older brother, and Soap as... Well he wasn't sure who he was supposed to be. But he had his team, and you seemed to easily click with Soap and Ghost.

Gaz wouldn't force you to be friends with him. Of course he introduced himself and you both talked occasionally but he didn't know if it was a friendship per say. And that was ok. He'd still protect you with his life any day of the week.

However you really did have intense feelings of friendship for Gaz. But you thought because of his quiet nature that he was closed off like Simon. Which in fact wasn't the case when you got him talking. He was just shyer than the others.

The first time you and Gaz really, properly hung out was on a quiet night at base, Gaz had finished his tasks and had nothing really to do. He enjoyed his time playing Dungeons and Dragons, (headcannon from @itsscromp) unfortunately he couldn't ever get the others to play. Ghost was too busy, Price wasn't fully interested, and Johnny just cared to cause chaos.

And then he noticed you were also done your work. "Well Kyle, there's no harm." And he went to ask you. And it went well. Turns out you wanted to play DND, and after playing for almost four hours together it solidified that.

And Gaz was really glad to have you as one of his few friends.

And now that you were friends you really did learn a lot more about him. Gaz would go down in a fire for you, no questions asked. Seems stupid but he specializes in VIP protection. You think he wouldn't protect you?? Think again. You're VIP to him. You all are.

Loves you a lot but is too shy to say it and think you'll get the wrong idea.

And look, you don't have skin that clear on the battlefield without having some kind of routine. This man looks after his skin like the temple his body is. (when he's not eating junk food.)

Yeah, your skin isn't cutting it for him. Sorry babes, get in the bathtub we are rinsing your hair and slapping some hydration on that forehead because Gaz knows you are gone need it to be crawling around the musty dusty desert with him.

Now, Knight is openly queer, so you know Gaz is a little spice of life as well. He keeps it under wraps and isn't as open about it in his career because he doesn't think you guys need to know and or he's met people in past expanses that didn't take so kindly to him being open about it.

He's the gay best friend, it's not overbearing. You know how most gay men are just different in a fun way. That's Gaz but he has it toned down so at first you couldn't tell and then it just clicked and you were like "woah". But you can kinda tell there just, there a something there you thinks.

You gotta keep him out of trouble to. You have to be his discernment. He's got relationship smarts but if he's even remotely cute and no good, time for bestie to step in. Sorry Gaz, not today. Your bestie is not letting you get yourself into that mess.

His gun does most of the talking and he carries a side arm so if anyone gives you smoke their gonna get got.

He's smart but also the silent, immediately jumps to using his gun conclusion guy. So if someone bullies you in the grocery store he pulls out his gun and you've gotta be like "Woah woah, not necessary mate, nooot necessary 😅😅"

Hates trash reality TV but watches it anyway. Drags you into the torture as well.

He spills the tea. He spills it always. He sometimes just walks around quietly not taking up too much air and hearing conversations and by the end of it he's got so much to tell you.

Not quite sure what I think Gaz's childhood looked like but I assume he didn't have too many friends. I could see him as the shy kid who focused more on academics and played in the trees of his backyard alone over having a boat load of friends.

So when you do things like buy him stuff or give him cuddles and affection he has this epiphany. Like this is what I've been missing!

Your comfort and affection is something he truly loves so much, but the house and traditions he grew up with weren't the most overly affectionate, and in his career there wasn't much cuddling with the homies in his unit either.

Yeah you give him cuddles he's like a leach, he'll leave when he wants to leave and only when. And he likes to sometimes cling on by surprise. When he becomes so comfortable around you he'll often waltz into your office and wrap his arms around your neck from behind, watching what you're doing.

"You done yet??"

"I'll tell you when I'm done ok?"

"Ok...... Y/n??"

"Not all of us are as fast as you at paperwork y'know"

"Sorry."

You take Gaz and Soap on adventures together and you still can't wrap your head around hos they're friends. Completely chaotic, loud and chipper faced with slightly annoyed at the loudness, just as chaotic on the inside and together you get one big Gaz Soap salad. Sticking them in a car for five hours together was a mistake for your sake.

Gaz doesn't open up about his feelings a lot, but look at you 😄 look at you helping him to open up and ask for help. To ask for the care that he needs when things get tough for him.

He was alone before that terrorist attack where he met Price and that was s very scary time for him. Looking back on it from his place in 141 Gaz was much more scared on the field then than he is now. Probably because he's got a team he knows he'll always be able to trust and confide in.

That's the best part of having you as a friend. He can confide in you with anything. And knowing him, you can also confide in him. Whatever secrets you tell him are lock and key baby. He won't tell a single soul.

Gaz tried to do all the things you've done for him, for you. When you need someone to give you a hug or some cuddles Gaz will do his best to comfort you and show you that same infectious love and care.

Whenever you have a nightmare he's right there for you. Wrapping his arms around you to keep you steady, holding you up when you can't.

He'll always try.

Celebrates your accomplishments as well. When you get promoted or a medal, hell when you do everything he's on your sideline cheering. And it's like his shyness is gone when he sees his friends receiving praise for something. He'll cheer louder than everyone in the room for you all.

But the one thing your friendship isn't above is England. If you diss on England, or their football, prepare to get got. Tickle attacks or hitting you with a pillow as punishment.

At the end of the day three of your friends are British and one of them is Scottish which starts petty squabbles between Gaz and Soap sometimes. It's all playful but sometimes Soap wants to start some shit and you end up having to try and separate them before they wrestle each other to death.

And there is probably so much more I'm missing, but remember. Whenever you need someone to watch your six, Gaz is already there. Whenever you need someone you can spend some quiet time with when things get overwhelming, you know where to find Gaz. And when life gives you bullshit. Gaz has a Glock.

#call of duty #call of duty headcanons #kyle gaz garrick #kyle gaz garrick x reader #platonic x reader #kyle gaz garrick headcanons #kyle garrick #gaz cod #gaz mw2 #x reader

[buzzsawbrando]

Regarding Elsewheyr (that one comic)

Considering it's been maybe a year or two and I haven't said anything about it, I felt the need to just kinda post a really quick update on what exactly is going on with it and why I don't post anything relating to it anymore (not like it matters all that much, but to those who do care about it then stick around.)

This will be regarding both my silent departure from ELSEWHEYR: Musical Cascade, and why the comic hasn't made any progress past the first chapter. I wont make this post super long, but In case you'd rather keep scrolling then I'll put everything else under a 'read more'.

If you don't feel like reading vaguely depressing things, please read RAPTURE on ComicFury instead. (Trust me, it's way better).

Why don't you do Elsewheyr content anymore?

Suffice to say, while it was in-fact a passion project, a couple of the people who contributed to its writing were not very kind to myself and the other writers. I refuse to name names, and I've retracted any and all links to the comic page and its tournament Discord to not out anyone because it's all very personal stuff and I don't wish for some kind of public 'shunning' or whatever. If you know, you know. But if you don't, please keep it that way. I'm vague about this for a reason.

Why did you stop working on Planetfall/Musical Cascade?

I was the only artist for the comic and Musical Cascade. While Musical Cascade was less demanding of me, and included a good handful of people to help with music and the like, I was still the only artist and from my knowledge no plans were made to have any other artists be included in its furthered development. As for Planetfall: Elsewheyr, there were plans to include artists to help with the comic. None of those plans came to fruition, for one reason or another. Not only that, but the comic was based on an unfinished tabletop campaign that was still ongoing. Meaning there were plotholes, I was told to do multiple changes to many of the names of the locations in the first chapter alone, and the lead writer/DM made me change characters dialogues without the other players consent on the matter. The comic was a collaborative project of multiple writers (6 total, myself included) and was treated instead as a product or a brand further in its development. Which went against the wishes of the other writers, who were the rightful owners of many of the characters involved in the comic (K, Zero, and my own character Kira).

I fully, personally intended for the comic to not move past chapter 1. It was supposed to be a fun visualizer of our first session of this campaign as a gift to the people involved. I merely published it where I did, as it was the easiest way to get it out and show it to everyone. On my own volition, I did continue it further with the lead writer. Pursuing a project I had no solid motivations for, let alone one without any solidified and mostly improv writing and lacking development was simultaniously my own personal downfall.

What fully pushed you to stop working on the project entirely?

Once again, being vague. Frequent mistreatment from the lead writer, and one of the other writers was outed for very abhorrent things. Both abusive in their own right. Being around the lead writer especially with the way they treated everyone else was detrimental for my mental health and led me to isolate. A lot of factors played a part as to why I am so detached to this project.

What does this mean for Elsewheyr in the future?

I don't quite know, I'll be honest with you. I don't have any intentions to continue it, name and all. However, there's many characters that were never shown in the comic I have full intention of redesigning, repurposing, and hopefully applying to something else so they can still see the light of day. The remaining few writers of the comic (4 of us, to be exact) are working on something privately instead to salvage the good of what we had and to move on from this fallen project. We currently have no intention to publicize it, and would rather move on.

If you've read this far, thank you for reading and listening. I'll go back to normal posts from here on, because I don't really want to dwell too much on the past. I just felt a need to post why I've gone so quiet about this project, perhaps just to give myself some closure.

#elsewheyr #long post #i wont rlly tag this as anything else #anyway back to regularly scheduled posting

[lifeswack]

I made a small analysis on the recent drdt episode!

(heres the link to the google doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jvUy2txjIYfixGA_ortVeSpr1457b5GHb5hsH78vP8A/edit#heading=h.vp6z4l5f7buz ) and now heres what i have so far

insane literature girl (david) analysis

Peeps i used:

 @nsmiaumiau,@moonzeiw

the link to my notes, its very scrambled so beware: 

The Morse code at 4:21 translates to:

"You still believed in me despite everything I've done, but that's just a fantasy isn't it? I simply chose to believe you did. Afterall I'm incapable of being somebody without you

That morse code and the scene at 2:24 are bothreferring to xander, the one at 2:24 is obvious, you can even see david referring to xander as “important” this fact alone could solidify that the person david is referring to at 4:24 is xander however there are still a few more people who it could be 

The reason both instances HAVE to refer to Xander is that David was never really close to anyone else. The only two people it could have possibly been are Hu and Arei, but through a process of elimination, we can rule out Hu since she's still alive. Even if you say Hu no longer respects david, While the Morse code at 4:21 uses past tense, it's safe to say Hu was never very close to David in the first place. Now, let's talk about Arei. She's a bit harder to debunk, but she's also eliminated for the same reason. Arei was only on good terms with David for about a day and a half, and that time was spent focused on her. Additionally, David wouldn't really feel like himself around Arei due to her vulgar and foul mouth, constantly berating everyone she knows. Although she may have changed slightly, she remained aggressive. However, to give Arei some credit, she knew David's secret, but I'm eliminating her as a possibility anyway. Xander is the only person we have confirmation (from 2:24) of being important to David. David even stated that Xander was a sort of role model to him, as Xander represented everything David pretended to be. But I do believe they were genuinely close; I mean, come on, guys, the bromance is there!

Before I present my own theories, let's debunk a theory:

 that David manipulated or asked Xander to kill Teruko. I find this possibility plainly impossible (haha, Tsumugi reference). David is well aware of the consequences of murder and was genuinely distraught and upset when Xander died. Moreover, I don't believe David was the one who said "I have to kill Teruko Tawaki" at the beginning of DRDT; it is widely accepted to be Xander, but I have my own issues with the Xander theory.

Once again, huge thanks to @nsmiaumiau – she, he, they???? – for being a tremendous help throughout this.

The video contains word searches for every character except David, with text aligning to each character. Although some don't seem to match perfectly, we can use the descriptions as our best bet to assign the numbers to characters. Many of them appear nonsensical, like Hu's crossword being "???: Go and cry," Julia's being "Do it like that lets live together!" and Nico's being "even if you try to think idk!!! (Lmao)." I noticed that these texts are either sarcastic or ominous. Let's take Nico's, for instance; it's very sarcastic and oddly worded, so I'll try to make it less headache-inducing: 

some of the word searches mention this mysterious (????) person, and it could either refer to David himself or the red-haired girl who keeps appearing. I'll do my best to make sense of everyone's crossword and figure out their significance.

Crossword analysis

(desclaimer despite coming tpo the conclusion these are davids thoughts i still analayze some of them as random strings of text and not thoughts)

1. Xander - His crossword is odd, saying "I have no idea if it counts (the world of abnormal sentient dance)." All of these make my head hurt, and this one takes the cake, but it does bring up the word "sentient," which I find interesting. Since I've already deduced these are David's thoughts, I'm going to have to look at it from that lens. The part "I have no idea if it counts" is what intrigues me. Like I said before, the Morse code at 4:21 is referring to Xander, so it might be David saying "I have no idea if Xander cares"??? It's definitely a shot in the dark, but I'm doing my best, okay!! The phrase "(abnormal sentient dance)" could be interpreted in several ways. I see it as an odd conversation, think of it as the phrase "the conversation has a mind of its own" – add "abnormal," and it would be akin to an odd conversation or if you add "dance," an odd situation.

2. Rose - Her crossword states "I think, therefore I am": This phrase is a famous philosophical statement attributed to the French philosopher René Descartes. In Latin, it is "Cogito, ergo sum." The phrase expresses the idea that the act of thinking itself proves one's existence. It's a foundational element in Descartes' philosophy and is often seen as a starting point for understanding one's own existence and consciousness.

"(confused)": The addition of "(confused)" after the famous philosophical statement adds an intriguing twist. It suggests that even though Rose acknowledges her existence through her thoughts, she experiences confusion or uncertainty about her identity or reality. The inclusion of this word creates an interesting contrast between certainty (thinking) and doubt (confusion).

3. Charles - The phrase "if you doubt" further proves that Charles is not one to accept things without scrutiny. This trait is vital in chemistry, as it involves testing hypotheses and theories through experimentation and analysis.

The second part of the crossword, "brittle things are broken," indicates Charles' knowledge of material properties, including fragility and how certain substances react under specific conditions. As an expert chemist, he understands the importance of understanding the characteristics of different substances to handle them safely and predict their behavior accurately. But that's just a literal analysis. In Charles's own words, "are you really gonna take that at face value?" So if I were to be crazy and analyze this, I would probably think this is referring to people. Maybe Charles doubted his brother at a certain point in time, and it led to his brother's death? :33

5. Arei - I think it's partially straightforward. The last time Arei got any major screen time was before she died. She cried to David about how she wanted to change and be a good person, questioning why Eden was allowed to be a good person without anyone taking advantage of her. Additionally, she was constantly harassed, assaulted, and verbally abused by her sisters, which resulted in her crying. This is likely what the crossword is referring to.

6. Ace - His crossword says, "'Right now, why do you go insane?'" Again, fairly straightforward. If I had to take a guess, it would be from how malnourished our poor boy is. His motive secret literally was "your body's falling apart, and yet you still refuse to eat." He's probably starving, and some of it is just because he's a hot-headed asshole.

7. Arturo’s is “mind exercises 1 2 3 4!” which confuses me just as much as xanders confuses me, if it were any other maybe i could have come up with something but this really just dosent fit him, he’s a cosmetic surgeon not a psychiatrist, since we know very little about Arturo im assuming this has something to do with his obsession with J, perhaps he finds J’s situation mentally stimulating?

8. Since julias the visual affects artist the part where it says “do it like that” maybee its referencing her more creative side an a way for things to go her way?

The second part, "let's live together," is intriguing and could imply several things. It might suggest her wish for harmony and collaboration in the theater world, emphasizing the importance of teamwork to create a successful production. Alternatively, it might hint at her vulnerability and a desire for deeper connections with others, as she tends to appear tough on the outside but is sensitive on the inside.

Considering her disdain for actors, the phrase "let's live together" might also indicate her longing for a community where egos and spotlight-hogging behavior are minimized, promoting a more supportive and cohesive environment in the theatrical world.

9. I think i already explained what i think of nicos crossword but ill explain again for you dimwits! (haha miu reference)  it's very sarcastic and oddly worded, so i tried to make it less head ace inducing but heres my raw unfiltered analysis “even if i try to think, idk! (lmao)” i think its still david being sarcastic, and he’s referring to one specific moment, when nico tried to kill ace, davids telling him he didint think and that even if he did think he’d be too blinded by rage

#drdt #drdt spoilers #david cheim #drdt theory #drdt david

[alwaysthesitter]

Alright, I just finished watching Part 1 of Season 4. I was going to finish the whole thing, but it's almost midnight and I do work tomorrow. Sadly I didn't get any replies done tonight, but here's the head canons that have come up for me since doing the rewatch (now that I have time to focus strictly on Steve, and not you know....everything else going on).

This one is so random, but I just now noticed that Steve has leather seats in his BMW. I don't know if all BMW's have leather seats, but for someone that brings a lot of girls to Lover's Lake, I'm just saying.....those seats are probably pretty beneficial for keeping things as clean as possible. Did Steve possibly get the interior of his car done just for that? I could see it.

Steve seems to still jump to violence or violent threats as a defense, as noted when he threatens to punch Dustin's teeth out a second time or whatever the phrasing is. I feel like this is really reminiscent of his King Steve days, and that threatening others not only equates to him being tough, but it keeps people from prying past his facade and allowing him to be vulnerable. If he's feeling in a vulnerable position, chances are he's going to make a threat to deter from it.

THE CEMETARY SCENE. This one is going to be a huge stretch, but it's my interp and so I'm rolling with it. As soon as Max says "turn here", Steve immediately wipes a hand down his face. As we know from the series, this is a tic he seems to have whenever feeling particular emotional, as if "wiping off his feelings." To me, this heavily implied to me that Steve knew that turn led to the cemetary. Since Steve doesn't have anyone he's lost personally, I'm going to through out this hc that he has gone to Billy's grave since he died. This also goes along with the fact that he knew exactly which grave they were going to and was able to get his car there without Max's help (granted, we just see a wide shot of his car and Max could easily be giving him directions, but let my Harringrove heart have this).

Going off of Billy's birthday on his grave, I'm officially calling it that Steve's is April 29, 1966. There's a ton of theorizing about the year Steve was born, but this would make the most sense, because Steve is supposed to be a year older than Billy and with Billy being born in March of 67, Steve would have to be a 66 baby in order to be the oldest of the two. The sad thing is that in present day, that would make Steve only a few years younger than my parents - oof. But that also really solidifies the fact that I play Steve as a 20 year old post season 4.

Steve hates spiders. I think that's pretty obvious in canon by his interaction, but I'm extending this to say that Steve is fine with presenting as the 'manly man' in scenarios, except when it comes to killing the spider. He's definitely going to make his partner take that role.

I've had this unofficial head canon for awhile that Steve has a fake ID, and I've used it in several threads. I'm confirming this, because who else would have bought the six pack for Eddie that was in that car? Steve is the oldest of the group, and I surely don't think Nancy with her rule abiding lifestyle would have a fake ID, and Robin doesn't even have a license. So head canon, more or less confirmed.

Somewhat NSFW head canon, but Steve is very....very terrified of bondage. If his partner is into it (we see you and your handcuffs, Munson) then he's going to be willing to try for them, but it will take a lot of prep and coaxing and a ton of after care. Between being tied up by Russians, choked by the Demobat, pulled down and held up by vines.....he really doesn't like the feeling of being tied up and helpless.

Steve is absolutely 1000% a combat fighter. I always knew he had love and passion for his bat, and I know his main weapon of choice from the surplus store is a hatchet, but I never realized just how often this boy is grabbing handheld objects as weapons. He grabbed an oar twice to fend off danger. He grabbed the lamp. And maybe we could say it's because there was nothing else readily available, but he could have gotten all sorts of things at the surplus store and he still chose a close combat, hand-on object. I know he loses fights a lot, but with the way he absolutely destroyed that demobat with his bare hands, I think he's a better direct fighter than he gets credit for.

And that's all I have for now. As always, I love hearing what you all think or having questions to further develop this and make my interpretation really personal to me.

#[the hell am i sorry for*/head canons] #season 4 head canons

[ganseyonfilm]

i'm actually feeling so 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 rn i just . why!

#excuse me for the following tags that are simply gonna be me complaining #but i feel so goddamn alone and it's driving me crazy i feel so upset whenever i'm by myself or not actively talking to someone #like ive mentioned briefly my boyfriend's friend is staying at his for a few days and it's gonna be longer than i thought #and like.... he's such a great friend and i know his friend really needs this break from his own home life so i'm glad my boyfriend is #providing that for him but my boyfriend was like we can still video call if you want #and i was like no really you two should spend some time together i want you to have fun etc. and he was like no it's not a bother #so he called me and then i just sat there in awkward silence for two hours whilst they played games together and stuff #and i dont have a problem with that but dont say it's not a bother and call me if youre not gonna talk to me yk #plus i had a really bad day yesterday so i was just overall not feeling great #and i couldnt even bring myself to speak up and say okay im gonna go now so i just . sat there #and it's so humiliating and embarrassing and i feel so so silly #like the past few days have just really solidified the fact that i'm not anyone's first priority yk #like im never on people's minds nobody checks in #and i go to stay with my boyfriend literally next week for an indefinite amount of time but i dont wanna go if i'll be feeling like this #because he already goes out with his friends enough as it is so i dont wanna get in the way of that #to summarise this just amplifies my issues of feeling like a burden having no friends being nobodies first choice feeling lonely etc. #anyway enough ranting i just needed to explode somewhere for a second bc im sad and lonely lol

[obirains-archive]

Fir, fern, and bonsai for the floral ask? ❤️💐

Mia ! ! ! 💕💖💟💓💕💗💞 

fern: if you could turn to anyone for guidance, who would it be?

The lion turtle from AtLA!!! I find Aang’s character arc so, so compelling as someone who really struggles to maintain a balance of I think is right and what I fear is necessary. The idea of the lion turtle not only understanding Aang’s reluctance to take a life (which is a totally valid concern that too often gets dismissed and even ridiculed by the fandom!) but also equipping him to administer justice while still solidifying the value of his ideology, and the legacy of his people is just *chef’s kiss*

bonsai: what is something you could spend hours, even days doing?

I haven’t worked on language learning much in the past few months, but there have been stretches of weeks where I didn’t do anything in my free time but take grammar notes, make flashcards, and practice speaking alone in my room like boo boo the fool I’m hoping to take it back up during the schoolyear!

fir: which tropes/archetypes do you find the most and the least compelling?

I'm a simple girl who enjoys a good hero's journey, as well as a good corruption arc. Dorian Gray? Beautiful. Azula? Stunning. Anakin Skywalker? Here for it. I’m also a hoe for masculine men who are willing to be emotional with one another (RE: the Lord of the Rings). I know morally gray protagonists are super in right now but I’m such a slut for people who are flawed but genuinely always try to do the right thing (RE: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Aragorn).

On the other hand I really despise the super badass woman who rejects all traditionally feminine things, as well as the bad boy -> sad boy trope. In my opinion the first isn't really a character, but a shallow reaction to the damsel in distress trope that was and is designed to give men a feeling of power and importance. So there came the badass fighter lady- but incidentally the only qualities that make up her character are qualities men will respect :/ I think AtLA's Suki best summed my feelings on it: "I am a warrior, but I'm a girl, too." I'm all for women being good fighters and mechanics and strategists! But when Hollywood writes them it's still for the male audience imo lmfao

Okay i started on the bad boy trope and then couldn’t stop so, trigger warning: rape and also I’m coming for Kylo Ren’s throat and also the whole ass sequel trilogy, y’all. Reylos, read at your peril. Mia, I am so, so sorry for hijacking this lovely ask :/

Bad boy -> sad boy trope is at best lazy writing and at worst an implicit affirmation of rape culture (and so I don’t understand why it’s so prevalent in the romance genre which boasts of so many female writers!). The bad boy is a young (usually aged 17-35), very conventionally attractive male who exhibits patterns that range anywhere from socially unacceptable to explicitly abusive. He often receives a half-assed "my mom died" and/or "my dad was an abusive alcoholic” which is meant to explain his behavior. If this were followed by an exploration into consequences and familial patterns, I’d be on board. But usually it only results in his love interest “understanding” him more deeply and writing off his abuse tactics because, in a way, it’s not really his fault. Besides, he’s still young, and wants to do better. It’s rarely addressed again. 

Fact: while everyone needs to feel loved and no true love is truly wasted, your love will never fix the Bad Boy. The only thing that will is years and years of therapy. 

Unfortunately there are too many good examples of the Bad Boy -> Sad Boy trope, but this is a Star Wars blog so I’m gonna talk about Kylo Ren again. Sure, he got a “redemption arc” (which was such bullshit and an insult to all redemption arcs. It’s not even an arc; it’s a fucking U-turn in the middle of the last installment of a trilogy. Make. An. Effort.), but he had his ardent fans and defenders long before TRoS, even after TLJ when he made the choice, of his own free will, to continue his path to the dark side and the legacy of murder. 

(Side note: remember when Snape got a semi-redemption in TDH and people got pissed at Rowling because it seemed like she excused his horrendous behavior? I’ve been saying this for years and I’ll say it again: if Snape were a younger, more attractive man portrayed by Adam Driver, he’d have an army of supporters. I’m not saying Snape was a good person, or even that Rowling pulled off that redemption. But Kylo Ren committed crimes 1000% worse than Snape ever did. Given that they were both in their thirties when they died, you can’t even use age to defend Kylo as a lost, immature young boy and demonize Snape as a grown-ass man who should have known better. The only real difference between them is that Snape struck us as an unattractive, older man whose flaws struck a personal chord in readers (many of whom undoubtedly had a teacher who picked on students out of spite), and Kylo Ren is played by Adam Driver and I guess mass murder is a less personal crime to many audiences? The double standard simply disturbs and distresses me.)

The fact that Rey ends up falling in love with him, too, is perfectly on brand for the Bad Boy -> Sad Boy trope in the worst way possible. The first hints came in TLJ, when Kylo’s tragic backstory based entirely on some of the most blatant character assassination i’ve ever seen in my life holy shit elicited her compassion. This was followed by Kylo choosing the dark side of his own volition (not Snoke’s influence! After that choice, he should not have been redeemable), and then, of course, Rey falling in love with him sometime during TRoS. Given that torture scene in TFA, their “love story” made me (and still makes me) sick to my stomach. That scene screamed rape metaphor: Rey restrained and stripped of her agency, Kylo “You know I can take whatever I want” Ren forcibly penetrating her mind in what we know to be an excruciatingly painful process, obviously without consent. The fact that Rey can use her miraculous Palpatine Force powers to fight back doesn’t mean a damn thing; for all intents and purposes, it was rape, clean and simple. Never, by the way, do we see Kylo having to atone for his actions. Never does Rey hold him accountable for what should have been an extremely traumatic incident (I mean, yeah, she relates to him like you would a villain, but not as if he had targeted her personally and taken advantage of her, which he did, dammit).

I’ve also seen the argument that more or less divides Kylo Ren and Ben Solo into two different people, as if Rey’s love story is with one and not the other. I’m aware that this depends on your interpretation of what the dark side actually does to you. I’m of the opinion that the dark side doesn’t kill you like Yoda and Obi-Wan say; there’s too much evidence, for example, that Darth Vader was still Anakin Skywalker- twisted beyond recognition, perhaps, but still one and the same. A love story with Ben Solo (especially given the timeline of the sequel trilogy) is necessarily a love story with Kylo Ren, a rapist and a mass murderer who happened to be portrayed by Adam Driver. 

For whoever made it this far: I do not hate you if you support Kylo Ren or if you ship Reylo. But I do find them extremely problematic. If you take issue with any of my points, I’d rather you message me privately rather than reply to or reblog this post. Thx!

#i am so so so so sorry for what this became #i did not intend to write a short essay about kylo ren i swear #given the severity of my accusations against him i found it important to refer to him by his actual name #rather than the bastardizations y'all know i'm so fond of #the bastardizations will return after this post #acciokenobi #flora asks

[rhythmrender]

2019 Rhythm's Rambles:

Every year I make the same resolution:

To improve and enrich my quality of life while maintaining or solidifying my stability in all ways.

This has brought about many different changes in my life both large and small. Most have been heart wrenching to do but every choice made has brought me to who I am today.

In the long run of all the different experiences I've had thus far, I have learned a few things that I want to share with y'all:

To each their own.

Every person has something they like/dislike/believe that might differ/clash with what you do. As long as no one is getting directly hurt, THAT IS OK. It is not worth screaming, stressing, threatening, hurting, or hyperfocusing on. It really isn't. If that person attacks you physically, defend yourself and get help. If the person attacks you online/over the phone/text, block and report them, do not engage. If the person attacks you mentally in person, remove yourself as soon as possible if possible and report them/seek help as soon as you can. If something online pops up you don't like that doesn't directly involve you or a loved one, isn't causing or planning a physical attack on a person/group/organization, then seriously click away/block em and go about your day. Life is WAY too short to let your day be ruined because you saw a picture or an opinion you didn't like/agree with.

Nothing matters as much as you think it does in the moment.

In that moment, something super important to you needs to be discussed, or planned, or has happened. The thing to remember here is just because it matters to YOU does not mean it does to another. By all means, discuss/plan/celebrate to your hearts content to yourself or with those that share the feeling but if someone just doesn't get it/care, don't let it bug you. It's OK that they feel different than you and who knows, maybe if they ask about it, you can explain the big deal but otherwise, just state it's important to you and then continue as needed with those needed/involved.

Everything worth it in life is going to take time and struggle.

Notice I said struggle and not effort. There's a ton of situations where effort does not equal the desired results. You will struggle. You will have to make choices you do not want to. You will have to talk on that phone with strangers/work a job you hate/barely get sleep/skip a meal here or there/be all around uncomfortable just to get to a point in life where you can afford to be comfortable. Unless your family is rich as hell and you're getting that support/money, you're going to have to work your ass off to get anywhere which includes working a ton of shit jobs until you gain the experience needed to get better ones. I'm also aware that jobs are hard to come by in many places so let me ask, is there zero jobs or only zero jobs you want to do? No one WANTS to clean shit off toilets every day for hours on end but I'm sure we all would like to eat and have a place to live, yeah? Stick through that job, do it well, then you can become a janitor who in many cases gets a better wage and benefits or just stick with it till you get hired to a better job. Never quit one job without another one already waiting for you. (However if you do get a job that is full out abusing your desperation for the job, report it to the better business bureau)

Being kind is often better than being right.

In this, I'm referring to arguments with friends/loved ones though this can be extended to other circumstances. Is anyone arguments over who's turn it is to do the dishes really all that important? Even if you know for a solid fact you washed them yesterday, is there really a need to dredge up an insecurity or bad past event the other has to make your point? If you have to resort to tearing the other person down to win the argument, you've already lost even if you are correct. It isn't worth it. Find a way to compromise or just drop it.

Not everyone is you.

This I have to remind myself of everything so often when I don't understand another person's actions/reasoning. Just because I was able to do something does not mean everyone can. They might have a mental or physical issue you don't. They haven't lived as you have lived/seen the things you've seen so they aren't always going to react the way you react. And That's OK. Communication is such a huge part of life, seriously. Try to understand them through their side, let them try to see from yours, and compromise. Find a solution where you can, accept when you can't agree and move on. You don't need to argue your point further once the understanding has been reached that you aren't going to agree. It's not worth the headache or the strain on the relationship you may or may not have with the other person so just shift to a better topic even if it's just the weather.

It's OK to have negative moments.

You can take a moment for yourself. Maybe longer. Just don't let it consume you. Don't wallow in it. This is such a super hard thing to do especially when you have a mental issue keeping you in the moment but try with all your might to find ANYTHING good to focus on instead. I've always said sometimes I'll either have bad luck in good situations or good luck in bad situations. Got into a wreck and got hurt...but I'm walking from it! Lost my job...but I still got the experience to apply to the next one! Loved ones betrayed me...but now I know who I can actually trust! Got sick...but I've got a bed and a mountain of pillows to curl in! Hunt for that silver lining even if you have to make one up. Hell, call/message someone and ask them to think of one for you. (I'm open and got a list if ya need!) Anything is better than defeatism.

Don't let the Desires of Now take away from the Needs of Tomorrow.

If you can't afford food to last till the next paycheck, you can't afford to see a movie. Yes, maybe you've worked your ass off for months, are really needing a break, and have decided to hell with it, you're going to treat yourself. There are other things you can do, cheap/free things you can do to get that ease that won't cost you your stability. Prioritize then budget. Same goes for finding a place to live. It doesn't matter if it's in a decent neighborhood if you can't afford it. Sometimes you have to live in shit holes just to afford anything else. This situation can also be temporary depending on your life and steps taken to try and improve that situation. I. Have. Been. There. and I can offer advice on where to go for help.

Not being able to help someone does not mean you don't care.

I don't have enough money to cover my bills, medical costs, food, AND donate to my friends that are in need of the help. I desperately wish that wasn't the case and have, on multiple occasions, donated anyway and ended up in trouble myself. This is NOT OK. No decent person wants to get help at the cost of another person's well being. Instead, try to share their situation with others. If it's a person you know or are near, give them a meal, a blanket, sometimes hugs or honest support goes miles and if you're not sure, ask them what you can do, other than give money, to help them.

Finish what you start if you alone started it.

Finishing a task can be seriously gratifying. Few things can compare that feeling of reaching a hard won goal. HOWEVER. If your goal was made in the conjunction of others, it can turn into a far more toxic situation than enjoyable. If the group is active and dedicated to see the project through, then haul your weight and complete the bastard! If the group is not, then screw them, don't let the whole thing fall on YOU. If it was something that could be done alone, you would have already done it. Trying to force it will only drain you of everything and even the completion, if made, will be bittersweet and more likely than not, lackluster for all the effort you gave. It is OK to step away from something bigger than you. Take what you've learned and focus on the next project! Keep your spark while it is still alive!

Do good things because it's a good thing to do, not because you might get something out of it.

There doesn't need to be a reason to be a good person. You don't need an excuse. You don't need to explain yourself. You don't need recognition. You did something and that's honestly wonderful! Yes, it is nice to be recognized, rewarded, hell, even just a 'Thank You!' would be appreciated but it is not the point. If you start to expect responses to your deeds, it will taint them. You'll feel bitter, annoyed, maybe angry because you did this great thing for this person and got nothing! You didn't get nothing, you got the knowledge you helped someone and did a good thing. You made someone's day just a little brighter, maybeade them smile, or feel a light of relief. That knowledge is your reward and can be the best feeling in the world if you let it.

You are responsible for you.

Every choice, every action, every argument, every moment is YOURS. Even in those moments where you feel you have no choice, it is still your choice. No matter the excuse. Own That Shit. As long as you are aware that your actions are all you, it can really help you to make better choices for your own life and happiness. Like how you're more likely to care for something you earned yourself over something just handed to you. You have earned yourself. No one else fought your inner battles today. No one else suffered through your choices. No one else made you decide to live another day. No one else has lived your life with your struggles, with your mindset, and your body. YOU did. And fuck that's amazing. No matter where you are, what you have done/are doing, what you're doing through, you are making your life and are completely able to make it be a great one! Maybe you need a little help to get there, maybe not but the choice to get that help, accept it, listen to it, and move forward is aaaaalllllll YOU.

And on that note, I'll stop. There are so many more life lessons I could share with y'all but I'll leave those for people that ask for them.

Please keep in mind, these are lessons I have learned based on MY life. These are truths I have gathered from living through struggles and situations that required such lessons to be learned. Perhaps my truths don't mesh with yours and that's absolutely OK. I just hope at least one of these helps someone with their struggles even a little bit.

From the bottom of my heart, the fullness of my soul, the might of my self wish each and every one of you a successful new year and life. May you find yourself a bit of happiness each day that brings you closer to your goals.

#2019 #new year #ramblings #typed on my phone with no spell or grammar check so yehaw

[cerullos]

I'm sure you've probably been asked this before but what would be the ideal way for sq to happen at this point if you could have it happen any way?

i have! and the truth is that i'm really not very particular about it! i’ve talked about it a little here but  100% i’ll take anything...the setup is already there, so there’s not much that really needs to be done on the writers’ part? but if we’re talking...what feels the most organic to me at this point in the series...it would be very easy to take regina’s implied jealousy of hook (see also: “you’re too good for hook”) and solidify it; snow could potentially play a part in this, since she’s been giving regina knowing looks every time she so much as looks at emma for the better part of four years now. 

on emma’s side of things, it would make a lot of sense if hook proposed and emma accepted, but the show eventually shed light on the fact that she agreed mainly because she feels that it’s the right thing to do/wants to please her parents/etc. and this would culminate in emma getting cold feet and backing out (to be totally honest, i can see this happening even sans swan queen–and, really, even if hook/emma continues past a terminated proposal; i just do not think emma is in a healthy enough place for marriage to anyone right now). the rest kind of...writes itself. you have your very easy “in” for emma’s coming out arc, and with regina’s pining and jealousy more concretely established, the road to emma/regina would be clear. 

ideally, like i said, all of this would be framed through emma’s repression of her sexuality and her fear of disappointing her parents (the latter of which has been so minimally dealt with in canon, when it should have been a focal point of emma’s 4B and 5A arcs, re: dark swan in partic). on regina’s end, robin is back for the next few episodes, and this would be an ideal time to (finally) challenge the “pixie dust soulmate” concept, and explore how important it is for regina to choose her loved ones, given her history with manipulation and abuse by cora/rumple/leopold et al. 

basically, what i would do at this point: regina stays by emma’s side in the days leading up to the emma/hook wedding, albeit reluctantly–you’ve got regina forcing her feelings down, and taking them out on hook to avoid confessing them to emma, so that she’s getting testier with him and more strained by the day. snow calls her out on her feelings for emma eventually, and regina denies everything and refuses to intervene in the wedding plans; she pushes herself to meet all of emma’s doubts and insecurities about the wedding with reassurances, even if they sound very halfhearted to her ears (and probably to emma’s, too) and resolves to be The Best Maid Of Honor Ever™ but in the end, emma and hook end up calling it off. the pacing would really depend on...when all of this happened; if it was–by some miracle–not at the very end of the series, there could be time for emma to deal with the implications of all of this, and come to terms with her sexuality (in some cases, relative to her parents), etc. but if we’re on a time crunch, we can do this rom-com style, emma and regina simultaneously racing to track each other down, or henry tricking them into meeting or something...there’s so much potential! and all of it is good and a lot of it is cliche, which is what snow/charming gets on a weekly basis and what emma/regina deserves

#asks #Anonymous

[daintyjm]

I love you. I can't even begin to describe how much I love you, baby, I just love you so fucking much, more than I will ever love anything or anyone, you are my love, my home and my safe space, and I know that you love me too, you showed me that when we talked yesterday morning. You heard how nervous I was, struggling to breathe and holding back tears because I didn't know how you were going to react, I know it took a little while for me to say it but I'm so glad that I did,

(Pt 2) and your response to it meant more to me than you will ever know. You forgave me, you said you still loved me and that I was still the love of your life and the person you were in love with, hearing you say that after what I told you made me so happy because I was so terrified that my secret would tear you away from me, but you chose to stay with me and I will be forever grateful. I’m so sorry it took me so long to tell you, baby, I really am,

(Pt 3) but the fact that it hasn’t changed anything between us makes me feel so lucky to have you, I trust you with my whole life and that’s why you’re the first one who knows, your reaction just made me love you so much more than I already do, I really do love you more and more every day, my feelings for you deepen all the time and I wouldn’t have it any other way. How we talked and when you were singing the songs your mother was playing last night made me so emotional (in the best way),

(Pt 4) I truly feared that I could’ve lost you but you didn’t leave me, you said it was all OK and that everything is just as strong between us, it’s moments like those that make me believe it was fate that we met. You mean everything to me, you’re my whole world and I’m so sorry about the times when I hurt you, I never mean to, I only fight because I fight for us, for our love, and I know it’s the same for you too.

(Pt 5) The cute dream I had that I told you last night literally made me so fucking giddy, that will be us in a few years and I can’t believe that my dream will come true and everything else that we’ve talked about. You are so special to me, the purest human and a ray of warmth and love, the light that guides me home and my gorgeous little princess, you’re so sweet and kind and cute (and also incredibly sexy, don’t disagree with me on this, babe),

(Pt 6) I can’t believe that you, a literal angel, are mine, that you are my girl and I love calling you that, your voice, your laughter, your smile, your face, your jokes, your beautifully weird quirks, I love everything about you, I truly believe that you are perfect, perfect for me, I’ve never clicked with anyone the way I have with you and that’s what solidified it for me, that you were the love of my life.

(Pt 7 and the last one, hehe) You are my soulmate, there’s no-one else out there, you were born to be with me and I with you. I can’t wait to be there with you, baby, and make a life of our own, it only starts with one question and your answer, you will always be in my heart and I love you, I love you, I love you so much, forever. From your queen, Livvy xx

Baby….this is so fucking beautiful, this made my morning when I read this, brought tears to my eyes.

 I’m really glad that you told me and it makes me feel even more special because besides your family and friends you know in real life, I’m the first internet friend (and girlfriend) to know this and it makes me happy that you thought of telling me first rather than other friends on Tumblr. I could never get upset for you waiting so long to tell me, I completely understand on your end, even if I never went through it. You taking the time yesterday morning to tell me what has been bothering you the last nine months, that you kept it a secret, it makes me love you so fucking much, even more, because even though you took that long, you still told me instead of me finding on my own (though I wouldn’t be upset) or never telling me at all. I love you and all of the courage it took you to tell me what, I promise that it will never change on how I feel about you, I’m still in love with you, you’re still the love of my life, my soulmate, my love, my moon and stars, my everything. I honestly love it, love what you told me, it’s so beautiful (just like you) and I’m loving it, you have no idea. I know, it will take me some time to adjust, but trust me it won’t be long. I can’t wait for you to be here, to tell me that you’re on a plane and you’re on your way here to me, I have a whole day to plan on what I’m going to wear, how I’m going to look, make my bed and get more pillows, anxiously sit on the couch and wait for you tell me you’re in a cab or hearing the doorbell. I can’t wait to meet you, to finally meet you, for real this time, I just get so excited and giddy and full of joy when I think about us finally meeting, I can’t wait to see you. I love you so fucking much, I know we fight sometimes, but we come out just as strong if not more once we get past through them. You are the love of my life and I can’t wait to spend the rest of it with you, you’re amazing and beautiful and cute and oh so fucking hot; my beautiful girlfriend. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, forever and ever, baby 💕💕💕💕

#livvy #answered

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #1: "I'm ready to punch a bitch." - Timmy

I swear to god... If y'all cast any of my enemies I'm gonna DIE. I need a chance to STRIVE AND NOT DIE.

Omg getting in the game feels soo amazing, like I have said I have not played in sooo long so i feel this will be the ultimate test for my capabilities, the good thig is that not many people know each other so that’s good. My idea for the first day is just to talk to everyone see where they are if they know anyone etc etc. This is just veery exciting!

Feeling good about my tribe, most people have actually talked which is a big plus. Getting good vibes from Shea, and Miguel, and Federico a bit. If Alyssa is the Alyssa I know she’ll be fun to work with too. Still though, early days on the Kato beach. First challenge is kind of annoying though as some of the items are ??? But I’ve done some videos and I’ll try and do more.

WOOO the game has started!! I'm excited for the most part except.... THERES TOO MANY TUMBLR FACES HERE. I wanted an entirely new slate and a whole new cast for me but I guess that's a rip! I know Alyssa, StephenW, Zach, Timmy, Jess, and TJ!

I think that the idol system is definitely cute!! And I want to get an idol so yeah!

I think I'm hitting it off pretty well with Zach (He's probably good with peeps tbh), and Liam (Even though I confused his intro with Daniel's)

The challenge is a scavenger hunt aka my least favorite challenge so thanks, I hate it!!

I can already tell that this is going to be an interesting season just based on the people that I already know coming into the game. I'm happy that on my tribe I already know Tim, Jess, and Zach so that should be good for me for at least the first few rounds. I don't really want to stick with the people I already know though because that's boring. I'm happy Alyssa is on the other tribe and not my tribe right now because I have no intention on working with her because people love doing whatever she says in orgs and I'm not here for it. If we get onto a tribe together or both make it to merge, she is my target and I won't be quiet about it. Might as well focus on my own tribe for now though. Besides the 3 mentioned before, I have only spoken to Karthik who seems alright so that's good. Only issue is that he's like 10.5 hours ahead timewise so that's going to be interesting. I still need to talk to the others but all in good time.

hie girlies this is my first confessional of the SEASON! as always, i'll just give a typical analysis of each person on my tribe, how i vibe with them, etc. i'll also throw in some random pieces of info i guess woo. this is finna be long btw.

jess - she's a likeable queen but she has a big tendency to leave me on read. i think this is either her thinking i'm boring but i'm not sure. ik in TS guyana she was criticized at FTC for being lacklustre in responding so i'm hoping it's just that opposed to something on my behalf. she's really cool tho!! karthik - karthik is short in response sometimes but never leaves our convo on read, which i respect. he seems to know that i won embb9 + am 'really liked' in the community.. he rlly is delusional huh? jk ASKGDS he's great tho. i know my friends like him and he can be a great player so i'm anticipating working with him hopefully. stephen - stephen is a king too. he's someone that probably would know some of my game ig but... who knows. he's relevant in EM. our conversations have been fun and i'm really hoping to get close to him because he seems chill. timmy - i know timmy from tumblr. currently he's not that great socially but i do like him and we have a long ass snapchat streak. there are a few tumblrs in this game but afaik i don't have any bad blood with him so i'm def planning on roping him in. the most recent thing is he backdoored my mom's duo in his last org AKSGLDSG so... stan list. daniel - daniel knows me from a past org that i put no effort into, which i think is fine because i really only made it far since my duo/partner dragged me. i'mma play up a perception with him, but he is really cool as of now. i am SOOO worried that i did something bad or mean in that game and he's going 2 haunt me LOL. tim - tim is the person i've connected with most. he's really chill, actively messages me back, and is just fun and flirty. we've already talked about him and his potential boy, our favourite cereals and overall eating. i know him from tumblr too, but vaguely, but i was apart of the 'evil friendgroup' whereas he was on the other, 'nice friendgroup', but i'm hoping that has minimal impact if any. liam - liam is fine. i know him from FB but we've never interacted. he knows i played egypt so... if that's his perception of me.. i'm FLYING. he's really nice though + is a fellow canadian, so i'm hoping to get close to him. woo!! ally - saving the best for last. ally is really nice and i do like her a lot. she is sweet and like... we're great pals ?? ASGKDSG jk idk. we played a game together where i immunity ran final 6 onwards and voted her out twice (f4/3) and it left a bitterish taste in her mouth (but rightfully so for how i handled it). we are friends but i'm scared that she aint finna let me far. idk. i want her out soon bc she could do damage but i'd also be 10000% down to work with her again this game. WOOO idk. love u ally.

so that's the cast assessment. as for other stuff... well... the games fun. i hope some peoples lack of activity is just my paranoia rather than them hating me, because i don't want to come off as aggressive or anything, and in fact, i want to tone it down slightly this game AKSGDSGL. some dynamics/(matt please forgive me)meta this game include: alyssa / jess - a loyal duo in TS guyana. tim / stephen /// timmy - all tumblr girlies. not sure how close they are. i think stephen/tim were part of the 'nice friendgroup' on tumblr iirc. ally / fede - obvious friends, they literally FLIRT in the public VL (jokingly i imagine). they're both nice tho so maybe i make it a trio?? daniel / tj - rlly good friends i think. they're both zwooper kiddos and i think i played with both in that one zwooper game i played, not sure tho. will do research. miguel / liam / shea - idk how close they are but they are all FB-ish people so... i imagine they may have some thing. ally / karthik - i think

there's prob more but that's it for now. i'm not going to focus my game on that meta ^ whatsoever. i just need 2 keep in mind who's with who and who has some friends from before. idk. just a good mental note type thing. every game is a new slate tho so i'm not holding any preconceived notions abt them.

i really love everyone on my tribe thus far. can't wait till i become a bitch tho... i hope dat dont happen AKGLDSG

So, I'm really happy to be here. This is my 3rd or 4th time applying so I feel ready and excited to play! I was super happy to see Alyssa on my tribe as we get along super duper well. I like my tribe overall.

This first challenge has me a bit nervous. I started my new job today and they didn't give me a very long break for the hours I worked and my ankle and knee are really acting up (I broke my ankle in like 2014 and my knee in 2016 and they still hurt a lot sometimes). I'm worried because I'm not sure if I'm going to be physically able to like dance around and do crazy stuff like that. It sucks that the first challenge is something I can't physically.

I'm just hoping even if I don't do the best in the challenge that I can kind of make some strong social ties so I'm not the first one out if we lose. I feel really good about Alyssa, Luke, and Jake right now. My strategy is always just to be in everyones good graces. If nobody wants me out, I won't leave, that's the goal.

I was finally able to get part of my submissions from my challenge submitted and I plan on doing more tomorrow. I have been speaking with most of my tribe mates and I'm liking them a lot. I did get a bit of a late start so I'm worried some alliances might have formed but, it's all part of the game. I have good relations with Shea and Jake and I hope to further relations with Miguel and Federico so I have some solid foundations to work with and so I can hopefully have some numbers in case we go to tribal. I'm also proud of myself for going on camera multiple times for the video portion of the challenge as it was something I would have never considered doing in past orgs I have played.

I'm not the best with confessionals, but I'll try my best! I'm quite enjoying these people so far, and I've really connected well with Zach, Jess, Ally, Karthik and Tim. That being said, I don't wanna really worry about allies just yet, winning is the first priority.

So me and the tribe are getting along pretty well! The challenge is going ok so far but I still want to try and win! It seems as if we lose its Karthik.. but who knows!! Its time for fun pals and gals.

Talking with Luke about not wanting to go to tribal first but I’m low key channeling Aubrey and would love to solidify an alliance as early as possible, which tribals help with.

I'm sad that we lost although I expected to lose and I'm actually quite glad that Karthik got sent to the basement. This means they are safe without me having to campaign for them. The person with the 2nd lowest score, Timmy, should be on the chopping block to my knowledge. I'm lowkey ok with this bc he doesnt contribute much to convos…

Ahh this game has been amazing for me so far! We won the immunity challenge so I won’t have to vote anyone out! I have made genuine connections with many people in the tribe and I got kind of separate deals with, Stephen, Federico, Shea and Luke so I think they have my back. I have also talked a lot with TJ and Jake but no deal or alliance have been made with them. But as a group I don’t have like a group of allies yet just 1 on 1 alliances. In case we lose I would try to vote out either Isaac or Alyssa.

First day is over, and I can't be more relieved. I love the fact that I cannot be the first voted out, and even more, I love that I feel as if I've made some good connections so far. I really think Alyssa and I will be able to work well together. Yes, we have some stuff to work out from before, but I want it to work out such that we can work together throughout this game. I really like Federico and LH, and I'm hoping things stay this way for the time being. I'd like to keep winning, but when that time comes that we lose, I need to be ready.

Okay. Buckle up bitches. It's story time

Just kidding..

So far I'm trying to connect with every single person individually.

Being put on a tribe with the guy who I literally got out in another game less than a month ago is a mood.... I'm working EXTRA HARD on making sure Tim likes me and trusts me. I'm going to use the fact that I'm a loyal a$$ bitch here and hope he thinks I would ride to him to the end (Honestly I probably would. I LOVE TIM).

Other than Tim the other people I'm vibing with so far are my two Canadian QUEENS: Zach and Aly. Aly seems like she can pop-off at any second but so far she seems like someone I can work with going forward. Zach on the other hand needs to STOP BRINGING UP GUYANA. For some reason he's praising me which NORMALLY I'D LOVE because I don't think the words: Jess, Praise, and Guyana have ever been said....but he's putting a target on my back.

Other than my Canucks... I really like Stephen but he's intro SCARES ME. He seems like he's going to cause some chaos down the line...

Everyone else has spoken maybe about 30 words total to me? so yikes.

TOODLES XOXOXO

Well we just lost the challenge ;( I’m hinestlg not feeling too safe at the moment. I was one of the lower scoring players on the tribe, and the lowest was sent to the basement. Right now I feel like a sitting duck. But on the bright side, I think I made a decent connection with Zach and Timmy. So I’m just gonna talk around find out a vote. If it’s not me yay! If it is, then I’ll just have to somehow fight my way through it :p

Woooo first confessional!! I'm liking the start of this game, and I've decided to take it a bit lighter than past games. I'm here to have fun. This doesn't mean I'm not ready to strategize, but maybe the lighter tone will help me not fall under the same mistakes I always make.

I'm getting closer to Miguel and Shea, which is bad if you consider they were the lowest scores in the challenge... They better start getting more involved in this!!!

The fireplace is on. The tea is warm. I'm getting cozy, and I'm not gonna move any time soon…

So I've gotten a chance to talk with most of the people on my tribe. Right now, my closest ally is probably Karth. We have an established history of working well together, and right now, were searching for the idol together. I'm also pretty close with Ally and Zach, and trying to get closer with Jess, though I can't tell if she thinks I'm too gamebotty or not. Ally, Zach, and Jess also seem to have some kind of relationship with each other. Idk if it's an alliance but it's something. In light of this, I'm going to be trying to get closer with Tim, Dan and Liam. I think Tim and Liam know Jess though so that might be a hurdle I need to deal with. Someone I've left out of this discussion is Timmy. I've talked with every voter so far except Dan, and they all seem okay with letting him go. There's always paranoia that they're all just playing me, but I really doubt it is gonna be the case here. My biggest worry now is what position I'll end up in if we keep losing challenges.

HELLO. Okay so we won the Selfie Scavenger Hunt which is GOOD. Someone I don’t know got sent to isolation for the other tribe but that’s fine. TJ and I were kind of on the same page of sending Jess to keep her safe which is good that we are!! She’ll be fine though because she did the best in the selfie scavenger hunt, unsurprisingly. Haven’t really talked game with anyone besides TJ because there’s hasn’t yet been a need to, but I’ve been having personal conversations with most of my tribe! Isaac just messaged me today which I think is the last one. But yeah! Things are going okay! Woo!

So me and Jess are officially aligned! I shared my idol grid with her and we talked about our tribemates. I really haven't connected with everyone but I have at least talked to them. It appears as if the vote will be Timmy unless someone magically pulls out the idol and plays it on him or the vote somehow flips on to someone else. The scary part is that Timmy is being quiet asf.... and I have no idea what is up his sleeve. The basement twist is gonna be really scary next round if we lose and someone can be sent back to the basement twice in a row…

omg hii.. i love my tribe so far tbh!!! i feel close to zach, karth, stephen, jess, and liam. i feel like i’m in an okay spot. i feel a lil weird about playing with a couple of these ppl again - zach and i played in ts and he killed me in 3rd and won the game, and i played with stephen in embb4 and as, i got him out in embb4 and he got me out in all stars lol.... i’m hoping no past game beef comes into play but we’ll see! i’m voting timmy out this tribal, he hasn’t said a word to me so... Shrug Emoji. hopefully everything goes according 2 plan ! i’m glad karth was “exiled” cuz i think he would’ve been a target and i don’t want that. i’ll do a more in depth and full cast analysis l8r~

Oh Timmy.. I want to keep you safe but I also want to take out any possible people Alyssa can work with in the future... you made the mistake of telling me you brought her into the ORG world jkjk. Sorry <3

ON THE REAL THOUGH.... I can't stick my neck out for someone on DAY 3. If the tribe wants Timmy's neck I gotta help deliver it. I just wish he was more SOCIAL because he would def be someone I would like to work with <3

I came into this game, saw Shea, and had an absolute fucking breakdown djdhdjdj. Like who am I? I need to get it together and push in the challenges because I didn’t help with the first one at all because seeing Shea just did something to me? Like? I’m going to try to put more effort in moving forward but right now I feel like Aubry in Kaoh Rong when she had that attack, hopefully I can recover as well as she did.

Why is Daniel trying so hard to save Timmy akdjsjs. Just... let him go in peace plz... also I'm Timmy starting to talk to people for the 1st time since the day of the vote..

I'm ready to punch a bitch. I have no idea what is happening with this tribal and I just hope it's not me. I keep hearing about the "majority" and people want to vote with the "majority" but nobody is saying who it is and what it is just that they don't want to be the one to say a name. So I'm being forced to say Liam because that's easier than Stephen even though Stephen was the one saying my name, but honestly it is what it is, I haven't spoken to Liam so I don't care that much. I just don't get why people play if they're just going to hide behind someone else because that's so stupid, like just play for you. I'm not just saying that because they're going against me, but like where has Liam been and also Stephen is the most vocal right now and he is going to be a problem later on, I can already tell.

Timmy is voted out 6-2.

#episode #escapenow