#like they Know fucking obviously they know i'm trans but i just don't really uh talk about it

[ch3rr13zk1n]

Hello! *pulls a dumbass idea out of my ass from last night*

It was a bit of an excuse to draw my favorite character as a girlboss but uh basically uhhhhhhhhh

gosh even if its mostly a text post i don't wanna embarrass myself

Uhhhh

ill just paste an explanation of what shorts wars is just in case one silly goober that doesn't know shorts wars accidentally finds this post

Shorts wars is a arg made by a bunch of dudes that make shorts and was created because of the clone accounts ( get it?? ) that steal their content. Basically when it started there were different bunch of QR codes that popped up on their shorts and when our scanned them they took you to a video where a guy named The Boss in a unpleasant gradient says that if they don't quit making shorts and rotting people's brains then they will get replaced. While a few listened, The rest didn't. And the other stuff happened blah blah blah. Anyways i also gotta say one of the creators was a guy named Danno and uh he makes shorts (obviously i mean this is fucking shorts wars what do you expect??) and he has a mascot character named Riggy who is a blue rabbit with red shorts, green eyes and a very interesting kill count.

and Preston/Clone Riggy is a clone of Riggy (obviously)

anyways time to bring out the other explanation

Why the fuck are they a girl here

well uh when i thought more about what Preston wants and thinks it sorta gave me the vibes of "possibly transgender" idk why it got that way but i sorta stuck to it as a bit of a headcanon

like idk man he's stuck in a body that looks like the guy he despises cmon man (ALSO THE DAMN NAME CHANGE!!)

of course, I have to note for the sake of not getting canceled by a twitter user that i don't view trans people as evil people. It just happened to be that i sorta headcanoned Preston as transgender because it felt that way to me

though what the fuck do i even know about trans people I'm not even trans

Also theres some deep very complex lore revealed in season 2 go watch a Datchia short or smth

ok cool anyways here's an explanation of the au

Ahem

Prrston feels like he doesn't matter n betrays the boss, After that he becomes the new uh boss or smth of the company

Preston also self reflects and realizes "Wait fuck maybe i don't wanna be a dude" and transitions

Why this story in particular?

because history repeats itself

especially when there's a possibility that someone from that time influenced what happened..

thats it ig

RAAA

(If you don't like this post then don't bother to say anything about it. I was already sorta insecure about this post existifnf)

(seriously i know i pulled this AU out of my ass and it might not really fit but idc man its my thing and i made the au)

(Also you're allowed to have your own headcannons i don't mind as long as it doesn't hurt anyone :3)

#shit #sillyposting #silly #clone riggy #youtube shorts arg #shorts wars #stuff #lolzers #AU #dumb shit

[carlyraejepsans]

So I'm about to ask something that might be personal ? And it deals with some personal baggage that you as someone on the internet might not be interested in hearing about ^^' so you might not want to talk about it as is your right obv !! So uh feel free to tell me to fuck off, but, how did you know you weren't cis?

Ya see, I've been questioning my gender for a while now, and I can't really come up with an answer. I'm a lesbian, that's a pretty big part of my identity, I'm not overly feminine but not masc either, when people refer to me as female I feel super uncomfortable, but I ain't too bothered by some of my body parts, ive daydreamed about switching to they/them pronouns online or masculine pronouns in my native language.... But all of that wouldn't fit with what people might expect of me ? And I'm scared if I actually went through those changes people might think I'm performing a form of queerness I shouldn't be privy to. And the worst part about this is, most of my friends are queer, non binary, trans... Wouldn't they think I'm trying to copy them ? Even though ive had those thoughts long before we met ?

Kinda feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know how to be myself, because myself might not align with how i act or how i seem to be on the outside. idk if you feel the same, but it's especially shitty living in a country with a heavily gendered language you can't escape adjectives forever lmaooo

listen to me. i am holding your face in my hands. nothing and i mean nothing you decide in regards to your gender and/or sexuality will ever be anyone's business but your own. the idea that you can "appropriate" someone else's experience with queerness is a gross bastardization of the discussion on CULTURAL appropriation, which is a false analogy and can devolve into gender essentialism fast.

you have no idea how many trans people (gay people too, but especially trans people) locked themselves in the closet because of that same feeling. of "not beeing privy to those experiences", especially for trans women. i promise, as long as you stop at establishing what a certain label means TO YOU and don't try to decide what it means for other people, then you will never hurt anyone. anyone who says otherwise is a cop.

there are trans men out there who lived as cis lesbians for a very long time, and because that was such a big part of their life, they still think of themselves as such, at least in part. for some it's out of kinship. for some it's out of genuine attachment to the word. same thing with gay men who grew on to become trans women. and trans people in general who still carry their younger selves right by their heart. genderqueers who ended up being cis after all, but who still feel like that period of exploration was crucial in shaping their identity. butch and femme alone, while particularly dear as lesbian identities, encompass all genders and sexualities. wanna know something funny? i throw terms around a lot in english, but if you asked me in italian what my gender identity is, i would say "bisexual". because almost every person in my life who's ever called me bisexual actually meant "nonbinary", or "whatever weird thing those transgendereds got going on lately" (some of them probably meant intersex as well, which just for the record i am not. as far as i know, at least). is it an outdated definition? sure. but unlike the literal italian word for nonbinary, bisexual is actually a neutral noun lol. and after all, my experience with gender does inform my sexuality, just as my sexuality informs my experience with gender. it's not wrong, technically. but if someone somehow assumes I'm a lesbian (which happens a lot lol) i don't usually correct them i just... go with it too, y'know?

anyway, what it sounds like to me is that you're obviously going through a period of questioning your gender and or presentation, which you took notice of, but you also feel some kind of peer pressure or societal expectation from other queer people that is denying you a safe, healthy form of self expression in this new period of your life that you obviously wish for yourself. please, try not to pay it too much mind. try out whatever label or description calls to you. change it without notice if you find something better. and if anyone gives you trouble for it, eat them. good luck buddy.

#answered asks

[saiskulls-110]

Break Point — Finished Episode 5

OKAY BREAK IT DOWN *DJ TURNTABLE EFFECT*

OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS FOR HILDA 3'S FIRST 5 EPISODES BELOW

Episode 1.

THE WAY I WAS JUMPSCARED BY DAVID'S VOICE. HOW OLD ARE THEY NOW??? LIKE IT'S GOTTA BE TEEN YEARS BECAUSE GODDAMN PUBERTY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY GUY. MY GUY. MY GUY WHY IS HE SO TALL?????? DAVHDISD??????

Frida's new clothes are so cute she's my baby she's bmy baby no-one can speak ill of her EVER stay WAWAY HSISSSS HISSSSS

Trans flag doormat in Astrid's house. oh my god. oh my gos.sh. trans grandma...

TONTU BEING A TOURIST??? IS KILLING ME??? HE'S GOT THE HAWAIIAN SHIRT AND EVERYTHING I. HELP

Alfur. Alfur I Don't Like This Foreshadowing. Alfur. Alfur Stop Playing The Board Game. ALFUR.

+ of COURSE tontu is the shit-eating smug gamemaster that beats everyones asses no remorse. i'm going go murder this walking hairball (affectionate) ❤️

I'm glad they were straight up with Astrid's "oh, hi, yeah, no I'm not a witch I just really like witchcraft." LIKE IT'S SO REAL??

not to be that guy but why's Astrid kinda fuckigjgn. ADORABLE. please. please. please. just one chance

I'm Normal

Episode 2.

okay but the writers did SUCH a good job portraying what folklore towns are like here. Like everyone KNOWS things but none of them are accurate. also?? just in general a REALLY well-done montage. I do wish I knew what sauce Hilda picked for her ice cream though /hj

Johanna traumatised as fuck (We all saw this coming ❤️)

Thaose are NOT FAIRIES‼️monsterlovers come get your food though

shroom aliens. just in general a very eerie atmosphere done very well

PORTALS??? TO OTHER LIKE. FAE REALMS. I MEAN I'M NOT LIKE. SURPRISED. BUT. WHRHOUH??

mmmm HILDA SAW SOMETHING AND NOW SHE'S BEING FOLLOWED. i'm guessing its something to do with Johanna's "thank goodness they didnt see you :)" because. I mean initially you think it's about the mushroom creatures but it VERY EVIDENTLY IS NOT. aough

Episode 3.

ALTERNATE REALITIES ARE NOT ONLY REAL BUT ALSO ACCESSIBLE

woodman is just the caretaker of ancient trees i guess. ALSO HIS SASS AT THE BOOK "well i'm not in there :/" guess what i'm in love with you

the animation in this episode was absolutely GORGEOUS. literally no 2D animated show has ever done flame-ridden scenery in such a perfect, gorgeous way before I think.

HILDA WITH A SWORD HILDA WITH A SWORD HILDA HAS A SWORD YEAHHHHH!!! bisexuals rule da woooorld

oh. oh the. the giantslayer is a k- oh... oh noooo...

oh he's very. passionate i wonder wh-

holy shit. that poor fucking kid (⁠´⁠;⁠︵⁠;⁠`⁠) like that was. that was so much. oh my god??? jesus christ. this season is getting progressively more unnerving with it's darker themes.

ALTHOUGH IT WAS A WOODMAN EPISODE!!!! WIN!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THAT BARK CREATURE SO MUCH!! PLEASE LETS. BE OKAY

i LOOOVE the snow sister's voice so much. she's wife to me.

Not sure if it was done on purpose or not but every time it played that boom sound whenever Hilda turned back to look at the flaming tree it. it made me laugh. it made me giggle. it was so stupid looking, gave me IZ:ETF energy and really let me calm down from the emotional ride of the last few minutes

seeing more giants is really neat. the sound design for when they jumped away was MAD..in general this season feels like it was made to be listened to on a surround sound speaker system tbh

GOOD EPISODE. uh oh now there's Guys I Think

Episode 4.

Nah this guy boutta be a tumblr sexyman 😦

OKAY OFF THE BAT I ADORE LOUISE. LOUISE IS MY GIRL. I LOVE THEM. I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE. THEIR ENERGY IS SO SWEET??? BUT LIKE I WAS SCREAMING INTERNALLY THE WHOLE TIME BEING LIKE "oh my god. oh my god why are you LYING TO HER and treating her like a Normal Person she's very clearly a little freak like you. oh my god."

AND THEN WHEN THAT WAS BROUGHT UP BY THE MERMAN-- "Oh, you think Louise is SO innocent..." like??? ok first of all THAT LINE DELIVERY?? massive props to the VA. secondly YESSSSS SPIT THE TRUTH. and then Louise does speak up and its like. fr. fr. i love you. be a main character be a main character plrase lpease plea

STOOOPPP... stop THE MERMAN'S a theater kid?? i'm going to start , having feelings AND I DON'T WANT IT!!!

that animation change for the musical number(s) is so good. like..oh my god. oh my GOD the animation is gorgeous. very much a "i wonder if the creators have been on hallucinogens before" kind of thing though adgasjskfwheg

generally just another REALLY GOOD REALLY COOL EPISODE.

my only criticism though this is to Literally All Kids Media Ever is that no-one knows how to write accurate bullying/exclusionary activity (in this episode regarding the ginger kid and his scout group). no kids act like that. please i was bullied so hard i should know

spinning in circles WHEE WHEEEE I WANTT. im gonna download the merman's song. put it on streaming platforms Now‼️

Episode 5.

WELL. THAT'S ONE QUESTION TIED THE FUCK UP ISN'T IT?????????? I'M STILL PROCESSING. OH MY GOD THOUFH. OH MY GOD???

"I just kind of assumed he died when you were a baby..."

"I thought it was some tragic accident!"

FRIDA AND DAVID THAT'S SO REAL OF YOU. thank you for being The Fandom. I love you. I love you. I l

YEESH. um.. Johanna's beef is so. real. and human. oough. this show has GOTTA stop making episodes about my childhood man!!! that's not fair

Alfur immediately not liking his vibes got me 😶 cause like. yk the elf has that autism intuition. so

THE. THE COMMUNICATION BETWEEN HILDA AND THE TROLL..ONCE AGAIN. every time without fail. the trolls are just. they're nor angry creatures they're just kind of. Done With Human Shit™ and want them to stop interfering lmao (don't we all)

Johanna and Hilda having that Moment™ at the end where they have to acknowledge his shortcomings but like..the ONE time that Hilda has to face something like this is the ONE time it's actually not his fault. Like straight up sorey babygirls but he got yoinked by the dementors. um.

Okay on another note. anders has kind of got that dilf swag? not like. as a dad. but as a loser. you know losers. help me help help help help help *clawing at the floor as i get dragged to hell for enjoying a character i absolutely should be seeing red flags for*

#hilda the series #hilda season 3 #hilda season 3 spoilers #spoilers #hilda spoilers #sai talks shows

[benjaminbadger]

I'm sorry gay people in my phone but the new Doctor Who has thoroughly fucking confused me and was kind of a letdown

Thoughts under cut

I thought they were gonna genuinely do something with the story and aliens being extremely generic? Like. The Doctor regenerates back into their 10th form, coincidentally near Donna Noble, coincidentally while a plot's going on that feels like a self parody of Dr Who as a show. Tiny overly cutesy alien, gets found by and connects with teen who hides it from family, getting hunted down by big scary alien army, scenes like the plushie hiding thing that feel pulled straight out of a generic 80s scifi family film??

The Meep being evil was obviously gonna happen but I assumed there would be a second twist to it? Like, maybe they were both an elaborate set up bc some larger entity wanted 10 and Donna together. I thought bc it was the anniversary they were going the meta approach by making a threat that basically encapsulates the exact set up you imagine when you think about the show, mashing all the tropes together into one adventure made especially to encourage Donna and 10 back into the old days. Even the end with an oops silly mistake resulting in them being stuck together in the Tardis.

BUT THEN. THEY PLAYED IT COMPLETELY STRAIGHT?? AND THE EPISODE JUST ENDS?? NOT EVEN ANY CHARACTER ACKNOWLEDGING HOW WEIRD THIS WHOLE SITUATION WAS???? JUST COMPLETELY ACTING NORMAL. EVEN THE DOCTOR

I'm seriously hoping that this is explained later on as a setup for somethig larger, and that in later rewatches it'll be way more satisfying. But rn I'm confused as hell and disappointed, and if the show wasn't so important to my childhood I proly wouldn't wanna watch further. If it is all setup then... I don't want an exclusively setup episode. That's lame. At the very least if you ARE going that direction foreshadow it better

Some minor things I'm nitpicking also

- I know Doctor Who isn't meant to be that serious but come on the intro of David Tennant just greenscreened standing in space explaining the setup was so goofy it made me howl (and I don't think that was intentional)

- I love an important trans character, that's based as hell, but the trying to act relevant and appeal to Gen Z was kind of annoying. Not as in "Grrr my old show is woke 😡" I'm literally one of the wokes. As in "Haha women are so much cooler and smarter than men 😏 Doctor assuming pronouns 😳 Binary Nonbinary 😁😁" "🦡 Wow that's not very funny and a little irritating, it feels like a cistraight guy wrote this". It was a funny episode and some bits of this were funny but certainly not others

- For real tho I'm obsessed w "Binary Nonbinary" that's so fucking stupid

- For all the set up and stakes put on Donna remembering the Doctor, the way it resolved felt like a copout. Passing down and sharing the power was fine but literally just going "Nuh uh" and sending it away?? I really feel like that diminishes how importantly the time lord power was set up just for the sake of Donna being alive for more episodes. If they need her they could've at least let the two deal with it together for a while, before finding a better way to get rid of it down the line

- ^ It also made Donna's death have less impact for the problem to be solved in such an easy way. Her dying was emotional, was well executed, until it wasn't and she was fine and she was back having fun doctor times and woo!! everything to do with her absorbing that power and losing her memory is done and dusted and doesn't need further exploring 😁😁👍👍 I mean come on man..... give us something............

TLDR special was very fun but I expected it to do something interesting and subversive and it ended up playing the parody of itself completely straight. I'm hoping as more stuff comes out the showrunners are proven to be complete masterminds who purposefully made it like that and I'm gonna look like a bumbling idiot

#doctor who #doctor who spoilers #BJB nonsense

[gweeistermybeloved]

wip Wednesday #1!!

t4t komahina won,, so here it is!! all of this is the first draft so it's a bit rough,, but I might remake this one if it's popular

plus I have another t4t oneshot I'm working on,, I will post that one eventually

slight warning for internalized homophobia

Hinata huffed, tightness straining across his chest. His shirt wasn’t helping the feeling, damp and rough against his skin. God, he was getting dizzy–

Fuck.

Hinata lifted the bar one last time, setting it on the rack with a sharp clang. He felt disgusting, but he wasn't even halfway through his usual workout. All in all, he had to finish twelve more reps.

“Great job, Komaeda!” 

Nidai’s voice rang throughout the weight room. Hinata froze and sat up, hurriedly adjusting his shirt. Hinata fixed it right as Nidai ran around the corner, laughing loudly.

“Hinata! What brings you here?!” Nidai grinned, popping his knuckles. “Were you planning to join our training routine?”

“No, I just decided to work out. Sometimes you just feel like it, you know?” Hinata breathed out slowly, trying to regulate his heart rate.

“Of course! Exercise is great for you!”

Komaeda walked into the room right as Nidai struck a pose, nearly smacking him in the face.

It's fine, obviously, since they were both – Hinata screwed his eyes shut, hands tightening against the chair. He couldn't even bring himself to say it. Surely that's what it was, right? He couldn't be a boy, no matter how comfortable and light he felt while dressing to look more masculine. And Komaeda… well, Hinata wasn't sure. What was he? Hinata knew that Komaeda used he/him pronouns, but what…?

Shit, this is wrong. I can't think like that.

After a moment of silence, Hinata spoke.

“Well,” he started, voice cracking awkwardly. “I should probably ask you something.”

“Mm?” Komaeda didn't look up from his book. “What is it?”

“Firat, can I have your attention for once?” 

“Why should I give you even a fraction of it?” He flipped a page, nose twitching. “Why would I give you anything?”

Komaeda tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, almost delicately. It was nearly ironic. Komaeda, being delicate? Hinata knew better than anyone about just how much Komaeda was willing to do for the things he believed in. 

“This is serious.” Hinata scowled and forcefully slammed Komaeda's book shut. “We need to talk.”

“I need you to shut up, Hinata.”

Hinata gestured towards Komaeda. “What exactly are you?”

“Compared to you I'm nearly a god, but in the grand scheme of things I'm merely a pathetic worm. To put it simply, you're below one of the worst people in–”

Hinata waved his hand, flicking Komaeda in the arm lightly. Komaeda hissed and smacked him back.

“That's not what I'm talking about, Komaeda. I mean, what gender are you?”

“Oh.” Komaeda stopped and looked at him, pursing his lips. “Why does it matter?”

“You keep– stop responding with that! I'm not going to force you to tell me but I want something, a ‘I don't want to talk about it,' or anything else, please.” Hinata breathed out a heavy sigh between his teeth.

“‘Please?’” Komaeda smirked, reaching for his book again. “I didn't expect you to start begging.”

Komaeda flipped back to his page, settling into the cushions with a smile. Hinata obviously couldn't get anything else out of him, so he did the same and picked up his own textbook.

Aside from the terrible start, it was a nice day. The winter air was still trying to creep in through the windows, but the library held fast. It always managed to stay exactly the same temperature throughout every season, but was reserved mainly for the ultimates. Hinata’s money was probably being funneled into it. The thought made his anger flare.

Eventually, finally, Komaeda spoke.

“It’s really not my right to tell you, but I'm a trans guy.”

“You are?” Hinata looked at him, surprised. “You, uh, didn't have to tell me that you're trans, you could've said you're a guy, but I'm glad you trust me with that. A lot of people act strange once they know, but I promise I won't.”

“I got the surgery too, which I'm still upset about. It was a terribly selfish act and I had no right to indulge in that.” Komaeda continued, talking without regard for Hinata’s own words.

“Komaeda.” Hinata stared the man down, resisting the urge to shove his book down again. “Getting top surgery isn't a crime. It's good that you chose to take care of yourself.”

“Coincidentally, a surge of bad luck was enough to teach me a lesson! I was hit by a truck the very next day.” Komeada flipped a page in his book, face perfectly calm. “I broke three ribs and cracked my left tibia. It's one of the reasons I struggle with walking nowadays.”

“...Holy shit, what do I even–”

“So, are you happy now? Getting an ultimate to spill his life story?”

“Yes, I'm obviously glad I know what your gender is. Can you promise me something?”

Komaeda sighed. “I can't promise you anything, but tell me anyway.”

“...Fine. I’m trans too, Komaeda.”

The room went dead quiet, shadowed by the fact that they were the only ones in the library. Komaeda looked confused– curious, maybe? Hinata looked away, directing his attention to his book. His fingers dug into the pages, trembling. 

“I couldn't have deduced that if I tried, Hinata.” Komaeda kept his gaze steady, paying attention for once in his life. “I really could've sworn you were a cis man.”

“Oh.” Hinata smiled shakily, feeling warmth bloom in his chest. “You too. You've always seemed like some sort of fairy, I've never been able to tell what your gender was.”

“Fairy…” Komaeda trailed off. “I've never heard that before.”

“Well, now you have. Congratulations.” Hinata responded with a dry smile. His phone buzzed and he checked it, thumbing over the faint cracks in the screen. It was getting dark, and curfew was drawing uncomfortably near. 

He stood up, bones popping as he gathered his materials. He shoved his books back into his bag and stood, but Komaeda grabbed his arm, squeezing it with a strange sort of strength.

“Before you go,” Komaeda breathed out. “I appreciate you telling me this.”

“Yeah, it's no problem.”

Probably. God only knows what Komaeda might do with this.

Hinata yanked his arm out of Komaeda's grasp, fuming silently.

“Goodbye, Hinata. Stay safe!” Komaeda chimed happily, waving his hand. “Try not to get beaten by the guards again!”

Hinata grit his teeth and walked off, pointedly trying to ignore the feeling of Komaeda’s eyes on his back.

#danganronpa #sdr2 #nagito komaeda #komahina #hajime hinata #t4t

[buddyapologist]

local nonbinary guy complains for too long about gender

i feel like so much discourse would be less of a headache if we really acknowledged that to the vast majority of people who see you on a regular basis, your actual sex/gender/sexuality doesn't define how they treat you, it's your presentation/appearance. the person who takes your order at a restaurant just sees what you look like and hears how you talk. they do not know you. maybe if they say mister and you're brave enough to say "actually i'm a miss" your identity will supersede your appearance and they'll say "sorry miss" or maybe it won't and they'll just go uh huh. like i'm just thinking about myself as an example because i'm 5'1 and feminine and multigenderfluid and transmasculine and i get addressed as a cis woman because i look like one. sometimes i work up the courage to correct someone if i feel like i'm in a safe environment. usually i don't. and if my boss doesn't give me a raise because he doesn't think women deserve raises, me going "actually i'm almost never a woman, i cycle through genders on an unpredictable basis so nonbinary is a pretty decent catch-all, i just dress like this because i like these clothes" isn't going to make him go oh i'm so sorry SIR, here's a 400000 dollar raise. you know? i'm treated like a cis(het) woman because i look like one. our presentations/appearances may not match up with our real genders, for better or for worse, and we're treated how we look. but it's not even that simple because if you're trying to pass but someone thinks you're the wrong gender anyway that plays into it too. like idk maybe i'm being reductive but so much of how we go about the world and interact with people is based on how we LOOK. why isn't that discussed more? (some) social media is the only place where you can find out someone's true gender/sexuality before seeing what they look like. are yall so terminally online that you think that's how it always is?? like obviously it isn't always based on looks bc some trans people will get deadnamed or misgendered no matter how masculine or feminine they look, but that's when the transphobe knows they're trans. if they passed them on the street and perceived them as cis they would treat them how they would treat a cis person. i have similar beef with sexuality labels bc throw in ATTRACTION to the mix, SO MUCH of which is based on looks, and it makes everything so stupid because sexuality labels are based on identity not appearance when that's not how it WORKS!! i'm bisexual so this doesn't even apply to me as much as it would apply to monosexual people but like my bf didn't think i was hot and then see that i use they/them and go oh nevermind i'm not attracted to you because i'm heterosexual which means i, a man, am attracted to women. he was attracted to how i looked, my identity didn't matter! it's just so stupid. it's all stupid. why does queerphobia have to exist at all. why did we have to establish this bullshit gender binary in the first place. we have to live and sit in anger and resentment and sadness because some fucking idiots thousands of years ago decided for some reason that this is the only way to exist. if i think about it for too long it makes me so fucking mad. im going to bed

#avery.txt #WHATEVER. it's so hard not to get frustrated. i am just going to sleep and continue writing my fun new thing tomorrow.

[anonanimal]

ok we watched the barbie movie and i must be ovulating because the emotional levers were successfully pulled and i did cry but i was also mad part of the time.

i'd say i have a few thoughts and questions about the depiction of ruth handler lol but i haven't put it into succinct enough words yet

interesting they'd do the jokes about earring magic ken and growing up skipper and uh whatever pregnant midge was called and do a joke about ruth handler's...tax evasion? did she really do tax evasion? but they didn't touch on bild lilli. maybe they can't

sooo barbie is a god and mattel are her... stewards. lmao? what the fuck is gonna happen in barbieland if god is not in her heaven... whatever. just like in preacher when god goes missing (yes i watched part of the preacher amc series with my mother). i feel like the "barbie is a god, she is every barbie and every barbie is her" would have been the explicit focus of MY barbie movie (what can i say, i love a good story about a god becoming human, it's the christianity i've been steeped in) but they kind of don't do much with it

actually ruth handler = god, barbie = jesus?

ken becomes a ... men's (ken's) rights activist. lmao?

anyone else think the car chase was filmed like a car commercial. like weirdly obviously so? i feel like product placement has come farther than this

they want people to say it's a gay or trans allegory sooooo bad between the birkenstocks and the "you don't get permission, it's something you discover about yourself" they want it sooooo bad ok you win i'm saying it. but i know you wanted me to say it. you won fuck off!!!!!! or maybe i'm reaching because it's easy to read the emotional journey of coming out to yourself in a general coming of age tale. but come on. i'm not that smart so if i'm picking up on someone wanting me to think something, they probably do. the only way this movie could have been gay would have been if the weird barbies led a new society.

so was this their way of saying they're debuting a line of kens with jobs...?

i liked the comedy of 2001 monolith barbie and the barbieland physical comedy stuff. maybe i should have rolled my eyes but i'm easy. rollerblading executives also killed

i liked the little twist that barbie's crisis was precipitated by being played with, not by a maturing child, but her mother. kind of in line with how the movie itself is an ad for the barbie brand for adults. there's quite a few moments that i thought had to be intentional references to the function of the movie itself in the real world, and they all felt weird and bad, like someone screaming "let me out!!!!!" i've forgotten a lot of them now because i'm adding this bit in an edit the next day.

*guy who has only seen south park voice* getting a lot of imaginationland vibes from this

i kind of expected for there to be like a joke about allan being in unrequited love with ken but i now think there probably was in an earlier draft and it didn't mesh with the final product and they had to nix it. or like surely someone floated it at least

you know they tried to save it from being too much about ken by having someone literally say "what about barbie's ending?" and then doing barbie's ending but...it was still kind of more about ken i think. he did a dance number for christ's sake. i almost forgot that barbie got to dance too, but barbie's dance was also mostly about ken wanting her to notice him. "he's just ken" "kenergy" "i am kenough" come on. i think the biggest laugh in the theater was actually the kenough hoodie. biggest laugh for me personally? sasha saying, (and i'm paraphrasing of course bc i'm not bothering to look it up) "are you two shining?"

i got SO close to killing the mood when we walked out by saying "hey lets google mattel factory working conditions right now" but i decided that was too far / probably in poor taste for me to flippantly use in post-movie discussion

the feminism 101 stuff was whatever. it made sense within the setting of the movie since america ferrera as a human had to introduce ideas into barbieland for them to take hold, and ideas just kind of manifest whatever happens in barbieland, but i'm very surprised they didn't do a joke like "gee i wish it was this easy in the real world" like how did they miss that opportunity, it would have worked. or maybe they did and i missed it because i had my hater goggles on

sooo velveteen rabbit?

all in all, as a member of the moviegoing public, i guess i got what i wanted. an experience that left me with something to think and talk about.

p.s. this was, for me personally, an ad for ryan gosling. i didn't find him interesting until now. they really got me there.

p.p.s. obviously any criticism i have of the like existence of the barbie movie is hypocritical because i haven't said it about gundam (yet)

[feralattentionwhore]

Get to know the blog:

So apparently my horny posts are something worth following for so I guess I'll do a bio and about me thing that definitely won't turn into a random ADHD ramble about shit

About me

I'm Feral, 19 and I never learnt how to read ✌️

^^ I'm leaving this up because I think it's hilarious but I'm 20 now

Living in the UK but not white

demisexual as fuck, preference for women but honestly I'm more interested in how we vibe than any gender. I tend to identify most with lesbian/sapphic labels because I feel most comfortable in this community.

fuck knows my gender either, I mostly present femme atm but I just identify as *all* I'd say I'm more nb/w or nb/nb & t4t but just in love with queer people in general. I am a girl but I'm also a boy, I'm not cis. You aren't straight if you're attracted to me

Owned, completely and utterly in love, technically poly. I'd rather start off as friends and see how it goes (benefits available if we vibe)

-Dni and more under than the cut-

DNI:

I'm saying this now, I love y'all but minors please get off my page *respectfully*. This includes blank blogs without your age/ age range

Cis men-Age regressors-People who fetishise trans people, s*ssies and cross dressers-Gender/sexuality correction-terfs/homophobes etc-

Oh and PSA this fucking includes people who gatekeep LGBT labels, including but not limited to hating on butch lesbians who transition, nb&he/him lesbians. Just honestly if you aren't accepting of the ✨ENTIRE✨ LGBT+ community and how people choose to identify please leave. No buts no ifs no maybes

How to give attention:

Asks are completely okay, if you want to talk through anon regularly pick an emote and I'll be sure to tag it so they're easy to find. Flirt with me or ask questions, just keep it within my limits please.

Requests are also totally okay along with reblogs of any of my posts. They're always appreciated!

Unless we've interacted before please don't randomly DM me. Mutuals are obviously always welcome to chat, for non moots I prefer asks as I get a lot of anxiety

I tend to check out profiles that reblog/follow so if you want to be moots then that's the way to go

I can't believe I have to say this, but if you're only messaging me to sext or roleplay or whatever you call it you can leave. It makes me uncomfortable, and will most likely make me feel weird about talking to you again in the future. I'm happy to flirt but unless we've talked about it nothing more.

Safe words and talks about boundaries and limits are non negotiable in kink. If you're not respectful of that you're not a dom, if you don't have complete understanding of how this works and expect to engage in anything sexual with someone without doing proper preparation you're practicing unsafe and frankly dangerous kink. Kink is something serious and you need to know what you're doing

I'm demisexual, with a partner and require actual communication before I engage in anything other than flirting. If you're literally only talking to me bc I'm hot or for sex n stuff you're going to be disappointed

I also have a shit tonne of anxiety, so I will disappear if something makes me feel unsafe. If I don't reply, don't make it worse by getting upset. I'm sorry but I really just don't have the energy to deal with things, especially when we don't really vibe.

About ✨whore✨me:

I'm a sub mostly, total bottom and complete mess irl. thought I was ace until this year and basically innocent af (I mean significantly less as of v recently but still fairly shy). Also kinda a hermit so I'm very touch starved.

Short long summary of my kinks.. To be continued..

- Praise and nicknames, specifically cute ones that start with "my"

- Exhibitionism Mostly being uh, fucked in front of people and stuff

- hands and fingersJust god, everything to do with them. In my mouth? Yes, Pulling my hair? Yesss, choking me?? Yesssssssss, hurting tf out of me?? Please

- being manhandled, strength, just be stronger than me and throw me around pls&ty

- being a simp for me and letting me get away with pretty much anything?? Yes

- being controlled and posessiveness Like a lot, like probably more than a healthy amount

- being teased, constantly

- marks.. Just fucking marks feeling owned and having proof of it with collars and stuff

- and also pain, pain and more pain all the hard kinks

- voices, dirty talk, the way they beg, and moan, and call me a good girl, the way their voice drops when they tease me. Everything about voices

- corruption.. 👀 😤

- being free use, letting friends fuuck me, being a whore for everyone. Them sharing my nudes with their friends, them letting their friends fuck me? Yes please

- affectionate domination / soft doms but rough sex

- most of this is just the long way of saying I have a massive kink for my pretty ass girlfriend though.. Just everything about them.. Mostly their hands, and their voice and uh.. Yeah just them

Limits:

-degradation, any way shape or form,I'll most definitely cry. Acting like you don't like me, hurt me because you love me not because you think I'm worthless

- pet play, Ddlg and that kind of vibe aren't for me

- I don't quite know how to explain it but the strict af, black suit and tie, academy / high protocol/training style/straight people bdsm. It's just way too nonpersonal for me and not fun. I prefer messing around and stuff plus my gf looks way better in a skirt

- discipline, punishments and other things that make me think you hate me (see: I'm a big ass baby and sensitive af)

- refering to my uhh *anatomy* just uh it gives me dysphoria like a lot so please don't

- body fluid shit, incest, feet, tickling, hypnosis

- other things that I'm not perticularly comfortable talking about here, you don't need to know unless we're talking

Tags I use:

Yes I'm insanely bad at tagging things, yes I'm trying, no it's not working. If I forget to, just get mad at me in asks or something. I'm sorry ADHD just kind of does that

#feral asks - all asks that I've answered

#feral music - music recommendations because I have a god complex about music

#feral in love - direct posts about my gf/wife/partner/Dom/love of my life

#feral tmi - random personal shit about myself and figuring out my body

#feral reblogs - stuff I reblog, I have a separate account where I keep most of my reblogs but sometimes I can't help it

#needy feral - me begging for attention on Tumblr

#feral exposed - photos of me

#tw feral - depressing shit, mute the tag if you don't want to see that shit

#dark feral - hard kink shit, mute if you'd rather not see it

#feral complaints - shit that bothers me

#feral blogs - thoughts, updates and questions for you all about the blog

#nsft #About me #get to know the blogger #get to know me #rambles #im in looooove #i don't know how to tag this #needy feral #feral tmi #feral asks #feral in love #feral music #feral complaints #dark feral #tw feral #feral exposed #feral blogs

[sissycensorslut]

Hey, uh, I just wanted to ask you, are you trans? Or do you just do this for the kink stuff? Like, I know this is probably really personal and I don't want to assume anything, but after reading some of your more "real" posts about just your life with "mommy..." those kind of read very transfem. Trust me on that bit... I'm transfem and started with feminization stuff. Feel free to ignore, I just wanted to ask and maybe bring it to your attention to look into it if you haven't already. Hope you're having a good day btw.

Don't worry I dont mind answering this sort of thing. Tbh I think so, as I've said before living as a man I wasn't particularly happy and I do almost exclusively dress as a girl now both outside and inside, and people calling me ma'am or whatever makes me very happy. Ive thought about going to a gp but in the UK I've heard trans healthcare isn't great, and I'm not sure if I'd be taken seriously anyway.

But thank you, I think it's important, especially with "this particular" kink to acknowledge how you feel about you're own gender. I feel like Alot of people just push those thoughts to the side and don't really think about it but I feel like Alot of people into feminization or if there's a female equivalent, that are trans they just don't want to think about it because of the unfortunate state of everything surrounding it, (obviously not trans people's fault I feel like I should mention)

Anyway tldr I might be trans but I'm not sure, more people are probably trans than current trends show and everyone is welcome to comment or ask me anything, even if I don't answer don't think you've offended me or anything, I only recently started evn looking at my ask box admittedly :p.

Also final note, I think I've said before but no matter your gender or sexual orientation or whatever I want people to be happy and I feel like other people should too =D (except transphobes and homophobes, etc, fuck em)

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

i had to reread n edit this before posting like i was going over an essay jesus christ ((tristamp spoilers))

tldr; i was honestly disappointed but i still don't think it was completely awful + i hope if they do a 2nd season it's better *wants to see milly*.... fuck the director though

EDIT!!! 2nd season was confirmed so you can ignore the points where i question if it will happen lol

EDIT 2 actually idt i'll watch the 2nd season... for reasons that just hit me so.... + fuck night*w as well

most of this was written before the finale eek

the major problems were that the pacing was soooooo weird n some of the changes (both story wise and design wise) they made were questionable esp towards the latter half

my positive points:

i do still think individual eps at the first half were really good

i loved the animation + how they used colors

the backgrounds are cool

the artstyle shift in wolfwood's flashback was cool

i've always been "ok" abt vashwood honestly (sorry) but i will acknowledge they were very yaoiful here. i saw a person who didn't ship vashwood say the ep in tristamp where they literally just met made them ship it which was really funny bc how did that change your mind so fast

i'm ngl the milly + eriks name drops made me *JAWDROP* but that's something that only matters to ppl who watched/read the ogs first

my negative points (uh oh):

white washed wolfwood (+ his skintone is soo inconsistent in merch)

they gave vash no room to breathe n he doesn't get big sillay moments after ep 3

^ this is true for every character except i guess roberto? more on roberto later

^^^ goes with the previous too points but it felt like they were way too focused on the drama n sadness without enough (long lasting) happy or hopeful moments to contrast or balance it out overall - to the point were the characterization of our main cast suffered for it bc there wasn't enough there with them to make that properly work. and THEN the silly moments ended up suffering too bc they start feeling out of place. the drama beats kept happening one after the other at breakneck speed without breaks, messing up the pacing as well (i can kinda blame this at least partially on the fact they only had 12 eps when the og was 26 eps but i've watched plenty of 12 ep series with great pacing so i don't really know what happened here?)

i disagreed with this at first, but the lore with vash being front-loaded really did hurt the story a bit in the long run. obviously they did still spread the full details out over the course of the show but it was :\

specific to "the running man"- it's my fav ep tbh but it was strange how all the townsfolk were partying w the nebraskas with no indication they'd arrest them after they did so much damage n vash didn't even get to fix the damaged plant?? so why were they so joyous when the initial problem wasn't solved?

roberto.... was such a weird character... he managed to be both a dick n a guy w no personality, he was there to give exposition + attempt to be funny? n then die. also the marketing staff fucking hates him he's never in any merch wtf ((edited after the finale: well now we know he wasn't meant to replace milly (i had a whole paragraph complaining abt that lol) + now i feel like they added him just to kill someone other than wolfwood off))

i can't speak much on elendria bc i had so much trouble reading trimax forever ago that i never retained anything abt her other than she's trans, but everything involving her in tristamp felt strange/ like it didn't work. i have essentially same feeling about livio here. they threw legato to the side??

what the fuck was the thing with the plants towards the end. it just hit me what the hell

minor nitpicks:

i miss the old anime's ost :( tristamp's ost isn't bad by any means n there are tracks that i really like it's just idk man. especially with the the op song, i couldn't get myself to not skip the op SORRY. could you imagine how hype it would've been if a new rendition of H.T. or NO-BEAT started playing

i'm fine with stamp vash's design (blasphemous i know) but man would'n've one of his og coat designs worked well in 3d? i feel like it would've ((added after the finale: the new coat did look nice in black + they brought back his old hair in the last ep tho so. MAYBE... IN SEASON 2.... CLASSIC COAT....? *delusional*))

NO LOVE & PEACE?!?!?!?!

one of my nitpick points was that they technically didn't give vash the black hair bc i really wanna see it animated one day but assuming they are teasing a season 2 maybe they will eventually. but then how...?

#maybe my standards are too low after getting burnt by higurashi gou/sotsu idk #this post is long as hell also watch out #new vash thoughts #- da last one(?)

[blackwoolncrown]

Yeah like. I have a friend with a medical condition who thought she was ace (due to said medical condition) so she didn't go to the doctor until it got way worse and she ended up needing surgery.

Last time she mentioned this she got a bunch of anons calling her acephobic and telling her to shut up and/or die and uh. What the fuck.

Talking about medical conditions/medication side effects/whatever that cause low/no libido is not acephobic. People NEED to know that certain medications and medical conditions that cause low/no libido can cause other severe issues.

Like, I know it sucks but having low/no libido isn't just a sexuality, it can also be a side effect or symptom.

People don't share this info as a "Haha gotcha you stupid aces! There's OBVIOUSLY something medically wrong with you" they share it because hey, if you have low/no libido you might want to consider getting checked out or looking up common side effects of your meds so you don't, y'know, die.

Oh no that's so sad, tho! Like I'm glad she got treatment but it's so frustrating to hear that an idea kept her from realizing something was wrong with her.

But I get it. It's a really contentious and complex issue but unfortunately it's SO hard to talk about bc you have a bunch of ppl piling on to tell you how you're harming them and it's just...false. Like it's a real, actual fact that 'lack of sexual interest/intimacy' is more often a sign of something someone is going through or has gone through (illness, trauma) than something like being gay, bi, trans etc.

Does that mean being aro or ace isn't 'real'? Absolutely not. Some ppl are 'just that way'. But like, it's literally dangerous to demand ppl stop acknowledging that it could just be a sign of an issue.

Like do you remember how the rhetoric was literally 'if ppl tell you to question why ur aro/ace that's basically a hate crime' like it was/is BAD bad.

I thought I was ace for yearssss but it turns out I was just in a relationship based on who I was in trauma. Once I healed I met someone else and realized....oh. OH. OHHHH.

It's real, no matter who wants to hear it or not. And it honestly ...feels sus when people react so intensely bc in the nicest way possible I almost want to ask...why does the idea of someone changing this identity feel like an attack to you? Why do you need to deny this so bad?

[morsobaby]

I've been having some. Interesting feelings about attraction and gender identity lately. I honestly think it's not anything that weird but I feel embarrassed talking about it, some internalized phobias or something probably.. It's a messy subject for me so I like to dumb things down whenever someone asks, and also for the sake of trying to make some sense of myself.

I say genderfluid but in detail that means sometimes I feel a different gender depending on the company I'm in, sometimes I feel a strong urge to be some gender despite not "feeling" like I am that gender, sometimes I legitimately don't know if I'm just really in denial about being SOMEthing that I just don't know?? I feel isolated and dysphoric when people talk about binary genders and reduce people down to Men and Women. I don't fully connect w the nonbinary Culture either, the popular image of nonbinary being "Flat chested androgynous quirky person who goes by they/them pronouns" really bothers me. It took me so long to figure myself out bc I didn't vibe with what the most common portrayal of nonbinary people is like. I'll stop before I spiral into being dysphoric or anything

Having a crush on not one but two trans men, but wait, is it romantic or platonic? Or do I just wanna be physically intimate bc I'm touch starved? And then there's amab and generally masculine bodies, for cis men I feel a sort of gender envy and for anyone amab or masc aligned who doesn't identify as a man. It's like. Woah, I Feel A Feeling for you. Romantic? Sexual? Sensual? Envy? Idk but it sure is a Feeling. Ykno? I can aesthetically find men attractive obviously, I don't need to wanna date them to think that at all. Men are hot that is a fact. But then even all that aside there's my aromanticism. Demiromanticism to be specific. Or grey. Well, both. Probably. So it's like okay now is this platonic or sensual or or or... And it goes on. It's hard. I need so much time. Help.

And then oh boy. Attraction. Can of worms I could almost say. So basically I suffered comphet for years until my ex best friend (boy) confessed to me and it finally clicked, no, it's not that he's undesirable as a person, but I literally cannot romance with boys. And then that was that for a long time. Great. Internalized homophobia aside it was cool. Then I had a crisis bc I fell for an amab person who actually turned out to be a trans woman and I'm like Woah okay this is a. Feeling. Confirms my lesbianism yes? No? I still can't bring myself to say I'd genuinely date and have a romantic connection with a man, I wouldn't, but here and now I have strange uh.. Stumbles I guess? Things that throw me for a loop.

And don't get me started on gender fuckery like genderqueer people in any capacity, I am very attracted to them in Some Way. What way depends on the person bc obviously it's a wide category. But man, when they have a spicy gender. I am looking respectfully. When they're gnc or mess around w expression, ohhhhh boy. Oh man. Xenogender? Otherkin? Ohhyes I would date an aesthetic concept or a supernatural creature in human form. Ohh wow. What society at large deems too weird and nonsensical is so so close to my heart. Owns my heart. Completely gender conforming binary cishet people perplex me so much. How can you live like this. Why. You're cis, the world caters to you, you're attracted to what is considered the correct gender, aka the opposite and that comes with a slew of categories and a specific box to fall into. And that box was made for and by you. Jesus. Fuck off

I feel so alienated. It's so weird and uncomfortable hearing people say some shit about how binary genders and sexes work 100% of the time and this is the correct opinion and logical and science blah blah. Ew. Please stop talking. Is this how you perceive people? God. Is this how people perceive me? Eugh. Genuinely wish the world was more openly normal about gender fuckery, bc around where I live, people can't even be normal about a person wearing a skirt. Regardless of what gender they're perceived as (but God forbid they're perceived as a Man bc mEN can't WEar SKIrts Its UNNNAtural)

Sighs. My brain feels so jumbled. Sometimes I genuinely forget or just, feel so blindsided by the fact that binary cishets exist. Like they love to say "Oh well you can't force me to be gay or trans, it's just not me, that's just not fair" but never have the same energy for actually trans and gay people. Fucking ridiculous

#My thoughts #Gender

[hewholivesinhisname]

Did the Goddess write the Torah

Honestly the way the old testament god is written is very very interesting and looks more like, uh, well, he doesn't seem like me in some ways and there's hints that .

If you want to go really extreme, maybe the god of the old testament IS the goddess trying to imagine or act like god and trying to pass herself off as god. Doing the things she does because that's how she imagines god would act. For instance, sometimes I see cis-women complain about how trans-women act because it loo

I mean even that "kill all the men rape the women thing", If anything I would do the opposite and enslave the men and kill all the women. then they can't enact vengeance now can they? The way war has been done in the past basically ensures that women and children are safe, but that men are constantly fighting each other.

Who would want the men fighting each other all the time and for what purpose?

The other thing is that he's always so jealous and passionate. He's written like a romantic character. He loves the Israelites so much that he just can't stand them worshipping any other gods except him. women love these characters that are just sooooo dangerous and then they fall hopelessly in love with THEM (only them) and all the other girls are shit.

Shouldn't god be a god of all people? It's a bit weird that god feeds into this chosen people narrative so easily given that a lot of the time you suspect that the Jews acting badly has something to do with this fascist Jewish narrative they tell themselves that they have the right to rule by blood. Also, because of all the rape, Judaism falls only through the female line- supposedly. God is this big patriarchal god, but weirdly enough Judaism is still dominated by women.

I don't know who wrote that book or for what purpose. Many of the atheists do have a point to which is that sometimes the religions seem to have unrealistic standards and then punish you for it although honestly I think it's the people who have unrealistic standards. And the authorities have been steadily changing shit since time immemorial on this too.

or maybe it only happens once I'm driven completely insane and then go on a binge to keep myself safe by being as powerful and violent as possible. That is very possible. a lot of people end up like that in this world thanks to the immorality of the people, the evilness of the system and the power of the echthroi.

I just can't help the feeling that all these holy books might have been manufactured not exactly with the purpose that people think. If they were manufactured with the right purpose then why is no one following me right now? Everything about this world is deceptive is what I've learned, there are a million cons and it would not be consistent if religion were left untouched especially considering how profitable it has been for so many people keeping all the religions at war with each other.

The way everyone justifies everything with "God" is so fucking stupid. Obviously everything is done by the people, not god whatsoever and saying it's all god's doing is a way of shifting blame on god and not the people for what happens. Once you have free will, the ball is in your court.

One thing that's definitely been true is that most people don't want responsibility for anything it seems. "I'm just doing my job" "not my problem" whatever the fuck it is, they don't want to take responsibility for it. It seems like the most common flaw in people. Even the word seems wrong as the "re" means to do again or in response to something as if someone has to tell you to figure out how your actions affects others. sponsibility might be a better word.

#goddess #god #bible

[nasturtiumsforbreakfast]

I spend/spent so long thinking that my feelings about my sexuality are complicated, when I've realised recently that actually they're quite simple

First I thought I was asexual with a libido, then I realised I'm aro, then I realised I'm gay, then oh wait, bisexual

I say queer, it doesn't need so much explaining as aro-bi

Anyway like I only have one y'know Experience (tipsy making out with my best friend at 16 yo, before I knew he was a transman and before I realised I was transmasc, too)

And I've spent like the decade plus since then going "but what does it all mean???"

Don't mean fuck all, I can do what I like

I mean, I can. I'm just nervous to, basically.

I'm pretty autistic (I mean that literally, I know people use it as an insult nowdays, the fucks), I don't drink or go to clubs or y'know whatever, I don't know how to navigate the y'know this kinda world

I want to have more uhhh Experiences (as evidenced here) but it's it's tricky

I have very little clue like socially, I don't know where to begin, and if I ever did get to uh y'know the point of whatever goin on, then, I have a pretty bad body image?

I have a lot of trouble thinking that anyone would see me that sorta way, so I actively avoid getting in those sorta situations, as well as my natural disinclination towards noisy social gatherings - and if anyone ever did look

I mean I know I shouldn't think these things about myself, but it's hard to break out of that sorta thought pattern - that if anyone expresses interest in me, it's because they think I'm a girl, and if I said like actually I need you to respect me as a man then they'd hightail it, and anyway if they did express interest then it'd be involving like romantic attraction too, which I. don't... want?

And, anyway, if we were to get past all of that, then I'm too fat to be sexy - which I know is not true, really, like I say, but I don't feel sexy, and I'd have that thought of "you only think I'm sexy cs I look like a woman" ticking away in my head the whole time

And, also, I don't.. I don't do penetration at all? Like, not emotionally cs I'm trans or whatever, I like what I can do, I just physically cannot - my cunt does not stretch to two fingers, even, without a whole buncha pain, tho I can sometimes cross my fingers and manage to get them halfway in, if I'm careful (I did that last night, and I still feel achy 14 hours later)

I don't know if that's cs I'm not uh in practice or if that's cs I'm probably some flavour of intersex, but I do know that I can only take one finger comfortably, or otherwise a vibe, cs the vibration dulls the pain

So like, how to get to the point of a guy or whoever like in that situation, with them fully on board with me being trans an stuff, in the first place, and then go, hey actually you can't fuck me

I would like you to fuck me but you can't, no matter what size you are you will not fit

I guess I do know it's a fallacy that everyone sees penetration as the be-all end-all, and there will be folks out there who wouldn't mind thigh-fucking or frotting instead, or just oral, but I find it very hard to reconcile that

The general kinda story you see is very much not that, y'know?

Tho, I spose it is true that it could be the other way around, that I could be the top, I would um I would like to experience that, certainly, no question

And I do know logically that y'know that that sorta sex does happen plenty, obviously, but in my head I have it as "wouldn't mind doing that to/for me" as opposed to "actively prefers",

which is honestly the same category I have myself in, y'know? Who would go with me, when there's plenty other options, that are simpler and easier

.

Alright I think that's enough introspection for half 10 on a Thursday morning

#i'm working on it #slowly but surely #but y'know #well anyway #basically. #'i want you to fuck me but you physically can't' #and also i'm too nervous and not good-looking enough to get into that situation in the first place #um. i spose i should tag this #nsft #body image #intersex #negativity

[theglitchywriterboi]

Okay, I've never told this story before, mostly cause the kink in question has A LOT of discourse [NOTE: I don't have an issue w/ the kink myself, but I don't participate in it anymore] & I don't want people focusing on that part [when I was a dumb kid who didn't understand what the kink was or even what kink was].

Also parts of this story are just cringe & :/// & it's like embarrassing to share-

Okay so-

I was 14 & this dudes FRIEND messaged me [I was on those teen dating tumblr pages for context. Also it was a page for ddlb [or ddlg, cgl, mdlb, mdlb, etc] for teens] asking if it was okay for him to message me. Allegedly he saw my post on said friends tumblr & liked me, but didn't have tumblr himself, so he asked his friend to message me on kik - which he had. So idk why his friend messaged me on kik instead of him messaging me, but I digress. [But now that I think about it, I don't think either of them SAID "He doesn't have tumblr" so he might've had one]

She was like "My friend saw your post & wanted to know if you wanted to talk ?"

So I was like "Sure, whats his kik ?"

An important thing to note is my age range was 14-15 MAYBE 16, since I was 14 & didn't want to talk to people older than me. Also I expressed several times I was strictly SFW & didn't want to be I'm a polyam relationship.

Okay, back to the story.

So I message him & was like "Hey is this [him] ? [His friend] gave me your kik. Sorry if this is the wrong person

IMMEDIATELY after confirming he is that guy, he is like "So are we dating ?" Like ?!?! Mind you I don't know this guys age, anything about him, etc

So I was like "Uh we just started talking- How old are you ? Where are you from ?" & he said his age: 17 [Seventeen]. [He also gave his location, but that doesn't matter]

Again, I made it clear I preferred someone 14-15 MAYBE 16

But I was 14 & had no backbone so I decided to give it a shot.

After giving his age he asked if we were dating AGAIN, & I was anxious, so I was just kinda like "Sure".

Now a lot happened, so here are the major things:

-Tried to pressure me into getting a third, then when I agreed & we found someone, he lashed out at them [apparently the third in question had a BF [somehow he found out but I didn't ?] & the BF was chill w/ him having a second dom [me] but not anyone else. Idk]

-Pressured me into sexting [again, after me expressing wanting to be SFW only]. It basically went

Him: "Pllzzzzz"

Me: "No I'm not comfortable w/ that"

Him: "Please"

Me: "No"

Then back & forth until I relented

-Weirdly got upset that I roleplayed having a dick & was really hung up on the fact I didn't IRL [he knew I was trans but he was like "But you have a pussy ://"]

-Tried to pressure me into sending nudes/videos of me masturbating [basically went the same as the sexting - I'd say no, he begged, I'd say no again. BUT the GOOD news is my dumbass couldn't figure out how to take pics/vids of that, so I didn't send any [Thank fucking god] & eventually he dropped it]

-Again I was the hhh dom :/// so he'd have me stay up late writing him bedtime stories

-Sent me a video of himself jerking off w/o me asking [& we weren't like sexting]

& probably other stuff I'm forgetting.

I was so much of a pushover, I had to send an ask to a DDLB account I followed at the time [idk the account] basically explaining the situation & asking "Is this enough to break up over ?" [Hint: You don't need a reason to break up. If you aren't happy, that's reason enough to leave. But even more so if the relationship distresses you !!!] & obviously they were like "Yeah ofc !!!"

So I DMed him & tried as nicely as I could to call things off [I don't remember what I said but I don't think I brought up any of these issues] & I remember being in the lunch line, trembling, sending the messages & reading his reply [which was basically "What the fuck fuck you" & other similar unkind things].

This happened a while ago, but I still think about it a lot, mostly due to the fact I'm always worried I'm overreacting ? Like obviously it wasn't a healthy relationship/dynamic, but I see some people say 14 w/ 17 is 100% fine & other say it's gross & I think it's gross, but do I only think that because of this specific instance ? Does it class as grooming or am I grasping at straws, which doesn't make sense for me to do cause it's not like I want it to be grooming or something, but still. Was this enough to have triggers from ? [His name, which I'm kinda over [became a fan of a band w/ a guy who has a similar name, so that helped], & an emoji, which I won't disclose cause while a lot of people I know use it, its easier to just scroll past than to ask people not to use it. Especially since there are assholes who would use it just to upset me [I don't think any of my friends/mutuals would, but I mean strangers who see] ]

Idk.

Idk the point in making this - I don't think I've told the story in full, besides my NSFWtwt account, but still......

Theres one other similar story I've been wanting to tell, so idk maybe I'll tell that one too. But this post is long enough, so not here [maybe a second post or a reblog]

[madmaryholiday]

encountered my first irl "children are identifying as cats and want to use litter boxes at school" bullshit today.

the coworker i talk to most often and sit with at break announced to me today that he'd read a very strange news story. i invited him to share, and before he'd got halfway through the premise, i knew what he was on about.

i just went "no. i promise you. no."

and explained why people like to cite this non-existent news story in their ongoing "think of the children!" tirades.

turns out the guy who sits next to him showed him the article. my coworker was like "oh, good, [name] will be so relieved to hear it's not true!"

but of course that second coworker was all "idk man CRAZY stuff is going on these days!"

and i miiiiight've been a little too blatant with my shock that anyone would believe something so obviously designed to outrage people. but i managed to bring it around to the general "if you read something that outrages you, first ask yourself who's benefiting from your outrage" and other critical thinking tools.

to really drive it home, though, because i could tell he was still skeptical (as was another coworker nearby), i went back a bit later and did a quasi-apology "i hope it didn't sound like i thought you were dumb for taking that story at face value" thing, that i'd just genuinely thought people knew that particular story was fake.

i'm still slightly horrified that three people i know accepted this obvious reaction bait as the truth, but i'm hoping they know better now.

there was also some concerning talk about "their environment" and "the internet is everywhere these days" and other coded language about kids being, like, tricked by the adults around them, but like i do not have time to unpack that.

but like jesus christ people. kids are not stupid. they play stupid games and don't know as much about the world as adults do (sometimes), but they're fully capable of making their own decisions and separating reality from fantasy. and like. a kid asking to use a litter box at school would get them bullied so fucking hard. what kid would voluntarily do that to themself??? kids understand that there are social rules you have to abide by or risk rejection.

(i mean i also didn't have time to interrogate the assumption that kids telling people they're a cat is automatically a sign that they're a danger to themselves or others, cos like kids pretend to be animals all the time and it's fucking FINE. and if they genuinely think they're a cat? they probably don't actually think they're a cat, you just can't tell they're fucking with you. but if they DO think they're a cat, how is that your problem? let that kid go be weird and either grow out of it or learn when it's appropriate to talk about it. it's not gonna ruin their life unless you decide to ruin their life for them.)

i know that some people do actually think kids are being indoctrinated by the big scary trans agenda, but for the folks who just think kids are so easily swayed that a single tiktok can convince them they're really an animal? how goddamn insulting. you don't spend the first 18 years of your life a blank slate and then suddenly gain self-awareness when you reach adulthood.

and children having a misconception is not the same as them indelibly stamping that misconception onto their worldview forever. as they learn more information, their understand of the world can change! just like any other goddamn person!

i just. argh. there are SO MANY layers of bullshit here. i'm glad i definitely got my one coworker to understand that story is fake, but those other two....the way they were talking makes me nervous.

i'm not gonna go provoke them into a discussion on trans rights or anything. but like. we know i'm, uh. very passionate about defending children. and i worry that something will come up in the future where i will not be able to hold my tongue. and things will get extremely uncomfortable. and i will wind up in trouble for causing a ruckus.

gonna try and decompress now and not think about that any more tonight. heaven knows i don't need that stress right now.

#working birdie #rambling post under cut