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#like this post is a joke but!!!!!! god am i tired of this!!!!!
miodiodavinci · 2 months
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collapses to the ground like a deflated balloon
#my god#stage one is finally complete . . . . . . . .#if you can recall that poll i reblogged about passing out#that important contact i received was mr. seto of the vocaloid team#who messaged me asking about a collaboration and quite literally nearly caused me to pass out#i read the message preview on my phone#stood up#saw stars#and collapsed onto my bed and had to lay down for like. 10 minutes before my body would stop feeling distant and weak w#i similarly felt ready to pass out today when i sent a message to ask when the announcement tweet would be#and they tweeted it. immediately after w#no joke rice and i were scrambling behind the scenes to get our act together and figure out what we wanted to say KHGJGSJKFHGKJ#all the while screaming because yamaha said they'd be posting it on valentine's day and we thought they meant our timezone w#because the whole point of this collab was to get the zolas more well known in the english-speaking sphere w#EITHER WAY#i am. so so tired and now i need to pass out so i can get enough sleep before more internship tomorrow w#which is heating up because my seminar professor wants a detailed plan of my final project goals This Friday#but my mentor won't know anything about where to fit that in until Thursday at the earliest#and my supervisor just hounded me over email to coordinate with the two other people at my station and choose an activity to lead#but that requires. planning. that our mentors won't have until thursday........#perishing . . . . . .
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andr0nap · 9 months
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before you ask "andro how are you pumping out so much art??"
ive got a bit of a backlog
terminal brainrot
i dont sleep
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firelordhotman · 9 months
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friendly reminder that even if youre open about something on your blog, even if you think its so obviously right in your about/description/pinned/whatever, most of the people who will interact with you are not even looking that far at your blog. they dont know your name or your pronouns or your disabilities or your interests or your credentials or whatever you think is just *so obvious* that they *must* be intentionally ignoring it just to hurt you. ESPECIALLY not if theyre a random stranger who youve never interacted with once before, has never interacted with you once before either, and has absolutely zero reason to care about you. its not a personal attack, its just a fact. this is literally the internet
#i am TIRED. yes this is a vaguepost idc#utter stranger shows up in my notifs DEMANDING i explain a simple little joke tag about me and my loved ones experiences#as if i owe them the slightest ounce of attention in my day#and then when i do explain my & my loved ones lived experiences. they get mad & say im using THEIR personal experiences as a weapon#like. i dont have the slightest clue what your personal experiences are! i dont even know your name!! and i dont want to nor do i have to!!#i dont mean this rudely. but factually: you are not important enough to me to care even a little bit about your experiences#i dont bring up suicide or addiction or any shit like that because its Your experience. bc i have no fucking idea what your experience is#i talk about those things because its MY EXPERIENCE. that IM TALKING ABOUT. in the tags of a post that doesnt belong to either of us no les#this is probably the last thing im gonna post abt this bc i know youre still up my ass looking at everything i post rn#but to finish off. i was never even making a Point about anything in the tag. i wasnt starting discourse about anything.#it was just an Acknowledgement of a shared experience that me and many of my loved ones have. whether u like it or not#like literally i dngaf if YOU personally wouldnt describe your experience that way. We do describe it that way! We can be different#i just made a silly little tag for my friends to see. and YOU decided that you were entitled to both hear my life story and blatantly#misinterpret everything i say about it. like literal 'how dare you say we piss on the poor' type shit#like. saying 'x can cause y' does not mean im saying 'y is literally x' fucking OBVIOUSLY. god#i didnt fucking ask for this! YOU DID!! YOURE the one who DEMANDED it of me unprompted#& clearly must have just gone looking thru the tags of posts for ppl to beef with lollllll#i mean cmon. you didnt follow me i didnt follow you and that wasnt even your post. theres no other explanation lmao its p obvious#anyway i hope u find a better hobby or at least a more fun and fulfilling way to use this website. sincerely#at least get some better critical thinking skills before picking stupid arguments with random strangers online#but hey! play stupid games win stupid prizes<3 right??#also one final note: to hear someone talking about the lived experiences of them and their real life loved ones and go 'hmm. sounds fake'.#its just giving Friendless. its giving 'how could anyone make fun art without doing crazy drugs!!'.#its giving 'Wait yall have friends irl? i thought it was just a joke'. its fucking hilarious and im gonna think about it forever#thank u for a lifetime supply of laughs godspeed
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you know you've stayed up too late when you find. the really fucking lesphobic comedian on youtube that somehow is really popular with zero opposition in the comments
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munamania · 2 years
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i can’t believe i just read a post with my own two eyes that the only interesting thing about ronance is steve’s emotional reactions to them. steve stans do you hear yourself. and can you ever like. not say things
#i understand with the characters in the show right. that none of your fun pretend steve gay ships would need to be examined by an outsider#bc eddie’s new and jonathan. is on the other side of the nancy breakup lol. and yet no one involves her or those complex feelings talking#abt them. but we want all of steve’s possible emotional reactions to the lesbian characters#can i be honest. i am so tired of the trope where there’s a guy who one of them breaks up with and he’s just there after the lesbians get#together and ik that’s not the case here and it’s just residual resentment for that bleeding into this but. are you joking#ngl! i don’t want to know about a man’s opinions of my relationships. even if it’s my gf’s ex. even if we all happen to be friends. like#maybe im in the minority there. maybe it’s okay if steve is just like whatever#because he canonically said he was over her. and i get first loves mean a lot. but like. what the fuck#like????????????#i get he’s your baby boy he’s your number one he can do no wrong. but. that’s the only part of the r0nance dynamic you care about#that’s all you want to know. very least you could do is not involve that post anywhere near the tags#something abt it just doesn’t sit right. and ik you can come at me with ‘just block people’#but i think i’m disturbed by the number of people who are like omg yeah!!!!!#maybe not everything has to be abt him idk just a thought. sorry steve stans.#also i realize it’s not a ‘trope’ that’s the wrong word but it’s happened enough in shows that i’m like oh my god. can the lesbians just#like exist maybe. perhaps
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crystal-verse · 11 months
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very funny to me how k'pheli and g'raha's romance started as "hey wouldn't it be fun if i played with some divinity tropes and romance" and then turned into "oh wow this actually ties in very well to canon both thematically and with worldbuilding. oops?"
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definitelysapphic · 1 year
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Now that easter is over i hope the xtian owl house fans will stop making insufferable posts about the finale. “Luz is JESUS-” look at me. The show’s villain is a puritan. Are you dumb
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The Gonchposting market has become saturated. Every other post on my dash is Goncharov. Tiktok and Twitter are talking about Goncharov. If somebody in real life mentions this mirage of a movie to me I’m gonna start getting violent
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seeingivy · 1 month
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picnic
sukuna x f!reader
**part of my best friend's older brother fic
previous part linked here
(^^make sure you check since this was a double upload and I posted the last one very recently :D)
--
dear head of the cullen clan,  keep evening plans open – im getting off work early and we’re going on a picnic.  coldest regards,  the head of the volturi  (ps. am expecting a very wholehearted appreciation for the fact that it’s coldest regards and not warmest regards, because they are, in fact, vampires and therefore cold. because they don’t have a heart and such.)  (extra ps. this is a link to a shared spotify playlist. i’ll add a song and then you add one. we’ll keep it going.) 
you snort. 
dear aro of the volturi (does he have a last name???),  so much to unpack in one email, yet again. you really know how to keep a girl on her toes.  first and foremost, you are SOOOO ran through. so offended that i wasn’t the person who got to put you on to twilight and whoever it was, I HOEP SHE DIES! if you’re team jacob, you’re a freak.  second, SO VERY FLATTERED that you think i would be carlisle. a little haunting that you think YOU would be aro…but it’s ok cuz former companions to enemies back to lovers in our case would be kind of crazy???  third. done and done. i just added a song so hurry up bc i have like ten other songs i want to add and i am #impatient  see u after work pookie :D,  carlisle cullen  (very appreciative of the cold regards. you are a king among men.) 
his response back is very prompt. 
Never call me pookie again.  (very offended that you think i’d be stupid enough to be team jacob. and direct your murderous rage towards yuuji and my mom, who forced me to watch it in theaters with them.) 
--
you wait for sukuna at the park two blocks down the apartment complex. the sun is hours away from dipping into the horizon, the chilly wind rustling through the trees. you realize now that the red skirt and white sweater might betray you in a few hours but decide that you’ll simply have to steal his jacket when he gets here. 
and you would have already but he’s twenty minutes late.
and while this part of the city is extremely safe, sukuna’s ever constant fear of people attacking you on subway trains and stabbing you in alleyways has instilled an acute fear of strangers in you, which is why you’re gripping the sparkly pink pepper spray he bought you very harshly in your palm right now. 
you think it’s sweet that he bought you a pink one. 
but of course it’s severely ironic that you almost used it on him. 
because he scares the living daylights out of you, by placing his hand around your shoulder from behind. 
“hey. i’m sorry i-” 
“jesus fuck-” 
you instinctively hold the pepper spray up to his face, your hands shaking in front of you. 
“i’ll use it, you pervert!” 
sukuna leans his head to the side, which is when you’re finally able to log that it’s actually him standing in front of you and not a stranger, and you drop your hands in embarrassment. 
“i mean, i’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t doll face but–” 
“oh my god, sukuna. i thought you were trying to rob me!” 
“i’m smarter than that. the only thing inside your purse is lip gloss, which has very little value to me.” sukuna responds, dropping the little basket at his feet and taking the little stalk of flowers out of the top handle. 
“i’ll have you know that it’s actually sold out in every store right now. so you could make bank if you sold it.” 
“don’t tempt me. and for your sake, i’ll accept the apology you didn’t give me for just trying to rob me of my eyesight and for calling me a pervert? i’m getting really tired of the age gap jokes, y/n.” sukuna responds, as he lifts your hands at your sides and places the stalk of flowers in your hand. 
you give him a big smile as you press your nose to the flowers, the scent fresh in your nose. and sukuna props down, setting a billowing white blanket on the ground before he taps the spot next to him and signals for you to sit next to him. 
“who needs eyes?” you joke, as you squeeze his hands and set the flowers down next to the little basket. 
“me, dipshit. how else am i supposed to look at you?” 
you cover your hands with your cheeks as you watch him place all of the little things inside the basket next to you, laying them out perfectly. it’s albeit a weird assortment – two wine glasses, perfectly wrapped sandwiches, a mini-cake, and strawberry lemonade. 
“well, stop perceiving me. this is so weird!” you murmur. 
it’s enough to catch his attention and stop him in his tracks. 
“what?” 
the question makes you pause. and a little embarrassed. it was a little harsh to say while you were joking.
“oh, i mean…i didn’t mean it like that! i was making a joke about perceiving because eyes…vision…and i almost took your vision away! and you perceive with your eyes, because how else would you see…” 
sukuna smiles, before shaking his head, and continuing spilling out the last of the contents – a set of gouache paints and two little small canvases. and he drops to his feet, yanking his shoes off, before sitting flat on the blanket and gesturing for you to join him. 
“there’s no way in hell that was what you meant. but we’ll ignore that for the time being.” sukuna responds, hiking his legs to his chest and gesturing towards the spread he just put out. 
you tilt your head to the side in confusion. 
“you look very pretty today.” sukuna responds. 
“thanks! you too!” 
he narrows his eyes. 
“uh huh. well, pick what we do first. the paint, the sandwiches, or the weird wine glass cake.” 
“the wine glass cake? like from tiktok?” you ask. 
“correct. i’m really bad at…cute dates. so…i did some research.” 
sukuna refuses to look at you. because after admitting it, he’s suddenly busied himself with reading the back of the box of paints, like it’s the most riveting, intriguing thing he’s ever read in his life. 
but the pink flush that’s creeping down his neck betrays him entirely, as you reach forward and push the little box down. and sukuna’s already glaring at you. 
you place your chin on the top of his knees, reaching for one of his hands and smiling. 
“you did research for a date?” 
“you can choke on your spit.” 
you grin. 
“you really know how to turn a girl on.” 
“you’re filthy.” 
you grin. 
“and you’re actually so precious, i–” 
“don’t call me precious, y/n.” he whines, as he reaches forward to flick on your forehead. 
you smile as you sit by his side, tucking the folds of your skirt under your leg as you reach for both of the wine glasses and hand him one. 
“so how humbling was it to have satoru explain all this to you?” you ask. 
he sneers. 
“don’t even ask. he’s like the biggest nuisance i’ve ever met in my life. top ten worst moments of my life.” sukuna responds. 
“i’m flattered you humbled yourself to him for me.” 
“i actually asked suguru. they’re like…two peas in a pod, they can’t do shit without each other. the paints and stuff they gave me and the nice basket too.” 
“that’s sweet of them. remind me to send them something later to thank them.” 
sukuna scoffs. 
“no need. they were more than happy to give it up for you.” 
“ah yes. i hear they’re big fans of this camping bag story. the scouts honor and the fake story we had to tell them makes a lot more sense now.” you respond. 
sukuna rolls his eyes. 
“okay, you know what? sue me. i was like sixteen sleeping next to a girl for the first time. god forbid i enjoyed myself. and i don’t know why they’re all so hyperfixated on that story because it was a very normal thing to assume when you’re asked that question.”  
you snort. 
“and you say you’re not a pervert…” 
sukuna leans forward, his eyes flitting down to his lips before he looks back up at you. and he can tell that you’re in a mood, that you’re trying to push his buttons by annoying him. 
“you know i despise you right?” he whispers. 
you grin, leaning in. 
“is that right?” you whisper back. 
“oh yeah. you irritate me.” 
there isn’t even a shred of earnestness in the words he’s uttering. you know he doesn’t mean them. 
“keep going.” you respond, as he presses a warm kiss to the side of your cheek. 
“you’re a nuisance.” – a kiss to your forehead. 
“an irritation.” – a kiss to the tip of your nose. 
“like a fucking thorn in my side.” – and a kiss to the sweet spot right in your neck and his hand snaking up your thigh, which makes you nearly keel your head back from the sensation. 
you place your hands on his cheek and pull him back, face flushed and his eyes nearly glazed over. 
“are you crazy?” you whisper. 
“what?” he asks. 
“we’re in public, dumbass. you can’t just start trying to rile me up.” 
sukuna leans back, obliging. 
“so you admit it? i was riling you up?” 
“oh, shut up.” 
you reach for the sandwiches and unpeel one for sukuna. before he takes it, he places a tiny white box in your lap. 
you frown. first the fancy date but the jewelry too? 
“sukuna. you didn’t–” 
“just open it. i’m impatient and i’ve been waiting all day. and i actually think you’ll like it. otherwise, you’re ungrateful and rude and you hate me.” sukuna responds. 
you give him a tight lipped smile before you open the little box and actually smile. 
it’s a dainty silver chain – the exact same as sukuna’s from the chain-links, but the build is a little thinner. and right at the center, a little charm of a star. 
you reach forward for his chain, dangling around his collarbone. and surely enough, in addition to the original charm he had of an interlocked circle, there’s a star charm added right next to it. 
“you always reach for it. when you’re talking or when we’re kissing. figured i’d get you your own since you’re such a big fan.” 
“you are so…” 
“perfect? sexy? the father of your children?” 
“i was thinking adorable. can i answer d for all of the above?” you respond. 
sukuna grins. 
“survey says yes, princess.” he responds. 
you yank the chain from the little box and hand it to him, before turning around for him to secure it on you. his fingers tickle against the nape of your neck, accompanied by a warm kiss, before he taps your shoulders to signify that he’s done. 
“you know. you really are perceiving me right now.” you respond. 
“and how’s that?” 
“i know you’re obsessed with me and pay attention to every word i say.” 
sukuna smiles. 
“obviously.” 
you jab at his side. 
“i mean, i know you’re doing this because i mentioned picnics yesterday and always feeling left out. sure you could put two and two together that he never really bought me any nice gifts or anything when i said he ruined my birthday.” 
“okay, captain obvious. and?” 
you shove him once more, before leaning your head against his shoulder. 
“well, i appreciate it. i know the whole…cutesy painting date isn’t your thing. we won’t have to do it again. and that you…you’re trying to make this whole thing special for me.” 
sukuna scoffs. 
“i’m offended. first and foremost, i always like to eat with you. every time i think that there’s no way you can amaze me more, you find another way to spill food on your clothes.” 
“hey! that’s not true.” 
“you already spilled on the blanket. second, this is a very violent way to eat cake. you literally mess up all the layers by doing that and destroy the piping on the cake which i can admit, i am a fan of. and third, i’m going to paint us as worms, which seems enjoyable to me.” 
you curl your nose. 
“worms?” 
“yeah. what were you going to paint?” 
“i don’t know. but it certainly wasn’t going to be worms. like the park or flowers or something.” 
“boring. i’m going to paint us as slimy worms. and because we made it on this date, you’ll have to agree to put it up in the apartment, even if it’s ugly.” 
“sukuna.” you whine. 
“especially if it’s ugly. it’s a testament to our love.” he responds, dramatically placing his hands on  his chest. 
“you know, you’re so right. worms have been a really defining feature of your relationship.” 
sukuna leans forward and presses a quick kiss to your lips and an additional one on your cheek. 
“you just get me, princess!” 
and he breaks the little joke by lifting one of your hands to his lips, and pressing a kiss on all four of your knuckles before pressing your hand to his cheek. 
“and i have to do special things for a special person.” 
you return the gesture, lifting his tattooed fingers to your lips and doing the same. 
“you know…you’re really good at this type of thing.” you murmur. 
“what do you mean?” 
“i mean, being a boyfriend. and…and being supportive about everything. sometimes i feel like i’m trying really hard to be the best but…just comes naturally to you.” you respond. 
sukuna shrugs. 
“don’t know if i’m perfect but…loving you has always come really easy to me. i don’t really have to think twice about it because these are actually just things i want to do for you.” 
you groan. 
“see! that’s what i’m saying! you always just…say sweet things, do sweet things. sometimes i’m convinced i’m not even half deserving of it, just because sometimes i don’t reciprocate that back.” you respond. 
sukuna leans forward. 
“you know, you actually do though.” 
“as if.” you groan. 
sukuna pauses, before leaning his cheek against the tops of his knees and looking out at the expanse of grass in front of you. you follow his line of vision – to the dog running in the distance, the wide, billowing trees, and the little flower truck on the side – which you now realize is where sukuna copped the flowers from earlier. 
“i mean, this type of thing. that we have, or…or the way i act around you. it means a lot to you because, you…you’ve never had this before. right?” 
“yeah.” 
“well, i haven’t had you before. i know you see me as perfect, but…but when you say that i can tell that you don’t mean it the way my mom or…or yuuji think that i’m perfect. in the untouchable way.” 
you lean forward, cupping the side of his face. 
“sukuna. you’re so touchable.” you joke. 
“you’re disgusting.” 
“you love it.” 
sukuna smiles. 
“yeah, i really do. it does actually mean the world to me that you think i’m perfect how i am and don’t think i’m larger than life.” 
“if anything, your ego could be smaller.” 
sukuna leans forward and presses a kiss to your cheek. 
“and…and even the other day. i know you were acting squirrely and weird when yuuji was near us and heard us bickering, but i was half convinced that you were going to take his side at the end, when he started saying that stuff about me. because it is true and i have acted a certain way in the past…and, you would have every right to agree with him if you wanted to.” 
you frown. 
“no, i wouldn’t. you’ve never treated me like that and i know you’re being earnest when you say these things to me. this would be a very elaborate way to get into my pants if that was what you were trying to do. and i know it’s not.” 
sukuna smiles. 
“that’s what i’m saying. every other person for me has never given me that benefit of the doubt, but you always do. you were the person who thought to tell me that my grandpa died when you all came to get me and you were the one who wasn’t mad at me. the things you do for me are the same, in equal magnitude, as what i do for you. if this makes you feel good, or…or on top of the world, you have to know that’s how you make me feel too. i’m half convinced that you’re basically made for me at this point the way you get everything right on point.” 
you lean forward and press a lingering kiss to his lips. 
“i really think you’re made for me too, ryomen.” 
sukuna groans, dramatically leaning his head back, before nearly pushing you over and peppering kisses to almost every surface on your face. 
“quit fucking saying my name. you have no idea what that does to me.” 
“i mean, i think i have an idea.” 
sukuna clamps his fingers over your mouth, before pressing a few more lingering kisses to your face and pushing off. and subsequently, picks all of the grass out of your hair as you roll your eyes. 
and after that sukuna, admittedly, very aggressively uses the wine glasses to portion off little slices of the cake and makes it a point to finish off yours when you can’t stomach the sweetness. and true to his promise – sukuna paints the two of you as worms, but at the park, stargazing. 
it’s a little silly, the way he paints it. you were expecting it to be more gory or gross, but it’s so corny that it makes you smile. because he draws the two little worms, but distinguishes between the two of you, by swiping some of your pink paint and adding a little ribbon to the one that’s supposed to be you. 
sukuna explains the stars. because before sukuna had dragged you out of that shitty bathroom bar, it’s what megumi and yuuji said in his drunken mess – he had pointed at two little stars and likened them to him and megumi.
and you’re almost positive that at the time, sukuna found it utterly ridiculous. but now, he understood it – the sentiment. that you and sukuna were two little worms, and two stars, and two little flowers too. 
and to his promise, the two of you decide to place the little canvases you drew at the end of the kitchen counter. 
it’s only then that you realize that you have to go the whole ten miles for sukuna the way he had done for you – countless times again. and that if you were going in blind in trying to make something special, you’d have to take a page out of his book and do some research. 
and there was only one person who could really help you, who you’d rather die than humble yourself to than ask for help. 
regardless of that, you still call sammy the next morning.
--
next part linked here
an: they're about to do it. anyways....there is a very real playlist to match the one that they talk about in the fic -- and it matches the way it described in the fic! so it's interleaved, the first song is a song that sukuna would have added, the second one that y/n added, the third sukuna, so on and so forth. it's linked here! happy listening babies
second an: thank you for the love on the last chapter. it makes my heart really warm bc all of that was actually based on a REAL MAN and real things that I have felt/have said to me and just having people comment that they felt seen by it or it made them feel a certain type of way actually made me really happy and so warm. this blog was one of the first things I did after I stopped being really, really sad and i'm glad that i'm able to share a little joy here and there, if that's what this fic is for you. anyways this is long and sappy and gross and actually I just love you all for enduring the ouchies and the sillies with me a little bit 💌
third an: double upload bc yall were so patient with me :D
taglist: @porridgesblog @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @gojoswifeyyys-world @cutiejg @chilichopsticks @ghostreadersthings @charlie-xo @whoami-72 @heijihattorisgf @megu-meow @complexivelovely @multiplefandomthings @hoebuns @lzaj19 @glossygreene @ramluvr @sureconfused @najaemism @manduse @imhorn1help @gamergirl5125 @r0ckst4rjk @invisible-mori @isaacdaknight @wishmemel @gyros-cum-sock @suftsunshine @i0099 @cowgirlikets @haitanibros0007 @stuffeddeer @yoontaedotin @ec3lipsy @armani79 @awkwardaardvarkforever @kereseth @leave-rae-alone @ruruvia @princess-ackerman @jjkwritingss @lilkiwikiara @opchara @telepathicheartss @starriesworlds @raechu11 @exprimidordefresas @nxxrxm @aalloochaat @strangehuman101 @tzutology
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jeanthebeagle · 12 days
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Grishaverse/Ketterdam dashboard simulator
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🪙 Barrelrat1877 follow
just spilled my drink on a Fierdan's boots and now he's threatening to duel me. Should I call the stadwatch??? I'm lowkey scared.
#guys please help me
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🐦 Dregsconfessionsofficial follow
SUBMISSION: Last night I was walking around the barrel and I saw dirtyhands petting a dog. Like I'm not even joking, no gloves and all. And it was one of those crusty white ones.
#submission #omg I hope he washes his hands??? # those dogs are so crusty
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🌊 tidesofthecanals follow
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Final results from 672 votes
♠️ kvasandass follow
Razorgulls stop sending anon hate to op over a poll challenge, level impossible, no glue no borax.
#i hope they get caught for tax fraud
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🐝 thislittlelife follow
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A drawing my talented daughter made of Sankta Alina. We pray to her each night 🙏🙏🙏
🐾 magic-tricks follow
46.244.29.14
🍄 thekingofravkaishot follow
hello??? Omg. Why would you dox someone just like that??? This is literally putting them in danger. It's just a sweet mother with her child, who posted a drawing. What is wrong with you.
🏵️ krugebythedozen follow
Op admitted to lying like a year ago about how they don't actually have a kid, but took the post down. It's probably a dime lion trying to troll us like they did in mass when sankta alina died. Also, respectfully, shut up. You posts thirst traps and long drawn out texts on how the king of ravka is "babygirl”. Go get help.
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🤝 theholyhandofghezenofficial follow
To the citizen who spread a highly damaging rumor that we were hosting a petting zoo inside the church, please come to talk to us. You are not in danger, but words will be exchanged. Lots of trouble was caused due to careless behavior.
⚖️ ketterdamfails follow
Womp womp
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🎀 justapigeon follow
Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been able to update my Pekka Rollins x Jan van eck fanfic. I've been searching for my mom for almost a week since she ran away after hearing that you had to get a vaccine for Firepox after the last outbreak. (She believes in praying to the saints.)
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🍪 eatthemerchs follow
I hate all of you. Why is this website making Kaz Brekker a soft boy when he literally MURDERS PEOPLE. No, he won't cry if you hug him. No he doesn't want to pet your dog. He'll take your eye out.
Stop romanticizing crime, all of you are sick.
(I am TIRED of the dog memes. Brekker is a crime boss. Why would any of you think he'd even care about your dog.)
🐾 magic-tricks follow
Your border collie is nice. But your chihuahua barks too much.
15,370 notes
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🦂 northerstaverner follow
literally just saw some tall ass guy with a huge gun, a revolver and the brightest outfit l've ever seen, trot past my window??? In broad daylight??? Like oh my god. It felt like looking at a stork who made a wish he was human. His clothes were purple and green. Who wears that. Like, iconic. But still.
🐰 jeepsteristhebestshot follow
But was he handsome
🦂 northerstaverner follow
He was built like a stork.
🐰 jeepsteristhebestshot follow
But was he handsome???
🦂 northerstaverner follow
I'm not answering that... who is this.
🧁sugarandredribbons follow
Op answer
☁️ theweststavesucksass follow
Op we all want to know
🫵 isthisbarrelbossproblematic follow
OP THIS IS AN URGENT MATTER
🫀dmitrithekerchman follow
OPPPPP
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yuri-is-online · 1 year
Text
Well Maybe the Octopus was Being a Dick! (Or Tsunotarou tries to do Yu a solid but he misunderstood a joke)
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A/N- I am so sorry this is my first post I swear I have real writing ON GOD- EDIT- Made a part 2 with the other guys (x)
Various x Reader
"Human courtship rituals are truly as bizarre as they are fascinating."  Tsunotarou muses as you fight with your sleep deprived brain to remember how you even got on to this topic.  Today hadn't been a good day, Grim had been in a bad mood, Trein had popped a quiz on you, and Deuce had somehow managed to land you both in detention because he screwed up a potion.  By the time you managed to drag yourself back to Ramshackle, you were so tired you were practically falling over, only to find Tsunotarou pouting outside your gate.  You didn’t really have it in you to tell him no, so you’d stumbled around the woods outside your dorm for a few moments talking about… courtship?  Apparently?  You could have sworn you were just talking about some anime Idia suggested you watch.  “I never would have expected watching fish to be such a fundamental step in one’s relationship."
“Yeah there’s a thing in my world about it too.”  you say thinking about a visual novel you’d played once (or was it thirty?) times.  “Some sort of bit about a date where you go to an aquarium and when your person points out fishes they like you jump into the tank to fight them for their affection.” You blink and Tsunotarou suddenly fills your vision, staring intensely into your eyes.”
“Child of man, are you serious about this?”  he asks, and you just blink in response.  You’re pretty sure you are missing something here.
“Uh, yeah?  It was pretty funny I guess.”  you say, extremely confused.  Tsunotarou simply nods with a look of utmost seriousness on his face.
“I see, how very interesting you are child of man.  Fear not, I will make sure you receive the courtship you deserve.”  The only response you can think to give is a blank stare, but Tsunotarou is already gone and apparently on a mission.
“Fully intends to do combat for your hand but gets too distracted”- Malleus
He really wants to do this the right way, if fighting the fish in the aquarium tank will show the extent of his devotion then beloved, you need only point at the offending article and it will be turned to cosmic dust.  But you’re just too ethereal in the aquarium lighting and he ends up completely forgetting his objective in coming here and follows you around like a love struck puppy the entire time.  Whoops, objective failed successfully.
"Claims to know it's a joke, fights anyway"-Jade, Leona
Look, he knows there's no way what Malleus is claiming is even remotely true.  Your world might not have any magic, but it sounds pretty “normal” by human standards.  Fighting fish for someone’s affection?  Un-fucking-likely.  Jade enjoys being a mild inconvenience to everyone around him and Malleus really has just given him the best excuse to be an absolute menace.  He’s responding to everyone’s complaints with a put upon sigh, lamenting what drastic lengths he has to go to for your affection.  Leona’s more the type to directly tease you about it; he shredded Azul’s contracts and left him a crying mess, that’s got to count as beating up a fish right?  He’s just waiting on your response, herbivore.  
“Shrimp heaven really is now!”- FLOYD        
Doesn’t even think twice about it.  He’s already obsessed with picking fights with strong people anyway, now you’re telling him he gets to beat people up and win shrimpy’s affection at the same time?  Floyd’s kicking up his feet and giggling a little too much for anyone’s comfort, almost like he’s misinterpreted fish to mean friends.  Please prefect, Ace is begging you, just give your eel some kisses so he knows you're already his or direct him towards some actual fish before they are fuCkING UNDER ATTACK-
“Claims to know it’s a joke, overthinks anyway”- Jack, Azul, Riddle    
Ok ok look, just hear him out on this one.  Some cultures do place a significance on ritual combat to win a prospective partner’s affection.  Sure he doesn’t THINK you come from a culture like that, but maybe you do and just haven’t mentioned it this whole time and that’s why his obvious not so obvious attempts at flirtation have gone over your head.  Because he wasn’t offering to fight fish for you.  No now that he tries to say that out loud it sounds even more ridiculous BUT WHAT IF- repeat ad nauseum until he timidly (Jack, Riddle), slyly (Azul) just asks you about it and can’t decide who he’s more embarrassed for: Malleus or himself.
“Brings you actual fish”- Trey, Rook, Ruggie      
He has enough of a head on his shoulders to realize Malleus is probably misinterpreting something that was meant to be funny, but hey, it’s given him an idea.  For Rook, the idea of hunting wild game to provide you with nourishment is an idea he’s toyed with more than once.  If Roi du Dragon deems him worthy of advice, the least he can do as an appreciator of beauty is take it.  Trey’s already a fan of puns and dad jokes, and he knows A LOT of ones about fish.  Probably invites you over to help him bake it with the excuse of prepping for an unbirthday party and shamelessly teases you the whole time.  Ruggie’s the only normal man here I’m sorry to say, he just gets the idea to take you fishing as a date.  He gets to spend time with you AND supplement his diet, it’s a win-win situation.
“COMPLETELY ignores the fish thing and rags on your sleep schedule”- Vil
He’s not mad, he’s just disappointed spudling.  Really you need to be taking better care of yourself, how else are you supposed to blossom into the beautiful flower he knows you are if you aren’t getting those full 8 hours honey?  Tells you to be thankful he isn’t being unreasonable while he’s waltzing through your dorm cursing every energy drink he can get his hands on.  He will brute force your circadian rhythm back into shape so help him GOD.
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alllgator-blood · 9 days
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ohhhhg ky god i LOVE how u write shamura's non-binaryness ,,,, sorry if that sounds weird but it's EXACTLY what i think abt my own identity too. i am not a boy or a girl i am just tha darkness between stars and the last beats of a dying heart
(i also love kallamar having 'too much gender' bc ,,, same also KEBEKRYDJSYEJ)
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I finished this yesterday but Home Stuff was happening and I couldn't post it, ANYWAY- WOW THE WHOLE TRANSGENDER GANG HAS ARRIVED! And...specifically the pre-injury versions because I just am tired of drawing bandages! I'm actually really happy you liked how I wrote shamura's gender explanation thing because like...I've always gotten euphoria from things that aren't other people, but felt like it was a weird thing to do? I made a joke comic about it forever ago where my gender envy was stuff like john carpenter's the thing, the collector from darkest dungeon, and the mystery flesh pit monster. So having a freaky eldritch spider cult leader be canonically nonbinary and having their gender be respected by the other characters was like a dream come true for me, ESPECIALLy since there's enough wiggle room to make my own interpretation of what they are. If anyone can see themself in the way I write these guys then tbh that's all I could ever hope for, so I'm really grateful you let me know your thoughts!!
My hc's for the family is definitely shamura being voidpunk, kallamar being genderfluid, and leshy is just a Dude. A Funny Little Guy. Idek why I strongly feel like he's transmasc but it's probably the fact I grew up with a transmasc younger brother who's also a little shit lmao--
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diorsluv · 4 months
Text
feather , part 19
“ you act like a bitch ”
series m. list previous chapter next chapter
( socialmedia!au )
missseraphina
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liked by lhughes_06 and 674 others
missseraphina not quite golden hour but you make it feel like it anyway 🌅
view all comments
username16 i’m gagging.
username47 fuck no lmaooo
username3 so cringe
username92 luke isn’t even commenting he’s only liking her posts 😭😭
→ username96 i knowww like this has got to be the most embarrassing thing i’ve ever seen
username77 miss girl is trying way too hard
username30 ignore the haters babe!
liked by missseraphina
username25 i honestly would off myself
username81 god please tell me this is all just a bad dream
username20 this is my 13th fucking reason. i need my dryshughes crumbs rn
yourusername super cute! golden hour is any hour when you’re with the one you love 🥰
→ missseraphina thanks i guess? lmao and yeah maybe that’s why he always tells me i’m glowing
username1 don’t fucking tell me she just implied that luke loves her in lil drizzy’s replies
username6 there’s no way luke didn’t comment but his ex girl did
→ username49 lmfaooo i don’t think she’s his ex
→ username37 at this point she might as well be
username42 stopp this is so adorable
username21 so happy for u!!
username69 someone gouge my eyes out i’m begging
lhughes_06
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liked by jackhughes, markestapa, yourusername, and 77,298 others
lhughes_06 throwback time? 🫣
tagged: yourusername
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trevorzegras kid u make me laugh LMAOOO
→ lhughes_06 glad i could be of service
→ _alexturcotte fr this is too funny
→ colecaufield who needs netflix when you have luke
username56 I CANTTT they all see it as a joke
→ username84 it is a joke bro 💀 like luke’s just fucking around w mississippi
yourusername were u just keeping these photos locked up for months 🙄🙄
→ lhughes_06 i mean they’re not even that old tbh
→ yourusername aw just wanted an excuse to post me huh?
→ lhughes_06 dont even need an excuse
username61 DRYSHUGHES IS MAKING A COMEBACK
→ username4 I AM GOBBLING THE DRYSHUGHES CRUMBS UPP
username73 i just bet my friend $30 they get together by the end of the hockey season
→ username50 ur investing a lot into a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet
→ username73 key word: yet
missseraphina oh but the retro days have been over, no need for a throwback 😁
dylanduke25 i vividly remember you got us kicked out of the restaurant as soon as you threw her over your shoulder
→ lhughes_06 no you got us kicked out bc u squirted ketchup all over mackie
→ mackie.samo you stained my favorite white shirt and i’m still waiting for you to replace it 😒
→ yourusername that was your doing dyl don’t even
→ markestapa i thought it was because eddy kept screaming
→ edwards.73 BECAUSE DUKER WAS HARASSING ME
→ dylanduke25 🙁🙁
_alexturcotte i left you on the curb for a minute so i could heat up the car and i came back to you snuggling
→ lhughes_06 we were tired
→ yourusername WE WERE NOT SNUGGLING
→ jackhughes i mean you did look pretty cozy
→ lhughes_06 i was pretty cozy
username75 luke’s just stirring it up and i’m here for it
→ username21 fr cuz that other girl was bein a bitch to MY girl 🙄
username98 lmfaooo mississauga doesn’t even realize he dont gaf abt her
next chapter notes ) mississippi be doin too much frfr, but its okay bc luke dont even want her 🥱
tags: @aliaology @hockeyboysarehot @absolutelyhugh3s @jackquinnswife @freds-slut @love4ldr @blueeyedbesson @43hughes @v1olentdelights @dancerbailey3 @random-human02
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hunterwritings · 10 months
Note
i saw ur post about smartass! and clingy!reader and that would literally be me ldfnakjf so i am now requesting hc's for this <33 ty ily
YESS FEED INTO MY OBSESSION
miguel with a smartass & clingy reader
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summary: miguel seems to tolerate you much more than everyone else
warnings: none | wc: 799
notes: literally speed wrote this because I'm obsessed
tags: @heythere525
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you were very comfortable around miguel, almost too comfortable
the other spider people saw the way you hung around him and were in shock when you wouldn't get an arm ripped off when pissing him off
but miguel loved you; everyone knew that
you will almost always burst into his space whenever he's trying to do work and ask him the most absurd questions just to annoy him
sometimes it's just to try and engage conversation with him because you knew he couldn't resist giving a witty comeback
"what's your stupid long name for the spider verse again?"
"It's not stupid, it's factually correct." He shakes his head
"Uh-huh, and it's super easy to say. Y'know, you should get little business cards that say, 'I work in the Spider Society to protect the Arachno Humanoid Poly Multiverse.' I'm sure villains' would get a real kick out a' that." You smirk, hanging upside down from a web attached to your foot.
"Y'know, intelligence is supposed to be a common trait among spider people, but I guess it missed you, huh?" He raises an eyebrow and smirks as he turns around to face you hanging upside down.
"So is humor & charm, but I guess they don't like you." You smiled, crossing your arms upside down.
"You're so stupid." He just groans before turning his back to you once again and returning to staring at his holographic screens.
you laugh before pulling yourself up and jumping to land sitting on top of his shoulders, thighs on each side of his head.
"Oh, you love me." You say with a smug as you reach both of your arms down to hold onto his head.
Miguel didn't move or ask you to get off of him, he just accepted it.
normally, you'd just lay your head against his back and wrap your arms around his body as you hug him closely while he does work; he doesn't mind it as long as you don't interfere with his work.
if you're tired or extra clingy, you'll jump up onto his back and wrap your legs around his body and wrap your arms around his neck.
you like to lay your head against his muscular back and hear his heartbeat, it can almost put you to sleep.
if you are tired or falling asleep while on his back, he'll reach his arms down to hold your legs from falling onto the ground
you love talking to miguel, even if most of the time he won't talk back
even though this man doesn't have spider sense, he knows when something is wrong with you
on days when you are upset or something happened, there will be no snarky comment from you or messing with miguel
you just walk in and jump up onto his back and squeeze him tight
when he notices it's you and you're quiet, he already knows something is wrong and is ready to stop everything he's doing to find out what
he hates it whenever you get injured on missions and you continue to make stupid jokes
You groaned out in pain from the metal that pierced your side. "Heh, that armored suit is looking real good right now." You hissed in pain.
Miguel kneeled down next to you and applied pressure to the gauge in your abdomen
"Hey Miguel, I guess it's still better than your suit huh? One wrong malfunction to your suit and you're naked." You laughed.
"Oh my god, you are the stupidest person I know." Miguel shakes his head.
"Ouch, that's hurts more than the wound." You fake being upset and then smirk at him.
"You're literally bleeding out!" Miguel snaps, whispering Spanish curse words under his breath.
Miguel would be lying if he said he didn't like your company
He definitely doesn't watch the tracker on your watch almost everywhere you go if you are even one minute late
let's be honest, miguel is touch starved
once he sees how much of a touchy person you are after getting comfortable with him, he's not a fan of it
at first, he was one to push you away from him and hate the idea of physical affection towards him
it wasn't until one day when you were help fix him up from after a rough fight and you had your hands holding his head in place. Your hand lied on his cheek and he never realized how nice it felt for someone to hold his face so softly. It was the first time you felt him lean into your touch.
Now he he let's you do almost anything you want to him, even with spider people around.
sometimes, he'll even initiate affection when he really needs and you are more than happy to give it to him
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kumquats-are-gay · 5 months
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sparing with Johnny, and you pin him down only to find that he's rock hard, maybe some teasing/sex? idk idk
(TF YOU MEAN “idk”?? THIS PROMPT IS HEAT AND I’M ‘BOUTTA COOK!! 🔥💯😤)
Johnny Cage x gn!reader (SFW/NSFM)
NOTE: This will be a two-parter because I just couldn't wait to post what I had already, lmao. This first part only has sexual themes and foreplay, while the second part will have actual smut (also, while this first part is totally GN, the second part will be mentioning afab anatomy, but I will still be using GN pronouns). I'm sorry this took so long to get to; I've been working almost every day for the past two weeks and ya girl is tired, lol. Was super excited to write for this though! :D
ALSO I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW ACTUAL FIGHTING WORKS I JUST MADE SHIT UP LMAO PLS DON'T COME AT ME
Pasted straight from Google Docs and NOT proofread, so please excuse any grammatical/continuity errors/syntax and formatting. I am also still VERY much an amateur writer so pls go easy on me <3
AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51869623
Come On With a Come-on
         For a ‘professional’, Johnny Cage is about the least professional person you’ve ever met. Propriety must be a foreign concept to him with how frequently he flirts with you, especially on set—you know, in front of all of your colleagues and crew? The man was shameless in his relentless pursual of you, like a goddamn dog with a bone. And worst of all? You liked it, and this fact frustrated you to no end. 
         How could you possibly be attracted to someone who is so insufferably arrogant, loud-mouthed, and impossibly far up his own ass? An ass that, admittedly, you find yourself staring at whenever you think he isn’t looking. But, because you’re an actual professional, you’ve rebuffed his every attempt to seduce you thus far. Plus, you had a reputation to keep and dignity to hold onto; you weren’t sullying either when the likely outcome would involve your face and name on countless tabloids. 
         Without warning, his stupid, smug, and incredibly handsome smile invades your mind, and you suddenly find yourself wanting nothing more than to punch it off of his unfairly chiseled jaw.
         …or maybe kiss it off.
         “Grah!” you abruptly shout while burying your hands in your hair, momentarily tugging at the roots in annoyance. God, you had a problem. 
         Bzzt.
         “Huh?” You look down at your hip where your phone had just buzzed in your pocket. You pull it out and flick your finger across the screen to unlock it, then tap on the messaging icon.
         Johnny Cage: Hey, wanna spar later? 👊👊
         You raised a brow. You and Johnny worked in the same sphere for a reason. Action films were your guys’ bread and butter since the both of you knew how to fight as well as do your own stunts. 
         You and Johnny hung out casually here and there, but the two of you had never sparred before. You sensed an opportunity in his proposal, though: an effective way to get your frustration out on the source of said frustration. Shrugging, you figure, ‘why not?’
         You: Yeah, I’m down. But I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into b/c I won’t be holding back!
         Johnny: Woah, don’t go threatening me with a good time ;) 
         Your stomach twirled in unbidden delight at the cheeky response, and you internally chastised yourself for being so easily affected by this man. You and Johnny sorted out the details of your meetup—his place, late afternoon—and returned your phone to your pocket. You would just have to kill some time until then.
~~~
         “Of course you would have your own gym, and of course it’s fuckin’ huge,” you joked with a bit of sarcasm, yet enough lightheartedness as to not offend. Though, you doubt Johnny could be so easily offended; he’s got way too much self-confidence (for better or for worse) to be put down that easily.
         “Oh, honey, you haven’t seen ‘huge’ yet,” he boasted with a smirk. The wink that followed did nothing to abate the heat that was slowly taking over your body, but you did your best not to let the effects show. Since when were easy, immature innuendos such a turn on for you? You just closed your eyes and shook your head.
         “Alright, I am definitely knocking you on your ass for that one.”
         “Hah, see if you can, sweetheart!”
         The two of you stood in your  respective corners and took your stances. One quick little countdown later, and the game was on. 
        You knew Johnny was a very good fighter being a martial arts expert and all, but you didn’t realize he was that good. In all honesty, you figured he was more bark than bite, and that you’d have no real problem going toe-to-toe with him. Unfortunately, it seems like you may have underestimated him. It turns out that Johnny Cage was one of the rare few you had met who could back up their arrogance. Bully for you.
        Furthermore, this shithead was fighting dirty! Well, okay—technically he wasn’t fighting dirty. He was just talking after all, and there’s nothing wrong or “illegal” with that. But it was a dirty tactic regardless, and it only infuriated you further with how helpless you were to try and block him out.
        You pivot sharply on one foot and  use the momentum to lift and swing the other around, aiming the kick at his head. You expect him to duck under such a high-reaching maneuver—maybe he’d follow up with a low sweep with your single foot planted on the ground—so you prepare yourself to counter this. See, before you went into acting, fighting was your primary activity; you won many tournaments and managed to make a decent living off of it. One of the main things you were known for were your notoriously powerful kicks; few would risk trying to outright block them rather than moving out of the way.
         You must have forgotten who you were up against; that was the only reasonable explanation for your short-sightedness. You were not distracted by him or anything like that, thank you very much. Johnny-fucking-Cage just lifts an arm and grabs your leg. With one hand. Like it was nothing.
         The impact creates a loud smack! that briefly leaves you dumbfounded; you felt the force of that blow against his palm, and it was enough to leave the skin there tingling unpleasantly. Johnny didn’t look phased in the least bit with a crooked smile dancing across his handsome features, just gripping your ankle. Casually. Like you weren’t currently being held in the near-vertical splits.
         Johnny took this fleeting opportunity to give you a quick once-over, and his smile only grew. “Nice legs,” he quipped, “bet they’d look a lot nicer over my shoulders.” You openly gaped at his brazenness, and he used your shock to his advantage, flipping you in one fell swoop. You grunted when your back hit the mat underneath you, but the heat that overwhelmed your person (caused by your anger and fury, obviously) had you back up in a flash.
         “Best two out of three,” you nearly seethed. Johnny had the audacity to appear as anything but intimidated. In fact, he seemed rather amused.
         “You know, you’re like, really hot when you’re mad.”
         You nearly flung yourself at him in a mindless bout of rage, but caught yourself only a split moment before you could make such a devastating mistake. A delightful idea quickly sprang to mind—two could play at this game. 
         You kept up the facade of indignation and outrage in order to trick Johnny into thinking that you actually were going to make that blind charge at him. You stepped off of your dominant foot, using the momentum to make a lunge for him. He braced himself to counter your head-on attack, but you feigned right at the last possible second, swiftly gripped his shoulder with your left hand, and brought your right leg in against the back of his knee to buckle it. Johnny was quick to recover, though, keeping enough of his balance to twist and grapple with you as his leg nearly gave out. 
         Ah, so it was time for plan B.
         Before he could finish off the move, you brought your face right up to his, making sure that the two of you were making eye contact, and looked at him with sensual purpose. It was almost enough to disarm him, so to ensure you had the upper hand, you threw him another curveball with a breathy, “I wonder if you fuck as good as you fight.” 
         That did the trick. Johnny’s mind was sent reeling with your seemingly out-of-pocket comment, and you jumped at the chance to knock him flat on his ass. Johnny got the wind knocked from him as he landed with a resounding thump. Not wasting a minute, you straddled yourself across his hips and held his wrists against the floor mat. While Johnny had more raw strength than you, you hoped that the KO would leave him dizzy enough to keep him subdued.
         “Ha! Gotcha!” you barked out in triumph. Johnny just blinked up at you in a daze as his response. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle the taste of your own medi-” you had cut yourself off when you felt something stiff beneath your pelvis. ‘What…? Wait, is he…’
         “Are you hard right now?!” you squawked incredulously. Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and gave you an audacious smirk, as if to say, ‘Uh, yeah I guess so. What about it?’ You were flabbergasted. “I can not believe you right now!” You released his wrists and made to get up, but he grabbed your hips before you could get away. Damn it, his body was so warm, and…holy shit he felt big.
         “Woah now, hang on just a tick,” he spoke like he was trying to soothe a startled horse. This fucking asshole! Why, just why did you have to fall for him? “It is very difficult not to pop a boner when I’m getting up close and personal to the most gorgeous person I know,” he spoke with an immense amount of charm and a surprising measure of sincerity. Your eyes widened comically before you squinted at him with a healthy amount of suspicion. 
         “Oh, really now? And I don’t suppose you’ve used that line with every other person you’ve taken to bed, hm?”
         Johnny just sighed like he was the exasperated one here. “Darling, I’ve been laying it on thick for half a year now. There’s no way I’d still be after you just to get into your pants.” He looked at you with this sort of ‘duh’ expression on his face, like he couldn’t possibly understand your confusion. “I mean, don’t get me wrong: you’ve got just the kind of body that I love,” he added, and you nearly clocked him then and there, but you relaxed again as he spoke further, “but I’ve come to really like spending time with you. There’s never a day that I don’t look forward to working with you on set, you know.” And, just like that, you felt like the stupidest person on the planet for denying yourself something that you evidently could have had for a long time now. 
         You hung your head low and shook it from side to side in disappointment of yourself. You fool. You buffoon. You absolute imbecile. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” Johnny took this the wrong way, looking offended, and opened his mouth to say something. However, you were quick to shut him up with a short yet firm kiss of which he wasted no time in returning. He ground his hips against yours in short, desperate thrusts like there would never be another chance to do so, and you eagerly mirrored his movements like they might be your last. Without warning, he rolled the two of you over to flip your positions. Sprawled out beneath him with your hands held beneath his own, Johnny thought you looked like a dream.
         “By the way, I think you’ll find that not only do I fuck as good as I fight, but I fuck like I fight, too—hard n’ fast,” he intoned in a voice nearly an octave deeper. 
         You squirmed in anticipation at his words, and retorted with equal huskiness, “let’s see it then.”
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leclerc-s · 5 months
Text
big reputations - part six
series masterlist // previous // next
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sabrinacarpenter posted new stories
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pre-qatar dinner and this dude looks way too fucking happy. is there an off switch or something? cars go vroom! little brother won a race or something? it's like a big deal 3x world champion or whatever jokes aside i'm literally crying?? who knew i would be crying over some silly little men in silly little cars??
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alex albon ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED YESTERDAY??
max verstappen i kissed daniel, so what?? george russell THAT'S NOT WHAT WE SAW BITCH!!
oscar piastri clearly you were all drunk. i saw max kiss daniel and charles. charles said it was glorious.
charles leclerc it was, i went to my hotel room and i questioned everything. pierre gasly FUCKER YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
daniel ricciardo is it suddenly not okay for me to kiss max??
yuki tsunoda HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM US RICCIARDO!! THIS IS SO FUCKED! THIS IS FUCKING BETRAYAL YOU FUCKING FUCK! YOU DICKHEAD!
esteban ocon is this why max knocked liam out the other day??
max verstappen i didn't knock him out, i simply helped him rest his eyes for a bit. he seemed tired.
alex albon I KNOW WHAT I FUCKING SAW YESTERDAY!!
oscar piastri i think you guys are cra
oscar piastri so these are the famous f1 drivers oscah and sharl cannot shut up about. nice to meet y'all!
logan sargeant oscar? you okay buddy?
max verstappen sabrina, dear god, give oscar his phone back.
oscar piastri KISS MY ASS VERSTAPPEN. I WILL DECK YOU max verstappen when you can reach me, sure. oscar piastri SOMEONE GRAB ME A FUCKING FORK!! max verstappen yup, still can't stand you. oscar piastri OH FUCK YOU SID!
oscar piastri i apologize for her, she isn't house trained.
charles leclercDID YOU JUST CALL ME A BITCH PIASTRI?? YOU'RE FUCKING NEXT!!
charles leclerc added one person
sabrina carpenter now, did you guys seen pierre kiss yuki?
pierre gasly what?
charles leclerc i swear i saw k-mag and and nico kiss
sabrina carpenter oh, you guys are allowed to say nico? i thought that was off limits because of lewis. #ripbrocedes
daniel ricciardo lewis isn't here.
carlos sainz jesus do you people have to talk so fucking much??
sabrina carpenter HEY, I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU MR. SAINZ!
carlos sainz who is that? why are they yelling at me?
sabrina carpenter JUST BECAUSE I WASN'T AROUND FOR SPA DOESN'T MEAN I WILL NOT DEFEND MY LITTLE BROTHER OSCAR!
oscar piastri let it go sabrina
sabrina carpenter I'LL LET IT GO WHEN DANIEL LET'S THE CHARLES THING GO!!
carlos sainz what's the charles thing?
max verstappen nothing daniel ricciardo nothing charles leclerc nothing oscar piastri nothing sabrina carpenter nothing
yuki tsunoda STOP CHANGING THE FUCKING SUBJECT! DANIEL JOSEPH RICCIARDO ARE YOU OR ARE YOU FUCKING NOT DATING DAPHNE FUCKING JONES??
daniel ricciardo i plead the fifth
george russell that's a yes to me
alex albon THEY WERE FUCKING MAKING OUT AT THE BAR!! OF COURSE THEY'RE DATING!!
sabrina carpenter no, that was daniel and max. i don't know what you people saw. clearly the tension from when they were teammates got to be too much and now they're acting on their feelings. i really thought it was going to be a lestappen endgame.
oscar piastri okay, you need to get off of f1 twitter seriously.
sabrina carpenter well how else am i supposed to learn f1 lore? and it's not just twitter, tiktok has been very helpful.
george russell just how much time is she spending on f1 twitter and tiktok?
sabrina carpenter "i'm here to fight, i'm here to win, i'm not just going to wave him bye because he's max verstappen in a red bull."
sabrina carpenter "what am i now? i'm heavily depressed." sabrina carpenter "suck my balls mate." sabrina carpenter "nothing just an inchident."
oscar piastri yeah, she's gonna be doing that for a while
sabrina carpenter "bwoah!" sabrina carpenter "james, it's valtteri, fuck you." sabrina carpenter "ALL THE TIME YOU HAVE TO LEAVE A SPACE!"
sabrina carpenter okay, i'm done now. i think oscar was right when he said i needed to step away from f1 twitter and tiktok
oscar piastri you think? i have been receiving an f1 quote from you at least 8 times a day.
logan sargeant free my man oscar, he shouldn't be suffering this way
sabrina carpenter logan sargeant you're next on my list
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max verstappen CONGRATS YOU IDIOTS, YOU FUCKED UP!
daphne jones you know, i can see that now, but it's so hilarious knowing the other drivers are losing their mind.
daniel ricciardo the only reason we haven't told them is because you have some stupid plan to get daphne to sing about it at a show.
max verstappen MY PLAN IS A GOOD ONE! TAKE THAT BACK BITCHIARRDO!
oscar piastri what actually is the plan??
sabrina carpenter you know that line in karma, where it's like, "karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me?"
oscar piastri yeah?
charles leclerc max wants daphne to change the lyrics to something like "karma is the guy on the track coming straight home to me?"
max verstappen why is that better than what i had?
sabrina carpenter his was "karma is the guy in the alpha tauri coming straight home to me."
oscar piastri DO BOTH!
max verstappen she can't because someone took daniel out of the season
oscar piastri I APOLOGIZED WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME??
daniel ricciardo MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN IT WASN'T HIS FAULT! LEAVE HIM ALONE
charles leclerc wow we really are like a family.
sabrina carpenter max has been promoted to brother-in-law because the entire internet seems convinced that he's fucking charles
daphne jones do you have no filter?
sabrina carpenter i wrote a song called nonsense that's a euphemism for sex. what do you think?
oscar piastri i'm talkin' all around clock. i'm talkin' hope nobody knocks. i'm talkin' opposite of soft. i'm talkin' wild, wild thoughts. you gotta keep up with me. i got some young energy. i caught the L-O-V-E. how do you do this to me?
max verstappen you just know the lyrics to the song?
oscar piastri i googled them.
sabrina carpenter FAKE FAN!!
oscar piastri i never said i was a fan. i just tolerate you.
charles leclerc i can't stand either of you
daniel ricciardo peak older sibling behavior
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taglist: @glow-ish @agustdpeach @msolbesg @spilled-coffee-cup @1nt3rnetgf @six-call @smol-scream @fernandoswarcrimes @arieltwvdtohamflash @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @chiliwhore
strikethrough means i couldn't tag you
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¡leclerc-s speaks! yeah, i don't know what this became towards the end. i saw one tiktok and i spiraled towards the end, i'm also a bit sleep deprived. i apologize in advance for this. you can't convince me sabrina carpenter isn't a menace to society, i bet she is.
¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet. enjoy!
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