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#like yes i hate being around other people and need my own space or my deep neuroses start surfacing again
davidthephoneguy · 3 hours
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A little (mostly Dialtown) rant of my own
Ok first of all you all need to calm down, I'm goin on this rant despite not currently being in the dialtown fandom but I was back around when the game first came out. I just feel like I gotta ask you to be calm because I know how agressive people can be online with that shield on anonymity. I also do not hate dialtown or Dogman nor do I blame them for said issues that will be stated.
Dialtown as a whole does pretty obviously have a problem about representation of fem/fem presenting characters especially in the fandom side. As a previous rant stated before most fem characters are either glossed over in favour of male/masc presenting ones, such as with the main dateables. It even extends to side characters which feels rather disheartening. Now I get why its mainly the male/masc presenting ones who get attention, I must highlight the fact that I am a Bi-Ace Transman and I tended to focus on Oliver and Randal over Karen so I was part of the problem on that part. So i get the gender serotonin of drawing them but I hope you can also see how it means that for example, Karen is almost completely overlooked. I would see myself in them because of the shared gender, I really do understand why this has been happening. You are not evil for doing this, that is not what this rant is about in the slightest. Like the previous rant before stated the game doesn't pass the Bechdal test (Which if you are unaware is a media test which requires two fem characters to talk to eachother about anything other then a man, already an extremely low bar to pass) which Dialtown does not pass. It's completely valid to have reservations about that as it is an overall problem with media at large. Media at large is still a white straight cis male dominated space and needs more diversity in all ways. Dialtown as a whole is a good game and has a diverse cast which is wonderful and amazing to see. The only issue is how some are highlighted more then others or demonized in a way that lines up with misogyny (Such as with Mingus' behavior being villainized by the fandom while Stabby and Shooty doing the same thing being ok and lighthearted in the eyes of the fandom which from an outside view just looks like misogyny I am sorry folks. If the only factor in if you like or dislike a characters actions is because they are a woman is misogyny even if they're cis or trans, misogyny is just the word for discrimination in this way) Pointing this out doesn't mean an attack on anyone, pointing out an issue is meant to bring attention to said issue so it can be improved or fixed. The previous person who I have been referencing and paraphrasing here (who I am not going to @ as they don't need more direct harassment) was slightly attacked for having a rant, yes everyone is entitled to their opinion but that does not give either side the right to actively attack the other. Please remain diplomatic.
People are allowed to highlight issues, if we don't then they won't ever get fixed. We're meant to stick together and fix things together, not attack eachother. Thats what people like terfs want us to do, they want us to tear eachother apart so that they get what they want, our destruction. We have to stand together with the things we love. My apologies for how long this ended up being but I just had to get it out of my head. Just my thoughts as a transman/voidrabbit on the topic
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reimeichan · 1 month
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Signs of having DID that I ignored (note that these are not exclusively signs of DID but they were for me):
I don't have amnesia, that's just short term memory loss because I have ADHD!
I actually have a very good memory, I'm great at memorizing things (what do you mean that's not the same thing)
sure it may seem like my mood changes drastically but I've read online that's common in people with ADHD! it's hard for us to regulate our emotions!
so what if I have different preferences from time to time? that's normal right? like when your mood changes you may prefer different foods? what do you mean that's not the same as going from "I hate spicy foods" one day to "omg I LOVE spicy foods!" the next?
yeah okay I tend to space out in the middle of conversations then come back to and need you to remind me what you said for the past 10 seconds or so. that's just my ADHD inattentiveness. what do you mean that I only do this when stressed. what do you mean that's a form of dissociation.
speaking of dissociation, sure sometimes I feel like I'm watching myself say and do things without my own input but that's just because I was tired/stressed out
yeah sometimes I go on autopilot. my autopilot seems to have its own agenda sometimes though. weird.
sure I changed usernames a *few* times but isn't that pretty common? yeah I also wanted to change how I presented online and also my pronouns and stuff but again isn't it common for people to want to start over sometimes?
*making multiple accounts to play the same game because I play the game differently on different accounts and don't want to mess things up on one account*
oh yes, I'm genderfluid! I say that because my gender absolutely changes from moment to moment and sure it seems kinda tied to other aspects of myself like color preferences and energy levels and personality traits but I'm pretty sure that's just par for the course with genderfluidity?
"you're so different when you're around your parents vs when you're at school/work vs when you're hanging out with friends!" yeah that's called being a complex person we all have different masks we wear in different social situations and I'm no different even if it seems more extreme for me
"how was school/work/the hang-out/going to visit your parents?" I don't know I'm tired and have a giant headache and can't remember
"you said this to me the other day and it made me feel <x>" what????? I literally have no memory of this and that's so incredibly out of character for me wtf I would never do that I was probably just really stressed out and tired and had no filter on.
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decolonize-the-left · 9 months
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(to preface this, i am white. figured i should make that known off the bat) i wanted to come bounce an idea off of you that i've been rolling around in my head for a bit. i have this pet theory that, for the population ill call here "white progressive queers who know very little about poc and racism", a large underpinning of this group's interaction with poc is a Fear of Fucking Up and more generally, moral purity thought. they (maybe even "we"- im still hopefully learning myself) get so paralyzed by this idea and line of thinking that goes something like this: "1) since i know nothing about poc & racism, then 2) clearly in discussions about these topics, i will fuck up and say something wrong or perhaps even Bigoted, which if i did 3) makes me an Irreparable Ontologically Evil Racist, hence 4) i should just be quiet and never ask questions/speak on these topics" which then results in said White Progressive Queer and those around them never learning. i wanted to know what you think abt this and tell me if im on the mark or not
also thank u for the work u do on this blog, ive found so many helpful resources through you
You're right. In my experience that's exactly how it is.
I want to add tho: yes they're uncomfortable that they might fuck up and be considered racists sure, but a huge part of that stems from the massive inability to place the discomfort where it belongs. Which is with their own guilt.
Instead they blame the conversations for making them uncomfortable.
And let's take some worthy notes here: this is not how white people feel all the time. Because white people are not uncomfortable making these fuck ups in front of other white people.
So it's not that the conversation is uncomfortable. They are made uncomfortable. And they are made uncomfortable because even when discussing anti-racism they step into the role of oppressor (the little fuck ups or accidentally bigoted comments) so naturally and God forbid other (not white) people can See how easy it is.
My advice for white people that are like this (that nobody asked for) is
Your fuckups do not define you but how you react to them does
Listen, respect, learn
That's it. That's the whole list. Say something bad? Apologize, but don't over-explain yourself. Ask how to fix it. Google how you fucked up so you understand why it wasn't okay. Google again to get idea of how your fuck up hurts people. Google some more to make sure you don't do it again. Go to some safe space and ask some clarifying questions. Listen, respect, learn.
Maybe the people you fucked up with don't forgive you and that's okay, they don't have to. But YOU won't ever make anyone feel bad or less than in the same way ever again and that's what matters.
Having one less person making racist comments matters even if it's a struggle for that person to get to that point.
I need y'all to understand that none of you are gonna just wake up being suddenly perfect anti-racist allies. And we will literally never ever have allies like that if y'all refuse to even sit with your own discomfort.
•°•°•
This weird morality issue white people have over looking racist is also just such a non-problem. Like if y'all want a PoC perspective: white people are already being racist ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ ....we Already see y'all as racists. And also I'm gonna experience racism anyway so I'd rather it be because someone was just being ignorant on the path to anti-racism.
Y'all are so worried about how shit Looks that you can't be bothered how really things are? Like you're so afraid of looking racist you'd allow yourselves to continue being actually ignorant and casually racist. And to avoid what? Being uncomfortable for a minute? Being called-out? A mean comment?
We are trying to stop hate crimes and genocide. Like that's what we are dealing with okay. Accountability for your actions is an acquired taste but I think y'all can handle some discomfort considering.
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actualhumantrashcan · 6 months
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I can understand a silly workplace comedy about pirates not being everyone’s jam but I really can’t understand the amount of queer people I see hating on ofmd.
like for one thing most of the debates turn into gatekeeping queerness (which I think has a lot more to do with the ages of the main couples than actual concerns about authentic representation but that’s another post) and the rest are just hateful because it doesn’t directly name or label it’s queer characters but like why do we need that at this point?? listen I love heartstopper with all my heart but it is exhausting to watch them explain queer identities sometimes (even though I do think it’s super useful for younger audiences I’m just not the target demographic!) and ofmd is an explicit, violent, adult show that doesn’t NEED to explain it’s character’s identities.
queer people past their 30’s are usually very well aware of their queerness and have had (hopefully) plenty of time to go through the arc of discovering that. so why would we need to see Stede or Lucius or Ed going through turmoil because they’re attracted to men when they have already come to terms with that at this point in their lives?? i for one find it so fucking refreshing to watch a show where the characters being queer is not their main arc, they just ARE queer and life is still happening to and around them. maybe that’s just the millennial gay in me talking, but it gets emotionally exhaustive to watch show after show where the queer character’s arc is overcoming homophobia. yes obviously homophobia still exists and yes obviously if ofmd was trying to be historically accurate these characters would be living in a very dangerous time to be queer but it isn’t trying to be accurate!! it’s trying to be fun and diverse and kind!!
and also, they aren’t pretending homophobia doesn’t exist!! it’s just addressed in a different way. Stede was emotionally abused by his father for his entire life for being “soft” and then was chased down by his homophobic childhood bullies, one of which explicitly told him that he “defiled” the great pirate Blackbeard by simply falling in love with the man behind that name. Meanwhile Ed was forced into the world of piracy at a young age and developed the entire persona of Blackbeard (who fits the toxic, violent masculine stereotype of the time) to hide the fact that he’s actually an incredibly sensitive and deeply queer man! and is told multiple times by male figures in his life that sex with other men is fine but it is absolutely unacceptable to be in love with a man. both of their arcs contain homophobic rhetoric that is still present in society today, but its never presented as a problem that they have to wrestle with. they don’t have to come to terms with what it means to love each other, they just have to overcome some trials that go along with the complicated lives they both lead as a pirate and former aristocrat. the homophobia in ofmd is woven into the backstory of each and every character, it shapes them into the people they are at the beginning of the show when all of their walls are up and they are performing the “pirate” roles they are supposed to play. and then we get to see them grow and realize that they are in a safe space, part of a community not just on the ship itself but in the life of piracy (which in the show is pretty much explicitly an allegory for queer lifestyles.)
anyway, I could rant about this all day but just truly why do we have to tear people down for enjoying something? why do we have to find reasons to hate something so obviously created with sensitivity to it’s queer audience and with so much queer joy? if historically inaccurate gay pirates going on silly adventures and falling in love are not your thing, fine! but perhaps just let people enjoy things and find your own things to enjoy.
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channelinglament · 1 year
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Sksjdjjkskskskskksk
I know I should be focusing more on reqs, but I had to take this off my mind skskksskks (btw I'm rn in the underground belobog part of story) (I kinda called it SAHSR as in self aware hsr)
☆•°Self-Aware Honkai Star Rail°•☆
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Tw: no proofread, mentioned drowning(but it didn't happen), war, hate, religious themes, self awareness, kinda ooc, grammar mistakes because I am typing this at 12AM instead of sleeping, isolation
So, you know how in the beginning we play as Kafka? Yeah, I'm pretty sure she felt your presence. At first she was kinda weirded out, and was on guard. Who knows what you would do to her, while controlling her?
Oh look, you're helping her.. Hmm, maybe you aren't that bad after all. Still on guard, but thankful. With you she seems to fight more faster and is more efficient.
Same goes with Silver Wolf. They don't seem to mind your presence that much.
You even helped them to pick a trailblazer! But after picking them, you left Kafka and Silver Wolf. They didn't really mind it. They have been doing good without you, so it should be fine!
Meanwhile, the trailblazer is confused. First, they don't remember anything except their own name(or the name you gave them), then Kafka leaves and someone is watching over them. Oh how confusing and strange. But they caught early on that you're helping them. You're not an enemy.
During their "adventures" trailblazer starts thinking of you as a family. Kinda annoying since you control their body most the time (unless it's a cutscene) but you're cool nonetheless. They see you as a safespace.
Meanwhile March 7th and Dan Heng don't understand what is happening. Who is controlling them? Why after they met trailblazer? Why are you controlling them?
I think March would, just like the trailblazer, like you and find you annoying at the same time. Dan Heng would stay on guard (but also see you as safe space/nice person to hang with). Not as much on guard as when you first...met but still. It'll take him time to get off guard. The more time you spend with them, the more familiar they are with you, the more they like you.
Why annoyed, you may ask? Well, imagine you want to.. for example fight, but someone controls your movement and does it instead of you. Or goes the other way (aka exploring) instead of the path you've originally chosen.
They certainly would like when you make them stronger. No matter who is on your team, they'll like it (I mean, who wouldn't?)
But.. sometimes, even if they like you, they get tired of always being on the team. Thank you, yes, but they need to rest too. They mostly rest when you're offline, since..time kinda stops there. But when you're online? damnnn they walk and fight so much.. (I fr walk everywhere to find enemies to fight, so uhh, if you're like me, they would be tired and maybe annoyed at it)
I think some characters would even hate you. It doesn't apply to the main trio btw, they'll always like you. The reason some may hate you is that they have so much stuff to do, yet you choose them to walk around and fight all day. They're even supposed to be here! (For example, using Herta when fighting someone in Belobog)
If they could, they would scold you. But sadly game doesn't allow that.
It only appears in normal, self aware circumstances. Aka a normal self aware. Some like you, some hate you. You just kinda exist. (That one strange friend/sibling, y'know?)
But what if they would see you as a God? Something divine? Like in SAGAU?
Well, you're doomed, what can I say?
Everyone would want to be in your team. Oh, poor Gacha system.
They would hate it tbh. While in just self aware some would avoid you on purpose (aka busy characters), here? Where everyone sees you as a divine being? Oh dear..
Imagine several people trying to come through a single door, all at the same time? Yeahhh that's what happens. The standard and limited banner would literally fist fight while trying to get "home" to you. So don't be surprised if nobody comes home, at all.
But some may cooperate, and you may get more 5☆ or 4☆! Basically characters you wanted.
Those on your team would be proud! Mostly if the main trio are still there. Some would be envious of trailblazer. You're always with them, even if they're not on your team.(how could you?!)
Kafka and Silverwofl would be devastated. I'm pretty sure Silverwolf could possibly destroy the gacha system and come home. Only her (and maybe Kafka)
People in Belobog would hate the lore and everything game makes them do what they do. They're so happy they met you! You're here to save them! They don't want to fight you, so please don't be mad at them.
Honestly, if you were to get isekai'ed into hsr, I would recommend to the normal au.
The ones who hate you would just tell you off and never interact again, while your family/friends would hang out with you. Plus you could help a lot in Astral Express!
Maybe get Himeko and Mr.Yang some tea? Or help Pom Pom with whatever he needs?
If you get into the Worshipping Lunatics au..? I feel sorry for you.. You would never rest-
Whether you choose to stay at Astrak Express, or Herta's *I forgot the name* or whatever, they are all ready to wage war against each other. And if you decided to stay somewhere, that means you clearly favor them and their place more! Those who were chosen are happy/smug. While other try to improve their place/copy the place you've chosen to make you reconsider and stay with them.
The amount of gifts.. try to not drown okay?
They might even all agree to keep you in one place. Lock you in there and hope you won't be mad at them.
That's all for now
(Gotta work on reqs now or in the morning, they're still open btw)
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star-anise · 5 months
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Everyone's got a take, and I've got a take too, about the current Internet Villain: James Somerton, a gay Youtuber who just got exposed (in the back half of a 4-hour video) as massively plagiarizing the work of LGBTQ+ media critics, historians, and memoirists, and then exposed in another 2-hour video as just making up the wildest nonsense about the topics he demonstrably had access to accurate information on.
He achieved a six-figure income on his work by squeezing money out of his audience with claims...
That only he was creating content that preserved queer history and elevated the voices and experiences of the LGBTQ+ community (a lie)
He was in serious financial distress and would have to go out of business if people didn't give him tons of money (a lie)
That he was going to use some of that cash to make definitely good and not-at-all-plagiarized independent movies, a thing he was definitely skilled and experienced enough to do (a lie), and
That those plagiarism allegations were incorrect,, and frankly,,,, hurtful and homophobic. (a GIANT lie)
Like, here's a visualization of the script of one of his videos, "Society and Queer Horror". The highlighted bits were lifted nearly verbatim from the works of others—the 18 authors identified at the time the exposé was posted—and presented as Somerton's own work.
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So here's what drives me absolutely up the wall about this:
If he had just ADMITTED that it was the work of other people, THAT WOULD STILL BE COOL. If he had just said, up front, "We are going on a survey of thoughts and insights people have had about this topic", that would still be a good video with a real audience!
Like yes, he studied business in university, he might not have gotten the kinds of research skills and knowledge someone like Kaz Rowe uses to not just report on the history and analysis of others, but evaluate their relative validity and trustworthiness.
But honestly, since watching my niblings (oldest is 13) watch Youtube, I think you honestly can't underestimate the number of viewers who are really hungry for someone saying, "I don't understand this topic! Let's explore it together!"
But NOOOOOOO, Somerton didn't want to be just some schmuck waxing enthusiastic about homoeroticism on film and acknowledging the smartness of other people. He wanted to be HIM, MR. SMARTYBOY, very sophisticated and alluring and thoughtful and deep. Definitely an intellectual heavyweight who just happened to spout off his own personal ideas and analysis that put him at the forefront of all the scholarship on the topic he's come across.
I hate being wrong. Hate being wrong. But blogging for most of my life has forced me to confront constant textual evidence that two or ten or twenty years ago, I said some dumb-ass shit. Honestly, it'd probably keep me up at night sometimes even if I didn't have a written record. I absolutely understand the desire to scan the field, find the coolest people around, and quickly clothe yourself in as perfect an imitation of them as you can manage.
But if you want to be an artist or a scholar who produces something lasting, you can't prioritize coolness over truth all the time. To develop your true, independent voice, you need to find a time and place where it is just you and just the work you're doing, and you have pick up your tools and say, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but this is what feels right to me.
There are a lot of things in life to which we can only truly contribute our presence and our perspectives. Things we can only witness or hold space for. We cannot go back and bleed the pain out of history, or erase the complexity of another person's life. Not honestly, at least.
But those are the times that need our presence, our perspectives, our witness, and our space. When we gather round and tell sad tales about the death of kings, honesty can be the only thing you give that's worth a damn in the large scale of things.
If this dude had owned up to the truth and honestly showed the work of trying to piece together a queer understanding of the world, trying to draw the threads of culture together until he found a place he fit inside them, it would have been so much more valuable to our culture as a whole.
He probably made more money this way, though. While it lasted.
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grandlinedreams · 6 months
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I forgot you had that list of prompts!! Could I please please pleeeaaase request 71 Law x reader? “I’ve never seen this man before.”
Maybe like Law pisses them off and they pretend to not know him? 🥺
ofc!! I need to figure out my tagging system 'n make stuff like that easier to find when it gets buried but also I gotta get my masterlist put together at all wlkjadf but YES i live for that kind of trope as long as it's not like,,,an indicator of bigger issues bc communication is key in relationships my friends!!
[heads up!: both reader and Law are a touch of orange flag behavior, touch of angst]
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"How long are you going to stay mad at Captain?"
"I don't know, Bepo." The mink looks far from reassured by your answer, eyes flicking nervously over your shoulder and then back. You don't have to turn around to know Law is staring at the pair of you, the weight of his gaze square on the back of your head. "Did he tell you to come over here and ask?"
Bepo flinches, squirming nervously. You know he doesn't want to be caught in another of your spats ㅡ though they rarely happen, it's hard to keep your crew out of them when you're all typically confined in such a finite space.
There's a lot that anger dictates you say ㅡ that it's childish of Law to make Bepo come over here to ask instead, to try and wheedle his way into getting you to apologize first because he knows there's not much you hate more than upsetting Bepo and that it's not fair to the mink to make him choose between picking sides or playing mediator.
"Are you mad at me too?" Bepo's question pulls you out of your thoughts and you shake your head, expression softening.
"Of course not, I could never be angry with you." Again, you have to bite your tongue not to add more that'd further the distinct air of a pair of parents at odds with each other. "You can go back to Law, if you want."
Bepo still looks uneasy, but he slides off his seat and moves back towards where Law is sitting with Shachi and Penguin. Even though you know that you shouldn't assume, you don't blame them for taking his side. After all, they've known him longer, been through more with him, he means more to them.
But you? Even though you know they don't see you as such, you're temporary. The crew won't fall apart without you. You can leave and while it'll hurt for a while, they'll get over it.
You've never once feared that Law would demand you leave, but the fury in his eyes during your argument makes you reconsider it. Maybe you'd finally gone too far, and he's finally truly tired of having you around.
The idea of leaving the vessel that's been your home for the last handful of years and the people who have become your family makes your chest ache and your eyes burn with the threat of tears. You don't want to leave.
Lost in your your thoughts and the spiral that your mind threatens to tumble into, the hard clink of glass against the counter makes you jolt. Looking up at the bartender, you watch him jerk his head. "From that gentleman. You know him?"
The drink in front of you is your favorite. Normally you'd be touched that Law remembers such an obscure detail you've only ever mentioned off-handedly, but right now it feels like a slap to the face. Law is still trying everything he can but talking to you.
"I don't know that man at all," you tell the bartender flatly, handing over a couple of berri for your already finished drink and get to your feet. The path you take is intentional as you stalk past your crewmates' table, giving Law a look of icy fury before you continue on.
"You know Captain," Penguin suggests tentatively, "you could always just apologize. [Name] looked super pissed."
Law scowls. "More like being stubborn," he huffs, but guilt still pools in his stomach as he glances at the untouched drink on the counter. It feels like a cheap attempt at forgiveness the more he thinks about it, and he groans. "Fine, fine. I trust you can find your way back on your own?"
"We've got it, don't worry!"
Law gets to his feet, dropping off the appropriate berri for his drink as well before he moves off in the direction that you'd gone. The Polar Tang is quiet by the time he reaches it, lights dimmed for nightfall ㅡ and he slows his pace as he approaches his room.
What is he going to say? He knows he should apologize, but so should you ㅡ you've always had an innate talent for getting under his skin, something that he both loves and hates for how easily you do it. And while fights are truly something few and far between, this last one has left a bad taste in his mouth that only worsens the longer he lets it go.
Exhaling, he reaches for the handle. Part of him expected it to be locked ㅡ but it isn't, and his gaze flicks to you as soon as he walks in. Your back is to him, blanket pulled to your ear ㅡ but he knows the various rhythms of your breathing well enough to know you're not asleep.
He doesn't talk right away, busies himself with getting ready for bed as well before settling behind you and resisting the urge to roll his eyes when you scoot further from him. "Can we talk?"
"I guess." Your tone is clipped, and Law frowns as he reaches for you, hand on your arm.
"Are you going to look at me?"
"No."
Sighing, Law waits a moment before he begins tracing idle shapes against your arm, trying to soothe some of your anger. He knows you well, the way you can never quite stop yourself from leaning into him just a little bit, no matter how upset you are. "...this got out of hand."
You snort. "An understatement," you answer, but you lean a little further into him, and he takes it as a good sign.
"We both said things we didn't mean, and I wanted to apologize for how I talked to you." Law pauses. "And for sending Bepo to talk for me. And the drink."
"I would have drank it, but it felt like a cop out." You roll to face him properly now, and Law hates that he can see the red tinge around your eyes that always means you've been crying. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have said any of that either. But you need to talk to me Law, you can't just shut me out because you don't want to be a bother."
"I know." It's easier said than done, but you're patient. He knows that, knows that because you've told him time and time again that there isn't anything that will make you love him any less, either from his past or in the future. ("You're stuck with me," you like to say proudly, and he's never heard better sounding words than that.) "I'll keep working on it."
"We can work on it together," you answer as you press closer and he finally, finally gets to hold you the way he's wanted to since you stormed off after the argument. "We're a team, you and I. You're stuck with me until you don't want me anymore."
Law stills for a moment and then wraps his arms around you, tucking his face into your neck. "Forever," he mumbles. "That's how long I want you. Is that okay?"
You shift against him just enough to press your hand against the back of his head, fingers brushing soft, dark hair. "That sounds perfect to me."
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thewritersaddictions · 6 months
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Day Twenty-Nine: Karl Heisenberg + BreathPlay
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You were constantly reaching out for Karl's hand. Enjoying the rough feeling of his cussed-covered fingers against your much softer hands.
Karl didn't seem to mind either after the initial shock that someone was touching him. Wantingly touching. You walked hand in hand to meet with the family and sat side by side. Pressed into his side, but continuously your fingers were interlocked.
Hand in hand when you walked around in town, and as much as Karl hated the idea of being around less intelligent people than him. He allowed you to drag him down to the middle of town and walk around the shops before returning to the factory after a long day out.
That was not the only time you wished that you could hold his touch. You yearned for a hand to run smoothly down your back and sometimes rest at the bottom of your spine. You longed for the soft touch of his rough hand.
You are the exact opposite of Karl. You yearn for the touch of another, and Karl yearns to not be touched. Karl is okay with his lonely life before you came along, and he's just as content with living it how it is now.
Yes, you are confused because when you look at Karl, you don't see just a friend, someone to talk to when the nights are quiet, and the factory is slow. No, Karl is something else for you. A bright light at the end of the tunnel. He's what you yearn for.
So when the touch you yearn for splits and turns into a need that you have to fill, something twists within your mind. You start to stare off more. Staring at Karl's hands as he works on bits of metal together, or how he tightness things together on a soldat.
The one that as you biting your tongue and squeezing your thigh together is when his hands stretch out, his metal hammer flying into his hand. It's attractive all on its own. The bludge of his veins, the girth of his fingers, it all has you in a haze.
"Y/n? Are you even paying attention to what I'm talking about?" Karl's booming voice pulls you from your naughty thoughts of his hands. "Huh." You say a bit too loud, and he rolls his eyes, "Earth to Y/n, what's got you being a space cadet today?" He asks, intrigued by your glazed-over eyes and gap mouth.
Karl has never seen you like this, and he's seen you in many ways. Blood smeared across your cheeks. A mixture of your own and others, your shirt half tore due to lycans desperately in need of stitches. Bare skin that makes his heart race every time he catches a glimpse. Y/n had been off, and Karl had taken notice. Take notice of how your gaze drifted from his face, down his arms, and then finally landed on his hands.
"I'm just… it's all fine." You say to Karl, trying to push away the fact that you not only got caught but also have no idea you were spacing out. His stare is deathly; you're an open book for him to read as much as he likes.
"No… I don't believe you. I think you were off dreaming…" You shake your head, trying to push him away from the right path he's already on. "Don't shake your head at me now, buttercup. Better if you just fess up to what you were thinkin' about." You feel like a deer in headlights. Wide-eyed and easily scared off.
The silence is unsettling, "Oh, buttercup, you want me to guess instead." Smirking up a storm, you think that's rather a good idea, and then it's a bad idea. But there's nothing else you can do. If you say the words, then it's all too real, but if he guesses it, then it means Karl already knows.
"I think…" He says, getting up from the side of the table, heavy boots on the ground beneath you. "you have been very naughty…" With each punch of the words that fall from his mouth, his hands graze up your back like you've always wished for. "thinkin' about me, and my hands." You breathe in quickly. If it's due to his touch or his words, you'll never know.
"I bet you've thought up a bunch of dirty things." He whispers into your ear. His voice was rough and scratchy. "I bet you would love it if I just wrapped my hand around your throat and kept you right on the edge all night long." You moan as you feel his hand reach the base of the back of your neck. "Let me just sink my fat cock into your tight pussy, hmm, squeeze your throat so you stars." You whimper as you clench your thighs tightly, willing the ache to go away.
Then just like that, Karl is gone, walking back over to his side of the table. You're left like a puppy following its owner. Shock is written all over your face. "Oh, what do you want more buttercup." He mutters as he walks off and towards the direction of the bedroom.
You follow like a lovesick puppy would.
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Completed on: 08/20/23
Posted on: 10/28/23
Kinktober 23- @lanad3lreyscokewhor3 @homelanderscumdump @hummusxx@chvnsdimple @vvitzvafflezvv @lokisivy @claud-blood0703 @iliketoreads-stuff @all-that-glitters-is-treasure@clearscissorsbonkgiant-blog @lxonix--ac @piecesofx @mortallyswimmingpainter @playwithfire99 @fucak @everythingneytiri @lovetheos @xxxxxoseungxoooo @durazopato @hotpead42069 @oddseabiscuit @capoda @witching-hour @viviwows @lover103 @alexlovesfiction @katiecat10 @electricfans @jianasmind @max-505 @powerbun21o @the-horny-simp @missy420-0 @jaq-dav @arescosplays
Resident Evil Master List // House Heisenberg Master List // Kinktober '23
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m1kasawps · 9 months
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sick, bellamy blake.
summary: in which you take care of bellamy blake when he catches the virus spreading around the camp!
warnings: fem!reader, kane’s daughter!reader, kinda ‘enemies’ to lovers, mentions of blood and puking, doesn’t exactly follow the original scene from the show, some use of (y/n), and not proof read so grammar but be really trash atm since i wrote this at like five in the morning!
notes: this is lowkey bad and i don’t know if anyone still reads the 100 works but enjoy to anyone who likes this!
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“Clarke!” Jasper yells, running towards the drop ship, catching your attention. “What? She’s resting, I’m taking over.” You walk towards the doorway, pulling down the old shirt you have wrapped around your neck to cover your face, wondering what’s wrong now.
Murphy brought back some virus from the grounders, quickly spreading it to almost everyone at the camp. Due to this, you’ve spent the entirety of the night walking around the ship, cleaning up the bloody faces of the people around you and giving clean water to them after Clarke caught the virus and could no longer take over.
As you reach the doorway, your eyes widen when you see Jasper standing next to three boys. One of the boys is being held up by the other two. “Bellamy?” You immediately run towards the boys when you realize who it is, “Jasper, stay outside, you can’t get sick.” You instruct, stopping him from getting any closer to his sick friend. “Come on, help me make space!” You yell, leading the boys towards a dirty cot in the drop ship. “Here, thanks.” You tell them, the boys carefully lying him down before quickly leaving the room full of sick teenagers.
“Bell?!” Octavia rushed towards her brother, who you quickly turn on his side as he starts throwing up blood. “Oh my god.” You squint, somehow still not used to the sight of bloody vomit. As much as you hate the stubborn and self appointed ‘leader,’ you felt awful seeing his current state. “I got this.” Octavia places a hand on your shoulder, letting you know she wants to take care of her brother and have some space, “Call me if you need me.” You nod.
“Hey, get some rest, let me take over now.” You whisper, kneeling down next to Octavia and her sleeping brother. “Are you sure?” She bites her lip, clearly struggling to stay awake. “Yes, go sleep.” You smile. Octavia gives in and accepts your offer, going to sleep near Clarke, still close enough incase anything happens while she’s resting.
Moments later, your eyebrows raised at the sound of Bellamy moving around. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” You breathe out, trying to be as gentle as you can, awkwardly touching his arm. He opens his eyes even more, squinting to make sure it’s you.
“Oh. I thought you hated me, huh? Yet you’re taking care of me?” Somehow while he’s going through a deadly virus, he still manages to piss you off and be arrogant. “Would you rather me just let you choke on your own blood?” You scoff. He lets out a raspy laugh, coughing up some blood in the process. “Ew.” You fake gag when you notice some of the blood splatter on your shoes, still trying to remain lighthearted. “Shut up.” He huffs. “Let me help, sit up a bit.” You mumble, taking the shirt you previously were using as protection and dipping it into a clean bucket of water, then moving closer to Bellamy. “You need to stay away, stop.” He pushes you away, only now noticing the lack of face covering you have on. “It’s fine.” You move back to where you were, carefully grabbing his face, running your thumb over his cheekbones as you gently dab the wet cloth on his face. The dried blood slowly washes off of his face.
“There he is.” You place the cloth down beside him. “I can finally see your smug face.” You joke, earning an eye roll from him. “All better.” You hum. A small smile appears on your face as his eyes start fluttering shut. Although you’re supposed to be against him and his shit leading skills, you still feel a part of you melting at the closeness between you and him. “Okay, you can go back to sleep.” You laugh at Bellamy’s attempt to stay sitting up and awake. “Wait, no, I should-” He starts, you quickly stopping him from moving. “Bellamy.” You whisper, “Please, just let yourself relax.” You tone is soft and gentle, something that surprises both of you, even more the man, his eyes softening. He feels his own heart melt, which also surprises him.
As he goes back to lying down, he watches as you carefully walk away, weaving around the drop ship, avoiding the other people that are lying down. He catches himself almost smile. Now, he realizes he might feel something opposite of ‘hatred’ towards you, the stubborn daughter of Marcus Kane that always disagrees with him, who he’s supposed to be against.
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rthko · 3 months
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"Validity" as a concept is antithetical to queerness as an academic or political tendency. If you take validity to mean "let's all be nice to each other" then sure, I'll link arms and frolic around right with you. Instead, validity is shorthand for expertise or speaking authority. It's something ontological to you and your identity, and no amount of learning or life experience is required for your credibility. You might then be drawn to queerness as a tendency because it is open-ended, but the open-endedness of queerness in this view begins and ends with the idea that "LGBT" just doesn't have enough letters. I am not going to debate who formally belongs; that is not the point I want to make, and it's an argument that queerness as a tendency circumvents. Some don't even view it as an identity to begin with! But queerness as a tendency is, almost definitionally, critical of ontology and the reification of identity over behavior. It is very deliberately not a closed identity politics. Some have argued that conceiving, say, homosexuality, as an abstract identity rather than behavior, leads to a politics that is euphemistic and apologetic about the very sex that first defined the concept. Love the sinner, hate the sin.
And so I see a subset both online and off that is both singularly concerned with "validity" and proudly Capital Q Queer. Not gay as in happy but queer as in "has a vague understanding of who Marsha P Johnson was," et cetera. They are unsatisfied with the limitations, real and perceived, of LGBT activism. Yet their solution is to go through the same legitimizing plots for newly minted identities that stifled LGBT activism to begin with! You are valid, you were born this way, your credibility comes with the territory of your identity alone. Everyone is deserving of kindness, and belonging should not be held ransom until you fulfill some expected milestones. I think even cis straight people can belong in queer spaces (whatever we mean by this), if they're respectful. Your local drag performers need the tips anyway. But if you are not reading, if you are not engaging with queer culture, if you are not connected to any scene, then I'm not sure why you would expect to be treated as an expert. People without these perspectives and experiences, even if they belong to a particular identity, will not see a broad picture. Look no further than statements that begin with "as a queer person" and end with some diatribe against kink at pride or whatever the outrage du jour happens to be.
Before the obvious hypocrisy of my statement comes up, I want to acknowledge that I've been there. Like any other Tumblr-riddled individual, I've been obsessed with blogging about queerness for years without living it or learning about it in any meaningful way. To this day I am very uncomfortable with being treated as any kind of expert. But I wonder: was being told I don't need to do this or that to be valid helpful? I'll extend it beyond queerness: "you don't need to read theory to be a leftist," et cetera. We were railing against gatekeepers: not institutions with the power to gatekeep in any meaningful way, but people with no real power of their own. Was I doing myself any favors by not doing anything to broaden my perspectives but still demanding to be taken seriously? So, you don't need to do this, you don't need to do that, but you can, and you might enjoy it. Queer activism and literature defend ways of living, pleasure seeking, and saying yes to life. If you want to do all of this for clout or "validity," start over. Do it because you can.
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stevesbipanic · 4 months
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@steddiemas Day 26: Fake Dating
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Steve was ready for Hawkins to open up again and for the Upside Down to swallow him whole. Christmas was meant to be fun, well at least it was supposed to be fun now that he spent it with the Buckley's. Right now though he was glaring at his boyfriend and best friend across the table. Or wait not his boyfriend this evening, no tonight, Eddie was Robin's boyfriend.
Steve could only blame himself he supposed, one for loving the two idiots that were currently badly suppressing giggles and two because it was all because of what he'd said last week.
One week earlier...
"Robin, just tell your mom you're a lesbian or I'm not coming to Christmas lunch next week."
"Steve I can't do that do you want to ruin Christmas!?"
"She was already fine with me being bisexual she's not going to send you to hell, that's why we tested her with me in the first place!"
"No, I'm not ready!"
"Well I can't sit through another Christmas of your mom suggesting a Spring wedding!"
"You're my boy space friend can't we just let her live in a fantasy world where she marries into the Harrington's?"
"I don't even want to be one!"
"Could pop down to the courthouse and become a Munson, baby," Eddie supplied watching the back and forth while blatantly stealing from the candy display.
Steve gave him a deadpan look, "You need to propose to me better than that, Eds. No, Robin that's it I'm not going, I'm not being your boyfriend anymore!"
"What am I meant to do then, she'll be asking about you all day!"
"I'll do it!" Eddie exclaimed.
"Do what?" The other two asked giving him a questioning look.
"No, stop I hate when you do that twin thing it's creepy. And I'll be your boyfriend for Christmas, Birdie."
Which brought Steve to now. It had seemed like a brilliant idea, one Steve could enjoy his Christmas lunch peacefully being the golden boy of the table as Mrs Buckley dawned over him and two, no boyfriend questions. There was also the added bonus that lesbianism might seem like a better option than the town's drug dealer in the Buckley's minds. What Steve hadn't counted on, was the Buckley's loving Eddie.
"Oh, you're in a band that's so lovely, you know I played tamborine for a band back when I was your age, we thought we were going to be a big girl group."
"I hear you're working over at Thatcher's son, they're good men there you're certainly going to learn a lot."
Steve had been relegated to peeling the potatoes while Eddie was literally putting his feet up in the living room. He felt like the middle child of a family that just got a newborn baby, how dare Eddie steal his pseudo parents. What was worse was that Robin was finding this hilarious.
"Oh poor Stevie Wevie are you sad mom's not asking about how EMT school is going?"
"Yes! I had such a fun fake heart attack story she was gonna love." Steve pouted and for a moment he thought about stomping his foot in protest.
"Hey, it's ok, next year I promise I'll have told them, and Edward over there can come as your boyfriend, ok?" Robin reassured wrapping an arm around him.
Steve guessed that he could give up being the favourite this time, and it was nice seeing people be kind to Eddie, it hadn't been easy after Spring Break. It didn't stop him shooting daggers whenever Eddie and Robin decided to reassure Steve at lunch that he'd find someone nice eventually.
Steve and Eddie waved goodbye after lunch, promising to visit soon and hopped into the van.
"Have fun?"
"Oh yeah, I think Janice is already planning the Spring wedding."
"Well, I hope you enjoyed getting fawned over because we've got dinner with Wayne now, and guess who's his favourite?"
"Just because you know the difference between the Chiefs and the Packers, I'm his own blood and the minute you're there it's like I'm chopped liver!" Eddie exclaimed as they drove towards the trailer park.
Lunch had been interesting but he was very glad it was over as he laughed and slid his fingers between Eddie's between them, happy that he had his boyfriend back.
Ao3
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yongislong · 1 year
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clingy partner + dreamies.
genre: fluff, nonidol!dreamies with a clingy partner and vice versa... ish?
note: tysm anon! im sorry this took so long, i've been so busy TT not proofread pls... b kind </3 lol
mark... would actually melt. likes being adored in a way thats different from the usual praise and skinship he receives from the people around him. he gives you a certain ability to be able to be clingy in ways others can't if that makes sense? doesn't have a preference on when you're clingy with him, he just loves that you hang onto him constantly. always encourages you to love up on him, especially if people make backhanded comments and he sees you slowly pulling away?? he hates that sm! would honestly want his own space sometimes because he's always busy, but never ever makes you feel like you're a burden or a chore
renjun... i don't know if he would like it too much! everyone adores him all the time and yes having a partner is different than him hanging out with the neos but i honestly think he just likes everything to be private and pretty basic. that's not to say he doesn't like you being clingy or won't be clingy to you back, he just prefers to have you in private. likes it when he senses you need him and he feels very wanted in a sense that you always seem to want to touch him and follow him around. usually doesn't mind it because you're not invasive about it. sets healthy boundaries though!
jeno... loves it. oh my god i feel like he would want a clingy parter. he's on the quieter side so someone to just sit with him and wrap themselves around him like a koala while he just goes on about his day just, sounds so nice and appealing?? loves it when you follow him around like a lost kitten... he pats you on the head as a reward each time, v wholesome overall! especially likes you being clingy in public because he lives and breathes to show you off like UGH and when you're not afraid to show the world how obsessed with him you are??? ugh! you sitting on his lap while he games?? feels as though he won at life
haechan... oh my god, its so hard to be clingy with him because he's already so clingy with you. he reminds me of those high school and university boys who like tease you sm but are always so sweet and look like a puppy and you can't help but... adore them?! and he thinks if you the same way. honestly if you're usually really clingy, he adores it regardless and you both are in your own lovey little world 90% of the time BUUT if you usually aren't and start being clingy with him out of the blue, oh he will never let you live it down
jaemin... takes it as an opportunity to baby you to the max!! if he had a partner i think, since his moods vary sm and he's more of an ambivert, he would want to gauge how clingy and lovey he would be to his partner whenever he would get into those moods, so when he sees you being clingy, he takes that as an open to be doting to you and he also finds himself getting into a cutesy mindset?? as well? really enjoys you in general and he's a pretty touchy person himself and i think he would especially be a fond of clinginess if he is in love with someone the way he loves you. a cuddler for sure
chenle... one of his favorite things about you hehe. likes to feel like a big man yknow, i've said this before LOL but its true!! i will say though he seems to me like the type of person who likes his alone time and personal space but does allow you to cling to him because... its YOU! and he has a very soft spot for you. but also, like renjun, makes it a point to communicate when he wants his own space. and he is very good at not making you feel bad about it, just offers different alternatives so he doesn't get like... overstimulated
jisung... is used to people being lovable and adoring but... this is so different like, you want to pepper his face with KISSES??? oh my gosh. doesn't mind you being clingy but never knows how to handle it especially in the beginning of you guys dating. learns your clingy habits and comes to adore the way you treat him when you lean towards a more doting mood like UGHHH and if you're shorter than him?? and he just looks down at you while you smile lovingly with your arms wrapped around him GAHHH. likes back hugs from you when you're extra clingy. he is obsessed with you and slowly becomes equally as clingy
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makethatelevenrings · 11 months
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Breakfast for Three // J. Todd x f!reader
Requested? Yes!
Warnings: reader has a kid, swearing, talks of poverty (if u haven’t been able to figure out, I am a leftist and I am tucking my lil handkerchief into my collar and preparing to eat billionaires)
Summary: Being a single parent is hard. Being a single parent in Gotham feels impossible sometimes. Two people change things for the better. 
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Listen, raising a child on your own was a test on its own. But being a single parent in Gotham? You had to be absolutely out of your mind.
But you loved your kid. You wouldn’t go back and change your decision. Every morning, you woke up to the giggles and shrieks of your four year old climbing all over you. Lucy was always up before your alarm and while you needed every minute of sleep, you would miss these moments whenever she became too cool to hang out with her mother. So you just bundled her wriggling body up into your arms and peppered her head with kisses as she laughed and wrapped her little octopus limbs around you.
Breakfast had moved from a coffee and a granola bar as you rushed out the door to work to Bluey pancakes for Lucy and even more coffee for you before you rushed out the door to get her to preschool and you to work. Every day felt like it was flying by too quickly.
Her birthday was quickly approaching and that’s how you found yourself out on the fire escape of your apartment with the baby monitor clutched between your hands and sobs escaping you despite your best efforts to stifle your cries.
You couldn’t afford any of the popular toys or games that kids were obsessed with. Hell, you could barely afford rent this month. Living in Gotham wasn’t as bad as other places in terms of rent but raising a kid was expensive and you were struggling to make ends meet thanks to work being slow. God, she was going to be so disappointed. Maybe you could start eating only one meal a day? That would save some money on groceries…
“Are you okay?”
The voice came from the shadows and the subsequent heart attack you received practically launched you into the air. The person cursed and then stepped out of the shadows. Okay, less scary but still pretty fucking terrifying. Red Hood stared down at you, or at least, you thought he was looking at you. The helmet made it difficult to figure out what direction he was facing.
“I said, are you okay?” he repeated in a gruff, no-nonsense voice. You nodded quickly and swiped away your tears with the back of your hand.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Don’t you have skulls to bash in or something?”
A huff of laughter escaped the vigilante’s helmet and you cocked your head to the side. He could laugh? He was capable of humor? Surprises were all around tonight.
“Already did that. And then I heard someone sounding like they just watched Marley and Me three times in a row and figured I should come check.” He eased himself into a crouch next to you and you admired how large and imposing he was yet he didn’t seem terrifying when he was next to you. You weren’t his target so there was no reason to fear him.
“Gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he asked.
“It’s stupid,” you muttered. You turned your attention back to the baby monitor to see Lucy fast asleep in your bed. The one bedroom apartment you rented didn’t have space for another bed so the two of you shared one. Luckily, she was a deep sleeper so she never stirred when you crawled in a few hours after her bedtime and got up early in the morning to get ready for the day.
“Nothing that makes you cry is stupid,” Red Hood retorted. “Hit me with it.”
“My kid’s birthday is coming up and I don’t have the funds to pay for anything. I can barely keep our heating on. She’s going to hate her birthday and I’ll have ruined it forever. I’m already working sixty hours a week, but I can’t ask Mrs. Hayes to watch her longer. Fuck.” You scrubbed a hand down your face and bemoaned your rotten fucking luck. Fuck your shitbag ex. Fuck the system that prevented single parents from succeeding. Fuck it all.
Rustling beside you made you look up to find Red Hood rummaging through his pockets. He let out a triumphant hum and then outstretched his hand. A stack of bills rested in his gloved palm and your eyes widened at the offering.
“Absolutely not,” you blurted out. “I’m not taking blood money from you. Who knows where that’s come from? And what if you show up in five years demanding the money back with some huge fucking interest rate?”
He chuffed out another laugh. “Christ, your mind is an interesting place. It’s legit, I promise. And it’s not a loan. It’s a gift. Take it. I’ve got enough cash.”
You watched him warily as you reached out and grasped the money. Your lips moved as you counted out the values silently and inhaled sharply once you got to the end. Three thousand dollars. That would pay rent for two months, leaving your paycheck to cushion you.
“Holy shit. Thank you. Thank you so much,” you gasped. But when you looked up, there was no sight of Red Hood. He had simply disappeared into the shadows once again. Only the rough paper of cash in your hands made you realize that it wasn’t a dream.
You spent the rest of the night going over your finances and figuring out where you could use the cash and how much you could spend on Lucy. With enough to bolster you for a bit, you decided to take her by a bakery on her way to pre-school. With her dinosaur backpack firmly settled on her back, Lucy bounded towards the bakery with you hot on her heels. Where the hell did she get all this energy?
“Woah,” a man exclaimed as Lucy tripped on a raised edge of the sidewalk. He caught her before she went sprawling onto the pavement, saving you from a torrent of tears and skinned knees.
“Gotta be careful there, kiddo,” he said as he righted her. You caught up to her finally and kneeled down to check her for injuries. Unscathed, thanks to the stranger. You raised your head to meet his eyes and thank him and found yourself captured by searing teal eyes.
“Thank you,” you blurted out. “I should really get her one of those backpack leashes.”
His full lips curled up into a grin and your heart stuttered at the sight of it. Small scars littered his tan skin, but it only added to the handsome rogue look he had going for him.
“I get it. The cinnamon rolls at this place are fu-” His eyes darted towards the squirming child in your hands. “Freaking amazing. I practically run here every morning to get one.”
Lucy gasped. “You like cinnamon rolls?”
The man shrugged. “Well, yeah, who doesn’t?”
“Sad people,” she replied wisely. You burst into laughter at the solemnity of her words and leaned down to kiss her cheek.
“I love you, kid,” you announced.
“Love you too, mommy. Can we go now?”
You stood up to your full height and the man did the same, but he was much taller than you. He offered his hand and you shook it.
“I’m Jason. How about I buy you two breakfast?”
“Oh, you don’t have to do it. If anything, I owe you.”
His smile grew and you marveled at the slight dimple in his chin. “Yeah, but this way I can be a gentleman before I ask you out.”
There was no way this exceedingly handsome, Adonis-like man was asking you on a date. No fucking way. You had toothpaste on your shirt and a four year old currently clinging to your leg. No man had even looked at you since your ex knocked you up and left.
But he was kind and genuine and there was some kind of soft emotion in his eyes that made you want to ask him how the world had hurt him. And Lucy seemed to like him from just their first meeting.
“Okay. Breakfast sounds nice.”
If only you knew how a simple breakfast would change your life forever.
tag list: @mcrmarvelloki​ @gone-batty-fics​ @someoneimsure​ @perpetual-fangirl900​ @visagebrise​ @cursedandromedablack​ @alexxavicry​ @the-wayward-daughter​ @raging-trash-of-mind​ @kat-nee​ @khaylin27​ @igotanidea​ @princessbl0ss0m​
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tombfreak · 26 days
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ASPD and being a "bad person"
the backhanded support for aspd
There's a very backhanded type of support for people with ASPD. In attempts to get moral highground and fight against the demonization/stigmatization of the disorder, it's almost entirely watered down to "Oh you just lack empathy and have mean thoughts :)". It's entirely infantilized to the point where people who actually exhibit their real symptoms are just "bad people", or "using their disorder as an excuse for their bad behaviour" because "that's not what ASPD is actually like!!"
Moralizing disorders does nothing but cause harm to people suffering from mental health issues. You cannot cherry pick which presentations of ASPD are deemed acceptable when the whole disorder revolves around being and doing socially unacceptable things.
"It's ok if you lack empathy!" Is the only support I really see for ASPD, which is true, but only if we don't have empathy in ways that they think is acceptable.
I don't have empathy for people of colour, or people with disabilities, or trans folk. My empathy can't just turn on for people who I know deserve it. I can't relate to their struggles, I can't feel for them, I can't even really care. And lacking the empathy required for me to feel these things towards others is exactly what causes me issues in my life. It's socially unacceptable. It's dysfunctionally anti-social.
But thats very much the tip of the iceberg. Lacking empathy isn't even in the DSM-5 criteria for ASPD, and a lot of people with ASPD do experience empathy in their own way.
There's also the issue of "it's ok to be angry, it's ok to have mean thoughts, as long as you don't act on them" or "it's ok to not care, as long as you pretend you do" or "it's ok if you lack empathy as long as you're compassionate"
The issue is that people with ASPD are only supported and accepted if they're in a place where they can conform to prosocial behaviour, which is incredibly difficult to do and does require a degree of recovery. And not a lot of people are willing, or able to, get to that point in recovery.
If you say you support people with mental health issues, then you need to accept the part that actively causes problems as well, even if it makes you uncomfortable. You can't just love the "antisocial personality" and hate the "disorder".
People with ASPD will act in ways that makes them a morally "bad person". That's the entire premise of the disorder. If you water it down to the point where the person suffering has to be good and follow your social standards, then that's not an anti-social disorder anymore.
And I know it's hard to stomach people with ASPD sometimes, especially if they're not in recovery at all. We can be mean, insensitive, aggressive, insulting, morally skewed, or just a complete asshole in general. We can say unacceptable things, we can do wrong, and we're prone to it. You don't have to like someone to support them.
Supporting someone with mental health issues doesn't mean you have to like what they do, or who they are, or be friends with them. You're allowed to remove someone from your life if they're causing issues in yours. Supporting someone with mental health issues means you are able to leave them alone, and not go out of your way to shame them for things currently out of their control.
Yes, recovery is very important, but trust me as a recovering addict and someone with ASPD, you cannot force someone to be better. All they need is to know that they have room to breathe and grow. Support is giving people the space to do that. Backhanded 'support' is saying that you'll let them have that space but only if they currently fit in to your personal standards.
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hyuckkaiji · 6 months
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even the stars do not compare to you - abby anderson × f!reader
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summary; you and abby are both fools. fools who have loved each other while thinking the other incapable of reciprocating. fools whose feelings are finally out in the open.
word count; 1.8k
warnings; momentarily sad abby
note; abby anderson brain rot. she is my precious baby girl, and I'll give her the whole world if she'll let me
∘₊✧───── ─── ─────✧₊∘
Owen had been Abby's first, well her only, everything. But truthfully, he'd never been her first choice. He was what was left when she realized she couldn't have what she wanted.
And don't mistake that for her not having love for Owen. She does. She loved him once. It was a true love of sorts. And he has cemented his place in her heart, albeit small. There wasn't much room for him to take up, not when you occupied the rest of it. You occupy it still.
You have seeped into her, mind , body, and soul. She is infected by you. It seems the more she tries to stop it, the further you spread. You've claimed her, soiled her, left her unattainable to those around her. And you don't even know it.
That's the fucked up part, gods be good, she's yours and you don't even know it. She has to satiate her desire for you with mere friendship. She feels like a dog on the streets begging for scraps, for any measly form of sustenance. But if you need her to beg, she will.
Clearly, you need her to beg. It's been almost two weeks since she's seen you. You were fine last she saw, but it feels like you're avoiding her.
Volunteering at any open tasks, never on patrol with her. She doesn't understand. For years now, the two of you have been attached at the hip. Going so far as to switch shifts just so you can patrol together, but now, all of a sudden. She doesn't get it.
She did something she not particularly proud of, she's already established she'll beg ... it just has to be in person. She can't write down these thoughts to get your attention, she'll seem ... weak. So instead she asked Manny to find you, to tell you she's looking for you and it's an emergency.
There's no emergency, no that's a lie. The lack of your presence is an emergency, and you're the only solution.
"Abby." The sound of your voice startles her out of her thoughts. You didn't knock. You never do. Abby doesn't mind. She actually enjoys that you walk into her space like you own it. Because you do, not that you know that. At the very least, it makes her happy that you know she'd never deny you her space.
"Manny said you were looking for me, something serious." Concern laced your voice but you'd still yet to walk up to Abby the way you normally would, keeping your distance. Standing at the base of the stairs as she looked up you.
Her braid was loose at the end, starting to fall apart, she'd just finished pulling the band out when you interrupted her. She looks pretty with her hair down, at least you think so. But she hardly ever has it down, it's a vulnerable thing for her. And how she's hates being vulnerable.
"Yea." She stands, rubbing a sheepish hand over the back of her neck, "I've been trying to catch you for over a week now." She's walking towards you, and you want her to come closer. Want to feel the warmth that radiates off of her, want the scent of pine waft around you. But you take a step back.
A look of hurt passes over Abby's face, stopping in her tracks. "Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?" Her thumb nails flicks against her forefinger, picking at the skin around her nail. An anxious habit.
"No." Your voice is small. You're not sure what else to say, how to voice what you've been feeling, if you even should. You had decided against it, decided just to distance yourself as much as possible, but now, being confronted like this, your decision wavers.
People underestimate Abby. Yes, she's big, but she's also fast, faster than you. She up the last few remaining steps, inches away from you, fingers locked around your wrist, all before you have time to say another word.
"Then why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not."
"Liar." You are a liar, you've always been a liar, at least when it came to Abby. The truth was a weight you chose to bear alone, you say choose but really your fear had forced the decision. Fear of losing her should you come clean.
"Abby." You try and pry her hand away, but her grip holds firm, just enough to keep you near her, but not enough to hurt you. Never enough to hurt you, Abby would never hurt you. You let out an exasperated sigh, giving up, letting your hands fall at your sides.
"Sometimes... people grow ... apart." She says nothing, a beat of silence before you continue, "It's a part of life. People get older, they change, friendships don't always last forever." Her brow is furrowed, she nawing at the inside of her lip. The two of you ... grow apart ... it's not possible.
"You were fine last time I saw you. How long have you been feeling like this?" Her hair had fallen loose in her rush up the stairs, falling in waves around her face. Damn every God, she looks so beautiful with her hair down.
"A while. I didn't know how to tell you." Abby looks you over, you're lying. She's known you for as long as she can remember, she's loved you for as long as she could remember. She knows you, do you not know that? She knows when you're lying.
"Tell me the truth."
"I am-"
"The truth. Now." She's angry, like she has any right to be angry at you. This is her fault. Your resolve is shattered, how dare she be mad, how fucking dare she. This is her fucking fault.
"You wanna know the problem, Abigail?" You sneer at her. "You're the problem. You. I cannot stand being around you. I can't stand seeing your face everyday, hearing your voice, smelling you in the air. For fucks sake that stupid scent�� of that stupid fucking soap clings to everything and I hate it. You are the problem."
She finally lets you go. She's on the verge of tears, but the tense tick of her jaw tells you she's not going to let them fall. "Alright... if that's how you feel." The guilt settles, deep in the pit of your stomach, you feel nauseous.
"Abs..." Your voice trails off.
"Just go."
"Abby." You reach out for her hand but she pulls it away.
"Go."
"I can't. I can't because you're right, I'm a liar." And a coward, damn the universe for making you, damn it for making her. She says nothing, only stares at you her anger is palpable, no, not anger, hurt, her hurt. Liar, coward, you add monster to the list.
"That wasn't true ... I don't know why I said it like that."
"It sure felt true."
"Abby..."
"How else could you have possibly meant it?"
Liar, coward, monster, idiot. Your list of personal descriptors is ever growing.
"I do hate those things." Abby huffs, looking away from you. "But not because I hate you ... Abby, even the stars do not compare to you. I have never see so beautiful a person nor I have I been enamored with anyone other than you."
"Do you know what it's like? To be in love with someone for so long and you can't say or do anything about it? To watch as they get with some ignorant douche who doesn't treat them the way they deserve?"
"To be in love with someone who only sees you as a friend? To be the shoulder they cry on about their shitty partner?" You shake you head, running a hand through your hair. You catch Abby's eyes, she's staring at you with this look of utter shock.
"I don't know when the years just became one too many, but they did and I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't get over you if I'm always around you."
Your name slips from her lips, like a mortal who has just come across their deity in the flesh. Oh she must be dreaming, then she's laughing.
It's your turn to be hurt, to cross your arms over your chest defensively. Watching as she giggles like a mad woman before wiping away a stray tear. "Pinch me, I want proof I'm awake."
"Abigail."
"Yes?" She smiling at you, big doe eyes watching you. Fuck you're so hopelessly in love with her, what made you think you had the self control to stay away from her.
"I'm not joking ... I'm in love with you."
She pulls your arms free just to take one of your hands in her own, running a callused thumb over your knuckles.
"Do you remember, when we were sixteen and we'd snuck out to watch the stars?" You nod.
"Do you remember asking me what I dream about? Asking me if you think the stars would grant our wishes if we told them?"
"You told me you dreamed of freedom and that the stars were just gas in space, not genies. And that they weren't even that pretty." Abby let's out a breathy laugh.
"I've never dreamed of freedom, I dreamed of you. And the stars are just gas, I'd come to realize that by then. If the stars could grant wishes they would have answered mine."
"I used to tell them my secrets, but they never made them come true."
"What...what did you tell them?"
"That I was in love with a girl, a girl so beautiful she took my breath away every time I saw her. I told them that I wanted to be hers, I wanted her to love me the way I loved her."
"When we were sixteen I hated the stars for ignoring my prayers. But it seems I was wrong, they had been listening all along. Though I maintain they really aren't that pretty, not in comparison to you."
Abby leaned in, her lips ghosting over yours, asking permission, you closed the gap. Wrapping your arms around her neck.
It was soft, sweeter than any kiss either of you had before. All gentle caresses and light wandering fingers trailing exposed skin.
Abby pulled you to her bed, pushing you down in between pecks. She hovered over you, "If i wake up and this was all a dream, I'm gonna be so fucking mad." Her lips are back on yours before softly trailing down your neck.
Her kisses are cool and open mouthed on your warm skin. She kisses her way down to your chest before letting her weight slowly settle on you. She rests her head, using your breasts as a pillow. "Promise I won't wake up by myself."
"I Promise." You wrap one arm around her, tracing random patterns on her clothed shoulders and back, the other falls into her hair running gentle fingers through her dirty blonde tresses. With in no time she's fallen asleep, feeling safer and more loved in your arms then she ever did in Owen's.
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littledollll · 1 year
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Hi there! I was wondering if I could request a Larissa Weems x fem reader fic? Reader is an outcast too, she can control people's dreams (for better or for worse) however she can't control her own, and she's the language teacher at Nevermore and her and Larissa have been dating for a little while now. One night she has a really bad nightmare about something from the past, Larissa manages to wake her up from it; as reader had been clawing at her own skin, making it bleed etc and when she wakes up larissa has her arms pinned and is trying to calm her down? Like laying on top of her trying to level out her breathing, kissing her cheek as she whispers "You're okay, you're okay." Like Larissa baby-ing her, that kind of thing? I'm sorry if this is a little long
I’ll keep you safe
Larissa Weems x outcast!reader
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Warnings: annoying teenagers٫ Stress٫ nightmares٫ unintentional self harm(it’s not too focused on), being physically restrained, idk what else
A/n: Anon i have to say, i loved this request so much i got down like 6 paragraphs in about 10 minutes, instant ideas so thank you!!, I chose Spanish since you didn’t specify and it’s my first language (in short im lazy)
“We’re doing oral reports in two weeks! I want you all to pick a topic of interest and do research on it, this will have to include a progress turn in every two days, I don’t want you guys doing it all last minute, that’s one grade. Then your written work, just what you’re going to say up front so I can follow along and assist you when you need it! That’s another grade. The final grade will be your oral report, there’s different criteria I will be reviewing but that will be in a handout I’ll give you guys on Monday we will discuss it then!”
You can hear the collective groaning and complains coming from all sides of the class, “wait when do the two weeks start”, people trying to convince you to do something else, “Would you consider adding more time?”, those asking if they can skip the oral part and just to the other two things, and the two or three going “oh does it have to be in Spanish” like it’s not the whole point of the class and assignment.
“It will be three easy grades don’t let me down guys! Yes I know how much you guys hate it but it’s in the curriculum and you will need this depending on what you want to do in the future. You! Yes my love we can negotiate the turn in period, don’t worry”
“No I am not changing the assignment! No you can’t NOT do the oral report, you will lose a full grade unless you can give me a justified reason as to why you can’t speak up front. Yes it has to be in Spanish that’s the whole point, please calm down!”
“I will give you all nightmares if you don’t stop complaining!” The whole class went silent. Finally. “But I can just as easily help you guys out if you just behave and ask nicely. As I said the details will all be discussed on Monday so stop screaming at me, class time is already over, we could all be in our rooms by now if you guys didn’t throw a tantrum”
Your abilities as an outcast were something you genuinely loved about yourself, being able to control others dreams came in handy more than you’d think. You’d use dreams to give extra practice for those who asked (which was mostly the music, choir, theater kids), those who needed extra study time for tests, when you knew your students needed comfort or a safe space, specially since you could allow them to remember their dreams. It being the last class of the day you dismissed them and headed to Larissa’s office.
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Once you came in Larissa greeted you. “You seem rather annoyed.. stressed? did something happen, beloved?”
“Just my last class, I assigned oral reports and they are not happy about it, i mean they were basically screaming at me about it, I love them, really, I do but they don’t know how to listen!” You sighed, coming around her desk and wrapping your arms around her behind her chair.
“Who would have thought advanced Spanish students would hate Spanish so much! I know it’s not personal but the way they groan and complain isn’t that encouraging either, just makes me feel like I’m doing everything wrong.”
Larissa’s hands soothed over your arms, taking one of your hands in hers and kissing it. “You’re the cool teacher, they aren’t used to not doing “fun” things in class, they’ll come around٫ love. Is there anything I could help you with?”
You groaned, hiding in her neck. “No, you’re right, I’m sure they’ll be better Monday once I explain.” Larissa nodded.
“30 minutes and we’ll get out of here, alright?” Teachers got out one hour before the principal, leaving you to wait for her everyday. You nodded and went over to one of the armchairs٫ pulling out your phone and deciding to answer emails.
You whined, dramatically putting your head on her desk, she chuckled. “More complains?” “You think they understand what “I’ll explain on Monday” means?”
They were stressing you out even more, and in your experience٫ Stress means nightmares.
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“Love?” Larissa woke up to your squirming she thought you just couldn’t sleep, then she heard the whimpers, from there it somehow got worse so fast. The way your hands gripped your arms, your hair, how you curled into yourself, what broke Larissa out of her trance was a sob that tore through your throat. It was enough to spring her into action as she forced the sleep from her mind.
She was trying to be gentle, you were scared enough, frantic, she didn’t want any sudden movements to hurt her or you. First she tried to grab one arm, trying to shake you awake. “Angel?-“ she gave up on that quickly as she saw the cuts made from your own nails that ran down your arm and how you tore away from her just to claw at your own skin, alright option two. She straddled your legs to stop the kicking, taking your hands pinning them down.
She settled for talking you down as her thumb rubbed over your palms in what she hopped would be a calming notion “you’re okay sweetheart, you’re our room my love, it’s just us.” Your squirming died down but you were still tense, your complains and whimpers never stopped, the way you were gripping her hands was clear sign the squirming stoped merely because she essentially forced it.
“Oh my darling girl.. it’s me, my love it’s Rissa, it’s just a nightmare, my sweet, listen to me.” When you calmed slightly more she decided it was safe to loosen her hold and lean over to turn the lamp on. “It’s time to wake up darling.”
The way you snapped awake made her heart clench. How unsettled you looked, the way you looked around the room and eventually up at her, pupils blown wide panic written all over your face. She smiled at you reassuringly and leaned down kissing your cheek and forehead. “It’s okay, my sweet little love. You’re okay with me, angel.”
She didn’t want to fully surround you, it would be too much while you’re already panicked, but she also couldn’t afford you hurting either of them in that state, so she waited, and spoke softly. “You are in Nevermore, in our room, in our bed.” Larissa deemed it safe enough to let go of your arms, gently cupping your face. “I know, my love that you’re scared, but I’m with you, I’ll protect you for anything and anyone, you are safe, 100% safe, I’ll make sure of that, yeah?” You only nodded.
Larissa gave you a second. “Would you like me to move away?” You shook your head, wanting to cry at the thought, she saw it, and moved slowly, moving to your side and turning you with her, she hugged you tight and purposely slowed her breathing for you to follow, you of course did. She only hugged you tighter when she felt your arms coming shyly around her and you hid into her chest.
“I’m not expecting you to tell me what you just lived, nor am I asking, but if you want to my love, I will listen.” You shook your head again. “You hurt yourself angel, a lot, we have to take care of that later okay? But I’ll take care of you, I’ll keep you safe every second.” You frowned and looked up at her. “How can you be so sure..” you barely mumbled out. “Well because I risked a slap across the face to save you from you.” You giggled. “I’m- very sorry.”
She pinned you down and furrowed her brows. “Are you apologizing for having a nightmare?” She kissed the tip of your nose. “Is that stupid?” A kiss to your cheek this time. “Did you cause the nightmare?” Now on the other side. “No! you know I can’t- ohhhh” she pressed a final kiss against your lips and moved to look at you, making you smile. “Right, so it’s not your fault, which means you don’t have to apologize for that, my beautiful beautiful girl.” You blushed at that, hiding your face in your hands.
“Would you like to try going back to sleep?” She asked as she moved the lay beside you, and you shook your head, curling into her. “Darling, you got here exhausted.. you still are. I’ll wake you if the nightmares start again, and the lamp will stay on.” You didn’t say anything, instead pulled yourself closer to her and closed your eyes, she smiled. “Sweet dreams, angel, you’ll be okay with me, I promise.”
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