#like you can't blame anyone directly bc sometimes you get busy...life gets in the way and there's nothing you can do

[shinjaeha]

ipytm ep 1 (thoughts + spoilers)

so it’s been SUCH a long time since i last did one of these thoughts/recaps posts but !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god, i’m just so happy that ipytm is HERE. FINALLY. it’s felt like forever, but it’s so wonderful to have our boys back again, and to be continuing on with their story :’) even though i know we’re all in agreement that this won’t be an easy journey for the two of them (or us).

the usual ‘this is not a proper analysis’ disclaimer here. i’m literally just rewatching the whole thing and getting all my thoughts out here (so idk if this is even considered a proper recap but oh well). just whatever comes to mind so it’s as unstructured as always.

SO. we start off with teh and oh-aew playing rock, paper, scissors over having to do something they both clearly don’t want to do. it seems that we all had the same thoughts on this bc as they were playing, all i could think was “imagine if they’re doing this to buy condoms” only, low and behold, for it to ACTUALLY be true 😂 but good to know that our boys are practicing safe sex, i’m so happy for them :’) chaste/virgins no more!!!!! teh being as awkward and fidgety about this as always (I’VE MISSED THIS SO MUCH). they’re just so cute and i’ll never shut up about it!!!!! watching the last ep of itsay was like me exhaling and finally getting to relax a little, but i know that now ipytm’s started i’m gonna have to start holding my breath all over again. so i will def try to enjoy as much of the fluff as i can. i’m never taking that for granted ever again!!

one thing i really love is how itsay ended with them at promthep cape during the sunset as a new couple, and now ipytm’s opened at night, the both of them on the beach in the moonlight, as proper boyfriends. the contrasting images we get at both these scenes is so poetic and beautiful. just seeing their clothes strewn on the hammock is enough to bring all those memories rushing back.

they already kind of set the tone for how both boys, particularly oh-aew, were going to feel with ‘last twilight in phuket’, so it’s not altogether surprising to see oh-aew’s reluctance to leave phuket, and teh’s excitement to go to bangkok. this also makes a lot of sense in terms of their personalities. teh has always been the one that was the more ambitious of the two, so of course anything that brings him a step closer to his goals will excite him, and uni in bangkok has been the first major goal since the very beginning. oh-aew, on the other hand, has never been quite as decided or sure in terms of his goals and aspirations as teh, which would certainly make him feel a lot less enthused about leaving the comfort of home. he’s always been more cautious and careful, where teh tends to be the more impulsive one, so naturally he’s the one that feels more worried about this change while teh’s basically counting down the days till they can leave, not a care in the world.

the contrast between phuket and bangkok is already so jarring from the beginning. where phuket was so relaxed and sleepy, so many open spaces where there was no one else but the two of them...our first shot of bangkok is busy and bustling, cars and skyscrapers everywhere. the two shows are obv connected, but with this new setting, this is a completely different story. we’re (literally) in new territory!!

SO HAPPY TO SEE TEH’S FAM AGAIN!!!!! i’ve missed them too (esp hoon!!!!!). i love it so much that his mum just KNEW. and that she let him know that she knew in the most thoughtful way too. in a way where she was looking out for oh-aew as well :’) it’s interesting how i was genuinely expecting that they would focus a little more on teh struggling to be out in public, but it looks like that that was the main obstacle of itsay, and they’re looking to tell a different story now. he’s so much more comfortable with himself and it really shows. the one person that teh always wanted approval from was his mum (i mean, the initial reason that he wanted to become an actor in the first place was bc she told him how much he looked like yongjian), so once he realised that she knew about him and oh-aew (and they had her blessing), it’s like that’s all he needed. just that acceptance from the person that he respects the most in the world. it reminds me so much of that time he cried to hoon about liking oh-aew and how he was afraid that he wouldn’t be accepted bc he liked boys, and hoon was so clear about how he was okay with it no matter what. teh’s family are always showing him how much they truly love and care for him, and it’s so beautiful. just another weight off his shoulders now that he’s finally free to be himself and to love oh-aew out loud in public and not care about anything else. i’m glad that they got that out of the way so early on so we know that it’s likely not going to be one of the conflicts for the two of them in ipytm at least.

anyway, i’m so happy that they’re finally communicating directly to one another now that they’re a couple...hopefully, no more passive aggressive ig stories pls 😂also, the way safe zone starts playing the moment they see each other!!!!!!!!!!!! i wonder if nadao will also has sad acoustic/piano instrumental versions of safe zone on hand that’ll make me cry like they did with skyline........

FIRST BANGKOK DATE IN THE AQUARIUM!!!!!!!!! the cinematography is just a+++++ but then we knew it would be. i love that shot of them in the aquarium with the fish as their backdrop. it’s just SO stunning. 

the voice recording was SO SWEET. and the way that oh-aew was so touched by teh’s mum’s approval. it’s a weight of his shoulders now too. one less thing to worry about for the future. it’s prob esp emotional for him bc hearing her talk about coming home to phuket to have a meal together must make him feel so incredibly homesick too.

“your mum is romantic, isn’t she?” and then teh really one ups his mum by KISSING OH-AEW IN PUBLIC. it’s the romance for me!!!!!!!!! with the fish in the background...like saying there are so many fish in the sea but you’re the only one for me...sorry, i’m a sap but i just love them so much okay ;;; i live for teh referring to the both of them as a couple/boyfriends and oh-aew pretending like he doesn’t absolutely love that and teh teasing him about it. he’s grown so, so much since the very first ep of itsay. even since ‘last twilight in phuket’ when he was too shy to kiss oh-aew on the cheek and now, in an even bigger city, he’s kissing him on the cheek AND the lips in public like it’s nothing. like it’s the easiest thing in the world. remember back when bas was confessing to oh-aew in their chinese class and teh had his breakdown bc it was so easy for bas yet it was something he couldn’t do?????? LOOK AT HIM NOW. WE’VE COME SO FAR. the character development makes me feel like a proud parent, and i’m SO happy that he’s happy and proud to be with oh-aew. and most importantly, proud to be himself. he really went through so much to get to this point 😭

ANYWAY, this kiss is everything. the contrast between their first kiss, when they were both underwater hidden from view, and now, still surrounded by water, still in their own little space, but on land this time. out in the open. no longer hiding. how you can hear everyone around them speaking in the background, but then when teh leans in, all the sounds fade away bc they may be surrounded by other people, but it’s still just the two of them. their underwater kiss was beautiful, but it always left me with this sadness bc of how restricted they were. this one is so much more satisfying now that they can love each other uninhibited like this. out loud. i really, truly just love them with every beat of my heart ;;;

teh talking about how one day he’ll be on that movie poster reminds me of when they were kids watching ‘sword over the moon’ and he jumped up and told the gang that he wanted to be an actor when he grew up (oh-aew was the only one who didn’t laugh at him back then too). he’s still that same boy, young and idealistic :’) and it’s also so nice seeing how confident teh is now about the two of them both being the male protagonists. like back when oh-aew originally brought it up (and asked if two male protagonists would be okay), he could barely nod his head in response, and now here he is boldly proclaiming that the both of them will be protagonists (a real couple) on movie posters, in different series’ and movies together. although we know the naiveness of this, and that things will prob not work out as smoothly as they’re imagining it will at this moment, it’s still very sweet. they’re just so young and in loooove.

teh spending his first night in bangkok at oh-aew’s place!! first thought, damn oh-aew’s place is real nice...so different from the dorm that teh’s sharing with his roommate. second, they could not be anymore adorable :’))) third, teh leaping out of bed in panic the second he heard what time it was was me yesterday morning after staying up half the night watching ep 1 and realising i was late for work...itsay/ipytm being relatable as always haha.

i like how from the get go they show you how different school in phuket and uni in bangkok is. teh was late a bunch of times in itsay too, and would sneak in without any of his teachers realising...but here he’s late and gets reprimanded on his very first day. anyway, must be nice to have a boyfriend surprise you by preparing milk for breakfast for you (well, i guess unless you’re lactose intolerant like i am hah).

i got soooooooo excited the second i saw goy (and oab!!)...i love the both of them so i really can’t wait to get to know more about their characters (as well as the rest of the new cast of characters) throughout this. it’s one of the things that i’ve been most looking forward to them exploring in this series. but yeah, teh fanboying over top?? i agree with kim. super cute. anyway, i’m already esp intrigued by jai...i was leaning towards him just being a senior/mentor for teh initially (which i still think will be the case), but i also get ~vibes from him that there’s something more to that (though i’m just speculating for now). he’s mysterious, and i have no doubt that there’s more to the story than meets the eye js.

all the tables and chairs at this restaurant are blue and red (as well as their uni ties)...they really gave us our official itsay/ipytm colours whenever possible 😂 in all seriousness though, i feel so sad for oh-aew. when teh asks how his first day was and he’s just like “i have the most fun being here with you now” and then you can see the sudden concern in teh’s face and voice when he’s like “why’s that?” that hurt :( seeing oh-aew sad is the worst...he’s just such a sweetheart. and just like in itsay where teh’s confusion and struggle in accepting his sexuality was such a relatable experience, oh-aew’s difficulty in adjusting to uni and life away from home is too. i totally understand where he’s coming from, and it fucking sucks. making friends in uni (ESP when you have no other friends that went with you to the same uni, and everyone else already seems to know one another) is so. damn. hard. i’ve been in this position so many times before...i’ve gone to unis and gone semester after semester without making ANY friends. it’s such a different experience from high school, and the transition can be really, really difficult. that plus the culture shock of being in an entirely new city with barely any support. i’m actually really glad that ipytm is delving into this experience a little bc i don’t think a lot of shows do tbh.

it also makes me think about how when you’re in high school, getting into uni seems like the end goal a lot of the time (the way the admission exam was always their main goal in itsay), but then you get to uni and you realise that it’s just another step. there’s so much more life once you get in. and that sometimes it’s really not all that it’s cracked up to be.

that sequence of teh progressively waking up earlier and earlier as the sky also gets progressively darker (and taking all sorts of different methods of transport) to get to class on time made me feel so bad for him. working on the play until almost midnight and then having to wake up at like 5am every morning (and not even being able to do fun things like teach oh-aew chinese at 4am anymore?)...the poor kid ;;;

i love plays/musicals but tbh i know next to nothing about how anything backstage works, so i really do love that we’ll get to learn more about that in this series. kind of like how the itsay/ipytm documentaries teach me so much more about how the acting/filming process works behind the scenes. i’d never even really thought about how the stage crew would have to adjust their eyes to the darkness in order to rearrange the props on stage, so that was fascinating to me. it’s such a visual and symbolic aid for the show itself too.

i get the feeling that teh and kim will become a lot closer, and i can’t wait to see how their relationship develops. it’s so great that teh has all these new seniors that he can learn from. just like the blindfold helps him adjust to the dark, having them there to guide him through makes it so much easier for him to adjust to this new city and this new stage of his life.

i knew that oh-aew telling teh to sleep at his dorm was coming bc poor teh was running himself ragged, and oh-aew’s always been so accommodating of teh. he’s always been able to understand...but he’s having so much trouble adjusting, and he’s SO lonely and homesick, it makes my heart ache for him. all these little things tend to build up over time. they’re still in the sweet, honeymoon period of their relationship so it doesn’t seem like a big deal now. but when life gets busy, it becomes increasingly easy to grow apart from someone without even truly realising it (and it’s the same for any type of relationship or friendship).

the emptiness of oh-aew all alone in his huge place :((( like although teh might not particularly like his roommate, he’s basically never alone like this, even in his dorm. he’s homesick and when everyone else is busy with their own lives, it can also feel like you’re being left behind.

yes, they’re playing pp’s new ost!!!!!!!!

FINALLY we meet oh-aew new group of friends!! they seem so sweet. also, why is oh-aew saying his own name like the cutest thing in the world to me :’) i was smiling about how glad i was that he finally found a new gang of friends and then my poor boy started CRYING...but then they basically adopted him into their group and it made me feel more at ease again. i constantly want to hug and reassure oh-aew this whole ep. q making him bingsu to give oh-aew something as close to the taste of home as he could was soooooo lovely. he really needs a friend atm, and i’m glad that he found a bunch of them.

i was so afraid that teh was gonna drop the prop as he was waving to oh-aew haha. that interaction?? adorable. then again, it’s teh/oh-aew, so of course they are. also wondering if there was any significance to that glance between jai and oh-aew bc i know this crew never just puts things in this show randomly hmmm.

aaaaand i was waiting for the first real crack to appear, so when kim was saying they were gonna have to keep fine tuning the play for the contest, i was like OF COURSE. i have no doubt that teh would give up working on the play if oh-aew told him too, but we all know that oh-aew would never ask him to do that. it would be like teh relinquishing his place all over again. and oh-aew knows how goal oriented and driven teh is. this is one of the minor conflicts that has been brewing since the start of itsay, but i think that it’s going to become a much bigger deal now that their actually adults and there are new goals they’re striving towards. the both of them have pretty much always had the same goal, but what happens when this changes...

“but i’ve given so much of our time to other people already” they had to hurt me with that one huh.

but also, the “text me once you arrive at your condo” is a special one for me bc to me that text in itsay was the moment when oh-aew realised that teh might have feelings for him...and i feel real nostalgic about it.

if you think about it, in regards to his aspirations, oh-aew has always been pushed or motivated by teh in some part. when oh-aew was yongjian in the play when they were kids, teh helped him remember his lines, and this in turn made him want to become an actor. when they fell out the first time, one of the reasons oh-aew was so driven to succeed was bc he wanted to prove to teh that he wasn’t going to quit. teh tutored him in chinese so he could get into uni. the first time they ran to the cape, he almost gave up if it hadn’t been for teh motivating him to keep going. he nearly didn’t sit the admission exam until teh relinquished his spot which then spurred him to keep studying so he could get in on his own accord. in oh-aew’s own words, teh has basically always been his biggest rival and inspiration. and even now that they’re in phuket, oh-aew’s been so dependant on teh bc he’s been so lonely...and doesn’t have anyone else in bangkok with him (up until he met his new friends).

originally, i’d speculated that while itsay focussed on teh’s journey of discovery and self-acceptance, ipytm was going to focus more on oh-aew’s journey of discovery and self-growth. and i think based on this ep, it does seem to be heading in that direction? i just get the feeling that oh-aew’s going to learn to become more independent throughout the course of this series. he’ll grow and change, and as a result that may mean they grow apart, but i also think it’s a necessary and healthy thing for the both of them. and just bc you grow apart doesn’t meant that you can’t grow back together again eventually, you know?

but yeah, still doesn’t mean it’s not going to pain me to watch the angst we all know is coming. when teh gave the flowers back to oh-aew, that made my heart ache too. and it felt even more symbolic after watching pp’s mv for ‘hold me tight’ where the sunflower seems to represent oh-aew himself (always turning towards the sun...but what about during the night??). when oh-aew closed his eyes, opened them, and couldn’t see teh on the stage?? it’s both kind of like he’s imagining some sort of future where teh isn’t there with him AND that he’s realising that maybe the stage might not be for him anymore. the passion isn’t there...just darkness. like it was signalling a new chapter starting for oh-aew...and everything in this ep up to this point was just the set up for this realisation.

in the end, what i really want is for the both of them to be happy. that’s always been what i’ve wanted from the start. but i also really want to see how they mature and grow through this experience. watching this ep felt bittersweet in a way bc of that underlying angst that was threaded throughout (even in their happier moments). i only expect that to get heavier with the upcoming eps, but i’m also weirdly a lot more at peace with this than i was during itsay. maybe bc i think it’s arguably even more important and necessary for them to grow as individuals, than as a couple (as much as i want to see them together). i genuinely do believe that they’ll find each other again in the end though.

#i promised you the moon #ipytm #text #the first time i watched this i was like man idek know to SAY and then i rewatched and ended up writing a whole essay (again) #another thing that i like (is like the right word?) about this conflict is that this is no one's fault?? #like you can't blame anyone directly bc sometimes you get busy...life gets in the way and there's nothing you can do #even if you try your best #and you might be in love with someone but sometimes your paths don't always align #this is hitting esp close to home with me bc one of my friends just broke up with her bf and i've been talking her through it recently #and the changes in life goals thing is eerily similar to what went down so :(((