#like. i said repeatedly 'idk im bad at emotions and feelings and shit' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

naw-naw-honeyimgood · 3 years

Text

ChengQing (lmao never realized that was their fucking ship name)

so pros of (Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing):

one of the few possible het ships available to mdzs fans like there are all of five named female characters and this is the only one not in an established het pairing. and like sure ive seen yanli w/ someone else a couple times but you CANT put her with JIANG CHENG and i cant say ive ever seen mianmian in a serious relationship in fics with anyone besides either her canon hubby or a chick (usually yanli, wen qing herself, or even sometimes both lmao).

it’s basically written itself in cql!! he has a very obv and clear crush on her, even gives her a comb and offers to help her! she seems interested but the way the storyline went it was simply not meant to be :’(

you get to pair off jiang cheng!! ngl once u finish mdzs its kinda sad for everyone not wangxian (in their generation/above) cuz theyre the only one that get a happy ending. Everyone else is forever alone / depressed / bitter or a combination thereof. so it’s nice to see jiang cheng getting a happy ending!

he... gets... kids...? like ngl as a childless person that is happy to stay that way thats not exactly a pro in my eyes but you might look at his relationship w/ jin ling and say “he’s a great father! he deserves to be a father!” which okay good news! wen qing can bear children!

Now. Cons.

for one thing the fact that you have a lack of options doesnt exactly mean every possible het pairing can have good chemistry even if you change circumstances enough. there comes to a point where certain pairings can only be really viable if one or both of them are ooc.

lets be honest im willing to bet that AT LEAST 80% of the reason cql introduced this ship was because they were not allowed to make the wangxian pair explicitly Together (and i dont even mean anything specifically sexual), and they needed SOME SORT of romance to feature in the story. xuanli doesnt count because theyre an established background ship, the jiang parents dont count as romance, we aint talkin about the villain relationships, and lbr, mianmian already had a lot more signif in cql than mdzs. so it makes sense that they took the arguably most important male chara besides wangxian and made him have a crush on the most important female character that wasnt his SISTER.

what im trying to say is that cql pulled that pairing out of a hat. if you look at canon at ALL i highly doubt there would ever have been feelings, just as there never were. we dont quite know the age dif but we know that wen qing was the older sister and wen ning might have been a bit younger? than the boys? cannot quite remember but we dont know if she was only a year or two older or if it was like. mingjue and huaisang. we dont know! and i canNOT see jiang cheng going for an older chick. also their personalities would clash So Much. she has older sis vibes and not the gentle kind like yanli. she snaps at wen ning’s mumbling and stuff a good couple times- you think she’d tolerate jiang cheng’s emotional immaturity? hah.

this also kinda segues into my main point of: as depressing as it is that jiang cheng is forever alone unless you pair him off... he would honestly put whoever you pair him off with through hell. he’s not nice. so many jiang cheng stans like to argue that he’s a traumatized kid that was raised to channel his emotions through anger (and raises bitterness under his skin like an ugly puppy) but inside he has a heart of gold, and they’re... not exactly wrong! i mean- literally every younger chara is traumatized in some way. but... that doesn’t really... excuse the shit he’s pulled? as much as jiang cheng stans like to forget: jin guangyao was RIGHT when he said that jiang cheng’s insecurities got wei ying killed. his CLOSEST ALLY.

tying back to wen qing we have their actual CANON interactions (or lack thereof). wen qing didn’t exactly protect wei ying and jiang cheng out of the goodness of her heart when lotus pier fell: she was protecting wen ning (her BROTHER) from the repercussions of his own actions by saving wei ying (and Jiang Cheng ig idk he was just there bUT YOUNG MASTER WEI-)

not QUITE sure why she agreed to doing the golden core transfer (maybe scientific curiousity? i mean she had an unproven medical theory and here was a volunteer) but it def wasnt For Jiang Cheng.

and then the next time she saw him? do you guys remember the next time she saw him? it’ was when jiang cheng came up to the burial mounds to kill wen ning’s corpse and tell wei ying to turn over the wens.

KEEP IN MIND that jiang cheng KNOWS wen ning and qing SAVED HIS FUCKING ASS after lotus pier (not How but he KNOWS THIS) and yet he still tells wei ying to hand them over.

he makes wei ying choose between what amounts to the cultivation world and his morals.

that does not a good healthy relationship make. also again their personalities would clash like so bad. i love wen qing way more but you have to admit her personality is super similar to madame yu’s. and we already agreed that jiang cheng was traumatized as a kid. im not saying fengmian didnt have a hand in it but you gotta admit a good amount was madam yu and her insecurites and accusations she piled on her son. and you wanna pair him up romantically with someone who won’t take his shit and smile? will call him out? HAH.

im not saying this because i think jiang cheng should be with a softer personalitied (guy) like lan xichen or wen ning or huaisang because god knows those pairings have their own issues. im just saying that in canon-verse all i can ship whole-heartedly is jiang cheng / therapy, but since there is not therapy in canon-verse, or even if there WAS then there’s no way he’d admit to needing it, then yeah he can stay single for all his bitter life. better that than making jiang parent relationship 2.0 like fuck.

(this of course means that in modern aus where he DOES get therapy i am Open)

also real quick but jiang cheng was NOT a good parent to jin ling and i will not take constructive criticism like sure he was better than the jiang parents and the lan parents but that is SUCH a low fuckin bar and it’s a fact that in chapter 9 jin ling literally thinks “if I can’t slice off her head with this blow, I will die here- death it is then!!” (taken gratefully from the exiled rebels scanlation) and that is NOT a healthy-minded child.

the only healthy minded children is like. jingyi. and probably sizhui. although i am not here for the way the lan sect raise children but sometimes you have to take what you can get.

also i want you to look me in the eye and tell me that wen qing could and would do anything besides throw down with someone that so much as looked at her brother wrong

because jiang cheng apparently decided to lay the blame for jin zixuan’s death at wen ning’s feet (which is incredibly ironic considering he blames wei ying for yanli’s death??? like i feel like he could stand to use his brain cells a bit more??) and repeatedly tried to kill him.

#anyway this has been my ted talk #i dunno im just getting kinda tired of a certain writer and their idealized world but eh #it happens a lot too and damn cql certainly made wen qing more waif-ey #i didnt and do not want to get into the implied xianqing either do not start #im just saying that jiang cheng has a lot of flaws that people like to ignore a lot #this is true for many other charas too tbf #jiang cheng #not the angel you like to think he is #wen qing #not exactly the forgiving type #like i said tho they do work well together in modern aus with therapy available #and also tbf this isnt exactly my only issue with this author's fic(s) either lmao but hey #jiang cheng the prat #always ranks p high in my grievances #esp considering its a post-canon fix-it type so jiang cheng still did All That #also in any case this author seems determined to pair off like everyone into mostly het ships #mdzs #this is not for jiang cheng stans lmao #sorry ive been awake for like mayn hours and just got some difficul news and had Thoughts

10 notes · View notes

literaphobe · 3 years

Note

Im so sorry...is your sister a minor

yeah she’s 17. i really don’t blame her it just sucks. anyway i think i needed to work through this but its also way too long so

lol like that was supposed to be my birthday gift but it has now become a romantic getaway for a man and his gf (who is 18 years younger than him) and my sister and one of her friends. at like. one of the most expensive hotels in the country. the same man who guilted me into giving private tutoring to 8 students at a time while i was a student because he apparently is super poor and has no money and no job. (i started tutoring for extra money and to just. have a job. because he has also given me shit about that before too. if i don’t have a job i’m like a useless baby child who he can never trust to be responsible for her own life. turns out that was just a load of bullshit to trap me. and yeah i was teaching 8-9 students at some point and i think i was like telling him hey i don’t know if this is a good idea. its a little crazy. and he was like no u should keep doing it. its money u should just earn it. we aren’t doing great financially and at some point we might need ur help paying for ur sister’s tutoring classes. and so i did and it hurt me SO much last semester. + covid but also. it was tutoring mostly lmao)

anyway i just. the thought of everything made me cry a lot in the shower lol. like that. quiet cry where u are sobbing uncontrollably but u have to mute it as much as possible so that ur mother who’s washing dishes in the kitchen doesn’t hear it

today we had some ikea furniture delivered. and i was assembling it. and my mom told me “when we were married i was always the one putting together the IKEA furniture. ur dad would always get frustrated and give up” and then in the shower i realized that’s exactly how my dad treats me lmao. i am.... his ikea furniture

so like. i can actually trace the most recent incident of abuse i faced from him back to when. i allowed him to “help” me with my university degree transfer issues. u know. because i couldn’t do the coding degree he pressured me into doing. and wanted to do something else (i could’ve gone to my uni open house w my friends. who ended up entering the arts faculty. and i WANTED to do psychology in the arts faculty too. but my dad and his gf were there. and they just. told me if i did that i would have no future and no job prospects when i graduated. which is SO fucking funny because both of them individually. their grades were super fucking shit and they were never good enough to get into the school that i did. so they had no fucking business telling me what i should or shouldn’t do. but i didn’t know that because they lied to me. my dad lied to me about so many things to scare me into thinking i couldn’t do anything. and at this point in my life. they were still monitoring my internet usage. and there were restrictions set on my phone. mere. months. before i was meant to be a university student. even getting restrictions off my phone was a big fight i had to have. i bought my own laptop with money i made from this f&b job because i knew if i waited for them to get one for me i would be waiting forever. and i was just so fucking scared of them so i got a. ‘practical’ degree. and then slid off my adhd meds because even that felt like part of the trap they kept me in for years)

i decided i wanted to do linguistics and become a linguistics major but my school wasn’t letting me. and it had been a year. so i let him and my mom get involved. which i had SUCH a bad feeling about. an awful awful bad feeling. i was right lmao. i should’ve known his involvement wouldn’t have done shit and would also. set me up for yet another Major Traumatic Incident. which i have spent the entirety of 2020 trying to avoid. do you know how stressful and tiring it feels to just like. every moment around ur own father is u just trying to walk on eggshells praying and hoping that nothing bad will happen. i tried so hard and it fell apart in the end anyway. he couldn’t fix this problem so he took it out on me

my school essentially texted us back saying “we get a shit load of transfer requests every year, even from students from other schools. ur grades from the classes u took aren’t good enough to justify a transfer” and like they were right. i had been off my meds. various things in life had happened. my commute situation wasn’t helping matters either (to and from was 2 hours each) and it has just. not been great. grandad passed away like 2 weeks ago or something at that point. which. may have been an underlying cause for the situation. or maybe he was always going to blow up at me and get violent and crazy. idk

anyway. i guess u could say it is ‘my fault’ for cutting off contact w my father n not speaking to him. but also. he threatened to throw me into a mental institute. and also. violently refused to let me leave the house so he could keep yelling at me. he physically would not let me. i yelled at him to just let me go but he implied that he would actually hurt me if i tried to get past him again. and he said all sorts of shit like he can be crazy too and he can be crazier than me which is something he’s said before. what triggered me to leave was. ok so in the beginning he was giving me the same thing he has yelled at me about over the years. i am super super fucking smart but i waste it all away on purpose and refuse to get my shit together and that’s somehow a personal attack on him. i can’t remember most of it by now. but anyway. i was tearing up and keeping absolutely quiet just waiting for it to be over so i could leave and go to another room. but then he started to. yell at me for crying. its so fucking ironic and weird because in a separate previous incident i was complaining about my school and how much it all was. and i was barely raising my voice but he was like woah woah stop being so emotional!!! as if he doesn’t regularly scream and shout and punch walls or whatever the fuck over the SMALLEST bullshit. anyway. he started to scold me for crying. and then he said ‘if you go out in the future and get a job are you going to cry like this too when ur boss scolds you? or are you acting like this because i’m family and you think its okay?’ as if. i have never had a job. as if i have never had to deal with a boss. bro i swear to fucking god. i am dead to most things now because of him. he can’t do shit. but. in the moment i found this so ridiculous and just SO fucking stupid that i left. i had had enough. i started laughing and i walked out and went to grab my bag so i could go. i didn’t. get very far obviously. and when my dad started threatening me i genuinely thought i was going to die. he was so angry and deranged that i thought he was going to murder me. my heart was going just. so so so fast. even tho i was just standing there. and i told him he was terrifying me (to which he said “GOOD”) and i just NEEDED to get out of this situation and get some space (to which he said “NO” repeatedly). he refused to admit that he would use actual violence to prevent me from leaving the house. he told me he would NEVER let me leave. which was fucking ridiculous. i stay at his house. 2 days out of the fucking week. he literally shoved me backwards so hard when i was trying to leave and he wanted to stop me. he also refused to admit that he used violence or was planning to use violence. i tried to point out this flaw in his logic to him. i said ur going to hurt me. he said no. i said ok then if ur not going to hurt me then let me walk past you and leave the house. he also said no again. and then our cousins rang the door at some point. so then he started to come to his senses. he was like. ‘the reason i don’t want to let you leave is because i’m afraid you’ll hurt yourself.’ which was so fucking stupid. i have NEVER threatened to hurt myself in front of him. i have never shared ANY thoughts of self harm in front of him. he’s the one who would get into massive fights w his dad and threaten to jump out of the window in anger (and i don’t even mean when he was younger. he would fight with his 93 year old dad. fucking stupid bitch). i made this clear to him that i was never ever planning on hurting myself. and then he said fine and let me leave. meaning i had to answer the door to my cousins in tears while he got to walk back to his room and lock himself in

he also. at some point during this argument, told me there would be consequences to me leaving. i guess i know those consequences now lmao. and like. i went home to my moms house. my cousins walked me there. i still haven’t told them. idk if my dad told them. my dad texted me to gaslight me. said that when he said he was going to put me in a mental hospital he meant it as a friendly suggestion because of ‘the state i was in’. and that it ‘wasn’t meant as a threat’ and like. oof. healthy suggestions aren’t meant to be yelled. anyway. i might be texting him. just to inform him about developments and to like. i guess set boundaries maybe. idk. i can’t carry on like this. i hate him and am terrified of him but. cutting him out of my life is basically inviting ostracism from his side of the family. and it’s putting so much stress on me. so. lol

#ask

19 notes · View notes

ditch-witches · 4 years

Text

Insufferable (i) - George MacKay x reader

(PART 2) (PART 3) (PART 4)

requested: yes/no (im so sorry this took so long holy scheisse, there are so many parts too)

Thank you so much to our first Instagram request! @/okay.l0z I had a lot of fun with this and had to channel Ryan and Hannah's angst to help me.

"Hi! I've been reading your fics and I love them so much bc there's hardly any around. I was wondering if you take insta requests and if so can you do one with George and the reader are like enemies to loves and they have really cute moments but then end up fighting all the time and then it escalates and they end up having sEx and then get together or something bc I will THRIVE IF YOU DO!" ... "Is it bad if I want it long ass?"

also I thought about this like,,, a lot,,,

pairing: George MacKay x reader

warnings: slow-burn introduction bAsIcalLy, I think there are swear words?

word count: 2,629

a/n: There are several things to be addressed...

accuracy to George's life is like 0/100 - scratch that, they have the same hair color

think of this as an AU because idk how else to explain it

it's a slow burn. if you need something that isn't, check the next imagine over and give it a reblog.

You put your chin in your hand and furrowed your brows as you listened to the actors in front of you. The bright stage lights kept you at a suffocatingly hot temperature, but at this point, you didn't mind. What your main concern for the scene was simple: your leading actor was George MacKay. You had spent constant, stressful hours trying to convince the director of the show that he was not the choice, yet when it came down to it, what he said went, and you had to deal with the cleaning up. Today was not like any other. An almost two-hour practice, script work, lighting, etc, were all thrown at the actors still attempting to memorize their lines.

But it was this part, in particular, that was becoming the most difficult. Maybe it was because you were the ghostwriter of the script and the director was trampling on all of your ideas and dreams with a man that you could one-hundred-percent deem an enemy. Your lead character, Charlie, had a soft side to him, despite having an overpowering sense of the dangers of the world and a body to match. George wasn't Charlie. George was one of the lost boys from Peter Pan and that's all you could see him as. He needed to grow up and be a pirate with only two motives: breaking the chains of the dystopian government regime keeping him away from his wife and captaining the deadly sea creature infested waters and getting back to his wife in one piece.

But George's motives seemed to be entirely set on getting into his co-star's pants.

His cocky attitude and facade of charm made you want to rip your hair out. Sure, he took his job seriously and had several esteemed colleagues of yours raving about him, but this role wasn't his. It didn't help that you knew him from primary school, of all places, and once he found out, that's all he could bring up around you.

George rolled his sleeves and dragged a hand through his thick, red hair, the veins in his arm becoming rather predominant as he did so. He was damn near playing footsie with the girl in front of him; their flirty gazes bouncing from each other to the crumpled scripts in their hands. You rolled your eyes, feeling as if your team could see the steam rolling off your shoulders. The director was doing nothing, merely smiling giddily at the two tearing the scene to shreds. "Stop," you took the reins, standing up from your position on stage and tossing your script down. You stepped over to the two and the director didn't move an inch. "What are you doing?" You nipped, crossing your arms and stepping between George and his co-star.

He towered over you by miles; you weren't sure if this made him feel the superiority he exuded, but you always made sure to square your shoulders when you talked to him. "What do you mean? We're practicing," he slyly stated, sending a wink over your head to the girl.

You took the script from his hands, flipping a few pages to the scene they were supposed to be working on. He smirked down at you, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he watched you scan the page. His script was well-loved and worn as if it had been in his back pocket repeatedly, flipped through, folded, torn and taped, highlighted and annotated. You tried not to blush at the notes he had taken as if he had actually cared about his role. Notes such as movements and relative emotions were noted as if they were suggestions. You wet your lips, feeling George's easy-going gaze on you the whole time. "... Charlie, we have to get out of here..." You began, your eyes meeting his deep blue ones.

His face fell into a stern expression, his arms crossing heavily with a furrowed brow. "We've only just got here. I'm shipping out tomorrow. There's no way the Republic-" His Scottish accent was surprisingly thick and consistent. He was settling into Charlie.

"I don't care anymore. I'm tired of sitting idly by and watching you throw yourself away for a debt your brother can't repay." You swore you saw an actual feeling of hurt flash behind his eyes.

He chewed the inside of his cheek. "That debt is just as much mine as it is his. You're asking me to uproot and leave him, you know? I can't leave him."

"You'll die. You'll end up like the rest of the mariners haunting their wives for the rest of eternity. You're a slave." George took a few steps to stand in front of you, he was close enough that you could smell his cologne now: a sweet mix of sandalwood with hints of lavender. He smelled like a summer day spent at a cabin in the middle of a meadow. You hated it, but you wanted to bury yourself in his chest and bask in his scent for the remainder of your days.

He rested a hand on your neck, angling your face towards him as he whispered, "Look at me..." You attempted to ignore the beating of your heart in your ears and the sweat that began to spread across your back. "I'm free. I'm choosing this debt because, without it, he would die. He's the last piece of my father I have left."

You reached for his hand, covering it with your own. "What about me, Charlie? I'm here now. I'm flesh and blood in front of you. What about our child?"

"He'll be here when I get back." He pushed away from you, turning his back on you and settling his hands on his hips. "I'm not changing my mind." He looked over his shoulder at you. "Eden, I have to do this." You closed the script with a raised eyebrow, hiding how impressed you were that he actually knew his lines. The emotion he was conveying was nothing like how he had previously let on. You walked towards him and he turned back around. You pressed the script back into his hands and gave him a small glare.

"Practice how you play. I'm done with wasting time," you said more to the group than just him. The rest of the cast members weren't as proficient in hiding their amusement back as you were. The last thing George needed was another inflate to his ego. You went back to your spot, grabbing your clipboard and flipping over a few pages. The group began to gather around you slightly. "I need Eden and Charlie in with wardrobe now, the rest of you keep practicing your lines. I'll want to hear dialogue from Dane and Jack tomorrow. Give me another forty or so minutes and we'll call it?" The director nodded from the first row of seats. The crowd dispersed but George swam against the current of thespians, approaching you again.

He gave you one of his charming smiles. Be professional, you thought. "I was just wondering how that sounded to you?"

You thought for a moment, drawing the clipboard to your chest. "Yeah, it was good. Your accent's a bit dodgy, but the emotion is good. Why don't we see that during actual rehearsals?" You tilted your head at him and he looked at his shoes slightly, tucking his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Was he pretending to be humble?

"I don't know. I guess I like you more as Eden," he jeered, causing you to roll your eyes and he smiled wider.

"You're insufferable," you muttered, walking past him.

He chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll grow on you."

You scoffed slightly. "Go get fitted for suspenders and leave me alone, MacKay."

The next few days were full of constant rehearsals both in costume and script memorization. You had to admit that for some reason this show had you wrapped in a bundle of tension and anxiety. George slowly tore away at your nerves, becoming his own mess of anger and frustration as he picked up more and more on the fact that you weren't going to take his shit. You were serious about this job and you were serious about this play. His humor had diminished as it had gotten closer and closer to opening night and you weren't surprised when he would snap back at you for making an adjustment to his tone or a note on the delivery of a line.

"Stop being such a bitch!" He groaned, tugging at his hair as you crossed your arms.

"Calm down, primadonna! All I'm saying is quit pacing! Charlie isn't pacing! Where in the script does it say he's pacing-"

"THAT'S RIDICULOUS. IT DOESN'T MATTER." He moved to stand in front of you, his teeth gritting slightly. This was what your discussion had grown into, one hissy fit flaring up the other.

"FUCK, YOU'RE RIGHT. I TOTALLY FORGOT YOU WERE THE ONE IN CHARGE, MR. MACKAY. SHOULD I JUST SUCK YOUR DICK RIGHT NOW SINCE WE'RE ALREADY ADDING IN UNNECESSARY ACTION," you would bite back causing him to glare up at the ceiling with his jaw clenching in a sarcastic smile. He wore your patience thinner than tulle. And you were hoping to be doing the same to him.

On the eve of opening night, a storm broke out over the city. You hadn't received word from your ride at all---a man you had been seeing on and off for a while, but still managed to keep him at enough distance that the two of you weren't official. You glared at your watch, deciding to say fuck it and just walk the five or so miles it was to your apartment. Your rain jacket was already soaked, your umbrella proving to be no help whatsoever. But you persevered knowing full-well that if your character, Eden, were in the situation, she wouldn't have batted an eye before dropping him and his lack of communication. As the water soaked into your boots and chilled you rather quickly, you bit your tongue, regretting not waiting for the bus. Cars past you at rushed paces, wanting to get home to their loved ones if the rain worsened---you figured.

Your heart began to pound as a car pulled up beside you, causing you to wrap your hand around the bottle of mace in your coat pocket. The window rolled down, but you kept walking. "Do you need a ride?" Hollered an almost too familiar voice.

You crossed your arms and continued to walk. "No!" You called back.

The car rolled forward and you heard the driver door open. George stepped out slightly, drawing his jacket up to fight against the biting wind. "Come on! Look at this weather!"

"I'm good! Go home, George!"

He tilted his head at you with a deadpan expression. "Don't make me throw you over my shoulder." You furrowed your brows and rolled your eyes, sliding into the passenger seat of his car and taking down your hood. George watched as you did this. He slipped off his jacket. "Here." He pulled his hoodie over his head. "Take your shirt off. You'll get hypothermia."

"Excuse me?" You nipped.

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "I won't look. You're soaked. Take my damn hoodie." You looked out the front window and then let out a huff. You peeled off your upper layer, no longer giving a fuck if George saw you in your bra. You looked over to him while he leaned his arm against his door, his cheek resting against his fist as he held his hoodie out to you. You pulled the garment over your head and couldn't help but snuggle into it. It was oversized and warm, smelling just like George. Your cold skin seemed to sigh against the soft material and you felt tears prickling at the corners of your eyes at how content you were. George put the car into drive after he had made sure you were taken care of. You slipped your hands into the long sleeves and fought not to dig your nose into the neckline to breathe him in. His scent was like kryptonite to you and you hated it. "Are you hungry?" He asked, looking at you briefly and flipping the heat more to your side. He smiled almost proudly to himself at the sight of you enjoying his hoodie and the safety of his car.

You quickly braided your hair, attempting to combat the wet feeling of it against your neck. "No, I'm fine thanks."

"Come on. My treat? I've been a dick to you all week."

"Fine..." You mumbled. He found a nook of a restaurant jabbed into a part of London you had yet to explore. The rain had finally let up to a drizzle as the two of you made your way inside the softly lit eatery. The two of you tucked into a booth and ordered almost instantly, you now realizing just how hungry you actually were. "What were you doing in that part of town so late?" You finally asked after they brought out a hot tea for him and topped off your coffee. His large hands cradled the steaming mug in front of him, his nose slightly red from the chilly weather outside.

He chuckled slightly. "I forgot my script in the theatre and---for some reason---couldn't stop thinking about it." You nodded hesitantly. "Why were you walking home?"

You shrugged nonchalantly. "Such beautiful weather we're having. Thought I would take an evening stroll," you joked, causing him to chuckle lightly. George's face seemed to glow slightly under the cozy lights of the restaurant, his hair slightly disheveled and damp from the rain. You now got a full sight of the t-shirt he was wearing that commemorated a football team from the graduating year ahead of yours.

There was a beat of silence between you two. "Why..." George tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, attempting to find the right words. You furrowed your brows. "Why do you hate me so much?" If you weren't looking at him, you would have sworn he was smiling behind his question.

"Seriously?"

He nodded. "Seriously."

"You dated my best friend, Sophie, and broke her heart," you answered bluntly.

George sent you a puzzled expression for half a second before grinning slightly. "Yeah, but I was ten."

"Yeah, but now she's twenty-one and we still talk about it," you quipped, taking a sip of your coffee.

He exhaled. "I was... I was ten..." He furrowed his brows. "She was pretty. Hasn't some other guy broken up with her since me?"

You shrugged again. "No, she has this mindset where if she starts getting the feeling that things aren't working, she cuts out."

"She's been dwelling over me for how many years?" He couldn't fight the grin threatening to creep across his face.

You bit the inside of your cheek in thought. "I guess that would be twelve years." He whistled. "We're good at keeping grudges."

"Well, if I ever run into her, I'll apologize." He added a lump of sugar to his tea. "Is that the only reason?"

You debated ripping him a new one, but the tiredness you felt reflected in his eyes. "It's the kick-off point. Why? Do you wanna be buddies now?" You joked, sticking your spoon in your mouth.

He rested his hand in his chin. "Nah," he pursed his lips in thought. You furrowed your eyebrows at his answer, letting a titter escape your lips. "You're too young for me." You laughed a bit harder.

"Age is just a number, baby," you hummed and he smirked at you, a sparkle in his eye.

Comment if you would like to be tagged in the next part! Let us know what you think!

#george mackay #george mackay x reader #george mackay imagines #george #1917 imagines #1917 #imagine #reader insert #george mackay angst #angst #fluff #rain

166 notes · View notes

galaxytale · 3 years

Text

mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.

#chrono speaks #griff talks about his ex #for the final time anyway #this is all for me tbh #just cuz its helping me to come to terms with some stuff and feel more at peace with things #i dont think theyll see it #they never looked at my blog anyway before #just ive been doing a lot of introspection and thinking and you guys only see a portion of it all and not even my real like #level headed thoughts on things

1 note · View note

kirjavas · 4 years

Text

episode eight | betrayal

the way they suddenly kept name dropping the authority

mrs coulter’s got her guns out oh no

the way stelmaria took charge showing asriel’s soul pushing him to complete his task

“i would have been so proud” AHH

“your choice in women is almost as bad as your choice in bears”

asriel not wanting to continue the conversation because he’s getting sentimental

“silvertongue feels like my name. it was given to me by someone who actually loves me which is better than i can say for you” straight facts tbh

“call yourself a father” “i’ve never called myself a father“ ok i swore i wouldn’t cry over asriel yet here we are

THE MUSIC

i’m noticing it more after listening to the soundtrack repeatedly and it’s beautiful

mrs coulter calling out all the sins that are literally her own

i like that we’re beginning to see more and more why she cuts off her soul

“i’m the best weapon you’ll ever have” hold that thought

thorold being a better father than asriel

the lighting on everyone’s faces in asriel’s lab making them half in the cold blue and warm pink

roger and salcilia walking into the bathroom backwards

roger is such a good friend

pan and salcilia playing together

“i like the fact you changed my life” “can’t promise i won’t stop changing it” shdksjsk

the conversation about adam and eve and original sin

asriel being surprised every time mrs coulter shows emotion for lyra

“she didn’t want to damage me. happy to damage others.” THE PARALLELS THE PARALLELS

can pan stop being so adorable

asriel shut up now please

“you don’t come from nothing. you’re the product of something extraordinary”

parallel shots of mrs coulter and lyra

the other bears now wearing iorek armour

asriel’s equations make my head hurt

fuck them up thorold

why does mrs coulter know everyone

will vanishing from the cafe that’s my ninja son

asriel stop looking at roger

look at those bears go

do they all have massive bird dæmons or what i’m slightly confused

the cinematography is epic though

ASRIEL NO

ROGER

lyra’s perfect dismount from iorek idk why i noticed that at this moment

lyra and iorek’s goodbye IM CRYING

why didn’t she crawl across the bridge girl stop giving me anxiety

“in war there are casualties. this is a war, one that will free humanity forever”

what a horrible thing to say to a child

roger crying out for lyra

pan’s bird form

help me roger is screaming and i can’t stand it

“lyra will never forgive you” too right

that’s a horrible intercision machine

SHIT

“roger i don’t want to leave you”

roger and lyra making eye contact for the last time actually kill me

the cgi of the bridge to the stars and the northern lights

the quietness and the music when everyone looked at the sky

asriel is such a ravenclaw

“help me create a new republic of heaven”

stelmaria and the golden monkey

“we could take this universe apart and put it back together again”

literally everything asriel said to marisa

“you used to want to change the world”

the music building up to lyra and will entering the portals

how is lyra still alive though

mrs coulter seeing roger in the cage

“we will make sure your death is not in vain”

love that they kept the cat scene in because it’s cute and also a mood

when the cat meowed it sounded like it said “will” or i might just be insane

lyra holding pan

the bit of cittàgazze you could see through the doorways

the final shot of the bridge and the city in the sky

the different music in the credits

‘hdm will be back next year’ OH FUCK YOU

my family are so confused afhsksj

#reviews #his dark materials #bbc his dark materials #s1e8 #hdm spoilers #s1

105 notes · View notes

zenosanalytic · 4 years

Text

People What Aint From Round Here Is The Problem...

So I just watched Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood and I have THOUGHTS:

Ive read a few reviews&ruminations on this film at this point and I can’t believe that none of them got(or at least, mentioned explicitly) the primary thesis of this movie, spcl given that Tarentino flatly states it out the mouth of his primary protagonist within, like, the first 15-20mins of the film: “...most important thing in this town is when you’re making money you buy a house in town. You don’t rent... Hollywood real estate means you live here. You’re not just visiting, not just passing through. You fuckin live here.” i.e., the most important thing in Hollywood, to Hollywood, is the people FROM Hollywood; Everyone else is just a filthy, trouble-making tourist or profiteer who is “Passing Through” and “Doesnt Get It” and “Is Fucking It Up”(It being the film industry), and probably “Secretly Hates Movies”. There are places and aspects of this movie that are basically a Nativist Angeleno rant, written by a life-long Angeleno film-nerd-turned-film-maker, against Hollywood’s critics(and his critics which he just totally conflates with the former), and probably non-Angelenos(and non-Californians?) in general.

There are two ways to read this thesis: Straight and Subverted/Satirized.

The evidence for reading it straight is pretty plentiful. Lots of reviews have puzzled at where the line connecting the constant hippie-bashing, the weird focus on knocking Polanski’s Polishness & preference for shooting in London, and the inexplicable pot-shot at Bruce Lee is, and I think this is it. “The Hippies” are repeatedly presented as a corrupting force: digging through trash, living in squalourous filth at the Spahn Ranch dragging members of “Old Hollywood” like its owner into it with them, selling drugs, and using sex to “control” men. And attached to this is presenting “The Hippies” as foreign; not only from another place, but refusing to assimilate with the LA way of life and hostile to it. The Manson family are the only explicitly identified “Hippies” in the film(other than, possibly, the one who sells Cliff an acid cig). The only “positive” portrayals of Bruce Lee in the film are silent ones of him teaching anglos kung fu, which has some fairly obvs and well-understood Implications.

But there’s also good evidence for reading it as subverted and satirized. Both Tate and Dalton are NOT from California, let alone LA, and Booth’s origins are left unclear. Dalton’s the only one of them explicitly id’d as being from elsewhere(Missouri), but Tate’s easy to google and she was a military kid who grew up all over the place. When Dalton returns from Italy, that sequence and his look in it are VERY reminiscent of the scenes introducing Polanski at the beginning of the film. The side-characters around Tate, perennially shown in a positive light, are also non-Angelenos. Doing Spaghetti Westerns revitalizes Dalton’s career, despite his disdain for Italian cinema. Tate and her crew, while not explicitly ID’d as “Hippies” and often shown in Mod and other fashion styles, are also presented in “Hippie” fashion, shown listening to “Hippie” music, smoking the “Hippie” Reefer(Im sorry, but Comedy Demanded this phrasing and I am Devout u_u), and implied to be living a polyamorous “Hippie” life.

It really is difficult for me to say which predominates. On the one entirely metaphorical hand, the ways in which Dalton’s Angeleno chauvinism are subverted and mocked are fairly obvs, but on the other emh, the film is FILLED with LITERALLY GLOWING nostalgia for this pre-Hippy, pre-Lefty, pre-70s, Conservative and Republican California&Los Angeles. Dalton’s focus on property-ownership&the film industry in the opening thesis could easily be seen as resolving these subversive contradictions to allow for a straight read(ie: Tate, Booth, and Dalton are “Hollywood People” who’ve both bought real-estate in LA, and who’ve grown up in film or film-adjacent fields and choose to center their adult lives in the film industry). So much, in fact, that I kinda started to wonder abt QT’s politics while watching it. And, if it WAS satirical, then what’s the point of the knock to Bruce Lee and focusing criticisms of Polanski on his Polishness and shooting in London? Is that just meant to characterize Dalton and Booth as nativists and racists?

It really cannot be said enough that there are REALLY MORE APPROPRIATE CRITICISMS to make of Polanski than 1)begin Polish, 2)possessing boyish effeminacy, and 3)preferring to shoot movies in London instead of LA. Which are this movie’s only problems with him(though it also takes the time to show him bitchily smoking a cigarette in an evening gown while being rude to a dog). Obvsl I dont object to villainizing an ACTUAL REAL LIFE VILLAIN like this shitstain, but I DO object to being asked(albeit gently) to participate in this film’s understated nationalist bigotry.

It’s possible that Cliff’s turning Pussycat down during the drive to the ranch was intended to be this but I highly doubt it. And if it was it’d be misrepresenting Polanski’s misdeeds enormously, considering that Pussycat, the too-young girl, is the sexual instigator in this film. Polanski liked to manipulate, drug, and rape underaged girls(he pulled the same shit with models in Europe before getting busted for it in LA, btw, then continued doing it after fleeing back to Europe); really not the same situation.

There’s another irony in that, while the film goes out of its way to call Polanski “boyish” and imply that makes him feminine and that this is Bad, there’s also a subtle under-current that... Tarentino sees himself in his youth the same way? He’s certainly never been short like Polanski and Jay Sebring are/were, QT’s 6 1, but the actors he cast to play them and the description made of the pair in-film are more than a bit reminiscent of how Tarentino looked&was discussed in the press back in the 90s when he was starting out. AAAaaand the film explicitly calls that Tate’s “Type”; leaving me with the question: would Tarentino be able to stop himself from implying a dead starlet would have been attracted to him? I leave the answer to your imaginations, Dear Readers u_u

Having said all that it IS a really good film, which I liked, I dont think it’d be very hard to set aside this political stuff while watching, the driving sequences are especially emotive&exhilarating, and there’s some seriously great acting in it. IDK if I’d say I liked it more than the recent Emma movie, tho.

I feel like each of the trio, Tate, Dalton, and Booth, were meant to symbolically Embody LA/Hollywood/California? Like Pitt especially seemed to be channeling movie characters and CJ from GTA: San Andreas throughout his performance, while I couldnt help but think of Ronald Reagan watching DiCaprio(spcl given the character’s likely politics). So there’s this sense in which the film is a fantasy of “Old Hollywood”, embodied by these three, Vanquishing its “Enemies”, represented by The Hippies(moralizing, pretentious, gross leftist) and potentially Polanski&Lee(foreign film ppl who refuse to integrate into the LA scene). Again, given the political history of Cali after this era, this embodiment raises some questions for me abt the film and QT’s politics(particularly in re: misogyny and feminism).

Also DiCaprio is totally going to get pitched a Reagan biopic off of this role and I sincerely hope he has the good sense to turn that shit the fuck down.

Circling back to the ranting at his critics, this movie was definitely and consciously a response to them. Like: up until the last 5-15 minutes of the film, and aside from a handful of too-lingering too fetishistic too on-the-nose creep shots of the female cast that Tarentino simply could not stop himself from making, OUATiH is precisely the sort of “Serious” film Tarentino’s critics have been saying he should make for decades now(of course he did Jackie Brown, which was that and which he blew Completely out of the park). And then there’s that bloody, gross-out, exploitation-movie ending. I dont actually think it was as bad as many critics were saying it was? For some reason I was thinking there was gonna be a massacre of the ENTIRE Manson family, which would have been totally out of left-field. But it WAS clearly a stinger of a major tone-shift thrown in as a Fuck You to the ppl who’ve called out his violent and exploitative preferences throughout the years. As for me I generally like his movies and think he’s a great filmmaker but he absolutely does go too far sometimes.

Rick Dalton, in an evening-gown, with a mixer full of iced-margarita in one hand, getting all up in the face of the driver of a loud exhaust-spewing jalope in his PRIVATE STREET was TOTALLY Tarentino himself :| By which I mean NOT ONLY that That’s ABSOLUTELY the sort of cameo he would have given himself 30 years ago and if it made any sort of sense at all in the film(which here it wouldnt have, obvsl), BUT ALSO that I feel 94% confident that Tarentino has actually done that at least once in his lifetime :| :|

I think the monologue&interactions T gives Bruce Lee leading up to the fight were probably more insulting to him than the fight itself. Contrary to popular discussion, it isn’t Pitt’s character totally trashing Lee, he gets in one good throw after Lee repeats a successful attack at his request(which I doubt Lee would have ever done from what little I know about him; not being predictable in a fight was his whole Deal), but rather an even duel between them(most of the fight is just the two blocking each others’ attacks). I dont think the film was trying to say “Lee was full of hot-air”, if it wanted to say that it’d have shown him getting trounced instead of showing him knock Booth down then trade him blow for blow, but more “Lee was pretty arrogant and a bit pretentious”.

OK, that’s abt all that I can think of right now: thanks for reading ^v^

#Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood #Quentin Tarentino #Long Post #Cinema #zA Reviews #Movie Reviews #zA Commentary #zA Opinions #analytic posts

5 notes · View notes

tellmetheteruth · 5 years

Text

The GazettE in Dallas personal Live Report

I've never written one of these for a show i've been to so excuse me if it's clumsy. My concert buddies and I were aiming to get to the venue in the a.m. hours but Brittney and I took so long on hair and makeup that we didn't get there until noon. Oops.

It was Ridiculously hot and sweaty outside and I am not from Texas, i'm from near Seattle so i'm not used to it. And i didnt bring sunblock. My bf brought me some partway through the day but I still got a little burned. Met a lot of friends in the line that helped make it feel less than the 6 and a half hour wait it was. Signed the banner for the band and some Birthday cards for Reita.

The WT19 Documentary staff walked by with the camera and actually interviewed me! I thought I did well but my friends later teased me to death about talking too much and telling my whole life story so idk;;;; I still hope they use a bit of it because I didn't get in the WT16 dvd at all even though I went to LA.

I was VIP so the early entry was a lifesaver. Managed to be near the front of the merch line and actually snagged a Kai and an Uruha bear keychain. Ruki was sold out before I even saw it and Reita sold out a few people in front of me. I also got a tshirt and a hoodie but it was the bears I was REALLY hoping really bad I could get because I didn't own any yet.

And I still managed to get a really good spot after so I'm glad I didn't feel pressured to skip the merch line in favor of a spot. I wasn't directly at the barricade, i had probably 3 or 4 people in front of me. But to me it was perfect because I could see all the members without craning my neck instead of just the one close to me, and I was still way close enough to see all their beautiful faces in detail.

I don't rememeber the setlist in order whatsoever but other people posted it so. Anyway. Falling was Awesome and the first song after the intro. I was mostly distracted in awe just to be standing so close to them all. At the last show I couldn't afford VIP and I was stuck way up in a balcony. So this was just Surreal to me.

A lot of the middle is such a blur but I remember feeling like I had never smiled so wide in my whole entire life and no matter what they played I would have been happy. I was even So excited to hear Filth in the Beauty even though I usually complain about how overplayed it is. I know they played Dogma, which I heard at the last tour of course, but it was Way better being this close and personal.

Aoi is increadibly magnetic and attractive. There's no way to explain it. It's not just that he's hot- mind you, of course he Is, but.. something about him. The way he carries himself. Its hard to take your eyes off of him. The rest is pretty much what other people say, confirmed. Uruha makes a lot of Weird faces, especially during solos. But its super cute. Ruki has not gotten Any better at dancing and I wouldn't have it any other way. Kai is all smiles. Reita's always bobbing his head with the music like a little parakeet. I don't know what to say. Its all so much more touching being there to see it up close.

The last song of the encore was Tomorrow Never Dies and I was just.. crying the whole time honestly. Any final song would be a little emotional but they had to choose That one. It defeinitely got to me.

After the show VIP was immediately lining up for the meet and greet and I was confused about where to go. But we found it. I waited and took some post-show selfies with Brittney. The whole experience was just.. even more special being with my best friend after so long.

-The meet and greet.-

It was. Interesting. I was not prepared.

The line moved a lot faster than I was expecting and before I knew it my boyfriend pointed out that they were right there and Holy Shit he was right. I needed to get my gifts out of my bag and ready Pronto, because I made Ruki a drawing on the plane and I made Uruha a cute little gift bag with specially made stickers, a kitkat and a note I wrote him. (I wanted something for everyone but work got in the way and I ran out of time..) ANYWAY my baggie for Uruha got caught in the zipper of my purse. Like. Really caught bad. The line was still moving. Panic ensued. My boyfriend was behind me so i asked him to help if he could. He couldn't get it.

Then Aoi was right in front of me. The caught present would have to wait for later. I don't remember exactly what I said. A stammering excited ramble while we clasped hands. He was an amazing guitarist, beautiful, things like that. He makes eye contact. They all make good eye contact but especually Aoi. They all have soft warm hands. But each handshake passes in the blink of an eye before I can process it. My brain is a scrambled mess.

Reita. I thank him and pause briefly to think of something personal I can actually say to him. I gave an enthusiastic "You Rock", to which he smiles and agrees with a nod. "Yes!", he says. It was really cute. Probably could have said something more meaningful but at least i'm sure he understood me. Mostly everyone else got an incoherent mess of trying to say as much as I could in such a brief time period.

Ruki. I totally forget I have a present for him by the way. Im holding his hands and busy being Dazzled at how gorgeous he is in person. It's incredible. I tell him he's an amazing singer and i've always looked up to him. Throw in a few other compliments in the fleeting moment before I have to move on. Not sure how much he understands but he smiles and thanks me a couple times.

Kai. He's just glowing and beaming. Smiles so bright. Its very cute. I tell him hes an awesome drummer. I honestly forget what else I said. As I was moving between him and Uruha I remembered Uruhas stuck present. And that made me remember I was supposed to give Ruki a present. Oh shit. Panic. Reach in my bag and slide the piece of paper across the table to him. "Sorry! This is for you!" I don't mean to be chaotic I just really want him to have it. Luckily its my own boyfriend I interrupted his meeting with. Ruki seems amused and thanks me again. Hopefully he actually is and doesnt think i'm rude.

Fiddling with the god damned stuck gift bag as I step over to Uruha in a panic. Eyes wide. Stop to shake his hands. No freaking clue what I even ramble out to him I forget. Im panicking over the present because I dont have long til I have to go. I let go of his hands to fiddle with it again because I Really want him to have it. I worked really hard on it. I realize last second that i can just pull the gifts Out of the little baggie and drop them out on the table in front of him in a panic. "Kit-kat.." I drop it. He thanks me. Im sure I look like a mess. Not sure if he's frightened or flatterd by my determination as the staff starts to try to usher me along. "Stickers-!" I say as I put those down too. Really not sure he even understood what that meant. He might just think its a drawing. Don't know. But he of course thanks me. The poor staff lady is tapping at my shoulder trying to get me to leave. I still have the notecard that has to go with the stickers. I'm apologizing repeatedly to everyone involved as I finally get that to him as well and leave as quickly as possible so as to not cause chaos or hold up the line.

I get outside and meet back up with Brittney and my boyfriend who of course think the whole ordeal was Hilarious. I am mortified and I hope Uruha doesn't think i'm a lunatic. I like to tell myself he probably just thought it was funny but I have no way to know.

We all go to waffle house because its late and we are all starving. My boyfriend is in awe over how tiny Ruki is and he thinks its adorable. Brittney Genuinely misremembered and thought Ruki was sitting down at the meet and greet even though everyone else was standing?? We laugh our asses off. I'm still embarrassed but overall I had an awesome unforgettable night. I hope I didn't leave too bad of an impression. I'm sorry that was so long, i'm a writer and I like to ramble.

52 notes · View notes

gloxinian · 5 years

Text

ik i talked to him abt wanting to still be friends but, after thinking a lot, i’m really not comfortable still talking to somebody that was that toxic to me fr so long. and ik posting this might not be the “classiest” thing to do but i feel like i have to get it off my chest bc otherwise a part of me is pushing to say “it wasn’t that bad” or to excuse it bc “well he apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again” even tho he kept doing these things and showed literally no signs of changing. and i’m so tired of entering these conversations and having it lead to no change or be twisted to be about pitying him. this isn’t really a callout or anything so i’m leaving his name out and there aren’t receipts or anything. it might sound trivial bc i’m starting with the small stuff and working forward but idk. i’m just tired and felt like i needed to write smth out.

im not sure the best way to word this, but i never felt like i could enjoy things or have things just fr myself. the only way i could talk abt things was if i was criticizing them or it was smth he loved. these are just a few things and alone each of them would just be annoying, but it all just compounded into making me feel miserable like i wasn’t allowed to love anything.

when i showed him a series that was very important to me, the first the he did was insult the art style, characters, story, etc.

when i started getting excited about pokemon swsh and the new pokemon, he immediately started mocking my favorite ones and sending me posts/articles talking abt how the game was going to be garbage, even after i asked him to stop.

when i got my first noise cancelling headphones and was excited abt how well they worked, he immediately told me that it was a good thing they were noise cancelling so i wouldn’t be able to hear him crying.

constantly glancing over my shoulder and making fun of what he saw me playing or enjoying. new game he doesn’t play? looks stupid/cheap/boring. not doing great? makes fun of me for doing poor even after i repeatedly tell him to stop.

and whenever he said something particularly upsetting like that headphones thing, he would immediately say “oh it’s an intrusive thought” or “oh it was just a joke” when i got upset and confronted him about it. and he’d immediately turn around and make the situation about him and how i should be pitying him.

the worst examples of this come from over a year ago when i was still in college. my depression was hitting me really hard bc i was back living at home instead of dorms, i was struggling really hard with classes, and had teachers that mocked me whenever i tried to ask questions. i was actively suicidal during this time and had repeatedly expressed worries to friends and family that i wouldn’t be able to support myself in the future, that i was a failure, and i felt like my only option was to drop out so i would have at least some control in my life. this was the lowest point i’d ever been. i’m going to list a few things that happened from smallest to worst and it’s important they all happened during this time. and he was aware this is how i was during this time.

he was friends with somebody that actively hated me. fine, not that big of a deal bc friends don’t always get along with boyfriends. but how this was handled was absolutely horrid. this friend insulted me whenever i spoke, even told me i shouldn’t talk period. he kept being friends with them and insisting we hang out more. that friendship only ended after (1) they accused me of being a pedophile bc i felt physically sick hearing ppl talk abt loli/shota stuff. and i was the only one who called this out for being so. fucked up. to call someone that for being distressed by even seeing cp terms. he only said he’d talk to said friend after i was incredibly/vocally upset abt this.

one night depression almost got the best of me and i stopped responding to any calls/texts/etc. said friend got annoyed he was scared i might actually be dead. this was the event that actually ended that friendship and honestly i’m mostly upset it took that friend literally not caring if i was dead for my boyfriend to actually give a shit how i was being treated.

he fucking. cheated on me. and told me how he was planning on moving in with the person he was cheating on me with “in case things didn’t work out with me”. he knew i was suicidal over being uncertain about my future and did this, even telling me he was cheating on me BECAUSE of me being suicidal and uncertain.

the worst thing for me is that ofc he managed to make this about him. maybe it doesn’t make sense for it to feel worse, but it does to me for some reason. last time we even spoke about him cheating on me, he went on and on about how he hurt he was bc he felt used by the person he cheated on me with. bc that person stopped talking to him after he told them he didn’t want to do sexual stuff anymore.

things didn’t really get “better” or anything once i graduated. if anything, they just got more stressful. i was still stressed at whether i’d be able to support myself, but a bit more stable now that i had a job and a degree. my ex moved in with the promise that he would be working to get a job so that he could support himself, grow confidence, and keep things equal. i don’t. have the energy to detail everything and don’t know if it’s right. but the short of it is that i constantly had to nag him to even send out applications and he didn’t even want to go to interviews. things got really stressful between us and it eventually came out (after i told him the relationship was unhealthy and unbalanced, that i had no desire to support him entirely as this was a source of extreme stress and a lot to ask of someone new to the work force, etc) that he expected me to fully support him financially and that was what he wanted.

he wanted me to fully support him financially, to take responsibility for improving his entire emotional maturity and recovery without taking any initiative, and to fully care for him once i got home from a full day of work (as i’ve been doing). there was never a “what can i do for you?” or any signs/desire for positive change. it was only “what are you going to do for me?”. the relationship was incredibly unhealthy, unblanced, and it was clear that i wasn’t a partner but a surrogate caretaker. and when i broke up with him, he accused me of breaking my promise to support him.

and i just. i’m tired. the whole relationship felt manipulative and unhealthy, looking back. i don’t know. maybe i’m wrong. but i just don’t feel comfortable continuing to speak to somebody who repeatedly put me down, treated me like an expendable resource, and targeted the thing they knew i was most vulnerable about (my own independence and being able to support myself) when he knew that had made me suicidal in the past.

i know we have some shared friends and he’s probably going to paint me like some villain to you guys. he already compared me to his previous abuser multiple times. i don’t want to start some stupid “war” or drama or whatever and won’t push back or argue or anything because i have a ton on my plate both health and financially right now. i don’t have the energy for stupid drama. maybe i included more details than i should have, but i also left out a lot of details because i’m not really sure how much is appropriate here since this isn’t a callout or whatever. there aren’t “receipts” since many of these things were personal interactions and i’m not looking to prove anything or make a callout. you don’t have to believe me or read this or idk.

i just wanted to get this all off my chest.

#ahritext #negative #long post

3 notes · View notes

jungblue · 6 years

Note

UGGHHH why did the oc have to be so stupid and let JIMIN retrieve the notebook for herrrrr!!!! She should've remembered that that's the wrong one!!!! Ugh it's making me so emo but I understand that it was for the best....😭😭😭😭😭😭

lolol like don’t get me wrong i’m glad that jimin found out bc he totally deserved to know that his girlfriend was a lying cheater… but like bro if you’re gonna cheat don’t allow your boyfriend to hold the notebook full of poems written by the person you’re cheating on them with. like maybe that wasn’t a smart move on your part lmao. but honestly when she was just like oh i can grab the right notebook before he gets to the really incriminating bits!!!! i was like bitch you’re fucking dumb!!!!! lol

Anonymous said: The cheating fic took a piece of my soul I finished it in one sitting. But tbh Sohee at the end got A LITTLE TOO CRAZY like I had the innate urge to slap her. Some part of me hoped the reader would end up with JK, but alas I.T was not so. Also, she pined for jimin at the very end, which was contradictory to the whole ending of “loving yourself first”. BUT ANYWAYS STILL BALLED MY EYES OUT AT 5 AM

no same when that happened with sohee i was like… alright?? get trapped in a loveless relationship??? go off i guess??? like i know why she did what she did but i also don’t understand why she would wanna be with someone that doesn’t wanna be with her. and i think that the thing with jimin at the end happened more so bc she’s lonely, not bc she doesn’t love herself. like you can love yourself but feel the effects of loneliness. like it’s been 4 years since that whole incident and in a single instant she lost her best friend, her boyfriend of 2 years and the guy she was in love with. like that’s gotta be hard on the soul lol. i mean not that she didn’t bring that upon herself, but still i get why she was feeling lonely at the end lol

Anonymous said: TAY i just finished reading Right of Way and i jUST— i feel exactly the same like you, like this fic wrecked me up that much?????? I couldnt even cry bcs i was so mad that the OC ended up alone?? I know it was fucking wrong but i lowkey hoped that Jungkook and the OC would end up together… i just felt theyre perfectly fit…. Anyway the last time i felt like this was when i read a fanfic called “Vow”, its also a cheating!au, im wondering if u ever read it…

no same it’s like i know that i shouldn’t like them together but i’m also like i get ittttt and i don’t wanna get it bc then i’m sort of justifying their terrible behavior. but no i haven’t read vow. who’s it by?

Anonymous said: i just finished the cheating fic (its almost 4am here sigh) and i agree with you about the whole feeling sorry for them even after they did such horrible things and all that but. uh sohee’s pregnancy trap made me pissed. like, jk deserves some obvious shit thrown his way but. i feel bad for the baby ?? that whole plan of hers just put me off so much. i d k

yeah exactly i was like alright jungkook deserves some sort of revenge but i honestly just hate the pregnancy trap trope. it annoys me to a very high degree. honestly that’s the only part of the story that i could’ve done without. though it definitely happens in real like so i can’t be too upset about it

Anonymous said:i just finished reading ROW becof you. And I just really really loved it! Yes, I want me(yup I was imagining myself as the OC who doesnt) to have a happy ending, but realistically, not with jimin and jungkook. I hurt them too much and FCK THERE ARE TIMES THAT I WANT TO STRANGLE MYSELF FOR CHEATING BEC HOW CAN A HUMAN CHEAT ON JIMIN THE ANGEL?I just love how realistic everything was. I didn’t want it to end. I need more fics like this. ROW also is the 1st fic I read in Ao3. Suggest me more :(

ON TOP OF THAT, I was listening to The Truth Untold on loop the entire time I was reading it and when I broke things off with JK, his part on TTU where he sang “but I still want you” fucking ripped me off.. Also jimin’s “I still want you” in the killed me too what a fucking roller coaster

yeah it was very realistic which was why the ending hurt so much :(( but i have a lot of ao3 recs but they’re mostly m/m. row was actually the first reader insert fic i’ve ever read on ao3, so if you want more of those i unfortunately can’t be of much help ;;;; and jxnsajdnl why would you do that to yourself lol. that fic is too sad to pair with that song

Anonymous said: Fksnofkn I just read Right of Way and feel as if my heart was ripped out of my chest and then punched repeatedly. What makes it even worse is that we all know this is how Jimin was feeling when he discovered the truth :( idk I’ve been an angst binge lately and so, this was a wonderful recommendation! If you’ve recovered lol (bc I sure haven’t) or want to read something else similar to Right of Way (I enjoy piling on the angst sometimes lmao) I just finished Comfort Inn by joonbird and recommend!

i know i had a lot of emotional turmoil afterwards i was just like why??? do i feel so numb??? and thank you for the rec!

Anonymous said: Babe I binged read the entire ROW and I’m now in bed sobbing oh god everyone is hurting and good god so am I HAHAHA the ending was so realistic and I think that’s why it was so painful WHAT A RIDE

like i say i love angst and i honestly do but i like angst where the journey is hurtful but the ending is nice jxjsdalnjs lol

#blue blabs

11 notes · View notes

gayspock · 4 years

Text

i have a class in 10 minuites. enough time ot anya ramble#

because ugh. idk but anya in s7 really fucking. bugs me. like

okay anya in GENERAL: i think shes a funny queen and i like her, but like.... ultimately, idk. a lot of the time, with her character, i think its gratingly obvious that she wasn’t supposed to stick around this long. and whilst i dont think thats inherently an issue... i just think it can make things rlly messy, yknow. (spike is another example where like. i didnt jhave to look it up- i just KNEW he was initially intended as a more one off character, from context)

but like with anya. they bring her in as a scary villain. shes then reduced to a joke for several seasons. and then back end of s6/s7 they try to pick her back up and- and it just doesnt... work for me like tht... like its just a bit too late and hasty and i just wish they’d started treating her properly as a character BEFOREHAND yknow. bc god up until the wedding it still FELT like she was a minor joke character who rlly got no serious handling- and then obviously xander leaves her, but idk. i feel bad but its hard to actually feel the emotional weight of that when, up until tht point, the show itself hadnt handled anya seriously at all. and even after. the stuff she does get it all seems so...... minimal?! like definitely shes in it a lot but what she does do- its hard to describe.,.. but it always feels like shes been shoved to the side, in favour of everyone else, even when the episode is supposed to be about her. like all of the actual emotional focus is on the scoobies and YES theyre the main part of the show but its like. this, at this point, just reduces anya rto more of a problem. like jesus her best friend for fuckin hundreds of years got sacrificed BECAUSE of her, after she herself . did something horrible- something arguably worse/on par with what willow did and then. afterwards we got no time with her whatsoever.

and just her backstory ep itself- id ont like it, man. i dont know. i dont like how they kinda retconned her? to me its a million times more interesting if she is the way that she is, because she was a vengeance demon for so long & is now relearning to be a human. like i love that a lot more to be honest with you and it ties in, thematically, more with other shit in s7. and also...... okay hot and controversial take her. i know shes regarded as, like, austistic coded and the retcon that she was just “always like that!” is . supposed to be more of an indication of th- BUT HEY! I DONT WANT HER TO BE! maybe 20 years ago fine and. i think its fine if other autistic ppl want her as rep? i recognise a lot of ppl would have regarded her for years as tht & i dont wanna take tht away but for me. like me personally. i dont know man i dont want a vengeance demon to be my autistic queen . at least not in the way shes executed- because like i said, like.... maybe if she was handled well, then sure, but shes treated as a joek for most of the show, then even when she is handled more seriously, theres more time spent into how everyone else is handling her which wasnt purposeful but its like an unfortunate coincedence if she IS supposed to be autistic. and yeah im brushing over the fact shes. yeah because i am a little sick of us just not getting genuinely good autistic characters but anyways

i think the whole fear of bunny things was a really irritating and. forgive me. but cringey joke too. like it reminds me of fucking (and ik obviously buffy came first... am referring to my own experiences) matt smith era doctor who. how i loathe the humour.... like ah yes we will say random absurd thing repeatedly until its humurous. hahaha. bunnies. hahaha. bowties are cool. like it isnt even funny in the first place but then its done to death- and then the fact that they tried to retroactively make that part of her tragic backstory is so........................ lazy and eye roll worthy like what are you trying to do here are you trying to do here. are the writers children is this baby hour is th-

and god theres a lot more issues surrounding her like i did not at all like her and xanders relationship. in part bc i dont like xander but like... i do think there was some genuine POTENTIAL there but they went about iniating it in the wrong way. because i do think they are compatible but just the whole... her strongarming him into going with her to prom and now shes in love with him (??) and i guess its LESS bad than when other ppl in the show are suddenly in love bcause i suppose she just isnt as used to handling and understanding her own emotions but i dont fucking know man i would have wanted some actual attention put into their relationship but frankly other than like. willow and tara did we EVER get moments with the relationships before suddenly eeyeehaw theyre head over heels and the only reason THEY did is bc they couldnt do that right off the bat bc theyre wlw ans YOU KNOW WHAT.

WE CANT KEEP DOING THIS BELOVED. IM CUTTING MYSELF OFF

#egg.txt #buffy liveblog

0 notes

ziggystardxst · 3 years

Text

so sometimes i go through these phases where I'm 110% done with life (part four, over a year later)

no one reads these but if you happen to stumble upon this somehow, i’ll probably mention some different stuff like s*xual abuse and grooming so if that stuff bothers you then please don’t read this😁

keep in mind that i’m a huge people pleaser and it’s very hard for me to say no to people.

i don’t remember what i said in part three but i definitely remember doing one but i’m too lazy to go looking for it so i’m gonna trust my memory skills even though they’re slowly deteriorating.

i know in like part two or something i did a bunch of bitching about my friends and boyfriend and THANK GOD THOSE PEOPLE ARE OUT OF MY LIFE.

but there’s new people…because of course there is.

we had a situation with a guy who’s about a year older than me (i’m almost 19) and i’m gonna call him carl (mostly because even the thought of typing his name nauseates me. so anyway, i meet carl and he’s cool i guess but then literally the next day he tells me he has feelings for me and i’m like…okay what the fuck😀 because i don’t even catch feelings THAT fast.

i still thought he was cool and i wanted to be his friend but at the same time, i didn’t want to lead him on because that shit isn’t cool. so i told him straight out that i was flattered, i wasn’t mentally ready to be even considering the pursuit of any kind of romantic relationship, and i wanted to be FRIENDS with him and nothing else.

after making that abundantly clear, he tells me he understands. then not even five minutes later he starts talking to me about how he’s ugly and annoying and no one loves him and he’d be better of dead and whatever. at this point it wasn’t a pattern so i didn’t see what he was actually trying to do, but the fat that he was randomly dumping all of this information on me made me uncomfortable. but he was telling me about how alone he felt and that’s a shitty thing to feel.

the feeling of hopelessness combined with loneliness is something i’m all too familiar with and i’ve dedicated most of my time to make sure people never have to feel that, even if i’m putting myself and my mental health at risk. harming myself mentally has always seemed worth it to me if it made someone else feel good.

i know i need to prioritize myself but i don’t know how.

so anyway, this goes on for awhile. whenever i tell him “no” he tells me he’s suicidal, he’s ugly, he’s worthless, no one loves him, he relapsed, he’s getting drunk and is about to go drive, he’s going to k*ll himself. i knew what he was doing but i didn’t want to believe it because 1. i ALWAYS force myself to see the good in everyone, and if i can’t then i make something up and 2. i’m an idiot. i gave into almost everything.

there was one time i was crying my eyes out over an argument with my mother. he asked me to call him and i said no. the guilt tripping started and i gave in, genuinely afraid he’d hurt himself.

the one thing he repeatedly asked me was for me to be his girlfriend. he attempted to guilt trip me so many times.

it was extremely difficult for me to tell him no but even my willingness to please people has a limit. i refuse myself to ever be in a relationship that i don’t want to be in. it’s not only unfair to me, but to the other person as well. i told him no every single time and his refusal to respect my decision further showed me the type of person he is. the type of person i’d never want to be involved with. romantically or platonically.

i strongly considered ending our friendship more times than i could count. each time he’d say something about being suicidal, i’d feel bad for him, and i’d be right back.

he never asked me if i was mentally okay enough to handle the extremely triggering information he gave me. when he relapsed he showed me his…cuts without warning. i was mortified. he knew i was struggling with the same things. this friendship was completely one sided.

going through emotional hell is fine but if you put someone i care about through some shit like that, especially if that person’s a minor, non-confrontational, people pleaser, passive kat disappears completely.

he was speaking to someone close friends of mine, who i view as younger siblings, one of them (a cousin on my dad’s side) is 14 years old. carl, the sick bastard that he is, makes constant sexual comments to this literal CHILD. sexualizing him, talking about having sex with him. i don’t think i’ve ever been so angry with a person.

so my cousin, let’s call him dylan, tells me there’s this girl he’s talking to, the girl is 15, i’ll call her sarah. his conversations with sarah were equally inappropriate, telling her things like “i wish you weren’t a minor”, i’m horny right now”, and “i think you’re really attractive, personality wise”. these are direct quotes and i have SO MANY SCREENSHOTS OF HIM SAYING THIS SHIT ITS UNBELIEVABLE

so i bring this up to my friend ethan, who’s about three months older than me (he knows im talking about this and he did give me consent to use his actual name) and i tell him EVERYTHING about him guilt tripping me, sexualizing my height, the sexual conversations with minors, and the fact that he was sharing these same triggering things i mentioned earlier with these minors.

i told ethan something NEEDED to be done about this as quickly as possible.

i met carl and a few other people in a group chat and since we were all pretty close, we figured they deserved to know about the guy they’ve been talking to. so we take it to the group chat and immediately almost everyone is noting the experiences they’ve had with this man and it only fuels my distain for this man.

you mess with me, fine. you mess with my friends or children, i’m gonna do something about it.

so there’s this guy in this chat, i’ll call him tyler. tyler posts on his instagram story saying something along the lines of “leave carl alone he didn’t do anything” despite all the P R O O F right in front of them and they continuously tried to flip this situation and say tyler was the one in the wrong. TYLER, WHO IS 14 AND BEING SEXUALIZED BY A 20 YEAR OLD, A GROWN ASS FUCKING MAN, IS IN THE WRONG.

as you can imagine, this pissed me off beyond belief. every part of it. i was angry at myself for letting him manipulate me for so much. i was angry at him for manipulating me, and preying on children. i was angry at tyler for SUPPORTING it. and i was angry that there was nothing i could realistically do.

anyway, yesterday tyler “apologizes” by basically saying lol sorry but im not gonna stop being friends with this predator and everyone is like…okay😃

like…are me and ethan really the only people who are outraged by this whole thing???

i strongly feel like my anger is 100% justified but idk

#kat’s thoughts #long post #well longish i guess

0 notes

wishgavin-blog · 5 years

Text

rules & mun.

general etiquette.

please be respectful. i don’t think that needs to be repeated. you’re free to critique certain aspects about my muse, but i can guarantee you their core personality is something i won’t change. also, if you’re going to critique my muse, just don’t be a dick about it, and be constructive please

i’m hugely all for the idea of casually IM’ing, and the concept doesn’t scare me, even if it’s just to spot-check on little details here and there. i’m also well-known for freely im’ing people, so just let me know if that makes you uncomfortable!

if i interact with you, it means i’ve read your bio, probably multiple times! you don’t have to worry about that.

roleplaying.

hey so i have a life; please don’t pester me repeatedly about our threads. probably once a week is a good time to poke me.

don’t godmod ( attempt to control my muse during your reply ) cuz that’s pretty bad. if during your reply, you want my muse to do something, 90% of the time it’s cool, but please just double-check with me in an IM or something.

in fact, i pretty much only roleplay with plots involved. they can be silly or lighthearted, or dark if you want, but i’m just no good at random starters where two folks who know nothing about each-other just kinda gotta smoosh themselves together. it’s weird sometimes okay. that being said, i’m cool with pretty much any topic and i’m always down for an interesting thread where they Don’t Just smoosh into each-other y’know.

my IMs are always open for plotting and stuff, and once we get to know one-another and i’m cool with you, i can hand out my discord.

i don’t rp nsfw. that doesn’t mean i’m against it; hell i’m all for it, but the idea of writing it out just seems to go on longer than i ever would like. i’m usually all for the idea of rp’ing foreplay and aftercare, but not really the act, y’know? fade to blacks are where it’s at with me. also if you’re a minor, i won’t even do that sorta stuff with you. it’s illegal kids.

i do rp other stuff, like violence, etc., and i will most definitely tag it as well as put a read more before the triggering thing happens. more on that in the tagging section. i’m usually okay with most topics ( unless it’s otherwise stated in my mun section with my own triggers ), but run it by me first.

while klavier isn’t most known for swearing, it might be on this blog. i curse like a sailor and i don’t usually think about tagging it, but if it makes you uncomfortable i’ll def make exceptions!

also while i have some pretty predetermined headcanons for my muse’s relationships with others, i’m always down to discuss it and compromise. it isn’t fair for me to have complete control, or you to have complete control, of the headcanon present unless we both look at each-other and agree with it. this goes especially for kristoph and daryan. even though they’re mentioned with predetermined relationships and dynamics in mind, i’m always down to change it with you specifically ( though it won’t be changed on the bio, it’ll still apply with your specific interaction, y’know? ).

i always kinda try to go with the writing flow, but not necessarily match length. i’m always down for one- and some-liners, but if i give you a paragraph, please don’t give me a one-liner. i get the impression you’re not interested, so if you don’t wanna give that impression just Don’t do that. i also won’t try to give you paragraphs if we’ve established a one- and some-liner flow.

i also don’t use icons? so that’s a thing. it’s too hard to keep up with all of them man.

following.

as on my description, i’m selective. i won’t follow you unless i wanna interact with you.

i’m also more selective about multi-verse characters, especially if it’s a fandom i don’t know ( and i don’t know a lot of fandoms, so just bear with me ). this counts for professor layton, since i haven’t played PL vs. AA. if you’re an oc, i’m cool with that, just please have a bio so i know who i’m working with and how my muse could interact with them best.

i don’t follow / rp with personal blogs. also if you’re a personal, please don’t reblog my posts.

i will not follow if ( don’t take these personally it’s not your fault! ) — you’re a double; you don’t have a rules / mun page; you don’t have an about; you don’t trim posts; i don’t see how our characters could interact ( within and outside of ace attorney fandom )

i will unfollow if — you post a lot of ooc things not relevant to rp; your rp blog is also your personal but also not sometimes you know the ones; you say something against my beliefs; if something on your blog makes me uncomfortable. i’m not really obligated to tell you why if we aren’t super close

shipping.

hoo boy so klavier is a big gay. he’s literally never thought about dating a girl in his life. please don’t try to convince him or me.

this blog is multi-ship, and what relationships he’s in can be found in his verses ( if you care about that stuff idk ). ships are based off chemistry, as i’m the kinda person that likes the softer, more romantic feelings between muses and a lot of intentional strife for the sake of Ship Drama and Constant Angst makes me tired. like i’m all for occasional angst for relationship development but like please

if you even think about shipping klavier and kristoph please leave. actually let me know who you are first so i can block you and tell my friends to block you too. that’s how much i’m against it

there’s never gonna be a situation where klavier’s gonna have a healthy relationship with daryan. i’m all for it in an unhealthy way but if you try to make your daryan ooey-gooey and suddenly everything klavier’s ever wanted, it’s weird, out of canon, and i’m not for it. the man went to jail for smuggling shit in klavier’s own guitar and blew it up to destroy the evidence he doesn’t love him That Much.

klavier is a frivolous big gay flirt and he’ll probably flirt with any male muse that’s age-appropriate. i don’t ship klavier with anyone under the age of 20 ( so 21+ for the folks at home watching ). no minors, of course, for obvious reasons, but i’m also deeply uncomfortable with the idea of a 25 year old man being together with a fresh adult. it’s not pedophilia sure but i still find it morally wrong as to why a 25 year old man can’t find a relationship with people his age. don’t try to convince me or i’ll hard block you like so fast.

mun.

hello! i’m ji-ji, your local nonbinary blob on the internet! i’m 21 years old and use they/them pronouns!

i have clinically diagnosed depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder ( bpd ), and i’m currently going to university, so such things can definitely intrude on my reply speed and motivation.

i also happen to be a part of and mod a pokemon rp group, which is my main fandom! considering this is a secondary / side fandom, i might not be on this blog that often. that being said, i’m relatively new to indie rp, and especially that of ace attorney rp. the last time i did indie ( though it was here on tumblr ), was back before we had im’ing, if that tells you anything! so the new landscape of indie and how it works is rather daunting for me, so please be patient!

i have triggers, but they’re only brought about without proper warning, IE if you don’t run it by me and it happens very suddenly. these triggers are: major character death, verbal abuse, & emotional abuse — namely gaslighting. again, if this is brought up ahead of time, it’s fine, minus the major character death. please don’t have your muse up and die on me mid-thread.

the only games i haven’t played are Professor Layton vs. Ace Attorney and Investigations 2 ( though i’ll get to it… i’ll get to it alright… )

i really love making new friends and ace attorney is one that i’m really passionate about and have been in for a long time! you’re always free to IM me just to talk about stuff!

thank you for reading this. you’re wonderful 💕

[ navigation ]

#rules

0 notes