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soldier-poet-king · 1 year

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I love my Nonna dearly but I also just got my first real "here's how you should find a man" advice so truly 2023 IS my Charlotte Lucas year

To be fair, I'll give them credit, this is one of the first times my family has pulled this shit on me. I suppose my "I'm too busy focusing on school" excuse that I used through all 8 years of undergrad and grad school doesn't really work now that I've been working full-time for a year. And she also didn't bring it up in front of everyone or out of the blue, it came up because we had been discussing how insane my motherhas been about babies lately and my Nonna said "oh it's BC she's waiting for grandkids"

And like??? Just because my mother got married and had kids by my age (which may have been the right decision for her, this isn't judging even if I think her life went to shit bc of it) doesn't mean it's the right decision for ME

In fact, it is the ABSOLUTE WRONG decision for me. Theres a whole long list of reasons why I'm not getting married + or having children, including but not limited to: the trauma of my parents marriage and my childhood, my own ongoing health stuff, the whole religious queer anxiety guilt complex I've got going, the fact that if I were to get pregnant the resulting mental health crisis and dysphoria would undoubtedly make me *** y'know not soemthing that is frequently a source of nightmares for me or anything, my inability to take care of myself let alone CHILDREN, and the anxiety of raising children religious when I don't even know wtf is going on with me, CHILDREN??? IN THIS ECONOMY????

Ofc I can't exactly say any of this to my Nonna who, while incredibly sweet and loving and Good, is also like. Not at all exposed to these concepts and would probably freak out if I was like hello yes I am a big fat queer and I rlly hate the concept of gender and societal ideas of womanhood :) it also doesn't help that rlly the only single, middle aged woman my Nonna knows is this lady who works at the church who is DEFINITELY a badly closeted lesbian but also she's super fuckin mean and condescending and no one likes her BC she's a bitch, on top of the whole being a badly closeted lesbian in a conservative heteronormative religious environment

Like even IF I were to get licitly Catholic married to a man. You wanna find one for me??? My Nonna was like "go to church more to find a man" HELLO??? WHERE??I GO TO MASS EVERY WEEK?? Every religious man I know irl is a radtrad women can't wear pants type or is a manchild. Even if I COULD find a normal man, he'd have to get real cool about some stuff real quick. In that forever dilemma of too leftist queer for the religious and too religious for the leftist queers. (Obvs your partner doesn't have to be your duplicate but I'm like. Generally being on the same page. The same BALLPARK. is probably conducive to having a healthy relationship, y'know?)

Besides a significant part of my having 0 social life is because I am living in my parents basement which is in a shitty not-a-suburb of mostly immigrant families with youngish kids or super old folks from when the neighborhood was built, so it's poor and run down but also super fuckin far from anything To Do, so it's the WORST of both worlds of urban sprawl. And I have no car. And I already spend 2.5 hrs a day commuting for work. And I'm chronically tired. And joining a fencing club or taking art class or whatever costs MONEY y'know the thing I'm trying to SAVE by living in this hell place???? She literally said in the same convo "live here as long as possible to save money" like??? YOU CANT HAVE UR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO as long as I'm living here I'm NOT going out and meeting ppl BC there is literally Nowhere To Go. Big box stores like Walmart? Yet another strip mall? The highway??? THIS IS SOULLESS HELL of neither nature NOR accessible city amenities

And anyway, I would rather be in a long term marriage for tax benefits relationship anyway. Not platonic, not romantic, but a secret third thing (jk but also serious). Like. Mutual devotion that blurs the lines and transcends labels. It could be completely chaste. It could not be. It's not a dealbreaker really. It's about trust and devotion and companionship and love. But also I'm insane and I KNOW how insane and obsessive I sound, and society prioritizes nuclear family relationships and not the weird ass shit I crave, and I feel too much too fast and would ruin any relationship I had even if I WERE to somehow find someone who prioritizes those things too

So like. It's fine. Most days (not all ofc, but I'm trying) I'm okay with this and being on my own and learning to cultivate my own peace and Goodness and I know who I am and what I believe and what I trust to be Good and I'm working toward that and I'm not sacrificing it for anything. But also. Can you give a bitch a break. Please. I'm so fkin tired

#franposting #my bday isnt even til JUNE #im going to bitch anyway #im genuinely really upset but part of that is bc my headache has come back #and its worse than ever #i might cry but my head already hurts too much #i got really good news at work and only the men in my family made a big deal #the women were just. meh. and ofc none of them have careers so why should ot be important to me?#as the only granddaughter ofc :))))#i am going. to crawl into bed. hair washed. lavender candle on.#do a lil meal planning. and then read or maybe just sleep.#tmrws goals after church are gym and grocery shopping before dnd #have to make my body hurt so much i cant think again #ofc bro 1 has claimed the car. so maybe i cant go #god. gos. i fuckin need to get out of here #but i literally cannot afford even studio apt rent in the city #and moving to one of the boroughs doesnt gwt me any closer to anything esp without a car #literally. just like. fuckin kill me #or find me a decently paid not soul killing job in a smaller city or even a town #where i could have a garden #or a porch swing. sit in. the sunlight

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snekdood · 2 years

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idk man maybe its just me but when i hear people say “humans are horrible” usually its in frustration about their trauma or about human injustice on a wide scale... against other humans. so probably....... they’re just being hyperbolic, bud.

why would someone say “humans are horrible” in reference to humans abusing other humans and then think “all humans are horrible”. clearly they care enough about the human being abused to even feel that way in defense of them. like idk maybe stop taking shit so literally online all the time. fuck.

#like im p sure ive said this in the past and i feel like if you've interpreted that from me that 'all humans are terrible' then you're just #making shit up to hate me lmao how do you get that from that #kinda like when people are like 'men are trash'... obviously they dont mean all men #obviously its not good to tweet that #but someones venting their frustrations so idk. maybe have more empathy about why someone came to that conclusion lol?#bc personally- regarding many ppl around me. ive found dogs to be nicer than a lot of humans #but i also grew up in christian suburbs so there ya go #try growing up here and having christianity shoved down your throat and passive aggressive old white women everywhere being shitty #and not at some point- in venting- say some shit along those lines #maybe its different in homes with families that generally get along anmd generally arent abusive #maybe your lack of significant trauma makes it easier for you to meet people who are cool and u expect more respect in the love u receive #maybe some people are fucking tired and feel divorced from humans enough- because dogs were better at being a family to you-#that they say some shit bc literally everyone in their family emotionally neglects them. shows 0 physical affection and some even #physically abuse them and they develope a lot of mental health issues that makes it hard for them to keep friends #and the only people they're generally exposed to are abusive like idk #just maybe consider ppls reasons for saying it and maybe dont take it so fuckin literally idk #im sorry that for some reason you felt personally included in my personal venting about my offline life even tho idk you #anyways now i hafta filter the way i vent lest some stranger think my posts are about them i guess lol #anyways. MANY humans are horrible. hows that?#and yes rebecca. i have since realized when i was 14 that actually! theres good people outside of my family #granted it took me a while bc i self isolated until i was 18 then made shitty friends that stalled my conclusion that #MAYBE perhaps theres a human out there that i can get along with that wont be weirdly competitive and passive aggressive all the time #idk what it is about christian suburbs but yeah #so anyways ppl rbing that post about robbing someone for saying this obv im never trusting you near me so!#thanks for continuing to reinforce in my mentally ill partial-to-dogs brain that humans are typically untrustworthy #thats what im on now #maybe humans arent horrible but goddamn so many seem to be untrustworthy for some reason #even when you help them w shit? idk its weird but yeah #cant get too close to anyone!#'i feel like i cant trust most humans' am i allowed to say that? am i allowed to vent my traumas?

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gayspock · 3 years

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12 and 40!!

12. Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? If you want, tell us why you headcanon them as autistic. ALL OF THEM 😁. all the characters ever and ever<3 forever and ever more<3 but i think ehrm- SEE. i would say spock&data are technically autistic headcanons but... theyre also complicated cases of a) bestie is it REALLY a headcanon with them? or is it just like that! theyre soooo true yes<3 BUT also b) they're both not fully human and so are they-are they autistic, and its like personally wrt im like "so true yes they are" when ppl are autistic and think they are (myself included) bc YAH but then also them being half-alien, and an android respectively im also hmm. lets actually unpack that. bc its like- its like a VERY similar situation, i feel, with the doctor and their gender/sexuality - because why project a human notion onto them like that, yeah? i mean yes but also but also- BUT THATS A BIG CONVERSATION OF RAMBLING so... for an easier one: i actually do rlly like matthew murdock (daredevil) being autistic. reasons why: i like it<3 but also 1) whilst it doesnt entirely make sense bc obviously he got his powers in an accident, i still think his sensory issues jsut feel too relateable to ignore and 2) its... harder to describe but theres a certain. relatability to him that i cant quite put into words when ti comes to approach to things and certain thought processes. GRANTED, IM TALKING AS A: daredevil netflix fan, and i havent managed to explore the rest of his iterations (yet) but yah<3 (and an honourable mention goes to cordelia chase from buffy because i know some ppl have said thats an out there autistic hc but im putting my foot down on it so<3 😁)

40. Do you collect anything related to your special interest? NOT right now....im poor. and ive had some bad experiences with physical collections</3 sniff sniff. i DID used to collect doctor who cards (i had this tardis that opened up, and acted as a deck- but come to think of it? it was shitty, like as an actual organisation thing like help) and the doctor who magazines. i got every issue for years. i used to take the posters out and at one point i had enough to cover one of my walls entirely omg.

FANK U FOR THE ASK OMG!!<3

#egg yells back

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bi-lesbian · 4 years

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please understand that if you’re using the “original” def of lesbian to define bi lesbian, it should be understandable that the original definition of queer is not something that should be applied to the whole lgbt community

theres a difference between:

-ppl in our community taking terms from one another, blaming them for lgbt+phobic predatory mens actions (+doing other shitty things to em, like generally being extremely hostile and suicide baiting them), and others fighting against that and reclaiming the original meaning so we can just focus on the actual problem thats harming us (the predatory men) and not fighting amongst each other in our own community (-the situation for lesbian)

-and a word that has been used against all of us, and many in the community have reclaimed it for a long time and use it as general word to represent all of us (usually even those that some ppl in the lgbt community dont like, like mogai lads), and not to mean "strange." theres a ton of reasons why people reclaim things and theres just. so many times people do that? even on smaller scales? i literally used to go by "weirdo" online before i became a filthy kinny and started going by rouge.

its empowering to many people to take a word usually used insulting against them, and proudly claim it for themselves and change it into a positive thing. i know that doesnt apply to everyone though, and im not gonna directly call someone queer if they are not comfortable with it. whenever i say the "queer community," you can take that as including you or not, i dont really care, but its my preferred way of labeling the vast amount of identities we have instead of just labeling a few in an acronym and putting a plus at the end.

im not forcing my way of using labels on others, but others need to also not force the way they view labels onto me. we can define things differently and go our separate ways- if you dont use lesbian as any women or enbies (that feel fitting in the label) loving women, then okay, but me and many others have and will use it like this, much like how we use queer postively, and generally just have a lot of different views on words across times and cultures and general different life experiences.

words are never set in stone 100% meaning the exact same thing to every single person on the planet. they dont need to be. and they never will be. its just how words work with how different every single person is.

#bi lesbiask #bi lesbian #queer #queer community #sorry if anythings worded weird #i just got done swimming for 3 hours after not swimming for. Years. and im kinda tired #i had fun #anyways queer bi lesbian rights 🤘

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vermintube · 5 years

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🖊 val!!

OH HELL YEAH

ok so im gonna go ahead and uhh warn in advance

vals backstory / ongoing story is mainly consistent of psychological horror / horror in general so there will be references to gore / violence in here but ill try to keep it concise

that being said this is pretty long so ill put it under the cut!

so basically hes a very weird guy like he used to be very anxious and painfully bad with others because of the fear of being judged/harmed/etc and a looming paranoia that he’s always had, hes very neurotic and hard to understand most of the time because of this

ever since he lost his eye, hes .. not been like that. its like it changed smth in him and now hes just angry / has a super big head about himself because (spoiler for the beginning of his story but) he killed the person who took out his eye because they were trying to kill him as well, and ever since then he realized hes not as wimpy as he thought he was

not much more i can say w/o spoiling but that sort of is what kicks off his entire story

hes friends with cain and cain can testify that hes not .. AS weird and high-energy/high-maintenance when they’re just chilling but if val starts freaking out its hard to deal with, but other than that hes just kind of there

he has a really weird view on himself because of his father being a demon , he’s an obligate carnivore because of that (his father consumed only souls & other people) so val could very well die if he stopped consuming any sort of meat at all (including shitty meat like taco bell meat or whatever it can be anything as long as its meat)

that being said; he’s really, really hard to kill. hes not immortal like his father was considering that his mother was just a regular jackal, but he is very hard to kill like anything that would normally kill someone else takes way more effort to kill him. the only surefire way is fire.

[ tw for skin disorders / etc stuff like that ] and the reason he has bandages on his ARMS (not his legs) is because he chews up the fur/skin out of anxiety/nerves a lot i kind of based it on my own past with dermatophagia dialed up to the extreme as well as overgrooming behavior in canines , and the bandages on his ankle covers up where he scratches at it - hes usually not seen without them becuase hes self conscious hence why i made them non-optional

and when it comes to the mask ive given him as of late, well

theres nothing PHYSICALLY wrong with his face, aside from his big and kind of fucked up teeth and his weird tongue which isnt really even the majority of what he hates, he just strongly dislikes the lower half of his face and he also feels that wearing a mask kind of ‘takes away’ any identity he has, he doesn’t want people to connect with him upon first glance, it makes him very uncomfortable to know that people Know him so he takes steps to prevent that feeling

also the ‘goat leg’ version that i draw him sometimes isnt canonical its just how he ‘views’ himself if it makes sense

also when it comes to weapons: he literally only ever uses a god damn crowbar or a bat thats it like he CAN use anything but he prefers melee weapons

a lot of parts of his design are symbolic since he did start out being my fursona (he still is hes just not ENTIRELY based off of me anymore hes got his own story and personality going on as well so i guess hes more of a mascot but im still really attached to him in a personal way)

also for some random facts bc why not

> he usually bites his claws down to stubs but he paints them black to try to deter that. it doesnt work

> he likes wearing tank tops a lot as u can probably tell by how i draw him

> he almost always has something covering the stitches on his neck bc they come from a really bad time he had and he doesnt want to get questions about it

> same with his bandages but if you ask about him he’ll just like. idk turn you into soup or something he gets annoyed really badly if ppl ask him about that. its the rudest thing u can ask him

> his tongue stitches are purely cosmetic he doesnt even know why he got them bc it was a gross experience anyway

> his tail is super long

> hes almost always on a blasphemous amount of caffeine he has caffeine pills in his bag at any given time along with allergy pills

> his entire body is always sore because hes really fatigued and he goes apeshit a lot so thats gonna take a toll

> “I CANNT FUCKJIGNBG G DO THIS IM SO FUCKING ANGRY” [ 5 minutes later ] “i am a new man”

> he will punch someone into mash potato at a moments notice but he will never hurt an animal and if he sees someone about to hurt like a little cat or dog or something he will beat them to a pulp

> I HAVE A PLAYLIST FOR HIM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> he really likes swimming but he hates being in any state of undress around others so catch him getting into the pool with skinny jeans and combat boots on fuck it

> dont… touch him unless he says its ok. hes like insanely jumpy and it makes him tense up to the point of hurting its just like dude get ur paws off me ill pee on you and die …

> that being said hes also immensely touchstarved he wants a hug but only from the 3.5 people he already knows :/

#THANKS FOR ASKING I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS DUMB FURRY #val #karamatsu-boy

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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June 24th-June 30th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from June 24th, 2019 to June 30th, 2019. The chat focused on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black~! (https://www.drugsandwires.fail/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until June 30th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Who do you think made the Worm and for what reason? Why does it seem to mostly be affecting Stradania and not other places? Do you think Dan’s implant can ultimately be fixed, or is he stuck forever away from VR?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What aspect of the world’s cyberpunk setting interests you the most and why? Alternatively, what aspect are you hoping to see explored a bit more in regards to how it affects the characters?

RebelVampire

1) Gonna be a bit depressing when I say the bridge scene where Dan almost threw himself off it. Which I'm gonna spoiler tag the rest of this just as a suicide trigger warning precaution. I was 100% right there in the moment with him during that scene. Like I understood why he'd arrived at that conclusion, and it didn't come off as patronizing as I feel a lot of similar suicide scenes often do in comics. This is a man who even I felt really had nothing to live for, as sad as that is to say. Not that I wanted Dan to die, of course, but I get absolutely why he would. And then when he's saved, I liked that he is angry about it. Cause that is a dark reality I feel too many comics shy away from. And just all that gritty realism really hit me in the heart. 2) I don't know who made the worm and I don't think it matters all that much. Rather, I think the reason is more important, and the reason I think is to either kill VR or draw attention to Dan's shitty country. Which I kind of want to believe the latter, that this is somehow politically motivated. Or even if its the former, the idea is to get ppl more politically involved. That being said, I do think it's someone in Stradania who made it. As for Dan's implant being fixed, I don't think so. I don't think he'll be let off the hook that easy, and that he will continue to have to face his awful world for what it is, garbage and all.

3) Dan because he is the delicious epitome of a flawed protagonist. He's not mean, but between his drug problems, his crappy attitude towards most people, and so forth, he's got some real issues to work through. But that's great, cause at least that makes the few steps forward he's taken more satisfying. Since he's not getting those steps easy. He has to basically crawl through metaphorical lava to gain even 2 cm. 4) I really like the world's integration of VR and cybernetics. Like it's not on the level it's just there, but there's businesses around it, slang around it, and so forth. It's presented as this super ingrained culture thing, and that is super hard to play off. And it's just really well-done to see all the ways that those aspects bleed into their lives, whether the invention was intended to do so in that way or not.

Historical Jesus

I'm about to catch up. gimmy some time

RebelVampire

itll be going for the rest of the week, so theres no rush.

snuffysam

1) My favorite scene is the basement wake. It's a cool way to introduce those side characters (especially Vlad), and we were shown how our protagonist is seen through other people's eyes.

Like, we as the readers get to see Dan's struggles first-hand, but seeing the way Dan's "friends" think of him as a mindless junkie is really eye-opening

Re-reading the wake chapter made me think of something regarding question (2). Rebel, you suggested that the worm may have been made to kill VR. Could the reverse be true instead? Vlad has this speech about how the victims of the worm are martyrs, and the rest of the cast groans... but maybe he's not so far off.(edited)

My favorite character is Lin. On the surface, she's a terrible, shady person, but she's got heart where it counts! (in a trunk with a bunch of other organs)

Though I also really like Dan, for the same reasons as Rebel. He starts off in such a terrible place, and watching him take baby steps towards improvement is... honestly, uplifting, even if he does sometimes take some big steps backward.(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you think Dan will manage to find Eve again? If so, how might that affect him? Further, what do you think Dan’s past history is in general with his family and others that might play a role in the story?

Historical Jesus

Is the person writing this comic Russian

RebelVampire

cant speak for Io, but while not from Russia, Mary does speak Russian

Historical Jesus

SHe might have had family immigrate from Russia. This story just feels very Russian in the sense that everyone is down on their luck

But yeah. This story is freaking great!

Cryo

Hey, Mary here! I'm a Russian from Latvia, Io's German but I usually consult him on any Russian bits we have in the comic : D thanks so much for reading, loved seeing all the replies so far!

Historical Jesus

It's you

@Cryo Do you have experience with information security or bug hunting?(edited)

I mean, you sound like you REALLY understand hacker culture(edited)

Historical Jesus

ok I finished

1: Favorite scene? Hard to tell honestly. I like them all for different reasons. It's the continuum of the story I appreciate. The fact I'm always wanting to see what happens next? 2: Who made the worm. I've noticed that people who were infected had illegal copies of software. From a cybersecurity perspective, worms only work when either (A) someone finds a vulnurability that has never before been seem or (B) people don't update their shit for whatever reason. Hence why most software schedules mandatory updates. This could just be the inevitable conclusion to using pirated or older software. 3: Favorite character: Dan. I can relate to him the most. I don't do party drugs, just psycodelics.

4: Favorite aspect of cyberpunk. Historical relevance. In our past, rulers were privileged to rule because humans believed they were "ordained by God" to rule. European philosophers then said that the right to rule belongs to those who become the height of natural selection/ The premise being that there is no god and that we are "free agents" with "free will." No one is entitled to anything unless they produce something of value. This made perfect sense when manual labor was relevant and everything had to be done by hand. This includes pen and paper math. Hence why pay is exclusively based on labor value. Enter the age of technology fucked this up. Capitalism today is STUPIDLY efficient. We WHOOPED natural selections ass. We also learned that humans can't simply "change their outlook at will." Humans are mortal and are not much different than machines. The have needs and all that pesky human stuff. Some people could argue that healthier people have more free will than others, but poverty is the inevitable conclusion to this "free will" "labor value" mindset. But people think principles are sacred and set in stone. So what we are seeing is devalued labor and everyone becoming more poor and the formation of corporate oligarchies and dependences. Cyberpunk was WAY ahead of it's time in seeing this. We need to revisit this genre because I sure as shit don't want to live under a global illuminati with hard line cultural segregation.(edited)

Cryo

No, no real hacking experience here, I'm a 3d modeller by trade. We do our research when we can but our readers are a lot more technically minded than we are :p

Historical Jesus

I love 3D modeling

Attila Polyák

I'll be totally honest your work didn't really catch me at first, but I kept reading. Aaaaand dang that was a good decision. This is genuinely well made. I'm only at the end of chapter 4 but that bridge scene was great. I'm pretty sure it'll be my favourite scene but I need to read the rest first.

Historical Jesus

I have one of two options in life. Make high detailed models to sell on Gumroad or make comics. Gumroad will require constant adaptation to new software, but I already have my comic story structure fgiured out

Cryo

@Attila Polyák thanks for giving us a chance! Hope you enjoy the rest ( though chapter 5 is a lot less dramatic in comparison!)

Historical Jesus

Do you have a resolution in mind or are you just making it as you go?

Cryo

Yeah, we know where we're taking the story, but how it gets there can vary. Lots of the scenes we wrote years ago have to be tweaked or redone entirely to work

Historical Jesus

If the "free will" capitalist have their way, then we can expect the future to look very similar. Lots of poor people using lots of old tech. All software and hardware is closed sourced and locked down.The division between rich and poor will be larger than ever. Many of the zero days will be state sponsored much like they are now and they can use this to legally infect people and categorize them and use their own information against them if they ever become a threat to the state or the rich tech oligarchy

When I read this I got sense of creepy forcasting

More kids are playing with the Linux Kernal than smoking cigarettes so we might be ok

Historical Jesus

5: Favorite illustration? Anything that involved gif animations. That's not to say it should be overused but it was used at the right time

6a: Will Dan find Eve again? Probably. Since Cryo has a conceptual end in mind, I imagine she serves a key purpose in the plot. If they don't then it's likely that their actions will effect each other in some way.(edited)

6b: What is Dan's history with his parents? Let's look at who Dan is now. He's a poor drug addict who has had a dead end job. Yet he is not an overly angry person. Just depressed. He hangs around computer poetry people and other drug people. As a person who has experience with drugs, I noticed three types of people who do the dangerous drugs. At least in the US. They are... -People who have had repressive or needlessly strict parents. Thus overdoing drugs becomes associated with freedom and eventually a point of rebellion. But you can do too many of them. -People who are poor and need to sell them because they are poor. Naturally many of them do the drugs themselves so they naturally become addicted. -People who's parents are drug users themselves. The people who teach are schools will tell you it's that "people are trying to be cool" and it has nothing to do with that. Truth be told, they are hiding something. There is also a lot of dark racial history behind enhancing substances and the law and that can influence people's decision to take them, but I don't want to get into that because I don't want to get booted from this server.(edited)

Historical Jesus

Actually, @Cryo, would you be willing to give us a brief personal biography? Also, if you are, then can you tell us about your parents, what they did for a living, and the income situation you had growing up.(edited)

Why am I asking this? I think we can come up with more interesting answers about the comic if we know YOU as a person and how that influences your writing. I was able to infer that this story sounded Russian as fuck. Since the setting was Russian, I figured you were either from there or had family there

We can give more interesting answers that can help you come up with more interesting writing

RebelVampire

@Historical Jesus Your questions are getting a little personal, and while I understand the logic behind them, keep in mind we're here to discuss the comic and not the creators' personal lives.

keii4ii

Yeah... I feel even if the creators are okay with discussing it, this stuff is best left to DM

Historical Jesus

I understand. I would like to give her the choice. If she chooses not to then I understand. Biologically speaking, I think art is meant to be personal.

keii4ii

(and of course, if they don't want to discuss it, no one should pressure them about it )

RebelVampire

yeah if @Cryo wants to answer that's fine. Just for the future please keep those sorts of questions to a minimum and watch the wording on them. Cause that statement did sound overly pressure filled.

Historical Jesus

of course

keii4ii

I don't think we should be getting further into this territory?

RebelVampire

Agreed. This isn't a really appropriate topic for #week_long_bookclub, @Historical Jesus and has little to do with the comic.

Historical Jesus

I understand. I'm trying to demonstrate the the relevance and the benefits of understanding the author as a person. And again, it's her choice to choose what she discloses.

RebelVampire

And again, I get the logic. But just not appropriate for this discussion.

Historical Jesus

fair enough. I just want it to be known

I rephrased the question so it's less assertive. I apologies, I suck with social skills. Hopefully by the time she reads it, then it will be more inviting for her.

RebelVampire

thats better wording for sure, thank you.

Historical Jesus

no problem

art was definitely designed to be personal. The reason why a lot of big budget art feels bland is because it's meant for everyone and they have to not get too deep into offending people. Because it has to make money. That requires the work of a true genius. D&W is specialized and it will attract a certain group of people. Mostly people who value anonymous culture like myself. Or so I imagine.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Will Lin actually go through with her plan to get into politics? If so, do you believe she can actually make a difference? What obstacles do you think she might run into, and do you think Dan will be of any help to her?

Cryo

(i would appreciate not having to talk about my life and anyones political beliefs neither here nor in DMs, thanks for understanding)(edited)

Historical Jesus

Understood

Historical Jesus

7: Dan, primarily because he is relatable. He would interact the way I would. Not having money sucks.

Historical Jesus

8: Will in go into politics? Probably not. She strikes me as a neroatypycal character. I could be wrong though.

RebelVampire

@snuffysam If the worm was designed to improve VR, I really want to meet the person who decided that making ppl martyrs was the way to go. Cause that's some backwards thinking, imo at least XD

5) There's a lot of really great ones, but I'm kind of fond of the illustration of Dan puking up rainbows. It's this cool mix of gross, psychedelic, and not what I expected. It expressed a lot of mood somehow for something that's less grand than I usually pick. 6) I think Dan will find Eve again, if only cause from a technical perspective she was introduced super early on to not be important. However, I think meeting her again is just gonna make him feel bad about himself as he realizes how little his baby steps of improvement are. In regards to his family, just gonna be bold and say my theory: his dad is part of that political group that took control and really hates cyborgs and technology and all that. Thus they were probably not the most open-minded and rejected Dan in multiple ways both through emotional abuse and neglect.

7) I like seeing Dan and Troy right now. Everyone else in the comic is kind of...shitty towards Dan. Like i know Dan isn't the greatest person, but I would hate to be in the situation where I'm constantly being told I'm a junkie who won't amount to anything. Which I mean don't get me wrong, those are interesting interactions. But Troy? Troy is this new person whose only experience with Dan is kind of a nice if not high tension one. Troy comes with a fresh, no prior knowledge of Dan perspective, and I think that's really interesting and gonna be a good way to shed new light on Dan's more positive traits. 8) I think Lin will try to go through with it, but I think Lin is fighting a losing game. Short of stuffing the ballot, I don't think those she's trying to help will vote for her. Instead they'll just bitch and be complacent to the world around them. But on that same vain, Lin probably could just stuff the ballots to win. I umm...honeslty don't think Dan can help her in anyway. Dan is really busy helping himself to suck less at the moment. XD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think Sandman and Fixer will find in regards to the Worm as the story continues, and what does the VR cafe Sandman has been hacking have to do with anything? How will Nate tie into this given he’s looking for Fixer?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Overall, what role do you think Troy will have within the story? Additionally, how will she get out of her situation with having no ID, money, or much in the way of people she knows?

Historical Jesus

9: The art against the web design literally looks like something we would see at Def Con

10: I image he has a lead. After all his motivation is revenge

11: it’s strength is that it's good at making people empathize with characters even if you can't relate to them

12: I don't think Troy will get out of her situation. If she comes back to the states empty handed she will be fired. It might be in her best interest to get wrapped up in finding the worm programmer

Typically speaking large scale worms are state sponsored but it's not clear how far this thing actually spreads.

RebelVampire

9) My favorite details so far have been the small things in the background. Like the random graffiti on the walls, the cracks and dilapidation of the buildings, all the small do-dads in Lin's place. Like none of that needs to be there to create a complete background, but it adds so much character to the setting and each character. So I really appreciate the extra mile taken for that. 10) I think Sandman and Fixer are gonna find that some corporation or someone high up on some food chain made it on purpose. As for the VR cafe? Honestly, I think it's a red herring and Sandman is making an excuse to target them just cause he hates them. As for Nate, I think Nate is gonna join the investigation team but also kind of serve as a negotiator between Fixer and Dan. Cause I don't think those two will get along without help.

11) I think this comic's strengths are a) the setting both visually and story wise, as it's a really strong and vivid setting. then b) Dan. It is very, very hard to write a character like Dan. There are so many things he does that could immediately make him unlikeable, what between the drugs, self destruction, and general assholeness to some of the ppl around him. but yet he is likeable. you do want to see him succeed and not suffer. yet you also still can acknowledge hes unreliable. its a great dynamic that lesser writing could not pull off. 12) I think Troy is gonna be their viewport into the corporate world. Which I think will play a role since there is a themeing here about evil corporations. Plus, she at least knows some stuff better than they do, as she already showed off at the VR cafe. But getting out of it? Nope. Shes stuck and probably gonna make another panicked call to Dan at some point. And Dan will be an angel and help again.

snuffysam

I'm going to go out on a limb here. Not only will Lin go through with running for office, she'll win. And she won't even have to stuff the ballot that much. But... I'm not sure her fight will be over there. After all, there's more than just one corrupt person in the country. I agree with you on the investigation into the Worm, @RebelVampire . I think someone up the corporate ladder is responsible. With that said, I don't think Sandman is targeting the VR cafe for nothing. I think he's trying to draw more attention to their security flaws for... some reason. I guess to get more people involved in investigating? I doubt he foresaw Troy showing up and offering to upgrade the cafe's machines though, so I that probably isn't part of his plan. I think a major part of Dan's character arc going forward will be accepting that he doesn't need Eve. Like, accepting that he doesn't need her help to get better, and that he's the only one he needs to prove his progress to.

Dan's character writing is absolutely my favorite part of this comic. In a weaker comic, I would absolutely hate how a self-destructive character like Dan is portrayed. Like, often characters with addiction/other mental health problems in fiction come off as unlikeable, or too cartoonish, or too depressingly stagnant (at least, from what I've seen in other works of fiction). But Drugs & Wires strikes a great balance where character progression isn't always linear, and isn't always positive, but it's there, and that fluidity makes you want to root for him more each chapter.

Attila Polyák

Now that I finally read all of it... 1, The bridge scene at the end of chapter 4, that was really done. 2, Dan's implant... I'm pretty sure it can be fixed, but I have doubts if Dan will ever have the resources to have it fixed. As a matter of fact I feel like he'll never have the money or influence to have it fixed and the way it is he can't really replace it either, so... He's probably stuck without VR. 3, Lin! She's awesome! 4, Probably the grey market implant dealers, even though that's kinda bog standard cyberpunk stuff. :) 6, Yes, they will probably meet again. And yes, I do feel like we'll need to see more of Dan't past history especially about how he got involved in... well in everything that's his current life. 7, Nagy, as surreally odd, is a great addition to Dan. Like at times I thought his absurdity would actually help Dan. 8, Ofc she will, you don't forge that much "voter trust" for nothing. And Dan, tho probably seemingly unwillingly, will likely help her one way or another.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Do you think Dan will ever be able to kick his drug habit, or will he continue to fall back into it forever? How will this affect his relationships? Further, how will his habits shape his future role in the story?

RebelVampire

13) I'm looking forward to getting more info about the worm. Cause right now I dont feel any more knowledgeable than I did at the start, and I'm itching to see Sandman, Fixer, or Dan to somehow get a bigger clue to what's going on. 14) I think both will apply. In that Dan will kick the habit eventually but will always be at risk because addiction is not really something you just completely cure. It's a battle he'll have for his entire life, even if he learns to manage it. As for for his relationships, I don't think it'll have much affect, tbh. Maybe things with Lin will improve, maybe Eve. But everyone else is kind of a jerk who already writes him off. Dan is in need of a fresh start somewhere far away.

Historical Jesus

13: Same here. I would like to know more about the worm. I hope that Cyro puts a cool technical characteristic into the worms behavior so that creates interesting and unique challenges for the characters 14: Statistically speaking most people do not kick their drug habit's. Especially not in the position he is in. Based on the story's cultural nature, I doubt the ending will be happy. But I am sure it will be interesting

Cryo

Thanks so much for picking and reading our comic this week! I've had a great time reading all the replies, especially since we don't hear from new readers often, and it's gonna come in handy when we get back into writing more stuff for the comic.

snuffysam

I had a great time reading it, Cryo!

Io.Black

Just wanted to add my own thanks to everybody who took the time to read and comment this past week. As a writer, it’s always incredibly valuable to get a sense of what people are taking away from your work, as well as where they think it’s headed.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Drugs & Wires this week! Please also give a special thank you to Mary Safro & Io Black for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Drugs & Wires, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://www.drugsandwires.fail/

Drugs & Wires’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/drugsandwires

Drugs & Wires’ Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/Cryodraws

Drugs & Wires’ Merch: https://www.hellovoid.online/

Safro’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/marysafroart

Io Black’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/b_iologic

#ctparchive #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comics #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #drugs and wires #drugs & wires #mary safro #io black

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judyta217-blog · 6 years

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Things I Wish I Knew Coming Into a UC (or just UCI specifically bc I can’t speak for every UC)

Q: Do my AP’s even matter? Don’t I just need to get an A in the class and look good for college?

A: YES they matter a lot. Maybe I’m just dumb and I didn’t know this but AP credits do you a lot of good in college because there are these lovely things called enrollment windows. And the amount of AP credits you have affects the time of you enrollment window. So i.e. 58 credits you get your enrollment window at 11:15 am on Monday; 14 credits you get your enrollment window at 5:00 pm next Thursday

Q: Why does having an early enrollment window matter?

A: Well it matter bc everyone wants to have a good time in college amirite? So you want the best or easiest classes? And usually those classes are in high demand because who doesn’t want the best professor for that Chem or Anthropology class? Since I am a STEM major, I can can only speak on the part of classes like Biology and Chemistry because that’s all I’ve taken. So far my bio and chem classes with the “good” teacher have filled up within the first week ish. So if your enrollment date happened to be in the second week and you needed that class you will need to 1) stalk the class schedule thing for someone to switch out 2) wait for ppl to fail (bio and chem classes are taken in a series so lets say ur taking bio 1 and you need to get into bio 2; you’d have to wait for someone who signed up for bio 2 but failed bio 1)

Q: Housing?

A: They will send you an email and stuff. In terms of finding a room mate and stuff, most people go onto Facebook, click on the UCI Class of 2022 page, join it and look at the things people post. I would personally message the person I would like to room with just to get a sense of who they are as a person and if y’all would get along. Ask anything and address any issues you may have from the start because you’re going to be sharing a room and spending a whole year with these people and ofc you’d want it to be as smooth and easy as possible.

Q: What’s housing at UCI like?

A: Shit honestly LOL. Okay okay your first year dorms aren’t that bad. I actually like it a lot. But UCI has 2 types of housing for first years: 1) Middle Earth 2) Mesa Court. It’s actually the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th year of housing at UCI that’s hella shitty. There’s different housing for upper classman that you’ll figure out when you come here lol. But for UCI, we had to wake up at like 6:30 am one morning to get housing for 2018-19. It’s basically on a first come first serve basis but the freaking system JAMMED ON ME HDSOFH. Yea so I didn’t get the on campus housing that i wanted for my second year. But that’s fine bc you’d just try again next year :’ )

Q: It’s okay to not be thriving all the time.

A: I think I had a hard time dealing with this these last two quarters because in high school I did everything I wanted to do. Which included:

1. Waking up to get that education ya know

2. Going to swim practice and trying to stay somewhat fit and feeling like I got to improve/ work towards a goal everyday

3. Going to Medical Assistant vocational school to gain more insight on careers in health care (highly recommended bc you get paid $10-$15 after you get your certificate/ you get an externship during Jan-Jun another college app bonus)

and my Red Cross stuff which I won’t put into words bc that would be an essay.

But you see I did all this in high school and it’s a bit of a change to switch from a life that focuses so much on extracurriculars to one that focuses mainly on academics. I tried to be the same high school me, but that’ s a bit hard since you course load will be much heavier. However, this was my choice. You could do whatever you want in college and still be that busy extracurricular person.

Q: How much do you study in a day?

A: I try to get in AT LEAST 4-6 hours a day bc chem and bio are hard for me personally but maybe you’re good at it and that won’t be the case for you. Everyone has different study habits and stuff.

Q: What’s it like making friends in college?

A: Now you can be like senior hs Judy who thought, “I don’t need friends bc I’m going to be a doctor!” lol. But I knew in my heart that I wanted to be surrounded by a good group of people so before attending UCI I knew that I would have a couple of friends going into college. But making friends out of my high school circle definitely takes a bit of effort just because nobody has like the same schedule as you so everyone is just doing their own thing most of the time and it’s hard to keep up with people’s lives.

But if you really want to go somewhere for college I don’t think your friends should be the reason stopping you bc why would you sacrifice you future/ being somewhere where you could become a better person for other people. Plus if they were your real friends they’d still be here for you during breaks and stuff. Go where you think you should go. I promise you aren’t wrong and that you’re will meet new friends and ppl who will push you to do better things.

yea and theres that stuff like self care and blah but i think that’s pretty basic stuff that you can figure out along the way. HAVE FUN KIDS

*if you have any other questions that are not related to UCI I highly recommend talking to someone who’s currently attending the college/university you want to attend to get a better perspective*

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years

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ive said it before but i never won't repeat myself on end im only ever really comfortable with people who like i can be the energetic/excited/passionate/Office Goofarounds version of myself with coz thats just being myself. it cant be the like competitively loud kind of company coz thats not what it is but im conscious of holding back if people just arent like that or whatever e.g. people who just dont get enthused or are cool as a cucumber all the time like honestly good for everyone being themselves but the stuff i really Get is when everyone is laughing a lot and trying to keep that up. a real buddy of mine aka like the only new friend i made in person in the last half decade was my work buddy turned real buddy who was like that. we could talk about all sorts of shit & crack up and us and her sister and my brother would hang outside in the parking lot like an hr after we closed at work and have dumbass arguments that were fun and we'd let them drag us to movies we werent that into but we knew it would be fun anyways. i may be quiet and reclusive and depressed by day but by night i like to be depressed and laugh about shit w cool people who arent assholes about stuff also im always thinking if i dont get along with people who arent like blatantly shitty it must be my fault and not that they just arent my Friend Type and obviously i gotta try to fit their style vs just wait to find people who fit me better. like as though i gotta tone it down always because nobody else is as hyped abt shit when they are into it as me so thats on me obvs, my bad. also i am always embarrassed when i am Passionate about something. including now, but even moreso earlier on. even though that is just who i am and i have always been uncoolly enthused about things i enjoy, and ive still got a spark for stuff i liked since like eight or fifteen years ago and shit. and if i delve into it i'll probably get fired up again. part of why i am embarrassed is because not only do i not usually encounter people who are a similar way but also because being worked up about shit especially in a positive way is called like childish or immature or whatever. but i also know that the idea that taking anything seriously is possible even if you're not acting solemn and weary and whatevs and also the idea that emotion is immature is always only relegated to certain kinds of emotions whereas other emotions are still treated as "serious" and level-headed. plus the notion of "logic vs emotion" is largely meaningless and not only is no one without emotion but everyday life would be virtually impossible without constant emotional input. also, i just know that people have different styles and mine is being v passionate sometimes in an uncool way also, the idea of "maturity" being tied to simple concepts like "not being easily excited" is weak as hell. growing mature is more like having a more complex grasp on a complex world i would say. looking at tiny stuff like "liking bright colors is immature; real grownups nut over beige" is totally meaningless, like what the fuck does that prove. an 80 yr old covered in glitter and having a great time doing so isnt less 80 yrs old for it. and grownass people decades old can be completely immature as evident every day working in customer service. anyways im still embarrassed though mostly out of habit i guess and because usually im talking to myself all the time and overly self critical like everyone is. i mean, like, i'm depressed as fuck and thinking about dying every ten minutes or so and i'm not an optimist and i dont have a particularly light view of Things and i dont really avoid thinking about heavy shit, which shouldnt need to be like counter-evidence to the fact i get pumped about music and like to be silly with pals sometimes. but theres my excuse: its ok coz i'd rather be dead. anyways i'm still also quiet for sure or else i'm totally messing around, one or the other. but at least im starting to not blame myself for not feeling like being really pals with people i just dont really feel like i'd wanna hang out with / not feel like i have to change until everyone likes me as the only way of being nice. i'm reflexively nice and i gotta rein that in coz ive met a lot of shitheads who like to take advantage of that for no apparent reason other than that theyre assholes. i can also get overly excited the rare times i Take To people early on rather than over a course of like months coz since that hardly ever happens and i'm Ol Milo No Friends im still over enthusiastic to have a pal and i gotta rein that in as well like no bitch you dont know them hardly and vice versa youre friendly but not friends. so i'm learning to deliberately embitter myself in certain ways but im also learning i dont need to embitter my at-times intensity cuz thats just the way i am, is how i figure it but ps the silver lining of having no friends is that its not that urgent how much i do or dont figure myself out. im pretty much in it for my own sake and even i'm not that invested pps you know whats really wild to me is having longtime good/close friends. like tf? ppl whove known and liked other people since like childhood, fake

#long post #dear dairy

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arvoze · 7 years

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man, this was sent like, nearly 2 weeks ago or w/e, and i completely ignored it bc i didnt have the energy/ability to care (you literally sent these when it was between 1 - 2am my time) but, it was recently brought to my attn that you put both me + lal in your byf (because i.... banned you from a server i guess, and that means lals at fault too?) so.

i guess it’s high time i answer this lmao. maybe you wont even see this. maybe youll vague abt me for the next few weeks and try and make me out to be a bad person, but i dont care lol. anyways this is under a cut bc its pointless drama i guess. ask 2 tag

additionally: this isnt rly meant to act as a callout post. but since u asked on anon (and im pretty sure we’re mutually blocked) i cant really talk about this privately. this is mostly just.. well. answering your question. ive written this little paragraph after i’ve written everything below, so like, idk dude, it happens sometimes, i get rly heated abt shit and then cool down after a while. so this is wild.

edit: i havent read this thru nor do i care about reading it through. are there a bunch of typos? probably. dont care though

i dont rly have the energy to pull up Everything esp because that lke.... requires going thru so many discord messages adn i really just. dont care enough to sift through everything

“but if u dont care why are you writing this” shut up u wanted answers didnt u lol

nyways heres just . some shit lmao

man firstly let’s deal w your post abt my server

+ dont worry! ive got it archived in case u delete it bc who knows what ud do lol. nyways

lets just do some breakin apart on this:

i was lterally shaking at the time and having my OWN panic issues but i guess you dont rly take that into consideration lol?

this is one of the biggest exaggerations like ... you made it sound like the server was some big special place jdfghdkj theres literally 4 mods and 2 of them didnt even talk to you. the other 2 were me and lal

like half of the server isnt even fucken active on the server and the majority of the other half dont even care about unfollowing/blocking u. what a wild assumption. thts the funniest shit 2 me

please you literally sent me 3 asks when it was way too early in the morning 4 me expecting me to reply as if it was possible for me to give u all the reasons in like 10 minutes jesus christ

ths is one of the ugliest posts ive ever seen + this was posted before you were banned frm the server. several ppl in the server have bpd + i was absolutely not willing to have smeone who says this sht abt their illnesses around (re: the whole “not actively in therapy” and shit. fuck off lol)

here’s some other stuff on my list that you might remember:

(kin stuff) being fully aware that my brother wasn’t - and still isn’t - okay with doubles with a specific character, and that you were specifically warned whilst he was offline, and you knew this was the case, yet decided that your best way of explaining something was..... fuck dude, whats the wording you used? “i’d say but some people here aren’t ok with doubles” or some shit which is! literally just as bad! and tht shit has fucked my bro up so severely tht he still fuckn..... thinks abt + the shit uve said In General (shrugging emoji)

heres a fucken wild ride for u: ur the reason he left th server anyways and why the second i banned u i was immediately happy because holy shit i can talk to my bro again bc i could invite him back! to a chat where he doesnt have to deal w someone who causes him constant panic attacks! wowee

lets not forget me expressing my extreme distaste of lying [person] + r.idged.og + ridg.epho.s but u completely ignoring that shit (+ wowie remember when u said lying was yr friend and that you didnt like me venting negatively abt them bc my nasty experiences r somehow less important than ?? tht shit??? lol anyways)

god the entire fucking drama w the lying shit . i cant believe i was on yr side for a while jdfghkj. that whole fiasco was so shitty. nyways thts nothing to do w me its just something that made so many ppl uncomfy

remember when you left the lying chat and then vented to us about shit but then rejoined the lying chat unbeknownst to us + caused shit again (surprise, i know about that)

you, generally, made several people uncomfortable (myself included), and as the owner of the server, i’d much rather kick one person from the server than have several people being uncomfortable. but if that’s an unreasonable thing to do then please, inform me, because that’s news to me.

whilst i dont support alex or alex’s partner in any way, shape or form (before u try and call me a fucken apologist/supporter/whatever lol), the blatant deliberate misgendering of alex’s partner on your byf was extremely shitty of you (which has since been fixed, but yikes).

(kin stuff) pretending to not be a double around lal, knowing he’s not comfortable with doubles (which, maybe you’re not! but given you’re kin w mc.ree + got that in your byf, and don’t have anything abt not follwing if ur x.phos in ur byf...... boyo)

god theres more but im not willing to dig up all the shit + also dont want to ask other ppl about their personal problems bc thats exposing them to a past/experience they probably want to forget about/never revisit

if u found this? congratulations. you got your answers.

if ur gonna vague abt me? go ahead. i dont really see what ive done wrong lmao.

also, re: why i didn’t tell you anything at all,

i was having a panic attack and almost throwing up

i kept trying to find reasons to keep you in the server, because i didn’t want problems to arise

i will literally never talk to ppl abt this kinda shit privately bc i dont want people to feel bad but 2 late

#jack dont look #bluespace #drama i guess but idk #ive been meaning to get this off my chest for a while but ehhh #i didnt talk abt the thing that pushed me to do stuff but its like ... not rly worth mentioning i guess #ths is sometthing ppl can skip over idc i just wanted to finally answer this

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survivorkomnata · 5 years

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Episode #11: “i feel kinda nervous but also just kinda like i don’t give a fuck ya know” - Ally

The F8 vote seemed to have worked out well for me. I believe I shifted the plan from voting Stephen to Jess as Jess has been socially great but I havent been able to develop a great personal relationship with her and our interests in the game seem to differ. I am kinda glad with my position rn tho I am pretty sure the jury hates me rn but my aim is to find a way to maneuver to the end. Stephen and Ally must be really upset with me for lying over and over again and I might be targeted soon.

i am on a train and so i decided i'll write a confessional.

after having time to think last night (misplaying my idol), here are my thoughts: yeah, it sucks. it definitely hurt my game more than it helped. i am now 10x more vulnerable in the game. but, i'm not regretful? i'm now in a less-stressed state, where if i'm going to leave, so be it. no one was really shocked (though some may be more angered at me), and it kinda helps clear a target on my back because i'm like... easy to beat.

now, let me talk about something. after thorough analysis, i believe i have the least likelihood of winning this game. that's fine. i'm not really mad about it. below i'll just provide why i think i can't win this game, and my personal view.

CHANCES OF MAKING IT TO FTC: to begin, my chances of making it to ftc is very limited. i'm in a state where i have no idol, and i must rely on competitions (at some point, not necessarily now). i honestly think i'm safe at F7, but i know in order to get into F2 (or F3), i'll probably need to win a few immunities (or hope people see me as the goat i am and.. dragggg me BAAAAA). other people in the category of 'limited' when it comes to making ftc are stephen/ally/alyssa. now, let's pretend i do win like 3 immunities and achieve that position at FTC. this has two outcomes. first being that i don't think the jury will majorly respect it. and secondly, well, i'll describe it in the points below.

CHANCES TO WIN (IF I REACH FTC): i think i have horrible chances at this rate. ever since jury started, my management of said people hasn't been the greatest. i don't entirely blame myself (though maybe i should), but i don't see stephen w./miguel/luke/jess being keen on voting me. i think the most grossest(word choice?) of those are miguel. he's going to be emotional/bitter, and kind of rightfully so - i did vote him out. but i also got targeted in the first place for trying to save him. i put my blood, sweat, tears into trying to let him live and... well... i couldn't do it. and, in my personal opinion, that should outweigh me voting him. so as of now, i think i have 0/4 locks. i could see current players voting for me depending on how the game goes (i.e ally, alyssa, karthik) but that's so iffy to really count on. now a quick analysis of other players: alyssa - i think she's by far the strongest middle player/has been the swing vote in various instances. though bitterness may be an outcome, she's played a dominating game. ally/stephen - minority. they are going to have stephen w./luke/jess practically on lock, and even miguel to some extent. they are the underdogs that even i would be rooting for if i were on jury. tim/karthik - both are better middle players than i am. they are always the go-tos to make a move. maybe this is a bad thing for them (and by default, good for me) because they are seen as 'goats' or something. i doubt that though. they have more agency, and though i once again don't think that's at MY fault, it ultimately detriments my game. jake - jake has continually been targeted due to being a flexible, snakey threat. though he may not be doing the absolute most strategically/etc., he has that perception of ''winner'' and ''big player'', which alone can carry a lot of brownie points when it comes to voting.

CONCLUSION: So i think my chances to win are the lowest odds because of my inability to guarantee FTC for myself, and even if i do, i ain't going to be a strong contender to win unless the jury comes around to my busted ass game.

- okay, i want to talk about my personal thoughts on this.

i don't think i played the best. but, i don't blame myself for being in this shitty situation. wait. to specify, i don't blame myself for being hated by jury/players. i DO blame myself for being in the shitty position and limited chances of making FTC, which has factors including my prejury comp strength (there was strategy w/ that but i'll talk abt that another time.

my chances have sucked ever since jury started. stephen w. and i were never on a tribe together, and though i was a 'threat', i didn't flip. i did consider it however, but that isn't enough credit for him. it wasn't smart to work with him considering he was targeting me, but that's valid to not vote me in the end. miguel is a loyal and emotional person, 100% valid. i did not meet those terms at the end of the day, and that's only on me i guess. luke showed no loyalty to me and so i reciprocated the fakeness. we never worked together. jess, i DID try to work with, but she rejected that just to kinda blame it on me and so i voted her out. i have no friends on jury, and the earlier jurors are the most critical to some degree (because they can become an unit or something and start rallying campaigns for people).

my lack of agency, which is my biggest in-game flaw, isn't my fault directly. i tried to be extra social and show willingness to flip. of the 5 Kato2.0 members, i think i was easily the most willing to change up the game. karthik/tim have lied numerous times about flipping, and jake has done so prior. i haven't. maybe i should have, and i would be in a position, but i wanted to maintain this veil of honesty that like i was opened 2 working w them, even if NOW wasn't the time. the voted me and then only talked to me abt my vote when they needed me. i have to be missing something. this isn't a bad thing on MY game when others dont want to work with me, but i cant figure out the missing piece. maybe someones lying about what i'm doing and pitting people against me (good on them). maybe i did something really bad. but, it's a struggle. i thought i was playing so well but now i'm in a position of... hopelessness. i don't have any strong friends in the game. tim's probably the closest to me. i'm just... i'm unsure.

i want to talk about the future of this game real quick. this round, i anticipate ally/stephen will target one of me/alyssa/jake. tim wants to target alyssa (according to him) so i can see her being targeted. i'm unsure if that's how i'll vote, but i'm thinking. i think, if i am lucky + smart enough, that i'll make f5 easily. if alyssa goes, theres no way ppl would keep ally/stephen both til f5 considering they are minority n have that sway over the jury. put in that position, im the strongest physically. if ally goes F7 (or stephen), then jake/alyssa are a duo i can spearhead to break up. but, if alyssa has two idols, shes final 4 and well . it's over . but maybe she'd idol out like karthik or smthing n then me/tim/stephen vote out alyssa/jake and... yea. there's some hope for me but it's VERY circumstantial.

my brain hurts lol sorry

So last night I was BRUTALLY blindsided. And it's kinda late in the game for that to still be happening! This is way worse than Miguel or Luke leaving. Karth, Tim, Zach and Alyssa all overtly lied to me about their plans and votes. Granted, I also lied to Alyssa so there's that.

Karth, Tim, and Zach all hit me with the "but we're allies now that you proved you're honest" and I'm rolling with it because I don't have much of a choice. Ally wants to try something with Alyssa/Jake but I'm not exactly holding my breath. I won't buy anything until people start coming to me with real plans. At least Zach's idol is gone so others might be more tempted to make a move on him now.

Being voted most honest was something I ABSOLUTELY capitalized off of. I used it to try and get Alyssa on my side by telling her Stephen said she's next if Zach wins (even though she went and mentioned my name) I used it to blatantly lie to Jess and Stephen and Im using it now to do damage control with Stephen

Honestly the reason I voted Jess was very strategic. If Stephen was gone then Jess could weave her way into an alliance with Alyssa and Jake whereas Stephen would not. Stephen is still a big threat to win and with him here it means that he'll possibly take priority over me. Because honestly who wants Stephen at f3??? Who wants Zach at f3??? Who wants Ally at f3?? They MAY want Alyssa at f3 which is why she's my next target Stephen: Its not smart for me to go against you guys either way

Me: I already know this lmaoo you want me in your f3 duh

Im gonna go ahead and be overzealous when i say this may be the first game where I make f3.

I feel like I've played my cards correctly and If it works out how I want.. i could win/ get 2nd. I can literally destroy and discredit Karthik's game in a matter of seconds so I'm not concerned and Jake's game thusfar has been straightforward. If I can survive this round then I can make it to the end of the game. Omg if its a f2 instead of a f3 i will scream. I'm being too hopeful rn lol.

AHHHHH BITCHESSS I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Poverty was on my side. (I'm not poor lmao). I feel great and I definetely needed to win it considering the fact that my name was mentioned last round. Oh I also sent Karthik to the basement in hopes of finding something buy I also sent him there so that I wont make a target out of Alyssa and break any potential bonds there.

Now originally I made an ellaborate plan to vote out Alyssa but I've done quite a bit of talking to Stephen regarding my position as well as everyone's position in the game. I'm torn between trying to get the vote on Alyssa or going with Ally, Karthik, and Stephen and voting oyt Zach. We will see.

I have a plan for this vote tonight and I think it’ll work. We’re gonna split the votes and if Stephen or ally goes, I think I’ve set myself up for s really good game. Of course anything can happen, but as long as I don’t get blindsided, I feel good about the rest of the game. Of course, that being said, anything can happen and this is Survivor

Thinking about how this could be my last day in the game is crazy. I'm relying on Tim and Karth to hold up their end of the deal to vote Zach out tonight. If it works, everything will change. I'll suddenly be in a real alliance for the first time in awhile. I don't plan on letting go of the numbers once I have them, but I really don't know if I even have them. Karth was my closest ally since Day 1 and he lied to me and sent out my next closest ally. I believe Tim has been leaking information I was posting in the 4-elements chat for awhile now. And I am definitely the target of at least 3/7 people heading into this tribal according to Tim.

Basically, everything should be seen as a negative right about now. But that's not how I see it. Playing from the bottom could be an amazing opportunity for me. I believe with Zach finally leaving, the 2 duos on the other side will finally have to point fingers at each other rather than doing everything behind the scenes. Then I'm just a little bit farther away from the end. Maybe I can still win this thing.

Of course, I could also go home 5-2 if Karth and Tim are just lying. But I think I've convinced them that keeping me is best for their game. Or maybe it's just that Alyssa and Zach come across as too threatening We even discussed possible endgame scenarios where I go to F3 with them. I wouldn't quite go that far with both of them after all the scheming and plotting on their end but hey, one of them can come along for the ride ;). Assuming I don't go home which is still totally possible LADSHSJKDHDKJHKSDJ

it’s rly quiet lol

i feel kinda nervous but also just kinda like i don’t give a fuck ya know

like... i’ve already been lied to and blindsided so many times that it’s hard to care or have high expectations at this point

i’m voting zach, afaik everyone else is down but again that could be a lie or he could have another idol idfk

i’m only loyal to stephen now idc abt any of these ppl

Ally is voted out in a 4-3 vote. She becomes the fifth member of our jury.

#escapenow #episode

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