#like. the things i have said to this mans face wouldve gotten me fired anywhere else | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

funny-mlb-screenshots · 5 years

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My Favorite ML Fics (With links and descriptions)

One Thing After Another - Marinette notices that, sometimes, Adrien acts a little out of the ordinary--like the time he stood in a cardboard box for no reason, or when he actually hissed at Nino. It's only when she starts to notice the similarities between Adrien and a certain feline that she begins to get suspicious.

Basically, Adrien acts like a cat when he probably shouldn't.

Back to Us - After a reveal so shocking it rocks the core of Paris itself, the villain Hawk Moth is finally defeated...at a great personal cost to heroes Ladybug and Chat Noir. With the city safe, they go their separate ways, returning to the lives they were forced to put on hold since receiving their Miraculous.

Now, seven years later, Marinette Dupain-Cheng is on the rise, studying at the fashion college of her dreams by day, working at her dream internship by afternoon...and occasionally moonlighting as Ladybug by night. This routine is set so firmly in place that, once it's shattered by an old-yet-new enemy, and the reappearances of a cold friend and a hot partner, the whiplash threatens to send Marinette spiraling down into chaos.

As Ladybug, she can do anything...but soon those limits will be tested, whether she is in or out of the costume

Truthful Scars - Adrien Agreste has never been an expert in controlling his emotions. When feelings for his classmate in pigtails begin to arise, he can't stop himself from seeing her any chance he gets—even when wearing a pair of cat ears and a black tail. Although his affections are strong and true, he doesn't exactly know how to deal with them, especially under the watchful eye of his father.

After all, what's a boy to do when he accidentally finds out that the girl he's got a crush on returns his feelings?

[Obsession - Miraculous has unintended side effects. A chance encounter leaves Chat Noir in Marinette's magic hands. Scritch and scratch, this kitty has needs. MariChat.

Glaze - He watched her fade, right before his eyes, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Quiver - Spring in Paris, a time for flowers and love, for fashion and passion. But heated blood can lead to dangerous decisions and Adrien’s about to discover how hard things can be. Hawk Moth is on the horizon. COMPLETE]

Smoulder - Marinette traced her fingers down the smooth lines of the magazine, a blush creeping to her face. It wasn’t just his toned, muscular body that set her aflame, although that was certainly a bonus. It was his eyes. The way his body appeared, languid like a summers day. His body said relax but his eyes said devour. From the pages of the advertisement, Adrien smouldered in a way that he’d never done during any of his other numerous photographs, and yet she was struck with a familiarity that made her skin tingle, made her swallow with sudden and surprising nervousness. She was sure she’d seen that expression somewhere before. A pair of green eyes looking at her like that, with an unknown question in his hungry gaze. She’d seen that smoulder before.

In which Adrien loses a bet and becomes an underwear model, Marinette loses her mind, and the whole fiasco starts a fire which might lead to the pair discovering their identities.

Telltale - It all starts with a simple injury, but slowly Ladybug begins to really see who Chat Noir is, and Adrien begins to see Marinette…

Pick-Up and Chase - After she accidentally trips into Adrien and apologizes about "falling for him," Marinette learns that he's no match for cheesy pick-up lines--whether they were unintended or not. And while she finds it flattering that he turns into a flustered mess with only a few words, Marinette comes to regret making him uncomfortable. That is, until she learns he's Chat Noir. At which point the phrase "just desserts" becomes a permanent fixture in her everyday plans. A story in which Adrien is flustered, Marinette is smooth as glass at dropping lines, and Chat Noir gets the romance he was always asking for--even if he doesn't quite know how to handle it

Won’t Tell a Soul - Nino accidentally runs head long into the biggest most stressful secret he can imagine, but now that he knows the truth about Marinette he is determined to help her in any way he can.

Serendipitous Fate Adrien is excited to reveal his true identity, while Marinette is terrified. But Master Fu says they can't afford to be distant any longer. Chat Noir and Ladybug are meant to work in tandem both in and out of uniform, their strength stemming from the bond created between them. Yet, teenagers are sometimes better at dancing blind than running with wide open eyes, even with the steps laid out before them.

Steps in the path of an expanding world. Apart, they'll flounder. But together, they might just stand a chance.

Anywhere, I wouldve followed you - Indygodusk "Just because you care for something, doesn't mean you get to keep it."

Lately, Marinette's luck has been failing her. No one's guessed her secret identity yet, but after Hawk Moth escalates his attacks, she decides it's time to finally tell Chat Noir. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. To make things worse, her home life is falling apart, college is looming, and she can't keep a boyfriend. Secretly, Marinette's not sure she even wants to be Ladybug anymore.

Adrien's life isn't faring much better, especially after dark secrets about his mother come to light.

Then the unthinkable happens. Afterwards, both Adrien and Marinette have to make their own luck. In the process, they defeat the bad guy and make their dreams come true (even if those dreams weren't what they thought they'd be).

Sting - When Chat Noir inexplicably disappears, leaving Ladybug bee-hind to face Papillon on her own, a new wielder is chosen to keep the akuma from swarming. Ladybug is adamant she doesn’t want another partner buzzing around and why is this new-bee flirting with her?

Meanwhile, Adrien just wishes Ladybug would stop bugging out and listen to him because his bee puns are fuzz-tastic.

The repercussions of the bee are farther reaching than anyone realised.

The Parts of You - “I just…” Her hands migrated from covering her face to clutching her hair. Her ears matched her suit but her eyes were glowing with — what was that? Love? Admiration? His chest tightened. “I can’t talk to him! I always get tongue-tied, or say something stupid, or trip over my own feet. It’s so embarrassing! I mean, I’ve gotten better since we first met, like, we’re actually kind of friends now, but it’s kind of a big leap to go from ‘I can sort of string more than two words together in front of you,’ to ‘Please date me, I love you,’ you know?” His breath hitched at the word “love,” but Ladybug didn’t seem to notice. “Plus, it’s not like we’re super-close or anything. I mean,” she tittered nervously, “we’ve known each other for years, but it’s not like talking to you.”

If words could have killed him he would have been in his grave.

In which Identity Shenanigans™ make everyone's life way harder than it has to be.

Breeze - Marinette sobbed into her hands as she recalled Chloé’s hurtful words, each and every one of them.

“You’re nothing! You’re not even worth yourself, much less your so-called friends! Don’t you see they just hang out with you because they pity you?! You’re worth the dirt under my feet, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. And you have no right to speak to me like that, you pathetic little brat. You don’t even have the right to speak to anyone! Just keep your stupid thoughts and ideas to yourself because nobody wants to hear them!”

After a big fight with Chloé, Marinette finds herself sobbing on her bed. The words hit her deep down. And before she knows it a dark Akuma comes fluttering in, ready to introduce her to Hawkmoth…

Technical Difficulties - “Man,” Nino groans, accepting defeat at last, as he gives the golden elevator doors a vicious, vengeful kick. Just like that, he remembers his present company.

Nino turns chagrined eyes to Ladybug.

“Er. Sorry… Probably shouldn’t take it out on the doors?”

Ladybug doesn’t seem to hear him. She is staring hard at the security camera located in the corner. He’s never seen her so quiet… not that he’s seen much of her, that is. Definitely not this close.

Damn, he can’t help but think. What Adrien wouldn’t give to be here right now.

“I’m sure they’ll fix it soon,” Nino offers tentatively, because it seems like something Adrien might say. Or Ladybug, probably, if she weren’t so distracted.

“They will,” she acknowledges, but her eyes are still pretty far away. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

“What?“

Ladybug straightens. She makes a decision; it does really pretty things to her eyes, so Nino doesn’t hear her at first, when she asks him for his hat.

— In which Ladybug gets trapped in an elevator with... Nino. { LoveSquare, brotp!MariNino, all-around-friendship!fic } Prompt:Trapped in an Elevator.

Curiosity and Satisfaction - When Adrien agreed to this line of work, he thought all his focus would be on the job of catching the elusive Lady Luck. It never crossed his mind that someone else would catch his attention.

Turn Loose the Mermaids - Marinette should have dragged him under the water in and feast on his body when she had the chance. Maybe then she wouldn't have been his prisoner. Blasted pirate.

That awkward moment when… - “Marinette wasn’t an idiot. As many precautions as she insisted they take, she knew she and Chat Noir were both going to find out sooner or later. Of course, Marinette assumed that the way they’d found out wasn’t by running right smack into each other and detransforming in front of the other. So of course, in a typical calm and rational manner, they pointed to each other and screamed.”

Because, nine times out of ten, letting the cat out of the bag just ends up being very, very awkward.

Tandem - Two students get carried away in a friendly game of dodge ball.... and two other students get very suspicious

Best Frenemies - Marinette Dupain-Cheng leads a double life. It’s often difficult, but it’s the only way to protect the people she cares about. But when her rival, Chloé Bourgeois, discovers her most closely guarded secret, she finds the two separate aspects of her identity blending together… but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. It can be nice sharing the journey with someone even if it's the last person she ever expected to trust with her secrets.

Chloé Bourgeois leads a double life. It’s often difficult, but it’s the only way to protect the people she cares about. But when her rival, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, discovers her most closely guarded secret, she finds the two separate aspects of her identity blending together… but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. It can be nice sharing the journey with someone even if it's the last person she ever expected to trust with her secrets.

The Date - They had a simple deal: one date. Chat had one date to sweep Ladybug off her feet. If she still didn’t like him in that way at the end of the day, he’d give up his attempts altogether. Ladybug took the deal, knowing that her heart belonged to another.

But we know them too well.

Wherever I Go - Marinette accidentally gives her class the impression that she has a crush on Chat Noir.

Adrien decides it's time to get over Ladybug.

Ne Me Quitte Pas - “This is my umbrella,” Adrien told him, as though he didn't quite believe it and the words would bring some sense to it.

“Even I could have told you that,” the kwami said with a shrug, his focus returning to his meal.

“Why did she keep my umbrella?” he asked, only half-directing the question at Plagg.

The kwami, however, chose to answer anyway. “Well, she is your friend, isn't she?” he asked as he finally gave in and stuffed the cheese in his mouth. He swallowed, closing his eyes in satisfaction. “What's so weird about it?”

Bring Me Home - Everybody deals differently with the consequences of Hawkmoth's defeat.

The day after, Ladybug eagerly awaits her silly kitty, finally ready to hand him her heart and start a new chapter of their story with him. He never shows up.

The day after, Adrien Agreste shuts the whole world out, ashamed of his father's action, while Marinette grows more and more exhausted and depressed as the years go by.

Five years later, can anything really be salvaged out of the remnants of their relationship?

Kitten Therapy - After scoring the highest points in a stress level test at school Marinette and Adrien have to take 'recreational hours' in order to prevent being akumatized. It seems like a long awaited break for them until Ayla hacks into CCTV and discovers …?

Mostly fluff. Especially the kittens.

Eperdument - All the pieces are starting to fit together, as much as Marinette doesn't want them to fit. As much as she desperately fights against seeing the signs, sometimes the cat refuses to stay in the bag.

And sometimes the cat kwami refuses to stay out of her lunch bag.

I Didn’t Want it to be Like This - There was always the possibility that someone would find out. Marinette, Paris’s very own Ladybug, knew that it was a high chance. Eventually someone was going to put two and two together.

The Most Eloquent Reply - Deaf Marinette

MDR - Marinette liked not knowing much about her online friends. With the arrival of a newcomer to their group chat, they suddenly start to believe that she has a crush on herself, no matter how obvious she tries to make it that she likes someone else. AU.

#miraculous ladybug #mlb #ml #miraculous #fanfic #fanfiction

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doggonneit · 6 years

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The Last Red Scribble | Part 2/2

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing/Characters: Kuroo/Tsukishima, Shimizu

Rating: T for Teen

Warnings: Abortion reference

A.N. This is the final part of the KuroTsuki Gift Exchange 2017, written for @moonislander on Tumblr. Hope you enjoy!

Italics is Tsukishima. Bold is Kuroo.

[Read on AO3]

Tuesday PM

(11:02) so i might be dumb

(11:05) If you have the mental capacity to figure that out, you paradoxically can’t be that dumb.

(11:06) i might not play in the match on thurs (11:06) i punched a guy

(11:07) Why the fuck would you do that.

(11:08) im a rational guy (11:08) but when things happen (11:09) they happen

(11:10) I changed my mind. (11:10) I’m not letting Tobio anywhere near you. You are the worst role model for him.

(11:10) hear me out (11:11) its good i swear

(11:12) …

(11:12) so at practice this newbie kept staring at akaashi (11:12) creepy but harmless (11:12) but then the dudes hand started wandering (11:13) so i socked him in the jaw (11:13) gotta keep the bros boyfriend safe right

(11:15) I’m sure Akaashi appreciates it.

(11:16) nah but bokuto did lololol

(11:16) The question is, how many laps did your coach make you run?

(11:17) dude i ran till i hurled (11:17) make me feel better? (11:17) *sad face emoji*

(11:20) The newly discovered dinosaur fossils in China have changed the way scientists understand the evolution of feathers.

(11:22) huh (11:22) not quite what i had in mind but cool

(11:23) It’s my job.

(11:23) youre a geneticist who collects dino dna from amber (11:23) YOURE GOING TO BRING THEM BACK

(11:23) I’m a research assistant.

(11:24) doesnt mean you dont know how

(11:24) Amber DNA is too deteriorated for any type of resurrection.

(11:24) but if you could (11:25) would you

(11:25) Yes.

(11:26) million dollar question which dino though

(11:27) Velociraptor, duh.

(11:27) not a t rex?

(11:28) T-rexes were lumpy potatoes with useless arms. (11:28) Velociraptors had claws on their hind legs for disembowelling prey. (11:28) You tell me which one’s superior.

(11:29) youre so fired up its great (11:29) keep talking dinos to me

(11:31) I would but I have articles to type up before tomorrow.

(11:31) what an aDULTY ADULT (11:31) doing his JOB AND HAVING PROSPECTS

(11:33) Do you mock young and successful people because it temporarily alleviates the worthlessness you feel on a daily basis?

(11:35) savage af

(11:35) :))))

(11:35) i never shouldve went to uni (11:36) dietetics then sports med? (11:36) regret tastes like ash in my mouth (11:36) fucking murder me

(11:37) That was very poetic.

(11:38) you like poetry?

(11:38) I don’t mind it.

(11:39) hypothetically (11:39) could bad poetry seduce you

(11:40) Hypothetically (11:40) No.

(11:40) damn

(11:41) I bet you’re the type of person to fall for sappy crap like that.

(11:41) damn right (11:41) in elementary school a girl wrote me a poem (11:42) we dated all the way from recess to lunch

(11:43) Your longest relationship, huh?

(11:44) all from a shitty roses are red poem (11:44) i bet you can do better (11:45) seduce me o seductive seducer

(11:47) Congratulations, I have literally never been less turned off in my entire life.

(11:48) to reiterate (11:48) 1. i am dumb (11:48) 2. regret tastes like ash in my mouth

(11:49) Mmm. (11:50) You know what else tastes like ash? (11:51) *image attached*

(11:53) oh baby (11:54) you could never taste like regret (11:54) now take that cigarette out of your mouth

(11:54) Yes, daddy.

(11:55) hjlfkllkkl (11:56) okay i need you to stop fucking with me its bad for my heart

(11:56) :)))))

Wednesday PM

(8:13) tsukki you cant just do that

(8:14) Do what?

(8:14) i almost rolled into an early grave

(8:14) I have no idea what you’re talking about.

(8:14) do you know what its like to turn around and see the brightest blueberry eyes in the entire universe

(8:15) Oh, you mean Akiteru taking Tobio to the recreation centre?

(8:15) I SAW STARS IN HIS EYES TSUKKI

(8:16) Tobio said he had a lot of fun. (8:16) I’ve never seen him so animated before.

(8:17) your son is adorable (8:17) i dont have favourites but hes my favourite

(8:17) Don’t spoil him.

(8:18) no promises (8:18) your blueberry son is everything that is good and pure in this world (8:18) im so proud of you

(8:19) Me??

(8:19) well you made him

(8:19) You must’ve slept through Biology in high school because making a child is a two-person job.

(8:20) clearly tobio got his good looks from you

(8:20) We literally look nothing alike.

(8:21) are you telling me tobio has two beautiful parents (8:21) lies (8:22) pics or it didnt happen

(8:22) ...

(8:23) i just realised how that sounded (8:23) and i in no way meant to ask you for a picture of you sleeping with tobios mother

(8:27) I have never (8:27) Laughed so hard in my entire life (8:28) I choked on my fucking tea.

(8:28) whoopsss

(8:29) But since you asked (8:29) *image attached*

(8:29) please dont tell me thats actually a pic of you two fucking (8:29) because i would be really weirded out

(8:30) That’s not a picture of us fucking.

(8:30) im trusting you okay (8:31) OH MY GOODNESS (8:31) AHAHAHAHAH (8:31) SHE IS SO BEAUTIFULLL

(8:31) She gets that a lot.

(8:32) im having a hard time trying to figure out if im jealous of you or her

(8:32) No point. We’re not together.

(8:33) i figured if you were you wouldve said something earlier (8:33) so let me guess (8:33) she cheated on you

(8:34) No.

(8:35) you cheated on her

(8:35) No. (8:35) Do I look like a cheater?

(8:35) hey i dont stereotype

(8:35) There was no cheating. Just unfortunate circumstances.

(8:36) one night stand accidental baby?

(8:36) Yeah, close enough.

(8:37) thats tough (8:37) it happened to my older sister too (8:37) but she ended up marrying the guy (8:37) they were like fuck yeah lets be a family (8:38) so now im the proud uncle of a literal ball of snot

(8:39) That was Akiteru when he held Tobio for the first time. (8:39) He couldn’t stop crying. (8:39) It was gross.

(8:40) dude was holding the future in his hands (8:40) of course he was crying

(8:40) You cried when you held your literal ball of snot for the first time, didn’t you?

(8:41) THIS ISNT ABOUT ME ITS ABOUT YOU (8:41) BACK TO YOUR ONE NIGHT STAND

(8:41) You need to be a level five friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

(8:41) well okay (8:41) what level am i at now

(8:43) Zero.

(8:44) what (8:44) how can you say that (8:44) we had an anniversary (8:44) your brother loves me (8:45) your son adores me

(8:45) My brother what now.

(8:45) did i forget to mention?? (8:46) we bonded over vball (8:46) now were texting buddies (8:46) we talk about you ALL THE TIME

(8:48) You’re lying. (8:48) Akiteru would never do that to me.

(8:48) you had a dinosaur nightlight until you were eleven

(8:49) … (8:49) Excuse me. (8:49) I have a murder to commit.

(8:49) tell akiteru i said hi!!

Thursday AM

(9:23) WISH US LUKC TSUUKIIIII

(9:24) You’re… Bokuto. The Bset Freind Foreber.

(9:24) YAEH YOU RMEMEBR ME (9:24) I STOEL KUROOS PHONE LOL (9:24) WE GOT OUR MATHC TODAY (9:24) HES PLAYIGN TOO

(9:25) Even after he punched that guy in the face?

(9:25) COAHC IS A GOOD UPTSANDING MAN (9:25) WHO DOESTN TOLERATE SEZXUAL ASSUALT (9:25) I ALSO MAY HAVE THROWN A TANTRNM ON COUTR

(9:26) I’m impressed. Good job.

(9:26) WE’RE RARIGN TO GO (9:26) LOOK AT US WE LOOKS O GOOD (9:27) *image attached*

(9:27) Yeah, you blurs look really good.

(9:27) OKAY OKAY WAIT (9:28) *image attached* (9:28) AKAASGHHI TOOK TAHT ONE (9:28) AWESOME AYYY

(9:29) Are those (9:29) Sleeveless red jerseys (9:29) ?

(9:29) YAEEHHHH (9:29) WAIT THISS IS EVEN BETTER (9:29) CHEKC THIS OUT (9:30) HOLD ON

(9:30) *image attached*

(9:30) ...

(9:30) GROUP FLEX

(9:30) I

(9:31) LOOKGNI SEXY SMEZY RIGHT (9:31) ;)))))))))

(9:32) No.

(9:32) LIAR I BET YOU’RE BLUSHIGN

(9:32) Go warm up before your match.

(9:32) IM TELLIGN KUROO!!!!!!

Thursday PM

(3:16) a lil birdie told me (3:16) youre into (3:16) BICEPS

(3:17) It’s a lie.

(3:17) so this does nothing for you (3:17) *image attached*

(3:17) ...

(3:17) oikawa and akaashi (3:18) slender and toned specimens (3:18) 7.5/10

(3:18) You have got to be kidding me.

(3:18) dont be shy no judgement here (3:18) *image attached* (3:18) terushima and ushiwaka (3:19) terushimas built but ushiwakas got power going (3:19) 8/10 and 9/10

(3:19) I can’t believe you right now.

(3:19) *image attached* (3:19) these are bokutos (3:19) amazing right my boy is STACKED (3:20) 10/10

(3:19) Please stop.

(3:20) the real killers though (3:20) *image attached* (3:20) IWAIZUMI (3:21) look at that (3:21) he could choke me and id thank him 12/10

(3:22) Are you done with the meat parade?

(3:22) just one more (3:22) *image attached* (3:22) ME (3:23) what do you think??

(3:23) I’m not stroking your already inflated ego.

(3:24) i know for a fact youre not a blushing virgin (3:24) now stop being shy and rate me

(3:24) You’re ridiculous. (3:24) Fine. (3:24) Solid muscle. Good definition. (3:24) 9/10

(3:25) only 9?? (3:25) im hurt im insulted (3:25) would it make a difference if i used a filter

(3:26) Why not.

(3:26) *image attached*

(3:26) Superb musculature, clearly the result of endless hours of hard work. (3:26) 10/10

(3:26) i knew it (3:27) i gotta go rub this in oikawas face (3:27) he will rue the day he ever thought he was better built than me (3:27) text later okay

(3:27) Kuroo.

(3:27) yes dear

(3:27) You forgot to tell me. (3:28) Did you win the match?

(3:28) YEAH LOL

(3:28) Congratulations.

(3:28) thanks babe (3:28) the thought of you kept me going strong (3:28) *heart eyes emoji*

Friday PM

(10:23) i wondered what’d gotten tsukki so riled up (10:23) and then i saw all the biceps (10:23) loolllll

(10:25) im intrigued (10:25) who is this mysterious person with tsukkis phone

(10:25) ahh i’m yamaguchi (10:25) tsukki’s best friend (10:26) i may or may not have borrowed his phone when he wasn’t looking

(10:26) devious (10:26) i like it

(10:26) ur going to like this a lot more

(10:26) oho?

(10:26) it’s friday night (10:27) which means it’s karaoke night (10:27) with everyone from work

(10:27) there wouldnt happen to be (10:27) alcohol (10:27) involved would there

(10:28) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(10:28) you bring great news friend (10:28) so what do i need to sacrifice to get a vid of tsukki (10:28) doing a drunken rendition of my heart will go on

(10:29) that’s a big request (10:29) tsukki hates performing (10:19) especially to cliches

(10:30) okay but you do have the ability to make him to do so

(10:30) that depends on what ur willing to sacrifice

(10:30) you ARE devious (10:30) all right what do you want

(10:32) ur number and ur firstborn

(10:33) im devoted to tsukki just saying (10:33) firstborn no problem

(10:33) i want ur number bc i want to keep u accountable (10:33) not bc i’m interested in u, u loser

(10:34) i can see why you two are best friends

(10:34) we have a deal??

(10:34) fuck yeah lets go

(10:34) gimme fifteen minutes (10:34) tsukki’s already tipsy on strawberry daiquiris

(10:34) this is gonna be so good (10:34) lets go lets go lets go

(10:53) i am (10:53) a GOD (10:53) *video attached*

(10:57) AHAHAHAHA (10:57) this is (10:57) the second best day (10:57) of my life (10:57) omg is this real its beautiful

(10:58) he is SO BAD, RIGHT

(10:58) is he better sober

(10:59) no but he can rap sober

(11:00) are you fucking with me

(11:01) nopee

(11:01) what do i need to sacrifice to see that

(11:01) u couldn’t afford it (11:02) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(11:02) worth a shot (11:02) youre a true bro anyway

(11:03) why thank yoyiijkpll

(11:03) you okay bud

(11:03) What teh fuck

(11:03) tsukki?? (11:04) babe (11:04) so me and your bestie bonded too

(11:04) Waht the actual fuvk (11:04) I’m too drukn to typpe (11:04) You fuckign pick up whenm I call

(11:05) wait what

Mysterious Phone Man Tsukki is calling…

“Uhh… hello?”

“I… I am going to… gouge your eyes out.”

“Holy shit, you’re slurring. You’re soo drunk.”

“Hi, Kuroo!”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!”

“Kuroo, you shit. I sh… should’ve known you’d do something like this.”

“Hey, Yamaguchi was the one who filmed you!”

“Ohh no, don’t blame me, you enabler!"

“You know what, I’m not even sorry. That was wicked. Oh my god, I’m definitely in love.”

“What a complete dick… hole.”

“Aw babe, you’re so eloquent when you’re drunk. What did Yamaguchi give you, hmm?"

“JÄEGERBOMBS, WHOO!”

“Fucking disgush-- disgusting.”

“Then why’d you drink it, you dork?”

“Ughh…"

“Don’t forget you owe me, Kuroo!”

“Gonna kill you both.”

“I dare you. Come to Tobio’s practice tomorrow and we’ll have a fucking throwdown.”

“I’m going to be so hungover.”

“I double dare you.”

"Fucking… fine.”

“Wow, Kuroo. You’re really good at riling Tsukki up, you know that?”

“It’s a special talent. Now you boys enjoy the rest of your night. I’m going to watch that rendition one more time and laugh myself to sleep.”

“FUCK YOU, KUROO!”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

“Aww, you guys.”

“YOU FUCKING--”

Click.

Saturday AM

(7:46) GOOD MORNINGGG (7:46) THROWDOWN AT 10 (7:46) DONT FORGET

Mysterious Phone Man Tsukki is calling…

“Uh-oh. Am I in trouble?”

“I fucking hate you.”

“Soo… your head is pulsing, your throat is parched and you want to die in a hole?"

“I was unconscious. Unable to feel pain. Now I’m back in the world of the living.”

“Don't be mad. If you drag your ass down to the rec centre, I’ll get coffee for you.”

“...”

“Is that a yes?”

“Large black.”

“Black coffee? Are you serious?”

“It matches my soul.”

“O-kay, anything else?”

“Strawberry muffin.”

“Your soul confuses me.”

“And something for Tobio.”

“No shit, duh. Akiteru?”

“He can starve.”

“Still haven’t forgiven him for telling me about the dinosaur nightlight, huh?”

“And I’ll never forgive you if you bring it up again.”

“Bring what up again?”

“Good boy.”

“Can we revisit that conversation about kinks again?”

Click.

Saturday AM

(9:47) ive got coffee and muffins (9:47) hot chocolate for tobio (9:47) and a latte for akiteru bc im not an ass

(9:52) Fuck.

(9:52) i know youre mad at akiteru but no need to get hissy

(9:52) It’s not that. (9:52) We can’t make it to practice anymore.

(9:53) ????

(9:53) Tobio’s mother is here.

(9:53) whoaa what

(9:53) I’m really sorry. (9:53) Especially since you bought breakfast. (9:54) I’ll pay you back.

(9:54) dont worry about it lol (9:54) ill share it with the other guys

(9:54) Are you mad?

(9:55) kinda disappointed but not at you (9:55) its not your fault

(9:55) I really am sorry. (9:56) I need to go, but I’ll text you later okay?

(9:56) no need to stress (9:57) practice is about to start anyway

Saturday PM

(1:28) Are you free to talk now?

(1:29) kuroos sperm bank (1:29) you squeeze em we freeze em

(1:29) That is disgusting.

(1:30) tsukki its time for the talk you never got when you hit puberty (1:30) what you must realise is that masturbation is healthy and natural

(1:30) We are not having this conversation. Ever.

(1:31) babe dont be embarrassed (1:31) one day youll have to have the same convo with tobio lololol

(1:31) Please don’t remind me.

(1:31) you doing okay

(1:32) I’ve had a shitty morning.

(1:33) id also be in a bad mood if i were hungover and my ex showed up uninvited

(1:33) She’s not (1:33) Whatever.

(1:33) not... your ex?

(1:34) She can’t be my ex if we never went out.

(1:34) idk you had a one night stand with her

(1:34) It’s complicated.

(1:35) have i reached level five friend yet

(1:35) …

(1:35) im here to listen

(1:37) I guess you might be a level five friend.

(1:37) hell yeah

(1:37) I can’t believe this. I don’t even know you.

(1:38) im hurt (1:38) you just blessed me as your level five friend

(1:40) I don’t know where to start.

(1:40) lets start small (1:40) howd you meet her

(1:40) Shimizu was my senior in high school. (1:40) We weren’t close but we kept in touch after she graduated. (1:40) Study tips and stuff like that.

(1:41) thats cute (1:41) sounds innocent

(1:41) It wasn’t ever anything more than that. (1:42) We just (1:43) There’s a lot to learn about yourself when you’re a teenager. (1:43) And we thought we could help each other out.

(1:44) seems like you two trusted each other a lot

(1:44) We did. (1:44) Do. (1:44) But there was never a relationship. (1:45) We slept together but neither of us really wanted it.

(1:46) what do you mean?

(1:46) I’m gay. (1:46) Shimizu’s ace. (1:46) We both cried afterwards. (1:47) Pathetic, right.

(1:47) i dont think thats pathetic at all (1:47) you bared your vulnerabilities to each other (1:47) and learned something about yourselves in the process (1:48) it takes a lot of courage to do something like that

(1:49) I guess.

(1:50) so tobio was the result of that huh

(1:50) Yeah. (1:50) It was bad. (1:50) Our families were so pissed at each other. (1:51) They talked about abortion and marriage and all that shit.

(1:51) i dont envy you at all (1:51) that mustve been a complete shit storm and a half

(1:51) Shimizu and I considered a platonic marriage. (1:52) But we didn’t want to do something neither of us wanted again.

(1:52) so wedding nay but baby yay

(1:52) Tobio lived with Shimizu. (1:52) Until she got a job offer in America. (1:53) She thought a new country would’ve been too much for him. (1:53) You know how that turned out.

(1:54) stomping sandcastles and chucking buckets (1:54) i still think tobios a champ

(1:55) Dickwad.

(1:55) i love you too babe (1:55) but seriously you and tobio have been doing a lot better (1:56) hes talking to you and his teacher said he was playing with other kids

(1:56) Tobio had (1:56) He’d settled. (1:56) He’d looked at me. (1:57) But one glance at Shimizu today and (1:58) It was like I didn’t exist again. (1:58) Fuck. (1:58) I can’t do this.

(1:58) hey hey hey (1:58) tobio was just excited to see his mum (1:58) four months right (1:59) he wouldve missed her like crazy (1:59) he wants kisses and cuddles (1:59) doesnt mean hes forgotten his old man

(2:00) First of all, I’m not old.

(2:02) ... (2:02) second of all??

(2:02) I don’t have a second of all.

(2:03) LOLOLOL

(2:03) Shut up, I’m emotional right now.

(2:03) naww babe (2:03) youre just overthinking things (2:03) talk to tobio (2:03) hes five but he understands shit (2:04) tell him you love him just as much as his mum does (2:04) then throw in a vball reference or something idk

(2:04) You’re so helpful.

(2:04) even if tobio doesnt understand everything (2:04) verbalising will help sort out your emotions

(2:05) I thought you were doing Sports Medicine, not Psychiatry.

(2:05) i am an old man with decades of wisdom

(2:05) There it is.

(2:05) what?

(2:05) STRANGER DANGER.

(2:06) i cant believe (2:06) i walked right into that one

(2:06) Lol.

(2:06) feeling better?

(2:07) Yeah. (2:07) Thanks for listening to me vent. (2:07) It did help clear my head.

(2:08) thats what level five friends are for

(2:09) I’m still sorry about missing practice this morning. (2:09) Can I make it up to you?

(2:09) how about (2:09) lets do this properly (2:10) and go on a real date

(2:11) I (2:11) You want that?

(2:11) youre intelligent witty and hilarious (2:11) you love your son and would do anything for him (2:12) plus youre the most beautiful person ive ever seen (2:12) theres no reason i wouldnt want to

(2:12) Wow.

(2:12) thats a very lacklustre reaction

(2:13) No, I’m just (2:13) Surprised.

(2:13) good or bad surprised?

(2:13) Good surprised. (2:13) I didn’t expect you to be so straightforward.

(2:14) i have literally been calling you babe and sweetheart and dear

(2:14) I thought flirtation was an integral part of your personality. (2:14) Am I wrong to assume you flirt with everyone?

(2:14) well no (2:15) i joke around a lot (2:15) but i mean it with you (2:15) youre amazing in every way

(2:16) I really don’t know what to say to that.

(2:16) how does this sound (2:16) you me and tobio (2:16) at the park tomorrow (2:16) picnic and volleyball

(2:18) You’d want Tobio there?

(2:18) of course hes my favourite (2:18) and also because hes important to you

(2:18) Nice save.

(2:18) so picnic?

(2:18) Yeah. (2:18) I’d like that. (2:19) Tobio’s excited too. (2:19) He says he’ll help make riceballs.

(2:19) thats the cutest fucken thing ive heard all day (2:19) BOKTUO BRO HIGH FIVE ME IM GOING ON A PICNIC WITH TSUKKI AND TOBIO TOMORROW ADN IVE NEVER BEEN THIS EIXCITED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

(2:19) Kuroo.

(2:19) uhh (2:20) wrong number (2:21) fuck it NO REGRETS

Sunday AM

(9:12) Hello, is this Kuroo?

(9:15) yeess (9:15) whos this

(9:17) My name is Shimizu Kiyoko.

(9:17) wait as in (9:17) tsukki and tobios shimizu??

(9:18) Yes.

(9:18) uhh hey (9:18) not that i dont want to talk to you (9:18) but why do you have my number

(9:19) I took it from Tsukishima’s phone. (9:19) Our last few conversations he mentioned your name and it piqued my curiosity.

(9:19) tsukki talks about me?

(9:20) He doesn’t think you’re a nuisance. (9:20) That’s very rare.

(9:20) what can i say (9:20) im charming when i want to be

(9:20) Tobio is quite taken with you. (9:21) That’s also very rare. (9:21) You’re the exception to the rule; I’m sure you understand why I’m curious.

(9:22) i guess but i dont know if theres much to say (9:22) we all just like volleyball

(9:22) Your influence helped smooth out their relationship.

(9:22) it wasnt much (9:22) i just mentioned vball and things went from there (9:22) it was all them

(9:23) You helped them find common ground in their lives. (9:23) I know how difficult it was for them beforehand.

(9:23) they wouldve figured things out eventually (9:23) theyre amazing as they are

(9:24) You sound fond of them.

(9:24) i am (9:24) tobios a good kid (9:24) and tsukki makes me laugh (9:24) mostly at my own expense (9:24) but i like that he doesnt hold back

(9:25) Tsukishima holds you in similar thoughts. (9:25) He’d never admit it but I know him well enough.

(9:25) so this conversation (9:25) are you basically sussing out whether or not im a piece of shit

(9:25) Yes.

(9:25) how am i doing so far

(9:27) You’re fine.

(9:27) oh thank god

(9:27) I don’t understand. You sound relieved?

(9:27) well youre tobios mum (9:27) and tsukki has a lot of respect for you (9:28) so your opinions pretty important

(9:30) I’m surprised. Not many others would consider that.

(9:31) idk it makes sense

(9:32) I’m glad Tsukishima found someone who accepts our unusual circumstances. (9:32) I was afraid my decision to keep Tobio would affect his future relationships.

(9:32) tsukki wouldnt care about people like that anyway (9:33) hed give tobio the world before he gave it to anyone else (9:33) but who wouldnt for a kid like that

(9:35) I think the same, but I may be biased.

(9:35) tobios earnest and hardworking (9:36) determined to challenge himself (9:36) you raised a good kid

(9:36) Thank you. That means a lot to me.

(9:36) its the truth (9:36) so i have passed your inspection or nah

(9:39) There’s a lot I want to say but I’ll keep it brief for both our sakes.

(9:39) yikes

(9:40) I care for Tsukishima and Tobio so much more than I can put into words. (9:40) I hope it means something that I think you’re good for them.

(9:41) oh (9:41) yeah (9:41) yeah it does (9:41) thanks (9:41) im not eloquent enough for this (9:42) but i care a lot for them too (9:42) and ill take care of them (9:42) for as long as theyll have me (9:42) for as long as youll let me

(9:44) I can see why Tsukishima and Tobio like you.

(9:44) tsukki only likes me for my biceps

(9:44) Funny. (9:44) Tsukishima is actually reading this over my shoulder.

(9:45) uh oh (9:45) is he sulking now

(9:45) A little bit. (9:45) He does have a weakness for muscles.

(9:46) I KNEW IT (9:46) AHAHAHAHAHA (9:46) hes never going to live this down

(9:47) Oh, I shouldn’t have let that slip. (9:47) Tsukishima’s mad at me now.

(9:47) bless his sensitive soul

(9:47) He’s telling Tobio to spike a ball into your face.

(9:48) what

(9:48) Tobio might actually do it.

(9:48) shimizu (9:48) i know were merely acquaintances (9:49) but help

(9:50) Strawberry shortcake. (9:50) It’s Tsukishima’s favourite.

(9:50) thats adorable (9:50) i owe you one

(9:50) Then take care of them. (9:50) Or I’ll take care of you.

(9:51) wh

(9:51) Have fun on your date. (9:51) Tobio will tell me all about it. (9:51) :)

#kurotsukiexchange #kuroo tetsurou #tsukishima kei #kurotsuki #haikyuu!!#hqfanfic #doggoneithq

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