#like... is it really not normal for pms to make you suicidal

[lightseoul]

all too much (i'm sorry)

synopsis. the last person you want to see is Bakugou Katsuki. the one person you need to see is Bakugou Katsuki.

cw. depression, suicidal thoughts, depressed!reader, gn!reader, college!reader, prohero!katsuki, aged-up (~21 years old), hurt/comfort

word count. 1.7k words

Your eyes shoot open, and the first word that pops into your head is a curse. Fucking great, you think, I’m still alive.

Weakly propping yourself up on your elbow, you reach for your phone to check the time.

5:37 PM. You napped for one and a half hours. You frown, then shake your head in resignation. Better than being awake for an extra one and a half hours, really.

You wince at the feeling of your parched throat, and you contemplate whether or not you should get up and start getting your shit together. Motivation’s been getting difficult to come by these days, though, and your eyes start shutting closed again, but you startle awake when your phone chimes with a new text message.

Patrol’s over in 30. Same time?

Fuck—you forgot. You and Bakugou have agreed to spend Friday nights together to catch up and prevent growing distant. Maintaining your friendship has been a lot of work, but both of you put in the effort, and as a result, your bond has only gotten stronger in spite of the busyness that came with his becoming a Pro Hero and your entering college three years ago.

Your fingers hover over your screen—maybe you should call it off. You’re not in the mood to see anyone, even Bakugou Katsuki. Not to mention you look and feel like shit. Having your best friend and just recently, crush (because apparently, the heavens wanted to fuck you up even more) see you in this state will indubitably be embarrassing.

After a few more minutes of tired contemplation, you finally type out a response.

I’ll have to take a rain check, Kats. I’m studying for an exam this Monday.

Sighing in relief and exhaustion once you pressed send, you drag yourself out into the kitchen and pour yourself a glass of water.

The ice-cold liquid burns your throat and your head throbs in response, but at least you feel a bit more awake and alive now.

You’re seated on your couch, mindlessly scrolling through your Netflix recommendations on the TV when a loud knocking breaks you out of your post-nap stupor.

You don’t have the time to feel annoyance or panic over who could this person showing up unannounced at the most inconvenient time possibly be because the incessant knocking doesn’t let up. You rush to open the door and find yourself face-to-face with an annoyed Bakugou, still decked out in his hero costume.

He eyes you suspiciously, “I thought you were studying.”

You try to feign nonchalance, but you end up gulping before you can even think about it. “I was.”

Normally, at this point, you’d step aside for Bakugou to come in and make himself at home, though usually, he’d be in civilian clothes after having gone to his own apartment to clean up and prepare, but today’s not normal. He’s decorated with a few dirt marks from patrol, and that omnipresent scowl he wears is still there, albeit less prominent.

“What, you’re not even gonna let me in?”

You toe at your house slippers nervously, “I really have to study now, Kats. I just woke up from a nap to take a break.”

He frowns, “That why you look like shit?”

Normally, you’d hit his arm in fake offense before bursting out laughing anyway. But again, today’s not normal. His comment is wounding when it’s usually meant to break the ice.

“I…” you start, but resort to shaking your head in defeat. You don’t have the energy for this. “Just go home, Katsuki.”

With that, you turn your back to him and beeline to your bedroom. You end up closing the door far harder than you intended, and it shuts with a slam. You wince at the sound, feeling a sudden pang of guilt shoot you in the chest. He didn’t deserve that, you think to yourself. It doesn’t matter, a second thought follows immediately after.

Sighing for the nth time that evening, you plop on the bed and close your eyes, willing yourself to go back to sleep and hopefully, maybe, not wake up again.

Your eyes flicker open at the soft clanging noises outside your bedroom, and you immediately shoot up upon realizing that you forgot to lock the door before walking out on Bakugou.

In spite of yourself and the raging headache that’s been plaguing you on and off for quite some time now, you hurriedly climb out of bed and grab the nearest makeshift weapon in your room.

A blow dryer. Good enough.

Quietly, you tiptoe towards the door and, slowly, open it while thinking prayers for it not to creak. You didn’t even notice your shoulders were tensed up until you lock eyes with Bakugou through the crevice, the sight of whom immediately soothes your nerves despite yourself.

You stand upright, toss your blow dryer onto your bed, and step out of the room reluctantly. Under the white light of the kitchen, you can now see what he’s doing. Donning your yellow apron over the lounge clothes he keeps in your apartment, he’s chopping up green onions and other vegetables for what seems like a soup dish.

It smells heavenly, and your stomach grumbles in agreement.

“And here I was thinking you were gonna sleep through the entire night already.”

A whirlwind of emotions rushes through your body—relief, fondness, longing, embarrassment, guilt—but the one emotion you can bear to focus on, and is the most familiar, is anger. And you don’t fight it from taking over.

“I thought I told you to go home.”

The sentence comes out in a low tone, and somewhat clipped, though you didn’t mean it to sound like that. In spite of himself, you know Bakugou worries, and he definitely won’t be heading back now if he knows something’s off.

True enough, he visibly stiffens at the sound of your voice, and it hurts to see him uncomfortable around you. Another wave of guilt washes over you. Though it gets masked, yet again, with a familiar sense of apathy.

“I heard you,” he shifts on his feet, “but you sure as hell weren’t gonna cook yourself a decent meal, so I stayed to make sure you ate.”

You expected him to respond with some anger himself, but he’s uncharacteristically calm. It’s making you feel even more ashamed of how you’re acting. It’s infuriating. He’s infuriating.

“Well,” you croak as you shift your eyes away from his face, “I didn’t ask for your help, so you can go home now.”

Silence settles between the two of you. It’s unnerving.

You force yourself to look back at Bakugou, who’s now frowning. “I’m sure you had a long day,” you finished.

Unable to hold eye contact any longer, you turn to head back to your bedroom when Bakugou reaches out and grabs for your wrist.

You turn to face him, ready to spit some venom you probably don’t even mean, but the words get stuck in your throat when you see tears rimming his eyes.

You hurt him.

Yet, he proceeds in a calm, but stern, voice: “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Overwhelmed with conflicting emotions, you finally lose it.

“I don’t fucking know, okay?!” you shout, ripping yourself from his grip, “Quit pressing!”

Bakugou doesn’t flinch, nor does he step back from you. He just keeps his ground.

You took his silence as a sign to continue. “I think I’m depressed. I don’t know. I just feel like a fucking corpse every day and I hate the fact that I have to wake up and go to school and talk to people and take care of myself as if the pain isn’t there!” you cry, “I’m fucking exhausted.”

“Has this been,” he clears his throat, “has this been going on for a while now?” He remains calm, though you hear the shake in his voice when he asks.

You sigh, shaking your head. Shouting drained the last bit of energy you had left in you, “I guess. I don’t know—I just wait it out until I start feeling better and functioning like a normal person again. And when I do, I start wondering if I just imagined all that shit.”

The weight of the situation and your admission finally dawns on you in the silence.

You clench your eyes shut, bringing your hands up to cover your face in shame, “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Y/N.”

You brace yourself for some harsh, reprimanding words but they never come. Instead, your breath hitches when you feel a hand fall softly on your head, and an arm pulling you into a hug.

You can’t believe it—you half expected Bakugou to recoil, or even leave, in shock and disappointment, but he’s hugging you. He’s hugging you.

You can’t help it—you burst into tears. Bakugou’s quick to rub soothing circles on your back as you cry into his shoulder. You’re quickly forming a wet patch on his shirt, but you don’t pay it any mind in the meantime. You didn’t realize how much you’ve been suppressing your pain until now. It’s liberating, yet at the same time, the all-too-familiar feeling of shame is creeping in at the back of your head.

Shame over your situation. Shave over having let yourself go to this extent. Shame over breaking down. Shame over not being able to clean after your own mess. Shame over hurting the one person you love the most.

You clench your fist against Bakugou’s chest. It’s all too much.

His voice is low and gentle when he speaks up, “We’ll get you help.”

The mention of seeking help is enough to make you tense up.

“I don’t know, Katsuki,” you shake your head. “I’m scared. Of it not working out. I can’t afford treatment not working out. I don’t know what else I would do.”

You feel him press his lips to your forehead, fleeting, “It will. We’ll find a way. And I’ll be right here with you.”

At a loss for anything else to say, you mumble a quiet apology.

Bakugou scoffs, but you can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “Stop saying sorry, dumbass. I want to do this for you.”

#bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou imagines #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bnha scenarios #mha scenarios #bakugou fluff #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #mha x reader #mehehee #this basically wrote itself #pls mind the warnings!!! #bakugou hurt/comfort

[urwifebabes]

Heyo

This is the same person that left some prompts with @2faced-fairy . One of the ones I wrote I really liked so I just wanted to see your take cuz I was kinda proud 🥲

It’s was to have CatNap and DogDay fuck you at the same time *both P in V*, their cocks tense as they rubbed against each other inside reader. But even after they both came, reader kept bouncing on them.

Please be like, really graphic about it. Skin slapping and stuff. They’re ‘trying to beg’ reader to stop, but the pleasure is just so good. And it’s so hot their lover can make them both feel so good. And with the tension of their cocks against each other?

They’re moaning like fucking pornstars.

Plz consider it I’m in love with this concept but I can’t write smut without cringe and you’re like professional and stuff :,)

Thank u I love your shit

A/N: okay this is a very erotic idea but I don’t really know how to be graphic, I’m sorry. I’ll do the best I can do, though!

“Both?”

Relationship(s): catnap x reader x dogday 🔞

Warning(s): smut

of course, you guys had talked about it before but you never expected it to happen tonight. your guys day went as normal as ever. you woke up last, your lovers had woken before you and were outside. Dogday was entertaining the kids and Catnap kinda just sat in the shade, watching. you could tell he loved the orphans just as much as you all did. he was just.. what’s the word? misunderstood, maybe?

today felt like it was going slower then usual as you sat in the classroom of Ms. Delight, watching as the kids took their test. After, they finished, you walked them out to the play area, watching everyone run in opposite directions.

For dinner, it was your night and you hated cooking for so many. but Catnap helped you. you were reaching for the flour, but you couldn’t quite reach. Catnap came behind you, pressing his body into yours as he grabbed it and handed it to you, smirking as he saw your tomato face. your cunt had began to hunger for him but you waited. you could wait. couldn’t you?..

you both finished cooking around 8:30 pm. you had the kids fed, bathed, and in bed by 10:24 pm. Dogday and Catnap walked with you to your guys’ shared home. usually staying at Dogdays since his was the biggest. you both still had your own homes but were barely there.

you laid in bed, your cunt still slick as you ignored the feeling. Catnap laid behind you and softly rubbed circles on your hips. Dogdays face was in your chest as he held your waist, looking up at you with the sweetest eyes he could muster. they were ambushing you!

Dogday had pushed himself inside, giving you a moment to compose. he and catnap were huge and to have them both inside you? that was a suicide very risky mission. you panted as Dogday finally bottomed out and you tried to get used to him. no matter how much they make you take their cocks, your always too tight. Dogday held you, lovingly, as you finally sat on his whole cock.

Catnap had came behind you, wasting no time. he repositioned you abit causing dogdays cock to move. he slowly pushed inside causing you and dogday to let out a whimper breathy moan. Dogdays dick felt heavenly, it was in the tightest piece of warmth and another piece of flesh was pushing against it.

you bounced on their cocks, harshly. the wet skin against skin sounds almost overwhelming. you could barely hear your lovers over the harsh slapping. “F—fuck, Angel— ahhh~” Dogday moaned out, his head lolling back as he came inside your womb. Catnap felt the way dogdays cock rubbed against his inside your little hole and he moaned out as the spurts of cum splashed against his cock, him instinctively shooting out his seed.

But you? you had kept bouncing, overstimulating them both. “W—wait, Angel, please slow— ah~!” “god, wait~!” They both tried to beg you to stop but you were too lost in your own world. the wet sounds coming from your conjoined body parts. the white sticky mess making strings between you threes connection. the faster you went the more they begged. catnap had begun to drool and groan. dogday had begun to cry and whimper as his body betrayed him and helped you bounce on their fat cocks.

they had cum again for the fourth time, you being on six. you finally stopped and laid against the sheets, their cocks pulling out of you. the white sticky strings still connecting their cocks to your pretty pussy. they looked at eachother and smirked. pulling you back on their cocks, which you let out a displeased noise at, not ready to cum again. they kissed each of your cheeks and held you. they just wanted to feel you, baby. just a little cock warming, okay?

A/N: I’m sorry I couldn’t make this to much in detail, im still learning , still I hope this made you happy.

TAGS: @2faced-fairy

#dogday x reader #smiling critters x reader #reader insert #reader x character #reader x crush #dogday x reader x catnap #catnap #smut #catnap x reader #dogday #dogday poppy playtime #double trouble #catnap poppy playtime

[asurix]

'' Valentine's day''

Genre: NFSW/SMUT, Dazai x reader, dom!dazai, sub!reader,afab!

content warning: Oral sex,vag!nal sex, sadistic,whimpering,praising,degrading and swearing ( i think thats all lol)

Ok so... i made a new poll and dazai won....again- i mean hes hot but twice is foul i thought chuuya was going to win or fyodor... OR Tachihara??? but i guess my charming suicidal guy won...

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 DAZAI

Dazai was you're boyfriend, he wasn't all tho like typical boyfriends... he was way more different... A normal boyfriend would cuddle you and care for you, but Dazai? all he could do was fuck you're pussy until you're cunt remembered EVERY vein from dazai's cock, you weren't complaining, but come on? the least thing he could do was show a bit of romantical feelings... right?

You and Dazai were at home, you wanted to test out Dazai's feelings for you, lucky for you it was valentine's day, you approached Dazai looking a bit suspicous in his eyes, ''something wrong?'' he asked raising a eyebrow, his attention leaving his phone but instead to you,

'' do you know what day it is? Dazai?'' you asked curiously, ''14 februari, why?'' he answered you're question, you couldn't belivie this guy he really forgot valentine's day? what a jerk! you groaned walking away from him irritated, ''whats wrong bella? why so mad!'' he yelled from across the living room, the voice echoing to the kitchen, making you more irritated, ''just dont talk to me'' you rolled you're eyes, ''why not?'' you heard him exactly behinde you, wasn't he just in the living room what the hell?, you got startled by his sudden presence, ''n-nothing you just forgot a special day'' you're expression turning from irritated to sadness,

Dazai tilting his head, confused still not understanding what you were trying to say, ''huh?'' he said confused, ''are you serious its fucking valentine's day and you couldn't bother to remember a simpe day to appreciate you're lover?, n-no not even lover!? just you're booty call!'' you yelled at him, ''valentine's day? already-'' just by hearing that you got so ticked off you stormed out of the room angrily, you sat down on the bed, grabbing the pillow from you're side, then shoving it in you're face, groaning in it, such a pain! you thought to yourself, 6 hours has gone and you hadn't even realised you went to sleep, not until you checked the time to see its 8 pm, god i slept for 6 straight hours? you thought to yourself, before you could get out of bed you heard keys opening the front door,

he went out? you thought again to yourself, you walked over to the front door to greet Dazai completely forgetting what happened 6 hours ago, ''where did you go?'' you said curious, ''i went out to get you're valentines present's'' he said smiling before taking off his shoes and coat giving you a kiss on the forehead before setting the stuff he bought on the kitchen counter,

''valentines gift's?'' you asked confused, thats before you remembered everything that happened ''o-oh yeah...about that im not really mad anymore s-so you're fine i guess...'' you said scratching the back of you're head, ''well i wanted to get my girlfriend some stuff for valentines day because my bella donna deserve's the world'' he said smiling warmly, ''well im glad im you dont see me as you're booty call Dazai'' you said smiling back ''i never saw you as my booty call Y/N'' he said, his face turning serious, ''ive always seen you as my lover, my only one, my stress relivier and my everything'' he said turning his back to you, unpacking all the stuff he bought for you, ''i got you this lingerine donna, it would look really nice on you while you ride me'' he said grinning, you couldn't help but laugh, ''you're such a idiot

Dazai'' you said laughing, ''im serious, yesterday you didn't leave the house, and today you didn't leave the house either so am assuming...no i know you didn't get me anything for valentine's day'' he said his grin widening, ''but its okay, you can cover up a apology with just you bouncing on me today for valentine's day, thats all i want'' he said smiling, 'well you're not wrong i didn't get you anything for valentine's day, so i dont have a choice to ride you'' you said ironiclly,

-after you opened all the gifts with Dazai-

''There bella i got you all these stuff, now all i want as my gift is you're body'' he said grinning, before you could say anything, he picked you up bridal style taking you to the bedroom, he threw you on the bed, you sat up, Dazai standing infront of you while you're sitting on the bed, ''my, what do you have in plan?'' you asked him, ''i have a lot for you, say this is you're punishment for not getting me anything for valentine's day, i get to be rough how ever i want got it?'' he titled his head waiting for you're respons

'' do whatever you please, love'' you said smiling, he unbuckled his pants, his hard cock flinging out of his boxers, he lined up his cock to the entrance of you're mouth, ''open wide, donna~'' he said smiling wickedly, he pushed his tip inside you're mouth, making you gag a little bit, you started licking his tip, massaging his balls, Dazai couldn't help but moan, ''f-fuck... i might c-cum if you continue like this, and i dont want be done bella~ he said chuckling, he grabbed you're waist then threw you on the bed, he postioned his cock to the entrance of you're soaked cunt, he slammed inside you causing you to whimper, ''d-dazai...'' you choked out, ''n-not to deep please'' you whined out, ''i said i was going to be rough bella, just take it like that bitch you are, alright?'' he said before slamming inside you again hitting you're sweet spot mutliple times.''i know you like it there bella'' he laughed, ''s-shut up..'' you cried out, Dazai contiuned violating you're cunt hitting you're G-spot again and again this assault continued for minutes until Dazai finally couldn't handle you're pussy clenching around his cock, making his cock twitch inside you, he finally gave in and came. ''f-fuck...bella youre clenching my cock so h-hard...'' Dazai groaned, you couldn't respond due to the overstimulations getting the best of you, you pasted out without you, yourself knowing it, you woke up to hot tea on you're nightstand, and heart shaped chocolate and a bouqette of flowers with a note on it, ''ill be back donna for our dinner, just going to pick some groceries love you x- samu'' this idiot, you chuckled to yourself, you drank you're hot tea and ate you valentine's chocolate, before going back to sleep, waiting to see what Dazai has planned out for you.

#bungo stray dogs #smut bsd #dazai x fem!reader #dazai bsd #dazai smut #fanfic #smut #bsd #bsd smut #fem!reader #boyfriend dazai x reader #valentines day #౨ৎ — archive

[iisowks]

bbg….imagine-teen mommy! reader who works with PM dazai and through a LOT of drama he finds out he’s the father (drama💗) you decide the rest~ or!! Another idea!! Idea no 2; chuuya finds out its dazais kid. ((Smut or no smut idk))

PM! Dazai… and chuuya x Pregnant teen! Reader

Warnings: it can be a trigger for some people, mentions of suicide, mention of alcohol, mention of sex, suggestive but not smut detailed, it ends bad so yeah, and kind of cheating too.

Note: Heyyy so i don’t know what i did so i just did an like PLUS CHUUYA or sum but i guess it’s ok even tho i hated :3, but i really hope you like! and yes i think i’ll do an part two where Y/N finds him when they’re adults!

★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★ . ★

you joined the mafia very young but already a teenager, you don't actually like to be there but you had no choice or where to go. When you joined you didn't want to be with anyone and you didn't actually wanted to have friends, but two teenagers around your age did NOT leave you alone, and you enjoyed it after some time! you felt less lonely.

but then things got complicated. After some time, you catched yourself attracted to Dazai, even though you knew he wasn't the best person to be with, and you denied for a long time until one day Dazai was at your door, drunk.

“heyyy Y/N, i missed you!” dazai said with a messy voice… “Dazai, what the fuck? it 's 2 AM!” you said quite angry at him, but you took him in and gave him water, trying to make him sober, “Dazai, you really shouldn't be drinking that much.” you said worried about him, after all you guys were just teenagers. “and what? were all fucked up, it wont change anything! That's why I came here, I want to experience something before I die and you can help me with that, darling.”

you knew what was he talking about even tho your thoughts are saying not to do it because youre a fucking teenager, you wanted to. “Dazai, i don’t think we should-” “shut up.” right after that he kissed you… and you didn't stop him, i mean, who would 🧍‍♀️

Well you guys had sex, and you didn't know how to react at first… when you woke up he was gone, and that confused you, but you still wanted to talk to him.

After some time you guys became very close and sex became something normal for you two, until one day you two argued about something very silly but you were so done with him that you just walked away just like he did!

well you were walking through the city when you had the thought of drinking something, and since you were from mafia, almost no one questioned your age.

Well it was your first time drinking so you didnt knew what to ask for thats when you saw your friend Chuuya, “Chuuya! hi!” you said happy to see someone you could talk to. “oh, Y/N…” Chuuya said quite… normal? “do you mind helping me? i dont know what do drink…” “its your first time drinking alcohol?”

the night passed really fast, it was already like 1 AM and you and Chuuya were definetly drunk, “hey Chuu, can we have sex?” Chuuya frozed “huh? i thought you were with that morron” “well im not dating him!” Chuuya hesitated, but he was too drunk to have filter. “i… i guess then it’s okay?” you kissed him almost immediatly, you needed that because you were still feeling bad because of Dazai… and you know he probably did the same and that fucking hurted you.

well you woke up in your bed but no Chuuya, so you thought ‘oh thank god it was dream haha’ until you saw a note of Chuuya saying he should have stayed until you woked up but he didnt want to make you uncomfortable, in that moment you thought of suicide.

You simply pretended that nothing happened and prayed for Chuuya to do that too. Well you ignored everyone in the mafia for 2 weeks, until one day you just didn't feel well and runned away from mafia because mori would never let you go earlier, well you had your suspicions you were pregnant and you were going to do the test anyway.

When the test was positive you panicked, you were 16 and now pregnant?! you just wanted to die, but now you had to discover who’s the dad, and you don’t think Dazai would be happy with something like this. You were scared, but you thought it was better to let Chuuya know, since he was the last person you had a sexual relation.

You used protection with both. so one of them just didn’t work or something, you couldn’t think about any other reason but now the problem is not even that, is that you were pregnant with one of those man’s baby.

Well, Chuuya’s reaction was kind of… not good, and you understand that since you both were teenagers and definitely not ready to have a baby, but you also told him that could be Dazai, in the end he just accompanied you to do the test to see who is the father of the baby.

Well, now you have to wait, both of you, because Dazai has no clue what is happening and he probably thinks you still hate him. You were almost dying to know who the father was but part of you didn’t want to be Dazai because you don’t know how he would react.

A call, the attendant started to talk… after a time you just asked for her to say who was, when she said, you hung up and started crying immediately.

“Chuuya, thank you for the help, but i have to tranquilize you. You are not the father.” Chuuya was incredibly silent. “Be careful, Y/N.” That's all he said.

You lefted immediately to look for Dazai, you tried all the places you could, he was in none of them.

“Mori, hello.” It was your last chance. “Y/N, can i know why you are here after disappearing for 4 weeks?” “I just wanted to ask you if you know where Dazai is.” “Dazai is no longer a part of the mafia, miss Y/N.” “what?..” “he lefted.”

You ran. You ran the fastest that you could… you hated him, you hated him so much even though he doesn't even know you’re carrying his baby.

I guess until you meet him again.

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#bungou stray dogs #x reader #bsd x reader #dazai osamu #chuuya x reader #light angst #dazai x reader #bsd #iisowks

[iridescentdove]

I don’t know if you already did this but can I request bad men with f!reader that is like Lumine full power. I heard that with new lore drops that the traveler could destroy world’s. I’m also a huge Lumine fan both as the traveler and abyss princess <33333

Chuuya, Dazai, Jouno & Atsushi x Lumine! Reader

(I just chose the characters myself ehe)

Lumine is skeptical but shares the same curiosity her twin has for everything, she's rational and courageous, along with being generous and helpful towards others that need assistance. And most especially, rather beautiful and somewhat quiet, yet considered rather expressive.

As if a primordial being – Lumine holds power able to destroy worlds and travel through them with ease, and yet, most of it having been sealed away by the Unknown God's own bidding. What happens when she regains her full power and travels through the world of BSD?

Fyodor, Ranpo & Sigma Ver.

CHUUYA NAKAHARA:

You probably already stand out enough due to peculiar clothing and ur girlboss appearance 😩

He is literally so confused- you're saying this short blondie saved worlds and can travel through them all and has these Godly powers to DESTROY EVERYTHING?? UM

Okay but he does admit, you're probably full of surprises. And he admires your brave, courageous nature.

ALSO HE'S SO HAPPY YOUR SHORTER THAN HIM AAA

You're honestly a cute little bean, and a very strong one at that too – so you do get along rather well. Plus you got his back whenever he needs help

His pride probably won't allow him to say it but in some cases you're really helpful in various ways.

You one time, said he reminded you of a familiar sketchy ginger in the previous world you visited through, and now he's actually kinda curious.

Tar- Tar- Taglia lover of Snezhnayan Queen

Someone please make me fanart of Childe! Chuuya and Lumine! Reader I will pay you will all of the massive dumpload of fanfics you will ever want to see

I can imagine him just walking into the PM headquarters one day and greeting you with ...

"Hey girlie." 😏 *lip bite* i am sorry

The first time he witnessed your strength wss when you single handedly beat up the fucking hunting dogs without batting an eye?? Hello?? Wtf sis

"(Y/N) WHAT THE FUCK" "This is normal, no worries"

He is very curious to even know about all of the things you've seen and fought across worlds ...

When you tell him you literally beat up God *cough*Raiden*cough* dude's jaw smashed to the ground

Though you're not very talkative, you sure do have some ... interesting expressions. He's floored. Bro and you're smaller than him he delights in pinching your cheeks and ruffling your hair sjsiskak

Even if he's thankful you're around to help, he does feel as if people abuse your kindness way too much ...

So now he's your bodyguard yay! :D

Whichever bitch tryna shred your ass? You bet he's giving this menacing ass aura, readily cocking a fucking gun and slamming them around across with his gravity manipulation

If you're visibly tired and people keep asking for more help? He will snap at them and tell them to leave you alone <3

By the end of the day, this man is just ... so addictive wtf

And in a romantic light also he literally tries to hide his blushing whenever he sees you whether in a new outfit or not LIKE your beauty is Godly fr

I don't make the rules. This Tartaglia 2.0 worships you.

And if you're the abyss princess instead of traveler, he is definitely thinking ur some hot shit. Same Chuuya, I want her to step on me.

Whenever there's nothing to do, he just sits down and listens to you talk about your journey in other worlds.

And whenever he and you go out on missions together and you give him compliments along the way he's floored, and trying not to show how affected he is with them

Hear me out ... praise kink

DAZAI OSAMU:

Okay, you already know the drill. Once this man sees you he's gonna do a fucking double take

HELLO?? YOU ARE ACTUALLY SO GODDAMN PRETTY

Will ask you to do a double suicide. If you're done with bullshit say actually say yes, I think he's dead in love. If you say no with a blank face, this bitch grows desperate

Well either way he's gonna fucking love you so why not

Did assume that you definitely weren't from this world, just not really the full detail. So he got curious.

Your journeys from different world intrigued him, and the fact you were basically an actual shooting star. Just soaring through the sky away from all the shit like aight m8

But you'd bet this is Dazai, so of course he wants to go see you in action.

After all, you are kinda like, God-level strong.

So why not? You know he wouldn't be too surprised, but he's gonna go apeshit the moment he sees you take on like freaking all PM executives at once and stuff.

HE DID NOT EXPECT YOU ACC TAKE THE DARE LOL

But it didn't really matter because you did somehow manage to defeat them. And literally with your full power? Hello the city is shaking 😐

Chuuya was boutta use corruption but he got smacked into the 6th dimension before he even blinked HAHA

You're so done with everything. His double suicide offer still stands y'know, it's not that late.

Bet he dragged you into the mersault prison drama

... He's smart as hell, we all know this bitch can prepare for an event that isn't even happening yet in 171919 years

... But ..l did you just ... beat him in a game of chess?

No you ate the chess pieces whenever he blinked

Okay well great- at least the agency has an OP new member that can fucking traverse to another dimension-

If you were abyss princess, he's down on his knees begging you to choke him zaddy can't stay still 😩

Thinks it's hot

If it's in a romantic light, you can take a guess. You both do get rather close – and you're one of the very few he trusts because of how helpful and trustful you are.

It will take some time but he'll show you the reason behind his bandages. You can sense some anxiety in his expression, a vulnerable state for the first time.

But the fact you just accept it? He's over the moon <3

Dazai will not accept from bullshit from other people. Any disrespect directed to you, he's boutta go Dark Era on them so just pray he don't do that unless you want to, simp.

You can tell he'll just ... go over his loneliness all over again when you decide to travel through a new world and leave.

But of course, you assure him you'll return to visit :)

Yay! ✨️

Rest assured you're not gonna let him go through that pain, so if you dare even think of leaving him

I'm sending my homies after you.

JOUNO SAIGIKU:

You'd bet he's a bit skeptical at first, he's not sure whether he can believe a story like that at all 💀

But the thump of your heartbeat begged to differ, because you actually weren't lying. So I guess now he's just kind of curious about your existence. and your powers

As for your beauty this man is blind asf bro what u expect

So even though he has no idea how you look like, he can still bet your gorgeous and he's obviously right.

As per part of the Hunting Dogs, they all have their own individual beliefs on justice. And because you're prone to helping others a lot, he actually appreciates it.

Won't abuse your kindness though, he doesn't really ask for help. Unless they're in an actual dire situation.

Plus you strong asf so 🗿

Although he's busy, both ya'll can take some time for some peace and just chit chat. Honestly, this man wants to know the deets like c'mon spill the tea sis

He's probably interested in whatever you have to say abour Teyvat, especially Fontaine. I can feel it

I mean it's the nation of justice bro what else

Jouno will sit down, listening to your tales about Fontaine and the God of Justice – (he's fucking flabbergasted knowing it was a bratty child who is like shorter than you)

No fr he did not expect that shit 😭

"Also she's really short" "Really now?" "She's like a bratty child who almost got assassinated while playing with cats" "A ... A child?" "Yea and dramatic" "(Y/N), whAT"

This man would probabpy do a double take and question even the existence of Gods. HOO BOY

"... You're telping me the Gods there are broke and et bullied by their own people 24/7" "Yeah"

Let's just say he's now questioning life.

But then again, anything is possible now so he just rolls with it and enjoys his time with you.

Don't tell me he doesn't enjoy lesrning more about your powers and how useful it can really be to the Hunting Dogs.

Once he decided to spar with you, because his patience was wearing thin and he really wanted to know how far the heights of your power could stretch.

He was fairly sure that it wouldn't be an easy win, but he really thought he'd win. Lol.

He was all ready and stuff, slowly unsheathing his sword as you and him clashed ways.

... After that, he promised himself as he was nearly buried six feet under.

Nah most especially if you were the abyss princess because this man literally won't last. He'd actually put up a really good fight, he's strong as hell.

But still, he plummets to the ground like Odasaku.

... Never again, I assume.

ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA:

You and him met when he was running errands after being told forced by Dazai.

Holy shit he looked so tired. He was sweating as he ran back and forth across multiple shops and streets. Being you, you went over to give him a helping hand.

Canonically Atsushi's type is someone kind and patient, so he just was actually rather happy.

Congrats for being friends with the furry 😍

He adores how nice you are for being a helping hand, and he admires your bravery honestly. That shit is what keeps him going on the daily

No but fr you were so PRETTY too. And innocent looking

So imagine he does a fucking 180° when he sees you casually coming into the agency to help them beat up the Port Mafia?? SINGLE HANDEDLY HELLO

He's beginning to rethink everything he thought about you. Ok cool, you travel through worlds, fought God, is strong a–

... Wait a minute 😐

He nearly passed out from the amount of sheer info dump that you gave him. He's beyond shocked.

But also happy you're there to help. He trusts you and just loves everything about you. You're pretty blunt and quiet, but you're courageous and have cute facial expressions.

Chub squishy cheeks uwu

He literally would not ask for anything more. And you have some interesting things to talk about!

Atsushi is intrigued in the types of things you faced and the places you've visited. The fact you're literally bullshitting through and brave enough to face God himself??

You probably went through stuff. He respects you sm.

He's like a little kid all over again, sitting down with his knees to his chest as he listens to you talk about Tevyat.

You'd just be doing something in the far corner like fucking fantasizing on killing Timmie's pigeons again and he's just

Heart face emoji 😍

No matter what you do, Atsushi honestly believes in you and he knows you're of really good help. The agency welcomes you with open arms.

Bro he's just in love leave him be. Furries still need that love and attention bbg

Ngl since abyss princess is more stoic and somewhat intimidating boy is tryna stay away from you lmfao

"Not a second Akutagawa!" bitch 🗿

Yet we all know this man cannot stay away from you. You bet he's right there 24/7, admiring you and protecting you with his life.

Pet him in his tiger form pls 🤲

#bsd x reader #bsd headcanons #genshin #bungou stray dogs #port mafia #armed detective agency #hunting dogs bsd #chuuya headcanons #dazai osamu #bsd #jouno x reader #bsd atsushi #ranpo x reader #bsd ranpo #bsd men x reader #lumine #genshin crossover

[rayshippouuchiha]

So I read a skk and sskk swap fic a while back, and while I wasn’t really fond of Atsushi’s characterization (Felt a bit too extreme for Atsushi, even in the PM), I can’t get my own version of it out of my head

An 11 year old Atsushi getting found in a cage by Mori, thinking he’s finally free, only to be collared like a dog. Yet he still maintains his kindness, his heart

A 13 year old Akutagawa who ends up partnered with Atsushi, who sees his soft, kind smiles and gentle empathy and falls a little bit in love

A 13 year old Atsushi finally snapping under the weight of being Mori’s favorite, of Mori’s experiments (because Mori is a doctor and Atsushi is a medical miracle, it’s only common sense that he’d see how far the boy could be pushed) and threatening to kill him

(A 13 year old Atsushi who has spent enough time around Mori to know he can no longer care, because if Mori saw even a second of weakness, a way to exploit Atsushi in any way, he’d end up back on the table)

A 12 Chuuya who get taken in by the mafia and put under Atsushi’s tutelage, as one God Vessel to another (you can pry God Vessel Atsushi from my cold dead hands), and hopes and prays from the love and affection and understanding he so desires only to get hard, hard not cruel, Chuuya’s only hope for something more, training and cold shoulders

A 14 year old Atsushi who sees this small red head, so obviously desperate for affection in a way Atsushi can’t help but relate to, and shuts down a little more, because he knows what Mori is trying to do and he won’t have it. So he helps in the only way he feels he can, by training the boy to survive and keeping him at arms length, because no matter how strong he may be, Mori would not hesitate to put him on the chopping block to get Atsushi back under his thumb

An 18 year old Akutagawa cursing Atsushi’s name once the news that Atsushi defected reached him. And Akutagawa who is bitter and heartbroken and angry, and has been since those soft smiles and kind sympathy were traded for blank faces and an icy demeanor because how dare Atsushi make him fall in love only to tear it away

A 14 year old Chuuya who spent two years working desperately to be strong enough, in hopes to finally get what he do desperately desired from his mentor only to be left behind

(A 16 year old Atsushi who leaves the mafia for good, because he was foolish enough to get attached and had his heart ripped out for it)

An 18 year old Atsushi walking into the ADA, still working on learning how to care again, how to stop being afraid of love and scalpels, finding a home in Ranpo’s knowing eyes and shared sweets, Yosano’s understanding that goes so mush beyond normal empathy, Kunikida’ good, kind heart and strict schedule, and most importantly, under the President’s ability where he no longer has to be collared anymore

A 20 year old Atsushi fishing a kid out of a river on his off day, and being able to tell immediately he has an ability and listening to his story and offering him a home

An 18 year old Dazai, who fails another suicide attempt only to be saved by Atsushi, in more ways than one. Who gets given a purpose in the agency and Atsushi’s soft smile and finally feels like giving life a chance

A 22 year old Akutagawa who gets handed the case for Atsushi’s bounty because’you we’re the one who knew his capabilities best.’ (Because Mori did not trust he cared more about the mafia than Atsushi) and sees his old partner for the first time in 4 years only to see that smile, the one he fell for o so many years ago, directed at someone else

An 18 year old Chuuya who sees Atsushi and Dazai, who sees some random kid get all the affection and attention he’s ever wanted, and rages

A 20 year old Atsushi who gets confronted by his past, whoch whole never a secret, was so far removed from his current life, and feels his heart break. Because he knows that Akutagawa and Chuuya’s anger are no one’s fault but his own. Who cares so deeply then, however buried, and still does now and wants so desperately to fix it but feels it is far too late

A 18 year old Dazai who ends up in this weird rivalry with this short red head slug from the mafia who wants to take away what finally gave Dazai’s life meaning, but gets pushed to the side when he saves a snap assassin who doesn’t want to kil anymore

I could go on about this forever but I’ll leave it here for now with some small notes

The whole collared thing with Atsushi is based on a fic I read which might have been based on the Beast light novel (I haven’t read it) where the collar is used as a way to control Atsushi’s ability to a lesser extent then All Men are Created Equal by basically being a torture device and constantly making Atsushi heal himself, which he only allows himself to take off when he becomes a manner of the agency and is granted a greater control

For ages, in my mind, Akutagawa is two years older than Atsushi who is two years older than Dazai and Chuuya because it adds to the angst at factor but it also messes up the timeline a bit

I am debating whether to switch Kyouka and Odasaku bc Dazai and Atsushi already have their No kill assassins but that means killing Kyouka so I left it vague

I also left everyone but Akutagawa’s feelings vague. Whether Dazai and Chuuya’s feelings for Atsushi are romantic in nature is ambiguous and this story, told by Atsushi in my mind, leads to Atsushi being so emotionally stunted when it comes to love he cannot differentiate between the types for himself

(I wanted to leave Akutagawa’s feelings vague too but the main thing that tied sskk together in cannon was Dazai and that wasn’t happening here so I decided they needed a little something)

((I also feel there is definitely a possibility for Atsushi to end up with Kunikida or maybe even Ranpo for funsies and all))

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough, I hope you enjoyed and I send you all my well wishes!

Hey hey hey, get your ass back here and give us more of this

#RayRambles #BSD #Bungo Stray Dogs #prompt

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Purge March: Initial Thoughts

Hello everybody! Sorry this took so long to get out, I got more distracted by real-life stuff than I expected since the drop. I made the decision back on the night of the Amane drop to wait for the audio drama and give myself time to think, and I'm glad I did, because in my opinion, Amane's case is really complicated.

I used the audio drama translation done by @/muu_kusunoki on twitter, which I'll link here, I'll also be doing a lot of referencing both the Purge March (PM) MV and the Magic MV. This is still going in as my Initial Thoughts rather than a synthesis theory, but it'll definitely be closer to synthesis than normal.

As usual, I'll be making bolded claims and then discussing them. Let's get started!

TW: Many kinds of abuse, indoctrination, murder, animal death suicide

The person Amane healed WAS actually a cat.

Truly insane. I'd assumed the whole time that the orange cat was symbolic for a human, but it's actually genuinely just a cat. That sort of throws out the whole theory from Magic that Riyone didn't have a role listed because their role related to the falling stage light, meaning that the injury on the cat was staged.

...Wait.

I think it still makes sense that the cat's injury was staged. Rather than being staged because the cat did something inherently wrong, though, I think it's more likely that the cat was staged to test Amane's belief of cult doctrine. She knows she's not supposed to heal using medicine, but here's an injured cat, just waiting for you. Amane takes the bait and heals the cat (the good thing to do), and as a result, she gets punished. Tased, it seems.

Riyone is the one responsible for electric torture. Because of that, I'm going to make the claim that Riyone was the one with the taser in the MV.

I've seen a couple different posts floating around say that they believe this is Amane's mother. The most convincing piece of evidence I've seen is from this alleged picture of the storyboards, but I have no idea how this was procured or if it's legit.

I think Riyone being Amane's mother makes a lot of sense, though. I mentioned earlier how Riyone doesn't have a listed role at intro like everyone else; that's probably because, to Amane, the role is just "mom." We know Amane's dad is frequently gone, so this probably isn't him. Additionally, it seems like Amane may live in this house we see in the MV, and as soon as she gets home, this other person is there. It would make the most sense if this person was her mother.

So, based on that, Amane's mother (Riyone) would have placed an injured cat right outside of their house to see what Amane would do. Amane heals the cat, and that results in Amane being punished for it. Punished, in this case, for interfering with divine will by using medicine to counteract fate.

Being the flag associated with destiny, it makes sense if Riyone is the one upholding the torture related to the cat. The cat seems to be dead and gone later, too, so it's likely that Riyone "fixed" destiny by killing it. But, in that case, who's that other guy?

Gozake is responsible for the water torture.

Safe enough claim. It's right there.

Anyways, the important thing is that means the hand you can see here is Gozake's.

This seems like it's in the same house as before, which I've theorized as Amane's house. If I'm right, that means that either Gozake is her dad, Gozake has access to her house despite not living there (the most plausible imo), or that all the cult leaders actually live here and it's more of a shared housing situation. In any case, what's important is that Gozake was in Amane's living space and tortured her there.

For what, though?

If I'm right that Riyone was the one handling torture related to the cat, that means Gozake was focused on something else. Let's check out those flags.

"Discard vulgarity" just kinda sounds like not swearing at first glance. However, vulgarity is defined as a more general lack of sophistication. I take this one to mean something like, "Behave in a way that is befitting of the cult."

Gozake seems to be in control of the cult's image and what they say to the public or something like that. So, to me, I think this means that Gozake punished Amane for outwardly doing something that the cult didn't approve of. Could also be the cat, could be something else. From Gachata flicking Amane at the beginning, it seems like the torture wasn't limited to "big mistakes" in the cult's eyes. Anything she did wrong could result in intense punishment.

Gozake is the one she killed.

If it's one, anyways. I'm still not fully convinced that she only killed one cult leader, but that's doesn't matter at the moment. Right now, my job is to convince you that Gozake is extremely dead.

The biggest point against him is the fact that Amane's prisoner card in UNDERCOVER shows that her murder took place in the shower.

It's kind of hard to see, but that's a bathroom. Based on the other prisoners' cards, it seems like the location on the cards is the location that their murder/related death incident occurred. Because Gozake was the one who tortured Amane in the shower specifically, that's a pretty bad look for him.

There's also plenty of reason to believe that at least one of the cult leaders is the one who died. All of Amane's lyrics about how she was sorry, but now the roles are reversed, makes total sense if a previous abuser of hers was begging for her mercy against being killed. Plus, there's the scene towards the end of Purge March where she's twirling her baton. It goes from clean to bloody at around 2:17.

Notably, this shot is taken from between times it shows the four cult leaders up on the cloud. We never see them again after this. (That's part of why I believe all four could possibly be dead, but I honestly don't consider it very relevant.)

We already know that Amane's murder weapon is a pole of some kind based on her kill shot of Es in UNDERCOVER.

She also uses her magic wand in Magic similarly. The point is, we know that Amane killed someone via whacking them with a pole. That's what we see in the end shot of Purge March.

That person? That's Amane's victim. Or, one of them, anyways.

Amane may have had multiple victims.

Again, I don't know how much it really matters, but it's definitely possible. That person looks like they're killed in the bedroom or something, right? And there's the light on in the bathroom.

I've seen some people say that they just think the person (Gozake) crawled from the bathroom to the bedroom before Amane finished them off. However... why?

What situation would that help in? I'm under the impression that the door out of the house is the other way, so if the victim crawled to escape, they'd likely head the other way. Additionally, Amane is still a twelve year old girl. If there were a prolonged fight, it seems like it would favor the grown ass man. So, this would have to mean that Amane would partially damage him before he crawled, out of the bathroom but AWAY from the front door. That doesn't make sense to me.

There's also the question of what Amane's murder weapon is. Let's look at that shower scene again.

A clothes washer (I think), a sink, some sort of pole thing (is that part of the clothes washer? Or is it more of a vacuum or something?), and some conspicuous bleach.

A big question for me is what that pole thing is. Could that be Amane's murder weapon? Is it detachable enough to bring to the bedroom? That's really relevant.

Basically, I think there's two options based on this.

The pole is detachable. Amane hits the guy's face with bleach and he tries to crawl away, but can't see where he's going. She then carries the pole over to the bedroom and finishes him off there.

Amane uses the bleach to kill him in the bathroom, leaving him there with the light on. Then, Amane uses either that pole or a different one and heads to the bedroom, killing whoever else is there (probably Riyone, if I had to guess).

I'm honestly kind of partial to 1 now that I've written it out. However, there is also this:

This is Amane's associated image from UNDERCOVER. We don't know what it relates to, exactly; we just know that it's something to do with her.

I would... assume that this is someone in the shower, based on the water torture. However, when I first saw it (and I know this is true for others, too), I thought it was rain. The way the water drops fall looks more like rain to me. And, based on what we saw, Amane was kneeling on the shower floor. That means that it should be Gozake in the shower, thus invalidating the theory that Gozake crawled out of the shower before getting finished off in the bedroom.

Except, what if it is rain?

If it is rain, that makes this matter a hell of a lot more. Because, if that isn't in the shower, that means that someone ended up on the ground like that outside of that house. Possibly someone who never entered the house, possibly someone who never entered the cult. Who knows!

...Possibly the little girl with the balloon?

Obviously if that's the case, it's someone related to the cult. Still, the sky is clearly the same sky, at least. There's the same rainbow despite the same clouds. Plus, we see the little girl's balloon wander off later in the MV. Maybe something happened to her?

I don't know what her involvement is otherwise. I don't know why she's important enough to be depicted. Interestingly, I believe Amane is the only one who hasn't gotten the reveal of someone important's actual face in the second round. We've seen a LOT of people with impact on her life, but none of them have been singled out with actual facial detail. Unless you count the swarm of Amanes, I guess.

Amane has or expects to take over a cult leader role.

She sees herself leading the Purge March. She seems to place herself in a position of authority. This, I'm sure, also relates to a very complex self image she likely possesses, but the fact of the matter is, she's the one leading it.

If she killed at least one cult leader (likely, Gozake is so dead), she might believe that she'd be the one to replace them. We don't know if this is true or not; Mu doesn't know what happened to her surrounding any legal punishments or authorities or anything, so it's possible that Amane doesn't actually know what the aftermath of her murder would end up being.

Still, it's something to consider. If Amane, unchanged, returned to the world, she could very believably recruit others into the cult and continue the cycle.

Amane wants to be innocent, but she has changed the meaning of what an innocent verdict is.

Amane is pulling a Trial 1 Kotoko. She's offered Es a deal surrounding verdicts. That makes it much harder for us to communicate with Amane, because she changed what the verdict means.

Much like Kotoko in Trial 1, Amane's Trial 2 audio drama is her guiding Es through the discussion she wants to happen. She tells Es that she wants Milgram's forgiveness so she can turn it into the ideal world for her cult.

That means that, if we vote Amane innocent, she likely will take it as Es approving Milgram for her cult. That's obviously bad, but the other prisoners (other than maybe like Haruka) are hopefully not impressionable enough for it to be a problem?

However, I still do believe Amane wants to be innocent. She asks Es to remember her pleas for forgiveness at the end of the Purge March MV. We all forgive Amane; the question is how to tell Amane that we forgive her disobedience and we're sorry for the situation she grew up in without approving the cult's beliefs.

It's wrong to torture a child in order to get them to conform to your beliefs.

This is what Amane's story is about. The cult leaders tortured Amane until she was brainwashed into their beliefs. Amane insists that, just because her beliefs aren't the norm, that doesn't make them wrong.

Arguably, a guilty verdict could be seen as doing the exact same thing. We'd be subjecting Amane to audio torture, at least, given that we know guilty prisoners are bombarded nonstop with the reasons why people voted them guilty. She would also be restrained, and due to Kotoko's attacks, we know it's at least hypothetically possible she could get physically injured from it to.

That's obviously not cool. Don't like that part.

Amane wants to kill Shidou.

Amane warned us that Shidou's actions (saving Mahiru's life and healing up Futa) disobey with her beliefs, and if we don't do something about it, she'll have to take action. It's not entirely clear whether that means she'll punish Shidou as she was punished, or if she'll attack Mahiru to kill her as God intended.

Either way, it's bad news for Mahiru if that happens. It's been directly stated that Mahiru is in a critical condition, and it's possible that the removal of Shidou as her doctor could kill her even if she doesn't get hurt again. If Amane killed Shidou, it could mean both of them could die.

However, Kazui has also promised that, if he gets an innocent verdict, he'll protect anyone he can from harm. Kazui could take Amane in a fight (I forget where but somewhere it's established that Kazui is the strongest in a fight, plus he beat Kotoko who I assume could easily beat Amane), so hopefully Kazui will be able to protect Shidou.

That also opens up the door for a weird possibility, though, which is the case of Haruka. Given that, in this case, Kazui would be focused on protecting Shidou and/or Mahiru from Amane, that means that Kazui would likely not have time to look after other prisoners, such as Haruka, who's threatened suicide if we voted Mu guilty. Which we did.

So, basically, the whole thing's a mess and voting Amane innocent makes it much more likely that someone dies, whether that someone is Shidou, Mahiru, Haruka or some combination.

VERDICT: ???

If you couldn't tell, the last four sections are me deliberating on which verdict to give her. In my opinion, there are a lot of arguments in both directions, which makes it difficult to decide. If I was ignoring meta voting, I'd obviously vote innocent, given that Amane is a highly traumatized child and she killed her abuser(s). That's forgivable. However, given other circumstances surrounding the dynamics of her vote, I have doubts on if it's really the "right" move.

I think that with Amane, there's no good option. To be clear, I don't regret the Trial 1 guilty verdict. I've seen a lot of people saying that this state of no good options is a result of stupid people thinking guilty was right last trial. I think that an innocent verdict would just mean that she'd be like Kotoko is right now, believing that she's right without a shadow of a doubt. Milgram is mean, intentionally. They weren't going to give us good options either way.

As a result, given that I can tell a lot of people have WAY stronger opinions on this one than I do, I'm currently not actually voting. If the margin gets close enough, I'll probably commit to a direction, but for now, I'm letting the rest of the fanbase steer the verdict. I was fully team guilty when I was worried about Kazui getting a guilty verdict. With Kazui innocent, I'm much more open to the possibility of forgiving Amane, because that verdict hopefully won't cost Shidou and/or Mahiru's lives.

If you have a convincing theory or argument in either the innocent or guilty direction, please let me know! If I'm ever convinced enough, I'll probably start voting, but for right now, I'm honestly neutral on the verdict.

NOTE: don't yell at anyone. Do not insult anyone else or get aggressive when pushing for a verdict. This is a fan blog for a fictional series that exists to have fun solving mysteries and calmly discussing ethics. Please, have fun and don't take this too seriously.

#milgram #ミルグラム #admin venus #amane momose #milgram theory #sorry this one is WAY late #i know i said that earlier #i'm glad i waited though i feel like i was able to get a lot better ideas in #i used to be a hardcore amane guilty truther #now i'm just kinda fine either way #it is what it is baby #anyways please enjoy #also they like SUPER changed the chorus lyric translation #if you go back to the song teasers the lyrics are very different #like “i will destroy you a distorted vision needs to be purged” instead of “i disavow you eyes corrupted must be crushed” #i guess it's largely the same thing but the intensity of the violence got lessened for the final version if anyone's curious

[the-last-f2p]

Yandere fluff alphabet

Featuring : Dazai

A/N: I saw someone do this with Nagito Komeda (but I can't find it rn I WILL EVENTUALLY!!!)

TW: Captivity, Doubble suicide mentions, restraints, death , suicide. swearing, dead bodies , murder

A-G

Activities – What are their favorite things to do with you? How do you spend your free time?

It all depends the situation really. If he hasn't kidnapped you he'll probably want to do something with just you two he likes the attention on himself when it comes to you. If he has though theres a lot more to it then him just wanting to spend some time with you :). I have complied a list of Dazai's top 3 favourite things to do with you in captivity! 3. He likes to just talk sometimes :) its mainly one of the only things you could do when chained to a wall

2. Sing :) Shinju wa hitori de wa dekinai de!

Double Suicide :)

Boo! – How do they feel about surprises, giving and receiving?

You can't suprise this man. He finds suprises amuzing depending on what it is. I think Dazai would be a fan of giving if he's kidnapped you but if you gave him a gift he would be supppperrrrrr happy!! He doesn't know how you got a gift but he can ask you that later! He then smothers you in affection for the rest of the day.

Comfort – How do they comfort you when you’re upset? When the tables turn, do they come to you, or try to handle it themselves?

It tears his heart apart when he see's you all hurt and sad like that but if its because of a punishment then you'll just have to bear it until he's finished sulking if its because of someone else oh no! They tragically died or oh no! They tragically drove themselves to madness and commited suicide! If the tables turn you can't find Dazai anywhere! He wants to handle it himself but if its to much he may come to you for a headpat and cuddle maybe some words like 'I love you Dazai' would be nice as well!

Dance – Do they like to dance with you? How good of a dancer are they?

Hell yeah! Remember that one episode of the wan were there was like that dance competion? Instead of doing it with the agency he did it with you ! He still slays at dancing by the way.

Excitement – How do they act when they’re excited? What excites them?

You want to know what makes Dazai excited well simple anwser! Every. Single . Shitting. Thing. He's excited most of the time somehow, its more exaggerated than a normal person's excitement. But Dazai isn't normal so what did you expect?

Future – What are their plans for the future? Do they see themselves getting married, having kids?

Simple get married and then die with you. Thats all he wants really.

Gifts – What do they give you as presents? How often do they get you gifts?

Quick thought : PM!Dazai who gives you like parts of his rivals dead bodies as gifts. back to the thing now

Normal Dazai gives you random gifts at random times he's a lot less bloodthirsty than his younger self ok?

#was gonna finish it idk why I didn’t #yandere #tw yandere #yande.re #bungou stray dogs #male yandere #bsd #yandere dazai x kidnaped reader #yandere dazai x reader #yandere dark era dazai #yandere dazai osamu #yandere osamu dazai #yandere Dazai

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for venting?

(Couldn’t think of a better title I’m sorry/TW for talk of suicide)

Alright so a bit of backstory. I (15M) have a younger sibling who I’ll call L (13NB). L has a friend group that I kinda got sucked into consisting of V (13NB) and N (13M) (& another few people who weren’t as involved and I haven’t talked to much/at all). So the group was recently in quite a lot of drama that I for the most part won’t get into because it isn’t relevant & I want to maintain as much anonymity as possible but 4 important details are:

1.There is a group chat that the 4 of us are one (that I ended up muting for my own sanity)

The drama was mostly between V and N

L mostly took N’s side and I was mostly on V’s

I thought the drama was (for the most part) the stupidest thing ever (specifically in terms of the topic vs the reaction)

Now here’s the part where I might be TA. I was getting sick of the constant fighting and it got to a point where I was being dragged into it more. Partially for a small thing that I understand I shouldn’t have done but mainly for something that both then and now while I 100% do not regret. Now I’ve typed this sentence a million times trying to find a way to say what I did vaguely but all of it just kinda makes me seem like an AH for the thing I’m not even asking about so I’ll just say what they were mad at me for. Earlier in the drama N sent a post to the group chat basically saying “Fuck you. This situation is so stressful for me and I’m going to kill myself or at least try” which caused me (who has a history of seriously suicidal friends & suicidality myself) to have a panic attack and text & call his mom (who from what I’d seen & heard was pretty understanding of that sort of thing) at 10PM about it (keep in mind I had a similar thing happen to me a couple years ago except I was the one who’s mom was being called in the middle of the night mid panic attack). I didn’t want anyone to know who told her because I didn’t want to make the drama worse but a few days later I let slip to L that I was the one who told and they told N from there. (sorry that wasn’t really relevant but I couldn’t think of a shorter way to say it.) Anyway, back to what actually happened. I got fed up with them and vented at first to a few tumblr mutuals (no names or accounts were mentioned and it was all to people who didn’t know them) and then when it got worse I made a post about it, first making sure to block N (L doesn’t use tumblr and in retrospect I should’ve blocked V too but I didn’t think it was necessary because IDK they were the ones being yelled at/made fun of/whatever by L and N) and again, didn’t mention any names or urls, just stuff that was said in the group chat. Anyway V ended up showing L and N the posts and they got pretty mad (which TBF I understand) and long story short after yelling in the group chat I wasn’t paying much attention to both of them at different times ended up talking to me on PMs and they both apologized to me/I apologized to them and whatnot and this post is ABSOLUTELY NOT about calling anyone TA for anything except what I’m specifically asking. What I’m asking is AITA for talking to those people and making those posts? I wasn’t doing it to spread rumors or to vaguepost (if I was I wouldn’t have taken the care to make sure they didn’t see it and no one knew who they were) I was doing it because I was pissed and seriously felt like I was going insane, but also I do understand why they’re mad. So AITA?

PS: if you think you might be one of the people involved here I just want to make it clear I’m not doing this to start or continue anything. I’m just doing this because I’m curious about whether I’m in the wrong objectively for this specific thing. When I said I hated drama and it takes a serious toll on me I meant it, I really just want this situation over and would rather it not start up again because of a post (which is why I’m sending this on AITA and not making a normal blog post). Also sorry everybody for the bad formatting 😅

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[will-solace-aaaaa]

@superherokisser sorry if it's not good, it's in it's early stages😅 I haven't even properly re-read it yet to make sure it makes sense bc I'm tired and it's pretty much 12am rn, the chapter is called "cursed birthdays" but I also might change that:) also srry if it's too short I'm just rlly sleep deprived and I'm abt to pass out🥲❤️ gotta copy n paste it into tumblr now. It's 1396 words.

@nico-di-angelo-aaaaa

@camstargone

Here:

A Cursed Birthday

I woke up this morning thinking all was well, and it was just another ordinary day, for me, anyway. But no. I don't even get one birthday of peace. It's always something every year. I mean, last year,  a bunch of rats ate the cake. The year before that, my hamster, Charles,  the magnificent, committed suicide.  And this year, I get sucked into a magical portal. Yay.

It was normal. Nothing happened the entire day, and I was sceptic, to be honest. But no. The one thing that couldn't have happened (due to its... well. Impossibleness) just had to happen. Thanks a lot, God. I swear I'm cursed or something.

It was around 8 pm by the time I finally let my guard down about my evil-birthday curse. I was walking my amazing dog, Ruby. She is this adorable black and white pitbull that puts any and all other dogs to shame. So naturally, I was showing her off... at 8pm, in winter. In my defence, I'm definitely not the smartest person I know. I mean, what lunatic would be out at 8 pm in winter, in the UK? Besides me, of course.

I was walking through the nearby park, like I usually do. But this time, something had caught my eye. The park was empty except for me and Ruby, but there was an object emitting some sort of blinding light. The kind that if you were to look at it for more than a few seconds, then when you would finally look away, you would have little dots dancing around your vision. When I picked it up, which I kind of see was a bad idea, it was like holding fire. I dropped the glowing thing, and Ruby started to bark at it, the burning feeling still prickling my hand. Then, right where the object had dropped, some sort of vortex had started to open, sucking me in. The last thing I remembered after that was falling.

Thankfully, the forest that I fell into had some pretty tall trees that cushioned my fall (not really). I angelicaly landed (crashed) onto the ground.'Ow! Damn it, who put trees here?' I yelled because it really really hurt. My body made this cracking sound, and my leg had bent in a super unnatural way. There was bone and a lot of blood. A lot. I blacked out (I don't know why, though)

When I woke up, I was on a bed in a sort of cabin-like room. There were 2 green sofas against the walls facing each other, with a little coffee table in the middle and a kitchen, in which I was in the middle of on a table, not a bed, which was probably why my back hurt like hell. There were two people in the kitchen, one baking some sort of bread and the other washing some dishes.

'Ow.' I winced as I tried sitting up. Pain shooted to my leg. 'Oh! You're awake.' Both people had turned around and were now looking at me. 'Your leg was pretty badly hurt. How did you manage to do that?' The girl said, looking at me with disapproval. She had long, blonde hair that looked so straight she wouldn't have to brush it for days, and it would still have zero knots in. Her green eyes seemed to dance like a flame. She wore a lovely white dress dotted with purple flowers and all sorts of jewellery. 'What?' I questioned, still not entirely sure of what was happening.

'I found you out in the forest. You were unconscious and badly hurt, so I took you and brought you here. We had to do something about your leg, though. Sorry.' She said, which confused me until I looked down.

'AHH!' I screamed. 'Calm down, it's not that big of a deal.' The man, a strong, muscular dude with dark skin adorned with freckles that looked to be in about his forties. 'Not that big of a deal!? My leg is gone!' I yelled. 'Where did it go? I had my leg this morning.' 'Now you dont.' He replied with a proud looking smile.

'Now I- where is my leg!' I demanded. I mean, who just takes people's legs off without asking? 'I told you we should have asked, dad.' The girl said to the man. 'Exactly! Thank you!' I said. 'You guys can't just take my leg!' I yelled, directing the words at the man. 'I'm Jericho, I prefer Eric though, since you didn't even ask before you chopped my leg off!' I said (cool name, I know). 'I'm Ariel, this is my dad, Sebastian.' She said. 'Well, Ariel, lovely to meet you.' I said, shaking her hand.

'I can make you a new leg, Jericho. No need to be a baby, now, is there?' He said with a grin on his face. Rude. Before I could say an awesome comeback, he started measuring my right leg (which was still there). After a while, he walked away to go make my new leg, letting me talk with Ariel. You could tell she was one of those really pretty girls who didn't try to be pretty.

'Soo... where is this because the last thing I remember is falling out of the sky.' I said, looking at her expectingly. 'This is Emaia. Also, what did you mean "falling out of the sky?"' She questioned, looking confused and tilting her head to the side. 'Well, I was just walking my dog, Ruby, and I kinda just fell, and there was this glow-y thing and- My dog! Ruby!' I yelled, standing up from my position on the sofa, forgetting about my leg and immediately falling to the floor. 'Ow.'

I'd forgotten all about Ruby! Did she fall through with me? Is she safe? A million things were going through my head, and I didn't even notice I was hyperventilating until Ariel's dad, Sebastian, had started to shake me lightly. I had managed to tuck myself into a weird looking ball against the couch because my left leg was, well, not there. After a long, long time of uneven breathing and being told everything would be okay, I finally was able to slow my breathing. 'Sorry.' I said. I mean, I just wasted these nice (ish) people's time. 'It's alright, love,' He said in the same soothing voice he had been using for the past 10ish minutes.'Ariel had been trying to calm you down for a while by the time I came back in here because I found you a leg that would match.

He went and got me the leg, and after him showing me take it on and off, he let me look in a mirror. Well... I looked like I had just fallen out of the sky. My dark hair was more matted than usual with a few leaves sticking out, a few cuts that would easily heal on my head from falling through branches, my new leg which was made out of a amazing-looking black metal and my clothes were covered in blood. While I was checking myself out, Ariel had explained what had happened before Seb had gotten there.

'Yeah, we are probably gonna have to find you some new clothes.' He said, patting me on the shoulder. "For now, you'll just have to borrow some of mine.' He said, Ariel going upstairs and grabbing me a pair of clothes that were 1000% too big. Man, he is bulky. The outfit looked like it came directly out of the 1900s, but still, I looked at amazing as always.

The prosthetic was really weird getting used to, but after three days, I was good enough not to trip every five seconds. I didn't want to wait any longer because I didn't want Ruby to be out there any longer. In my time staying, it wasn't that hard to figure out that I was nowhere near home. These guys didn't even know what Sonic the Hedgehog was!

Me and Ariel left to go look in the forest around where she found me, and Seb had to stay because he runs a bakery! (Who would've thought.) We left at 7, after having the best food I have ever eaten, except for the cake at my aunt Jessie's funeral. That was some good cake.

#*cuts off your leg* #why did you cut off my leg?!?!?!! #ill get you a new one #love my little sillies<3 #theyre all on drugs 100% #my silly little fucks #book #first book #1st chapter #im so so so sorry if its horrible #im rlly dyslexic and had to use my gramarly #like stfu gramarly #no that is not a typo #go fuck yourself gramarly #taking the fucking piss #gramarly #meow #jericho williams

[1bringthesun]

have any of you read “Dancing Girl?” gosh, it just made me sad. Mori Ougai is a really good author haha, hahaha. hah… h-

.

..

…

yeah i’m relating this to bsd! Mori. BITE ME!! ahem. so in this essay i will be talking about Elise and Mori’s relationship. i’ve already established i don’t see her as his “wife” or the object of his sexual desires, and i’ve also mentioned i like the “Elise is his daughter,” way of seeing things, however … well, there’s more than just that.

1) Elise represents his inner child

2) Elise preserves the memory of a dead lover and is his “partner”

3) Elise is a child-figure to him

those numbers will be reused in that order to mean the same thing later, but first, background and “Dancing Girl!”

so i think that, within the definition of his and Elise’s relationship, Mori embodies Toyotarou from “Dancing Girl” more than Kanei from “Vita Sexualis” (i think i learned which type of media went in italics and which sort in quotes some time in third grade, but it’s been entirely too long and therefore i’ve forgotten all of it and you’ll have to excuse my poor grammar if im messing it up). why, you may ask? well, first of all, Elise is literally from that novel. second of all, i’ve just skimmed vita sexualis (- an asexual) while “Dancing Girl” managed to catch my attention a lot more. plus, Mori was one of the characters that Asagiri explicitly stated he wanted to add in, and we all know just how evil Asagiri Kafka can be when he feels like it.

… why is the space so long ? why are these spaces different sizes?? this is really bugging me … but whatever, i’ll try my best to ignore it … (nevermind it looks perfectly normal when i post it i guess it’s just a. draft thing)

ahem, so, in “Dark Era,” Mori basically goes “damn Dazai you’re suicidal as hell! you remind me of myself hahah!” and i feel like that’s pretty concrete evidence Mori Did Not have a happy childhood (i mean, duh, considering he was trigger-happy to friendly fire as an important military man at 20 some years old) and was likely suicidal in the past too, to some extent. in that sense, the chains that tie Dazai down, if they’re Odasaku’s last words, are the Port Mafia for Mori. he cannot die as long as he’s sane and capable of leading the PM, because he’s basically the very embodiment of it.

⚠️SPOILERS FOR “DANCING GIRL!”⚠️

alright, onto “Dancing Girl.” i’ll give you a quick rundown. it’s basically about this college dude (25 or so) (haha that reminds me of the, “am i the asshole?” posts. i (M26) just fell in love with a girl (F18) of whom i’ve known since she was a minor and i was still an adult. i got her pregnant by some time after she became of-age, then i left her to pursue my career. am i the asshole?) (godamn it tai you just spoiled the whole novel) (i’ll put a spoiler warning up somewhere in the beginning) (bear with me) with depression who falls in love with a… looks at the parenthesis and sighs deeply.

he doesn’t see any point in anything because his life was just a glorified projection of his mother and school’s desires, so he starts being a little more hedonistic and learning about the arts instead of becoming a lawyer like they wanted him to. he meets Elise (her name) and basically immediately feels attracted to her in some way he can’t put into words (she’s 17ish when they meet btw) and starts teaching her things and basically acting like a sponsor to her. they don’t start getting romantic and/or sexual until some unsaid period of time passes. now i personally choose to interpret this as her turning 18 before they do all that stuff, but since it never explicitly says, well… yeah. Toyotarou is used to living his life in a cushy-ish manner as a child prodigy and what have you, but he eventually gives that away to live with Elise. that being said, his “giving it away” was less of a choice to be with her and more of a digression from a perfect machine into a person with his own stunted feelings.

she makes him satisfied, and he makes her very deeply happy, but eventually he chooses his career over her and she goes crazy because of how betrayed she feels- she really deeply loved him, after all. he pays her mother enough to keep her afloat and to take care of the baby he left in her stomach, and went back to Japan without another word. Toyotarou! you bastard!! (it’s not like he was without remorse, though)

anyway back to the numbers.

1) Mori’s past is pure speculation, but he was a military doctor ranked quite high as a very young man, one that didn’t hesitate to shoot someone on his own side no less (like i said) so it’s probably a given he didn’t have a stress-free childhood. this is an excerpt from “Dancing Girl,” in which i think explains the possibility that Elise represents the angry child inside of Mori that he never got to let out as a real child.

2) given what i said above, this also feels pretty self-explanatory. we basically only know two things about Mori, that he would do anything for the greater good (which is usually the PM/yokohama), and that he longs for a “partner” who will understand and not leave him. it’s possible Fukuzawa filled that role for a while, but Mori is a little unhinged and did some bad things out of obsession, which severed their ties because of Fukuzawa’s innate nature. Mori has called Elise his partner (tsuma, AKA person who stays by my side) (i know nobody says tsuma and means it that way but considering “Yatsugare san” exists (yes i’m looking straight at you, AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE), i wouldn’t put it past Asagiri to use tsuma in that manner) before and acts dramatic as all hell when she dies. it’s almost like … someone called Elise really DID die before?

3) this requires the least explanation. we already know Mori likes children in a non-pedo way, shown by things like how he helped Atsushi gather his courage in Anne’s room (which did nothing for him, btw) and his profession in the beast AU. but what sort of mafia don has a cute daughter?? that’s like ASKING for her to be killed. so Elise, the product of Vita Sexualis, is the next best thing he can have!

Elise also is a lot like the Toyotarou, while Mori acts more like Elise when they’re together. it’s just something i noticed watching the two interact in BSD and DG. the whole idea of having no autonomy is kinda Elise’s (BSD) thing, isn’t it?

my phone is now 20% and i have no charger. i have probably 69 viruses and also since i have apps like tiktok, wechat, and discord… you can imagine how much this poor device suffers, but i regret nothing. yahoo! hope you enjoyed my rant~

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #dancing girl #a german dancing girl specifically named Elise #bsd elise #bsd mori #mori ougai #Mori Elise #can i call her Mori Elise?? i mean she’s basically his daughter anyway so #Mori and Elise #toyotarou #god they make me sad #Mori is so traumatized and so babygirl #not all would understand #anyway i’m getting carried away even in the hashtags.. is this who we are??? #AH MY PHONE IS AT 5% WHAT THE HELL. #okay i’m posting it now i hope this gets some attention because otherwise i might go crazy /j

[moefongo]

Sorry for using an ask, but my app wouldn't let me make a submission for some reason. Writing through the block is always the best method, take that crap head-on. If you feel like it, what about how the various bachelor's react to the supposed death of builder (after they've been romanced) from the new update.

If you feel like it, no rush, and even if you don't, thanks anyway! Have a lovely day!

Don't worry anon, tumblr is weird like that. And yeah you're right I've even worked on really old asks i had half way through because i couldn't bring myself to write anything and its worked so far! And this is right up my alley since I do love some angst, though i wont write for Fang since I have a whole fic dedicated to this and Justice since I have something related to this for him as well, so I hope its ok w you!

Oh yeah and if you want a whole fic about any of these im down to do it lol

The bachelors (romanced) reacting to the builder's death (Part 1)

I'm putting this under a cut for spoilers!

(Also trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and mentions of suicide its nothing too explicit but i just want to make sure to tag things properly! If you want me to add any other tag let me know, thanks!)

Arvio

They had told him the night before that they had an important mission with the Civil Corps early in the morning and Arvio had a terrible feeling about it ever since they told him. He barely slept that night, he even prayed to the Light to keep them safe. Which is something he never does since Arvio isn't really a man of religion, but he really wanted them to be safe.

The next day, everything was normal and he hoped everything went well with the builder so he went to work as usual since he had no choice but to wait for them to visit him after the mission was over. They never really told him what it was, just that it was related to Logan. The morning passed quickly, but there was an unpleasant atmosphere in town that day. It wasn't even 1 pm when Justice told Arvio the terrible news. He had been the first to know and the town followed suit when Arvio's screaming and crying could be heard all over Sandrock. 

Arvio wanted to die in that same moment that Justice finished talking, he just wanted to run and jump off the same cliff they fell from and join them. He couldn't bear to accept the fact that they're gone. 

Things got so intense with Arvio that Fang had to go and sedate him. Fortunately the builder came back relatively unscathed aside from a few cuts and bruises and found out about what happened with Arvio and decided to stay with him until he woke up. 

Once he did, he swore that it was the builder's spirit visiting and since he was still a bit loopy he broke down to cry again despite the builder hugging him so he could feel that they were there with him. Then when he came back to his senses, Arvio refused to leave the builder alone and forbade the Civil Corps from taking them to dangerous missions again.

Burgess

This surely had to be a bad joke, Burgess knew nothing could happen to the builder. He had been praying all morning for their well being so it was impossible for them to have passed.

But no matter how many times Matilda or Miguel explained it to him, the poor soul always remained optimistic on their return, hoping that the builder would prove them wrong and come back to Burgess's side. 

 However deep down, way below that denial, Burgess knew that his prayers went unheard and that the Light abandoned him just when he needed it the most. He prayed and prayed for a safe return and all he got was condolences. 

 Burgess did cry and uncharacteristically questioned the Light's reason for their passing and no matter how many times Miguel or Matilda told him that it had been the Light's purpose, Burgess refused to accept it. In fact those words angered him, how could such a loving and benevolent deity let something so awful happen, especially to someone as good as the builder. 

But since the Light works in mysterious ways, the builder managed to scramble back to town before sundown. They were exhausted, roughed up and dirty and all they wanted was to nap with Burgess for a while. And despite everyone's concern to stay home they made their way back to the church where Burgess was still praying. 

 It was kind of dramatic, the builder swung the church doors open and surprised Burgess turned around to see who it was and as soon as he realized it was them he ran up to them, enveloping them in a gentle hug. Still wrapped in his hug, the builder couldn't help but to break down in tears as they apologized over and over for making him think they were dead. But he didn't care about that anymore, the builder was back and the Light was true to its word and brought them back safe and sound. 

Then they spent the rest of the day being taken care of by Burgess, who helped them get clean and comfy and then settled in to sleep with them. 

Ernest

He really hated this Podunk town and its lack of basic commodities, but the only one who made the stay worthwhile was the builder. He had high hopes of convincing them of ditching Sandrock and moving to Atara with him; he wanted to make sure they had everything their heart desired, including the best work opportunities. 

Unfortunately this silly little dream of his would be crushed when he found out the builder had died. Ernest was dumbfounded at the level of incompetence of the Civil Corps. He wasn't angry, he was fuming and it was damn sure that there would be hell to pay in Sandrock. 

By the time Unsuur left his apartment, Ernest was already writing a hefty letter, reporting the Civil Corps for their ineptitude.  It was a hefty letter, spanning at least three pages. Once that letter was done, he packed his bags hastily as he fought back tears.

For the first time, someone liked him for who he was and not for his wealth. They were kind, sweet and genuine, and they made Ernest a better person, and most importantly, they became that light in his life they were looking for and now that light is gone.

He spent less than an hour getting everything packed and made his way to the train station. He had finished buying the ticket for the next train to Atara when he saw the builder running back to the town. At first he thought it was his mind playing tricks on him, but as they approached, Ernest was able to recognize their form and instinctively ran to them, leaving his bags at the station.

Ernest ran as fast as possible and stopped the builder dead in their tracks. They looked like they had seen better days, but that doesn't matter now, they were right there in front of him and a sense of relief washed over him as he grabbed their hand and ran back to the station, he was now intending to buy a ticket for them and take them to Atara. He wasn't going to let them get hurt again in this town. But thanks to the builder's persuasion he ended up staying in Sandrock for now. However he was still going to send that letter after he edited out the parts where he stated that the builder was dead.

Miguel

Out of all the members of the church, he had to stand on the stage alongside Matilda, who gave out an eulogy for them. Miguel had to do his absolute best to keep it together as per Matilda's request but if it were for him he would've searched for their body instead. Miguel felt absolutely horrible at that moment, feeling as if his heart had been ripped right out of his chest, but perhaps it was the Light giving him the strength to stand there.

Though occasionally during the eulogy, he managed to catch on to comments others said about how he doesn't look devastated to know that his lover is dead. Fools they are, Miguel loves the builder more than anything, except the Light above. If they knew the pain he is going through right now, that ignorant bunch wouldn't dare to say such things. 

Thankfully, the Light performed a miracle in front of his eyes and the builder came in running towards the stage. Once up there they stopped to catch their breath since they had been running the whole way back. But before addressing the concerned citizens they hugged Miguel as tight as possible and in return Miguel let go of his typical decorum and simply broke down in tears as he held on to them for dear life. He didn't care if it made him look unbecoming of a minister to break down like this but his beloved builder was back and that was all that mattered.

 However he made sure to give the Civil Corps a stern lecture on safety procedures as well as on rescue procedures since he didn't want this to happen again.

Owen

How the hell did Justice allow something like this to happen? If Justice promised to keep them safe out on missions and he couldn't even do that? It was a simple request and Justice fucked it up. That day as soon as Justice came by to tell him the unfortunate news Owen broke down. He didn't know if he should cry or be angry. He didn't even let Justice finish talking and he was already screaming at Justice to leave the Blue Moon. It was rather rare to see Owen like this and even Grace who witnessed the whole thing. 

It was only a matter of seconds before Owen would start throwing things at Justice but luckily he ran off before Owen could throw a salt shaker at him. 

 Once Justice was gone, Owen dropped to his knees and began to cry inconsolably. Grace on the other hand was at a loss, she didn't know what to do with him at that moment since she obviously knew the builder was alright and she had to go meet up with them soon. So Grace suggested that they close the Blue Moon for the day since Owen wasn't in any condition to handle customers today. Somehow she managed to convince him and accompany Owen back to his place. 

Owen was silent on the way back to his house, except a few sobs here and there. Though it was a short walk he wanted to pretend he hadn't cried just moments ago, despite looking like a mess.  As soon as Grace shut the door she could hear Owen screaming and throwing things around his house. It devastated her to see him in this state but she couldn't do anything to comfort him for now. 

About half an hour later, Burgess knocks on Owen's door and surprisingly Owen opens the door telling the poor Burgess to leave without even hearing what he has to say. Still he insisted Owen came by the outdoor stage because Matilda would be giving an eulogy for them soon. Owen remained quiet as he closed the door on Burgess's face. 

After some consideration he washed his face and fixed himself to look presentable enough and headed out. Matilda's eulogy was lovely and Owen couldn't help but sob the whole time. Coincidentally Grace came back and stood next to him. She tried to cryptically let him know that the builder was on their way but he was too distraught to catch on and simply dismissed her comments as words of comfort. 

Thankfully the builder didn't take too long in coming back to town, and they were going to head to the stage but before that, the builder felt a pair of strong arms take hold of them and wrap them in a hug. It was Owen, and he was crying of joy seeing that the builder was there with him. Him being happy was an understatement, Owen was beyond ecstatic. He was holding the builder in his arms and refused to let them go, despite the builder trying to break free from his grip. 

Still though he was mad at Justice for what happened and if it weren't for Owen's busy schedule he would've gone and accompanied them in future Civil Corps missions just as a safety precaution. Or more likely Owen carried the builder so they don't get tired or hurt in any way. But he has to handle the Blue Moon so that only can happen in his dreams.

#my time at sandrock #mtas arvio #mtas burgess #mtas ernest #mtas miguel

[zooophagous]

He found himself in a dark room with no memory of how he got there. It was very dark- so much so he couldn't make out a single shape. This worried him, his night vision was usually excellent- and now he felt himself breathing hard and ragged and quite unable to settle. This too was unusual- suddenly there were hands on him. He pulled away and yelled but they were stronger, so much stronger than he was, and cold. They cut right through his clothes. Suddenly there was a pain at his neck. He was being stabbed. He raised his fist and feebly struck at the murderer and connected in the dark with what must have been their head. He struck over and over but it was like hitting a stone wall. His neck and chest felt hot and wet. He was bleeding out. He couldn't scream any more.

He was awake. Oh.

Strauss sat up slowly and covered his face with his hands. He was having the dream. THE dream. It had been a while, he grumbled. Overdue for it, perhaps. He looked over at the clock with a miserable scowl. 6:34 PM said the green glow in the dark display. Far too early for a vampire to get up, but he wasn't about to go back to sleep now. Not if THAT was what he was dreaming about today.

He found the floor with his feet and shuffled into a pair of soft slippers. One pair of many- he couldn't stand the feeling of the cold waxed floors. He took the weighted blanket from the bed and draped it over his shoulders like a shawl. It was a sophisticated item, it was heated, though the automatic safety shut off had cooled it hours ago. Quietly he made his way to the hall, looking both ways as he did so. If he was going to run into Ursula, he'd go right back to bed and take his chances with dreaming. The hall was mercifully empty for now. Timidly, he ventured out.

He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, really. Find a book of crossword puzzles and take it back to his room, probably, but soon he was faced with a new obstacle.

In the hall leading from the dorm to the game room, there was a window. Normally when he was out and about, this window was covered, but given that he'd broken schedule, it was now wide open and a bright pool of sunlight angled through it onto the floor.

He sighed inwardly. To be sure, he couldn't fault them for opening a window. The living needed sunlight as much as the dead needed its absence. It was their time, now, and he was the intruder.

He approached the pool of light on the floor and stopped just short of touching it, the clear barrier between the light and shadows gave him a line he could walk right up to. It hurt to look at, he blinked painfully. Slowly he removed a hand from his blanket cloak and reached towards the sun.

"Hey. No suicide in the dorms. It's against the rules."

Strauss turned to face the voice. "Ah. Herr Cunningham- Troy. There willl be no suicide today. Not from me, any way." He chuckled.

"I hope not man. Isn't it a little early for you?"

"Quite. I had a... ah. A bad dream. Put me off sleeping."

"I'm sorry man. I didn't know you guys did dream. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

He turned his attention back to the light on the floor. Troy had seen enough bluntness from his friend to forgive him for it. "Oh, hey, you trying to get to the game room? I can close that."

"No need. I am... enjoying the sunshine, as much as I can."

"I always thought you'd like, die instantly if you touched it. You won't burst into flames or anything right?"

Strauss chuckled. "No, nothing so dramatic. Look."

He reached out gingerly and held the sunlight in his hand, and turned it this way and that to demonstrate. "It starts normally enough. A pleasant warmth, even. But it soon begins to go foul."

He held his hand in the light a few moments longer before retracting it. "Soon it becomes an irritant. And before long- a sunburn. It is much the same as what you would have if you spent a day in the sun, but for me, it happens much quicker." He scratched his hand where a pink rash had already begun to form. "Give me an hour, and I would be blistered and miserable."

"Damn." Troy said flatly. "So, can it actually kill you then?"

"Given enough time, and if the sun had enough intensity, and I had no cover, I believe it could. Vampire kind is, obviously, quite reluctant to try."

"Well, we'll have to make sure you have enough hats then. Get your hand out of there." He slapped at Luther's claw, which he'd been inching back towards the sun. "So if you don't mind me asking, what all does hurt you then? I always thought it'd be weird to ask but while we're on the subject and all."

"Well. I have quite a severe allergic reaction to garlic. That one is real. Regrettably so is silver. I have not been able to determine the mechanism for why."

"Silver eh? Me too actually. You should see the ugly crud I get if I try to wear any. It gets straight up crusty." Troy laughed. "What about mirrors? I think I've seen your reflection. What's the deal with that?"

"Truthfully, I think vampires themselves made up the reflection lie as an easy cover. Something they could point to and say, "see? I could not possibly be a vampire!" if someone were to question them. A very clever ruse. I have used it once or twice myself. I merely dislike mirrors because I find myself quite ugly."

"Hey, heeyyy no self harm and no negative self talk in front of me, bud."

"Do you disagree?"

"Well, you're not really MY type but you know the tall, skinny brooding guy with long hair is a look a lot of people go for."

"Name one."

"Why? You looking?"

"Hehhhh." Strauss sneered. "I think bringing a date here would have Ursula very upset with me. Besides. I don't know where to even begin. I've been out of the running for... what year is it now?"

"All the same. I'm just saying don't sell yourself short. You just need to learn to play a guitar."

"Hmm. I don't know." Strauss casually stepped through the pool of light and past Troy to get to the game room. "I dislike radios for their annoying noise, I think trying to find the music at the source would only torment me."

"Well, have you tried different styles of music? Not all of it is that annoying."

"No."

"Hang on."

Troy disappeared down the hall. Luther shrugged and continued to hunt for a crossword or sudoku puzzle, or something else to quietly pass his time before the nurses came to give him his nightly ration. It didn't take long for Troy to return, jogging excitedly and slightly out of breath.

"Found it! try this."

"What is it?"

"It's my old Walkman. There's an artist or two on this puppy I think will really bring you out of your modern-music shell, yeah?"

"No."

"Come on, try it." He held the device out to Luther, who slowly accepted it.

"What do I do with it?"

"Ear buds are here- volume control is here. For you, I'd start with the lowest setting. The song I think is number four or five on the list? You ever listen to "Shine on You Crazy Diamond?" It's got a pretty mellow guitar riff I don't think will piss you off TOO bad."

"Ugh. Fine. If you insist. I will let you know if the tune makes it to my 'approved listening' repertoire, Herr Cunningham. But if it grates on me you will be the first to know."

"Just don't break the Walkman and we're fine." Troy smiled.

It was a quiet, normal evening at the VHI. Artemis was busy filling out a schedule- her least favorite thing to do, but given the lack of staff she had to do some of the busy work. It was proving especially difficult to get a proctor to come in for the GED program and it was possible she'd have to arrange a "day trip" for exams which would be Hell on earth for Strauss-

"Frau Van Helsing."

She startled in her chair and placed  her hand on her chest and turned to face the vampire.

"Herr Strauss. Please don't sneak up on me like that."

"I have a request for a specific article of clothing that is not currently in wardrobe. I would like a size large graphic tee-shirt with the logo-mark of the band known as 'Pink Floyd.' Perhaps, also, a pair of denim 'blue-jeans.' Can this be arranged?"

"I... Um. Yeah- yes. I'll make sure that request is submitted later tonight."

"Danke."

As he turned to leave, she noticed an odd cord trailing from his pocket.

#long post #wayward souls #writing

[trans-clown-catgirl]

Jack Noir: A masterclass in villain introductions. (A Homestuck writing essay)

Hi! I'm Holly. I'm currently rereading Homestuck, several years after my first readthrough, and this reread has made me keenly aware and analytical about many of the comic's good aspects, and quite a few of its... Not so subtle shortcomings. But I've decided to pause midway through Act 5 Act 2, in part because it's very very long, to talk about what is thus far one of my favorite aspects of the entire comic; Jack Noir, and his introduction to the story. Without further ado, let's dive right into the deranged ramblings of someone with a severe case of villain favoritism, and a keen eye for good setup and payoff regarding villains!

Warning, this is very long, over 3000 words long. I have a lot to say about this guy, ok? Ok. Oh, and spoilers for HS all the way up to A5A2. Eyestrain warning too also

Intro

As someone with a long history of absolutely adoring watching villains in fiction, analyzing every aspect of the stories they’re in and how they impact them, their roles in said stories, and how the author handles them, it’s no wonder I’d instantly gravitate towards Jack Noir. He is, in my sincere opinion, one of the most effectively, swiftly and masterfully set up villains in not only Homestuck, but the general landscape of action media. Why is this, exactly? Well, a few reasons come to mind…

Prelude

We first meet Jack Noir less than 1000 pages in, watching over Dad Egbert, who has broken out of Derse’s prison and started wreaking havoc on the agents of Derse. Jack is one of these agents, and right off the bat it’s clear that this guy has a really, really short temper. Calling the agents trying to get a hold of the fugitive "Graveyard stuffers" in irritation at their incompetence, and making it clear how much he absolutely despises his boss, and of course, as will become relevant later, the stupid outfits she forces her underlings to wear. He hates his position, he hates his job, he hates his boss, and just about everything around him. You normally wouldn’t bat an eye at this, though; he doesn’t seem particularly dangerous, and seems like a relatively minor character, judging by his amount of screentime. His underhanded and cunning nature is demonstrated as he sends PM on a suicide mission to kill the White Queen and King in order to receive the green parcel; two crowns for one box. Again, you might not think much of this when you first come across it, it seems like Jack is just doing his job in his own way, applying underhanded tactics to make sure this package stays where his boss wants it to be; but it will become relevant later.

As the comic progresses, the trolls become more and more active, you might start wondering what the point of these conversations are, why they’d talk so much to the humans and what the point of this trolling campaign is. But more importantly, you might begin to ask why they seem to harbor so much hate towards the humans and why they treat them as nothing more than irreparable fuckups. It's implied that the kids eventually do something so catastrophically bad that the trolls (mostly Karkat) can’t possibly look past it and regard the kids as absolute idiots because of it. But, you’re just left wondering… 

Intermission

As you’re left wondering, something odd happens; the Intermission takes place. The Intermission is relatively short, and seems mostly pointless at first. Its placement seems odd, leaving you on a cliffhanger as you begin a story seemingly entirely unrelated to what you were just reading, save a few cameos from the Midnight Crew. The Intermission, of course, will later go on to be incredibly relevant, being the first ever mention of Lord English (albeit without a rapidly flashing pool ball in place of the O in Lord), and establishing the very important fact that if Snowman dies, the universe goes down with her.

Instantly, you notice that the members of the Midnight Crew reflect the designs of the Derse agents, although they’re clearly entirely different people, by different names, with different goals; although their core personality remains the same.

Most relevant to this conversation is Spades Slick, the leader of the Midnight Crew. He gets a good amount of screentime near the start, before the focus is shifted to the rest of his crew and their hijinks (Mostly Deuce, though.) as they destroy the Felt Mansion’s clocks and kill every single green torso they can find in the building. It’s clearly a messy job, and a few of the kills happen by either complete coincidence, or through sheer stupidity from the members of The Felt.

… That’s with the exception of Slick’s kills.

It’s stated right off the bat that he made sure 3 of The Felt’s members were dead before their raid, including Crowbar, possibly the most well rounded and clever member of the green torsos. This, combined with his entire layout for the plan, show that he’s got a knack for planning well ahead of time, and doing it well. His first kill is completely unceremonious, tripping a certain fast yellow dumbass right into his untimely demise. The focus remains on him for a bit, but we don’t see him do much before we cut to Deuce, and then the rest of the members of the Midnight Crew. But when we do…

So, the Intermission continues, and we’re shown Slick doing cleanup duty; taking out the remaining red torsos, stopping Eggs and Biscuits’ shenanigans in one fell swoop, and generally getting things done in a timely and efficient manner. And then, it’s shown how unhesitant and ruthless he can be, willing to sacrifice his crew’s lives and take a massive risk by forcing the vault open. He and Snowman are the last ones standing. And, you know the rest… Including how unphased he seems at the loss of his arm after the initial pain.

He’s precise. Methodical. Almost brutally so. Every single move he makes is well calculated, knowing exactly what outcome it will have before he executes it, with the goal of getting Crowbar’s, well… Crowbar. And along the way, making damn sure Sawbuck is dead too… Not before manipulating his time warping abilities in a precise manner that allows him to get what he wants from specific points in time, and efficiently return to the point in time he was at before he pulled the pin. He does so seemingly with little effort, calculated, surgically precise, each action done with purpose. Each stab and slice at Sawbuck performed with intent. Not to mention a clever reuse of Snowman’s own weapon to his advantage.

Now, why did I discuss all this? Well…

Setup, part 1

The Intermission serves a very important purpose for Jack’s setup as an antagonist; it shows us, through an alternate version of himself, how capable, ruthless, cunning and calculated he can be. Realizing this, the previous intermission makes much more sense… Kind of. You wouldn’t piece that together while reading it. But later on…

As you progress, it becomes evidently apparent that the reason the trolls (again, mostly Karkat.) are so mad at the kids is because they did something that affects both parties, and now the trolls are suffering the consequences of it. It’s hinted at and slowly built up, until…

This conversation makes it completely clear. The trolls are under siege by a threat that the kids caused. And as you scroll through the rest of the conversation, you wonder what that could be, and then you lay eyes on the bottom of the page.

> [S] JACK: ASCEND

Jack Noir. The archagent. The Derse counterpart to Spades Slick. You instantly recognize that name, because you saw his counterpart in action not too many pages ago. That ruthless precision, the brutal nature of each kill, the calculated and planned approach, these are things you’re to assume Jack is perfectly capable of as well. And it’s shown to you firsthand that he is just as capable. The aforementioned repressed rage and boatloads of anger are brought to a complete boil by the Black Queen showing her face and making a plaything out of Jack, someone overflowing with hate, overflowing with rage, overflowing with bloodlust. He completely snaps, rips off his outfit, and as the Queen threatens to kill him for his disobedience… The box comes back into play. He opens it, and whatever was inside vaporizes the Black Queen, leaving only tattered remains and a ring. His planning, cunning nature leads him to victory. And it creates the single most dangerous monster you’ve seen to this point.

The ring is used. The soundtrack’s pace flares right back up as Jack Noir transforms, in a menacing, gorgeous looking sequence, ending with a perfect shot of our new villain. 

Jack Noir, the insurrectionist. A threat to every timeline, and every universe.

ACTUAL INTERMISSION

As the comic progresses, this is shown in full display, as he ravages the Skaian battlefield, kills hundreds in one fell swoop, and does away with the crowns and/or their powers. He’s shown going toe to toe with Bro Strider, one of the guardians, who we just witnessed taking on some of the highest level monsters the kids’ session had to offer. This instantly sets the stage for how much you should be afraid of him, and how massive of a threat he poses.

… Or does he?

By this point, I had already been absolutely enamored by the way Jack Noir had been set up as an antagonist, even if I knew it was coming. I had never appreciated just how much went into making sure you were vaguely aware of a threat’s existence, setting up that threat, and without you knowing, showing you what that threat is capable of. And then you get payoff! A flash that’s pure eye candy, backed up by an utterly amazing track by the incredibly talented Toby Fox, that serves as an amazing piece of payoff for the foreshadowing that took place. An amazing way to establish a threat and what they’re capable of! By now, you’d think that’s it, that’s our guy, but… We’re only halfway through.

SETUP 2: TROLLS EDITION

So, now you’re familiar with Jack Noir. He’s a present threat, you know exactly what he’s capable of. I mean, come on, he went toe to toe with Bro and forced him to retreat! He wiped out the entire Skaian battlefield, he got a kickass theme, and got yet ANOTHER flash to show how horrifying he is in Descend! But oh, it’s only the beginning…

Hivebound. You’re thrust straight into the Trolls’ session, where the plot becomes quite a ways more complex, and you start to better understand and know the trolls. Something becomes quickly apparent, though; their session was much, much more complicated and difficult to get through, with stronger monsters, stronger weapons, and a 12x prototyped Black King. A Black King that they managed to take down, even though you never got to actually see it happen. If Jack Noir is still somehow in your mind past all the drama, atrocities, sea nazis (Or… Singular sea nazi. God I hate Eridan. Why did Pesterquest try to make him sympathizable. They failed. Fuck you, What Pumpkin. I’m glad you’re dead.), class fetishism, and other abject horrors of troll society, you might start asking yourself a few questions.

How… Exactly is Jack a threat to them? Jack went toe to toe with Bro, sure; but he didn’t absolutely dominate him or anything, and he only had 3 prototypings powering him up, while the trolls faced a 12x prototyped adversary and won. So, he shouldn’t be that much of a problem to them, right? Hell, their Jack even helped them out! Seeds of doubt start forming to those who pay attention, but the story proceeds.

Despite all this, as conversations go on, it’s clear that Jack is very much still what the trolls fear most at the moment, but it’s not clear why. In fact, he’s fighting Bro and Davesprite and getting his ass kicked. His credibility as a main villain begins to be put into question! Regardless, Jade’s part of the game begins after much waiting, and Jade enters the medium. Not before a conversation about how much of an irrefutable fuckup June is, though, courtesy of Karkat. Finally, you’ll get to know exactly what went so wrong that would spur such an intense hatred.

The trolls reach the end of the game, but right before they can close it out… A cataclysm happens. Something shows up, wipes out the Aradiabots, and forces the Trolls to retreat to the furthest ring, stranded on a meteor with an impending sense of doom. You might not assume it’s Jack at first! It could be the fabled Lord English, as you might suspect due to the green aura that caused all the destruction, but there’s no implication that he’s awoken yet, especially since Doc Scratch makes absolutely no implication that he ever did. Couldn’t be Jack either, right? He’s not shown to be able to do anything like that up to this point. Whatever it was, it destroys Prospit. Things are looking rough, and the trolling campaign soon starts.

Now, with Jade about to enter, you might remember her dog, Becquerel. You know, the one that could warp space and time to its will, and is nigh invincible? That one. Well, June falls asleep, thus leaving an unprototyped kernelsprite, and a Jade on the cusp of death; but not before her guardian, Bec, prototypes itself into the kernelsprite. It destroys the meteor! All is well, right?

… It cuts to Jack’s fight with Bro and Davesprite. And then it sinks in.

The spacetime warping dog’s power is going to be transferred to Jack Noir.

Something terrible is born.

A cut to the mysterious force that forced the trolls, the ones that took down that abomination of an ultra-prototyped Black King.

The threat makes itself known. A victory denied, doomsday begins.

The Aradiabots, a large factor in the victory against the Black King, are completely annihilated.

The force behind Prospit’s destruction is revealed.

There is no going back. The end is nigh.

The conversation resumes.

Bro is dead. He never stood a chance. Good riddance.

CG: YOU MADE AN UNBEATABLE BOSS IS WHAT YOU DID.

CG: THE IDIOT YOU CALL THE JADE HUMAN WENT AHEAD AND PROTOTYPED HER FREAK OF A LUSUS, WHILE YOU DECIDED TO TAKE A NAP FOR SOME REASON RATHER THAN DOING WHAT A LEADER IS SUPPOSED TO DO AND STOP HER FROM BEING SO FUCKING STUPID.

CG: YOUR VERSION OF JACK, WHO YOU WERE SOMEHOW DUMB ENOUGH TO ENTRUST WITH THE QUEEN'S RING, BECAME ESSENTIALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.

CG: HE THEN WENT ON A RAMPAGE THROUGH YOUR POINTLESS SESSION, WHICH HILARIOUSLY, WAS ALREADY A LOST CAUSE EVEN BEFORE THIS HAPPENED!

CG: I AM JUST BESIDE MYSELF WITH THE SPECTACULAR BREADTH OF YOUR FAILURE.

CG: AND IF THIS WASN'T BAD ENOUGH

CG: YOUR "SOLUTION" LATER WOULD BE TO OPEN A RIFT IN SOME GLORIOUS GESTURE OF MEANINGLESS SUICIDE.

CG: AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW

CG: BUT THE RIFT YOU OPENED ENABLED HIM TO ENTER OUR SESSION, JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO CLAIM OUR PRIZE.

CG: AND NOW WE'RE THE ONES WHO HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL WITH HIM!

CG: SO THANKS A LOT, SHIT HEAD.

God he’s so fucking cool.

It’s then explained to you that Becquerel was a first guardian, a protector of its inhabited planet, a type of being that’s omnipotent and just about impossible to kill. Properties you’ve already witnessed in the past with Bec. And those properties now belong to this brutal, bloodthirsty, cunning, methodical force of nature.

Everything is fucked.

Trophies collected, he leaves the scene. All hell is now loose.

AFTERMATH

CONCLUSION

This marks the end of Jack Noir’s introduction as a villain. First, his personality and personal abilities are shown in full display, instantly creating a menacing villain who you can absolutely be afraid of; followed up by how he got his hands on the power that allowed him to become a multiverse-scale threat. It’s set up through the course of the comic all the way up to his ascension, and the payoff is fantastic. However, he’s not too big of a focus, and in fact, you might forget about him as you enter the trolls’ session. New impressive feats come up that might make you doubt his credibility as a threat… And then you slowly find out that what you witnessed isn’t even half of what the characters will have to deal with. Another introduction takes place, an established powerful character killed, a proper measure of his power set by previous impressive feats becoming completely obsolete in the face of this unstoppable force of nature. Built up over the course of several thousand pages, he makes it look like the trolls’ session exists purely to portray how purely and utterly screwed anything is in the face of this black-snouted living superweapon.

Thus, a villain is established; he will continue to demonstrate his prowess and sheer level of absurd power, all the way till the penultimate page of this 8000+ page long comic. He will continue to be the single coolest villain in the entire comic, and a memorable one; in no small part due to his amazing double introduction. A lot of the best parts of the comic include him, and are often caused by him. And his first impressions, his initial impact, everything leading up to him being formed, are a large part of the reason why.

Jack Noir may not be objectively the best antagonist in the comic, the best written character, or the most deep (On purpose, mind you; he doesn’t change, but his presence drives other characters to change as a result of his actions), but one thing’s for damn sure; his introduction, both the first and second halves, were executed with a degree of elegance, cleverness and efficiency the likes of which any author can envy. It is utterly perfect; show what the villain can do, what kind of person they are, what drives them, and most importantly, make damn sure you convey to the audience how utterly terrifying they are by making it clear what kind of threat they’re dealing with. In Jack’s case? An omnipotent being that renders every previous opponent the heroes have faced completely obsolete, driven only by rage and bloodlust. A cunning, intelligent and brutal one at that. Everything being showcased and built up over the course of the first quarter or so of the comic in a perfect manner. Ample setup, paired with perfect payoff.

A villain introduction worth remembering.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Jack Noir is my favorite antagonist in Homestuck, and one of my favorite villains of all time. From his design in both his ascended and Bec Noir forms, to his personality, and how the story perfectly sets up everything regarding him and delivers an amazing degree of payoff, I am absolutely all over this guy.

Yes, I’m reusing this image, because look at him. He’s so goddamn cool. That’s your reward for reading through all of this. Me gushing about how cool and utterly amazing Jack Noir is as a villain and character. By the way, he should have kept the shades. They would have looked amazing on him.

Where was I? Oh, right. I hope I properly articulated why I think Jack Noir’s introduction over the course of the comic was executed to absolute perfection, and I hope I helped put other people’s similar thoughts into text in a unique and interesting way. If you have anything to add or anything you want to discuss, feel free to do so! An appreciation for media can only go so far without hearing other people’s thoughts, after all!

With that, I draw a close to this massive gush-rant-essay about my favorite villain in all of HS, and a contender for my favorite character overall. That’ll be it for me, and I hope this was a fun read at the very least.

I’ve been Holly, turbo-nerd extraordinaire, and I’ll see you on the flipside! Have a good day!

#homestuck #holly rambles #jack noir #bec noir

[aramatientediada]

So, I started to use antidepressants

Since depression is the main topic in this site I decided to share my experience here.

My psychologist said to me see a psychiatrist or general physician for medicine prescription. In the public health system we have to talk with the general doc to get a specialist anyway.

I asked for psychiatrist and the doc offered an agreement, he'd give me a medicine and if it don't work in 15 days then he'll refer me to the psychiatrist.

He didn't give any detail about the medicine, besides to take it once a day.

I meet with the psychologist that day. She reacted to the fact that the doc prescribed a whole pill instead half and she make it very clear I have to take it in the morning and only in the morning because it gives me "disposition".

I took it 6 am and then read leaflet (I know I know but I tent to trust the doctors). So, NOBODY WAS GOING TO TELL ME I CAN'T DRIVE OR OPERATE HEAVY MACHINES WHILE USING THAT? I mean, I don't drive, but I have license so... I might.(!)(?)

Don't you hate it when you take a medicine for a thing and the side effects include that thing? I had this experience with others medicines before, but at least with the allergy one it made sense.

Somewhere between 8 and 10 am I started to VERY SLEEPY. Where was my desired disposition? I also felt other foreseen symptoms, like much mental blurriness and a bit of nausea in certain moments.

High, I was high but without the "good part" of feeling high we get with alcohol. Only the bad part.

This all got some better in the evening, but before the nigh I was very sleepy again. Probably something to do with I woke up before 4am?

Now is the next day. I hold my sleepiness and only went to bed around 9 or 10 pm but wake up by myself before 6. Which now that I look at it was a very good sleep time.

I wake up with residual sleep, but with a bit of "disposition" . Still a bit of that "bad high" feeling and The Confusion™.

Disobeying medical orders I took only half pill today, now lets see how the day goes.

At this moment you must be asking "But what about the intended effect? What about what really matters? Does it work".

Yes... and maybe.

I don't know how far it's actually working or is the placebo effect. I was actually feeling a lil better since my psych said to me ask for medicine. And a lot better having the prescription in hands. It's what Lori Gottlieb mentioned in "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone", the hope for a "cure" that makes us fell better for itself. (Hope actually has great medicinal power according science)

I can say that while physically I'm feeling a lil trash, emotionally I'm... perfectly normal!

Which is a humongous upgrade!

Not more that psychological enormous pain, that despair, that dread of living. Even though all the things in my life that make me fell worthless, in danger, without future, hopeless, powerless are still there!

Now those thing are just bothersome things that exist, but no more thing that make me want to cease exist every time I think about 'em.

I feel as wanting to unalive yourself is not a feeling, neither a desire or any natural part of the brain but a malfunction! Ok ok, we know the depression itself is already a malfunction, but I'm talking about the will to end yourself.

I'm not feeling a super love for live, that sweet feeling of wanting to live, but neither to stop living. And I don't feel that only the feelings and rationalization that give me suicidal intention were vanished, because they weren't (completely), but the intention itself is unable to exist.

Bad though are just bad toughs and nothing else, not triggers.

Is this how normal people feel? Is this how the people who never want to end themselves feel even when everything is terrible in their lives? Is this how they can fight back?

What a delicious feeling, I wish I could have it without the sleepy and nausea.

#antidepressants #depression #medicine #experience #sertraline #suicidal

[justekasmindx]

Validated

10/06 12:00 pm

Never thought I'd be journaling at this time of the day

When it's time for me to sleep, I couldn't let this feeling past without writing it down..

I don't even know where to start.

Let's start with some good news - I just got validated.

I now does not pretend that I have PTSD, oh hey, I just got diagnosed.

But what surprised me the most is that they said I have MDD, too. I never thought I am depressed already.

Maybe because I never really validated what I was feeling. Every time I felt sorrow, I have always contradicted it with "Why? You have a stable job, an income that can put some food on the table, you can buy stuffs and you're living in a comfortable home, so why do you feel sad?"

I now realize how much I did not love myself enough, I did not even notice. I just knew there's something wrong that I couldn't fix by myself.

The specialist said that I took a huge step coming to their clinic. I had an hour of evaluation. Imagine me just sat down for a minute in front of her and I cried immediately. "Yeah, that's how heavy it was" she said.

I didn't know where to start, I just remember telling her "I need help because I don't know what to do anymore, I have read self-help books, I have been journaling, exercising, I tried to change my perspective, still I feel the same."

She asked when did this start, and I said it started when I was a kid, then the story goes on, chapter by chapter of my life. I cried and mourned in each of it. She saw it and she said, "Don't be too hard on yourself, anybody who went through those wouldn't feel good as well." And I laughed, we looked each other in the eyes, she said "i know you already know that from the books you read". I said "I've always heard it from the people I know which makes me question, why this kind of advice does not change anything in my mind? It does not help at all, am I that broken?

So the last part of evaluation was her asking if I can hear noises or see myself from a third person's view, maybe this is for other disorder's test, but I'm glad I wasn't seeing or hearing anything at all.

She also asked if I want to hurt myself or someone, i said no but before when I was in high school, I used to hold a knife or a cutter, but I wouldn't do it. Are there thoughts of suicide? I said yes. Like I am no longer afraid of dying. The exact example I told her was me while crossing the street and it was okay for me to be crossed over by any vehicle, I am now preparing for my death, I am paying for my insurance, and funeral plans because I am ready to die, and I want to have something I can leave to my loved ones when I am gone. She asked what's holding me back from killing myself, I said because there's a little hope I hold on to and I have this perspective that I have gone through a lot before so for sure what I am feeling right now would pass by eventually. And there I thought my last statement for that topic will save me from being diagnosed with depression then when I came out of the room, and I saw the diagnosis and it says "major".

Few days since that happened, I kept thinking of it, hoping meds will help and therapies will make me my normal self again.

Despite this little hope I am holding to, I still feel like I am not capable of having a relationship. I know I am being harsh to myself right now, but the reality is it might get difficult and that person's gotta be tough enough and must have a huge understanding of what I went through. If that person stays, I would share my everything to him.

I will be healed. This is the start. My life will improve and I will be better.