(The Umbrellas are gathered around a broken coffee pot)
Five: So…who broke it? I’m not mad. I just want to know.
Victor: I did. I broke-
Five: No, you didn’t. Diego?
Diego: Don’t look at me. Look at Luther.
Luther: What? I didn’t break it.
Diego: Huh. That’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?
Luther: Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken.
Diego: (leans in towards Luther) Suspicious.
Umbrella Ben: If it matters - probably not - but Klaus was the last one to use it.
Klaus: Liar! I don’t even drink that shit!
Umbrella Ben: Oh, really? Then what we’re you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Klaus: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, Ben!
Allison: Okay, okay! Let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Five!
Five: No! Who broke it?!
Luther: Five…Lila’s been awfully quiet.
Luther: Yeah! Really.
Lila: Oh, my god!
(Everyone starts fighting except Five)
Five (to camera): I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict five minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with war paint and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Klaus is the absolute most accepting sibling of the Hargreeves and you can’t convince me otherwise. Finds out Ben is falling for a living member of his cult that he doesn’t know the name of? Sure Ben, you can possess me to hang with her. Finds out Allison got married to a guy from the 1960s that he met earlier that day in jail? Gets him out of jail no questions asked. He’s family. Finds out Viktor is in a situationship with a married housewife from the 1960s who he first met while she was aiming a gun at him? He’ll do everything possible to help her and her son. They’re basically family. Finds out Diego is dating a woman who tried to kill them multiple times that he met in an asylum who’s actually another magic kid from 1989? Would do anything for her. Come to family meetings, he says. She’s basically family, now. Finds out Luther is dating another Hargreeves (alternate) who also tried to kill them all at first meeting? Klaus is officiating their wedding! And finally, Five is still mourning his coping mechanism mannequin-wife? That’s rough, pal. All the love.