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leisurelypanda · 1 year

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So I Just Finished "A Light in the Flame"

If you haven't finished it, I would suggest not continuing. I have a few thoughts:

A representation of me at the end of this book

FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK THAT ASSHOLE IN PARTICULAR WHOSE NAME I CAN'T SPELL BECAUSE I LISTENED TO THE AUDIO BOOK WHO BETRAYED THEM AND WAS ACTUALLY WORKING FOR KOLIS

Veses is a total, 100% horrible bitch and she deserves death for a lot of things, but the fact that she basically assaulted Nyktos and almost killed Reaver all because she's in love with Kolis means she's a Grade A Piece of Shit

Nyktos is a cinnamon roll. A cinnamon roll who can kill you. A cinnamon roll who can kill you and will if you do anything to Sera. I love him, quality male romantic interest.

Kolis is a few nuggets short of a happy meal. Also, fuck him with a sandpaper dildo. That is all.

THERE'S MORE TO THE PROPHECY??? GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I THOUGHT WE KNEW IT ALL

Poppy is the Chosen One, I'm so proud of her.

Sera finally getting to the point where she has something to live for and look forward to in life ONLY TO HAVE IT RIPPED AWAY FROM HER LIKE THAT FUCK ALL OF THIS

If Kolis is still alive by the end of all this, I swear to God I will jump into the story and tear the son of a bitch apart myself

Veses too, and Attes (or whatever his name is I only remember how it sounded) both of them need to die.

Listen, I just want a HEA ending where everyone gets to live together as one big happy family (sans Kolis), is that so much to ask?

When is the next FBAA book coming out?????? I cannot believe I have to fucking wait!!!! I have to wait until JULY???? AAAAAAAAAAQAAAAAAAKALWKWKSKKDKWKWKDJDJDK

I am suing Jennifer L. Armentrout for emotional damages.

#a light in the flame #fbaa #from blood and ash #daddy nyktos #seraphena mierel #listen I am not okay #I am extremely not okay #nothing is okay #what is this bullshit #this book has wrecked me emotionally #it was a god damn emotional roller coaster

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things-stronger-than-fear · 4 months

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HI DID THEY FULLY CUT THE "WHERE I TOLD YOU TO RUN SO WE'D BOTH BE FREE" VERSE FROM TBOSAS AM I TRIPPING

(the writing scene has the "strung up a man" verse, the soundtrack bit has the "strung up a man" and "dead man called out" verses, and the mockingjays sing along to the "wear a necklace of rope" verse)

#listen i am NOT OKAY #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #lucy gray baird #snowbaird #tbosas #thg #the hanging tree

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beatriceeverytuesday-old · 1 year

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Anya Jenkins + Being like a moth to a flame (Self-destructive)

No you don't understand, I'm actually making myself sick thinking about Anya Jenkins' character arc. LISTEN so many of us love Faith and we talk about how self-destructive Faith is but I haven't seen anyone talk about Anya's self-destructive path yet. In s3 she's SO UPSET that she's lost her powers. She loses them in The Wish (3x09) and then in Doppelgangland (3x16) she's STILL begging for her powers back. D'Hoffryn tells her "Do not ask again." so I assume she's spent every episode between this one desperately asking to get her powers back. And all throughout this episode she maintains that she'll get them back for herself if D'Hoffyrn won't help. Then when we see her in The Prom (3x20) she's not looking for her powers anymore. I mean, outwardly she's claiming that she's trying to get them back, but her actions show otherwise. She's continuing to go to school. She's looking for a date to the prom. It seems she's resigning herself to mortal life again, and trying to acclimate.

But I think her interest in Xander is more than that if you look deeper. For 1,000 years Anya brought death and destruction and vengeance upon the men she witnessed hurt women. Her very last (failed) mission, the entire reason she came to Sunnydale, was to enact vengeance on Xander for Cordelia. Anya's attraction to Xander isn't random and it isn't just because he's a main character in this show we're all watching. She's just lost everything about who she is, everything she's believed in and done and worked for. I honestly don't think this is about Anya getting a crush because she's suddenly experiencing teenage feelings again the way the show seems to want us to think it is based on the dialogue (3x21 Graduation Day Part 1). Or at least, if that's part of it, that's not all this is. (The show dialogue also tells us for 4 seasons that Anya is "like this" because she's "newly human" but then we learn in 7x05 Selfless that Anya's always been like this.) So I don't think this is about Anya liking Xander. I think she's self-destructing. Anya's too smart, too protective of herself and her own well-being when she wants to be, and she's seen too much of men's wrongdoing for me to accept this was accidental or unintentional or the result of a tiny crush.

She's spiraling, hurting. She's drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Out of every guy in Sunnydale, from Anya's pov, this is the ONE GUY guaranteed to hurt her, the ONE GUY in Sunnydale she knows for a fact "deserved" vengeance enacted against him (based on everything Anya and Vengeance Demons believe in) ...and SHE GOES STRAIGHT TOWARD HIM.

And then she catches feelings. Despite herself, despite Anya canonically admitting that she was just planning to use and lose Xander (6x18 Entropy) she falls in love with him. And with that, she starts to actually gain other things in her life. Other reasons to stop self-destructing. Anya gets a job and she loves it! "I'm a working gal!" she says. "I have a place in the world now." (5x06 Family). She develops hobbies and interests. She loves the fact that she's an American now. She's obsessed with capitalism. She's a member of the Scooby gang. And she starts making other changes as well. Anya says, "I mean, I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter. Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!" (5x08 Shadow) And she's so distraught about losing Joyce. And she misses Buffy when Buffy dies. Despite all the death Anya's caused, she has reasons to view it as horrible now. And she's so in love with Xander. Her entire speech to him in 5x11 Triangle asking him not to leave, the wedding vows she wrote him, she initially pursued Xander at a dark time in her life when she was in a bad headspace and now she's so in love and she's finally SO HAPPY.

And then Xander leaves her at the altar. Anya pursued Xander knowing full well what he could do to her, how severely he could hurt her. She went after Xander not in spite of him being the one man in Sunnydale guaranteed to destroy her, but BECAUSE of it. Anya went after Xander because she had nothing left to lose and she wanted to be hurt, she wanted to keep spiraling further into the path of self-destruction. Only it didn't happen. Through her relationship with Xander, Anya regained a purpose. She regained a will to live. And then he left. She got what she initially wanted, at the exact wrong time: only after she had once again gained things she was scared to lose.

Anya Jenkins, former vengeance demon, wished Xander Harris would hurt her. And she paid dearly for that wish.

#anya jenkins #xander harris #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #tuserjana #listen i am NOT okay #even before xander just thinking about anya wanting to self destruct it hurts me so bad #i know xander had his reasons but anya is so dear and so precious to me #and i will forever be upset at anyone who hurts her #and hells bells destroys me #i havent rewatched it in so long because i just cant #i just want anya to be happy #anya my beloved

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borathae · 1 year

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We've seen aaol Jungkook sulky about lack of attention from oc, does oc ever get whiny and ask for attention from hubby when he's been super busy with work ?

If so, how do you reassure her and reinforce that she's still a priority to you 😊

"She is actually really independent and she gets a lot less needy than I do, so maybe you won’t even believe me, but yes she does get sulky sometimes", Jungkook says and grins fondly, "I know when she is attention starved the second I leave the elevator because on those days, she likes to wait for me by the door. She always pretends that it's super coincidental, but I already figured her out."

He snickers cutely, hiding his mouth behind his hand for just a second. It just so happens that his shoulder lift to his ears as well as he does, making him appear even more adorable than he already was. Jungkook begins to sway from left to right as he continues talking, doing so as an innocent little habit.

"I think it's really cute that she waits for me", he says, looking at the ceiling as he is kicking his feet under the table, "and on those days I like to cuddle her even more than I do on normal days and then tell her that she smells good, because she always does. I also really like kissing her face once we're in bed and I make sure to get every inch of it. She especially likes kissies on her eyelids and kissies on her forehead. Oh", he looks at you with boyish eyes, "did I just say kissies? Sorry, we always call them kissies at home, I guess I kinda slipped", he says and giggles.

"Yeah but uhm, I guess I just cuddle her more and give her more kisses and give her lots of compliments", he says and nods his head contently, "I also always make sure to text her throughout the day. But that’s like a general thing I do, because I like texting her whenever I think of her. I know I'm such a sap but what can I say? I just like letting her know that I think of her", he says and giggles cutely, wiggling his shoulders happily.

#listen i am not okay #somebody please collect him and smooch him 😔#asks: aaol #anon #asks #come talk to my characters #aaol: character talk

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oof-i-did-it-agaaiiin · 1 year

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Beautiful from Ordinary Days

#EDIT: I added links to the post’s caption go click them.#I did this because people were mistaking the words as a poem. I love poems. it’s not a poem.#it’s a song from a musical that deserves more attention. go listen to the song. if you like it go listen to the musical. it’s fantastic #it’ll make you laugh and it’ll make you cry. could not recommend enough.#okay edit over. back to my og tags #long post #and I'm talking LONG like do you love the color of the sky long #today I am a nuisance to your dash #but it's in the name of art and beauty #ordinary days #musicals #paintings #art museum #post i made #i love lyrics #greatest hits

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willowser · 1 month

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i think katsuki just answers his phone by barking out, "bakugou." no hello, probably doesn't even look at the caller id LOL when he hears it's you, though, i think he breathes out the tension he didn't realize was coiled in his shoulders, and says a lil, "hey," 🥺🥺

and i think when he calls you, and you answer with your sweet, "helloooo ??" he is so soft 😌 just mumbles out a quiet, "what'chu doin'?" and listens as you tell him, before saying what he needed to 😌

#okay one bkg thought and then i am going to bed hehe #i need him terribly i fear 😔#pls just the idea of him huddling in a corner so no one can hear him 🥺 as he speaks softly to you 🥺#and even if he calls to tell you something—he always asks what you're doing 🥺#and listens 🥺 and engages 🥺#i also dont think he says goodbye LOL #he just says 'alright' and hangs up LOL #or he says 'alright love you' hang up #why does this make me so insane for him idk idk #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: domestic bakugou

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conspicuous-clown-car · 1 month

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my favorite scene from love death and rollerskates

please PLEASE go read Love, Death and Rollerskates by @spadilleliciousit on ao3 its AMAZING AAAUHGHG

#listening to the songs as they were mentioned while reading LDR was such a lovely experience #esp this part omfg #had me cackling at 2 am #i hope its okay that i made my own little self insert version of y/n #love death and rollerskates #fnaf moon #fnaf dca #fnaf daycare attendant #kirbsart

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lightbulb-warning · 7 months

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saimatsu week day 3 not on day 3: reunion

they do be sobbing

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beepboopimaproblemchild · 1 year

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Oh me? I just fantasize about having the hero’s journey life in different fandom fonts! Because I feel so overwhelmed and unimportant in my own life that a big central bad guy to take out with my bare hands would be a FANTASTIC CHANGE OF PACE.

#just talking #listen i am not okay #nor am I alone #I am a padawan #I superimpose myself onto Dick Grayson instead of therapy

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hajihiko · 5 months

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pretty sunrise or sth

#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Sdr2 #Super danganronpa 2 #an art #Listen I somehow fuckong hate how this came out ok I dont like it BUT here it is anyway. Because. I am not the authority on what's good #And I'm WORKING ON IT. as well as more stuff.#It was a light study and sometimes those dont work out and that's okay. Somethings wrong here I dont know what but I'm excited to find out!

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krasytoonz · 21 days

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You just came back and you're already carrying the laughingstock fandom once more (along with carnival)

@carnivalcarrion psst… We should totally collaborate on Laughingstock…… (draw him kissing howdy’s hand)

(ANYONE CAN JOIN THIS TOO BTW! I would love to see Laughingstock get more art!)

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kedreeva · 1 month

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Okay, I haven't wanted to talk much about the peafowl lately, been just kinda dealing with Stan's passing, but! I have news I don't want to keep quiet, so here we go with a little announcement.

I've been helping a friend of mine with a bunch of peafowl genetics work lately, as he's trying to prove out a really neat phenotype of speckled and white peafowl that showed up in his breeding stock, and he just spent tens of thousands of dollars importing two new morphs from Europe: European violet (aka, my dream morph) and Ultramarine (pretty and only otherwise being produced by TWO breeders in the WORLD). When Bill heard about Stan, he asked if I was going to go to a large farm auction that's a few hours from my house. I don't, normally, since it's a few hours from my house and the auctions usually make me kinda sad when it comes to peafowl (they stress out SO MUCH) even though it's cool to see how much they're going for at a wider audience auction.

Then he told me he would be going, and that if I wanted to come down the day before the auction, he'd bring me another male, to replace Stan. I had already made plans to hang onto Bismuth, at least for a few years, and to pick up babies from Indie x Arcana/Eclipse this november, including a male, so I didn't really need another male, and don't have the cash for one anyway. He said no, he meant one of the split EUV males from last year's first-USA breeding. For free. As a thank you for helping him.

To put this into perspective, importing the birds is a ~$10k affair, per bird. I had fully resigned myself to never even SEEING one of these birds in person, much less ever owning one. Even if someone else got them imported, they would remain thousands of dollars for the first few years, and quickly become mixed with other stuff, potentially even be lost by people breeding to purple. He went in on a group import with another breeder and they have both just started selling the full-color birds for over $2k apiece (alongside Ultramarine, which before their import was bred by TWO people in the WORLD, and babies from that are going for almost $7k each, but EUV is more widely spread). Splits (like the one I will be getting) are being let go for $750. This is also the color I have desperately wanted since I first saw them 8-10 years ago (though I believe they've been around slightly longer), but that I had resigned myself to never actually having.

To put it mildly, I'm probably going to burst into tears when I see Bill and this bird. It's going to be super embarrassing. And then I'm going to have to build more pens. And then I'm going to have to get as plain-blue, pure-indian blue hens as I can find, and become one of the most serious curators of plain pure EUV in the US, because I know the other two who have them currently will be outcrossing to other patterns/colors immediately and the people buying them will likely be doing the same, and everyone will be clamoring to make them into high Spaldings ASAP, or won't know not to cross them to purples and wreck the color.

Here's the sire cock, the one imported:

You will notice that this bird is purple in full sun, from the sunny side. That's the main difference between European violet and US purple- a US purple looks blue until you get the right angle on the sun vs the bird vs the camera, and you have to get the bird between you and the sun, so the purple is often in the shadow side- visible to the eye but not the camera. EUV is just purple. Even from the sunny side!!

And the Ultramarine, in case you were wondering about their color:

(pics reposted w/ permission from Bill)

The breeder is Spring Creek Peafowl, and in case anyone is secretly a peafowl breeder or knows other peafowl breeders with too much money that want in on a new color morph, he DOES have UM pairs and EUV hens (and more split males) for sale currently, for less than the only other person in the US that has them. They're still pricey, but cheaper. I WISH I had the extra to have my friend add on an EUV hen, but alas, I will have to wait to make my own in a few years. Even just the opportunity to do so is something I never expected to have!

#peafowl #my pets #longfeather lane #cool cool cool i'm crying about it again #but listen I am OVERCOME with happiness okay #Can't wait to cry in the middle of a VERY public place over a bird #can i gofundme a bird?? is that allowed in their tos

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markscherz · 2 months

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tumblrs being transphobic, with the ceo himself starting an actual harassment campaign against a transfem & also banning transfems who post abt it.

Oh shit, I had not heard about that.

I would like to say I don’t understand why this shit keeps happening, but I actually do understand it way too well. It just makes me so sad and angry. Especially on a site where people find and make their communities.

So much of this is about ego, and the people with power wielding that power to protect themselves and failing to protect others with it. A mere hint of negative sentiment towards them is harassment that is dealt with immediately and harshly, but a dozen complaints about discrimination or threats or bullying take ages to process and frequently come to unsatisfactory moderation decisions.

Whatever the sentiments of the people running this hellsite, you are always welcome in my corner of the internet, wherever you find it. You are all wonderful, and we all deserve to feel that part of this space belongs to us and those to whom we can connect.

Transphobia has no place on tumblr, period. Or anywhere else in society for that matter. It is that which should be being rooted out.

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factual-fantasy · 8 months

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#Okay little bit of a lie I DID finish the thing I was workin on #but I called it quits right after XDD #it HURT #like RILLY BAD #and it burnt my widdol thumb too 😭#and the skin immediately peeled off and EHGR #I might have just wanted an excuse to stop working and take a break ngl-#but still guys listen hot glue is rilly hot okayyyy is hotttt and my lil burn is a big boy burn I promise-#my leg still burns and it hurts to sit criss cross apple saurce 😃👍#I am the LARGEST baby ever #but hey look spooky eyes how neato #also dramatic drippy face thats rilly fun to draw

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actual-changeling · 5 months

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i crave the emotional catharsis that would come with crowley taking care of his plans, in so much pain but swallowing it down and pretending it's not real, finally having the mental breakdown he deserves.

he's taking care of his plants, a detached look on his face, misting them and making sure they're all healthy and have enough space to grow. after he returned, he stopped talking to them for the most part. they welcomed him back, they had missed him—shax is not the nicest or most interesting company to keep—and now they're worried.

crowley sleeps, paces, mists his plants, gets drunk, and sleeps some more. everything to stop feeling. until he sees a leaf spot on one of them. a tiny imperfection, barely worth a shout, and yet.

a tremor works it way through him, his knees always giving out, and he presses one palm against the wall to keep himself upright. wave after wave of shame, bright and stabbing in the middle of his chest, reminds him why he left.

not good enough.

crowley had tried, someone knows he tried. it's hard to regain a soul, harder yet to shape it into something worth loving, someone worth living for, but he had tried.

his fingers curl around the pot and before he can stop himself he flings it across the room, listening to it shatter. can't even do that right, can he? can't raise fucking plans, can't keep his STUPID mouth shut, can't make him stay because who would want to be stuck with him forever? no one, that's who, and after six thousand years, aziraphale had seemingly reached his blessed limit and taken the first chance to leave.

another plant follows with a scream, dirt and broken stems covering the floor and staining the walls, and then another and another and another until he can fall to his knees amidst the ruins of his life.

clay shards are cutting his palms open as he doubles over, sobs wrecking through him like thunder, and his tears carve clean paths down his dirty hands.

"i tried," he whispers, voice hoarse from yelling, "i'm sorry, i tried."

crowley's wings unfurl with an almost silent gust of air, blacking out the sunlight streaming in. he drags himself to the nearest corner before wrapping his arms and wings around himself, and curling up as tightly as possible.

"i tried," he keeps breathing into feathers and fabric, "i tried, i tried, i tried."

over and over until his voice fails him and then some more. it is almost a lullaby, the words taking whatever is left of his heart and gently rocking it back and forth. crowley falls asleep like that, exhausted and broken and lonely. just as sleep pulls him under, he stops his repetition, his mouth shaping phrase after phrase.

for the very first time since his fall, crowley closes his eyes and prays.

#alex writes good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable divorce #okay listen this just happened i didnt PLAN to write this #this is very obviously me projecting i think lol but then again when am i not #anyway i'd say i'm sorry but i'm really not #someone break that man (gn) or so help me

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leenfiend · 8 months

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sometimes good things take a while

(two slow dancers - mitski)

#i am requesting that u treat this like a musical comic and listen 2 the song while u read through it (the comic starts at the second verse)#but if u do not that is okay and I still love u #anyway ive been working on this bad boy for like #looks at watch #two weeks now #which i guess isn’t that long but this is the longest comic ive ever done #i hope u like it i hope it comes across well #also this goes out 2 Nicole bc if not for that mitski post this probably wouldn’t exist #but i said hm i guess two slow dancers kind of is a klance song #and then i blacked out and woke up with this #klance #vld #Voltron #vld klance #my art

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