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in-my-jamiebower-era · 4 years

Text

Lights up. Rafe Cameron.

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: You’re John B’s sister but secretly dating Rafe Cameron. Sounds like a plan for disaster. Although things might just work out in the end...or not?

Warnings: A few curse words, implied smut, and probably grammatical errors.

Words: 4K+

A/N: I am so sorry it took this long to post. I had to deal with some personal things. So this song is basically about being who you are no matter what. Just doing what you love. So I thought it was fitting Y/N be a Pouge while Rafe be a Kook. Anyways, I just want to say once again that all of you are incredibly sweet!! Thank you for all the love and support. Don’t hesitate to message me if you have any constructive feedback or requests. I really love it when I hear from all of you. Also I know times are hard so if any of you need to talk, please message me. I promise I’ll listen. Anyways once again thank you and I hope y’all enjoy your day! Don’t forget to TPWK!!💓

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never coming back down

Can't you see?

I could, but wouldn't stay

Wouldn't put it like that

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never coming around

Be so sweet if things just stayed the same

Being a John B’s twin sister definitely came with some perks. Everyone knew not to mess with you or else he would beat their ass. It was like you were untouchable. It was a great feeling. Although growing up a Pouge is great, it still has its not so great moments. Sometimes not know where your next meal is going to come from. Better yet, not having hot water. Sometimes not having water at all. Although one day your life got flipped all the way upside down.

You didn’t expect it to happen, it just did. One minute you were at the chateau than the next you were in bed with Rafe Cameron. You always had a little crush on Rafe but you had to keep that deep down inside and locked away. Until that one crazy, insane, amazing, and almost too got to be true night?

You were drunk as shit, wondering the beach all alone. Just to come across a drunk as shit Rafe Cameron. “Oh God,” you thought. Although when you got a closer look at him, he was beaten and bruised. You secretly brought him back to the Chateau to get him cleaned up. Then came the kiss, then they sneaking over, then the sex, then the “I love yous.” Time really flew during the last year you’d been macking on Rafe Cameron. You enjoyed it though.

It was currently 3 AM in the morning and you were sitting cross-legged on Rafe's bed watching the news because nothing was on. Suddenly you heard the bathroom door creak open, which cause you to jump lightly. The next thing you saw was Rafe Cameron with his towel on his hips, hair still wet and messy. God the sinful things you were thinking of at the moment.

“Hey Y/N, you okay?” Not trusting your voice you just shook your head up and down. He had no idea the effect he was having in you at the moment. Your sex life was not it’s best right now, seeing as though Rafe was always trying to please his dad. Also that no one technically knew about you and Rafe. He promised he would make time for you but it was hard. So you decided to savor the little moments.

He turned around to get some clothes out of his drawer and you trailed your eyes up and down his body. His body was amazing. It’s like he could sense you because he turned around and saw you staring.

“Alright now I know something is up with you Y/N, so it’s better you tell me because I don’t want to force it out of you.” You really didn’t want to tell him that you needed a good fuck. You just really wanted to be intimate with him and show him you loved him. You had been feeling empty inside for the last week and you needed him. So you made the choice to say “Rafe, do you still love me?”

He was still in front of you but he grabbed your ankles and pulled you to the end of the bed. He leaned down with just his towel on. You had a clear view of his glistening chest. He put his hands on your thighs and looks you in the eyes. In a deep voice, he said “of course I do baby girl, did I do something to make you doubt that?”

You signed then you looked down but he grabbed your jaw and said “answer the question.” You knew he knew what you wanted. This is why he got dominant all of a sudden. So you decided to play into his game. So you gave him a sad face and said “it’s just that we haven’t spent any intimate time together in a while and I miss your touch.” You ran a hand over his stomach up to his shoulders. Then you lent over and whispered in his ear “I want to feel you.”

He slowly leaned in and attached his lips to yours. He straddled your hips and pushed you back onto the bed losing his towel. You whimpered at the sight of his semi-hard cock. “You want that baby girl?” He rasped. You nodded your head and he quickly disposed of your shirt and shorts.

He took a look at you and stared for a while, making you very insecure. He hadn’t seen you like this in a while so maybe he didn’t like it? His voice went deep and said, “Don’t cover your beautiful body.” He always hated it when you were insecure about yourself, so he always reminded you of how pretty you were. You were ripped from your thoughts when he kissed behind your ear and whispered: “tonight I’m not just going to fuck you, I’m going to make love to you.” That alone made you moan.

He was clearly turned on, seeing as though he hadn’t had you like this in weeks. He all of the sudden pushed into you slowly, in and out. Whispering sweet nothings in your ear. You moaned “Baby I’m close” he gave you the cockiest smile. You kissed your neck leaving apparent red marks. You both were a moaning mess as your highs hit. You both lay there panting for a while.

He went to the bathroom and got a washcloth and cleaned you up and made sure to be sensitive around your entrance. You found one of Rafe’s shirts and you out in your shorts. He was sprawled out on the bed motioning for you to come to lay down with him. You layed your head on his chest while he played with your hair. He rasped “I love you, baby, I’m sorry I don’t spend enough time taking care of you. I promise I’ll be better because you mean the world to me.”

You smiled up at him and gave me a kiss on the nose “I love you too Rafe.” Then you both drifted asleep with the news still playing in the background.

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Runnin' through my heart

Lights up and they know who you are

Know who you are

Do you know who you are?

You were suddenly awoken by the sound of Rafe's door being slammed open, Sarah came running in. Sarah was incredibly sweet and kind. She told the Pouges that you stayed at her house with her. When in reality you only stayed over most nights because of Rafe. You basically lived with them. Ward really didn’t care because since Rafe was with you, he had changed for the better.

You heard Rafe holler from beside you “Sarah get the fuck out of my room and leave us alone.” You smacked Rafe but in return, he only pulled you closer. Sarah unexpectedly screamed, “Your brother and the rest of the Pogues are almost here.” That was enough for you to bolt to Rafes' closet. You kept all your clothes there. You heard a loud knock from the door downstairs and froze.

Sarah whisper shouted “both of you get dressed, I’ll stall them. You quickly put on your high waisted shorts and an orange crop top, with some white converses. You ran Rafe's brush through your hair and decided you looked presentable enough. You kissed him on the cheek and told him to wait a while before he came down.

You ran down the stairs and saw all your friends, their faces immediately lit up. John B engulfed you in a hug. “Woahhhh Booker, you’re going to kill me. Have you been working out?” He laughed and playfully elbowed you. As he was pulling away he noticed your neck, purple bruises, curtesy of Rafe Cameron.

“Y/N. What the hell are these?” You felt your stomach churn. Oh God, you are done for. Then all of your friends were looking at you, JJ was seething. He was always really protective of you. You confidently tried to say “I know it looks bad but I have an explanation.” Kie glared at you and said, “who was it?” Sarah could sense something was about to go wrong so she said “It was me!”

Everyone looked at her in shock and so did you. Sarah happily said, “I was trying to teach her and yeah that’s what happened.” No one bought that story what so ever. As if matters couldn’t get worse Rafe Cameron strutted down the stairs.

Your eyes followed him and so did everyone else’s. Pope leaped up and rushed over to examine Rafe's neck. Then Pope shouted, “He’s got them too.” Everyone in the entire room started to see red. You didn’t know what to do. Was this really happening? No more hiding. John B hollered “Are you macking Rafe Fucking Cameron.” Everyone was staring at you, even Rafe. Okay, here it goes.

“Listen before I say anything I need you all to sit down.” With help from Sarah, you got all the Pouges to sit down. You were standing with Rafe behind you. “Yes, I’ve been dating Rafe for about a year.” The whole room erupted into chaos. There were screaming and hollering. All you wanted to do was disappear. You turned around and Rafe saw a few tears fall from your eyes. He hated this for you. He held you close as everyone watched. He kissed your forehead and said, “come on baby it’s going to be fine.”

You wiped away your tears and said “I love him.” You glared at everyone. John B stood up and said, “Dad would be so disappointed in you.” Rafe felt you tense up and he knew what was coming. He wouldn’t get in the way because you needed this.

You were the one seeing red now. “John booker Routledge. Don’t you dare tell me what my father would think of this situation. Dad would be happy for me. He would be jumping off the walls knowing that I’m happy. The truth is you’re scared of me growing up and you still see me as a little girl. You think the entire world revolves around you, well guess what it doesn’t. Also guess what John B, DAD IS DEAD AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK. Get over yourself, I accepted and moved on. It’s your turn.” You didn’t mean to be that harsh but it definitely came out that way.

Everyone looked at you with shocked expressions, even Rafe had no idea what to say. It was an unsaid rule that no one mentioned your dad around John B. That was the first time someone had confronted him about it. John B looked at you with pain in his eyes and said “Don’t bother coming home. As for your boy toy, I hope that he gets a couple of good fucks out of you then runs away.” Now it was Rafe's turn to see red “what the fuck did you just say?” He seethed. You pushed his chest back, telling him to just leave it alone. With that all of the Pogues left, leaving you and Rafe.

You broke down into sobs and curled into his touch. After a while, he willed your tears and said “I know baby, I know. He just doesn’t understand. I love you so much. I promise I’m not here just for a couple of good fucks.” You sheepishly said, “I love you too and I’m sorry for this happening.”

He looked you in the eyes and said “Do not be sorry for your brother's actions. Now come one let’s go back to bed.” So you both played in bed all day just enjoying each other’s warmth.

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever going back

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever going back

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever

You woke up once again feeling like shit. It had been exactly a week and 3 days since your fight with John B. It never got easier through the days, every word said replaying in your mind. At least you got to wake up to the man you loved every morning. This morning you woke up with Rafe watching you. He seemed all too excited to be waking up at 7 AM on a Saturday. You groaned at how happy he looked.

“Y/N, I have an idea.” Oh, great an idea from Rafe Cameron was never good. You muttered an “mhm” which meant keep going. “So there’s a movie night on the beach tonight and I was really hoping you and I could go. We could go to the beach, have a picnic, then go to the movie thing. We could make a whole day out of it. Please?” He looked at you with his bright blue eyes. How could you say no to that? Seriously how?

“Fine. But only because I love you and you’re adorable.” He tackled you in kisses and hugs. “Oh my God Rafe please do not suffocate me.” He practically pulled you out of bed and forced you into the shower. You did your hair and decided on wearing a flowy summer dress and sandals over your red bikini. When you walked out of the bathroom his jaw nearly hit the floor. That was the first time you had actually got dressed in a week.

“Y/N. Baby, you look amazing.” You smiled, you honestly felt amazing. He layed kisses all over your face again. “Come on Rafe, don’t make me change my mind!”

Rafe drove the newest model of a jeep, which you absolutely adored. He held your hand the whole way to the beach and he occasionally kissed it. Every time you felt a little blush creep to your cheeks. It was amazing that he still had that effect on you, he thought.

When you guys first got there you decided to read “Pride and Prejudice.” You loved reading, it was your favorite thing to do (besides Rafe.) Rafe really was happy that you were enjoying yourself but he decided it was time for you to get in the water with him. He didn’t want you to overheat after all. “Come on Y/N, it’s time we got in the water, yeah?” You knew he would not give up. It was better to go then let him pester you for the next hour.

So you stood up and pulled your dress off in one quick motion. You looked at Rafe through your sunglasses and saw he was staring. “Well, are you coming or not? Because if you want to keep staring at me, I’m going back to reading.”

He jumped up and walked towards you mischievously. You could see that sly smile playing in his lips. That stupid, beautiful, amazing, and cocky smile. You were ripped from your thoughts when you were being thrown over Rafe's shoulder. “Rafe! Put me down, I can walk by myself.” You screamed.

“Oh Y/N, not after that smart comment you made.” He was about waist-deep in the water when he flung you back in the water. When you hit the water it was cold but it felt nice. It was good you were finally enjoying yourself. When you emerged from the water Rafe was laughing at your soaking state. “Haha. Very funny.” You stated.

When you both decided it was time for lunch, you watched Rafe get out of the water. His hair was wet and messily styled. He was dripping water and his swim trunks were fitted perfectly. He whispered in your ear “now who’s staring?” You took your book and whacked him with it. “Ouch,” he exclaimed in an overdramatic way.

You both sat down and ate the ham sandwiches Rafe had packed. They were actually not half bad. He had packed a few bears but you guys shared one, you always like it that way.

After a few hours of swimming, sleeping, reading, eating, listening to music, and other stuff, you decided it was time to pack up. The movie was going to start in a little bit and you guys had to go to the other side of the beach. When you both got to the car, you changed into underwear and out your sundress on. Rafe changed his shorts quickly and put on a polo shirt. Rafe started to drive and when you looked in the car mirror your mouth opened wide.

“Rafe Cameron! Why didn’t you tell me I had mascara all over my face.” You quickly wiped it away. He giggled and said, “you looked beautiful either way.” You gave him a death glare.

You guys arrived and Rafe set out two chairs, a few blankets, two pillows, and his two beers under one of the blankets. “Here you go, princess.” He said. You looked at him and just pulled him in for a quick kiss. “Thank you” You muttered against his lips. He pressed a kiss to your temple and said “You’re welcome baby girl.” You heard Topper holler something about Rafe being “pussy-whipped.” Rafe was focused on the movie, but you turned around and winked at Topper.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never going back now

Be so sweet if things just stayed the same

That’s when you saw them. The Pogues. They were all there. When did they get there? Rafe could sense your tension. So he turned where you were looking and he saw them too. He whispered in your ear “It’s okay, nothing is going to happen. I have you.” He gave you a reassuring squeeze and you both continued to watch the movie.

When the movie was over you packed up your things up but Rafe said he had to wring it out. You rolled your eyes at his choice of slang. As you were bringing stuff back to the jeep a teenage boy came up to you. He just stood there for a second but then he said: “hey baby girl, you looking for a man?” You cringed at him calling you “baby girl.” Only Rafe could call you that.

You merely just glanced at him and shoved him off. “Oh come on princess don’t be a bitch. I could show you a good time. You would be lucky to have me.” He said. He started to feel you up.

“Get off of me you asshole.” You hollered.

He was grabbing you in places that even Rafe wasn't allowed to do in public. You pushed him off again but all he did was back you against the car. He ran his hand up your side and said “It’s going to be better if you just comply. Let a real man show you how it’s done.” You were about to spit in his face when you felt about 200 pounds pulled off of you.

“Oh, God.” You thought. This was about to be bad. Your boyfriend Rafe was definitely a hothead. He called it being protective of his girl but it was definitely anger issues. The next thing you saw was the boy pinned to a tree by Rafe. The boy was obviously afraid of what was coming next.

Rafe hollered “You have 5 seconds to explain yourself before I break your neck.” Luckily there were only a few people there. You looked around hoping they wouldn’t be there and sure enough they were, looking straight at you.

The guy wheezed back “Dude she has a nice ass on her, I just wanted to hit that.” He let out a little chuckle. This wasn’t going to be good.

Rafe's fist collided with the boy's face over and over and over and over again. He hollered through the punches “Don’t ever disrespect a woman like that ever again. Women deserve to be treated with the respect you would give to a man.” (I find it extremely disappointing that the only way to get a man to back off of me is to tell him I have a boyfriend. They will respect another man before a woman)

You screamed “Rafe! Stop it. He’s had enough, he gets the point.” There was no way you were getting him off. Then you saw someone running over. You thought “Who is that, wait that’s John B! What’s he about to do?”

John B grabbed Rafe and pushed him away. He stood between the boy and Rafe. John B grabbed the boy by his shirt and said “If you ever touch my sister like that again I will not hold him back next time. Now get the fuck out of here before I beat your ass.” The boy just ran off looking as if he’d seen a ghost.

You ran over to Rafe and held him. He looked and you and said, “Are you okay?”

You playfully hit his arm and said “what the fuck do you mean am I okay? You’re the one who just beat the shit out of that guy.” He was about to respond when you heard a voice clear behind you. You were met with 3 pairs of eyes watching you.

John B said shyly “can we talk?”

You laughed dryly. “Why” is all you said.

“I just need to say a few things,” he replied. You nodded telling him to continue. “Okay so first of all I think I can speak for everyone when I say we’re truly sorry. We have treated you like shit for the past week. What you said was completely truthful, I don’t want you to grow up. I remember you as this little girl that I always feel the need to protect. I know that it’s your life and you can make these decisions now. I support what decisions you make. After what I’ve seen Rafe do for you, I understand. I don’t want you to get your heartbroken and from what I can tell he won’t break it. I love you and I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I want my sister and my best friend back.”

You ran over to him and gave him a big hug. “I’m sorry for being harsh about dad.” You replied. You motioned for the rest of the Pogues to join the hug. Kie had a tear running down her cheek and she said “I’m really sorry Y/N. I miss you.” You only cried in response.

Then the unthinkable happened, JJ motioned for Rafe to join the hug. He was hesitant at first but he joined. You all stood like that for a while before JJ said: “okay enough with the circle jerk.” All of you laughed through the tears.

When you all pulled away John B bro hugged Rafe. You were so proud of them both. Pope then said, “anyone want beers at the chateau?” Everyone raised their hands.

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Runnin' through my heart

Lights up and they know who you are

Know who you are

Do you know who you are?

You all got back to the chateau and decided it was time to put all the tension to rest. John B brought out all the beers, of course, you and Rafe shared one. You guys were all laying in the hammocks talking of various things. Then JJ said, “so now that we’re going to be seeing a lot more of him, I need to know his intentions.”

You leaned into Rafe's chest and muttered “oh my God.”

He sarcastically replied “fine I’ll let John B handle this.” You turned and looked at John B, giving him a warning glare. He gave you a smirk then said “As long as you guys don’t fuck on my couch or hammocks I’m fine.” Rafe practically died choking on his beer. All of the Pouges burst out laughing.

“Too late.” You said quietly. Rafe looked at you with wide eyes. He heard you. He ran his hand up and down your back. Then gave you a kiss on the temple.

You couldn’t be happier that the Pogues and your boyfriend were getting along. Everyone deserves love right? It doesn’t matter what kind. Love has no labels. You loved Rafe and he loved you, there was no doubt about it. It worked out in the end. That day John B came over and yelled at you had been the worst. Rafe picked up your missing pieces and put them back together. The principal of the thing is don’t be ashamed to do what you love. When the lights come up, just be who you truly are.

@afterglowsb-tch13 @country-club

@starrystarkey93 @trashmouthpogues

@elegant-daisy @sortagaysortahigh

@girlsru1eboysdroo1 @gimmethejohnd

@obx-direction-sos @lahey-paradise

@drewsephsmiles @annedub @peoples-trash

@drewswannabegirl @snkkat @nina1800

@fangirlfree

#outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron angst #rafe cameron smut #obx imagine

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flooffybits · 4 years

Text

Loona reacting to a Vamprie s/o

Heejin:

When you reveal to Heejin that you're a vampire, she is surprised, but at the same time, may have expected it. She noted that there were some things that you did she considered odd, but had brushed them off, thinking that it wasn't really that big of a deal.

Finding out what you really are, she becomes hesitant when it came to certain things, but will ask you just so she knows more about you just and she’s aware of what she can and can’t do.

"So, what about stories are real and what aren't?"

Hyunjin:

Hyunjin realized that there was something different with you from the moment you became friends, actually. Your secret had been the reason you couldn't open yourself up to her like you wanted to, so when she confessed to liking you back, you were torn.

It broke her heart when you had tried to reject her, but when you explained why after her countless attempts to know why you couldn't be together, she understood completely and told you that it didn't matter. You haven't hurt her or anyone, and that was what mattered to her.

"You've been kind and gentle since the start. There's no reason for me to be scared."

Haseul:

Haseul keeps a watchful eye on you ever since she’s has feelings for you, just so she knows that you’re okay. It’s in her nature to look after those she cares for. So, when she began to notice the way you had stiffened because you had forgotten to feed the day you visited her, she was immediately walking over.

But in your panic, you dashed away in the blink of an eye.

She was stunned by what she had seen and the next time she sees you, she’s demanding answers while you tried your best to act as normal as possible. It takes her a while, but she eventually pieces things together that you just can’t keep lying.

“Is that why you’re irritated when there’s garlic in the food? I thought you were just being ridiculous.”

Yeojin:

Yeojin is very affectionate, especially when it came to you since you were dating. She likes to be able to hold your hand or have your arms around her and vice versa. But every time her skin brushes against your own, she notices how cold you are and grows worried.

You've told her that you're just easily hold, which was why you wore a thick black jacket basically 24/7. She bought it, at first. But when summer came around, she would notice how you still wore dark clothes and long sleeves, refusing to go out unless you were covered up.

When she asks you about it, her eyes staring up at you with utter curiosity and confusion, you can't help but cave in, though still reluctant because you're afraid of how she'll react.

Instead, she's fascinated when you finish explaining, questions flying out of her mouth without pause and you're stunned by how well she's taking the revelation of you being a vampire.

"How did you turn?"

Vivi:

Kahei is your soft girlfriend and telling her about what you are was something you contemplated on for the longest time because you didn’t want to scare her off. It was make or break and you didn’t want to lose her so soon.

In your worry, your girlfriend noticed the off behavior you were displaying whenever you were together. Usually, the two of you would talk about how her day went and just some other things, but recently, you’ve done nothing but space out, flinching whenever she called for your attention, so it worried her.

When she asked you if she had done anything wrong, you felt bad for making her feel like it was her fault and you eventually told her. She was surprised, for sure; terrified, even. She asked you for some time to let her think, and even though it hurt, you obliged.

After she had finally fully processed the whole thing, Kahei would sit you down and would admit her fears, but she doesn’t leave you just because you’re different.

“You won’t hurt me and I trust you.”

Kim Lip:

You know how much of a coward Jungeun can be at times. She’s either super confident, or not at all. There was no in between with her so you were having so much trouble when it came to telling her. But what you knew, for sure, is that you had to do it right or else it would definitely not end well.

When she suggested to go out, once, you were quick to deny and, usually she would understand since it was to keep her privacy, she was a bit suspicious as to why you always refused to go out with her and always opted to stay indoors. So, she asked you and you had casually told her since you were so busy reading the book you had.

At her silence, you looked up to see her eyeing you weirdly and your own widened once you realized what you had said. But judging from her expression, she doesn’t believe you, so you end up showing her your fangs.

“There’s no way that’s real. When did you put those on?”

Jinsoul:

Jinsoul isn’t as dense as she sometimes appears to be. Yes, there are times where she doesn’t easily catch on to the odd things that you say or do, but there will be times where she does catch on to you, like when you always have to shield yourself when you go out, or how you’ll always direct her head to rest on your shoulder instead of your chest.

She’s complained about it before, but you tell her that you prefer holding her that way, and she buys that because she loves you so much and you look cute when you tell her so.

When she finds out is when she asks for a sip of what you’re drinking and you don’t even hesitate in declining and opting to get her, her own drink. But she’s so persistent that you end up telling her what it was you were drinking and eventually explaining what you really are.

“That’s... gross. How do you drink that?”

Choerry:

Yerim is a very optimistic person, which was what drew you in the first time. It was so hard to resist her charms and you eventually found yourself falling for her, the same way she had fallen for your mysterious nature.

You were polar opposites, and the girls teased you that you were just like Hyejoo and Chaewon. Yerim was always the bright and enthusiastic side while you were the more dark and calm side, which made you both work so well.

In fact, it was due to your perfect chemistry that she didn't seem all too bothered when you had revealed to her what you truly were. Her smile had only faded due to confusion, but when you fully explained yourself, she was smiling yet again and hugging you tight.

Yves:

"That's so cool! And then I'm a fruit bat! We must be soulmates!"

The way you tell Sooyoung was... not ideal. In fact, it was in the worst way possible. She had come to your apartment, unannounced, and caught you draining a blood bag.

She was stiff as a board, staring at you in horror while you hurried to hide the bag away, and she witnessed the inhuman speed with the way you moved, making everything even worse than it already was when she saw your blood red eyes.

You tried to explain, but she cowered away the moment you took a step toward her. It hurt, watching as she ran out of the door and slamming it behind her.

Sooyoung stayed away from you, refusing to even talk to you. When her members had asked her if you'd gotten into an argument, she keeps quiet in her seat while thinking about your relationship. You've been nothing but kind and loving toward her, and what she saw was definitely terrifying, it didn't change the fact that you loved her. And thinking about the pain that flashed on your face that day she left, she quickly grabbed her things before she was running back to you.

When she knocked on your door that day, she felt her heart ache when she saw just how dead and miserable you looked.

"I'm sorry, I should have let you talk, but I swear, I'm going to listen, now."

Chuu:

You honestly doubted that there was anything that could bring down Jiwoo’s mood and take away the smile on her face unless you’re doubting yourself or that you aren’t taking proper care of yourself. Her smile was always so bright and genuine that you didn’t even think that telling her would pose as a problem.

And it wasn’t.

When you sat her down to talk about it, she was listening attentively, speaking up to ask questions, but the look on her face was complete awe and fascination, especially when you had showed her your fangs.

“What is it like? Wait, does that mean you could hear me every time I would sneak up on you?”

Gowon:

Chaewon tried not to be bothered by many things. In fact, she likes to poke some fun at her members all the time and her, sometimes, witty self made it easier when it came to some things. But that didn’t mean that she wasn’t an emotional person, too.

That was why you could never find a way to tell her. She was unpredictable at times so you didn’t know when was the right time to tell her without things turning south. So, when you were both headed back from a date and seeing the smile she had on her face, you decided that you would do it then.

She had paused as soon as you told her, looking at you weirdly while you shifted your weight from one foot to another. But after a while, she just shakes her head.

“That isn’t the most bizarre thing I’ve heard, so it’s okay.”

Olivia Hye:

You were honestly unsure on how the girl would react by telling her you were a vampire. She has so much interest in darker things and you wonder if she does mean it because Hyejoo was such a soft and gentle girl, unless provoked.

Thinking about it for the whole week, you decided to ease into it by asking her a few questions; what she thinks of vampires, what she would do if she met one. When all her responses were nothing but positive, you decided to ask what she would do if you were a vampire.

She would stare at you for a good minute, deciphering if you were kidding or not, but the nervousness gives it away. She just shrugs at you, unfazed as she picks another game for you to play.

“I mean, that would make sense with how dark your clothes always are and why you hate the sun. That makes you even cooler though.”

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rendezvousrenjun · 4 years

Text

idk u.

✰ pairing: jeno x reader (strangers ➝ lovers) ✰ genre: angst + fluff ✰ word count: 2.6k ✰ warnings: slight cursing, mentions of cheating

✰ synopsis : you just needed somewhere to sit in the morning. never thought it would end up with crying over a dumb boy and riding on the back of his motorcycle.

procrastination. You were extremely familiar to it and the overwhelming stress that came with waking up at 3 am and realizing you haven’t started your work yet.

This meant rushing to complete that workload almost everyday on the way to your morning classes. Which, you still question yourself, why you made your schedule play out like that instead of registering for afternoon ones?

Anyways,,, today you were ultra struggling because there was not one available table in sight to plop yourself down at and finish this one tedious assignment right before entering class

Sure, you could’ve gone to the school’s library, or maybe a cafe---but they were both so far from class and why would you when there were a couple of tables right here!! Around the main hall!! Yet they were unavailable

You had two options. Option one was to just say screw it and not complete the work. Option two was to gather strength and just sit across from one of the individuals who preoccupied the tables.

Much to your confusion, apart from being a procrastinator you are also a perfectionist. Those two traits were never meant to clash,,, but here you are now making your way to the closest table perpendicular to your classroom which happened to be taken by a boy who seemed like he wasn’t doing any work at all.

What a waste of a table

You hastily blurt out “hi im y/n sorry for the abrupt greetings but can i sit with you?”

The boy takes out one airpod and looks up at you, eyes almost rolling back, nods his head in a very slow and dragged out manner before averting his gaze back down at his phone.

“Great thank you so much” you immediately fling your bag and belongings onto the table, breaking out your pencil pouch and pens to get back to writing-- constantly checking the time as if you were on the game-show minute to win it

You’re so consumed by your highlighting that you fail to notice the boy across from you peeking up and subtly smiling to himself at how determined and tense you look to finish

“Shoot shoot shoot” you scold yourself under your breath as you check the time once more before shoving everything into your bag, and getting up to see your other classmates making their way inside

You’re about to go inside before you realize that the boy across from you hasn’t moved

“Hey aren’t you coming?”

“I’m not in that class” his voice more soothing than you had expected it to sound

“Oh,,,,, then why are yo- actually nevermind” you just need to BLAST

Thanks to that mysterious edgy boy you were able to turn in the assignment and receive a passing grade.

The next morning you thought you would’ve learned your lesson, but yet again you are rushing against the clock.

And again you see that boy.

“Hello good sir uh can i sit here again??? Sorry…” you apologize but you are already sitting down and pulling out materials. “I forgot to ask about your name by the way,,how rude of-”

“Jeno” this is the first time he makes eye contact with you for this long. Neither of you break it, and when he talks again your eyes trace back to his lips, “shouldn’t you keep working?”

“Oh right, right” you snap back into reality. This goes on for a couple days, or maybe even a couple weeks.

There’s curiosity gnawing at you; wait what department is he from? How does he get to school so early? Is he actually listening to music? What’s he doing on his phone?

You don’t realize you’ve let his name slip a couple times with your friends (more like one friend let’s be real here) until they bring it up.

“And then this morning he was like ‘you’re late’ which means he anticipates me to sit with him right??? But i said ‘maybe you’re just early, ever thought about that lee jeno’ and he was all like ‘my bad’ like dang okay…” you stretch over to grab the coffee jaemin bought that day. It was extremely bitter.

“Wait who again??” jaemin looks up at you from the floor, almost snapping his neck at the name.

“Lee jeno” you repeat slowly, a bit surprised by his reaction.

“Do you have a picture?” “ uh no” “mMMmMMMMMMMMMmmm I might know him”

“whAT, how??? Yo lowkey give me so fill me in with information I’ve been trying to talk to him about…stuff,,,,”

Jaemin gets up from the floor and joins you on the bed, the both of you cross-legged and facing each other. “Okay so you remember the best friend I told you about the first time we met at study group?”

“no way that was jeno?”

“Yea.. basically he changed a lot once we got to senior year high school. I think it had something to do with his family and like his ex-girlfriend at the time, but it really upset me. He didn’t let anyone get close to him; it was as if he became some type of dry wall i guess?” You nod your head as you listen intently to what jaemin had to say. There were a couple things you found out about jeno which you weren’t too sure you were even allowed to know. As if you violated his privacy.

For example, Lee jeno has really bad trust issues. Jaemin thinks it’s due to the fact his girlfriend of four years cheated him at the same time Jeno found out his dad had another family in Singapore.

Lee jeno started riding a motorcycle senior year. Jaemin said it was a way to rebel and stop riding in his dad’s car.

And lastly, that lee jeno likes, as in loves cats.

“But hey, don’t think of catching feelings for him anytime soon okay? I feel like you’ll regret it.”

“Oh please…. Me? Liking lee jeno??? Pshhhhhh never!” you push jaemin off the bed. But really you were already scared. You were already fond of your table-mate.

The next day you honestly could not see jeno the same.

“Good morning sir”

“Yea.”

Today was one of those rare days you actually had nothing to work on. I guess you could call that a miracle.

“You have nothing to do today? That’s crazy” jeno puts his phone down to make eye contact with you. You found that as time went on, he did that more often.

“I would be offended but I’m honestly genuinely surprised myself”

You are caught off guard by Jeno’s laugh. Maybe this is the first time you’ve heard it in the past two months you’ve known him. You notice the way his eyes smile along with him and maybe it was the lack of caffeine, or the chaotic side of you that jumped out because you don’t remember saying “cute”.

Jeno’s smile immediately begins to dissipate.

Oh fuck he heard you,,, YOU DIDN’T EVEN HEAR YOURSELF WTF hiufegkhglh;orehqo ihwelk

Jeno just gets up and begins to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“None of your business.”

You want to deny that you felt this way. That you felt like you’ve been rejected. Despite it being a casual compliment, you should’ve thought twice,, no ONCE before blurting it out considering jeno’s background.

For the next couple days you did not see jeno at the table. It upset you. But then again, did jeno ever consider you his friend the same way you did? With all the mini relaxed conversations between you two, at least an acquaintance right? Were you being too attached?

You didn’t mean for lee jeno to hit like this.

The day you realize you caught feelings was when you saw jeno in the main hall carrying his motorcycle helmet and heading over to the vending machines. You could tell he was making small talk with someone from his department. Maybe it was a good time to greet him again?

When you walk up to him you did not expect him to still be upset with you. “Hi Jeno” you timidly say, an awkward hand coming up to wave.

The look he gives you makes you feel disgusting, like a piece of dog shit that he accidentally stepped on. It makes you feel small.

“Do you know her jeno?”

“No.”

He immediately leaves. You’re left standing there. Did that just happen?Maybe you were being a big sensitive baby who got affected by the littlest things but the next thing you know you were bawling in the main hall. Gosh dARN It jUST suck IT Upppp what are you??????? Some type of ??? idk SHOoot another tear

Jaemin finds you sitting at that dumb table after class and he tries to pat your head, trying to comfort you with his baby shushing sounds. He catches sight of Jeno who begins to pass by to get to the parking lot.

“HEY LEE JENO!” Jeno freezes dead in his tracks. It’s been awhile since he’s heard that voice. He doesn’t have enough time to turn around because Jaemin’s hand is already making him. “Apologize.”

“Get your hand off me.”

“Not to me, but to y/n. I don’t know what you did, but do it. Apologize.”

“I don’t know her though.”

“It’s fine Jaemin, don’t make a scene.” both of them look over to see you walking towards them. jeno shakes off jaemin’s grip and makes his way outside.

“It was a dumb thing to get upset over anyways.” You quietly mumble to yourself.

The next day you realize you shouldn’t even regret calling jeno cute. It was so harmless! It was literally just a tiny compliment! But your thoughts recall the past and how tiny compliments might’ve been triggering. It’s fine though. You don’t have time to think about this because at least now you have the table all to yourself to do work at.

Which is what you were doing until someone sits across from you.

A hand extends out palm face up, in it a piece of paper folded into an origami cat.

“Who are you again?” you say looking up to see jeno. The eye contact is stronger than ever today.

“Please take my apologetic cat”

“Are you just going to ignore me again?”

“I’m sorry. You probably didn’t mean any harm, I just was taken aback and remembered a couple of things. It didn’t give me an excuse to act like that though. I’m sorry.” he takes the cat between his thumb and index finger and bounces it, little meows leaving his lips from time to time to try to show his sincerity

.A grin blossoms on your lips and you accept his apology cat.

“Open it when you have time.” he gets up to leave again.“Where are you going?”

“You’re going to be late, I didn’t want to distract you any longer.”

Damn that was kind of sweet, maybe jaemin really did knock some sense into him.

You ended up opening the folded paper in class towards the end of the lecture. “Hey y/n… i was really dumb sorry. I acted really immature and got mad, real dick move, real SMALL BRAIN move right there… it’s a long story on why I turned out like this, and maybe I can tell you sometime? You know…. When you aren’t trying to finish assignments five minutes before they’re due?? Or not.. Haha that’s dumb..unless…. Um yea anyways I owe you!! This apology cat can be exchanged for one favor so feel free to ask. Again i was dumb. - lee ‘small brain’ jeno”

You try not to laugh in class, your hand covering your face in an attempt to keep the giggles from spilling out. “Btw turn the paper over” you check the back and there lies jeno’s phone number

You felt bad not telling jaemin that you and jeno had started hanging out pretty frequently after you guys exchanged numbers.

It was scary how things escalated so quickly. How you were able to reach jeno over his wall still was a question even you could not answer.

One day jeno invited you over to his dorm, which you weren’t too sure was a good idea at first, but jeno insisted that he wanted you two to do work right away so you guys could just talk comfortably at the table instead of being stressed first thing in the morning.

“It’s for the sake of our bonding experiences y/n, just trust me.”

“Wow kinda weird how we switched roles huh? See how hard it was for me to approach you and get you to be acquainted with me?”

“B O N D I N G E X P E R I E N C E”

You ended up going over to his dorm. Jeno already knew you were most likely going to say yes, so he prepared another helmet for you.

“Oh hell nah, I’m not riding your motorcycle dude.”

“I promise I drive safe.”

“I’ll just walk alongside you”

“You can hold onto me, don’t worry.”

Holding onto jeno you could feel how warm his body was, especially with this new found adrenaline with you by his side.

“You play the guitar?” you point over to the case laying in the corner while you two worked on his bed, backs against the wall.

“Yea, it really helped during that one dark time in my life I told you about.”

“Can you play a song for me?”

“Is this the favor?”

“Mmm i guess so, I have the cat in my wallet let me give it to you.”

“No, it’s okay you can keep it.” He removes his laptop from his lap and climbs over to the bed. He stops two steps in and turns to look at you. “Just grant me a favor in return.”

“Okay, sure.” The expression on his face seemed as if he already knew what it was. He picks up the guitar an starts strumming to the tune of butterflies by queen naija, humming along to the song.

There’s a warm feeling that grows as you begin to adorn his features. The way his fingers delicately place themselves on the strings, or his concentrated expression, or the way his body holds the guitar against it. It’s warm. Really warm.

“Hey jeno? I think I need to go.” you say, realizing it was going to be a terrible idea to keep feeling this way. Jaemin’s warning suddenly being brought back to you. I can’t feel this attached again.

“y/n. Wait.”

“Mm?” you turn back to look at him standing close to you, your hand leaving the handle of his front door. He puts his guitar down, and looks at you again.

He was looking at you with almost concern, as if he wanted to make sure this moment remained a memory for a long time. Was he going to say something bad?

“I’m afraid too.”

You’re breathing quickens, as if you’ve been holding it in for the past hour and now is the only time you’ve exhaled. “You’re afraid?”

“C-can I ask you my favor now?” you give him a nod.

“Please take care of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m asking you to date me.”

“are you trying to make fun of me right now? Because this isn’t funny jeno.”

“No, I seriously like you. A lot. And it scares me because I don’t want you to leave.” jeno begins to tear up and you feel like you’ve misplaced your foot again, misplaced your words and intentions.

Your hands make their way around jeno’s neck and you pull him into a hug tighter than when you were holding him on his motorcycle.

“Jeno” your voice is soft spoken against his ear, “I’m afraid you’ll break my heart just as much.” You feel him embrace you even harder as a way to tell you no. As a way to give you reassurance.

It’s weird. To trust somebody like this. But just like how you don’t know when the next time you’ll finish your assignments earlier, or like how jeno doesn’t know the next time someone will leave him, you two don’t know what will happen if you don’t give falling in love a try.

a/n: so i totally accidentally deleted this... but yes tell me if you guys want a part two or these type of bulleted lists more! <3

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

“I’m going to stand on the ground like a skyscraper”

Is there a necklace that you wear all the time? No. I haven’t worn a necklace in years. How often do you wear skirts? Never. Do you enjoy baking? I used to, especially during the holidays. I haven’t done any baking the past few years, though. Do you have a large kitchen? No, it’s really small. Is anything sore on your body at the moment? Of course.

Do you like 3D movies? No. Where were you 3 hours ago? Sitting right here on my bed. Have you ever heard of Hot Chelle Rae? Yeah. I liked a couple of their songs. Do you know where Poland is? I know it’s in Europe. Are you afraid of dying? Yes. Are you wearing socks right now? Always. Do you speak your mind? I keep a lot to myself. If you found a wounded bird, what would you do? I honestly don’t know. I’ve never encountered a wounded bird. Ever rode on an elephant? No. Have you ever had braces? Yes, but not for my teeth.

“Cause I finally realize that I can’t get you off my mind”

Have you ever eaten a crayon? No. Do you like strawberries? Yeah. I haven’t had any in years, though. Wrestling or boxing? Neither. When's the last time you went to the mall? Last December. Have you ever gone Christmas Caroling? I have, actually. A few of us from the psych club I was in at my community college went caroling one year to a few different nursing homes. It was nice, they seemed to enjoy it. What song do you never get tired of? There’s numerous songs that will always be a favorite of mine. Do you have a favorite chef? No. Do you know who Travis Pastrana is? Yeah. What song pumps you up and makes you feel good? Hmm. What's bothering you right now? My back and the fact that I don’t feel well.

Favorite flavor of gum? Minty flavors. Does your school have air conditioning? How many mirrors do you have in your home? 5 that I know of for sure. That doesn’t include handheld mirrors, though. What does your wrapping paper look like for presents this year? I haven’t bought any, yet. Do you like Jay-Z? I’ve only liked a couple of his songs. However, the Linkin Park and Jay-Z collab album was/is dope.

“we’re gonna party like it’s your birthday”

What time was it 14 hours ago? 5:30PM. What's the craizest thing that happens in your hometown? Uh, high crime rates. :X Have any of your friends ever stabbed you in the back? Yes. What's your favorite city? Beachy, touristy cities throughout California. Have you ever laid on a hammock? I think I have as a kid. Who's the most famous person you met? Jamie Lee Curtis. Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend stolen from you? No. Where do you want to live someday? Near the beach. I’d love to have a beach home one day. Do you like your eyes? I wish I had blue or green eyes instead. Do you wear a watch? Nope. Do you like peanut butter? Yes. Do you tan easily? If I spend a day at the beach I’ll sunburn and then it turns into a tan. That’s the only time I spend a long period of time outdoors. Do you have sensitive skin? Yes. Do you care if people smoke/drink? Not in general, no. If it becomes a problem then yes. Has anyone ever gives you roses? Nope.

“every little thing that you do, I’m amazed by you”

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Sigh. I dozed off around 5AM and slept until 7AM and here we are now at 7:53AM. I don’t understandddd. D: I’m going to definitely attempt more sleep, but I have to call my doctor soon. Do you hate it when babies cry? If it’s loud and excessive it gets overwhelming and annoying. Would you like to get snake bites? (the piercing) Not now, but I wanted them back when I was like 16. Would you move to a new state/country to be with the one you love? That’s one of those situations I’d have to be in to know what I’d do. It’s hard for me to even imagine cause I’ve never even been close to that before. It’s also hard for me to imagine ever moving far away from my family. I think I’d try to work something else out to be honest. Like, maybe they wouldn’t mind picking up and moving here? Why would I have to move? What is your name? Stephanie. What do you plan on buying in the future? Christmas presents for my fam soon. Who is your favorite "That '70 Show" character? I don’t have one. I actually watched that show during its original run, but I tried again years later when I was older and couldn’t get into it. There is a mummy behind you. What do you do? Uh, run? What do you think of Miley Cyrus? I like her. Do you tend to think you are always right? Absolutely not. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies. I was obsessed. Do you think more about your funeral or wedding? Uh, neither. Dinosaurs or unicorns? Unicorns, I guess. You need new jeans. Where do you go? I haven’t bought a new pair of jeans in years. I’d probably look at JCP first since that’s where I used to get them. I always found the perfect fit there. What do you think about Maroon 5? I like a lot of their music.

“someone pinch me, I must be dreaming again”

Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren't old enough? Nah. How many Emily's do you know? I don’t know any. Have you ever slept in a tent outside? No. What's your favorite kind of Girl Scout cookie? I like all of ‘em really except for the coconut ones. Their newer cookie, Lemonades, are quite delicious. What do you hear at the moment? An ASMR video. Why do you think a lot of people left Myspace for Facebook? Facebook became cooler for some reason. I remember not wanting to make the move at all, I thought Facebook was lame lol. I just did it because everyone literally left. I don’t know about everyone else, but when it happened for me it was soon after graduating high school and Facebook was for college students, so I guess we just graduated from Myspace or something. *shrug* It’s crazy how quickly it flip flopped, though. Myspace became lame and now we all kinda laugh about it. Do you watch the Olympics? Nope. Have you ever been to Minnesota? No. What's the strangest thing you've seen on TV? Hmm. What do you miss most about elementary school? I miss being elementary school ages the most, but also school was fun back then. I liked the projects and music class and this thing called field day that we did on the last day of school every year that consisted of like relay games and whatnot. It was fun. Anything funny happen to you while you were at Wendy's? Uhh, no. I very rarely even go to Wendy’s. It’s been awhile. When's the last time you picked up a stick? I have no idea.

How often do you have camp fires? Never. I’d like to do bonfires in the fall.

“honestly, I haven’t been happy for a long time”

How long has your computer been on? Hours. Do you like chips and salsa? I used to love chips and salsa. I can’t eat spicy food anymore, though. :( Do you have any pictures of the guy you like? There’s no such guy at the moment. Ever touched a fish? I don’t think so. Maybe as a kid with my pet fish. When's the last time you uploaded pictures onto Facebook or Myspace? I uploaded a new profile picture last month on Facebook. Do you have any band-aids on right now? Nope. Ever had a blister? Yes. Not fun. Do you watch the show The Hard Times or RJ Berger? No. Have you ever voted for anything? Yeah, for elections and other smaller stuff. Do you like high top shoes? I can’t wear them cause they’re hard for me to get my foot into. Do you think those nerd glasses are cool? What are nerd glasses, exactly?

Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band/singer? Yes. Have you ever worn a tie? No. Have you ever made dinner for someone? No, cause I don’t cook. Do you only listen to your muisc loud? No. I like to listen to it at a comfortable level. It varies, but never super loud.

“my give a damn’s busted”

Have you ever taken drama class? I actually did take two drama classes in community college. :O Shocking, I know. Have you ever rode a mechanical bull? Nooo. That would be very dangerous for me to do and I’d never even attempt it. Have you ever played on a basketball team? No. Ever stayed in a motel? Yes. What number was your jersey in high school? I didn’t have a jersey, I didn’t play any sports. Have you ever choked on something? Yes. I had one really traumatic experience that changed how I take my medicine ever since. That happened almost 10 years ago now, but ever since I’ve had to crush my pills. When I tried taking pills again not long after it happened, it literally felt like my throat was closing up every time and I was terrified of it getting lodged again. That day was really scary, my dad literally almost had to put his finger down my throat. Do you wear a belt? Nope, I only ever wear leggings. I’ve actually never worn a belt before, though. Do you have a rug in your room? No. Do you go camping during the summer? Nope. I have no interest at all in doing that. Do you carry a purse everywhere you go? Not anymore, but I used to. In most recent years it was a mini backpack. Where's your favorite place to get coffee? Honestly, I’m a basic bitch and just go to Starbucks, ha. It’s nearby and convenient and yeah. Plus, people hate on it but I actually like it. *shrug* I get really into it when they come out with their winter drinks, like they have now. I wish we had a Tim Hortons so I can see what that hype is all about. What's the last time you searched on Google? When’s the last time I searched on Google? Earlier. Which of these singers have the best voice: Katy Perry or Usher? I think they both sing well. They’re very different, you can’t really compare. What food is your weakness? Boneless garlic parm and lemon pepper wings from Wingstop. How many unread emails do you have right now? I don’t feel like checking at the moment.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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littlenoona · 5 years

Text

You need us: The Forced Reconciliation.

You need us: The Buried Secret.

You need us: The Torturous Truth.

You need us: The Forced Reconciliation.

Summary: Your relationship with the 7 heads turn toxic.

Warnings: Character death, kidnapping, drugging, torture, blood, violence, reference to raping(no actual rape or description of it appears, someone is just being disgusting), basically this chapter is full of shit and triggers, reader beware.

Genre: Angst, minimal fluff.

Pairing: DomMafia!OT7 x Reader(F).

Word Count: 13,928.

A/N: In this chapter you will be referred to as F/N by some characters, which will stand for Fake Name - I haven’t really proof proofread it, so I’m sorry if you find mistakes.

Masterlist.

A year - 365 days - 8760 hours.

Today marked the anniversary of you leaving your old life behind, along with 7 men you used to trust with your life.

You sighed deeply as you stared out over the cliff you had been coming to ever day since that day - it was your place of serenity. You could see the entirety of the city from here, you could feel the fresh air flowing through your hair, the smell of nature filling your senses.

Considering yourself lucky that the 7 heads hadn’t found you yet, or maybe they hadn’t even tried looking, you closed your eyes and let your mind clear of today’s problems.

Moving across the country, to the very outskirts wasn’t easy - it was even harder doing so while your world laid shattered around you.

The 7 heads of the organisation had taught you how to disappear should you ever need to, in case something ever happened to them - never in your wildest dreams had you imagined that you would use those abilities on vanishing from the very men that took care of you.

You felt your throat hurt as it expanded in preparation for the tears that you so desperately tried to push away day in and day out, your eyes stinging as your heart ached, never fully healing from the holes they had left behind, nor did you ever think it was going to.

Dying your hair a different colour, wearing contacts to cover your eye colour and more often than not, wearing clothes that were way too big and not your style, you didn’t even resemble yourself anymore - you felt like you had lost yourself as well.

You went by a new name, a new birth date and a new birth city, you claim that you were adopted, that you were an only child and your adoptive parents had died in a car crash when you were younger, leaving you with nothing left, it avoided people asking you any further questions about anything as they often didn’t want to invade your privacy and the whole story kind of made them uncomfortable, just as you wanted it.

Withdrawing all the money from your accounts and closing them down, you pulled your roots from the ground and relocated - an unknown guy in the underground system providing you with the necessary documents to obtain a new identity.

He wasn’t affiliated with the organisation and he assured you that he would never expose you, as he hadn’t so many times before for many other clients. You trusted him, more so because you told him that if you were ever found by unwanted people, you would come looking for him with a taste of blood on your tongue.

Hearing an engine behind you and dirt being tossed by the tires attached to it you opened your eyes to look back, only to see the car pass by without stopping - thank god.

Your eyes returned to the lights of the city, the darkness of the night falling down to ease everyone into the void of slumber, not that you had experienced much of it lately, a certain unease in your chest and stomach preventing you from fully submitting to your sleep, every twig breaking, every wind gush, every cat howl waking you in the dead of night, covered in sweat.

It was probably best that you head home, before one of the old ladies in the houses around you called the police, stating there was a stranger by the cliffs, despite having been here every day for a year, they didn’t seem to remember you - just as well, being remembered wasn’t something you wanted.

Jumping off the hood of your car, you walked around it and opened the door to get in, turning the key in the ignition, the growl of the engine awakening providing little comfort. You missed your old car, but you couldn’t risk keeping it in case the heads could track it.

Backing out of the small spot you turned your nose towards your apartment, a small and cosy place in a neighbourhood you had only heard good things about - the people living there were friendly, they always wanted to help and you always offered help to them, it was a small community that had you feel some sense of home.

The majority of your neighbours were your age, busy lives, busy families, busy jobs, though they always found time to smile, how they managed you couldn’t ever figure out, even less so since all you wanted to do every day was curl up on your bed and hope you didn’t open your eyes again.

Turning your car into your street you saw the faded lights of every apartment, people settled in for the night, watching TV, playing games, talking, some maybe even working, studying.

You turned your car off, got out and locked it behind you, walking towards your door, the air down here a little warmer compared to the cliff, as to be expected you hummed to yourself.

Pulling your keys from your pocket you unlocked the door, closing it behind you before you started twisting the multiple locks you had on the inside - pulling the Glock from the holster you had attached to your stomach, placing it on the table next to the door with a deep sigh as you flicked the light switch on the wall.

You don’t even remember when you started carrying a weapon around, you never used to before, you hadn’t even used one previously, but when you moved here you took lessons, you bought one and you even took martial arts classes, Krav Maga specifically.

Dragging your feet out of your shoes you brushed your hand through your hair as you stood in front of the mirror in your entrance, your nose smelling something familiar, but not something that was meant to be in your apartment.

Sniffing a few extra times you couldn’t quite place your finger on it, but it was out of place and it made you feel uneasy.

You picked your Glock off of the table again, treading carefully as you walked through your apartment, checking your bedroom first which was right next to the front door, peaking your head in to look around - nothing.

Standing by the door to your bedroom you could see your kitchen, nothing that you could spot there either.

Walking towards the kitchen, the living room became more and more visible, a light emitting from it that you knew you hadn’t left on when you went out this morning.

You continued to tread carefully sideways, holding your Glock at arm's length, ready to use it should you need to, the edge of the sofa coming into view as you continued your near silent steps.

Feeling your chest run cold and the pace of your heart increase, you saw a figure sitting in the centre of your sofa, their face slightly illuminated by the light on the table next to them, their dark hair draped over their face, wearing a white dress shirt with a few open buttons and black slacks - their head lifting to look at you as you came into full view.

Your entire body started shaking and you could barely keep the weapon in your hands up, your eyes widening at the face in front of you, feeling like all the air in your lungs had been ripped from you.

“Hey noona.” Jungkook spoke softly with a small smile.

Your mouth fell ajar, repeated no’s going through your head.

“I almost couldn’t recognise you.” he continued.

Desperately trying to keep the weapon in your hands steady and pointed at him, you wanted answers.

“How did you find me?” your words shook.

He stood up from the sofa with a smile knowing you wouldn’t be able to pull the trigger, “I admit you did really well, noona, it was hard, but we’ve got our ways, you know that.”

“Why are you here?” you breathed, trying to gain control of yourself as the first tear fell down your cheek.

“We need to talk. I was the only one we were sure you wouldn’t shoot on sight, so here I am.” he stated, his smile disappearing from his features.

“What makes you think I won’t still shoot you?” you hesitantly spoke, your brows furrowed.

“Because my family wasn’t involved in the bloodshed of yours.” he sighed.

“I’m not interested in anything you have to say. Please leave. Now.” you spoke harshly.

“Please just listen to me, noona.” his voice softened as he stepped closer to you.

“Get out!” you yelled, pointing your Glock at him, moving back as he came closer.

He sighed but continued to walk towards you until your back met the wall behind you, placing his hand on your weapon, taking it from your hands so easily, your body frozen in terror.

“We both know you won’t use this.” he whispered, placing the weapon on the table next to you, his gaze never leaving yours, “I’ve missed you so much..”

You averted your eyes from his black ones, “Please don’t, Jungkook.”

You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, like it was going to burst through your rib cage - he was so close to you, the smell of his cologne finding its way to your nose, his body heat reaching your skin, his muscular build towering over you, making you feel so small, his soft yet intimidating facial features sending memories flashing through your mind of every moment you’ve tasted him, felt him, come undone in his arms.

He was tearing you apart - your eyes glazing over and stinging as the tears started falling.

“Hey..” he cooed, “Why are you crying?” his hand coming up towards your cheek, presumably to wipe the tears away.

Your mind went into overdrive, grabbing at anything and everything to remove yourself from the situation, you couldn’t handle this, your heart ached, your body was shaking, the lump in your throat expanding enough to make you feel like you couldn’t breathe.

Flickering your eyes up to meet his, you could barely make yourself audible, “Swing Set.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened, his movements stopped immediately, he had never heard you use your safe word before and he had always hoped he never would.

Leaving him surprised you took the only chance you knew you would have, your hands moving quickly towards his chest, your palms hitting him, leaving him to stumble backwards at your push - grabbing the weapon on the table next to you, instantly positioning it under your chin, watching as his features turned from surprise to fear.

“If I can’t shoot you, I can shoot myself..” you choked.

“Noona.. Please..” Jungkook spoke softly, “Don't..”

“Leave.” you spoke with a stern voice, your eyes boring into his.

“Just-” he tried, but you instantly interrupted him.

“Now!” you spoke louder, your finger finding the trigger on your weapon, threatening him.

He sighed deeply, his shoulders slouching as he finally agreed, not saying another word when he walked towards your door, opening it but looking back at you one last time with clear pain in his expression before he disappeared into the darkness again, just as quickly as he had appeared.

You leaned back against the wall behind you, putting your weapon on the table, realising and trying to comprehend what had just transpired.

It felt like someone had punched you repeatedly in the chest, barely able to catch your breath, a deep suctioning feeling in your stomach, your body shaking from the adrenaline running through you - you bent over, trying to recover resting your hands on your knees, your body feeling weak.

This was bad.

‘How did they find me?’ was all that was running through your head, ‘How was it possible?’ you had changed your appearance, gotten a new name, changed your style.

Fuck.

You needed to calm down, you needed someone to be here with you, you felt unsafe.

You pulled out your phone, opening the messages to the only person you currently trusted, you were still deceiving them, they didn't know your real name or your previous life, but they were the only one you had let in, the only one you had let come close to you.

21:24 You: Hey. I know it's late, but can you come over?

21:25 Jae-ho: Sure. Is everything okay?

21:26 You: Yeah - just a visit from the past that has gotten me a little upset.

21:26 Jae-ho: I'll be there in 10.

You locked your phone and put it back in your pocket, looking at your pistol on the table, quickly grabbing it, walking towards your bedroom to put it into your bedside table.

He probably shouldn't see it.

You sat down by the dining table, waiting patiently for him to arrive, knowing he was probably speeding beyond belief as he always did.

He was a thrill, a forbidden fruit you hadn't allowed yourself to indulge. You weren't in love with him but you were extremely attracted to him, he was handsome and a "bad boy" but without the danger attached to him.

He was, a safe place where you could get the excitement you used to with the 7 heads, but without the killing and threats from other organisations.

You'd been out driving at high speeds, late nights of roaming the town like teenagers, he made you forget everything, even if it was only for a little while.

Thinking back he had wiggled himself into your life despite you trying to keep him at bay, acting cold towards him, declining his kind gestures and offers and yet he persisted.

You knew pretty much everything about him, but he knew little about you and you intended to keep it that way - it wasn't like he hadn't asked but when you showed clear discomfort about the questions he asked, he often just pulled away from them, changing the subject, reassuring you that you didn't need to tell him anything, that he just wished for you to be okay and if that meant him not knowing, then so be it.

Finding common interests you had no problem maintaining a conversation with him for hours on end, it filled you with a sense of relief and comfort, a small remedy for the gaping hole in your heart and soul.

The rapid knocking on the door bounced you back to reality, your body quickly springing into action as you stood up and practically ran to the door to greet him.

You opened the door, finding Jae-hoe's emerald green eyes, his black hair lying in separated strands around his face, wet looking, he had probably just showered and planned to go to bed when you texted him - a black oversized t-shirt draped over his large torso, a pair of ripped jeans hugging his legs tightly.

"Hey F/N." he spoke softly with his deep voice, his eyes studying your red eyes, realising you had been crying he instantly reached his arms out to you, wrapping around you and pulling you close as he stepped into your apartment, closing the door behind him with his foot.

You buried your face in his chest, a small relief for your soul, but not the ache soothing hug your body were begging for - no one could ever give you that, no one except the 7 heads and you hated that.

"You okay?" he asked softly, his hand moving up to the top of your head, gently combing through your hair, "It's unlike you to let anyone see you cry, even me."

"Mhm.." you hummed into him, but you both knew you weren't okay and you were questioning yourself if you were ever going to be.

"Let's sit down and get you something to drink." he tried to sound cheerful, trying to remind you that things were going to be okay.

He stepped away from you, his hand cupping your cheek for a moment, his thumb caressing your skin before he stepped past you and into your kitchen, reaching up to grab a glass, your feet automatically following suit behind him.

As he put the glass under the flowing water it dimmed the wild sound, the only sound apart from your own still somewhat rapid breathing in your entire apartment, your eyes avoiding his figure - you didn't want him to see you like this but you also needed him here.

'Need.' you scoffed internally, 'I hate needing people.'

Jae-ho handed you the glass, the coldness of it sending spikes through your skin as you lifted it up to your lips, drinking a good amount to avoid a headache that would surely come your way if you didn't.

You put the glass down on the counter top, sighing deeply, opening your mouth to speak, but you were interrupted by several knocks on the door again - your head turned to the source of the sound, your eyes pinning, a sinking feeling in your stomach setting in.

Did Jungkook come back?

You looked at Jae-ho quickly, offering a soft smile as reassurance before you walked towards the door.

“Are you expecting anyone else?” Jae-ho questioned.

“No.” you confirmed, trying to sound as calm as possible.

You cursed yourself for putting your Glock in your bedside table and not the table by the door as you always did, if this was an unwanted guest, you were fucked.

Opening the door, an unfamiliar face came into view - he was bald, dressed in a suit, on the heavy side, black eyes and stubble across his chin and cheeks.

“Can I help you?” you questioned sweetly.

“Y/N?” the man spoke clearly with a deep voice.

A shock of cold was sent through your body, your eyes widening at his use of your real name. How? Shit!

“I’m sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name, I’m F/N. I’ve lived here for a year.” you confirmed, your heart racing in your chest, the palms of your hands becoming damp.

He held up a picture beside your face, his eyes flickering between it and your face, “Then why do you look like her and why was Jungkook here?” he asked with an evil grin.

You withdrew yourself from the door quickly, slamming it but the man on the other side held it open with his foot, shouting something that was muddled by Jae-ho’s worried yells, several other footsteps approaching at an alarming speed.

Multiple men broke through the door, Jae-ho running towards you as you fell backwards, but one of the large men wrapped his arms around your waist, dragging you back through the door, Jae-ho desperately trying to get to you when a loud sound rung through the apartment, a white flash in front of your eyes and then his movements stilled, his body going limp as blood started pouring from his forehead and he fell lifeless to the floor, his eyes losing their vibrant colour.

You screamed at the top of your lungs until no air was left, tears streaming down your cheeks, your vision blurry as you continued to fight against the man holding onto you, your arms thrashing in every direction, your legs kicking in equally frantic motions - you threw your head back, hitting the man holding you resulting in a loud cracking noise.

“Drug her, god damnit!” he yelled at another man before several came up to you, holding your limbs still as one of them pulled out a needle and pierced the skin of your upper arm.

Your body became weak, your muscles relaxing despite several attempts to use them, your head getting heavy, your eyes closing, your conscious screaming for you to stay alert, but no part of you would listen.

A hand placed on your shoulder rocking you from side to side violently awoke you from your forced slumber, your body jerking alive as you took in your surroundings with wide eyes - your ass firmly placed on a hard wooden chair, your arms behind your back, zip ties around your wrists.

A warehouse, barely anything around except stacks of boxes and wooden pallets - it looked run down, rusty, the windows high up by the ceiling broken, the doors wide and made of thin metal.

A large man came to stand in front of you, unlike the others around, he was muscular, tall, well kept, shaven, black hair slicked back with piercing black eyes, his jawline sharp, his suit a dark blue, expensive.

He eyed you up and down, turning to the lackeys that had brought you here, “Are you sure it’s her?” he questioned them all.

“Yes, sir.” one of them nodded, his nose bandaged, must’ve been the one you threw your head back into, his nose probably broken, a small smirk on your lips as you looked at him, happy that you had caused some damage, the area around his eyes clearly swollen, “Jungkook was at her apartment and she has the same features as the picture you gave us. Her hair is dyed and she was wearing contacts, but it’s definitely her.

“Very well.” the muscular man spoke, turning his attention to you, “I’m not going to give you my name, for my own safety, I’m sure you can understand, but for now you can call me Bale.”

“How about I call you fuckface instead?” you growled at him.

“Cute.” he smiled, “I wish I had a woman in my life as loyal as you, or at least as loyal as I think you are, but let’s put that to the test, shall we?”

He leaned forward, his face close to yours, his aftershave tickling your nose, a smell, nay, a stench you didn’t like, “Where are they?”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” you shrugged.

“Okay.” he voiced, clearly not impressed with your lack of answers, “I’m a busy man, I’m sure you can understand that and I really don’t have time for this, either you can tell me where they are or I can leave you with these lovely men and they’ll eventually get the answers anyway.”

You should be scared, you know you should, but you weren’t, you knew you weren’t going to die in this warehouse, they wouldn’t dare kill you, you were too valuable to them alive, but pain, pain was coming your way for sure.

“Fuck you.” you smirked, collecting the saliva in your mouth you spat on his suit.

“Ah well.” he shrugged, turning on his heels to walk away, “She’s all yours boys.”

The 3 of them stood still, waiting until Bale was out of the warehouse and completely out of sight, the sound of a car leaving quickly not soon after the steel door slid shut.

“I wouldn’t mind a few hours alone with her, before we rough her up.” one of the men spoke, a smirk on his face, his hand going down to rub his member through his slacks.

A hand from another man quickly pushed against his shoulder, “We’ve got no time for that shit, maybe if you treated your wife better she’d let you fuck her some more.” he laughed.

The third man joined in, teasing the first, “Maybe it’s because he doesn’t satisfy her enough, so she doesn’t see the point in letting him roll around on her, groaning like a whale?” the two men joined in laughter, the first not particularly enjoying the topic at hand.

You took the time to study their bodies for any obvious marks, tattoos, features that you’d be able to remember, should you ever find them again, something the 7 heads had taught you to do, no matter what was happening around you, look for things, things that will help you, a way out, a feature to remember, a discarded weapon, weaknesses, anything.

The first man had a small cross on his hand between his index finger and thumb, red in colour, a mole under his right eye.

The second man had a scar going across his neck, quite visible, old, probably couldn’t heal properly and would remain the same for the rest of his life, in addition he was missing one of his canine teeth, left one

The third man was missing a pinky on his right hand and had, what looked like, a small moon tattooed on his chest, between his collarbones.

Their laughter died down, turning their attention to you, your furrowed brows softening as you realised your pain was impending - you kept talking to yourself, just keep remembering what the 7 heads had taught you, you were going to be okay, just keep focused.

You will get out of this alive.

The man with the small cross tattoo on his hand squatted down in front of you, looking up at you with a smirk on his face, “We won’t touch that pretty face of yours.” he then eyed you up and down, “The rest of you however, is free game.”

‘Don’t show them fear, don’t show them they’ve got the upper hand, even if they do.’ you heard Yoongi’s voice in your head.

“I’ve probably been fucked harder than what you’re going to do.” you sneered with a smirk.

“Oooh, you gonna take that kind of back talk from this little girl?” the man with the scar across his neck laughed.

“No, I’m not.” he growled, standing up, his hand going to the back of your neck, grabbing a lump of your hair, forcing your head back as his other hand tightened into a fist and he punched you in the stomach.

You leaned forward, all of the air in your lungs exhaled, a sharp pain throbbing inside you - you tried to take a breath to get the air back but all you could do was cough.

“Tell us where they are!” he yelled.

You didn’t respond, you didn’t let out a single sound - you could feel the anger rise in the 3 men, they wanted the 7 heads, they wanted to please their boss, they wanted blood on their hands.

‘Cunts.’ you mumbled internally, ‘Not through me.’

“There’s only more to come.” the man with the moon between his collarbones snickered, sticking his hand into the pocket of his slacks, pulling out an all black switchblade, pressing the button on the side, the blade appearing in a matter of milliseconds.

Every muscle in your body tensed as he approached you, a wicked flame in his eyes - he got off on this. His figure overshadowed you, bending down, his blade running smoothly up your thigh, closer and closer to your core, your eyes following it tensely.

He dug the very tip of it into your flesh, blood trickling slowly out from the pierced skin, “Even an indication of where they are would be good enough.” he whispered, “Be a good girl and tell me.”

Your eyes snapped from his blade to his eyes, “A good girl?”

“Yes.” he grinned, “For me.”

You smiled softly, “You haven’t earned the right to call me that.” you rushed your head forward, your forehead hitting the bridge of his nose, his large body stumbling back, the blade in your skin dragging along your thigh, leaving a large open wound, blood pouring out from it, the sting causing a loud groan to leave you.

“You stupid whore!” he growled, his leg lifting, the sole of his foot meeting your chest as he kicked you back, your chair falling backwards, your body hitting the cold pavement below with force, your eyes closing on impact, your jaw clenching at the pain.

He instantly pulled you back up by your shirt, blood running from his nose, his muscles tense with anger, his eyes piercing yours.

‘If you know they need you alive, make them think you’re insane, that they cannot break you, that you’re already broken.’ Namjoon’s voice rung in your head.

“Someone’s bleeding. Can’t handle a real woman, can you?” you laughed wickedly at him with your whole chest.

“Bitch is losing it.” the man with the cross tattoo uttered.

They spent hours beating you, cutting you, yelling at you, depriving you of water, the pool of blood below the chair growing by the minute, your clothes soaked, sweat forming on every part of your skin, pain shooting through you from every corner of your limbs.

Repeatedly asking the same questions, you stopped responding, your head hanging low as they continued to torture you - Where are they? Why can’t we find them? What are their weaknesses? Who often goes alone?

Your mind clocked out.

‘Remove yourself from the situation, go to your safe place. Imagine yourself somewhere else, somewhere you can’t be hurt, remember that place, somewhere you love.’ Jungkook’s voice whispered, ‘With people you love.’

The safe place had always been the 7 heads, you didn’t have a safe place anymore, you had to think of one on the spot, somewhere you felt happy, somewhere you had peace, space - the cliff, the view of the city, the silence, the wind flowing through your hair, playing softly with you, a place you had repeatedly gone for so long, the only place you felt something other than hurt.

One of the men grabbed the hair on the back of your head, pulling it back, forcing you to look up at him, all of them having melted into the same person now, your mind too tired to distinguish them, your eyes giving out, your body feeling weak from the loss of blood.

“Why are you still protecting them?!” he sneered.

A question you hadn’t asked yourself, a question you were scared of, a question you didn’t want to answer. Why were you protecting them? Why didn’t you give them up? Let them fight their own battles?

‘Don’t think it.’ you sobbed to yourself, ‘Don’t say it.’

Your eyes grew blurry, a faint and familiar sting in the corners, a twist of your heart as he let go of your hair and your head fell forwards again, limp like the rest of your body.

‘Conserve your energy.’ Hoseok’s smile beamed in your thoughts, ‘Don’t waste it on things that are not essential, let it accumulate to repair your body, for your escape.’

“It’s nearly morning.” one of the men sighed, “Let’s go home, recover and continue tomorrow.”

Another confirmed, “Let one of the newbies watch her for tonight.”

Your mind blackened and awoke repeatedly - between consciousness the 3 men had disappeared and a younger man had appeared, sitting by the wall not far from you, his own eyes seeming heavy, maybe even heavier than yours.

‘Be aware of your surroundings but don’t let them know that you are.’ Jin hummed to you, ‘Use it to your advantage.’

The young man wasn’t able to see your eyes, your hair acting as a shield in front of them, though you should see him through the strands, noticing how he was closing his eyes for longer and longer periods at a time.

Your eyes flickered over to the wall opposite you, a low and broken window - a possible way out, low enough for you to get out, wooden pallets in front of it, a shield from the man's view. You continued to look around, if there was no broken glass by that window, you needed a back up, something sharp to help you with the zip ties around your wrists, you needed your arms free.

Searching the warehouse with as little movement as possible, you saw no apparent glass for you to use, your heart frantically beating in your chest the more you looked.

Nothing. Shit.

You looked over at the young man, his eyes now fully shut, his breathing had slowed down, his body relaxed.

Now's your chance.

‘Assess your situation, noona!’ Taehyung growled, ‘Do you need to be quiet or do you need to be loud? Can you be fast or do you need to be slow?’

Quiet. Slow. Take it easy. Don’t rush it.

You tensed your legs, lifting yourself from the chair, careful not to move it, careful not to make a single noise, controlling your breathing as much as was humanly possible, the pain protruding from your every wound and bruise only increasing the difficulty.

Positioning the soles of your feet carefully, treading as if on glass, you could barely hear yourself sneak, the closer you got to the window, the more desperate you grew.

‘Please, please, please.’ you pleaded whatever force in the world that could possibly help you.

The wooden pallets were within reach, just a little further and you could turn the corner of them - you stopped dead in your tracks, looking back for a single second to ensure you were still undetected.

Sure enough, the young man was still sleeping.

You turned the corner of the pallets, a relief rushing through you as glass came into view - there wasn’t much room between the wall and the pallets, barely enough for you to walk over the glass and bend down to grab a piece.

The glass in the palm of your hand nearly cut through your skin as you held it tight, worried you were going to drop it, rubbing it against the plastic of your ties, the adrenaline in your veins picking up speed, the throb of your heart felt in your open wounds.

A small snap was heard as the ties finally broke, a shock sent through you because of it, worried the sound might’ve caused the man to stir and awaken you took no chances, grabbing a hold of the edge of the window, ignoring the small triangular pieces of glass still situated on it digging into your fingers as you pulled yourself up, your leg swinging up on the ledge too to support you, finally falling through it and into the open space beside the warehouse.

‘Find us.’ Jimin’s voice lulled you, ‘We will help you, protect you, no matter what.’

You barely managed to see anything around you and figure out where you were before you heard a loud voice behind you.

“Hey!” a young voice called.

No time, run!

Your gained traction the dirt, quickly obtaining speed you pointed yourself towards anything that had lights, anything that looked like part of the city, you didn’t have time to turn around and see if the other way was better, you just needed to get away from this warehouse and whoever was in it or near it.

Through grass, trees, the outskirts of the city, weaving in and out between small houses, until you finally reached a part that you recognised. You stopped for a moment, catching your breath, nothing more than pants were extracted from you, your lungs burning, your mouth prickly and dry.

Come on. Keep going. Not far.

As much as you didn’t want to, you knew you had to go where your feet hadn’t been in a year, for now, it was a place you needed to go, but the closer you got to the building, the angrier you got, the more hurt coursed through you, the more you remembered.

Jae-ho. Your family. The games. The deception. The lies!

Reaching the stairs leading to the building, the guard noticed you, the same guard that had always been there, you didn’t even glance at him, his figure clearly unsure whether he should stop you or let you through, ultimately deciding against preventing you from entering, clearly the 7 heads hadn’t revoked your permission to come into the building.

Pressing the button of the elevator like it was second nature, waiting for it to arrive, your thoughts running rampage in your head - the elevator finally coming down, letting you in as if nothing had ever changed, taking you to the top floor, your eyes stinging at the overwhelming amount of emotions you were feeling, everything crashing down on you all at once.

You came here for protection, but your intentions had changed.

Storming through the hallway, through the door and into the office, your footsteps loudly echoing through the silent space around you. Turning the corner, your eyes met those of the 6 heads, your head twisting to your right to find Jungkook’s, his figure standing tall in surprise at your dishevelled look, his mouth gaping.

Your eyes burned with rage and tears as you stepped close to him, raising your hand immediately, swinging it towards him, the skin of it meeting his cheek in a slap that rung loudly through the office - Jimin instantly moving close to you, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you away from Jungkook.

“They found me because of you!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, your body burning with hate, Jimin struggling to keep you under control, your every muscle fighting against him, “I was tortured because of you!”

Jungkook’s head hung low, his hand placed on the cheek you had slapped, his eyes staring at the floor.

“My friend was murdered, because of you!” you continued yelling, your heart feeling like it was going to give out at any second, your eyes peering at the rest of the heads, standing puzzled around you, “Was my family not enough for you?!”

Taehyung quickly moved to Jungkook to make sure he was okay while Namjoon moved to you, his eyes inspecting your body, the bruises, the cuts, your ruined clothing, Jimin’s arms around your torso softening slightly as you stopped fighting against him.

“What did you tell them?” Yoongi questioned.

You didn’t even look in his direction, he didn’t deserve your attention, a loud scoff leaving you at his incredibly stupid question, “Does it fucking look like I told them anything?” you growled.

“Hoseok-hyung, could you grab the first aid kit? We need to clean her wounds and she needs stitches too.” Namjoon spoke as he sat down on his knees in front of you, inspecting the multiple deep cuts on your legs.

“There’s no need, I’ll do it myself when I get to a hotel.” you spoke as you tried to get out of Jimin’s hold to leave, but he wasn’t letting go of you.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but we can’t let you leave again, especially not if someone is trying to use you to get to us.” Jin stepped forward, his voice soft as if trying to soothe you into not feeling trapped in their world again.

“W-what?” you hesitated, not really believing they were actually going to keep you here against your will, turning your head to look at Jin, wanting him to confirm his words to you again.

“I’m sorry..” he spoke again, tilting his head to the side, his features turning gentle and apologetic.

“No, you can’t do this..” you scoffed, half a smile on your features, sincerely hoping he was joking, but his averting gaze spoke loud and clear to you, your body fighting against Jimin’s hold again, leaning forward, thrashing against him, “No! You can’t do this!” you yelled, Namjoon quickly moving away from you to avoid your movements.

“Let me go!” you screamed, desperately pushing your arms away from your body and against Jimin’s, hoping he wouldn’t be able to keep his grip on you, lifting your legs off the ground, thrashing them around to see if he would accidentally let go.

Nothing worked - his grip on you never loosening.

You stood still, your head hanging low, your hair covering your face as you realised you weren’t going to get out of his hold by fighting against him, you had to be smarter than that, smarter than him because he was stronger than you.

Planting your feet firmly on the ground you let out a small breath, pushing yourself to the side and towards the wall, turning so Jimin’s back hit the wall and his arms finally released you, a loud groan leaving him behind you in pain, your toes digging into the soles of your shoes as you gained traction on the floor and ran out into the hallway, your shoulder hitting the emergency stairway door with a loud thud, a pair of loud running steps behind you following you closely.

You kept your eyes facing straight ahead, focusing on the stairs below you, focusing on jumping down the stairs and not falling, shocks repeatedly sent through your feet as they met the hard pavement.

“Y/N!” Hoseok yelled behind you.

Your heart pounded in your chest, small sweat beads forming on your temples and soaking into your hair as you tried as fast as you could to get to the bottom of the building and out of their reach - the adrenaline in your body expanding your veins to allow your blood to pump faster, almost hurting you, the fear piled in your stomach creating what felt like a black hole sucking the life from you.

Turning corner after corner in the stairwell you started seeing Hoseok in the peripheral of your eye as you turned, knowing he was gaining on you, he was faster than you.

The stinging pain in your throat was increasing every second, your lungs hurting trying to keep up with the pace you were holding, the tips of your fingers tingling.

Jumping the last few steps, you nearly fell, your shoulder hitting the exit door with extreme force, face twisted in pain your eyes meeting the opening of the basement car park, your freedom, your legs never stopping their movements.

That’s when you felt it, something in your hair tugging you back lightly before an arm wrapped around your waist as well and you were stopped dead in your tracks.

“No!” you screamed, the sound echoing through the empty lot.

Hoseok’s hand let go of your hair and instead wrapped around your chest, capturing your arms, turning you around, pushing you against the wall next to the exit door.

“Let me go!” you screamed.

“I will! Just fucking listen to me!” he yelled back, his grip on you tightening.

You put your forehead against the hard surface of the wall, relaxing your body in his hold, your rapid and shallow pants filling the air along with his.

“We didn’t know, okay? We didn’t know..” he panted into the back of your neck, “We didn’t know about our fathers and your family until a year before you left.. Our fathers left us in charge of the organisation so everything they would want done after leaving, had to go through us.”

“Why should I believe you?” you spoke softly.

“Just listen!” he growled, your body flinching at his change of voice, listening as he continued, “They came in one late night, you were with Jungkook at his house, he never knew anything about this until the night we asked you to go to dinner with Won-Shik, his family was never involved in this.”

Hoseok buried his face in your neck, his voice faint and broken, “They ordered a hit on you.”

You felt your heart drop, your eyes widening at his statement, “W-what?”

“They dropped a file on Jin’s desk, watching as he opened it, saw your pictures and a short description of you, where you would be and how they wanted it done. He stood up and asked what it was about, they refused to tell us to begin with, but eventually they did.” he paused with a sigh, “They told us everything. They told us that you were the only one left and they wanted it finished so it could never come back to them.”

“You didn’t do it..” you whispered, turning your head slightly to the side, your cheek meeting the softness of his hair.

“We explained who you are, how loyal you were to us, how you had been with us for years before they even found out you were still alive, that you had helped us so many times, been an asset to the organisation.” his voice broke as he whispered, “How much we love you.”

He lifted his head, you could see his eyes were glazed over and red, “You don’t need us, Y/N. We need you.” Hoseok’s grip on you loosened, his arms slowly moving from you to hang against his own sides, letting you go.

You turned around, looking at him, your eyes flickering between his, searching for any indication that he was lying, almost begging that he was lying to you, but you couldn’t find anything - he hung his head, closing his eyes, letting his tears drop as you stepped past him and walked away.

Your heart writhed in your chest as the distance between you and Hoseok, ultimately all of the men, grew wider, your eyes stinging, your throat expanding, barely able to breathe despite reaching the road outside, the cold air of the night hitting your skin ruthlessly.

‘No time to break down, no time to cry, no time to think, not now.’ you thought to yourself as your legs picked up the pace and you found yourself walking towards the hotels around the industrial estate, there was a unit close to there where Ae-Cha kept her emergency pack, it will have all the things you need, a new identity, some money, clothes and keys to a car not far away.

There are very few hotels around the city that does not ask for your name or proof of identity, specifically because of the large crime organisations around, whether it be because they want to protect people trying to get away or because they want to protect themselves matters little to you, one of them will be your safe space tonight.

Reaching the small unit, you located the key at the back of it, under a small broken piece of the frame - quickly opening the door you begged the bag was still there and she hadn’t used it.

It was.

Quickly grabbing it, you left the door open and they key in it, not caring if anyone noticed, when she would eventually come to check up on it she would know it was gone and she would replace it.

The hotel you had chosen wasn’t far from where the unit was, it was medium sized, quite nice and, despite being a get away for a lot of criminals that just wanted a quiet life, had a lot of reviews and stars on their website, presumably from tourists that didn’t know any better.

Hidden away between restaurants the only give away that it was the place you were looking for was the large blood red flower above the entrance, with a small sign beside the door reading: 꽃 (kkoch). It gave no indication of how large the hotel actually was as it masked itself into the buildings.

You stepped through the door, the bag heavy on your shoulder as you reached the reception, an older man greeting you with a soft smile, his eyes looking like they had seen heaven and hell, his grey hair lying in small curls on the top of his head.

“1 bedroom, please, for an unknown amount of time.” you asked kindly.

His eyes gazed down your body, taking in your dishevelled clothes, the cuts and bruises on your legs - but he didn’t question it, he simply nodded as he turned and reached for a key, handing it to you.

You reached into the bag, pulling out a bundle of cash, wanting to pay for the first night up front, which was usually what you needed to do when you didn’t give your name, but the man waved his hand, stopping you.

“Please, just take care of yourself.” he spoke softly, you bowed to him and took the key before you walked through the building, towards your room for the night.

As you reached the door, you thanked whatever force had made sure there were no people in the hallways while you walked to your room - putting the key into the hole you walked through it quickly, closing it behind you, resting your back against it as you dropped the bag next to you and slid onto the floor.

Your thoughts caught up with you and you were finally in a place where you could process everything, a somewhat safe place that allowed you to think.

Though all you achieved was a heart wrenching in your chest and teary eyes - you almost wish Hoseok hadn't told you anything, it made everything feel worse.

If he was telling the truth that is, but what did he have to gain from lying to you? He had already lost you and was willing to let you go as long as you listened to him, he could've taken you back inside, protected him, you and the other heads, but he didn't.

Why?

You sobbed silently, your eyes piercing the ceiling above you, the tears flowing freely down your cheeks. You knew why you had protected them, you knew why you went to see them, you knew exactly why you were aching, even before all of this had happened.

You still loved them.

Despite all of it, despite what had happened, you were so utterly lost without them, Hoseok’s words only sent you further into the darkness you had entered when you left them a year ago.

Rubbing your face free of tears, you took a deep breath, ‘Get up, you bitch.’ you growled at yourself, ‘Take a shower, you stink, clean your wounds before they get infected.’

Your inside voice wasn’t always as harsh, but time hadn’t been nice to you.

Standing up, you discarded your clothes, the dried blood ripping your skin, your face wincing in pain for every bit you had to rip - dropping them in the bin by the mini fridge you walked towards the bathroom, turning on the shower, looking at yourself in the mirror.

Your eyes were swollen and puffy, your cheeks equally so, your hair bunched up and in knots, ‘A mess.’ you sighed, ‘But a living one.’

The mirror slowly started fogging up, so you turned and stepped into the shower, not pulling the curtain to cover yourself, you wanted to be able to see the door, not that you thought anyone would enter, but, for good reason, you were on edge.

Hot water ran over your broken body, removing the outer layer of today's past, but it wasn’t a day you were going to forget for a long time, no, you’d probably remember it until the day you died.

Looking at the small complementary shampoo bottle in the shower, you found a little fun in something so seemingly dull, pondering how angry people with really long hair got every time they saw these tiny things as they stepped into the shower?

You picked it up, squeezing a good amount in your hand, ruffling it through your hair, quickly washing your body before you washed it out and got out of the shower.

As much as you wanted to stay in the warm stream of water, you were much too tired - grabbing the towel hanging on the wall, drying yourself off, walking back into the room to rummage through the bag you had stolen to see what clothing was available.

A black t-shirt and a pair of black underwear, that would do you for the night - not like you had to look good for anyone, you just had to recharge.

Grabbing a small first aid kit in the bag, you bandaged your larger cuts, putting plasters on the smaller ones, you didn’t want to bleed on the nice old man’s sheets - none of them really needed stitches, or at least you just didn’t care enough to endure more pain today, despite a needle and string readily available in the kit.

You stepped towards the bed, grabbing the duvet, throwing it back, quickly plopping yourself onto the mattress of the single bed, it was a little hard, but your body did not care, not tonight.

Trying to fight the thoughts, you closed your eyes, begging for your mind to let your soul rest - no more aching, please.

The thick duvet draped around your body, kept you warm in what seemed like an all too cold room, seeming to make you feel more safe and at peace.

You couldn’t tell if it was your mind playing tricks on you or not, whether you had fallen so close to the edge of your sleep and dreams were starting to creep on you or if there was actually a clicking noise coming from the door.

Shaking your head, you woke yourself a bit, peeking your ear in the direction of your door, trying to tell if the noise continued or if you had shaken it away along with your much needed sleep.

It continued.

You sat up just as the door opened and Taehyung’s figure appeared - his eyes instantly piercing yours as you threw the duvet away from your body, quickly getting off the bed, moving to the window on the other side of the room, far away from the man that had just appeared, a man you used to run towards, not away from.

Taehyung calmly entered the room and closed the door behind him, turning his figure towards you, his features returning from piercing to the same loving ones he used to have whenever he looked at you - it hurt you to see.

"How did you find me?" you questioned, "I didn't even give a name!"

"There's few hotels in this city that allows you to do that, so it really wasn't that hard, noona. I used my ''persuasive" skills to ask at the reception."

You knew what that meant - the poor old man had a gun stuck to his head and had to choose between you and him, he probably knew who Taehyung was and knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill him and search every room for you.

Taehyung moved into the room and closer to you, your body pressing against the wall behind you, worried about what was to come.

"You've left poor Jungkookah in quite a state." he said sternly, his feature displaying clear disapproval, "You know, after you slapped him and all."

"Taehyung.." you spoke softly, trying to plead with him.

He stepped close to you, close enough for you to feel the heat radiating from his body.

"That's not going to work, beautiful, not this time." he said with a slight smirk, his hand coming up to cup your cheek, "I need you to come back with me."

You looked up at him, meeting his eyes, softly shaking your head no.

"Tsk. I'm not asking. I'm telling you." he spoke with a harsher voice, "You can come with me willingly or I can take you with me."

"I'm not going to say anything to anyone, I promise. I've already proven that.." you tried to bargain.

"That's not why I'm here. I'm only here because of Jungkookah and what you did." he leaned his face in closer to you, his body overshadowing you're, you had no way of escaping him, your heart running a marathon in your chest.

"I would do anything to protect my brothers." he whispered, "That includes being less than nice to you, noona."

He was so threatening and yet, not at all, his features were kind and loving but his words spat venom against your skin.

You knew you had to get away from him, you couldn't allow him to take you back, you knew that if he did they'd keep you in a place no one could find you until they were sure the threat against them was neutralised, no matter how long that took.

"What's it gonna be?" his voice sliced through your thoughts of your impending lack of freedom.

You slapped his hand away from your cheek, trying to run past him but only managed to take a few steps before his arms swung around your waist and he pushed you forward onto the bed, trying to control you, his body lying heavily on top of yours.

"Wrong fucking move, Y/N." he growled as you felt a sharp prick in your thigh, your eyes feeling heavier and heavier until everything went dark.

Your eyes flickered open, sensitive to the bright light above you, your head throbbed like mad, your body feeling heavy - the sudden realisation of where you were setting in as you remembered Taehyung in your hotel room.

You sat up quickly and looked around, you were alone, nothing but the bed you were in, an open door to the bathroom, a TV and a desk with a laptop, though there was a bottle of water next to it with what looked like a piece of paper.

Pushing the duvet covering your body to the side, you stood up but nearly fell over as your legs shook beneath you, quickly holding onto the bed next to you for support, the blood rushing to your head certainly didn't help your aching brain.

Taking great care you walked over to the desk, following the wall with one hand on it for support, grabbing onto the edge of the desk as soon as it was within reach.

"Noona,

I'm sorry - I did what I had to do, I hope you can forgive me.

Please drink some water, it will help with the headache.

There are some painkillers behind the mirror in the bathroom.

See you soon,

Taehyungie~."

You groaned, slamming your hands down on the table - damn you, Taehyung, damn you and your protective behaviour.

Grabbing the bottle of water you opened it and drank a little, the cold water sending shivers down your throat and through your body - you took it with you as you walked into the bathroom, opening the mirror cabinet, grabbing the painkillers, the contents rattling as you angrily opened it and took 2, quickly throwing them in your mouth to down them with more water.

Fuck it - at least you knew you were safe here, even if you didn't want to be here, they still provided you with all the stuff you'd need if you were at home, you knew you weren't going anywhere any time soon so you might as well make yourself comfortable.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, your ruined figure and tired eyes making you grimace at yourself.

Sighing deeply you turned around, walking back into the room, plopping yourself down on the bed, grabbing the remote, turning on the TV to find something mindless to watch.

Flickering through the channels you didn't find anything that piqued your interest, the sound of a key in the door turning your attention toward it as it opened and Jimin appeared, a large gym bag over his shoulder and a white case in his hand.

He met your curious eyes, his features not changing from their harsh look, no smile, no worry, nothing, just a blank canvas. A small white beanie on his head accompanied by a white t-shirt that sat snugly around his torso and a pair of jeans with rips down his thighs and on his knees.

You couldn’t help how attracted you were to the man as he dropped the gym bag and closed the door, walking over to you with the white case, the casual version of Jimin always took you off guard, seeing him in everyday clothes rather than a suit was always something that got to you.

He squatted down in front of you, inspecting the cuts and bruises on your legs as they hung on the edge of the bed, the blank expression on his face finally changing to what resembled anger and hurt - his hand reached out to touch your leg, the warm palm of it causing goosebumps to rise on your skin, his thumb grazing over one of your bruises.

A sigh left him before he opened the white case next to him, a full first aid kit appearing - a needle, stitching thread, antiseptic creme, bandages, large absorbent pads.

Turning his head up to face you, he asked gently, “Can I take care of your wounds, please?”

You nodded softly in return.

Removing the bandages and plasters you had put on, he dropped some alcohol onto a cloth starting with your biggest cut, running across your thigh - as soon as the cloth hit you the painful sting shot through your body, a hiss leaving you as your hands grabbed fistfuls of the sheet below you, your jaw clenching.

When he felt it was clean enough he opened a tube of numbing creme, dabbing it gently around the skin before he reached into the case and grabbed a needle along with some thread.

While the creme was setting in he tried to get the thread through the needle but his hands were shaking so much he had trouble doing so - you watched as he struggled until he finally let out a sigh of annoyance.

You reached out, putting your hands on his, watching as he looked up at you, you took the needle and thread from his hands, offering a small smile while trying to get the thread through the small hole yourself.

Whether it be because you were still drugged up or just not completely in the moment, you seemed a lot calmer than him, easily getting it through, tying a small knot on it and giving it back to him.

“Thank you, noona.” he whispered, both his hands returning to your thigh to stitch you up, his face close enough to your skin for you to feel his breath, “Tell me if it hurts.”

“It’s okay, Jiminah.” you hesitated, “I’ll bite through it.”

“That’s my girl.” he giggled, his eyes instantly going up to meet yours, his face turning surprised at what he had said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

You shook your head, “Don’t be sorry.”

He returned to the mission at hand, to stitch you up nicely, avoiding as much scarring as possible - clear focus on his face as he stuck the needle through your skin the first time, not hearing or seeing any discomfort he continued.

It was like you hadn’t ever left, you fell back into the same old habits so easily and comfortably, so content in his presence - you know you should be angry, you were moments ago, you know you should hate him, all of them, but it was just so damn hard, you made excuses for them but they seemed so valid to you.

Were you in a situation where you could no longer tell what was right and what was wrong? Were you so blinded by the love, the hurt, the longing for them that you simply didn’t care anymore? They were all that you had known for so long, the ones that had taken care of you for so many years, protected you, killed for you, given you everything you ever asked for, no questions.

Would you have done the same as them?

You wanted answers for so long and now that you had them, you didn’t know what to do with them. It would have been easier if they had just said that it was them, that they had organised the whole thing, that they were in on it, but they weren’t - they even went against the ones that did to protect you, their own parents.

Did you hate them? Could you hate them?

Yoongi once asked you in the late hours you where you were lying with him under the stars, having pulled a mattress outside at your request, you were half way asleep on his chest, barely paying attention to his words as his mind went into overdrive and he realised more and more how much he loved you.

’Would you take a bullet for us? Would you give your life for us?’

In their line of work it may very well come to that some day. They all know the other would lay down their life to save another - that’s how they measure love, the need and want to protect someone so much that you would give up everything that you are to ensure that they continue to be. Your survival instinct is no longer about keeping yourself alive, it is about keeping them alive.

The answer back then was a definite yes - is it still?

“I’m done, noona. How does it feel?” Jimin’s small and hesitant voice sliced through your hazed mind, blinking your eyes a few times to regain the moisture in them you looked down at your legs, fully bandaged and stitched.

“Perfect.” you giggled lightly.

“Good.” he smiled, “Do you have any other cuts or anything?”

You shook your head, no.

He raised a brow at you, his hand moving onto your stomach, a groan of pain instantly leaving you - he looked up at you, the pain lingering even though his hand had moved, small gasps leaving you as you tried to calm down, a dagger like throb settling in your middle section.

Jimin pulled out his phone, quickly dialling a number and putting it to his ear, you heard very few rings before someone answered on the other end, “Hyung, come down here, please.” his voice sounding panicked, he instantly hung up after and his attention returned to you.

“Lie down, please, noona.” he asked.

“I’m fine, Jiminah, really.” you panted, but you didn’t really sell it to him.

“Please, just lie down for me.” he requested again, his hands pushing gently on your shoulders and you obliged.

He moved his knee onto the bed next to your hip and steadied himself, hovering above you, his hand moving under your shirt, lifting it up to have a look at the damage underneath it.

“Fucking..” he growled before he stopped himself, his hand applying pressure in certain places on your stomach, your muscles tensing underneath it because of the pain.

“Jiminah!” you cried out.

“I know, noona, I know. I'm sorry, I just need to make sure everything is okay.” he said soothingly.

The door burst open and Namjoon's panicked figure came into view.

“What happened? What's wrong?” he asked quickly.

“Hyung, come look at this.” Jimin urged him.

He walked quickly over to the side of the bed, his eyes wide as he saw the bruise on your stomach almost covering your entire middle section.

“Shit..” he whispered.

“I don't think she needs to go to a hospital, but you're better at telling than I am.” Jimin spoke as he moved off the bed and away from you, letting Namjoon get closer.

Namjoon bent over you, his hand replacing Jimin's as he pressed down on several places on your stomach, just as Jimin's had, your face contorted in pain, desperately trying not to scream out in agony - his other hand moved to hold onto yours, your fingers immediately intertwining with his while your eyes were screwed shut and your jaw tight.

“Please..” you sobbed, wanting him to stop.

He sighed, his hand moving from your stomach though still holding your hand, “She'll be okay.” Jimin finally released his breath, relieved at Namjoon's verdict.

Gathering the white case, throwing out the bandages and plasters he had taken off you, he looked down at you, his hand softly touching your arm, “There's clothes in the bag that I brought. It's what you had at our houses.”

“Mmhm..” you hummed softly, “Thank you.” the throbbing pain from your bruise not subsiding as quickly as you wanted it to.

His head turned to Namjoon, “I'll see you upstairs, hyung.” Namjoon nodded in response and you heard Jimin's footsteps fade as well as the door opening and closing, Namjoon's hand not leaving yours, your eyes still closed.

He let go of your hand gently causing you to grumble in response as you opened your eyes and looked up at him. He didn’t return your gaze as he bent over, his hands softly grabbing your legs, placing them back up on the bed so you could lie on it properly, grabbing a small cover nearby to drape over your body, sitting down on the edge of the bed, staying with you, his hand finding yours again.

You turned onto your side, moving close to him, your body moulding in a curve around his as you pressed the back of his hand against your forehead, “It didn’t hurt this bad before..”

“The bruises probably took effect when you were knocked out and you didn’t really notice until we made you aware of them.” he spoke softly, soothingly, his hand moving your hair behind your ear, “Do you remember anything about the men that took you?”

“I remember everything.” you said with a blank stare into the nothingness ahead.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, opening the notes on it, “Can you tell me?”

“There were 3 men that were responsible for my injuries, but I also saw what I think was their boss. Bale. He referred to himself as Bale, it wasn’t his real name, he made a note of that.” you sighed and closed your eyes, “He was large, muscular, well kept unlike the others, black hair and black eyes, he didn’t have anything that would make him stand out like the others, but I would recognise him in an instant.”

“Okay.” Namjoon whispered.

“One of the three..” you choked, remembering the pain they inflicted on you, “He had a small mole under his right eye and a tattoo of a cross between his index finger and thumb, it was red.”

He continued tapping on his phone, writing everything down that you had to tell him, hoping to find these men, not only for the heads sake, but for the sake of keeping you safe and maybe a little bit of revenge.

“Another one had a scar across his neck and was missing his left canine tooth.” you spoke with a small voice.

Namjoon typed the last bits out, then his eyes turned to you, as you had stopped talking, noticing small tears collecting by the corners of your eyes, his chest clenching at what you had to say about the last one, “Hey..” he cooed, “You’re safe, it’s okay..”

You sighed as you opened your eyes, your brows furrowed with anger, “The last one was the worst one..” you gritted your teeth, “He got off on hurting me, the sick fuck. He had a small moon tattooed between his collarbones, in the indent by his throat and he was missing his right pinky.”

He squeezed your hand in anger without realising at your words, a certain burning fire in his eyes - you wiped the tears from your eyes, “That’s all of them.” you left out the young man that had been watching over you, he was probably in enough trouble, possibly even dead for letting you escape.

“Thank you, Y/N.” he sighed with a clenched jaw, “We’ll find them, don’t worry.”

You closed your eyes, feeling a certain relief at his words, “I know you will, opp-..” you stopped yourself before you let the word slip, returning to your old habits so easily, but Namjoon didn’t say anything, he let you take your time.

A low growl emitted from your stomach, both your attention as well as Namjoon’s turning to it.

“When was the last time you ate?” he questioned.

“I don’t .. I don’t remember..” you whispered, feeling the ferocity of your hunger setting in.

He saved the notes on his phone before he put his phone to his ear, looking at you with a soft smile, a few rings passing before it was picked up, “Hyung, could you bring some food down? Y/N’s hungry.”

You could hear Jin’s ecstatic voice on the other end, “What does she want? I’ll make anything, my expert cooking with satisfy her nicely!”

You couldn’t help the breathy laugh you let out at hearing him so happy, looking up at Namjoon finding his eyes questioning you.

“Fried veggies with noodles?” you beamed.

“The usual, please, hyung.” he smiled before he hung up the phone, letting Jin get on with his cooking.

Namjoon was just as casual as Jimin today, wearing a pair of jeans and a large navy coloured t-shirt, his tanned skin showing on his arms and face, as if he had been outside working for a long time.

A small knock sent a shock through your body and you immediately flinched, groaning in pain at the muscles flexing under your bruises, Namjoon’s hand instantly cupping your cheek to reassure you, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” his attention turning to the door, “Yes?”

The door opened and Yoongi’s face appeared beside it.

“Hyung, you scared her.” he sighed.

“Sorry, I thought it would’ve been better to knock than to just come in.” he spoke with a pout.

“It’s okay.. I’m just a little jumpy.” you added, relaxing your body again.

“Understandable.” Yoongi confessed, entering the room, closing the door behind him, coming over to sit on the chair by the desk.

Namjoon got up from the bed, his hand still in yours, looking down at you, “I’ve got to get this information up to Hoseok-hyung to see if we can find them.” he squeezed your hand one last time before he let go, offering a small bow to Yoongi as he walked out the door.

You sighed, burying your face in the pillow below you, wishing your body would stop aching.

“I’m sorry.” Yoongi spoke with a quiet voice.

Turning your head, you looked at him, his hoodie draped over his torso, he was almost swimming in it, his black jeans tight around his legs, his expression fiery and solemn.

“What for?” you questioned.

“This. This happening to you.” his fists clenched as he leaned forward and let out a small huff, “Jiminah told me how bad it is.”

Yoongi had a hard time hiding his anger when it came to you, he wanted to protect you at all costs and when he failed, he wasn’t kind to himself about it.

“Don’t be sorry. I knew the risks when I got involved. I knew what could happen, you trained me for it.” you hummed, keeping your eyes fixated on him.

“I know, but I had always hoped it wouldn’t.” he tensed, “But you did well, really well.”

“I had good teachers.” you smirked.

He couldn’t help but smile at your comment - standing up and coming closer to the bed, sitting down on the floor next to it, just tall enough to still see your face.

“I’ll make sure they regret it.” he growled, “I’ll make sure their families regret it.”

There it was - the click - the thing you had been searching for.

What their fathers did to you, to your family, it was all business, they didn’t see you as humans, they saw you as a liability, as work. They didn’t think about what it would do to any survivors or friends, they didn’t think that far - what you had seen the heads do for years, their work, even things you had been apart of, what happened when you were younger was exactly the same as this.

You were no better.

“No, leave the families, please.” you spoke quickly with a panicked voice, Yoongi’s head turning to look at you with a questioning brow, “Please.” you begged.

“Okay.” he nodded softly, “Just them.”

“Thank you.” you whispered, your eyes darting from one end of the room to the other as your brain worked through what you had just realised.

Did you really go this many years without even giving it a second thought? Could you have even changed anything? You had become so accustomed to the thought of the things that they did on a daily basis, so desensitised to it that you never thought what they did, was what happened to you.

You could feel your heart race in your chest.

Yoongi’s hand took yours, his thumb softly caressing it, “Are you okay? What’s on your mind? You look bothered.”

Smiling softly you tried to avoid letting him in, not yet, not this, “Yeah, I’m fine, just tired, hungry and in pain.”

“Jin-hyung should be down soon with your food.” he smiled, “Do you want me to go get you some more painkillers?”

You shook your head no, “Not until I’ve eaten a little, makes them work better I feel.”

He simply nodded at your answer, sitting in silence with you, enjoying the fact that you were actually here, with him, even under these circumstances.

You always enjoyed Yoongi’s company, that much hadn’t changed, to be honest, you don’t know if anything had changed, Hoseok’s words from before echoed through your head, the anger and hatred you felt a year ago had subsided progressively and you weren’t sure where you were even going to go from here or when you were going to find out.

One day at a time, for now.

The handle of the door wobbled and then stopped, then wobbled again and stopped, Jin’s growling on the other side causing a small laugh to extract from your lungs, Yoongi getting up from his spot next to you to open the door and let him in.

Jin came into view with a large tray of food and several drinks, his blinding smile and clear pride at his work showing - your nose flaring at the aroma of the food flowing towards you, your stomach growling again.

He walked over to you and you sat up with a pained groan, his features falting for a moment because of his worry as he put the tray down in front of you, your eyes feasting on the meal he had prepared for you.

Yoongi disappeared into the bathroom to get the painkillers you had requested, coming back out quickly to put them on the tray for you, giving you and Jin a small smile as he decided to leave you alone with Jin for a little, walking through the door without another word.

Jin pulled the chair from the desk over to you and sat down, awaiting your verdict of his food with excitement.

“I really hope you like it, Jagi-..” he stopped mid word, “Y/N.” he corrected himself.

“I’m sure I will.” you smiled, “I always do!”

You picked up the chopsticks, digging them into the food, lifting them to your lips and embracing the food between them, a small moan like sound leaving you as you closed your eyes and chewed through the substance.

“Good?” he smiled.

“Better than ever.” you chuckled, “I’ve missed your cooking.”

He showed a tiny bit of shyness at your words, letting out a small laugh, the signature sound warming your chest. You continued to stuff your face with his delicious mixture of foods, the hungry pain in your stomach finally going away.

Pulling out his phone he started tapping away at it, wanting to stay in your company, but letting you enjoy the food he had made - his pink sweater was just as baggy as it always was, his grey jeans sitting tight in some places around his legs, his hair a little messy, but still placed in a way that made him look good.

Damn all of them, always looking so good, even when they didn’t try.

It didn’t take you long to finish your food as you basically wolfed it down, grabbing the painkillers Yoongi had left for you and throwing them into your mouth, downing them with a big gulp of water, feeling like your stomach was almost going to burst at how full you were.

Jin’s eyes turned to you as he heard your movements stop, “Feel good?”

You smiled widely with closed eyes, a content hum leaving you as you thought you were close to a food coma.

“I’ve got something for you.” he cleared his throat and you opened your eyes to look at him.

His hand went into his pocket and he pulled out a very familiar item, your phone.

“I found it not long after you..” he stopped himself, his eyes dropping from yours to the phone, “It still works.” he continued as he handed it to you.

You took the device, powering it on, unlocking it and feeling its all too familiar heaviness in your hand. You immediately went to the gallery, wanting to see all the pictures you had on it, not that you had forgotten, but you wanted to feel the sensation of seeing them again, the happiness.

The first image was the last one you had taken, an image of yourself lying in bed with your thumb and index finger in the form of a heart, one that you sent to Hoseok.

A smile grew on your face.

Jin got up from the chair, moving the tray over to the desk before he sat down next to you on the bed - seeing what you were seeing on the screen.

“Cute.” he smiled.

You hummed in response, flickering through more images, Jin’s shoulder leaning against yours as you both remembered and laughed at the pictures you saw.

Coming across an image of yourself along with the 7 heads at a beach, you remembered fondly the day, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook splashing each other in the water, Yoongi lying in the shade, Namjoon looking for crabs, Hoseok next to you and Jin on the other side, laughing with you.

A normal day, with normal men - not killers, not powerful leaders of an organisation.

You felt a sense of tiredness wash over you, a yawn creeping onto you, the food having fulfilled you.

“Tired?” Jin questioned softly.

“Yeah..” you hummed, “Still recovering.”

Jin moved off the bed, “Maybe you should sleep a little.” he smiled, his finger going under your chin in a loving manner.

“Okay.” you smiled.

“I’ll see you soon.” he whispered as he turned around and left, closing the door softly behind him.

You laid down on the bed, hugging the cover tightly under your chin, turning the TV on for some background noise, your eyes dry and heavy, quickly allowing you to fall into the abyss of sleep.

You didn’t know how long you had been asleep, but you heard the door opening slowly and gently, Jungkook's face coming into view around the corner of it, looking at you with worried and soft eyes.

You were pale, your eyes tired, your body weak. Looking up at him you met his eyes, he looked so small and hesitant, not knowing if he should approach you or stay put.

Standing up from the bed you walked slowly towards him but he took a few steps back, as if he was scared of you, of all people, this large and muscular man that had killed people, beaten people, probably even more brutal things than you could even imagine, it didn't stop you though, you continued to walk towards him until you reached him, your arms instantly wrapping around him in a tight hug that he instantly returned, burying his face in the crook of your neck, his arms around your waist squeezing you closer to him.

"I'm so sorry, noona, I didn't mean for you to get hurt, please, I'm so sorry!" he whispered with a shaky breath.

"Hey.. It's okay." you cooed.

His body shook in your hold, tears falling from his eyes as he slowly sunk down on his knees in front of you, your heart aching at his actions, seeing him like this was sending a wave of ice through your chest, your own eyes welling up.

Jungkook sobbed into the softness your stomach, "Please don't leave me again, noona, please."

Your hand ran gently through his soft hair, he had nothing to do with it, any of it, he didn't do anything wrong, an innocent party in this horror story, just like you.

Should you stay?

Even if it's only for him?

Please do not repost. If you wish to repost, please contact me directly requesting permission, with details of where, and on what account(name). I will put the details of approved reposts below.

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this-is-a-podcast-fanblog · 5 years

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PENUMBRA LIVE

I just got home from seeing Juno Steel and the Train From Nowhere Live, and I have SO MANY EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS AND THINGS I WANT TO TELL YOU GUYS

so full reaction under the cut. Obviously, massive spoilers for the live show, so don’t read if you plan on buying the recording and want to experience it for the first time that way.

Something you guys should know: AS I WROTE THIS, Alice Chuang (whom I met at the show) DM’ed me on Twitter and we have been chatting back and forth for a while now, I am LITERALLY TEXTING ALICE CHUANG AS I WRITE THIS.

Okay. Holy cow. First of all, the obvious: the show was amazing, the actors were all crazy talented, the energy of the crowd was great, I had a fantastic time and am so happy I went. The music, sound, and lights were really cool, minimalist, but conveyed the show tone beautifully.

And THE COSTUMES!! Not sure who picked them, but they were perfect. Joshua had the same trench coat/white shirt/jeans combo from the last liveshow, but for Dahlia Rose he wore a lacy white blazer that also had pink flowers on it. It looked very good on him and his face when Juno says “You bought me clothes?!” was hysterical. Engstrom and Valencia were elegant and totally creepy. M Sutherland had a red and grey suit and waistcoat; he also had eye makeup but it was a little more subtle. Valencia was in a gorgeous shiny red dress and lounge singer black gloves up to her elbows. Those were all cool, but nothing is EVER gonna top Noah’s Nureyev outfit, which was a pair of black pants, white shirt, black tie, and a black and white striped corset with the tie tucked into it. You may be thinking, “oh, HG, that just sounds like a waistcoat” nope!!!! It was like actually a corset! He also had killer eyeliner. For most of the show he wore a black blazer, but as Duke Rose he wore this crazy glittery golden blazer covered in sequins. It was gaudy and he rocked it, it suited Duke so perfectly!

Those four made up the main cast, but there were two other actors - first of all, Kate Jones, obviously, as Miasma. She had ghostly white makeup and covered her face and head with a white shawl. That, plus the fact that the lights turned red whenever she stepped on stage, made the perfect creepy vibe. She had a lot more lines in this than the original - Juno would refer to her voice in his head a lot, and every time, she came out and said something creepy. She was on a little raised stage behind the rest of the cast so she was glaring down at him and it was just asdggkfj;fldj a it was so cool.

Then there was another cast member I totally did not anticipate - Melissa DeJesus (Quanyii) played the Ruby7! She also worked props, so when Juno was talking about Nureyev’s coat, she held it up, when the bell rang during the card game she rang it, and she also played Miasma’s assistant pointing the gun at Nureyev (it was a cardboard rifle, they also used it when Juno had to shoot out of the car). For the Ruby7 she held a steering wheel and stood in front of Joshua and Noah making the car noises into a microphone or with a whistle. Also she had a necklace shaped like a license place that said “Ruby7″. It was such a cute way to show the car, which some of you may remember was something I was speculating wildly about when I first bought the ticket. Every time Nureyev mentioned how great the Ruby7 was she would vamp and at one point she blew him a kiss and he blew one back it was so adorable.

i’ve been typing for a half hour and I haven’t even gotten into the actual show yet

Before the show even started, there was amazing energy. I bought two posters from Kat Buckingham, who was working the merch stand, found a great seat, chatted with the people sitting near me, and just felt the excitement. There were so many amazing costumes, and like a third of people were wearing ear cuffs with chains in honor of Peter (I was among this number). Kevin Vibert made some announcements about emergency exits and whatnot, and then the lights dimmed. There were two curtains on opposite sides of the performance area, Joshua and Noah FLIPPED OPEN the curtains on different sides and just did this power walk to the mics in the middle while all of us audience members screamed and cheered for a solid minute, it was glorious.

Almost immediately I noticed a change to the script - they added a subplot about an additional Martian artifact Miasma had stolen, called the Key of something I don’t know how to spell, which apparently locks away any concept, like locking away sound around a person (this was revisited during the assassin bit). When Nureyev mentioned the key Juno said something like, “Wait, I don’t think that’s how this is supposed to happen” which was a cute way to acknowledge the changes they were making. Then he started mentioning some Season 2 stuff (”I dreamed I only had one -” “We all only have one life, detective!”) and Nureyev cut him off and then launched into a recap of the events of 2Murderous2Mask. He brought up audience members to reenact it, and it was really funny and I loved it a lot.

One of my favorite changes was that a couple of times when Juno was internally monologuing, Nureyev would be there too. At one point Juno acknowledged it like, “I do this thing where I just talk, and usually it’s just me.” Nureyev was really energetic, Noah got super into those parts and would take the mic down from the stand and be gesturing and hopping around while Juno watched. They also went into a lot more detail about the Throne of Arkuthusis (I probably spelled that wrong) and Samantha Carthwright (now called Sammy), who was played by an audience member. Juno explained that anyone who sat in the chair could have infinite knowledge and people would ask them questions. Nureyev then asked the audience member a bunch of questions in different accents which A.) was really funny B.) was crazy because apparently Noah can do an insane range of accents C.) cute because Juno just let him do it for a while before cutting him off. It had a very “petulant married life” vibe when Nureyev shared Juno’s monologues, and I’m not sure if it was supposed to be some significant commentary that Nureyev was “in Juno’s head” or just fun staging. Either way, I loved it.

For the card game, there were a few changes. Engstrom asked Juno if he knew how to play Rangian Street Poker and Nureyev-as-Duke said “Don’t say no!” through his teeth right as Juno said “nope.” and then an explanation followed. After a while Juno lost track and got annoyed and before Engstrom could get mad back or explain the whole thing again Nureyev-as-Duke covered Juno’s mouth with his hand and then when he pulled his hand away he fucking caressed Juno’s cheek with his knuckles while Juno glared at him and the audience went feral.

Hey by the way Noah Simes? Is just fucking incredible like his mannerisms as Duke were so over-the-top but amazing, when he reverted back to Nureyev there was an IMMEDIATE shift just in the way he talked and the way he stood, like with Duke everything was all exaggerated and he drew out all the “you’s” (So in the phone call he basically went “See youuu SooooOOOOnN!!! :D”) but then for Nureyev he was a lot more reserved, and he had this smug little half smirk for most of it. Just like, what does it feel like to be that talented, wish I could relate.

They didn’t actually play cards, but Noah did rip a piece of paper to be the dueling wargoats card. Even so, the tension was strong and you could feel the suspense even if (like me) you knew exactly what was coming next. Also, I forgot to mention, there were a lot of sound effects! When Juno heard someone’s thoughts (he heard Valencia’s and Nureyev’s a few times) that would be a voiceover, the train noises were all played, gunshots, etc. The assassin wasn’t actually shown, but you could hear the voiceover for that as well.

You’re all probably wondering: THE DOODLES. They were actual crumpled balls of paper that Juno pulled out of Nureyev’s coat; later when they were back in the hotel room, Nureyev took off his jacket and said he was going to bed (Noah just kinda stood there with his eyes closed) and Juno threw one of the notes at his head and literally went “Nyeh” as he threw it. We all laughed for quite a while.

Jupeter jumping through garbage chutes was great, Noah sort of pushed Joshua and then they pantomimed jumping down - but apparently I’m supposed to believe that Peter backflipped into the garbage chute, from the way Noah gestured, and I’m HERE FOR THAT, he’s just that much of an extra bitch. (Nureyev was very much an extra bitch throughout this entire show, as you know if you have ever listened to The Penumbra Podcast).

The whole getaway chase was awesome. Not sure if I mentioned this yet, but they had one mic that could be taken away from the stand and walked around, which is how they did the phone calls, the person on the other end of the line would stand off to the side with the wireless mic and perform like that. Once Juno, Nureyev, Valencia, and Engstrom got on the train they did all of those lines, but a nice new addition to the script was Valencia threatened Juno with a gun and Nureyev pushed Juno slightly behind him with a hand on his chest (actually I can’t remember if this scene happened here or in the casino, suffice it to say it happened and it was gay and wonderful) and said basically “if you even so much as warm his skin” and followed that up with a threat, I forget exactly what. Then when Nureyev pumped the brakes of the train he grabbed Juno and pulled him to one side, and Valencia and Engstrom’s actors left.

For the tight room they ducked into to hide, Noah and Joshua sort of pressed together back to back and tilted the mic stands so they were still able to talk into the mic. There was a great line where Juno said something like, “Is there a reason why you keep shoving us into tight spaces together?” and then they got out and Noah took the wireless mic and went up to one of the curtains on the side of the stage, then he sort of fell through with a shout and Juno was locked in the room with Valencia. She took the other wireless mic and circled him, which was soooo creepy and really cool, especially with the moody lighting they had over the whole scene. When Juno pretended to faint Joshua just like,,,, threw up his arms and dropped to the floor in the most dramatic swoon possible it was great, and when Valencia died she fell through the curtain on the side of the stage and someone caught her.

The showdown with Engstrom was tense and great. M Sutherland has a great presence and because he’s really fucking tall he seemed very menacing next to Jupeter (especially earlier when they were in their crazy suits and he was just all polished). With his suit and beard and eyeliner he sort of looked like a younger president Snow ala The Hunger Games, perfect villain vibes. Nureyev did the whole pin-him-by-the-arms thing as Juno described it in his monologue and oh god Noah did the most PERFECT fox smile throughout the whole thing, but what’s weird is I can’t actually remember how Engstrom’s death went?? I assume he fell through the curtain but I just,,, genuinely can’t remember?

Right after that they seemed to have a technical issue with the train sound effects so Joshua and Noah adlibbed it for a few seconds, then it started working again and they grabbed each other’s arms and did the whole jump-off-the-train thing. When Juno asked where the Ruby7 was, Melissa DeJesus came out with her arms tied in ropes, I guess to show the car had been captured and then BOOM KATE JONES AS MIASMA. She’s so scary and intimidating, and her voice sounds even cooler live than on the show.

Then!!! The gun is pointed at Nureyev!!! and oh god Noah’s face in this scene first he looked a little panicked, but then resigned, and the lights went BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH from regular to Juno’s monologue, and this super scary layered clip of Miasma saying “I will have what I want” played and oh god it was just so totally incredible and I loved it and by that point I was aware the show was about to end but I never wanted it to, I wanted to sit there and watch this forever, and I knew I couldn’t which made me a little sad.

and oh wow wow wow...

then we got to the part where they got in the car, and Juno had his monologue, and Nureyev was watching him for the whole thing with the sweetest loving smile on his face, and then he told Juno not to give up on him yet and then Noah and Joshua reached into the space between the microphones and took each other’s hands, so they were holding hands and the crowd went WILD. Obviously this episode didn’t have a kiss, but the ROMANCE of that moment was just PEAK it was so freaking phenomenal, and when Miasma said the whole “There it is, your final resting place,” they didn’t even look at it, for a while they were just looking at each other for a few long seconds, and then they both turned to look at the tomb and they just stood there holding hands looking ahead all resigned and determined, and then the lights went down and it was over.

(the cutest thing about the whole hand holding though was Noah kept glancing over like either he was trying to show Peter’s intense desire to hold Juno’s hand or else he wasn’t sure when he was supposed to grab Joshua’s hand and he was trying to make sure they did it at the same time. Either way it was sweet and looked really good.)

They did the curtain call, I screamed so loudly for each actor, and then anyone who wanted to meet the cast went and lined up in the hallway outside the theater. The staircase by this hallway was also the staircase into the bar, so all the bar and restaurant, so all the restaurant patrons were very baffled to see the Penumbra-goers in our cosplays, (and me wearing the pride flag around my shoulders.) While I waited to meet with the cast I got to chat with Kat Buckingham! I also talked to her when I bought merch, and I told her I thought she was talented - she said “I bet YOU’RE really talented!” and I almost cried, then she told me I was free to DM her, also encouraged me when I told her about my podcast, and was all around just the sweetest.

The cast were at a table, sort of like a convention, and we just went down the line and got our stuff signed. I got to talk to all of the actors and they were SO! VERY! SWEET! I hadn’t thought at all about what I was gonna say, so I just kind of mentioned whatever. I told Noah that I write Jupeter fanfiction and said, “So that means I have your voice in my head a lot”, and he said like “That’s... somewhat unusual to hear, as I’m sure you can imagine.” I told him he was really talented and he signed my poster and was very friendly, thanked me for coming even though literally I was thanking him because HOLY FUCK HE WAS SO AMAZING. Also, Kate Jones asked me what my shirt said (it said “I am too emotionally attached to fictional characters” and thought that was cool.

I told Joshua, Sophie, and Kevin that this podcast inspired me to start my own podcast, and they were so incredibly encouraging and supportive about that! Joshua asked if I had fun (as if I could have not had fun!) and thanked me for coming - like both of these amazingly talented stars of this hit show are thanking me for coming to see them, that’s so humble and kind and ugh I just stan this cast so much. @rudzik-art made some amazing artwork, which I turned into prints to give to Sophie and Kevin, and they really loved it! Sophie even signed both my poster and the one I got for Robin, even though their rule said only one item per person. Then they both thanked me for coming, and I headed out to catch my train home.

Overall, this show was phenomenal. There was only one thing in the whole production that I disliked: they took out the “It’s not polite to tell someone his gift means nothing to you” line, and I’m not really sure why, because that line forms a lot about the characters? But artists’ choice, of course. Personally, I would have loved to see it, but the pacing was just as good without it.

I’ve been looking forward to this for so long, and now that’s it’s over I’m experiencing some pretty strong post-show depression, not gonna lie. I just want to come back and see it again every night for the rest of my life, even though that would not be good for the cast. I want to go out and make art and share my work and maybe someday inspire someone anywhere near as much as this inspired me.

TL;DR THE LIVE SHOW WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE.

If you weren’t able to make it to either live show and you have some questions about it, feel free to send them to my inbox!

#the penumbra podcast #the penumbra podcast live #juno steel and the train from nowhere #juno steel #peter nureyev #jupeter #rita #miasma #live show #i can't wait for the video #i loved this so much and I love that I can experience it again through the video #aah #I hope the second one went really well too!!!

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i-live-in-a-yellow-submarine · 3 years

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Ultimate Beatlemania Tag!

Right off the bat, thank you so much to @johns-prince for tagging me! It took me forever to get around to filling this out, but I did it! I kind of don’t know people though so I don’t really know who I’d tag...I’ll just throw @toughbaby-buggybaby in because why not, you can do this if you want!

Anyway, this is gonna be a long post, so prepare yourself if you decide to read this.

How long have you been a fan?:

Okay well this is a little complicated to answer properly, but I’ll do my best. I’ve been listening to their music ever since I was little, and I’ve always adored it. The only problem was that I was either too young to think “Oh, this is The Beatles, I like them a lot!” or I just had no clue that it was them. I have that problem with a lot of bands that I’m into now actually. My dad always forgot to tell me “Oh by the way, you’re listening to insert band name here,” so now I’m catching up.

But if we’re talking about when I decided to sell my soul to these four dorks then it was about a year ago. I got really into their music because of some family members that had come visiting for the holidays, and they were all about The Beatles. One of my cousins would play their songs for me on the piano, as well as some of Paul’s solo work. After that I went in a spiral of just investing myself in them, so now they own my life.

Favorite Beatle:

How dare you make me choose. I love them all and refuse to pick between them-

Really though, I adore each of them so much and it’s really hard for me to make a concrete decision, especially since I tend to go through phases. I always conclude with George though because I just relate to him the most personality wise and admire him in a lot of ways, plus I think he’s gorgeous.

Favorite era for music:

I assume we’re talking about their specific eras in their own music? I hope that’s what this question is. If not, I personally like music from the 60s to the 80s, kind of bleeding into the 90s.

For the bug boys specifically, I think at the moment I’d have to go with everything.

Favorite era for lewks:

Again, if we’re talking about in general, I honestly don’t have an answer?? I’m not into fashion whatsoever, I just walk around wearing hoodies and jeans no matter what. The extent of my fashion knowledge is me seeing something I like and thinking “nice.”

For The Beatles, I honestly don’t know either. I thought they usually looked good in one way or another, (with a few exceptions that we’ll be getting to, don’t you worry) though I’ll always have a soft spot for their moptop era because they just looked adorable all the time. Also, those four looked amazing during their teddy boy days. I’m weak for teddy boy John and George.

Favorite song:

This is a really hard question to answer because I have so many favorites but I’ll try anyway.

This Boy is what I’m gonna start with, because oh my goodness it’s beautiful. John’s voice makes me feel so many things in that song, plus the harmonies behind it are just- mwah. Amazing. Along with that, In My Life never ceases to make me emotional for pretty much the same reasons, and the lyrics of course. The acoustic (???) version of While My Guitar Gently Weeps also has the same effect and I can’t deal with it.

When I’m Sixty Four has always been a favorite of mine from the start. A big part is because I’m a biased clarinet player and love every bit of it, plus Paul’s vocals in that one are so crisp and clear and I can’t handle it. And while we’re on the topic of Sgt Pepper, I also love With A Little Help From My Friends. I always get so happy when I hear Ringo’s voice, and this is one of my favorite songs that he sang.

Probably an unpopular choice for a favorite, but I’ve always really liked For You Blue??? I don’t know why, it just makes me laugh and all giddy for some reason. Honey Pie has the same effect on me as well. That song makes me bounce around like I’m a little kid again, and I adore it. It’s pretty much the same with Martha My Dear too, and also it makes me think of Martha which is always great.

I’m also a fan of their solo work and still branching off into it, but I really like Somedays, Blood From A Clone, and I Know (I Know).

Sorry I went on a tangent I just really appreciate music-

Favorite Album:

I’ll try not to rant on this one because again, I love them all. But uhhhhh, the first album I listened to all the way through (and also the first original record I received, my prized possession) was Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, on top of it just being all around amazing. But if you asked me to pick one album that I had to stick with for the rest of my life, right now I’d have to go with Let It Be or The White Album.

Unpopular/Controversial Beatles opinion:

Oh boy, I don’t want to go into details very much because I don’t feel like it, but I’d have to say my belief that the Lennon-McCartney relationship was romantic in some way. I know that one is controversial because…I mean just take a look around.

A song everyone loves but you dislike:

I honestly don’t know really, I don’t think I dislike any of their stuff, or at least I can’t think of any at the current moment. I don’t have many people that I can get opinions about their songs from, but I do know that I don’t go crazy over Yesterday like some people do. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty song, I just have others I prefer much more than it.

A song everyone dislikes but you love:

Again, I don’t really know what songs people collectively love and don’t. I do know that when I listened to Lady Madonna with my mom for the first time, I was absolutely vibing and she was not having it. My step dad wasn’t either, and it’s the same situation with The Long And Winding Road. Those are just between three people’s opinions but shhh-

Your fantasy involving The Beatles:

Gosh, if I were able to have met those four and been one of their friends, it would just be a dream come true. Talking to them and just spending time with them is something I wish I could do, just to be there with those brilliant humans would be amazing. I admire each of them for different reasons, and if I got the chance to have been their friend for years, I could die and be happy.

Tell us about the moment you knew you were a fan:

Looping back to what I said at the start, I’ve technically been a fan of their music since I was a little kid. But talking about the time I unknowingly handed my soul to them, I’d have to say around my last birthday.

A while back I was - and still am - all about the Legend Of Zelda franchise. I’d finished up all the manga that I’d bought based off the games, and wondered if I could find other stuff to read that was like it. Then the world of fanfiction showed itself to me and I just thought “Oh boy, this is a bad idea, but who cares, I want content.”

Fast forward to the point where I was really into The Beatles musically. I wanted to know more about the actual people making the music, so during the process of learning more about them, I remembered the deep and dark depths of fanfiction websites. Thus, I discovered that McLennon was a thing and immediately needed to know why. I literally read my first McLennon fanfic on my birthday.

Basically a month later I’d fallen completely in love with these four guys, their music, and McLennon.

Did you ever have a genuine ‘The Beatles suck!’ phase before becoming a fan?:

Oh no, I could never! This band had been drilled into my mind as one of the greatest of all time by multiple family members, so I just went with it. My dad would talk about them and I’d find them fascinating, even though I was much younger. In fact, I have a fuzzy memory of him driving my brother and I to the beach one time many years back, and he was talking about Norwegian Wood. He never actually told me that was the name, so I forgot shortly after. Then a couple years go by and I’m listening to it for the first time in who knows how long and go “Wait! That’s the song he was talking about!”

Favorite Beatles Book:

I actually haven’t read any yet, but I really want to. I’ve been thinking about getting both of John’s because I’ve heard that they’re quite entertaining for the right people, and based on what I have read from them, I think I’d really like them. I would love to get more after that, but that’s where I’d start.

Thoughts on the old generation of fans:

Having family members that fit in that category, I don’t have any problem with them at all. I mean, they were there during the time of The Beatles, and they always have interesting things to say about them and fun stories to tell. In my own experiences some of them can be a bit condescending with their views and opinions because they were alive during the time, but I know that not all the people in that generation are like that.

If Hollywood were to make a high budget Beatles biopic, what is one thing you desperately hope they include?:

Lots of things really. If I had to go with one, I really would want them to show just how much those four loved and cared for each other, especially the bond between Paul and John. I feel like the breakup, which is a very complicated topic in it of itself, tinted the media’s view to the point where some people believe that they hated each other, which is far from the truth.

I assume they would get their personalities right?? But if that’s something high budget biopics don’t guarantee, then that too. I just want to see their lives done right, with the important factors and people in their lives shown in the right light too. I know that’s a lot to ask of a biopic and probably will never happen, but I can dream.

Do you read/write fanfic?:

Yes, I do both. I wanted to become a better writer and artist, so I use The Beatles and other fandoms I’m a part of as a creative outlet in that sense. There are also so many amazing creators out there that I adore, so why would I not pay attention to the great things people have made?

Are you the only one in your family/friend group to enjoy them?:

No, but also yes? It’s kind of weird actually. Family wise, I have a lot of family members that at least like their music, so I can talk to them when it comes to that. But when it comes to the boys as people, I really don’t have many family members who know much or care. I can rant to my mom because she just takes it all in even though she doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about, and I infected my brother with Beatlemaniac as well, so now his favorite is Ringo and we talk about them a lot with each other.

Friends wise, I have two that enjoy them. My closest friend is a musician and music is really important in her family, so she’s been listening to a number of bands since she was basically a baby. I talk to her about anything and everything, which also means I rant about everything involving The Beatles. As far as I know, she doesn’t mind and likes talking about the McLennon tea. The other loves all music and she’s been listening to some of their stuff since she was young as well, but it was when I was getting really invested in The Beatles that she also did.

Are you a shipper?:

Yes, yes, and yes.

Addressing McLennon first, I don’t necessarily see it as only a ship, I believe that those two were in a romantic relationship of some kind. But I’ll save those opinions for just a little bit-

Of course when roaming around in the fanfiction world for that good McLennon content, I was bound to find other ships. Obviously my heart belongs to McLennon, so I can’t see Paul or John in any other relationship. As a result of that, I found comfort in Starrison and think it’s precious, though that’s purely just a ship in my book, so I love and put their friendship first. It definitely doesn’t fall into the same boat as McLennon for me.

Favorite movie starring/made by them?:

Over the past few months I fell in love with Yellow Submarine, which I am going to make count in terms of this question because it’s quality content. I love the humor, the artwork, the designs, the story, the music, everything. I just love it all.

Do you believe in McLennon?:

I’m sure you know the answer to that by now.

General opinions on McLennon?:

This post could go on forever if I actually let myself say everything I wanted to. I’ll try to keep it brief because I’ve rambled for long enough as is.

As I already stated, I have a firm believe that McLennon was real. No, is real. Paul shows his love for John to this day, and I’m sure John is reciprocating it wherever he is right now. Everything that they went through together just takes me on the most emotional rollercoaster to ever exist.

I was in the middle of making a list of just all the little things about their amazing relationship, but I realized there were so many that I could fill books about it all, and there would still be so much that we don’t know about. In the end, what John and Paul had was theirs, and the glimpses of it that we’ve been lucky enough to see are beautiful, heartbreaking, and everything in between. The love they shared lives on in the music they created, and I’m just glad to be able to experience it in that way.

If you got to change ONE thing about their history, what would it be and why?:

Oh this is a hard one for sure. I think if I were able to change something, it would be how the breakup played out. Altering factors in their lives so that they had been able to communicate with each other (specifically John and Paul) properly so they were on the same page with each other in what they needed and wanted probably would have softened the blow of the breakup for them, if it were to even happen.

Preventing the alcohol and substance abuse that was dealt with during that time and onward would most definitely have made things better as well, along with everything that happened with John’s association with Yoko. If they had just been able to keep their issues under control with help from people qualified to do so, I think things would have turned out much better for all of them. Then again, it’s such a complicated topic and there are so many things we could change for the better that I don’t have a set way to answer the question.

What song has the best vocals?:

I’m about to go on a tangent again, sorry-

I love the vocals for When I’m Sixty Four. Everything just sounds so clean in that song. I also really love how Paul sounds in Michelle and She’s Leaving Home, with the background feeling all calm so his voice kind of pops.

Girl leaves me feeling like a puddle and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s a similar situation with Do You Want To Know A Secret and This Boy too. The vocals just make me feel things.

John’s voice in Across The Universe and Julia sounds so sweet and sincere, and it always calms me down. I don’t really know why I love it so much, I just think the vocals are wonderful and almost insecure.

I think my favorite performance vocals wise has to be If I Fell though. The way Paul and John’s voices blend perfectly shows prominently in this song, and it’s absolutely beautiful.

What song do you feel had no effort put into it?:

Los Paranoias, but I don’t care and vibe to it anyway.

What is a well talked about moment in Beatles history that you genuinely believe to be false?:

I’ve been thinking really hard about this question but I can’t really think of one off the top of my head that holds much significance. I know there are plenty, but how glorified John and Yoko’s relationship was just seems so artificial to me the majority of the time. I know that isn’t really a moment per say, but it’s the only thing I could think of.

What is something you KNOW to be true, but often gets erased in their history?:

The biggest one that comes to mind right now is definitely the majority of the things involving Yoko throughout the breakup of the band up until John’s death. Honestly, I’ve read and thought about it so much that I just don’t really feel like going into much detail, but in general a lot of the things Yoko did seem to be brushed under the rug.

Least favorite look from a Beatle(s):

Need I say more?

Really though, I don’t have a care for the facial hair John and Paul had in 67, and again later on with their beards. I think they just looked better without it, when you can see their whole face. There’s also the underlying struggles they were dealing with at the time that brought on those messy looks, which makes me more sad than anything.

Favorite look from a Beatle(s):

I’m just gonna list my favorites for each of them and then my favorite pictures or gifs of them because why not.

How I Won The War John is beautiful and I can’t explain why, he just has that special something. I also have a thing for 64-66 John in hats-

Honestly everything from 63-66 is great for Paul. He looked pretty much the same to me during that time period, just with his hair gradually getting longer.

He also had his moments in 67, after he got rid of the mustache (that’s how I feel about John in 67 too)

I could go ahead and say just about everything for George honestly because I’m weak for him. But to pick absolute favorites, then I’d go with 65, 67, and The Rooftop Concert.

I absolutely adore 63 and 64 Ringo to no end. He was just adorable no matter what.

For the whole group together, I think my favorites would be their Shea Staduim or A Hard Day’s Night looks. They make my heart melt.

Anyway, that was a lot of rambling and I definitely didn’t need to write as much as I did, but what can you do? Thank you again for the tag! On the off chance that anyone sees this and wants to do it, go ahead! Peace and Love <3

#tag games!#any gifs in this do not belong to me! I don’t remember who made them sorry :<

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mik3ysprincess03 · 4 years

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Hajime Iwaizumi X Tati <3

It was a crisp spring morning in Miyagi prefecture, with the warm summer weather around the corner it was becoming tee-shirt weather season, soon the students of Aobajohsai High private school would switch to their summer uniforms instead of the warmer winter uniforms their school had. Hajime Iwaizumi had headed out to school, he was standing by some of the lockers, Oikawa was in front of him babbling about eating too much Japanese styled pudding the night before and he now had felt sick, classic move.

Iwaizumi had rolled his eyes at his friend’s remark when he noticed his girlfriend Tatiana walk down the hall with a couple of her friends. “Iwa-chan are you listening?!” Oikawa stammered as he noticed Iwaizumi become distracted, Oikawa was unaware of their relationship yet. Actually, no one on Iwa’s side of the story had no idea about his new and perfect girlfriend. Today he had planned to tell his team at practice, knowing it was better to do it sooner than later due to Oikawa being unbelievably nosy.

“One second, I need to speak to someone.” Iwaizumi muttered as he walked off from his friend. Iwa wore his schools lavender coloured dress shirt, a red tie which was slightly undone, not neck tight, and beige tight pants. Though it was common for Iwaizumi to talk with people from his class, which as far as almost everyone knew Tatiana was just his friend, however they would make the announcement today to their friends that they are in fact in a romantic relationship. Iwaizumi walked up to Tatiana, he almost wanted to kiss her right there or hug her; except considering the setting, that wouldn’t be the most formal and or proper thing to do with being in public.

“Good morning, Tatiana.” He gave a small smile to his girlfriend as her friends quickly said good bye to her and walked off to their classes. “Hi, good morning Iwa-chan!” Tatiana giggled cheerfully to her boyfriend, copying the nickname his childhood friend, Oikawa gave Iwaizumi. Though it was much cuter when she said it, “are you still coming to practice after school so we can tell them if you’re ready?” He asked, “yep, sounds good! I’ll come by right at the start.” The dark haired girl blushed looking up with her hazel eyes to her boyfriend. “Sounds good, I’ll see you then, babe.” He nodded his head as the two went their separate ways.

Once all classes for the day were over, Tatiana made her way down to the boys gym where the volleyball’s team practice was located. Tatiana was a gorgeous girl, she did catch a lot of attention from guys, and girls always complimented her on her beautiful eyes, smile and skin. Not to mention Iwa, who was always in admiration because of how adorable she is. A few guys on the volleyball team had mentioned her, you know, guys being guys having some locker room talk of who they thought was the cutest girl at school. Within all the third years at Aobajohsai, Tatiana probably had the highest grades, teachers loved her, she was highly respected just like Iwaizumi.

Upon arrival to the gym she slightly peeked her head inside the gym, the team was running through basic drills, and damn Iwaizumi looked good in that uniform. It almost made her mouth drop when she saw him, wanting a boyfriend her entire life was nothing more than a fantasy. Until she became friends with Iwa and they slowly developed feelings for each other. Then she realized how special she was, it felt like a dream to have him as her boyfriend. To be called his girl.

“TATI-CHAN!!!” She heard a voice yell out, here comes the grand kind: Tooru Oikawa. Though Tatiana was a fairly extroverted person, a situation like this was an excuse. It was a bit nerve wracking because she wasn’t sure wether their friends would support them or not. She had told a few friends about the relationship she had with Iwaizumi a few hours ago, everyone had been so supportive. It was a fairly big deal since this was her very first boyfriend! “Hey Oikawa!” She smiled as she stepped into the gym, it was cool, the fans in the gym were more so circulating the air rather than keeping it cold but it was still fairly chilly.

“Why are you here today? Did you come to see me?” Oikawa was honestly pretty much crushing on Tatiana, it was obvious to Iwaizumi too. However, Iwaizumi wasn’t particularly jealous because it was normal for Oikawa to be flirty with most girls, and he trusted Tatiana. Iwaizumi felt so lucky to be with a girl who fit him so well, who balanced his personality.

“Oh I-“ Tatiana started but Iwaizumi cut her off while walking over to the pair. Putting his hands on his hips. “Actually she came to see me, Oikawa. We have something important to tell everyone.” He looked at Tatiana as a confirmation that it was okay to tell everyone. The whole team slowly came over confused as to what was going on. Was it a school announcement? A graduate announcement? A new team manager? Everyone anticipated a response. Tatiana gave a soft smile and nod into his direction as an “okay, I’m ready” type response. Iwaizumi’s teammates were actually suspicious as to what he’s been up to recently because he hadn’t been hanging out his friend group as much at lunch or study breaks as often as before. Him and his girlfriend developed a habit of going to the local connivence store to get snacks on study break.

Taking a deep breath, Iwaizumi spoke, “Tatiana is my girlfriend. As your vice captain of the team I think it’s important for me to tell you this, since she’s a big part of my life. I was thinking of having her become a manger to help out and she will be at some practices and games if she wants. I hope you get along with her well. She’s an amazing girl.” Iwaizumi bowed down his head slightly to his team, looking at all of his friends. As Issei Matsukawa, the middle blocker broke the silence. “Hey man, you’re a lucky guy.” He patted Iwaizumi’s back. “I’ve got history with her and she’s super smart, not to mention pretty cute. I think she’d be a great manager considering how organized all her school notes and papers are.” The tall boy smiled. Tatiana blushed like a strawberry.

The coaches weren’t in the gym right now, considering the practice just started and they are usually out to smoke during some of the warm ups. Oikawa bit his lip, “oh my god I knew it Iwa-chan, you’re so bad at being sneaky. You little rascal!” Oikawa stammered. “I’m not a ‘little rascal’, and I wasn’t trying to be sneaky either” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Yeah Oikawa, you’re the sneaky one here, you are the one with multiple girlfriends.” Tatiana teased giggling as she made the team let out a chuckle. “I mean you’re not wrong. It’s really nice to see you and Hajime together. I think you two are pretty cute together.” Hanamaki politely added as Kunimi added a simple “yeah, I wouldn’t mind her helping us out.”

“Have you guys kissed yet, or even better made out?” Oikawa curiously asked, “Guys that girls squeal over piss me off. Knock it off dude.” Iwaizumi sighed as he looked at Oikawa with his typical childish antics. Oikawa, raising his eyebrow like a desperate child wanting to pry more information off the pair. Tatiana looked down at her skirt and knee high socks embarrassed and she couldn’t help but laugh at the two of them, they bickered like this often but the two males were very close friends, especially after all they’ve been through according to Iwaizumi.

“How else am I going to show my appreciation to her? Tatiana is precious to me. I hope to be with her for a long time.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and crossed his arms now. “Oikawa, silly! Why do you want to know so much?” Tatiana giggles “w-well no one can deny that you are cute and I’m also pretty cute. I just want to make sure he takes care of you. Protect the cuties!” Oikawa stuttered, “Tati-chan what’s your number? I want to make a group what with you, iwa-chan and I, so we can talk lots and you can keep me updated on all the juicy info!” He brightly smiled holding his hand out in a peace sign. “Great, now you’ve let out a barrel of monkeys.” Issei groaned.

“Alright babe, I’ll come see you after practice. You can just sit here on the benches.” He smiled grabbing her hand to walk her over to a bench. He looked down at her, as Tatiana sat down on the bench. Holding a carton of chocolate milk from the schools drink machine. “I bought you a bottle of water too!” She beamed happily hanging over a bottle of some fancy mineral water the vending machine had. “You didn’t have to spend 600 yen on me just so I can have fancy water.” Iwaizumi chuckled looking at his girlfriend as he stroked his hand through her silky hair. “I know but I wanted to get it for you. It’s the best kind!” She assured him with a smile. “Alright alright, fine, I trust you” the spiky haired boy added.

“Damn, you can really tell how much he likes her, just by the way he looks at her. I haven’t seen That guy ever have a soft expression on his face, she’s something alright.” Tatiana heard one of the guys mutter as she blushed to herself. “Oh and Iwa-chan after practice we are going to the cafe across the school to get macaroons right?!” She asked happily, hoping he wouldn’t be too tired after practice. “Of course. I’ve never tried them before, I’m looking forward to it, Tatiana” he responded as the coaches walked in. “Alright guys lets get this started!” One of them yelled out. As Tatiana turned her attention back to her boyfriend. “Work hard for me!” “Anything for you, honey” he quietly added as he jogged off to the court.

Tatiana felt truly happy to have such an amazing boyfriend as Hajime Iwaizumi. Perhaps they were in love.

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violetsystems · 4 years

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#personal

The biggest edition to my footwear collection is still the cat sleeping at my feet as I type this. She doesn’t use the other litter box at all which is understandable. That’s my default these days. Whether things are understandable or not. Or maybe whether I really deeply care or not. I was riding the train home during rush hour yesterday and somebody was playing trap out of a chik-fil-a backpack. I was done with everything at that point I just muttered “Fuck Chik-Fil-A” loud enough to hear. It didn’t help the dude’s backpack was in my face. His friend picked up on it and understandably I got off the train at the next stop. There’s been a lot of people following me around these days and making me feel unsafe. Unfortunately nobody will listen to me about it so I just end up understanding the situation. My understanding lately has been to keep myself safe by walking away from everything. Like somebody assaulting me and my mom on her birthday wasn’t enough evidence that I’m being targeted. That’s crazy talk to people out here. Are you sure you aren’t just imagining things? I ended up taking the Ashland bus home again which ironically is a far rougher neighborhood. I honestly don’t think anybody with a Chik-Fil-A bag is going to understand the finer nuances of why I’m offended. I honestly don’t want to have a conversation with that type of person. I don’t have time to be the steward and sheppard of the lost flock everywhere I go. And yet people have these societal expectations of me that never seem to deliver. They walk all over me without my consent and I just have to nod. I have existed within this hidden framework of rules for years bumping up against the fence over and over again. No matter what I do somebody seems to jump in and assume control over what I’m trying to do with my life. Like I never asked. Literally nobody gives me a chance to speak other than on Tumblr on the weekends. I’ve described the kinds of behavior I’ve been subjected to for years. For years people told other people behind my back that I was crazy, antisocial and worse. But they never understood until recently that I actually had a very dangerous point. This is traditional gaslighting and in America I think it’s the norm. I was reading how the American economy is literally financed by debt fueled by overconsumption whereas in China it’s fueled by debt driven investment. I have as many bills to pay as the next person. I spend a little time every day to manage a spreadsheet like a journal in regards to how much money I spend. I’ve done this for years by myself just like I’ve worked out my feelings in real time on the internet. There’s no shortage of people trying to get you to spend more money. It seems that people only value you in America based on how much money you are able to spend. I bought a pair of Gore-Tex converse for seventy dollars. They’re literally the illest shoe in context of people’s understanding of how I wear clothes. I don’t sit here and spend hours talking about the clothes I wear. Nobody cares. I’ve been invisible for years or worse. I’ve been a wink or an inside joke that people abuse to sell their products, images, and manifestos. When I make a valid point it is met with laughter behind my back and mined for intel and dirt in secret. Laughter and comedy in America is rooted is some deprecating humor. It makes sense when you tie this into bullying. People want you to feel bad about yourself for a lot of reasons. It’s mostly an act of devaluing your self esteem. That you aren’t enough. So you’ll spend more or try harder for people who wouldn’t do the same for you. It’s a pyramid scheme staring you in the face on a dollar bill. And then there’s the things that money can’t buy. That some people care about and other people just overlook time and time again. Self respect at the end of the day or the beginning of a new one is hard to come by. It’s understandable why I keep to myself in that respect.

I can’t change how shitty I’ve been treated. I live with years of it. I thought it might get better clearing it up in a journal. Writing about how I feel about this or that is about as close to a vibe check as any. And still people try to play these games with me in real life. The games prove nothing. It’s just an excuse to pit people against each other and tear down power. Like you are cordially invited to the wood chipper or meat grinder. Your opinion matters. Except when it doesn’t. After all these years feeling lost and alone is still my problem. I recently have come to embrace this. Who wouldn’t want to get lost and alone with me? There’s people I don’t want to be lost or alone with. Because I’ve been there facing myself in the mirror. We can talk for hours about all the good we are doing and there’s no record of any work or activity to show for it. When I was on Facebook I used to relentlessly post my miles I tracked in my running app. They’d go ignored for years. I’d check into the gym and it would echo in the digital staleness of the platform. Really nobody cared or understood what these things meant to me. The minute I would share something that inspired me I would be talked over or the conversation would shift to another person. I just basically defaulted to thinking nobody cared about me. I didn’t want to burden the world with how that made me feel. But I wrote about it here week after week. And I never lied when I sat down to sketch it out. It’s just that nobody really understood how bad everything had gotten for me. I have lived a literal fucking nightmare for the last two or three years. Ironically I quit drinking around the same time. That part was me understanding I wasn’t doing anything positive for myself with that habit. People asked in a hushed whisper online if I “got help.” I just fucking quit. Like I quit huge portions of my life that were complete bullshit. I’m constantly reminded how I don’t fit into those parts of my life when they return to haunt me. Ignore my pain for years and then suddenly show up again to try the same old socialite bullshit. We’re all in this together. Except when people alienated me for years. This isn’t something new or shocking for me. I understand other people are coming to the very same realization. People in America use the English language like a bulldozer. They talk emphatically with a concerned tone about how much they care. They never give you a chance to question why. They’re always doing the questioning. They always have the right answers tied to the right texts that nobody has ever really heard of. I get these emails about how my name was mentioned in this or that academic paper. I have to pay a fee to sign in to find out which. So literally I have to pay a fee to figure out who is plagiarizing and conceptualizing my life. Just like I bought all this street wear gear to be noticed and just ended up victimized and shunned. There’s a wall out there for sure you can’t pass. It’s a fence that has no logic other than rich people who don’t think you’ve paid enough to be human. And these are numbers that don’t really work well with a nonprofit salary. And yet I still do what I can with it and hold my ground. Because this shitty behavior is not sustainable. And the real vibe check is that I am done with everything and beyond anger and frustration. Sadly I’m the one with the answers to my problems. And the only answer I’ve found is staying away from the disrespect. That and saying what I feel whenever I feet like it. Because nobody cares anyway. They’ll applaud how brave I am then figure out a new way to poke me with a stick.

I’ve always thought the best I could be was being a good person. I’ve made a lot of sacrifices nobody understood to be that person. People distrusted me for years. I only recently began to realize that this was not my fault. I can’t possibly do anything else in my life to get people to trust me. People have dug down so far deep into my life it is insulting. If you bring it up to anyone the first thing they’ll do is doubt you. Typical stage one gaslighting. “How can you be sure?” in a concerned tone is really just “Why are you rocking the boat?” in America. I can be sure enough that most people out here don’t value the sacrifices I’ve made. They can’t fathom them because they don’t pay attention. They say they know me behind my back. How that one time they saw me out of context. People for the record haven’t hung out with me for months if not years. I used to play magic down the street and then people got cocky. Now I play Hearthstone online and developers still get cocky but it’s far different. There’s an actual community there with complex thoughts on everything. Some of them I agree with. Other things like Hong Kong I feel are none of my fucking business at this point. I don’t think anybody cares about the nuances of how unhappy I am with politics these days. I keep out of discussions now because they go nowhere. Americans want you to say things out loud so they can put you on record. Somewhere they can either use your opinion to sell a product or a service. Maybe even a patriotic ideology. I write enough reviews on Amazon to know the functionality of that. Somebody asked the other day if an acrylic paint I reviewed could be used on silk fans. I answered the question as non-biased and informative as I could for a white guy and moved on. For a person who drinks as much coffee as I am nobody understands that I have a subscription. I spent seventy dollars a month for a month’s supply of single origin coffee. Meanwhile people at work are always trying to sell me on something else. How my coffee habits are meaningless unless I spend money into this or that pool. How Blizzard is evil and doesn’t deserve my support. How I need to convince people my view on Hong Kong is correct when they’ve never even been there. There’s times when my opinion is valued and I share it. And then there’s times when people don’t listen to a word I say. They have absolutely no understanding of why I live and breathe let alone choose to support. They show no care. They simply target, bully and neutralize. If they fail they deal with the awkwardness of their assault by pretending I don’t exist. That’s the real wall. How you will never be good enough in some people’s eyes. Because you might just realize your value and leave all together. Take your money, your care, and your attention elsewhere. Maybe even to another country where the debt is driven by investment instead of hyper conspicuous consumption. Really after all these years of suffering in America I feel like I have no value to this country. I’ve been raked under the coals so much and scrutinized for no reason. If people really were watching and paying attention they’d know how much hurt I’ve been through. I’ve stayed accountable for my actions so I could live in a space where I could love myself. Which makes it highly understandable why I keep to myself and stay out of the public eye these days. It is not safe for me and has not been for a very long time. You can only be brave for so long until somebody finds a way to make you a martyr. In that respect I’ve carried enough crosses to know you’ll never cross that line with me. Especially if you eat at Chik-Fil-A in 2019. Eat a real fucking chicken sandwich you dumb fuck. <3 Tim

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cyb-by-lang · 6 years

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Shell Game (8/?)

Kei tries her hand at being nice, with mixed results.

There was, thankfully, no school the next day.

Obito went back to Konoha for a bit, both to restock his eyedrops and probably take a break. Kei sat in the apartment for an annoying amount of time, staring blankly into her closet while she tried to decide if it was worth going out or not. Schools in Japan also ran a half-day of classes on Saturdays, so this was still squarely in the middle of the week.

It was a nice day out.

Fuck it.

Kei changed into street clothes and decided that today, like many of the days before term, was a day to wander town like a stray cat. She did have a list of things to buy (such as a hairbrush), but those were afterthoughts compared to the raw need to just not be in the dinky apartment anymore. To this end, she hopped on a train to some other town, to see if the stores were any different.

Two incidents in two days involving villains, Isobu commented as Kei waited for a crosswalk to change indicators. The word “villain” sat strangely on his tongue. And four incidents in four days in which you have been pulled from class to speak with administration, teachers, and the school’s healer.

Sounds right. Kei crossed the street with the crowd, headed for a shopping district.

I do not think I have ever heard of another human, even across every one of your memories, who has managed to attract so much extracurricular interference in their first week of school. Congratulations.

It’d be fucking amazing if anybody ever had. Kei checked her phone as she waited for the next crosswalk. No messages, other than the news update talking about the attack on the USJ. Nobody was dead, but Facepalm-kun and Kurogiri had gotten away. Kei couldn’t help but think that if she’d been allowed to use lethal force, she’d probably have killed Nōmu. She’d never seen anybody parade around with a weak point in full view like that.

You are assuming that Nōmu needed his brain. With that kind of regeneration speed, I do not know if he was even kept down by the injuries you dealt him.

Kei shrugged. Maybe. Maybe not. But it was a tried and true zombie disposal method, if nothing else.

Kei eventually found her way to a combini, glancing through the shelves for anything she needed back at the apartment. A cell phone card would be nice, just in case she needed to pester Obito sometime this month without invoking every emergency service known to humanity. Thus far, she only had his number and the school’s, but there was a nonzero chance that could change later.

Also, snacks. So many snacks.

Sure, most of the snacks wouldn’t survive Hayate’s next visit, but few ever did.

She was still pondering onigiri vs. dorayaki when a somewhat familiar voice said, “You again?”

Kei looked up from her vital decision and spotted a classmate looking a little surprised to see her. It was Purple Kid, but not the one from the USJ. The tall one from her class, who always looked a little less sleep-deprived than Aizawa-sensei. He was carrying a multipack of pencils and pens, along with two notebooks and a box of bandages.

“Yo,” Kei said, though he didn’t exactly look happy to see her. “I, uh, forgot your name. Sorry.”

“Shinsō,” was his dry reply. “Gekkō-san, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Kei paused. “Nice to see you outside of school, I guess? I didn’t realize we lived anywhere near each other.”

“We probably don’t,” Shinsō said, already turning away to go and search the rest of the store for whatever.

What a riveting conversationalist, Kei thought, and promptly went back to her snack debate. She ended up not deciding and bought one of everything, so she could see her brother’s face when he tried some of the really weird ones. Ramune bottles would give him a hilarious headache. Obito too, since he couldn’t just teleport the marble out.

“You’re going to eat all of those yourself?” Shinsō again, of course. Right as she was walking out of the store with heavy “grocery” bags slung over her arm.

Kei considered being sarcastic, then decided she did enough of that in her head. “Nope. My brother and my best friend visit a lot, so I’m gonna stay up late and watch weird American movies with them.”

If she had a TV, anyway. That was another thing she probably ought to look into.

“…I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.”

“Sometimes I can’t either.” Kei glanced at her phone, noting two messages about more USJ articles. Obito still wasn’t back yet, or else he would have already texted her about being bored. “Did you have something to ask me?”

Shinsō took a few seconds to put his thoughts in order. “A couple of things.”

“I’m listening,” Kei said, as the two of them fell into step.

“What’s your Quirk again?” he asked, rather than just getting right to the point.

“Tsunami,” Kei said, because it was easier to remember than the other names she’d tried out. “Why?”

Shinsō didn’t answer immediately. Then, “That’s…a really powerful Quirk for General Studies. Almost enough for the Hero department.”

“I guess. I killed a bunch of the villain ‘bots in the test.” Kei shrugged.

“Then why aren’t you with 1-A or 1-B?” Shinsō pressed, which made Kei think they were starting to get to the root of the problem.

“My test scores sucked.” Kei readjusted her grip on her store bags. “I know it’s really early in the year and things could change later, but I think I failed every topic besides science, math, and English.” Actually, she’d probably failed math, too.

“So you basically got in on the strength of your Quirk alone.” Shinsō’s expression was a little pinched.

“I guess. What about your entrance exam thing?”

Shinsō scowled. “You can’t brainwash robots. They don’t have organic brains and they don’t exactly talk back.”

Kei stared at him. “Your Quirk is brainwashing? Or mind control, maybe?”

“Yeah, it… Wait, you didn’t know?” Shinsō’s normally half-lidded eyes were wide.

“I got back to class at the end of introductions,” Kei reminded him. “And basically nobody in that class talks to me because they’re afraid of me. Or maybe they’re afraid whatever keeps getting me in trouble will rub off on them.”

“They think you’re dangerous,” Shinsō told her bluntly. At Kei’s blank look, he added, “Like me.”

“Okay, I can understand me, since I’m the ‘Gen Studies trouble child’ and everyone knows it,” Kei said, air-quoting Aizawa-sensei’s blunt assessment. She lowered her arms. “But I don’t remember you ever using your Quirk on anyone.”

“The part they care about is that I could. I just need someone to respond to me,” Shinsō told her. “Most people just stop talking to me once they realize that’s how it works.”

“So, basically, you could’ve done it fifteen times since the start of this conversation.” When Shinsō nodded, Kei shrugged again. “Okay. You clearly haven’t. Case closed.”

Shinsō stared at her. “…That’s it? No big deal?”

“I have weirder friends.” Kei smiled a little crookedly.

The list starts with me and goes around the planet, twice.

Thanks, Isobu.

It also starts with you.

…Thanks, buddy.

Shinsō didn’t appear to know what to say to this. He looked away, and then his phone buzzed. After checking the messages, he said, “I… I’ll see you tomorrow, Gekkō-san. I’ve got to go home.”

“Bye, Shinsō-san,” Kei said amiably, and waved as he left. Then she checked her own phone.

Cyclops: im back

Cyclops: and bored

Cyclops: also

Cyclops: how do u change names on this

Kei smiled and set out for the apartment again, the day’s good deed completed.

That meant the day’s somewhat less-good deed (laughing at Obito’s attempt to get the marble-blocked soda open) was neatly balanced out.

#Shell Game #Obito Uchiha #Keisuke Gekko #shinsou hitoshi #Isobu

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lovelyblossomcherry · 5 years

Text

Holland podcast - part 1

For those who aren’t able to listen to the podcast.

Tom: Here we are in Atlanta Georgia…

Dominic: Surprise… we come out to surprise Tom

Sam: We’re supposed to be here early so we had a 10 hour flight for game and go

(Everyone laughing)

Dom: I was most definitely coming, it was always the plan…

Tom: I knew Harry was coming and you did it really well actually, i’m glad you didn’t do it in a restaurant

Dom: cause Tom offend goes like oh hi guys..

Tom: Hi guys how you doing.. it took people a minute to figure out what was going on though, I was tired from working and I’m so homesick, but uhhm..

Dom: That’s why we came by the way, just so you know..

Tom: uhhm .. but yeah it took me a minute to figure out what was going on (to sam) cause i saw your face first, and the i saw dad’s face and i genuinely thought i was hallucinating.. I’m so tired, or i had too many beers. Cause i was surprise dad’s not in Edinburg…

Dom: I was massive because..

Tom: i have a video of that which we’ve never shown, but maybe at the end of this video I’ll show you…

Dom: (to tom) do you remember the glory year, you had to leave..

Tom: oh is the video that did play at the show..

Dom: No i didn’t play that, but i spoke about it… i told a story about how excited i was and that i was wearing pajamas that come for Cathay Pacific first-class flight, they’re obviously your pajamas (to Tom)…

Tom: Which i still want back by the way..

(Laughing)

Dom: what about the other surprise.. in uhhm .. Thailand…

Sam and harry: Oh yeah...

Tom: oh yeah, that was a good one..

Dom: Remember when we..

Tom: (to Dom) you’re good at surprises…

Dom: (pointing at Harry and Sam) your birthday and (looking at Tom) and your end of filming,..

Tom .. and mum

Dom: and mum told me up in London that come out to Thailand and uhh.. so i went and i flew on a thursday, i flew back on sunday..

Tom: I think now that i was scuba diving that day..

Dom that’s right you came..

Tom: .. You came up from a pillar and..

Dom: .. and the you tell everyone you thought what you saw..

Sam: you were on the ripstick… you were going around the fence ..

Tom: right, right.. wasn’t as good as Harry’s.. we surprised mum for her birthday..

Harry: we were coming from canada

Tom: .. (looks at sam) .. Sam ruined that one..

Sam: lets not talk about that shit..

(laughning)

Dom: no, but I’ve deliberately kept this one quiet…

Tom: i had no idea..

Sam: thing is i was so on whim… i think it was Wednesday, we kind of thought about..

Dom: no it wasn’t .. cause you know thursday..

Sam: cause i remember i was like.. are we doing this then and you said its all booked..

Dom: But here we are in Atlanta, we played golf today and uhh Harry and i played Sam and uhh..

Sam: . Tom…

Dom: .. Tom

Tom: .. Yeah I’m Tom..

Dom; yeah and we .. uhhm .. what was the score boys?..

Tom: it was all square.. we were one down going up the 18th.. and then dad cracked under the pressure …

Dom: and then we got whole in..

Tom.. yeah cause i was exhausted..

Dom: Sam you did really well..

Sam: i was really pleased..

Dom: yeah it was all square.. he’s very equitable and yeah

Harry: .. we should’ve won..

Tom: .. (to harry) You shoul’ve finished about one hole on the front line… i lost a lot of balls

Dom: .. You threw one in the lake..

Tom: .. well it was a stupid ball … i missed .. i missed that ..

Sam: .. cause the ball was the problem..

Harry: .. cause in golf you have expensive golf balls and they’re like 8 pounds each ball..

Tom: .. no they’re like 5 pounds..

Harry: okay 5 pounds.. and i took Paddy to play golf.. maybe a week ago and he out of his bag .. and he’s obviously gone into your drawer (looking at Dom), taken like six pro ones .. so i said Paddy you can’t be here in pro ones..so i took all of them out his bag and put’em in my own and put the crappy ones in his bag and i lost all six.. (Tom and sam laughing) .. lost all in six holes …

Dom: it’s really expensive being a dad of four kids.. but talking about expense, we’re very excited because the brothers trust just launched this new event..

Harry: .. mmmhm

Dom: We’ve raised over .. 90 thousand dollars …. so far its been .. we lost the the level .. during screening Tom..

Tom: what screening..

Dom: The Avengers..

Tom: oh alright yeah..

Dom: we were watching the Avengers and mum was like had her phone..

Sam: oh was that why she left..

Dom: she left to make sure she got all the Wi-Fi .. how many likes on intstagram.. mum’s good on her phone ..

Tom: 93.000 is mazing already…

Harry: we could use those 93.000 to replace all the golf balls..

Dom:.. none of the money is used for luxury help Holland days out .. all the money goes ..

Tom: it’s entirely nonprofit yeah..

Dom: yeah .. and no one gets paid in the brothers trust ..

Tom: do you wanna talk about one of the charities.. we .. should we each talk about a charity .. (looks at Harry) why don’t you tell us about.. your trip to Kabira.. Harry’s..

Dom:.. let’s just tell people what they can win if ..

Tom: .. alright ..

Dom: (to tom) why dont you do that?.. cause ..

Harry: .. well you can see me (everyone laughs) …

Tom: Harry.. Harry will be there ..

Dom: .. is the premiere in Los Angeles ..

Tom: .. LA premiere for Spiderman far from home ..

Dom: un huh .. we just watched the trailer for..

Tom: .. which we just watched the trailer for ..

Dom.. which looks fantastic..

Tom: which we don’t know when it comes out .. an i can’t discuss any further..

Sam: .. when is the premiere? ..

Tom: i think the premiere is ..

Harry:… let’s put the trailer in..

Dom: .. is it around the 15th june ..

Tom: .. mid-june but.. if you go online, if you go online on instragram and the link in my bio, you can see all the details about when the event is and when it will be taking place, but whats really exciting is the opportunity to go to the spiderman far from home premiere and we’ll give you a 1000 dollars spending money, we will put you up in a swanky hotel .. fancier than this room.. the winner will basically get the opportunity to fly with a friend from anywhere around the world to Los Angeles to attend the spiderman far from home premiere with me, Harry will be there.. sam and dad will probably be there..

Dom: .. on the carpet..

Tom: .. on the carpet.. we’ll take pictures, there’s an amazing afterparty which we’ll go to, obviously we’ll get to see the film, which is the most exciting part of the process, i haven’t even seen the film yet so you’ll be watching the film for the first time with me watching it for the first time which will be pretty awesome and uhh yeah its gonna be pretty..

Dom: it’s gonna be a great night and thats what people who are entering the raffle for and the money we raise guys.. we are pleased to be able to..

(Tom gets up and jumps over harry)

Tom: Auw..

…

Harry: i really hope i get credit for being your hand double in spiderman..

Dom: oh yeah..

Tom: oh yeah .. Harry’s actually in the first trailer..

Sam: You’re in the bit in.. you’re the one that un-zips the suitcase .. isn’t that you yeah ..

Harry: yeah it was the first time i did it.. terrifying..

Sam: were you nervous?

Harry .. oh my god .. no no no it was the first day of filming high wages..

(Music playing because of spoilers)

Tom: so again.. we’re on set

Harry: yeah i had to uhhm..

(Music playing because of spoilers)

Dom: good now that thats resolved.. yeah the brothers trust.. when we founded it we sort of had the idea that we would shine a light on charities that perhaps dont get the publicity that big charities can generate and also we wanted to use charities that uhhmm are very sort of cost effective, that most of our money very muscular .. yeah most of the money goes to the recipients rather than the offices in London or the offices in New York the big sort of have main things that we didn’t want the money spent on and .. one of the charities is lunch bowl and (points at Harry) and you’ve just been to Kabira so ..

Tom: .. (to harry) you do all the cool trips …

Harry: i went to uhhm .. Kabila which is the second largest slum in sub-Saharan Africa and is the place of the charity that we support, lunch bowl.. and what lunch bowl does is .. that they have a nursery and now a primary school slash secondary school its about half and half .. and they basically take kids out of the slum .. everyday and then provide with school and the on Saturday’s i believe it is they have a feeding program within the slum where they have 300 kids come to the middle of Kabira and they feed 300 children yeah .. and they give them food and a sachet of milk and then on sunday they have rugby so ..

Tom.. they play rugby?..

Dom: yeah they've choaches ..

Harry: they have these coaches that come ..

Sam: we bought one of the buses ..

Harry; yeah one of the things that the brothers trust is .. we bought a bus which when i heard about that was like one.. they needed a bus .. but really, the rugby ground is five kilometers from kabira … and what happens is .. the bus is completely full.. its completely full .. like its to the point where there’s too many kids on the bus all the seats got two kids and then what happens is .. when i was there i saw like 20 kids at the gate of the rugby.. and they’re just outside the gate waiting and then we went over with the head coach and he was like.. explains to me .. these kids have walked 2 hours.. like in bare foot, to come and play rugby and then they get a meal afterwards.. and then another thing that the bus does is take the kids from Kabira to the new secondary school and .. and i think the reason it’s so great is the.. uhhm the chance of a child making it to five years old is 50% so you’re talking about like the flip of a coin, so taking a child out of Kabira for a day, for eight hours, ten hours of the day, drastically improves the chances of ..

Tom: .. of Survival ..

Harry; .. of Survival ..

Dom: wauw ..

Sam: .. Cause mum was telling that during their holiday they get really upset cause they miss school ..

Harry: .. and they they say that the teachers can tell a massive change in behavior when they come back after holiday ..

Tom: really..

Harry: .. yes for these kids going to school is like ..it’s like heaven

Dom: and what they to do in Kabira is what we take for granted, we have school from say 4 to 18 mandatory free for us in Britain England and what we trying to do is to give these kids a chance to become educated ..

Harry: well .. they.. so they used to have this school, it went from i think, it was like 2 to 6 which is great but it’s not great because when their kid finishes at 6 years old where're they gonna go.. only go back to the slum, so now that it goes up to 15 they’ve only started out that last year .. is so massive for them because they can take a child from 2 years old to 15 and make a really shaped the personale ..

@hillsnholland

#tom holland

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onisionisacanceronthisearth · 5 years

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Greg vs Alleged Classmate Part 5: Skipping information and Relationship With Skye

So this one is hilariously suspicious, Greg totally skipped over the section about Skye, this was one of the biggest things in M’s posts and honestly one of the biggest parts of this interview. I’m not sure if Greg accidentally skipped too far or if this was deliberate but either way I’ll mention all that he skipped before going onto his rebuttals again. Also, this is two-thirds into the video. We’ve got half an hour left. FINALLY. Wow, I didn’t realise just how long this would take. And it isn’t just cause I’ve got one hand. This is a long one. Greg doesn’t actually counter anything but goes into detail of his relationship with Skye and reveals a lot about his personality. Spoiler alert: it’s disgusting!

What Greg skipped:

Skye was ignorant to Greg sleeping around and using girls

She also didn’t know about how he acted with other students

When they started dating, he suddenly changed as a person for a while. He was acting nice, no mood swings, and treated her as an equal

This apparently changed when he started doing things online but M doesn’t know much of that as he was busy doing other things in life. He just knew he went to his old manipulative ways (Greg listened to the tail end of this, just the superiority and manipulation part)

You know, one part of this is a bit suspicious, Greg said he met Skye in computer class the first time but didn’t really notice her because he was dating Shiree at the time. I wonder why Skye didn’t know anything about Greg if she did know him before dating (or at least of him). Too bad Greg totally skipped this cause he could have brought this point up himself

Greg is manipulative and his influence on Skye

Greg doesn’t counter him being manipulative, just asks for specifics. He then takes M saying he saw less and less of Skye to mean she didn’t ever go to school and went into a big thing debunking that thing instead of listening to the rest of this section where M explains it as Skye spending all of her time with Greg and none of her other friends anymore. We get it, Greg, you’re a moron. (oh my god he’s googling the number of days a person can miss per year wtf??)

OH MY GOD GREG YOU IDIOT, HE’S NOT SAYING SKYE DIDN’T GRADUATE OR THAT SHE MISSED CLASS. YOU ARE ACTUALLY THE DUMBEST PERSON ON YOUTUBE HOLY SHIT

Ok, now he’s talking about how terrible M is for just giving up and not reporting the abusive relationship to the authorities and how “isn’t M playing hero?”. M never said that, while yes I wish that if he is real that he had actually reported this issue, I can understand feeling defeated and not knowing the best course of action when you see someone in a relationship like that at that age. Or any age for that matter. I can say with certainty though is that if you see a friend in a situation like this, please talk with them about it. And if they’re too far gone that they even stop being friends with you over it, please talk to your, or their guidance counsellor. It’s hard, but it could save them.

Also Greg, please keep in mind that hearsay isn’t all the same. To say someone has sex with goats for no reason is different from saying that they heard (but cannot confirm) that Greg started controlling Skye because he was scared she might leave him. Sure it’s not as solid as if they witnessed it themselves, but that’s why they gave that disclaimer. Especially as they said everything after the first story is based more on hearsay than events witnessed

Greg is now acting like people talking about how they stopped seeing Skye after high school took place in high school and is saying “with what money” could he have taken Skye. But it’s well known she went to Korea with you so....? Also, his dispute that he was living with Skye doesn’t actually dispute him potentially stopping her from going out and seeing her friends. It doesn’t matter where you are as long as you have influence over her. And I’d say living with her gives you that influence, even in her own home. During high school you spent all your time with her, then afterwards you stole her away to Korea and she didn’t see her family for a while. Not all that wacky when you take Lainey in mind. She spent all her after school with you, then when she graduated you stole her away to Washington and got married while her parents thought she was in university. Is it true? No idea, but it isn’t outlandish for Greg. Especially when his defence is that he, Skye, and her sister constantly played games together which plays into the idea that when they started dating her whole world had to be him.

Now Greg is going into the old videos he made with Skye and her 14-year-old sister where they pretended to have sex. Lovely

Side note, Greg mentions he can’t remember exact details of a story involving Skye and the order or date things happened yet apparently M needs to remember everything. And if he doesn’t, he’s a liar based on that. Oh btw, I’m guessing Greg doesn’t like Skye’s dad cause he just called him a perv, how routine of you Greg. Can’t you come up with some better character slander than “he’s a pedo and a perv”?

Greg keeps up the narrative that M is saying he literally kidnapped Skye instead of her dropping contact with friends and arguing that that would be illegal. Good thing M didn’t claim that, cause that would be stupid

Greg dodges how he treated Skye

Greg is avoiding the point of how he treated Skye by still talking about kidnapping her despite it being clear we’ve moved onto M’s opinion of events he found out about later through people’s videos on Greg.

Greg is now victim-blaming by saying he told Skye he could never make her happy. True, but cheating on her and telling her you were in love with her younger sister is still out of left field and crazy to experience

Greg is also still showing that despite his experience with a chronically depressed Skye, he still thinks one just gets over depression by getting happy things. He even pointed out that buying her a house because she liked it wasn’t enough (no shit Sherlock, that’s why rich people can be depressed). This whole thing makes me feel so much worse for Skye, she was a person suffering from depression and she gets Greg of all fucking people. How fucking terrible

“We made love before I left [for the military], but we were still broken up”. You had just broken up with her to go to the military then still “made love” with her. Damn, that whiplash. You made loveless love. Something tells me that this wasn’t entirely loveless, at least on her part. Then you asked her to be at your graduation and made love in the hotel room. According to you it wasn't loving, but it was a relationship where you felt like “bros hanging out” and you made love. I’m sorry but the way you’re describing it doesn’t sound like a friends-with-benefits situation. Especially when you shit on Adrienne for having had casual encounters in the past. Also, I love how the picture during this section is a picture of Lainey and Greg together. Nice one to have while talking about your first wife. The one you took to Korea (for work, but still) and bought a house for and felt like “best bros” with. And the one you are currently describing your former sexcapades with.

Ok, so the reason it wasn’t true love to Greg was that he didn’t simply lust after her (complete with sound effects, thanks Greg). He’s literally throwing away how great of a person she was, how well they got along, the fact that he felt love towards her and love so many aspects of her because he didn’t feel, and I’m trying to quote here, “she’s so hot, ugh, oooogh”. And he didn’t feel like she was as hot as Thor, Andy Biersack, and Jensen Ackles is while saying that “it’s saying something” that he listed all dudes. Wow, I can’t tell if this is insulting Skye because he’s basically just saying she was perfect but it didn’t matter because she wasn’t hot, or insulting Lainey by him saying Lainey is only attractive to him because they look like a 30-40-year-old dude. Or he’s saying that Lainey just isn’t hot to him. Or maybe this was a mix of all of these, plus he had gone too long without a gay joke.

Ok, he’s saying a person isn’t a friend if he’s aroused by them and he married Skye as a friend because she didn’t arouse him but he loved doing “these things, making love things” to her. I just can’t. I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to offer much more than variations of “this makes no sense” on this, but I just can’t. What on earth is wrong with this guy, and why is his defence of treating Skye like shit just shitting on her more and saying that it’s fine because she was a friend he liked “making love” to but didn’t find arousing. Yet is now going into “[his] arousal, and her arousal and their mutual arousal”

New picture of him kissing Lainey in the background over: “what would be better than marrying this person who I had a friends-with-benefits relationship with, and living off [military] base with them, and watching anime with them, and playing video games with them, etc. So I proposed this to her, I said ‘hey, we should get married so we can hang out all the time’. And so we continued this friends-with-benefits relationship where we loved each other, and we made love, and we were exclusive”. But then goes onto how it wasn’t “typical” because it wasn’t (said in a monotone voice versus animated up until this point) “ever since I met you, my soul has been complete” but instead “ever since I met you I’ve felt content and complete, for the most part”. “We would make videos together like friends would” but it wasn’t passionate, and “by the end of the relationship we wouldn’t make love that often”. I had to write down the above because it needs to be heard/read. I have no idea what Greg thinks love is, but by the sound of his voice and what he’s describing here, this is it. I don’t know why making videos seems to only be a thing which friends do. I also don’t understand why he states he wasn’t aroused by her yet later says he was. It wasn't loving, but here’s why it is, oh wait but we made videos together like bros do.

Finally, Greg has come to his point which is that their relationship wasn’t the love M describes it as being. But this now contradicts the point he made at the beginning of this video to defend his remembering all his past girlfriends, even from grade 2. He said it was because he is a passionate person who falls in love fast and hard. So he told this whole story only to contradict himself and make himself look even worse with all this extra info on Skye. I can understand not being in total passionate love with a person but they’re comfortable, but what he describes is so weird it isn’t that. Especially with his weird reasoning that he ended up contradicting

“You know who I was really in love with? Shiree” Said over the Lainey picture. Lol. Also, he slips up then talks about his love in the first person. Anyways he goes onto talk about losing his virginity to her at age 14 and talked on the phone for 9 hours which was “real passion” vs Skye where when together you “simply played games together”. Cool bro, guess my marriage is passionless cause gaming is something only friends do

Sharnell confirmed?

Minor thing but Greg suddenly partially remembers the name of his long-distance ex as Shannon or Sharon or something. I suspected this ex was Sharnell and the name seems similar enough that this is likely it as there are no other girls listed which are similar enough in name, and no one matches the bacne story of him breaking up with a girl because of it.

Greg skips details again:

Greg finally realises this is all post-high school and skips forward because he decided against talking about the Shiloh situation, coward

He also accidentally skipped details on the girl he cheated on Skye with in high school. By the description, this sounds like either Tanisha or Shiree due to him calling them “a trashy whore who does drugs” one minute and their best friend the other which is kind of how he describes Shiree. Tanisha was another ex at that school who apparently did drugs though so I figured I’d add her here too. It’s a shame he skipped this part, I’d have loved to hear his response.

The contract

Oh boy! Greg’s talking about the stupid contract he tried to get Skye to sign! I’m sensing an alimony statement :D

For those who need a refresher:

Either live with him for two more years

Or get 1000$ a month from him for one year (using the youtube money he was raking it in the 6 figures that she helped him achieve while he prevented her from getting her own job)

Greg is now showing off his lack of humanity by getting mad at her and saying how he doesn’t understand why she didn’t want to live with her cheating ex-husband for two years while he made all the money on the channel she helped create. He’s now acting very confused and is trying to parse her words which were that “she still loved him and it was too painful to live with the person she loved but couldn’t be with”. But he still doesn’t get it because he was fine coexisting with her (right after explaining that he never loved her for about 20 minutes) and he was the one who broke it off and he wasn’t mad at her and is now talking about how he didn’t want to be married in a passionless relationship with his friend. This guy is legit really confused right now. He has his answer right there but he’s still confused and sounds like it. It actually sounds like he’s still trying to figure this out, what? 7 years later? Wow, that was an emotional ride. I almost feel bad for the guy, he actually doesn’t understand empathy, he doesn’t understand that just because feels one way, doesn’t mean the other party feels that way too.

And is now talking about his 6 years of alimony payments. I’m glad Skye got them. She made your channel Greg, you made millions, she got nothing while in the relationship but a partner who confesses to using her while she loved them, and who she worked as an employee for free. She was entitled to half this creative property and you basically gave her pennies compared to your wealth.

Now he’s saying the reason this happened was because she didn’t sign a prenup. Yeah, cause it’s a shitty thing to do, especially because it’s not like you had money then. Your prenup was “if we make any money together I keep all of it when I divorce you, which I expect to do”. Both of you made the channel, she did the editing and taught you how to do it while you stopped her from getting her own job and shut your depressed wife in (depressed people should not remain shut-ins, that’s the last thing they need). Prenups are for rich people so, in the case of a divorce, your former partner can’t take money made before they came in the picture. Yes, it’s used for other clauses too but those people are all assholes or are in a relationship just for the vanity of having a hot person as their partner for sex and will drop them when they get too old. The later one is basically sex work. “Marry me and for the time of your employment (our marriage), I’ll buy you expensive things and give you pocket money in exchange for sex and various other work”

“It’s pretty mean to cry so someone loses more money” (in reference to the prenup) Fuck you Greg

Next part is the final one until I make my condensed summary which I think would be useful for future use. It will include fixes and come out within a couple days. I need a break from this video after this so I’ll focus on the appeal instead

#Onision #anti onision #Greg vs Alleged Classmate

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