Sobbing in bed because I'm writing a Ulysses fic and I'm caught between him killing the Courier because they are willfully giving up all the people they love and all the good they've done in the Mojave and he wanted them dead and gone-
And him just telling them they don't belong in the Divide with him. Not them, not their soft heart.
"You need to go home," Ulysses would say.
The courier would just laugh.
"Go home, Courier," they mumble. "Your signs. I have them all marked on my Pip-Boy. I don't even know why, but I mark all of the ones I find."
They traverse the Divide KNOWING Ulysses will kill them.
They take off their armour and keep only their finest, best combat knife and a gun on them with enough ammo to get them to Ulysses and to give him a third bullet to put in their skull alongside the two from Benny.
They offer him their knife, their gun, and the option for him to kill them with his bare hands.
Willingly. Selflessly. Painfully.
"I could never hate you, Ulysses. Not for this, never for this. I will never be mad at you for this."
And he's caught.
They're a godsend to this place, so much good they've done.
Does he kill them? Or does he bridge the Divide?
Maybe they go home. Maybe he kills them.
And maybe, after everyone back home knows they're okay... Maybe they do belong here, in the Divide, with Ulysses.
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Guys... Listen I know I said I'd draw something for valentine's day but I had a bit of a rough week sooooo I'm just going to write it out instead, maybe I'll finish drawing it some day, maybe not. It's behind a show more because it's long.
(also there's talks about having sex but no actual sex, and like, general warnings about Ghost's backstory but it's very vague here).
Soap was hanging around outside, trying to bring himself to do something, anything. But the weather was nice for a February day, and the sun was out, and it was making him feel like a cat basking in the heat.
An arm wrapped itself around his shoulders, a huge body suddenly weighing on him. Ghost.
Soap hummed comfortably. This day was getting better by the minute. Any chill he might have felt from being outside in a tank top out of pure Scottish spite was instantly soothed.
Simon often times saw himself as a cold man, freezing to the touch, hidden behind a layer of ice. A proper little Elsa, Soap almost snorted out loud. The truth was that while yes, his fingers and toes' temperature was sometimes abysmal, especially in bed, the rest of him was the warmest place Johnny had ever been.
"I've got something for you in our room," Ghost whispered against his throat, making Soap shiver.
Simon had begun calling Soap's room theirs a few weeks ago and Johnny couldn't have enough of it. He was so in love it genuinely hurt sometimes to restrain himself from squeezing him to death.
"Is that so?" he purrs, knowing how Ghost likes that. If this day didn't end in sex he'd be very surprised. He'd long learned to recognize when Simon wanted sex and when he didn't, and the way he squeezed his pec in response to his voice was a very easy tell.
But then again Simon was way less subtle than he thought he was.
They made their way back to their room, and there it was, a repurposed shoebox, badly wrapped with cheap wrapping paper. Johnny couldn't be more excited, he had never received any gift from a significant other. To be fair he adored gifting but always felt awkward receiving.
But this was Simon. Something that Simon had chosen to give him.
He sat on the bed, leaving enough space behind him for Ghost to sit there so he could use him as a very comfortable backrest. When he did, he grabbed the gift and began opening it.
He knew that Ghost liked to tear the wrapping paper, liked the sound of it and liked tearing it into the smallest pieces possible after, but he himself loved carefully unwrapping it and folding it flat so he could later maybe do an origami with it or put a piece in his journal. Probably both.
This one was full of tape but he still very much enjoyed himself, considered it a challenge. He enjoyed the chase, wanted to drag it on. Ghost huffed impatiently behind him, a bit tense, probably nervous.
Inside the box was a weird old fashioned clunky thing. It was bright red, looked slightly like binoculars, definitely from the 70's, with a wheel of tiny pictures wedged in the top of it. Memories hit him all at once.
"Oh my god ah remember, my Ma had one of these when ah was a child! My sister and I loved it, it had pretty landscapes in!"
He put it against his eyes, excited to see what this one came with. At his biggest surprise, it was a picture of them. Simon had customised it.
The picture showed the back of himself a bit further away from the camera, pointing at something while in full gear, in a dilapidated town, Ghost's face in the foreground looking at the camera. It looked like Soap was talking to someone, but that person was cut by the framing.
"Wait, ah remember that mission, it's when ah saved Gaz from a landmine just to be shot seconds later," he laughed. "ah spent two fucking weeks in the hospital, ah was miserable. Ye kept joking ah should hiv left Gaz explode while staring at him, he was convinced ye actually wanted him dead!"
Then the next picture was indeed him in his hospital bed, unconscious but the state of his injuries told him he was probably just sleeping at least a few days after his admission, his life no longer in danger. In this one, Ghost was sleeping too, head in his elbow near Soap's head and his other hand holding Soap's hand.
"Who took this one?" Soap asked, moved by the tenderness of Ghost's hold on him in the picture. It would have been right after Johnny had admitted to maybe liking him more than friends, before they were officially dating.
"The hospital one?"
Soap hummed.
"Price did. Said it was for blackmail. Should have seen him, he looked like his child had just married the person of their dreams and had ridden off into a rainbow on a unicorn or some shit. Old man's sentimental as fuck, but I didn't call him on his bullshit, he's already old, that's punishment enough."
Soap giggled in response. The next few pictures were all of them together but each time he was either turning his back or asleep.
"Why the fuck am ah never looking at the camera?" he whined. He wanted some cute couple pictures, dammit!
"Couldn't have you suspecting what I was planning," Simon said, kissing his shoulder soothingly. Only then Soap noticed that he had taken his mask off at some point and turned to ask for a proper kiss, which he immediately got.
"Keep going, there's more pictures," Simon whispered against his lips when he tried to turn around to kiss him some more. His pouting only got him a smirk in response, so he got comfortable again and brought the slide viewer back against his eyes.
He was happy he did. The next picture waiting for him was just Simon in the mirror, almost in full gear, but with one gloveless hand dragging his trousers down so the camera could see the bottom of his stomach, follow along his happy trail and reaching the very top of his pubic hair. The picture cut of his head, but he could see that his mouth was uncovered and he was holding the glove with his teeth.
Soap groaned. "Steaming Jesus, love, you're so hot."
He felt Simon hide his face in the back of his neck, warmer than usual, and chuckled a bit. He loved him so fucking much.
There were four more pictures of Simon, in various suggestive poses and states of undress, some almost showing his cock but never quite committing, making Johnny feel like he was being teased.
He was getting hard though and so ready to be done with the pictures and access the real thing. But Simon was still tense behind him. In fact, he had only gotten tenser and tenser with each click.
Soap was unsure why. They never had a problem with their sexual life, Simon had already changed his mind about having sex after starting and Soap had absolutely no problem with that, was glad to hug him instead and reassure him when he had tried to apologize.
Simon knew that there was no pressure, ever, to have sex. Hell, Johnny would still be happy even if Simon decided that he never wanted to have sex again, and he had made sure to make Simon understand that.
Then he got to the last picture and immediately understood.
It wasn't a picture of either of them, just a little bit of paper, with a few words written in Ghost's awful handwriting.
Just a few words that made Johnny drop the viewer on the covers and turn around to grab Simon's face, worriedly looking in his eyes.
"Are you sure?" he asked, looking for any trace of Simon forcing himself. "Baby, ah'm happy to bottom for the rest of mah life, there's no pressure, okay?"
Simon looked at him with warmth in his eyes and his cheeks completely red, a wrapping bow added on top of his head. "I know," he said simply. "I just want to. I don't want to be haunted by memories anymore. I used to like it, and I want to like it again. With you. Just.... Be gentle, okay?"
Johnny kissed his forehead. "Ah dinnae think ah ken how no tae be gentle with ye, love."
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i wanna hear your law talesofarise thoughts then
ohh this is a can of worms you’re opening rn. im so obsessed with this guy and am always thinking about how the game does him dirty so please share in this with me
(obviously spoilers ahead for tales of arise) (and a few for beyond the dawn)
(and yes im being dead serious about this)
more than anything else or any of the major criticisms you hear about tales of arise, literally my biggest problem with it is how law is treated, both by the other party members and by the writing itself.
so let’s start with why law immediately caught my attention as a character at the beginning: hes a turncoat! he’s a dahnan actively working with the renans! the story bring you straight from calaglia, where that would have been UNTHINKABLE, to show you “hey! not only do dahnans work with the renans, some of them go so far as to prioritize that work over their own family!” which is fascinating! we get thrown into a fight with law, where he clearly uses the same fighting skills as his father, he has calaglian instrumentation in his fight music, and he doesnt show any mercy. all this while knowing hes going to become a party member! because then we learn through the course of that chapter (and a little bit later in the game) that law’s working there under duress, that he watched his comrades be killed in front of him, that he was left alive if he joined with the snake eyes. and he still has nightmares about that. we learn that he DOESNT hate his father, just left on bad terms and couldnt reconcile with his father’s way of being a father. he couldnt stand how overbearing and patronizing zephyr was, and the first thing zephyr does when they reunite is do exactly that! no wonder law was frustrated at him! but then you get to see his absolute loneliness as a dahnan working for the snake eyes. he gets no sympathy from the renans who treat him as other because hes a dahnan, and active dislike from dahnans because hes working with renans. but if his other option was to be killed, then we as the audience have to ask if this was a decision that’s sympathetic. but we do get this conversation:
law: “i never did tell you how i ended ip hanging around with the snake eyes, did i?”
alphen: “not properly. all i know is you had a falling-out with your dad and ran away from home.”
law: “getting to cyslodia almost killed me. once there, though, i actually ended up joining a resistance organization, believe it or not. of course, before long someone ratted us out, and we were ambushed by the snake eyes. i’d never seen such brutality. if i hadn’t surrendered…”
alphen: “law?”
law: “i don't know why they let me live. they made me watch as they butchered my friends right in front of my eyes. i still have nightmares. i hear roars of zeugles as my friends scream, the snow stained red with blood. and all the while those bastards, laughing. i thought that with ganabelt defeated, i’d be able to put it all behind me. turns out that was a little optimistic. i was terrified they would kill me, too. so i wound up betraying the memory of my friends, and getting my old man killed in the process. i wonder if i’m any braver now. what if one day i panic again, and end up running away like always?”
alphen: “and leave us behind? you really think you’d do that?”
law: “i hope not. but who’s to say what i’m really capable of?”
[lies down]
so there’s the whole thing with law trying to free zephyr and fight back against the snake eyes. as a dahnan that’d be a death sentence even if it weren’t coming from a member of the snake eyes. and yes cyslodia’s built on betrayal, but it establishes law as somebody who betrayed his father, who betrayed his people, and who betrayed his pledged loyalty. it also establishes that when push comes to shove, he cant stand by as an observer and enforcer — hes a protector at heart. and it gets proven again and again throughout the game when hes the first one to jump into things that he isnt made to be an observer! as a person hes so fundamentally opposed to what the snake eyes do but still managed to be convinced to work with them for his own well being. we see in beyond the dawn that he experiences deep regret for what he did and for how he was directly responsible for the suffering of other dahnans he sent to the pylons. hell, even when alphen gets him come along with them, theres this little interaction:
law: its not like theres anyone waiting for me in calaglia either. …plenty of ditches along the road. maybe i’ll find one to die in.”
alphen: “how about a fresh start?”
law: “after the kinds of things ive done? i don't know where id even begin.”
so we need to keep in mind that even if he doesnt talk about it, even if he puts on a front, that he a) thinks hes irredeemable, b) feels intense guilt for what hes done, c) still has nightmares about seeing his friends be killed, and d) is living with the knowledge that if it weren’t for his actions, his father would still be alive. (and its important to note that he recognizes it’s not just his own personal loss, he’s well aware how deeply zephyr’s death affects both the party and the crimson crows.)
and here i’ve got to talk about an under appreciated law detail that i love about him so very much: law, the loudmouthed, immature-acting brawler of the party, has the capacity and skills to have been a great snake eye. look — we saw how he acted with zephyr. but in the “stowaway law” skit he says “eh, lets just say i’ve always had a knack for sneaking around since i was little” to explain how he escaped calaglia. hell, for months, as a kid in a brand new realm, he managed to join a resistance cell and avoid getting caught (for a while). when he helps zephyr escape, he uses smoke bombs. when the party is getting tailed by kisara in viscint, hes not only the only person who notices, he manages to fall back, sneak up on HER unaware, and get a blade to her throat! the woman who's supposed to be the best guardsman in the realm! in beyond the dawn, he can sense the party's being followed and calls out nazamil even when she's invisible. and when that zeugle is attacking pharia ranch, law's the first person to be able to track this invisible creature. law’s perceptive, sneaky, unafraid to dirty his hands for the sake of others, and this trait is soooo fucking underutilized in this game…
which probably brings me to why i cant stand tales of arise sometimes. for every incident of law doing this, or showing literally any emotional vulnerability, theres three incidents of the other party members (rinwell) disparaging him. and it pisses me off SO MUCH. its obvious from that first conversation when he joins the party that while he does have a lighthearted nature, hes got a ton of guilt and self-hatred and regret that take precedence, and he’ll put on a joking front to cover that up. because how can he let himself be who is he when he just got his father killed? and this slips out plenty of times in the game — tons of skits have him start to bring up how it felt to lose his father — but every goddamn time he starts to talk about himself, rinwell insults him.
im not fucking joking! ive played this game twice through. i copy down every skit and conversation that law’s involved in for the entire game. law can’t get a fucking SENTENCE out about who he is as a person without rinwell insulting him. the game tries to play this off as banter when its ALWAYS one sided. rinwell gets to have her emotional scenes with other characters without law jumping in. hell, if she starts to be serious with him, he listens! but heaven forbid he get the same respect in turn! and its not just her. shionne never hears him out (and hell, i love shionne the most, but i really dont like that part of her) and its clear she doesnt see much past his front. kisara and dohalim both see him as totally immature.
“but zad,” you say, “law IS immature.” yeah! of course he is! hes 16 and hes never been allowed to have a childhood! hes been involved with the crimson crows since the day he was born! he escapes calaglia as a kid! hes had time to join a resistance cell and end up working with the snake eyes all by the time he’s 16!!! he says it himself, traveling with the party is the first time hes been allowed to be himself. he wears silly wolf decorations because he thinks they look cool and he doesnt have anywhere else to put them. he playfights with alphen. he lets himself have fun in fights. he (unsuccessfully) flirts. he eats good food and learns to cook. hes got immature taste because hes a teenager. i know i sure was the same! he makes ill-timed jokes because he hasnt been able to be a normal part of friendly conversation before. he has a hard time reading other people because he’s only had people patronize him or suspect him until now.
but the fact is that for all his silliness and immaturity, he is more than that. hes sneaky and traumatized and guilt-ridden and has such a big heart that the first things he does when finding himself is to protect others. (hell, he even says “if im not training, its easy for me to get anxious.” ) and it frequently feel like the writers forget his backstory and motivations and treat him solely as comic relief and as a tool to develop other characters (rinwell).
the most egregious example of this is the almeidrea incident, which i can hardly watch. law’s a character who joins the party and immediately gets revenge on the guy who killed his father (which is still an awesome scene), realizes that doesnt bring him back or undo law’s complicity, then stews with that knowledge and doesnt tell anybody. i love a good revenge plot, but i can see where he comes from when he says “killing the person who wronged you doesnt undo what they did”. but what really and utterly kills me is that all of that is a throwaway line used to develop rinwell’s story. time and time again in this game law’s completely disregarded and im honestly so fucking sick of it 😭 the most we get is this line:
alphen: “law left home because of how much he hated his father. i think law spent a lot of time thinking about how they never got to make things right. and if i had to guess, killing ganabelt didn't make any of those feelings go away.”
and the handful of good scenes (law’s pep talk to alphen when shionne’s kidnapped, law’s conversation with the traitor dahnan and the informants)
so yeah. i dont have a conclusion to this. i adore that law’s a traitor and hes sneaky and hes competent and fights like his dad and wears a silly wolf decoration and lives with unimaginable guilt and has nightmares and has favourite foods and flirts badly and likes being a farmer. im just like cheering for this guy and supporting him unconditionally because the game itself sure won’t.
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Hey, remember the awful audio quality back in C1, especially with the liveshows and the Skype-in episodes, and how nobody blamed the cast for having loud reactions or said that they should stop yelling and shouting despite the literal blowouts? Hey, remember when Percy used to take over every other group conversation and push for his ideas over the rest of the party’s suggestions, and people just went “Yeah, he’s being a dick, but that’s the type of person Percy is and Taliesin is doing a great job of role-playing as this character”? Hey, remember when Joe Manganiello came in with a clearly evil PC with his own agenda who ultimately ended up betraying the party, but no one complained that Joe was making the cast uncomfortable and should leave the show? Hey, remember when Kashaw was interested in Keyleth back in the early days of C1, and no one mocked him for pursuing a PC who wasn’t yet in any canon relationship but had hints of romance with other characters?
Gotta take another peek at those standards because they sure are looking doubled right now. But hey, I’m sure those are the only reasons why people are criticizing Erika so much for things that other cast members and guests get away with and are even praised for.
Now, this might be a wee bit of a controversial take, but the Critical Role cast are in fact adults who have been playing D&D on and off the Internet for a long time and who have invited many guests to play with them. They’ve spoken extensively about safe play environments as well as open communication both at and away from the table. If anyone was uncomfortable even for a minute with someone’s character choices or play style, they’d bring it up off-camera. If Matt thought a character concept wasn’t a good fit for the table or the story, he’d work with the player to develop something that was. Hell, Erika is a long-time personal friend whom most of them have played with before. If they didn't like how Erika played D&D, or weren't comfortable with something they did in-game, they're perfectly capable of having that discussion with each other as friends and professionals.
Y’know, you don’t have to like either Dusk or Erika, but you do have to examine how you’re talking about them because right now, a lot of the flack they get boils down to “I don’t like them for doing the exact same thing that white cast members are doing/have done, and I assume that because I dislike how they're playing D&D, they must also be making the cast uncomfortable.” And it does not matter whether you had any conscious racist intent or reasoning, because the impact of your words is singling out the sole nonbinary person of colour at the table and treating them as some kind of aggressive "threat" towards the white cast members, whom I will reiterate, are their long-time personal friends who invited them to play in this campaign in the first place.
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