#listen idk how this is gonna go

[telesilla]

Not gonna go out on this limb on a 25k post, but maybe it’s okay that kids today don’t know as much about using an actual computer as we do/did? Is it useful knowledge? Of course it is. So is using a sewing machine or being able to rebuild your VW with a copy of that one book every VW driver used to have. That’s not the right question—most practical knowledge is useful after all. The question should be “is it relevant to the way people live right now.” “How to Keep Your VW Alive” is a timeless fucking classic; my ex and I kept our copy long after he sold his VW. But I’m not buying a copy now because it won’t exactly help me keep my VW ID4 on the road.

And it’s funny, because I tend to read along with those posts and nod my head, because back in my day we HAD to know all that computer stuff. And then for some reason today, I remembered a conversation my mom and I had with my grandma in the mid 70s when I was a teenager. Grandma made my mom’s wedding dress. She worked at a department store doing alterations on foundation wear, which if you look at 1950s foundation wear, you’ll realize was both necessary and difficult. So she was shocked when I said most of my friends didn’t know their way around a sewing machine. “But how do you make sure your clothes fit?!” Well, Grandma, people don’t wear heavy foundation wear any more and clothes don’t need to be as tailored as they did back in the day—it’s 1975 and the only alterations I need to do is hemming my flares so they just touch the floor when I’m wearing platforms.

Now you can back up and look at the broader picture, the one that says, but your car should be repairable by you as long as you have clear instructions, and you should be able to alter your clothes or make your own, and yes, you should know how to organize the files on the desktop of your laptop. But the fact that for the most part it’s become easier and easier to just not do those things (if they can be done at all) isn’t exactly the fault of Kids Today. And it’s certainly not meeting them where they are or even trying to understand why they feel they don’t need that knowledge if, instead of looking at why they don’t have it and maybe even don’t need it, you just decry their lack of the Deep Wisdom.

#idk man #we see shit all the time about how saying insensitive stuff #affects the listener #how can you be on these kids’ side #if you clutch your pearls in their hearing #about shit no one’s teaching them to do? #maybe you’re not blaming them #but think back to the time you didn’t know how to do something #your folks did back in the day #made ya feel kinda dumb didn’t it? #also it’s hilarious that this is about kids not using laptops #next you’ll be telling me they don’t know how to go online using dialup #and then loading something onto their website using ftp #what do you mean yon don’t know COBOL? #like fuck man #this is just adults bitching about kids #and i thought we weren’t gonna do that anymore?

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS. #ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY.. #i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them. #but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore. #but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow. #ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks- #-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- #-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!! #anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

[mishapen-dear]

HUGE probs to cc!forever btw i thought he added the furniture thing as a joke option to like- legitimately get under q!bad's skin to give cc!bad an excuse to give his cubito more problems. but no apparently his chat were just instigators and made that suggestion to him 😭

i'm so impressed by how he got blindsided by a Full Lore Mode angry q!bad and kept his cool, and worked to communicate, and admitted when qbad had a good idea about the voting (qbad could NEVER), and went and got Cellbit when he realized the language barrier was too much. absolute king shit over there. like here he is trying to legit make the server better on a meta level and gets blindsided by q!bad's lore problems and he rolled with it so so well. he's doing legit such a good job for the server

and this is like- me being a bad fan, and i know it was an accident, but im very grateful to him for how that shook out. every time bad starts to get a little lore moment or something dramatic for his storyline, it fizzles out or gets overtaken by something else. cc!bad has been doing a great job with his storytelling/roleplaying and building up a narrative of feeling unappreciated/like a helping object instead of a person (and i could GUSH about the parallels between qbad and qforever and how they recognized those feelings in each other) but!! the point is that cc!forever did it. even accidentally. he created a catalyst event that could finally get my favourite little cubito off of his rocker (FINALLY), and bad is a good person to get off of his rocker. this is going to be a gorgeous little storyline that i am going to enjoy so so much. forever wanted to do good for the server and the story and by god he has done it

#qsmp #cc!bad clarified that it was all roleplay like three separate times last night while he was building the base btw #he's well aware that this conflict is gonna be a lil distressing for people #he's also well aware that so so so many of his fans want him to go to jail #idk i see a lot of people being upset or just-generally annoyed today and i hope that forever leans into the rp and has so so much fun with #it. he deserves to be a little menace on purpose and i hope people are SO nice to him about this #because he has genuinely given the bbh fanbase a huge gift we have been waiting for our cube to snap for AGES #and this gets him a lot closer to that #i really want forever to have fun #he cares so mcuh about figuring out a good system to let the islanders have a vote about what mods are added and aaaaaaaaaa the test had #flaws but he Listened to how it could be made better and the cc is such a good guy i want him to have FUN

[a-tired-human-draws-junk]

"Are you a lifeforce?"

#i listen to music and come up with little animatics in my head and ive had this song on loop and decided i atleast needed to doodle this #i have skk on the brain 24/7 so every song is a soukoku song to me #bcuz i imagine them being silly to it #i actually really like this doodle #i tried making chuuya have a bunch of bright colors in contrast to dazais black and white #and the red string goes behind dazais neck #originally it was gonna randomly loop atound but i thought it was fitting #dazais wish to die #how normally a rope might be depicted around his neck #but the red thread delicately maybe even comfortingly going by #idk i have thoughts #i like this one #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #bsd fanart #dazai fanart #chuuya fanart #skk #soukoku #double black #soukoku fanart

[skunkes]

anyway

#i dont think the little braid in the back is canon i just thought itd be cute if he had a Hair Ring back there too #a doodley #its okayyy if im improving insanely slow i wont get better if i dont make art that sucks ass <3 #need to keep drawing humans again so i can get back to my skills frm couple yrs ago. admittedly still shitty #also ok listen. idk how ppl stylize faces turned further than just to the side bc like... #like it was ok here bc talon has visible face folds always #i know all faces have landmarks but how do u draw a face like this w.o the folds...ykwim... #i need to go look at more art #and stylization.....ughhhh #its gonna take me like 10 years to get to a point where all my skilled peers were when they were 16. lol

[puppyeared]

Forever and ever

#wip!! one direction fools gold came on while I was in the shower and listen… LISTEN #omg not me searching up anatomy references.. not me digging thru my unused anatomy ref folder 🫢🫢 #I tried to give macaque straighter posture here on purpose based on the flashback. he seems more serious than Swk so I wanted to convey that #thru body language. although I am torn between one being taller than the other but I like giving them their own features so they stand out #ANDDD .l think I finally figured out how I want to draw their sideburns now sort of!! fuck their hairlines though I’m never gonna learn how #to draw that shit 🗿. I also have another drawing of mk based on one specific frame during his fight with azure. like he’s sort of crouching #crouching on all fours and leaning away from the camera like the Akira bike slide but as a monkey. idk how to describe it but I wanna see #how far I can go with that one. idk if I’ll finish it thought but it looks SO COOL in my mind #my art #myart #doodles #shadowpeach #lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #lmk sun wukong #lmk wukong #lmk swk #lmk six eared macaque #lmk macaque #idk if this counts as #lmk s4 spoilers #Lego monkie kid season 4

[maybeamiles]

A spoiler-free depiction of the Honkai Star Rail 2.1 story

#honkai star rail #LISTEN IDK HOW TO DRAW GALLAGHER OKAY #it took me fucking forever to do aventurine #im not gonna take that long with gallagher #hsr aventurine #hsr gallagher #anyways how are yalls doing after the 2.1 quest #me? #im shaking hoyo by the shoulders and begging to know what the fuck is going on for once in my life #theyre not following the tropes and i am So Upset

[foxgloveinspace]

People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.

#very much so #tell me you where only here cause of the looks without telling me your only here cause of the looks #listen. I miss the old masks already too. that’s not the point. #you can mourn for something without that taking away your joy for it. #‘it’s all moving so fast’ iii has been turning red since July. #‘they’re evolving too fast’ or we just got here later then others. #‘I can’t even listen anymore’ sucks to be you. the music that has been put out hasn’t changed so I don’t understand this one #‘they’re gonna get cancelled over this’ ok. I guess this is just thinning out the people who were real fans and who where fake fans #I’m gonna be a sleep token fan til the end. if this is the way they want their image to go? I’ll follow. if we get heavier music next? #sounds fucking amazing to me. (I listen to heavier stuff anyway). #idk I just think it’s so so so fucking telling. that if your jumping ship cause their Live Performance Aesthetic has changed… you didn’t #mean it when you said sleep token was important to you. #like I’m 100% MOURNING the old masks. I am BMO with Finn’s old hair sobbing about the old masks. #but I know this too shall pass #this is how I fucking felt about Vessel’s mask change #and to everyone going ‘what about Vessel and the Chior!’ #1). VESSEL HAD A MASK CHANGE EARLIER THIS YEAR!!! he isn’t gonna change masks again so fast those fuckers r expensive! #2). the choir did have a change?? they wherent wearing robes at all and where in body chains they looked amazing #I get we are all neurodiverse and hate change but take a deep breath before you renounce all your sleep token love #I’m guessing Vessel will get a new mask in April again. for the kick off show. #tonight was a closing show. and he didn’t FEEL GOOD. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he was gonna do something with a new mask #if he pushed it back because he didn’t feel good. #he performed a whole show while we could TELL his throat was hurting. fuck. #I want to wrap him up in a warm hug and give him hot water with honey in it. #idk I’m rambling. it’s just telling.

[astranauticus]

Link Click single "Prometheus" Fan Translation

translation under cut!

让黑夜吞噬最后一点光

Let night swallow the last bit of light

就当是一场梦

Pretend this is all a dream

如果无法挣脱索性就让一切都失控吧

If I can't escape, then let everything go out of control

尝尝我的痛

If you have a taste of my pain

或许才会明白哭到失声根本没有用吧

Maybe you'll understand that there is no point to crying

倒数着三二一零

Count down, three two one zero

卖弄可笑的六欲七情

You're still playing up your laughable emotions and desires

这世界已经天翻地覆

This world has already been turned upside down

不如和我一起跳到深渊感受这失重吧 Why don't you jump into the abyss to feel this weightlessness with me

叫他们的幻想蒸发

Let their dreams evaporate

像是面无表情撕碎玩具那般从容

As simple as coldly tearing apart a stuffed toy

谁叫他们学不会听话

It's their fault they keep falling into my hands again and again

还是一次又一次地落入我的手中

Because they can't learn to stay in line

早听腻了烦人的叽叽喳喳

I've long grown tired of this annoying chattering

用绝望在墙上染个碎花

Use despair to paint a splatter on the wall

请他们永远永远闭上嘴吧

Invite them to never, never speak again

[(LTX:) piano solo]

隐秘的血色的黑夜童话

The hidden, blood-soaked midnight fairytale

刹那间将所有光芒抹杀

Smothers all light in an instant

偷走那神的火把

Steal the torch of the gods

坠落下万丈悬崖

Fall down the bottomless abyss

没有归处的人等待世界崩塌

The ones with no home await the world's collapse

（最后的 狂欢吧

(The final carnival

最后的 狂欢吧）

The final carnival)

偷走那神的火把

Steal the torch of the gods

坠落下万丈悬崖

Fall down the bottomless abyss

没有归处的人啊

The ones with no home

静静沉睡吧

Sleep peacefully now

暂时藏起了利爪和鳞片

I'll conceal my claws and scales for now

魔鬼躲进她黑白的琴键

The demon hides in her black and white keys

收起你那套因果循环

Keep your talk of causality and repetition to yourself

我会遭报应吗？反正还没应验

Will I receive retribution? We don't know that yet

都是我的消耗品

(LX:) They're all expendables to me

被我牵着鼻子走还抓不着要领

I'm dragging you along by the nose and you still can't figure it out

一个 两个 三个 四个

(LX:) one, two, three, four

心跳加速只是我的白噪音

The sound of a racing heart is just white noise to me

撬开一层层的保险

Prying away the layers of safeguards

像茶余饭后的消遣

Just to pass the time after a fine meal

对黑夜缺了点敬畏

You people who get hurt needlessly

白白受伤的人

Because you lack respect for the night

看着我千万别眨眼

When you look at me, never blink

下一秒骇人的画面

Lest you miss the scenes of carnage

命运她由我来加减

I am the one who will alter fate herself

我是那灭灯的神

I am the god that extinguishes the light

隐秘的血色的黑夜童话

The hidden, blood-soaked midnight fairytale

刹那间将所有光芒抹杀

Smothers all light in an instant

偷走那神的火把

Steal the torch of the gods

坠落下万丈悬崖

Fall down the bottomless abyss

没有归处的人等待世界崩塌

The ones with no home await the world's collapse

没有归处的人啊

The ones with no home

静静沉睡吧

Sleep peacefully now

(bonus: my translation of 321!)

#link click #shi guang dai li ren #shiguang dailiren #时光代理人 #li tianchen #li tianxi #liu xiao #translations i made #ive been listening to this song like almost nonstop since it released on spotify i might have a problem #idk how clear it is that the piano solos are supposed to be ltx's parts of the song but yeah in like the title card sequence #like they have a card for lx and ltc as vocals and then another card for ltx: piano #idk i havent rly seen people talk about it. and how fucked up and evil/pos that is #ESPECIALLY CUZ. RIGHT BEFORE THE PIANO SOLO YOU CAN HEAR TIANCHEN GOING shhhh #like hes telling people to be quiet so they'll listen to his sister ;-; #also. felt the need to include those two line indicators for lx because idk i have a hard time telling apart their voices and #those two lines being by lx has some. WORRYING implications #although me using his initials is always gonna be kinda funny to me bc im doing lighting design for a school production which means #when i see the letters lx my first thought is lighting team LMAO #Youtube #Spotify #ALSO. ANOTHER FUNNY FUN FACT. FROM THE BTS WITH FAN KA. APPARENTLY LTC'S 321 COUNTDOWN WAS WRITTEN LIKE #WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE OF THE CONTENT OF 321 LIKE THE OTHER SONG #so like that whole thing was apparently a total coincidence. which #WILD

[camels-pen]

consider sanuso bodyswap where Sanji is of course "admiring" Usopp's body and Usopp is trying desperately to keep himself from getting worked up so that he doesn't light himself on fire.

Luffy and Chopper are not helping. They are in fact doing the opposite of helping. They've ramped up their pranks and are doing anything possible to get Usopp angry so that he combusts, freaks out, and then dives into the ocean to put himself out. They think it's hilarious.

Nami and Brook are Also not helping, since they're conspiring with Sanji to put on a fashion show with Usopp's body. Sanji called it "not wasting a precious opportunity to get him in something other than overalls". Usopp called it mutiny and he was gonna- dive into the ocean, holy fuck Sanji why is it so easy to catch fire?!

Best part about this is that Sanji assured him, several times, that his body doesn't get hurt by catching fire. Usopp still jumps into the ocean every time.

Robin pipes up at one point, asking if Sanji was immune to just his own flames or all flames. Sanji just kind of shrugs and said it depends. Franky, having just been leisurely watching all of this gets an idea. Would his Franky Fireball hurt Sanji's body or just give him more fire to work with?

He tries to coax Usopp into agreeing to test it out and, somehow, he manages it. Albeit, Usopp is all knocking knees and chattering teeth, a very odd sight from 'Sanji'. As part of the deal though, he can only shoot a fireball the size of his hand.

Usopp meant his small hand. The one Franky used for tinkering and fine detail work. He did not, however, clarify this.

So, when a fireball the size of Franky's big hand comes out, well. Usopp runs for his goddamn life.

It takes him a few moments- and the voices of his friends sounding distant and below him- to realize he hadn't, in fact, run to the men's quarters, but rather into the fucking sky.

And oooooh, boy he is gonna kill Sanji one of these days. Why was his body's first fucking instinct when running to go up, what the actual HELL-

Usopp lit himself on fire again.

He curses out Sanji as his Sky Walk fails in the same moment and he plummets towards the deck.

#one piece #sanuso #nemotime #usopp the first time he lights himself on fire: WHAT THE FUCK WHAY THE FUCK WHAT THE HELL OH GOD OH F- #oh ndvdggdvdv okay listen. listen. omagine Zoro's been asleep this whole time. and he misses the memo that there was a bodyswap. #and he wakes up to 'Sanji' kicking him abd immediately goes into fight mode... and then is really fucking spooked #bc 'Sanji' is blubbering about Zoro going to kill him and that he couldnt die this young and Zoro's just. Still as a statue. #Literally cannot compute. #and then 'Usopp' comes up to him. threatening him and calling him names the way he was expecting from 'Sanji' #Brook: oh dear he mustve slept through all the commotion. Zoro-san! Usopp and-! #Nami covering Brook's mouth: No wait i smell a money making opportunity #shes gonna con him. idk how or with what yet but shes definitely gonna con him #hes gonna be sooo pissed when he finds out she conned him but his usual outlet for physical violence is currently indisposed so. lol. lmao. #i like making zoro suffer idk why its just funny #wait wai what if Usopp didnt trip on him what if when he plummets to the deck he lands on Zoro lmfao #also Franky's standing there like 'Why did you dodge it?!' and Usopp is right back to trying not to light himself on fire again lol #oh n Jinbei gets roped into the fashion show stuff #where he incurs 'newbie's first debt to Nami' #damn now im thinking about him slightly concerned about all this spontaneous combustion and then Robin saying something to make it worse lol #ANYWAY MORE IMPORTANTLY the real tragedy of this post is that because Usopp's constantly worried about Combusting #it never really sinks in how blatantly Sanji is checking out his body + enjoying doing that fashion show #and because of Sanji 'enjoying the view' he never notices the brief moments where Usopp quietly does the same #before being interrupted by Luffy and Chopper coming out of nowhere wanting to roast marshmallows on Usopp's leg #okay im done were done im good its bed time gnight gmorning gday to all

[librarygf]

the interview as a confessional. hm

#interview with the vampire #tw suicide #m #it's like why are you returning to this story now what is different what are you gonna say #sorry to episode 5 but i'm still so compelled by it. where are we going with this? #are we talking about abuse? complexity? love? forgiveness? responsibility? grief? #idk and i don't know if they'll handle it right but i'm still listening #but i need to know NOW like how do i respond to this episode i just can't tell

[lucifer-kane]

Adrift in seas with a violet dawn Where meaning dies in mazes long And waves ascend with bones and teeth You twist and turn beg for relief

#saw #saw franchise #adam faulkner stanheight #lawrence gordon #saw 2004 #chainshipping #hey idk what this is honestly. it came to me and i needed to get it out on paper so woe Something be upon ye #i like how it came out tho. but pls im still learning how to draw adam idk why he's so hard to draw for me dkfjksldfj #i was gonna go in adifferent direction with adam looking half fucked up on the side of 3D lawrance but idk #idk if i wanna tag this as chainshipping. it could be. whatever ppl wanna think. it hangs in that void #also listen i had stringless oki - paul shapera on repeat for the last part of drawing this bc the album released on spotify. it's so good #this is also half the size it actually is bc it wouldn't have been able to be uploaded on tunglr........

[3-inch-doodles]

TRON AU POST WITH ACTUAL KINDA DONE ART

"Smile for the camera, Gordon!"

(pre-Cascade virus)

he is SO full of corporate malware <333

(post-Cascade virus and Gordon's repurposing)

#was gonna wait to post this. but im too excited HEHEHEHE #WAH. HEHEHEHE #i think about them EVERY DAY #i was listening to 80s pop most of the time drawing these #the contrast between the Horrors and Let's Groove is very fun #i really like how Barney turned out :)) #sometimes i have trouble drawing him #im probably going to tweak Gordon's Enforcer suit?? idk whether to keep the lambda or not. it's iconic but it's so iconic Barney would know #like right away #which gives more room for angst which is good. but i do love a good dramatic reveal #Barney is also a blue monitor first!! i love Anon a lot so i based his circuits on them #i draw Gordon more often but i think about Barney a lot more tbh #i reeeeeeally wanna draw voxel gore with Gordon. like so so bad #james doodle #my art #hl tron au #Gordon Freeman #Barney Calhoun #i also need to come up with proper program names for them

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

sometimes that's just the way that it goes

or, joel smallishbeans joins the tokyo lift (an mcyt blaseball au fic)

the thing about joel is- well, there's a lot of things about joel, but the most relevant thing, is that he never really got in to blaseball.

he'd gone to few of grian and jimmy's games in college, been brought to an equal number of pearl's minor league games, and mostly paid attention in conversation about it after his entire friend group became obsessed with the splort seemingly overnight.

but then he'd moved out to tokyo after college, where the blaseball scene had yet to expand to a proper minor league; let alone a major league. he got a non-splorts related job. he had non-splorts related hobbies. and he was suddenly in a timezone 17 hours ahead from all his friends who cared about these things.

so maybe he managed to forget basically all the knowledge he had about the game. sue him.

by the time the ILB expanded to tokyo with the lift, joel was certainly more knowledgeable on the splort than he'd ever been. he had basically the entire league's schedule in his calendar at all times, he voted in the elections, he kept a close eye on weather forecasts across the globe. a small side effect of most of your friends playing a splort that started killing people 10 years ago.

but here's the thing- despite joel's expansive knowledge of what's happening the ILB on any given day, despite his stockpile of votes, despite his constant presence as someone's plus one at any given ILB event or party-

despite all of that...

joel doesn't really know how to play.

which is a problem, when, on a whim that he now knows was definitely some divine intervention at play, he decides to actually go to one of his friend's games on a day they happen to be playing in tokyo. and it becomes more of a problem when an umpire goes rogue, and in the blink of an eye, joel finds himself vaulting a railing and picking up a bat that, until two minutes ago, belonged to a toyko lift player.

and now belongs to a new tokyo lift player.

him.

shit.

and that is how joel finds himself here, on a stool in stress and false's bathroom, staring at his actively-being-dyed hair in the mirror and considering.

he didn't know stress and false very well before joining the lift. he'd met them, of course, at the aforementioned parties and events he'd been brought to, but they weren't close by any means. but seeing as they were the only members of his new team he'd been properly introduced to prior to becoming their coworker, he found himself following them around like a lost puppy from day one. they seemed mostly endeared by this, so far, which joel was taking as an embarrassing but necessary fact of his new career.

the "sitting in their bathroom getting his hair dyed" part of his current situation had come about a few days prior, when the wild card teams were announced and the lift had officially made their first ever post season. joel's remark that they should do something for the occasion had spiraled into stress lending him her bathroom and hair dye to dye the streak in his hair pink in celebration.

by the time they actually got around to it, the lift had been knocked out of the post season by the wild wings in a two game sweep, but joel hadn't backed out, so here they were.

stress was mixing the pink dye while joel got the green bleached out of his hair, humming along to a song joel wasn't really listening to. the bathroom isn't large enough to fit false as well, with joel on a stool, so she's hovering outside doing... something. joel's kinda lost track of her exact movements due to his aforementioned considering.

joel hasn't actually played a lot with the lift, yet. he'd joined the team in the last 20 days or so of the season, so they've gotten a good 20 games worth of a look at his... let's say, skill, and they've all presumably figured out that he's not very good. no one's said anything, but that doesn't mean they haven't been thinking it. but it's also possible they haven't been thinking it, and if joel brings it up right now, then they'll all realize that he's terrible. but also, joel knows he needs to fix this problem, because he's seen what happens to bad players.

so he's sucking it up.

"stress, can i admit something to you?" joel says, as confident and nonchalant as he can manage. it's not very nonchalant.

"hm?" stress says, looking up from where she's fidgeting about. "sure, i don't see why not."

joel takes a deep breath before he continues. "now, i don't know if any of you have noticed this yet, but... i don't really know how to play blaseball."

this is when false chooses to poke her head in from whatever she'd been doing to comment. "sorry, repeat yourself?"

"well, despite the fact that all of my friends have played this game for years, i haven't been paying much attention to how it actually works. so i don't think i actually know how to play, which wasn't a problem for me until about three weeks ago. and now it's a very big problem."

"oh," false says, looking him up and down. joel tries not to feel scrutinized. "i wouldn't have guessed that from your stats, but yeah, in hindsight, that makes sense."

"you looked at my stats?" joel sputters.

"yeah is that not-" false looks at stress, desperation clear on her face. "do people not usually do that?"

"i mean, i don't, but i don't know what all you other geezers are up to."

joel has yet to move on from the stats thing. "i haven't even looked at my stats. what- are they good? actually, no i don't want to know. or, if they're bad, i don't want to know. if they're good you can tell me."

false laughs. "you're fine, overall. not a good pitcher, but that's not your problem. everything else is pretty average, but your batting is your best stat, and it's pretty up there. not really indicative of someone who doesn't know how to play."

"oh!" joel thinks about this. he doesn't think he's been a particularly special batter thus far, but he's not objecting to whoever's quantifying his skill saying he's good. not at all. "ok, well, i kinda know how to play. i think. i know enough that i've been able to be passable, but i want to be good next season."

"are you asking us to coach you?" stress says as she starts the tap to wash the bleach out of joel's hair.

"uh, if you want to, yeah. you're both good, i think."

false, who is now leaning in the doorway instead of poking her head in, laughs again. "yeah, i'd say we're alright." from her tone, joel suspects they're actually very good, and he once again has no idea what he's talking about.

"but we'd love to!" stress says, lightly pushing joel to put his head into the sink. her next words are slightly drowned out by the running water. "obviously the lift practice in the off season already, but we could spend a bit of time doing one on one stuff with you. show you the ropes, you know?"

joel, still in the sink, answers with a thumbs up. as he sits back up and takes the towel stress offers him, he sees false leave the doorway and go back to whatever she was doing, decision seemingly reached.

joel dries off his hair and stress moves in with the pink dye and a dye brush, humming along to another song he doesn't know. he definitely doesn't need her help dying his hair- he's been doing it on his own for years now. but she'd offered the dye she already had so he didn't have to buy a new color, and apparently that offer came along with her doing most of the work as well.

and for once in his life, joel is going to take the help without a fuss.

#mcyt blaseball au #my writing #ok now. the real question. do i maintag this #yeah sure cringe is dead #hermitcraft #smallishbeans #falsesymmetry #stressmonster101 #im not tagging falsestress. but know that that's what's going on here #anyways the stats thing. #it is partially joel underestimating his own knowledge of blaseball #and his own general fitness and sports ability #but its also partially that he is. underperforming for his stats for a bit #he's gonna go on an improvement arc #also yes i stole the formatting from the empires fic i reblogged earlier today #i dont ever post fics to tumblr idk how to. format #also also. title on this one comes from the ballad of unremarkable derrick kreuger #go listen to the ballad of unremarkable derrick kreuger and go crazy thanks #hermitfic

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

#listen I feel like a fucking genius right now #I feel like I wrote this show #I'm predicting stuff in every episode and I haven't been wrong yet #and I don't think it's because the show is super predictable I'm just So Locked In to how this show is written #I See The Vision #I said Out Loud to myself over a season ago that if Rick was gonna get with anybody it should be Michonne #I WAS RIGHT #hey yk what? throwing my hat in the ring: I think Rick will die. I think he'll go too far and somebody close to him will have to kill him #I want it to be Morgan bc that'd be such poetic irony but idk #not saying I want Rick to die I'm just saying #anyways nobody tell me #I am 5 seasons (I think?) behind #update: haha oh

[esleep]

the whole "cats choose their owners" thing is really funny to me because ivy very much did NOT choose me. she was a slightly dim-witted and very rambunctious feral kitten, and that combination led to her getting herself stuck inside an old chipmunk nest halfway down the steep bank of the creek by my parents' house. from there she proceeded to scream her head off until both my mom and i came out to see what on earth was making all that racket, then we excavated her out of that hole like a sad little potato. she was grateful for the rescue, but definitely NOT grateful for the ensuing flea baths and conversion to indoor cat life at my apartment, which she reminds me of regularly. ivy i'm sorry for saving you from an early death due to predation/disease/cars, but can you stop biting me every day of my life please

#even every other day would be an improvement. #i do in fact take her out for leashed walks regularly when the weather is tolerable but it hasn't been possible for months and she's FED UP #however. i say all this but she routinely climbs into my lap for naps & greets me at the door purring & headbutting every time i come home #so clearly she's not that unhappy. her tolerance for regular cat-owner shenanigans however is essentially non-existent. #after 6 years though i can read her like a book. i know exactly how many head smooches i can get in before she gets too annoyed #and exactly how long she wants to be held when i come home before she wants to be put down #and exactly what she means when she 'gently' chews on my ankles ('play with me now or i'll bite harder') #but strangers on the other hand? guests in my home? my beloved human friends? they do not speak her language. #and the margin for error with her is razor thin. if you don't listen immediately when she says 'stop touching me' she will go from lovey #to SCRATCHING YOU BITING YOU HISSING HISSING HISSING almost immediately. #i have tried everything to convince her that's unnecessary but i think she is just SO sensitive she can't handle it #but i still love her so much. i understand her and she understands me. idk WHAT i'm gonna do when she eventually dies i'm gonna be a wreck. #in a lot of ways we are SUPER similar. i also lash out when i'm overstimulated & i also have a much lower threshold for that #than most people. #i get it.