#literally i’m so sorry i hate this about myself

[themotherofhorses]

Hi guys, it's Vic! Also known as:

Round TWO at addressing the extreme racism in the CoD fandom!

So it’s both odd and funny that my Indigenous fem!OC has pissed off so many random people, especially with the fact that I created her to ship with Ghost.

(A fictional character that has NO canon love interest, FYI. Sorry to bust y'all's little bubble. Well, there's Mara and Urban Tracker....)

Anyways, I really don't care if this post sounds bitchy in nature. I really don't, not anymore. Some of y'all need a damn wakeup call. Several months ago, in December of 2023, I made a post (here) regarding the sudden influx of hate I began receiving following the posting of my OC, SilentDove Reyes. For around two weeks after that post, the hate died down, and I felt motivated to create more content involving Dove and Ghost.

Until the hate picked up again with every little thing I posted that related to my OC x Ghost.

However....this new hate incorporated the MMIW. A bold ass move, in my opinion.

If you are not aware, the MMIW stands for "Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women." Alternate spellings include the MMIWG & MMIWGTS (Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, Girls, and Two-Spirits). As of 2023, statistics indicate that Indigenous women face a 10x murder rate than any other race/ethnicity. I have made a previous post regarding the issue, seen here. The unfortunate truth is that young Indigenous girls are more likely to be SA'd and murdered than to attend college. Let that sink in for a moment.

Now, I am an Indigenous woman. That is no surprise there; I fashioned my OC to provide myself (and, by extension, others) with Native representation in a franchise I greatly enjoy. What IS surprising, however, is that me doing so has pissed off so many people. I'm very certain some of y'all must descend from Andrew Jackson, or John Wayne cause, christ on a bike driven by a pike.

Here is a screenshot of a hate anon I recently received:

Listen, I don't care who you ship Ghost with. I really don't. I've blocked numerous shipping tags, remained mindful of the content I'm interacting with, and surrounded myself with fellow mutuals who also have personal OCs. It is really that easy.

What I do care about is the fact that some of you CANNOT separate fanon headcanons from canon material.

Exhibit A:

So let’s clear some stuff up!

Soap x Ghost is NOT canon.

Ghost being queer is NOT canon.

And, most definitely, Ghost being a woman abuser who would harm/abuse/murder a woman (either physically, emotionally, psychologically) is NOT canon.

What IS canon is his and Soap's strong bond. In my eyes, that is a brotherly bond, reminding me of a big brother/little brother relationship; in my fanfiction, Soap is Ghost's children's uncle. In fact, his son (second-born child) is named after him.

You are, of course, free to view them as romantic; what you are not free to do is attack OC creators/non-shippers for not perceiving them like that.

That is just fucking weird and delusional behavior. Knock it off. You're giving your fellow normal shippers a bad name.

ALSO! Let’s clear things up!

1. I’m not straight — I’m bisexual and demisexual.

2. I’m only half white (Spanish, with Mexican heritage). I’m QUITE LITERALLY an enrolled Native, so I guess the best way to describe me is “biracial.”

3. It’s y’all ruining the canon gay representation by shipping Laswell—a GAY woman—with Price, despite the fact that she canonically has a wife.

4. My OC does not have a “dumb fucking name.” Her name is an Indigenous name with a specific backstory to it; it’ll be explored further in future fanfics once I find the motivation to return to writing.

Anyways, I highly doubt this will be the last post I create regarding this problem; apparently, a nice chunk of the fandom has this intense animosity towards fem!OCs, fem!Y/Ns, and BIPOC!OC creators. Alright. With that being said, I invite anyone who has similar experiences to share yours, either in the reblogs or in separate posts.

As sometimes we say during pow wows:

“The floor is all yours.”

Thank you!

#vic talks #fandom psa #fandom discourse #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod fandom #call of duty fanfiction #cod mw #cod mw2 #cod mw3 #cod simon ghost riley #cod simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley #cod ghost #ghost #cod oc #call of duty oc #orginal character

[idrinkwetcementasproteinshakes]

the feminine urge to bitch slap every man ever

#expect hobie ofc #he doesn’t count as a man though #he’s too good to be a one of those #men are so annoying #loud #gross #they have so much audacity #and they smell #and every man I’ve met is at least a tad bit sexist #like #oh sorry that I don’t wanna clean my brothers fucking piss off the toilet seat!!! #guess I’m a “pretty pink princess” for that! #Or sorry that I don’t wanna pick his nasty ass socks off the floor for him!! #Or sorry that I don’t wanna clean his shit stained underwear for him!! Guess I’m a “pretty pink princess”! #And sorry that I accidentally bumped into you #I DEFINITELY deserved for you to shove me and flip me off #or sorry that after a long shitty day at school #and I would like for it to be at least a BIT quiet! #Guess I’ll let my brother(quite literally) scream at his bloody laptop and repetitively slam it down!!! #Oh!! Sorry for getting upset at you after I said no multiple times and you kept bothering me about it! #guess i’ll just go fuck myself #i hate men

[castdowns]

the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed

#castdowns.txt #i hate conversion therapy i don’t want to be straight i don’t want to like men i don’t like them i don’t care for them #i am so tired of feeling like the most hideous creature because everything changes when people find out that i’m gay #like i’m either a little boy or a problem and i am so fucking sad #like sorry you can’t fix me but literally i will not be able to function if i concede more ground to men and patriarchy like i am so tired #i wanna lock myself in my room a lot of the time like i don’t feel good ever #and yes my period is coming but god dammit thats not the only thing wrong #its never the only thing wrong unfortunately i just have very strong emotions that i try to suppress all of the time #yes my fawn response is bad i know this i dont know what to do about the fact that there is nothing people organically like about me #everyone has to train themselves to tolerate me and i am not above working to be loved but it doesnt feel like work towards the love i want #it feels like tying a noose tighter and tighter #it feels like smiling while my blood is pooling down the fucking drain again and again #and i love people around me i do it just always feels like i am alone #i sleep under the flag and i sleep in my bed alone every night surrounded by the stuffed animals i buy to feel something #*jo march voice* i’m just so damn lonely

[darlin-djarin]

"yeah i don’t participate in fandom discourse lol" dude it’s not even discourse. people are just being straight up racist and you’re sitting there doing nothing.

#saw a meme just now that was talking abt fandom fighting and so many of the notes were like #“yeah lol i’m just sitting back watching while eating popcorn” #like. guys. #i don’t even like discourse but at this point it’s literally just blatant racism and y’all aren’t doing anything to stop it #i hate that i’m seen as the “discourse mutual” like i’m literally just trying to enjoy this piece of media #without being blasted with intense and vile racism in my face #and y’all are just so okay with accepting the fact that the entire fandom is so horrendous #and y’all don’t even put in effort to even try to raise awareness about it #i’m sorry i involve myself in “discourse” i am just trying to exist. #anyway yeah this is about star wars #star wars #the mandalorian #ESPEXIALLY THE MANDALORIAN FANDOM OH MY GOD I HATE YOU GUYS YOU ARE THE WORSTRTTT #i love the mandalorian so much y’all just are disgusting #the bad batch #y’all too #like if i see something i don't like then i'll just ignore it or block em but if i deadass see genuine racism. even just microagressions. #my blood boils #“i don't like getting into discourse” ok but you're excusing literal racism. #sorry guys i'm just so pressed about this #oil.

[simcardiac-arrested]

Im jus looking at u w big eyes. Tell me what you're autistic about. Infodump get out of jail free card. Any size

oh boy there are. many things. there are so so so many things……. all rattling around my little brain……………….

#obviously art i love u art i love u drawing i LOVE u character design. love love love #i love u videogames hollow knight is my biggest special interest ever it’s literally the best fucking game i’ve ever played i would kill for #it. i would replay it 393748 times it changed my life for the better i think #i just spent like 2 minutes trying to say anything comprehensible about this game but i just. i dont know #i marathon all of mossbag’s videos on a bi-monthly basis if that helps. #extremely autistic about fnaf i have a love-hate relationship with it. it’s literally my life and part of my brain i grew up with it #im never Not thinking about it. but also i can shit all over it sooo bad i can be such a hater of it #ace attorney…. my autidm game. i could never get tired of the characters or the story no matter how much i play #disco elysium <3 i have no words for disco elysium it’s just the best game ever i think. life changing #has kim kitsuragi in there #i love u tv shows i love u gravity falls literally up there with fnaf on the ‘part of my actual life’ shelf #i’ve rewatched it so many times but it never stops being good and the characters never stop being interesting to dissect #i love u steven universe and my love-hate kismesis relationship with it. show that was so perfect but so flawed. but perfect i think #i could go on and on about su im so serious. but i will hold myself back for the greater good #i love u the owl house <3 it is doing everything it can and it is doing so good #i never really got a chance to participate in active analysis and theorizing so that was a good experience for me #got me autistically looking over one single frame to figure out a plot mystery #oughhhhhh i love u anime. chansow man. one pinch man. mop sikey. saiki k. bnha is in there too somewhere #i’m too autistic over bnha sorry i know it’s bad but maybe i just like it when shows are bad and i get to fix them in my head #i get to make everyone my ocs #which by the way im obsessed with my ocs. completely #you guys think im crazy about my fancharacters wait till you see me infodumping about my actual ocs then i might actually explode #ok this is not as long as i wanted to be but i just cant thhink of words when i try to explain how much my interests mean to me #u just have to trust me ok. or wait for a reason for me to go completely ballistic and write like 13k words explaining why hk is the game of #all time. ok (falls over) #cramswering

[crybaby-bkg]

my niece wasn’t feeling good today so I picked her up and held her until she fell asleep and everything was all cute and sweet right………………why did she shit in my bed 🧍🏽‍♀️

#I am. so mad. #IT WAS TERRIBLE #at first it was all cute bc she kept snoring and making little noises #then after a while I was like 🤨 sum ain’t smelling right 🤨 #why does she hate me #how do I tag this lmfao #tw: poop #why did that make me laugh QKSJDKDJDJD #anyway sorry I’ve been so mia lately #I’ve been feeling so disconnected being on here for some reason #like I just don’t belong idk #I post and get happy for like five mins then just feel weird again #I think cause I’m finally on break I’ve just been in a weird space with everything #I’ve just been watching tv and movies and literally that’s it lol it sucks but it’s sooo hard #trying to get out of this headspace #I wanna write and read and crotchet and go on walks and write and write and write #but instead I’m laying in bed like a blob fish #it sucks butt #sorry I’m rambling in the tags sjdhdjd I just realized #that I haven’t given an update about my life in a while bc I convinced myself nobody cared #I think it’s just hormones #just give me until like Tuesday lmfao #—in store chit chat! 🍫

[wren-kitchens]

im literally so glad depression did not take my sense of humour away because if it did I would literally just be angel from buffy and I cannot think of a fate worse than that

#i’m sorry I fucking hate him HES JUST SO BORING #ALL HE DOES IS BROOD #IT’S SO DULL #I couldn’t care less about who you ship buffy with but I could literally never get into her x angel because he’s just so DRY #LIKE YEAH WE GET IT YOU HAVE A SOUL AND YOU’RE SAD GET OVER YOURSELF #he literally. does not fucking stop being Sad all the time #it’s all he does #he’s only fun when he’s evil #and those like three episodes in the first season when he was mysterious in a fun way rather than the always fucking sad way #yeah he’s hot but that could not matter less HES SO BORING #spike is one of my favourite characters #better than angel by far because he’s ENTERTAINING #HE HAS LAYERS #he and joyce watching passions is the funniest shit idec #also that onion flower thing he kept talking about #there was never a dull moment with spike because he was FUNNY #‘out for a walk. bitch’ #buffy is the perfect example of someone who can brood and Not be boring about it because SHE HAS DEPTH #she’s funny AND SHE HAD TO CLAW HER WAY OUT OF HER COFFIN AFTWR SHE WAS DRAGGED OUT OF HEAVEN #SHE GETS TO BROOD #also FAITH oh my god I fucking love faith #s7 faith <33333 #y’know I take back what I said about not caring who you ship buffy with her and faith makes way more sense than her and spike or angel #this turned into a rant about btvs but idec #I was complaining about depression earlier and made this joke to myself and I thought it was hilarious #i’m saying it to my mum tomorrow anyway idc she’d love it #wren wrambles #q

[bo0zey]

anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞 #real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS??? #ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna

[mundanememorize]

like actually

#dm spoilers #i’m trying not to write an laois essay but i think he might be the greatest autistic character of all time #<this is about how like complex he’s allowed to be in his world view while still having one track mind #<its so over #i say this every laois post but i am so glad there is a character that survives and lives and strategizes like this #bc it’s very important to me that i do. and that i ask myself what animals need so i know what i need #<so like to see a character jsut do that and like not have it feel like the author is making fun of it is orsomeeee #like i am never worried about laois giving into sowmthing that’s perfect bc he loves ecosystems. it’s never going to happen #the lion was literally like i know yoy love animals sooooo much so i will put you in a zoo. of course he’ll hate that. #i love like every dunmesh character but it gets annoying when they all call him stupid…. so i’m just happy when like + #laois gets to make a point with his world view and people listen …. #sorry for the essay i just am like i think sour that he gets boiled down to dumb and weird….you guyssssssss

[baycitystygian]

whoopsie daisies the idiot is singing again. this time it’s one I’m much more confident in & my voice is in decent shape tonight… Cass Elliott is life 💕

#this stupid video doesn’t wanna post and I hate tumblrs video processing system so bad 😭 #anyway lmk if I’m getting annoying with this I’m so sorry #i literally parked my car and was like alright I’m gonna take advantage of this while I’m feeling fairly good about myself #sorry I’m cringe #it’s only me

[digiditto]

crying in the bathroom again. I’m so sick of this shit

#digi rants #/ negative #I HATE IT HERE I’M SORRY #nobody gives a shit about me and all I do is work and work #and like I can’t afford to fit myself into my own damn budget bc I have to pay for OTHERS #I’m just working for the sake of other people all the time and nobody even so much as thanks me #every day I have to do a million fucking things and they won’t even like #respond to me when I talk. it’s like I’m invisible #and I’m only worth keeping around because I’ll shut up and do things quietly #I don’t ask for much. I don’t ask for anything at all #I’D LIKE TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED? #LIKE THAT’S LITERALLY IT? #I’D LIKE FOR PEOPLE TO RESPOND WHEN I ASK A QUESTION #AND NOT JUST IGNORE ME? #I say something and it’s just complete silence #like do I not fucking exist? #they wont even ask me to do things they’ll just expect it #he’ll literally just stand at the door on his phone and expect me to know exactly what to do #I am talking to blank fucking walls. #I’m sorry but if I ceased to exist would you even care #like you don’t even give a shit when I’m dedicating my entire life atm to making life easy for you #I’m so convenient I’m invisible JFC what more do you WANT #I CANNOT GET ANY MORE INVISIBLE I’M SORRY YOU HATE ME #I’m grasping at straws. literally a ‘good morning’ would be shocking to me #that’s how invisible I am

[itspileofgoodthings]

anyway swifties who are like “lol I love the cryptic messages” are insane?????

#and also not real #you either love her voice or you don’t #do you think *I* would be here if it was about solving random little puzzles #literally??!!!!! I hate random little puzzles #in whatever degree taylor participates in it (which I believe is less than fans think) it’s unserious #she’s serious about her storytelling and her music this is not about connecting a bunch of random little dots together I ????????????? #sorry I Am RANTING and also not making sense but I’m trying to explain it to myself #Taylor is meticulous and clever and fun and a good marketer #and she has used the clues thing to her advantage sure #but it’s like her music videos #it’s the 87th thing she does best and it’s so weird when anyone gets stuck on it #also it’s boring I’m bored taylor SWIFT is in the room???!! and you wanna talk about that??? #not her humanity or understanding of love or intense femininity or her fear or her skill with words or her ease with a melody #or her prolificness or her ability to keep shifting while staying the same #say you hate her elyse SAY YOU HATE HER #actually don’t but like. #okay I’m done I’m so sorry I’m DONE

[stinkrascal]

#vent tw #bc this turned emo #i feel like ive said this a lot so just ignore me if im repeating myself #but ive been so exhausted lately its ruining my days :( #i literally sleep like 13+ hours a day if not more #sometimes im out for like 20 hours #typically its not straight its like. i’ll sleep for 4 hrs then wake up for 30 mins then sleep again #and then by then end of the day its like 7pm and ive just woke up. i hate it #its 5pm and i just woke up but like thats basically my entire day gone now #i just feel so tired all the time. like i cant do anything but sleep. my motivation is zero #i hate it i hate it i hate it. i feel dumb #ik im complaining about stuff that seems trivial bc like most people have real things to stress about. meanwhile im just sleeping my days #away. but i still hate it. i wish i could stay awake and see thru the day without sleeping through the majority of it. :( #health wise i’m terrified there’s something like legitimately wrong w me. i mean mental wise too #it’s just that i’m so resistant to change and VERY resistant to getting help for myself that nothing gets done #i’m sorry ik this is heavy i’m just frustrated 😭 i don’t have anyone to tell this to so i’ll tell this to you 🤸 #kinda feels like i’m talking to a friend then. even if it’s just the tumblr void

[eredins-a-king-aint-he]

For the record: I don’t support nor condone using AI for any art/fandom related purposes. Fandom and fandom art, fic, headcanons, etc are great BECAUSE they are made by real people with unique minds!!!

I think that using AI to create art, fic, character interaction, etc not only discourages the real human creators making art/fic for the fandom by taking attention and support away from them, but it provides a better platform for AI to flourish and eventually become more prevalent, continuing to spread and take attention (and work!!) away from real people. For example, as far as I know, painting AI learns from basically stolen artwork and can be trained to emulate the styles of human artists who have spent YEARS to cultivate their skills and style, then take money and attention away from those people. Plus, there was that whole issue where someone was drawing on twitch and someone stole their wip, put it into one of those AI programs to “finish” it before the actual artist, then demanded credit.

I consider myself to be fairly lucky that my work is not in the mainstream eye and that my style changes constantly, otherwise I’d be genuinely worried that someone might try to use AI to undermine the work I’ve done as an artist that has gotten me to where I am.

Maybe I’m just old and jaded but I’ve watched technology grow and spread over my lifetime, and instead of helping people have better lives, it seems to have a habit of taking peoples’ place in work/life and leaving them to either find other work or just fucking cope. AI is not our friend. It’s not a cute, fun way to make fanart or fic— it’s a robot, not a real artist, or a character created by a unique creative mind.

This post pretty much sums it up🤷🏽

#cedar speaks #discourse #ai discourse #listen I fucking hate ai #I realize this is a full blown rant and some of y’all might disagree with me but I’m not gonna budge on it #using robots to make art and write fic??? literally insane #ai doesn’t ‘make’ anything anyway it just cobbles together the art/writing it’s been given into new configurations #don’t come near me with that shit fr #I’m sorry I would 10000% prefer to either commission an artist or do something myself than to use ai #have y’all been paying attention to how it’s being used?? #the WGA made a statement about it too and shit #ai taking the place of actual people is clearly a very real issue #I just am very angery about it #I have loved finding communities of people who love a franchise so much that they come together and make new things #discussing characters and lore and ideas with people is so fun #and it’s fun because every single person has different and interesting ideas #if the future yall ai lovers want means just having to pick from the same dry-ass stolen takes from robots instead of having the experience #of talking to real people and witnessing the wildness of the human mind in action #that’s depressing as fuck #rant

[rosicheeks]

🙃

#hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaa #I’m fucking shaking #I hate people so much #mind your own damn business fuck #so I was chilling with my friend and we parked in a closed clinic #I’ve been parking there ever since I’ve moved #never had a problem #it’s right next to a hospice #tonight someone from the hospice parking looked over and saw our cars and decided to call the fucking cops cause they thought it was a drug #- deal #like I’m sorry #you’re visiting someone at a fucking HOSPICE #worry about them #worry about yourself #why the fuck are you worrying about someone parked in a closed clinic #I literally don’t know where to go and I’m just like sobbing in my car #I miss being able to smoke in my house #I miss having a place to myself #I miss having an art area #this move has been a lot harder than I thought it would be #ok sorry #I’m still shaking #breathe rosie #I’m fine #ignore me #shut up rosie

[dragonairice]

It’s 11pm but does anyone have any life advice for what to do when your abusive/neglectful parents are trying to force you into getting a job at their office just because they make a ton of money and don’t want the business to go into the hands of your older brother but you don’t personally care and literally just turned 18 and haven’t even started college yet

because

man what the fuck am I even supposed to do?

they’re trying to send me there tomorrow to learn about how the office works and everything and I GET IT it’s USEFUL but I don’t… want to do that. Especially with my family.

#I don’t normally vent on here but I seriously need some advice #I want to prove to my parents that I CAN make a living for myself but they won’t even give me a debit card so I can’t start my redbubble ye #I’m literally writing a novel!!! It’s pretty good!!! AND THEY DON’T FUCKING CARE!!! #Ughhhh sorry just. Man I hate my family #Except my brother he’s fine #The one who’s on Tumblr #My mom keeps telling us that she and dad could drop dead any day so we need to be ready to take over the business #Which. Ma’am. you call ME a pessimist and then just say shit like that??? #Just realised my bestie is on tumblr now and might see this post… um. Hi Espurr if you’re reading this don’t worry 👍 #I’m feeling very vaguely suicidal but not enough to do anything about it it’s okay I won’t um… try the stuff I’ve tried again #Tw abuse #tw suicide #tw neglect #DragonairIce Rambles