#literally so helpless like what

[raayllum]

am i spending my morning listening to "one of us" from the lion king 2 and thinking about callum, aaravos, and rayla? you bet your ass i am

#devil and the lovers #'helpless to defy his fate / let him run let him live / but do not forget what we cannot forgive' #'someone once lied to us / now we're not so blind' #'he asked for trouble the moment he came' #like aaravos and rayla being literal exiles #but callum also not fitting in with normal humans or elves bc of his arcanum / humanness #and if he and ezran disagree. if he goes too far magic wise #MM YEAH #dragons rambles #music #GIVE HIM A WHITE STREAK

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia!

I just have to know- it's day six going into seven for Palmarosa. Contract part-two is in four days...

Do you see these next few chapters being explicit? Is Raphael truly intending to let Astarion see how life under contract is going to be, or is Raphael purposely holding back to lure Astarion into that next contract?

And, in your opinion, do you think that if Astarion truly sees Raphael at his cruelest towards him, he would be more comfortable signing a second? Able to know what the worst is instead of some nightmare he dreams up?

I love your story, and how you write Astarion. Thanks for your time!

It's still day 5!

I can't believe it's still day 5 in the contract, but it is, I'm writing a timeline and everything this time. So much has happened on this day, lmao.

(Chapters 13-18 all happen on the same day T.T)

I do think there's explicit content coming, but Raphael very much wants Astarion in that second contract, that being said, he's already cocked it up a few times already lmao. There's no guarantee he won't do that in other ways. I do plan writing-wise to get Astarion into that second contract though. Raphael oscillates between playing a very good long-game and then snapping and ruining his hard work, lol.

And, in your opinion, do you think that if Astarion truly sees Raphael at his cruelest towards him, he would be more comfortable signing a second? Able to know what the worst is instead of some nightmare he dreams up?

Raphael is not going to be his cruelest, and actually still isn't even though he does kind of lash out at Astarion in a very intense manner in the upcoming chapter. We've not seen Raphael at his worst. This is a guy who sees nothing wrong with keeping people in 'bones shattered in 100 places' levels of agony for hundreds of years. Even Raphael snapping is still Raphael not...giving himself to torture Astarion like he would an Eternal Debtor.

Astarion actually threatens to break the contract at the end of chapter 18 and through chapter 19. But...he hasn't yet.

Astarion has a lot of learned helplessness because of his experiences with Cazador. I imagine he had plenty of times to convince himself he was going to escape / find a way to beat the system etc. only to have all of that brainwashed and mind-read out of him. I am sure Cazador is the kind of person to know that someone will try and escape him and watch them try and then torture them for trying as a reminder that they are enslaved to him not just in body but in mind as well.

I don't think Astarion at this point is fully in contact with the part of him that knows he can walk away.

But also, Astarion accepted this first contract fully expecting to be raped and tortured regularly. He literally considered that and negotiated to make sure none of the torture caused permanent harm. This was a guy who negotiated a contract with stipulations based solely on expecting to be tortured/rape. From Astarion's perspective, Raphael hasn't actually done 99% of what Astarion expected him to do.

In some ways, that makes things harder for Astarion. Not knowing what to expect, and getting whole days where everything's uncertain but 'generally fine' followed by explosions of Raphael's temper etc. is like...still very hard for him to endure. But in a different kind of way.

I think Raphael's going to lay out the terms of the second contract very clearly soon, and Astarion will baulk simply because the terms of the contract will involve him doing two things he very much doesn't want to do. One goes against his personal ethics (and he's already refused to do it around Raphael once), and the second goes against his trauma history. And Raphael knows that. He isn't planning on tricking Astarion into that contract, he's banking on the idea that Astarion will still think the prize is worthwhile.

What I think Raphael is finding frustrating is that he had plans to introduce the concept of the second contract soon and Verillius came along and kind of ruined everything lmao. Raphael is pissed off for a lot of reasons right now. Can't a devil just manipulate a victim into a more high stakes contract in peace?

Unfortunately the Magic 8 Ball says no :D

#asks and answers #palmarosa #thespectaclesofthor #astarion will definitely not see the worst before the second contract #and there will be times in the second contract where he's genuinely upset by what terms he's expected to fulfill #and raphael will enjoy that #the evolution of their relationship through the second contract i'm looking forward to writing tbh #because this fic will also explore astarion's learned helplessness #and the fact that in some ways #raphael antagonises that and kind of can't help himself #it's almost like he wants astarion to learn how to be more genuinely independent and self-respecting #so he's got more to tear down #and i find that really interesting #raphael is after all half human #somewhere in there he is capable of the full scope of human emotion #and i think he has some affinity to and solidarity with astarion #while still being someone who genuinely hungers to hurt someone when he wants to soothe himself #and who literally needs to torture people to feel alive dsaklfjas #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

[beanghostprincess]

The emotional turmoil and torture Sanji and Luffy made Nami go through in WCI is something so fucked up. She's better than me because I would've punched these two idiots so damn hard they wouldn't have been able to go to any fucking wedding.

#IMAGINE NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING I WOULD'VE DIED #girl watched the most important people in her life fighting to death and sanji was literally slipping through their fingers #and he acted like such a jerk to them (understandable. been there. me too. not judging) nami was literally in pieces what the hell #no but seriously like #the helplessness ??? god #poor girl i would not let sanji go after that #i'm just sure she's been keeping an eye on him because i swear she was so worried #one piece #black leg sanji #monkey d. luffy #cat burglar nami #nami #whole cake island

[theophagie]

Kairi's unresponsiveness during the final battle in KH3 is so infuriating and so many of the excuses people make for it are utter crap to me... I don't think it should slide, but at least I can concede that she may have done nothing when Terranort attacked her because of her past with him, but not fighting back at all when Xemnas grabbed her? Bruh... literally all they did was say "we have Got to shove this girl in the fridge no matter what". Lea went through the same training as her and got his ass handed to him as well, but at least he had multiple things to fall back on when that failed (reuniting with Roxas and Xion, his whole deal with Isa). Kairi didn't even have that...........

#remember belle's reaction to xaldin in kh2... it's not even a matter of being too pure hearted or some other bs #they just needed her to be a helpless doll #and. like i said at least the terranort thing is excusable but everything else... #also. say whatever you want i will never Not think that it's a disgrace that it's always only girls who are put in the #''ohh i am and feel weak and insecure i'm not ready enough for this'' situation. talk to the wall #ESPECIALLY because. again. they literally went out of their way to make her as unresponsive as possible for Man Pain #so hers isn't even a matter of a simple subplot about overcoming insecurities or something... we are literally doing mysoginy 101... #and another thing. you expect me to believe that she couldn't shake off xemnas or even Try to when she was just fine fighting goatnort? 🫠🫠 #''because sora was with her in that case <3'' i will kill you i Will. how could that be any good... #especially in light of what happens in MoM...... #mytext #sorry. literally a plot crafted to infuriate me specifically... #when some of her stans are like ''why don't people care more about her. it must be because of SHIPS''...... #because of ships stocazzo girl if i think about her for more than two seconds my veins start to pop because of how pissed i get #video games #kingdom hearts

[hecksupremechips]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

#the klock keeps ticking #yttd #i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks #but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD #i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin #i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr #first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with #all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying #and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so #good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all #like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad #he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP #and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just #being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how #well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler #and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end #and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts #cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish #but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like #the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries #and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer #and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive #and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori #and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent #and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse #he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA #im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad #and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof #I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN #have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes

[miodiodavinci]

good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)

bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)

worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁

#please please please for the love of god ; ; ; #i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ; #this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ; #i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid #and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate #i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm #i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ; #we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants #and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'(' #so the agreement was she could stay for One Week #and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then. #like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house. #with new excuses every time. #and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them #so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick #(and decided to come over anyway) #i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ; #i feel like crying ; ; ; #i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week #i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks #and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ; #a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ; #i'm already behind ; ; ; #i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;

[paldogangsaan]

i’m soooo normal abt theerapanyakul family dynamics. totally not chewing glass

#i need more fics so bad #kinnporsche #just shit like family meetings that turn to shit #completely dysfunctional family dinners #how their relationship was pre canon when they (i assume) got along better since they were children #how macau feels abt being hated for loving his brother #how he feels abt his cousins hating him for what vegas has done even if macau himself is for all intents and purposes innocent #how vegas and macau feel completely helpless whenever they’re with the main family bc they’re inherently Lesser and only have each other #how porsche literally made macau who is a theerapanyankun bleed #how a main family guard was more protected than someone from the minor family #idk just more of their family dynamic being So Fucked Up #and specifically from vegas and macau’s (esp macau’s!!) perspective bc they’re my faves and getting into their heads makes me chew glass #wanna put them in a pringles can and shake it vigorously #vegas theerapanyakul #macau theerapanyakul

[startingfires]

exploding my flatmate with my mind

#she cannot for five seconds put herself in other people's shoes #she cannot help but meddle and be so fucking annoying #just get out!!!!!!!!! #stop!!!!!!! #how she simultaneously acts like i'm a helpless child and yet has no regard for anyone but herself is fucking beyond me #i really don't need this #i really don't #she's fucking hoovering and singing and being loud and knows full well that i was asleep not to mention that i'm the one that does the #hoovering #seriously what the fuck #and it's not like the place was dirty and she's been asking me to do the hoovering for days #fuck no #it's literally fine and i was going to do it later today anyway #and she fucking came into my room yesterday to wake me up bc “it was already 11:30” like???????? ok????? what's it to you?????? #let me sleep??????? #literally what the fuck #it's not my fault you have no hobbies that don't involve being annoying to other people and don't know what to do with free time #don't take it out on me if you're bored and have nothing better to do bc you suck #i'm so done #i'm so so done #ramblings of a rafaela

[zaiinab]

this is so so so heartbreaking

#it’s driving me crazy #i just cannot wrap my head around ppl supporting israel #like what the fuck do you mean?? pls explain to me #it doesn’t make sense at all the history is not that complicated to understand #just fucking google it or watch a video #and all these celebs and the british media are driving me mental by being so fucking dumb i literally feel so helpless

[scringee]

This is the only way to express how I'm feeling

#i try not to talk about my home life on here but im honestly so fucking frustrated that if i dont get this out i might just kill someone #my family car broke down in January of this year #my father refuses to get a new one because he thinks hes saving so mucj more money and he doesnt feel like he has any incentive #acting as if he was giving us free trips #i would literally pay him 100 dollars a fucking week to help take me in and out of work #and he just doesnt like acknowledge that at all #so now im having to take ubers to and from work every day. each trip is like 20+ dollars so that 40+ dollars a day five days a week #im averaging spending 200 dollars a week jusy to get into work #and i work a minimum wage shitty fucking job so all of my paycheck goes straight into ubers and fucking therapy every week #ive had to skip so many sessions becaause theyre all 50 dollars after insurance #and im just so frustrated #i want to move out so bad but how can i save enough if im constantly hemorrhaging cash #the only reason hes saving money is because he fucking works from home #i just dont know what to do at this point i feel so helpless #becayse even if hou casually bring it up my dad immediately assumes youre ATTACKING him and how DARE you and im tited im so fucking tired #how am i meant to move out in these conditions #how am i meant to do anything #i have no fucking social life because i literally just cant afford it im going to cry #i hate him. i hate my dad so fucking much #vent #ig. #scringee mouth

[lobpoints]

some boring lc thoughts in dm with friend ig

Click ALT if you can't read the text

#i was telling my friend that I had some lc thoughts lately which they asked and I responded like a day after (distracted by yuri sorry) #also because I feel like I cannot articulate my thoughts without sounding like an inherently hateful or annoying person about it #there are more to this being that I talked about Benjamin pre LC behavior in the text but benjamin in LC loop behavior evolved #into a state of helplessness complacency state where he held the belief that his and A relationship only last inside the loop #which metaphorically meant that he believed A will have to remain as a hurtful person for their relationship to last #so Hokma's story just have his behavior toward A have this bit of him condemning A's behavior and go on his poor angela speech #and later on dwell into how it is actually OK for A and everyone to keep living like this because A could NEVER change anyway #and if A argues that he could that just mean that he COULDNT BE serious about it because lol something something repeated hurtful pattern #this is something he has in common with Angela as well because Angela's dialogues toward seed of light progressions express this exact #and it is when his meltdown come in where he poses as protector to protect whatever A hasnt destroyed yet #which later just dwell into him admitted that he was just being overly vebrose about his intention but in reality #it was mostly because he couldnt bear to part with A again #I do absolutely think what Benjamin/Hokma feel toward A is romatic attraction like he is literally gay so yeah #and the fact that in QnA PM has answered that Benjamin wasnt in the loop before Angela killed him and put him in so that why he got older #which makes sense because this place into the thematic that when he wanted to escape the loop or fix thing he actually #growing up #while as Hokma stuck in the loop and dealing with the above issues he started being ''stuck'' in a loop #like I cant with the popular fan theory of Benjamin is killed each loop and how tragic it is like #no it didnt happen and it would be frankly kinda lame im sorry #ok im being a hater again #there are more I wanted to say but I forgor them after writing till this point so uh

[koibish]

one of my friends is deep into the process of selling her eggs to pay off her and her partners debt but he just came home with a brand new Tesla

i must be crazy cause his shit would be on the lawn

#the worst part is she isn’t even mad at him??! #she acts like he is a helpless baby #she is literally selling her body and he is still spending like this? #IM SO MAD FOR HER #like they are in so much debt already you have no idea #selling eggs can be so hard on your body #what is he sacrificing #nonsims

[todaviia]

.

#About an hour ago everybody who had the app of the Israeli home front command installed got a message #saying go to a protected room immediately and stay there until further notice - #All around the whole country people got this #we saw it and from friends and from my boyfriends family also who shared it on WhatsApp and called and tried to figure out #what was going on because there was absolutely zero further information #and this was directly after the (since disproven) aircraft invasion alert for all cities in Northern Israel #So for a few minutes we all thought the only thing that could cause this would be an actual atomic bomb #and it turned out to be just a false alarm #which was obviously an immense feeling of relief #but at the same time - it's this feeling of. Profound helplessness #it's just one dumb mistake and it can make you literally think your life and the life of everybody around you could be over #and every part of this is like this #somebody says oh Lebanon is invading and somebody says oh Syria is firing at us #and you start flinching at every loud sound #and of course you know that this is also happening to people in Gaza who don't have any sort of shelter at all #and it's so crazy #like it's not just that this situation is beyond my control #it's that this situation is beyond ANYONES control #and this was literally just a mistake #but it just messes with your head so much

[metacove]

Jacehawk is something that can be so personal. You have the world's most boring self-righteous rigid wanna-be supersoldier paired up with the most evil fucked up pathetic crybaby irredeemable anti-hero

And you find out through the eyes of one another the former is the strongest, most respectable formidable hero who is literally made of light and love and the latter is the sweetest most understanding (poor little meow meow) of a powerful wizard who was brought up in unfortunate circumstances

#and you think wow these two are literally made for each other #BAD FAITH POST #^^ 😬 #and then they kiss #jacehawk is actually about overcoming your circumstances like no matter where you thought you came from the past is wiped clean and all that #is left is to heal what is most painful for you and become the version of you that was always inside #okay so you think you're the most ordinary person ever helpless of changing anything around you. so you fight and you train for years #to become a weapon for your cause which betrays you. well it turns out your real superpower was love and bringing people together #(and becoming a GLOWING BEAST‐) and through this you can save everything. and everyone dear to you. and you'll never give up and you'll #never be truly defeated and your imprint will last and last and last and be defended by everyone you loved #now on the other hand #you think every move you make has to be perfect and love is never available to you because you always fall short. you're not only not- #powerless but in fact the decisions you make so often end up in tragedy and despair that you become a living cautionary tale #and maybe all the mothers DO warn their children about you. and maybe you ARE a monster. and whatever you do you can't seem to claw yourself #out. you can only hurt the people you care about. and so demanding yourself is the only way you can create peace. #and the only thing you can't do. #only to find out that love is all around you and yes even if you were literally a monster you would have love. and you would be saved #and the world is always saving you and transpiring for you to be loved and nothing that's happened defines you #and you look back and the ways you responded were always from the heart. even if they seemed to end badly. it wasn't the end! #it wasn't the end and you did everything you can and someday #you both get to choose who you want to be. and maybe you can't create your circumstances the way you'd like. but the way you respond to them #is everything you are. and everything you've become. and really even if you can't see the good in it yet- #someone will. #and they'll love you and cherish you and someday. you will too #(blows my nose) #hello jacehawks