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#literally that was the last scene i read and oh my god cas explaining what happened when people tried to kill him holy shit im ill
goddess-aelin · 2 years
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So here are my thoughts on TWOTQ and ASITE as well as the series in general!
The good:
-ok I LOVED that sera played a big role in the TWOTQ ending. Sera is literally amazing and I’m so excited to read more of her story.
-I love that the two storylines are coming together and it makes me think that maybe the final book won’t necessarily be a poppy book or sera book but rather both together!
-I absolutely enjoyed poppy coming into her powers. I know some people have problems with it but I love that she’s progressing in that way
-looooove that cas was turned on by her fangs 🤣 my horny boy
- ugh just the poppycas reunion in general. We definitely got so many sweet moments.
-I LOVE NYKTOS. Honestly this might be a controversial opinion but I think I like him more than cas? Not in a sense that he’s better in any way but moreso he would be more attractive to me irl because he’s broody and mysterious 😂
-sera/nyktos honestly owns my heart and that last 25% of the book was suuuuuper painful.
-for that reason I loved the ending of TWOTQ because we (hopefully) can assume that everything worked out in the end especially because reaver said that love saved sera.
-the big reveal of sera being the primal of life!!!!! I was screaming. I mean we knew it but didn’t know it for sure. Now I’m super intrigued as to what is going to happen in her book! How does she live, what happens, how does nyktos get past where he’s at now.
-I’m not calling it “good” per say but I didn’t mind the joining scene itself. It made sense why they did it and I didn’t think it was in any way made to be fetishized or superfluous.
-REAVER. NEKTASSSSSSS MY BOYYY. JADIS ISNT DEAD THANK GOD
-sera and nyktos waking up and literally being a power couple tag teaming returning the souls that were lost in battle. I stan
-I want more tawny.
-if Delano would’ve died I would’ve been PISSEd. Thank god they all came back.
The bad:
-sigh
-where do I start with this
-ok so I think in general TWOTQ was kinda badly written. I don’t read FBAA for it’s quality but some things were just SO inconsistent.
-during the joining it had cas describing the sequence of events to poppy and then it didn’t even happen that way. Maybe it was just me being picky but if you take a moment to describe that she will drink from both of them and then them from each other and then from her, don’t you think that’s how it should happen then? But no, it was poppy from cas, Kieran from cas, cas from Kieran, poppy from Kieran, them from poppy. I’m being picky but seriously!
-the sequence where isbeth stabbed malec and then callum was explaining things to millie and poppy. Yikes. All over the place. I had to read it through a few times to just get the gist of what was happening because all that was being written was “she did this” “she did that” while talking about literally 3 different “she’s.” So I was super confused as to who was supposed to be stabbed and who callum was telling that he’d deal with them later and who the harbinger was. Tbh I still don’t know.
-the way Kieran was acting towards poppy some of the time just felt…icky. I didn’t really feel that way at all until they got cas back. I could see everything up until that point as poppy and Kieran being supportive of each other and kind of leaning on each other while they worked to get cas back. I think they needed that and I honestly saw absolutely nothing wrong with it. It was actually kind of sweet.
-that being said, the comparisons of Kieran to “poppy’s husband” were weird. Like these little touches of caressing her cheek and getting her hair out of her eyes just really fell flat because they were happening in tandem with cas doing these things too. If I can’t differentiate between what her husband is doing and what her…idek what to call him at this point…is doing, I just think that’s a little weird. Def made me kinda uncomfortable. And that is me saying this, who was a “oh I’ll wait and read it for myself, people are probably overreacting to this” type of gal.
-I hated having cas’ POV. Like hated it. I don’t think it added anything to the story and even though I would’ve been sad to not have seen him till halfway through the book, I think it would’ve added more tension if we only had poppy’s POV up until she saw cas again. I think that’s why a lot of people are saying that he’s stagnant in this book. I don’t necessarily think it’s the case, it’s just that were not used to getting his POV and yet whenever we did get his POV in this book, it was never anything of substance. Like all of his thoughts were only of fucking poppy. Like ok we get it! I think JLA was trying to go for sweet but imo it fell a little flat.
The confusing:
-poppycas/Kieran dynamic. Like wtf is going on. On one hand I want to say that ok poppycas are heartmates and I would pin kierans relationship with both of them as an almost soulmate like relationship without the romance. Yet then shit like the cheek caressing and rubbing her back and taking her hair out of her face happened and I just have no idea tbh. Why compare kieran to her husband? To show hes protective? Do it a different way. Every caress cas gave poppy had to be followed by one from Kieran and I did. Not. Like. That. It just felt super weird and uncomfortable to me. Why did Kieran sneak into the tent to sleep with them? Again, just strange.
-do I think it was JLAs intention to make this a throuple? No. I don’t. I think the intention was to show a strong bond between all three of them but what came across was the makings of a three person relationship. Poppy said a few times that her feelings for cas are different from Kieran and I appreciated that but am still confused because I feel like what’s being said and what’s being shown are two different things.
-I found a few scenes between poppy and Kieran to actually be sweet in a “I will always look out for you” type of way. So just to have that kind of stark change from simple comfort to a few different times showing that Kieran is turned on/interested in her in a deeper way was confusing. Im confused
-I’m not necessarily anti joining and I thought that part was tastefully done but I definitely am anti throuple relationship. I just think if that was going to be a thing (which, again, I don’t think it is) she shouldn’t have spent so much time building up the concept of a heartmate.
-so long story short, I think poppycas shippers need not worry because I truly think it was poor word choice and writing style on JLAs part. No disrespect to her but I definitely hope she clears some things up. she has woven this incredible world and I’m so excited to see where it goes. It sucks that I’m super confused over multiple things right now but overall I really did enjoy the book!
Where I think it’s going:
-oh man ok. Idk where to start because there’s so much going on!
-for ASITE: I don’t think we’ll get an immediate love confession from nyktos. That’s not the style. We have to suffer a bit before that 😂. But I think we’ll get sera kinda being…hopeless? Like she doesn’t think she’s going to live and maybe she starts trying to look for ways to transfer that ember of life to nyktos or someone else. I’m not sure that giving up is sera’s style BUT when nyktos told her time and time again that he could never love her, what else is she to do?
-speaking of that relationship, I think they both already do love each other but are too dense to admit it 😂
-I think that sera is going to be saved through some type of sacrifice on nyktos’ part. Hence the “primal who loves you.” What better way to prove you love someone than by giving up power or sacrificing yourself….just sayin. (Obviously we know hes fine so I’m not worried.)
-for FBAA all I’m really hoping for is poppy getting to meet sera and having a talk with her. I think it’d be sweet to see them both bond over shared experiences and I love that maybe sera could be a mother figure to poppy.
So yeah. I think that’s all of my thoughts rn so come and rant to me in my inbox or messages! Please! I’m dying to talk about it with someone!
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count-woe-laf · 3 years
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breathes heavily dta cas
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duuhrayliegh · 3 years
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Fuck Misogyny
request: Bucky uses his newly gained knowledge of feminism to squash misogynistic interview questions. @ptrs-prkrs
warnings: language, creepy men, feminist!bucky
a/n: hey babes!! i hope this lived up to what you wanted! i couldn’t find the exact video you were referencing but i know what you’re talking about, so i drew inspiration from a few others.
p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!!
xoxo ray
full m.list
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The set up was simple. A long row of fold out tables covered in black fabric, microphones in front of each seat. Black papers were taped to the backs of the microphones with each team member's name. Bucky had told Evie that he wasn’t going to be able to work out with her today because of this so it better be worth it. The PR manager for the team, Amanda, had set everything up. Hired the mediator, notified the press, everything. Ever since they announced that they were going to be hosting an Avenger’s Q&A Panel, the internet quite literally broke.
Of course Bucky had been doing lives on TikTok with the group of five for the past couple of weeks now, so he was becoming quite comfortable in this format. He’s become increasingly active on his social media accounts, gaining more and more followers everyday. Granted, there were still haters, as Freddie called them, but Bucky ignored them for the most part.
Bucky was actually excited for this press meeting. He was finally gaining traction in the media and he knew how to correctly answer their questions. As Amanda had explained, there was going to be several questions from the mediator, tons from the press that they had invited, and then some fan questions as well. They apparently were going to be live streaming the conference on YouTube allowing them to read the comments and questions as it went on.
“Okay, everyone. You have two minutes until we start.” The team was in an empty board room in the Hilton hotel. Tony didn’t want everyone on the compound’s grass because he just had it fixed. Bucky scanned his fellow teammates. It was impossible for everyone to dress for the same event. Steve was wearing a shirt that was almost bursting at the seams with a pair of jeans and sneakers.
Tony was wearing a lovely Tom Ford, three piece, two-button, of course. Natasha and Wanda were wearing ripped jeans and casual tops. Vision was wearing a sweater vest and slacks, Bruce was clad in slacks as well a jacket covering his shoulders. Sam was wearing a button-up shirt and pressed jeans and he couldn’t find Clint anywhere, probably hiding in the rafters again.
Bucky had his iconic leather jacket donning his shoulders, a pair of slightly ripped jeans. His outfit was picked out by Cassie and Penny. “You need to look like you care but like you don’t at the same time.” Is what they said, the phrase made Bucky shake his head. His hair had finally started growing back and he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it.
He had gotten help from Evie before he left Cassie’s apartment. She had pulled back the top half, braiding back two sections into the bun at the back of his head. There were pieces dangling in front of his eyes, “to accentuate the facial features, trust me they’ll love it.” Was Evie’s explanation as they pushed him out of the apartment, so he wouldn’t be late.
“Alright guys! They’re calling your names!” The team filed out of the board room and into a large ballroom. Bottles of water were placed beside each placemat. Tony went out first, followed by Steve, then Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Vision, Sam and ending with Bucky. They all settled into their seats, Bucky peeled his jacket off himself, placing it on the back of his chair. His black short sleeved shirt highlighted the gold inlays of his vibranium arm.
“Oh, I see we’re showing some muscle today huh, Buck?” Sam teased as Bucky took his seat next to him. Bucky groaned in realization, covering his microphone so it didn’t pick up what he planned to say.
“Good God, is this what it’s going to be like the entire panel? You just bugging the shit outta me?” They shared a laugh making the rest of the members look at the pair. The audience clapped as they were introduced and continued clapping as they assembled before them.
“Thank you. We would like to welcome everyone to the first, of hopefully many, Avenger’s Q&A Panel.” The female mediator, Stacey, read the assigned lines off the sheet on her podium. “We are going to start with questions we curated for the team and then open it up to the members of the press. After that we will turn to our live stream and answer some viewer questions.” The press rustled in their seats, pulling out pens and journals as well as their phones to record. “Okay, starting off with a question directed at the Avengers in general. How are you feeling about coming before the media in this type of format?” Glances were exchanged between the members, not sure on who was going to start.
“I feel that this is a great way for the general public to learn a little bit more about each individual team member.” Vision was the first to respond and Steve added on.
“Yeah, I definitely think that there’s a common misconception that we don’t want to engage with the media or the general public. We do, unfortunately due to the amount of research and training that we are doing behind the scenes, it just goes to the back of our minds.”
“Right. So Tony and Bruce, we all know that you two are geniuses. What are your feelings on expanding the teachings of STEM courses to not only high school, but as far back as elementary school or even kindergarten?” The pair thought about the question before answering.
“Well, I definitely think that offering STEM-based classes at a younger age would be beneficial, especially if we were to allow the kids to continue to switch what they want to focus on.” Bruce started. “It’s incredibly anxiety-inducing for teenagers to have to decide what they’re going to do with their life right before they are thrust into an unforgiving world.”
“Yeah, I’ll never understand why we do that to our future leaders, it’s honestly baffling. Why do American schools wait until high school to require our children to learn foriegn languages, they aren’t going to retain that information. The same applies for such comprehensive courses like STEM-based ones. If you wait until their brains are already developed so far, then they’ve already decided what they think is interesting and if they don’t find those courses interesting then they aren’t going to pay attention.” Tony finished Bruce's thought before nodding to each other smugly, obviously proud of themselves for answering the question so well.
“Interesting that you see it that way. This last one goes out to everyone and then we’ll open it up to the reporters. How do you deal with the stress and anxiety that comes with being an Avenger? Do you feel a certain amount of pressure to always do the right thing?” Stacey shuffled her papers, tapping them twice on the podium.
“We all have our own routines and ways that we decompress after missions so that really just depends on the person. Like I think that Bruce listens to opera music, and Wanda mediatates, Tony tinkers. It depends on the person.” Natasha answered concisely, making Bucky nod his head. He could recall all of those things to be true.
“Oh definitely, and it doesn’t hurt that we have a former VA Trauma Counselor on board to help us work through the harder stuff.” Steve added a gesture of his head to Sam.
“Speaking of that Sam, just a quick question before we open it up. How difficult was it for you to transition from regular Air Force missions to Avenger level missions?” Sam made a face at Stacey before answering.
“Um, I mean, it’s not that different. You’re always fighting one of the Big Three-- aliens, androids, or wizards, no matter what department you’re working with. The only transition I had to deal with was the Tony Stark-erized suits. Now that I think of it, Tony, can we make it tighter?” Sam quipped making the room laugh with ease.
“Alright, well now we’re going to open it up to the reporters. Starting with this gentleman in the front and then if we could also give a microphone to someone on that side of the room. Okay, thank you.” The first reporter stood up, holding the microphone in one hand and his phone in the other.
“Hello. John from Huffington Post. The Avengers inspire almost everyone around the world, so we would like to know who inspires you? Who do you look up to in terms of your idols?” He sat back down as the team contemplated their answers.
“Gandhi.” Bruce said, Tony snapped his fingers and pointed at him then added. “Pepper, she’s so amazing.” Steve looked down to Bucky, who shrugged.
“I would probably have to say that my sister, Sarah, inspires me. She raised her two sons, Cas and AJ, by herself after the Blip and was able to keep the family business going.” Sam’s answer made Bucky smile. Sam had brought him to their house in Delacroix, he remembered waking up to Cas and AJ playing in the kitchen, happy giggles filtering through reminding him of his time in Wakanda. By the time that Bucky had refocused on the conversation they had moved on without his answer. Several different questions went by, all directed to the team at large, until Chad.
“Hi, I’m Chad for the Daily Mail. My question is for Wanda and Natasha.” The pair of women perked up, excited to have a specific question. “Do you find that your equipment hinders you in doing your job as well as your male counterparts?” Stunned expressions settled over the womens faces, then annoyance. Bucky’s brows shot up to his hairline, appalled that someone had the balls to ask that. Wanda and Natasha handled the question with grace and much more restraint than Bucky would have.
“Well for me, I am able to move things with my mind so I can throw things randomly at people even if I’m not in the room. I’ve been very fortunate to work with Natasha who has Widow training, so my hand to hand combat is improving immensely. And being able to work with Princess Shuri in Wakanda to learn how to fully control my powers. It’s an ever evolving process that I’m always excited to take on.” Bucky nodded and turned his attention to Natasha.
“My favorite thing is training with either Steve or Bucky because they push me to do my best. We all have our specialties here and it’s nice to learn new skills or improve old ones with people who support you.” Natasha sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest, throwing daggers with her eyes at Chad in the audience, waiting for him to say something else. Chad stood again, yelling so he could be heard over the crowd’s commotion.
“That’s great, ladies, but forgive me, you didn’t answer the question I asked.” Bucky pushed forward in his seat, leaning into his microphone.
“I’m sorry, I think I misunderstood what you asked them then. I would like for you to clarify what you mean by equipment.” Chad balked, not expecting a male’s voice to respond.
“You know what’s implied by equipment, sir.” Bucky’s jaw clenched at the man.
“Did you just ask two of the most capable women that I’ve ever known, if their equipment, which I’m assuming you’re referring their breasts, made it to where they couldn’t do their job as good as the rest of their male counterparts. Just to be clear, that’s what you’re asking?” Chad stuttered as he answered yes.
“Right, well first off that’s disgusting. Just a bit of background for you, Wanda is the strongest Avenger here, plain and simple. As for Natasha, she’s the smartest woman I’ve ever met and she can take down every single male here.” Bucky took a breath before continuing. “So, what I think you really want to know is how they encourage their teammates to keep up with them.” He dropped his head to look at the two women down the line.
“Don’t worry Chad, I’ll ask them the right question, since you can’t quite seem to understand how to respect women.” The team was holding back snickers at Chad’s reaction. “Wanda, Natasha. Chad wants to know how the hell you push your male teammates to be just as good as you are. What are your strategies to keep us on our toes while training?” Claps sounded from the women press members and Bucky awaited the pair's response. The next press member stood and asked a question.
“Hi, I’m Chloe from Vanity Fair. This question goes to everyone on the panel.” Bucky settled in for another question that didn’t matter. “How do you continue to be aware of things happening in our society today? Do you keep up-to-date through new channels, or social media?” The answers were rather generic from the team, all of them rather uncomfortable from the tension that Bucky and Chad had created. Stacey interrupted after Chloe’s question.
“Okay, we’re going to open it up to viewer questions from our live stream.” An iPad was placed on the podium in front of Stacey and her eyebrows rose. “Okay, there’s quite a variety here. Here’s one for Steve and Bucky.” Bucky perked up, nervous to answer because his adrenaline had worn off.
“One viewer asks, ‘Steve and Bucky, being from the 40’s, women were treated like second thoughts and were talked about like objects. Now, you’re in the 21st century, not much has changed. What have you been doing to support feminist causes?’”
“I just want to say that everyone should be answering this. It’s true that during the 40’s women were not treated the right way, and they still aren’t today. An 18 year old can’t walk down the street at nine o’clock at night without being catcalled. I am a proud feminist, as everyone should be. I think that as a team we are doing pretty well in that department. As far as what I’m doing to support feminist causes, I’m doing as much as I can. I actually recently enrolled in online classes to expand my knowledge on many subjects, seeing as how I am from the 40’s and all.” The crowd laughed along with Bucky.
“Almost all of my classes have to do with either psychology or gender studies, it’s a fascinatingly haunting subject. One book that I’m reading right now was suggested to me by my friend Cassie, it’s called Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot. The author doesn’t let up and I’m only halfway through it. Look, I’m still educating myself, but I’m a strong believer in doing what is right for everyone, so I’m trying. Thankfully I have a few people keeping me in check as far as my actions.” Bucky thought his response was well thought out for being an on the fly question. He was new to the concept of feminism but that didn’t change the fact that it made total sense.
“I’m with Bucky on this. The 40’s were a rough time. I remember the first time I met Peggy Carter, I was astonished that a woman could be in such a powerful position. One of the first things she did after I met her was punch out someone who made a sexual comment to her. I’ve been supporting feminist causes ever since working with Peggy.” Steve added, a sad smile spreading on his face reminiscing Peggy.
“This one says, ‘As a total fan of all of you, I love seeing what you post on your social media accounts. When are the rest of the Avengers going to follow Bucky’s lead and download TikTok?’” Bucky’s head flew back into a full body laugh. Tony shifted forward in his seat, pointing his finger at the laughing man down the table.
“I would just like to say he didn’t get that approved before doing it. However, it did go over really well, so we’ll consider it.” Wanda’s mouth rolled inwards, stifling her laughter.
“We’ll consider it, you’re such an old man. Most of us have TikTok already, we just don’t make content on it like Barnes over here.” Sam said, tossing his head in Bucky’s direction.
“I’ve got like three videos on there!” Bucky and Sam began bantering back and forth.
“Yeah and one of them is dancing to a Cardi B song! Who even showed you that? I thought you only like 40’s music?” Bucky made a face at the man.
“Uh, just because I didn’t like your suggestions for music doesn’t mean I don’t have taste. My Spotify playlist is filling out quite nicely, Wilson.” Bucky and Sam didn’t quit fighting from then on, just little jabs at each other under the table.
“Here’s a good one,” Stacey had a smile on her face, “Are you allies of the LGBTQ+ community?” Bucky responded quickly with no hesitation.
“Yes, many of my friends are members of the Alphabet Mafia. Why wouldn’t we be?” Wanda nodded at his question, laughing at his use of the phrase Alphabet Mafia.
“Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I’m dating a fucking android, I’d be pretty hypocrictal if I wasn’t an ally. Nat, Clint what about you?” Clint bobbed his head in response.
“Oh yeah. We all are, even the Star Spangled Man with a Plan.” Steve’s shoulders shook with laughter at Clint’s nickname for him. The team broke out into laughter, joining Steve. Stacey cleared her throat, commanding the attention of the room again.
“Alright, everybody! That’s it for today.” She glanced down at her papers. “We would like to thank everyone for coming out today and joining the Avengers Q&A Panel. At this time we are unaware, if we will be conducting another one of these, but the odds look good based on the response.” The team filed out of the ballroom and into the empty boardroom. Bucky was the last to get into the room and he was approached by Natasha and Wanda immediately. Wanda wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug.
“That was so sick, Bucky!” She stepped back and Natasha offered him a side hug as well. “Where’d you learn all that? And since when are you taking online classes?”
“That guy was being an asshole, he needed to be put in his place. I hope you guys didn’t feel like I overstepped or anything.” Bucky hung his arm over Wanda’s shoulder, leaning his weight on her. “And I started about two months ago. They’re going really well, I’m learning a lot and enjoying it surprisingly. It’s a good thing to do in my free time since I’m not always on missions.”
“I’m proud of you James, that was impressive.” Natasha complimented him, she wasn’t usually a woman of many words so that was a lot. Bucky smiled at her, nodding his head. His phone began buzzing in his back pocket, so he excused himself from their conversation. His screen displayed one of Evie’s senior pictures, signalling that she was calling him. He pushed the green button and brought the phone to his ear to answer her call.
“Hello?” She ignored his greeting with a squeal.
“Check your Twitter! Bucky, you’re trending! Here I’m putting you on speaker, we’re all here Buck!” Shuffling noises were heard through the speaker as Evie began reading the tweets to Bucky. Laughs from Cassie, Freddie and Penny could be heard behind Evie’s voice.
“Oh my gosh Eve! Just let the man get back to what he was doing!” Freddie yelled at an excited Evie, who retaliated with a scoff.
“Okay, okay! Just remember we have a movie night tomorrow! It’s Penny’s turn to pick so we don’t know what to expect.” Evie mumbled the last part into her phone speaker. Bucky heard the impact of a pillow hit Evie, causing her to grunt in pain. “Okay! We’ll talk to you later, Buck! See you soon!” She hung up the phone before he could get a word in edgewise. Bucky shook his head as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. Amanda approached Bucky asking to speak with him privately.
“So we’re getting a flood of interview requests from networks and papers. We would like to start running with this. We’ll have to go over everything with our PR guy, Ryan, but it should work out. As long as you’re comfortable with all of this.” Bucky smiled and nodded, following after Amanda as she continued explaining what would happen going forward.
He was nervous, of course, but he could tell these nerves were coming from a place of excitement instead of fear, which was a new sensation for the man. It wasn’t unwelcome, it was the same as when he first started hanging out with Cassie, Penny, Freddie and Evie. It was the same when he went on his first mission with the team. Bucky was ready to tackle this next adventure, whatever it would entail.
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sibsteria · 3 years
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all the angels [cast & angels & chuck]
prompts: ''run away with me''
summary: [bare with me, this is a long summary and concept] throughout the decades, y/n and the angels lived in harmony, her being the only being with powers on par with chuck. an immortal life with your angels sounds good, doesn't it? something goes wrong and y/n gets projected into the world of the spn actors. she had never met god, despite being made for the angels because of him. the thing is, she doesn't remember anything of her life with the angels and this messes with reality. the world of reality, along with y/n, are all magically convinced she has always been in their universe as a fellow cast mate. what happens when most of her favourite angels and a certain hellish man team up to collect her in the middle of a con?
characters: Rob Benedict, Richard Speight Jr, Mark Pellegrino, Misha Collins, Mark Sheppard, Sebastian Roche, Chuck Shurley, Gabriel, Castiel, Lucifer, Balthazar, Crowley
warnings: I dreamt something along the lines of this and it's just pure crack, I apologise, fluff, angst, everyone is single because it gets weird. I wrote this at 4am :/
---
''So let's talk about Y/n's character! She hasn't been explained too much but we know her backstory.'' Wow, thank you, Mark Sheppard.
''Well, I'm pretty sure the fans already know.'' I shrug, but a glare from the man before me makes me roll my eyes.
''Come on, don't leave them in the dust, also sharing a name with your character is weird right?'' He teases me, I resist the urge to walk over and playfully slap him.
''Fine. She was created by God to please the angels in whatever way they needed, with her consent obviously. She creates a connection with Gabriel and their connection become the focus of her life, until she meets Crowley-'' I look over at Sheppard and paint a fake scowl on my face, sending the audience into light laughter. ''-who is also vying for her attention, but as you all know, she had been killed off at the end of the last season. Y'all didn't see that blinding golden light and her disappearing act?'' I raise my eyebrow at the crowd. They murmur amongst themselves.
''Are you sure she was killed off?'' Richard snickers from next to me. ''What if her dear Gabe just snapped her away for some-'' He wags his eyebrows to out fans. ''-angel on paragon action.''
''It's literally in the script shut up- or you know, believe this idiot.'' I smile, showing I meant no offense
''Scripts change! You know that!'' Misha reasons, aggressively.
''I suppose so.'' Leaving audiences in an unsolved mystery is the fun of cons.
---
Sitting in the green room, it's sweaty and warm after the panel. We are instantly greeted by our colleagues awaiting their next instructions such as Mark Pellegrino, Sebastian Roche and Rob Benedict.
''Welcome back, you little bastards.'' Sebastian's voice rings throughout the room, I groan, faceplanting onto the couch where Rob sat, fiddling with an acoustic guitar.
We sat, talked, ate, I napped, yknow the usual.
---
''So, do you think they will bring you back for the next season?'' Misha asks, I bite my lip and answer him.
''I have no idea, no one has said anything so maybe not. I'll be joining our widdle Kings of Con if not.'' I give a baby voice when talking about the couple that is R2.
''Hey!'' Rob's voice wavers in his distinct little way.
''Rude of you to call me little.'' Richard winks and I shoot gag at him, he feigns a frown.
''In other news-'' Mark Pellegrino's cut-in is interrupted by a blinding golden light, surrounding the room. I grip onto Rob's arm as the ground begins to shake, burring my head into his chest, I cover my eyes from the light. He holds me back just as tight, hiding in the comfort of my shoulder. One of many weird, intimate moments with him that makes people believe we are together.
A loud, pitched, sound rattles around us. A few of us scream in pain but I just whimper and move closer into Rob.
Suddenly, everything stops and stills.
I can't force myself to move.
''What the fuck?!'' I hear Misha, making me not want to move even more.
''Ha! Look, she's cuddling you. Awe.'' I hear Richard's voice, but it wasn't him, it didn't sound like him. I pull myself away from Rob's chest and look at the scene unfolding.
'What the fuck?'' I whisper, repeating Collins' earlier comment. Stood here, a few feet in front of us are Gabriel, Balthazar, Castiel, Crowley, Lucifer and Chuck. Did I miss something?
''Not happy to see us, darlin'?'' Gabriel smirks, a foot of his approaches me, I look at them in confusion and shock.
''W-What's going on?'' That is the first time I have ever heard Pellegrino stutter.
''We should probably talk...'' Chuck wavers his hands to us all, motioning us to listen to him.
''So, uh, Y/n here? She's our Y/n, from our reality and we kinda want her back.'' Gabriel shuffles his weight between each of his feet, I'm in too much terror to even speak, so is everyone else.
''You hear him, dickbags? We want her back.'' Lucifer crosses his arms, staring dead into Pellegrino's soul, presumably to make him uncomfortable.
''I don't understand-'' I stop myself, leaving it at that.
''Wait, do you not remember?'' Gabriel looks at me, broken eyes reflect his inside pain.
''Of course she doesn't, you bollock! Can't you see the look on her face?'' Crowley rolls his eyes but for some reason I can sense his true sadness.
''I will explain, better.'' Castiel takes a step towards me. ''You are Y/n Divine, our Divine, your the celestial from our existence. Your our...?'' He struggles to find the words, Balthazar answers for him. Not the lot of explaining I need there, Cas.
''Our collective soulmate, so to speak.'' He nods.
''Yeah, that's who I am in Supernatural but- this isn't the show, this is reality. I gotta be dreaming, oh my God-'' Chuck interferes (doesn't he always).
''That's me.'' The nervous laugh from the bearded almighty almost makes me laugh, almost, but the situation was too real for it. ''Would it help if I...showed you?'' He says, unsure of his choice of words.
For some reason, I pour my trust into him, and walk towards the clone of my almost boyfriend, I wished.
''Mind if I show all of you?'' Chuck asks, before ignoring some of the 'no's in the room and he snaps, bringing us into a dream state.
Scenes flow through our brains, ones that weren't in the show
---
Dressed in a white kaftan with golden afflictions, there was Y/n, lay in the greenest of grass. And next to her? Gabriel the Archangel. Almost in a Bella-Edward meadow position, the two looked into each other, reading one another's soul.
''Run away with me.'' Gabriel whispers, lighter than air.
''What?'' She snaps out of her dreamy daze.
''Let's leave, you don't need any other angel that isn't me.'' This breaks her heart, although Gabriel was her favourite and the one she had a special connection with, she had a duty to remain near the other angels.
''I want to-'' Gabe's heart lifts but sank soon after. ''-but you know I can't. I wasn't created to defy my purpose, I would cease to exist if I did.'' A tear rolls down her cheek, the light from the fading sun rested gracefully on her skin.
''I know. Oh, what was I thinking? My father will come after us and- I would rather now think about what he would do to us, to you.'' He looks away from her to relish in his pain.
''Don't be like that, my little Aurelian enchanter-'' She mentions the colour of his golden wings, which lay across the ground behind him, a beautiful sight. ''-the time will come where no angel needs me, then I can devote myself to you, only you.'' She mumbles, pressing a sure kiss to the peak of his nose. He huffs in a peaceful array of emotion.
''At least you don't kiss any other of my brothers or estranged family.'' He nudges back at her, nose to nose.
---
''That was sickening to watch.'' Pellegrino chuckles into the dark abyss of our voices, unable to see each other but still recognising each other within the blindness.
''Shall I show you another one?'' A rhetorical question from the Lord from above, as he whisks us into another memory.
---
She sat on a bench, clad in elegancy, the world was still new and beaming. New angels were being created, not all of them needed a divine celestial to aid them, so she spent her days watching the creations live. The bees harvesting pollen from the flowers was one of her favourite sights.
She felt an angelic presence appear next to her, but a new one, an unknown one.
''Who might you be?'' She asks, not tearing her eyes away from the fuzz of a creature.
''I am Castiel.'' Short and stat, seems like the kind of being he was, without a vessel he could be read more easily.
''No vessel yet, I assume?'' She looks towards the beam of light beside her.
''No, not yet. I hardly think there's a need for such a thing.'' His voice was the most beautiful she had heard, of all the angels, no vessel and no front made him so much more enticing.
''Well, nice to meet you. You're wings...they're black? Pretty though, new as well.'' She smiled at Castiel, his aura positively increased, the interaction helping them both. Just a simple amount of time in company can help an angel.
''Thank you.''
---
''So that's Castiel?'' Misha seems uneasy.
''Would you like to see the encounter between her and his vessel?''
---
She sat, with Balthazar, just grooming his beautiful wings. An act she did for her most favourite angels.
''Have you seen Castiel's vessel?'' He smiles up at her, in his own vessel.
''Not yet but I am excited though, from the comments I'm hearing, he is a most handsome fellow.'' She brushes past a certain spot, making Bal shiver in delight, not in a sexual manner.
''Ugh, like you don't find yourself infatuated with my golden winged brother already, don't go falling for another one.'' He groans in disgust, she laughs, melodically.
''I can promise you, I won't.'' That was a future lie.
''Hello, Y/n.'' A new voice from behind her, sensing the energy, she knew it was Cas.
A wide grin stretches across her features, ''Castiel!'' She shouts, whipping round to face the angel in his new restrictions. ''My, my, good choice, my angel.'' A nickname specifically reserved for the defying being.
''I would say 'thank you', but it would be a most similar and repetitive interaction.'' She sighs in relaxation, reliving her first encounter with Castiel.
''You are always welcome, you're one of my favourites.'' She boops his nose, squeaking 'boop' at the same time, Cas cocks his head in confusion.
''Boop?'' He questions her, she shrugs her shoulders.
''You're cute, so I booped you.'' She giggles, Castiel couldn't refuse the stutter in his 'emotions' as she spoke.
''Okay.''
---
I heard Mark Sheppard's voice throughout the void, ''YoU'rE cUtE, sO i BoOpEd YoU!'' His badgering voice pointing fun at me.
''Shut up.'' I mumble.
---
It was beautiful, the winding waterfall gushing down the rocks, watching it flow. She sat, in deep thought, things between Lucifer and Michael were getting tense, she was scared for the future.
''You don't need to worry about us, my little cherub.'' Lucifer's voice mixed eloquently with the sound of the waves slowly connecting the lake below.
''It's part of my job, I couldn't help it if I tried.'' She shrugged, she stared at the water, taking in the fresh air.
''I know that things aren't simple, they never will be, just know you will always have me. I have never spoken to anyone in such a tone before, you should be honoured, little one.'' This made her accumulate, she leaned back into hold, he was a median temperature. It was nice.
''My Lucifer.'' She grinned in thought. ''You always have been the most intriguing, I will never give up on you, I promise you that.'' She craned her neck to look at the blonde, before pressing the smallest of kisses to his jaw. She had never seen him so vulnerable, so honest with himself, and she wouldn't again for some time.
---
''My dear, this is too dangerous. You are not a warrior, you are a healer and an abettor. I can't let you, I'm sorry.'' Crowley's gruff rumble soaked the thin air, she wanted to fight for her angels- with her angels. She held the power, but not the will.
''I was made for this moment, this is my purpose, I have to do something.'' She pleads, tears stinging her eyes.
''Listen to me, darling, they need you alive more than you're help. Listen to what I'm saying, although I am nonpartisan, I can't remain unbiased. I fear that my little, fascination with you is what keeps you safe. The angels may not love it, but it keeps you safe whilst they handle their own. They want you safe, so that is what I will do.'' His short monologue seemed to flip something within Y/n, she stayed silent for a moment, reeling in thought. Hearing his repetition of the word safe just made her wish the same for her angels.
''I-I guess you're right. I don't want anything to happen to them, you remember last time, when it all-'' She couldn't bring herself to continue, relishing in the agony of remembering when Lucifer was cast.
''Yes, my dear, and you nearly got caught in the crossfire. It can't happen again, there is no other being like you and there never will be. The stories are that God nearly killed himself trying to create you, you are everything he wanted humanity to be.'' She smiled at this, he was trying to cheer her up with a bit of complimenting. ''Even if you are stubborn.'' She slapped his chest, as a farce and let out a small cachinnate.
---
Everyone was silent, things started to get heavy on thought and reason. No one could think of a word to say.
''One more for good measure, then we will asses you, Y/n.'' Uh, what does that mean?
---
The quiet air that surrounded the two was comforting and safe, content and peaceful. Y/n and Gabriel sat opposite one another, his wings lay in her lap as she did what she does best. Her hands traced up the outer lining of his wings, from top to bottom, before moving in the the inner feathers. She rolled a collection of feathers between her fingers each time she moving a few inches down, softly and gently. Working out the stress and the tightness that wound itself within them, he holds onto her knee, using it as a gripping post every once in a while. It wasn't a pain thing though, it was quite the opposite, the gratification and the bliss he was receiving from such a special moment was intense.
''I don't know why, I think your wings are my favourite.'' She hums out, brushing out the feathers she had been fixing in a swoop from the height of his wing and downwards, before moving on to the next section.
''Oh, really?'' Gabriel couldn't resist the playful tone residing in his comment, but that was what Y/n loved, he wasn't afraid to tease her.
''Without a doubt, they're mesmerising. Such a beautiful colour, and shape. They suit you so well.'' Slowly, she leans forward to kiss the corner of his mouth, before gently pulling herself back.
''Come on, sweetheart! You can do better than that-'' His voice is cut off by a staggering gasp as she unwinds a knot in his feather,  gripping her knee tight, he swoons.
She doesn't say a word, yet she picks up her head again, craning towards the angel's face. While continuing to brush out his ailerons of flight, she kisses him again, direct and strong. She moves against his lips with such care but much passion, Gabriel couldn't resist the slip of his tongue to her, she wasn't in any way complaining.
---
''Okay, that was upsetting to watch.'' Richard grumbles, we find ourselves back inside the green room, standing in front of us remain Chuck and Gabriel.
''You're telling me.'' I let a slanted expression reach my face.
''You mean you still don't remember?'' Gabriel's frown tugs at my heart, I feel something for him, but not as immense as what we have been watching.
''I have something that might work, but it might...do something?'' Chuck gives out a nervous chuckle, small and barely there.
''Do it, I need her back, I don't care about the consequences unless it hurts her.'' The strain and torment in his intonation is dismal.
''It won't hurt her, but it might- never mind, if it happens then it happens, if it doesn't then you will be happy you didn't know.'' Chuck walks towards me with purpose and I cower back slightly, a stern alarm on my face.
''W-Woah there, what are you doing?'' I reach out my hands in a 'stop' motion, he grabs hold of them.
''Bringing back your memory, I need you to focus on the moments you just watched, think about how you felt during them.'' I thought back, I felt as if I was the girl in the grass, and in heaven and the girl who loved the angels. I revelled in the select memories, the beautiful memories. ''Good, carry on thinking about them and how you felt.''
I felt a warmth surge through my hands, as they remained connected to Chuck's.
''It's working.'' I peek open my eyes and look down at our hands. Mine are white and hold a holy glow, my eyes widen as I look at the magic.
''This is you?'' I ask, Chuck shakes his head.
''It's you, well, it's us. You have your own powers, but this kind can only be used when I am touching you. You know you have angelic advantages, from the show?'' He explains in a way I understand, I nod. ''D-Do you want to remember this world? Along with your true one?'' I bit my lip before answering.
''I would, some people I can't let go.'' I look towards Rob, who stood off towards the side, the group of my colleagues still in shock of the situation, some whispering to each other.
''I see. Are you ready?'' The heat is getting more intense in my hands, a burning hot white light shines from then.
''I think so.''
''I need to warn you, you may not like what could happen next.'' He unclasps our hands before reaching up to sandwich my head between them. It wasn't painful, it was peculiar, my body went numb. This took around a minute before he took his hands of me.
My mind and his instantly travelled to a secluded world. It was barren and empty, but beautiful, Red sand and burnt skies surrounded me, small oasis' patched around. The sun was in a constant set, never going up nor down.
''Where are we?'' I asked Chuck, he was dressed in a white pant and shirt, I looked down towards myself. I was enclosed by a gorgeous lengthy white garment, a golden sash across my waist.
''We're in your head. How are you feeling?'' I smile.
''Like myself, thanks Chuck, nice to meet you by the way- can't believe I haven't said that yet, after all Gabe has told me.''
''Um, okay, this is going to be awkward to ask. What do you feel? When you look at me, that is.''
''Hm...'' I look into his soft eyes. I felt as if I belonged there, like it was home. My whole existence within his soul.
''That's- not good.'' He must have read me, because I didn't say that out loud. I widen my eyes, starting to panic. ''I-I mean, it could be? It depends how you feel on the matter.'' He tries to soothe me.
''Explain.'' Was all I said.
''We- well. I've linked us, not on purpose. You're life's fulfilment is with me now, along with the angels. I'm not your creator anymore, I'm your equal. Yet you are not light nor dark, your the meld of both, a mediator if you will. The love for the angels, can be found within myself now. I'm sorry, I never thought it would actually happen.'' I'm guessing this is the first time he has ever apologised, I don't know how but- I feel like I know everything about him. The almost humanitarian way he dabbles jn his powers is confronting.
''Yes, that's another edge you have, you know everything about me now, you know who I am and what I've done.'' He looks ashamed and off to the side.
''You may not be proud of who you are, but I am-'' I hold his hand and turn his head with my other. ''You're the creator, just because you have done bad things, does not mean you're a bad person.'' I feel like I've known him my whole life, I technically have. He remains silent.
''We will have our time, go seem them. If you ever need to see me and I'm not around, think of this place and I'll meet you here, no matter how far apart we are.'' He extracts us from the sanctuary.
I'm back in my own body, looking around at the awkward faces of my peers. We must have been stood, staring into space for some time.
''Hey-''I turn to Gabe as he speaks, walking towards him before I stop dead in my tracks. I swiftly run back to Chuck, slamming my lips against his, I feel my heart stutter in the shock of my own actions. He kisses me back with much more passion, before I pull away. I look at Rob, his mouth his hung open, using my power I look into his head.
He's shocked and- jealous. He thinks it's invigorating to see a version of himself kiss you. Realising he could've admitted his feelings to you, perhaps you wouldn't have gone back to them.
''Well- okay, that's new.'' Gabriel mutters, his voice cracks in the middle of his speech.
I turn and run towards Gabe.
''Don't worry, you're still my favourite.'' He yanks me into a hug, pulling me into a compact hug, I wrap my legs around his waist.
He whispers some enochian into my ear, I bite my lip and smile. Along the lines of 'should I book the hotel now or later?'.
''You know full well we don't need to do that.'' I couldn't help but tease him back, he sighs in content, happy to have us back.
''I'm- confused, what the fuck is going on?'' Sebastian calls.
''If you want, you can make them forget, Y/n.'' Chuck announces, a valley of yelling and protests wash over me from the Supernatural cast.
''Can I? It could be for the best...'' I trail off, the cast look at me with hurt in their eyes, I decide to communicate with Rob through his head.
'Rob' He looks around, alarmed. 'I'm in your mind, don't panic'
'How could you? I know you aren't meant to be here but please don't make me forget you' I could hear the pain within him.
'I won't completely, you'll know me, but not as who I am. You will know me as your colleague and friend, I'll visit you'
'I love you, I'm sorry I never said it' I heard his heart shatter.
'I love you too, maybe we can develop something in the future' Maybe I was asking too much of myself, maybe not.
''You ready to go back?'' Chuck waltzes toward me and Gabriel. ''Other angels want to see you, I can hear them, it's rather annoying.'' I smile at the thought of seeing them all again, this time knowing who they are to me.
''I think so.'' I turn back to say my goodbyes.
''Misha, you are one of the most genuine and kind people this Earth can offer, I'm so happy I met you.'' I move forward to hug him, channelling my power, as soon as I leave this plane it will activate- leaving them in the state they were before.
''Mr. Sheppard, you smarmy bastard, never change. The world couldn't take it. I'll see you soon.'' I step forward to hug him.
''My, my, Pellegrino, a tear? Not going soft on me, are you?'' He shakes his head, rolling his eyes at me. ''I'll miss you and your karaoke.'' I hug him, he holds on a little longer, refusing to let me go. I look at him with sad eyes, before turning to Sebastian.
''You and your attitude Roche, you're such a light person, you'll see me again and I promise you that. Keep up the humour, you're not yourself without it.'' I hug him, ejecting a powerful wave.
''Richard, I will admit you are my best friend, even when you're trying to sleep with everything that walks. Take care of Robbie for me, I won't be too long before my next visit, so hold on.'' I grip him in my arms, pulling gently on his beard as we part, before getting mockingly swatted away.
I couldn't sat goodbye to Rob, looking at his disheartened face. ''R-Robbie-'' I tried not to cry, saying goodbye to so many friends is breaking me.
''I can't explain how much you mean to me, I love you, in every way you can imagine. I love you all.'' I hug Rob, not wanting to let go.
''Please don't go.'' His whimper makes me finally let out tears.
''I need to. I promise I'll return.'' I think about my next action, before deciding on it.
'Pull away if you don't want this.' I say to him, his head is swimming with agony.
Kissing him, very lightly, I feel tears mix on my lips. I pull away before I get too attached.
''Gonna miss you, so much.'' He whispers to me, clutching my shirt in his hands.
''I have to go, bye Benedict, till we meet again.'' I try to spin a comedic affect into my words, stepping away from my best friends.
Chuck holds out his hands, Gabriel and I connect to them. I shut my eyes, I can't face what I'm leaving behind. I feel a golden illumination against my shut eyelids.
It's not forever, but I will miss them.
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tomhardysteeth · 4 years
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u wanna say anything for spn ending? Today's their last day of filming
Yeah sure! I love how you worded this ask, it makes me want to give a very serious answer. I’ve been rewatching random episodes the past few days and thinking about how much of my life was shaped by this random lil tv show, both positively and negatively, so here we go. 
I started watching Supernatural during my junior year of college, when I was grappling with being gay and religious, and had a pseudo-girlfriend who was emotionally abusive. I remember I started watching the show because I had been on tumblr for a while and thought, well this is a popular show on tumblr and looks like something I’d enjoy, so I might as well try it. I remember barely paying attention to the first season and thinking it was kind of silly, and I distinctly remember making fun of it right up until the season 1 finale when that truck slammed into the Impala and I said oh.
I remember sitting in the dining hall between classes, hiding in a corner with my pink headphones and my laptop, watching one episode after the other, completely consumed by it. My personal life was a mess at the time and I was angry and sad and frustrated, but I could forget about everything for a little while when I watched spn. I remember falling in love with Dean Winchester, season 3, when Sam gave him the amulet. 
Because I had already spent a lot of time on tumblr, I knew about Castiel. I couldn’t wait to get to season 4, the anticipation killed me. I didn’t really have a choice in shipping destiel, I literally shipped it before I even watched a single episode of the show lol. My first time watching seasons 4 and 5, I remember how mad I would feel every time the opening credits scrolled at the bottom of the screen and Misha Collins wasn’t listed. I cared about almost nothing but Dean and Cas interacting with each other. I was totally enamored by them, by their potential. At some point I got over that and watched the show because I liked the show, but boy did my heart and brain break for destiel. 
I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. I started coming out to more people, including people involved in the Christian campus ministry I was heavily involved in, and it was very very hard. It was 2013. The first episode of Supernatural I watched live was the episode where Dean turns into a fucking dog. 
I don’t remember when I started reading fanfic, and I had no idea how to read fanfic. A friend invited me to ao3, what is ao3? I didn’t know. I used my email address as my username. I read Twist and Shout and Pie Without Plot and other very popular fics that I knew about because everybody knew about them. I vividly remember the first fics I read because I was 21 years old and had never had an orgasm in my life and believed sex was sinful and so when the sex scenes in fics turned me on, I felt guilty about it. 
I quickly got over that and started writing explicit destiel fanfic. 
I still had no idea what I was doing. I know the very first fic I ever wrote was a mess, I’ve completely erased all traces of it, but other than that I began posting with abandon. Pretty much everything I’ve ever written for spn is still on tumblr and/or ao3. I was running a Hannibal blog at the time and started posting more Supernatural content than Hannibal content, so I created a sideblog, @deancasheadcanons​, and things very quickly got out of hand after that.
I was depressed, I was confused, I was spending my last couple years of college trying to figure out my sexuality, trying to hold onto a religion that was rejecting who I was becoming, trying to find my identity while picking a career path and being sad and being pulled in a hundred different directions. Sometimes I was working three jobs at once, on top of 17-credit-hour semesters. I was getting a degree in a field I did not care about, and I spent every class reading and writing fanfic, scrolling through tumblr, making internet friends, letting my life be consumed by Supernatural. I projected myself completely onto Dean Winchester and partially onto Castiel and did not even realize it. 
I started dressing like Dean, and my sister and brother-in-law noticed and assumed I was gay. They were extremely unsubtle in their attempts at getting me to come out by pointing out the flannel and army jackets, and I did not have it in me to admit to them that I was dressing like a fictional character, but I DID tell them I was bisexual. 
I went to therapy every week during my senior year of college, and I was embarrassed about how often I talked about my “internet life,” as I called it. I remember having the arbitrary goal of getting 1,000 kudos on a fanfic, and I remember the day it happened for the first time and I remember going to therapy that week and saying that I didn’t feel any different, that I thought getting attention for my writing would make me feel better, somehow, but I still felt the same, and my therapist asked me if I would still be writing if I was the only one who got anything out of it and I said yes. But I was still obsessed with writing things that were meaningful, and despite the fact that I would receive 10 negative/mean anons per day, I never turned anon off because I desperately wanted people to tell me that my writing meant something to them, that it mattered to them. I was fighting with myself every day over my sexuality and my identity and my purpose, and I put all of that on the shoulders of Dean and Cas. 
There was also chubby!dean. I had lived my entire life with this inexplicable thing, this shame that I knew I could not share, that I knew I would just have to suffer with for my whole life, and then I joined the spn fandom and found that there were others like me, others that had a fetish and had similar experiences as I did and were drawn to Dean Winchester because there’s no other character that could make eating and gaining weight be as enticing as he makes it (in fanfic). For the first time in my life I had a community of people that I could relate to about a thing that I never thought I would ever be able to talk about with anyone in my life. I don’t remember if I consciously chose to start posting publicly about it, but at some point I did, and I started writing kink fic, but I was still so uncomfortable with myself and so scared of the things I felt, and I tried so hard to temper myself and not offend anyone and not go “too far” and not be too weird and I was so sexually repressed and pent up and full of guilt and shame, and so now when I go back and reread some of the stuff I wrote it feels like reopening an old wound and letting myself bleed out. 
I was constantly comparing myself to others and wondering why I wasn’t getting as much attention as so-and-so, and I always made excuses about how maybe my writing was too weird and I was too much and maybe I just wasn’t good enough and I hated myself and wanted to delete everything I ever wrote, but also I’m awesome and receive a lot of attention and get a lot of good feedback but maybe that means I’m just a narcissist! I acted like an asshole online and justified it by saying it wasn’t really me, that I could be someone totally different on tumblr than the person I was in “real life,” but in hindsight, now when I think back on my early 20s, I cannot separate what I was doing in “real life” from what I was doing in the spn fandom. I shared so much of myself with the spn fandom without even recognizing that that’s what I was doing. 
And I made mistakes, god I made mistakes, and I tried to be so careful about everything I said but I was also presenting a certain version of myself to the spn fandom so that people would like me (for instance: running a destiel blog and trying my best to hide the fact that I also ship wincest) and still I got in trouble constantly, and I grew bitter and mean because you can only receive the “when are you posting the next chapter?” comment so many times before you want to bang your head into a wall. I became defensive and unkind, afraid to check my inbox because it was a nightmare, and yet unable to turn off anon because, like I said, I desperately needed that feedback, I needed people to tell me that they felt what I felt, that they understood what I was writing and why I was writing it.
I expected Supernatural to give me everything I needed. I fantasized about Dean Winchester being canonically bisexual because I thought it would confirm something in me, that it would somehow make my life a little bit easier. I didn’t want to watch other shows that could maybe help me, I wanted Supernatural to do things for me that it had never promised and would never deliver, and it’s because I was defined by it for so many years. Now that I’m back on tumblr, I’ve been going back through some of my old posts on deancasheadcanons and it’s like reading a stranger’s words. Even so, I find myself telling people “I was deancasheadcanons” instead of “I ran a sideblog called deancasheadcanons” because it really was such a huge part of my identity. What’s wild is that every time I’ve tried to explain it to someone in real life, they just look at me like I’m not making any sense. 
It was easy to stop watching Supernatural. I didn’t have cable, and I had been driving to my dad and stepmom’s house each week and watching it on their tv after they had gone to bed. I was in a new relationship with a woman I nearly married, I was back in school for a new career, I was working full time and absolutely did not have time to continue writing fanfic as prolifically as I had done for so many years. I finally reached a breaking point in 2017 and haven’t watched any new episodes since then (I don’t remember the last episode I saw). But now, as I rewatch some old episodes, it is easy to feel the way I felt the first time I watched the show. It’s easy to see why this campy little heartfelt show was a lifeline during my formative adult years.
So it turns out I have never reckoned with any of this, have never written it down, hence the 2k jumble of words you see here. And it’s like, I know that a lot of this may seem silly, trivial, especially for a show that in itself is not very serious, but as it comes to an end I have to reflect on it as a person who put so much of my heart, my creativity, my pain and my floundering identity into it. I am somewhat embarrassed and wish I could respond to this ask with a joke instead, but we’re in a pandemic and I live alone and have had way too much time to think and reflect and become a lot more self-aware, and part of that reflection has definitely been about my time in the spn fandom. I remember thinking the show was never going to end, yet here we are at the end and I felt compelled to type all this out with a desire to, I don’t know, get some closure? Convince myself that I was a whole person, that I wasn’t just a faceless URL posting destiel fics into the void, that my real life was not at all disparate from the time I spent online? In any case, I’ll always think fondly of the time I devoted to Supernatural, and I’ll take the good and the bad and everything in between. Thanks for the nice ask, anon, apparently I needed to get some things off my chest.  
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Text
Angstmas Day Four 
Nessian AU // Hardest goodbye 
Nesta looks up at the phone that she propped up on her desk chair against three textbooks. She was sitting on the floor with her clothes sprawled around her. She scowls at the screen, “Stop laughing, its not funny,” she snaps, her scowl turning into a frown as she looks at the half packed suitcase. 
“It’s kind of funny,” Cassian replies, he had his phone propped up on the counter as she stood over his stove where he was finishing up making dinner for himself. “Why do you always wait until the night before you leave to pack?” 
Nesta groans, “Because I am a procrastinator and I don’t want to think about having to put all of this back. Why don’t you come visit me, huh?” she mutters, throwing a tee shirt into the suitcase and then pulling it out again. “What are we doing again?” 
Cassian stops stirring his food to look at her. “You’re coming for three days, we aren’t going to do anything,” he retorts. 
She runs a hand through her hair. “But what if we decide to go on a hike? Or swim? Or you get invited to a gala?” she questions. “I need to be prepared. You know I don’t like feeling not prepared.” 
He laughs. “Bring normal clothes and if any of that happens I will take you to a store and buy you what you need, but I doubt I will suddenly have the urge to swim or hike in winter or be invited to a gala,” he replies, pausing as he rubs his chin, “But uh-, I was planning a nice dinner for Saturday if you want to bring nice warm outfit.” 
“You can’t tell me that! I have six hours until my flight and I still need to sleep! Now I have to plan an outfit? It's fine, It’s fine, everything is fine, I’ll just bring a few different options,” Nesta replies with a wave of her hand as she gets to work. Cassian sets up his phone on the table as he eats his dinner making small talk as she finishes up packing. 
Nesta zips it shut and looks back at the phone. “Two hours, I’ll be at the airport! Three hours I will be on the plane! Seven hours, I’ll be with you!” she exclaims. 
Cassian smiles, “Remember to send me your flight information before you crash,” he says. 
“You know me so well,” she smiles. “I love you.” 
“Love you too,” he responds. “Can’t wait to see you.” 
The screen goes black after she blows him a kiss, she types in the information quickly and hits send before falling asleep on the floor. She had forty-five minutes to sleep before she had to get up and start heading towards the airport. 
She sits in the seat, watching the line of people walk by, she takes a picture of herself looking out the plane window and sends it to Cassian with the caption: Can’t wait to see my boo, bet he’s looking PLANE sexy rn. 
I literally hate you, get off the plane, go home. I am not picking you up. Cassian texts back almost immediately. 
What qualifications do I need to be your frequent flyer member? She pipes back, chuckling into the sleeve of the sweatshirt she was wearing which she may or may not have stolen last time she went to visit him.
She watches the three dots disappear and then his text pop up. You’re cringy. 
I bet I need a sophisticated navigation system to navigate myself to your heart. She texts back. She sends another one just as fast, I have turbulence in my heart everytime I look at you (uwu face). 
No (red heart) He replies quickly. Where are you finding these? Do you just have a file in your brain of cheesy plane pick up lines? 
If you wanna be a pilot, babe, I’ll teach you how to press all the right buttons. She replies. 
She watches as the flight attendants begin closing all the overhead luggage and telling everyone to shut off their phones. She looks down to see a new message from Cassian. Are you checked luggage? Because I’d wait an eternity for you. 
She bites back a smile. She really loved that boy. My flight is taking off. See you soon! She pauses, her fingers hovering over the buttons. Something inside of her told her she should write more, to tell him how she really felt about him. She quickly types a message, clicking send, as she puts her phone into airplane mood. 
Cassian POV
Cassian sits in the galley watching his friend and fellow lieutenant Rhysand tell a story animatedly to Azriel and Amren. “Earth to Cas,” Rhysand says, shoving his friend until Cassian looks up at him. “Did you hear anything I said? I just told a wicked story about how Tamlin got what was coming to him.” 
Azriel chuckles from where he was sitting across from Cassian, he smiled smugly at him as he explains, “His girl is coming to town tonight, he’s probably tracking her right now. How far away?” Azriel raises an eyebrow expectantly. 
“Two hours,” Cassian mumbles under his breath but loud enough that Rhysand and Azriel start whooping and Amren rolls her eyes at the scene. “I haven’t seen her in six months and it was only for a night, before that it was a year. Forgive me for being excited.” 
Rhysand snickers, “Whipped,” he says through coughs. 
“Who’s whipped?” Mor asks as she falls into the seat beside Cassian. Rhysand chuckles as he says, “Cassian. He’s a in loveee with Nesta Archeron.” Cassian reaches over and smacks Rhysand in the back of the head. 
“I think it’s sweet, at least he had a girlfriend unlike the rest of you,” she snaps back, pulling her phone out of her pocket as she leans back. “Oh my god,” she explains. “Have you guys seen what's trending? Apparently there was a massive crash a couple miles away from DTW.” 
Cassian’s world froze in place. Everyone around him was a blur. Azriel was saying something to him. Mor was showing Amren pictures. Rhysand was already running up to the front to have them change one of the TVs to the local new station. 
“ALL 112 ABROAD FLIGHT 3529 DIE IN ENGINE FAILURE”
Cassian hands shake, as Mor grips his shoulder turning him towards her. “Where was she coming from?” she asks. He doesn’t remember saying anything, only his mouth moving, and the fear in her eyes as she looks back up at the TV. 
“There had to be tons of planes going from BOS to DTW, do you have her plane information?” Azriel asks, standing in between Cassian and the TV. The TV that showed a plane that was so destroyed you wouldn’t have even known what it was. The fire blurred in his vision, if she hadn’t died in the crash then she definitely-, Azriel shakes him. “Listen to me, we don’t know that’s the plane she was on. Do you have her confirmation?” 
Cassian swallows, tuning away from the blinding lights of the fire and the haunting memory of what she had possibly one through to pull up his phone. A text from her blinked back at him. She texted him, she was ok. He quickly typed in hsi password the text standing out to him. You’re my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye. I love you millions, Cassian.  
It had been sent three hours ago. She had sent it before she even left. How did he not see it? Why had she sent it? It’s like she had known this would have happened. He scrolls up to their messages from the night before and the screen shot of her ticket. He looks around until his eyes fall on the flight. The numbers 3529 blink back at him. 
He hands his phone to Azriel who scans the photo as well, his hopefully expression falling as he slides the phone towards Rhysand and Mor before pulling Cassian into a tight hug. How had she known that he would have to go through the hardest goodbye of his life? How had she known the impact of her words based on the weight on his shoulders. 
Was she scared? Did she know she was going to die? Was it quick? The thoughts ran through his head. Even his friends who swarmed around him couldn’t pull him from the tides that ripped through his mind. Nesta Archeron was gone. He would no longer see her bright smile, laugh at one of her cheesy pickup lines, or run a hand through her soft curls. 
He would never see the determination that shone bright in her eyes, or the curiosity or the passion when she was discussing a book she had read recently. How she mumbled in her sleep or how she had to be touching him when they slept. 
How her eyes lit up when he asked if she wanted to get coffee before they started their day or watching her favorite movie. How her lips were curved when she was hiding something that usually ended up with her dragging him through an animal shelter to play with cats or a weekend road trip that ended with a airbnb treehouse stay. 
He would never see her sing into her hairbrush again after she showered and was wearing one of his sweatshirts. He would never see rub the sleep from her eyes as he brought her breakfast in bed. 
She was his hardest goodbye.
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caranfindel · 3 years
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Recap/review 15.17: “Unity”
THEN: Chuck is destroying all his worlds. Dean tricked Amara into going along with their plan. Empty!Meg is on Billie's side because she just wants to go back to sleep. (Don't we all, dear.) Billie wants Dean to be ready. Dean finally told Sam the truth and Sam was MAD.
NOW: Amara is enjoying a hot pool and a glass of wine in Reykjavik, Iceland. (She's pretending to read but there's no way she can see that book. Although I guess she could have super vision. Why not? And I'm sure the book itself is significant and maybe I'll look that up later but let's face it, I probably won't.) Her glorious view of the Milky Way is punctuated by what seems to be a falling star. But there are more and more and more and she knows what it really is. "Welcome home, brother."
Title card!
Bunker. Sam is on the phone with Cas, who just found out a possible lead in the "Basilica of Guadalupe" was useless. I wonder if he means the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico? A 35-hour drive from Lebanon? "That's all right," Sam says. "We'll find a way." {Sidebar: Eternal optimism or simple bullheaded refusal to accept the inevitable truth? Discuss.} Dean enters and asks if that was Cas, but Sam doesn't answer.
So, this is how it's gonna be? You're gonna give me the silent treatment?
I'm not sure what you want me to say.
That you get it. Like I said, killing Amara, Jack, dying, that's the only way.
Sam huffs and imitates Dean: "The only way. Our one shot. Our last chance. You ever get tired of saying stuff like that?" The guys are interrupted by a noise, and I'm just going to stop here for a minute, because I need to talk about Sam's anger. Sam's delicious anger. Apparently some people thought it was inappropriate for Sam to be so mad at Dean last week. At least that's what I read on the Tumblr. I'm sure no one reading this post feels that way. I mean, anyone who found Sam's anger inappropriate would have stopped reading my crap a long time ago, right? I just don't get it. This isn't an "I can see both sides" situation. Dean withheld information from Sam - lied to Sam - and I know they've both lied to each other before, but this was something catastrophic involving someone he loves. And when confronted, Dean doubled down. He didn't say "sorry, I just couldn't bear to tell you" or "I was hoping Cas would find some other way" or "I was trying to think of a way to break it to you easy." He blamed Sam. He told Sam he wasn't qualified to have that information because he would have done something about it. And after Dean spent the entire episode whining about having no control over his life, being a hamster in a wheel, he sentenced Sam to the same fate - he told him that he didn't have the right to know about Jack because he refused to just accept that this is their destiny.
I mean, I'm not bitter or anything.
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Silver lining: Dean treating Sam so horribly at least means I got some tasty, tasty Angry Sam. (Mandatory disclaimer: I love Dean. I love that he is heroic and self-sacrificing but also deeply, deeply flawed.) Moving on.
Wait. I also love that Sam's justification for the silent treatment isn't I'm punishing you or even I'm mad at you, but is literally there is nothing I can say to you. Nothing I say will mean anything to you. All right, now we're moving on. Searching for the source of the noise, the guys find - Amara! Drinking their beer! Wearing pink again, but this time it's sparkly! "We should talk," she says.
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Or, you know, we could just look. Looking is good. We have a little time jump in order to gather Jack. Amara tells the boys that her brother is back, and Jack knows this means it's time. She asks how they're going to cage Chuck, and Dean lies that Jack will be able to do it. Amara hopes she and Jack can get to know each other afterward, and Jack lies that they will. He just has to complete one final ritual. Sam doesn't lie to anybody; he just stands there looking unhappy. Amara asks what she can do to help, and they cut away from any discussion of what she's going to do, but then we get this. When the time comes, we can count on you, right? Like I told you when we first met, you and I will always help each other. Awkward! The way Amara is looking at Dean, I'm pretty sure she knows he's lying, and is just waiting for him to break down. (Spoiler alert: why do I even try?) But Dean and his lying, lying eyes do not break down.
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But those eyes don't exactly hide any secrets either, do they? Meanwhile, Jack is concerned that Sam is angry at him. Or disappointed. Sam manages to express both support for Jack doing the thing and a strong desire for Jack to not do the thing. "Sacrificing your life for a cause takes a lot of courage," he says."I still think it's wrong, though." OH SAM. YOU WOULD KNOW. AND YOU WOULD DO IT ANYWAY. Apparently Jack's final ritual is taking place in Santa Fe. Dean's ready to go, and says they can be there by morning. (Oh, I hope she tells us if that's possible, they said sarcastically.) Hey, anyone who doesn't want a deep dive into the logistics of Winchester travel can write their own damn recap skip this part. I think the guys actually went to Santa Fe last season? Ouroboros? Anyway, it's 10.5 hours away. 11 hours if you avoid highways, which we know Dean likes to do, although that route would take you on some mountain roads that would probably be a little much for the Impala. So yeah, depending on what time it is now, "by morning" is doable. I know you're relieved. I think the bigger question is when will Cas get back from Mexico City? (Yes, I'm sure he drove - he was standing by his blue truck. Yes, I know no one else cares.) Dean is surprised to find that Sam's not going. He accuses Sam of "taking a knee," but Sam says that's not what he's doing. He's still looking for another way. Sam, you and me, we have to do this; it's in the book. Oh, Chuck's death book, right? Come on, man! Blindly following orders, sending Amara to her death; does any of this feel right to you? It doesn't matter how we feel! You know what? Stay. Stay. But somebody's got to be the grownup here. Yeah, well, someone has to keep fighting for Jack. He knows what he signed up for! Last I checked, we don't give up on family. Jack's not family! I know how you feel about the kid, okay? I feel for him too. I do. But he's not like you. He's not like Cas. He's just not. I have to confess, I maaaayyyybeee haven't been keeping up with the A plot as much as I should have, because I wasn't aware they were actually operating from a book. (Or I was and I forgot. Stranger things have happened.) I thought this was just Billie's plan. But if it's a book, that means it was fated to happen, right? Um, like the Ma'lak box? And why isn't Sam pointing that out? Why isn't Sam saying "we've already changed one of Billie's unchangeable endings, what makes you think we can't change this one?" But, you know. That's not important. What is important are two things: 1, the way Sam reacts when Dean says "Jack's not family," and B, the fact that Jack has entered the room at some point and heard some of that. Again, awkward! How many times has Jack come up behind someone and overheard something like that? Why don't they put a bell on that poor kid? Jack says he's ready, Sam gives him a sad, broken little smile and Jack and Dean hit the road. Boy, that's gonna be an uncomfortable 11 hours.
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Whatever you think about this scene, you have to admit Jared is acting the hell out of it. Bunker. Cas is back, so I guess it's been 35 hours since that phone call. "Stayed behind to find another way, huh? I would have done the same." They research together. Wooded park. Amara. Chuck shows up. A title card weirdly informs us this is Amara. Yeah, we know that. I don't really care that much about their convo. All you need to know is he wants to do a "hard reset" - another Big Bang? - and can't do it without her. But she cares about this world now and wants to protect it. He thinks humans are lame and boring, and she says "what about your first children?" and zaps him into Heaven. He's welcomed by a small, adoring group of angels, but Crystal (an angel named Crystal?) annoys him so much that he snaps them all away. Amara offers him balance, darkness and light, here on this Earth, but he's not interested. So she zaps him into the bunker, which she has made into a trap for him. Impala. Dean, says the title card, unnecessarily. (Now that I've figured out what they're doing, I'd say the odds are 50:50 that Sam will have a title card.) Dean starts to talk about what Jack heard - not necessarily to apologize, but Jack says he understands that he's not like Sam or Cas. Okay then. Morning. They show up at a jewelry store and are greeted enthusiastically by the man and woman inside. "I'm Adam," the man says. "You know. God's primo. First dude off the assembly line." The woman with him is not Eve, but a hippie angel named Seraphina. I guess that means she's a seraph? Get it? (Sorry, I have to amuse myself sometimes.) She proclaims Jack's aura is "like Skittles," and of course it is. What else would it be like, other than something sweet and rainbow-colored? {Sidebar: Or should it be like nougat? Discuss.} Adam and Seraphina are very into Jack and also very much into each other. They separate long enough for Adam to take Jack for a "pop quiz." Seraphina says she knows Jack will pass because she saw it in a dream, which annoys me because angels don't sleep, but it turns out she means a mushroom-induced hallucination. She tells Dean that so many things had to happen for Jack to end up here, it was obviously "meant to be." Which doesn't sit well with Dean. Meanwhile, Adam explains to Jack that because of what God did to him and his sons, he's been wanting to kill him for a very long time. Billie is working with him, and kept him alive so he could finish the job. They've just been waiting for Jack. Adam shows him a tray of crystals and tells him to pick the one that was touched by God. Jack points to one, and Adam is disappointed. That's your choice? Yes. And... the others. All of them. They're just rocks, but their existence makes them divine, because God is in everything. And that's the right answer! Jack and Adam return, triumphant, and Seraphina celebrates by plunging a knife into Adam's chest and prying out a rib. Ew. "Everything can contain the spark of the divine, but this puppy? Is packing enough punch to create life. Or in this case, destroy God." With the power of the rib, Jack will turn into a "metaphysical black hole for divine energy" that nothing can escape. Not Amara, not God. But once is starts, it can't be stopped, so Jack shouldn't use it until "game time."
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I'm pleased that Adam is a Middle Eastern guy. Back in the Impala, some hours later, Dean pulls over right before they get home. He apologizes to Jack for hearing what he heard. Not for saying it, but for Jack hearing it. He tells Jack that he hasn't been free his entire life. "But now, now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life. Without all this crap on our backs. And that's because of you. So, I want to say, I need to say, thank you, Jack." Well, that's a nice emotional moment, but isn't Jack doing this to save the world? Not just to get Dean off the hamster wheel? Dean's phone buzzes. It's time. Jack takes the rib out of its baggie and absorbs it into his hand and oh, Jack, I don't think I'd have done that just yet. Bunker. Is this Sam's section? Yes, it is! \o/ Sam hurls a book to the floor in frustration and is comforted by Cas. Guys, Sam and Cas tend to do some crazy fucked-up shit when they're left together unsupervised, and I am here for it. Sam wishes he could talk to Billie about her plan, and Cas immediately assumes he's going to kill himself and puts his foot down. But Sam suddenly remembers what Sergei said about the key to Death's library. "Oh, is that why I invited Sergei here to the secret bunker," Cas says, "because now that makes sense." They start digging through old wooden chests and I'm fairly sure these are boxes full of cursed objects, although all they find are a large novelty chess piece, a gold leaf cross from Hobby Lobby, and the Holy Grail.
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Tell me you didn't think the same thing. But Cas eventually does find the box with the key. The box has an inscription in Latin, which Sam reads out loud. By the way, Sam Latinating is always hot, even though he looks like he doesn't understand what he's saying. As the guys watch in amazement, a portal and keyhole appear in the wall. Cas wants to go with, but Sam asks him to stay and buy him some time if Dean comes back before he gets out, even if that sounds crazy. "Sam, for what it's worth, I don't think you're crazy," Cas says. "I think your internal compass is functioning perfectly." And Sam's all, aw, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time.
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"Donde está la biblioteca?” He puts the key in the keyhole and opens the door into the W section of Billie's library. I want him to start pulling books off the shelves and reading versions of his death, but he's distracted by a dead reaper on the floor. And more dead reapers. And the sound of one begging for her life and then noisily dying. He finally sees Empty!Meg (\o/) sitting at the circulation desk, as another reaper pleads for his life. "Please," he cries, "she won't come!" He prays unsuccessfully for Billie to come, and gets his neck snapped for his trouble. Sam immediately tries to nope the hell out of there, but Empty!Meg snaps her fingers and he appears in front of her. Sam Winchester? Meg? Sorry, she's still dead. Just borrowing the queen's pretty face cause really? I'm empty. {Sidebar: Why would Meg's meatsuit go to the Empty with her? Discuss.} Empty!Meg is trying to get Billie's attention, and she drops a bombshell on Sam. Billie intends to become the new God. "Classic narcissist, right? So tingly for the rules, the good old days. Everyone back to where they belong. Realities, dimensions, graves. What should be dead dies, angels off Earth, demons back to Hell, and I go back to sleep!" Oh, wait. Graves? So anyone who was dead at some point, and was brought back to life, would go back to the grave? She tells Sam that he's in God's book - the ornate book in front of her that only Billie can read. "She always talked about how you should be so dead, except she needs you." Empty!Meg decides that hurting Sam might get Billie's attention, and well, y'all know I'm not opposed to that. (If you're new here, hi, my name is caranfindel and I have a problem.) She brings Sam to his knees, but he finally manages to say "Billie sent me." Oh, Sam. He claims Billie sent him to get the book, because she's trapped on Earth. Empty!Meg can't go to Earth unless she's summoned (hmmm, wonder if that will come up later), and Sam says he has a message for her, from Billie. "Billie will honor her promise. God, Amara, they die. And you, you can go back to sleep." Empty!Meg decides to believe Sam, even though he didn't even know who she was or why she was there when he got there, or that Billie had even made any promises, but I'd have a hard time saying no to that face too.
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I'll believe your lies. When Sam comes back through the door into the bunker, Cas greets him with "finally" as if he's been gone a long time, so time must flow differently in Billie's library. Cas tells him Chuck and Amara are here, and it's time. "We can't let that happen," says Sam. "We have to stop it." In the trap, Chuck narrates what's happening elsewhere in the bunker. "You hear that? Dean. Brought to the edge of doubt. His sense of duty, his rage, winning out in the end." As Dean drags Jack through the hall, Sam tells him about Billie's plan to take advantage of the power vacuum and become God. Dean doesn't care - he doesn't mind being duped as long as it's not by Chuck. "And poor Sam," says Chuck. "Always gotta know everything. Can't leave well enough alone." Poor Sam stands in front of Dean, trying to stop him. Dean yells that Jack already "lit the fuse" and they can't wait any longer. "This is my ending," Chuck says. "My real ending." And just as I'm wondering if he means his preferred ending, where one brother always kills another, Dean pulls his gun out and points it at Sam's heart. "Move, Sam. Move!" Sam's horrified. Cas and Jack are horrified. I'm horrified. And also, I'm ashamed to say, very entertained. I mean, I don't want the brothers fighting, and yet for Dean to lose the plot so badly that he'd actually shoot Sam in order to get off the hamster wheel? That's some gloriously messed up stuff, friends. Amara is shocked that Chuck orchestrated all of this. "What part of omniscient do you people not understand?" he says, and YES. THIS is something that has long needed to be said. He says that even though he can't read his death book, all he had to do was plant a few visions, mess with a few outcomes, bada bing bada boom! Nobody's killing him! Hallway. Sam pleads with Dean. "I don't want to do this," Dean says, "but this is everything!"
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THIS is everything. Trap. Amara tells Chuck they're going to cage him, not kill him. Hallway. Dean does that thing you do with a gun when you want someone to know you're serious. Clicks off the safety, or whatever. Sam makes a have we really come to this? face and yanks Dean's gun hand away. Dean punches him and he drops to the floor. Trap. Chuck tells Amara that TFW is planning to kill both of them. Hallway. Dean drags Jack toward the trap and Sam tackles him. Dean punches him again. Cas just watches all this. What the hell, Cas. Trap. Chuck says the Winchesters are using Jack to destroy them. Amara says that can't be, because Dean can't hurt her. "No, but he can lie to you. He can send you into the meat grinder with a wink and a smile." But isn't that hurting her? Hallway. Dean orders Cas and Jack to go. Sam yells for Jack not to do it. Cas asks why not, because... Cas has suddenly forgotten what side of this argument he's on? "Because if Billie takes over, then everyone goes back to where they belong!" Sam says. "That means everybody from Apocalypse World - Bobby, Charlie - they get sent back to a place that doesn't exist any more. And everyone we saved! Eileen, she just dies, again! And that's just the beginning!" Trap. Amara is devastated. Hallway. Dean yells that they don't have a choice, and Sam says "we always have a choice!" Trap. Chuck tells Amara "the only ones who ever really get us is us." Hallway. Dean says there's nothing they can do but get out of the way, and he doesn't care if Billie becomes God. I'd trade it all, I'd trade 'em all, for Chuck! In a heartbeat! What about me? Would you trade me? Okay, is this Sam pointing out that if Billie becomes God, he dies? Because it's awfully subtle, and I think he just needs to come right and say "that's fine, Dean, but when I told you everyone we saved would die again, I meant everyone, and that includes me!" And Dean would probably also want to know that angels will be banished to Heaven, don't you think, Sam? Anyway. I saw this on Tumblr, and I can't get to it now because Tumblr is being a little bitch, but basically: Sam Winchester may have low self-worth, but he absolutely knows what he means to his brother, and he does not hesitate to use it. Trap. Chuck offers Amara the balance she said she wanted. "Us, starting fresh, creating something new, something beautiful, peaceful, together. And we can finally forget about all this pain. No baggage. Only balance." He extends a hand. Amara takes it and dissolves into smoke, which is absorbed by Chuck, who now has one demon-black eye and one angel-blue eye. And a sadistic grin. Hallway. Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that; I won't! I know you feel like that right now, okay? I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me. From Dad? From Lucifer? From everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please, put the gun away. Just put it away. We'll figure it out, Dean; we'll find another way. You and me. We always do. Gotta admit, I'm torn about this scene. I mean, on the one hand, it's beautifully done, so much emotion and angst and anger and teary-eyed, shaky Sam. Once again, Jared is acting the hell out of it. (And Jensen too, but come on.) And yet, on the other hand... how bad is Sam's Stockholm Syndrome? "You protected me from Dad?" Have we seen any evidence of that? I'm sure Dean was forced to be the referee sometimes, but have we seen any evidence that Dean ever said "no Sam, you're not disowned just because you want to stop hunting and go to college" or "no Dad, I'm not even going to pretend I'll kill Sam," rather than consider it an option until he was actually faced with it? It seems like "protecting Sam from Dad" mostly meant "trying to get Sam to do what Dad wanted, so he'd stay out of trouble." And Lucifer? When Sam told him he was Lucifer's vessel, and the Devil was coming to him in his dreams, Dean basically said "sucks to be you, now pick a hemisphere." Now, I'm aware that Dean has actually protected Sam from many, many things. In good ways and in bad ways. And yet he's also hurt him in some pretty awful ways. I mean, he just now threatened to shoot him for refusing to accept his destiny is to help Dean escape the slavery of his destiny. So for Sam to say "you protect me" is one thing. Dean absolutely does that. But to say it's the only thing that's true, and to specifically mention John and Lucifer, well. Hmmm.
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Let's just concentrate on the pretty. Anyway. Dean puts the gun away, Sam sighs a tearful shaky sigh of relief, and then the door to Amara's trapped room explodes. Chuck walks out dramatically - not nearly as hot as Demon!Demon dramatically walking through his own destroyed door - and yells at them. "Are you kidding me? After everything, after all that, you did it again!" He tells them he absorbed Amara, mocks Castiel (which is kind of funny), and says they're all stupid, stubborn, and broken, and he's done with them. "You know what you do with broken toys? You throw them out. So, kill each other, don't kill each other, I don't care." Then he tells them to have fun watching Jack die, and zaps on out of there. Jack collapses, and bad things are clearly happening to him. Well, it's hard to get worked up over Jack dying again (what would this be, the third time?). After all, as Dean said, he's not Sam. I'm more interested in finding out if Dean understood he was sentencing Sam to death when he said he didn't care if Billie became God. {Sidebar: Would Dean die too? Or would everything that happened because Sam was brought back be erased? Discuss. And maybe fic.} And now Amara is gone. But, conveniently, destroying Chuck will also destroy her, so. Balance! Unity! Hugs and puppies all around! Oh, friends. The end is near, and I don't feel good about it. I'm anxious about a lot of things happening next week, and the third-to-last episode of Supernatural is one of them. How do you feel? 
Please help me stay unspoiled, including episode titles and casting info, thanks!
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laora-inn · 4 years
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Supernatural - Some speculations about the last 7 episodes of 15th season
Well, after 2 trailers, episodes descriptions on IMDB and some unfinished plot-lines of SPN story I’d like to share my own speculations. Some of them are definitely wrong. 
Destiel positive, happy end positive, don’t like - don’t read. 
Season 15 | Episode 14. Last Holiday
A filler - that’s how we anime fans call episodes which have no deal with the main plotline, though can contain some interesting moments and nuances. In “Supernatural” these episodes usually have no Cas in them. Sometimes they are very good... but mostly not. They are “just for fun”, and fans enjoy them, because they can be really funny. No angst.
Like this one - no angst, no Cas, a wood nymph who looks like Mary Poppins to me (or Mrs. Marple whatever). Some British origin of the character. 
That’s the episode which shots with Dean in purple nightgown are from (trailer short version).
I suppose the shot with Dean, Sam and Jack flying in the air could also be here from. But maybe not.
I don’t know where Cas may be. His absence should be explained to us in some way. In episode 10th he was missing because of talking to the angels. What’s now? Some preparations for the next Jack's trial? 
In this episode Dean should come closer to Jack’s forgiving.
Season 15 | Episode 15. Gimme Shelter
I have NO IDEA what this episode is about. Maybe the next trial for Jack? Or not?
I think the shot from the last trailer with Cas protecting Jack on the truck bed is from this episode. Also, some tortured person on the bed with the “lust” written above could be from it. 
And what about Sam and Dean? Where are they? 
I think they may have their own journey here, separate from Cas and Jack. Possibly the epic shots with them entering some building are this episode from. Possibly not. 
Season 15 | Episode 16. Drag Me Away (From You)
I don’t like this episode title. It looks like Destiel mocking to me - maybe, I just don’t have enough faith. I want to trust SPN writers but can’t. Somebody help me to believe, we all need that now! :)
THE ONLY episode in ALL THE SHOW except this one that had brackets in the title was 12x12, Stuck in the Middle (With You). Yahoo. 
Obviously, 12x12 was a parody to the Reservoir Dogs, a movie by Quentin Tarantino. Parody in a good sense of this word, but still. The plotline, the scenes (oh, this lunch scene from different points of view!), the scenes’ order, the roles, though changed - all of them. In case you didn’t watch Reservoir Dogs, just go and watch it, and then re-watch 12x12. You will understand. 
"Stuck in the Middle with You" is Stealers Wheel song which was in the OST of this Tarantino’s movie. This allusion should deal with boys’ and Mary relationship - because it’s her who betrayed them involuntarily, and now they are stuck in the middle with her. 
But somehow this episode title also deals with Destiel relationship. Maybe ‘cause that’s Cas who is dying, not Mary. Maybe ‘cause even on his deathbed he doesn’t confess something important - not about his betrayal, there was no one, but about his feelings. He says "I love you”, but then adds “I love all of you”, and Dean is literally stuck in the middle with Cas here. 
Back to the brackets in the episodes titles. Because of them I suppose that 12x12 and 15x16 could be connected. But how exactly?! That’s the question. I want them badly to be connected in Destiel way, but know too little. 
Back then I supposed that Dean could be dying in this episode and it would be his turn to confess something to Cas. But now I don’t know if there will be Cas in this episode at all, I just don’t have enough information. 
I hope he will. 
Btw, the words “Drag Me Away (From You)” are in Toto’s song “Africa”. And in case you didn’t know, in 2018 this song was used for half-an-hour Destiel video made by fan here. It covers ALL the Destiel moments then far. Link for this video is in Supernatural wiki, in the Destiel article. Half an hour, 10 repeats of the song, author’s comment: 
Along the way it stopped being funny and started getting insulting because this has been a literal decade (as of 2018 the vid features seasons 4-13) and the show has explored ALL of the tropes and yet and yet and yet...
I mean the fangirl shipper part of me also loves it. And then I get mad because I love it. I have a very complicated relationship with Supernatural but that's okay.
Have you heard the good news about Tragic Widow Dean?
TLDR: Have a supercut of all the DeanCas stuff set to Toto's Africa.
We can speculate a bit about this fact, but the truth is we know only about young Sam and Dean, who certainly will be in this episode. 
I think shots with Billie talking to Dean from the last trailer also belong to this episode, as well as shots with young Dean with Samulet, who is a ghost now. But these assumptions could be totally wrong. 
What circumstances will take us to the young Sam and Dean? Time travelling? Flashbacks? The parallel world?
Personally I think it will be the third option. Because how the hell young Dean can be a ghost in “our” universe? Unless it’s not Dean, though I doubt it. But if it’s not Dean, it can be a flashback, you know, with the young boys. Yep? 
We’ll wait and see.
I don’t think that Sam’s appreciative words to Dean refer to this episode. 
Also I don’t think Sam is going to sacrifice himself AGAIN (I’ve heard such an opinion). But maybe it’s my hope that makes me think in a wrong way.
Season 15 | Episode 17. Unity
I think some of Chuck’s shots are from this episode. Maybe the red lights in the bunker too. Maybe not. 
There also should be Amara and some angels. I saw Uriel in the cast! Maybe there also be some light lit on the all situation in Heaven now, when Jack made new angels. 
Some interaction between all of them + Sam, Dean, Cas and Jack should take place. Here the shot with sigil could be taken from. 
What side the angels will take? How it happened that Uriel is alive? Was he resurrected by Chuck or Amara? What plans does Amara have, how is she planning to deal with Chuck?
And what’s for Naomi? Will she come back or not? I think she won’t, not in this episode for sure, and I’m already disappointed ‘cause you know, she should be alive. Dumah said she is. For me Naomi is an important figure considering Destiel, and I think she’d be the best Heaven runner. 
All in all, in this episode should happen something that will make Cas happy. I suppose by the end of 15x17 or in the beginning of 15x18 they all will be sure that they have won the game, and Dean will forgive Jack for Mary.
The episode title may refer to angels’, Winchesters’ and Amara unity. 
Season 15 | Episode 18. Despair
Well, in Supernatural wiki I also saw “The Truth” title for this episode. 
Most of us are convinced that in this episode Cas will tell Dean about his deal with the Empty and will be taken by it. I believe the same. 
I think shot with Billie knocking with her hand rotten belongs to this episode. 
I have some doubts, but also think a shot with Dean leaning on Cas is from here. 
I’m sure that “You fought for this whole world” and Dean’s crying scene belong to this episode. ‘Cause you know. Despair. And the truth - about Cas’s deal and possibly about their fake win. 
Billie’s with her scythe and bunker intrusion symbols could also be from here (or from one the previous episodes ends, especially for Billie - as a cliffhanger). And it should be the case for Sam and Jack, I suppose. Because there is no other way for Dean and Cas to face Cas’s deal with just two of them. 
Destiel confession will be here, in more explicit form that it could be in 15x16, because there will be A TALK, but I don’t think we’ll see something real explicit. 
Maybe, Dean’ll say he loves Cas. Maybe not. I’m sure only about the fact that we’ll cry by the end of this episode. And that will be AN UGLY CRYING, just as Jensen said.
Well, maybe there will be a hint that Cas can be brought back, but I think it won’t. So prepare yourselves, my friends. 
Season 15 | Episode 19. Inherit the Earth
Here I think Sam’s appreciative words to Dean are taken from. They are definitely comforting. ‘Cause you know, Cas is dead, Chuck is alive. Possibly Cas was in his way and Chuck erased him by making him believe in their win.
I also think Dean’s crying words “this whole mission, saving the world” belong to this episode and will be in conversation with Sam. 
They still need to fight Chuck, and Jack is still alive. Here Michael will appear and helps. And there is one moment Sergey mentioned in 15x07, about the key to the Death’s library. He even described what it looks like! Cas heard that as well as Eileen. Well, if Cas is taken, then Eileen should return to the Winchesters, maybe with Sam and Jack, or just tell them about this key. 
I don’t know what they are going to do after. Open this library? How? Find how to kill God? Or not? Will they try to save Cas?
I think they will not talk about Cas’s saving. And he will be dead in this episode for sure.
Also I think they’ll deal with God in this episode, one way or another.
Season 15 | Episode 20. Carry On
This is a land of unlimited speculation!
I hope Dean’ll have Cas back by the end of episode. I think Cas’ll save himself from the Empty, ‘cause, you know, he has a big goal there. The Empty tortures all the dead angels and demons, as far as we know. It should be fixed - Cas’s already made a promise to Ruby. And we know that Cas has no problem with ruining something and messing it up - he is basically THE GREAT TRICKSTER of this show. 
Rebelling against Heaven and ruining angels’ plans? Check. Stopping Apocalypse? Check. Opening Purgatory? Check. Becoming a new God? Check. Bringing the Leviathans? Check. Casting all the angels out of Heaven and burning their wings? Check. Becoming human? Check. Becoming an angel by devouring other angels’ grace? Check. Getting an army of angels? Check. Giving up this army for one human? Check. Kidnapping angels’ prisoner? Check. Letting Lucifer in? Check. Helping “an abomination”, Devil’s son, to be born? Check. Annoying Empty so much that it brought him back to life? Check. Making a deal with the Empty? Check. 
It’s very dangerous to mess with Cas, you just don’t know what he could do for the greater good, and yep, in some way Dean was right when he said that Cas is “something that’s always going wrong”. So I think the Empty is in trouble here, not vice versa.  
Also, there is one more thing that bothers me. When Nick in 14th season was praying to Lucifer, he woke him up in the Empty. Theoretically, Lucifer can be awake by now. It could be a dead end, but still. Lucifer’s “true face” is similar to the Empty’s, sooo... 
I don’t know what to think about it and the fact that Nick could reach Lucifer and return him from the Empty, so let’s move on.  
I hope for the happy end for Sam (maybe with Eileen) and for all the hunters we know. They are family. 
NO MCD here! If someone’ll die - they shouldn’t be Sam, Dean or Cas. I don’t want to see Eileen’s death either. I don’t know what about Jack. I don’t want him to die, but he is 100% supernatural being, and I am not sure what it means for him to die. 
Monsters should stay, hunters should hunt them. We’ll see that the “family business” thrives.    
There should be an order on the all levels - in Heaven, Hell and on Earth. There should be the new Death - of they should return Billie. Rowena running the Hell would be perfect. Wonder if Naomi could run Heaven. Maybe it will be Chuck? If he will be redeemed. Or Michael. 
I don’t know what’s for the Empty and Amara. 
I don’t know what the end for Jack will be. I’d like he will be alive, but I just don’t know. He can’t be a human. That will be right thing for Cas, but not for Jack. 
I hope for Destiel endgame, as well as for Sam/Eileen. Cas should become a human, maybe, with some supernatural skills left.   
I doubt that we have proper scenes of these ships together or Cas’ humanity. Just hints. But they can be very obvious - especially if we’ll see Dean’s reaction to Cas’s returning. 
So, I hope to see them. 
But, as I said, it's a land of unlimited speculation. We’ll wait and see. 
What else should be resolved:
- Kevin can’t stay a ghost! It’s my main point here. He also can’t go to Hell. What will happen with him and in which episode? I don’t know. I just hope they won’t forget about him. 
- There is the shot with Bobby from? 15x20? He should be somewhere. 
- Also, there should be Charlie in this season unless something’s changed. Where is she?
- What are they going to do with alternative!Winchesters from 15x13? They will rest? They will make another HunterCorp? They will be gone?! Come on, something needs to be done with them! Of course, they are not so important here, so the writers can forget about them, but still, I’m interested.
What am I going to do:
I'm going to watch all the last episodes of the season. AND THEN, if there will be no happy end for the Winchester boys and Cas won’t be with them, I'm going to rebel. :) In every possible way - petitions, letters, actions etc. We are grown-up people here. We can fight for our rights, and it's my crucial right - to be happy about my favorite show ending. :) 
__________________
Feel free to ask me anything or to comment. My ask is working!
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tired-stardust · 3 years
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Warning!! Spoilers for Supernatural 15x19: Inherit the Earth down below.
So I want to discuss 15x19 redflags. I’m sure we were all a little more than confused from this week’s episode and we all sensed something is off right? Hopefully I’m not just seeing things that aren’t there...
I’m calling it, I don’t think we’ve seen the end of Chuck. This 15x19 “finale” literally reeks of something that Chuck would write. I might be being too hopeful but I suspect they where being very literal when were told this is “the end of Chuck’s story.”
It makes sense right? His two favourite heroes saving the world and driving away into the sunset. Just them and the Impala. Classic.
We can’t really know what’s going on in next week’s finale but in the meantime I want to share some redflags in the hopes that I’m not completely off my rocker for noticing them....
Small tip offs:
-Chuck sends a dog to mess with Dean on their way to see Michael. This shows that he knows where they're going, probably who they’re are meeting, that he’s literally with them at all times and you’re telling me he didn’t realize what was happening with Jack?
- It’s suss that Michael has been “off the radar” from God. How do you rapture Adam without knowing where Michael is when they literally share a body.
-Lucifer saying “cuck” was just super weird.
-When the reaper reads God’s death outloud, it’s written so comicly dramatic: “Behold, in the end there is the end of he who created the beginning. And so it shall be”. Makes me feel like he’s the one who wrote it...
-Why does death go into another room if no one else can read the book. How can you kill Death without their scythe?
-The weird black and white flashback monologue of how Sam and Dean came up with their plan? Could be the writers, but could also be Chuck using unoriginal story tropes? (Ones Becky has criticized before in 15x4)
Bigger tip offs:
-The final showdown with Chuck beating our heroes into the dirt.
So heroes being beaten down and consistently getting up again is a classic trope (one I admittedly love too and makes me cry) But the way Chuck was toying with them, saying “come on now fellas, that’s enough. Just stay down.” over and over as he’s beating them? He’s enjoying the trope just as much as we do. Playing the part, saying his lines.
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Just look at him. He’s having the time of his life. He enjoys seeing his heroes get up over and over. Just like we do.
- The boys being alone at the end.
We all know this not a good ending. But it makes sense if it’s Chuck’s version of a good ending. It explains why Eileen, Cas, Charlie, Donna, Bobby etc. all just kind of get forgotten. Why the bunker is so quiet. Remember, Chuck does not understand relationships nor see how important they are. His lack of understanding of love and what family means is so blatantly felt.
- Throughout the whole episode, the blocking of the actors proves that lack of understanding. The only physical contact actors have is during acts of violence and there are no shoulder/face pats or hugs between the boys at all. No physical contact. zilch. Like, this a HUGE contrast to what we were getting last episode.
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There are only two times in the whole episode where Sam and Dean have contact and that’s when they are being beaten into the ground and help each other to stand up, and then at the end before they bro their way into the sunset. Both of which are scenes that play into Chuck’s narrative of “heroic brothers”... They literally don’t touch Jack once. (Even when they are saying goodbye at the end. You cannot tell me that Sam wouldn’t hug Jack there. Come on.)
-And then there’s that line at the end:
( Sam: "Just you and me going where the story takes us. Just us." )
( Dean: “Finally free”)
Just us? hmmm... “Just us.” sounds hella depressing to me.
My crazy theory is that Chuck has just given the boys the true illusion of freewill, but still on his terms, so that they’ll carry on their hamster wheel but have the power to suprise him. To give him his favourite show back. To “spark joy” again, like he says in the Radioshed during 15x12. In that episode he explicitly states that he doesn’t care about any of his toys other than Sam and Dean.. and I think this “ending” shows it?
Oh and also don’t forget. They use “Running on Empty” as the montage song for the end. When you follow the lyrics and the meaning of the song it clearly exposes the vapid ending for what it truly is.  (This tweet has some great insight, please check it out: https://twitter.com/drfangirlphd/status/1327148889720442880?s=20)
The SPN writers are aware guys. They know what they're doing and however they take the story into the final episode, they are so damn brave to do this. I really hope they get the payoff they're looking for in the end <3
This episode saw two heroes save the world from the ultimate villain, before driving off into the sunset. They aren’t reunited with their loved ones and they are somehow happy “going where the story takes us”.
Chuck’s favourites...
As a small parting easter egg, the location of the final confrontation was kind of... distinctive. Not somewhere we know and rather dramatic right?
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Compare it to this shot in 15x4. Where Chuck writes the first draft of his ending and these are arranged next to him...
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Just a little food for thought
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bundibird · 3 years
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I dont watch spn all i know is cas confessed he loved Dean and immediately went to super hell -can you badly explain the last 2 episodes?
Explaining the last 2 episodes badly will be super (ha) easy, because they were. SO BAD. Like I won't even have to try to explain them badly; they'll achieve that all on their own.
Short version 15x19: Jack (biological son of a human and lucifer; adopted and co-raised by Cas, Sam and Dean) sucks all of Gods power out, becoming the new God and rendering the old God a regular old bitch of a human. Jack brings back to life all the people that God killed. Jack does not bring Cas back, even though that is well within his new range of capabilities. Jack fucks off into the sunset.
Short version 15x20: finally free from the strings of deity-directed fate that have been controlling their every move literally since they were born, Sam and Dean proceed to do exactly the kind of thing they did way back in season one. They go to a pie eating festival, and then go on a hunt, kill some vampires (who are wearing clown masks because the spn costumes department loves to say "fuck you"). On the hunt, Dean gets impaled through the spine on a weirdly phallic rusty nail sticking out of the wall, says a tearful goodbye to Sam, and dies. This was all in the first 15 minutes. The remaining 27 minutes includes Sam being sad, and then a montage that flips between sam on earth Moving On With His Life, marrying a woman who's face we never see and name we never hear, and having a kid called Dean; and Dean up in heaven, chatting with bobby, getting told that sam will get here eventually, and then deciding to go on a Big Long Drive through heaven's woodland in his Impala while he waits for sam to get to heaven. Sam grows old (we know this because they put glasses on him and had him wear a truly frightful grey wig) and eventually dies of old age, with his now-grown up son dean holding his hand as he goes. Up in heaven, dean parks on a bridge and goes to look out at the view over the railings. Then Sam arrives behind him, they hug, and they turn to look at the view together. The end. No I am not joking.
Want the longer, even saltier version of what happened? Read on. I'd put it under a cut but I'm on mobile, sorry.
So. 15x19: one mention of cas. Just the one. The man LITERALLY confessed his love for Dean last ep and then immediately got eaten by black goo, and in the next episode all he gets is a brief conversation where Jack is like "wheres cas" and deans like "he sacrificed himself for me" and thats. It. Thats all he gets.
Anyway. God took a leaf out of Thanos' playbook last episode and turned everyone except Team Free Will to dust, because he's shitty that dean and sam don't wont to do as they're told. So with cas being in the empty, the only living things left on earth are sam, dean, and jack. Only no!!! Cause they find a dog. Dean names the dog miracle, cause its a miracle that God missed him in the Great Dusting, and then the dog suddenly turns to dust in front of Dean's eyes and God briefly appears to be like "lmao bitch you thought" and then he vanishes again.
Meanwhile Jack (who is accidentally and subconsciously siphoning power from everything around him, like a pair of bushes that die when he walks past them) is like "yeah no theres definitely someone else alive out there, I can feel their presence" and they track the sense down to a church, and inside they find Michael, as in the arch angel who was supposed to posses dean but who ended up possessing Dean and Sam's youngest and most abandoned brother Adam way back in S5. Apparently Adam and Michael came to some kind of body-sharing accord a little while back, and honestly, good for them.
Anyway michael is alive but apparently adam is not cause he got caught up in God's great dusting. I dont know how it affects one and not the other when theyre literally sharing a body, but whatever.
Michael is like "wow I can't believe my dad is actually a bitch" and team free will is like "i mean. We been trying to tell you that for a literal decade, but glad you finally cottoned on." They all troop back to the home base to come up with a plan to force God to reverse this bullshittery.
So Team Free Will is like "so how do we force God to stop being a bitch" and all of a sudden Deans phone rings. Caller ID says Cas. Actually it says "Cass," but thats the wrong spelling, so I'm ignoring it. Dean answers the call all tentative and unsure, because last he saw cas he was being swallowed by Venom's goopier younger brother -- but sure enough, there's Cas' voice on the other end, and he's like "idk how I'm here but I am I'm outside the door can you let me in pls" and dean LEAPS to his feet and RUNS up the stairs, because he's just as desperately and helplessly in love with Cas as Cas is with him and we all know it. He gets to the door, opens it ---- and its not Cas, its Lucifer.
Deans like "fuCK" and slams the door closed, but too late, Luci is in the building now. Luci is all "hi yes nice to see you too, I know, i know, i was dead, but Dad brought me back, because turns out all we needed for me to become the favourite again was for Michael to join team free will, and oh ho, look at that, Michael has, thanks for making dad love me again bro," and Michael is all put out and upset by this, and luci carries on and is like "but anyway dads a bitch he thinks I'm here to force yall to submit but SIKE I'm here to help you, lets kill dad."
Lucifer summons a reaper that he conveniently was holding captive, kills the reaper, and she wakes back up as the new death, because whoever is the first reaper to die after death is killed gets to be the new death. Team Free Will have a book that only death can open, so they give it to her, she opens it with no hassle, and vanishes for like an hour to read it, comes back and is like "ok i know how we're gonna kill God."
Lucifer is like "great!" And then kills her. Because it turns out that shock of all shocks, lucifer is a duplicitous bitch, and he's not on team free wills side at all and just wanted death to open the book so he could give it to God for destruction or whatever.
Michael gets all pissy, he and lucifer have a fight thats really quite anticlimactic, and michael successfully kills lucifer. Jack stands nearby during the fight and watches them both with a weird intensity.
Sam goes and picks up the still open book and is like "cool i have the spell to kill God let's go," so they organise a ritual at Sams direction and they all head off to a pretty lake to summon and kill God.
Only SIKE!!! Turns out Michael was so shitty about Lucifer suddenly becoming the favourite that he flipped sides back to God, and warned him of what the plan was, so god rocks up and interrupts the ritual and blasts Sam and Dean and Jack away. Then he kills Michael, because hes a bitch and he's like "yeah i know you came back to me but like you sided with Them before you did, so bye," so Michael The Most Devoted is now an empty husk on the ground.
Then God starts beating the shit out of sam and dean. Its is a scene that tries to be reminiscent of the level of tension and emotion in the scene in 5x22 Swan Song where a lucifer-possessed Sam beats the shit out of Dean, and Dean keeps getting back up, but this scene missed the emotional mark by a mile.
Shits looking bad for the qinchestwr bros, but then they start laughing and Gods like "what, what's funny." Theyre like "you forgot about Jack." Then they go on a monologue about how they knew Luci was dodgy from the moment he showed up and they knew that michael would turn on them in favour of God so they made a plan, and jack and his new power absorption ability has been sucking up all instances of power like a vacuum, including all the power expended from the Luci/Michael fight and all the power of God killing michael AND all the power of God beating up the boys. So then jack steps up to the plate and grabs god and there's a Big Power Moment and at the end of it, god is rendered a simple human, and jack now has all of gods power. God is like "just kill me, finish it," and team free will are like "lmao, no, suffer, bitch," and they get in their car and drive away.
A bit later they stop, get out, and jack returns all the humans that God dusted yeaterday. No mention of cas occurs. Even though god pulled licifer out if the emtpy literally this episode, and jack now has the powers of God, and one of his three dads is in the empty, no one so much as mentions cas.
Deans like "ok let's go back to normal life now, Jack, I'll buy you a round of beer for beating God," and sams like "i don't think he's coming home with us" and jacks like "sams right, im God now, I have responsibilities and shit, thanks for everything, you've been great, bye," and he leaves.
Dean and sam are sad about this but then are like "so we're free of cosmic interference for the first time in our lives, what do you want to do," and theyre like "anything we want to do," snx they get in the car and then theres a montage of them driving into the sunset spliced with flashbacks of everyone in the show that we've ever loved, like ellen and Jo and Kevin and bobby and etc. It feels weirdly like a season finale, even though it isn't. And thats the end of the episode.
Longform 15x20: actually I dont have anything to add to the shortform of what I said up there. Except that Sam at one stage early on was like "i miss cas and jack" and dean was like "yeah same. But we gotta live our lives to the fullest so their sacrifices weren't in vain" and thats all that was said on the topic and then dean goes and dies on a hunt ten minutes later. There was also another brief mention of cas in heaven, where bobby was like "jack rebuilt heaven. Cas helped," and then instead of being like "wait cas is out of the empty?" or "cas? Where is he??" or any kind of normal reaction, Dean just smiles, and then sets off for his 40 year car drive through the woods. Then sam arrives and they hug the end.
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manifestingreptv · 3 years
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The Beehive Inn
Story Summary: 2001 is a blur for Castiel. The war had been in full swing, the year they’d adopted Jack, the year he lost Dean Winchester. A blur buried behind walls of carefully laid bricks deep within his mind. But as Claire’s impending wedding approach, Cas can’t help but think back to simpler days. He can’t linger on the memories long though, it’s too painful. Cas busies himself working in the gardens and bustling around his beloved inn. The Beehive Inn started as an Eastern outpost for rebels during the war he was unwillingly sucked into. But after the war ended, magical and supernatural beings still needed a place to call home on occasion. A sanctuary of sorts. Cas and his little family were happy to keep the doors open. Need refuge while running from violent foes? That’s kind of the Beehive’s speciality. Help with a spell on the go? They’ve got a guy for that. Transmutation? Yep. Herbology? No problemo! Everything seems peachy at the Beehive Inn. Why is Gabriel sensing a disturbance near the Inn’s warding? Why is Cas having recurring nightmares? What’s the relationship between Cas and Dean Winchester, owner of the infamous Rockys Tavern? What secrets lie beneath the Beehive Inn?
Pairing: Destiel
Rated: M (drinking, nightmare situation)
Chapter Summary: Meet Castiel Novak, owner of The Beehive Inn, busying himself in the garden and totally not avoiding his brother. While Claire and Jack get sidetracked once again with their father’s diary and cheap alcohol. (*Note: Claire and Jack are both over 21 in this AU)
🐝Chapter 2: Castiel (Rewrite) | 3,724 words (LIKE WOWW)
On any given day you might find the owner of the Beehive Inn painting the shutters a new shade, mowing the lawn, tending to the exotic flowers and vegetables, following along to a YouTube video and attempting to fix something he’s not qualified to, guiding a guest or two along in a class on herbology, or maybe just visiting with his children over a cool glass of lemonade.
Today, Castiel Novak kneels in the garden behind the Beehive Inn. Jean clad knees carelessly caked in dirt and shirt rolled up to his elbows. His wide brimmed work hat keeping the midday sun out of his eyes as he tends to his roses.
He’d always thought roses to be an overrated flower in his youth. His mother seeing him for one use and one use only at a young age, forcing him to help her grow them in her garden. Locking Castiel away in the gardens that would eventually become his haven.
Every table in their home had a tall vase filled with the white and red pristine flowers. Nowadays, when the light hit a rose wrong or pricked his finger, he swore he could hear her drawling voice distantly, Oh we just have so many around with Castiel’s gift. His mother would drone on to her so called friends. As Castiel had grown older, he’d seemed to find a certain beauty in them. He found solace in his time in the gardens. His time away from them. The roses many shades and meanings, their thorned stems. One winter in his mother’s garden he’d seen a rose bush in full bloom, though it was coated heavily in snow. The red roses peaking out here and there among the heavy blanket of snowfall. It’s ability to fight through the adverse weather, piquing his curiosity.
Roses were one of the only mementos he’d held onto from the Miltons. Or maybe it was just Claire’s childhood fascination with Beauty and the Beast. Or maybe it was his own childhood memories with him... Somewhere along the way Castiel had planted a half dozen rose bushes in a variation of bright unusual colors of his own devising, (white, green, blue, purple), in his garden.
“Hey boss man!” Gabriel calls out opening the garden fence. Making his way toward Cas with a broad smile.
“Good afternoon Gabriel. What can I do for you?” Cas continues trimming the bright emerald green roses. So into his task at hand, Cas doesn’t notice his brother’s hesitant hovering.
“What, no how’s your day going? I brought snacks.” Gabriel wags a water bottle and chips over Cas’ shoulder, adjusting himself away from the roses. Cas may be comfortable with the flower, given his powers, but Gabriel with his history... took a step back.
Cas sits back on his heels reluctantly, squinting up through the sun over the brim of his hat, “Thank you Gabriel,” he groans stretching. Accepting the water happily and taking a long swig.
Gabriel shrugs, accepting half as a win and opening the chips for himself, “I just rescheduled the last of the guest for next weekend. Wanted to check in and see what you needed help with next.”
Cas groans, turning to his brother. “Thank you. I couldn’t call Mrs. Hastings myself. I know she would’ve demanded to still come being that it’s her usual weekend.” Cas air quotes, taking a long another long pull of his water.
“It was easy. You kidding, I just laid on the charm and explained that we were closing for Claire’s wedding. I transferred a few evac’s over to Garth and Beth’s. Though Garth and Beth will be here for the wedding,” Gabriel leans against the fence, scratching his head as he tries to remember everything, “They said one of the kids is gonna be holding the fort down. I lost track of which one though. Everyone was cool as cucumbers. Mrs Hastings did ask for pictures though.”
“Of course she did.” Cas sighs standing and dusting himself off. “Can you please help me get the tables down from the barn? I think there’s a few Kevin missed if I’m counting correctly.” Cas removes his hat, taking it with his tools to the shed. Already moving on to his next activity. Gabriel can practically see his brother buzzing.
“When’s the last time you slept?” Gabriel grabs his brothers shoulders, stopping him fully. Looking over Cas’ thrown together, disheveled appearance. Cas’ sunken eyes, the same tee shirt as yesterday. Gabriel’s younger brother is usually quite put together, jeans and a tee shirt on a yard work day, but he isn’t looking too well-
“Last night.” Cas brushes Gabriel off gruffly, shrugging and pulling away. “Now tables.”
“No- stop.” Gabriel grabs him again, looking over Cas once more. Cas starts squirming under his brothers prying eyes. Gabriel had always been the more perceptive of the two. His and Cas’ magic were different. While Cas’ was more elemental, Gabriel could be in your mind in a flash. But the brothers had a long standing deal. They’d sworn not to use each other’s powers on one other, unless the situation was dyer. “First off we have plenty of tables already. There’s like twenty tables ready to be set up. So unless Claire and Kaia are throwing a real rager, we’re set. Now, you’ve got 10 pound luxury bags under your eyes and you’re running on fumes around here. You practically tore my head off earlier when I asked if you wanted coffee.”
“It was decaf.” Cas deadpans, not so much as meeting Gabriel’s eyes.
“OH? HOW DARE I!” Gabriel rolls his eyes.
“I’m sleeping fine.” Cas huffs out, almost believably, pulling away again more forcefully, “Before you ask, yes I’m eating. I’m just busy. Maybe you didn’t realize Gabriel but we’re planning a wedding. A wedding taking place in a WEEK. Here. And on top of all that it’s Claire. So I’m sorry if I’m a little stressed.”
“Ok, ok.” Gabriel backs off, hands high. “I’m just worried about you is all baby bro.”
“Please don’t call me that.” Cas squints, stealing a chip from his bag as Gabe protest.
🐝
How Jack made it through the garden, horse stalls, and cottages, without absolutely blowing everything he’ll never know.
A young girl had stop him along the way to thank him for healing her from a nasty witches curse the day before and Jack about came out of his skin when she’d tapped his shoulder. He’d fumbled through a quick light conversation and practically ran after that. Running as fast as he could down the brick path to Claire and Kaia’s cottage. Fumbling to text Claire as he runs, almost dropping his phone in the process.
Jack knocks on the door to cottage lightly, “Claire? It’s me.” He whispers loudly.
The door swings open. Claire’s standing in the doorway, still in in her pjs, “I know. You texted me, come on.” She pulls him inside, shiftily checking the porch before shutting the door and locking it once more.
“Oh. Oh my god.” Jack looks around her living room, shock setting in as he takes in the scene before him. “Is this ALL from the trunk?” He gestures to the scattered mess of items spread across the room. Pictures strewn across the coffee table, a handful of shirts folded upon the chair, vinyl records stacked across the couch, books tossed on the table amoung the photos, the infamous diary lying open amoung them.
“YES! Here, sit, sit.” Claire ushers Jack over to an open chair near the couch.
“This looks like a crime scene. Claire-“ he looks to her quickly. “Claire, Does anyone know you have this?”
“No,” she laughs airily. “I mean Kaia kinda, but she stopped caring about ‘my extracurriculars’ in high school. She always says it’s cause she’d rather have believable deniability if she was investigated.” Claire smiles lovingly.
“What does that even-“ Jack decides quickly to not even try to understand that, shaking his head. “Ok, back to the items on the table. Literally.”
“And before you ask, don’t worry. Dad’s not coming near that door. I told him I was on my period.” Claire leans back into the couch, arms behind her head and cheeky smile wide.
“I don’t know if I should impressed or mortified.” Jack sighs heavily, eyeing his sister.
“Just relax and listen. Actually, grab two beers. We need alcohol. I read half dad’s diary last night and just reached a mention of you-”
“YOU WHAT?” Jack panics, swinging around to her before he sits.
“Calm down. I stopped once I got to the mention of a Kline. But dude you’ve gotta hear some of this.”
“I need something stronger than beer.” Jack walks shakily, heading directly for her liquor shelf.
“THATS THE SPIRIT!” Claire jumps up, slapping his back. “Now, before I get to far-“
“I’m not a kid anymore Claire. You don’t have to tiptoe around the subject of my birth father, ok?” He slips a whiskey bottle off the shelf, grabbing two glasses and coming back. “I know he- I know he wasn’t a good man. He was troubled.” Jack struggles to get out. “Just start where you left off.” He drops into the arm chair, pouring himself a glass before offering Claire one.
Claire silently decides to back track in the diary. Reading some of the simpler, happier passages to her brother. They lose track of time drinking cheap whiskey and taking turns reading the worn leather bound book aloud. Jack finds out fast that he’s a tearful drunk, and Claire already knew she could hold her own quite well. Hours pass as the pages and passages fly by. The sun falling and and moon rising high.
Claire finds herself upside down on the couch, bare feet against the wall, clutching a Led Zeppelin vinyl against her chest, cool empty glass against her cheek. While Jack’s on the floor, plaid flannel he’d found folded in the shirts tied around his shoulders as he reads, propped up against the couch.
“October 31st, 2000,” Jack sniffs, “Ohh Halloween Claire!-” he exchanges a bright look before returning to reading, “Dean insisted we take a drive today. The leaves are falling from the trees of course and all the colors are changing. Today was the first time I’ve truly enjoyed fall and its beauty in so long. We took Claire for a walk and picnic near the lake. She loved the water. CLAIRRRREE!” Jack grabs his sisters shoulder.
“Would you just-“ she steals the book away.
“THEY TOOK YOU TO THE LAKE!” He weaps, clutching the flannel, “Y-you we’re probably all bundled up like a- a little burrito baby-”
Claire pats his head, smiling softly before reading on for her inebriated brother. “Claire and I both enjoyed listening to Dean explain fishing and eventually his stories about Halloween with Sam as children. Though I believe I would enjoy listening to him speak about anything that makes him happy. Oh god that’s so sap-“
“THIS IS WORSE THAN THE NOTEBOOK!” Jack cries out shakily, squeaking as he falls over onto the floor.
“Jesus, are you ok? Jack?” She turns over, sitting up to check on her brother, who’s now cradling himself, “Have you had alcohol before?”
Jack sniffs weakly, head buzzing, as he stretches out against the couch on the floor, “Yeah... yes... no... shut up my head hurts and you’re spinning. Oh god I feel weird.” Warmth running through his body.
“My god, I haven’t even got to the part about you yet.” She laughs lightly.
“Hit me.” Jack pops up, sobering best he can. Hair sticking up every which way statically.
“Seriously? You’re not in your best mental state.” She looks over him.
“I’m good, ‘m great. Just-.” He motions ahead to the book.
“Oooookay.” Claire pushes on, “November 2nd, 2000: Gabriel and Rowena are working on a new spell to strengthen the warding and extend it past the inn’s boundaries. The pack’s increasing their patrols. Kelly found out she was with child today. Only members of council and medical staff know but... it won’t take long for everyone to find out. Kelly wants to run away but she can’t. He’ll find her. I know my brother-“ Claire risk a glance towards Jack, finding him staring blanking ahead, head upon his knees, “I know my brother better than anyone. He’s wounded now but when he’s healed to full power he’ll be an unstoppable force. He caught us unprepared last time. He won’t again.”
Jack sighs heavily, smiling softly as he looks back upon Claire. “Like I said, I’m fine.” Curling up to his sisters legs, “Keep reading though, please,” he ask with a sleepy smile. Nodding off as Claire reads, to distant memories of being sung to sleep, someone somewhere far away singing Hey Jude deep within his mind. Jack falls asleep feeling safe, feeling warm, feeling home.
🐝
Crying. He’d sworn he heard Jack crying but now he’s all turned around- Why had he thought Jack would be outside in the first place? It’s so late and how had Cas ended up outside in the first place-
It’s quiet in the field beyond the inn. The midnight moon rising high and bright above him, stars illuminating the short grass. If Cas wasn’t so confused, so scared, he’d take a moment to enjoy the beauty of it. It’s too quiet though, the cold spring air causing his breath to come out in short puffs.
Somethings off. Cas takes a deep breath. Kneeling in the grass, his hands grasping at the strands.
Just when it’s starting to whisper to him-
“CAS! CAS HELP!” Dean’s voice calls out roughly from the edge of the field.
Cas’ up to his feet, looking every which way.
“DEAN!” Cas starts running before his mind can catch up with his feet. “DEAN, WHERE ARE-“
“CAS, HELP US!” Dean calls out brokenly, further away. Jack’s cries starting once more from the opposite edge of the field. Cas is torn, he doesn’t know where to turn. He hasn’t used his full powers in so long. Almost dormant, deep and buried within him. He digs down though, begging them to help. Just this once. Please, I need you.
Jack’s cries intensify.
“CAAAS!” Dean cries out further away.
Cas feels it instantly. The power thrumming through his blood as he reaches across the field in all directions. Reaching across the night air for any sign of Dean or Jack...
“DEAN I-“ Cas swirls around, almost tripping but catching himself. Finding nothing, no sign....
“DADDY!” Claire’s voice cuts in from the direction of the barn. Her voice catching him off guard.
Cas loses his grip on the reach...
“Claire?” He calls out aimlessly. “Dean?!”
A familiar growl in the distance followed by a sharp cry.
“DEAN-” Cas swirls around in each direction. He’s losing his sense of direction now, Dean was calling from the left? No he was to the right. Jack was to the left. Then Claire- It doesn’t matter. Just run to them you fool-
Suddenly the meddling voices stop.
“Castiel.” A crisp voice calls out roughly, nearby. He doesn’t need magic to know who’s behind him.
Cas freezes, feet skidding to halt. Blood running cold.
He could still run. He knows he could make it the short distance back to the house. Back to his family. It’s dark, practically pitch black but he knows his way through the field. Warn them in time to-
“What do you think you’re doing, boy?” The voice bites out, prowling closer. “Did you honestly believe we wouldn’t find you?” They laugh, “You were never even lost.” Now breathing down the back of Cas’ neck.
Cas is screaming inside. Run. Run as fast your feet will take you. Run to Claire. Run to Jack. Run to Dean. Protect your family. Do whatever it takes just-
“You really thought you could up and leave your family Castiel? No. The Miltons are you’re family. What you’ve here. The abomination you’ve-”
Cas sees red. Spinning around without thinking and spitting out, “Don’t you dare talk about my family you monster-”
“Oh ho ho,” They step back, smiling wickedly, as they look Cas up and down. “That’s adorable. You really believe you belong here. I mean I’ve heard the stories about your little setup or whatever. But I just had to come see for myself-”
Cas shakes his head feveretly and prays. He prays for the first time since he was a child. Please just let them be spared.
“All that raw power. Wasted.” The body behind Cas runs their open palm along Cas’ shoulder. Cas flinches away, but they pull him back harshly. “Na-ah-ah! You see while you’ve been away playing house with the dogs and that good for nothing brother of yours, I’ve been training, as you should’ve been.”
“Good for you.” Cas tosses out dryly. “But I- I really don’t give a damn.” Cas tries to come across strong, but he’s taken off guard. His mind swirling; escape, run, do whatever it takes just get away.
“Well you could’ve fooled me. Do you honestly believe they care about you? The Winchesters for Christ’s sake Castiel?” They spit out, stopping Cas, “they’re using you. The elder has had you wrapped around his finger for so long-“ they laugh, “it’s pathetic really. But I digress. They’re savages, and when they don’t need you anymore, you’ll be thrown out onto the street like yesterdays trash with no where to go.” They lean over Cas’ shoulder. “And we know all about your children. Fascinating really. Jack’s just a week or so old correct? What a pity losing his mother like that.-”
“You have no business talking about my son.” Cas growls out, risking a step closer, “or my family. If we’re through here-“
“I’m here for the boy Castiel.” They toss out airily, eyeing Cas.
“To hell you are.” Castiel grounds out, looking them dead in the eyes.
“He doesn’t belong here. He belongs-”
“He belongs here with his family. Which we are.” Cas gestures back towards the inn.
“You have no idea what that thing is capable of. What his father-“
“I’m his father.” Cas corrects quickly, fire in his eyes. Before continuing slowly, “Jack is an innocent child. That man may have helped conceive Jack but that’s where his fatherly connection started and ended. As far as anyone should be concerned, I’m Jack’s father. And he’s not going anywhere.” Cas stands his ground forcefully.
“You’re such a peculiar being Castiel.” They look over Cas in awe for a moment before clapping their hands moving on with a laugh, “Hah! That’s pretty good. Still got that iconic bite I see. You know, when we checked in on you and saw the cute little life you’d created. Half of us expected it to tall tales. You know, little stories the poor sniveling pups and witches tell over bonfires to make everything seem a little more, I don’t know fairy tale like? Dean Winchester and Castiel Milton leading a rebel alliance against the Milton Ministry of Magic and Supernatural Beings.” They throw their hands up, weighing them. “Even ol Zach had to admit it was creative. Great for us actually. You wanted a villain, we just filled the shoes. I mean, I honestly didn’t think you had it in ya though. I figured you’d run off, sow your wild oats and run back with your tail between your legs. BUT NO, you’re out here in the middle of damn no where running the resistance, adopting babies with the mortal enemy of your mother. Because WAIT FOR IT, he loves you.” They mock sigh before laughing, “Does he though? That is kind of your mothers wheel house. Love is such a simple potion-”
“STOP-“ Cas growls, tears threatening to fall but he shakes them off quickly, turning towards his attacker, hands outstretched, palms open, and ready to fight. His magic thriving through his body now, amber glow evident. Power coursing through his palms veins, begging to be released.
“Oh kid, I’m in your head. You’re strong but not strong enough to keep me out.” They laugh, eyes wild taking a step closer.
“My family needs me, Dean needs me.” Cas grits, standing his ground. Moving his hand behind his back. Ever so slowly twisting his hand with practiced ease, raising the dirt behind his feet.
“Oh, save it.” The attacker grabs Cas’ chin, “I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories. Your little feelings. Yes, I know what you hate. I know how much you love your Dean, and those two little rugrats. I know what you fear.” They smile, releasing Cas’ chin and shoving him away. “There is nothing for you back there.”
“You’re wrong,” Cas laughs weakly, smiling.
“Down to business then.” They sigh tiredly, tentatively stepping back, palms up in surrender. “I have two of my best men posted outside your home. You have ten minutes to surrender the child.”
“What if I made you a deal?” Cas ask without thinking.
“Oh?” The voice pipes up, head tilting curiously.
Cas chokes out, coming back to consciousness blurily. Sweat coating his brow as his hands clutch his chest, pulling absently at his soaked tee as he tries to catch his breath.
Early morning light just beginning to stream under the curtains edges. I’m safe in bed. Breathe, he tells himself, innn and ouuutt. You’re safe. You’re home. They can’t get them.
Sighing heavily, his breath raggedy returns to normal. Cas rest his head against the cool wood headboard. The same nightmare he’d been haunted by for weeks. He can’t seem to blame himself really.
The first night being some weeks ago, he’d been so distraught by the troubling memory he lain in bed crying silently until his alarm went off. Memories he’d blocked for god knows how many years flooding back unwarranted. As the nights went on though, he awoke more coherent, prepared. Falling back asleep a little easier each night. Tonight, he sighs, the weight on his heart bearing harder and heavier the closer Claire’s wedding comes.
He lets himself drift back to sleep with distant thoughts of calloused hands and emerald eyes, stolen kisses under oak trees. Happy memories filled with laughter, love, a little sunshine.
Absolutely not the night he purposely pushed away Dean Winchester...
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anika-ann · 4 years
Text
Errare Humanum Est - Pt.1
What on Earth...?
Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)      x Supernatural
Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader    Word count: 1350
Summary: Sam and Dean come back to their motel room to find a surprise in a form of an angel and... a woman that looks like she went few rounds with ashes and lost.
Oh and no one knows who she is. Just their typical Tuesday, isn’t it?
Warnings: swearing, mention of death, mention of blood
A/N: There isn’t much you need to know about Supernatural. You can check out the end notes where is a pic telling you the basics. I made it for wonderful @annathesillyfriend​ , but you might find it handy too ;)
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Sam Winchester hated vampires. Mostly because there were messy to deal with; so much blood, everywhere. It had been a literal bloodbath.
He opened the door to their motel room, exhausted and wishing for nothing but a shower and clean-ish bed.
His wishes weren’t fulfilled. When he flickered the light on, he was met with a sight that made his heart jump and stop dead in the doorway; Dean collided with his suddenly frozen body with a loud curse.
“What the hell, man?!”
Sam stared incredulously at the scene in front of him; there was a woman lying on his bed. A clearly unconscious woman. Covered in his sheets – well, motel sheets anyway, but who was splitting hairs.
Castiel was sitting by her bedside and his face lighted up when he saw the brothers coming.
“Sam! Dean! I’m glad you’re here!”
Dean pushed past Sam, who was still standing in the doorway, only to freeze too.
“What the hell, Cas? Who’s the chick?”
“Chick?” Castiel parroted, confused. Sam could already feel a headache building up. So much for shower and bed. They just couldn’t catch a break, could they? “I don’t understand.”
He slowly walked into the room, awaiting Castiel’s explanation. He couldn’t help but notice the woman’s dirty face. She looked like she had been rolling in ashes for the past hour. Also, she seemed incredibly still. In fact-
“He means the woman. Castiel… is she even breathing?” Sam questioned, his heart never easing its pace. He hurried to her side, only to see the faintest rise of her chest under the covers.
“She is. I was merely waiting for your return so I could pulled her out of unconsciousness-“ The angel extended his hand to hover above her head, but Dean threw himself forward, catching his wrist – and quickly letting go when Castiel gave him a puzzled look.
“Hold it, Angelface. Who is she? How did she get here?” Dean demanded, blatantly staring at her. There didn’t seem to be anything special about her. Only that she was in Sam’s bed. And she was very dirty. And unconscious.
“I brought her here,” Cas stated as it if was fairly obvious.  Sam wanted to plead heavens for strength, but that never worked anyway (except that one time), so he might as well stop trying.
“Why?” Dean asked, confused and dubious.
For once, Sam agreed. Yeah. Why? The younger hunter massaged the bridge of his nose when Castiel didn’t answer right away.
“And why did you bring her, Castiel? Who is she? Why does she… look like this?”
Castiel moved his blue innocent gaze to Sam then, opening his mouth only for no sound to come out. Sam raised a curious eyebrow at the silence. Castiel sighed.
“I don’t know.”
Sam could peripherally see Dean’s expression, disbelief written all over his face.
“You don’t know?!” Dean questioned, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he turned to Sam, mimicking the celestial being. “He doesn’t know.” Then he switched his attention back to the angel with a sigh. “What do you mean-“
“I just don’t know, Dean!” Castiel exploded, rising to his feet. “I only know I was meant to save her. I picked up her body once it was whole again-“
“Whoa, whoa, what do you mean her body?!” Sam blurted out, alarmed. He quickly casted a glance at her to make sure she was still breathing. She was.
“When it was whole again?”
Castiel actually had enough decency to put up a guilty face.
“I honestly can’t tell you why. I was… told to do that, by a voice in my head-“
“By a voice in your head? You’re hearing voices now? Like an angel radio or more like you need to murder everyone?” Dean queried, earning a what only could be described as an exasperation – mixed with I am so done with you.
“I… I would say it was God, but… I’m not sure about anything these days. I just knew to pick her up. Just like with you,” the angel explained soothingly.
“Like with me?”
Sam’s eyes widened with realization. “Like from Hell? You lifted her soul from-“
“NO! She’s… I actually escorted her soul… from Heaven.”
“So she was dead? And now she’s not? You’re joking. Why save her? What is she, a prophet of the Lord or something?” Dean spitted out, heavily seating himself on the bed, only realizing that he was placing his bottom on her legs when it was too late. “Oh for God’s-“
Sam released an exhausted exhale when Dean jumped back to his feet.
“Huh, she sleeps like dead,” Dean hummed, grinning when Sam threw his hands in the air in exasperation at the stupid joke.
Only that Dean’s little stunt ruffled the covers, exposing the woman’s bare shoulder and knee. Sam’s heart hammered in his chest. Could this get any worse?
“Cas… is she wearing any clothes at all?” he asked slowly, only to see the angel shrug, his bright blue eyes far too innocent.
“I didn’t look. All of her clothing was burnt-“
“She’s naked?!” Dean yelped and Sam mentally asked himself what was his life, reconsidering his past choices.
“Castiel… maybe she would appreciate not to wake up completely nude in a motel room with three men she had never seen before…?” he hinted the angel, realization immediately lightening up Castiel’s face.
“Oh. Yours or Dean’s?”
“Mine,” Dean choked out, suddenly sounding pleased.
Sam ran his fingers through his hair, while Castiel snapped his fingers and the woman was finally covered. In clothes.
“Perhaps we should wake her up now,” the angel stated wisely, doing exactly that.
The woman jolted awake with a gasp for air, siting up on the bed. Sam thanked God they had thought of dressing her up—or rather not God. It might have been him who had got them into this mess in the first place.
Her frantic eyes scanned the room, her gaze immediately falling on Castiel, Dean and Sam. She pressed her back to the headboard at instant, her pupils wide in horror.
Sam’s brain finally caught up; they were still soaked in blood.
Not only she had woken up in a foreign room, in someone else’s clothes, after dying, apparently (did she know that?), with three unknown men, but two of them were drenched in blood and the third was wearing beige trench coat and a curious expression.
“Cas, the blood,” Sam hissed as quietly as he managed and with another snap of the angel’s fingers, they were clean and neat.
The woman jumped and let out a silent yelp.
“Look, we can explain-“ Sam hurried, extending an attempted soothing hand toward her, making her curl onto herself and spot the choice of clothes of hers.
She looked at it, then at them and right back at her own, baffled.
Tears appeared in her eyes, causing Sam’s stomach clench. Poor woman, this must have been so confusing…
“What on Earth happened?” she whispered in hoarse voice as if she had been breathing in the ashes as well. Which she probably had been. Or maybe she just hadn’t been using her vocal cords for too long-- because she had been dead. “Who are you? Where… where am I?”
What a freaking mess.
“My name is Sam. This is my brother Dean and this is… our friend Castiel,” Sam explained slowly, hoping not to scare her even further. She frowned funnily at the last name. “We…uh… we found you on a side of a road-“
Dean flashed him a look of approval. This would have to do until they figured out what exactly happened and why was she pulled out from… Heaven.
“On a side of a road? What… I don’t-- what?”
“Hey, it’s okay. Why don’t you just tell us your name and we go from there?” Castiel took the words right from Sam’s mouth and the hunter was actually quite impressed by his human skills.
Honestly though, Sam was shocked the angel didn’t even know her name. Hadn’t he brought her from Heaven or something? Shouldn’t he know that at least?
Except the woman’s eyes grew absent, unfocused, as if she was trying hard to remember something.
It was like a punch to their gut. Oh no, she had no clue, did she?
Sam had just had to ask himself if it could get any worse…
“I… I don’t know.”
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Part 2
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Thank you for reading! I know this one’s short, but we’ll get to longer ones ;)
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Tags: @cxptain​ @smilexcaptainx​ , @murdermornings​ @irepostthingsiwanttoseelater , @polarcrystall​ @eliza5616​ @rayofdawnworld @victor-criss-bish​ @skychild29​  @elysianecho​ @simmisblog​ @scentedsongrebel​ @orions-nebula​, @sergeantrosabellaswan​​ @songofcosplay​​, @ilovesupersoldiers​​ @wxstedhexrt​​ @silver-winter-wolf​​ @nova3312​​  @guardian-tn @janieavalos , @vxidnik​​
If anyone wants in or out, DM me or send an ask :-*
SPN basics:
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schrijverr · 4 years
Text
Q&A pt. 2
After a while it’s time for another Q&A where Dean and Cas answer your questions.
Part of the Famous Husband verse, which is also a series.
On AO3.
Ships: Destiel
Warnings: none, but tell me if I missed anything or you want me to tag something!
~~~~~~~~~~~ 
“I like could become an angel, but I’d say no, just because I think it would suck to have to answer to God, as a human it’s at least optional.” Dean said as Cas started giggling.
After that the intro rolled, it was a drawn impala that came down the road, it stopped in the middle of the screen and the drawn Dean gave a wink to the viewers, then he sped off again and the smoke was bridge back to the video.
“Hi Hunters and welcome back to yet another Q&A, I’m here with my husband, Cas, to answer some of your questions, so lets get started.” Dean began the video.
“Hello.” Cas nodded, while Dean opened his phone.
“Okay, first up @Spngrl272, who asks: ‘If you were to dye your hair an unnatural color what would it be and why?’ Hm, interesting, what do you think, angel?” Dean said.
Cas thought about it for a moment, then he answered: “Pink, or maybe red, because I think it would be fun mostly, I do not have a specific reason.”
Dean nodded thoughtfully and said: “Yeah, I can see that. I think I would dye it blue, but it would have to be the color of your eyes, because that’s the best color I know.”
Cas blushed and shoved Dean slightly as he said: “You sap.”
“Only for you, darling.” Dean batted his eyelashes over the top, then he turned to his phone and said: “Next one! This is from @reesespuffs1 and they ask: ‘What’s your favourite memory of each other?’ Now that’s a hard one.”
“I agree there are so many to pick from.” Castiel agreed.
A silence fell and it was obvious that a chunk was cut out between then and the answers while they thought about it.
“I have one, but it’s going to sound really cheesy.” Dean said, “It’s from a few years back and we’d just moved here, we finally had our own place, you know. Anyway, it was a Saturday and you were sleeping in, but I woke up early and I was gonna surprise you with a breakfast in bed.”
Cas was smiling softly as Dean talked, but he softly broke it to say: “I remember that, I’d had a horrible week and we’d gone to bed early.”
“Yeah, exactly.” Deans voice had also gone soft, “But the sun was peaking through the curtains and it hit your face and you were just so peaceful and it was totally like a movie scene and it just struck me how lucky I was to have you and that this was real.”
Giving him a quick peck on the cheek, Cas said: “That was kind of cheesy, but also really sweet.”
“I try.” Dean grinned, “So, what do you got?”
“Well, it’s an old one and there were many others, who also had a lot of potential, but this was from before we were dating.” Castiel told him.
“God, that is old.” Dean commented.
“I know, but it was during exam week and I’d fallen asleep at my desk, I knew I did because I remembered thinking ‘oh god this isn’t good, I should go to sleep.”
Cas got interrupted: “That is such an A+ internal monologue.”
“I was very eloquent back then, you might not notice it nowadays, but I was quite the talker.” Cas joked, before he went on: “So I had fallen asleep at my desk, but I awoke to you carrying me to bed, it was briefly and I dropped off again right after, but I never forgot and you never even mentioned it, but it was very sweet.”
“Ahw, thanks.” Dean said, before clearing his throat and reading out: “@Winter_Wolf101 wants to know: ‘What’s the weirdest fan interaction you’ve ever had?’ Had any already, Cas?”
“Not really, unless you count that girl at the supermarket, who I made eyecontact with and she just dropped a thing full of eggs in surprise.” Cas replied.
Dean laughed at that, before he answered: “I think that had to be the time a girl asked me to sign panties and she just handed me a pair, like she carried them around just in case. Note, this was not during a convention or something, she just happened to have one in her pocket.”
“What?” Cas asked.
“I don’t know either, man, that’s why it was so weird.” Dean shrugged.
“That is quite unusual.”
“Next question is from @Why_do_you_want_to_know, who asks: ‘What is Cas’ weirdest habit?’ I think we answered this in the husband tag video and I mentioned your eating habits with burgers.” Dean answered.
“Did you think of a new answer?” Cas asked.
“Lemme think,” Dean hummed, then: “Oh, yeah, Claire mentioned this to me. I hadn’t even noticed until she pointed it out, but that’s just because I haven’t lived without you for over a decade. But you don’t really blink whenever you’re listening to someone.”
“Really?” Cas frowned.
“It’s nothing bothersome or anything and I’m not even sure that counts as a habit, but it is peculiar.” Dean was quick to say.
“I guess, I don’t really feel the need to blink usually.” Cas said thoughtfully.
“Dude just you saying that would have made it into the docu.” Dean grinned, “Which brings us to the next question from @Shazzy_Cat_1903 and they ask: ‘We all know that Cas is an angel, but if Dean were a mythical creature, which would he be?’ What do you think?”
“I would say you’re also an angel, since you’re so caring and nice, but I don’t think you would agree with that.” Cas answered.
“Yeah.” Dean replied, “I like could become an angel, but I’d say no, just because I think it would suck to have to answer to God, as a human it’s at least optional.”
Cas choked on a breath, before he started giggling at that. Getting a glint in his eyes, Dean went on: “Or I’d go full demon, just to make us Romeo and Juliet and God would be sitting on his big throne in heaven just face-palming while you try to sneak around with me, forgetting he’s all knowing.”
Cas giggled some more, but he managed: “No, I’d try to get you to stop being a demon to make it alright again and you’d be grumpy about it.”
Dean laughed too and agreed: “Yes, yes, I would be. Very grumpy that I do not get to be a demon with little horns and a pitchfork.”
“I think that’s about as accurate as an angel having a harp, Dean.” Cas told him with a fond eyeroll.
“Aha, and how would you know that, angel?” Dean joked, getting another eyeroll.
Then more serious, he said: “Maybe I’d be a vampire, they’re cool and if you’re an angel then at least I’m immortal and get to spend forever with you.”
“That would be nice.” Cas said softly, before it cut to Dean reading the next question: “@Destiel_heaven, god, we did that ourselves didn’t we.”
“Technically it was Sam, who came up with it.” Cas said.
Dean pointed into the camera accusingly and said: “If you’re seeing this Sam, this is all your fault.”
A small message appeared: If I recalled correctly it was you, who first said the name out loud for the internet :( XP  ~Sam
“But what did they ask?” Cas asked.
“Uhm,” Deans eyes flickered back to his phone screen, “‘How long have you gone without talking to each other? And if you guys fight, who is the one to apologize first and make up?’”
“I don’t think we don’t talk to each other when we’re mad.” Castiel said.
“Yeah, I’m usually too sad about not seeing you that I try to make up as quickly as I can, and I think you do the same.” Dean agreed.
“But we usually don’t argue about important things, it’s mostly stupid stuff like you using my charger.” Cas said.
“It’s a pretty even balance, I’d say.”
“And I’d agree.”
“Cool, moving on then, @Lightningbugqueen, what a name by the way, wants to know: ‘How have Cas’ students been acting after they found out about Dean?’ Care to enlighten us, dear?” Dean read the next one.
“Mostly the same, it gets hard to be impressed when they have to listen to me talk about American History and force them to do assignments, but there are some questions here and there whenever you upload a video and a few of them did not trust me for the week between you taking a break and your documentary about me.” Castiel answered.
“First time your teacherness saved you from having to be social.” Dean grinned.
Castiel pouted: “I don’t think teacherness is a word, Dean.”
“I thought you taught History not English.” Dean was not deterred.
“I’m not that unsocial.” Cas whined.
“I know, sunshine, but you can be awkward. I meant it as a good thing.” Dean said gently.
It was silent for a beat, then Cas said: “I guess you are right that it is nice that this isn’t effecting work in the classroom. I’d hate to think it would be my fault if they got distracted and failed.”
“You are literally the sweetest person ever when you talk about your students.” Dean told him, getting squinted confused eyes and a cocked head in return.
Dean explained: “You care about them all so much and you want them to succeed, it’s really sweet, honestly.”
“Oh.” Cas didn’t really know what to respond to that, so he just said: “Thank you.”
“No problem.” Dean smiled, before turning back to his phone to read: “@Dean-no-no asks: ‘Does Cas get jealous of all the fans swooning over Dean?’ Only you can answer that one, angel.”
“I wouldn’t call in jealousy per se.” Cas said, getting two raised brows from Dean who remembered that the whole reason Cas barged in on that live stream so long ago was because of jealousy.
“Don’t look at me like that, I wasn’t done yet.” Cas told him, “I wouldn’t call in jealousy, more possessiveness. Jealousy implies that I feel like I don’t get the same attention as your fans, but you do still pay a lot of attention to me, it’s sometimes more that I feel some comments go a bit too far for the connection there is.”
“What?” Dean asked, “I get the start, but that last part.”
“Oh, yeah, it’s- They know a lot more about you then you from them, it’s just how it is, but sometimes comments come across as if you’re both the best of buds and it can go a bit too far in my  opinion.” Cas explained.
“Ah.” Dean got it, “Yeah, sometimes it can be a bit personal or uncomfortable.”
Cas nodded as Dean went on: “Now the last question is from @FanFictionIsLife1234, who asks: ‘What was the moment you realized you were in love with the other?’ Ending on a sappy note.”
“You love sappy notes.” Cas teased lightly.
“I absolutely do, but that’s just between us two. I think I answered this before, about us in the forest, but I’m curious about your answer.” Dean said.
“But that’s when you realized you liked me, when did you realize you loved me, I think that’s different. I knew I liked you when I stayed with you for the holidays and I just never felt more at home and happy than I did that summer, but I knew I loved you when we’d just moved in together and suddenly I realized how domestic we’d gotten.” Castiel answered.
Dean got a thoughtful expression on his face, before he said: “I guess you’re right.”
“Of course I am.” Cas grinned smugly.
“Little bastard.” Dean told him fondly, “But I do like your answer, most people don’t realize it’s the little things that really keep people together.”
“It’s kind of like in The Lord of the Rings, it’s the little things that keeps the evil at bay.” Cas agreed getting a look from Dean, “I’ve spend time with Charlie lately.”
“Ah, yeah that’ll do that to you.” Dean smiled, “But as for my answer, I think, god this is hard, I’ve always loved you it seems and picking something is hard, cause it was this slow built and suddenly I didn’t know how to exist without loving you, you know?”
Cas leaned into his side and said: “That is also a very sweet and good answer.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
It was quiet for a moment, then Dean cleared his throat and said: “Well, I think I’m ending the video now, hopefully you all enjoyed it.”
“I’m sure they did.” Cas smiled, making eyecontact and getting a smile back that could be the definition of hearteyes.
Cutting to the endcard Dean did his outro: “Like this video if you did, leave a comment, hit the subscribe button and ring that bell, there are links to more of me and Cas over here and I’ll see you on the road, bye!”
Then the video ended.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When Dean talked about loving
Cas my heart exploded, they’re
just made for each other.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lollll little demon dean killed me
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
THE QUEERS HAVE BEEN FED BY THE GAY OVERLORDS
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If you told me a year ago that
Dean would be sappy with his
husband on main, I’d have
laughed, what a timeline to live in
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Who is that girl with the panties
I feel like I need to know more
about this, wtf
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dean can carry Cass, get yo self a
swole man
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
fuck guess it’s time to write a
Romeo and Juliet angel/demon
AU now, fuck
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This man calls his husband the
sappiest nicknames, little bastard
and dude, get a man who can do
both lol
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
theyre so sweet, id puke if it wasnt
so cute
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cas is my spirit animal when it
comes to social interaction
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
THEYRE SO CUTEEEEEE!
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7 notes · View notes
naruhearts · 5 years
Text
14x18 First Watch Thoughts: Mary Winchester the Mirror, TFW and Destiel
**FLAILS**
My thoughts are practically incoherent because I’m having BIG FEELS right now...VERY big feels re: TFW/Destiel narratives.
I am SUPER glad Berens was the one who penned Mary’s death!! The episode was just well-done all around from start to finish and intensely executed, with the proper solid balance of angst, emotional insight from the characters placed inside Mary’s cathartic contextual role, and the consistent reiteration of Mary as TFW’s overall Parental Catharsis in 14x18′s storytelling (and S12-14′s whole parental premise in conjunction with John Winchester’s ghost). 
Mary was portrayed as the singular contrasting foil to TFW’s individual and combined arcs. Absence was, obviously, a core theme, with Mary’s absence -- her death -- playing out as A. familial purpose (accountability and her death as the impetus to work together --> forgive each other, forgive yourself), B. self-purpose (self-realization via Jack: what did I do? Why did I do it? Why do we do things?), and C. romantic purpose on the Dean/Cas front. 
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Let me explain C. -- well, WE BEEN KNEW. The metasphere wrote about this (my post x).
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x
Dean was HEAVILY subtextually framed as the angry spouse undergoing a rough patch with Cas over Mary’s death  (the tension, juxtaposed by sad orchestral strings and soft lighting, Dean lashing out at Cas, romantic framing via Dean’s back turned to Cas, their interactions holding frustration yet still underpinned by certain tenderness etc *sighhhhh*) and Dean continuing down the route of giving Cas, not Sam, frosty shoulders -- emphasized by the romantic visual framing of space between them e.g. Sam preventing Cas from comforting Dean during Mary’s funeral, backs again facing each other, Dean and Cas interacting sparsely, Dean bitter and disengaged, Cas longing for forgiveness from Dean, Sam as the overt brother caught in the middle as he embodies the role of mediator and stable thinker for both of them etc -- just strengthens my belief that Destiel is going to experience another (hopefully) intense romance-coded confrontation as intense as the one they had in the cabin -- one that leads up to a lover’s make-up or some kind of emotional breakthrough/realization which has Cas happy enough to be taken by the Empty (remember, DEAN STILL DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT CAS’ DEAL. Cas’ life to save his son’s life, harking back to Dean’s own fatherly self-sacrificial deal by saying Yes to Michael. He is utterly unaware that he’ll lose Cas) and it’s a double punch here, because Dean will realize how stupid he is for not appreciating Cas -- more accurately, trying to be mutually transparent and honest with him (he has, though, and he’s made leaps and bounds) before it’s too late but failing (final regression before progression). He does appreciate Cas, and Cas means more to him than anyone could ever describe *points at his Mind!Bar 14x10* yet their love languages still don’t align. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, DEAN! 14x19 is written by BL so I additionally hope the D/C subtext from this point onwards works in our favour!!
As I said in above and in my liveblog posts, a summary: 
The differences in Dean’s grieving are a COMPLETE visual comparison to 12x23, complete with overhead 📸 shots and differing funeral pyre scenes: when he grieved over Cas, he was alone, kneeling on the ground, and was blatantly numb/emotionally incapacitated – Dean mourned the loss of his lover. When he’s grieving Mary, Sam is by his side. Brothers mourning the loss of their mother. Romantic vs familial.
Overt romance-coded parallels with Sam/Rowena keeping constant contact just like Dean/Cas do both offscreen and onscreen
Sam telling Dean IT WASN’T JUST CAS and his own emotional pull in this ep as expressing accountability for TFW’s actions in general – besides internalizing/talking about the self-guilt, shame, and the inevitable pain of losing people despite saving people (also re: the 🔑 theme of doing the wrong, stupid thing for the right reasons) -- was character development on a marvelous scale. Dean was enlightened and began to admit it himself. Honest, open words. Dean and Cas should learn from him!!
 Cas was absolutely humanized, subsuming the Winchester Way of Bringing Family Back, and he additionally evoked honesty/an emotional justification while admitting his mistakes and again representing FAITH: faith in Jack narratively linked to FAITH IN HIMSELF and the season-long theme of believing there’s another way -- in believing that good things shall come. As he appropriately told Anael last episode -- loneliness is a construct misconstrued by her; not being in one’s physical presence doesn’t mean they aren’t there -- they are there. They are there for you. Narrative symmetry with 14x17′s presence of emotional acknowledgement despite physical absence re: God (and TFW; just because Cas wasn’t with the Winchesters did not mean he loved them any less) vs 14x18′s absence of full-frontal communication despite physical presence re: Dean and Cas/TFW (being physically present also entails being emotionally present through HONESTY). Berens interlinked the subtext. Negative spaces are being filled. And there’s also an Evil/dark dimension added to this Presence vs Absence commentary: Lucifer’s a visage in Jack’s mind, just like Sam. Jack’s soullessness has come to a psychological crux. He’s teeter-tottering – tried desperately to bring Mary back, and now he might have fucked up the natural order (if BTS pics of zombies in 14x20 is linked to this).  Furthermore:
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(*clutches chest* There’s the heartbreaking spousal-coded visual narrative.)
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Oh, Cas...Jack is BOTH good and evil. This is the intrinsic dualism of human nature. It’s what makes Jack human. And goodness involves badness. 
CAS: [Jack] was good for us. Indeed, we know he was. The unhealthily-codependent-abusive notion of family TFW used to possess (where their overarching parental issues -- Chuck’s absence, John’s abuse and Mary’s absence -- crippled their early formative growth, extending into decades) was deconstructed and rebuilt in healthier ways. Being a parent to Jack offset their true capabilities/qualities: FAITH (Cas), HOPE (Sam), and LOVE (Dean), alongside all the stickiness that came with his birth. By direct association, Cas learned (is learning) how to believe in himself. Sam learned (is learning) how to hope in himself. Dean learned (is learning) how to love himself. Mental/emotional release from their internal chains took place (will come to its final culmination in S15). In other words, Jack the Unifying TFW Mirror -- like Mary -- was the great interpersonal conduit for (a Jesus-figure-representation) honesty, appreciation (spending time with your loved ones), positive vs negative self-process, and self-awareness. Keep in mind that Jack has characteristically taken the place of Dean, Cas and Sam’s own dark arcs (Soulless!Sam, in particular) with what looks like a Godstiel mirror in 14x19 -- he’s literally becoming textualized as TFW’s mirror -- and, like his parents, he is going to make his independent (wayward) choices and question the primacy of human nature: good, evil, and the grey in-between. Will he listen to his head or his heart?  Most of all, Jack taught them that HuntingTM is filled with pain, horror, and death, but genuine purpose lies beyond it. The lives they live are also innumerably interlinked with joy and happiness. These positive things aren’t as sparse as they think: they have each other.
Mary Winchester is ⚰️ and resides in Heaven (her death successfully made me emotional and packed a deep personal punch; the black and white flashbacks interspersed throughout 14x18 relative to Mary’s influence on TFW was A++). She disappeared right when TFW’s arcs came together to display character progression. Her purpose – pushing TFW to engage in self-introspection, personal growth, and honesty with the Self and others – is done.
Mary, the Cas mirror, carved M.W. into the table with S.W and D.W. You know who should be next, right? CASTIEL W. (and Jack W.) (recall that in 14x17, Mary relayed to Dean that she treasured and enjoyed her time with him and Sam -- channeling Cas’ 14x12 farewell speech. Mary has always embodied LOVE, both romantic and familial, with the great virtue of honesty, and Dean, by proxy, has been telling his family he loves them. Again, who is the next family member he’ll say I LOVE YOU to? What do Dean and Cas WANT? Time to answer this question!!)
WE HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE. Narrative cyclism, y’all. Mary and John Winchester are finally at ✌️, and by so doing, TFW will experience emotional/personal/psychological ✌️ as they leave their past behind to create their own optimistic self-actualized future. THERE’LL BE GENUINE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE.
TFW MUST TALK
I mean, I’ll probably reblog this with new thoughts during the next few days, but yes, ENDGAME’S UPON US, and all the extensive meta regarding Dabb Era Love and...Love, Unity, Family, Honesty, the centrality of interpersonal relationships and Reconciliation of the Past & Future since Season New Beginnings 12/13 over Season Who Am I 14 should be realized in the final two ANGST-filled eps. TL;DR a gigantic multilayered soup of character-positive/relationship growth-positive meta coming to fruition for the main plot.
Berens has killed us all. 14x18 is one of my favourite Emotion-centric episodes yet!
RATING: 10/10
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Thank you for reading my sloppier-than-usual word-vomit!
925 notes · View notes
verobatto · 5 years
Text
Destiel Chronicles
(Vol. XXVIII)
It was a love story from the very beginning.
Remember me
(7x17)
Hello my dears!! Well... Welcome to this volume and I'm so happy because CAS IS BACK! 👏👏
And the most beautiful of all is ... Sera ... She had to write it. She had to write Castiel coming back and not just that, she being a Bro-only Stan, had to make it VERY VERY DESTIEL. And she made a great job. Thank you Serita.
Okay! I want to say thanks to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta and discussed the scenes with me.
Well, what are we waiting for? Let's talk about Destiel.
Cas! You're back! But wait.. who's she?
We are going to talk just about episode 7x17 The Born Again Identity... Because it has a lot of Destiel on it, and we need an entire meta for that.
Remember my last chronicle, Dean was in bad shape, depressed and suicidal because Castiel was gone? Okay... Keep that in mind, and watch this reaction when Dean finds Castiel...
He was mourning Cas, and Bobby, and his brother was about to die too, and suddenly, he found his faith back, his best friend, that person who changed his entire existence, was alive. In front of his eyes. So yeah, in Dean's face we can see the shock.
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But then, the happiness to find his friend vanished, because Castiel doesn't remember him, and worst. He's married!
The whole scene in Daphne's place is very heartbreaking for Dean.
Do we need to repeat the similitude between Dean and Daphne, the similarities in their names and the green eyes and light brown hair? Because that something very known in the fandom, so yes.
Now... This will be a travel through Dean sad facial expressions... First of all, when Emmanuel presents Daphne as his wife... Dean's face is like...
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"Your wife, right."
Dean is shocked, and sad, and confused. Cas has a wife? My Cas? When this happened? And he can't remember me?
And then, the hand shake as if they were strangers, another daga in Dean's heart...
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He's trying to swallow Cas doesn't remember, he's like disoriented, and even so, Cas is watching him with his typical questioning eyes. Is Cas feeling he knows this man from somewhere? Or is just curious about Dean's awkward reaction.
And I can't stop noticing the tremble in Dean's lips before articulate any word on these two gifs... Jensen played it deliciously. The nervousness, the pain and the confusion in his eyes, the brokenheart.
The name Emmanuel means the God's sent one. Cas was sent to save Sam this time?
But... The thing is... Dean is still in shock, and when he had to make some conversation in the car with Emmanuel he just threw the matter that got him in awe (and nervous, and mad, and heartbroken... Remember Jeffrey in episode 15 when the demon came back... But possesed another man? Well this is the parallel I told you... Who's she, Cas?)
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DEAN: So, Daphne – is that, uh, your wife?
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: She found me and cared for me.
DEAN: Meaning?
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Oh, it's a...strange story. You may not like it.
DEAN: Believe me, I will.
So yes, Dean is intrigued... But hurted too, there's a pause between naming Dahpne and your wife, and is the first thing he wants to speak about with CAS. Is something that's bothering him. And also he wants to know how is that Cas is alive. (I just wanted to point here... When they're in the car talking, outside the windows, there's green and blue lights passing by only... Destiel coded color... Sigh...)
When Emmanuel said it's a strange story, and maybe Dean wouldn't like it, Dean is very sure he needs to know badly what happened to his Cas that ended like this...
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: A few months ago, she was hiking by the river, and I wandered into her path, drenched and confused, and... unclothed. I had no memory. She said... God wanted her to find me.
DEAN: So who named you Emmanuel?
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Bouncybabynames.com.
DEAN: Well, it's working for you. Must be weird not knowing who you are.
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Well, it's my life. And it's a good life.
So maybe knowing Emmanuel name meaning, Dean said it works for you. Because Castiel is an angel. But... Keeping the "identity" topic, Dean had his issues still with Cas, his grudges... and he can't talk about it with him, because Castiel doesn't remember what he did. So yes, Dean needs to say something about those grudges he has with Cas, so he said this...
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What if you were... A bad guy?
Why is Dean asking this? Because he needs to get something in return. You were bad with us, Cas.
Even if Cas tried to apologize before he died, Dean couldn't heal that wound. Because it was Cas.
And Emmanuel answer is similar to what Cas thought was doing right... I feel I'm a good person. Of course he is. He did everything thinking he was doing right. Till everything went wrong.
Dean can't forget what Cas did to him
We're in one very angsty point here. This chat in the car, is Dean trying so hard to not explode with these so many months of suffering and ruminating his best friend (and something else) betrayal. And his lost. And now he's there, with him. But he can't discuss, or talk, or threw at him his anger, because he doesn't remember.
So... The conversation gets weird...
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: So, your brother...
DEAN: Sam.
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Sam. What's his diagnosis?
DEAN: Well, it's not exactly medical.
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: That should be fine. I can cure illness of a spiritual origin.
DEAN: Spiritual? Okay. Someone did this to him.
Okay, Emmanuel talked first about spiritual origin, so Dean should feel worst there... Yeah, spiritual is something Cas did with Sam. The anger again. The remembrance...
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: You're angry.
DEAN: Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother's head.
Emmanuel saw through those words, the tone in Dean's voice and his face. He saw Dean was angry. So Dean couldn't say these words directly to CAS, so he will say it to Emmanuel anyway, he needed to say, to vomit everything there...
And he's not just angry because of what Cas did to Sam, but ... Everything behind that action. The betrayal... His death... The talk to solve things between them that never happened...
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?
DEAN: Yeah, well, he's gone.
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Did you kill him? I sense that you kill a lot of people.
Two things in Emmanuel observation: he named betrayal and friend and that's the wound that didn't heal in Dean.
The hunter said HE'S GONE. Because that Cas isn't there. That's Emmanuel. So, his Cas, is gone. And that's heartbreaking too.
And Emmanuel doing his "reading minds" stuff... By the end... Dean had to vomit again more things...
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Pay attention to Dean's words and the way he talks... He doesn't name "things that may hurt him" that people does... Like lying, or die. Betrayal. He didn't name it. He just says wherever it was, In one way he's avoiding those words... is hard for him to talk about this, after being depressed because of that. He confesses he always could endure those things then he repeats I always could with sorrow, because that was before Cas. Cas would be always different to him, in every aspect.
When he says... What Cas did he makes a pause... And his face is showing the pain, because what Cas did, that... He couldn't endure it. And here my friends, we have the confirmation, from Dean's mouth itself, he was in bad shape, depressed, suicidal, because of Castiel.
And he finished with a I don't know why, but we do, because we learned Cas is more than family. He's in love with Castel. And he'll discover this in season 8.
Remember Me
When Meg appears, Dean is worried she can tell the truth about Emmanuel's true identity, but it isn't just that... He really gets jealous...
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This scene is a classic but check out Dean's facial expression, he IS jealous. He remembers Castiel kissed her. And he remembers she was flirting with him, just like now. This confirm that if he was jealous of Meg, who get a hot kiss from CAS, how jealous he had felt for Daphne? Who actually was Emmanuel/Castiel's wife? Is just logic, my friends. Beacuse being a wife gets more benefits that just a kiss... Well we don't actually know if Emmanuel and her... You know what I mean, but Dean can imagine that they were a real couple... Ergo, yes. Dean was jealous of Daphne too.
Now... Let's talk about that scene that always makes me sigh... Damn...
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: This silence is very uncomfortable. Is there something I should know?
MEG: I don't know. Dean?
DEAN: No. Meg has that effect. Awkward. You know?
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: That must be difficult for you.
MEG: Dean's making a joke, Emmanuel.
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I wanted to put the previous dialogue to give context... I think this is one of my fav angsty Destiel looks watching when he's not watching.
Each time I see it, my heart beats fast. Beacuse... This is Emmanuel, right? But Emmanuel is behaving like old Cas, not understanding the joke. Being literal and all of that. And he even chuckled a little when Meg explained to him it was a joke... So... Look at Dean... He's side eyeing him... Because that's his Cas, the clueless, and cute Cas. And I'm certainly sure this is one of the things he missed of him. The clueless and cute angel. I'm sure is one of the most beautiful and innocent characteristics of CAS that enchanted Dean. So... He watched him, secretly, in silence, Cas is there... But he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember him. He missed him, besides the pain of his betrayal, and the rage that doesn't let him forgive him easily... Besides of that... He missed him. His Cas. That's the look, a sad, longing, and melancholic look in Dean's face.
Then... It was time for Revelations...
EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Why wouldn't you tell me? Being an angel – it sounds pleasant.
DEAN: It's not, trust me. It's bloody, it's corrupt. It's not pleasant.
Dean was protecting him? Trying not to loose Cas by telling him the truth? He needed him to heal his brother, so... It could be. But it was also true that... Knowing what he had done... Will be devastating for the angel. Dean knew it. Maybe he was trying to protect him.
MEG: He would know. You used to fight together. 
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Meg said it, they were bestest friends, Emmanuel is in awe, and immediately he asks Am I Cas? And ashamed because he can't remember Dean, he averted his eyes to the ground. But those words are like dagas in Dean's heart. He doesn't remember him.
I understand why you did what you did
When Cas went to smite those demons, he began to recover his memories, and most of them were of Dean. When he comes back, he's puzzled, because he doesn't know why is he alive and the whole Godstiel mess kicked him hard, and most of all... Because he knew Dean's words in the car, full of anger and resentment, and pain were for him. He knows Dean can't forgive him. That's the worst for him.
So he tries to run away...
CASTIEL: What I did. What I became. Why didn't you tell me?
DEAN: Because Sam is dying in there.
CASTIEL: Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn't be here.
The guilt in Case is huge, and Dean's words are knives for his heart.
DEAN: If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.
This could be desperation because the only hope to save his brother was running away, but it also is because Dean didn't want to lose Castiel again. So, he threw this desperate quote, is kind of what his brain maybe was telling him the whole time to help him forgive Cas.
CASTIEL: Don't defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?
Castiel's regrets and guilt again.
CASTIEL: We didn't part friends, Dean.
DEAN: So what?
Castiel recalls, he tried to fix things, but he couldn't, he couldn't apologize or even make Dean to forgive him. He remembers the break up of their friendship.
But Dean is willing to forget all of that, he needs him now, and he doesn't want to lose him. Is like what Cas did, it doesn't matter anymore, because... He doesn't want Cas to go away from him again.
CASTIEL: I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it... So why did I even walk out of that river?
That's the idea will remain in Castiel's mind for a long time from now. He thinks he deserves the biggest of the punishment. Death. For what he did. He killed angels, innocent people, he broke Sam's mind wall and he betrayed Dean.
DEAN: Maybe to fix it. Wait.
Dean wants him to know this could be a second chance for them.
And then...
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Dean kept Castiel's trenchcoat with him, he even moved from car to car. Why? Because he couldn't forget him. Because he needed to remember h. Because he was CAS, more than just family to him, and because (from the deleted dialogue) he felt inside he'll be back... Inside of his heart... Because he couldn't believe that was the end for them, their special friendship or wherever that was. It couldn't end like that.
And Cas is amazed, look at his face. He can't believe Dean kept that for him. And he can't say no to him. As always. His human weakness.
To Conclude:
This episode is huge in Destiel content. Each dialogue and facia expression in Case and Dean talks about the pain and angst, recalling their break up, and trying to fix something, little by little.
Dean was heartbroken, because he did find Cas, but he couldn't talk with him because he didn't remember him.
Dean missed Cas badly, and when he saw the angel was about to leave, he tried to convince not to go away again from him.
When Dean gave him back his trenchcoat, Cas couldn't say no. And we couldn't believe the hunter had kept the trenchcoat all this time! 😱
I hope you like this chronicle, it was very large!
See you in the next one!
Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper
@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname
If you want to be tagged, just let me know.
If you want to read the previous metas from season 7, here are the links... Vol. XXV, XXVI y XXVII
Buenos Aires September 12nd 2019 1:46 AM
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doctortreklock · 4 years
Text
As One Thing Is Beginning - October 2, 2019
Part of my Resolution19. Read it on AO3.
Prompt: Two extras on a movie set are flirting and distracting everyone (x)
Fandom: Supernatural
Title: “Snowman” by Shel Silverstein
Words: 1707
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"Watermelon, watermelon, pineapple," Dean mumbled under his breath. "Pineapple, watermelon, anchovies."
The man sitting across from him gave him a look somewhere between appalled and murderous.
Dean ignored him. When the pair had been seated at the small round table on the sidewalk outside the fake Parisian cafe, Dean had thought it had been great luck. Of all the other extras on Sammy's movie, Dean had been partnered with the hottest. Seriously. Dean didn't consider himself a shallow person, but the guy had dark, messy, just-rolled-out-of-bed sex hair and the deepest, most intense pair of eyes Dean had ever seen (in a color he was starting to think of as "fuck me blue").
He was also, Dean was quickly discovering, the biggest dick on set. (Metaphorically. Dean was in no way qualified to judge such a literal competition, no matter what Lisa and Pamela in make-up kept gossiping about.)
"What are you doing," the man stated in a deep voice, speaking slow enough to separate each word into its own zip code of barely concealed frustration.
Dean shot a glance over at Sam, but they must be in between takes, because he and his co-star Jessica were talking to the short director with the sugar addiction.
"There's a word you can mouth that makes it look like actual speech," Dean explained defensively. "...I just don't remember what it is," he added.
"Oh my god," the man said, staring upward beseechingly. Then he took a deep breath and looked at Dean decisively. "No. Just have a normal conversation with me like an actual, real-live person."
"And ACTION!" the director yelled.
Dean forced himself not to glance over at Sam. "Fine," he mouthed. "What do you--"
"Aloud," the man insisted, sounding annoyed. "This isn't a stage play; this is a movie. The actors are being mic'd. You can actually talk."
Dean bristled. "Fine," he repeated. 'What do you want to talk about?" They were still on camera, so no matter how much Dean wanted to scowl and cross his arms, he tried to keep his expression friendly and his body language open.
The man almost looked uncomfortable at this point. "I'm rather certain that since you and--" He paused. "This conversation might be less awkward if I knew your name."
"Dean." He wasn't getting murderous vibes off the guy anymore, but that wasn't a good reason to relax his guard too much. He was at least pretending to want to make the scene work, so Dean unbent enough to add, "Sam's my brother."
"He's the lead isn't he?"
"Yeah," Dean said, the smile on his face no longer fake.
The other man cleared his throat gently. "I'm Castiel. Gabriel is my brother."
It sounded like Dean was supposed to recognize the name, so he shuffled through his mental rolodex of names attached to Sam's movie and came up with "The director?"
Dean didn't mean to wrinkle his nose at the name, but Castiel didn't seem to mind. He chuckled. "Yeah. He was short on extras so he coerced me into coming in to help."
Dean snorted. "Same, man. Sammy's got some wicked puppy dog eyes."
"CUT!" The voice cut through the milling din of the half-dozen tables outside the faux cafe. When Dean looked over at the table where Sam and Jess were sitting, he saw Jess with her head on the table, snickering loudly while Sam stretched and ran his fingers through his hair self-consciously.
Jiminy Christmas, Sam was obvious when he was head-over-heels. Dean scoffed. "He's got it bad."
Gabriel was already shouting something about continuity and method acting as he stalked across the floor toward the actors.
"Hmm?" Cas hummed, turning far enough in his chair that he could see the pair. "Ahh. If it's any consolation, I heard a rumor from Meg Masters that she likes him, too," Cas offered.
"Meg?" Dean asked, distracted.
"Jess," Cas clarified. "Meg told me that Jess likes Sam as well."
"Okay, cool," Dean said, relaxing back into his chair. "I'd just hate for him to go for it and miss, you know?"
Before Cas could answer, Gabriel cut back in with "ACTION!" Apparently whatever instruction he'd decided Sam and Jess needed had been dutifully delivered.
Dean fought the urge to straightened abruptly. Instead, he attempted to casually lean in, as if focusing on something Cas had said.
"So," Dean said into the silence between them. "We should probably actually attempt some acting, wouldn't you say?"
Cas rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "If you insist. As I was saying before, since we're supposedly at a Parisian cafe, we should be on a date."
"What?" Dean wasn't quite sure how that computed.
Cas actually looked a little uncomfortable as he tried to explain his reasoning. "I mean, this is a rather terrible spot for a business meeting. And you're not really dressed for it anyway."
Dean had to admit he had a small point. Instead of his comfortable flannels, the heathens in wardrobe had stuffed him into a dark button-up and worn jeans. Dean wasn't quite sure why he couldn't just wear his own jeans, but Becky had insisted.
"Okay," Dean agreed slowly. "A date then. First date?"
"Sure," Cas agreed.
"I'll go first then," Dean said, and slid on his flirtiest grin. "Hi there. My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius, and I like long walks on the beach and frisky partners, men or women."
Cas smiled in return and Dean was surprised at the extra half-step of his heartbeat when he saw it. Dammit. "My name is Castiel Novak. I don't know my zodiac sign. I do enjoy beaches somewhat, but I'd rather spend time with my bees." He paused. "I am utterly indifferent toward sexual orientation."
It sounded a bit like something one of Charlie's girlfriends had talked about. "Is that a fancy way of saying you're asexual?" Dean ventured.
"Demi," Cas corrected, looking surprised that Dean knew anything about it. "Biromantic demisexual, to be precise."
"Okay, cool," Dean said, bobbing his head and attempting to ignore the part of him that was filing that information away. "I'm just a plain, old-fashioned bisexual myself," he told Cas, figuring turnabout was fair play.
"'Bisexual' I believe," Cas told him contemplatively. "I'm going to shelve 'old-fashioned' for now, pending further inquiry. As for 'plain'..." He paused, then his mouth curled up in a wicked grin. "I'm pretty sure plain people don't try to add anchovies to their watermelon and pineapple."
For a split second, Dean thought about being offended. But Cas's good humor was so contagious that a sharp bark of laughter had escaped him before he could stop it. Cas's smile widened and softened at the sound, which made Dean grin and his stomach tie itself into all sorts of interesting knots, because biromantic demisexual did not mean uninterested, it meant take it slow, and his brain had apparently already internalized the difference.
"CUT!" Gabriel's shout startled Dean. He'd completely forgotten that he was technically supposed to be acting right now. "What the hell are you two doing over there?"
Dean looked over to see what Sam had done this time, but instead of berating the two leads, Gabriel was staring at him and Cas. Oh.
Dean knew he was probably doing a pretty good impression of a deer in headlights, but that didn't stop Gabriel from ranting, "We're supposed to be watching these two fall in love," he shouted, gesturing at Sam and Jess. "Not a couple of extras!"
Dean very carefully did not look at Cas. He could feel his ears burning, but chanced a glance at Sam. His little brother was slumped, half-turned in his chair with his face buried in his hands and his shoulders shaking with laughter. Jess patted him on the shoulder and raised one eyebrow in amusement when she caught Dean looking her way. His face flushed further and he looked away again.
He still didn't look at Cas.
"Get off my set," Gabriel said at last. "Both of you." Then he turned and ignored them completely, directing some of the other extras to move to fill the gap left by their absence.
Dean knew when he was dismissed. Ears still burning, he got up from the table and tried not to trip over his chair or any cords as he made his way off the set. He could hear Cas following behind him.
The mortification didn't completely set in until he saw the crew, though. Once he was out of the glare of the lights, he could see the cameramen and the sound guys and the assistant director and all the other people that just seemed to accumulate on the edges of sets. They were all, to a one, laughing at him. Some were outright giggling, others were just grinning, but Dean would have shut his eyes against the sight if he could have guaranteed that he wouldn't trip over a light and compound his complete and utter humiliation.
Dean took the first opportunity he had to slip out the doors of the sound stage into the bright afternoon sunlight, leaving the dark cavern with its fake Parisian cafe behind him. As he blinked in the sunlight, he could feel Cas walk up to stand next to him. Dean didn't know what to say.
"Well," Cas said finally. "That was awkward."
Dean snorted and just like that it was alright again. "Oh, man," he said, ruffling his hair and taking deep breaths, trying to will the flush off his face. "I don't think I've been that embarrassed since Rhonda Hurley spilled my deepest secrets at Prom."
He chanced a glance at Cas. The lighting was different off-set, but the ruffled sex hair was the same, and when he met Dean's eyes they were that same shade of fuck-me blue. But he was also surprisingly funny and he kept bees and when he smiled Dean felt like he'd swallowed a circus.
"Have coffee with me?" Dean blurted out before he could stop himself.
Cas looked surprised for a moment, then he smiled wide and said, "I'd love to."
Dean's cheeks hurt so much from grinning widely that he didn't even care when his stomach started doing the macarena. "Awesome."
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