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#literally their entire relationship summed up
dearestkong · 1 day
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reflections // starting the summer term 🌷💌
(feel free to skip … just a lot of rambling about changes of mindset, i’ll sum it up later in my new pinned.)
it’s been more than a month since I’ve started this blog, and I’m really really glad that I did. not because my productivity has spiked or my anxiety has diminished or whatever (though there have been positive effects), but because just attempting to start something like this meant that I was no longer willing to suffer and rot in private. i talked about the “hole of dysfunction and self-hatred” in my old introduction: for so long, that hole was my best-kept secret and my greatest shame. being competent and ambitious was an aspect of my personality, and I couldn’t handle the idea that it wasn’t true.
but then…. dearestkong emerged!! and I started being completely transparent. telling strangers about every day of self-destructiveness. it was a good form of accountability, sure, but it was also a means of telling the truth. this blog has been a way for me to say: i’ve been struggling, and it’s not a fluke or a “flop era” or something entirely disconnected from the high achiever i used to be. the girl fighting off inertia and the girl seemingly doing everything with ease are the same person.
🌷☆彡
my posts have been getting more optimistic recently, and that isn’t a fluke, either. lots of things have happened: i’ve realised how many people support and believe in me, i started taking medication for a problem i’ve had for a while (it’s crazy how the world seems so much brighter now?!!?!), i started writing in my diary again. i’m now 27 days clean from a self-destructive behaviour (this blog isn’t about my relationship with that, but in the early days i used to make a note of relapses and just the fact of acknowledging it felt so freeing to me. it wasn’t something to hide anymore, but a fight i was making progress with.)
this seems like a rapid evolution for such a new blog, right?! but in the next six months, i’m going to be applying to university. i’m about to undergo some of the most rapid evolutions of my life.
🌷☆彡
for so long, i’ve had this vague and unspecified dream: “doing the best” “working my hardest” “impressing my teachers”. now my dream has a name and a face and admissions results attached to it and it’s making me so scared that i want to throw up. when i was in the depths of the hole i couldn’t stop seeing my life as a binary. either i get in, or i don’t. and if i don’t, what the hell is the point of living?
38 days later and i feel a little differently. i am someone who has climbed out the hole of inertia and lived. i have done many things and they’ve all turned out fine— great, actually. i have reason to believe that things will go well.
i still have a pretty nasty relationship with myself, lol. it makes me really happy when people on this blog interact and talk, but they’re all so nice and it makes me feel a little fake. in reality i’m standoffish, awkward, and often mean. i coast by on intellectual abilities while slacking off. i’m a judgemental egoist who is sometimes self-destructive. all of that is true—>
but at the same time, i still have this crazy belief that i deserve the best. it’s literally an overflow of egoism ;;;; there’s nobody i’m more in love with than myself. i think of the girl i’ll be in the future with such affection, and i don’t want her to feel ashamed or resentful of me. she deserves to have her hopes fulfilled!! she deserves the brightest, the best that i can give her.
in conclusion: even if i don’t like the person i am at the present, i have to do it anyway. 1 because there’s no other option and 2 because i love the person i’ll be in the future too much to stop.
🌷☆彡
so from now on, the purpose of this blog is changing slightly. it’s no longer “get out of the hole and survive” like it used to be. we’re past that, we’re already surviving.
now, the aim is to “do my best so my future self can live with no regrets”. that’s not very concise but I’ll work on it.
let’s do this! 加油!
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beif0ngs · 2 months
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alright look, i just wanna know who is the writer that came up with the dumbass idea of replacing the line “Ever since I lost my son, I think of you as my own” with “Lu Ten would have been proud to have you as his father” in this scene for the Netflix live action series???
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nyxi-pixie · 1 year
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mike wheeler core
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gurorori · 9 months
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listen i realise i have legit problems in how i approach bein hurt
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chuluoyi · 7 months
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heartbreak hotel
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- gojo satoru x reader
so you're going on a three-day-two-night getaway trip with the one and only Gojo Satoru. the catch? you two have just broken up.
genre/warnings: crack, jealousy, a dose of pettiness, hurt/comfort, fluff, zero angst i promise, suguru being a good buddy to his boyfriend best friend
notes: inspired by a very real life story :))) anyways, it takes place in an au where suguru never left and all is well with our little meow meow catoru the wonderful colored manga panel by the talented @redbluenight! this was so much fun to write (that it turned into a whopping 3k+ word, so sorry) and i even made a playlist while on it ;)
series masterlist | oneshot masterlist
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"He's intolerable!"
There were many things that led to the end of your relationship with Gojo Satoru, but if asked one word to sum it, then that was it.
When you started this thing with him, obviously you had never planned on how it would end―who started a relationship with that sort of mindset anyway? But if you could choose, you definitely wouldn't want it to end with dramatic shouting match that left you in tears.
Anyways, some things were just not meant to be. You refused to spend your whole life crying over that smug bastard, and so you moved on.
However, if there's one thing you've learned about plans, it is that whenever you already make a foolproof one, the world always has some funny way to mess it up.
Like this time.
"I... I remembered saving for months," you stammered dumbly, staring blankly at Shoko in front of you. The realization felt like a spiritual ascent. "I paid for that damn plane ticket and hotel with my whole saving. I can't just throw them away."
How could you possibly forget about this? This graduation trip that had been planned between your group of Satoru, Suguru, Shoko and yourself for months now. It was meant to be a getaway, a celebration of your most significant achievement after four years of barely getting by on exorcising curses and not dying in the process. This was supposed to be the ultimate milestone celebration in your life.
"Then don't," Shoko replied simply, twisting the cigarette in her mouth. "I'm still going though. No way I'm wasting that money."
"But!" you vehemently hissed. "He will be there. It means I have to see him for three days straight!"
Your cringeworthy breakup happened just barely a week ago. You had sworn in front of Gojo Satoru that you didn't want to see his face again, and yet in less than a week from now, you and him would literally share the same space―again?
"Can't I get a refund?"
"This late? Nah, it's like yay or nay at this point."
You slumped in frustration. Were the gods making you swallow your own words now? You were left with no other choice. Your frugality and tendency to get broke often compelled you to make the decision.
You were going on this trip whether he was there or not.
Meanwhile, on his end, the said smug bastard was brooding, groaning and pacing over the same predicament. Satoru had two options and had weighed them all, and somehow he still arrived at the more seemingly no-good decision.
"I'm going, duh!"
"You are?" Suguru asked with a hint of surprise in his voice. "Well, might be the first time I've seen someone agree to go on an overnight trip with his ex..."
"Hmph. I just don't like squandering money."
Suguru snorted, unimpressed. “Satoru, you have an entire fortune. The airfare is just an amount you'd donate to charity. Besides, you have wasted more than that.��
“Well, I want to enjoy my youth too! I’m going—who cares if she’ll be there!”
He was still miffed, recalling the day your argument spiraling out of control. How could you say those hurtful things to him?
“You never take things seriously—heck, I’m not even sure if you’re ever taking me seriously at all! Satoru, you’re always acting all high and mighty, but you’re just a selfish little twat!”
No way. The last time, he was left in the dust, not being able to say anything in his defense. So now, he would use this chance to be the one who had the last laugh. He was going, because he was 70% sure that you wouldn’t let your hard-earned money go to waste.
And he was right when two days later, he found you at the airport with a bitter scoff upon seeing him.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he moistened his lower lip in that obnoxious way. “Missed me?”
You walked past him, tone lacing with disdain. “Get lost, Gojo.”
He couldn’t help the prickling sensation in his chest when you dismissed him just like that. And the use of his last name—whereas you used to call him with all sort of available pet names? Now that was just low.
“Nah, you can’t get away from me that easily, Y/N,” Satoru sniggered. “You’re going to see me for the next three days, so suck it up and enjoy the sight,” and then the idiot proceeded to pump his fist in the air. “Wooo! Kyushu, here I go!”
Suguru and Shoko merely observed your icy interactions in silence, occasionally exchanging glances from time to time.
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ITINERARY ::: DAY 1 — BEACH DAY @ SEASIDE HOTEL
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After the three-hour flight, the four of you arrived at Karatsu, one of the main highlights in your trip—or back then, one you and Satoru handpicked yourselves.
You swore you still had your heart frozen for him, so you didn’t know what stirred it when you saw him giggling and doubling over in carefree delight, surrounded by those beach girls in skimpy bikinis.
“Hey, handsome~ is this even okay?” one of the girls in pink thong scooted closer to him, asking him with this cheap seductive grin. “Won’t your girlfriend be mad?”
At that moment, you could’ve sworn Satoru threw you a glance from the corner of his eye before replying with a triumphant bark. “What girlfriend? I’m wholly and happily single!”
The hell?
A rush of squeals grated your nerves as they swarmed your ex-boyfriend, prompting you to stalk away in irritation.
Absolutely not. You wouldn’t let this fine establishment be your heartbreak hotel any longer.
Gojo Satoru knew fully that he was petty. He let you see that on purpose just to rile you up, because frankly, he still felt like he didn’t deserve your messy breakup at all.
But when you were no longer in his eyesight, suddenly the urge to entertain these strangers dissipated, and what remained was this hollow sensation in his chest. You not paying him attention somehow made him crave it all the more.
He recalled how you pointed out that playing in the clear waters would be your ideal graduation gift. He specifically recommended this place himself and you had agreed. He remembered planning all of this, dragging Suguru and Shoko too just to make it merrier. To keep that cute smile on your face.
You were supposed to fool around with him in the clear waters of Matsubara Beach, splashing and pulling him underwater.
And yet in reality, he was toying with these questionable women and in your eyes, he was nothing but an irritable twat.
He didn’t see you again until evening, during dinner time. And the sight before him made him want to pull Suguru to the side and trap him inside his unlimited void.
"Really?" Your clear voice rang in his ears, every bit the same as when you would energetically question him with those doe eyes of yours, as you peered at Suguru. "We should go together tomorrow then!"
His eyes twitched.
What has his life come to? Reduced into seeing his ex-girlfriend possibly going on a date with his best friend?
He almost hoped that you'd stage up your pettiness level. It was worse because unlike him, you didn't make this up just to gauge his reaction.
That night, in their shared hotel room, he ignored Suguru completely, as well as silently waiting for him to divulge where he and you were going tomorrow.
"Hey Satoru—"
"Shut up, I'm trying to sleep."
It was obviously a wrong move, because Suguru apparently caught the hint and stayed quiet as a mouse throughout the night.
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ITINERARY ::: DAY 2 — HOT SPRING @ KUMAMOTO
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Or at least, last he remembered, that was the agenda.
Until he saw that only Shoko who was there, idling around at the hot spring area.
"Where are the others? Why is it only you here?"
She shrugged. "Geto said he's going to try the local specialties. Dunno where. As for me, I'm going to enjoy this onsen to the fullest."
Shoko noticed his irritated scowl, and a sly grin crept across her face.
"Heh, jealous much now, Gojo?"
Meanwhile, you and Suguru went to various dessert shops in town as per his invitation. Perhaps he took pity on you because you really seemed not to be having any fun at all after you stormed off from the beach area yesterday.
"Mmm! This is tasty!" you remarked, munching away the three-colored dango happily. You were so engrossed in eating today that you no longer had any room to think about anything else, which was a good thing.
Suguru smiled. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself now." However, he appeared to have something on his mind, prompting you to hum and tilt your head in curiosity.
"No, it's just... so it's really over between you and Satoru?"
You let out a snort. "Yeah. Totally. He's an ass."
"He really is miserable, you know..."
"Nah, he doesn't look like it."
Your friend sighed. "Honestly, what was the argument even about? Both of you usually didn't take it this far."
You didn't want to go back to that topic, really. But Suguru was always the one with cooler head, and after his kindness today, maybe you could spare him a detail or two.
"It's a lot of little things that have piled up, you know," you mumbled. "It's probably just how he is, and I know. But I finally reached my boiling point. Why can't he try to see things from my perspective? Everything that's important to me doesn't seem to matter to him, and relationships need two people, not just one who resigns and the other who does anything he pleases."
And until now, you doubted if Satoru even realized what he did wrong. That was what hurt you the most. Like you were so small in his eyes, like he could toy with you and get away with it.
As you expected, Suguru would understand your point. "So that's how you feel... Yeah, I think I get it."
You thought he would end it at that, but then he went on. "I'm not defending him, Y/N. I think some time away from you would do him good, but later, maybe you can talk this to him? See if he will understand?"
"I already did, so many times." You narrowed your eyes at him. "Not to offend you, but it awfully seems like you're defending him, Suguru, despite you saying otherwise."
"I'm saying this because sometimes we can forget that Satoru is different," he explained sympathetically, and to be honest, you were surprised by his statement. "He is born exalted. He has a hard time comprehending things that come to us naturally. I just think it's a pity if... you can actually fix this, but just because bad communication, you lose the chance to."
Have you properly communicated this to him? Now that you thought about it, most of the times you would just get mad and point at the little things he missed, but never actually told him how it made you feel.
Your mind was still muddled with the fact Suguru had shed light on even after you got back to ryokan where you were staying for the night. The two of you were in for a surprise though as apparently there was a festival happening there.
Everything seemed to spark with glitters. The bamboo lanterns, lights, the gentle breeze. It created an undeniably romantic ambiance, to be honest.
You didn't know when Suguru slipped away, but suddenly, you found yourself alone amidst the visitors and dim lights.
And you found yourself to be immensely lonely.
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Satoru spotted you in all your solitary glory amidst the sea of people in this godforsaken place.
No, actually it was a pretty great inn and attraction, but this trip had been horrible so far, and so he just felt everything was bad.
But at that moment, bitterness no longer clouded his mind, because you were so beautiful, bathed in the glow of the lights that Shoko had forcibly dragged him to see. If it were up to him, he'd spend the last night sleeping his heartbreak away, but now that he was here, he was thankful to see the dazzling sight of you that reminded him once again just what made him hopelessly in love with you.
And why he didn't get his sorry ass back into your good graces faster.
He retraced everything had brought both of you to this point. Your last fight was about what again? Him not telling you any news when he would be back from a mission?
No matter how he thought about it, it was a trivial matter. So what made you mad? He kept thinking, and then he imagined switching places with you. What if you didn't text him at all for three days straight? How would he feel? Oh, he would be despondent, of course.
Now he was starting to understand. He had done that so many times he could no longer keep count. Granted, you would be angry.
Satoru suddenly know how to rectify this. He can make things right. He would be damned if he didn't. He just had to pull you aside, and he was going to when he lost sight you in the crowd.
Okay, now he was frantic, as the longer he didn't see you, the more his opportunity to make amends slipped away. He moved through the crowd, pushing people in the process, earning ire and questionable glares and yet he cared none for it.
He nearly cursed at how his phone kept vibrating incessantly inside his pocket. Begrudgingly, he took it out and almost gasped.
You are calling him.
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Bang! Bang! Bang!
It was so incredibly stupid. You just went to pee for a bit and then somehow got yourself locked in the toilet. It might have been fine, but then the lights unexpectedly went out, scaring the shit out of you.
How could such a upscale inn experience a sudden power outage and have doors that wouldn't budge? It was worse when no matter how many times you punched the switch or banged the door, it refused to turn on or open.
You were trapped. Honestly, it took everything you had not to cry.
And so you did the next best thing aside from forcing your way out. You called your friends. First, Shoko, and then Suguru, but both of them somehow didn't pick up the call even after you had called them three times each.
That left you with one possible person left. In your frenzied mind, it didn't even register in your mind what you were doing as the line connected and the last person you'd call on the other side answered.
"Satoru," you shakily breathed out, almost crying—or were you already? You didn't know as you focused on his sharp intake of breath, most likely surprised at how rattled you sound.
"Y/N? What? What is it?"
"I—" you wheezed, hating how helpless you sounded, yet still forced the words out. "I'm locked, it's dark—and it's just so—help! Help me please! I tried getting Shoko but she didn't—"
"Okay, sweetheart, calm down. Calm down, okay?" Satoru's voice brought you some comfort and it helped to reduce your tears, missing how he slipped up by calling you with his usual pet name for you. "Tell me. Where are you?"
"The women's restroom… I think it’s in the east wing."
"I'm coming, okay? Don't panic. I'll be there. Just stay on the line."
You heard his ragged breaths as he muttered several "coming through!" and "excuse me!" from where he was. It made your heart lurch. Despite the spiteful breakup, he rushed to your aid as soon as he realized you were in some kind of trouble.
Was this okay, to let your relationship end just like that?
"I'm outside." And then you heard his voice, much to your relief. "Y/N? Are you there?"
"Yes!" you shouted over the steel door.
You then heard how he rummaged to get the door open, and faintly hear him cursing it. "It won't open."
You wanted to sob, but then Satoru told you with an absolute tone, sounding so sure and demanding that compelled you to comply. "Get away from the door. As far as possible. Take cover."
Oh God, was he going to do what you thought he might do?
...he did. The next thing you knew, the door—and much more than that—was destroyed, and a rush of cursed energy was everywhere. After the blast subsided, you instinctively made a run for it, and you didn't know how, but you ended up stumbling into him.
Satoru caught you in his firm embrace.
"It's okay. You're okay," he cooed, whispering in your ear gently, urging your shivering body to calm down. "You're safe now, Y/N... I'm here. You're safe."
There was always something about your trembling form that made him want to tear down everything and anything in his path just to make you feel secure. And there was always this sense of rightness whenever you snuggled in his arms. Both desires clashed in a contrasting need and want and Satoru could do nothing but keep you close to him, torn between the two.
He kept his hand on your spine, and you clung on him, burying your face in his broad, sturdy chest.
Nevermind the fact that you technically broke up with him. Nevermind that ever since this botched trip started, it was the first occasion in which the two of you held a proper conversation without spewing bravado or sarcasm.
Afterwards, he led you away from the site, and he figured it would be best to go somewhere quieter rather than the festival, and so here you were, at the deserted lounge.
You had calmed down for the most part, and slowly you felt heat in your cheeks. In hindsight, you could've tried using cursed energy to blast the door too, why didn't you think of that earlier?
And yet, unaware of your internal musings, Satoru's thoughts were occupied with another matter entirely, and blame it on his insensitivity—he chose this moment to drop it without hesitation.
"I want you back," he declared, void of any hesitation. "I'll be better, I promise. Those things you hate—tell me, and I'll make sure not to repeat them again."
He wasn't the sharpest when it came to picking up on your feelings, but Satoru vowed that if it bothered you that much, then he would do his best to avoid doing it.
But you... you were still trying your best to grasp the situation. Amidst the plot twist you just experienced tonight, his blatant proclamation was the last thing you expected so you only managed a "What?"
He held your gaze, eerily serious. “I don’t want to break up. It’s hell. We can—I can still fix this.”
He looked sincere, unlike the usual empty promises he’d give you after you went off on him. And suddenly, you understood.
“…really?”
“Yeah. Just give me another chance. I’ll prove it to you,” Satoru said, visibly impatient now. “I won’t give you up. This literally is the fight of my life right now.”
You couldn’t help but chuckle, despite yourself. If there was anything that you had learned tonight, it was that apparently you and him were still salvageable.
“And how will you prove it?”
“Just so you wait and see, sweets. I’m gonna relight your feelings!”
It was beyond corny that he took a line from your favorite song. And both of you burst into a laughter at the sheer silliness of it.
You sighed, but this time of relief, in stark contrast to your earlier sighs that afternoon. You were giddy as a smile perched on your lips. “Fine. Let’s give this another shot.”
Satoru felt the tension in his shoulder melt with your answer. A genuine, wide smile emerged from the bottom of his heart and lit up his face.
“Now, this whole trip has been kind of terrible so far, don’t you think?” He made a brief pouty face for a moment before reverting to his mischievous grin His remarkable expressiveness—reminiscent of a child's, in your opinion—never ceased to fascinate you. “I have a pretty good idea where we should go next.”
You furrowed your brow in confusion. “What do you mean? Tomorrow’s our last day.”
“No freaking way!” he exclaimed, whipping out his phone to launch the travel agency app. “We are going to redo our graduation trip. This time just the two of us!”
There were many things that led to the end of your relationship with your dork of a boyfriend, but as you reflected on it, you realized that there were also many reasons for you to stay together, especially when he reached for your hand and held it firmly in his grasp.
You were unable to contain your excitement and bubbling with melodious giggles that he adored so much as he whisked you away from Kumamoto in favor of the last bullet train to Kyoto, where your long-awaited true vacation would begin.
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Epilogue
“I told you this was a horrible idea. I fucking told you.”
"Can you blame me? Dude was about to throttle me in my sleep."
"Geto," Shoko scowled, her disbelief at his simple answer evident as she gestured wildly with both hands towards the wrecked lavatory, emphasizing her point. "Look—now that he had gone and done it, we're the ones footing the bill for the destruction of property!"
Gojo had blasted the washroom with a freaking Red. And the innkeeper promptly held both Shoko and Suguru responsible since their roommates were captured on CCTV and had vanished without a trace.
Suguru rubbed his neck sheepishly. "I genuinely thought it was a good idea. I didn't expect Satoru to go overboard though," then he threw her a stink eye. "And hey, you were complicit in this too!"
Shoko mumbled a string of curses as she pulled out her phone, snapping some pictures of the undeniable evidence of Gojo’s doing, and then made a call. Suguru frowned.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm reporting him to the headquarters!"
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judithhhh · 13 days
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open up (one-shot)
jude x reader
summary: the long months without seeing your boyfriend, jude, ends when he shows up at your door uninvited
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it had been way too long since you had seen your boyfriend. for sure, you knew that living a ocean away from him was going to be difficult but you still found yourself scrolling through jude's profile like a fan, his posts making you feel a bit closer to him. you were were laying in bed when you noticed he had just posted a new story.
_________________________________________
instagram
judebellingham posted on their story
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messages
you
sent a screenshot*
you look sixty
jude 🩷
ouch
you
where you at tho, i don't recognize the background
nd ur localisations off
jude 🩷
you're such a stalker
idk why it's off must be a bug or sum
you
ik ur cheating on me jude victor bellingham
jude 🩷
love you too baby
_________________________________________
for the next few hours, jude was completely offline, his location still not showing on your phone. you weren't a possessive girlfriend, well not really, but long distance took a tool on you and a part of your brain couldn't help but think of the what ifs. judes inactivity making you overthink even more, what if he was at a girls house or at one of his shady friends parties.
wanting to clear off your mind a bit, you changed to go take a walk but stopped yourself when you saw the massive snowstorm happening outside. snow in april really? you huffed and snuggled back into bed opting to take a nap instead. when you woke up a few hours after, you saw that jude had texted you.
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messages
jude 🩷
you told me canada was cold but a snowstorm in mid april rlly? wtf
you
try being in the middle of it love, im literally unable to leave the house
jude 🩷
well you're gonna have to soon babyyy
you
what..?
jude 🩷
idk i just have a feeling
you
you're acting really weird today 🤔
jude 🩷 liked the message*
few hours after...
instagram notification
jude bellingham added a photo to their story
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caption : [📍🇨🇦 ]
youruser replied to their story
JUDE WHAT!!!!
judebellingham
open the door im freezing 😕
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you rushed to the door, phone still in hands, praying that this wasn't a prank or a dream. when you opened it, the sight of jude almost entirely covered by a big coat, nose slightly red and baggage in hand greeted you. immediately you launched yourself into his arms, almost sobbing into his neck.
"what are you doing here?" you barely managed to tell him between your tears
"come on stop crying i wanna see that smile of yours" he said smiling, even if you still heard the emotion in his voice
jude detached himself from you to remove his coat and shoes before dragging you two to your couch. he laid down and pulled you on top of him, his cold hands snaking under your shirt. you two talked for a long time, about his life in madrid, your relationship and so much more. his hand stroking your back and his scent all around you soothed your mind, making you slowly fall asleep in his arms. jude didn't notice your slowed breathing and almost closed eyes, too focused on the words spilling out of his mouth.
" and i really missed you yk, i mean it's nice scoring all these goals and the people there but it's not the same with you so far away..."
his sweet words was the last thing you heard before completely passing out on top of him. jude looked down on your face and smiled, engrossed in the details of your face he had missed so much.
when you woke up, you were in your bed. you panicked seeing that jude was not beside you, but then you heard the soft music and jude's questionable singing coming from the kitchen. you stretched before joining him. he was infront of the stove making some breakfast when you sneaked behind him, hugging his waist and pressing a kiss on his neck.
"slept well?" he asked in a soft voice
"mmh, sorry for falling asleep, i wish we could have talked more"
"im here for the week baby, we have plenty of time to talk" he said before reaching down to kiss your forehead.
"the whole week really?!" you exclaimed, the happy news surprising you
jude only hummed happily as he made you two a plate of a typical english breakfast. you sat beside him on the couch, maybe a bit too close than necessary but you had missed him a lot. quickly you started rambling about all the things you wanted to show him around your city, as he half listened, too focused on glancing at you.
judebellingham
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liked by youruser, jobebellingham and 4.356.782 others
judebellingham we're back ❄️🤍
tagged: youruser
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youruser missed youuu
judebellingham i love u
youruser stay in canada pls
judebellingham too cold sorry
jobebellingham how are u surviving this weather
youruser he almost died tripping on ice 🤣
judebellingham LIES
user729 they're so cute stop
user738 why is it snowing it's spring
user274 that should be me holding your hand🎶
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gazorninplat · 1 month
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As much as I love Disco Elysium, I think I was not prepared for Sacred and Terrible Air. Of course, I was expecting to know more about the world of Elysium as a whole, and Robert Kurvitz is a very good writer, but the thesis of the novel (and how it makes its points) flash-banged me.
Disco Elysium this is not, and it wasn’t supposed to be, but I think I can understand better now what the team at ZA/UM was getting at with this specific setting, and these specific narrative angles. Kinda messy, because it’s been a week since I finished it, but here are some things I’d like to highlight: 
1. The pedophilia. I surely wasn’t expecting this to be such a central theme of the novel, but a lot of its main points revolve around it. The most interesting use of this, as a narrative device, is how the girlfriend of Jesper basically accuses him of being a pedophile because he cannot relate to the adults around him. He’s still obsessed with a girl he met when he was 13 years old, and fetishizes a scrunchie he stole from her bag two decades ago. Yeah, I guess Jesper, well into his thirties, is still in love with a 13 year old girl. His girlfriend is almost half his age, and they started dating when she was 15 years old and a lingerie model (!). Zigi mentions how pedophilia was a bougie disease, and well… That idea went right into my thought cabinet (I call it “Bougie Babies for Sale).
Still processing it.
Now, let’s go back to the rest of the main characters. With all this in mind, a pedophilic overtone covers their interest in these four missing girls, but Jasper is the only one who acts on it, sort of. Khan remains in a sort of arrested development (he still uses a shirt he had when he was 13), foregoing normal adult relationships, and Tereesz joins the police as an investigator with the idea of still finding them some day (essentially letting these eternally prepubescent girls define his entire existence), leading him to a very dark path. I wonder if the brutality they afford to the “actual” pedophiles in the story (Vidkun Hird and the Linoleum Salesman) comes from the realization that they are not that different?
2. Obviously, though, this fetishization of the Lund sisters is also a fetishization of the past. The novel states it in the first few pages; they disappeared twenty years ago, in a time that most conservative people remember as the “good old days”. Basically their version of the American Fifties. Now, being obsessed with the past is a running theme in both SaTA and DE, but the angle here is different.
I already said it: the past is not remembered, is fetishized with an almost sexual yearning by a lot of the male characters of the book. They want to be consumed by it (and lucky them! It will) and do nothing more than serve it. It reminds me of a poem by Yamil Nardil Sadek, which, translated to the best of my ability, goes like: 
She awaits me
sitting on the bed,
wearing leather,
and armed to the teeth,
the Memory.
Yeah, that sums up Sacred and Terrible Air pretty well. Everyone is being consumed by the past, bite by bite, and enjoying it. Vidkun Hird, by the mythologized version of his tribe’s history; Sarjan Ambartsumjan, by a miniature ship model that requires constant, devoted thought or else it will disappear, the three main characters by the memory of that summer with the Lund girls. Even the Linoleum Salesman is being haunted and consumed, of sorts, by his sickness and dementia that only sometimes let him take a peek of the past. Beyond that, there are very few characters that do not spend time being followed by relentless ghosts. Literally, in the case of Zigi. Which brings me to…
3. The Pale. It was a really cool concept in Disco Elysium, and it’s an existential nightmare in Sacred and Terrible Air. It always was, really. But here it lets you take a look into it in a way that’s applicable in real life. The Pale is a metaphor for many things, but actually for a single one: A world where our current Capitalist reality facilitates both apathy and yearning for better days, often idealized in our collective pasts.
My favorite scene, one that was incredibly puzzling but so obvious in retrospect, is a beautiful speech by the ghost (?) of Ignus Nilsen to Zigi. I will just paste it here:
“I said terrible things, yes! I stood on a white horse, in a blizzard, and gave speeches. In the mountains, on the construction site… I swung my sword, with silver sunbeams on the hilt. And all around me fluttered white flags, crests of crowned horns made with silver thread, a pentagon between the prongs of the horns, the branches raised to heaven. Everyone who came here with me became happy, Zigi! Communism is powerful! Believe in Communism, it’s a burst of enthusiasm! I promise! It’s beautiful when you believe in a person, but without it…!”
“Without it, there is nothing.”
“Nothing. It was a blizzard, but it was bright, it was morning. Communism is white, it sparkles! Communism is the morning, it is a jubilation!” 
The Pale begins to recede dangerously around the entroponaut.
The fucking Pale recedes with talk of Communism! At first it might appear a little heavy handed (yeah, Communism, by itself, could save the world). But then I got into how Communism could be a solution to the antipathy and chronic nostalgia that sustain Capitalism, and then it hit me. Nilsen, a literal ghost from the past, is talking about a future that could have been. That he wanted to accomplish. That people, probably, can still achieve. The Pale is not eternal, it can be pushed back. Because the Pale seems to subsist on the past, it abhors any talk of the future. A better future. That’s how we solve things, and for a central thesis, is not bad at all.
With that being said, and because I’m just rambling here while pretending I’m working, there are also some things that I just didn’t understand, but maybe it was because of the translation. The original novel is written in a very poetic style, and some of that is still here, but I still need to untangle…
1. The Man. It is said that the day the Lund girls disappeared, they were joined by a mysterious Man that nobody seemed to remember correctly. A character even suspects that she was remembering wrong. Now, the Pale erases people and memories retroactively, so maybe it had something to do with it, but… Who was that? Is there any theory about that Man, or I just missed something? Some scenes and narrations were tough to parse for me (my primary language is not English).
2. Was Malin Lund pregnant? That flash with the fetus was sudden and weird.
3. What was the significance of the three meat piroshkis? They mention that it was unusual that the girls bought them (and if you do the math, you can realize early on that they were not planning to get back home. That purchase didn’t leave them enough money for the bus fare back), but that’s it. Were they for the Man? Also, the narration mentions that Lund girls’ picnic basket contained “the kind of things girls like to eat”, so maybe they were planning to see the boys and bring them the kind of things boys eat? I’m overthinking that? The chapter actually titled “Three Meat Piroshkis” just left me even more confused.
4. I don’t understand how Khan’s pen works at all. The one he brought to the school reunion. That was the part I re-read the most. Anyway, even with that, I loved Sacred and Terrible Air. Definitely one of the most enthralling reads I had, with or without the background of Disco Elysium. I’d still like an official translation that could potentially solve the issues I had, but for now, a Top 10 Book for me.
Go for it now.
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puckarchives · 3 months
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enchanted: q. hughes
blurb: what taylor swift said. / word count: 2.4k / pairing: quinn hughes x fem!reader
The first time you met Quinn Hughes, you cried. No, literally — the moment you were introduced to the brunette was also the moment that some random person at the party you were at decided to throw his drink on the floor, where it was shattered into a million little pieces, some of which had ended up in your leg. Suffice to say, Quinn saw probably a lot more than he thought he would that night — including what you looked like when you were in pain.
Quinn hadn’t even hesitated when he realized ditched his friends and drove you to the Emergency Room, and he hadn’t left when he saw what a mess you thought you were, as he ended up staying with you until the early morning. He stayed cramped up in the seat next to your bed, soft breaths evening out until 7AM, where he all but had to run out in order to make it on time to his morning skate.
From there, your meetings were a bit serendipitous; only happening at the points in your life in which you least expected it. Since the entire debacle at the bar, the two of you had remained friends; it was hard not to, when, over the course of too many “accidental” meetings at different events, the two of you had realized that you were friends with a pair of siblings who, even in their obviousness, were trying to set the two of you up together. 
While he was friends with the older Norris, while you were friends with the younger (and less annoying, according to her,) sibling —  so when you found yourself living in Vancouver to finish up the rest of your graduate degree, both she and Josh had one thing in mind — getting Quinn a girlfriend. And who else would be perfect for their longtime family friend than the person they trusted most? 
So, it was decided — before you or Quinn even knew, the two of you were being set up from across the country, while both Norris siblings stayed near Ottawa, they planned to have both yu and Quinn seemingly meet by chance — even going as far as to set the two of you up on a blind date. 
By the time the two of you caught on to what was happening, however, neither of you could even sum up any anger; instead, the crushes the both of you harbored on each other were much too obvious to ignore the fact that you had fallen in love over the span of six months of “chance” encounters put together by meddling siblings who only wanted the best for each of you. 
Unbeknownst to them, however, both you and Quinn — despite being aware of the fact that you had a crush on the other — were still on the fence of starting a relationship. On your end, you didn’t want to pressure Quinn into a relationship where he’d get bored of you, and you didn’t want a repeat of the last time you had dated a hockey player, in which you were left in the dust, and in which your relationship always consisted of you putting in more effort than he did. On Quinn’s end, however, it was different — he didn’t want you to get hurt in case he disappointed you; he didn’t want you to feel neglected when he couldn’t be the version of his that you were thinking of in your head, and he also didn’t think you had liked him in the first place. 
It wouldn’t be until a few weeks later, however, when these feelings came to an abrupt halt. It was the middle of the week, and while the two of you were still in Vancouver — you finishing up your thesis and Quinn finishing up some promotional shots for Bauer, you found yourselves reaching out to the other for dinner. Of course it was as friends, but you both spent more time at Quinn’s apartment than you did on your own, so it wasn’t out of the blue to show up with a pizza box, and even an overnight bag. 
As you both practically devoured the food you brought, the subject at hand changed to your upcoming plans. Quinn had been asked to be a groomsman at the Tkachuk wedding, and before you knew it, he was asking you if you’d want to go, too. 
“Your last class ends the first week of July! And besides, I’ll take care of everything! I know my brother’s would love to meet you, and you know Brady by now,” he reasoned. And, to be fair, he had a point. You had met his brothers over FaceTime a few times, and had even said hello to them during one of Quinn’s home games briefly; but being his date? His official date? 
Almost as if he could tell you were on the fence about the topic, he quickly tried his best to put your anxiety at ease. “It doesn’t have to be official or anything, but I’d really like you to meet my friends. As more than just a friend, if you’d like that,” he said quietly, looking at you with a hopeful look. The thing you had come to learn about Quinn was that, even if his face didn’t change that much, his eyes told you everything you needed to know about how he was feeling — and right now, he looked hopeful; like he wanted you with him, as more than just a friend. He wanted you to be his date, and introduce you to people he cared about. 
Before you could see the hope turn into sadness in his eyes, you sat up straighter on the couch and looked straight at him. “I would love to, Quinn,” you whispered, before you reached out your right hand, and Quinn, picking up on the action automatically, entwined his fingers with your own. Now he smiled, his eyes not leaving yours as he picked up your hands and put a kiss to the back of your hand. 
“Good. Good, yeah,” he said, his face hunting at a small smile reserved only for you. “I’ll take care of everything, you just gotta show up and look as beautiful as you always do, ay,” he said. You could only blush, laughing quietly as he tried flirting with you. “Wow, Mr. Smoothtalker. First you ask me to be your date, and now you’re trying to butter me up? You’re a real flirt, huh?” you asked with mock sarcasm. He only laughed and winked, as the two of you turned back to the film you had forgotten about, your hand still firmly in his. 
It wasn’t until a few weeks later, the night before the two of you were scheduled to fly out to meet the rest of Quinn’s fellow groomsmen and join the family for the wedding’s rehearsal, that you stayed over at his place. Quinn had picked up dinner this time, and as you arrived at his apartment carrying your suitcase with you, he met you by the door. 
“Hi, sweetheart,” he whispered to you as you closed the door. While the two of you were sure in your relationship, you were also still a fresh couple, and so Quinn hesitated kissing you right off the bat. Making the decision for him, though, you grabbed his nape, and brought his lips down to meet yours. “Hi, handsome,” you said back.
Quinn smiled at you, before his eyes lit up a bit. “I have a surprise for you, pretty girl. And I think you’ll like it,” he said. It wasn’t that you hated surprises, but you were concerned about how much Quinn had already spent on the trip, and even more that you saw he had rented a hotel room for the two of you. 
As he led you to his bedroom, he handed you a blindfold, which was really just one of his ties. “Getting kinky here, aren’t we, Mr. Hughe? Is the surprise that you’re gonna tie me up and finally bend me over your bed?” you whispered. And wow, where the hell had that confidence come from? 
Quinn laughed as you mouthed off. “No, but it can be part two if you’re good,” he said, the hand holding yours traveling up your forearm and up until it was cupping your jaw, where you then felt Quinn’s lips ghost against your own. If the tie hadn’t been covering your eyes, you’re sure you would have jumped his bones right then and there. 
As he continued leading you into his bedroom, you heard the rustle of some type of plastic, and before you knew it, your blindfold was being untied, and you were face-to-face with a gorgeous gown the color of lavender, which then melted into a darker purple in certain parts. It was beautiful; the dress of your dreams, if you were honest. 
“I— Quinn, what is this?” you asked as you spun around to meet his gaze. 
“It’s for you. For the wedding, and for whatever you want to use it for,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. For a moment, you couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. Quinn had gone above and beyond of what you had expected him to do; now, as you looked closely at the dress, you could see the bodice was almost sheer — the skirt having a slit up your right leg, and tiny flowers embroidered over the hemlines. It was beautiful. 
“And before you say that I didn’t have to get you anything, I wanted to. You deserve to be given pretty gifts, and that dress is for me as much as it is for you. You’re gonna look amazing, and I’m gonna be fighting off every other man while we’re there,” he said, now smiling at you. God, if you weren’t in love with the man at this point, you would have been.
“Well then. It’s only fair you’re the one that gets to see me in it first. And hopefully last, too,” you said, trying to seem as seductive as possible. It was interrupted when you laughed, unable to keep serious, but Quinn kept his eyes on you — they were soft, and there was something you hadn’t seen before — want.
By the time the actual wedding came around later that week, after having to get Quinn’s tuxedo dry cleaned one more time after he spilled something on it, you found yourself back in your hotel room getting ready — you had gotten your hair done by a stylist, and makeup done by a friend in the area — both of which Quinn had covered, and wow, if that man wasn’t spoiling you this week.
Putting the last touches on your outfit, you heard the door to the suite open, and in came Quinn — freshly trimmed beard, his hair cut, dressed to perfection, and he looked, for a lack of a better word, soft. He looked happy, and you couldn’t help but blush — hoping you were part of the reason. 
“I — wow, you look — wow,” was all he could say, his throat dry and all the words he wanted to tell you suddenly caught in his throat. You looked enchanting — a vision in your lilac dress that showed off your curves, showed your tanned skin and the remnants of how much you loved the sun. He was enchanted, just by seeing you. 
“I— thank you. Literally, for all of this. I feel like a princess,” you laughed. Quinn only smiled back, and before you knew it, he was asking you to turn around, facing the mirrored vanity set. 
“I have one more surprise for you, pretty girl,” he whispered, before he retrieved a box from his suit pocket. It was small, and if you didn’t know better, you’d think it was an engagement ring. Almost as if he could sense your peaking anxiety, however, Quinn explained what it was, while opening the small velvet box. 
“I was going to wait to give this to you, but I can’t anymore. This, Y/N, is a promise ring, and in giving it to you, I’d like to promise you a few things,” he started, as he grabbed your left hand, and slipped the ring over your finger. 
“I promise you that I will be there for you, for whatever you need, and to take care of you. I promise that I’m going to love you until I can put another ring on that finger, and I promise that you will always be the only woman for me, ever.
I came up here with you because, in all truth, I love you. You’ve shown me the best parts of myself — parts that I didn’t even know existed, and you make me so happy. Seeing you now, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I am so lucky to have you; so, so lucky, Y/N.” he finished, and god if you didn’t want to sob. 
Not trying to waste anytime, you grabbed Quinn by his lapels, pulling his lips down to meet your own. His right hand cupped the back of your neck, while your hand went up to cup his jaw, where he angled your neck a bit to give him better access. Quinn’s kisses weren’t like anything you’d ever experienced before, and you wanted them — all of them. 
As the two of you pulled away, Quinn rested his forehead on yours. “Did you really mean that?” you whispered. He only smiled down at you.  “You are the most enchanting woman in the world, Y/N, and I will spend as much time as I can proving that to you. You came into my life when I needed you most — you’ve turned my entire world upside down, since the first moment I met you. Even when I would have rather been anywhere in the world that night at the party, I’m glad we ended up in that hospital room. I’m glad Norris never stopped trying us to get together, and I’m going to be honest with you — I spent that entire night and day and all of the days up until now enchanted by you.”
“I’ve gone every single day wishing you were at my door, praying that it was our very first page, and that we wouldn’t end there. I’m wonderstruck by you, every single day — even when I thought that you were in love with someone else. I was — and I am, enchanted by you, Y/N. Utterly and devastatingly enchanted,” he said, and kissed you once more. 
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blondwhowrites · 1 month
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A/N: This is for all my autistic homies. I fucking love you guys 😘. Btw this is based on how autism shows itself in girls/women. Remember for all my autistic girlies, never ever feel sorry for being yourself ❤️
"Mattheo, I'm autistic." 
Mattheo looked at you, mouth agape. He raised an eyebrow, looking at you quizzically, obviously confused. "What's that?" he questioned, his head tilting slightly to the side. 
You stared at him, unblinking. "You don't know what autism is?" You asked, slowly processing his lack of information. Was wizard society really that far behind? Damn. You sighed, chewing on your lower lip. How was one supposed to explain autism to someone who has probably no idea what disabilities even are? 
"Well, Matty, to sum it up, I don't work like other people do," you tried to explain while sitting down next to him. "My mind works differently than yours and other people's." 
He watched you curiously, taking in your words and trying to make sense of them in his mind. "Is that supposed to scare me away because, darling, it isn't working? You're not getting rid of me." 
You laughed, shaking your head. "I mean, it might scare some people away, but no, that's not why I'm telling you this," you replied, your heart swelling with happiness at seeing his positive reaction. "I'm telling you this because I want you to know that being in a relationship with me will be different from other relationships you have been in before." 
Mattheo nodded, his foot repeatedly tapping the ground. "Well, I'm willing to learn. So lay it all on me, baby," he chuckled, his lips curling up in a smile as he looked at you. He watched as you wrung your hands together, and he reached out, grabbing one of your hands and squeezing it. "Darling, I'm being serious when I say I want to learn." 
Your shoulders went slack, and you let out a deep sigh. The nerves you felt slowly washed away with the assurance of his words. "Well," you began.
"I have a hard time with social cues and reading people. If someone is mad at me or annoyed, I won't be able to tell unless they specifically tell me that. While some people might be able to take hints, I can't really recognize them. I need you to be straightforward with me about your feelings." Your eyes darted to his, making sure he was listening before you continued.
"I can't handle loud and crowded places that well. They make me overwhelmed and overstimulated, and that can lead me to have a meltdown. Which is when my mind practically shuts down, or at least it feels like it, and I kind of regress during those. I can't speak or do anything, and I tend to hurt myself during those, like hitting myself. I also sometimes hurt others when they try to help me through my meltdowns. I don't mean to; I just can't really control what I do in those moments. Sometimes even the slightest of things can cause me to melt down or panic. If a change of plans happens, I can sometimes have extreme reactions to it that can derail my entire day. I'm not very good with change. I stim a lot, and sometimes it can look weird. Like, whenever I'm excited, you know how I jump up and down and flail my hands? That's me stimming. Repetitive motions, stuff like that. I also have a weird relationship with touch and intimacy. It depends on the person; for example, I feel comfortable touching you, but with Blaise, I don't. It changes a lot."
Mattheo listened intently to your words, nodding along and trying to make a mental checklist. All of this was important to you, and that meant it was important to him too. He didn't care how long this conversation would take, he was willing to hear everything you had about this.
"I go non-verbal sometimes, and I can't speak or talk for hours up to days. I literally can't talk, even if I want to. That usually happens after meltdowns or when I'm feeling really intense emotions. I have sensory issues and can't wear some clothes because of how they feel on my body. My relationship with food is basically non-existent. I can't eat some things because of how it feels, and sometimes I go selective eating, and it's really hard to eat anything else besides my safe foods. I also just sometimes forget to eat because I don't really process that I feel hungry unless I'm starving. I mask my autism a lot, hence why people sometimes think I'm lying when I tell them I'm autistic. I tend to copy other people unconsciously. That's why you see me and Pansy having a lot of the same little habits. "
You finished, your voice faltering as you looked at him nervously, trying to gauge his reaction. "There's a lot of other things, but that's like a pretty surface-level breakdown of it." You added, looking away from him and at the ground. "Oh, and also, if you see me not looking at you during conversations, it's not because I'm not listening; it's because I'm just not good with eye contact."
It was a lot of new information for Mattheo. He'd never considered the fact that people could, how did you say it, work differently? He'd have to ask you more about it during a later conversation. "I can work with that," he shrugged. 
Your lips curled up into a smile, and your eyes slowly lit up. "Really?" you asked, genuinely worried that he was just playing with you. 
"Well, I mean, obviously, I have a lot to learn still, and I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes."
"Everyone makes mistakes," you interrupted him. 
He shushed you, playfully pressing his finger to your lips to stop you from talking. "What I'm trying to say is that your being autistic changes nothing to me. It's who you are, and I love who you are. I promise you, I'm going to try my hardest." 
You felt tears prick your eyes, and you nodded. "You have no idea how much that means to me, Matty," you sniffled, and you squeezed his hand. 
"Like I said before, darling, you're not ever getting rid of me."
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twilightarc-gm · 21 days
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hello :D can you tell me why you like chengxian?
A Non-Comprehensive Guide to Twi's Love of ChengXian
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Yes I spent time making this edit. I love them and I'm not an artist so sue me.
Short Answer: I love these two self-sacrificing assholes and their aesthetics and I think they should kiss and get a happy ending for once. If MXTX doesn't want to do it, I'll write it instead! 😤
Long Answer: Click the Read More
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"As long as we both live in this world, we'll meet sooner or later." -- Vol1 Chap6
👏 MDZS literally doesn't happen without Yunmeng Shuangjie, it doesn't happen without the huge sense of debt and love and envy and pride and duty that comprises everything about the relationship between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. They must meet because their stories are so wrapped up in each other that where one ends and the other begins is a blurred line at best.
MXTX put in so much work to separate these two for the happily ever after she wanted and if you think about it too much you start to wonder if the Wei Wuxian we grew to love with this story, that says this kind of line, is ever going to be really happy without Jiang Cheng in his life.
💗It's not incest, but the boys wish it was. I am half-joking about this, but also absolutely serious. The vague labels on their relationship is a very big part of the point!
They are very much the Shixiong/shidi(mei) xianxia/wuxia romance trope. The talented and wonderful shixiong. The shidi(mei) that adores their shixiong but can't be honest about it. Childhood friends to sweethearts. MXTX uses this trope and subverts it by not making it endgame or letting the story just end with the tragedy of the First Siege.
She uses the power of this trope to feed into everything in and around the secret of the Golden Core Transfer. It ends up affecting the entire cultivation world as the greatest token of love, of devotion, of sacrifice, of consequence, of dubious consent, of the crux of the very story itself... which is just incredibly powerful.
And the rest of MDZS flows from that.
He had always thought Jiang Cheng would be the one standing with him, and Lan Wangji against him. He'd never imagined that reality would be the complete opposite.
This is literally errata from vol1 official pg 262 and I swear it wasn't put in the first time because it feeds ChengXian too much. You say that Wei Wuxian thought Jiang Cheng would always be by his side? He couldn't imagine a world where that wasn't true?? That now he's in a reality where it's the opposite??? Omg???? Like this is the sum of the ChengXian tragedy right here because MXTX made a reality where they couldn't be together! 💔😭
Like LOOK!
“When you become the family head, I’ll be your subordinate. We’ll be just like our fathers. Who cares about the Twin Jades of Lan? Our Yunmeng has Twin Heroes! So—just shut up. Who said you’re not worthy of being family head? No one’s allowed to say that, not even you. Say it and you’re asking to get beat.” --Vol3 Chap12
You see for me it's about the strain between love and duty and all the points where those two cross.
My actual favorite romance trope is king/lionheart - lord/devoted - leader/subordinate - patron/agent - master/servant - 知己 (zhiji)
this relationship of knowing is one that is worth dying for
“So when Wei-gongzi returned to seek us out, my jiejie was reluctant to even attempt the procedure, at first. She warned him that writing an essay was one thing, but actually doing it was quite another. She wasn’t even confident she’d have a fifty percent chance of success.
“But Wei-gongzi kept pestering her. He said fifty percent was fine; the chances of success and failure were equal. Even if it didn’t work out and his core was wasted, he wasn’t worried about his future—but that wasn’t the case for Sect Leader Jiang. He was too competitive, too focused on what he stood to gain and lose in this aspect, since cultivation was his life. And if Sect Leader Jiang could only ever be an ordinary, mediocre person, his life would be over.” --Vol4 Chap19
Wei Wuxian was willing to risk his life on a 50% chance if it meant Jiang Cheng would Live. Yes yes Wei Wuxian's patent assholery here about how Jiang Cheng is so competitive etc, classic fooling himself. The point is that Jiang Cheng wouldn't be Jiang Cheng anymore and Wei Wuxian would rather die than experience that. Would rather cut himself apart than fail to protect his shidi.
Speaking of failures...
Perhaps there was this:
“I didn’t get caught by the Wen Clan because I insisted on returning to Lotus Pier to retrieve my parents’ bodies.
“When you went to buy rations in that small town during our escape, a group of Wen cultivators caught up to us.
“I noticed them early and left the spot where I’d been sitting to hide in a corner of the street. I didn’t get caught, but they were patrolling, and they would have surely bumped into you while you were getting us food.
“So I ran out and lured them away.” --Vol5 Chap22
Jiang Cheng never wanted Wei Wuxian to die, let alone die for him. He breaks down at the shrine coming to terms with what he will ultimately think of as his fault. We know this because when he feels at fault he doesn't speak of his good intentions. So, he distracts the Wen-dogs from Wei Wuxian > Gets caught and survives, broken > as far as he knows he's miraculously healed > only to find out that Wei Wuxian was taken by the Wen-dogs anyway 3 months later > Jiang Cheng never speaks of his failures, so will never say how lost his core in the first place > a war and 13 years later he finds out that not only did he fail to protect Wei Wuxian from Wen-dogs, but now also knows unequivocally that Wei Wuxian's descent into heretic cultivation was his fault... again.
As tears streamed down his face, he hissed through gritted teeth, “…Why…why didn’t you tell me?!”
And he begs to know why Wei Wuxian would do this!
“Consider it a repayment of my debt to the Jiangs,” Wei Wuxian added.
Jiang Cheng raised his head and looked at him with bloodshot eyes. “…To my father, my mother, my sister?” he asked in a hoarse voice.
Not him. Wei Wuxian won't admit it's for Jiang Cheng--the shidi he meant to protect as a good shixiong, the master he was meant to support, the heir and symbol of the clan and sect he loved so much he would readily lose a hand to protect.
The way Wei Wuxian tortures Wen Zhuliu by leaving him whole and standing while his charge Wen Chao is torn up bit by bit... The delicious parallels of -- you made me a failure, now see how you like it, watch the one you are meant to protect be torn asunder.
...
Hold on I need a moment...
...
How about some cute stuff?
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Wei Wuxian waved him off and then hooked his arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. -- Vol1 Chap4
He put his arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders and dragged him over to the veranda railings to sit down.
[...]
Jiang Cheng was quiet, but he seemed to have calmed down a little. Wei Wuxian put an arm around his shoulders again. --Vol3 Chap12
💗Wei Wuxian is always all over the person/s he likes and loves. Jiang Yanli might have been the first to carry Wei Wuxian but Jiang Cheng's were the first shoulders he chose to hang off of. Jiang Cheng stands so straight because he is used to bearing Wei Wuxian's weight! (Also he's of the gentry, and you can make arguments about a rod in places where the sun doesn't shine, but Wei Wuxian benefits regardless!)
Among all the kicks and shoves and rough housing and sparring, they are just so tactile.
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Gif from this post.
… Jiang Cheng, walk slower, you’re gonna throw me off.”
Not only did Jiang Cheng want to throw Wei Wuxian off, but he practically wanted to bash his head into the ground to create a human crater. “So fussy even though I’m carrying you!”
“I didn’t tell you to carry me,” Wei Wuxian reasoned.
Jiang Cheng flew into a rage. “If I didn’t carry you, I think you’d hang out at their ancestral hall all day, rolling around on the floor. I can’t afford this embarrassment! Lan Wangji took fifty more strikes than you, but he walked away on his own, and you’re not embarrassed, pretending to be an invalid? I don’t want to carry you anymore. Get the hell off!”
“No, I’m wounded,” Wei Wuxian said. --Vol1 Chap4
💜 Yes I am bringing back this quote from my Jiang Cheng appreciation post.
Hnng, I am trying to be more concise, but like one of the things I also enjoy in romance is how two imperfect people choose to be together and that choice that they make is the gold and solder that fits the pieces together into art. Sure MDZS didn't want to go there even though that's where it started, but to me it will only ever be the story of Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian.
Honestly even Yi City arc is YMSJ | CX to me.
Song Lan = Jiang Cheng
Xiao Xingchen = Wei Wuxian
Baoshan Sanren is involved
Eyes = Golden Core
Baixue Temple = Yunmeng Jiang
GUILT
RUNNING AWAY
Xue Yang = Yuan Qi (Resentment) Modao/Guidao
CORRUPTION
A-Qing = lwj being obsessed with WWX and fighting his use of guidao like a-Qing is distrustful of XY and XXC being friends with him.
XXC kills SL = WWX kills JC (figuratively, JYL's death destroyed the last of the JC from their childhood and all the trust he had in WWX (you cannot tell me that WWX doesn't feel like he caused JYL's death (he couldn't control the corpse that hurt her, he didn't sense the sword coming for him and she had to protect him)))
XXC's suicide and shattered soul is thus my grounds for headcanon to what actually happened to WWX at the First Siege, just sayin'
...
Anyway that's a bunch of canon stuff how about the realm of fanfiction/art?
Meme Format Reasons Twi is unwell about ChengXian:
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From this post (yes that's my same edit)
Art Commissioned (So Far, more on the way and some I can't share yet) for ChengXian:
Happy ChengXian with Wei Wuxian in Purple by @robinade
Supportive ChengXian in pretty clothes! by Sugar_Shoal
Some more points for consideration:
💗 Point 1: They can't be normal about each other, due in large part by the people who raised them being unable to be normal about them either.
💗 Point 2: Their opposing ideologies, duties, and priorities make for the best drama, but in a better narrative, would balance each other.
💗 Point 3: Martial sibling romance ➡ tragedy! They fought together! Thought the future would be them together always! Then everything in the narrative tears it apart and all they're left with are the ashes of their choices and the lies that buried them.
💗 Point 4: Every AU where they end up happy instead!! 😭 I can't wait for @twinclownsoflotuspiers next CX Happy Ending event! Thankfully there is also @omiixcx coming up this APR 21st-27th! 👀 Yes that was a promo and prod.
💜 Point 5: ChengXian Pros = Zongzhu-shidi getting to love and protect his shixiong fully and truly without restraint.
🖤 Point 6: XianCheng Pros = Overprotective shixiong merciless in his affections for his Zongzhu-shidi.
💗 Point 7: Ship them for tropes based on miscommunication, acts of service, there was only one bed, boundary issues, genderfuckery, soul bound by choice, bickering, bantering, finishing each other's sentences, married-divorced-never-were, childhood shenanigans, cutting oneself on the other and denying the blood ever was...
...
I am not even getting into the monster/monster-maker aspect, am I? They are both at the same time!
JC makes WWX a monster by being the recipient of the golden core and believing WWX has control of guidao so encourages its use.
WWX makes JC a monster by lying to him until their relationship is broken irrevocably at the Bloodbath and years after JC is known for hunting demonic cultivators.
If you want to get really dark with it, there's also the cannibalistic aspect. WWX becomes a part of JC with the transfer. JC unwittingly consumes WWX and his fortune. The golden core is in the lower dantian, the belly, behind and below the navel. The symbology..! XianCheng is really good for the more gothic themes of the ship.
Let's be real, the vibes are straight up Wuthering Heights in multiple facets. MXTX recently admitted to that novel was one she read so insert conspiracy theory red string board meme here!
...
I spend a lot of time readdressing the themes introduced with the YMSJ dynamic and are exacerbated by the golden core transfer and the way Wei Wuxian handles and fails to handle that situation. I like how destructive they are about each other. There's a lot of potential there to create something together as well, but they were never given the chance.
Ideally, after the Jiang parents were gone and not influencing them anymore, or if they aged up enough to just stand on their own—and Wei Wuxian has his cultivation intact... Well in that scenario they could have easily stayed the Twin Prides/Heroes of Yunmeng and they would have been so happy being in the home they both loved and making the most of their lives one step at a time and arguing the whole way.
...
That's what fanfiction is for! 💜💗🖤
Hey, you made it to the end! I hope that was entertaining at least there is so much going on with this ship sometimes my brain just goes brrrr about it, y'know? Take care! Happy CX thoughts to you!
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celaenaeiln · 4 months
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What would you consider to be Dick's very best qualities? What would you consider to be quintessential qualities for Dick Grayson to be Dick Grayson? Thank you 😊
Oooh! I’m gonna talk about the qualities that make up the core of Dick Grayson. Writers have different ways of writing him but if they’re lacking one of these qualities then it’s not him they’re writing. Super generally, there are three things he must have.
1. Over-competence
If Dick isn’t the best then it isn’t him. No doubt, canonically Dick is the best. This isn’t even a take, he’s so good at what he does and who he is, people literally form complexes because of him. Tim has a complex about him, Jason has a complex about him, Bruce has complex about him, Roy, Wally, heroes, villains, even freaking Deathstroke has a complex about him. He’s just so good at fighting, solving crime, and tactical maneuvering that he is quite literally considered the height of excellence. Freaking Bruce has relationship issues because Dick is so perfect that he fails like he - Batman - is failing!
Dick’s entire relationship history with everyone - romantic, platonic, friendship, every type can be summed up to one thing - his perfectionism and how others are affected by it. So if Dick isn’t easily kicking villain butt then that’s not him. Everyone just knows that he'll always win or survive.
Like Helena says -
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Detective Comics (2016) Issue #1056
He'll be fine. He's freaking Nightwing.
2. His kindness
While Dick loved adventure and fighting as Robin, what he loved even more was talking care of people. He thought of it as Robin’s job to help the victims, and he did it because he wanted to. Soothing crying children, reassuring worried parents, finding lost pets - he loved the joy that came with make people feel happier and better. Batman might be the dark avenger obsessed with fighting crime but Dick was the one who focused on the first responder type of cases from the victims side.
His first instinct is to help people. That's also why he's such a good character because he can wipe the ground with almost anyone but he's also sweet and soft enough to just feed a bird that hopped inside.
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The New Titans (1988) Issue #71
This scene is probably my favorite Dick Grayson scene of all time.
3. His leadership
Quite frankly the greatest leader. Qualities that make up a great leader is the ability to actively listen, properly delegate tasks, communicate effectively, show empathy, make difficult decisions, be accountable for their actions, have strong integrity, and have a strategic mindset. Dick effectively displays all of this to the maximum extent.
And the whole community adores him for it-
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Titans (2003) Issue #23
Superboy: "Nightwing and Starfire brought wave two. Which is just about everyone who's ever been a Titan."
"It's a natural thing when Nightwing shows up. None of us are conscious of it, really--but we all look to him for orders."
It's because of these three qualities, that Dick Grayson is who he is and why he has the blanket adoration of the hero community.
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resisteverything · 23 days
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Just for fun (I am really not invested, haven't even watched the full thing): why do you dislike Hazbin Hotel?
This is the biggest one, the hotel is useless. Charlies whole goal is to redeem sinners with the hotel, but by the end of the season there are only two guests, and then one of them dies. This is particularly bad because of the six month deadline set in episode one. Like what is Charlie even doing over those entire months?
The main characters are weak. I expected to learn more about Angel dust in the show itself, and see a new side to him, but in the end his entire character is summed up with Addict, except the show gives him less personality than Addict does. And he's the best one. Charlie is just a Disney princess parody, the only unique trait of hers being that she swears randomly and has daddy issues, the latter only mattering in one episode, the other seven either shafting her character or giving us no new information about her. Vaggie never once does anything that isn't what Charlie told her to. Alastor is vague and mysterious, but the intrigue and fear factor he brought is just sort of ruined in the show proper. He doesn't work as a foil to Charlie or an antagonist because he never does anything for forward the plot.
Nothing happens in this show. Episode one's only contribution is the dead angel and six-month deadline, everything else is skipable. Episode two changes nothing except that Pentius is at the hotel now, and he doesn't do anything. Episode three is only important in that Alastor hears about the dead angel head, info which he doesn't use until episode seven, like no other character is aware of the angel head. Episode four is only important in that episode six centers on whether or not angel has redeemed himself, except in episode six has the question be answered with "Actually heaven doesn't care about that and was never going to listen to Charlie", episode five is only important in that it's setup for Charlies meeting with heaven, a meeting that ends in her being kicked out and nothing having been changed. Episode six is that meeting. Episode seven is Charlie literally giving up on her motivations to prepare to do battle with heaven, and episode eight is them fighting that big battle. Nothing Charlie did from episodes one to six actually brought them closer to resolving the conflict, and season two is just a return to the previous status quo of hell.
The series is packed full of side characters that should not be so numerous in an eight episode season. Why is Carmilla Carmine, a character that shows up in two subplots a more relevant character to the narrative than any of the main characters? Why did we get half an episode dedicated to the Vees dicking around in ways that in no way affect the plot but never got to see Charlie and Angel dust have a real conversation that wasn't antagonistic? Why did Charlie work out her issues with Vaggie with a completely new side character she's never met before this episode instead of with Vaggie? Why is Vox spying on the heroes for all of episode eight instead of doing anything? Didn't one of them actively try to incite a war against heaven? Shouldn't she be siding with the heroes?
The show has a bizarre relationship with the pilot. It expects you to understand that Charlie taking Alastors hand is a big deal, or know who Cherri bomb is, because these things are in the pilot. But it also Retcons things like Lucifer's characterization, or Husks reason for staying at the hotel. It makes the show hard to follow plot wise.
The tone is all over the place. Pentius dies as a joke that kills a serious moment but then they try to make it serious. Charlie and Vaggie have a serious conversation with jokey slapstick noises in the background. Valentino flips between scary and goofy at random. Angel gets raped and it’s a big deal, pentius gets raped and it’s a joke.
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youremyheaven · 8 months
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vedic astrology observations
every revati i personally know has a dysfunctional relationship with either/both parent. there are celebrity examples as well
Angelina Jolie, Ellen DeGeneres, Rihanna, Cardi B (all Revati Moon)
2. two tier naks like uttaraphalguni & purvaphalguni, uttarashada & purvashada, uttarabhadrapada & purvabhadrapada often appear together
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Jin is UBP moon & Yoongi is PBP sun
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Jisoo is Purvashada Sun & Jennie is Uttarashada Sun
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Bella is Purvaphalguni Moon & rising, Anwar is Uttaraphalguni rising
3.i have noticed that many punarvasu natives veer between either extreme in their early life, i.e, either they grow up extremely wealthy & comfortable or they grow up struggling/have difficult childhoods.
many royals have Punarvasu nakshatra (ex: Charlotte Casiraghi) and its generally seen as a wealth giving nakshatra but many famous Punarvasus have had rough childhoods, like drew barrymore, keanu reeves, eartha kitt (all punarvasu moon) and meghan markle (punarvasu rising) ive often noticed that the father being absent/being abandoned by the father is also a common theme in the lives of these natives (literally all the people i just mentioned grew up either without their father or saw him very less).
4. "The Nice Guys"
certain celebrities have a reputation for being "a nice guy"; they're humble, cordial, very grounded and polite. Ardra, Punarvasu & Pushya were the most common nakshatras among them. its not surprising to me that these celebs who have a reputation for being "nice", have naks in the Gemini-Cancer spectrum. im not saying other naks aren't capable of being nice, just that these naks have a tendency to make you known for being nice.
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Tom Hanks, Punarvasu Sun, Pushya Moon
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Keanu Reeves, Punarvasu Moon & stellium
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Adam Sandler, Ardra Moon
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Emilia Clarke, Ardra moon
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Paul Rudd, Ardra rising
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Mark Hamill, Pushya moon
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Chris Evans, has Mercury & Venus in Ardra. His luminaries also consist entirely of Deva gana naks (Mrig sun, Swati moon & Anuradha rising)
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Chris Hemsworth has Mars in Pushya
ive often been asked why i include placements other than the "big 3" when making observations and i want to say, please dont be misguided by pop-astrology narrative that your sun, moon & rising are "the most important" placements. they represent your ego, mind and appearance but its a very western mindset to say that "importance" is confined only to these aspects of an individual. a person is more than just the sum of their parts. every placement affects you. your mercury is how you communicate and express yourself, does that not sound important to you? mars is how we assert ourselves and conduct ourselves, venus is how we channel beauty, love and abundance. all of these are "important"!!!
6. Serpent Yoni (Rohini & Mrigashira) natives are probably some of the most private people ever. They're extremely protective of their personal space & it's not uncommon for them to stay off of social media entirely. If you consider the fact that snakes live in hidden spaces, away from the reach of most animals/people, it makes sense as to why these natives exhibit similar behaviour
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Adele (Venus in Mrigashira)
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Enya (Mrigashira Moon), she lives alone in a castle in the middle of nowhere in Ireland 😭😭thats sooo Mrig coded
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Sandra Bullock (Mrigashira stellium) she's also been subject to stalking & harassment (a common Mrig theme) her home was invaded in 2014 etc but she's in semi retirement now and says she will never join social media
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Jennifer Lawrence (Mrigashira Moon)
her privacy has been invaded brutally but she has always been adamant on protecting it.
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Brigitte Bardot (Rohini Moon) she retired in the 70s and has since lived in the French countryside
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Cillian Murphy (Rohini Sun) we lit rally know nothing about him
7. ive noticed with bharani men is that they tend to have difficult relationships with their fathers/the father is absent somehow, they're however very fond of their moms and sooo many of them have an older sister??? who they are also very close to???
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Robert Downey Jr had a very complicated relationship with his father who encouraged his son to do drugs with him as a child etc
I had already mentioned that Revati natives often come from dysfunctional families, Rob has a Revati sun & stellium and he is Bharani moon. His rising is Ashlesha which is also often seen in natives who come from abusive or controlling homes.
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wen-kexing-apologist · 3 months
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Dead Friend Forever: Ep. 5
I want to talk briefly about today’s episode of Dead Friend Forever and how smart I think it is being as we had towards the midpoint of the show. I was worried that 12 episodes was going to be too long for a slasher show, and that still could be the case, however episode 5 and from teh looks of it episode 6 are backstory focused, allowing for some breathing room from the murder and chaos that is currently occuring. 
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An I for one think they are being really smart with it. I love how we have spent four episodes knowing very little information about the characters, we know something happened, we have every reason to be suspicious of everyone, but we have spent four episodes being allowed to establish our own impressions and relationships with each character. I have always hated Top (but attribute quite a lot of that towards not liking the actor), I liked Fluked in the first episode, and then he started turning creepy. I love White, Por has seemed like a rich asshole from the beginning, and I have been suspicious of but ultimately been enjoying and lowkey rooting for Tee primarily because of his relationship with White. 
But now I hate him. Oh I hate him so much. I had to sit here for an hour watching all of these boys, but especially Por, Top, and Tee exploit the fuck out of Non. Tee set Non up to make it look like he broke the camera and then preyed on Non’s poverty to rope him in to the money laundering(?) scheme. Which actually….this is probably cause I just listened to the ‘Tens and Chops’ episode of The Conversation and was reminded of the absolute target that was the abandoned opportunity to discuss class disparities…but Dead Friend Forever seems to be taking the consequences of fucking with poor people for your own amusement. 
Por, Top, and Tee exploit Non’s desire to join an in-group, and work him to the bone writing and re-writing, and re-writing, and re-writing, and re-writing the script, probably overusing his medication, getting no sleep, absolutely exhausting himself, and then the second they have what they need out of him, they are back to treating him like shit, leaving Jin to bridge the kindness gap and Fluke to remain quiet. Top breaks the camera, and Tee comes up with the plan to frame Non for it. 
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And it’s the thing I found interesting because we haven’t fully figured out why the boys hate Non so much, we can assume it’s just that they found a poor person to pick on, based on the nickname that he has. But Tee seems, to me, to have some additional layer of feeling on top of his general group think. Now, I found it interesting that Por is holding Non responsible for the damage to his camera, and demanding 200,000 bhat from Non an impossibly high sum of money for Non and his family and a stressor so large that Non almost kills himself over it. But Por isn’t actually the person the most directly responsible for causing that level of emotional distress, because Top and Tee set up the situation in the first place so Por wouldn’t find out that Top broke it. 
And Tee goes an additional step further, in his own desperation to maintain a steady cash flow for himself from his uncle, by exploiting the situation he caused with Non to get him to open a bank account that will assist Tee and his family in continuing their illegal business operations. Por is a rich asshole, Top is just an asshole, but Tee? Tee is a calculated asshole. I love what they are setting up with Fluke as well, because he saw Top break the camera, and was told to keep his mouth shut. He knows how unfair this entire situation is, he sees how distressed Non is, you know based on the fact that he literally flicks Top off because he doesn’t agree with what Top and Tee are doing, but he does not speak up. If Non had killed himself that evening, Fluke’s silence would have made him just as much of a contributor to the situation as Tee and Top for setting it up. 
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And from my perspective, it looks like they are setting up a potential predatory plotline between the evening tutoring teacher and Non. And if that were to be seen through, it would be Por, whose desire to control every aspect of Non’s life while he worked on the script, who would have some culpability of putting Non in to the situation, considering he paid for Non to attend the classes. I have not gone back yet, but I do plan to do so, to watch Episode 1 with the new information and insight I have in to these characters from today’s episode. But I know @ginnymoonbeam has actually gone back to watch the first episode and found the dynamics between characters so much more distinct with the new information. I love  that. I love that this show is setting up a situation where there is something important to be gained from rewatching the show. I have no idea if this show will stick the landing, I still am not quite sure how they are going to swing 7 more episodes of it, I think the writing could be stronger. BUT so far they have structured their show and especially today’s episode very wisely.
Anyway, props to this show for making me change my min in a single episode because now I am sitting happily aboard the Fuck Them Kids train. Murder that og friend group with an axe. Let Por bleed out from the tree branch. Let Top get possessed. Don't care, they deserve it.
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siriuslysmoking · 4 months
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Friends
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Part 2 of Meddle About
Series Masterlist
A/N: Next chapter is a time skip. Kinda in a Chase Atlantic Era tbh. Also I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t look good in green.
Pairing: Fem!college student x sugar daddy!steve
Warnings: fem!reader, she/her pronouns, alcohol consumption, age gap (R:21, S:29), Reader has a memory about her grandpa (literally sum my grandpa used to do for me), Mention of bad family experience/relationships, No mention of race or body shape (except a hint at reader with big boobs)
Word Count: 2.7k
Summary: Working and being a student is tough, you never seem to have a moment to yourself, so when one of you co-workers needs a shift and offers to take your saturday night double, you take it. Finally going out with your friends you encounter a strange man with a strange proposition.
-Heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved Running in circles, now look what you've done (woo) Give you my word as you take it and run Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now (woo)-
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Steve picks you up two days later. He's sitting in his Red BMW outside your cheap apartment and you feel a little self conscious about your home as he sits in his freshly cleaned expensive car.
The two of you had been messaging for a couple days and he has decided that instead of taking your measurements to the seamstress that it would be better to go in person.
You are worried, you haven't been alone with Steve, you didn't know what to expect.
Before you left your apartment you sent your friend your active location and Steve's whole name. You had asked for his entire name and he gave it willingly, understanding the need for safety.
He sits patiently in the front seat as you walk out your building's front door. He beams as he notices you, your appearance is nothing special, you are wearing a summer dress with converse and your normal jewelry and simple makeup.
You adjust the straps of your cross body bag as he exits the car and rounds the side to open your door. He looks like he wanted to give you a hug, but he seemingly thinks better of it.
Once you enter the car, he goes around and sits himself into the driver's seat. "Hi, how are you?"
"Good." You nod with a smile, meeting his eyes.
"How was your classes?"
"They were fine, I'm finishing up an Art History portfolio."
"That's good." He nods, adjusting the radio's volume for it to be a small ambiance music. "So, I wanted to talk more about this event with you."
"Okay," You adjust your body to face him. He puts the car in drive as he continues to talk.
"So, I work for this big company that my father used to run and we host a yearly charity event where we auction off art and different things for different charities." You nod along as he turns a corner, "I've never taken a date before and I've always been given shit for it. I don't want people's attention on my dating life when there is an auction for the homeless going on."
You nod not knowing what to really say to that.
He looks to you, not for an answer but for some sort of confirmation of your comfortability of the situation. "Are you still wanting to do this? I can turn around and lose your number if you prefer."
"No it's not that." You start to fidget with your hands, meeting his eyes at a red light. "It's just the only nice event I've ever been to is a wedding, so I don't know how to go about this. I mean- the nicest thing I own is my bridesmaid dress from my cousin's wedding."
"That's fine. I didn't assume that you would have a ball gown just handy- no sane person does." He laughs, "And just be yourself, no one else's opinion matters, you're coming so I don't go insane."
You laugh along with him, "I don't think I'll have a problem conversing with you, It's just I assume we'll be sitting next to people, what do you want me to tell them? That I'm a college student barely making ends meet as a waitress."
"Sure, I don't care." He shrugs, you give him a are you serious? look. "Tell them your plans after college, avoid questions you don't want to answer."
"You make it sound easy."
"Must be the years of practice." He smiles, adding to your comfort. "We're here."
You didn't even notice that you had shifted into park. Outside of a white dress shop with a black sign and matching window frames. It was a modern rustic feel. "Ready?"
You nod unbuckling and opening your door. When you stand on the pavement he gives you a playful scoff, "I'm supposed to get your door."
"My bad." You raise your hands in surrender, "I'll remember that."
He points a light-hearted accusatory finger at her and he utters with a smile, "You better."
You both enter the shop and he talks to the lady and the counter, talking about the appointment he made. "I wanted to ask, what's your favorite color? or what you look good in."
"I like blue and green and red." You huff out a laugh, "I'm not really against any color."
"Good, I told them that any color would probably work but you can talk to her about the different cuts and types of dresses you like."
"Okay."
He looks you in your eyes like he's searching for the answer that he hasn't even asked yet. "Are you sure about this? You can tell me to fuck off."
"You already asked me this, Steve." He rubs the back of his neck.
"Right, sorry."
"Don't be." You shake your head, following the lady that guides you behind a silk curtain.
"Hello, you must be Steve." The seamstress looks to you, "and you?"
You give her your name and she smiles as she asks for your regular dress size. You give it to her and she nods, grabbing the measuring tape that is wrapped around her neck like a scarf.
"Alright, let's start from the bottom." She motions you to step on an elevated platform. "arms up, hips and waist first."
You look to Steve who smiles as he sits down in the loveseat in the corner.
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Four days later you get home from your day shift at work and see a car sitting out front.
The newly familiar BMW sits outside your apartment. He gets out as soon as he sees you walking down the street. "Hi."
You smile at him, "hey, what are you doing here?"
"Your dress is done and I thought that I would hand deliver it to you and if you feel comfortable I would love to see you try it on."
"Yeah! Sure, come on in." You wave him over as he grabs a big white box from his backseat.
He follows you up to your apartment while asking you about your day. You answer happily, asking him about his.
"Would you like something to drink or a snack?"
"I'm okay."
"Wanna get straight to the show?" You ask, his smiling as he makes himself comfortable on the beaten-up couch. He hums in agreement, motioning for you to grab the box. "Alright I will be right back, feel free to snoop, but I must say whatever you find that might in the slightest be embarrassing, just assume it's my roommate’s."
"Will do." He laughs as you turn to look back at him before closing your door.
Once you unfold it you let out a soft gasp. It is utterly breathtaking, it has a deep v-neck cut, spaghetti straps that don't seem very trustworthy to support you throughout the night. It has a slit in the side to give you more movement. It looks silk but has some stretch to it.
You strip down, pulling the deep green fabric over your body.
As you start to pull up the zipper in the back it suddenly gets stuck. You try to zip it three times before sighing and moving to your door. "Hey Steve, would you help me zip it up? I think it's stuck."
He looks up, meeting your eyes quickly. "Yeah of course."
You smile and turn around in the doorway as he comes up from behind you.
The fingers on your back make you shiver, you silently hope he doesn't notice the goosebumps growing on your arms. "There, just needed a little tug."
You turn facing him and realize that you are only inches away from him, you can feel his breath on your cheeks. You both meet each other's eyes, locking into his hazel eyes. You don't want to break this little trans that you're both put in, but if it goes on any longer it might get awkward. You lightly whisper, "Thank you."
He clears his throat, taking a step back, and looks you up and down. "You look beautiful." He pauses, before clearing his throat again, "T-The dress fits great."
"It does fit, very well actually." You look down at yourself, "Nothing has ever fit me this well before, thank you."
"You're welcome." He smiles at you.
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"You look like a fucking goddess." Mia whispers as she finishes up applying your lipstick. "I can't get over it. God, I need a Steve in my life."
Over the past two weeks Steve has taken you to a dress shop, out to lunch, out to dinner, and just regular shopping. It feels so surreal, you feel so weird saying this but this does not feel like something that would happen to you.
"He's so sweet." You sigh, "and it's not even because he buys me things, like he refuses for me to open any door."
That hit a little too close to home. Growing up your grandpa used to yell at you if you would open the car door before he could come around the car and open the door for you. He would tell you that only a man worth keeping would open your door for you.
You smile at the memory.
You hear the doorbell and Mia seems to fucking giggle. She's truly living vicariously through you.
You walk to the door and open it to Steve who is wearing a black suit with a black button up underneath, he looked good.
"Woah-You look breathtaking, angel." He smiles.
"Thank you," You slightly whisper, "You don't look so bad yourself."
His smile seems to widen. Then his eyes drift to something behind you, you follow his gaze. "You don't have to hide, Mia."
You were surprised he remembered her name from the one time you mentioned it in a story, usually saying 'my roommate'.
"Hey, Steve." She walks out of the doorway she was hiding in, "'m not hiding, just watching from a distance."
He gives her a playful look and she just retreats to her room with her head down. "Oh, before I forget, here."
He shoves a black card into your hand. "It has twelve thousand on it, after tonight it might be closer to twenty."
"W-what?" You laugh nervously, "I thought you were joking about that whole thing."
"I'm a man of my word." He thrusts the card closer to you and you slowly take it with slightly shaky hands, "Shall we go?"
You smile and nod after shoving the card into your crossbody bag. He grabs a hold of your hand, guiding you down the stairs in your heels.
The drive was silent underneath the low sound of music from the stereo.
You travel downtown in no time and Steve drives the care into the line of the valet.
"Alright, I will be bombarded with work questions. Feel free to have as many drinks as you require, I will take you home tonight, so if it's just that painful, feel free drink your annoyance away."
"It's okay, Steve." You place your hand on his thigh, calling his rant to a stop. "I'm sure I'll be okay, you should meet my family, If I can deal with them I can deal with anything."
"Alright then." Steve nods and he looks down to his lap, that's when you pull away your hand, realizing that you had left it there.
You two join hands after he rounds the car, he helps you out and guides you up the stairs into the ballroom. The ballroom… It looked ancient, golden and white, sculptures and paintings on the ceiling. The white tiles floor is covered in circular tables.
“Let’s dance, so we can avoid the grating voices of others for just a few more minutes.” Steve speaks into your ear, guiding you onto the dance floor. 
“Uh-Steve, I don’t know how to dance.”
“We must’ve gone over this, yes?”
“No.”
“Okay, that’s okay, close your eyes and let me guide you. Put your hand on my shoulder and in my hand and I’ll help you.”
You close your eyes and his warm arm settles on your waist, pulling you closer into him. The both of you dance in silence, you feel his body heat against your front, oddly comforting you.
Once the song comes to a close he guides you to your table that’s in the middle of the dinning section of the ballroom. There is a stage up ahead, with the ballroom behind, and the tables in the middle section.
You sat next to him and he called over a waiter, there were a few people that arrived before you. “This is Billy… and his date,”
Steve kind of leaves the question up in the air, not knowing her name. “Charisa.” She smiles, leaning over the table to shake your head, you see the way she pulls her shoulders together to accentuate her cleavage, but you try to ignore that, getting it, she’s a pretty woman.
“And Tommy and his wife Melanie.” He pointed to the next group, Tommy looked at you with a smirk, he was the man from the other night who refused to call you your name and you recognize Billy as the one who is seemingly allergic to scallops.
“We’ve met you before.” Billy points at you.
“Um, yes, I believe we have.” You smile with a nod, he gives you a smirk, like he knows all of your secrets, Steve rested a supporting hand on top of your thigh that is peaking out from the slit in your dress. “I think you came to the restaurant that I work at, one day.”
The table goes quiet, but Mealanie smiles, “Is this the restaurant that you went to that you said that they had the most delicious Steak? Because I want to have a group there some night, but it’s awfully full recently with the holidays coming up.”
“Yes, I do believe that that was that restaurant.” Tommy says, not breaking eye contact with you.
“I would love some help getting a reservation for it, I could do you a favor of course or repay you in some way, but I would be so appreciative.”
“Of course! I’d be happy to help.” You smile.
“Wonderful! I’d love to get your number or something so we can hookup!”
“Perfect.” You smile wider, it’s starting to hurt, you’re not quite sure how you feel about this interaction, but Steve calms your nerves by rubbing his thumb up and down your thigh.
“The waitress, Steve?” Billy laughs, shaking his head. You furrow your eyebrows, looking at Steve, he just rolls his eyes, squeezing onto your thigh.
“We’re gonna go make our rounds, okay?” Steve announced, standing up and taking ahold of your hand.
You and Steve make your rounds and you stay quietly at his side while he says hello to his business friends.
The next few hours were nothing but ‘hello’, ‘how is the family’, ‘my mom’s good, how are the kids?’. That when both you and Steve get back to the table, the auction starts.
“So since we’re not bidding on anything we’ll just sit here.” He leans back against his chair, swishing around his liquor in his glass. “Need a refill?”
“No, I don’t think I need to drink until I drop.” You smile at him, also relaxing in your chair. “I’m having a nice time with you.”
“I am too, sweetheart, It’s much less painful with you here.” He looks to you, giving you a lazy smile, his eyes seem to sparkle and you’re not sure if it’s the lighting or the alcohol.
“This is nice, Steve.” You send the lazy smile back.
“Yeah…” He trails off quietly, his eyes looking down for a moment, glancing at your lips, you thought you had imagined it but when he does it again, you know that you didn’t.
He leans in closer and when you feel like he’s about to give in and close the gap between you the man on stage loudly says, “I’ve got four hundred thousand, do I hear five hundred?”
You hear Steve sigh from next to you, looking toward the stage.
-
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commsroom · 3 months
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let's kill hilbert is a great hera and minkowski episode in how well it displays some of the best and worst of their dynamic (and highlights the source of their ongoing miscommunication.)
"i'm doing the best i can here, so just, please, try to sound a little less patronizing?" / "i'm not being patronizing, i'm being critical." sums up the disconnect: that what minkowski sees as professional criticism and an attempt to combat future problems, hera takes as a personal attack. ultimately, minkowski's suggestions to lighten her burden are well-meaning and closer to what hera needs than any faith in her ability to do her job (there are things she can't do, and things she shouldn't have to), but she's been made to believe her worth as a person - and her continued survival - hangs in the balance. and so, the scene that leads to that one, where minkowski takes the navigation controls from hera: "no, it's fine! i can -" / "i don't care what you can, give me the controls right now." stands out for the wording used, the different things that are meant by it, and what it reinforces for hera: i can't do this. i'm not good enough.
it makes sense that the resolution, where minkowski tells hera, "you are the smartest person i've ever met, hera; focus that intelligence [...]" is one of the moments she thinks of at the end of memoria. because it's a turning point for their relationship, because it's a show of trust ("i trust you" coming very shortly after "i need to know that i can trust you."), because it's a show of respect and the only moment in the entire show where someone refers to hera by rank, but also...
i think there's something to be said for how minkowski's voice at the end of memoria is a direct expression of belief in hera's abilities, while eiffel's "use the force, luke" shows that what hera values about eiffel is... well, eiffel, but i think it's also true that both of these things show something about communication. they show hera's understanding of eiffel and minkowski's unique communication styles, what they say and what they mean by it, and that shows what they mean to her.
"you are the smartest person i know, hera" (a slight alteration from the original line that has a ton of implications re: context and memory) isn't really about her intelligence, or even her ability. contextually, it's a direct counterstatement to "i don't care what you can" and, by association, and through their connection - minkowski's voice becomes, quite literally, like eiffel's, another voice in her head counteracting what pryce has made hera believe about herself.
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