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kenobiapologist · 3 years

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Star Wars Novel Rankings

In celebration of the end of this year, I made a tier list of all of the Star Wars novels I’ve read since I joined this fandom in 2017 (which you can use to rank these books too). And I named all the tiers in a dorky but appropriate fashion. I would love to hear your thoughts on my rankings, as well as how you’d rank the books yourself! I’ve had a blast reading Star Wars novels from both Disney’s canon and the Legends extended universe over these past 3 years. Here’s to many more years of reading stories from the galaxy far far away!

I put longer (but not more coherent) thoughts below the cut.

The Chosen One: Bringing Balance to the Force and My Depressed Soul

1. The first spot of top tier had to go to Matthew Stover’s Revenge of the Sith novelization for obvious reasons. You simply cannot beat it. It’s a masterpiece. I literally had to put the book down to scream when I read the prose associated with the opening battle over Coruscant. It gave a whole new meaning to the triumphant music and the synchronous twirling of Obi-Wan and Anakin’s starfighters as they weave through blaster-fire in the battle over Coruscant. The rest of the book is the same way. You can’t put it down. I have wAyyYyYy too many feelings about this book oh my god.

2. Thrawn was a surprising book for me. For being centered on an admiral of the Empire’s navy, it had so much heart in it! I loved reading from Eli Vanto’s perspective too. god dammit I love that freaking Wild Space hillbilly dweeb with all my heart. I think his experiences getting to know Thrawn and learning from him guides the reader to feel much the same way as Eli by the end. Thrawn is a trusted friend, not the enemy you expect him to be. I could have done without Arihnda Pryce but she’s supposed to be unlikeable so I won’t blame Timothy Zahn this time.

3. The Clone Wars Gambit duology is basically Karen Miller writing fanfic and I’m HERE FOR IT. As is tradition with Karen Miller’s Star Wars novels, the emotions are dialed up the eleven. Our favorite dumbass Jedi team is back at it again with a mission to save the galaxy and this time they end up going undercover as two lumberjacks from the boonies. Anakin holds an energy shield back from collapsing with his bare hands like a total badass. Obi-Wan is in love with another woman despite it always ending in tragedy, while also bickering like a married couple with Anakin every ten seconds. get a fucking room, you two. These two books inspired one of my fics so they’re near and dear to my heart.

Jedi Master: These Books Have A Seat On The Council Too

4. Wild Space was appropriately named, I’ll tell you that. It’s a wild ride from start to finish. *slaps the front cover* this book can fit so much of Obi-Wan’s suffering in it! @forcearama has elaborated on the many reasons why this book is a gem in Snark Wars blog posts (linked here). It’s also the beginning of the best team-up since Anakin and Obi-Wan...Bail and Obi-Wan! These two bastards get under each other’s skin but it makes for the perfect character development. This book is the reason I screech with delight whenever Bail Organa appears on screen, or is mentioned in conversation. Bail gets a mysterious tip about trouble on a planet, and Obi-Wan decides to go with him to investigate. Cue Sith-induced suffering. It’s cool to see a normal person experiencing the weirdness of Force sensitives and how the world has this extra level of sensory information in it. Plotwise this one isn’t the best, but I think the interactions between characters really shine in this novel. Karen Miller’s writing is like a cup of hot chocolate to me. Indulgent character insight, full of sweet moments, has a bunch of extra marshmallowy dialogue, you’re reading it to have a good time but not to be satisfied with plot. You get me?

5. Do I even have to explain myself here? Kenobi by John Jackson Miller is both an interesting western-style tale set on Tatooine, and a beautiful character study of a man stricken with grief he keeps suppressed. How does one continue on when their whole family was murdered and their whole culture burnt to ash? I wanted to give Obi-Wan a hug the entire time I read this. The characterization was spot-on, from the way he wrangled animals to the way he severed a man’s arm off in a bar with his lightsaber. And when he meets a woman named Annileen Calwell, or Annie for short, Obi-Wan can’t bring himself to call her by her nickname ever and if that doesn’t just break your damn heart fucking fuck.

6. Ahsoka was the first Disney canon book I ever read and it kickstarted my love for E.K. Johnston. The writing is simplistic, but that makes it easy to jump into. Overall, it’s a quick and enjoyable read. By far the best parts are the flashbacks that mull over memories Ahsoka has of the time before Order 66. That shit hits you right in the heart, man. And the part where Ahsoka equates Obi-Wan and Anakin to her adoptive family ohhhhhhh god the tears they flow like a river. There are scenes that allude to Ahsoka becoming the vital part of the Rebellion we know her to be from Rebels, balanced with her current struggles to survive and find herself. Despite having cast away her identity as a Jedi and having any remaining bits of her culture destroyed by Palpatine, Ahsoka shows us all how bright a hero can shine in the darkest of times. AND SHE WAS WRITTEN AS QUEER! finally some good fucking food.

7. Oh shit, another E.K. Johnston book? Don’t be surprised. She’s a prequel fan and so am I, hence why Queen’s Shadow is so high on the list. E.K. Johnston pays homage to our favorite queen and badass senator Padme Amidala. There’s politics, there’s solidarity between female characters, and Bail Organa is in it so you KNOW I simply must give it a high rating. All jokes aside, I thought the story added lots of little details to the world of Star Wars without it being all stereotypical sci-fi nerdy language. You know how people want to describe something beyond our technological capabilities so they throw a bunch of nonsense together like “pre-praxis crystal bio-anode circuitry”? I’m looking at you, Karen Miller, I love you but please. There is none of that in this book. It makes sense, it adds color and culture and life to the worlds of Star Wars. Most of all, it devotes time and love to developing Padme outside of her place in canon as Anakin’s wife, Queen of Naboo, and Senator. She is all of these things, but she’s human too. I do agree that the pacing is slow, but it’s something meant to be savored, I think. E.K. Johnston really shines when she’s writing dialogue because she gets these characters. That’s something to appreciate, because not all canon books agree with the way we’ve perceived the characters as an audience.

8. Rogue Planet chewed me up, spit me out, and declared me an even bigger stan for The Team. People who say Qui-Gon would have been a better master for Anakin can ~get out~ because I could read about these two hooligans getting neck deep in space shenanigans all damn day. Anakin is like twelve, which is a time in his training that we don’t get a lot of in canon. Personally, I think it was equal parts heartwarming and funny to read about their adventures. There is some angst sprinkled in there because hey, we’re reading about Anakin here, let’s not forget the emotional trainwreck that is Anakin Skywalker. The duo is sent to a planet that makes super fast ships that are ?sentient? or at least biologically active. They bond with the pilot, which makes Anakin perfect for this mission. There’s a scene where these little floof things attach all over tiny Anakin because he’s so strong in the Force and it’s god damn adorable how dare he?? I’d probably rate this one even higher if I read it again, but it’s been awhile. Characterization is spot on and reminiscent of Matthew Stover’s writing in how it highlights the strong bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin, how they’re fated to know each other. I’m a sucker for soulmates, what can I say?

9. Lost Stars reads like a movie. Not a script, but just the perfect amount of detail that you can imagine the scenes but the pacing is still quick, the dialogue smooth and natural. I couldn’t help wishing this was a film because the story was so all-encompassing. The highs and lows of the emotions of both protagonists, their relationship developing, the differences in culture. Folks, this book has it all! It’s a totally different perspective on the events of the original trilogy, seen from the side of Imperial cadets training to become pilots. Eventually, one splits off and joins the Rebellion while the other perseveres in the Empire. It’s like star-crossed lovers, but covers so much more ground than that. And the characters are fully developed. These original characters knocked my socks off, and that’s hard to do since I’m usually an Obi-Wan stan through and through. For anyone uncertain of reading Star Wars novels, this book is a great place to start. Action-packed, emotion-filled, and stands on its own despite weaving perfectly into the established universe. What more could you want?

10. Back at it again with the prequel shit, amiright? Queen’s Peril is E.K. Johnston’s most recent Padme-centric novel and it does not disappoint fans that wanted a taste of the Queen’s side of the story. Set during the events of The Phantom Menace, we get a “behind the curtain” look at how all of the handmaidens came to be more than their title suggests. There’s teenage girls getting stuff done! It makes more sense why Padme was elected ruler of her home-world, and you come to appreciate that a royal leader is not alone; there’s actually a whole team at her side to help her overcome everything from the drudgery of daily governing to Trade Federation blockades that threaten to starve her people. I think if you enjoyed Queen’s Shadow, you’ll enjoy this book a lot. For those that are unfamiliar with Johnston’s work, I wouldn’t recommend this one first because it does cover events you’ve already seen in movies and therefore is a less suspenseful companion to them. On the other hand, because it does tie in with TPM, it doesn’t suffer from the pacing issues of Queen’s Shadow to the same degree. I read this all in one sitting, so it’s definitely fun, but wasn’t compelling enough in its character development to elevate the book past some of the others I’ve listed already.

11. Thrawn: Treason was a refreshing return to the Grand Admiral we all know and love after the second installment in this series slowed things down a bit. Although it wasn’t as character-driven as the first book (which I love with all of my heart), there were still many moments that had me cackling at the disparity between Thrawn’s immense intellect and the other Imperials’ sheer stupidity, and that’s what we’re here for in a book about the Empire, right? There’s a lot of pressure on Thrawn, as his TIE Defender project has been pitted against Director Krennic’s Project Stardust. Who will get the funds? We just don’t know?? Tarkin sits in between the two and as usual, manipulates everything to his advantage. Palpatine questions Thrawn’s allegiance to the Empire after some of the choices he has made, leaving him in even more of a pickle. Thrawn is sent on a wild goose chase task that should definitely end in failure (on purpose because Imperials all want to watch each other burn as much as they want to watch the Rebellion burn), but you know Thrawn will find a way. My main squeeze Eli Vanto makes his return after being absent from book 2. Missed you, my sweet sweet country boy. He doesn’t have a leading role in this novel, but every scene he’s in makes the story better. Thrawn says “perhaps” way too often for my taste, but if you can ignore that, this book is a solid read. Equal parts action and deductive reasoning, as any Thrawn book should be.

12. Most of Dark Disciple had me thinking this was going to be a top tier book, and damn do I wish we could have gotten this animated. We follow Quinlan Vos and Asajj Ventress on a mission to assassinate Count Dooku. Why the Jedi thought this was a good idea, I don’t know. But I’m here for it all the same. 3/4 of the adventure were intriguing, but the ending didn’t do it for me. I won’t spoil things for anyone who hasn’t read this yet, but after all of the character development, to have it squandered so quickly just left me disappointed? I got really attached to everyone in this novel, and I’m sure you will to. I’ve read this and listened to it as an audiobook, and actually I think it’s more memorable as an audiobook. Would recommend, except for Mace Windu’s voice being exceptionally southern for no reason. Weird. I think this novel captures all of the great things about The Clone Wars show; time to really get to know each character and their motivations, action and adventure with the darkness of impending doom tinting everything, and lightsaber fights! Plus, Obi-Wan and Anakin make appearances in this book and it just adds that extra bit of spice. Worth the read, even if you know they aren’t going to get Dooku in the end (which I am still mad about, screw that guy).

Jedi Knight: Passed the Trials but There’s Room for Improvement

13. Few books in the Star Wars universe are centered around characters with no use of the Force, but in Most Wanted, we see a young Han Solo and Qi’ra struggling to survive on Corellia and it provides a humorous but compelling backstory to both characters in the Disney canon. Han is his usual lucky goofball self, and Qi’ra is smart and cunning. You can see how they grew into the versions of themselves in Solo. While the book stays on the lighter side of things (typical of stories written for a younger audience), there are still moments of depth on droid rights, viewing the Force as a religion, and what life is like in a crime syndicate. Addressing these heavier topics without it killing the pace of the story is hard to do, but Rae Carson pulls it off flawlessly. I went into this book with no expectations and was pleasantly surprised by how much fun I had. Han and Qi’ra start off as competitors, but eventually have to learn to work together to survive as more and more people start hunting them down. They’re honestly so cute together, I loved their dynamic. It makes Solo a better movie, and although I liked it on its own, characters like Qi’ra needed a little more time to get to know, which you can get here!

14. Thrawn Alliances was not what I expected at all, and it took me a lot longer to get through. Hell, it has Thrawn, Anakin/Vader, and Padme in it! What’s not to love? Apparently, a lot. The different timepoints and perspectives in this were more jarring than anything else. Although the interactions between Thrawn and Anakin/Vader were enjoyable, it was not enough to elevate this book into the Jedi Master tier. Things felt dry, the characters didn’t grip me like in the first Thrawn, and it all felt like a ploy to introduce Batuu into canon before the launch of Galaxy’s Edge.

15. Leia: Princess of Alderaan was a dive into young Leia’s life before we see her in A New Hope even though this was marketed as a journey to The Last Jedi book, which I disagree with. We really haven’t seen any content about Leia in this time period before, and although I can’t say I was looking for this, I did enjoy it. The book was a little long, but there was adventure and the seeds are planted for Leia to be a bigger part of the Rebellion. The romance wasn’t too memorable, but Holdo wasn’t pointless in this (a stark contrast to her brief appearance in TLJ just to sacrifice herself). There’s a hint about Leia being Force-sensitive but it’s not in-your-face. It’s a typical coming-of-age story but in the gffa. The best part about this is seeing Bail and Breha as parents. I’m forever in pain that we didn’t get to see more of this in movies because it’s so so sweet. Leia must choose what kind of person she is going to be--and what kind of princess she will become. It won’t be for everyone, but I liked it.

16. Master and Apprentice was a typical Star Wars novel, which means it’s full of original characters that are strange and outlandish to serve the plot, a new world full of beautiful landscapes, and Obi-Wan suffering. I want to make it clear that this book is 80% Qui-Gon, 10% Rael Averross, and 10% Obi-Wan. I was expecting it to be 50% Qui-Gon, 50% Obi-Wan, as the cover suggested. Although I was disappointed by that, the story overall was okay. Qui-Gon is kind of an asshole in this? When is he not, though. We really get to sink our teeth into the way he and Obi-Wan fundamentally disagree with each other, so much so that their teacher-student relationship is falling apart. Tragic! They go on one last mission before calling it quits. Qui-Gon is in over his head with prophecies, Obi-Wan just wants to follow the rules, and Rael Averross is Dooku’s previous apprentice that is living his best life as a regent until Pijal’s princess comes of age. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a solid book. I just don’t vibe with Qui-Gon and want to whack him upside the head every time he avoids confrontation with his own student. My protectiveness for Obi-Wan is showing again, isn’t it? Yikes.

17. James Luceno is one of the most analytical authors I’ve ever read anything from, but it seems to always work? Tarkin is all about...well, Moff Tarkin. He’s ruthless, intelligent, and just downright evil. His backstory was compelling and I found myself drawn into the story by the details, although it is dense and took awhile to finish. I’m not interested in him as a character, but despite that, I enjoyed this story. The plot wasn’t memorable enough for me to recall after 3 years, but it’s similar to how Thrawn rose through the ranks of the Navy, just in a different part of the Empire’s governing body. We don’t get many books completely focused on a villain (I don’t count Vader ones because we know who he was before and the whole damn saga is about him), but this one is good! Don’t be fooled by it only being in the Knight tier. I think people who read a lot of sci-fi will like this book a lot. This is like the opposite of Queen’s Shadow, basically. If you had gripes about that book, you might like this one instead.

18. Battlefront II: Inferno Squad was a worthwhile read for anyone who played Battlefront II. Iden Versio is a great protagonist in the game, and I think Christie Golden totally gets her character. She’s nuanced and relatable. The whole team is interesting and getting introduced to each member before the events of the game makes everything mean more. That’s the real goal of any prequel story, I think. Accomplished! The action scenes are on point, the plot served to highlight what makes Inferno Squad special, and you get a sense for the morally grey area anyone must function in as an operative for the Empire. Although not necessary for the greater canon, it’s a great adventure. Iden and her squad members infiltrate the remains of Saw Gerrara’s group (they’ve become a bit of extremist) and destroy them from the inside. It’s got the suspense of a spy thriller and all of the nerdy space opera elements you expect from Star Wars. Although it’s weird to jump into a story not knowing any of the characters, you’ll get attached to Inferno Squad fast. Well, except for Gideon Hask maybe. He’s kind of a dick.

19. If you’re craving some Dark Side action, Lords of the Sith will give you what you’re looking for. Sidious and Vader crash-land on Ryloth and have to work together to survive, and also defeat the Free Ryloth Movement led by Cham Syndulla. It’s all fucking connected, guys. I love when people weave together stories that fit into the canon timeline like this, bringing in side characters and allowing them to develop some depth. And a chance to sink into the mind of a Sith Lord is always fun, if you’re in the mood to read about destruction and anger. It’s cathartic sometimes. If you’re always wondering, why didn’t Vader just stab Palps when he had the chance, this book explains their dynamic more. It didn’t really change my opinion of any of the characters, which is why it’s not higher on the list.

20. Catalyst suffered from being in a really boring part of galactic history. Despite that, Galen Erso and Orson Krennic have a hilarious relationship that I would have loved to see on-screen. This book really develops Krennic to become more than just the whiny entitled evil man we saw in Rogue One. He’s ten times worse now! But I mean that in the best way, I laugh whenever he’s in a scene, that sassy man just brings me joy. James Luceno is at it again, making things as detailed and dry as possible. I read so many of his stories right at the beginning of my journey through Star Wars canon and it’s a wonder I didn’t quit. Some of them are dark as fuck. And also slow as hell. With this one, I think it all comes down to what you want out of a Star Wars novel. Some people will really enjoy the plot. I think seeing how Galen became a part of Project Stardust was interesting and every time something about the Death Star became more clear, I screeched because I knew what it would eventually become. This book may not hold your interest though, which is why I put it lower on this list.

21. Star Wars: Clone Wars was a decent retelling of the Clone Wars movie. I liked it because I liked the movie, but you have to be able to sit back and enjoy the ride, not thinking too much about the silly parts. For that reason, it’s pretty far down in the rankings. Ahsoka is young and liable to get on your nerves. I certainly wasn’t her biggest fan at this point in the series. The biggest problem is that Karen Traviss is very anti-Jedi. Some authors for Star Wars tend to do this? To me, it’s weird. I didn’t notice it too much because it was one of the first Star Wars books I read, but it contrasts starkly with the truth of the prequel trilogy and some of the other entries in the Clone Wars Novel timeline, like Karen Miller’s books. Needless to say, although this book wasn’t super memorable aside from the familiar plot, it kept me reading Star Wars books, and so it is at least an average book. Plus, any content with Anakin and the clones is worth it for me. I love them.

22. A New Hope was good, for Alan Dean Foster. I’m not a fan, I’ll be honest. But this novelization stands on it’s own. I’m going to have to do a re-read to really go in depth on why this isn’t farther up on the tier list, but the movie is always going to be better to me. If you want to re-live the great beginning of the Original Trilogy, it’s worth your time. I mean, the story is full of adventure and mystery and lovable characters. What’s not to love? I just feel like the movie really elevates the narrative with a great score and fun character design/costumes/sets.

Padawan: These Books Have Much to Learn

23. Attack of the Clones was more entertaining than The Phantom Menace because the characters are in funnier situations. Obi-Wan and Anakin chasing Zam Wesell through the levels of Coruscant? Hilarious, just like the movie. Anakin and Padme falling in love as they spend time together? Holy fuck it’s so much better than the movie. Please read it for that alone. Outside of that, the writing style didn’t really impress me. And my experience with it wasn’t super memorable. There was potential to really make the inner dialogue of these characters impactful, to really develop the story of Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme beyond what we could get from the movie scenes alone. I didn’t think it went above and beyond there. Not a bad story at all, but you don’t get to look at Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, or Ewan McGregor the whole time either, so therefore I must rank it lower. So many beautiful people in that movie, holy shit. You can understand my, dilemma, yes?

24. I enjoyed parts of The Phantom Menace book, like deleted scenes with Anakin living on Tatooine before Qui-Gon and Padme meet him. The additional depth is lovely, but I think a story like Queen’s Peril adds more to TPM than this book does. The story overall is still fun. I love this movie so much, it’s hard for me to be critical. I did put a lot of post-it flags in my copy, so it does develop the characters and get you thinking beyond your expectations from the movie. What more could you ask for from a movie novelization? I’d say not much, if I hadn’t read Revenge of the Sith and had my fucking mind blown. In comparison to that, this one is just okay.

25. The Last Jedi novelization wasn’t bad, necessarily. It tried its best to bring this story up to par with some of the interesting novels that don’t have movie counterparts. But still, the plot suffers because of how this movie was made. It’s very focused on Rey and Kylo, and Finn’s little adventure with Rose seems pointless in the grand scheme of things. I’d rather read this again versus watching the film, but that’s all I’ll say on this because I’m trying to keep my opinions on this movie to myself to avoid digging up old arguments. Jason Fry did well, and of the two Sequel Trilogy books I’ve read, I would recommend this one over Ep. 7.

26. The Force Awakens falls short and I think it’s because of Alan Dean Foster’s writing style on this one? It didn’t really expand on anything from the movie, while taking away the beautiful music and visuals. This novel is the antithesis of Revenge of the Sith’s novelization, and for that reason I ranked it fairly low. I wouldn’t read this one unless you really really love the Sequel Trilogy.

27. To be fair, I read the new Thrawn book before I went back and read this one. Even so, Heir to the Empire didn’t impress me at all. Thrawn didn’t seem like a thrilling villain with lots of depth like he did in Timothy Zahn’s reimagined Thrawn novel. We barely saw him. A lot of time was spent on the Original Triology’s trio, which waasn’t bad. I thought Luke, Leia, and Han were all written fairly well. The latter part of the story was redeemed by the interactions between Mara Jade and Luke, for sure. Enemies to lovers, anyone?? Without Thrawn, this book would have been an entertaining story, but for all of the praise it has received from long-time Star Wars fans, I was expecting to be blown away and I wasn’t. Maybe I have to continue the triology to figure out what all of the fuss is about, but after this one, I’m not super motivated to read more. Change my mind?

28. Cloak of Deception really shines when you’re following Palpatine’s perspective because you can feel the undercurrents of his master plan to destroy the Republic underneath his calm persona as a Senator. Other than that, it’s a forgettable plot. This is all about galactic politics and some terrorist group trying to blow up some government officials. Basically the most boring parts of the prequel trilogy. I listened to the audiobook of this at the beginning of this year and I already forget what it’s about. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan should have been able to bring some humor and energy to get you rooting for the good guys, but there was barely any of that. I was disappointed in all of the characters. Everything felt distant, removed from the heart of the characters. Some people in reviews have argued that the events of The Phantom Menace really pinned this novel in a corner because you already know what happens, but I disagree, because we know how Revenge of the Sith goes and The Clone Wars show is that much more tragic and heartbreakingly beautiful because of it. Prequels can be done right. This ain’t it, Luceno. Sorry.

29. Star Wars: The Old Republic, Fatal Alliance needs to go home and rethink it’s life. I’m a huge fan of the Old Republic and I’ve put like 200 hours of my life into playing that game, so I was hoping for some fun content in this part of the timeline. Sadly, this book captured the worst parts of the game, like the fact that there’s way too many factions at war with each other. Jedi, Sith, Empire, Republic, Mandalorians. They’re all here. They’re all ready to throw down. And I’m tired. As with many of the books in this lower tier, I felt there wasn’t enough description of the world or the people in the story. We’re in the gffa, be a little weird and wacky. Be big and bold! Make things terrifying, or beautiful, or both. But give my mind something to work with. The number of characters made the plot messier than it could have been, and it definitely isn’t worth the read. I can’t speak for all Old Republic books, but this one didn’t impress me.

A Sith Lord?! On My Bookshelf? It’s More Likely Than You’d Think

30. So underwhelming, you might as well just read the first half and then stop. Last Shot is absolutely terrible, except for Lando Calrissian’s characterization, which was spot-on. If the whole story had been from his perspective, I probably would have a much difference opinion on the novel as a whole. Sadly, this is not the case. Han was boring, he bottled up his emotions, and seemed drastically different from the badass he was in the original trilogy. There are different timepoints in this novel, and in all of them, Han is unrecognizable. Don’t nerf one of your main characters like that. Daniel Jose Older and I might just not get along. I thought his writing style didn’t fit Star Wars at all. It was like breaking the fourth wall, totally pulling me out of the story constantly. Also, there were little to no descriptions of body language, locations, or movement. It left me feeling disoriented the whole time I was reading. I thought one of the most interesting things would have been seeing Han, Leia, and baby Ben being a family at this point in time, but Han’s family was there as a prop, nothing more. There was a big bad item that was going to cause galactic destruction and our heroes had to go save the day. There was barely any tension and no one lost an arm so I’m pretty pissed off. Is it Star Wars if no one gets their appendage removed? I can’t tell you how much I disliked this book. Which is sad because I was hoping to enjoy it. I like Han. I like Lando. I like space adventures. I’m not that hard to please, or at least I don’t think so.

#Star Wars Novels #tier ranking #long post #i worked hard to put my thoughts into words for you guys #i read these books over a long period of time but I thought I'd encompass all of it in one post #sw lit #i've had so much fun becoming a part of this fandom #and I love the conversations about the books and the gffa in general #hopefully this will inspire some discussion!#i would love you guys to make tier rankings as well #they're always my favorite youtube videos to watch

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kylo-im-ren · 5 years

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The Rise of the Fallen One & Reylo (excerpt)

Rey is not alone in the Dark!Rey scene.

This was first pointed out to me through this tweet from brehaorganas. Then @sillyrabbit36 did a lovely job of recoloring the footage to show it in greater detail in this post.

I went ahead and made some GIFs for visual aid.

In this shot (BOW DOWN TO YOUR QUEEN) it looks like there could be movement, or a figure before the screen pans over to Dark!Rey. That could also very well just be the way that the light and shadows move in the view of the camera. The real evidence is in the following shot. The money shot.

(My ability to breathe? I don’t know her.)

I zoomed in for a better look, and I tried my best to brighten it without ruining the quality too much (fuzzy image below= proof I’m not a professional lol).

I’ve labled what I think it is that we are seeing. To me, in the bottom right it looks like dark/black clothing, maybe a cloak, or cape. Or maybe just dark pants. In the top right it looks like either a hand in dark, long sleeves, or a chin in a high turtleneck. I’m leaning more towards it being a hand.

Now, let’s look at the movement of this mystery figure. It appears that whomever (or whatever) is there is backing away from Rey. And if we go with the hand theory, it looks like they are backing away with their hands up defensively. Below I’ve created an extremeley detailed and intricate artist rendition of what I believe happens here. I warn you, the artistic talent I posess has brought some to tears.

(As I was writing the final draft of this bit i came across this post by the amazing, ever talented @gwendy85 . The position of Ben and Rey in her art is so close to what I’m picturing! And a million times better than my stick people lol. Just wanted to give some quick promo to her. If you haven’t already, you guys should really check out her art and meta posts, you won’t be disappointed😊💜.)

So, who is this? Well, there are a few options. Let’s play one of my favorite games: The Process of Elimination.

Option 1: Palpatine Just the simple fact that the figure seems to be backing away from her tells me that it isn’t the Sheev man. If Rey does go dark, and this is real, and not a vision, I’m 99.9% sure that Palps will have something to do with it. So why would he be backing away from her? If anything, he’d be the one encouraging her.

Option 2: Finn (my sweet boy) This is a more logical option, however, John is reported saying that he wasn’t there when Daisy wore her Dark!Rey fit. He said he was supposed to be there, but that was just for a visit, meaning his character was not invoved in the shooting of those scenes (I looked for the link for like 20 minutes and decided I’d rather get this out and edit the post later when I eventually find it.) Plus, the hand (or chin) doesn’t look like it’s been blessed with that melanin (teehee), so I’m thinking it’s pretty safe to assume not Finn. And without Finn being there, I don’t think any other resistance squad memeber would make sense. So I’m striking out Poe, Rose, or Jannah as options.

Option 3: Rey Let me explain.This would fall in line with the theory that Dark!Rey is a vision that Rey has. (I go into further details about how this could go, and the pontential parallel between it and Lukes vision quest on Dagobah in the full meta.) This could be the moment where she is forced to literally face her inner demons. If this were the case though, the costume choice that makes the most sense, canonically and visually, would be for normal Rey to be in her normal clothes. Her pure white, flowing robes are a stark contrast to the dark figure we see backing away.

“Maybe that’s just the shadows, it’s a dark room.”

That’s true. But if we go with the turtleneck or long sleeve idea, those are complete opposites to Rey’s v-neck and short sleeves. This makes me think that the mystery person is not Rey.

Option 4: An innocent It could be an innocent that she kills in her dark rage/possesion. Making this a scene to show how far gone she is. I highly HIGHLY doubt this option though.

Taking all of those out leaves me to believe that it can only be one person. One particular dark froce weilding, sad-boi, love-struck prince.

Option 5: Ben The clothes, if i’m picturing them correctly, match up perfectly with Ben’s attire at all times. Dark cloak/cape, maybe a black turtleneck (like we’ve seen in TFA), long dark sleeves. And, if this is Benny boy, what really intrigues me is that he is gloveless. The implications of that alone...

Sorry, I spaced out. I was fangirling.

ANnNywAy, let’s assume it is him. Now the question is:

Vision or Reality?

(I dive deeper into all of these theories in the full meta. I still can’t choose a side!)

While I still haven’t chosen a side (lol) at this point in time, I think I’ve narrowed my choices down to the Dark!Rey is real train or the Ben Vision Train.

If Dark!Rey is real, I feel that this could definitely be the moment where Ben goes to save her from Palpatine, and from herself. There have been several posts describing how this event could unfold. If Dark!Rey is real, this could serve as a major catalyst for Bendemption. This tweet points out an amazing comparrison to this moment of Vader having a vision of Dark!Padme.

The most terrifying thing is seeing someone you love fall down the same dark path that you did, and having to watch them be consumed by it.

I think this feeling and reaction would be representitive of both real and vision Ben. If it’s real though, it could lead to a fight. The fight, however, would be completely onesided. He would refuse to strike her, talking to her the whole time, reasuring her of the people in her life that care for her, and that he cares for her. Telling her that she’s not alone anymore. She doesn’t have to do this, He knows this isn’t her. Pleading with her to come back to the light. To herself. To him. He’d say he knows that there is still good in her, and that he believes in her. He tells her to use their bond to escape Palpatine’s control, or the firm hold of the Dark.

All of this sounding familiar?

(I was so happy to see my fellow TFA Reylos were thinking the exact same thing I was with this.I love y’all. We all deserve a stiff drink and a foot rub 😭😂)

Now, if it’s a vision, I feel that the scene will be much shorter. I also believe that, again, if it is just a vision, It will be a reflection of what is already happening inside of Rey. She could actually go dark for awhile after this, just maybe not to the extent that we see in this scene. I don’t think that it is the same vision he saw in TLJ (although I definitely think that he saw something like this), I think this would be a new vision.

Something that caught my eye about the initial cut to Rey was the motion of the camera.

The way that it swoops over to focus on her resembles someone whipping their head around in surprise.

You know what that reminds me of?

Rey even stumbles back after this.

If vision is the way, I have a feeling it will be like the one Rey had in Maz’s castle in TFA when she touched the legacy saber. I actually think that this would be such a cool call back, and would be another amazing example of how these two characters mirror eachother. This vision could be brought on when he touches an object as well, or it could be in the form of a dream. Or it could be a vision brought on by Palpatine to tempt Ben. Or to scare him. Or-

Summary, there are so many ways that this can go. We have truly entered my favorite time over these past 4 years, The Hour of Speculation. And it’s the final hour! Everything wraps up after this...

As much as that breaks my heart, I am so excited for the next few months. I can’t wait to ride this out with all of you, and to hear what amazing theories you freakin oracles come up with during the wait. Old and new Reylos, I LOVE YOU!

And may the force be with you always.💙❤️💜

And please share your own thoughts, I’d love to hear what you guys think!

@sushigirlali @jedisassafras @southsidestory @sanctuarytrin It’s not my full thoughts (not even close🤦🏽‍♀️😂), or a ficlet, but I promise all of those are coming soon! Hope you like my quick ramble, much love💙☺️

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adambethyname-blog · 6 years

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My Star Wars Rankings + Brief Justification

All of my friends are posting their rankings of the Star Wars movies now that "The Last Jedi" is in theaters. Here are mine with a brief explanation.

1. Episode V - Empire Strikes Back: Still the best in terms of story, events, effects. The light saber battle with a CLEARLY overmatched Luke Skywalker was one of the best if not underrated fights in all the movies. One of the best "middle chapters" of any movie trilogy. And the big "reveal" that Vader is Luke's father still gives me goosebumps.

2. Episode IV - A New Hope: I remember seeing this as a kid and being amazed at the Cantina scene. I'd pause the VHS tape on each alien's face just to see how cool they looked. Plus it's an awesome metaphor: your job may suck, but you never know when you're going to find some droids and go on an incredible adventure. So keep farming that moisture. Something great can happen any day.

3. Episode III - Return of the Sith: a prequel in the top 3? Yes. Order 66 is one of my favorite moments in 9 movies. You literally get to see the "clones" become "stormtroopers." Being someone who roots for the bad guys in the movie, this is a great movie.

4. Rogue One: A true war movie that I affectionately call, "Saving Private Erso." It's in a tough spot because we actually know how it begins and ends and it takes the mystery out of it. I had some story complaints about this one or else it would have ranked higher. For example, if you're going to sabotage the Death Star, why not just put a button or a self-destruct code in the firmware? Why the elaborate plot with the trench?

5. Episode I - The Phantom Menace: This one is unfairly maligned because of freaking Jar Jar. So there's a bad character in the movie. He's not the first. But we get to see the Jedi at the height of their power, the rule of 2 illustrated between Palpatine and Darth Maul, and a pod race that is the standard to test your surround sound. I just wish Episode 1 started EARLIER. I'd like to know more about Palpatine BEFORE he became a Senator (read Darth Plaeguis, the novel).

6. Episode VI - Return of the Jedi: This one has fallen a little bit on my list because of the Special Editions that added the longer Jabba-Band sequence which is laughable and unnecessary. I still have a bootleg of the original cut. After EMPIRE the tone gets lighter in this one with the jokes and sarcasm and the change of pace doesn't jive with Empire.

7. Episode VII - The Force Awakens: I really wanted to love this movie but when it ended, there were SO many questions and then seeing TLJ this weekend, it's apparent that a new director said, "we're tying up all this nonsense." People complain that it was just a retelling of IV, but IV could stand on its own with no further explanation. But we get no answers about what happens after VI, the gap isn't filled in. There was a trilogy of books that attempted to do this but they were terrible and told us even less so we learned nothing of the transition between the fall of the Empire and the rise of the First Order.

8. Episode VIII - The Last Jedi: It took me a few weeks to realize I didn't like TFA. I realized I didn't like TLJ immediately. The main characters are all separated for the majority of the movie and the middle-third of the movie is literally a car chase where we are waiting for the lead car to run out of gas. Hello? That's the plot of "The Chase" starring Charlie Sheen. Snoke is built up in TFA to be some huge menace and he is unceremoniously dispatched like a Bond villain who gets caught monologuing about his "evil plan." Phasma, AGAIN, is completely wasted. Hux, is a whiny spoiled brat and is insufferable to listen to (seriously, just give Phasma Hux's lines and combine the parts). Rey's parents were drunks after the build up of TFA. And finally, we can use the Force to TALK to other Jedis like some supernatural FaceTime? If this was possible, why didn't the Jedi "ForceTime" each other as Order 66 was going down? You know what? The Jedi suck.

9. Episode II - Attack of the Clones: When I watch II, I literally fast-forward through any scene with Padme and Anakin alone. It's the only SW that has parts that I skip. The beginning starts out like a spy novel, but it morphs into Twilight after the first third. BUT, it redeems itself with me the Yoda/Dooku lightsaber fight which is one of the best in all the movies and the in-depth explanation as to the creation of the clone/stormtrooper army. That actually answered a question I had since I was 5: were the stormtroopers robots?

#star wars #the last jedi #the force awakens #prequels #episode viii #jedi #sith #dark side #skywalker #rey #finn #poe #trilogy #episode ix #empire

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pelikinesis · 5 years

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warning: this was a casual review of the movie Outcast, until it wasn’t (and then it kept going)

i just watched Outcast, because it was free on Tubitv and because it had Nicolas Cage and Hayden Christensen on top billing. the fact that it was supposed to be set in 12th century China was even more baffling, and probably racist. it has a 5% on Rotten Tomatoes. but...

but i had to know. i had to see this for myself. so i did.

and now that i have, i’m puzzled as to what exactly they were going for.

amongst other things, they literally forget about one character. there’s a random peasant girl, and i say that because that’s how she was first introduced, and given that she has virtually no other scenes and does literally nothing of significance, she’s still just a random peasant girl by the end of the movie.

the only thing she contributes is that, by rescuing her, Hayden Christensen’s PTSD Crusade veteran can be reminded he’s redeemable. she interacts maybe once with each main character afterwards in short, terse scenes. tomorrow i’ll wake up, remember watching Outcast, and struggle with my own memory on if there was a fourth character in that movie and call bullshit on myself. that might even be the main point of writing this, to prove it wasn’t a completely mundane embellishment on my part.

and i start off mentioning that, because it’s the only way to explain how Nicolas Cage is in a movie where he’s missing an eye, sports the most improbable and jarring hairstyle yet, and at one point wears live snakes on his arms while yelling in incomprehensible angrish at Hayden Christensen who is in a fever dream, and yet i have to remind myself of those details because his character is somehow forgettable.

and i may be biased, but i imagine it has to do with how little he is in the movie. I’d be surprised if he were in more than 30 minutes of the entire movie. he’s there in the prologue, appears in a handful of flashbacks, then shows up at the end to have a dramatic Boromir-esque final stand shortly after telling his whole “here’s what i was up to between the beginning of the movie and now, it’s very tragic, let me tell you, in words, in expository dialogue, in this incredibly visual medium, what happened to me and why you should care”

another thing i’m going to remember tomorrow is Nic Cage’s shockingly mediocre rousing speech to his troops ala King Theoden at Helm’s Deep (the LotR references are apt in the worst way, trust me), because no such thing happened, and yet it needed to, for the climactic battle of traitorous Blackguard vs. Nic Cage’s wacky mountain bandits. because otherwise, the mountain bandits have no incentive to risk their lives for the falsely-framed prince--it’s been established multiple times that no other group, not the palace guards, nor town inhabitants, nor merchant caravans from the Middle East, were willing to fight on behalf of the true heir to the throne against the patricidal tyrant prince.

but no such speech happened. there’s an incredibly bitter reunion between the two white Crusade veterans where they clear up a minor misunderstanding, become friends, and then suddenly not only Nic Cage but his entire mountain bandit gang are down to fight against impossible odds against the best soldiers of the empire. at the very least they needed a scene where they somehow agreed they were going to do this thing, but they didn’t even go through the motions.

i was actually confused when i saw them starting to collectively mess with jars and powder and stuff. i thought they might be deciding to flee or something, and then i was wondering if i must have misheard or misinterpreted the past several minutes of dialogue. What was their plan, exactly? I understand why it had to be a last, desperate stand with no possible escape routes (hence the Helm’s Deep reference)--because the prologue of the movie had to have a call-back at the end, with the turntables bieng turned. very poetic, yes.

but there’s no indication that this battle has to happen. They’re deep in the mountains. They’re being harried by a force of fully armed and heavily armored infantry. They had to cross a large river and were only seen getting across in a series of thin, canoe-like boats. there’s every indication that the main characters, aside from Anakin, had time to come up with a plan beside “last stand against hopeless odds” because while i can buy some of the Blackguard catching up to their general area, it couldn’t be the entire overwhelming force presented in the climactic battle.

on the other hand, if in fact several days or even weeks had passed and Anakin was unconscious for the whole time, as opposed to at most a day as all clues indicate, then Nic Cage would have asked the royal siblings and maybe even Random Peasant Girl what the hell was going on, and could have made preparations for escape well before the Blackguard could have arrived in force.

come to think of it, they basically started off a set of character arcs and only like one or two got resolved, namely between Anakin and Chinese Padme. i mean, the character is literally a princess so this analogy actually works. also, the actress clearly was doing the best she could with the script, much like Natalie Portman. it was the most okay thing about the movie. she even gets a feminist speech in on Anakin, though unfortunately his reaction scene is very rushed.

so i’ll always be in favor of gratuitous feminist speeches, as opposed to gratuitous sexist speeches, when it comes to both fiction and real life, and even though it seems rather bold for a 12th century Chinese princess to tell off a white Christian crusader about how the horrors of war also affect women, interrupting his guilt-ridden man-pain pity party at a perfect moment. and he pauses and then says ‘u rite’ which would be fine if the camera didn’t end the scene with a very short shot of his face turned away from the camera. should have been right on him shoving his foot knee-deep into his own mouth. for symbolism.

and when i say it’s gratuitous, i do believe that’s mostly a function of that scene ending so quickly. if that scene continued, it could have gone somewhere interesting, even flowed into their obvious romantic arc.

finally, the whole concept of a movie about white European crusaders finding themselves caught up in a royal coup in Song Dynasty-era China (unless i’m doing history wrong, which is very possible) after being disillusioned and traumatized by their war experiences in Jerusalem--that’s not a bad concept.

the prospect of following a character who started off galvanized by genuine religious fervor, to struggling with the reality that the Crusades, like the majority of other wars, is about greed and power, then ended up complicit in war crimes and massacres just by doing their job as soldiers and holy duty as Christians--as they go from that to becoming embroiled in the bloodshed of royal succession, that’s a jarring-ass thing. they’re completely difference worlds in every meaningful sense.

but the fact is, the writing isn’t very good, at least not in the state it was clearly cut into, and furthermore, the above concept would only be sufficiently meaningful if the film was done with a Chinese language, where Hayden Christensen and Nicolas Cage do their dialogue in the language of the setting the film is set in. there’s absolutely no way that subtext could be earned when it’s the presence of the two top-billed white males as part of the rationale for a film that was filmed in, set in, and made most of its money in China to have English be the spoken language.

and that’s super annoying because i hate the fact that I have to read the synopsis of a movie like Outcast and be correct in assuming there’s something racist about--because there didn’t have to be. this could have been--no, there COULD BE films featuring multicultural casts of characters set in the distant past that aren’t racist, or pandering, or whatever. i wish i didn’t need the skepticism that i have to that idea.

the whole prospect of different people from different places in the world suddenly cross paths, at a time when the world was so comparatively disconnected it was effectively much larger, and living in different empires were essentially living in different worlds, is always interesting to me, precisely because i’m so bad at history. Just looking at the wikipedia page for my birth year to see what events occurred at the same time i debuted my life, it’s overwhelming.

in 1989 the Showa era gave way to the Heisei era in Japan, a distinction i really only understand in the context of Kamen Rider; Ted Bundy was executed in Florida; the nation of Iran placed a $3 million bounty on Salman Rushdie for authoring The Satanic Verses; Exxon spilled 240,000 barrels of oil into the waters around Alaska; there were the Tiananmen Square protests; the Game Boy was released; The Berlin Wall is torn down; The Velvet Revolution begins in Prague; Salvadore Dali and Lucille Ball both died that year.

one thing that struck me is how simultaneously few and many names there are in the births and deaths lists. the pattern that emerges from these lists is on the one hand, unsurprising, but on the other, infuriating in a way. performers and politicians populate these lists. everyone else becomes relegated to memory. just like Random Peasant Girl. i could imagine a writer gave her a couple more scenes that would have made her a meaningful character in the movie. and those scenes got deleted, and her story doesn’t make it into the film that people saw.

i just realized how far this has gone from what was originally a review or rant of Outcast. I’ve been watching a lot of video essays recently, most of which are about video game franchises. they’re really well done, at least the one’s I’ve seen. Off of the top of my head I remember the name Noah Caldwell-Gervais, or something like that. Cadwell, maybe. I’d check, but then I’d probably keep writing, at least until the weed wears off completely.

it’s weird how listening and watching essays makes me miss writing/composing essays, giving speeches, and all that. or maybe it’s just weird how i like doing that sort of thing. or how i’m really impressionable. or maybe Outcast was weird.

Outcast *is* weird. I also hope that we’re reaching the tail end of the ongoing film industry convention of giving movies really bland, generic names. Outcast. Jumper. Shooter. mmm, no, i should take back that last point. i’d have to look at more lists of movies to see whether this is just confirmation bias or actually a thing. Jumper and SHooter are way older movies too i think. anyways, i hope that we’re reaching the tail end of a lot of things that are currently ongoing. like white supremacy and continuing to permit systems of governance that permit and entrench white supremacy and other bullshit.

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samanthasroberts · 7 years

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A Definitive Ranking of the Best Hair in the Star Wars Universe

With each new Star Wars movie, fans wait to see how their favorite characters, new and old, will be styled. And, with some of the most iconic and influential hairstyles in pop-culture history, the franchise has a high bar to clear when it comes to its characters tresses. Because as Yoda says, “Hairdo. Or do not hairdo. There is no try.”

But how do the buns, braids, blowouts, helmet hair, and headdresses in a galaxy far, far away rank when pitted against each other? We have your definitive, character-by-character guide to the best and worst looks from Naboo to Starkiller Base. Coif it up!

Note: We concerned ourselves with hair, and hair only. That means no heads that are shaped like hair (looking at you, Bib Fortuna).

Best Hair

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1. Leia Leia is a basic choice to top our list, but no hair in the history of film is as iconic as the stylethat spawned millions of parodies, Halloween costumes, ill-advised earmufffs, and people who think its hilarious to hold up cinnamon buns next to their faces. George Lucas has said that the revolutionaries of Pancho Villa were the inspiration for the buns, but others have pointed out that the look more closely resembles the Fallera hairdo from Spain or the Hopi “squash blossom” buns.

Regardless,Leia doesn’tget nearly enough credit for her other styles: Her Hoth crown braid, Bespin look with the braided loops, and her coiled twisted braid situation from the final scene of the original trilogy (dubbed “the hot plate special” by the crew). Props for being the only woman in history to make hair jewelry look cool when hanging out with a giant slug gangster and kudos to her chic, but no-fuss updo in The Force Awakens. Because when youre busy running the rebel uprising and chasing after your good-for-nothing, rogue-ass son, theres no damn time to mess with your hair. We salute you and your fabulous tresses, General Organa.

Alamy

2. Padme Yasss, Queen of Naboo! One of the only good things about the prequels is Padmes sense of fashion, ranging from her iconic wedding dress to her ombre, goddess-style flowing gown. But the real showstopper is her hairfrom gravity-defying updos and bejeweled headbands straight out of a Coachella fever-dream to headdresses that would even put Sarah Jessica Parker at the Met to shame.

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3. Kylo Ren Ah, the mane that inspired a whirlwind of tweets and such think pieces as Why Is Kylo Rens Hair So Shiny and Voluminous? An Investigation. With hisfollicularlyblessed lineage, it only makes sense that he never suffers from helmet hair, even after a long day of stomping around with stormtroopers, attacking villages, and interrogating rebels. The hair game is strong with this family.

His hair is, of course, a throwback to the longer hairdo sported by his role model and grandfather, Anakin, while Anakin was being lured to the Dark Side (well get to that soon). Like Samson, do the men in their family derive dark energy from their locks? And, if thats the case, why is Anakin-as-Vader bald? Maybe thats the real answer to why Ren’s hair is so big: Its full of secrets. Hair secrets.

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4. Rey Nicknamed “Three Knobs” on set, this updo looks cute from the front with early-aughts-inspired sidepieces and wispies. From the side or back, though, things get questionable. Why three buns? Whats so wrong with one? Rey doesn’t seem super concerned with fashion, so were left to believe that its a utility thing. Still, we’re game for this look because, well, they’rein space. Things are allowed to get a little weird.

Also, a million points for her goddamn eyebrows. Dont tell us that she hasnt gotten her hands on some wax while scavenging on Jakku because we will call you a liar.

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5. Dorme Only in Star Wars could a style this outrageous look fit into the background. Padme’s handmaiden rocks a kawaii-as-hell hair bow that puts even Girls’ Shoshanna to shame. “Hair bows” (as in bows styled with actual human hair, not cute cloth bows with a clip) are a very real, and wonderfully strange, thing. But we’re pretty sure its impossible to make one IRL with this much volume using only natural hair. Please, though, someone make a tutorial to prove us wrong.

Alamy

6. Poe Dameron Poe has some luscious, swept back locks that pair well with his clean-shaven face. Like Kylo Ren, he somehow manages to avoid helmet head. This is very excellent hair. It’s amazing he doesn’t have a line of people from across the galaxy lined up to run their fingers through it.

Alamy

7. Lando Calrissian Lando might bethe first majorblack character in the Star Wars universe, but we have to assess some minor demerits forrockinga perm. But well cut him some slack because if “hair” includes facial hair, he takes the cake with his groovy-ass ’70s mustache. This look transcended Billy Dee Williams role in Star Wars. Not only was it an essential component of his signature confidence and swagger, but we maintain that it’s the reason that Williams became the spokesperson for Colt 45 beer. Were you hiring him or the ‘stache, Colt? Be honest.

Jonathan Olley

8. Jyn Erso We call this look The Bridesmaid. Its nothing as revolutionary as Jyn herself in Rogue One, but its certainly very pretty and easy for fans to replicate with side bangs, face-framing pieces, and a little bun at the nape of her neck.

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9. Mon Mothma Caroline Blakiston once said she opted to use her own mid-length red pixie cut for her role as Mon Mothma, and were glad she did. This look, while later co-opted by Justin Bieber, became an essential ’80s style.

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10. Bodhi Rook This undercut/ponytail combination is very Burning Man. Its a little dirty, but also kind of sexy in a yoga-teacher way. Conclusion: He can rook our bodhis anytime.

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11. Finn Finn’s fashion is best defined by the on-trend Resistance fighter jacket gifted to him by Poe. His hair, thougha classic cut we call the Your Always Grumpy Unclehas never been on trend. Never ever. But Boyega fans can take heart: His hair as seen in the Pacific Rim 2 set photos is extra :fire emoji:.

Alamy

12. Han Solo Though Han is a total babe, his hair is a little fluffy and we cant stand a middle part. What else do you expect from a stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerfherder? Still, he’s got a good head of hair and we can’t knock those retro sideburns. We also like his conservative, tapered cut in Force Awakensa solid look for an older Han.

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13. Luke Skywalker Baby Skywalker starts out with a retro ’70s feathered mop. A little dated now, but very “of his time.” When we meet back up with him in Force Awakens, he has transitioned to a scruffy hair/beard combo. Very old-school Jedi. Though, dear hipsters, the next time you think that this is a cute look, think of the fact that the make-up and hair folks working on the film thought this would be the best way to show that someone was literally cloistered away on a fucking island for decades.

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14. Sabe Her style makes for a crazy-couture, runway-ready look. Its not easy imitating the queen, especially when that means you have to wear giant hair croissants on the side of your head. (What is up with these people and hair that resembles pastries?) Kudos to her for rocking it.

Alamy

15. Chewbacca One of the few characters who is literally covered in hair from head to toe, his routine includes a complex combination of hair oil, holding spray, careful shampooing, a special hairbrush to comb out the snarls on his butt, and wand-created curls. Seriously.

Chewie is at his best when his locks are wind-swept and looks significantly creepy when his hair is brushed smooth. Whats with the volume? Is his forehead just super long or is he wearing a Bump It? We advocate for him getting a Border Terrier-style trim. Google it and you will agree.

Alamy

16. Anakin Skywalker This one is tricky. Anakin has, at points, both very good hair AND the definitive worst hair in the galaxy. Lets start with 20-something Anakin’s wind-blown surfer hair, a look thats later copped by his psycho grandson, Kylo Ren. Carefree! Classic! Two thumbs up! On the other hand, young Anakin has a freakin’ rat-tail. You say Padawan braid, we say rat-tail, and it doesnt matter because, when it comes down to it, we can all agree that its gross. We cant decide if he looks like he just walked out of a Hot Topic with bad rubber bracelets and a t-shirt from a band hes never actually heard or if hes a recent escapee from a hippie commune. Just: nope, nope, nope.

The “Really? You Could Do Better” List

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Obi-Wan Kenobi Specifically, young Kenobi played by Ewan McGregor. Rock me, Sexy Jesus?

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Qui-Gon Jinn The half-up, half-down look needs to crawl back to the ’90s and die there. In recent years, some millennial celebrities (ahem, Ariana Grande) have tried to make this a thing again. We maintain that encouraging anyone to wear this look is straight-up irresponsible.

Alamy

Ewoks They need a trip to the groomer. Maybe a nice puppy cut blowout like a Shih Tzu? We say yes.

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Yoda Real talk: Yoda needs to own his hair loss and go bald. If you want to feel truly creeped out, look up Yaddle, another member of Yodas species, and imagine how your favorite pint-sized, green Jedi might have looked in his younger days.

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Queen Jamillia Girl, you look like a sunflower.

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Salacious Crumb Zero points to theweird dude who you might recognize from hanging out withJabba the Hutt. He could use a shoulder waxing and some kind of hat to cover those little tufts on his head.

The Wild Card

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Captain Phasma We have no idea what she looks like under the helmet. Will actress Gwendoline Christie keep her carefree, battle-ready, Brienne-of-Tarth messy chop? Or will she revert back to the real-life long blonde locks that she sported pre-Game of Thrones? Or maybe shes got something wacky going on under there that we havent even thought up yet. The options are literally endless.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/a-definitive-ranking-of-the-best-hair-in-the-star-wars-universe/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/a-definitive-ranking-of-the-best-hair-in-the-star-wars-universe/

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