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the darkest parts II / n.j.
I want to scream at you that you don’t understand, that you probably never will, and that the cracks in my skin and my bones run deeper than you can imagine. That you haven’t seen the worst of me and that I will always try to keep at least a little part of my guard up, even around you. Especially around you.
So you don’t see the dark and find it repulsive. So you don’t see the dark and find it inviting.
So you don’t see something broken and try to fix it. And it scares me, to be like this. Because deep down, I think you’re a bit like me. And if I don’t show you my darkest parts, I don’t have the right to ask you to show me yours.
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everyone talks about 1984’s sociopolitical commentary like Animal Farm isn’t right there

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“We must also grasp the importance of the fact that conscious human concern extends peculiarly far into the past and the future, an extension that is made possible (as Solomon Asch points out in his Social Psychology) not only by our species’ special neural capacities for memory and foresight, but also by its special abilities to pool knowledge and to build social structures based on the interpenetration of subjectivities. It is these cognitive abilities that make possible our singular feelings of vulnerability and loneliness, our singular awareness of mortality, and the singular emotional techniques that we have worked out to make these feelings and this awareness bearable”

Dorothy Dinnerstein, The Mermaid and the Minotaur.

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Thing about being in a small theatre group is that everyone is always a lead role, or at least quite a substantial role. You end up, especially as an actress, to have married most people in your theatre group at least once, and probably have been killed by them quite a few times too.

Especially with typecasting, there’s this one guy in my theatre group (which consists of like, ten people) who has killed me in almost every play now. Currently I’m marrying the same two guys constantly. So yeah, theatre means you have to be close with your cast, and don’t even get me started on exes in theatre.

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