#little personal hell worse

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

things from The Halloween Update that are concerning me more than i already am about Eddie:

his Frankenstein's Monster costume turning his face (and hands. ha, hands, like the hands on a-) half yellow half blue/purple like the clocks & Sally's door. that's fucking me up a little ngl

Eddie tacks "A bit of a moral conundrum-" onto his description of Frankenstein's Monster, who he's costumed as. which seems out of place with the rest of his description. he could've said "bolts" or "white streak in his hair" or another physical trait. nope. Moral Conundrum (one could also describe his costume as "two-faced"...). and the fact that he's dressed specifically as someone who was "brought back from the dead" makes me 👁️👁️. kinda reminds me of a certain set of artworks from Clown's tumblr a while back...

Eddie, despite his whole schtick being "bad memory", was the only one to accurately recognize Sally's costume as pedrolino from the Commedia dell'arte. could be a little 'inside joke', might be something else. i suspect it's something else due to his... ah... Everything.

#yk im starting to wonder if eddie's meant to have a naturally bad memory #or if something is purposefully fucking with em more than with anyone else #bc he seems to have these little moments where hes On Top Of It #kinda like moments of lucidity almost? hm.... #eddie dear what have you seen? why are you Singled Out? #the wrist watch / his eyelashes matching home's (whatever the rounded things under the sills are) #his halloween costume / his memory problems / the fucking tiny secrets sprinkled all over his post office / his color being purple #hi eddie how does it feel to have main character syndrome #jesting! kinda #eddison edward eduardo edmund edgar edwin edmundo. what the hell is your deal im dying to know #wh speculation #welcome home speculation #homebogging #i wonder. i. wonder... #if eddie got Caught by whatever is out there at night #maybe he didnt know to stay in doors. maybe he realized he forgot to deliver something and thought 'better late than never' #maybe the town mailman is too important to simply Remove so he had to be dealt with a different way #or wait maybe someone saved him? wally perhaps? home? id(k?) #a worse memory so that he doesnt remember what happened? #a personal clock on him at all times so that he never loses track of the time of day? #an overactive fear-response to make sure he stays in his lane Despite him apparently enjoying scary things? #kinda sticks with the 'frankensteins monster' thing dontcha think? brought back from the dead? Stitched back together? #and the monster was an emotional sensitive character. like eddie. IDK idk im just rambling now

[talentforlying]

might go without saying, but rewatching midnight mass knowing you'll finish the last episode less than an hour before your class? not a good idea.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #anyway i've been sobbing how's everyone else's morning KSDJHDJS #my eyes are so fucking red i'm about to look a Mess #monsignior pruitt one of my fucking FAVORITE complex characters ever written. everyone say thank you mike flanagan #there's so much more nuance to both his villain And redemption arc that you simply do Not pick up on on a first watch #especially if you knew jack shit about catholicism going in and were struggling with all them bible quotes. like me HSDJK #'there's nothing in the scripture that absolves you of personal accountability' to 'bev showed me this passage that absolves me'....ohh man #speaking of whom! bev gets worse every single time i see her #and rahul kohli breaks my heart a little bit more every time <3 #also kate siegel's Bloody Murder Scream TM jumpscared the hell out of my neighbors SDGHJKS i heard the 'jesus christ' through the wall

[handsomegentlebutch]

My 3 little cousins were baptized today. "Triggered" is kind of a strong word but being in a catholic church again... I'm a little fragile rn ngl.

#butch speaks #it was hard not to shake as i held J over the basin to have the water poured on his head #when he was cleansed of sin. as if a little kid could ever knowly or intentionally offend a so-called loving god #the words came naturally to me #but they meant nothing #i remember when they used to mean something. when i begged gods forgiveness for my sin (being a lesbian) and tried to pray the gay away #i remember how much i wanted to die bc i could never truly embrace the sacred #i STILL deal with the complex of catholic guilt. its a very real thing. its hard to shake #i cant help but wonder if the catholicism ingrained in my brain is why i have a hard time with casual dating n sex #fun fact: there was a point when i was a teen that i got REALLY catholic #i prayed everyday. i talked to my patrin saint (st agnes) every day. i wantsd to become a nun #the thought of marrying a man mad me more sad than feeling like an alien did. so id marry the church as a nun. #not the way to hide being a dyke when ur fam is catholic btw LMAO #the first priest i knew was father joe. i loved that guy. he was so kind. friendly. briming with love. #he was one of my biggest references for what a good person was like #he talked about gods love a lot. how its for everyone. no one is exluded. ever. #he used to look right at me when he said stuff like that. a few other kids too. all of whom grew up to be queer #then father joe passed away. our church merged with another church. father jeff was the priest there. #he was kind but not as kind. he talked about hell and sin more. he looked at the same kids father joe did. #but the kindness in his eyes wasnt there. #that wasnt for us. #my family wasnt even THAT catholic #i went to church every sunday i did vacation bible school and catechism classes and youth group #i was an altar servant and in the choir #i even used to speak/understand a little latin #imagine how much worse id have been if my mom could have afforded catholic school lmao #grateful to have grown up poor in that regard #hm. actually... reading my own tags. mayne we were pretty catholic actually. #fucking hell. #i need to have lesbian sex in a church before god and everyone. mayeb that would fix me.

[imaginepostingonsideblogs]

my contribution btw

#waving my hands about madly #the vibes are there even if the text cant quite get them through #cascarab/pr1cada/grandpa duo is all about. like. the idea of being constantly on edge and constantly at risk #relationships where at least one person in the party has asked the other to kill them #and the other has (largely) obliged #something about the dangers of how thats how little it takes #something about animals finding one another #cascarab/bugboy is like. nothing can convey that. but #its something about leaving and its something about how you cope #something about relationships snapping in half #and leaving you with the remains #and what you do and what you think #with all this grief you have nowhere to put down #because theyre not dead; theyre doing /well/. theyre doing better than you. they deserve better than you. #how are you supposed to deal with that? #and cicadas so right its also about branding to me #but its about branding because its about what you have left once everythings over #be that a brand or a fraying bracelet or a broken nose #and what the hell you do with that. do you hate it? resent it? treasure it? #its all youve got left of someone who loved you. maybe that makes you feel worse about it. but its all youve got. #get rid of it. heal it. hide it. whatever. the person you love still isnt coming back. #this is probably also wildly incorrect (i did as much research on the topic as i could in like two minutes) #(which is not much) #so im sure theres something ive missed or forgotten or got wrong #and for that i am sorry #please correct me about it and i totally wont take this as a chance to sneakily learn more about yalls ocs (lies x3c) #cascarab #someone's grandpa duo #it feels weird only tagging two but i dont have enough tags left to tag them all noooooooo

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[skrunksthatwunk]

went back to the sketchbooks around when i was going through yyh for the first time in 2019 and found a pile of near-yearly sticky note updates about my relationship with the series next to my first yyh doodles, a page full of kuwabaras. thought it'd be fun to share

+ more thoughts and old yyh art below

(it's crazy i didn't find any kurama-centric pages for months bc i think he's the one i doodled in the margins of class notes and stuff the most. his hair's pwetty and he gives me the least trouble outta any of the main 4)

something i noticed while skimming the two sketchbooks i took these from was how mean i was to myself at the time about my art. i guess it hit me more because i don't really spend hours going through my old sketchbooks over and over to track my progress and growth like i used to quite often. i guess it was only a little after when my self esteem was lowest (8th grade, tale as old as time), but... idk. i knew back then that i'd grown a lot in the few years since i started drawing more seriously (that's why i looked through my art so much), but like... i guess that never translated into being nice to myself about it. i ended up going back through about ten more sketchbooks to find more yyh art, and in the coming years i'm glad to say that negativity in the margins went away. hell yeah

but even so, my love for yyh was a constant and effusive thing, as it is now. it's probably the oldest of my current media interests. i watched myself get into rgg and develop my ocs and watched others fade in and out, watched my style loop back on itself and go all over the place, passed by pages of writing about crushes and album releases and gender discoveries and my grandparents dying, all surrounded by little drawings of the characters i love. including kuwabara in a maid dress right next to my dead grandma grief rambling that one time (no i'm not kidding. my grandma died in like late 2020 and the page where i poured my heart out after finding out she was gone just trying to process everything had one with catboy maid dress kuwabara directly opposite it, who i'd drawn like the evening before she died in her sleep. he killed my grandma from like 100 miles away he was that powerful. that wasn't even the last time i drew him like that and i don't even care about catboys or maid dresses much. i think it was just a bigger meme and he was the guy i most associated with cats. i put that man in a situation and he fucking got her because the book couldn't contain him. some victor frankenstein shit. anyway)

i took about 150 pictures, most with multiple sketches. i decided not to add any more though bc 1) i posted some of them on old accounts but i don't remember which ones, and tbh i value my anonymity a little too much 2) All Of The Pictures Turned Out Bad in ways i don't feel like getting into but just trust me it's like 6 layers of fucked up illegible image bullshit 3) i found it hard to narrow it down to things i felt were indicative of the development or interesting or anything like that. idk. i figured it was an interesting exercise for me and it probably wouldn't really mean anything to anyone else. and that's ok :) it was nice anyway. i mostly mention it to be like Oh My God i've drawn these guys a lot and i STILL don't know what i'm doing... :| it's fun

however i did transcribe the notes i left:

7/9/19: yo it's been less than a week & i'm on ep. 80 wtf i love this show

8/14/20: 1/2way thru my 3rd watch (first dub, first [with older sibling]) & honestly still love it & kuwabara being the first one i drew makes me happy

7/28/21: i'm watching it w/ [younger sibling] now! 4th(ish) watch, 2nd time through the dub, which is so much better than the sub really elevates the text. we're at the semifinals of the DT, which means this is technically my 5th time through yyh up until that point but eh semantics anyway i still love & obsess over yyh! <3

1/14/24 (present day): hey, i'm rewatching yyh for the.. idk 5th or 6th time. still love it & never stopped. now i'm writing fic & drawing & posting about it. i have friends i talk to about it. [both siblings] have seen it. so much has changed, and so little, but it made me sad seeing how much i insulted my own art. i love you 2019 me. god knows you needed it

[+ this drawing]:

anyway. forever fornever. if you even care

#that's all. just kind of a personal post i thought was neat. skrunklore #skrunkart #yyh #yu yu hakusho #you can really feel the 14 y/o in a lot of the little notes and stuff but that too is part of the growth and change im trying to celebrate. #ripping my fingernails off about it but it needs to be done #also the hearts are because they love each other. and also me in like a cheering you on kinda way #ok more lore but around jr year i started feeling like my art was getting worse or at least stagnating and i kind of wished i could go back #to the era where a lot of that art is from bc there were little things i was better at and also bc i was much more prolific and adventurous #and while i'm sympathetic to it looking back after another couple of years it's like nah. no i was still growing i was just too close to se #like i'll be like oughh i haven't grown at all in years >:(( and then i'll look at the art i made over the course of 2023 and go oh nvm lol #some of it was more 'getting back into the swing of things' + traditional and tech issues being resolved but there was also growth #there is also stuff to be proud of and there always is and there always will be. that goes for you too reader #no matter what your art does or does not look like. i guess that's part of why im posting this too #part of what got me into visual art was seeing how people's art changed (sketchbook tours). it's cool and seeing that learning process so #well preserved and so easily analyzed kinda activated something in my brain. i think it got me past a lot of the 'im just not talented' #stuff a lotta ppl have that keeps them from drawing or sharing it or whatever. anyway art's cool i love art. gonna go draw now probably :D #ALSO really funny watching the way i drew myself change. all in ways that make sense but still funny to me. long hair glasses girl you'd #probably keel over if you saw what we look like now. hell yeah

[emosyzoth]

tbh syzoth and ashra is nicebut i do feel the need to make it a little more agonizing to watch

#like uhh even as the years have passed and syzoth is coming to fully accept his family is gone #hes still holding them very dear to his heart #so i think hes afraid of crossing that line into caring for another person #1. because he feels guilty about moving on esp bc he still feels somewhat responsible for what happened last time #and 2. relating to the first reason- hes afraid as soon as he gets comfortable again and cares abt someone #something WILL happen again and hell end up allowing yet another loved one to be hurt or worse #he thinks hes already lucky enough to have friends and to have people accepting him now. so he SHOULD be content with that #but pushing his luck any further and wanting more will just end in disaster #uhm. anyways this has been a alucard mk rant hope u enjoyed..... #mortal kombat #<< tagging cause i just wanna keep all my posts related to that in a little thing

[genspiel]

.....................well now i'm just thinking about how echo and noise could've provided a really interesting exploration of mental illness and trauma and stigmatization but canon kinda missed the mark on that one huh

#pandora hearts spoilers #tre reads #pandora hearts #echo #noise #i'm currently not coherent(?) enough to type out Actual Thoughts about this at the moment but i do think it's worth keeping in mind........ #something something noise being isolated as “different” and desperately clinging to the one person who kind of understood #but then being used by that person and still losing herself anyways and. and. and #hell even vincent's shit didn't get fully unpacked in ph #dude 1000000% had ptsd. you literally cannot convince me otherwise lmao #but his “redemption”(???) happened so fast you could blink and miss it #can't even call it an “arc” lmao it's more like an immediate 180 degree turn #like no dude go back and unpack that shit. your flashbacks and scissorly compulsions aren't gonna magically go away just because- #-some pretty girl forgave you lmao. that's not how this works |D #(also we need justice for ada btw?? she deserved so much more than just being oz's cute little sister and vincent's target-turned-salvation #(like. why is her only genuine hobby shown from vincent's pov and turned into comic relief. like literally wtf) #i actually feel really bad for noise. like. can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you wouldn't have turned out like her- #-if you were in her situation #i never really liked her but i also don't think she's an inherently bad character or anything #(or at the very least she's really no worse than vincent. and god only knows how many people are lining up to forgive HIM) #she's just a very very traumatized and lonely one who never got a chance to heal until right before she LITERALLY FUCKING DIED #she and vincent both make sooooo much more sense as characters once you've learned their backstories #i just wish we could've seen more of the actual healing process for both of them instead of just. glossing over it. god fucking damn it

[skyborneveggie]

.

#feeling so entirely disillusioned with life rn #the current ai situations is already shitty but the true ai wave hasn't even started yet. we have no idea whats coming but we are so fucked #at least a quarter of all the software job postings are for AI development now #if we're in capitalism hell rn then we're about to enter mega hell #i was only feeling a little depressed today after job searching but then #i went on youtube & was hit with the memory of what yt used to be before 2010 #& seeing all those slick & shiny hd seo-optimized yt thumbnails suddenly disgusted me #but ai is about to make the internet a whole lot worse #ai is about to make art a whole lot worse - and not just visual arts. ALL the arts #(sf ballet (aka. the most prestigious ballet company on the west coast & who plays to 3k+ ppl per night) has no fucking artistic solidarity #& designed all their commercial art for the nutcracker this past xmas using ai) #ai is about to make the job market a whole lot worse #i don't want to be a raging fear-mongering type of person but i am extremely pessimistic & depressed about the future #or the near future anyways. i'm hoping that once the consequences of unrestricted ai reveal themselves further #that legislators will finally start taking it seriously & start doing something to protect workers from it #but somehow i feel it will be too little too late #personal post

[unproduciblesmackdown]

winnie & bagel

#corned beef #winston billions #philosophizing on my wynnstannery ''billions' accidental autistic character'' metanalysis style like #classic prank that there's a perspective that [autistic people = people both involuntarily and voluntarily worse than us(tm)] and yet then: #there is me an autistic person getting to lift these weights & hone the ability to look at this & how to use language around it #from those earliest origins of ''is tayston allowed'' to ''is saying winston is Autistic allowed''....call it quantentative #and the fact that from season four up to this very moment even the distribution of billions canon has in itself done an unimpeachible job #at enhancing the Literary Themes concurrent in my life. studio laughter & standing ovation #anyways it also meant realizing a whole like Genre / Movement in the oeuvre of my funny little drawings of a funny little guy for kicks #such that expands that oeuvre to better reconcile / resolve with my metaquantanalysis #and it's like going [making oil paintings of interior domestic scenes] mode lol. hell yeah #that is: the genre of ''a winston portrait that doesn't have; need; or ask for the implicit context that Anyone Else Cares or May Care'' #making it: ordinary and self-contained. not even ''by himself & having a particularly good or bad time.'' just an ordinary time. #tasks & situations that need not transcend anything at all. like yes having a bagel is a delight & a gift but it's in an Ordinary context #still here. scratch an itch. keep cat from knocking over showerside soaps. could be having an especial good time in any way but again such #that it needn't transcend or suggest it prompts any particular response from anyone else #that Self-Containment like [the void] of allistic ppl like ''the definition of ppl's autistacity: bringing it upon themself'' versus like #intergalactic multiuniverse quantum superpositions brain understanding of autistic ppl keeping to themselves #very much [we are not the same] perspectives lol. like working around to Getting the shit one was up to at like 3 or 7 or w/e yrs old #like but now i have all the language for why that's how things go for me & why it's Not [all the time / energy / language from others about #why that's wrong & worse & you bring it upon yourself etc]....like [you were nonbinary the whole time & still are but now Know Shit & can #convey &/or reject things w/nonzero / more precise language about it]....hand on shoulder nobody values you On Merit. & then you die. #wanting to draw some last night but it wasn't coming along great but it still came along Okay enough for this lol....also classic #going ''wow can't believe i might get to bear witness to them crumpling up winston & using the wall as backboard to toss him in the trash'' #after ''can't believe kompenso's electrifying / can't believe we're just in time for season 4 / can't believe i was here til june'' etc #can't believe winston might get an arc / can't believe winston didn't get an arc but still got an abusive relationship / can't believe #being a funny little peripheral guy is better for Character b/c of what the writing doesn't inflict & the space that frees up.... #anyways a true reconciliting revelation for my Quantent like oh This is the context that's not like swimming upstream #b/c it's also the context that [winston doesn't have to Merit(tm) being recognized as a person / would it be ''good'' if he seemingly did] #like the distilledly good timeline is one where nobody cares and he still gets to have a bagel and wear headphones.

[pankomako]

dude i swear if i actually make gang's bay a real show and i write a joke about being trans people are gonna be like "this is incredibly offensive to trans people" and im gonna have to come out and be like "yall im literally a trans person writing myself im just having a laugh why cant you too"

like seriously where's the line between a joke poking fun for laughs and a joke that's actually offensive? i feel like that's a little bit subjective dontcha think

#sorry i literally cant stop thinking about this #i think we need to learn how to laugh at our own imperfections and just our attributes in general #even when they're being joked about from an outside perspective #people laugh at italian stereotypes and little german boy and conservative cartoons actively trying to offend queer people #oh but when a guy known to make fun of autistics makes a video making fun of 20-years-old european music suddenly thats bad #i feel like this ties into the whole idea of critical thinking too. which people are actively getting worse at on all sides #people need to learn to lighten up. not everything needs to either be 'safe to enjoy' or 'actively avoid this bad thing because its bad' #i actively watch helluva boss despite all the controversy around it. i dont give a fuck it's a funny show about hell whatever #i've been trying to avoid saying it because i was afraid people would block me about it. personally i dont have an opinion on the drama #it's just. swagever dude! im so tired of controversy over media actually what the fuck ever i dont care #there's an episode of clone high where they have a REALLY stereotyped charicature of adhd. i watch it anyway bc it's silly #are people boycotting the new spiderverse over the alleged stress workers faced? doesnt fucking seem like it! #idk maybe im just stubborn. or people REALLY need to grow thicker skin and lighten up #there is almost ALWAYS gonna be problems with something you like. learn to not give a shit and have fun anyway

[running-in-the-dark]

I have like... two days (max) to come up with a new research question for my bachelor thesis. I HAVE TO officially register/sign up or whatever next week. that's the only way I'll be able to finish it + the oral examination part before my course stops existing at the end of February (my advisor basically assured me that the examination office wouldn't let me register after the end of October).

fuck, I was so motivated last month! I felt ready, I felt good about it, I was sure I'd be able to do it! and then that stupid fucking meeting with my advisor happened and now I feel more defeated and hopeless than ever before. I feel stupid. I feel like I can't possibly do this.

there's just nothing in my brain. it's empty. all knowledge from my entire time at uni (and school) has vanished. the last, oh I don't know, eight fucking years have just been too much. I really don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm able to. I don't know how to start over again.

#like I've gone from crisis to crisis #everything since my second semester in 2015 has been hell #like literally #I didn't learn much because I only had enough capacity to study for exams and not to actually remember any of it #and what little I did know I can't recall anymore #my brain is so useless now. I can't fucking think! I can't think about my thesis without wanting to die! I don't want to do this! #but if I don't. I won't get my degree. I'll have wasted so much money (not us levels of money but still a lot) and time and I'll have #nothing #I'll be fucked. I won't have a future. I'll be stuck staying at home and never having my own money. forever. #because there's no way I can do another degree. I can't do it. I can't. #I don't have work experience. I don't have any skills. I'm 31 and my body is a piece of shit and my brain is even worse #I couldn't even work as a cashier (I tried. it was bad.) or anything #I need this degree to have *any* chance of getting a job and I just. #yeah idk maybe that's why this is so goddamn overwhelming #personal

[jorvikzelda]

I finished the stripe B)

#well. like. #I actually did like half an hour ago and now I’ve spent the past half hour winding the next yarn colour into a ball #you see the blanket has a previous incarnation which was shit and bad #and I decided not to put myself through the hell of unwinding it All At Once so now instead im doing it colour by colour #so before i move on from one stripe to the next I have to first wind the next stripe into a ball #and the old blanket is so badly made that it takes a really long time because the yarn is like. all tangled up in itself #ALSO I FUCKED UP MY FINGER SO BAD MAN #I won’t go into detail because thinking about it has my anxiety acting up and I know I’m not the only person with Issues on here #*into detail about The Causing Of The Injury. i am in fact going into detail about the following idiocy and annoyingness that it entails #but cw/tw for like. I’m talking about a minor injury in the form of a small cut/scratch #but basically i fucked around and found out a bit too hard earlier today and now i have like a. shallow cut. scratch. whatever running along #my left middle finger. (also because this is tumblr I will add please note it was not on purpose I was genuinely just being stupid as hell.) #it is relevant that it is specifically my left middle finger. why you may ask? well. i am right handed. so i hold my crochet hook in my #right hand. and as a consequence my yarn in my left. and my yarn runs between. you guessed it. my middle and index fingers. meaning it runs #right above my middle finger knuckle. which. you guessed it. is where my little scratch cut is. and I was AGAIN an idiot so I was not #wearing a bandage. (thought it was fine because it had already kinda scabbed over.) and then i get off my what. 2? 3? hours of crochet and #go to brush my teeth and im like oh wow why is that all irritated. and then im like. OHHHH FUCK I HAD SCRATCHY WOOL YARN RUNNING OVER IT. #so yeah I am adding unscented soap And saline to my shopping list for tomorrow ! #and praying to every god on earth and beyond it doesnt get infected #(it probably wont like. ive had cat scratches that were realistically probably worse than this. plus I’m taking vitamin gummies that are #specifically immune system boosting since like a week back because I got tired of getting a bunch of colds so hopefully they will also help #my nice little white blood cells fight off any bacteria here :) )

[spoofyleaf]

FINALLY!!!! I am able to draw something. I have the time and energy and motivation

#only for a couple hours tho #bc I do be having my silly little chronic illness flare #and I don’t want to make that flare even worse #like?? did you know that an eye infection can make you go temporarily partially blind??? bc I sure as hell didn’t!!! #bc I found out a week ago tho that it can happen!! #thank you meds for doing nothing!!! *screams into the void* #*the void answers back with that one meme where it’s the two panels of the person at the McDonalds window w sunglasses* #*you know the one* #spoofy rambles

[farmergilesofham]

Dead people are not inherently genius just because they died 100+ years ago

Take Immaneul Kant. Some people say he was a genius, that he was ahead of his time, that he reinvented philosophy.

Kant was an idiot who could barely write to save his life, had to make a heavily abridged version of his main work just so people would actually take his blustering seriously, had NINE FUCKING YEARS in which to edit, streamline, and correct the reasoning of his magnum opus and instead spent THAT ENTIRE TIME WRITING SEQUELS.

His philosophy is based principally on a theory of knowledge which is fundamentally incompatible with both experience and just... regular logic. A priori is great and all BUT WHERE DID YOU GET IT FROM MOTHERFUCKER? It does not come free with your Xbox!

He has moral takes as rancid as the shit you hear out of 'Sigma Male' influencers, and which totally definitely not at all an intentional and heavy inspiration for a certain kind of German nationalism that continued until about, oh, what was it.... the 1930s? Anyway.

It's not that I "just don't get" the arguments or that my interpretation is "not nuanced enough", it's that Kant was a human fucking being who lived 200 years ago, wrote like 15 books, and happened to also be a complete fucking moron. This man read Hume's criticisms of basically everything (which most other philosophers found very off-putting and quite annoying) and went on the miss the entire point.

I'm gonna come out here and say it: Kant is to philosophy what Graham Hancock is to archaeology. A paltry academic spewing a torrent of insidious bullshit and forcing ten times as many actual academics to work ten times as hard to undo the damage he's wrought.

Kant was not a genius, he was a regular guy writing middling-on-bad essays in the 18th century who - I assure you - has not actually been remembered by history on account of his good arguments.

#rant #vent post #personal vent #philosophy #this fucker #this actual motherfucker #immanuel kant #let's be real #history #this genuinely sends me into apoplexies of rage #reading this fucker's work is like listening to 'blue lives mater' people #hell actually it's worse #at least you can reason a little with those people #this cunt's dead #can't reason with a motherfucker whose bones are the only thing left of him #I do feel better after writing that though #so #ig I'll take that as a win

[hidansexwife]

we never see konan interact with the other akatsuki that much, which i assume is because most of it was her being frustrated at having to wrangle a bunch of insane criminals who make giving yourself wings and calling yourself an angel and a messenger of god look normal and not because kishimoto doesn't think women exist outside of subservience to men

#to be clear i do not think konan is like the 'mom friend' or a normal person or anything #i think everyone else is just so much worse that it makes her look like a regular human being #also mostly i just think she deserves to be more frustrated considering (gestures at the grown ass men she has to deal with on the regular) #naruto shippuden #naruto #akatsuki #konan #.png #like can you imagine being konan. #all you want to do is create a world where the wars that killed your boyfriend and family don't exist anymore #and sure you have a little bit of a god complex but your people need you and love you and look up to you #and then your best friend who is also piloting your dead boyfriend's corpse around #makes you deal with a ninety year old man who just constantly beefs with people more than half his age #a guy who creates skin puppets and also is a skin puppet #deidara. just. deidara. #whatever the hell is going on with itachi #and all the other fucking assholes he keeps finding wandering around like lost rabid orphans #i just think she deserves to snap! #naruto fanart