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justagalwhowrites · 11 months

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Homecoming - DBF!Joel x Female Reader

It's been years since you moved away from home but you never stopped wishing your dad's best friend Joel Miller saw you as something more. Request from @reds-ramblings!

Pairing: DBF!Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: No Outbreak AU, legal age gap (Joel is 40 you are 26), SMUTTTTTTT oral (f receiving), p in v sex, one shot. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only!

Length: 4.4k (sorry guys, I got carried away)

You sighed, looking up at the ceiling of your childhood bedroom. It was still that popcorn shit. Your mom had redone most of the house since you’d moved out but your room was still intact. Still had the movie posters, the caricatures of you with your best friends from trips to Six Flags in the summer, the mountain of stuffed animals that were covered in a fine layer of dust in a hammock that hung from the ceiling.

It was a little like being in a museum, relics of who you’d been a decade ago when you’d first moved into this house in the Austin suburbs with your parents. You hadn’t known how to drive yet when you moved in here. You were a different person now. A different person who lived in Chicago and had a job you loved and still came running home to your childhood bedroom when shit got hard.

You sighed, bouncing a tennis ball off the popcorn ceiling.

“Fuck it,” you muttered, getting up and rifling through your suitcase.

Your parents weren’t home. They wouldn’t be for a few more days - too busy lying on a beach in Maui - so you had the place to yourself. At least there was the pool.

You found the sluttiest bikini you had since you’d be too embarrassed to wear it around your parents anyway but dammit you’d bought the stupid thing so you were going to wear it. You slid into it, admiring yourself in the mirror for a second. This would have looked way better on a beach in the Caribbean. This was a swim suit meant to make a man fuck you in the ocean. It was not a swim suit meant to be worn in your parents’ pool. But you needed something to feel good about.

You put your earbuds in and pulled up your favorite playlist, dancing a little as you put on the gauzy white coverup, straw hat and flip flops before heading downstairs.

It was almost like the shuffle mode on your playlist was reading your mind. Lizzo came on just as you made it to the kitchen and you turned it up as loud as you couldn’t without fully deafening yourself.

“Why men great ’til they gotta be great?” You more yelled it than sang it, grabbing the tortilla chips and salsa you’d picked up on your way to the house the day before. You went into the freezer next, grabbing the frozen margarita pouch.

“You coulda had a bad bitch, noncommittal,” you nudged the drawer closed with your leg. “Help you…HOLY SHIT.”

You almost leapt out of your skin, dropping the plastic container of salsa and the bag of margarita to the tile floor. You clutched your heart that felt like it was threatening to burst out of your chest with one hand and tore your earbuds out with the other.

Joel Miller was leaning against the counter, watching you and smiling, arms crossed over his chest.

“Jesus Christ, Joel!” You panted, dropping the earbuds to the counter before leaning against it to keep from falling over. “What the fuck, man?”

“Don’t stop on my account,” he smiled a little wider. “You were puttin’ on a great show…”

“Ha ha,” you glared at him.

“No, really, stadium quality performance there, Princess,” he said. “I’d buy tickets…”

You rolled your eyes before bending over and picking up the mercifully still intact containers of salsa and frozen margarita, trying to not think about the fact that you were in the sluttiest bikini you’d ever owned in front of Joel fucking Miller. Joel Miller, your dad’s best friend. Joel Miller, guy who lived across the street. Joel Miller, man you’d basically been in love with since you were 16 years old.

How was it that he’d gotten better looking? There should be limits on this shit, men who were as gorgeous as Joel Miller shouldn’t be allowed to get hotter as they aged. His graying hair made him look experienced, wiser somehow. The wrinkles around his eyes made his already gorgeous chocolate brown gaze look softer and sweeter. It was a dangerous combination.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, heart rate returning to normal. Or, normal for when Joel was in your immediate vicinity, anyway.

“Your dad told me I could borrow a ladder,” he shrugged. “Said it was in the shed out back. Told me to let myself in. DIdn’t mention you’d be here. Promise I wasn’t trying to scare you.”

“What kind of contractor doesn’t have a ladder?” You frowned. “Sounds like you’re falling down on the job, Miller.”

“I don’t have it at my house because I left it on a job, Princess,” he stepped closer, smile shifting to more of a cocky smirk. “But needed one at home and didn’t really feel like drivin’ clear across Austin to pick it up.

“But that’s beside the point, what are you doing here?” He asked. “Ain’t you some big time city girl now?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Just decided to come home for a visit,” you replied.

“While your parents are on vacation,” he said, skeptical. You narrowed your eyes at him. “C’mon, what’s goin’ on.”

You sighed and groaned a little.

“I was supposed to be in The Bahamas this week,” you said. “Booked it a few months back.”

“So why aren’t you in The Bahamas this week?” He asked after you were silent for a minute. You rapped your fingers on the counter, nails clacking on the granite.

“I got dumped, alright?” You groaned. “It was supposed to be a trip with my now ex for our one year anniversary but we broke up a month ago and now he’s in The Bahamas with Laurel from accounting.”

“Shit,” Joel’s face fell a little. “I’m sorry that…”

“It’s fine,” you sighed. “I wasn’t really that into him, honestly. I was surprised we lasted as long as we did. But I wasn’t about to sit in Chicago in April when I’d already bought enough bikinis to last a week on the beach. And hey at least there’s a fucking pool and it’s above freezing here.”

When you mentioned the bikinis, his eyes finally left your face, quickly trailing up and down your body before looking back at your face.

“He’s a fuckin’ idiot, Princess,” he said. “Promise there are better ones out there than that and lord knows you deserve better.”

“Thanks,” you smiled a little. “Anyway, you’re here for a ladder, not to keep me company.”

“Depends,” he nodded at the margarita pouch. “Got another one of those?”

You scoffed.

“C’mon,” you went into the freezer and grabbed another pouch. “The hell do you take me for?”

You poured the drinks into the plastic margarita glasses your mom had bought for a party when you were a teenager and handed one to Joel before you both went outside. Joel sat on a lounge chair but you set your glass down on the edge of the pool, stepped out of your flip flops and draped your coverup on a chair next to him.

“You’re getting in?” He asked. “Thought that was more of a… layin’ around swim suit thing you girls like to wear.”

“Didn’t fly across the country to not get the suit wet,” you glanced over your shoulder at him. His eyes immediately rose from your ass to your face as you did. “You’re welcome to join me.”

You jumped in the water, sinking down to the bottom, water so cold that it made your nipples harden and press against the thin fabric of the suit. You swam back to the surface and to the edge of the pool, grabbing your margarita. Joel was watching you.

“You coming in or not?” You teased.

“Don’t think I feel like goin’ and getting changed,” he said.

“Never said you had to,” you said, taking a sip of your drink. “Come on. You saw me dancing around my parents kitchen and heard my sob story. I think I can see you in your underwear.”

He looked away from you for a moment, a twitch in his jaw, before he shook his head for a moment.

“Alright, Princess,” he stood up and pulled off his shirt in one fluid movement. You were trying not to stare. It’s not like you’d never seen him without a shirt before. He’d been swimming at your house with your parents before. He took his shirt off when mowing the lawn and you’d peer through your window and watch him when you were a teenager. But this was the first time he’d taken his shirt off because you wanted him to and that fact almost made his biceps seem more sculpted, his chest more beautiful. His hands went to his jeans as he stepped out of his boots. He unbuttoned and unzipped his fly, starting to pull the denim down. “Your wish, my command.”

“That is how I like it,” you took another drink.

He stripped out of his jeans and down to his black boxer briefs. You resisted the urge to lick your lips at the sight of him, just a thin layer of fabric covering his thick, long cock.

You shook yourself mentally. Yes, you’d had a crush on Joel for 10 years. Yes, you wanted him to fuck you six ways from Sunday. Yes, it looked like his cock would be far and away the largest you’d ever had. But he was your dad’s best friend and 14 years older than you. His daughter was closer to your age than he was. Nothing was going to happen.

He jumped in the water, purposely landing close enough to you to splash you with it and you laughed, wiping the chlorinated water from your eyes.

“Fuck that’s cold,” he said when he came up. “Feelin’ like you got me in here under false pretenses…”

You swam for a bit, catching up on life, drinking your margaritas. Joel told you about Sarah, how she was doing at A&M and about one client he’d been stuck with who kept changing shit half way through the project.

“Swear to God the next time this woman changes her tile, I’m driving off a fuckin’ bridge,” he said.

You told him about your life in Chicago. The promotion you’d just gotten at work, the fact that you’d become enough of a regular at the bar down the street from your apartment that the bartenders knew you now.

You’d been in the water long enough that your drinks were long empty and your fingertips were starting to prune, leaning against the edge of the pool with your arms propped on the ledge, close enough that your elbows touched.

Joel’s eyes ran over you, from your hairline to your face to your throat to your chest. Your nipples were still peaked against your suit and your wet hair clung to your neck.

“What?” You asked, smiling a little.

“Any plans later?” He asked. “Can’t have you sittin’ at home all by your lonesome when you were supposed to be havin’ a good time this week.”

“Offering to show me a good time?” You teased.

“Don’t tell your dad that,” he teased back. “But I’m going out with some of Tommy’s friends later. Think you’d have fun if you wanted to come along. Just some drinking, music, dancing. Usual shit. Assuming you don’t have plans with any old friends from school or somethin’.”

“Ah yes, my vibrant social life in high school,” you said, smirking a little.

You’d been a wallflower before you went to college. You hadn’t fit in well with your classmates, you hadn’t really grown into your body yet - all awkward limbs and unruly hair. College had been your chance to reinvent yourself and you’d leaned into it. You still remembered the first time you came home on break from school your freshman year.

You and your roommate, Carolyn, had become fast friends and she was easily the most fashionable person you’d ever met. She’d helped you come into your own in your first semester away and you’d basically replaced every item of clothing in your closet with finds from every thrift store within a 20 mile radius of Northwestern. You’d changed your hair, figured out that blue eyeshadow was NOT your thing and just started feeling more confident.

That Christmas break, you had just grabbed a package off the porch for your mom and were carrying it around to the garage to stash where your dad wouldn’t find it when Joel stopped you.

“Hey,” he said, sounding a bit defensive as he jogged over to you. “That yours?”

You stopped, frowning, before turning to face him. His eyes went wide.

“I mean, it’s my mom’s…”

“Shit, I’m sorry Princess,” he said, looking you up and down. “Didn’t even recognize you! Must be liking Chicago…”

You definitely liked your new sense of style even more after that.

“I’d be down to go out,” you said. “Better than playing catch against my ceiling all night.”

“Pick you up in two hours?” He said. “We’ll hit the town.”

Once Joel left with the ladder, you focused on calming yourself down while getting ready to go.

Yes, it was Joel. Yes, he might have checked you out a bit in the pool. Yes, you’d do more than you were really comfortable admitting to get him into bed. But he was still Joel, your neighbor and your dad’s best friend. That made him pretty much off limits.

Right?

You’d brought a few of the dresses you’d bought for The Bahamas and you slipped into the one that hugged your curves in just the right way. Just in case.

“Shit, Princess,” Joel said when you answered the door. “Think you might be a bit overdressed for this crowd.”

“I can change,” you frowned.

“No!” He said quickly. Then cleared his throat. “No, don’t… Don’t worry about it.”

Joel drove you to a bar with live music and a table full of people he seemed to know about half of. Tommy, his brother, clapped him on the back and whispered something in his ear that made Joel glare at him.

He’d been right, though, it was fun. You stuck close to Joel at first, bodies near enough that your arm would brush his chest if you picked up your beer. But then one of Tommy’s friends asked you to dance and pulled you onto the dance floor. His name was Jim and you were pretty sure he was closer to Joel’s age than Tommy’s. His hands slid down your body, pulling your hips against his as you moved with him. Joel’s eyes were on you the whole time.

You only danced with Jim for a song and a half before Joel appeared over his shoulder.

“Mind if I cut in?” He asked, giving Jim a look that made it seem like he didn’t have a lot of other options. Jim stepped back just as the music started to shift to something a bit slower. Joel took one of your hands in his and slipped the other around to your back, his fingers splayed wide against you, pulling you against him.

“DIdn’t take you for the dancing type,” you smiled a little as you started to sway.

“M’not,” he said. “Not usually, anyway.”

“Really?” You teased. “So I’m a special case, hm?”

“Somethin’ like that,” he said. “Can’t let my best friend’s little girl go runnin’ around with some old man.”

“But what if I like old men?” You asked.

“Should pick a better one than Jim then,” he replied.

“Never said I liked Jim,” you said. “Not my type.”

“What is your type?” He asked, his eyes drifting over your face to your neck to your breasts.

You swallowed, hard.

“Contractors.”

He ground his teeth for a moment before stepping back from you and leaving the bar.

“Shit,” you muttered, trailing behind him to the parking lot.

“Joel!” You called out to him. “Wait!”

He stopped and turned to face you.

“You don’t know what you’re sayin’ in there,” he said. “So just give me some space, OK?”

“I know perfectly well what I was saying,” you said.

“No,” he shook his head. “You don’t. You shouldn’t go around sayin’ shit like that…”

“Oh, so you wanted me to lie then?” You asked.

“Princess,” there was a warning in his voice. “You don’t want to go here.”

“Yes, I do,” you said. “It’s not like I’m some little kid, Joel, I’m 26 years old…”

“That’s too damn young,” he snapped.

“It’s not like I don’t know what I want,” you replied.

“You’re my best friend’s daughter,” he said.

“So?”

“Get in the truck,” he growled. You frowned. “Want to talk about this like adults? Get in the damn truck.”

You hesitated for a moment before you obeyed.

“You don’t know what you’re sayin’,” he said again after he’d been driving for a few minutes.

“Do you really think I’m that stupid?” You asked, offended now. “That I just say shit I don’t mean with no understanding of the consequences?”

“No, I think you’re young,” he snapped. “Too young to be even joking about getting involved with someone closer to your dad’s age than yours.”

“Wasn’t joking,” you said defiantly. He glanced over at you before looking back to the road.

“Princess,” he said, the warning tone back in his voice.

“Joel.”

He glared at you.

“We’re not doin’ anything,” he said. His grip tightened on the steering wheel.

You stared out the window, the ache between your thighs warring with the hurt in your chest.

He dropped you at your door and you practically jumped out of the truck, not saying a word. He sighed and followed you, catching you as you were trying to unlock the door without crying. It was hard not feeling stung by it. Yes, he was your dad’s best friend. Yes, he probably had better options. Yes, there were plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t fuck or anything more. But this rejection hurt somehow more than your ex dumping you for fucking Laurel in accounting.

“Princess,” he said quietly.

“Look it’s fine if you’re not interested,” you said, sniffing a little. “But don’t act like you’re doing it for my benefit. It’s shitty.”

“Not…” he touched your shoulder, making you turn around. “You really think I’m not fuckin’ interested?”

You shrugged.

“How the fuck would I not be interested?” He asked. “Jesus Christ, spent half the goddamn afternoon thinkin’ about baseball stats so I wouldn’t get a hard on in your fuckin’ pool. All I am is interested.”

“Interested in what?”

“Interested in fucking you until you can’t see straight,” he said. “Interested in makin’ you cum so much the only thing you remember is my goddamn name. Interested in eating your pussy til I drown in ya. Interested in your dad punching me in the fuckin’ face over you because I’m too old for you but I don’t give a shit, bein’ with you is worth it. I’m interested.”

He stepped closer to you, your back against the door.

“You should come inside then,” you breathed.

He kissed you then, pressing his body against yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth. You could feel him through his jeans, thicker and longer than what you saw in the pool before. You fumbled with the door until it opened, both of you spilling into your parents’ entryway.

You didn’t make it past the living room.

Joel slid the straps of your dress down your arms and you pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it to the floor. You backed up until you were against the arm of the couch, his hands ranging over your skin. He pushed the dress lower until it was over your hips and it fell to the floor. You were just in your panties and your shoes when he nudged you down onto the arm of the couch.

He kissed down your body, over the swell of your breasts and down your stomach until he reached the top of your panties. He guided your hips off the arm of the couch for a moment and slid your underwear down and cast them aside before kneeling in front of you and spreading your legs.

“Fucking hell you’ve got a pretty pussy,” he reached out and ran his thumb over your slit, pressing down a little when he reached your clit, making your back arch as you moaned. “Can’t wait to taste you, Princess.”

He ran his tongue over you, delicately pressing the tip into your folds. One of his hands slid up your body to your chest, gently pushing you back until you were lying on the couch as his mouth worked your slit.

“Fuckin’ perfect view,” he said before thrusting his tongue into you. You groaned, rocking your hips against his face, his nose pressing into your clit as you did. You could see his eyes devouring the rest of you the way his mouth was devouring your pussy, like there was no part of him that could get enough of you.

His fingers dug into your thighs, spreading you open wider so his tongue could get deeper, your core tightening around him. Just as you were getting close, he slid his tongue from you, making you whimper as he kissed up your slit to your clit. He took the delicate nub into his mouth, licking and sucking as he thrust two fingers into your dripping pussy, making you gasp and your hips stutter.

“Good girl,” he pulled his mouth away from you just enough to praise you. His fingers pressed deep, hooking into you and finding the spot inside you that made you gasp. “Want you to cum for me baby, don’t be shy now.”

He went back to sucking, his tongue unrelenting, his eyes drinking you in. Your hand flew to the cushions of the couch and you gasped as you came, moaning his name.

His mouth stayed on you until your body stopped pulsing, his fingers gently working you through your orgasm. He almost reluctantly pulled himself from you and licked his lips as he stood, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, stripping off the last of his clothes as you came down from your orgasm. He reached out and took your hand, pulling you back upright on the arm of the couch.

Joel kissed you again and you could taste yourself on his tongue. He guided your legs around his waist and slid his hands below your thighs, picking you up and making you gasp.

He didn’t take you far, only to the couch. He sat down, making you kneel on his lap as he reached between your legs and started stroking himself, close enough to you that his knuckles brushed your overwrought slit as he did. You looked down between you, the first chance you really had to see his cock.

Your eyes went a little wide at the sight of it. He was so thick and long with a slight curve, you were almost afraid he wouldn’t fit.

“Take it at your own pace, Baby,” he said, all but reading your mind. “M’not in a rush.”

He adjusted his cock a bit, making it so the edge of him rubbed your clit as he worked himself. The contact made you needy, a sharp ache growing in you, a feeling deep inside that you knew you couldn’t reach but he could.

You rose up on your knees, your hands on his shoulders, and he rubbed his thick head against your slit, your wetness spilling over him as he worked it lower down his shaft, coating himself in you.

“So fucking wet for me,” he groaned, lining his head up with your entrance.

“All for you,” you breathed, lowering yourself onto him.

You moaned at the intrusion as you pressed him into you, a spark of pain with the pleasure as he stretched you.

“Fuck Baby,” he groaned, his hands going to your hips, guiding you down over him as you sank lower onto him. “Fuck, so tight, so goddamn…”

You couldn’t help but smile a little, watching him start to lose himself in your body, his head falling back, eyes closing, fingertips sinking into your flesh. Your body opened for him, his cock parting your inner walls and stretching you. You groaned when you finally took all of him, his head pressed flush against your back wall as his hips ground against your own.

“Good girl,” he gasped it out, his hands traveling up from your hips to your waist. “Knew you could take it all…”

You started working over him, rising and falling on his cock, working your hips down against your own. His hands slipped up your back as he looked up at you, kissing your neck, your chest, trailing his tongue along the swell of your breasts.

Joel pressed you close to him before he thrust deep into you and shifted, laying you down below him on the couch and sinking somehow deeper into you, making you moan.

He started fucking into you harder and faster then, angling your hips so your clit was pressed against him with every stroke.

“Fuck, Joel,” you groaned, pressing yourself against him, wanting to feel him everywhere you could. “Harder… need more…”

He groaned.

“Fucking perfect,” he buried his face in your neck as he started working you harder, faster. “You’re goddamn perfect…”

It wasn’t long before you were cumming around him, your pussy gripping him so tight it almost hurt to hold him that way. He fucked you through your orgasm, his breathing faster, his kiss sloppy.

The second your walls stopped fluttering around him, he pulled out of you. He sat back and fisted his cock.

“Where?” He said quickly.

“My clit,” you panted.

“Fucking hell,” he moaned, jerking his cock just twice before pressing the tip against your swollen nub and spilling his warmth over you, making your ultra sensitive pussy shudder again. He collapsed on top of you, his face buried in your neck as you both caught your breath.

“Please say you’ll visit more,” he said, not moving from on top of you.

“Think I’ll be visiting a lot more.”

A/N: So this was my first request and my first one shot! I am NOT good at keeping things brief lol so I appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you for reading! Love ya!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic #oneshot

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dayoldtea · 1 year

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INSTAGRAM BLURB

GRAMMYs BOY

pairing: harry styles x brazilian!famous!reader

fc: bruna marquezine

pt1

liked by user19, user76 and 17.841 others

harryflorals HARRY OUT AND ABOUT IN LA TODAY!

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user111 HIS HAIR???!?!?!! IM FUCKING DEAD

user165 excuse me sir, where is your girlfriend?

user241 ok but yn was wearing this same hoodie a few weeks ago during a live on instagram

⤷ user268 i thought i was the only one who noticed! this hoodie is definitely hers

user344 this is giving frat boy harry in the best way

user358 GIRL WHAT IS IN THAT POOR PLEASING BAG 😭

user417 the way he and yn are always wearing each other's clothes—

user450 THIS IS YN'S HOODIE

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yndaily YN WITH SOME FRIENDS TONIGHT IN LA

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user06 she and harry always find the camera

user51 she's so pretty, bye

user76 WHERE IS HARRY????

⤷ user105 that's a good question

user83 the most beautiful woman in the world

user99 @yourinstagram girl, you better be at the grammy tomorrow

user108 i love her so much

user417 MY WIFE

user420 literally everyone's favorite person

user590 why hasn't harry put a ring on her finger yet?

user622 if she really goes to the grammy with harry i will lose my mind 😃

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harry_updatemedia Harry on the 65th #GRAMMYs red carpet tonight! February 5

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user89 THIS OUTFIT. HIS HAIR. HIS SMILE

user92 HIS TATTOOS🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

user187 the real proof that harry looks hot in anything he proposes to wear

user203 SOMEONE HELP ME

user236 harry lambert u had one job...

user248 i can only imagine what yn thought of this outfit

user301 IM NOT OKAY

user412 HE LOOKS SO FUCKING PRETTY IM GONNA BE SICK

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yourinstagram see you soon grammys

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billieeilish i chocked

⤷ user761 literally me

user818 SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING

user891 i would also write two whole albums about her

user912 i just don't know what to say

zendaya excuse me, are you single?

⤷ user1021 lmfao half of the internet is asking the same question right now

user1066 wishing i was harry tonight

harrystyles holy shit

⤷ user2811 LMFAOOOOOO

⤷ user2918 EXACTLY WHAT I SAID

⤷ user3612 LOL WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

user3181 MOMMY?? SORRY

jacobelordi wow 🔥🔥🔥

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harryflorals HARRY ON THE GRAMMY STAGE PERFORMING AS IT WAS!

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user80 HARRY STYLES WORLD DOMINATION

user86 im so fucking proud of him 😭

user112 Y/N AND TAYLOR DANCING TOGETHER WAS THE REASON FOR MY BREAKDOWN

user265 i'll never shut up about him

user295 this is art

user300 THIS IS SO FUCKING ICONIC I CANT

user387 OUR MIRRORBALL

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ynandharryupdates "I want to take a moment to give a special thanks to my beautiful, brilliant and talented girlfriend. Y/N, absolutely none of this would be possible without your constant presence and support in my life. Thank you for being here tonight, and thank you for inspiring me every day to write songs that surely wouldn't exist if it weren't for you. I love you. I love you and I hope to keep showing you that every day as long as you allow me to." Harry Styles during his speech as the winner of the album of the year award at the #GRAMMYs

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user91 sleeping on the highway tonight... 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

user104 "beautiful, brilliant and talented girlfriend" i'm biting my pillow

user117 YN CRYING DURING THE SPEECH KILLED ME

user131 lizzo recording yn's reaction was the cutest thing ever

user145 so many tears

user230 the way yn held harry's hand when they announced the names in the category, the way he immediately turned to her when his name was called, the way they clearly said "i love you" to each other before they embraced and he came on stage to accept the award, the way his voice wavered a little as he dedicated the award to her… im dead

user265 how can i not be single when harry styles is my ideal male pattern?

user341 I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM 🥺

user410 crying, screaming, shaking, throwing up, pulling out my hair

user437 HE IS SO WHIPPED BY HER OMG

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yourinstagram meu amor (my babe) is a grammy winner

yourinstagram has disabled comments

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harrystyles the real winners of the grammy for album of the year

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#harry styles social media #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #boyfriend harry #harry styles fake ig #harry fluff #harry styles fluff #harry styles fake social media #harry x reader

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chrisevansonly · 10 months

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yourinstagram no love on tour for me for a few shows, which means no seeing H until july 2nd after tomorrow, im trying to stay positive but I just feel sad I can’t go :(

ps. anyone have anymore tissues…? :(

liked by gemmastyles, pillowpersonpp, harrystyles, jefezoff, lewishamilton & 9M others | 10K comments

madidiaz oh no:( i’m sorry y/n, let me know if there’s anything I can do🤍

liked by yourinstagram

harrystyles my angel, i love you and bee so much, i’ll be a phone call away i promise, i know you wanted to be there but your health matters more to me than anything baby

>yourinstagram not fair…you’re not gonna be close enough 😔

>harrystyles i know my love, just until the second ❤️❤️

annetwist gem and I’ll come spend those days with you! don’t want you feeling so sad alone darling xx

>gemmastyles we’re already getting our bags ready! 🩷

>yourinstagram ❤️❤️

harryfan67 I hope everything is okay y/n! sending hugs

harryfan02 sending lots of love and hugs

jefezoff we’re gonna miss you on tour for a bit

lizzo sending you a little something to cheer you up, love you guys, everything will be okay!❤️❤️

liked by harrystyles and yourinstagram

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sinsandsuccubus · 11 months

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The Boy is Mine - Meet The Harlow’s

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Liked by dojacat, lizzo, urbanwyatt, druski, and 2,567,607 others

cocojones: That ex he won’t forget.

dojacat: Hottie

lizzo: no tea no shade

lilnasx: don't be coming for people now

druski: let me get a little bit of that cocoa

y/nsource: Here we go again

cocojonesfan: Not everything is about y/n

y/nsource: nOt eVerYthiNg iS abOuT y/n; what does the caption mean then?

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, claybornharlow, heavyhitterheaux, lilnasx, and 1,234,987 others

y/ninstagramname: She bitter, I'm better.

heavyhitterheaux: TELL EM' SIS

y/ninstagramname: @ heavyhitterheaux I stay unbothered

jackharlow: Love you mamas

y/ninstagramname: Love you even more Jackiepoo

claybornharlow: "Jackiepoo"? New nickname in the book, thanks sis.

lilnasx: She said what she said.

jackharlowstitties: I'm still stuck on Jackiepoo

Liked by dojacat, lizzo, theshaderoom, and 3,858,787 others

cocojones: The boy is mine.

lizzo: You look fuckin HOT

dojacat: me-fuckin-ow

theshaderoom: this is so juicy

y/nsource: why is the shaderoom always up in here? like damn.

jackharlowstitties: Just like we're in here, she fuckin with y/n

jonesandharlow: Y/N don't want what coco got, nor will she ever have what coco does

cocojones: Love my fans

Liked by heavyhitterheaux, urbanwyatt, bigheadedjack, and others

y/nsource: The girl's are fighting!! But deadass, who does coco think she is?

bigheadedjack: That's what I'm fuckin saying. Like sweetheart, he left you for a reason.

y/nandjack: And a good one. Cheating on him? And using his spotlight for additional fame? Sounds fucked up to me.

jackharlowsrightnipple: Its giving.... leech.

urbanwyattupdates: Y/n was so unbothered too, like wtf is this girl on.

jonesandharlow: @ y/nandjack, you know thats a damn lie.

y/nsource: @ jonesandharlow, bring the receipts. I'll wait.

jonesandharlow: @ y/nsource, bet.

Liked by champagnepapi, urbanwyatt, jonesandharlow, lizzo, dojacat, and 3,442,501 others

cocojones: Unforgettable.

y/nsource: Yet Jack forgot about your ass, and you're clearly still bothered by it.

jonesandharlow: @ y/nsource, get out her comment section.

champagnepapi: Lookin good Coco.

lizzo: ITS GIVING SNACK

jackandjones4life: She looks better than y/n ever will.

Liked by jackharlow, softcurse, urbanwyatt, heavyhitterheaux, claybornharlow, and 3,445,107 others

y/ninstagramname: This my shit, bow down bitches.

jackharlow: Every day I fall more and more in love with you.

urbanwyatt: @ jackharlow, You're so cheesy

jackharlow: Get over it @ urbanwyatt

claybornharlow: Best soon-to-be-sister (I hope) ever @ y/ninstagramname

y/ninstagramname: Love you both @ claybornharlow & @ jackharlow

druski: Lookin good y/n

champagnepapi: You bagged a good one @ jackharlow

lilnasx: Y'all cute of whateva

Liked by y/ninstagramname, urbanwyatt, heavyhitterheaux, claybornharlow, 2forwoyne and 4,500,687 others

Jackharlow: Got the best point of view.

Photo taken by my wife: @ y/ninstagramname

y/nandjackaremyparents: Jack, you tryna tell us something?

jackandy/nsource: @ y/nandjackaremyparents, I'm wondering the same shit.

y/nsource: If they were actually engaged/married, the shaderoom would have been on it @ jackandy/nsource & @ y/nandjackaremyparents

jonesandharlow: Bullshit.

y/ninstagramname: Love you baby

urbanwyatt: I'd better be the best man if this is true.

claybornharlow: No @ urbanwyatt, I'M gonna be the best man

y/ninstagramname: girls, girls, stop fighting @ urbanwyatt & @ claybornharlow

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, heavyhitterheaux, claybornharlow, and 1,967,007 others

y/ninstagramname: The boy is mine (actually).

jackharlow: Damn right I am

claybornharlow: Y'all still explain the wife part.

urbanwyatt: @ claybornharlow, yeah, explain dat.

lilnasx: My parents!

2forwoyne: I support it.

druski: You know where I am if Jack don't treat you right @ y/ninstagramname

jackharlow: Fuck outta here @ druski, @ y/ninstagramname and I are in this for life.

heavyhitterheaux: PERIOD

#jack harlow x reader #jack harlow #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow blurb #jack harlow fic #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow scenario #jack harlow fanficition #meet the harlows

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imawkwardlysoc · 8 months

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good as hell

Song- Good As Hell by Lizzo

Pairing- Dagger Squad x gn!reader (A little IcePop and MavDad cameo)

Warning(s)- Alcohol consumption, mentions of cheating

Wordcount- 971

Pt. 2

A/N- I wrote this one-shot way before the whole thing about Lizzo

Pulling up to the Dagger household, I wiped my tears and grabbed my duffle bag from the back seat before walking up to the door. I knew everyone was home since I saw their cars in the driveway and heard everyone’s laughter in the house. Ringing the doorbell, I waited for a minute until I heard footsteps coming to the door. The door opened revealing Bob and he pulled me into a hug when he saw the look on my face. He rubbed my back as I cried into his shoulder.

“Hey Bob, what’s-” I saw Phoenix pausing her steps. “Y/N, what’s wrong hun? What happened?”

“I found him cheating on me,” I told her. “I came home with another chick in our bed.”

“Oh honey,” she wrapped me in a hug. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I waved it off and wiped my tears. “Can I just stay with you guys for a few days? I can’t sleep there now.”

“Yeah sure,” Phoenix nodded her head. “Come on, follow me and you can sleep in the spare bedroom. Bob can tell everyone that you’re staying with us for a few days.”

Nodding my head, I followed Phoenix upstairs while Bob went to where the others were. When we reached the room, Phoenix gave me a comforting squeeze before leaving the room so I could be with myself. I grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before grabbing my toiletries and heading into the bathroom. Turning on the light, I saw how red my eyes were from the amount of crying that happened on the way there. Washing and cleansing my face, I changed into my pajamas and headed downstairs where everyone else was.

“Y/N, hey!” Fanboy waved at me.

I waved to everyone and sat down in the open space that was next to the wizzo. He wrapped his arm around me as I cuddled him. I listened to their conversation about their plans for the three-day weekend.

“So, have you and Sean made any plans Y/N?” Hangman asked and I immediately burst into tears again.

“Great job Hangman,” I heard Phoenix slap him on the back of the head.

“What?” He questioned. “I did nothing wrong.”

“The dude cheated on Y/N,” Bob explained.

“Oh the bastard,” I heard Rooster say.

“You okay?” Fanboy whispered.

I shook my head no and he hugged me tighter while placing a kiss on the top of my head.

“Wanna get drunk?” Coyote asked and I nodded my head yes. “Fritz! Make some of your finest alcoholic concoctions. We’re getting drunk tonight!”

“Thankfully we haven’t had dinner yet so ordering it is,” Omaha pulled out his phone and started to order the food.

“Now,” Coyote pulled me off the couch. “Wipe those tears off because we don’t cry over stupid men who cheat on their partners.”

Letting out a chuckle, I got off the couch, washed my face again, and hydrated myself before having what Fritz made. Music started to play throughout the house while we waited for the food. Soon a mix of pizza and Chinese food was placed on the kitchen island. I took a slice of pizza and bit into it before taking a sip of whatever Fritz made. I just know that it’s strong and his Florida side is showing. Soon the tune of Good As Hell by Lizzo started to play throughout the house. Soon Bob and Fanboy dragged me away from the food and drinks to have a dance in the living room since it was our jam. The three of us stood on the strong and stable coffee table and started to sing out the lyrics.

“Baby how you feeling?” Fanboy sang.

“Feeling good as hell!” I sang back while still dancing.

“If he doesn’t love you anymore, just walk your fine ass out the door,” Bob sang.

“And I did!” I cheered. “I left that cheating bastard!”

Everyone cheered and we got off the table before heading back to the kitchen. I drank the rest of my drink before I topped off my third round. I was getting to the point where I was getting drunk but not too drunk. Whatever Fritz put in there was really strong.

“I love all of you guys,” I slurred as I laid my head on Harvard’s shoulder.

“We love you too Y/N,” everyone replied.

Soon the doorbell rang and Rooster got up from the floor to open it. Everyone was chatting to each other when I looked over to see who had come.

“Ice Pop! Papa Mav!” I stumbled to them and hugged them. “Hi.”

“Hello to you also,” Ice chuckled and hugged back.

“How many drinks has Y/N had?” Mav asked. “And what was the drink?”

“Three and Fritz made it,” Yale replied as I continued to hug Ice.

“Though day I guess?” Mav questioned all of us.

“Mostly for Y/N,” Halo answered Mav’s question. “Let’s just say Sean cheated.”

I nodded my head and mumbled, “I’m tired.”

“Alright, let’s get you to bed,” Ice said. “Can you walk by yourself?”

I nodded and started to carefully walk to my room. I heard Ice tell Mav something as I made my way up the stairs and successfully made it to my room without tripping. I brushed my teeth and collapsed on my bed trying to make my room stop spinning.

“Ice?” I asked as I saw him leaning against the doorway.

“Yes?” He replied.

“Can you tuck me in?” I pouted.

“Sure,” he chuckled.

I covered myself with my blanket and he tucked me in before placing a kiss on my forehead.

“Love you Ice,” I told him.

“Love you too,” I imagined him smiling. “Sleep dreams.”

Hearing the door close, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

#Spotify #dagger squad x reader #dagger squad imagine #top gun x reader #top gun maverick x reader #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fic #top gun fic #mavdad #ice pops

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frozenhuntress67 · 1 year

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Piano Bar *Austin Butler x Plus Size!Reader

TW: There is a little self-body shaming I suppose. I'm plus sized and often think of myself in these scenarios

Imagine being a cast member on SNL and getting Austin to go out for drinks with some of you only to admit the feels the two of you have been catching for one another after a few drinks and a song

I was chatting away after rehearsals with Cecily and Lizzo when the topic came up. We usually went out for drinks at least once after rehearsals and they had been goading me to invite our host for the week.

"He has been making eyes at you all week! Go ask him to go out with us!" Cecily urged.

"You're crazy both of you, what would a guy as sweet, funny, and handsome as him want with someone like me?" I asked my eyes meeting the floor.

"Hey, hey none of that. I see a beautiful, funny, sweet girl who is worth way more than she thinks she is." Lizzo chimed in. "Now put on your grown-up girl pants and ask that gorgeous boy out for drinks!"

"Okay, okay! I'm going!" I said with a laugh and made my way towards the host's dressing room. I took a moment for myself before taking a deep breath and knocking on the door. He opened it rather quickly popping his head out.

"Hey, (y/n) right?" He asked.

"That's me, some of us are going out for drinks tonight and wondered if you'd like to come with? Someone's setting up a shuttle bus and should be here in about a half an hour? Unless you're tired from rehearsal which I totally understand." I replied trying not to ramble and getting totally flustered along the way.

"No, no, I'm not too tired I'd love to join you guys. Drinks sound great." He said.

"Great! That's great like I said we'll all be meeting in the lobby in about half an hour. See you there." I replied before walking away and letting out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in and returned to where Lizzo and Cecily were waiting.

"So?" They asked in unison.

"He said yes, I swear that might have been cringier than my first round of auditions."

"Perfect, and I have just the thing for you to wear. I found it and thought of you, my friend." Cecily said handing me a bag. Inside was the most beautiful vintage dress.

"Cecily, I can't accept this it's too much."

"You can wear it for me as a going away present, you've got to hold down the fort here for me, you're a gifted actress and a great friend. You're going to great things (y/n). But first I want you to allow yourself to be happy." She said shaking the bag in my direction once more. I took it and went into one of the bathrooms.

I put on the dress and paired it with a red leather jacket and red boots. Was I crazy wearing something like this in December? Maybe but I couldn't care. When I stepped out to face them again, they cheered.

"You're hot girl!" Lizzo said and I couldn't help but blush. "You should come work for me as a model for Yitty."

"Stop it, we need to get downstairs." I spoke. The two nodded and we made our way down to the lobby of Rockefeller Center. I still wanted to freeze a little when my eyes met Austin's but when I truly saw the way he was looking at me I couldn't help the smile that graced my face. "Hello again." I said to him. I told myself tonight I wasn't going to let my own shitty self-esteem hold me back.

"Hi, you uh, you look great." He replied and I was so glad for the cold that flushed my cheeks to hide the blush he caused.

"Thanks, you uh, clean up pretty well too." The horn of the shuttle bus interrupted the moment. "Shall we?" I asked leading the way to the bus. When we got off, I groaned seeing the bar the girls picked. "You guys didn't tell me we were coming here."

"What's wrong with this place?" Austin asked me.

"It's a piano bar and I am a frequent performer on my nights off from the show." I admitted.

"You brought me here when I hosted, it should be a rite of passage." Lizzo intercepted. "And besides it's not as though you can't sing (y/n)."

"You sing?" Austin asked.

"Not professionally and I certainly won't be playing any famous musicians anytime soon but yes I dabble." I joked. "Maybe you'll get to see after a drink or two." Even without liquid courage I found myself flirting. Perhaps it was the way he looked at me in the lobby that gave 0me the boost of self-confidence I needed. We all settled in and after a few drinks Sal the owner finally asked the question.

"So (y/n), what'll be tonight?" He asked. The question had run through my mind since we arrived. It was silent for a moment until my fellow cast members began to chant my name.

"(y/n), (y/n), (y/n) ..."They chanted and then I looked at Austin who just nodded and with that one look I knew exactly what I was singing and for whom it was. My feelings that I'd shoved down all week finally decided to come to the surface. I looked at. Sal.

"Fever by Peggy Lee." I said and made my way up to the microphone after a quick shot and the removal of my leather jacket. He made his way over to the piano and let the band know my selection. I snapped my fingers along to the sound of the bass.

Never know how much I love you Never know how much I care When you put your arms around me I get a fever that's so hard to bear

You give me fever When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight Fever In the mornin' A fever all through the night

Sun lights up the day time Moon lights up the night I light up when you call my name And you know I'm gonna treat you right

You give me fever When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight Fever in the mornin' A fever all through the night

Everybody's got the fever That is somethin' you all know Fever isn't such a new thing Fever started long ago

Romeo loved Juliet Juliet, she felt the same When he put his arms around her He said, "Julie baby, you're my flame"

Thou givest fever When we kisseth Fever with thy flaming youth Fever I'm on fire Fever yeah, I burn forsooth

Captain Smith and Pocahontas Had a very mad affair When her daddy tried to kill him She said, "Daddy, oh, don't you dare"

He gives me fever With his kisses Fever when he holds me tight Fever I'm his missus And daddy, won't you treat him right?

Now you've listened to my story Here's the point that I have made Chicks were born to give you fever Be it fahrenheit or centigrade

They give you fever When we kiss them Fever, if you live you learn Fever 'Til you sizzle Oh, what a lovely way to burn Oh, what a lovely way to burn What a lovely way to burn And what a lovely way to burn

When it was over our cast mates started to trickle off catching cabs back to their respective homes.

"That was amazing!" He asked.

"Well, I don't think I would've had the courage to sing something like that if it weren't for the way you looked at me when we left. Everyone kept telling me you might like me but I thought they were wrong. But I think I've been feeling the same things this week too." I admitted.

"I'm really glad to hear that (y/n) Maybe after the shows over we could go on a real date?"

"I'd like that very much."I said. We sat there fro another hour before getting a cab and hsaring it until he got back to his hotel. We exchanged numbers before he left.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked.

"You can count on that." I replied. He began climbing out of the cab and walking towards his hotel. The cabbie started to drive off but quickly stopped when he saw Austin running back. "What are you doing?" I asked with a giggle.

"I forgot to give you something." He said before taking my face in his hands and kissing me. "Now I'll be going. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I said shutting the door and letting the cabbie resume his drive. I'msure he kept the meter running but I couldn't care less.

What a lovely way to burn indeed.

(is it cheesy? Yes. Do I care? No. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did because I really want to right more for this gorgeous, gorgeous man. Bye! ;) )

#Austin Butler #Austin Butler x Reader #Austin Butler x Plus Size! Reader #SNL #Music #Drinks #Piano Bar #Reader Insert #Spotify

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decaffeinatedenthusiastnight · 2 years

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BAG OM NOGET GALT MED DINE SUPPE OG TE OG KAFFE ER BOYS WORLD PAMELA ANDERSON BLACKPINK LENE NYSTRØM LATTO TOVE LO LIZZO CLC MØ ARIANA GRANDE 4MINUTE BELLA THORNE SELENA GOMEZ HILSEN RENE DALSGAARD JENSEN

#BAG OM NOGET GALT MED DINE SUPPE OG TE OG KAFFE ER #BOYS WORLD #PAMELA ANDERSON #BLACKPINK #LENE NYSTRØM #LATTO #TOVE LO #LIZZO #CLC #MØ #ARIANA GRANDE #4MINUTE #BELLA THORNE #SELENA GOMEZ #HILSEN RENE DALSGAARD JENSEN

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christytheetaurusqueen · 1 year

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A Letter to Pisces Moons

Dear loves, are you lost? Do you want to be found? Is there grace that you want to touch but can’t seem to reach? Does it feel like wandering aimlessly or do you feel like you can reach the dream you’ve imagined ? I’m here to tell you that you can. I know you have these ideas you want to come into fruition, sometimes you need to release the expectations and accept the outcome. Your mind gives you the power to think of these scenarios in a beautiful way, but when it doesn’t play out how you expected it to, you can fall to disappointment. Why are you disappointed if you got what you wanted?

Saturn will be entering Pisces soon and those rose colored glasses will come off. It’s time for you to see how life is, and it’s time for you to learn to beauty of life outside your mind. It feels safer in your mind, but reality is what you make it. Channel that energy to form the world around you into your own creation. Where your moon falls in your chart will show you the area that you need to focus on, and the creativity you need to have to produce the results you want. You can make your reality just as beautiful as your mind, it just takes a little time and effort.

Do not let anyone knock those thoughts and make them smaller. Give yourself room to live outside your mind because staying tucked away in there for too long can lead to feelings of frustration, sadness, endless loops playing in your head. Get into your creative bag and make sure your feelings are being put into the work you make. Make sure you’re actively giving your mind the space to rest. Your mind can be active and sometimes you need to settle it to get yourself on track. Just understand that you’re flourishing in the best way you can and you have to keep striving towards the path of success. It will come to you, just keep an open mind to what that reality brings.

#Spotify #astro #astrology #astro community #astro notes #astro placements #astrology observations #pisces #piscesmoon #pisces moon #pisces placements #pisces astrology

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alltimefail-sims · 1 year

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Quinta is looking for love!

As promised, I'll be kicking off the new year with a Bachelorette Challenge series while I wrap up the remaining odds and ends of my Strangerville story!

You might recognize Quinta from Mini's Match, a Bachelorette Challenge by @wrixie. Although things didn't work out with Mini, Quinta's not ready to give up on finding someone to spend the rest of her life with!

I'm looking for at least 7 contestants, but knowing me I might end up loving more sims than that, and if that happens I'll take up to 12 contestants! Please tag me, @alltimefail-sims, in your submissions and use the hashtag #QuintasBC so I'm guaranteed to see your sim (I will reblog your submission). You can submit two sims max!

The deadline for submissions is DECEMBER 30TH.

Submission guidelines & info on Quinta are below the cut! ↓

Meet Our Bachelorette:

Quinta Saeed-Parisi | Age: 27 years | Pronouns: She/her -> Also goes by: Quin, Q, and Queenie (by close friends and family) -> Currently she's an attorney but dreams of being a "style influencer" and writing for a reputable fashion magazine. -> Her 5 main traits are: loyal, ambitious, moody, romantic, and creative. She has the "Big Happy Family" aspiration (she was an only child, so she wants to have a big family of her own). -> She was born, raised, and currently lives in Tartosa in a two-bedroom condo with her hedgehog named Winston. -> She’s got a degree from the University of Britechester in language and literature and graduated with honors. She was also the valedictorian of her high school! -> Likes: the color red, pop, Latin pop, playing piano, cooking, mixology (she loves a good red wine), writing, dancing, research and debate, and writing. She loves food, traveling, shopping, and writing in her free time. -> Dislikes: Jazz and metal music, handiness, mischief, baking, fitness, fishing, and country fashion. (In other words, let it be known that she’s not super outdoorsy lol). -> Fun facts: Her favorite artist is Lizzo (she starts her morning routine with "Juice"); she LOVES all things style and fashion (she's got far too many designer bags and shoes than anyone needs); and she comes from a very traditional, strict family (but is not traditional by any means).

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:

Quinta is a lesbian, so she is looking for a woman-identifying and/or nonbinary (she/they, they/them) sim to spend the rest of her life with!

Young Adult - Adult sims only (we'll say irl age cap is 45).

Sims should have 5 traits. You don't need to download the mod I use, just let me know what 5 CAS traits you'd like your sim to have. They must have at least one negative trait. They can have as many bonus traits as you want (reward traits, pack-specific traits like chopstick savvy or responsible from parenthood and etc.)

They should have likes & dislikes!

Any fame level is welcome. Any career is welcome.

Any existing occult is welcome. If they are an alien specifically, please indicate if they use their human disguise exclusively, sometimes, or at all.

No existing townies/townie makeovers/children of townies - original characters only, please!

Please dress your sims in 1 everyday outfit and one formal outfit; the other categories can just be left blank! (Please be mindful that I might have to tweak your sims just a little to fit my game style or existing cc, but I promise I won't change them drastically!)

Maxis match hair only, but I'm maxis-mix otherwise! I use these default eyes, but any non-default eye contacts are probably good with me!

I'd really love for you to give me some insight into their life and who they are. Backstories can be as long and detailed or as short and simple as your heart desires! But know that with me there is no such thing as too much info. I want to do your sims justice! ❤ Do they have a child? Were they previously married? What is their family like? Seriously, I want to know as much as you want me to know!

That being said, skills don't matter (they can be anything you want) and the bare minimum I need in terms of a backstory are where they live/where they grew up (if they are different) and what their current job is.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to inbox me.

I'm so excited to see all of your sims... and Quinta is, too!

#bachelorette challenge #ts4 bachelorette challenge #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #simblr #QuintasBC #oc: quinta #alltimefail-sims

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seokjinsonlyone · 3 months

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im about to rank bts members by how likely i would be able to successfully seduce them

i’m going from the bottom up

coming in at number 7 is jin like my beloved aged brethren my husband my love my sweetie honey bunny does not strike me as one that is particularly horny and even if he is i definitely don’t think i’d be able to shake him down on sight like we have the same personality type and i know that virtually nobody can seduce me and i mean i’ve seen his work on weverse like he’d shut that down so fast i’d have no choice but to die from embarrassment

at number 6 is jungkook idk about y’all but me personally i am NOT hot enough to seduce jungkook like if we knew each other and if we got drunk MAYBE but he very much gives “if he wanted to he would” so if he don’t i very much believe that i could show up in nothing but a trench coat and some red stilettos and the only thing i would get is a trip to the police station

5th on the list is hobi now hear me out i could DEFINITELY get hobi to go on a date with me like it’d probably be a pity date but we would for sure be having a candlelit dinner somewhere and then he’d realize he’s in love with me at some point okay we’re endgame but like if im talking tryna get him in bed off rip i just feel like physically im not his ideal type so if i just went and hit on him the punches would not land he’d do one of those judgmental stares and (gently) shrug me off unless we was in the club and no hands started playing bc my booty speaks for itself

smack dab in the middle at number 4 is mr min yoongi now he act like he ain’t but he done mentioned his tongue technology one too many times for me to not believe he’s subtly horny at the very least like if i caught him in a moment where he wanted to get his rocks off and i was putting the moves on him he’d for sure indulge me and even if he wasn’t necessarily in the mood i think if i tried hard enough i’d get him curious about it but there’s like a 55% chance that it ain’t happening which are odds im honestly willing to take

now my top 3 is interesting and very bold but considering the lineup is bangtan in general this is all bold anyway

at number 3 we have jimin bc like im thinking about how he saw megan and described her as innocent and pure im thinking about how he said lizzo was attractive im thinking about how he barked at the thought of usher im thinking about how when he sat in on yoongi’s concert (my show!!!!!!) he said that army was beautiful which leads me to believe that physically we have no problems a body is a body to that man pleasure is pleasure the only obstacle between me and jimin is the fact that he’s an awkward little guy so i would need to make him comfortable first and fortunately for me i act too comfortable with everyone!!!! like just give me an hour with bro and by the end of the conversation my lips would be on his

second place🥈 is namjoon now while i don’t believe im hot enough to bag jk on sight if i’m so sure i could get joon like if i’m dressed to the nines like hair done nails done everything did in my fancy bag i’d be unstoppable like i just know i’d have his attention even if he didn’t peep me from across the room or anything like that if i approached him he’d for sure be interested i know it and then the only thing id have to do is just let the tension build throughout the conversation like im not quite a genius but my iq is very high and i may not be as well read as he is but i’ve been through a lot i’ve heard a lot and i observe everything so i can definitely keep up and add to it and if i wanna talk i can go for hours and hours and by the end of the night we’d be in our jay park v era doing that body talk 🤪

and finally against all odds at number 1 the member i think i have the highest chance of seducing is kim taehyung like idk maybe it’s just me but he seems easy doesn’t he????? like i know this sounds so insane considering he’s got to be a contender for the top 5 most attractive people on this earth and really there’s no way that this should happen but you know what there’s no way that a bee should be able to fly either!! its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground but the bee of course flies anyway bc bees 🐝 don’t 🚫 care 👩‍🍼what 🤷‍♀️ humans 👯 think 💭 is 🫵 possible ✅ AND NEITHER DO I !!!!!!!! like give me a platform and not only will i have seduced kim taehyung but i will have him chasing after me we all know he’s a people person like loves making friends loves getting to know people and he a sucker for a compliment he said it himself on multiple occasions he’s a good boy i meet him we chit we chat i tell him i like his shirt then fiddle with the sleeve a bit maybe feel up his bicep and then walk away he’s HOOKED and maybe he gets distracted but then he sees me chopping it up with someone else and is like ❓then he’s finding me we talk a little again i compliment him again i part ways he’s following after me and engaging whatever group i join next i walk away again until he’s literally chasing after me and he corners me and that’s all she wrote like all i got to do is tell him he look good and we having a great night and an even better morning i’m soooo sure of it

anyway randomly had that thought while i was driving home from work feel free to share which member you think you could seduce so i don’t seem like the only mentally unstable person on this website 🎤

#like this probably not the craziest thing i’ve said but it definitely is the most insane bc i genuinely believe this #like my mind is this broken #i really choose to publicly humiliate myself on the internet on a biweekly basis #but it’s fine bc i’ve lost the ability to feel shame 🤪

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