#lmao imagine being mentally stable. gonna go try to not think for a while or just check stuff online or whatever bye myself and this post

[katyobsesses]

What do YOU think of Kurtofsky, Sebofsky, Blaineofsky and St Karofsky? I have so many thoughts about them that your ask is gonna take awhile lmao

oh no, I should have prepared for this.

Kurtofsky -

I honestly love the idea of them together, but not, like right off the bat after The Kiss. They would have to work through a lot of Stuff™ together first. I think, if Kurt hadn't been with Blaine in Heart and had agreed to go out with Dave after his showering of gifts, then they would have worked really well. Dave grew a lot from 2x06 to Heart, got more confident with himself, and I think, while they would need a nice long conversation with a fair amount of apologies on Dave's side, they would have been good together in S3b. Kurt would have totally been right by his side after he was outed, and supported him though that, actually picking up his phone when he called.

I could also see them working later in life, I love fics like that, where they stumble across each other in New York.

I love them and how they compliment each other, juxtapositions in character. They're almost how I would picture Burt and Elizabeth, so would be a fun parallel of them. One gruff and 'manly' and outwardly tough but totally a teddy bear, the other seeming delicate and snooty but is actually very kind-hearted and mentally tough.

Sebofsky -

I like this pairing too (but then again I like most pairings, it's a problem). They're not up there as a Dave ship like Kurtofsky is, but in the handful of fics I've read of them they're fun. Sebastian is a huge flirt, and I can kind of see him showering Dave with compliments, not like sweet things though, naughty ones (but sweet ones in private), and I think being with him would help Dave's self esteem somewhat. I guess it entirely depends on what version of Sebastian it is, because there are a few floating around out there in Fandom, but I'm imagining the snarky, flirty, secretly doting one. They'd share a lot of snarky banter and from the outside people would think they were about to break up, when that's just kinda how they show affection to one another. They're a fun ship, with an interesting dynamic and I enjoy reading fics with the pairing!

Blainofsky -

Sunshine, that is my thoughts about them. If Blaine hadn't been hung up on Kurt, or if Kurt hadn't been hung up on Blaine, I could see them staying together for a long while. It seemed like Blaine was Dave's first serious boyfriend after an impressive line of hook ups (? first dates??). I mean, they're living together fairly soon after getting together (judging by the confusing glee timeline) and them sitting in the truck during homecoming makes my heart swell. They're sweet, like I can imagine them being a cavity inducing couple. Blaine would bring out Dave's soft and cuddly side, and Dave would encourage Blaine to better himself, but not necessarily push him out of his comfort zone. They'd be a really stable couple, once Blaine got over Kurt, even with the weird history between them. I can imagine that they talked about that before getting together, though, at least I would assume!

But yeah, sweet and stable and soft.

St. Karofsky -

This was a throwaway random ship, dude, i have never thought of it before sending you that ask! But I am of the mindset that Jesse St. James can be shipped with everyone in the glee verse (provided they're not lesbians and/or much too old) so I am going to try my best to figure out what their dynamic would be, and if I would ship it.

...

...

I can't see myself shipping it. this is a tragedy. I can ship Jesse St. James with fucking everyone. but they don't mesh, they have no parts of themselves that would gel, nothing. I can't imagine the two of them sharing a space together, let alone sharing a life!

Maybe Jesse would feel some sort of musical chemistry with him, like imagining some weird S1 AU where the jocks have to sing with the Glee Club and Jesse hears Dave's smooth, deep, baritone and pops a boner for it. idk. I can imagine him being a thorn in Dave's side for a good while afterwards, stalking him in the halls, talking to him at his locker, being a general annoyance without realising so. Like just weird backhanded compliments left right and centre while somehow also complimenting himself. He's like full on flirting with Dave, but Dave kinda can't tell because it's such a weird brand of flirting, but gradually Jesse wears down his Fort Knox closet door and they make out backstage in the auditorium.

This is the only way I can imagine them.

I think I've redeemed myself with my St. Crackships because this could be a cute little one shot if I knew how to write Jesse St. James as a character.

That was fun!! I hope you had fun answering too 😂

Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

#i really do ship everything huh? #St. Crackship #St. Karofsky #Sebofsky #blainofsky #kurtofsky #ask game #supermutantking #mutant 💛 #glee #this was really fun omg #i love imagining ship dynamics <2 #katy headcanons #maybe i need a shipping centric tag... #katy ships

[spiderstyles04]

COBRA KAI SN 3 SPOILERS

Episode 1:

Can’t stand the fact that they’re trying to make Sam the victim, fuck the white bitch 😤. (okay yeah she’s kinda the victim but like she deserves to be blamed)

I can’t stand the fact that everybody keeps trying to make Robby the villain (ik he’s MIA, but the words they’re calling him make me wanna punt their asses into oblivion 🧎🏽‍♂️🏌️)

Episode 2:

Kreese is actually fucking sadistic wtf.

fuck men (esp. those that prey on young girls).

cops @ the prison rlly said: “I aint see nothin at all -👄-“.

wow so you can definitely see who is Johnny’s priority! Instead of continuing to look for his missing son, he went to go see Miguel🖕🏻.

and Miguel is like boohoo why’d this happen to me it’s all Johnny’s fault. Uh no it’s partially yours for accelerating the fight. Shouldn’t have gotten in the middle of a fight if you wanted to come out unharmed.

Robby blaming himself for everything and worry abt the others before himself is making me cry my eyes out pls 😭😖.

Daniel fucking Larusso rlly said let’s catch this scared teenage boy off guard and have a cop sneak up on him and arrest him

Episode 3:

I hate that Robby is in jail but he looks hot af

Not the LaRussos blaming Robby’s grudge on him being a teenage. Like you literally had a cop sneak up on a terrified kid and you expect him to take your calls???? I think tf not.

Sksks Sam rlly out here acting like Tory got angry outta nowhere and that she had no reason for being brutal. Yeah having a bad background doesn’t justify bullying but you kinda provoked her. YOU KISSED ANOTHER GIRL’S BOYFRIEND WHILE YOU HAD ONE OF YOUR OWN. SUCK IT UP AND SHUT UP LIL BABY.

Not Robby fighting with guys in prison over their comments abt Sam of all ppl 💀 she’s the reason you’re in there and she cheated, what the fuck are you defending her for?

sad puppy Robby is making me tear up shit I love him too much to see him in pain 😖

God I hate Eli. Imagine being jealous of not being able to creative enough to raise money for your friend so you resort to stealing the money from the only ones able to get money for him 💀.

“Douche clown” BAHAHA.

NOT JOHNNY MISSING OUT ON SEEING ROBBY BC HE WAS WITH MIGUEL HE COULD’VE CALLED AND LET HIM KNOW FUCK JOHNNY

Episode 4:

NOT JOHNNY ASSUMING THAT ROBBY IS THE ONE STARTING FIGHTS (reminds me of Jess and Rory from Gilmore Girls when she accused him of fighting with Dean when rlly he just got attacked by a bird)

I love that Robby is telling Johnny off like PERIODT KING GO OFF

Nah if some idiot wrecked my lego diagram that took me weeks to build, I’d knock him on his ass no hesitation. Idgaf if I got expelled

Not the counselor completely disregarding the fact that Dimitri’s project was wrecked

Every time Johnny enters Robby’s life, he just makes shit harder for him. I feel horrible for my bby

Kreese has a god complex & I wanna put him in the ground 🕳👨🏻‍🦽👩🏽‍🦯

Little miss princess got some anger issues oop

Not Johnny making a paralyzed kid get out of bed 💀

THOSE KIDS IN JUVIE BOUTA FEEL MY WRATH MFRS DISRESPECTING ROBBY MAKE ME WANNA SKSKSJSB

KREESE BETTER BACK THE EVERLOVING FUCK AWAY FROM MY BBY ROBBY I WILL NOT HESITATE TO RECREATE A CRIMINAL MINDS EPISODE WITH YOUR BODY GRANDPA DONT TEST ME

Episode 5:

Robby basically telling Kreese to fuck off and tell talk to “somebody who gives a shit” is everything to me I love him

Not Johnny using a sex magazine to motivate Miguel 🤢

If Robby gets back with Sam I will RIOT

Imagine taking pleasure from terrorizing others and children sksksk couldn’t be me

Damn it Robby you shouldn’t be fighting. It’s only gonna make your sentence worse bby. Ik he’s an asshole, but you gotta be the bigger man

The fight in the lazer tag place I- not even gonna comment

YAY MIGUEL GOT SOME MOVEMENT BACK IN HIS LEGS

POP OFF MRS. LARUSSO YOU PUT KREESE IN HIS PLACE

Episode 6:

I’m glad Eli is abt to get the vibe check he deserves

Miguel rlly should choose what he says more wisely like sir you can’t just tell the angry mentally unstable girl that she needs help sksksksk those are words of war to her

Oh Mrs. LaRusso getting in on the action lmao

Episode 7:

Damn Tory rlly wakes up every day and chooses violence uh it was a dream nvm

There’s no fooking way Miguel recovered from a spinal injury so quickly 🙄 also why’d they throw away the wheelchair??? That shit is expensive af

Imagine having a dad that actually feels genuinely bad for not keep up with your life SKSK couldn’t be me

I haven’t seen Robby in a hot minute and I’m getting pissed abt it.

I love when ppl tell Eli off. Gives me a diff kind of joy

tf is Eagle Fang sksksks

@ Kreese: Bye bitch 🥴

Episode 8:

THE DIFFERENCE BTWN THE THREE DOJOS IS SO FUNNY BAHAHAHAH

I cant believe they’re dicusssing Kreese when they’re abt to pick up Robby I- none of these men are fit to be stable father figured to him

Glad Robby told them to fuck off bc when the going gets tough, unfortunately, they will always choose someone else over Robby

But I’m all here for Miguel’s character development. Looks like soon I’ll have a total of 2 characters that I like on this show

NOT ROBBY DEFENDING SAM FOR CHEATING AND CALLING IT A MISTAKE PLS YOU ARE SO NAIVE SHUT UP SHES A STUPID GIRL WHO THINKS SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING PLS OPEN YOUR EYES

Eyyy go off Miguel preach

Nvm fuck that. I’m glad Robby walked in on Miguel and Sam flirting so he could see she isn’t all she’s cracked up to be. I’m glad he’s telling them off. I just hate that they’re making him out to be a villain, AGAIN UGH

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO IF ONLY YALL COULD HEAR MY SCREAM OF ANGUISH WHEN ROBBY WALKED THROUGH THE DOORS OF COBRA KAI BABY NO YOURE THE GOOD GUY DONT GO WITH THE FUCKING PSYCHOTIC ASSHAT PLEASE

Episode 9:

Fuck fuck fuck I’m terrified for this episode

MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄

oh shit Ali...

Trouble is in the air....

Miguel and Sam 🙄😀

Oh so Robby is back in his sn 1 wardrobe... 🤬

OH I SWEAR FOR FUCKS SAKE IF TORY AND ROBBY GET TOGETHER I WILL STOP WATCHING THIS SHOW FOR GOOD ISTG

PERIODT ROBBY DENY THE BEER A WISE DECISION

Not you making bad decisions again Robby smh we’re trying to keep you out of jail

I repeat... if Robby and Tory get together I am RIOTING

Fuck Johnny

Episode 10 - final episode:

I am the quintessential example of seething anger. If I was an anime character, I’d have steam coming out of my ears and a tic mark on my forehead smh

BAHAHAH DANIEL’S GLACES TO JOHNNY ARE SENDING ME

Tory has got some anger issues that surpass even my own, and that’s saying something

Also why tf are they fighting in Sam’s house??? Like I don’t like her but thats not only trespassing passing on private property, but the damages they’re causing are gonna cost a buttload

I’m just glad that Robby isn’t there to fight. Thank you bby

I LOVE THE MUSIC IN THE FIGHT SCENE WE LOVE SOME ROCK CHRISTMAS INSTRUMENTALS

I love the fact that Eli is realizing how fucking stupid he’s been acting

NO ROBBY DONT FIGHT JOHNNY YOU DONT KNOW THE FULL PICTURE BABY STOP BEING FUCKING DUMB

NO JOHNNY THREW ROBBY INTO THE LOCKERS FUCK IS HE OKAY IS BABY OKAY

DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT KREESE DONT PICK IT UP YOU GERIATRIC ASSWIPE

NO ROBBY IS FULLY UNCONSCIOUS FUCK IF I WAS THERE I WOULD BE ABLE TO HELP BC IM FIRST AID TRAINED AND CPR CERTIFIED CALL 911 JOHNNY

YAY DANIEL TO THE RESCUE

I’m still crying over Robby fuck

Everybody over here hashing shit out and Robby is inside the dojo like X👄X

NVM HES OKAY HES WALKING IT OFF

NO GO BACK TO FUCKING SLEEP BITCH BC YOURE STILL NOT THINKING STRAIGHT WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH KREESE GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

Anyways all in all, fuck season 3 gn

#cobra kai #cobra kai season 3 #robby keene #samantha larusso #miguel diaz #johnny lawrence

[rikiflowers]

sacrifice; levi

Playlist: call of silence – hiroyuki sawano, barber: adagio for strings, soldier – taemin, sayonara hittori – taemin, déjà vu – dreamcatcher

- 3.7 k words; smut with plot i guess; english isn’t my first language but i tried lmao; it gets a little sad 

-          I let myself go, just because it was you.

 In a world full of terror, fear, and no hope there wasn’t any room for something called ‘love’; Not, when humans are on the brink of death because of creatures killing them for pure fun. ‘love’ could exist, but even if so, the constant threats of losing someone so precious to you, comes to realization, that ‘love’ has not a place, mustn’t have, where you are. Being a scout in the survey corps didn’t come with a stable life. You have your life constantly on the border of losing your life; But that was the sacrifice you’ll be able to give. Your strong sense of justice makes it practicable, giving your life away for humanity. A little part in you wasn’t really attached to your own life, it was near to nothing in your eyes. You’re more concerned about the safety of your squad, protecting them like your life meant nothing to you. There was this strong attachment to these kids, especially Eren who resembled yourself in your early years. You see him as he is; a young boy whose fate is to save the humanity. A heavy burden for everyone, especially for someone his age. So, you see it as your task to safeguard him.

So, it wasn’t new that you would do anything for him, even if it was to let yourself go. You thought you died. You really thought, but you woke up, tried to look around with blurred eyes and the heaviest pain you had since ever. Your throat was so dry you thought you’ll would die because of dehydration but in this right moment, someone hold a cup with a straw right before your dry lips. You opened your mouth and when you tried to gulp down the saving water, you thought you’ll get into heaven. You recognize your room in the headquarters. “y/n, how are you?”, spoke someone to you so softly. It was Armin. You wanted to look at him, but he held you in place. “don’t move too much, you need to rest.”, he told you with concern in his young voice. “you were sleeping over a week.”, he said. You slept for so long?

You don’t want to rest. Flashbacks of the mission flooded your mind, making you anxious. “Armin is everyone okay?”, you whispered with a weak voice, every muscle hurt while you speak. He does not say a single word so you could only imagine. It makes you angry. You’re shouting and then you cough. So much you’re tasting blood in your mouth. “I’m sorry, I get the doctor. We lost many, but if you meant captain Levi… he’s okay don’t worry!”, he’s telling you and you don’t know what to say. What does he mean? Why should you be especially worried about him? He ran out of your room to get the doctor, while you are trying to remember what happened at the mission. Suddenly it was like someone punched you mentally. You sacrificed yourself for Levi. He was in the claws of an abnormal titan and you did not miss a second to help him. The titan took you, instead of him. You smelled his breath, his disgusting smell, and his giant hand, squeezing you nearly to death. Levi shouted your name. It was a cry you didn’t know to every hear. And the last thing you said while you looked at him, was…

“I love you”

You are not sure he even heard it but that was enough to make your skin crawl. In this moment near death, you wanted him to know this. Now you’ll need to face him after this. Your door opens and the doctor appears in the doorframe. He hovers over you while Armin stays now before your bed, next to him are Mikasa and Eren, who looked so guilty and sad. “y/n, you can’t stress yourself. You need rest. You were in coma.”, reproved the doctor and you only nod. “Several rips are broken and crushed your lungs. You had so much luck so don’t strain it. Is this clear?”, he murmured and you’re nodding again. He looked around to the three. “just a little bit and then you’ll let her rest.”, he said strictly, and they agree. The doctor was a scary man sometimes. He gave you some medicine, you should take, placed it on the table next to you. “I report your status to commander Erwin, he will visit you soon.”, he said while slowly leaving your room. “thanks doctor.”, you whispered, and he cuts you off. “thank your body, instead of me.”, he said and left.

“y/n.”. Eren looks at you and you smile at him. “why so sad? I’m alive, no need to look like I’m dead.”, you started to laugh, ignoring the pain in your chest. “it’s not funny. We thought you died and then the captain went berserk and sliced the titan to rescue you. He wasn’t himself. You willingly wanted to die, you wanted to leave us.”. His voice was high and aggressive. Armin tried to calm him down while Mikasa and you exchanged gazes. She doesn’t judge you, because she would have done the same in your position. “Eren calm down. She needs to rest.”, says Armin and Eren snapped out of his rage. “I’m sorry, I am always hurting you.”.

“no, you aren’t, don’t do this to yourself.”, you said softly. “You’re doing so much, and you never hurt me so don’t ever say that again.”. Your voice is full of honesty. “and now I need sleep so go away you brats.”, you laughed, wave them away. The smiled and did like you said. In a week you are on your feet again and you hope to see Levi never again.

“Thanks for being on our side y/n.”, says Armin while his head peeks out of the doorframe and you smile back.

 …

 Two weeks passed and you slowly getting back to your old self. Slowly. It was hard to walk and you feel like a burden. Hanji visited you regular providing you with intern information. Commander Erwin came and drank some tea with you, even the others from the corps visited you and the kids are your guests nearly every day. One person didn’t visit you after all the time. It was the Captain. You don’t to admit it, but it hurts deeply that he doesn’t seem to care about you, about your sacrifice you did. It hurts so much that you found yourself crying over this man, you always wanted to keep your distance. Now this distance was non-existent. Your mind was full of him, your unrequited feelings and the crawling hate you’re developing. You knew he wasn’t any better than you. He’s always in his own world, doesn’t let anyone in. The dark circles under his eyes are always there, showing that he can’t sleep, his demons keeping him awake. He’s the humanity’s strongest soldier, so much weigh on his shoulders. So, the thoughts of you are clearly non-existent. He couldn’t waste his mind on your childish feelings. You know this so why you’re escaping in in the thought of a man that would never see you in the same light.

After the third weeks you couldn’t stay in your room. It seems the walls narrowed so you need some fresh air. You take your props and when you want to open your door, someone is standing right next your room. You twitch because you didn’t see It coming. You looked at the person and you instantly frown. It’s Levi, with his cold, sharp eyes, looking down on you. The least on to expect. “Where you are you going, y/n.”. It wasn’t question, rather a judgement. He was cold as ever. “outside.”, you stated with the same coldness. You wanted to get away, your body shivers and you don’t want him to see. He holds your wrist, and your entire body is in flames. “don’t fucking touch me.”, you spit out, looked at him, like you’re going to murder him. “Tsk.”, he lets out, while not letting you go, like you told him. “I don’t think, you are allowed to go outside.”, he stated coldly, burning his eyes into you and you were on the brink of bursting into tears.

“Do I need your orders for everything? Should I ask you when I want to take a piss?”, you spat at him, anger balling in your body, making it impossible to calm down. “Stop acting like a child, you brat.”. You looked at him in disbelief. He was acting like you were ten years younger than him. You’re the same age and he has the audacity to call you a brat. “Let me fucking go or I’m gonna fucking hurt you.”, you said with so much hate in your voice that something in Levi’s eyes change. You couldn’t react too quickly, while he forced you into your room, shutting the door behind him.

He was a little too harsh, while he pushed you into your room, so your ribs hurt a little. He saw your pain, but you take a step back, wanting space. “What do you want.”, you yelled at him, your body trembles so much. “stop being so annoying, I wanted to check on you, but you seem too fine.”, he stated with pure arrogance and you wanted nothing more than to punch him. “yeah, I’m fine, go.”. You want to be strong, but you feel the tears burning their way over your cheeks. They’re the signs you’re weak.

“you want me to go?”

You looked at him, your inner fight was lost, and you let your tears go. How he asked the question, like he knew you don’t want him to go. “I don’t know.”, you choked, the tears won’t stop. He was standing awkward before you, watching you cry. “Did you regret it?”.

You were confused. What did he mean?

“Did you regret, sacrificing your life for me?”.

“I’d do it again, and again because it is you.”, you spoke the truth, without thinking. His eyes wide. He looked so shocked, that it makes you worried. “Don’t say that.”. It felt like you pressed a button in him. He was out of his mind and it was new. You see, how his hands tremble. Levi wasn’t an emotional unstable person, so this is new. Not only to you, but to him.

“Does it scare you?”, you asked but he was quit, only his eyes told you, how muddled he was. “Someone loves you and you want to escape into the construction, build of the lack of emotions and the denial that comes with it.”.

He ‘tsk.”, again but his eyes, they told you how right you are. “What are to judge me when you constantly denied yourself. You’re not any better than me.”, he lets out and you knew he was right. It hurts. “You wanted to die, so you used me, to let go.”. You fell back. The shock about what he said, made your body not react. He quickly held you. “Who’s the one at fault?”, he asked again, but you couldn’t answer.

He took you and placed you on your bed. You wanted to scream at him, but nothing escapes your lips. “scared to answer now y/n?”, he stated. You shake your head. “why should I let go, when I everything I wanted, was to tell you how I feel? I was finally able to tell you my feelings, after everything. I never thought I would speak so openly about myself.”, you shared this sensitive information with him, and he listens. “You’re right, I see no value in my life at all, but that changed a little. How long do we know each other?”.

“nearly ten years.”, he said, and you looked at each other. There was always something between you and him, but it always went in constant denial. “You never changed.”, they told each other, every time they risked their life, like it meant nothing. It will always mean nothing. “Did you never saw how I looked at you?”, you whispered, his contours change from the sharpness to something softer, but

still cold. He couldn’t help it. It was the way his life changed him. “I didn’t say it for nothing, Levi. I wanted to give you in the last moment of my life a piece of me. I wanted to pass you my feelings for you. They were special, so special that I wanted to say it out loud.”. Your heart’s beating so fast, like it needs to remind you, that you’re still alive. You’re still here and he’s here, looking at you, while you offer him a piece of you.

“I could ask you the same.”, he lets out, after a heavy pause. You realize how dark it is in here, his statue throws a shadow on you. “I always looked at you, but I thought you never looked back.”. You started to chuckle. “I guess, we’re dumbasses.”, you told him. It was too much to handle right now. Warmth spreading your body and he was the reason. “You had the audacity to nearly die on me.”, he spat back, and you shrugged. “I guess you weren’t the humanity’s strongest soldier at all.”.

“jealous, aren’t we?”, he scoffed at you, but you know it isn’t serious.  

“pff- “, you let out. The tension between you two was unbearable, but nobody takes a step. “Don’t leave me.”, you whispered, and his eyes fixated your lips for a brief moment. “Then don’t leave.”. You wanted to say something, but he takes the space on your bed, lies next to you, your bodies don’t touch each other. It was quit in your room, only his and your breath filled the room. Your heart ached to touch him, but that was more than enough right now. “Levi?”, you asked.

“mh?”

“thank you for everything.”, you say, but he scoffed. “I did nothing. sleep.”, he gives back and you’re quiet.

 …

You didn’t know what time it is. It was still so dark outside, but you woke up and Levi was asleep, you thought. He doesn’t make a sound. It was like all the nights on missions. He faced you, his eyes peacefully closed. You found your peace while looking at him. Your fingertips ghosting over his skin, not daring to touch him. You don’t want to wake him up. Your body tingles. It’s automatically drawn to his. You want nothing more than to touch him, to feel his skin under yours.

You snap out of your mind, because deep black eyes are looking straight into yours, making you shiver. He’s awake and saw, what you did. His soft features looked eternal in this light; it makes you breathless. His body’s so near you, that you nearly lose your senses. Instead of pushing you away, he takes your hand softly and places it on his cheek. He offers you to touch him and it was everything for you. You feel your tears coming. Your fingertips brush tenderly over his face and you hear him sigh. You went through his hair, feeling the softness of this endless black in your hand. “Levi.”. His name escaped your lips.

You looked at each other like you were meant to be. His nose brushed yours softly, like he wanted to check, if you wanted this. You want this. You want all of it, until you don’t know yourself anymore. His lips found you, like two long lost souls connecting to each other after so many years. Maybe it is like this. After all these years of hoping nobody would die or go, you had hold onto each other. You feel so young now, like yourself ten years ago. As you would have kissed him back then. It was a relieve. You lean into the kiss, pour all your emotions in this touch. Levi draws you closer to him, his hand is on your waist, while the other strokes your cheeks. It was so unlike him, that you don’t want to miss everything. He’s so soft and you start to smile in the kiss. After a couple of seconds, he lets go of you, waiting.

You take the chance, pressing your lips onto his, savouring him, taking all of him. He’s surprised about your sudden attack, but his lips still moving against you, tasting you. Your finger pinches his neck hair, while you’re hovering over him, taking his body under yours. You sat on his lap, looking down on him. He stares at you, while his hand brushes your strains behind your ear. You want him, so press your lips on his neck, making him groan in sudden surprise. He held onto your body, cold fingertips, dancing under your shirt, across your heated skin and the battlefield scars covering you.

You’re sucking at the sensitive spots, kissing his collarbones. He takes the chance, pulling your shirt up, so you remove it, throw it to the ground. He looks at your breasts, covered by the BH, he wants to undress so badly. You rub yourself onto his lap, hearing him moan and you feel his erection through the pants. All your senses are on the brink to insanity. He gets up, having you in his lap. His lips found yours again and they’re going downwards, leaving a trace. Levi fumbles at the clasp of your BH, until it opens, and he could take it off. His lips found your breast, massaging one, while sucking in the other. You cried out, pressing him against you. You were already a mess, because of all these emotions you bottled up. His tongue circled around your nipple, feeling how hard they get. His other hand is ghosting to your pants, trailing over your clothed core. You open your button yourself for him, so he could easily slide inside you. He holds you on your back now, while his finger brushing over your heat, teasing you.

“Levi.”, you moan his name again and he pressed his thumb against the wetness. He breathed out, like he was surprised at how wet you are. His fingertips brush over your clit, making you shutter. He takes your moans with his lips, while he buried his finger inside of you. You cry out. The sensation of his touch is too much to handle. Your whole body wants more. You move yourself on his now three fingers, Levi stares  at you, enjoying your form. You want to feel him, everything you can get. “y/n.”, he calls your name between your moans.

“Lay back.”, he says, while he takes his now wet finger out. He takes them into his mouth, tasting you. It makes you nearly crazy. You did as he said. You undress yourself while he doesn’t take his eyes off. Levi also removes his shirt and the pants off and you stare at his figure in the darkness. He’s so eternal, it’s unbearable. You wanted him against you, so you pull him to you. “y/n.”, he scolds you, but it doesn’t matter right now for you. You want his body against you. He hovers over you, his weigh on you doesn’t affect you. His length pressed against your thigh, you took him in your hand, feeling how hard he is “please.”, you whimper, but he kisses your lips, your décolleté, your tummy, till he found your wetness. He bites in your inner thighs, a moan escaping your lips. He lips find your clit, sucking at the bundle of thousand nerves, while he hears your desperate cries. He’s sucking you, savouring your juices until you scream. Your hand claws in his hair, while he sucks the life out of you. You’re on the brink of an orgasm and you wanted to say, that he should stop, but he held his rhythm, brings you over the edge. You shutter, his name escaping your lips like a sin and you fall, Falling into oblivion until there’s nothing. You came on his tongue.

He lets off from you. He stares at your messy form and listens to your heavy breath. Again, he lies on you and he kiss you softly, while entering you. Both of you groan because of the new feelings flooding your bodies. His face is only millimetres away form your faces, your eyes stare back at his, swallowing all these emotions his eyes tell. He pulled completely out just to thrust into you again. It wasn’t quick, nor rough, you both just wanted to feel. He groans into your ear, muffling something you couldn’t quite understand. His lips took over yours, while his other hand took your cheek. You both are a panting mess. You move against him, wanting to feel him. Your finger brush over his back and you sense his scars, caress them as if they’re the most precious.  “I’m close.”, he told you, while his face is buried into your neck and you hold him to let go. He pumps a view times into you, until he pulls out completely and his semen spurts out all over your bed. It doesn’t matter right now.

He’s hovering over you, peppering your face with light kisses. You smile. He just lies beside you, instead of cleaning everything and himself like always. It his tick. His concentration is on you and for a moment he forgets it. He doesn’t say anything, only enjoying the silence and his fingers on your sensitive skin. Your hair and everything must be a mess but in Levi’s gaze I something that tells you otherwise. He takes you into his arms and you instantly feel his quick heartbeat.

This moment was more than everything you thought you deserve. I was the silence you both loved.

 “If you’ll die on me, I’ll kill you.”, he says and buries his nose in your hair. You chuckle. “same goes for me.”

Not long after you drift into a deep slumber. Levi’s awake for a while and he feels your heartbeat. “I love you.”, he whispers to your sleeping form, never telling you these words to your face. He doesn’t get to sleep. His mind is racing, because of the intimacy he never really experienced, but he tries; he would always try. 

#levi aot #levi ackerman #aot #smut

[venusfun]

2nd attempt lol

Hint:

Air dominant

Not Venus dominant

I had some thoughts about you being born on 2000, for some reasons I just feel like you are born under that year.

Assumingly you might have Gemini Sun and I get the feeling of born under late May?

With this:

♒ - Neptune and Uranus (probably obvious)

♐ - Pluto (obvious as well, imagine someone saying you have Aries Pluto lmao), Probably Sun with Capricorn mercury

♉ - Saturn

♊ and ♋ - Jupiter (mostly Gemini tho)

You said you aren't good in handling your emotions = minus points for earth and air(earth is stereotypically stable while air are more likely to rationalize their feelings but base on my idea Geminis are more sensitive tbh because they are ruled by mercury so the can be anxious and neurotic like Virgos)

Mars more in water signs and base on my feeling you seem like you have Cancer Mars or Virgo Mars(because they are neurotic)

Libra Rising? For some reasons I switched from Taurus to Libra because Taurus are more likely to be stable both mentally and physically while Libras are more harmony and balance in a group and when there's a fight you either leave or try to be the one who solves the fights.

The Moon is really quick in going to another sign so base on my intuition I would say Cancer Moon(10th house in moon is a sensitive moon placement) or Libra moon(1st house as well)

Sun in Sagittarius - 3rd House (honestly I even have some thoughts of you having a 3rd house stellium lmao)

Moon in Cancer or Libra - 1st or 10th house

Mercury in Capricorn(never will ever think of you having a fire mercury lmao, I just don't see fire energy from you) - 4th or 3rd house

Venus in Scorpio, Capricorn, or Aquarius - 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th house

Mars in Air or Water placements tbh - possible houses can be 11th, 4th, 6th, or 3rd

Jupiter in Gemini? - 9th or 8th

Saturn in Taurus - 7th

Uranus and Neptune in Aquarius - 5th, 4th, or 6th(more on 6th)

Pluto in Sagittarius - 3rd

I feel like you are someone who is adaptable and can easily blend in to your environment so Mutable dominant. Definitely not Mars, Pluto, and Sun dominant lmao. Minus Venus here. I feel like Mercury dominant? Just because you are Gemini influenced I believe. Quite an observation that many people think you have many Gemini placements and so do I believe in it😅

Yessss... Some placements are right!

I'm gonna give you reading, DM me when you read this.🌺

But y'all can still guess. There are a lot more💖

I think about doing around 7-10 readings (because readings aren't that detailed and big), so you can still try!

[whetstonefires]

god i am OBSESSED with the idea of future sephiroth confronting gillian. does he already know she committed suicide when confronted by angeal and tries to plan around it or does he just. notice theres poison in her tea and. set it on fire or something. i have to admit i really enjoy sephiroths opinion on gillian in angels.

OH WOW this is a lot. Lol okay, I’m gonna put all these asks in one rather than stringing them out.

I’m not sure Sephiroth knows any details about what happened with Gillian, but he read the report where Zack presumably wrote down something about how Angeal seemed to have killed his own mom, and he got a sort of follow-up impression later from Angeal’s ghost on the general subject of suicide, so he knows what she did, very generally, and when, and what the fallout was.

I think this version of him is even more annoyed with her than he is in Angels in fact, because he knows for a fact her choice heavily influenced Angeal’s, so he’s going to tear into her about responsibility and abandonment and influence and stuff.

XD Probably going to get his own issues all over that one, too. Sephiroth...doesn’t compartmentalize well outside of his basic system of ‘all the feelings go in this box which I intend to leave closed and then someday die,’ which as we all know didn’t work out.

(I feel bad about Gillian in Angels, I totally had an opportunity to unfridge her and stuck her right back in the coldbox because I didn’t want to deal with her impact on the narrative beyond the established impact of fucking Angeal up worse, which I wanted to explore.)

ALSO elmyra is more put together right? like shes a functioning person? because i feel like her perspective on sephiroth and aerith stubbornly Not Acknowledging whatever the hell is going on would be really funny. at this rate im going to have to go hunt down playthroughs of ffvii and crisis core so i can write fanfic. i mean technically i could just write fanfic but it feels weird writing fic without having interacted with the source material at all 

Elmyra is a functioning adult yes but she is also very long in the habit of not prying into Aerith’s Weird. I honestly cannot guess what she’d do in that situation, we don’t see enough of her! I’d have to make it up.

...I feel like it’s likely being forcibly recontextualized would be likely to break her and Aerith out of their pattern of pretending nothing’s going on, since presumably Elmyra wasn’t in the habit of telling people a fraction as much about Aerith’s backstory as she unloads onto the party after her kid gets kidnapped by Turks.

And lmao I mean yes you can write fic based entirely on fic, this is a fandom where it’s pretty common, even. Personally I couldn’t bear to, I just didn’t feel I had a sufficient grasp. And I was right! The fandom incarnations are lacking. Once I had played through the OG I had so much more to say, and vastly more nuanced grasp of character.

Personally also I cannot endure game playthroughs? I get awful brain static trying. The pacing. The experience of being confronted with a UI that says I’m in control, but not having it. I die. But for people who enjoy them they should work fine!

Also last I checked the original FFVII was available on Steam for like $20? You could probably play it.

ALSO ALSO because my brain is a disaster of random connections i keep picturing an au of angels wherein both angeal and sephiroth have traveled back in time but they dont realize immediately that the other one is also back in time. because! i dont have any context or anything but if they ended up having the whole what would you want me to do if you went insane and tried to destroy the world conversation it would be hilarious. sephiroth, having every single mental breakdown imaginable: uh 

Hahaha AU crossing over one of my time travel AUs with the AU of my AU you previously proposed! Hmmmm yeah. I feel like they’d notice something was off before too long? But they might get to a version of the ‘what would you want me to do’ conversation lmao.

I think this Sephiroth would honestly give very intense and detailed instructions on how to shut him down and only then be like ‘why do you ask? what do you know.’

...if Angeal explained his timeline all the way up through Advent Children and DoC,  this version of Sephiroth would not take it well. 😞

also now im back around to thinking about angels and zack was first class when genesis started degrading so that's probably a ways off right? unless they find a way to avoid it entirely but. at least he'll be a bit less desperate when he defects? if he defects i guess but he's too dramatic to not defect. whats he supposed to do let angeal be the dramatic one?? also ALSO if angeal and sephiroth both traveled back in time i think that would make genesis the most stable member of their group. wild.

He was Second Class, actually! He’d been recommended for promotion but it hadn’t gone through. They ultimately moved him up to First for killing Angeal, if you can believe it. Ghoulish, huh?

Well, technically they mostly promoted him for killing Genesis, who was much more of a threat. But Genesis faked his death and Angeal didn’t, and it wasn’t not for killing Angeal. It was all the same mission. I have no idea how Zack copes so well.

But yeah, the officially released timeline for CC claims Angeal &co are only about four years older than Zack, but the timeframes presented in the actual games suggest Sephiroth should have died around age 25, which is far enough from 21 to make a difference, and fits their character designs better. So I’m treating them as being about eight years older, with Genesis as the oldest, so Angeal has about three and a half years to work with before degradation originally kicked in.

But the trigger for that wasn’t necessarily a certain amount of time, so he can’t count on that schedule.

What Angeal does have is a Lifestream-side perspective on how Genesis got healed the first time around, so he knows to focus on the spiritual end of things over Science, which he knows failed to help, and this ups his odds of doing something useful in a useful amount of time considerably.

XD Too dramatic not to defect. Well.

also back to the time travel au what would tseng even do about sephiroth kidnapping aerith?? like he was the main one watching her right?? hes just hanging out and then sephiroth??? oh now hes got aerith??? what is he doing??? whats tseng even supposed to do in that situation

I don’t believe they have the manpower to keep up a constant guard? Tseng certainly does do other things, they just. Check in on her sometimes.

I don’t think it was ever truly clarified in canon whether Tseng was covering for Aerith somehow all those years, finding some weird wiggle room in the phrasing of his orders so he could put off admitting he’d found her or taking her in indefinitely so long as he didn’t lose track of her and let her get away, or if Hojo knew where she was and was just like ‘whatever, I don’t need her back right now, just keep an eye on my specimen and make sure she doesn’t die or escape.’

So it’s hard to know what he would do when we don’t 100% know what his reasoning was for the things he already did, or what kind of oversight he’s dealing with! Tseng is a difficult character for that reason.

-

Also while I do like getting asks, you should feel free to mix the contact approach up a bit when you have this much to say! This was a lot of content for this format. 😂 Tumblr chat IMs still mostly work, and there’s a link to my Discord server from my author page on AO3, where we’d love to have you. (It was proposed for people to talk about my fic, but much more often we wind up talking ffvii meta lmao. This is like...the midpoint of those two subjects so.)

#ffvii #angst train #hypothetical ficcing again #suicide mention #sephiroth #angeal hewley #aerith gainsborough #elmyra gainsborough #time travel #hoc est meum #all that jazz #aaaapplepi #ask

[lgcmax]

𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎 ! i’m coming to you with a very late intro, i know, but i swear i’m not usually this unprepared !! anyways, my name is jada, and this is my chaotic baby maxwell “ MAX ” choi ! i love him to death already and can’t wait to start writing with him ! i was here long ago with the short-lived yet beloved zhao chenglei, but life got in the way ! the two are very different, yet i’m even more stoked to be here the second time around & get things going ! i did create him kind of spontaneously, so his plots & bio page is still wip, but you can find his profile here, and some trivia & plot bunnies below ! oh, and LIKE THIS if you’d like to plot, maybe ? i’ll stop talking now, but i hope to hear from you soon !

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 !

first generation canadian who hails from toronto, canada ! a snow baby forever and always, he loved living there and has nothing but good memories there !

he was born maxwell choi, and he’s still called that by family and some old friends, but once he got to middle school he felt the name was too fancy and wasn’t fitting so dropped the “well” and just became MAX !

though he’s canadian, he’s never really felt he was lacking in terms of his korean identity ! both his parents were born and raised there, korean is actually his first language, and he was taught english through school. since he was two he’s been going to korea for the summer to visit his family, too,  so he’s always felt really connected to his culture !

his dad’s a car salesman at his own dealerhsip, and his mom’s an attorney, so he’s lived a really comfortable life. it’s easy to see where his charisma comes from, too ! growing up his dad was more involved in his upbringing, while his mom was on the colder side, so he’s closer to him as he’s the one who was the most loving toward him then and now !

he was expected to take over his dad’s position at the dealership when he was older, but as he grew up he noticed his absolute lack of passion for the career. he thought it fit his dad well, yet couldn’t see him doing something like that !

but during his teenage years he discovered his love for rap ! he always loved listening to it, but when he started rapping along he discovered his true passion.

he didn’t really know what to do with that, however, as it wasn’t a very stable career ! it wasn’t until 2016 when he met someone online through a video game & they became friends that things changed ! they would talk a lot & eventually they introduced him to the world of kpop and ... boom ! everything changed for him. when he realized it wasn’t all girls in frilly skirts ( which hey, wasn’t too bad either ) he found himself being engulfed in this entirely new music genre !

fast forward all the way to 2019, when he auditioned for the company ! it was in january, and there was no way he thought he was gonna make it. they were giving out cds to those who auditioned, and he really just wanted to hear some haru, but it was quite literally the biggest surprise of his life when he got accepted !

his mom was enitrely, and i mean e n t i r e l y, against the idea. she thought a career in the idol industry was fleeting and not profitable and thought it was an embarrassment for him to be apart of. while his father wasn’t thrilled and still has hopes for him to inherit the dealership, he was content seeing his son happy and hoped for his success.

so off max went, to the big city of seoul !! unlike some foreign trainees it wasn’t some great transition for him, in fact he adjusted pretty well ! he had the benefit of being well-travelled and having visited the country often, as well as being comfortable in his korean.

it wasn’t all peaches and roses, however, and he did have some difficulty ! it was the first time he was coming to stay, so he had a tendency to get homestick, and despite everything, he still stuck out. he had a lot of mannerisms, style choices, and just obvious indicators he was a foreigner. he also had to finish off the last semester of his senior year in korea, and he was bummed he missed out on those senior year experiences like graduation, senior parties, and just being with the people he’d grown up with !

whenever he was having trouble, he couldn’t really call home either, since he knew they doubted him and didn’t want to give them any more reason to ! he’s not really the type to share when he’s feeling down, so he really internalized a lot of his emotions at the time, and the bit that he didn’t he confided in with his few friends he’d made by then. definitely a bit of a rough patch for him !

he also may have had some trouble getting along with trainees ! he has a very blunt & extroverted personality, which didn’t really fit with typical korean social norms !

 aside from that, max was a LOT more chill than some of these people. he was passionate about rapping, but some trainees were “debut-or-die” level and he just wasn’t that far ! he’d just kind of look at them like .... why are you making this such a big deal ? i’m just here to have fun ?? so he had a tendency to slack off a lot during the first few months of training and try to bend the rules as much as he could behind the trainer’s backs without getting caught ! which i can imagine would get on some trainee’s nerves.

he does go to university, a condition by his parents for letting him go to korea. he’s a music production major and marketing minor at the moment, but he’s changed his mind quite a few times ! honestly, he’s not all that interested in attending school, but doesn’t have much of a choice and knows it’s an important backup should this whole idol thing not work ! he does enjoy the social life he gets from it, though, because he would’ve had a much harder time adjusting and meeting friends had he not been in school.

now, he’s still pretty sluggish, but after a few company punishments, he’s shaping up and learning how to work harder. he just passed his year anniversary training with the company, and though he has a lot to learn he’s showed promise in his time there !

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 !

very extroverted !!! and he always has been. he feels really comfortable and large environments and is the main reason he thrives as an idol ! can and will pick up a conversation with just about anyone, particularly those who aren’t like him but rather on the more introverted spectrum !

like stated before, he doesn’t really like talking about his emotions if they’re personal / negative. it makes him uncomfortable & awkward and thinks it makes everyone else feel that way too, so avoids it like the plague. if he’s emotional with you ... you’re a keeper !

tends to make light out of every scenario, due to his optimistic nature. he has the mentality that life’s too short to be stressed, so does his best to avoid it whenever he gets the chance ! it can be appropriate at times, and sometimes people perceive it as him not taking things seriously, but really he’s trying to make things better !

a little cocky, considering his lack of experience. he kind of thinks he’s the s***, and he honestly could use a little more humility ! but he’s used to being held on this sort of pedestal, and because of it has a looot of confidence a lot of the time !

very loyal, once you befriend him he’s yours for life ! he values trust and longevity in a friendship, so does his all to give it to you. on the other hand, if you lose his trust, things .... get a little disastrous. he isn’t one to forgive something like that and will quite literally block someone out his life if they do break his trust.

on that note ... he’s also very stubborn !! he likes things the way he wants them, and can hold a grudge for years if he wants to. this is one of the exceptions to his “ hakuna matata ” mentality lmao, but he’s working on it ! he used to have trouble accepting criticism from trainers if he didn’t agree with them, but is slowly getting better at listening to feedback in order to improve.

tends to be a little manipulative ! he doesn’t mean to use it maliciously, but it does sometimes go like that. like i said, he’s got that desire to win other’s over to get what he wants like his parents, so ... that can translate into a little deception !

loves loves loves video games !!! will talk about them all day, if you ask. he’s been hooked ever since the first time he got a controller in his hand and is always looking for some new gaming buddies !

has a secret tiktok account that he can’t really publicize but people have to know ?? he just renegades too good not to have some practice folks

he compulsively says “ let’s get it ” and “ boom ” like the joke he is and it’s a problem, really !! someone please call him out or just .... stop him

also !! he is entirely too CLUMSY for his good. he trips over people, trips over his own limbs, trips over a i r !! there’s just no telling with this guy. he’s so stupid when it comes to coordination, i swear, i almost worry he needs to see a doctor lmao !! but thank god for his clumsiness coming in handy at the exact moment he needs to have a little humility.

𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 !

the friend he played video games with who introduced him to kpop ( see above ) !! they’ve been friends for roughly 3 years now and they’re the reason he even considered pursuing a career as an idol, so i imagine they’ve grown pretty close ! since they played online, this person doesn’t have to be from canada, and really any muse that knew korean or english well enough to communicate back then ! 

are there any canadian muses ?? i’m not sure ! if there is, i’d love to have some childhood friends who he grew up with ! give me all the angst, softness, or romance that you can muster up !! i love a good backstory.

some friends who he spent the summers in korea with ! he visited june through august of every year, and sometimes spent other holiday breaks there. so there’s definitely a chance for them to grow close ! maybe even a short-lived romance where they hadn’t expected to meet again ??

a senior / older trainee who showed max the ropes ! while he knew a good deal about korea he didn’t have a clue about being a trainee, so definitely could’ve used a bit of help there !! unintentionally this person became a sort of parental figure to max, even if they didn’t mean to or if they’re not significantly older ! either way, they were his first real source of support since the move, and nowadays he’s still very close to them and looks to them for any sort of help or advice he needs !

pleeeeease give him a little crush !! he goes out his way to impress those that he likes, and turns into a true softie !! on the other hand, a bitter exes plot or even exes on good terms could be fun too ! can you tell i’m a romantic yet ? 😥

someone who’s entirely put off by the thought of max ! someone who, unlike him, is planned, logical, or very cutthroat and passionate about becoming an idol ! give me someone to nitpick him for his lifestyle, and someone for him to bicker with and just create a little drama !! 

video game buddies !! he doesn’t have the whole setup like he used to back home, but he does nearly always have his switch on him if your muse is in the mood for a little friendly competition !! fair warning .... he does get competitive !

male dorm h and male rookie evening trainee group gang, let’s go !! that’s a lot to say, but in simple terms, if your muse trains or dorms with him let’s get something going ! max is still a new trainee and needs some friends to spend the long days with, he promises to  make it worth their while !! max has the power of making nearly every scenario entertaining, after all !

#lgc:intro #this is so late i'm sorry :c #but i filled this to the brim with content !! #also tysm for the cute welcomes !! i've heard my notifs going off & am getting to everything asap !! #also i'll rb this tomm !!

[sallyrooneyprotagonist]

how did you come to terms with being a lesbian? i have been questioning my sexuality for a loooooong time (meaning that im pretty sure i don’t like boys like /that/), but i’m trying to convince myself that i DO like them just to not disappoint my parents...

idk if i can really be helpful because really the simple answer to how i came to terms with being a lesbian is time. now a more nuanced answer: back in the day when i was younger i identified as a lesbian, so this has been something that has been on my mind for years and it was like in the back burner because i’m one of those people who run away from things and avoid them until there comes a point when you can’t anymore and then i dive headfirst. so basically i guess i gave myself time to sort of ease into it. still during that time i identified as bisexual so i tried to form meaningful romantic relationships with guys i thought i should like for xy reason (the last one was just five months ago lmao) but for obvious reasons, they all failed because i was trying to force something that was just not gonna happen which just made me miserable and literally made me consider for a while just being single until i die. i didn’t want to continue thinking like that so i guess one day i just really sat down and asked myself if i could see myself getting married to a guy out of romantic love and the answer was no. i asked myself if i could imagine myself having sex with a guy and enjoying it without any objections and the answer was no. and finally i asked myself if i could see myself just dating a guy, not because i felt like i had to, but because i really wanted to, like could i have any level of intimacy with a guy that was purely romantic and as my past experiences have shown, the answer was no. and when it comes to girls the answer to all those questions has always been and probably will always be yes.

that little mind test really freaked me out, but i continued on and i had a very long conversation with one of my best friends irl (who’s also not straight) where i literally talked about everything and that was really cathartic even though at the end of that day i still wasn’t completely on board with calling myself a lesbian. the reason i decided to ~face my truth~ was honestly because i saw a tweet which i can’t even remember what it said but it made me go like “fuck it i’m clearly a lesbian jenice let’s just embrace it” 

one thing that really helped me face this though is that the past year i’ve taken great efforts to actually take care of myself (something i never did in hs or middle school) and i also went back on medication so my mental health got way better and due to my mental state and my sexuality being so intertwined (because i had to deal with my first mental breakdown and me realizing i like girls at the same time) being somewhat stable makes me feel better about my sexuality because i don’t completely hate myself now

also. i’ve always thought that when it comes to sexuality if you’re questioning if you’re a specific one then you most likely are but still that’s a thing that only you can realize

getting past the disappointing your parents thing is something i haven’t gotten over with which is why i’m closeted to my family. like i think that you sort of need to divorce yourself of that idea for a while and just pretend for a second that that’s not a factor and at least then you can admit to yourself ~your truth~ because it’s important to be truthful to yourself. and just because you realize you’re a lesbian that doesn’t mean you have to come out immediately. you can keep it to yourself for a while and slowly begin the never ending process of coming out when you feel safe and sure of who you are

hope this helped even just a little bit idk 

#honestly not to be cliche but it's a journey and you really just have to go along for the ride #because the more you resist the unhappier you'll be #asks

[aquarianlights]

I reaaaally just fucking wish I knew where I belonged and who I belonged with. Not in a romantic sense. . .I don’t really wanna be with a human being in a romantic sense anymore (not that it won’t happen, but. . .I don’t crave it or desire it, tbh), but I want to know where I end up. . .platonically.

Which friends actually, really care. . .who is going to be there for me in the tough times no matter what. . .who is going to take the time to figure out when I’m lying about something or not. . .who is going to put aside their problems for me like I would for them. . .

I hate to be that guy, but I am literally surrounded 24/7 by people who are depressed. Not just. . .normal depressed, but have very prevalent depression among other things. The kind that either keeps you awake for days or makes you sleep for weeks. The kind that makes you so unmotivated that you can’t do anything other than exist. The kind that makes you feel worthless for just existing. Not suicidal. . .just depressed as all hell. And that’s fine, like. . .If you’re my friend and you have depression, I will be there for you. Absolutely. But. . .Just having gotten over a lifetime of that specific kind of depression PLUS suicidal ideation and a whole slue of suicide attempts/self harm myself and finally being in a stable place is. . .hard. I’m glad none of them are suicidal or self harming like I was, but being around the atmosphere both irl and online is. . .difficult for me. Since my “official” recovery is so recent and my stability is so fragile.

I WANT to be there for my friends no matter what. . .I WANT to be a support system to everyone I love because I’m NOT going through that anymore. My psych meds are stable, I am in a much better place (mentally and emotionally and. . .honestly, physically, too), I actually HAVE the ability to motivate myself and to get up and do things when I want/need to, I have the ability to meet deadlines, I have the ability to change my attitude, I have the ability to use coping mechanisms. . .which, I don’t think even some neurodivergent people (even people with general depression) understand that certain types of depression, like the ones I had and my friends have, make you literally unable to even utilize coping mechs even when you know them and try to use them. This kind of depression disables your ability to even try or WANT to change your mood. Not being in their heads and being unable to feel empathy, obviously I can’t speak for them and say they experienced this type of thing like I did. . .but from personal experience, that is the kind of shit I was dealing with.

And now that my psych meds are stable and I’m in a decent place? It’s unreal the things I am able to accomplish. I’m still not where I want to be and idk if I ever will be, but I’ll be damned if I stop striving at any point in my life. As long as I am able-bodied and able-minded, I will fucking strive for the highest star. Because, honestly, if I were not able-bodied and didn’t have the ability to even TRY to cope and move forward like in the past. . .I don’t know if I could go on, personally. I’d like to think I’d be able to. . .but I imagine that if I ever did become physically disabled, I’d end up being one of those people whose depression relapses and they end up locked in a small apartment by themselves unable to leave and unable to do anything and all their friends leave them because they don’t even bother trying anymore. I’m not gonna pretend to know what would actually happen, because I don’t. There are plenty of people who have the will to surpass their physical and/or mental limitations and move forward with their lives (or just cope in general). . .I just don’t think I would be one of those people. I think my depression relapse would just. . .KO me. Like, 1-hit KO. I don’t think I could even get through the recovery phase. . .I’m not strong at all. I never have been.

I’d like to think I’m stronger now. . .I’ve been holding it together in this atmosphere for over a month, both with irl friends and online friends. But. . .Idk. Sometimes I feel like I need a breather. And idk how to even get one, tbh. I leave and be alone. . .go to a coffee shop. . .walk around the quarter. . .or even just walk around side streets around here. . .But, then I feel too lonely and return. But then I get back and begin to feel that overwhelming sense of an impending breakdown and I ...don’t know how much more I can handle? I’d like to think I can rise above all of this and just continue to be stable and generally okay, sometimes even happy. . .and continue progressing towards a full recovery. . .but I’m not sure if I can.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m going to keep pushing and I am giving myself no room for doubt in my mind when I question myself whether I can keep going or not. Even if all the voices in my head are saying “No, you can’t.”, I just push back and say “Yes, you fucking can.” And normally that is enough. If it’s not, then I medicate myself and go the hell to sleep. Or I change the atmosphere entirely. Either by driving someplace a ways from here and chilling in my car for a few hours or overnight. . .or by just walking out or going to a different friend’s house for a while. Change up the company, change up the atmosphere. . .It helps. I didn’t used to have the ability to do that. I do now. And I am most definitely utilizing it. . .

It’s just fucking hard when almost every single person around you, both irl and virtually, is depressed just like you used to be and you’re so early into your full recovery.

I don’t want to play around with psych meds anymore. . .I finally found something that works for me and I want to fucking keep it that way. I don’t want to end up in another ward. Ever. I’ve been in too many and I am one step away from getting sent permanently to a state ward if I’m not careful with suicidal and homicidal actions. Aggression problems are a bitch.

Idk. . .I’m rambling. I need to get on top of my schoolwork. I just need a lighter, fluffier atmosphere. . .The weather is getting to be really nice and cool out (FINALLY) and it’s ALMOST HALLOTHANKSMAS! Which is my favourite goddamn time of the year. If you haven’t seen me around Christmas time yet. . .oh. Get ready. Lmao. I turn into a fucking golden retriever puppy. . .Hahaha.

Okay, no seriously, I have a bunch of schoolwork to do. lololol.

#personal #depression #tw: depression #idk what else to tag as ahhhhh

[bangtan-spells]

92 Truths~  tag game

Rules:  write 92 truths about yourself then tag 25 people.

Thanks to @ulookatme-ilookintoyou for taggin us 💕

Em👸🏽

LAST…

[1] drink: Cold green tea!

[2] phone call: Called my aunt to please pick me up hahaha

[3] text message: I think it was to the same aunt.

[4] song you listened to: Fun by Troye Sivan.

[5] Time you cried: yesterday evening, I’m super sensitive for a lot of things going on in my life so yeah, I was talking about it and cried a lil tiny bit

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice: uh no (don’t think I would anyway)

[7] Been cheated on: hmmm let’s say no, but I think one of my boyfriends did, I’m just not 100% sure about it, the asshole...

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes! it was a friendship sacrifice so... but still yuck.

[9] lost someone special: Yes, but not recently.

[10] Been depresed: Yes, been there.

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: lol yes, and I don’t like to remember those times, thank you very much.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

[12] White

[13] Pink

[14] Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: Met a lot of people, but I don’t consider them friends yet whatsoever.

[16] fallen out of love: Nah

[17] laughed until you cried: Of course! it’s one of life’s pleasures

[18] found ppl were talking about you: nothing bad actually, just nice things, I’m cool like that 😎

[19] met someone who change you: I guess not?

[20] found out who your true friends are:They are the same as always!

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: No

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Most of them, I’m not that active on fb anyways.

[23] do you have any pets: No, sadly.

[24] do you want to change your name: Well, this is tricky, I’m not the biggest fan of my name but I guess it’s alright to keep it.

[25] what did you do your last birthday: Chilled with grandpa and slept on his bedroom hahaha, I celebrated it like 9 days later.

[26] what time did you wake up: 5:10am (dying internally)

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Talking with a friend and simultaneously reading one of the new requests we got for Jin that I finished (I’m my number one fan💞 gotta keep myself going)

[28] name something you cannot wait for: Leaving this country.

[29] when was the last you saw your mother: I honestly can’t recall exactly, like two months? one, or more? something of the sort.

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I guess my personal health, if I could.

[31] what are you listening right now: Touch by Troye Sivan!

[32] have you talked to someone named Tom: Never.

[33] something that is gettin on your nerves: Inefficient people! jesus freaking christ, I’ve been dealing with them the whole day and I just hate it, I don’t have time for inefficiency  because other’s don’t freaking do what they have to!!!

[34] most visited websibe: Have to be tumblr and youtube.

[35] elementary: Finished, I was cute, naive and nerdy.

[36] high school: Finished, I was a cool nerd through that hahaha.

[37] college: Finished two years ago! I was cooler and fabulous, burned my eyelashes studying in almost every semester, college made me grow up a lot and learn a lot of things about myself and others, I’m glad it’s already over but it was a good experience🤓

[38] hair color: Dark brown.

[39] long or short hair: I’m fan of both, but currently I’m digging long hair the most.

[40] do you have a crush on someone: Awn, yes, I actually met such a fine man past week, I’m speechless, he’s boyfriend material and I’m 8 out of 10 seeing him at work very soon again aaaahhh

[41] what do you like about yourself: Physically, my body shape, my freckles and beauty/birth marks, my eyes, my voice, my hands. About my personality, hmmm, my endurance, my drive to succeed, my constancy, my imagination, my strong will, my confidence on the days it shines. I’m trying to tell myself the things I love about me more.

[42] piercings: On my ears only.

[43] blood type: B-

[44] nickname: Em, Enicito, Yani, some in my family call me maravillita which is something like little wonder too.

[45] relationship status: Single (but mentally in a long term relationship wih my alpha boyfriend Jin 💕 )

[46] zodiac sign: I’m a Scorpio babe.

[47] pronouns: She/Her

[48] fav tv show: GOT, Say Yes To The Dress, Cupcake War, the gourmet channel, oh and what not to wear.

[49] tattoos: A tiny one on my right ribs.

[50] right or left hand: I use the right.

FIRST…

[51] surgery: None yet.

[52] piercings: None besides the ones on my ears.

[53] best friend: Mars💖

[54] sport: Llike the first I played? idk must have been volleyball, it was the only one I was good at.

[55] Vacations: God, must have been to the capital I suppose.

[56] pair of trainers: I have no idea what this is.

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: Pineapple.

[58] drinking: Cold green tea.

[59] im about to: Get into bed and probably talk until late with a friend that is staying over.

[60] listening to: Shape Of You, by Ed Sheeran (love,love,love)

[61] waiting for: Success, luck and wealth in my future!

[62] want: A big big chocolate bar, I’m craving it, oh and flips too but I’m currently banned from buying sweets.

[63] get married: Hopefully I will someday with Mr. Right.

[64] career: I’m a Lawyer.

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: both, but I’m picking hugs.

[66] lips or eyes:  I recently discovered I have a thing for full lips, but I’m still picking eyes for this.

[67] shorter or taller: On the man I like? Taller❤️ in anybody else, whatever.

[68] older or younger: I guess older.

[69] romantic or spontaneous: Awn both, I cannot...

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: Nice arms to pick me up with because I’m a princess!!! 🙈

[71] sensible or loud: Let’s say sensible,but not that sensible.

[72] hook up or relationship: hahaha what is this? this depends of the situation and person you’re being with, but a relationship it is.

[73] troublermaker or hesitant:  A perfect mixture of both. Hesitancy gets on my nerves and a total troublemaker would get on my bad side sometimes.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: Yeah.

[75] drank hard liquor: Yes, in this country you go ride or die with liquor.

[76] lost glasses/contac lenses: Yes, when I was a child I lost my glasses.

[77] turned someone down: Yes.

[78] sex on the first date?:  Not yet honey.

[79] broken someone’s heart: I guess not? Idk

[80] had your heart broken?: Yes, it’s all part of experience, makes you learn good things for the rest of your life.

[81] been arrested?: No.

[82] cried when someone died?:Yes, when my grandma did.

[83] fallen for a friend: I had a crush on a friend once.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself: Absolutely, I try to always do it.

[85] miracles?: Yes

[86] love at first sight?: No. Attraction at first sight on the other hand, yes.

[87] santa clouse?: hahaha I will if he brings me gifts. I need new makeup Santa, please.

[88] kiss on the first date?: Yes, if the feel is right.

[89] angels?: A total yes for this.

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Mars 👸💞

[91] eye color: Dark brown

[92] favorite movie: The Corpse Bride it’s an all time favorite, no matter my age.

Mars 👸🏻

LAST…

[1] drink: Black coffee. 

[2] phone call: The bank, cries.

[3] text message: a friend to meet up later!

[4] song you listened to: Sexy Movimiento by Wisin Y Yandel (why every time I do these things I’m listening to reggaeton???)

[5] Time you cried: I don’t know, two weeks ago, yey, beating records right here, no cry no more. 

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice: Yes, and it’s no fun lmao.

[7] Been cheated on: Yes.

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it: Oh yes, I wish I could unkiss.

[9] lost someone special: Yes.

[10] Been depresed: Yes.

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: Yeah lol more than I’d like to admit.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

[12] Pink

[13] Black

[14] Grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: Yes, some didn’t last but yeah.

[16] fallen out of love: No.

[17] laughed until you cried: Yes!!! and oh god it’s the best feeling ever.

[18] found ppl were talking about you: Yes yes, good and bad, but we can’t control what other people do or think so...

[19] met someone who change you: Nah.

[20] found out who your true friends are:I found out this a long time ago.

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: No.

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: I don’t use Facebook lol but when I had one I knew a lot.

[23] do you have any pets: Yes!!! Her name is Paris and she’s a beautiful Alaskan Malamute, so beautiful although we are not together at the moment, cries❤️💔

[24] do you want to change your name: Not anymore, there was a time I wanted a cooler name but the hell, my name is pretty.

[25] what did you do your last birthday: I had a great day at NYC, it was amazing, I went to sephora and then ate japanese, what else could I have asked for??

[26] what time did you wake up: 8am!

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Writing!! Yes Yes, I was writing a Taehyung scenario.

[28] name something you cannot wait for: Being economically stable on my own.

[29] when was the last you saw your mother: A week ago, I won’t see her for a long time, gonna miss that girl and her amazing cooking.

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I have to be more motivated.

[31] what are you listening right now: Beautiful by Crush, one minute reggaeton and one minute this, that’s how my brain works lol.

[32] have you talked to someone named Tom: No.

[33] something that is gettin on your nerves: My bank!!!! I cannot deal with banks.

[34] most visited websibe: Tumblr or youtube. 

[35] elementary: Finished, following Em’s line I’d say I was mischievous and rebellious.

[36] high school: Finished, I was a rebel for the most part, but I was pretty cool and popular so it was fun lol

[37] college: Same as Em I finished two years ago (wow it’s been a while) I had many stages at college, I studied a lot, but I also partied a lot, I knew a lot of people and did a lot of crazy things, some things weren’t the best but at the end it was all great because I learned a lot.

[38] hair color: Dark brown.

[39] long or short hair: Long hair all the way.

[40] do you have a crush on someone: No, and I’m kind of angry because I want a crush lmao, but I’vent find someone I like recently.

[41] what do you like about yourself: Well let’s start physically, I love my hands and my legs, I like how I’m a bit short but my body shape is elegant since I have long and slender legs and arms. I love my hair, my lips, my a+ boobs no shame here. And about my personality I love my imagination, the way I speak, I love how I can be both very friendly but very reserved at times, I love the way I can adapt to certain things, I love my empathy to others, I love many things about myself!

[42] piercings: Right now two on both ears.

[43] blood type: A.

[44] nickname: Mars, here on tumblr. Mary, Pachi, Garza (which is heron in spanish).

[45] relationship status: Single, of course Min Yoongi would beg to differ but I’m not an easy girl 😈

[46] zodiac sign: Sagittarius.

[47] pronouns: She/Her

[48] fav tv show: GoT, The Walking Dead, What not to wear, everything in discovery id, American Horror Story, etc.

[49] tattoos: None.

[50] right or left hand: Right.

FIRST…

[51] surgery: Just one.

[52] piercings: I got one in my tongue once, I’m telling you, I was a rebel lmao.

[53] best friend: My first best friend was named Natasha, she’s an awesome girl, I’ve seen her in a while but I wish her the best!

[54] sport: I don’t remember the first I played, but I was in tennis classes once so...

[55] Vacations: To Margarita I guess, we traveled a lot while I was a child and I don’t remember. 

[56] pair of trainers: What?

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: Nothing.

[58] drinking: I finished my coffee a while ago.

[59] im about to: Either write or go out.

[60] listening to: Not Today by BTS.

[61] waiting for: The plans for today to know what I’m going to wear.

[62] want: More makeup, more money, more love. But chicken and beer would be nice too.

[63] get married: Yes yes, I hope someday.

[64] career: I’m a Lawyer.

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: I like both, but I’m picking kisses today!

[66] lips or eyes: Eyes!

[67] shorter or taller: My man has to be taller than me, which is not difficult lol

[68] older or younger: Older?

[69] romantic or spontaneous: Both are amazing.

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: Nice arms, and nice hands!!!! If he doesn’t have nice hands I cannot. 

[71] sensible or loud: Sensible.

[72] hook up or relationship: It depends on the person, because there are guys who are just for hooking up, but I want a relationship, so, relationship it is.

[73] troublermaker or hesitant:  I don’t know, too hesitant is boring, too troublesome would be annoying. Something in the middle I guess.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: Yes.

[75] drank hard liquor: Yes, sometimes fun, sometimes it isn’t lol

[76] lost glasses/contac lenses: Yes.

[77] turned someone down: Yes.

[78] sex on the first date?:  Yes lmao, for the fun!

[79] broken someone’s heart: Yes.

[80] had your heart broken?: Yes, it hurts a lot but then you feel like you are another person which is a great feeling by the way.

[81] been arrested?: No.

[82] cried when someone died?:Yes, it hurts to say goodbye.

[83] fallen for a friend: Nah, friends are just friends.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself: Yes! At least is what I mean.

[85] miracles?: Yes

[86] love at first sight?: Not love love, but like, the feel that you Have to get to know that person.

[87] santa clouse?: I wish.

[88] kiss on the first date?: If we both are into it and I think it’d be good then yeah sure.

[89] angels?: Yes.

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Em 💞

[91] eye color: Dark brown

[92] favorite movie: I have a lot of favorite movies, how can you do this?? But two of my all time favorites are Gone Girl and Memoirs of a Geisha.

We tag everyone who wants to to do this!!! Love you all!!!

#long post #tag game #about us