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jlf23tumble · 5 years

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Harry or Mary Berry: The Resurrection (5/??)

...and, honestly, this is all I have at the mo, but I'm keeping my ao3 WIP status strong in case a) someone submits something they want me to match up, or b) I dream of the perfect pairing during a dull meeting someday when I'm most in need of a distraction. That's how I stay awake in dull meetings, in fact, just dreaming up shitposts. Related: my bulging "undefined" folder, which sometimes leads to great zodiac shitposts but oftentimes leads to "hey, here's Harry Styles gumming a toothbrush over the years, you're welcome" shitposts...and come to think of it, I used to call those "filed under: nobody asked", and I really should get back on my bullshit and do them because they're funnnn, but that's not what today is all about. Nope, today is all about two style icons...legends, even.

Exhibit A = glittery gold. Look, glittery gold is a DIFFICULT look to pull off at any time other than 11:45 pm on 31 December, but goddammit if these two aren't inspiring me to put on a glittery gold cape just to go meet my friend Meghan for lunch (I'd imagine she'd be mildly startled, but she's a "go with the flow" type of gal, and lunch on Tuesday is JUST boring enough to actually demand sparkle, so hmmmm, HMMMMM, much to think about):

Whilst I'm thinking about all things lunch, might as well grab that Arizona Iced Tea that's calling my name and send a ginormous thank you to @justlarried for her epic post from almost two years (!!!!!) ago (http://justlarried (dot) tumblr (dot) com/post/167355599878/harry-as-arizona-iced-teas). I'd link this properly, but then searching for this post in the future would be fucked, and don't even get me started on how stupid the entire concept of "fixing" rogue porn bots by making it impossible to search YOUR OWN BLOG is, ratcha fratcha, enjoy that (and this!) tea, lmao:

Remember one of my earlier installments in this series, when I pointed out the fun fact that Mary doesn't wear green, like, true green, like, ever? You only really catch true green on her when it's part of a plant or a floral motif, but then she'll fucking wear chartreuse??? Out in the wild? Like, whut???? CHARTREUSE. That is a TOUGH color, and putting it on old white ladies wouldn't be my starting point, but these two grans look great! What kind of sorcery??

You’ll never catch me wearing a puffy vest, wanna know why? My circulation is so poor that my fingers turn white and dead in the frozen aisle at Trader Joe's, let alone on the cold streets of England, sleeves are fucking vital, so these two must be extremely hot blooded, and that honestly makes so much sense? Or maybe they both have extremely good circulation, which, I guess also makes sense?? Anyway, enjoy this be-vested glory:

“The people look like flowers at last,” send tweet (--Harry Styles, circa 2014, presumably). I donut get that one, but I’m sure rbb had his reasons, and I’m forever fond of them both in flowers, just a couple of petals, really, and I could spend all day attaching nonsensical Harry Styles tweets to old white lady photos (!!!!!!!! IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!), so I’ll stop myself here:

I'll revisit this series someday, but these two are so quiet right now that all I can conclude is that they're enjoying some well-deserved time off, maybe even secretly baking shit together, sipping some gin and splitting a spliff while the snow falls (who am I kidding, one of them invited the other over to their palatial summer estate in the Bahamas, fuck snow). Mary's probably fond of a loose-fitting striped trouser (though she doesn't seem to approve of newsie caps...for sure, she loves jeans), and Harry's obviously fond of cardigans and pearl necklaces. They both enjoy pink socks (this is a head canon, don’t @ me). Mayhaps this future post is writing itself!

#harry styles #mary berry #harry or mary berry #honestly i told myself i was done and now i want to attach nonsensical bougie harry styles tweets to photos of mary berry #and/or do one last one with Harry's current style

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tearsinmysoupp · 5 years

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LET GO BY AVRIL WAS THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME F PITCHFORK

Hey all,

I wish I could be a little less cliche with the whole tumblr thing, but this is what it is, and this is where we are, soooooooooooooooo sometimes you have to take a deep breathe and say “yolo I am making a tumblr.”

Where are we today? My Dad’s at this very moment. But sheesh. To tell everyone the truth, I have no fucking clue how we got here. And by “here,” I mean HERE. (RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.)

Life is feeling very strange right now and I am sorry this is in blog format instead of LIVE on periscope. I suck. I know, ok? So try to forgive me.

So let’s just talk here, and catch up on WTF is newwwwwwwwwwwwww

Well things have been CHAOTIC to say the least. I have every middle aged person who attended my graduation (with the exception of my mother) at my Dad’s house breathing down my neck, so I know what you must be thinking: “TARYN!!!!! NOOOOO, WHAT IS IT LIKE TO NOT HAVE THE SPACE NEEDED TO FULLY EXPRESS YOURSELF ON PERISCOPE?!?!HOW ARE YOU SURVIVING WITHOUT YOUR ART?!?!?”

GUYS, let me tell you THIS: it has been incredibly challenging not having the proper space or time to CREATE my art. It has been hard having people come to basically babysit my 22 year old ass. Pathetic, I know.

But sometimes you have lupus and a weird tick borne infection (BARTONELLA) that impact your mental health come up and you need the extra help, so you just have to pat yourself on the back and remember that BENJAMIN BUTTON had it worse than you. (spoiler alert: the guy literally is born an old man and reverses as he ages and eventually becomes A BABY!!!!!! which totally sucks. I feel for the guy.)

Sorry for the caps guys.. Really just trying emphasize how humiliating this is in a semi-humorous/self deprecating way. But in all seriousness, this EXPERIENCE has been so humbling. From panic attacks in parking lots to not being able to talk to crazy hives, I have been living it up in ways I hope to never live through again.

So what have I been doing with all of my time? Now that I am officially unemployed or #takingaleaveofabsencefromwork, I have been feeling pretty fucking weird. No school, no work, just me. WOW. And my family .. wooooo. turn up.

Last couple days has been managing my allergic reaction and I had to go off my antibiotics, so that was damage control and as a result I felt foggy and weirdly more depressed than usual, so that SUCKED.

Yesterday, things got back to normal as far as feeling like myself even though my right eye was still a little puffy from the allergic reaction from hell. Things being better as far as my mental health goes were a result of me taking my antibiotics, which is pretty crazy when you think: “my anti-FUCKING-biotics” are making me SANE. And let me clarify, these antibiotics are not just making me SANE, but I haven't felt even a little bit of anxiety while on them, which would lead one to suspect that my issues with my mental health were not rooted in my “psyche,” instead, these issues were part of a disease process #TURNTHEFUP !!!

Ok but continuing.. WHAT DO I DO??!?!?! 2 days into this thing so far. Today, I found myself being fucking furious with pitchfork. I hate to say it, but pitchfork is the worst. They do album reviews where they rate an album 0-10, which is problematic, because art, music, whatever IS SUBJECTIVE, and it is based on who is fucking consuming it, so to RATE something 0-10 is so backwards and stupid that UGH!!!!!!!

And this is not even the worst part... JUST wait for it guys. So I kind of lost my shit when I saw this: Avril Lavigne’s album Let Go in 2002, the one with Sk8r boi, complicated, I’m with you, ECT was rated a 6.6 by some girl in DECEMBER 2018..... I know guys. Try to contain your rage, because I know this is complete bullshit.

For some reason, Pitchfork feels the need to have an opinion on everything, so it is reviewing influential albums of the past and rating them NOW? There is so much wrong here that I need to stop talking about it because my BLOOD PRESSURE IS THROUGH THE ROOF!!!!!! (jk but I am getting heated) “LET GO by AVRIL WAS THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME”-KANYE

But seriously, someone on Pitchfork gave Greta Van Fleet a 1.6, which to be real was a unfair rating of their album, but yeah, Pitchfork can be the kiss of death to smaller groups who are just getting started. Good news is that Greta Van Fleet had a solid fan base who rejected Pitchfork’s review, so they are all good. Also, things really do not get scored at like a 1.6. Like Pitchfork sucks but not THAT BAD, so I wouldn't be surprised if the author of that review did that to personally spite that group or someone in that band lmao. DAYM #DRAMAALERT

Moving on my friends, I got lit off of that. So I hate Pitchfork. THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG.

Talking about something I do like: James Blake’s new album “Assume Form.” Prior to this release, his albums focused on feelings of isolation or alienation whereas this one centers on intimacy, so unsurprisingly it is unlike anything he has put out before. QUITE THE PLOT TWIST. Would highly recommend “Power on.” Blake is able to capture a feeling or situation that feels familiar while also having vocals that sound like butter.

POWER ON LYRICS:

“I thought I might be better dead, but I was wrong I thought everything could fade, but I was wrong I thought I'd never find my place, but I was wrong And where I least wanted to look, it came along I thought sex was at my pace, but I was wrong I thought it mattered more I'd say, but I was wrong I thought you were second place to every song I thought you'd overstayed your welcome I was wrong, power on, power on

Have you ever coexisted (Power on) So easily? Let's go home and talk shit about everyone Let's go home, finally”

HERE IS THE LINK TO THIS SONG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZe3mq9EJ90 -------------------

RELATABLE?!?!?!? let me know WTF IS UP fam. HMU tearinmysoupp on insta/twitter. Email is [email protected] ily

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