I, your extremely hospitable and reliable real estate agent, am going to show you 8 homes for you to choose from! Lets get on with it, shall we?
(Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie, Luda Mae, Monty and Thomas) Hewitt Residence
A huge, grand two-story country home in the middle of butt crack nowhere and in desperate need of a good paint job and some repairs but for all the trauma it has endured, I’d say it’s doing pretty well. Imagine a fresh new coat of white, maybe blue paint on those pillars and whatever you like on the tin roof- can you not imagine drinking iced tea (// Or sweet tea) on that porch on a Texas afternoon, when the air’s just cooling down? I can, and its glorious.
The only slight issue is, ah… there were some murders… and theirs still a tiny, faint gore smell in the basement…
But nothing perfume cant fix!!
(Edward) Underwood, (Freddy, Loretta and Kathrine) Krueger and (Donald, Marge and Nancy) Thompson Residence
A perfect American family home located in Ohio! Its got beautiful colour, plenty of windows for sunlight and a luscious green garden- you could happily raise your 2.5 kids here. Close to a school district, right in the heart of town, close to neighbours! Now, like the first home, this does have a slight basement blood and rust smell, but when you’re raising kids who has time to hang out with the boiler?? Haha, moving on!
Of course, the area is known for misplacing a few children over the years so, um, just sleep on it okay?
(Stu, Ghostface #2) Macher Residence
HOUSE PORN, MUCH?? This is a magnificent, 2 story wonder that clearly looks gorgeous in the dusk light.
The ambulance and the police cars? Oh, don’t- don’t pay attention to that. There was a, um, an accident. A few accidents, but if you ask me their was a happy ending!- moving on!
(Jerry I thought you were going crop those out!!)
(Edith, Peter, Judith, Laurie Strode / Cynthia and Michael) Myers Residence
This is a modest home in The Prairie State, good for a small family. Not much of a front yard as you can see, but its for certain got character! And a history, that I’m legally forced to make you aware of but that’s for later. Not until you’ve seen how wonderful it is on the inside, so come come! Lets continue the tour!
Now, the previous owner is still snooping around a bit, which is Michael, the not-at-all menacing looking fellow with the white mask, and he has insisted on presenting his own home- so sorry you can’t see the front door. Keep your eye on him, he’s after yo-
Ah, the house. He wants the house, still. Yeah.
(Grandpa, Drayton, Paul / Chop Top, Nubbins and Bubba) Sawyer Residence
Another Texan property! Now, this one isn’t quite as huge as the last but I assure you it has just as much character, maybe more. Due to the fresh paint job and gorgeous wood linings, much less work would have to be put into it by the new owner which is a huge weight lifted off your wallet compared to the old Hewitt house. Now, this one is still situated in blissful nowhere, so you and your family may enjoy your own splendid isolation- You don’t have to be British.
Sounds great, yes? Well I haven’t even told you the best part! As a package deal, this home comes with a small business, a gas station just a 5 minute drive down the highway from the residence. Now not only is this relieving your wallet, but filling it too!
I’m also bound to inform you that no less then 6 murders occurred here but… um… I think the killers died? Its-unknown-their-identities-or their-current-location.
But just look at that garden! Beautiful!
Oops, that’s um… the wrong picture…
(Margaret and Carrie) White Residence
Now, this house is lovely!! A front porch, big enough for two chairs and a small table, gorgeous gentle blue paint job that contrasts with the surrounding greenery so peacefully.
Similar to the Krueger home, its close to a
shutdownhighschool, and also a whole Prom of teenage children were massacred one night and we still don’t really know what happened but oh well.
(Penny) Wise Residence
Its a lil bit of a fixer-upper.
Sawyer Residence #2- Without the fire and angry gunmen. Well, one angry gunman.
Bill Moseley is not part of the house deal, I’m sorry, so please I’m going to have to ask you to ignore the adult man holding a shotgun on the front porch while we conduct our tour.