KILMENY OF THE OLD ORCHARD READALONG.
Ladies, Gentleman and Everyone in Between & Beyond, may I kindly introduce a honourable member of an elite Club of LMM CATS™, our new Royalty:
Sir Timothy the Cat:
Sir Timothy The Cat (Timothy to the few chosen ones Sir Timothy views as worthy of his friendship) Williamson, resides in Lindsay (Prince Edward Island) alongside his adoring parents: Mrs. and Mr. Williamsons. He enjoys being petted and praised, as well as eating first-class bacon from Mr. Robert's (his father's) plate.
Sir Timothy's favourite treat is a bowlful of fresh cream.
Sir Timothy never forgets his manners, eats in a dainty way, and purrs in a resonant gratitude.
Sir Timothy has his own special place on the kitchen bench (warning: the place is NOT to be sat on by anyone else but Sir Timothy).
The other place Sir Timothy finds agreeable is the top of the dresser, where he is able to gravely address himself to the disposal of various tid-bits.
Here are some heart-warming photos of Sir Timothy's kittenhood:
Sir Timothy showing a grand dignity from the first moments of his life! (He shall not be teased.)
Sir Timothy accepting tribute and graciously bestowing a meow.
Sir Timothy living by the rule of Confucius "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail."
Wasn't he a handsome little lad?
But please, do not disrespect Sir Timothy, for he is a brave and courageous cat-being:
Let us hear the the cautious warning by a young gentelman, Mr. Larry West, a former school teacher of Lindsay (Prince Edward Island):
“The name of this animal is Timothy and as such he must always be called and referred to. Never, [...], let him hear you speaking of [him] as ‘the cat,’ or even as ‘Tim.’ You will never be forgiven and he will not consider you a fit person to have charge of the school." [Edit: Mr. Larry West himself had learnt this lesson too late].
Let us finish this short introduction by showing the recent photo session Sir Timothy agreed to take part in:
Sir Timothy during his daily morning exercise routine and strenght-training:
Sir Timothy enjoying his daily dose of being petted:
Sir Timothy being the subject of affection of many:
Sir Timothy during New Year's Eve Party (We love the sparkly coat! Sir Timothy is a fashion icon):
(A tip for those who want to achieve such an amazing effect: don't skimp on glitter):
Sir Timothy's daily beauty routine:
Sir Timothy enjoying his meal:
Sir Timothy having his well-deserved rest after such tiresome day:
Sir Timothy is the new member of the elite Club of LMM CATS™ - introduced via The Kilmeny of The Orchard. He is the BEST part of the novel and we love him for this!
WE STAN OUR SIR TIMOTHY! (PETITION TO REWRITE THE ENTIRE KILMENY BOOK SO THERE ARE ONLY SIR TIMOTHY AND HIS SERVANTS... I MEAN, PARENTS AND FRIENDS, PRESENT).
Thank you kindly for following our CAT-CELEBRITIES!!!!
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ranma/akane
814 words
a morning in which ranma wakes up in another universe
Ranma hadn’t expected much out of his morning, but the usual run-through consisting of waking up just as Akane was finishing her morning run, making it a hectic morning with his usual pestering as to who would take over the bathroom first. Of course, her reasoning that he could just as easily take fifteen minutes from his sleep to hop into a shower before she finished her run only meant their daily encounter would begin in the dining table, and he didn’t know if he was ready begin in such a civilized manner when it came to her. He needed to toss a few remarks here and there to get the ball rolling, rile her up for the heck of it, receive some well-earned eyerolls and a jabbing pointing-finger accusing him to be a man-child, which was partially true in her defense.
And that morning, he did wake up just before Akane was to come in, his groggily mind phasing out as he made his way down the stairs with his towel thrown over his shoulder ready to meet the passion of fury she’d seem to enjoy hurling at him each morning (were he to reach the bathroom just before she did).
His lip twitched into a mimicking smirk as he strolled towards her, her face lightly dazzling from the many droplets of sweat sticking to her forehead and cheek just as she glanced at him. She was holding a small towel of her own, wiping the excess sweat at the nape of her neck, he figured.
Let the dance begin.
“As we’ve established before,” Ranma cleared his throat, slowly leaning down to her height as he got closer to her, “you do take longer showers, therefore, I should hop in first.”
And like clockwork, the dark-haired woman did roll her eyes, but she was also smiling at him. It was a wide smile, crooked, and almost toothy. “I’m surprised you’re not begging to hop in with me this morning,” she replied overconfidently, and he could feel a sudden lump getting stuck in between his throat as her voice softly filled the air in such an alluring way, utterly baffled at her suggestion. “But I’ll let you have it just this once.”
He looked down at her, and she was still wearing her toothy grin, as though it were some sort of fever dream. He knew he was awake, taking in the intense stare digging into his own wide eyes as he tried to find the words to reply to her. But he couldn’t and in very slow motion, her hands reached to touch his face. Her warm palms comfortably set themselves against his cheeks, cupping them tenderly and tugging him towards her just as she tip-toed her feet with the very successful attempt to clash her face with his.
She was kissing him. She was kissing him. Him. As in, she reached for him and kissed him, ever so casually, as though this was normal, and she just wanted to.
Her pecking kiss was a quick one, but her lips were pressed long enough to feel just how soft and comfortable they felt against his. And his hands twitched momentarily, urging them to wrap themselves around her back or rest against her hips to pull her closer, (and maybe he should have) but all he did was let her pull away.
She scrunched her nose softly at him as she grinned very child-like, saying too quick for his putty brain to keep up, “I like it, I want another one,” and just as easily without hesitation she pulled him for another. But this kiss was a bit more forceful, her mouth opening just a tad, her giddy smile burning and imprinting against him just before she pulled away. When she settled back to a regular stance, with her feet no longer tip-toeing, her thumb reached down to skim against his lower lip as if wiping something off. “Now hurry, we’re going to be late.”
What was going on?
“L-late?” He inquired, feeling lost and dazed, a tad disorientated at the way she was looking at him. Her eyes were wide, but soft with knitted eyebrows as she laughed quietly, jokingly flicking her finger against his shoulder, as she rolled her eyes in a very playful manner.
“Yes, for school, dummy.”
Oh, right. School.
“Now, remember,” she said to him quietly, almost like children whispering secrets as she leaned closer to him, her sweaty scent just as deliciously intoxicating as the taste of her lips, “father and Mr. Saotome still don’t know.” She pressed her extended index finger against her thin, spread smile as she squinted her eyes at him, “we’re still not telling anyone, right?”
His mouth was still very, very dry and swallowing felt like sandpaper down his throat as he nodded although he didn’t know what he was agreeing to. “R-right.”
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A Retired Angel's Report
Rating: G
Wordcount: 1,500
Prompt: Smiling into a hug
Characters: Aziraphale, Crowley
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Aziraphale fidgeted with his ring under the table as Crowley unpacked their takeout lunch. This was ridiculous. He was ridiculous. He just hoped he could get through this lunch without Crowley realizing how ridiculous he was.
“Sushi for you,” said Crowley, presenting the now-plated sushi with a flourish. “And sake for me,” they added, opening the bottle and pouring themself a glass.
“And also for me, I hope,” said Aziraphale.
“Sorry, did you want some?”
Aziraphale shot Crowley a look.
“Alright, I can be persuaded to share,” said Crowley, pouring one for Aziraphale. “Cheers, angel.”
They clinked glasses. Crowley seemed in a good mood. Well, of course they were, they hadn’t been out of their flat in a while, and it had been even longer since the two of them had gone out for lunch. They still couldn’t exactly do that, with all the restaurants closed for lockdown, but takeout in the back of the bookshop was the next best thing.
“So how’s tricks?” Crowley asked, crossing their legs as they sipped the sake. “Bake any more cakes? How’s the sourdough starter?”
“Mary’s doing very well, thank you. I’ve given away some of her offshoots to my neighbors. We’re talking about organizing a bake sale for charity.” There, he’d slipped that in quite naturally. This was going to be fine.
Crowley made an odd face. “Is that the best idea in a pandemic?”
“Oh.” Aziraphale swallowed, feeling even more foolish. “Er. Perhaps you’re right. I suppose nobody would come out, anyway.” He chuckled at himself and shook his head. “Um, I talked to Nina, across the street, and convinced her to convinced her to give her family a call, try to reconnect with them.” That segue wasn’t quite as natural. “It’s…it’s nice, I think, for people to check up on each other right now. From a safe distance. Don’t you think?”
“Sure,” Crowley muttered. They were watching Aziraphale with something like confusion.
“I mean—not with you,” Aziraphale added hurriedly. “I’m very glad to see you in person, as long as neither of us are seeing anyone else in person. Er, speaking of seeing things, I’ve been putting up encouraging flyers around the neighborhood,” Aziraphale charged on. He spun his ring around his pinkie faster and faster. “Well, er, one of my tenants has, and I helped. And suggested a few slogans. I tried my hand at writing a poem, in fact, although I don’t think it was very—”
“Aziraphale,” Crowley interrupted, “is everything alright?”
“Perfectly,” Aziraphale said automatically, and then remembered the general state of the world. “Well, no obviously not. But I’m doing quite well, circumstances aside. Spreading peace and well-being, just like always.”
Crowley treated him to a long stare across the table. “You haven’t touched your sushi,” they said, gesturing at the plate. “You’ve been antsy since I got here, and you’ve talked nonstop since I asked what you’ve been up to.”
“Well, I haven’t talked to much of anyone in a long while,” Aziraphale said defensively. “Excuse me if I need to adjust.”
“Hang on.” A crease appeared between Crowley’s eyebrows. “Are you giving me a report?”
Aziraphale froze for just a second before remembering to act casual. “A…report?” they repeated, and tried to laugh. It didn’t come out right. “Why would I do that? It’s not as though I need to give reports to anyone anymore.”
“You are,” said Crowley. “You’re telling me all the Good stuff you’ve been doing since lockdown started.”
“I—um—” Aziraphale could try to keep denying it, but he doubted Crowley would believe him.
Crowley was tense. They took a drink, set down their glass, and looked at the table. “Do you, er…miss it? Since you quit?”
“No!” Aziraphale said at once. But that wasn’t the entire truth. His shoulders sagged. “Well…Heaven, I don’t miss. Gabriel I certainly don’t miss. But it…it feels nice to tell someone about the good things I’ve done. It, I don’t know, it makes them feel real.” And when he didn’t tell someone, he felt anxious. Like he was failing a test. Like he’d put in all the effort to study, and couldn’t find a pencil to fill it in with.
He looked down at his sushi, still untouched. He couldn’t summon an appetite for it now. “It’s silly,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—You don’t care about that stuff anyway.”
“Of course we do,” said Crowley, in a terrible American accent, brimming with fake enthusiasm. “These are valuable accomplishments that, er, align with our quarterly objectives. Let’s circle back after the deep dive. Synergy.”
Aziraphale was so baffled that he forgot to feel embarrassed. “Crowley, what on Earth…?”
“Trying to make it feel like you’re giving a real report,” said Crowley, in their regular voice. “That’s how Gabriel talks, right?”
Aziraphale burst out laughing, so hard that he doubled over. That he’d been so worried about Crowley thinking him foolish, and Crowley’s reaction had been that… “Crowley—” Aziraphale gasped, wiping his eyes. “Yes, that’s exactly how Gabriel sounds. But I don’t want to feel like I’m talking to Gabriel. I told you, I’m glad to be rid of him.”
“Thank fuck,” said Crowley, slouching in relief. “Need to go wash the corporate buzzwords out of my mouth after that. Er, I can maybe do Michael?”
“I don’t want to feel like I’m reporting to anyone in Heaven,” said Aziraphale. “Except for the part where I tell you the good things I’ve done, and…”
Crowley’s eyebrows rose when Aziraphale didn’t finish the thought immediately. “And?”
Aziraphale felt very small. If Crowley didn’t think him ridiculous now, they definitely would if he voiced the next part aloud.
“And what, angel?” Crowley prompted. “I can’t read your mind.”
“And…” Aziraphale couldn’t look at Crowley. “Well, I don’t think he often meant it, but Gabriel would usually tell me I’d done a good job…”
Crowley’s chair scraped against the floor. Aziraphale looked up to see Crowley and their chair right next to him. Crowley leaned over, reached for Aziraphale with both arms, and hugged him. “Would Gabriel do this?”
Aziraphale blinked as he processed the position he was in. His heart raced. He had scarcely spoken to anyone these past few months, much less touched anyone, much less been hugged. And to be hugged by Crowley, over something like this, for such an absurd…it could only be described as a weakness…he didn’t quite know how to wrap his head around it. “N-no,” he said, in answer to Crowley’s question. “No, never.”
“Good,” said Crowley. “Means I can do it, then. And you’re doing so good, Aziraphale.”
Aziraphale wanted to believe them. But that wasn’t usually how his reports went. “You don’t have to say that if you don’t mean it.”
“I do,” said Crowley, squeezing Aziraphale harder. “Course I do. You’re still trying to make people’s lives a little bit better, even now that you don’t have to. That’s amazing.”
Oh. Aziraphale did believe him. He found himself smiling into the hug, unable to stop himself. This was so much better than his reports to Gabriel. He raised his arms to hug Crowley back.
“By the way, you do know you don’t have to keep doing Good, right?” said Crowley. “I mean, you obviously can, and good for you, but you’d still be plenty Good even if you’re not racking up achievements.”
Ah. Aziraphale didn’t know that, not in his heart. That was never how things worked in Heaven. Maybe, with time, he’d be able to believe it. “I’ll try to remember that.”
They hugged for a few moments longer, and then Crowley pulled away. “Now eat your sushi,” they ordered, doing a half-decent impression of someone who wasn’t the least bit sentimental and hadn’t recently hugged and comforted an unemployed angel. “I carried it here for a reason, and it wasn’t for the exercise.”
Aziraphale laughed and wiped a hint of water from his eyes. He still couldn’t stop smiling. “Yes, of course, my dear.” He picked up his chopsticks, dabbed a piece of sushi with soy sauce, and popped it into his mouth.
He closed his eyes to better savor the experience, noting the delicate balance of flavors, the way the tuna practically melted on his tongue. He hummed in appreciation, feeling the corners of his mouth turn up, and then swallowed. When he opened his eyes, Crowley was smiling at him across the table, their gaze soft.
“Good, I take it?” Crowley asked.
“Scrumptious.” Aziraphale turned his attention back to the plate and went for another piece. “Thank you, my dear.” He didn’t just mean for bringing the sushi. It tasted better, now that he’d finished his “report.” It felt like he’d earned the indulgence.
He knew that Crowley would object to that reasoning. But he also knew that Crowley would go along with whatever logic Aziraphale set forth which allowed him to enjoy himself. And maybe, in time, Aziraphale wouldn’t need that so much, either.
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