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peterbarnes · 3 years

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Make Our Own Story

Summary: Based on Loki 1x03. After trying to kill each other, you and Loki end up stranded on Lamentis-1. You figured you'd use him and then kill him eventually, but what happens when you start to feel something new for the God of Mischief?

Word Count: 2k

A/N: I'm thinking of maybe doing a part 2? lmk. Also I’m fulfilling my enemies to lovers fantasy ❤️

MASTERLIST

When Mobius told Loki that the variant they were hunting was a woman named “The Enchantress,” a highly powerful sorceress, he expected a god-like figure. Someone who was regal, elegant.

“Go fuck yourself.”

Instead, he got you.

“Rude,” Loki said, pointing his daggers at you in the halls of the TVA.

You two circled each other like birds of prey. You didn’t know what he wanted other than to stop you, but you were waiting for the right moment to strike and knock him out so you could continue your mission.

“Are you sure, you’re the one they call The Enchantress?” He asked.

“You’re in my way,” you growled.

“You are my way.”

Enough of this madness, you thought. You made the first move, quickly drawing a dagger from your belt and using it to hit Loki’s out of the way before kicking him to the other side of the room.

His hair whipped as he got up from the floor. Such theatrics.

“I thought perhaps we could work together,” he claimed, clearly panting from his fall. He held out his arms as if to say, well, what do you think?

You rolled your eyes at his childish behavior before kicking him again straight to the chest, causing him to trip back a few feet.

“But now,” he starts. “I see you lack vision.”

Groaning, you turned away from him, heading to the doors of Renslayer’s office. You didn’t think he’d actually be stupid enough grab you from behind, but alas. As soon as his hand landed on your arm, you tried to fight him off, but he ended up twisting your arm behind your back.

You let out a cry at the feeling.

“You’re how I get to the timekeepers.” he said from behind you.

“Oh god, shut up!” You let out, jumping backwards, knocking into him and causing you both to fall onto the floor. You tried to get off of him, but he gripped your waist like his life depended on it, refusing to let you get away.

“Let me go, asshole,” you struggled.

“Well, if you would just stop squirming-”

“Hey!”

A voice boomed throughout the narrow, dim hall. Almost in sync, your and Loki’s heads snapped up towards the sound to see Renslayer standing right in front of two minutemen. She looks pissed.

Loki tried to get up from under you, but you swiftly kicked his legs out from under him and crawled up behind his stumbling frame, pressing your dagger to his neck.

“Come any closer and I’ll kill him,” you threatened. You couldn’t help but press the dagger deeper, almost with enough pressure to slice his skin.

“Go for it,” Renslayer answered, with her usual monotone voice.

Well, that was not what I was expecting.

Renslayer charged down the hallway at the two of you, swinging her weapon with a scream. But the next thing you knew, the floor dropped out from under you. You couldn’t help but let out a scream at the unexpected feeling of falling. Yet, stronger than that was the feel of Loki’s hands as he held you to his chest. This motherfucker really thinks he’s protecting me. You pushed him off you with a grunt- a major mistake. As soon as you left his arms, you felt your head smack on something hard. The last thing you heard was Loki’s voice saying something you couldn’t make out before the darkness slowly took over you.

You came to with the feeling of something poking at your shoulder. You moaned in pain as you struggled to open your eyes, the lids suddenly feeling like they weighed a thousand pounds.

“Come on, Enchantress, wake up, you fool.”

That voice. I’ve heard it before, right? Wait a second....

Your eyes snapped open and you shot straight up, panting.

Loki let out a squeal at the sudden move.

“By the Gods, don’t scare me like that, witch!”

Your head snapped to him, making direct eye contact. His eyes were soft and light, as if he was genuinely glad to see you weren’t dead. You, on the other hand, glared daggers at him.

“You,” you growled.

“You’re welcome!” He hollered, exasperated with his hands flailing. “If it weren’t for me, you would be in two pieces right now, courtesy of Reyonna. Plus, there’s some sort of meteor shower going on out there. I dragged you to shelter!”

You let out a scream as you tackled him to the ground.

“Where is the TemPad?” You demanded, holding him by the collar of his disgustingly brown TVA jacket.

He scrambled to get it from his back pocket, but pulled it out nonetheless. It was completely and utterly fried.

“It broke when we fell.”

“Of course it did,” you sighed, climbing off of him. “Give it here.”

He handed you the TemPad and, clearly impatient, you started tapping it furiously. When that didn’t work, you slammed it into the ground repeatedly.

“You’re quite vicious,” Loki noted.

“Nice observation.”

“You’re out of juice!”

You and Loki shrieked at the new voice- Miss Minutes- and you dropped the TemPad. As you looked down, you saw that there was a battery displayed on the screen, but it wasn’t filled.

“Oh, thank God, it’s not broken. The battery’s just dead.”

“Well, that is good ne-”

“Not really. We’re still stranded on… wait, where are we exactly?”

You looked up from the TemPad into his light eyes to see them filled with confusion.

“Uh…”

“You have no idea do you?”

“No.”

“Fantastic,” you started, heading towards the door of the bunker. “Let’s take a look, shall we?”

“Oh no, you really don’t want to do that-”

As you opened the front door, before you could even take into account the purple sky and black sand, a meteor crashed in front of you, the force of the impact blowing you back inside.

You landed on the ground with a thud, hitting your head once again on the metal floor.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” You yelled, shooting up and turning to Loki who, despite his usual suave, looked quite terrified by your wrath. “You brought us to Lamentis-1!”

“I don’t know what that means!” He yelled back, trying to defend himself.

“We’re on a moon that a planet is about to crash into and destroy! This is the worst apocalypse to hide in, nobody makes it out of here. Ever.”

You buried your face in your hands as you lay on the floor.

“We’re gonna die,” you mumbled. “We’re gonna die.”

“No, no, we’re not,” Loki said quickly, kneeling in front of you. “We’re going to make it out of here.”

“What, so we’re a team now?” You question sarcastically as you lift your head from your hands.

“No. Absolutely not,” asserted Loki. “But we’re only going to get off of here if we work together.”

After going to the nearest town and getting your asses kicked by an old lady, you made your way to the Ark- the only evacuation shuttle, and your only chance of surviving.

“If we get to it, we’ll be able to use its power to recharge the battery,” you told Loki as you both hurried through the dark sand. “And then I can continue the plan that was years in the making that you ruined.”

“Your plan,” Loki spat. “Was to tear the TVA down, create the ultimate power vacuum, and then just walk away.”

“That’s not my plan. Don’t act like you know anything about me.”

Loki pursed his lips as you gritted your teeth. God, I hate this guy. Let me off this goddamn planet already.

It wasn’t long until the ark, a large and rusted piece of junk, came into sight along with the hundreds of people waiting in line to board. They wore blue and yellow ponchos and their faces were twisted in fear. These people have no idea they’re about to die.

“We can’t fight our way onto that crate,” Loki noted as the two of you lingered towards the back of the crowd.

“Who said anything about fighting? I’m a strategist. You shapeshift into a guard, and guide the two of us on board. Easy.”

“Hmm,” Loki let out. “I’d really rather not wear that ridiculous getup.”

“Poor thing,” you pouted, “I’d really rather not die.”

“Fair point.”

He placed his hand on your lower back as he guided you towards the front of the line and you couldn’t help but shiver at the cold temperature of his hands.

“You always this cold?” You asked him.

He let out a small laugh. “You’d be surprised, Enchantress. Anyway...”

A green glow outlined his entire figure before slowly encompassing his whole body. Suddenly, his TVA worker outfit was gone and replaced with the guard’s costume- a blue bodysuit with red lining and what looks like a bikers helmet. You’d always loved magic, thought it was fascinating, that’s why you had wanted to learn yourself. You never thought that magic would lead you to being abandoned on a destined-to-die planet with a doofus like Loki.

“How do I look?” Loki asked, striking an awkward pose.

You couldn’t help but snort at his antics.

“Like someone with a shit plan,” you joked. He rolled his eyes, but you could see the corners of his lips quirk up at your quip.

“Excuse me, it’s a great plan.”

And, shockingly, he wasn’t wrong. You got questioned once, but other than that, getting on board was smooth sailing.

“Nice one. I see now why they call you the God of Lies.” You nudged him in the arm as you both walked into a circular green-lit room filled with booths and a bar right in the center.

“Good evening, passengers,” Loki said to everyone inside, purposefully deepening his voice.

“Is that part of your disguise?” You laughed at how fake it sounded.

“Don’t laugh, it’s clever. We have to lay low.”

You quickly took a seat on the side of the booth nearest to the door, looking forward to having the strongest drink this place offered.

“Uh, look, I can’t go backwards on a train,” Loki said sheepishly as he stood in front of you.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help but scoot over anyway. Loki looked like a little kid as his eyes brightened and he shot into his seat. This is the man people fear?

Before you could get up and go get a drink, an involuntary yawn left your mouth. You tried to cover it as quickly as you could, but of course, Loki caught it.

“Oh, you a bit tired?” Loki asked, not sounding empathetic in the slightest. “Feel free to, you know, get some rest.”

“I can’t sleep in a place like this.”

“On a train?”

“No. I can’t sleep around untrustworthy people.”

“I beg your pardon. I thought you were warming up to me!”

He sounded genuinely offended, which surprised you.

“You may not be as awful as I thought, but we were just trying to kill each other a few hours ago. Remember?”

“Oh please, I’ve tried to kill people I trust thousands of times. Stabbed my brother once...or was it twice?”

“You feel free to take a nap then, Loki. I’m not letting my guard down.”

Within ten minutes you were passed out. Your hair was all over the place as you lay face down on the circular table, and you were drooling just the slightest bit. For some reason, Loki couldn’t stop watching you. He knew he was the one you didn’t find trustworthy but he still felt the need to watch over you to make sure nobody else had it out for you when you were so vulnerable.

“Get it together,” he told himself in his head. “You’re a God. She’s some half-rate Midgardian sorcerer.”

But deep down, he knew you were much more than that. He was just scared to admit that he had actually grown quite fond of you over the day you spent together. Even the trying to kill each other part. All your quips and eye rolls, but he loved it the most when your firm expression would falter and the lightest of smiles would grace your lips. It was soft, like a sunset, but warm nonetheless. He’d never felt warmth until then.

“I’ll get you out of here,” he whispered, careful not to wake you. “I promise. And, maybe we can take down the TVA together. Kill the timekeepers…”

He trailed off, turning his eyes towards his fidgeting hands.

“Make our own story.”

His eyes snapped up at the sound of your voice to where your head now laid on your hands as you looked up at him from the table. You had that smile on your face again, and Loki couldn’t help but return it.

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 2 months

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Loki Novel 1x3 Sylki Thoughts

So Loki novel update, I've just finished reading the chapters covering 1x3 and honestly I loved every page, every word of it. For me it was really beautiful watching Sylki's relationship evolve over 1x3 and it was even more beautiful reading it because you had that extra level of their inner thoughts and let me tell you there are some real Sylki gems in these chapters. Fair warning this one is going to be a bit longer than my last post because there is a lot more to cover. Obviously spoilers for season 1 and the novelisation, so lets jump in.

So this first part is less Sylki related and more just Sylvie related but I thought it was a small but interesting insight into just how being hunted by the TVA has effected her. This is a description she gives right after she steps through the timedoor into the TVA.

Circular lights glowed against the dull concrete of the ceiling. They looked like eyes to Sylvie. So many eyes. Watching.

She had finally done it.

She had finally broken into the TVA.

... The voice on the PA system said, All minutemen to the armory. Protect the timeline. The words almost made Sylvie want to scream, but she didn't. Instead, she tied her hair back, as she always did when she was preparing for a fight. (pgs 185-186)

A couple of things caught my attention here, the first was how she describes the lights as looking like eyes and the feeling of being watched. It's a seemingly irrelevant observation but it shows us how after being hunted and chased by the TVA for eons Sylvie is constantly on edge and always feels like she is being watched. Something as normal as lights become something that gives a feeling of being unsafe and threatening.

Then you have the line about how hearing the PA system saying 'protect the timeline' makes Sylvie want to scream. Again its just three little words but they bring out such a visceral reaction in Sylvie because of what they meant to her. Protecting the timeline is what lead to her being taken from her home and family, that lead to her entire timeline being destroyed and to her being hunted her whole life. So its no wonder that those words made her want to scream and got her revved up for the fight that was to come. But this passage did make me feel real bad for Sylvie and it was just a description of her surroundings.

The next part I want to talk about is right after Loki interrupts and confronts Sylvie outside the gold elevator.

He pointed his knives toward her. " A few questions," he said calmly.

Sylvie sighed. "Have you really got nothing else better to do?" She walked slowly toward him, and they circled one another like predators fighting over the same carcass. (pgs 188-189)

This imagery of them fighting over the same carcass is intriguing. I think the carcass is a metaphor for the TVA, that is what they are both fighting over. It's interesting to me because they are both fighting each other, and Sylvie sees Loki as an obstacle to getting what she wants. But really they both want the same thing, are both fighting for the same thing, to get to whoever is behind the TVA (at this point they believe its the timekeepers) and make them pay for stealing their lives from them. They just haven't figured out yet that they are both fighting for the same goal.

I also think it is interesting that in this simile Loki and Sylvie are described as the predators considering they both see the TVA as this all powerful, omnipotent organisation, you would think the TVA would be the predators. But ultimately this simile does come to pass as the TVA is torn apart by Sylvie and Loki, they are the ones that bring HWR and the TVA down making them the true predators and the TVA is indeed the carcass.

Ok next. Sylki have just fallen through the timedoor onto Lamentis-1 and are both scrambling for the tempad and we get this little moment.

He couldn't let her get it. It was the only thing connecting the two of them, his only asset. It was a thing she wanted. And Loki knew that the way to keep someone close was always to hold on to whatever it was they wanted. (pg 191)

Yeah Loki really is down bad for Sylvie he just hasn't realised it yet. Jokes aide though, I do think that this shows that Loki not only still feels a connection to Sylvie but also wants to maintain that connection, he clearly still sees her as his way forward, his destiny.

However this also sheds alot of light on his past manipulations and actions in previous films, and its really rather sad. He's learnt that the way to keep people close to him is to hold onto what they want. Thor wanted to protect earth as it was Jane's home so Loki takes New York hostage not because he wants to rule but so that he can keep his brother close. I think its the same with the tesseract, he knows its something Thor and Odin want so they can keep it safe in Asgard's vaults, so to keep them close he takes it. Obviously I don't think that is his only motivation for doing those things but this line does make me think it was a contributing factor, if so then I think its really sad that Loki feels like he has to manipulate those he cares about into staying close to him, that he doesn't believe that they will choose to be around him because they love him.

Speaking of Loki and Sylvie fighting over the tempad, Loki apparently was enjoying himself to start with:

It was quite fun, he decided. Fighting another Loki. (pg 193)

However he also seems to grow tired of it really quickly and seems to get frustrated that she doesn't want to team up.

"Fine," said Loki, quite tired of being made fun of by a Loki who didn't even want to be called Loki. (pg193)

"Fine!" she said, snapping around and drawing her sword.

Instantly, Loki drew his knives. But exhaustion took over him. This felt like deja vu. He sighed deeply. "Look," he said, "are we really about to do this here? Again?" (pg 198)

"I don't know. A truce?"

The fugitive variant scoffed as if this was the most insane idea she'd ever heard of. (pg 198)

At some point he had put his knives away, uninterested in fighting. (pg 199)

I think him getting tired of fighting her so quickly and being the first one to over a truce goes back to what I said in my last post about Loki seeming to have some level of respect for Sylvie because she is a Loki variant and he feels some kind of connection to her because of that. Speaking of the offer of a truce its, again, interesting that Loki offers one but Sylvie finds the idea insane and how I think that also links back to the difference in the way Loki and Sylvie feel about the Loki identity. To Sylvie the idea of accepting a truce with a Loki is insane, but for Loki its the very fact that they are both Loki variants that he feels he can offer a truce.

The question of what makes a Loki a Loki comes up alot in the first few chapters that cover 1x3. There's also alot of exploration of how Sylvie and Loki are similar and how they are different and how that plays into their individual identities as well as how it relates to the Loki identity.

One of the most obvious differences between Sylvie and Loki is that Loki is proud to be a Loki whereas Sylvie has rejected the Loki identity, which makes sense for her as being a Loki is what led to her being captured and subsequently hunted by the TVA. So of course she would take a new name and make a new identity for herself, however this rejection of the Loki identity by Sylvie is something that clearly confuses Loki.

"Don't ever call me that," she said, circling him like a lioness.

"Tech-savvy?" said Loki, a little confused.

"No," she snarled. "A Loki." (pg 193)

"I'm sorry," said Loki, "but I'm not calling some faded photocopy of me 'Loki'."

"Good," she said, totally unfazed by the insult, "'cause that's not who I am anymore. I'm Sylvie now." (pgs 201-202)

"It's not very Loki-like."

"Yeah? said Sylvie. "What exactly makes a Loki a Loki?"

"Independence. Authority. Style." said Loki, pleased he could sum up his own nature so succinctly. But Sylvie wasn't having it. (pg 202)

"I'd never have done that." Loki stopped walking.

Sylvie didn't pause. "Yeah?" she said. "Well, I'm not you." (pgs 202-203)

It's kind of funny that Loki tries to insult and get at Sylvie by calling her a faded photocopy of a Loki but Sylvie really couldn't care less. It does seem like Loki really struggles with this idea that Sylvie has chosen a new identity and name and I couldn't help wondering why it bothered him so much, why he's so put out that she is not the same as him and I do have a theory on that. I think its because he's been told over and over, and particularly by the TVA, who he is, what his nature is and how that's written in stone and who he is meant to be, how he can't change. But then he meets a variant of himself that has built themselves a whole new identity and is choosing who they want to be as opposed to being told who they are. It's like meeting Sylvie has shined a torch on all the lies he's been told about himself that he has come to believe.

Another way the novel highlights the difference between the life Loki had versus the life Sylvie had is by mentioning several times that Loki feels exhausted whilst Sylvie is full of energy.

Then she kept on running. Where does she get this endless energy? thought Loki. (pg 196)

He tried to catch his breath. He hadn't run like that in a long time. His chest burned. (pg 197)

Loki was exhausted, but Sylvie didn't seem to have lost any of her energy. (pg 203)

This shows how Loki lived a life of luxury and relative safety as a Prince of Asgard. He is used to comfort. Whereas Sylvie has had to learn to always be aware and on the move and thus has a constant high energy, she's never had the luxury of taking life slow or taking a moment to gather herself because for her stopping for a breather could mean death.

As different as their upbringings were though, they are still similar in many ways and being variants of each other means despite being strangers they also already know the other really well. Because of this they are also able to figure out each other's motive's really quickly and we get this interesting to and fro where they are both kind of one upping the other and catching the other out. Like when Loki immediately figures out that Sylvie is trying to enchant him:

Then he felt the fugitive variant's hands around his neck. He flinched, then realised she wasn't trying to choke him. Her touch was light, and a faint thrumming came from her fingertips. When he met her eyes, he saw that she was in a state of deep concentration.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"What are you doing?" she echoed.

"You're trying to enchant me?" said Loki. He was still panting. "It won't work." (pgs 197-198)

I really loved this moment when I watched it in the show, there was that underlying energy and tension to it and I loved how their silhouettes made the shape of a heart. Reading the scene in the novelisation reminded me of just how much I loved it in the show. Side note but I do find it kind of funny that at first Loki thought Sylvie was trying to choke him, makes sense so far all she's done is try to fight him. But I love the way he describes her touch and the way her magic feels, it sounds like it feels pleasant to him.

Another instance of them being able to suss each other out pretty quick is when Sylvie figures out Loki's motive for saving her when they were running from the falling asteroids.

"Well you're full of it because you need me to get that thing recharged. That's the only reason you saved me out there."

Takes a Loki to know a Loki. (pg 199)

Them knowing each other so well also means they know how to get under the others skin. There are a few instances where they take digs at each other and are put out by the others comments.

"But now I see," he said panting, "you lack vision."

The words got under Sylvie's skin. She did not lack vision. She had never lacked vision. Vision was what had gotten her this far. (pg 189)

"So naturally," she said, "you went to work for the boring, oppressive time police."

"I don't work for them," said Loki, a little wounded. (pg 202)

"Okay," she said, holding out one hand and wriggling her fingers. "Hand it over."

Loki laughed. "Pitiful," he said. "I'm not giving it to you. You're going to have to try harder than that."

He seemed to have gotten under her skin. She marched past him, her mouth tight. (pg 204)

I think them being so different in some ways and coming from very different backgrounds whilst also knowing themselves and therefore each other so well and knowing how to push each others buttons, creates this really interesting dynamic and fun banter between them. Eventually even they begin to notice the similarities between them.

Sylvie watched. It didn't seem like Loki could resist a good fight. Maybe they weren't so different after all. (pg 226)

Ok now we are at the really good part, the train scenes. Trust me when I tell you as amazing as these scenes are in the show they only get better here in the novel, there are parts that made me feel all warm and fuzzy and there were some parts that stabbed me right in the heart. This is also where I think we see a big shift in the dynamic of Sylki's relationship and this shift comes when the subject of their mothers come up.

They sat forward, their elbows on the table, staring each other down, their eyes in a duel that neither could break.

"My mother," said Loki, not able to stop the tenderness from leaking into his voice.

This seemed to disarm Sylvie. She glanced away. She swallowed. Then, slowly, she turned her head back to Loki and looked at him- really looked at him. "What was she like?" she asked. Softly. Sincerely. (pg 214)

I love that line about their eyes in a duel neither could break, it really captures that intense chemistry and eye contact they have in that scene. But I also do think its interesting that its the mention of Loki's mother that makes Sylvie drop her guard a little and actually look at Loki, to see him as more than just an obstacle in her way. I think hearing that tenderness in his voice, which by the way is so adorable and sweet I always loved the relationship he had with his mother, makes Sylvie see him as a person, he's not just an annoying Loki but a son who clearly loves his mother. In response to this she herself then becomes softer and more sincere when talking to him. Then the subject of Sylvie's mother comes up.

"Hang on a second. So, tell...tell me about your mother."

"I barely remember her," said Sylvie wistfully. "Just blips of a dream at this point."

Loki looked into her eyes. There was real sadness there. Real grief. He remembered his own mother. Just like this train was hurtling toward the ark, he was hurtling toward losing her. (pg 215)

Just like Loki talking about his mother made Sylvie really look at Loki and really see him for the first time, hearing Sylvie talk about her mother makes Loki stop and really study Sylvie, he sees her sadness and her grief and that makes him think about his own sadness and grief, that line about how he was hurtling towards losing his mother really is a gut punch, I mean pull my heart right out because it would've hurt less. However it is interesting because here we are seeing Loki relate to Sylvie, empathising with her and it also makes him reflect on his own life.

"You know," he said, "when I was young, she'd do these little bits of magic for me. Like turn a flower into a frog. Or cast fireworks over the water."

This time Sylvie did not look away.

"It all seemed impossible," he continued. "But she told me that one day I'd be able to do it, too, because..." He paused, his voice trailing off. "Because I could do anything," he finished. Yes, he had been lucky. He knew that now. (pgs 215-216)

Seeing Sylvie's sadness and her admit she no longer really remembers her mother makes Loki realises how lucky he really was, he had a mother that doted on him, that believed in him and who took the time to teach him magic. This next bit I really do love and that is Loki's reaction to seeing Sylvie sad.

Sylvie nodded, but she looked sad. She stared off into the distance.

"You wanna see?" said Loki, hoping to cheer her up. He held up a hand. Out of his palm, fireworks crackled and exploded in miniature, making a delicate bouquet of light and color. (pg 216)

When I saw the scene in the show I thought that Loki made the fireworks because he was thinking of his mother and also because he wanted to show off a little because he was trying to impress Sylvie. I loved the scene because it was just so sweet and tender and was a side of Loki we hadn't really seen before. Seeing, here in the novel, that he did the fireworks because he could see that Sylvie was sad and wanted to cheer her up adds a whole new level of 'aww cute' to the scene. I'm really looking forward to going back and watching that scene again with this added context. I think that is what makes reading the novel so fun is it is giving me all this new context to scenes which makes rewatching the show feel like a new experience again.

But Loki using the fireworks to attempt to cheer Sylvie up is also interesting because, firstly, it shows that he is capable of feeling compassion and empathy for another person despite being portrayed as being a very selfish and uncompassionate person in the past. Secondly it shows that even in this short amount of time that Loki has known Sylvie he has come to care about her enough that he doesn't want to see her sad. Already he just wants her to be ok.

A couple of other small details to note, is that throughout this bonding scene there is quite a bit of focus on them keeping eye contact and them looking at each other. The other thing of note is the way the fireworks are described as a bouquet, this makes me think of first dates and how you might give someone a bouquet of flowers, maybe its just me but this train scene always gave me first date vibes.

So now lets talk about love. Yes we are at the Love is hate, Love is Mischief conversation Sylki have and again this a scene that only gets better when you read the novel and get that insight into what the characters are actually thinking and feeling.

"What was that?" He pretended to write. "Love is...Love is... hate."

"Oh, shut up," said Sylvie.

Loki smiled with amusement and disappeared the paper and quill in a spray of green light.

Sylvie looked like she was trying not to find his joke funny, but she still smiled, ever so faintly. (pg 218)

It's nice to see Sylvie starting to let her guard down a little. As I said earlier, it really is during the train scene that we see Sylki's dynamic begin to shift. Whereas before they were very hostile towards each other and would look for ways to get under the others skin, here we see them actually enjoying each others company. What is even more interesting is that right before this we get this inner thought from Loki.

Sylvie stared at him. She looked unimpressed. Did she have to be so serious all the time? He thought a change of subject might help. (pg 218)

Just like how when he saw her sad he tried to cheer her up, now Loki is actively trying to get her to loosen up, to relax and have some fun and again I just find that interesting that even at this point he cares enough about her to want her to be happy and to feel safe and relaxed. Its also interesting that the subject that ends up being brought up is Love. Especially as this conversation seems to lead Loki to a bit of a realisation about his feelings.

"Managed to maintain quite a serious long distance relationship with a postman whilst running across time from one apocalypse to another."

Loki laughed. She was- genuinely- very funny. He almost...liked her. (pgs 218-219)

Loki has this realisation that he might actually like Sylvie, with the emphasis on the word like it makes me think its less like as a friend and more like in a romantic way and what's fascinating is that not long after this revelation he begins to become uncomfortable with the subject of love.

Sylvie didn't take her eyes off him. She raised her eyebrows like a question. "Love is mischief, then," she said.

Loki swallowed, the bubbles burning down his throat. "No," he said. "Love is..." The train rumbled along its tracks. The diamonds of purple sky had darkened slightly. "Uh... something I don't want to think about."

If in doubt, he thought, avoid the subject. That tactic had always served him well. (pg 219)

Now quick disclaimer, alcohol does not exist in this novel, if they were drinking alcohol in a scene in the show then it is substituted for something else in the novel. Because of this the line Loki says in the show 'something I might have to have another drink to think about' has been changed. Obviously they would had to have substituted it with a line that had the same meaning and sentiment behind it. They could have gone for something like 'something I need more time to think about' but they went with 'something I don't want to think about.' So Loki has had this realisation that he might like Sylvie, which is followed by a very personal and intimate conversation about love and then a flirtatious line from Sylvie and in his panic and confusion over these new feelings he is experiencing he slams on the brakes hard. It's straight to avoidance. I also think the imagery of the train rumbling and the sky darkening really shifts the tone of the scene, almost like Loki is turning away from the possibility of love and back to the lonely darkness of self isolation, but I could also be looking far too deeply into that.

It's after this that, in the show, Loki gets drunk and sings the Asgardian song to Sylvie, though in the novel he's not drunk just having fun, which not going to lie does come across as a little silly but I can look pass that. Sylvie has an interesting reaction to the song which she describes as 'mournful' and as something that sounded like a lullaby or funeral song.

"He had a beautiful voice, and the melody stirred something in Sylvie's chest, but she pushed all of that to the side. (pg 222)

This actually tells us alot about Sylvie and is another instance that shows the difference between Sylvie and Loki and their lives. Sylvie has this emotional reaction to the song Loki is singing and yet she pushes those feelings to the side, we see her do this alot, whereas Loki is often driven by his emotions such as attacking New York because of how hurt he was by his Father's lies etc, Sylvie very much is the opposite and will push those emotions aside so that she can focus on her mission. This is how she survives.

The atmosphere turned lively and jolly again. Loki smiled widely.

It must be fun to be so oblivious, thought Sylvie, glancing around the room nervously. (pg 222)

I get the sense that here, Sylvie is feeling some envy towards Loki, towards the fact that he can let loose and have fun, even when in the situation they've found themselves in, because he hasn't gone through the same experience and trauma that she has. I think she is envious of the life he had, the life that she could have had but missed out on because the TVA stole it from her.

Next I'm going to talk about the Love is a Dagger scene, and yes I've said it before, I'm saying it again, the novel only makes this scene better.

"Hey!" said Loki. "Change of subject. I thought of an answer." Suddenly he was standing closer to her, staring deeply into her eyes.

She bristled. "To what?"

"Your question." Loki stared into her eyes and the silence stretched on between them. "Love," he said, "is a dagger." Just like that, a dagger appeared in his hand, magicked and beautiful, the blade straight and shining. "It's a weapon to be wielded far away or up close. You can see yourself in it. It's beautiful." He turned the dagger's point toward his chest. "Until it makes you bleed. But ultimately, when you reach for it-"

Sylvie did reach for it. The handle was beautiful. It was right there. But it disappeared before she could take it in her hand.

"-it isn't real," she said, finishing his sentence. (pgs 224-225)

Let's talk about Loki here first because I think this metaphor he uses to describe love is very telling given the new context learned of him having the realisation that he may have feelings for Sylvie and then becoming uncomfortable with the subject of love. He clearly kept thinking about it after their conversation. But really what this metaphor says about Loki's view on love is really sad. Ultimately he sees love as a weapon that can be used against him, something that can make him bleed, something that will turn out not to be real. Something beautiful sure, but something dangerous none the less. It's sad because I think he has always felt unloved by everyone but his mother. Everyone has always seen the worst in him and he has felt like love is something you have to earn especially when it came to his father's love. I really do think that learning he was adopted, that his father lied to him, that he was a tool to be used, a monster in the tales Asgardian children were told. This all really messed with his head, he wanted his father's, his brother's love and instead he got wounded. If we go back a little, for a moment, to when Sylki were talking about their parents and how they were adopted, we have this:

"What? They told you?" He couldn't believe it.

"Yeah," said Sylvie. "Did they not tell you?"

"No," said Loki, trying not to get emotional. (pg 215)

Loki is so traumatised from learning that he was adopted the way he did that even just talking about the subject makes him emotional and he struggles with the knowledge that Sylvie's parents did tell her the truth. So it makes sense that he has a warped idea of what love is. It also makes sense that because he sees love as a weapon that can be used against him, that when he realised he might be catching feelings for Sylvie he rejected it and instead reminded himself how love can wound you.

When I first watched the episode I'll admit that I got a bit annoyed at Loki for getting drunk and breaking the tempad, as I didn't really understand why he would do that and the 'I'm hedonistic' excuse didn't really fly with me. But now I can't help but wonder if the real reason why he got drunk on the train was because he was so shaken by this realisation that he had feelings for Sylvie that his tactic for avoiding those feelings was to drown himself in drink and distract himself. It was a way of coping for him.

But lets go to Sylvie because her thoughts during Loki's love dagger speech were so interesting to me. It really does seem like she becomes mesmerised by the dagger, she is thinking about how beautiful it is and she wants to reach out and grab it. It really is like she's under a spell, bewitched by this dagger. The reason why that's interesting is because the dagger in this metaphor represents love. Love really isn't something Sylvie has experienced before, I'm sure her parents loved her, but she was taken from them so long ago that she barely remembers them so likely doesn't remember their love either. Because she has never experienced love she's never been wounded by it like Loki. So where Loki sees a dangerous weapon, Sylvie sees this shining new thing and its something that in the haze of the moment she is desperate to reach for.

Unfortunately this dagger metaphor tragically comes true for the both of them come the season end at the citadel, but I'd rather not think about that so lets move on.

Since the show aired I've seen too many posts in the main tag talking about how Mobius changed Loki but arguing that Sylvie didn't change him, that she didn't have any effect on his character growth at all. I always called bull on that personal but these next few parts I'm going to talk about, I think show just how Sylvie did influence Loki's growth. The first comes right after they have been thrown off the train and the tempad is broke, Sylvie is very understandably upset.

Did Loki feel a tiny twinge of remorse? Maybe a tiny one. But he wasn't going to stop arguing. (pg 229)

It's a very small moment, but its an important one. Remorse isn't really something Loki often feels so the fact that he is feeling it now when seeing Sylvie upset is significant. And there is more. After Sylvie screams and walks off to sit by herself Loki has this thought.

"Okay," he said, under his breath, walking to her. It wasn't in his nature to feel compassion, to see the perspective of another person- especially another Loki. It wasn't in his nature to feel remorse, either. But hey, it was the end of the world. Maybe the end of the world did something to you. (pg 230)

Earlier I talked about how Loki trying to cheer Sylvie up showed that he was learning compassion and learning to empathise with another person. Here we get the next step because now he is recognising that he is feeling compassion and that he is feeling remorse, he is also now able to see things from another person's perspective, he's able to understand why Sylvie is upset with him and actually feel remorse. Of course he blames it on the end of the world but really its Sylvie that has brought these new emotions out of him.

Here's another small but important moment.

He sat down tentatively beside her, on the mound of gravelly stone. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but he could endure it. (pg 230)

Loki is someone who enjoys comfort and who is very unlikely to put himself in any kind of uncomfortable position for the sake of someone else. Yet here we see him not only putting himself in discomfort but saying he'll endure it and once again it is for Sylvie, this is again a case of Sylvie being upset and for a reason that Loki himself can't yet fathom, he wants to make her feel better, even if that means sitting on an uncomfortable rock and trying to comfort her.

And the character growth just keep on coming with this next part.

"I just... need to know if I can trust you."

Again, Loki realised he was telling the truth. Not saying something to get his way. But saying something because he truly meant it.

It was a new feeling. (pg 233)

During his time with Sylvie not only has he experienced what it is to feels compassion, empathy and remorse he is also now learning truth. He says something because he actually means it and not just to manipulate someone to get his own way. What is also interesting is the potentially first meaningful thing he's ever said is on the subject of trust. Something else that I think is a bit of a foreign subject to Loki. He is rarely trusted and I don't know how much he trusts others, I think he's more of a rely on himself kind of guy. But here he is wanting to trust and to be trusted. Again he is feeling something new and again its Sylvie that has brought it out of him.

The subject of trust comes up again when they are entering the city, trying to get to the ark.

"Do we trust each other?" asked Sylvie.

"We do, and you can," said Loki. Trust wasn't normally something Loki thought about very much. But for better or worse, he and Sylvie were a team now. They needed to trust each other to survive. (pg 237)

Again this is showing the beginnings of change, not only is he thinking about trust, what trust is and what it really means to trust someone, but he is also actually choosing to trust. Right now its because he knows that they need to trust each other to survive but it is still a huge step for them both. He is also seeing them as a team now.

Something really interesting happens after this, when they are fighting their way through the city trying to reach the ark, and that is that Loki seems to become really tuned in to where Sylvie is often mentioning the feeling of her presence and they also often seem in sync with each other, one stops so does the other etc, not only that but he takes comfort in having her there, in having her on his team.

Loki stopped. He looked around, surveying which way would be best, and Sylvie did the same. Somehow they had really become a team. Even in this chaos, this comforted Loki. (pg 238)

Loki stared at it, feeling Sylvie's presence beside him. He wondered if she was thinking the same thing he was thinking. (pg 238)

People started screaming, running, and Loki ran too, feeling Sylvie's presence as she ran beside him. (pg 239)

To his right, Sylvie was fighting off yet another guard. "Just go," she said to Loki. (pg 240)

Loki ran the same way as the man, and Sylvie followed him. (pg 240)

Loki stopped. Sylvie stopped beside him. (pg 242)

Considering how much chaos is around them it would have been really easy for them to be separated and to lose each other. But there really is alot of focus in this passage on showing them side by side, or mirroring each other, of them being aware of where the other is and staying in sync with each other, they really are shown as a team and as working together.

Ok we are nearly at the end, I promise, just a couple more things I want to talk about. So this also caught my attention and that is that it seems like the more Loki gets to know Sylvie the more in awe and impressed he is of her. Like when she tells him how her enchantment works.

Loki shook his head. He was at least a little bit in awe of her. "And you call me a magician," he said. (pg 234)

He couldn't help but be impressed with the way she fought. She was all elegance and grace, all skill and fire. If they hadn't been in the middle of an apocalypse, he might've stopped to watch. (pg 241)

I mean he seems pretty whipped if you asked me, but I do find it amusing and sweet that he's so in awe of her that even in the middle of an apocalypse he is tempted to just stop and watch her fight.

The last thing I want to talk about is Loki's reaction to the ark being destroyed.

He didn't want to look at Sylvie. He couldn't stand to see the look in her eyes. All their hope- gone.

They were going to die here.

On Lamentis-1. A doomed moon. In a strange, otherworldly city surrounded by dust and fire.

Well, Loki found himself thinking, at least we're not alone. (pg 242)

I really do think this is the culmination of all the growth we see over the episode/chapters. Not just Loki's own personal growth but the growth of the Sylki relationship. At the start Loki was someone who thought about himself, Sylvie was a tool to help get him what he wanted. Sylvie saw Loki as an obstacle to be removed. Here though when the ark is destroyed Loki's first thought is of Sylvie. Not only that but he has come to care for her so much that he can't bear to look at her and see the look of despair in her eyes, just like he didn't want to see her sad, but here I think the emotion is deeper and more intense. Loki is also now talking about 'their hope' not his hope showing that he really does now see them as one unit, as a team. But I think the most significant part is the line about how at least they aren't alone. They believe they are going to die here but Loki is still taking comfort in having Sylvie with him.

I really did enjoy reading these chapters, there were so many moments that I loved and it felt good to be excited about Sylki again, it really did remind me of why I love them. I know this was a long one so if you have made it to the end thank you for reading. As soon as I finish reading the chapters for episode 4 I will post some more thoughts but for now let me leave you with this.

Her eyes were daggers, and she growled a little, like an upset puppy. (pg 213)

No notes I just thought it was really funny that Loki compares Sylvie to an upset puppy when she's angry.

#sylki #loki #loki x sylvie #sylvie #loki novel

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