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relationship: loki x fem!reader
summary: loki was your first and true love. you believed he was dead after falling from the bifrost. you mourned him for years, until you are told he was causing havoc on earth. after he is captured by thor and locked in the dungeon, you decide to pay him a visit to finally gain closure.
warnings: light cursing
word count: 2.8k
notes: this was originally on my ao3 account! enjoy! :)
The dampness of the dungeon hit you like a brick wall as you followed the guard down the stairs. The hallway was lined with torches and the glowing cells of the prisoners. They yelled and fought as they caught sight of you. You held your breath and kept your head low, never imagining you would be down here.
A few cells down, you spotted him: Loki, Prince of Asgard, God of Mischief and Lies, your first love. His hair was much longer than you remembered. He donned a more relaxed leather tunic compared to the heavy armor he used to wear. His eyes looked tired, and he looked a mess. You felt tears start to brew in your eyes as you halted.
"My lady?" the guard asked, turning to you with concern.
"I'm alright. Just a moment."
He nodded. You took a moment to catch your breath, placing your hand over your heart. It was the first time you laid eyes on him in nearly two years. And for that time, you believed he was dead.
He was your first and greatest love. You met him at a winter ball, your first festival in the castle after your father was voted to the royal court. Immediately, you caught his eye, dancing with a warrior in a green velvet gown. You had no idea how attracted the youngest prince was to the color green, but he never let you out of his arms for the remainder of the night. Eventually, a romance blossomed between you two. He was always sweet to you, no matter how many people warned you of his cold nature. You refused to believe he was the scheming, evil prince that everyone else saw.
However, that quickly changed. Three weeks before you were to be wed, on the day of Thor's coronation, the Frost Giants of Jotunheim invaded the palace's vault. Within hours, the brothers and the Warriors Three ventured to Jotunheim and broke a truce with King Laufey, Thor was banished to Midgard, and Odin fell into a deep coma. But the most shocking turn of that night was the unearthing of Loki's true parentage.
Loki told you early in your relationship that he always felt different. It was obvious that Odin favored Thor and brushed Loki aside. He never understood why. When the group was fighting with the Frost Giants, one grabbed Loki's wrist. He told you that he saw his skin shatter like glass, leaving blue underneath. After Thor's banishment, he went into the vault and held the casket of the Frost Giants. It was there Odin told him that he was the son of King Laufey, and Odin took him from a freezing rock after the battle. He thought that through Loki, the realms could reach a treaty. But it never happened, and Loki was left feeling betrayed.
Something inside Loki snapped that day. You sensed it in his demeanor as he stormed out of the vault and to your bedroom. His once soft and stoic expression was now rough and angry. Then, he was crowned King of Asgard as his father lay comatose. The title only fueled his rage. You did everything you could to stop the vengeance from consuming him, but it was no use. He swore to destroy Jotunheim to prove to his father that he was just as worthy as Thor. However, his plan was foiled by his brother returning from his exile.
The guards had you locked in your bedroom as the brothers fought on the Bifrost. You waited anxiously for hours to hear some news. Eventually, Thor burst through the doors, a solemn expression on his face. He told you the news you feared most: Loki was dead. You collapsed into his arms as you broke into tears. He held you tight as he, too, began to sob, exhausted and full of grief.
Now, you were standing in the prison of the castle. You grieved for years silently, until one day Heimdall ran into the castle with urgency. He told Odin that he saw Loki on Midgard, alive and plotting to rule the realm. You felt sick to your stomach as Thor sprang into action. As the Bifrost was still under repair from the fight years prior, Odin used dark magic to send Thor to Earth to stop Loki and bring him home. He was sentenced to life in the dungeon for his crimes, with no visitors whatsoever. That was nearly a week ago, and today, you decided to break that rule and see him. Curiosity and heartache was looming over your soul. You convinced a friendly guard to bring you to him, just for a few minutes. You needed to see him for yourself.
The guard cleared his throat. You took a deep breath and stepped towards his cell. You stared at him for a moment as he laid on his cot, tossing a trinket into the air. He sensed your gaze and turned to see you. His signature grin returned to his face as you sucked in a deep breath.
"Well, well. If it isn't the light of my life," he taunted, standing up and walking towards you. You stayed silent, backing up slightly as his intimidating form stood over you.
"What is the matter, dear? Haven't you missed me?"
"Loki," you warned in a desperate tone. "I thought you were dead. You left me for a life of war. You betrayed me."
"I betrayed you?" he said with a cold laugh. "Darling, you betrayed me. You swore to always be mine, but you married my brother the minute I disappeared."
You felt your face flush as your expression changed to one of anger.
But yes, it was true. You were married to Thor for over a year now. After that night you fell in his arms, you formed an unbreakable bond through shared grief. You two were the only ones that understood each other's sadness. Nights spent crying and reminiscing together eventually turned into a loving relationship, which turned into an engagement, which turned into a marriage. Thor was gentle and kind and always had your best interest at heart. He was much more outgoing and warm than Loki, which was a fresh change for you, even though you missed his silent devotion.
"Not the minute! You were gone, Loki! We mourned for you. He was the only person there for me, as I was there for him."
"Oh, darling, don't try and twist this on me. You swore to me that you would always be mine."
"What the hell did I know?!" you spat, giving him a poisonous look. "You let your rage consume you. You were long gone before you even fell from the Bifrost. Thor would never hurt me like that."
"How can you be so sure? He started a war, after all. He is not as mature as you think."
"At least he grew in his exile. He dropped all selfish ambitions and decided to be a ruler. You, still, are only looking out for yourself."
Loki laughed, "A ruler? So you jumped to marry him, and now you will be queen?"
"That wasn't my goal," you spoke sternly. "I married for love, not for a title."
"You don't love him."
"You don't know that."
"Oh, but I do," he mocked, flashing you a mischievous grin. "I know for certain that if I were to hold you like I used to, with my arms around your waist, and placed a deep kiss on your lips, you wouldn't hesitate to melt into me."
You blushed lightly at his comment, but scoffed and shook your head, trying to remove the image from your mind. "No, Loki—."
The sound of small feet coming towards you cut you off mid-sentence. You turned and gasped.
"Momma!" a little girl yelled, running into your arms.
"Eisa!" you scolded, holding her close. "What are you doing down here?!"
"I missed you," she said innocently, leaning into your shoulder.
"How did you find me?"
You silently cursed your blond confidant as Loki watched the sight in shock. The last thing he ever expected was for you to have a daughter. Yet, here you were, holding the little girl in your arms. She couldn't be more than two years of age, with long dark hair and striking blue eyes. Loki took in her soft features for a moment before coming to a realization.
There was no way she was Thor's daughter. She looked nothing like his brother. Her pointed nose and strong jawline were the complete opposite of his. However, they matched Loki's. His heart began to race as he locked eyes with the little girl.
"Momma? Who's that?" she asked, picking her head up from your shoulder.
"No one, Eisa," you said. "Why don't you go find Papa? I'm sure he will take you outside to the gardens."
Eisa nodded as you set her down. She made eye contact with Loki one more time before running back towards the stairs and out of the dungeon. You watched her until she was out of sight, then turned back to the stunned Loki.
"You-You're a mother?" he asked in disbelief.
You nodded. He swallowed thickly.
"She-She's mine, is she not?"
You nodded again, shifting your gaze to your shaking hands. "She is your daughter, Loki."
"How? How did this happen? How did you keep this from me?!"
"I did not know I was pregnant until after you...disappeared. By then, I was already four months along. I was scared, Loki. I was scared and in grief. I did not know what to do. Thor said he would help me. He agreed to help raise Eisa. We fell in love in the process, and we got married. He's the only father she has and ever will know."
The words struck him like a knife. When he saw Eisa, the anger in him disappeared. His need for vengeance vanished when he realized he had a child, a little girl that carried his blood. She was beautiful and innocent, and she was hidden from him for her whole life.
"My love, please give me a chance," he said, hanging his head. "I know I have not been a good man, but I think I can be a decent father."
"No," you said without breaking. "Loki, you are a selfish, cruel individual who just murdered nearly a hundred innocent mortals. You stepped on sinless people just to put yourself on top. You have put yourself in this position. I feel no sorrow for you."
"Darling, please," he pleaded through a broken sob. "I know I was wrong. I-I never would have done any of this if I knew you were pregnant. I swear I would have been there for you, for our child. Please give me that chance now."
Tears began to fall from your own eyes as you listened to his desperate begging. The piece of you that still loved him, the piece of you that you pushed away for so long, was beginning to emerge, and she wanted to give in. You tried your best to remain strong, to keep the willpower you developed over the months he was gone, but you still felt yourself falter.
"I love you, my sweet dove. I always have. You were constantly in my mind while I was gone. You were the only thing keeping me sane while—I came to you in your sleep, you know. Don't you remember?"
You looked up at him, nodding slowly.
"I told you to wait for me. I told you that I would come back to you."
"It was a dream, Loki," you said softly. "How was I to know it was actually you?"
"I-I don't know. I never expected you to marry, love, especially not my brother. Stars, and you carried my child the whole time," he sobbed, leaning against the wall of the cell. "I am so sorry I hurt you. I was wrong from the start. You are right; I let my anger consume me. You had every right to move on."
You were crying steadily now, leaning against the cell. Your breath hitched as you felt his presence against yours. You ached to be in his arms again and feel him leave soft kisses along your jaw. You missed him, more than you wanted to admit.
The two of you cried together for a moment, as lovers broken then reunited. No matter how much to tried to deny it, you were still hopelessly in love with him. Thor could never compare to the intensity of your love with his brother. Loki was the man you were meant to be with, to raise a family with. And it was all taken away from you by his twisted actions fueled by envy and your rash decisions fueled by grief.
The moment was ruined again by the sound of footsteps. This time, they were heavier and more urgent. You quickly stepped back from the cage and regained your composure as your husband dashed towards you.
"My dear, you have to leave!" Thor shouted, holding Eisa in his arms. "You are not supposed to be here!"
"I had to see him, Thor. I needed closure."
"This is not healthy for you, love. Father will be furious if he finds out you visited him."
The brothers locked eyes. Loki looked at him with nothing but heartache as he caught the gold wedding band on his hand. He felt his heart drop at the sight of his daughter curled up in Thor's arms. Eisa stared at Loki with curiosity, but as he caught her look, she quickly hid her face in Thor's shoulder.
"You took everything from me, brother," Loki said with more hurt than anger.
"You have no right to any of this, Loki. You gave it all up when you let power consume you."
Loki looked down, knowing his brother was right. Thor wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close to him.
"Come on, love, before Odin finds out."
"Papa, I'm scared," Eisa whined quietly.
"I know, sweet dove. We are going."
Thor led the two of you away from the cell. Loki watched you leave with a sob in his throat. As soon as he saw you go up the stairs, he broke down. He fell to the floor in anguish of the life he lost. He lost his wife, his daughter, his mother, his brother, all because of his poisonous dreams. Now, he would have to live the rest of his days in this lonely room, knowing he could have been up there raising a daughter.
Later that night, you were sat at your vanity, brushing your hair. Tears lived in your eyes for the entire day. A few slipped during dinner, as a few were slipping now. Your anxiety was at an all-time high, and you felt nothing but guilt and sadness.
The bedroom door opened, and Thor stepped in. You did not turn to look at him, but he walked over to you.
"Eisa is finally asleep," he said, placing a kiss on your cheek.
You set your brush down, "Good. Thank you, dear."
"Of course. Although, she asked me for a brother three times after she heard Loki address me as such."
You did not respond, merely clipped your hair back.
"Why were you down there?" he asked. You sighed, knowing the question was inevitable.
"I had to see him, Thor. Everyone else got to see him, so I thought I deserved a turn."
"That was for your own good, love," he explained, pulling his tunic off. "No one hurt like you did. I was so proud of you for regaining your strength. I couldn't let him take that away from you."
"That wasn't your decision to make."
Thor sighed, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to protect you and Eisa. You both are my world."
You crawled into bed as he laid next to you. He pulled you into his strong arms, resting his lips on your temple. You began to cry again. The sound broke Thor's heart as he held you close to his chest.
"I am so sorry, my love. I am so sorry for everything. You deserve none of this."
He continued to whisper soothing words to you until he fell asleep. You eventually stopped crying and closed your eyes, soon drifting off as well. Your rest was dreamless until you saw the charming eyes of the younger prince. He showed you what your life would look like if you gave him a chance. You saw Eisa running in the garden, another child of yours chasing her as you held Loki's hand.
You wanted to push his magic away. But you couldn't. That was the life you deserved. Your heart ached knowing it would never be true.