#lonelier than lonely

[bunnighost]

#vent edit #worthless #useless #unlovable #friendless #actuallytraumatized #traumacore #depression #loneliness #avpd #actuallymentallyill #i never fit in #i never belong #i'm all alone #so lonely #everyone always ends up disliking me #or get bored of me #they always care about others more than me #i'm never important to anyone #nobody ever cares about me

[saintbleeding]

[ID: Digital art in the style of engraving illustration. On the right, there is a lighthouse behind a small cottage, with trees beside them. In front of the cottage there is an outcropping of pointed boulders, descending to a beach. On the far left, there is a figure standing on the outcropping, one arm extended. The light from the lighthouse’s beam reflects on the clouds and the back of the figure, who seems unaffected by the pelting rain. The windows of the buildings glow orange as though there is someone home. End ID.]

oooh u wanna go read my victorian au ooooooh u wanna go read it so bad

#tma #the lonely #(yes there's a lonely arc eventually.) #i have a really vivid image of if you go up to the cottage you can't see inside but you can hear conversation or laughter #and you get this intense feeling that you are being intentionally ignored by those inside #when in reality there's nobody there #what's lonelier than thinking you've been excluded but even if you got inside #there would be the glowing hearth and warm light and nobody to greet you #my #saint draws #factual particulars tag

[fortyfive-forty]

grabbing fistfuls of my own hair rocking back and forth repeating to myself like some kind of fucked up wizardly enchantment you should care about womens sports because its literally the same fucking sport why do i have to bend over backwards to convince you to care about womens sports like at an abstract level it is the exact same fucking thing and yet you cannot bear to possibly watch it unless you think the women are hot or there is some sort of social gain why is it so hard for you to care about womens sports when they are literally doing all of it better than the men

#i stand by my belief that womens sports are more entertaining anyways but i know that is somewhat personal preferences so ok! fine! #but they are the same then! #obviously yes there are legit differences in ~style~ and such based on the way different sports have evolved #ex: female basketballers are statistically better shooters than male basketballers #but like the sport itself is practically identical so why is it so fucking impossible for some people #to get interested in a sport they claim they love #just because women are doing it #i'm not sitting here like 'mmm how do i convince people to watch women's sport' like a legit plot #i'm just baffled i really don't understand #i mean i do understand of course but i'm just tired of it being this way lol #i want to talk to more people who have the level of brainrot i have about women's sports and it feels like everyone i know well #is just not that interested in the women even though they're interested in the men #of course there are people online but i get self-conscious and i don't know anyone well enough to truly go to the depths of my own brainrot #this is just a combination of genuine frustration but also my own loneliness lol #< wayyy more dramatic than it actually is for the record i'm not like lonely lonely #i just want someone who actually understands why i go nuts over this and who i feel comfortable spamming about it 😭 #blah blah blah words

[liquidstar]

Between commissions I finally managed to finish this OC set of parent characters! If the looks aren't enough to show you who their kid is, the background colors match them ^_^ but of course more details below!

Name: Thuban

Name origin: The former pole star, before the north star (Polaris), it's name means "Large snake" and is referred to as the “Dragon's tail”

Pronouns: He/him

Age: N/A

Relation: Raised Polaris, though they're not related by blood and have a somewhat distant relationship, until he suddenly went MIA

Weapon: Spear (Same as Polaris's)

Ethos (Power): N/A

Flaw power is based on: N/A

Notes: Make no phallic jokes about the large snake thing and you'll be rewarded

Name: Ananke

Name origin: A moon of Jupiter, named for the mythological spirit of necessity, inevitably, and compulsion

Pronouns: She/her

Age: -

Relation: Bella's mother, she raised her to be a warrior

Weapon: Bardiche

Ethos (Power): Indomination (The ability to freeze the movement of objects and people, and lock them in place)

Flaw power is based on: Her strict enforcement of obedience through authoritarianism, and a lack of concern for the wishes of others

Notes: She believes in tough love. It's better in the long run to give your kid strength rather than affection.

Name: Rhea

Name origin: A moon of Saturn named after the Titan known as the mother of the gods

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 38

Relation: Saiph's mother, though she gave him up to the guild when he was very young

Weapon: None

Ethos (Power): None

Flaw power is based on: N/A

Notes: Was unable to take care of a baby at the time, and gave Saiph to the guild. She wishes she'd visited beyond that but it's probably too late now...

Name: Arche

Name origin: One of Jupiter's moons, it's name comes from the muse of new beginnings and is associated with springtime

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 7

Relation: Saiph's half-brother. Neither currently knows the other exists

Weapon: None

Ethos (Power): None

Flaw power is based on: N/A

Notes: He's just a little guy. He likes flowers and playing with toys. He wants to be a cool hero like his dad

Name: Poerava

Name origin: A star in Tucana, the Maori word for a black pearl of mystical beauty and perfection

Pronouns: She/her

Age: -

Relation: Al's mom. She mostly raised him on her own while her husband was with the knights.

Weapon: None

Ethos (Power): None

Flaw power is based on: N/A

Notes: Probably the best parent of the bunch if we're being real.

#Finn's ocs #Finn's art #oc references #i wrote the descs while w the kids so hopefully they make sense. my attention was split #but anyway here in the tags I'll talk about the designs in relation to their kids lol #polaris is emulating thuban moreso than anyone else. her color scheme and outfit motifs are the same as his- they ARE his #her original outfit is clothes she took and diy'd into her own so she could go off into the world and well presumably look for him at first #the truth is she always wanted to see the world that's why she loved maps. in a way this was an excuse. in another way she was just lonely #but doesn't understand loneliness. also the fact that she's not his daughter by blood is part of that #bc of her actual parents (not as relevant character-wise) she sees all relationships as temporary and she has issues connecting #ananke i wanted to mostly look intimidating in a way that Bella really isn't #Bella puts on skull hairties and fishnets and stuff but she's very much. a cute softie trying to look edgy. she has pink twintails #she's so different from her mom in pretty much every way but she still did have that ideal of strength drilled into her #still her take on it is softer. she's the team leader now but she's really pretty lenient aside from the important No Killing rule ofc #w Rhea and Arche i had a bit of a flower theme. pussywillow (lol) means motherhood and buttercups mean childishness #so. mother and child #but rhea is interesting bc she's raising a whole different kid now that she's in a different place in life #if you do the math she had Saiph young. and it was alright for a while until his dad (again not as important) died #so she didn't have support or money. but she had a connection to the guild because his dad's old sword teacher is a member (hmm) #but she was too scared/ashamed to visit. she just left him his dad's old knife because that's all she had (THE KNIFE IS IMPORTANT) #arche is her kid with her second husband and her new beginning. this will cause some inner problems for Saiph when he meets them... #Poerava was kinda designed to have rich lady vibes because remember Al's family is practically nobility #but more importantly she's designed to look like a mom. with the low ponytail and tired eyes #the black pearl of her namesake as the centerpiece of her outfit too #again she's got the healthiest relationship with her kid here by a longshot #but i mean don't worry Al still got the daddy issues so he's not getting away unscathed #I already drew Taurus with the zodiac knights though so i didn't feel the need to reintroduce him #anyway Mira really has 0 connection to any family at all she was found as an orphaned baby after a monster attack #obviously she had parents but beyond town of origin it's unknown who so she has no connections to any sort of past parental figure #the guild is her one and only family and that's how she wants it. she wants to be with them forever the past doesn't matter

[sibelin]

The weirdest thing is that everyone is so lonely but also everyone is so mean to strangers.

#i'm not talking about people having strong opinions. that's alright #but it's sooo easy to mock strangers and find flaws in other people online #they are straight up being mean or judgy for no reasons..... I feel like i'm miles away from tumblr culture now :') #like....it doesn't help with loneliness. i've never seen more lonely people than the persons sending hate or being spiteful online #it's sad to watch!

[obeymeow]

nightbringer lesson 14 FUCKED ME UP in several ways but primarily I've spent the last 48 hours making myself sad over the solomon backstory we got. specifically I have, for no reason, latched onto that one chapter in the Kids event where baby solomon cried because he felt so guilty over being responsible for that spell. and that just feels a touch more depressing in context

#nightbringer spoilers #obey me on side #went back and unlocked the event again because i could not get this out of my brain i know it's probably not that deep #but it is that deep TO ME. okay #baby solomon has been on my brain since thirteen told that story so that's probably why it's sticking in my brain so hard but whatever #in case anyone was wondering the other things to make me sad are: #he has such a deeply excessive amount of lights in his room in purgatory hall there are SEVERAL chandeliers and lamps #there's a good handful in his room in cocytus hall too (his horror dg showed it) if a more normal amount #but that with the 'dim and gloomy' detail. ☹️ #i've also always thought that solomon's loneliness wasn't all about the immortal angst but like. #having it confirmed that he's had reason to be lonely since he was a child- before he was old enough to know he was using magic- #totally crushed me girl why can't I be wrong #had emotions about lesson 14 in general but solomon backstory steals the show every time for me so i haven't gotten around to the rest #i'm enjoying the nightbringer story so much (not talking about the game design. that's a different thing entirely) but man #the pacing is WILD it feels like every lesson could be a whole lesson block at the least. it's giving me a lot of room to speculate #which I always love! but i do wish they would slow down a little and expand on some of these concepts they're bringing up #because the basic idea of the game alone is REALLY INTRIGUING and it'd be a shame if they raced back to the present imo #what was i even talking about. sorry my brain fast forwards as soon as i get into the tags there is not one sequitur to be seen #so curious about solomon's friend now too. like my guess is it's going to be lilith (and hopefully not in a popular fan theory kind of way) #because it's more than a little suspicious that they expanded on lilith's views on humans the way they did #in a way that SO PERFECTLY lines up with the expansion on solomon's views on humans #WHICH I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT YET BY THE WAY BUT LIKE. HE IS SO RIGHT AND REAL FOR THAT #it's beyond stressful to me that I think solomon is completely justified in his views and being completely reasonable about it #but that it would also mean war between the worlds presumably while the brothers are still recovering from THEIRS #you cannot give me that choice man. not even sure that the human world would be ABLE to win that fight if we're being real #solomon's 72 pacts are a lot yes but he's still only one guy who is NOT on good terms with the sorcerer's society #and mc is powerful but so so inexperienced. and that's IF they choose to side with the human world which #really i don't think the canon mc is likely to do. but anyway i guess solomon's friend could also be adam maybe? #that could be wishful thinking because i like adam though. even if his hair SUUUCKS #deeply offended by everyone thinking solomon got the fucked up hair when all signs point to adam be NICE TO HIM he's ugly already

[seakrisp]

I think Modern Au Suletta would be a Glass Child

#Eri would probably have a chronic illness that kept most of the Samaya/Mercury family at the hospital #Suletta loves her sister but clearly doesn't realize the neglect she's experiencing #like it got worse when Nadim (?) died and Prospera/Elanor would sometimes guilt trip Suletta whenever Suletta tries to ask for something #Suletta ending up just not asking or speaking up on anything #and feeling lonely and sad makes her guilty cus she has it better than her sister #Eri is still able to do stuff but just very limited activities and she's just always fatigued #i feel like Eri would feel like shes an awful older sister bcs of her condition #They both love each other so much they fill each other's loneliness. #sorry ive been thinking about this so much.. its microwaving in my head and i cannot draw it rn #Eri puts up a more confident but also a chill front because Suletta is usally so anxious #heheheh #im just making up angst #man #i miss g witch #g witch #gundam the witch from mercury #gundam #suletta mercury #ericht samaya #the witch from mercury #elnora samaya #prospera mercury #Nadim samaya #i think #i forgor

[silenthillbunni]

yeah idk i just feel like im so lonely and i'll always be completely alone. i dont see the point in living if this is how my entire life's gonna be

#i hate talking to 'professionals' bc i just feel so.. #like nobody understands me. im on an isolated and desolate island and i cant ever escape it #i dont even have words even if i wanted to vent bc i just feel so.. idk??? dejected maybe #well i needed to vent but turns out i have no words to describe it #just that i feel so lonely. no one understands me. i dont understand ppl or this world. i feel so unsafe around ppl. cant trust anyone #mostly i feel a loneliness so heavy it is slowly crushing me and will soon suffocate me #i'd rather die a quick death soon than walk around slowly dying for several years #if only my mom wouldnt be completely crushed by it. i know it'd break her. otherwise i'd be gone a long time ago #i dont have energy anymore. what am i even fighting for??? a boring empty and lonely existence? lmao. idek

[thebirdandhersong]

Hm

#i think im being taught a lesson about how to deal with loneliness #was i alone today? no. technically not. but i certainly felt lonely even with my friends #a feeling i wish id left behind in high school #i was like AH. I understand now. this is loneliness ive been feeling all week #anyway what is the point of this post? i am simply tired of being medium miserable and am oddly glad to understand WHY i feel so out of #sorts. it isnt just the hormones lol its the general loss of community post old church #and the continuing revelations that things were NOT okay in fact were even worse than i thought at the time #like 😭😭😭 we do live in a fallen world. still. hate to see it

[visionkept]

#︾╼╼ █ █ ║˚ ▹ MUSINGS.▕🗲 #TOMO. THATS TOMO RIGHT THERE #weirded out toto not knowing what to do or say when someone wants to tag along for more than just a couple of hours with them #lonely coyote craves attention and friends but it is so used to loneliness. more at 8

[gunkbaby]

Remember when I wondered if Shuu cooked human gourmet meals just to pretend to be normal for a bit? Consider: he makes gourmet meals but for his pets. Like his horses be eating good. His fish have like, fancy bloodworms and that. Iykwim.

Also. If he considers Hori a ‘pet’, maybe he makes her nice cheesecakes or whatever? Like Shuu seems to be someone who gives gifts bc he doesn’t know how to express love verbally (like he says flowers are a source of happiness and gives them to Kaneki and Hinami frequently), so maybe that’s how he expresses fondness of her.

#this feels a little happier than him just cooking food to look at it. #also incredibly disordered bless his heart. #gunk #i feel like i have difficulties with hori and Shuu’s friendship #like i project but. it reminds me of me and every friend I’ve had. #where 1 person (me) is very lonely and deeply saddened by it. so they act very clingy #and it’s sort of not reciprocated by the other person (who is probs more comfy with loneliness or simply not as unstable.) #it just brings up a bad thing #i know hori and shuu are good friends #like im just saying i didn’t feel like hori was depicted as much as man active participant #she’s not as affectionate #she saves Shuu’s life. we know she loves and cares for him #but she feels distant #i think it’s kind of a writing thing but also im like. Steph ur just projecting lmao #shuucore #tg gunk

[claymorexpunisher]

Imagine trusting a man enough to let yourself be the perfect ✨passenger seat princess✨ at least 98% of the time.

Wonder what that’s like…

#one day lmaoo #✨manifesting✨ #a couple weeks ago one of my besties asked me being single has me feeling lonely. #no im not lonely. I think loneliness can cloud your judgment and can make you make poor decisions that will have you settling for less than #you deserve just to fill that void. #so no im not lonely. i have other relationships that are just as important. #but im def more open to meeting my Prince Charming. #i used to think that relying or depending on others in some ways was a sign of weakness. but now i know that there’s strength in that. and #that it can be so freeing and beautiful. and though I do value my alone time and a certain amount of independence is important- it’s okay #to pass your burdens onto someone who’s willing to take them on sometimes. and I’ve realized that Ive been so hellbent on not being #dependent on a man bc I didn’t have a man I could depend on. ever. I didnt have that example of a man in my life who would hold it down as a #father or as a husband. but I know they exist. bc I see it on the daily. the man of my dreams is out there and I’m patiently waiting to meet #him and to love him for all eternity. #i totally might delete this later lmao. #but for now if you’re reading this word vomit- I hope you meet your person too and if you already have- I hope you cherish them as much as- #-they cherish you. ♥️♥️♥️🌹 #IM IN MY FEELINGS DONT MIND ME. #🤮 😂 #love #romance #soulmates #fate #trust #romantic relationships

[heaartshaped]

Finished assassin’s quest and it was SO GOOD I loved how it was 400 hundred pages of a sad lonely self discovery journey and then just a fun little gay road trip

#ok #OK!!!!! #I have so much thoughts about this book #I think one of the main things that makes fitz suffer (other than the obvious circumstances of his life) is the fact he’s so deeply lonely #and In the first part of the book he really has nothing whatsoever left other than the desire to kill regal #and nighteyes ofc #but then at the second part of the book. they’re traveling together and suddenly he’s surrounded by people who care about in him deeply #and I think!!!!! that’s what he wanted for so long simple hard work and good company and singing around the fire that’s good for him #he’s so gentle at heart!!!!! and he suffers from loneliness so much and that’s the thing that makes the ending so cruel #like. alone AGAIN? #where’s the fool? #where is he #like u kiss and run away? WHY didn’t he come looking for him after the war was over #also the fool my beloved I loved him so #I CANT WITH THEM #WHEN I RECALL HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU WERE!!!!! #I LOVE YOU AND ALL THAT IS PART OF YOU!!!!!!! #sobbing actually #rote #farseer trilogy #fitz and the fool #fitz chivalry #the fool #assassin’s quest

[only-lonely-stars]

i had many feelings today and had to draw them

#traditional art #mixed media #OLST art #my art #one day that very lonely girl deep inside of you #(you knew her once. she's still part of you) #will find a love that fills every tiny crack of her very broken heart #and find that maybe. just maybe. there will be a time when she is known for more than just her loneliness #one day that very lonely girl will not be so lonely any more.

[tokimekiinversion]

i think i read a science article theorizing fictoromance as like, a "trial run" for irl romantic relationships. with sort of the implication being, the irl ones are the "real and valid" relationships.

and yk, maybe this is a thought people have, maybe not, but in any case-- i can't agree with that, as someone who doesnt know if theyre even interested in irl relationships or not. my love feels pretty real to me! i don't want to define it as something thats just a precursor to an irl romance, or even necessarily a replacement for incompatibility with irl romance. because that still treats the irl romance/love as somehow inherently superior, which i don't think it is. the sentiment saying that fictoromance is compensation for lack of irl romance, i feel, is a sentiment saying, "you HAVE to love someone, you have to be the way normative society wants you to be or you're Broken and Weird," but the "broken and weird" is defined here under a cruel and arbitrary lens.

live your life how you want to. do what makes you happy. if its not hurting anyone who cares. love wins

#self ship #love talk #fictosexual #fictoromantic #fictoromantism #i'd rather be weird and free and happy #than normal and sad and repressed and trapped #i feel theres a point you have to think #who's the one saying youre broken? who wants you to be broken? #and #are you letting that person into your head? #my love for fictional characters has never been something ive had because “i was lonely and didnt have a partner” or whatever #it was because. i loved those characters!!!!! it started with the love. not anything else #sure it helped with loneliness #but theres an order there #and order is important #hearthstone taught me that #lol

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

OKAYYYY I THINK I FIXED THE PROBLEMATIC HALLOWED BODIES CHAPTER AND ALSO MADE SOME REALIZATIONS

And there she is. Standing behind the counter. For a brief second, she’s no one else but herself—someone new to this city but not to him, the bravest parts of him even braver in her. Where has she been? He doesn’t care what he came here for—his sister’s here, hair braying in a tabletop fan, but the rest of her unmoving, unchanged. He can’t remember the last time he saw her. When she’d said goodbye to Harrison at their tent, he hadn’t actually looked at her. So the final memory of her face is filmy, barely clinging to the edges. But even before that, she’s a phantom. If she’d been reading Plath on the cabin’s two-seater, taking breaks only to reheat her stale coffee. If she’d gone swimming in the lake, her hair silverish in the moonlight. If she’d reached over him at dinner for another helping of potato salad or asked him to pass the salt. If she’d been voicing her plans to move into a Midwest bungalow to no one in particular. If she asked him to come with her. If he was even listening. The truth becomes very clear: he does not need a god, or cigarettes, but a sister.

and a feeding habits excerpt as contrast (harrison's pov):

“Where is he?” she asks, fluttering her lashes when Suz pats her arm. If Harrison is right, Reeve hasn’t seen her brother since she peered in on him in the tent, pearled a few smoke rings from Harrison’s cigar, and left for the east. Foster filled him in on the details of her eventual cross-country desertion, though there wasn’t much to say. How he’d last seen her at the motel, a margarita wobbling in her palm, what she’d said to him, to stay special, that there weren’t many people like him left, and how she had vanished like vapour by the time they realized to check. While Reeve hiked across the country by herself, Harrison and Lonan swam through nighttide and badly waltzed in a four-by-four bathroom. She made an anonymous life in New York City, hailing cabs with just her eyes, and learning the easiest cosmetics to shoplift. Alone. Her last memory of Lonan one where he pretended to sleep so he didn’t have to say goodbye to her.

#the revision was a big pain in the ass but it's better than what it was before!!!! #basically perhaps realizing a majority of this book is about lonan's loneliness (say that 5 times fast) #and the revision addresses that #I knew he had a drive to look for reeve but couldn't tell why???? #and I think it's because he's lonely lol #WHICH IS THE SAME REASON HARRISON LOOKS FOR REEVE IN FEEDING HABITS HA #they're the SAME #poor reeve tho leave her out of IT!!!!!!! #LOVELOVELOVE how it feeds into that FH excerpt YES #FEEL BAD LONAN FEEL BAD #hallowed bodies