So today is my 33rd birthday and I've spent it alone, in bed with little to no contact with anyone 馃檭馃珷! I'm not one to make a big fuss over my birthday, it's just another year and I have no one special or any friends to celebrate with really! I wish I had a big friend group or even just someone to celebrate it with but i don't, Its crappy but it's life!
Bless my mum tho, she's making me come over to theirs for some food and company tonight! Think she's worried about me living alone and being alone on my birthday!
So anyway, happy birthday to me and here鈥檚 to getting older 馃槀馃槄馃檭馃┑
I was always lonely mentally physically. no one ever made me feel like their presence were permanent . I tried to change their mind by trying to make them fall in love with me but all it got me was hurt honestly. I don't deserve all the pain I got build up . the trauma people caused me I'm noticing the fear of being alone has allowed me to put up with anything . when I say I'm going to be strong I mean I'm going to be strong for me . I'm the only one that cares about the way I feel I'm the only one that haves to feel this way and deal with these voices in my head telling me to give up . I will forever be broken because no one knew how to cherish me
my cat is my only friend, every time i see her my heart fills with love, even during rough bouts of drug-fueled depression our bond brings me sense of wholesomeness, and purity that i havent felt since i was a young kid. i will always be grateful for you. you鈥檝e been there for me since i was a lonely 16 year old, im 26 now and you still act like a young kitten. i really think you are my soulmate, if it weren鈥檛 for you i would never have discovered my love for animals and nature. thank you for everything.
I honestly don鈥檛 think I鈥檒l make it past forty.聽
Like I鈥檒l just sit there, a single father of countless unofficially adopted children, with a lil beard, I鈥檒l wear shirts with rolled up sleeves and have bloody hands. I鈥檒l wear those sunglasses that the guy who played Elrond wore in the matrix. I think I鈥檒l let my hair grow out a bit for the last few months of my life so I鈥檒l have a man bun like Eren Jeager.聽
I鈥檒l have four cats who have been accompanying me ever since my wild adventures across the globe and their names will be Bertholt, Darles, Edinburgh and Dick. And some of them might actually just be some really fucked up raccoons or ferrets or possums or whatever.聽
I might own a rocking chair and grow weed in my little garden. And that鈥檚 it. Boom. Black screen. End credits.聽
Like if you're: 1.the family member who is left out 2. Never gets invited to anything. 3. Won't even have your social media request accepted by any family member