Why I Still consider myself a transcel/incel even if I have a bf.
LISTEN LISTEN. (Not a volcel)
I know what you’re thinking, that I’m no longer an “incel” because I eventually found someone, but I beg to differ.
This is NOT me trying to attach myself to this label because I like it or romanticize it, I honestly am not proud that I’m involuntary celibate but shit happens.
The reason why I still consider myself a transcel, even more then before, is that this relationship is long distance, VERY long distance because I’m strictly t4t, and yeah. I feel for someone online. Now I know what your thinking.
“Just date someone near by so you’re no longer celibate.”
With who? I can’t be t4t here, let alone if most people can’t find trans people irl, the trans ppl Ik are ether taken or NOT in the mental space to be in a relationship. (Or just trenders.)
2. “Then try dating cis people.”
LMAOOO. I’m not putting myself through that again. Dating a cis woman is the absolute worse, they manipulate and play mind games with you, so you can fit in their butch lesbian fantasy. Absolutely disgusting. Cis men are slightly less horrid, they’re at least a bit more direct/obvious about it, attempting to make you more woman.
3. “Ok but you still got a bf at the end of the day, so why’d you call urself a transcel?”
The definition of celibate according to the Oxford dictionary is:
Since my bf is 1,175 miles away, we can’t do anything sexual anytime soon. And honestly, based on our distance, where he lives, and our current life circumstances, it’s most likely we aren’t going to meet, like, ever.
And no, I don’t consider “E-sex” or whatever as actual intercourse, sure it’s an inmate thing, but not actual sex.
4. “Okay, hypothetically if you did meet up with your bf, and did do the do, that’d no longer make you an incel.”
I need you too understand, that I do want to have sex. One day or another.
But due to the world we’re living in, and that I’m a dude with out a dick, I mentally can not agree too it. This is where the phrase I have in my bio, “mentally castrated”, cause that’s what I am.
I’m going to get real personal here, I was S/Aed by lesbians. Therefore can not have sex with a cis woman. Yes, that might be “transphobic” towards me, but I can’t let that 12 year old boy sobbing while being traumatized feel betrayed because future me was horny.
And It’s unfortunate, but I feel the same is true for trans men. I KNOW I KNOW that’s sooo “transphobic”, but come on, we have the same parts, female parts. And that disgusts me. Sure things like strap ons exist, but those were made for lesbians. Hell, I might have a break down if i recognize the sound.
I can’t have sex with cis guys, no matter how sexually satisfying that might be, because I’ll know he’ll see me as just a woman.
I feel t girls wouldn’t be as humiliating or traumatizing as the others I listed, but I’d say it’s pretty demasculizing for a chick top you. But I’d still take that chance, because if you couldn’t tell. I’m desperate. However, I only met two trans girls irl, and they’re both in long term relationships so we can rule out.
As you can see, this is why, even with a wonderful online boyfriend who lives in the middle of nowhere. I’m still, unfortunately, a transcel.
TLDR: I crave sex but cannot have it with my bf bc of the distance, cannot have it with any other individual ether bc of Trauma and gender.
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So here’s a funny deet – I tend to draw my queerplatonic partner and I physically together in my comics because it helps transcribe our interactions, but the truth is, we live in different countries in different continents, with a 9-hour time difference, and we’re physically apart the large majority of the time. But I’ll be damned if every year we don’t have an amazing Valentine’s Day video call where we roast romantic movies anyway because that’s the best we can have.
Lots of love to binational long-distance peeps out there, and to anyone else who has “non-conventional” plans for Valentine’s Day, whatever you do, hope you have an awesome day <3
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