#look at me I'm venting again

[lilyrighter]

So I'm not getting on any sort of "I disliked James Somerton before it was cool" thing because that blatantly isn't true, I was just as much of a fan as many others were before Hbomberguy's video.

But even after subscribing to James, I typically looked at his videos talking about a certain media more than his general queer history stuff, because when he wasn't focused on a specific topic, I found it hard to retain what he was saying and understand some of his explanations. "His" definition of camp particularly flew over my head. Now, I thought this was a me problem, that I just wasn't getting it because I'm a visual learner and hearing things academically is a bit harder. But now that I know 99.9% of his shit was stolen, I've realized why I'm not the problem!

My brain felt like I was experiencing an academic textbook because the shitstain was reading unfiltered academic text at me, at times like he was reading off a Wikipedia article--WHICH HE LITERALLY DID

#me before: my brain isn't smart enough to get everything he says :( #me now: oh no that's wrong he just stole indiscriminately and patched it together in a shitty manner #not all of his sources were strictly academic but now i'm sure i could point to which ones that are because that at times #super over complicated writing style of text books can be easy to spot if you properly look for it #not that i'm watching one of his videos ever again fuck him i just wanted to vent about realizing this #james somerton #hbomberguy

[aetheternity]

"Venti stans are low key annoying complaining about Venti not being the main focus of the Windblume festival."

First off we do not care. Second off ok???? Literally every character stan complains about their fave not getting enough screen time hop off.

It isn't even about screen time for me. It's about the fact that Venti hasn't truly felt like Venti in several updates. The last time he truly felt like himself was during Weinlesefest but even then he still didn't feel like the Venti we met all the way back during the first archon quest. And I don't wanna hear "hE hAd cHaRaCtEr dEvLoPmEnT." Cause no that isn't what happened, he regressed as a character. He's becoming fanon Venti in game. He gets used for alcohol jokes and Paimon calls him lazy then he dips. 🙄

"He was just in the Lantern Rite.." Shut Up. Shut Up. Shut all the fucking way up! He was terrible in LR and honestly if you cut Venti out of LR you basically have the same event. He did literally nothing of substance and he shouldn't have been there at all.

The first Windblume festival centered around Venti and showed us more of Venti being Mondstadt's archon. The second Windblume festival has barely anything to do with him. Excuse us if we're fucking disappointed, we have every right to be. Like I said literally every character's stans complain about them not getting enough screen time. Yeah sure if every Mondstadt event centered Venti it'd get old but the biggest problem is they decided to center a MONDSTADT EVENT around fucking SUMERU CHARACTERS. Fucking Collei gets more screen time than any Mondstadt character. Which wouldn't be a problem but this is a main Mondstadt event. Even though Venti was in LR 3 he wasn't a main focus he was a background character to the rest of the cast. Which is what Collei should've been cut out Tighnari and Cyno.

Mondstadt has so many underutilized characters and their screen time got spliced for the Sumeru fuckers who already have too much screen time. The entire last five updates have had Cyno in almost everything and Tighnari as well and while Collei has less screen time than them she has yet to be under used. If this was about Collei meeting up with Amber again they could've had that in a different event. If this was about Collei facing her anxiety it could've happened in a different event. They should've just had Sucrose helping Mondstadters cause guess what? You think this is going to be the last time a nation's event gets characters bombarding in? Hell no Fontaine is coming soon we're one hundred percent going to get nation festivals with random characters that have nothing to do with anything probably until the end of the game.

We'll see how happy ya'll are when your fave gets less screen time for some randos that have nothing to do with the nation you care about.

#venti #windblume breath #windblume festival 3.5 #tw vent #idc if this sounds entitled #like what're you going to do about that #like we literally just got Mika introduced and he has less screen time than the sumeru cast so far #we have fucking Noelle and oh shocker I didn't see my baby Diona anywhere looks like they forgot about her again! #this is a main Mondstadt event you can't slap the title Windblume festival on it then have it mostly center randos from other nations #even if Venti wasn't the focus Collei should've had less screen time #She has plenty of time to get over her damn anxiety in another event this shouldn't have been so about her #genshin impact #come at me fuckers #i said what i said #i said what needed to be said #And I'm not taking it back #And yes I am saying all of this while having enjoyed Cyno's appearance but I am still disappointed and I have the right to that

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[vaguely-concerned]

the thing about growing up undiagnosed high-masking autistic is that it feels a lot like being expected to spontaneously develop, nay, somehow autogenically manifest from somewhere deep in your soul, a perfect understanding of ancient greek. and you scrape by for a long while on route memorization of established texts and sneaking looks in dictionaries while people glance away and frantic spiritual google translating and you form a tattered highly specialized vocabulary and some exceedingly hazy theories of grammar. but then one day the world will be like 'wonderful, you've really got this down huh! now it's time to go out there in the world and compose your own poetry! have fun!' and then you sit there like ':) oh no!' and in your cobbled-together desperate lingo it's very hard to find a way to tell people 'my nervous system has been burning for so long that there's only electrified ash left in here to carry the signal and all that greek ate every other language I may have known at the beginning so now I don't understand anything at all anymore I don't know how to truly speak and I don't know how to truly listen it's all greek to me' without them going 'but don't be silly you're so eloquent!' and/or 'well have you tried to spontaneously be a fluent latin speaker instead that worked great for me!' and then I want to go lie down at the bottom of the deepest ocean forever and never get up

#my brain feels like scrambled eggs mixed in with sewage #the idea of having to -- as it were -- sit down with duolingo and start to learn again in this state fills me with despair! #the metaphor is imperfect b/c what I'm trying to capture seems so... ironically outside of the realm of verbal language lmao #hey @ god you tuned me wrong at birth I don't take in the right wavelengths apparently could we look into that? (he's left me on read) #you're listening to radio depression and this has been a vent post

[sysig]

He’s my little meow meow, my darling, my bbygirl (Patreon)

#Doodles #Commander Peepers #I'm soooooo normal about him you guys <3 So normal! <3 <3 #*Looking back over the other Little Guys I've collected* Hmmmmmmm Evil Xisuma and Spamton and Sableye and Rick Diggins #I think there might be a theme here #Just casually making Venn Diagrams in my head - Evil X has the red/black - Spamton is trans - Sableye has Gremlin energy - Rick is too tired #And those are just the ones I can think of lol - if you look I did the same stretchy pose with EX when I was still drawing him lol #The Stretch Pose is how you can tell if I like a character lol - they stretchin'? I am infatuated <3 #I mean I'm normal I'm totally normal lol #Also had to give him a bbygrl pose - I for the life of me cannot find it again but the reference is very strong in my mind's eye! #Not that I couldn't go for another one at some point lol ♪ #Ugh the middle one lol - so that Word of God I mentioned in passing about female Watchdogs #I read it in passing as just a basic research of ''Oh here's what The Original Creator has to say alright neat'' #Except that it Immediately made me itchy and I was like ''What. What brain this is not that big of a deal what are you doing'' #And I was like ''No I'm being silly about this - just because I don't agree doesn't mean it's a big deal lol'' #Except then I had stress dreams and woke up Weird the next day and the last time that happened I left a fandom #And the time before that I wrote 4 consecutive pages of 20-something panels in like 18 hours of consciousness - I have normal reactions lol #But I opted instead to vent to smol about it and she agreed with me so basically I'm just saying I'm correct lol /s #Personally Peepers doesn't strike me as misogynistic - he's very much an Equal Opportunity villain in my eyes! #And yeah I considered a lot of different angles around it but like - based on the text of WOY I just don't buy it #If it's not in the show it doesn't count! For all we know there might not even be any female Watchdogs! Lol #Would also lead to the equally-to-Spamton interesting question of How Does Trans Work in that kind of situation #I've definitely not already put a lot of thought into it don't look at me lol #Don't ask me to write an essay about both of those things I'll do it and where will that leave us lol #ANYway lol ♪ He's still the absolute funnest to draw in distress and discomfort <3 And kneeling! He makes me want to practice :D #I always feel like I can try again and do better! >:3c

[dollopheadsandclotpoles]

I'm so tired of people asking me if I want to be set up with someone, or when I'm going to get married, or if I'm seeing anyone, or when I'm going to have kids. Like... it's just fucking constant. Why aren't I fucking enough

#at this stage I'm almost looking for whatever the equivalent of an aroace beard is cause I just really want people to stop #even people I think get it turn around and do this #it's like I get complacent and I think things are fine and it happens again and again #it's worse when it comes from the people I'm closest to #it just feels like I'm not enough by myself the way I am #I need someone else I need a partner i need a child I need to be MORE than I am #i'm so tired #about me #aroace tag #aro stuff #ace stuff #i'm sorry i just needed to vent I feel so fucking isolated right now #it feels like being a goddamn alien sometimes

[marypsue]

Yes 100%. My other pet peeve is when people claim expensive programs that would benefit society “pay for themselves” like no! On a dollar amount they won’t! But we should fund them anyway because making people happier+healthier? that’s worth spending money on

I mean, the research has been done, repeatedly, and it's my understanding that funding a lot of programs (like Universal Basic Income, or housing-first solutions, or preventative medicine) is actually less expensive in dollars, year over year, than paying for the social programs that prop up the current state of affairs...

...but that also doesn't mean that the current social programs shouldn't be funded, because they help people! Even if they don't solve the problem entirely!

If we can't make everything perfect in the future (we can't, because perfection doesn't exist), but we also can't make things less bad for people right now, then what are we even doing.

#chatter #i considered looking up links to sources for this but honestly i am supposed to be cleaning my bathroom #and the post this is responding to was mostly just an offhand vent post #so if you have links to sources please do provide them but I'm not going to be doing that research myself right now #bcause I will be cleaning my bathroom #(if you see me here on tumblr again for the next...let's say an hour please yell at me to go clean the bathroom) #eta: okay I cleaned the bathroom and also I added a sentence because. well. i *didn't* provide any sources here.

[arsonist-chicken]

What if I just developed social skills to be able to actually make new friends in person and then used those skills to get a new phone number and pack my bags and run away to a place where no one knows me and all my past mistakes and fuckups and started over there without going into social isolation

#i needed to hand my expose in in february and got an email about it this weekend and agreed to hand it in on tuesday #it is now sunday evening and i just got another email about it but thinking about opening it makes me want to throw up #she's so nice and i don't want to see her scolding me for AGAIN not sticking to a deadline #what if she tells me that was the final deadline and i won't receive a grade for that class and so i won't be allowed to write my thesis #until next january? I wanted to graduate this autumn. it's april and i haven't even started on my thesis and i have like three bullet point #for the expose; and idek if I'll be able skillwise and mental health wise/adhd wise to actually write the stupid thesis #like what if i can't do it and then i've spent the last one and a half years on a degree i won't get in the end and then i won't be able to #apply to a lot of the jobs i thought actually looked good #@god give me some social butterfly skills and I'll give or throw most of my stuff i don't absolutely need away so i can just.. #go somewhere new. start over. and not become even more socially isolated than i already am. #does anyone know what a panic attack feels like because i'm having suspicions that i might have finally gotten them this year #but didn't recognise them as such because it could be worse #so anyway. god grant me some social friend making skills #if you can't do that at least throw in some adhd and depression treatment. i am sick of this. #and by this i mean the way i've been living my life at least since i left high school; probably even while still in high school #vent posts #mine #i love my online friends so much but i can't meet them outside to sit in the sun or chat about anything at all or go have coffee together #or or or you get me

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!! #but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are' #but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔 #and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything

[da-proti-toku-grem]

i was having a midnight talk with my brother yesterday and i told him that when i went out with my friend the other day i didn't have any anxiety attack (like it usually happens to me every time i go out of my house), and you know i wasn't expecting him to say anything about it, people would usually go "...okay? 🤨" like, that's what it's supposed to be like, why would you have anxiety because of that? but he went: "Good! 😁" and high-five'd me

and i- i didn't know what to say but it warmed my heart :(

#i'm might or might not be tearing up a little as i write this #like. i don't think anyone has ever reacted like that when i tell smth like this #i think no one that i know irl really understand my social anxiety and everyone is like 'oh she's just shy' #and when i gather the courage to do smth that makes me feel really anxious (but it's considered 'normal' and 'not a big deal') people just - #- laugh it off in front of my face and they're like 'oh look at her! she did [whatever]' #and idk if it makes me more sad or angry. definitely both #but i never say anything ofc bc my fucking anxiety doesn't let me be mean to anyone on purpose even if they really deserve it sometimes #(well. that might just be my personality in general more than my anxiety but oh well) #fuck i'm ranting again but yeah. i felt good that someone for once didn't just laugh and actually acknowledged that it is hard for me #but i did it anyways and i didn't feel bad about it (just this time but smth is smth) #and i should be proud of myself for taking these little steps (i'm telling this to myself to convince me that it's true) #(idk it's working really well lol) #maca speaks #venting #(the venting was more just the tags but you get it)

[i-eat-deodorant]

mutuals who wants to trade hands with me

#paviscreams #idk i just. feel really dissatisfied with my artstyle and am just altogether tired of looking at my stuff #i feel like people are realising i'm just a one-trick pony who does the same thing over and over again #everything i do is so so boring and there are so many people in fandom doing it better than me so maybe i should just stop? #not like i'll be missed #this is getting a little venty my bad #vent #anyways i'll mail my hands to someone. i don't want to see them anymore. #delete later

[morcai]

Caltrop Marie [REDACTED SURNAME], from the first time I laid eyes on her (and immediately asked for the adoption paperwork because Why Did They Have My Cat) to just yesterday. Light of my days, thief of my embroidery floss, obstructor of laundry. My favorite, the funniest person I know, naptime companion and the terror of catnip mice everywhere.

Happy first adoptaversary, Callie 💙🖤💙

#caltrop #yes i'm blazing this LOOK at my CAT #she tried to climb into the ceiling vent recently and almost made me late for work #she regularly decides it's cuddle time IMMEDIATELY upon my alarms going off: again almost making me late for work #her favorite thing to do is as soon as i lay out clothes to fold them she climbs on top of them #same thing if i'm changing the sheets #she makes my heart full #i can't wait to spend more years with her #mine

[shirogane-oushirou]

↓↓ the stinky. the silly. the baby. he's so little and adorable. don't make fun of his early-game no-money-limited-choices clothes, he'd be sad T-T also, top one is the lake where adult!ren and i meet if i choose galar as the setting :3c

anyway idk if i'm playing any more despite not even reaching the first gym AKJNDSKJN

[ venting about having a bad time playing pkmn sword + talking around the dex.it Thing]

not me going "lalalala i wonder how many of our pkmn i can use to put a team together for my ren file in swsh?? teehee~~" and looking up the unobtainable pkmn list.

guess how many pkmn from our COMBINED teams i can get in the base game?......... three (3). one early game, two mid-to-late game. i could get 3 more in the post-game dlc, one through raids only, but idek if i'd WANT to replay the dlc...

then i looked at SV's unobtainable pkmn to see if i should play that instead, and it's a similar story. hell, both unobtainable pkmn lists have a LOT of crossover, which feels A Little Fucked to me. just how many people got shafted TWICE on the switch???

and suddenly i was hit with the force of how exhausted i was w this game after my first run-through... so now i'm instantly turned off from playing again jskdnjfJNSFJKN.

if i can't access half of my favs in EITHER mainline switch game, and the wild area feels this awful and overbearing to even RUN ACROSS through without catching anything, nevermind it being the core pkmn catching area... i have other games i can play instead :) and i'll just have to hope and pray that my babies show up in legends Z-A 😔

ugggghhhhhh. at least i got to make my little freak and scope out wedgehurst, and while i did want to see some of the places i think ren would want to study... maybe i can find an LP as a refresher. i think that's all i need from the game.

...i just realized this fits ren's lore too KJANKJDNKSJFNK omfg. ren starting his journey and having some fun (routes 1 and 2), suddenly getting overwhelmed and realizing very quickly that he's more interested in non-battling activities during his travels (looking at the scenery like the route 2 lake), so he quits his gym challenge to focus his attention elsewhere (him: spore research, photography, foraging... me: idk playing more of x or digging into my otome game backlog LOL)

i have so much more i could rant about w how uncomfy game.freak made this game (ex the pokedex constantly popping up to show you what you should catch instead of just... letting you play at your own pace...), and i have some positives (i think this was the right direction to go wrt the stylized character models and vibrant environment colors), but i'll stop here kjsnfkjn. i don't want to go full hater mode on a selfship post LMALSKDN.

#my feelings on dex.it have fluctuated so much ksjndkjn like. i was anti-dex.it bc i was sympathetic to the overworked staff #but then all of that evidence came out that the reasoning was all lies and they were reusing the old models and animations #(which doesn't mean the labor issues arent present -- it just means pkmn company found a way to cut corners to push a game out #instead of taking their time and treating ppl at game.freak better to make a better game) #and now with SV out we can see how many pkmn they've left out in BOTH games which like.... #if i were at the company i would be ABSOLUTELY SURE to include every pkmn not included in swsh???? to appease dex.it people???? #man. idk. 3ds > switch pkmn once again. i just wish i had it in me to continue IF ONLY to dress ren up like a fashion doll LMAO #let me transfer ren into my og save file so i have access to all of the stores and have tons of money ;w; #(tbc i'm not poopoo-ing the characters in these games. i only have a couple of specific character complaints in the switch games #and i have just as many issues w characters (if not more) in 3ds and earlier games. this is purely from a gameplay standpoint) #📌 [ my posts. ] #💭 [ my thoughts. ] #🐸 [ look ahead. ] #vent -

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on #either way #im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔 #if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me #again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg #i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever #but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do #and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying #like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative #but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me #oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you #but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't #like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it) #i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable! #fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it #and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier #of my friendships #wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up #the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom) #i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a #'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order #not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i #may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me ! #sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭 #vee rambles

[jeansyvesmoreau]

.

#I just want a therapist like. badly but my mom won't fucking let me get one #just because she had depression once she thinks that she's an expert in how mental illness looks and she has proclaimed that I'm fine #and MEANWHILE I'M STRUGGLING #and turning to bad coping mechanisms like oh idk maybe fucking CUTTING MY WRISTS IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SEE IF THE PAIN CAN ANCHOR ME #TO MY BODY AGAIN #I'm just. so tired of it can I just die #tw vent #tw sh in tags #tw sui implied