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daybreakx · 2 years

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✄ pairing: frenemie’s ex! Seonghwa x gn! reader.

✄ genre: strangers to lovers, angst, fluff.

✄ summary: when you agreed to go on a blind date, you didn’t expect it to be with your friend’s ex, and to make things worse, you didn’t expect to like him that much.

✄ word count: 4.9k

✄ warnings: it is said mc dates both men and women, mentions of food and drinks, hospitals, a broken wrist, mc being called names. this is unedited, please bear with my mistakes.

✄ a/n: this is for the leftovers collab by @dulceamar! this was so much fun, please do check out the other participants’ works!♡ also i am so so sorry this was so late.

✄ rule #2

You are being stood up on Valentine’s Day.

It’s not a big deal, though. Or so you try to make everyone think every time they sneak a glance at you, that ‘oh no, poor thing’ look on their faces before they whisper to their companion. You are being stood up on Valentine’s Day and so what?

Okay, maybe it is a big deal. Because everyone is staring at you, and you know that no matter how many glasses of sparkling water with lemon you order, the server is going to ask you to give up your table if you don’t order actual food. It doesn’t matter how bad they feel for you.

You want to kill San. That’s what you think about as you crush the little pieces of the free bread between two fingers, letting crumbs fall on your lap. To hell with keeping up a good appearance, who’s going to compliment you on it now, anyway? Certainly not San’s friend, the one who was supposed to be here thirty five minutes ago, attending the blind date which the former set up for you two.

Things always go wrong when you accept your friends’ attempts at getting you a partner. You had fallen victim to this project more than a couple times, when they promised they had found ‘just the right person’ for you. The first one was a guy who couldn’t and wouldn’t stop talking about himself at the dinner Mina set up for the two of you—which he made you pay for, along with his Uber back home. And then texted you that you weren’t as good looking as Mina had promised, so it was better that you never spoke again.

The next time it was a girl. She was pretty and you had a lot of things in common, she was funny and thought you attractive as well. But, she was also extremely in love with her ex. Yes you were attractive, but her ex had the prettiest eyes. Of course you were smart, but her ex had published articles in important magazines. And then she cried about her break up while you held her hand and ordered ice cream delivery for both of you.

But at least neither had put you through the humiliation of being stood up on the one holiday that celebrates love and looks down on people like you: single, loveless people.

“I am so sorry I’m late there was–” there’s a guy standing opposite you, one hand gripping the back of the chair tightly while he holds a small bouquet of half withered roses in the other. “y/n?”

You look up from the very angry, already three paragraph long text you’re writing to San. You guess he knows your name because San had to tell him, obviously. But there’s that particular way he says it that immediately has your eyes widening. There has to be thousands of people who share your name, and thousands who share his. So what are the chances that the guy who is standing in front of you, your date, is your friend’s ex?

“Oh,” you mutter, standing up awkwardly. Suddenly overly self-conscious about your crumb-filled lap. “Hi, Seonghwa.”

You understand why San has no idea why this is a problem. He barely knows Eunhee, he never saw her with Seonghwa, probably… He wouldn’t do this on purpose. Even you barely saw Seonghwa with Eunhee. Their relationship was lightning quick and pretty intense, if you are to believe Eunhee, who has a flair for the dramatic, and maybe to threading bits of lies in the big panorama of what actually happened.

You know Seonghwa from the couple of times he picked Eunhee up at work. The exchanges between you being a couple of ‘Hi, how are you?’s on too long lift rides to yours and Eunhee’s shared office.

“Sorry I’m late,” he repeats, the same recognition shining in his eyes. “I–there was a lot of work to do and–” Seonghwa doesn’t like throwing out excuses, but it’s the truth. And he already feels bad enough about making you wait.

“It’s alright,” you soothe, “I know.”

Seonghwa is on his way to become a Cardiologist, which already keeps him busy enough. You remember Eunhee complaining about it, how the only thing that matters to him is the hospital and other people’s hearts. Not hers.

You're surprised he’s even out of the hospital on Valentine’s Day. Guessing the doctors who have a higher ranking than he does are the ones who can leave.

He hands you the flowers, wincing as a few pink petals fall to the ground in a flutter. This is a mess, he knows. “Please,” he gestures to the chair.

“Actually,” you say, your lip moving slightly to the left, in a wince. This is inappropriate, isn’t it? There’s some kind of rule somewhere that says you’re not supposed to date your friends’ exes. The thought that those kinds of rules only apply to people in High School flashes through your mind, but you know it’s not like that. And Eunhee would never forgive you for this. “I think I should go.”

The people around you, the ones who have witnessed the night unfold, pause. They’re not even discreet about it, leaving the food halfway to their mouths to give you an ‘are you serious right now?’ look. They saw you on the brink of tears, drinking your sorry sparkling water and chewing on small pieces of bread, only to have a perfectly good looking guy finally show up and reject him.

You finally stare back at them. Because you’re not embarrassed anymore and frankly, they need to start minding their own business. It’s Valentine’s Day for goodness sake, can’t they focus on themselves? There’s probably an engagement ring hidden in tiramisu out there, you’re not supposed to be the main focus.

Seonghwa doesn’t think of himself as a mind reader. If he did—or if he was one— his personal relationships wouldn’t fail as often as they do. But he knows what you’re thinking even before you voice it: Eunhee. He is Eunhee’s ex, and you are Eunhee’s friend and there has to be some kind of rule somewhere that says you two can’t fraternize.

“Please stay,” he pleads gently. He’s already done the most to ruin your night, and he doesn’t want you to go without making it up to you at least a little bit. And he knows wilted flowers are definitely not the way. “Let’s have dinner,” he finally notices the way the customers around are staring at the two of you and another pang of guilt goes through him. “Friendly dinner.”

You half-smile at his words, knowing he’s trying to take any implication off this whole situation. This is stupid, you’re grown-ups, these things are not supposed to matter, right? But then again, you remember Eunhee holding a Kleenex box against her chest while she told you about the break-up on your lunch break.

“Sure,” you finally sit back down, leaving the flowers on one side of the table, more petals flying down to the ground. You can only guess how many hours Seonghwa has been working judging by how tired he looks, he deserves a break and a nice meal. “The bread’s really good,” you nod towards the almost empty basket between you two, a small on your lips again.

This elicits a laugh from Seonghwa before he gives you an apologetic look from above his menu. “I’m so sorry I was late.”

You shrug. “I only accept apologies—” ‘in cash’ is the ending that you tend to use with Mina and San. “–In dessert.”

Sure, you can be friendly with Seonghwa. Being friends is not the kind of thing that’s forbidden. Plus, he is friends with San. How come you never actually met him if he’s friends with San?

“Deal,” Seonghwa smiles, and before anything else can be added, someone actually finds an engagement ring hidden in the tiramisu, and the restaurant is flooded with clapping. The world falls back on course. It’s Valentine’s Day and love is to be celebrated.

“So,” Eunhee plops down in her spinning chair, eyes barely leaving the screen of her phone to look at you, hinting she’s in fact talking to you. “How was your blind date?”

“It was okay,” you smile, still typing on your laptop. “It actually–”

“You’ll never guess what?” she interrupts, spinning once. “Yena invited Seonghwa to her Valentine’s Day party.”

“Oh,” you know your turn to tell your story is over before it has begun, and you’re somehow glad especially by the immediate mention of the ex-boyfriend you saw last night. “Did he go?”

You want her to say no more than anything. Because what if that meant he was late to your dinner because he was at said party? One that Yena and Eunhee made a point of speaking about in front of you constantly, only to never extend an invitation.

“It’s so painfully obvious they want us back together. Like, why would you invite him otherwise?”

“But did he go?” You question again, the typing finally stopping.

“Well, no,” Eunhee lets out a sigh, rolling her eyes. “He was probably at that stup– at work.”

“Right,” you nod, fingers hovering above the keys on your laptop. “And do you want him? Back I mean.”

Eunhee seems to consider this for a second. Enough for you to feel a rock drop from your throat to your stomach, settling in there with the weight of guilt.

“Do you know how much money doctors earn a year?” She questions, eyes back on her phone as she taps away rapidly.

“A lot?” You try, wondering where this question comes from.

“A lot,” she nods, puckering her lips in a thoughtful gesture. “And I think it’s time I start looking out for my future, you know? You never have enough money.”

She’s right, though. Money can never really be enough, especially if you come from a middle-class family and you’re neck deep in school debt. Which is not her case, at all. Eunhee’s family is New Money, her mother created some magical skincare line when Eunhee was a child and the rest was history. But you guessed she kind of felt that, if she became rich overnight, the opposite could happen just as fast.

You shrug. “I guess, you’re right.”

There are two knocks on your door and Yena’s head pops through before either of you can tell her to come in.

“Are you ready to start working?” She tells cheerfully. “It’s my turn to be on the video.”

You groan internally. Not because Yena wants to be on the video, but because you hate making them. However the boom of those silly short videos did earn you a bonus a couple months ago, so you keep them coming for the sake of also keeping your job.

“Let’s do it!” Eunhee joins in Yena’s excitement, both smiling mischievously at you. “Come on y/n, the long face won’t look good on camera!”

“I don’t want to be on camera,” you whine, taking your phone from the desk. “But let’s go.”

You have a few unopened messages, from San and Mina and one unregistered number. You decide to deal with all of them later, especially with San who you’re having lunch with to discuss last night.

“Well, I don’t see what the problem is,” San shrugs, looking over his shoulder to check if your food is finally on the way. “Did you like Seonghwa?”

Of course you liked Seonghwa. He was sweet and attentive and paid for the whole dinner. After the initial awkwardness there wasn’t another such moment, he spent a good twenty minutes drawing a very accurate depiction of the human heart on a napkin to explain the latest case they got at the hospital, and when it was your turn to talk about your job he didn’t treat it as anything other than the most interesting thing he could possibly think of.

“It is a problem, because it’s kind of a rule” you groan again, not surprised he doesn’t get it. “Just like, you can’t date your best friend’s brother OR your brother’s best friend.”

“That’s stupid,” San rolls his eyes, “Those are rom-com rules, y/n. They’re needed for the plot, this is real life.”

“Those kinds of things still apply,”

“We’re not in high school,” San shakes his head, already over this conversation. “Look, I had no idea he was your coworker’s ex. If it bothers you so much, then don’t see him again. Even if this was the only date that has worked for either of you in a while.”

“What did he tell you?”

“I’m not going to tell you if you’re going to be in your teen drama episode,” he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Fine. Teen drama episode is over,” you smile, raising your eyebrows. “What did he say?”

Seonghwa doesn’t have the greatest luck when it comes to dating. Sure he’s had his fair share of partners, from high school to college, to residency…Well, that doesn’t matter. The point is he doesn’t have good luck. His relationships always end. Whether on good or bad terms also comes with a tendency, which inclines towards everything being his fault.

Whether it’s his job, or that lack of connection that eventually leads to trouble, he hasn’t managed to maintain a relationship for longer than 6 months.

Eunhee was not the exception.

Seonghwa had been extremely attracted to her when they met. She was nice and sweet, and beautiful, of course. But as their relationship progressed, Seonghwa realized they might not be as compatible as he thought at first. He didn’t like it when his relationships failed, but at some point, when the ultimatum came and Eunhee told him it was either her or his career, he had to choose the one he’d known the longest.

He felt bad about it of course, especially with all the heat he’d gotten from her and her friends on social media about how he only cared about his career and never about other people’s feelings. He’d stepped away from the dating scene enough to let San convince him of going on a blind date, and surprisingly he had loved it.

But you hadn’t called him back.

He’d sent you flowers the day after the date and texted you after getting your number from San. Seonghwa felt like giving you a call directly may be a little invasive so he’d suggested you let him know when you could talk. But it hadn’t happened.

Maybe karma was finally reaching him, he’d liked you a lot, and now it seemed like you didn’t like him one bit.

Then, what were you doing at the hospital he worked at?

“y/n?”

You look up from the ground, eyes lightening recognition. “Oh, hi Seonghwa,”

“Are you okay?” His thoughts about your date finally flying away. “Are you hurt?”

You are in the ugly yellow chairs in the waiting room, hands wrapped around your phone as your foot taps on the ground. “I’m fine. I’m just here waiting for someone,” your eyes wander to the ER room, where Gaeun is.

The intern at your publicity company is hardworking enough that, trying to finish the job as fast as possible, she fell from a ladder and broke her wrist. And you had to join her on the trip to the hospital because you were the only one who wasn’t too squeamish about her broken hand.

“Is everything okay? Do you want me to ask for an update?” Seonghwa suggests once again, scanning you as if to prove you’re not really hurt.

“It’s our intern, she broke her wrist today at work, an unfortunate accident while cleaning up a set.” You explain calmly, giving Seonghwa a faint smile.

You’re grateful he’s offering, but you’re also a little anxious about his presence. Mostly because you’re embarrassed about ghosting him. It wasn’t on purpose, though. After Valentine’s Day, the company wanted you to hurry and go on to the next campaigns quickly, Spring and Easter were a lot of work.

“Do you want a coffee while you wait?” Seonghwa offers next, hands going inside the pockets of his white coat. You don’t really want to take his whole appearance in detail, he’s dangerously handsome as it is. “The cafeteria is not bad at all.”

“Aren’t you busy?” You question, but you’re already getting up from your chair. You could use the caffeine and the company, even if you’re afraid it might be awkward.

Seonghwa shakes his head before gesturing for you to lead the way down the hall.

Your nerves ease as you sit on the steel chair and Seonghwa deposits a cup of black coffee in front of you. Gaeun is getting a cast and her sister is on the way to the hospital, things are starting to look up.

“Sorry about your friend,” Seonghwa says, emptying a sugar packet on his coffee. “Must have been scary.”

“It was. But she will be okay, right?” you raise your eyebrows at him and he nods with a small smile. “She’ll be getting a few days off too.”

“That’s great,”

“Look, Seonghwa,” you start, your mouth in a slight wince, “I’m really sorry about completely ghosting you. The job excuse is lame, but it’s true, I’m just flooded. It’s February 18th and we’re already behind.”

“It’s okay, really. I know I didn’t make the greatest impression at our date,” he cringes, looking down at the table. “I’m really sorry about it.”

“I had a great time, it wasn’t that,” you assure, smiling at him. “I also really liked the flowers, Eun—” you stop yourself from mentioning Eunhee a little too late. She was obsessed with the flowers, taking around 20 pictures to post on her Instagram. What she didn’t tell you is that she wanted to get a reaction out of Seonghwa by doing so.

“I’m glad you liked them, and that you had a good time too, even after how messy it started.” Seonghwa chose to ignore the mention of his ex-girlfriend.

San said Seonghwa enjoyed the date too, and insisted on how ridiculous it was that you let a former relationship, one that hadn’t even lasted long enough, get in the way of getting to know Seonghwa more.

“It’s okay, I understand.”

You don’t want any more blind dates, you don't want to go through the whole process of getting to know someone and finding out your friends had got it wrong again, or matching with a person on a dating app just to realize they’d been lying about their real personality all along.

“Would you like to have coffee another time? Outside of here?” you ask, leaving your now empty cup on the table. “Don’t get me wrong, the coffee is good, but I don't really like hospitals.”

Seonghwa chuckles. “I would like that, yes. I promise to be on time.”

“Just promise to try your best,” you shake your head in amusement, “And remember apologies come in dessert.”

You tell yourself you keep it private because everything in the world is already public enough as it is. People can see where you went to school just by finding your Facebook profile, they can know your real time location via Instagram, they learn some of your deepest thoughts if they scroll through your Twitter likes.

But this is just Seonghwa and yours.

It’s mid May now, and you’ve been seeing each other nonstop after sharing the hospital coffee. He tries his best, just like he promised, to make it on time every time you have a date and you try your best not to forget to text him back. And so far, it’s working out perfectly fine.

“Oh y/n, please let us use it!” Yena begs, touching a red petal with the tip of her index finger. “We will get it back to you in one piece.”

“I don’t know, they seem fragile. I would like to keep them here,” you try to sound as reasonable as possible, which isn’t enough to get through Yena and Eunhee once they have an idea in mind.

They’re both on their way to become influencers and finally leave this job. Eunhee has the upper-hand with her makeup tutorials and the sponsorship from her mom’s company, but Yena isn’t too far behind. And they’re both always looking for free props to use on their videos.

“Is this still the guy from the blind date?” Eunhee asks, cocking her head to observe the flowers up close. It’s the fourth bouquet you get at work. “Seems like that worked out pretty well.”

You nod, scrolling down the proposals you have for the next campaign. “I really like him,” you say absentmindedly.

“So can we use them?” Yena insists, “It’s just a couple pictures!”

“I’d rather not,” you say again, “Please just leave them where they are.”

Yena sighs in defeat. “Alright, thank you y/n! They’re beautiful, so I get it.”

Gaeun, who still holds her hurt wrist against her chest, knocks on the door. “y/n, the boss wants to see you.”

“Coming,” you smile at her, you feel somehow guilty that she’s still injured although it was you who told her to wait for someone to hold the ladder for her that day.

When you come back to your office, your red roses are gone, in their place there’s the note written by Seonghwa himself half-opened and a free sample from Eunhee’s mom’s skin care line.

You don’t even know how to react to this other than throw Eunhee’s ‘gift’ to the other side of the room. She always gets what she wants, it doesn’t matter how many times she’s told no. You don’t even linger on the fact that she read your private note, and wasn’t even decent enough to pretend like she hadn’t.

This is the first time you relish the fact that you are dating Seonghwa, and not her. No matter how much she wants him and how much she still tries to get his attention, he’s yours. The thought grosses you out right away, you’re not like this.

You keep your relationship private because it’s the right thing to do, but also deep down, you still want to spare Eunhee’s feelings.

As if she deserved it.

+++

“What’s wrong?” Seonghwa asks as you lie your head on his lap, the thing about really strong emotions is that they give you a headache, and all you want is to close your eyes and not think about work, or Eunhee, or anything other than your boyfriend’s hands on your hair.

“Just a bad day at work,” you mutter, lowering the volume on the TV. Your apartment is closer to the hospital than his, and he’s frequently here after his shifts. “How was yours?”

“It was okay,” he shrugs. It’s what he does when he’s had a hard day too, probably a complicated case with a bad ending. “What do you want for dinner?”

You sit up, stretching. “I don’t know, pizza?” you yawn. Once your eyes stop watering, they focus on the red roses across the room. They’re far less than Seonghwa sent you this morning, and you have no idea what happened to them. Maybe Eunhee tossed them in the trash, or simply ripped the petals apart and kept them somewhere.

Seonghwa didn’t seem to notice this, or if he did, he said nothing about it, probably guessing that the trip from the office to your house had been what mangled them.

“Maybe we should go out,” Seonghwa suggests, resting his chin on your shoulder. “That should clear our minds a little,”

You smile leaning against him. “You’re right.” But you don’t want to change, you're already in your house attire of a faded shirt and extremely loose pants.

“Don’t even think about it,” Seonghwa laughs, “We’re getting street food and then coming back, and you look gorgeous anyway.”

You let out a low whine, but you feel too lazy to change, and the promise of warm fish cake already has your mouth watering. Also he just called you gorgeous and there’s nothing else that will convince you to change. “Let’s go then.”

You wish the trip on the elevator was a little longer as you lean against Seonghwa and he presses his lips to your hair. But sadly, it comes to an end and you have to settle for holding his hand as you walk down the street to your favorite street food stand.

The night is warm and you don’t need to be standing so close together, yet you huddle up while chewing on your food. You are glad to have Seonghwa, and you still regret the ugly thought you had earlier. You like him, it’s not because him being with you means he’s not with Eunhee. You should have never thought about that.

“What are you doing?” you laugh as Seonghwa points his phone towards you. “Stop!”

“I’m taking a picture of you,” the sound of the camera can’t be heard above the traffic, and Seonghwa seems immediately satisfied with the result, so he doesn’t shove the phone in your face again. “There, I sent it to you.”

Your phone buzzes, and you know it’s him but you don’t want to check it right now. “If I look ugly…” you begin, but he cuts you off with a gesture of his hand.

“You could never look ugly.”

You are shunned the moment you step into the office. Even Gaeun looks awkward when she tells you there’s another impromptu meeting happening today before she runs to the coffee corner, to fill Eunhee’s pink mug with extra sweet coffee. The rest of the employees around, who normally say ‘good morning’ or ‘nice to see you’ are too quiet as you walk between their cubicles on the way to your office.

Yena is the first one to see you as you arrive at the door, and with a bitter face, she rushes to close the door in your face. But Eunhee, between what seems like a sob and hiccup stops her.

“What’s going on?” you ask, stepping inside. Although you are starting to have a pretty good idea about it. Your phone buzzed nonstop this morning, but you were running late for work and honestly, had it been a matter of life and death, they would have probably called.

“I cannot believe you have the guts to show up like this!” Yena yells, throwing both arms in the air. “And pretend like you don’t know anything, seriously, y/n? Are you that much of a jerk?”

“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about,” you let the wave of annoyance pass through, you cannot engage so quickly. You need to find your footing first. “Are you okay Eunhee?”

“What do you think?” Yena bites again, “After you stole her boyfriend, what do you think?!”

Eunhee lets out a wail once again and wipes her eyes with the tissue she’s holding in her hand. “How could you?” she sobs.

“There are rules, y/n. I can’t believe you are such a scum!” Yena is yelling again, and with the door open half of the people outside turn to stare at you.

“Hey!” you finally raise your voice too, “Don’t ever call me that again.”

“That’s what you are, how could you do this to Eunhee? You know how much she loves Seonghwa, you are the worst.”

“They weren’t even dating anymore,” you say in a low voice. There are rules, you know there are rules. “I thought–”

“You just wanted to take him for yourself because you’re jealous of me,” Eunhee gets up from her spinning chair, still holding the Kleenex box against her chest. “You are so jealous of me, it’s obvious. You always want everything I have.”

“Listen, Eunhee–”

“No, she doesn’t have to listen to you! You did this out of spite, you’re a horrible friend.”

It wasn’t only Eunhee and Yena you had kept your relationship from, the rest of your friends knew too that you were seeing someone but only San knew who it was. Because you were afraid that, once they learned about Seonghwa and Eunhee’s history, they would call you that: A horrible friend. And maybe that’s what you were.

“And where the hell is Gaeun?” Yena scowls, wrapping one arm around Eunhee. “Come on sweetie, let’s wash your face and I’ll see where that girl is with your coffee.”

“Eunhee, I didn’t mean–” you start but Yena cuts you off again by shoving the palm of her hand in front of your face.

“Save it.”

Eunhee’s shoulders shake as Yena leads her out of the room, but then she stops on her tracks, sending Yena on her way to find Gaeun.

“Eunhee, can we talk about this?”

Her reddened eyes fixate on you, but no more tears fall. “You always wanted my leftovers, y/n.” there is a smile playing at the corners of her lips. “So enjoy them, while they last.”

Seonghwa’s instagram is open on her laptop, and you see the picture he took of you last night with some lyrics about how life is brighter by your side as the caption.

You can’t bring yourself to smile, not when you feel 10 pairs of eyes on your back. Not when you’re the newly exposed villain.

Rules exist for a reason, at least that’s what you told San, but you couldn’t follow a simple one.

644 notes · View notes

sidesteppostinghours · 2 months

Note

4 + 5 + 8 + 40 + 34 and I) G) F) for Cyrus Becker my beloved 🧡

afternoon idle!! oh my god questions galore *cracks knuckles* cyrus get your ass over here youre up

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Very difficult, and at the same time easier than youd think. he definitely doesnt entertain everybody, but hes not unreasonable. hell hear you out if you give him enough reason to (or if he thinks its beneficial to get to know you. do you see why he gets attached to people hes supposed to be manipulating so often). ortega and mortum required him to establish a relationship, which is how they got so close to eachother so quickly. herald got by because cyrus thought hed be a useful contact in the rangers. chen couldve earned his trust a long time ago, they had to work with eachother a lot back when he still ran with the rangers, but chen squandered it on his suspicions and its been too long for cyrus to have any interest in patching up their relationship. argent has largely flown under his radar, she hasnt piqued his interest more than the passing curiosity of why she wanted the regenerator.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

the default is mistrust. sorry yall, hes not taking any more chances than necessary. hes a telepath, he knows all too well what secrets other people hide, and hes not interested in giving people a chance to prove his suspicions wrong. but after hes grown to trust somebody? its... embarrassing how difficult it is to lose it. even though his trust is much shakier nowadays, you still need to have fucked up Majorly to get him back to mistrusting you. if you somehow manage to do that,,, uhhhh. what do you want on your tombstone? (ig its technically its possible to not die and even earn that trust back??? ortega managed, but thats ortega and hes statistically more likely to kill you or ruin your life. depends on how badly you fucked up. id say theres a good 5% chance youll survive the experience without the need for intense psychotherapy)

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

listen. follow orders. be exactly who we need you to be. cyrus was a deeply rebellious regene, but he wasnt stupid about it. hed go against the mission in secret, and just enough that nobody wouldve been able to trace any problems back to him. that doesnt mean he was never caught, but he was too competent of a regene to be scrapped, which saved him multiple times before. those few times did cause handlers to keep a closer eye on him though, just in case. handlers would usually keep a harder grip on cyrus, hold him to stricter standards. it contributed a lot to his own self talk. SPEAKING OF WHICH:

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

you must imagine me holding him and looking lovingly into his eyes while i dump a gallon of insecurity and perfectionism on him. hes a proud man, he thinks hes better than what other people are capable of, but that arguably makes things worse when he does make a mistake. he of all people shouldnt be like this. add the puppetmaster scar on him and its a hefty load of 'i need to make sure every single step of my plan goes exactly right Or Else." the worst thing about him is that a lot of the petty flaws he thinks apply to him arent correct. AND HE CANT EVEN NAME HIS ACTUAL FLAWS. cyrus you are so smart and walking around with zero self awareness, its the best. please consider stepping into acid.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

hohohohoho. well. the first step is to get him to feel guilty in the first place. traditionally immoral actions arent going to get to him, obviously. the thing that springs up guilt for him most often is themmys death. he has. a Lot of survivors guilt about that. especially because hes convinced himself he couldve done something and *gestures to the ask above*. guilt will haunt him for life if it doesnt get resolved in a healthy way, but hes gotten good at burying his emotions a long time ago. even when he feels like that, he reserves a specific time to think about it, otherwise itll impede on his plans in the long run. that designated time is. usually when hes supposed to be sleeping. his sleep schedule is just a little bit messed.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

oh dude i Love putting cyrus in aus. its so fun to poke him with a stick and see what happens. the first one i put him in was a band au, it helped me figure out how he would interact with herald. basically cyrus was a masked guitarist (for backstory reasons) for a band daniel happened to be a fan of, except the two of them managed to meet at just regular old work, with cyrus not realizing daniel was a fan and daniel not realizing cyrus was from one of his favourite bands. it led to fun, mlb-esque shenanigans between the two lmfao. the second one i put him in was the becker siblings au, which i still have thoughts and emotionsTM about. that au let me indulge in the 'cyrus is an older sibling' headcanon and i will forever be in debt to it for the amount of protective cyrus i got. third and current au im obsessing over is a 'cyrus survives hb' scenario, where ortega managed to stop him before he jumped out the window. i am getting! so much ortega x cyrus content out of that au! and so much survivors guilt cyrus. cyrus 'using' ortega to forget about heartbreak my beloveddddd. he also says 'i love you' to ortega in this au and canon ortega is SO jealous. also x2, hes an alcohol vice step in this au. heartbreak hit hard and the tequila hits different.

aaaand i still like his canon version better. its just so very much him. out of every step ive got, hes the one i get to stay closest to how i envision based on the choices the game offers. plus he caught me completely by surprise suckerpunching me with an obsession over him and i cant Not respect that.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

not sure whether this means on a character creation level or as a person, but ill answer for 'as a person' because im overall pretty satisfied with how he turned out! but like. god what is there to not be bothered about. my manipulative little shit of a son. ig the trait that frustrates me the most is his self destructive tendencies. like. Sir. are you at all aware of the fact that people care for you and want you safe? and that you can respond to that concern with something other than "i can use this", "sucks to be them", or, "no theyre not"? sir. sir answer the question. hes so empathetic and also literally a telepath but somehow cant compute genuine concern at him. as frustrating as it is though, i cannot deny that it is deeply funny to watch him fumble so badly.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

normal. the ones where people look at me and think "wow, that is a person who is having (a) regular thought(s) about their character! very cool!" you will never see a person who is more normal about their guy than i am (i am grabbing him by the teeth and shaking him like a dog with a very strong kill instinct).

truly though, thinking of him gets me buzzing. hes like a puzzle, i keep breaking him apart and putting him back together again to see how everything works. i have this thing where ill often think about showing character analysis to the characters themeselves, just to see how they would react, and i undeniably do this the most with cyrus. i want to explain step by step (hah) why he is the way that he is now, like the whole timeline is plotted inside my head and its so!!!!! i am!!!!! chewing on him!!!!!

questions from here!

#herald is a lucky bastard #he messed up twice in a row (asking cyrus about his sidestep days+picking him up without consent) but asking for help training saved him #cyrus was straight up being sadistic about it he just wanted to fw herald after those two times and saw training as an opportunity #it wasnt supposed to lead somewhere #anathema vision wouldve fucked him and his guilty ass Up. good thing cyrus is a bastard and abandoned argentine before they crashed 🫶#and because i have an excuse to talk about them again heres some things that ive been thinking about lately:#1. it is So fucking funny to me that all three of them are trans afabs in some way #scientists at the farm in charge of the becker sibling batch: wow look at these three new girl regenes!#cyrus (trans man)/fawn (nb)/river (trans man): . well-#2. brother-madds buckley. just the whole thing. im going to start screaming and punching the floor here #3. WHO WAS THE HG SIBLING THE ORTEGAS SAW IN THE PHOTO. was it just somebody that looked enough like the three to assume it was a sibling #or did it happen to look exactly like one of the siblings. or did they find three photos with siblings that looked like each? I NEED ANSWER #cyrus' is very emotionally intelligent towards everybody but himself #when it comes to himself hes wearing a blindfold and earplugs and pretending nothings wrong #the whole time i was answering that last ask i was thinking about my post talking about how many posts of his were in my queue #god bless that man he never leaves my brain #thank you again for the ask idle :DD #cyrus becker #sidestep #fhr #pulp answers #ask game

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