#look i do NOT care if a cis person doesn't want to date me in fact i couldn't care less...

[genderqueerdykes]

in honor of aromantic spectrum awareness week, i thought i'd take the time to talk about how much my personal life and feelings improved after coming to terms with the fact that i'm aromantic. before i accepted this, i found myself in several romantic relationships where i was deeply unhappy, uncomfortable, and made to feel like i wasn't a good enough partner because i just couldn't do or feel certain things.

i've never enjoyed kissing, and cuddling gets uncomfortable for me within the first few minutes of doing so. even hugs are deeply uncomfortable to me unless i really know and care about someone, and even then, hugs only come when that person asks for them. it never occurs to me to touch people this way, the most you'll get out of me is a pat on the shoulder, back or knee.

i ended up dating several people who were very much romantics, and heavily focused on that aspect of our relationship. it kind of felt like torture to me, i felt like i was being forced to live every day like it was Valentine's Day- every day had to be filled with hours of cuddling, kissing, and telling the other person how much i loved them. while not all romantic partners are like this, it wore on my psyche quickly to be paired with folks like this, because i understood how important it was to them, but i just couldn't keep up the performance.

i thought something was "wrong" with me for years and that i just wasn't in touch with my emotions, or that i was somehow embracing some toxic aspects of my masculinity without realizing. it took me ages to remember that i came out as aromantic when i was much younger, but after criticism from my friends, including a friend who was asexual, i stopped identifying with the label, because i was told that aromanticism wasn't real, and that that just made me an asshole.

nearly a decade and several uncomfortable romantic relationships later, it finally clicked that there wasn't something wrong with me, but there was something wrong with the situations i was getting myself into. sure, i love being partnered- i have a queerplatonic partner that i've known for a decade and have only gotten closer to over time. but we've never been romantic. we don't exchange romantic platitudes, and i realized; i've never been happier with someone else than i am with this person.

why is that?

oh. because they don't expect romance from me. they are also on the aspectrum and don't have a romantic partner, either.

this relationship has brought me more joy than any romantic partnership i've ever attempted to pursue. that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me- i was just looking for happiness in the wrong places. i was miserable not because i'm aromantic, but because i was getting into romantic relationships.

romance can be a source of misery. romance does not inherently make everyone happy. we are not all looking for romance as a species. in fact, chasing it makes many people miserable. too many people spend their lives looking for "the one" that they can kiss, cuddle, hold and say all of those mushy things to when they may not even want that to begin with.

i've never been more at peace with myself since finally, fully accepting that i'm aromantic. i love who i am, and i love how i love. i am not loveless, i experience platonic, queerplatonic and other forms of love. but loveless aromantics aren't miserable, either. we are all embracing ourselves in a way that's true to us. we are refusing to warp ourselves to a society that tells us that we all must have homogeneous feelings.

i am aromantic. i am here. my aromanticism is queer in a society that expects and demands romance of me, and this is true of all aromantics, cis, trans, gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, and otherwise. we are here, we are not going away any time soon, and we will not be silent because our identities make some people uncomfortable. we are happiest being who we are.

happy aro week, this goes out to every last arospectrum person out there, appreciate yourselves this week. you deserve it.

#aromantic #aro #lgbtqia #lgbt #queer #lgbta #aromantic spectrum #arospec #arospectrum #aroace #aromantic asexual #aro awareness week #aspectrum #aspec #our writing #about us

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not holding my gf's hand in public? Tw for homophobia and violence

My gf and I are both cis women, and we live in the southern us. The city where we live is kind of progressive, but generally this whole state is like fascist and scary for a couple of lesbians on their own. Before anyone says anything about it, moving is not an option. If I had the money to move I'd have the money to ask a therapist this question. I ain't got it fam lol

So anyway we're safe in our neighborhood and among our friends and immediate families (parents/siblings). I'm a very affectionate person. I love my gf and I show that love by touch. All the time. Just not in public.

I will not give her any PDA in public. It is my one line in the sand.

When I was younger and dating my first ever gf two girls about our age in a town not far from me were shot by a homophobe while they were on a date. One girl died. I've never forgotten it. It's been a decade and I still think about it. I think about how young they were and I think about the girl who lived, having to go on knowing that she'd lost someone she cared about so senselessly. I've never been publicly affectionate in any of my relationships because of this.

I explained this to my gf pretty early on. I think being visibly queer in public is brave and admirable and I wish I had that courage, but I don't. I love my gf. Her life is more important to me than making a statement and I told her so.

I struggle with anxiety and my gf knows this, and she knows that I often try to fight my anxiety by doing things that scare me. I get anxious in crowds so if I have to go to the store I'll go first thing in the morning as soon as it opens, but every now and then I'll make myself go in the afternoon just to prove I can, that kinda thing. My gf supports me and tries to help me when I decide to do this.

So when we go out, she does occasionally try to be affectionate with me. To kiss me in the car in the parking lot or hold my hand when she thinks no one is looking. I said the thing about how I try to manage my anxiety to emphasize that I don't think she's ignoring my boundary; I think she's trying to help me be brave, which is something I've expressed to her that I want to do. I don't feel like she's pressuring me when she does this. It's just that because I'm so anxious I'm more vigilant than she is, and often when she thinks no one can see us they can, and I tell her so.

When I tell her no it hurts her feelings. She's never said that explicitly but I know her well and I know when she's hurt or disappointed. She doesn't want to blame me for it but when I turn her down it looks like I'm ashamed of her, even though she knows the reason why. And I feel like an asshole for telling her no, because I do love her and I do want to kiss her and I do wish I was brave enough to do that without worrying. It hurts me to tell her no but I can't ignore the reason why I do. It causes me stress when this happens but I also don't want to tell her to stop because part of me likes that she wants to try. It makes me feel wanted. I don't want that to go away but I hate telling her no and I feel stuck.

So AITA for not touching her in public?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Slightly boring question, I know, but what LGBTQ+ headcanons do you have for the mercs (if any) , and for any of those, how do you think they realized?

LGBTQ+ Headcanons For The TF2 Mercs

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oh no anon this isn't boring at all, I love talking about queer shit, and TF2 so this is super fun for me!

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Uhhhh, light homophobia and transphobia??? I tried not to add any but a little bit of it!

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Demo is trans and gay. He was like twenty when he realized he was trans, like this dude was sitting in his home, and it just randomly clicked? Immediately thinks,

"Oh, that explains a lot." He had absolutely no clue what to do with that information, but he eventually figured out how to be comfortable in his own skin. As for him being gay, it was probably just the natural progression of things. He liked men before, and he liked men after. This man was so scared to tell his mom that she literally didn't care, she loves her son.

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Engie is pan and trans. Engie just always knew, like felt it in his bones knew. One of those kids who the moment they could talk just goes, "Oh yeah, I'm a boy now." His parents would just tell him he was a tomboy and that he'd grow out of it. Wrong! He only became comfortable with his identity when he was fifteen, only after years of internalized guilt and transphobia though. Uh, he definitely had to keep it a secret for a lot longer than that. He also just always knew he was pan. He always liked women and men, and he realized he didn't even care if the person he liked was both or neither. He just likes people!

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I think Heavy is bisexual,and like, he didn't even realize it until he met the other mercs. He just ignored the fact that he liked men. After all, every man around him seemed to only like women, so he just focused on women. (Well, not really, lmao) anyway! One night, all the mercs were talking about their escapades, and then some mercs brought up their experiences with men, and he just stared at them and was like,

"You, you can do that?" The team is just like,

"Yeah???"

"Oh."

(I've seen other people headcanon this and I love it and agree so much.)

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Medic is intersex and it just went unnoticed? Lack of proper medical care and a neglectful mother will do that to you. He's glad, though. Growing up, it was confusing for him, especially when he realized that his body was different, but he learned to love himself. He actually learned that he was intersex indirectly. He read some books on anatomy and realized he didn't look like the people in the book and that his body couldn't quite be defined as male or female. Would only be able to put a name to it years later. (I think he'd have Klinefelter syndrome) He's also gay! I think he just always knew, he just never had interest in women, but always chalked it up to being to busy with his work and studies to have time for dating, then he kissed a guy, and oh boy it clicked then. Once, he didn't have to worry as much about being harmed for his identity he became the silly guy you see now.

(His ass does not have a wife! He would call his husband his wife.)

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I want to trans Scout's gender so bad, but alas, it's funnier if he's cis with T-boy swag. BUT, this man is a queer. Bi disaster. He had a stroke when he first joined the other mercs. This man had to work through a lot of shit, all while pretending he isn't working with men who make him question his sexuality on a daily basis. I think at first he tries to convince himself that it's nothing or battles with extreme internalized homophobia and self hatred, and it takes him forever to accept the fact that it isn't weird or wrong to like both men and women. He's still just scared that even though he likes both, he's not good enough for either. (Oops, got angsty my bad.)

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Sniper is queer but just doesn't care too much about exploring his sexuality. He knows he has a preference for men but also has never considered being attracted to other genders, but also doesn't think he'd mind, and over all he just, doesn't know, and it's easier for him to just call himself queer and not have to figure it out. I don't think there was a defining moment, I think one day he just realized he wasn't attracted to just women anymore.

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"You can't just headcanon every shapeshifter as genderfluid!" Uh, yes, I can. So Spy is genderfluid. Spy dress might not be canon, but it's canon in my heart. He has no problem with being masculine one day and feminine the next. I think he realized on a mission one time (not with the other mercs) where he had to present fem for some reason, and he really liked it. He's also bi with a preference for women. He dealt with a lot of internalized homophobia like Scout did (like father like son and all that), but eventually came to terms with it when Scout came out actually. He realized that it probably wasn't that weird, especially when the other mercs chimed in with their sexualities.

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Soldier is pan, but he is also another case of "I want to trans his gender so bad, but it's funnier if he's cis." The comedic value of him not understanding being trans so he's supportive in the weirdest ways. Um, as for him being pan, he just doesn't care. He likes anyone who's a similar personality type to him, gender doesn't matter. It's all the same to him. I feel like it's another case that he always knew, dealt with internalized homophobia, and then the other mercs helped him work through it. (The team is very helpful when it comes to being queer, nothing else, though, lmao)

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Pyro is well, a whole bunch of identities, but I personally rock with, mtf trans agender, pan, and ace. So the mtf and agender part might seem kinda complicated, but I'll do my best to explain! I feel like Pyro was born male, but just always hated they're body and always wanted to have a female body, but then they realized that they wanted to have a feminine body, but no gender, so they did just that. Another case of them liking everyone, they just have a lot of love to give. Being ace, for Pyro, is no sexual attraction at all, just wanting to love a person, wanting romance, not anything more. They realized everything separately, being trans when they were around their teens, basically going through puberty and realizing how awful it felt for them to present as male, being agender years later when someone referred to them neutrally and they really liked it, and being pan when they forst started viewing people romantically, and ace when they got into a relationship.

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Not that it was asked but Miss Pauling is a lesbain btw

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Ah, these queers. UH Medic did everyone's surgeries, in case you we're wondering. He has so many uteruses lying around.

Some short and sweet hcs, uhhh, i have no idea what order im writing anything rn to be completely honest, I'm hoping I'll get through my flufftober asks, then some angst and some other asks but we'll see if I switch this up.

I had such a hard time writing this, I kept getting embarrassed at my writing style and thinking it was the worst thing ever written 😭

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #team fortress headcanons #tf2 hcs #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 miss pauling

[bi-peanut]

marauders hot takes

I'm at a sleep over and everyone else is asleep but I can't sleep so here are some of my marauders hot takes

I hate jegulus. I think it's wierd and disgusting. think about it, in both cannon and fannon james and sirius say they are like bothers, now why would you go and date someone you say is your brothers younger brother. also. regulus was a KNOWN deatheater, even before he officaly became one, everyone always knew he would. and james is the last person in the world who would go out with a literal deatheater

surrogate lily for jeglus is wrong wierd and in all comes down to misogyny. lily is one of if not the most important character in the marauders, without lily there would literally be no marauders because there would literally be no harry potter series in the first place. to diminish her character down to someone is is souly providing for two men is a prime example of misogyny within the marauders fandom

I hate the slytherin skittles. since when did we decide that literal deatheaters. LITTERAL TERRORISTS, were all cute and babygirl. why are we glorifying the horrific actions of these people by saying they are "morally grey" like babe terrorism is not grey its the darkest black you can imagine.

since I'm on it, the only reason people decided that the "slytherin skittles" were important was so that they could have more mlm in the fandom because let's face it, mlm is so wildly fetishied within the fandom.

saying you love barty and evan but hating on people like bellatrix and narcisa is misogyny.

saying you love barty and evan and hating on people like peter and Snape is hypocritical.

the only reason Snape doesn't receive the same treatment as barty and evan is because he can't be romanticised.

James potter is a straight man.

James and lily are endgame and sure fine think whatever about who they dated before but they will always be endgame.

sirius black would 100% say things about women that aren't right because it was the 70s and look at where he grew up.

sirius would 100% do the prank cause that is literally one of the few peices of cannon we have and it is totally in character.

all the young dudes was an amazing realistic representation and characterisation of the marauders.

marlene, Mary, dorcas etc are 100% underrated ans deserve more attention but people also need to remember that they have little to none cannon and the fandom originally started from just the marauders so it's much harder to form fannom for them.

the new portrayal of wolfstar is in most cases unrealistic and sometimes even a little bit fucked up in dynamics

sirius is a cis man. the only reason people headcannon him as trans is because of his long hair. he is literally cannonically androgynous, why can't we just let him be androgynous.

I 100% have so many more but its 4 am rn

if you disagree with me that's fine I don't really care but don't be a dick about it. if you disagree and want to ask me questions go ahead but once again, don't be a dick about it.

#friday’s chaos #andrew's chaos #marauders era #marauders #marauders hot takes #anti jegulus #anti rosekiller #also please ignore my spelling and gramar its 4 am and im wildly dyslexic

[kyuusberry]

assign you're moots to an idol & a trope for valentines 🤭? and explain why 🤭?

key to your heart | moots - imagine

pairing: moots x idols

genre/theme: fluff, many different tropes lol

warnings: kissing, cursing

notes: all of my stories, oneshots, drabbles, ect are all fiction (fake/made up) except for the idols!! my stories do not depict how these idols actually act or their sexual orientation (straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, aromantic, ect). the only time you'll ever read semi-true things is if it's my headcanons then i do use some facts from kprofiles and sometimes youtube videos but that's it.

a/n: before we start, i'm going to sincerely apologize because i've never done this before, so this will be a struggle.. the only time you'll ever see me write male idols as well because i gotta create a variety for this type of stuff!! also, i only have 3 moots atm, so that's sad lmao

credits (tropes): @delusionisaplace , @urfriendlywriter

cis men, homophobes, racists, 20+, smut accounts dni

female idols:

kai (@rosiehrs): i feel like ningning (aespa) tbhh! your personalities match a lot! and i think a stay with me tonight trope where ningning would be playing with your hair while watching a movie and after the movie, you say that you have to leave, but she doesn't want you to leave!! she would say something along the lines of "don't leave me alone.. please?" she'd be attached to your hip, wanting to shower you in hugs and kisses all of the time!! just wants to show her affection :((

ash (@aeriniee): giselle (aespa) with a grumpy x sunshine trope!! gigi is totally the type of person to not show her affection cause she's too shy!! just randomly hugs you and hides her face in your neck!! or whenver you hug her, she either stiffly hugs you back or just stands there like an npc, all flustered. she looks and seems so mean all of the time, but she's such a softie on the inside, spoiling you with gifts and stuff.. chose this because i think you're honestly like this trope sm!! so nice and loving :( these r just sounding like headcanons at this point LMAO

yin (@yinyinwon/@so-lychee): wonyoung!! (iz*one & ive) and maybe like a fake dating trope??? cause wony wants to get back at her ex or smth lmaoo!! she'd end up falling in love though! i feel like it would be something along the lines of her asking you (more like bribing you) in the bathroom because she wants to get back at her ex for leaving her, trying to convince them to take her back, telling you stuff like, "they're looking. kiss me. now." until she falls in love with you, completely forgetting about her ex and telling you stuff like, "forget them, i'm yours now." gdhkaldskxndbv i want this for myself aw chose this 'cause i lowkey think you'd fit with wony!! ur posts are so pretty and your personality is very beautiful lol

male idols:

kai (@rosiehrs): hyunjin (skz) for sure!! with an academic rivalry or something! he'd be so cocky whenever he gets better grades than you by like 1 point or something!! bothers you 24/7. always appears when you're doing something other than working/doing schoolwork like taking a break or texting your parents!! everyone thinks he has a crush on you and he always denies it!! i chose this trope and idol cause i think you're very nice and smart!! picked hyunjin 'cause he fits this lol (in my imagination)

ash (@aeriniee): soobin (txt) with one-sided love probs?? like he really likes you and he tries not to make it obvious?? but everyone thinks he's obvious!! loves giving you gifts and affection (hugs, holding hands, ect) such a sweet baby tbhhh!! says stuff like, "your smile is pretty." while smiling so sweetly gkdlksjb based this off of your post asking if u should come out as lesbian cause you haven't liked a boy since the 8th grade LMAO, but soobin cause ur both very funny and caring!! leader material as well.

yin (@yinyinwon/@so-lychee): jungwon (enhypen) ofccc! (it was because of ur user..) a chaotic duo, i feel like! nothing romantic, just pure friendship! you two would do everything together, some crazy shit too.. people would honestly think you two were drunk!! would be something along the lines of, "bitch, what the hell are you doing!" "i'm walking!-" then one of you runs into a pole or whatever.. chose this because you two are the sweetest people everrr! so adorable <33

a/n: hope you enjoyeddd!! this made my head hurt a lot lmao, so much thinking and trying to match idols.. mooties, i hope these didn't make you uncomfortable lmaooo!!! love you guys and happy valentines <33 i'll take you guys all on a virtual date sometime /j

#kpop #kpop gg #valentines day #kpop idol #writing trope #ningning #ning yizhuo #aespa #giselle #aeri uchinaga #jang wonyoung #wonyoung #ive #izone #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #stray kids #choi soobin #soobin #tomorrow x together #txt #yang jungwon #jungwon #enhypen #kpop bg #kyuusberry

[alexissara]

Polyamory Is Queer

So a post on twitter happened where a pansexual person was saying Polyamory was queer and that he wanted people to include Polyamory in their pride merch was getting massively dunked on on twitter. nearly 1000 people at the time of me starting to write this had decided they should tell this person to die, to say he was a fed, that polyamarous people weren't oppressed in any way, that the oppression they have is deserved, etc. That alone to me would speak to the queerness here of polyamory, getting mass harassment for dating to suggest that even against our own, a pansexual guy.

Like the post is cringe in that asking for merch is cringe, like who cares, it's capitalism, I don't care about polyam flag merch, in fact, I probably wouldn't buy it if it existed in general. I would rather get merch of three girls holding hands being polyamarous and really that mostly doesn't exist and, a little sad sure, but it doesn't matter. It's not really an access of oppression.

However, I want to talk about why polyamory is queer and to knock down all the common talking points that are levied against queer people. I am not using any strawmen here I promise you I only need to look at these quote retweets to see SOOO MANY people saying the same shit I see right here.

Polyamarous People Are Not Oppressed

Polyamorous people face many different forms of oppression. There is the obviously and previously stated mass dunking on a person for daring to say they want more polyam merch and that polyam people are part of the wider queer community. This isn't a lone incident but instead I see all the time monogamous people feeling it is totally fine to dunk on polyamarous people because they met one that annoyed them or because it makes them uncomfortable or we are sluts or something. The mass harassment and open hatred are in fact a form of oppression.

However, it doesn't just result in the public opinion but the legal reality. You can be legally fired for being polyamarous basically everywhere. If you have a divorce and you are polyamarous your child will be taken away, it doesn't matter if you have proof if it being consensual it is a mark against you. If someone is sick in the polycule only one person can claim themselves as a partner to go to a hospital and see them. Polyamarous people do not have a right to be married. Polyamarous people are subjected to increased criticism about their relationships. Polyamarous people face a hyper comparison when one person lies about being polyam to abuse their girlfriend or a polyam person ends up being a bad partner it is cast on all polyamarous people.

Cis/Het Men Can't Be Queer

When people make this argument their projecting the bad boyfriend of a friend of theirs onto all polyamorous people, it's a straw man. We've decided some time ago that cis/het men can in fact be queer, I don't even like that. If I was big goddess of queerness I would vanish cis/het men from being queer but we already decided that they were. I frankly just do not care for cis/het dudes generally, some of my favorite siblings are cis/het dudes.

The A in LGBTQIA includes Asexuals and Aromantics both of whom can be Cis/Het men. The I can in fact also include cis/het men people who are intersex and assigned male at birth and id as men do exist and those people can in fact be cis/het.

Polyamarous People Aren't Historically Oppressed

The reality is if you look at the history of the world, you'll find that most cultures were not monogamous. A lot practiced Social Monogamy aka a woman was owned by a man but the man fucked around and that was normal. However, many cultures simply had no concept of monogamy, in fact there are some cultures to this day that are non monogamous without men having ownership of women. The reality is much how history is much gayer then we know and a lot more trans then we know history is also a lot more non-monogamous. Many indigenous cultures and pre Christian cultures practiced various forms of non-monogamy. These cultures were wiped out slowly with the Christian take over of the majority of the world. Ethical or not we know many powerful people took multiple wives in countries like China where the empires had ranks for their consorts as a standard practice. These are not vastly different then the kind of monogamous marriages that were common place by kings only they didn't need to kill their wives to be with other women.

The reality is that something that came natural to many be it bad or good instincts was suppressed and removed. Polyamory was wiped out from most the world because it deviated the mind set of the colonizers. Of course any place queerness has been suppressed queer non-monogamy was suppressed as well. We know that polyamarous people have had to hide their relationships especially if they deviated from the heteronormative model like like in the case of  William Moulton Marston, Elizabeth Holloway Marston, and Olive Byrne whom had to cloak their relationship be that sexual or not.

Polyamarous Are Just Sleeping Around

I don't have to go in depth here, asexual polyamarous people like me exist. I am dating many a hot lady and person and I haven't had sex in years. I don't have sex. You don't need to have sex to be polyamarous.

However, what's wrong with wanting to have sex? Why is that a grounds for oppression? Having lots of sex or no sex, it doesn't make you more or less valid. I saw someone say that polyamarous people deserve to have their kids taken away because their sleeping around.

Does a single monogamous mom deserve to have her kids taken away if she sleeps around when her kids are with their dad? What about a dad? Like sleeping around is something most monogamous allosexuals do. Be that cheating or being chronically single and going on hook up apps for sex. The second you start dating your supposed to swear away your libido towards others forever until you break up.

If that's your form of chastity play with your partner, I am not here to stop you. However, consenting partners deciding they are good with each other fucking other people isn't wrong.

Polyamory is Oppressing Women

Where in the terfy world have I heard people claiming someone else's private lives are actually just oppressing cis women. Can cis/het dudes say "Hey girl, I'm polyamarous so it wasn't cheating when I fucked your best friend" sure they can but that was still cheating. People don't even time to understand Non-monogamy to know that the vast majority of polyam people would say that it is cheating to have sex with another person without informing your partner or agreeing in advance you both can sleep with anyone you want.

Again, I don't give a shit about cis/het dudes, send them to the sun, I don't care but here they are used as a hypnotical device to attack other queer people. The OP who was getting harassed on mass was Pansexual and most everyone I have seen say Polyamory is queer has been some form of queer person. I don't know if you know this but cis/het dudes do not want to be queer, they don't want to be counted among the homosexuals on account that many of them are homophobic and transphobic.

This simply willingly ignores that many women are polyamarous. If you look at many poly groups you'll see lots of women there looking to date men and women. If you go on dating apps like her you'll see lots of polyamarous women. If you go to one trans women's discord server you'll see lots of polyamarous women there. You can see polyamarous lesbians

Polyamory Is Oppressive

Typically they form at some form of Polygamy and go like, see, polyamory is oppressive and you all act like your better then us! This utterly ignores that to this day monogamy has not unpacked it's roots as a system of ownership. The history of dating for love is actually ridiculously small in the white world. Monogamy was just one of several systems of women being sold to men by the men in their lives. One that took root and was forced on many many many people's who did not practice this form of oppression or oppressing women at all until Christians came to their land.

Polyamory can be unethical as can many other forms of non-monogamy and some are rooted in systems of ownership just like monogamy is rooted in that. The reality is our hearts are not ethical anyway, we can't expect love to be perfect and utterly unproblematic but also there are forms of polyamory that are ethical.

Polyamory Is Just A Choice

I saved this one for last because this one is feelings based where the others have provable facts this one people can simply chose to believe me or not. However, I want to talk about wider queer theory for a second to really practically engage this idea. While the popular narrative is that being queer is not a choice some queer theorists have pushed back on this idea. The main queer counter arguments are We Chose Our Own Actions and If It Was A Choice I'd Chose It.

We Chose Own Actions poses us with the idea that while our internal feelings might not be a choice we chose how we act on our choices and queerness is choosing to express and live outside of what we are told. That queerness itself is the choice of acting against the cishetero systems of control. So it doesn't matter if a Republican law maker is secretly gay, he wouldn't be queer because queerness in this model is a choice, it's an identity we chose.

Then the If It Was A Choice It Chose It model says, so what if it was a choice. It choses to simply ignore internal feelings and say it doesn't matter why I want to kiss other women, the fact I chose to do it is consensually with other women who chose to kiss women in itself is valid and worthy of respect. That there is nothing shameful about being queer and therefore if they could chose to be queer that is enough to be respected. This simply says being gay is great, I like being gay, I'd pick it every time and you can't stop me and I will be respected.

We went over these models to say that even if you end up disagreeing with me, that being non-mongamous is in fact not a choice to you that that doesn't necessarily excluded it from being queer and that doesn't mean that Polyamarous people don't deserve respect or rights.

However, to me being polyamarous is core to who I am. It is not a choice for me but I would chose it every time. I would never want to get rid of my 15 year relationship with my Fiancé or my 8 year relationship with my girlfriends in Scotland or any other relationship I'm a part of. To me it's natural to want to be with other people, to feel romantic feelings and it feels gross to me to suggest that I should suppress those feelings or if I did that it would be morally better.

I was in high school when I started dating my Fiancé, even then Freshmen year of high school I told them, "Hey if you wanna date other people, that's okay". At the time, It was mostly because we lived an "unbareable" thirty minutes away from one another, sometimes an hour in traffic. "Worlds away" and unable to drive I really wanted them to be able to be loved and have everything they wanted in a relationship. They did not act on that for years and years. Many years later we talk about polyamory more seriously, I had feelings for my now 8 year long distance relationship GFs. We had all been friends, they helped me come out as trans, we got on so perfectly, and there was a guy friend of ours that they had been kinda attracted to and wanted to try to feel things out with. We agreed that we would explore our feelings and stuff.

From there we've been actively identifying as polyamorous, there was bumps in the road, I was not a perfect girlfriend and I misunderstood how Polyamory worked like thinking we all had to want to date each other and realizing that was not the case. It felt right to be polyam and it kept feeling right as we met people, had feelings and let our relationships evolve to wherever they went naturally, disclosing with each other obviously but we love talking about crushes and dates and stuff together. We've never dated the same person and we probably never will but we love each other and love seeing each other be loved. This is core to who I am, my Fiancé is my soul mate, but my soul isn't small, it's big and it has other soul mates and sweet loves.

It what comes natural to me and it would feel as bad to me to stop being polyamorous as to go back into the closet about being asexual, trans or being a lesbian. To me it's the part of my identity that is probably most in practice in that I talk to my GFs every single day, I live with my Fiancé, their actively part of my life every single day and I am open to new feelings every single day. Even with a recent break up with one of my Girlfriend's of nearly two years I not once wished I was monogamous, my heart was in pain but I still loved being polyam.

I don't have anything else to say on this topic really, I don't care if I get dunked on, to me, this is who I am. I don't particularly love "the polyam community" as a wider hole, I am in my own lesbian niche. Still, I think even the unfortunately straight among us deserve to have the right to love who they love. Nothing anyone stays is gonna get me to suddenly see my love as selfish or something.

[If you want more polyamorous sapphic art to exist in the world maybe consider throwing me a few bucks on Patreon or Ko-fi so I can afford to make more.]

#polyamarous #polyamory #Poly #Polyam #Queer Theory #Poly queer #Polyam queer #polyamarous queer #Queer

[molsno]

hey, sorry if this is out of line, but I'm a "theyfab" (pre-everything guy, waiting for top approval, rly sensitive to hormones so worried about t) dating a transfemme. I want her to feel loved and seen by me - she's also early in transition and I want her to know that me loving her as she is DOESNT mean I won't continue to love her as she grows and changes. She's pretty shy and her only trans girl friends are online. Anyway, I want to learn how to NOT be like the tme people you've interacted with. U can ignore this, but if u do have advice I'd love to hear it!

Also, I'm really sorry about the abuse you've endured. It's not fair. It's not acceptable.

hi, I honestly appreciate you asking for advice! that to me shows that you do really care about her and want to be good to her

I think the most important thing is to keep in mind that she's in an incredibly vulnerable and precarious position. it sounds to me like she doesn't have a big support network. it can be very hard to build something like that as a trans woman (especially early in transition) but it's something that's absolutely vital. a big problem that I think a lot of us face is becoming overly dependent on a tme person (or a few of them) which can be completely devastating if that person leaves. I think the best thing you can do to help her is to encourage her to make more friends of her own. ideally, they should NOT just be your friends that you're introducing her to. she needs to have friends and allies completely separate from you. you cannot do everything for her, nor should you be expecting/expected to - that's a fast way to make sure your relationship falls apart. above all - and this is key - is to understand that you don't own her. she's an independent person, and she deserves to have her own life and make her own choices about it

I feel I should also warn you that this is going to be a very tumultuous time for her. she is literally starting to undergo a second puberty, and it will be just as distressing, hormonal, and emotional as the first one. cut her some slack if she seems irritable or upset for seemingly no reason. for me and a lot of other trans women I know, this was one of the most dysphoria-inducing periods of our lives. it very well might be for her too. it's easy to be upset that the hormones aren't working, or that changes aren't happening fast enough, or that you'll be ugly or not feminine enough, etc. she may express doubts like this. offer her reassurance! it will take time for her to see the changes she wants to see, but they'll come. in the mean time, let her know whenever you notice changes in her. maybe you'll notice her skin is softer, or her hair looks more lush, or her face is rounding out, or her hips are getting wider. let her know that you see these things and compliment her. early transition can very well be a source of joy, if she's able to take pleasure in the little changes, and you can absolutely be a part of that process!

I don't know if your relationship involves sex, and I don't want to make any assumptions about how you two engage in it if so. however, this is a common experience I hear about, so I feel like I should tell you this. don't expect her to have sex with you like a cis man. not only can it be dysphoria-inducing to always have to top, her body will possibly not even be capable of that soon due to the effects of estrogen. if that's how you've been having sex up until now, you'll have to really reorient how you two do things. I haven't read it myself, but I've heard the zine "fucking trans women" by mira bellwether contains a lot of good information on this topic. you may find it useful! I think you can read it at this link, but I'm not sure. if any of my followers have a better link, go ahead and put it in the replies!

finally, and this is honestly just a good tip for relationships in general, listen to her. if she's upset about something, take her seriously and don't pass judgment on her. don't immediately jump on the defensive if she's upset about something you've done in particular. try to put yourself in her shoes and see things from her perspective. show her that she can talk to you about anything and you'll be receptive, and you'll be able to have open, honest communication much more often, which will lead to a much stronger and healthier relationship

thank you for sending this, and thank you for your reassurance about my own trauma as well. it really means a lot to me! it really helps me feel more optimistic to know that there are tme people who are willing to listen to us and be better allies to us. I think your girlfriend is very lucky to have you, and I hope you can both be happy together!

before I go, I know I'm not that knowledgeable about your personal situation, but I would say that if you think testosterone would make you happier, you should pursue it! if you can obtain it, there's nothing wrong with taking it for a week or two, seeing how it makes you feel, and then deciding whether or not to keep taking it based on that. either way, I wish you the best!

#ask #Anonymous

[miyuhpapayuh]

3. New beginnings

In the last three days, so much has happened.

For starters, she got the job, which she's so thankful for. Claire is the ultimate sweetheart and her coworkers are nice, but she still misses Joe.

Tyler ended up being pregnant and getting an abortion, and has just been losing her damn mind lately.

She's getting really tired of her downward spiral; cause she's causing her own problems. She won't listen to Stevie or let her even try to help, but you can't help someone who doesn't see a problem in what they're doing.

They're both still going to their classes, or so she hopes, since she's been MIA as of lately.

But on the bright side, her and Roderick are getting closer. Their first official date is actually tonight.

She feels like they've been waiting for this day for the longest time.

Currently on her break, she's sitting in the McDonald's parking lot with Rod. It's pretty warm today, so they're perched on the hood of his car.

She stuffs a handful of salty fries into her mouth, listening to him tell her about his day.

He takes a swig of his Hi-ci orange and laughs at her stuffing her face.

"Listen, I haven't eaten since this morning. Leave me alone."

"Ain't nobody judgin' you, girl.”

"Lies. That's exactly what you're doing.”

He throws his hands up in defense, still laughing.

"Okay, you got it. So, how's the job goin'? Everybody still being friendly and shit?"

"Yeah, I like the place a lot," she sips on her Sprite, "everybody just stays in their space and that makes me happy cause at Joes', that wasn't the case."

"What do you mean? Y'all ain't have no personal space?"

"Well, that and some people just acted like they had to be up in your face, anyway. I'm glad it's different and spread out now."  She rolls her eyes, thinking about John.

"Hm, somebody was like that with you?" He asks.

"Yeah... he left, before he got fired for it. I have a restraining order against him, so I'm good." Joe ended up taking care of that for her, knowing that she had a lot on her plate.

"Aight, just know that if something jumps off, I got you." He says.

She nods, staring back at her fries.

The serious tone in his voice makes her stomach swarm with butterflies. Real foreign.

"You ready to head back?" He asks.

She nods, sliding off the hood and adjusts her black collar work shirt, placing her trash in the empty bag.

He leans up from the hood and tosses his trash in the same bag, heading towards the nearest trash can to throw it away.

He heads back over to her side, opening the door for her. She thanks him and slides into the seat, allowing him to close the door for her.

He rounds the car and gets in, starts the car up and pulls out of the parking lot. It's a fairly quick drive, considering the fact that McDonald's is right around the corner from her job.

"Listen, I don't wanna scare you off or anything. I just wanna let you know that, I'm diggin' you and I think you're dope. We been kickin' it for a minute and I'm startin' to like you." He admits.

She bites her lip to hide the smile on her face.

"I'm starting to like you, too. You aight when you wanna be." She jokes, causing him to smack his lips. Again, she hates that sound.

"Seriously, I'm glad that I get to take you out tonight. You'll have fun, I promise."

"Well, it's been fun so far. I don't think I'll be disappointed." 

He pulls into the parking spot next to her car. She sighs and unbuckles her seatbelt, placing her hand on the door handle.

"Thanks for hanging out with me, on my break." She smiles, and he returns it.

"It was my pleasure, babygirl."

She feels the heat rise to her cheeks.

"So, I'll see you around six thirty?"

"Yes ma'am. I'll be on time, so you better be ready." Sje scoffs.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Y'all take forever to get ready, that's what I mean." He starts laughing.

"Boy, whatever. I'll make you wait if I want to." She says, before opening the door and looking back at him.

"Right. You'll get left." He laughs, stepping out to make sure she gets in safe.

"Wow, so no hug?" He asks.

"Not after you threaten to leave me," she laughs and heads inside, blowing him a kiss. He waves her off and hops back in his car.

She laughs, waving to Claire and walking past the counter, into the back to put her bag away.

"Hey sunshine! How was your break?" She places her pen behind her ear, sending a smirk her way, once she's back in her view.

"It was good. I finally got my fix of fast food I've been craving all day." She turns her around, tying the strings of her apron.

"Mhm, and?"

"And... I'm back?" She laughs and turns back around.

"Stevie, we saw that fine piece of chocolate!" Alana comes out of nowhere and states. Stevie rolls her eyes.

"Okay, congratulations... you guys have eyeballs that work!" She shoots them a 'thumbs-up' and walks away.

"Ugh, people can be so nosy." She mumbles to herself, grabbing a rag and a spray bottle and starts cleaning her station. The chimes on the door sound, indicating that a customer just walked in.

"Welcome to Claire's coffee, I'll be right with you!" She says in the cheeriest voice she could muster up.

"Take your time, girl." She looks up and sees Tyler.

I haven't seen this bitch in two days!

She goes back to what she's doing.

"What are you doing here?" She scoffs.

"You thought, you could get another job and not tell me? What's that about?" She looks at her, completely amused at how she thinks this has anything to do with her.

"You're serious? You think I hid this from you? It's not like you'd listen to me even if I was to run it by you. And, since you wanna come in chastising people, where have you been?"

Tyler just stares at her, egg on her face.

"This really ain't the place to talk about any of this. I'll just see you when you get home." She backtracks and heads for the door.

"What do you mean? It's been a whole forty-eight hours! You didn't call me. You didn't come by the house to let me know you were okay. You didn't leave a note or anything. Yet, you wanna come in here and break bad on me. Wassup with you?" She quizzes.

"We'll talk later." She leaves back out.

She sighs and prepare for the rush of customers that are about to come through. This is nothing like Joe's.

༺═───────────────────────────────────────═༻

She sits her keys on the counter and walks into the living room.

Tyler's sitting on the couch, watching a rerun of Pinky and The Brain. 

She clears her throat, and Tyler mutes the tv and looks at her, patting the cushion beside her. She sighs and sits down.

"So, before you say anything, I just wanna say that I'm sorry. I've been acting like an ass and it has nothing to do with you. I was just making terrible decisions and I didn't wanna hear what you had to say, cause you were right and I knew that. But, I see if was for my own good and I appreciate you still being here for me."

"Well, where else would I be? We live together, and more importantly, you're my best friend! I'm always gonna tell you what you need to hear, cause I don't care about sugarcoating anything and you know that. I just don't want you doing anything stupid. I need you to be good. Do it for yourself. Not cause, you think I'll yell at you or whatever, cause that's a given, but cause you're the only person that can live your life."

She nods before pulling her into a hug. Stevie rubs her back in a motherly manner and stands back up.

"So, what's going on with you?" Tyler asks.

"I'm gonna get ready for my date, tonight." Stevie turns on her heels and heads upstairs. She follows behind.

"Ooh, what are you wearing?" She shrugs and opens her closet, searching through the many different patterns and prints, finding absolutely nothing suitable.

"I have an hour to get ready and there's nothing here! What the hell am I gonna do?" She looks over at her.

She places a hand on her shoulder. "Okay first of all, breathe."

She rummages through and pulls out a black tank top and a neon green skirt. She squints, not remembering buying either.

"See, you have too many clothes! Pair this with your black heels and slick your hair back. Now, get in the shower!" She places her clothes on the bed and smacks her butt, kicking her out of her own room.

If I wasn't in such a rush, I'd give her a piece of my mind.. again.

She showers quickly, making sure to keep her hair dry. She hops out and wraps a towel around herself, before doing her hygiene routine, making sure to use her strawberry scented lotion.

Sliding into her outfit, she grabs her rat tail comb and parts her hair, instead of slicking it back. Tucking the sides behind her ear, she grabs her black sandals from her closet, sliding her feet inside them.

She grabs the Gucci shades that Tyler bought her for Christmas last year and slides them into her hair.

She looks at the clock by her tv, seeing that it reads 6:27 p.m. She smirks, more than amused that she's ready before my "set time".

As if on cue, her phone rings. She grabs it off her nightstand and answers it.

Rods' deep voice cuts through the second of silence. "Beautiful, are you ready?"

"I surely am, dear. Aren't you proud?" She says in a sarcastic tone. He laughs.

"Very. I'll be there in two minutes."

They hang up and she heads downstairs. Tyler pops up out of nowhere, scaring her half to death.

"Well, don't you look fucking hot!"

She smacks her arm, placing her hand over her chest. Tyler snorts.

"Thank you, crazy. I owe this look to you, minus the hair." She twirls the end of a strand, shrugging.

"It's so cute, girl. I bet big head's gonna love it!"

A knock sounds at the door, sending her low-key rushing towards it.

"Girl, calm down!" Tyler teases.

Stevie rolls her eyes and open the door.

Rod stands before her in a black and gold striped, short sleeved button up, paired with light wash jeans and Air Force ones. The durag that he wore earlier is gone, and his waves are on full display.

"So... y'all just gon' stand there and drool over each other?" Tyler asks, from her seat, making her snap out of her trance.

He pulls her hand up to his lips, pecking her skin.

"It goes without saying, but you look beautiful." He says.

She blushes, sending a thank you his way.

"You look good, too."

Tyler slides her clutch into the fold of her arm. She turns around to face her.

"Oh, thank you. I would've forgotten it. But um, I'll be home later, okay?"

"Have fun, boo."

She nods and places her hand back in Rod's, heading down the steps and towards his car. He opens her door for her, helping her in.

"Thank you."

He winks and rushes towards the drivers side. The car comes to life and they're headed out of the neighborhood.

"So, where are we headed?" She asks.

Stopping at their first red light, he looks over at her.

"You like to dance?" He asks. She nods, giggling a bit.

"Well, there's this nightclub called Limelight. I thought I'd do something fun and out of the ordinary for a first date. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good to me."

The light changes and he continues towards their destination.

Rod turns the radio on, cutting the comfortable silence. Pretty Brown Eyes plays through the speakers.

"They made this song for you, you know?" He flirts.

She laughs, folding one leg over the other.

"I could say the same thing about you," she flirts back.

He raises an eyebrow at her, while pulling into the semi-packed parking lot.

"Word?"

"Mmhm."

He chuckles before cutting the car off. Getting out, he rounds the car and helps her out, closing the door.

She smiles, flipping her hair to one side. His large hand grasps her smaller one, leading her towards the short line that eventually turned lengthy.

"Maybe... maybe not." She looks down at their hands and back up to his face. Confidence all in his smile.

She begins looking around, taking in her surroundings. She stares straight ahead, finally noticing the clubs appearance.

The entire building is railed with a neon light, same shade as her skirt. Black brick is the foundation, and the name is written in white calligraphy.

How cute.

"This club is usually, twenty-one and up," his lips being so close to her ear startles her, "but, on Fridays they lower it to eighteen, so you're good."

"How do you figure I'm not twenty-one?" She looks up at him, again.

"Wild guess. Plus, you have a baby face."

She shrugs. He's got a point.

"I could be, though."

He stares at her.

"Are you?"

"Nah," I play with the hem of my skirt, "a couple months and we'll be the same age."

"When?"

"June."

They move towards the bouncer, showing our IDs. Pulling the green rope back, they head inside and boy, is it loud.

She sighs, feeling a slight pang of anxiety kick in.

Rod lets her hand go and wraps a protective arm around her waist. They head towards the bar.

"Are you alright?"

He helps her into the stool, as she pushes her glasses back into her hair.

It'd be rude if they covered my eyes all night.

"Yeah, I'm just not used to loud environments. Other than my job, of course." She laughs, "screaming out coffee orders should prepare me for places like this."

He laughs along with me.

"I totally understand. I just wanna make sure you're having a good time, cause we can always go somewhere else—"

"No, no we don't have to leave. I love that you came up with this idea, it's so different and I appreciate it. I promise."

His hand rubs her knee.

"Did you wanna dance or you wanna chill here?" She looks towards the many alcoholic choices and smirks.

"Doesn't sound like they're playing anything worth dancing to at the moment, so we can stay here."

He grins.

"What do you want to drink?"

"Whiskey sour, please."

He orders our drinks.

She looks around for her clutch, realizing she left it in the car. She hops down and pulls at her skirt, which has rose slightly past her thighs.

"I'm gonna head towards the ladies room. I'll be right back."

"Alright." He nods.

She heads past him and turns the corner, pushing the teal door open and the scent of lilac hits her nose.

Girls litter the tiny space, either in the mirrors or standing around conversing.

She squeezes through and grabs a paper towel, wet it and blots her dry mouth.

I was gonna ask to either have him go get my clutch or hand me the keys and let me grab it, but I didn't wanna be extra.

"Hey," she looks towards her left and finds a blonde haired beauty; she's about five foot seven, slender with dark red stained lips.

"Yeah?" Stevie asks, tosses her wrinkled paper towel in the trash, giving her, her attention.

The girls' lips curl into a smirk. "You're here with that cute black guy, right?"

It takes everything in her to keep her eyes from rolling back. She nods, pursing her lips together.

"Are y'all dating? Cause, my friend thought he was really cute and she wanted to talk to him."

She scoffs at the audacity.

"Yeah, we are. Tell your friend to stay away from what's not hers."

She slides past her and makes her way back towards the bar.

She turns the corner and finds some girl near Rod. That must be the friend.

She walks over to him and sits on the other side, making her presence known.

He goes from staring straight ahead to looking at her, smiling. He slides her drink towards her, turning his body to face hers.

"There you are."

"I heard somebody was tryna snatch you up, while I was gone." She laughs, looking behind him, glaring at whoever she thought she was.

She huffs and storms off.

He starts laughing, watching her sip on her sour drink.

"You're something else. Let me find out there's a jealousy streak in you."

She downs the rest of it, smirking at him.

"Well, I wouldn't call it jealousy. These bitches don't hold a candle to me, and I hope you wouldn't go for a white girl, anyway! They're trouble."

He nods, hopefully taking in her words.

"You're right."

"I know!" She says matter-of-factly. He laughs.

"You like laughing at me. I know for a fact, that I'm not that damn funny."

"Oh, you're definitely that damn funny."

She waves him off, holding back a laugh of her own.

Lady by D'Angelo starts playing.

Without a word, Rod stands up and for a split second, she forgot how much taller he was than her.

He holds his hand out for her to take. "Will you dance with me?"

She nods, feeling those butterflies come back. He helps her down and leads her towards the floor.

They squeeze through, until the perfect spot is found.

Facing him and place her arms around his neck, while his hands rest on her waist. Her hips sway to the beat.

You're my little baby, my darling baby

I swear you're the talk of the town

And everybody wants to know what's going down

Babe, I know they've seen us before

He lip syncs, looking down at her. She chuckles, feeling like this song is perfect for what just took place.

His hands hang dangerously low on her hips, while his chin finds its way into the crook of her neck. She wraps her hands around his buff arms.

The drink she had earlier is starting to kick in, making her body feel incredibly warm, and him being so close and smelling so good makes her hotter.

"You feelin' alright?" He asks, sending a chill through her.

"Yeah," she gets out.

The song continues to play, but it sounds like background noise at this point. All she hears is thumping from the bass and her hormones are going crazy.

Pulling his face away from her neck, he stares down at her lips, knowing the thought is on both of their minds.

Throwing her nerves to the wind, she closes the small space between them, swearing she felt a spark as their lips touched.

She wasn't alone, either.

Pulling away, she stares at him, kinda unsure of what to say.

"Your lips taste good." He blurts out, making her smile.

༺═───────────────────────────────────────═༻

Walking her to her front door, she opens her clutch and pulls her keys out and turn towards him.

He smiles, pulling a strand of hair away from her face.

"I had fun, tonight."

"I did, too." She mirror his expression, unable to stop the little giggles that follow.

"Does this guarantee me a second date?"

"Maybe... maybe not." She tucks her lip between her teeth as he takes a step toward her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

She leans in and kisses him, again.

The door opens behind her. She pulls away from Rod and look behind her, finding Tyler with her arms folded over her chest with a smirk on her face.

"So," he says, as she turns back towards him, "I'll call you, tomorrow?"

He nods, still smiling as he pulls away and heads down the steps, back to his car.

She turns back to face Tyler. She steps aside and Stevie walks in, closing the door behind them, sitting her keys and clutch on the counter.

"Well, I definitely don't have to ask how your date went." Tyler says with a laugh.

"You kinda ruined the moment, though." She rolls her eyes and drags herself upstairs, her friend in tow.

"Aw, come on. That had to at least be a second kiss. You looked too comfortable."

She chuckles and pulls her heels off, sitting them back in her closet.

"You should be a detective or something, Jesus."

She plops down on her bed and swings her feet back and forth.

"You like him?" Tyler asks, making her look up at her and raise an eyebrow.

"I mean, I'd hope so. I don't just kiss random guys on my doorstep. That's your job." She winks, while she pretends to be hurt.

"Ew, they're never random, bitch. Don't try these lips!"

Stevie waves her off.

"Anyway, y'all are kinda cute. I adore the way he looks at you."

"There's a way he looks at me?"

She nods, beginning to laugh.

"Girl! That man looks like he's in total heaven when he's around you. How do you not see that?"

She shrugs. "I don't know... I guess I've never paid it any attention. I don't know what any of this stuff means!"

"It's okay, you'll figure it out. I can see y'all being official, real soon."

"That'd be... something. We'd have to go on more dates and shit, but I don't see a problem with that."

Tyler grins like the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland.

"Girl, go away! I'm sleepy as hell," she tosses one of her pillows at her, smacking her right in the face.

She sticks her middle finger up at her, before leaving out, with her pillow still on the floor.

She eventually stands back up to grab it and pull her clothes off.

Tossing them in her hamper, grabbing an oversized T-shirt and pull it over her head. She grabs a hair tie from her dresser and pulls her hair into a messy bun.

She pulls the covers back and slides into bed, turning her lamp off and tv on. The background noise helps her fall asleep, which is eventually what she ends up doing.

@soufcakmistress @504queen @ghostfacekill-monger @hearteyes-for-killmonger @uzumaki-rebellion @blowmymbackout @supersizemeplz @chaneajoyyy @captainsaveasmut @cocoa-puffs @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @daddy-killmonger @twistedcharismaaa @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @headcannonxgalore @quietstorm-thundathighs @sheabuttahwrites @thegifstories @blackerthings @becauseimswagman1 @cecereads209 @nayaxwrites @xsweetdellzx @blackburnbook @darqchilddaydreamz @killmongerdispussy @trippyscotch @emjayewrites @unfriendlyblkhotti3 @blackpinup22

#soulff #miyuhpapayuh #poc writers #blackwriters #rod x stevie #90s romance #joey badass fic #black romance #black writers #black fiction #black!reader

[magnetothemagnificent]

14, 15, 33?

[id in alt]

(8 and 24 already answered)

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

Nope, my first cousin once-removed was out as a lesbian and dating a woman while I was still a baby gay haha

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

Oh they've affected them a lot. More in the sense of how I express my gender. I don't do things like binding because of the discomfort from my fibrocystic breast tissue and autism. I express my gender through Jewish gender expression, and not so much the Western American expression of masculinity.

15. How has your identity changed over time?

Well, I went from cis bi to cis lesbian to cis butch to nonbinary lesbian to straight trans man and now to bi trans man, where I feel most at home :)

18. How old were you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with?

Hm, probably like...13? I attended a Pride event by accident, I was with my homophobic grandfather and his sister and our car got stuck in traffic because of the Pride festival, so my grandfather and his sister were like "ooh haha let's get out and look at the homosexuals haha" and bought me a rainbow flag as a joke. Little did they know I was a little closeted queer kid and was having the time of my life lmao. I still have that flag somewhere.

25. What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

The discourse of whether trans men face a unique form of oppression or not. There's people saying trans men can't face a unique form of oppression because men don't face a unique form of oppression, and yeah, sure, cishet able-bodied white men don't, but oppression doesn't act on a single axis. The misogyny a white woman faces is very different from the misogyny a black woman faces, for example. Men and boys of colour are treated very differently and face unique forms of violence by virtue of their gender. Jewish men and boys face unique forms of oppression by virtue of their gender, etc etc. I've talked about the stigma and vitriol towards circumcision a lot on this blog, and that's actually an example of the specific oppression Jewish and Muslim men face. It's a gender-based prejudice. And it's got nothing to do with women. It's not "misplaced misogyny". I don't know what word you want to use for it, but it's a specific gender-based axis of oppression. Quite frankly telling trans men that the specific gender-based violence and discrimination we face is just "misplaced transmisogyny" or "plain old transphobia" or "just misogyny" is abhorrant. I don't care what you want to call it, discoursing over "oh but so and so invented this word so we can't use it", etc, is a waste of time. We're wasting time discoursing about which words to use and not use. I don't care what you call it, call it "gobbledeegoop" for all I care, but acknowledge that it's real and let trans men speak on their own oppression. And also for the love of god stop sending death threats to anyone on either side of the field, trans men are allowed to have complex feelings and don't deserve hate just because they use or don't use certain words.

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate?

All of it? But honestly shout out to woefully single bi guys :/ Let's normalize having no one to kiss at Pride haha

Thanks for the asks!

#pride asks

[transmascore]

hiyo

i wanted to ask if you have any advice for overcoming the thought that i cant be a gay trans man because "what makes gay men gay is the fact that they only like dick and not female parts"

(im sorry if thats rather graphic but this is literally the thing stopping me from acceoting myself or transitioning socially or physically)

Something to keep in mind is that orientation is people-based. The reason gay men date other men is because they're attracted to men themselves - the way they present outwardly, the way they speak, the way they wear their hair. Genitals aren't the only or even the main part of the equation (although they can factor in). There's every other aspect about a person to consider.

I'm T4T (trans for trans) so my attraction to men is framed by that lens. I find I'm attracted to patchy facial hair and androgynous voices - things that signal transmasculinity to me. And, for me, it's because I know I will have things in common with these men. We have shared community, shared experiences. I know I can open up to another trans man and that he will understand me. And, aside from that, I do legitimately feel a strong sense of desire and romantic love when I encounter other trans men. It isn't just safety, but a genuine want to be with them.

And gay men, regardless of AGAB, feel pretty much the same way across the board. It's attraction to little details here and there, as well as the entire person, and it's also that sense of relating to one another on the basis of queerness. Knowing that you can be yourself around this person.

Now, sure, men looking for a quick hookup on Grindr aren't in the same headspace as someone looking for an actual relationship. So it's important to keep that in mind. People on hookup apps tend to be rude or chasers (a cis person that fetishizes trans people). But there are also genuine men you'll encounter (regardless of AGAB) that are totally cool with hooking up with a trans guy and aren't weird about it. Everybody's different.

And while some sections of the gay male community can come across as very phallocentric, we (transmascs) have been in those spaces the entire time.

I'll share some gay trans men now.

Billy Lane, who in 1998, WON the Mr. Leather competition:

Lou Sullivan, an activist and author who fought for gay trans men to be recognized by the medical field so we could receive gender affirming care:

Rupert Raj (pansexual rather than gay), who did so many things it's easier for me to just show you than to recap.

Dr. James Berry, an extremely talented surgeon who fought in two wars, was a duelist, and slept with men.

We have always been here, we will always be here, and we are here right now! Even though a lot of our history has been overshadowed and lost to time. 

Also, something I tell every transmasc, especially gay transmascs, is this: When we first come out, first realize who we are, we feel very vulnerable. We want to be seen as people. We want to be validated and comforted. Like Pinnochio, we want someone to tell us "you're a real boy." And, often times, trans men will seek out that validation from cis men, because they view them as some higher authority - a gatekeeper of masculinity that will confirm your identity and metaphorically hand you a Man Card. And a lot of trans men get hurt, have their hearts broken, because they're putting all of their stock into this.

But I'm here to deliver you good news: Transness stands on its own, it doesn't require cis men to prop up the pillars. You are just as much of a man as cis guys are, and their opinion of you is irrelevant. It may not sound true right now - we all go through this initial stage, especially if our dysphoria is bad. But you'll get through it - and once you make it out the other side it is incredible. To expedite the process, best thing you can do is surround yourself with trans art and videos and books and friends.

The other thing, too, is that fear of not being loved. Society can have us believe cruel things about ourselves. That we, transmascs, are not worthy of love. That we're somehow inferior. And that just isn't true - there so many happy, partnered trans men out there. Many of them married! Many of them polyamorous with multiple partners! Many of them who have started families, are fathers!

Don't delay your transition - or call off your transition entirely - because you are afraid of what a future partner might think. People date each other for a reason: because they love each other. You want to find someone who will love you for you, unconditionally. And those people ARE out there. A real partner will be supportive of your endeavors, will be happy to see you comfortable in your own skin. Take care of yourself first, and the rest will come. The pieces will fall into place.

In the meantime, to be kind to yourself. Know that you are enough. Know that you are loveable. Know that you are desirable. Know that you have a future. Know that you don't need permission from anyone to be who you are. And know that you belong! Know that you're gay and you're a man and you're trans and that none of these things contradict one another. They weave together like beautiful threads to form the person that is you. And that there are many people like you - always have been. And if anyone is an asshole about it, ignore them. 

#asks #anonymous

[recordsfm]

╰   ☆  ◞  renee rapp / cis woman / she/her  ———  no way is that SAVANNAH-LYNN COOKE? you know they’re TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD and they’ve been in los angeles for TWO YEARS. they’re chillin’ as a STRIPPER at LUX. oh and they’re notoriously known for being JADED but there are some people who have seen them be CHARISMATIC. i heard they’re a part of a SOLO ACT called SAVANNAH ROSE, yeah they’re a SINGER/SONGWRITER to be honest they sound a lot like RENEE RAPP, LAUREN SPENCER SMITH, KELSEA BALLERINI & KELLIE PICKLER. they’re actually UNDERGROUND.

PART ONE: STATISTICS. 

feel free to omit some questions as you see fit.

basic information:

FULL NAME: Savannah-Lynn Rose Cooke

NICKNAME(S): Sav, Savy, Venus

AGE: 21

DATE OF BIRTH: October 10th 2002

PLACE OF BIRTH: Macon, Georgia

GENDER: Ciswoman

PRONOUNS: she/her

ORIENTATION: Bisexual

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English.

NEIGHBOURHOOD: Southcrest

LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: Southcrest Terrace

family ties:

MOTHER: Tammy-Jo Cooke

FATHER: Harrison Cooke (dead)

SIBLINGS: None

SPOUSE / PARTNER: None

CHILDREN: None

PETS: None

occupational information:

OCCUPATION: Sex Worker

POSITION (IF APPLICABLE): Stripper

NAME OF THEIR ACT: Savannah Rose

SO THEY PLAY INSTRUMENTS? IF SO WHAT?: Piano, guitar, flute.

ARTIST INFLUENCES: Shania Twain, Taylor Swift, Honey K.

CURRENT MONTHLY SPOTIFY/APPLE MUSIC LISTENS ON AVERAGE: 200

personality:

 WESTERN ZODIAC: Libra

CHINESE ZODIAC: Horse

POSITIVE TRAITS: Charismatic, Caring, Flirty

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Jaded, Stubborn, Clingy

HOBBIES: Singing, Dancing, playing guitar, writing poetry

AESTHETICS: Glaring spotlights, leftover glitter, crumpled dollar bills

PART TWO: QUESTIONNAIRE. 

start at the beginning, who are you and why are you important?

"My name is Savannah Rose, I'm a 22 year old from Georgia and I'm a singer."

how long have you been making music?

"It kinda feels like forever. I did pageants as a little girl so my mama had me doing all sorts of singing bits and stuff like that. But when it came to actually playing instruments, I think I was about ten? so 12 years?"

how would you describe the kind of music you make?

"For me it's pretty real and raw. Vulnerable. It's very much just a girl and her guitar vibes right now but I'm trying to work on that."

who are some of your biggest musical influences?

"Honestly, Tay swift is my girl. I love how she just writes her truth and doesn't accept peoples bad behavior. But I really did look up to both Shania and Honey K and Jenna for a long time."

what is the first record you ever bought?

"The first one I ever bought? My dad took me to the midnight release of Red by Taylor Swift at target... My mom was so mad because I was tired and cranky for my pageant the next day, but in the end it was worth it."

what has working in the music industry meant to you thus far in your career?

Savy pulled in a deep breath. The last thing she wanted was to dox herself in an interview. But at the same time it was so hard to care. At least now she was taking off her clothes for more money then she ever made in pageants. "I haven't found much success doing just music yet. I'm hoping to change that soon."

what are some stand out moments from your career so far?

"Well, this interview is probably the biggest one so far."

how would you describe your style of performance? what makes your shows worth seeing?

"I try to make sure everyone is having a good time. I mean you always have those people who who will never be happy, but I'll do everything reasonable to make sure you're having a good time."

what are you still hoping to achieve in your career?

"All I wanna be able to do is make a living doing what I love to do."

what’s next for you?

"Well, honestly I'm hoping to get discovered. Signed onto someone's label so I can put out my very first album and see how it goes from there."

PART THREE: BACKGROUND:

Savannah was an unwanted child. Though you've never know at looking at it from the outside.

Tammy Jo was promising Miss Georgia contestant who had her title stripped from her once she got pregnant unexpectedly from a one night stand.

With a baby on the way, there really wasn't much more that Tammy or Harrison could do other then get married. Even if the two were complete opposites.

Due to her dreams being dashed, Tammy Jo entered her three month old daughter into a beauty pageant, much to the dismay

#sonicfm:intro

[sheathandshear]

Something that is missing in a lot of the Trans Disc Horse around trans men and transmasculine people and the specific (but also not unique!) problems many face from society is this... particular terror many people have (yes, cis and trans) around people who look masculine but act feminine, particularly in that grey area of appearance where they don't look quite like a cis woman and don't look quite like a cis man and so must be up to something, because why else would you carry out that kind of deception rather than just be one or the other? The gender that we "are" and the gender that we're "pretending to be" vary wildly with the observer; the only constant is that discomfort and suspicion.

The people who've been overtly transphobic to me haven't done so on the basis that I'm a woman pretending to be a man -- their complaint was that I was too much of a man to be a woman. That I was a threat to them because of covert (not overt!) masculinity. These were not situations of "oh, assumed to be TMA until revealed to be TME and then the cis people apologized and fell all over themselves to retract their bigotry and suspicion" (which... never happens anyway? tf). I'm tall and big, but I don't bind, I'm not on HRT, I have prominent breasts, my voice is high, it is very obvious that I'm not a cisgender man, and yet their complaints were the same. "I don't want HER, SHE's a MAN!" (Actual quote.) These people don't give a shit that I have breasts and a uterus and a vagina and more estrogen than testosterone, they already know that I do; the imagined predatory penis in my pants is real and dangerous in their minds as an actual physical one.

I personally have sympathy for these people. Almost everyone I've had this reaction from have been cisgender women and girls who've had deeply traumatic experiences at the hands of men and see in me that which hurt them, only worse, because I don't fit clearly into the box of "man" or "woman". I recognize that this is not about me as a person, but rather a consequence of the pain and conditioning that came before me. It doesn't make it okay to take these things out on me, but even though it hurts, I choose not to take offense. Cisgender men, by and large, have neither cared nor paid attention to the subtle signals of my gendered appearance and presentation -- they tend to take me at face value, and I've gotten bro'd, brother'd, sir'd, and man'd far more often by men. (Which I recognize is NOT the experience of many transfeminine people, especially those who date men.)

I genuinely don't know how to characterize this kind of suspicion and aggression as anything other than a specific kind of transmisogyny -- not exactly as transfeminine people experience it, but close enough that it provides categorization for these experiences better than any other schema of societal oppression that we've come up with. It's not misogyny, it's not homophobia, it's not transmisandry, it's not exactly femmephobia, it is very specifically the prejudice against behaving like a woman but appearing like a man and the assumption that I must have some nefarious purpose for doing so. And there is not an inconsiderable extent to which my choice to currently not pursue HRT or present myself as a man rather than a "theyfab" is because I'm a pediatric nurse and I work with children in very physically and emotionally vulnerable situations and I'm afraid of getting more of these reactions than I already do. Do I get as many as one of my trans woman friends, who also works with children? No. But I've gotten more as I present more and more masculine, I'm sure that it would only increase as I progress further down the path of masculinization, and I suspect that my anxieties around further transition are not that far off from some of my transfem siblings and sisters in a similar position, even though according to prevailing trans theories our experiences should be exact opposites.

#also the fact that a LOT of trans men and transmasc people (regardless of actual orientation) are read as effeminate queer men #having known a lot of transmasc people... yeah. there IS a clocky aspect to many transmascs that's specifically behavioral #in a way that I think reflects many trans social circle's attitudes towards the evils of masculinity rather than some 'TME privilege' #(because it's not like effeminate queer men receive preferential treatment in society over conventionally masc 'straight' men!) #many transmasc people I've met tend to be more emotionally verbally and physically expressive than their cisgender counterparts #in a way that reads GAAAAAYYYYYYYY to said counterparts #because men in my society are expected to be emotionally and physically closed off and the range of accepted emotional expression is narrow #and I think a lot of transmasc people look at that and go 'ugh. that seems miserable.' #but the transfem people I know are also generally emotional effusive and expressive in a way that society reads as effeminate #so like... again. women are from venus and men are from mars is no more true of trans people than it is of cis people #society presents a binary but many people's experiences fall in logically impossible places on either side of that line #trans #gender #lgbtq+ #faffing about with my thoughts #trans in healthcare

[myceliumbutch]

What do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives woman-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait women have that men can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

Thought about not answering this bc, honestly anon, the vibes are horrendous. But I see this kinda thing a lot so I'll answer it.

For one, you're right! There is nothing about men that is special that women don't have. If it was just about bodies and not informed by a shitload of other things, I'd agree.

But men have several things women don't by virtue of being men. And I'm no expert on gender despite my blog. But I know that personally, men have never treated me well. I've dated a lot of men but they always leave me feeling like shit after this relationship. Is this an all men issue? No, and I'm not sure that there isnt a man who would treat me right and that I'd love. But this brings me to my next point.

There are a lot of lesbians who just choose not to date men. This could be trauma, politics, to be honest I don't care. Sometimes you just don't want to date someone like a man or a cis person or an aries. That's their business.

Next, worth noting that "lesbian" is not just a sexuality, it is a gender and a sociocultural identity. "Lesbians" as a group have included, at varying times, all gnc women, any trans people who look lesbian enough, any sapphic people, asexual women, and I'm sure more. Calling someone a lesbian meant a lot more that "you fuck women" or "you don't fuck men". Being more informed on your history would help you understand this.

Lastly, can we please decenter men in discussions about lesbianism? I am not saying men, specifically transgender men and transmasculine people, have no place in discussion about lesbians. However this is, fundamentally, not about men. So what if a lesbian just doesn't want to date or fuck men, regardless of how they look? This is SO solidly none of your business.

And as a post script to this whole thing I would recommend developing a less biologically driven definition around sexuality. "inborn" versus "cultural" is irrelevant to this whole conversation when EVERY human sexuality is informed by culture, history, economics, identity politics, ect.

#asks #lesbian history #lesbian discourse #i guess?????? #Like this is such a weird ask #I do not spend a lot of time talking about lesbianism and it's relevant politics #so I am grumpy bc this ask is so explicitly categorizing me based on #popular posts and my icon??? #who tf knows

[charfletchh]

I TELL GOOD LIES WHEN THEY ASK ME/BUT I CRIED ALL NIGHT IN THE BACKSEAT/NO ONE KNOWS WHAT I FEEL INSIDE

{ VALENTINA ZENERE, 22, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER } Is that CHARLOTTE FLETCHER? A SENIOR originally from BOSTON, MASS. they decided to come to Ogden College to study COMPUTER SCIENCE. They’re THE FEMME FATALE on campus, but even they could get blamed for Greer’s disappearance. 

pinterest/spotify

BASICS:

full name: charlotte "charlie" elizabeth fletcher

age: 23

date of birth: oct. 28, 1999

zodiac sign: scorpio

hometown: boston, mass

gender: cis female

sexuality: bisexual

ethnicity: argentine

languages spoken: english, conversational spanish

RELATIONSHIPS:

father: charles fletcher- disconnected, strict, but present. a lawyer of some kind, she doesn't really care what he does. his side of the family is the same, all china cabinets and sofas that aren't meant to sit on. her grandparents are figures of faceless disapproval and foreboding, no more human to her than a gargoyle on a church facade. fc: juan soler

mother: claudia brandt, formerly fletcher, nee morales. she was told once that her grandfather disapproved of the marriage from the start- he thought she was too vivacious, too charming, too in love with their son (charlie thought her grandfather likely thought she was too hispanic- what kind of man changes his surname from fernandez to fletcher anyways?) she walked out when charlie was about four and has reappeared every five to seven years, like a cicada, each time with a new surname and a new hair color. fc: maría botto

siblings: two half-sisters from her mother's most recent marriage. she has never met them and doesn't plan to.

PERSONALITY:

positive qualities: generous, charismatic, supportive, nonjudgemental

negative qualities: apathetic, entitled, condescending

skills: just skating by in school, bringing the party, getting what she wants

character parallels: samantha jones (satc), serena van der woodsen (gossip girl), jackie burkhart (that 70's show), michelle richardson (skins), hailey dunphey (modern family), edie britt (desperate housewives), eleanor shellstrop (the good place)

relationship to greer: many thought that charlie was jealous of greer, and that was probably true in the way all women were jealous of a woman like greer. but that wasn’t it, really- charlie would have never traded her own life for greer’s golden cage. she loved her friend. but something about her dug under charlie’s skin. it could have been the glass-like skin, the goody two-shoes act, the way people looked at charlie’s chest when she talked and greer’s eyes when she did. whatever it was, she often found herself in a bad mood when they were together and would pick apart the smallest things she did. they were famous for their fights, frequently heard screaming at each other through the walls over a boy who had followed them both on instagram or a backhanded comment made two days prior about someone’s shoes. no one incensed her like greer did; the only thing more fun than fighting with her was making up with her.

school activities: volleyball (because her father made her join a sport in high school and she likes the shorts- she plays outside), kappa kappa gamma (for clout and because she looks fantastic in letters), and the robotics society (because she should probably get a job someday and she was told winning a robotics competition looked good to FAANG).

WANTED CONNECTIONS

the rolodex: her reputation is well-earned, and she wouldn't want to fail to live up to it. she's messed around with half of campus. open to any kind of FWB/one night stand/potential relationship connections!!

the chase: i think it would be funny if there was one person she was really into and they wanted nothing to do with her. or maybe the other way around!

the heartbroken: while many of her trysts end with a mutually agreed upon separation (or a separation she makes you think was your idea), inevitably, things get ugly. you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette.

charlie's angels: in greer's absense, charlie sees herself as the obvious answer to replace the power gap. she's hand-selected a few dear friends to join her inner circle.

study buddies: "why doesn't anyone think i'm smart?" she says as she googles "do i need to pay taxes". she is good at what she does though and enjoys programming. would love to have a few other STEM connections so she can elle woods in Intro to Machine Learning.

mom friend: charlie is a wreck herself so when someone's coming to her for advice, shit must be really bad. she's always good for a cigarette and some good, if not always easy to hear, advice.

yuck!: charlie doesn't have a problem catching feelings, she just can't sustain them. so why hasn't she gotten the ick yet from someone she'd thought was just a one night stand?

OTHER HCS:

i think the funniest thing in the world would be someone calling her chuck like i can't get it out of my head. if our muses r close pls call her chuck.

she's a big reader but mainly of books with insane female main characters. huge fan of Boy Parts, A Certain Hunger, My Year of Rest and Relaxation, ect.

she is a cynical optimist. she knows how the world works, knows that everyone (including herself) is only out for themselves, knows that the best way to keep yourself safe is to close yourself off, but that doesn't stop her dreaming of a happy ending.

charlie has her car on campus and is constantly volunteering to chauffeur walmart runs/grocery store trips but you have to listen to her sing along to every song on her driving playlist. for this reason, she's never successfully convinced anyone to go on a road trip with her.

she is not a "clean girl". she is a feral girl. she always has last night's mascara under her eyes and never makes her bed. she pays to have her laundry sent out not really because she's above doing laundry but because she lets it pile up for like 3 weeks at a time and then has no underwear.

really good at Just Dance

she was some kind of senior mentor/orientation leader and she absolutely terrified the freshmen. i think she likes to mentor.

yes, she pulls because she's confident and confidence is sexy, but she also pulls because she's a little goofy.

she does not own a pair of matching pajamas.

her favorite moment in history is stevie nicks making lindsay buckingham sing backup on silver springs. she can only dream to have that much power over a man one day.

she's one of those girls who always thinks she should start a podcast.

big charli xcx girl

#this is not super different but i needed to fix that stupid graphic that said ogden university #it pissed me off so much #♦‘ﾟ‣ {.musings } — ❝ rollercoaster ride in the fast lane ❞

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

hej! I know your blog is practically for young royals but I have a random question that I've been wondering for a long time. (You can ignore the question if you want, don't worry <3)

I am a cis girl and whenever I've liked someone it has been boys, but I've been questioning my sexuality for a long time. Even though I've never really liked a girl irl, I've never totally rejected the idea of dating a girl if I ever liked one (and it was mutual obviously). This is because what matters most to me is personality and I don't care much about people's appearance. I've always heard people say things like, for example: "I only like dark-haired guys with blue eyes", but I've never really understood this, so I've realized that it's because for me the appearance isn't the most important thing. Personally, I never like a person until I meet them and know what their personality is like. Then, when I start to like their personality, they start to seem more attractive to me (I don't mean that I think that everyone is "ugly" except the person I like, but that I can't imagine dating a person just because of how they look like, which I have seen many people say they do).

For this reason, I have been wondering for a long time if this has a name, if there are more people that feel the same way as I do.

I've asked some people and some of them have told me that I might be pansexual, but I've also been told that I may be asexual (or some other term within it).

In short, I wanted to ask someone who doesn't know me to have another, more objective opinion.

Sorry for asking such a long question 😭, feel free to ignore it if you don't feel comfortable answering or whatever.

Hi darling!

Okay so starting off, this sounds like demisexual to me. But I’m not you, so I can’t label you.

What you’re describing could be a number of things. It sounds like pansexual, it also sounds like asexual, it sounds like demisexual, it could also be a bunch of other things. The big difference between pansexual and asexual is if you feel sexual attraction or not. Which I’m not going to get into because I don’t know you lmao. But basically, if you feel sexual attraction, you’re probably not entirely asexual. However you might still be on the asexual spectrum. Demisexual, greysexual, etc.

I encourage you to look that up and/or ask someone on the ace spectrum since I am not. I unfortunately am not the keeper of this information, though I sincerely wish I was.

It’s also perfectly all right and valid to not have a label. If you don’t feel comfortable with any label, then you don’t need to use one. Or you could say you’re queer. Or you could say you’re straight if you find that you really only like men.

Sexuality is fluid. It’s a spectrum. You can change over time, your label can change. That’s all completely fine and normal.

I’m also not an expert on sexuality. At all. I barely know my own 💀

#ask #anon

[sessakag]

Love the sims 4 ot3 pics they're so cute! Does the sims have polyamory in it now or is it a certain mod cause I'd love to play that!

Thank you!! They are adorable together!!

Unfortunately the "inclusive" Sims 4 don't approve of poly (yet), luckily, Sims 4 modders do 🥰

I use these mods to customize relationships and have the game recognize extra marriages. There are all must haves in my book, even if you don't plan on having a poly relationship, these mods add drama, fun, hilarity, realism, depth and LIFE to the game.

-Wicked Whims (in this mod, there is a polyamorous trait you can add to the sims that allows them to be open to that type of relationship without issues but its a bit basic)

-MC Command Center (there is a setting in here to 'allow multiple marriages' that you can turn on. I recommend this mod for more than poly though, it adds so many benefits to the game its an absolute must have)

-Lumpinou's Open Love (this one is LIFE! This is where the magic happens for me. It is specifically designed for a 3-way relationship and it so nuanced and more true to real life than any of other poly mod I've ever used imo. It allows for different types of relationships like 'exclusive multiple relationships' which is what I use, it creates my three-way without jealousy between them however, if they were to flirt outside of the trio, jealousy, hurt feelings, etc all of that occurs just like it would in a 2 person relationship. There's also a 'non-exclusive multiple relationship' or if you don't want your sims all involved with each other, you can 'approve a side lover' for one of your sims but you must get the permission of their partner first and it will exclude jealous for the approved lovers. It also adds preferences! So, if your poly Sim happens to be with a Sim that's not into poly, they will absolutely tell their partner no to a three-way, approved lovers, any of it. There are other preferences to choose from but this explanation is already long, bottom line, this mod is amazing! I adore this mod)

-Lumpinou’s LGBTQIA+ / Gender & Orientation Overhaul Mod (this is fantastic!!! This is the most nuance, inclusive LGBTQIA+ mod I have found to date! There is so much in here it'd take me all day to list i, but just off the top, here's a quick features rundown: bisexual, pansexual, asexual, demisexual, transgender, cis-gender, non-binary, gender fluid, in the closet, openly out, privately out amongst family and friends, gender or sexually questioning, LGBTQIA+ allies and haters. Omg, there is so much to this mod. I adore this one! It finally gave me my Bi-ruto and demisexual Sasuke 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

-Chinghyu faithfulness (this is compatible with Open Love and Wicked Whims which is awesome! It comes with 9 faithfulness traits so you don't have to worry about your poly sims flirting outside their marriage because being with two people does not mean you want to date the whole world. Being polyamorous does not mean free-for-all (contrary to popular belief lol) So this addresses that part quite nicely if you're looking for a closed, faithful polyamorous. Took me a minute to find this but omg it's perfect. My Ot3 never stray)

-Simsmodelsimmer Set Family Relationships (I use this for the kids produced in the trio to give them official familial ties, however the Sims 4 added a 'Care Dependent' option in the toddlers patch that gives non-biological parents the same interactions with a child as they do a parent, but I still use this to label step-siblings or step-child as the Sims 4 doesn't do that. It has a lot of family titles the sims doesn't include like cousins, in-laws, things like that)

So far, this is the best combination of mods I've found that gives you the most freedom to create the polyamorous relationship you want. Hope this helps!

#ask #answer #sims 4 #mods