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mermaidsirennikita · 8 months

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A few people have asked me for the recs that come with my historical romance archetype quiz in full, and since it's been around a week and I've been procrastinating.... Here they are, in order of popularity (check your triggers, as always):

The Good Guy (by far the winning result... which saddens me a little as a reader but I respect your life and your choices):

Unclaimed by Courtney Milan--virgin hero, sex worker heroine, he's a genuinely lovely man

Scandal in Spring by Lisa Kleypas--a lot of people like Matthew Swift, I like Matthew Swift, there's a very good scene where she hides a key in her bodice and is like COME FIND IT

My Fake Rake by Eva Leigh--gender-flipped She's All That retelling with a nerdy hero who fake dates his equally nerdy friend while being super in love with her

Unmasked by the Marquess by Cat Sebastian--this blurs into a rake vibe, but the hero is a disaster bi who falls in love with his new best friend, only to find out that said best friend is not a man but in fact AFAB and NB; there is a delightful scene in which he watches them from across a ballroom while they pull their glove off with their teeth that lives rent-free in my head

Gentleman in the Streets, Freak in the Sheets:

The Duke Gets Even by Joanna Shupe--THEEEEEE PRIME EXAMPLE, "I'm going to cover you in bite marks, darling" Duke of Lockwood I'm your biggest fan

The Duke Who Knew Too Much by Grace Callaway--the one where the duke is like "oh my god girl I didn't murder anyone I'm just into tying people up consensually"

Waking Up with the Duke by Lorraine Heath--the one where the hero's cousin asks the hero to knock up the cousin's wife and the hero is like "I mean because you asked nicely"; SUPREME angst

The Earl I Ruined by Scarlett Peckham--uptight earl is slandered by the heroine who insinuates that he likes submitting in the bedroom; incorrect, he actually wants to tie her tf up

The Truth About Cads and Dukes by Elisa Braden--marriage of convenience with the world's most uptight duke and a heroine who thinks he finds her plain and fat and gross when in fact he mostly just spends his time restraining himself from doing nasty things to her

Villain Recs:

Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas--because you gotta, though St. Vincent is a softer touch villain than some ("he wouldn't have actually... done it... riiiight?")

Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt--a kidnapping loony tunes hero who blackmails everyone, stabs freely, and calls the heroine the wrong name for like 70% of the book; he also stabs someone while completely naked except for his pink robe

The Dragon and the Pearl by Jeannie Lin--Tang Dynasty evil warlord hero kidnaps heroine to use her for information, then realizes he's falling in love

Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale--medieval assassin hero forces the heroine into marriage for his evil plot, makes her his apprentice in evil, then realizes he SUUUUPER likes it when she doms him

The Prince of Broadway by Joanna Shupe--hero owns a casino and becomes the rebellious heroine's mentor, but is secretly plotting to destroy her father

Daring and the Duke by Sarah MacLean--hero was the villain of two previous books and maybe tried to kill the heroine when they were kids, either way she's super mad about it but oops he's OBSESSED with her

Tortured Hero Recs:

My Darling Duke by Stacy Reid--hero has had to use a wheelchair due to mobility issues after an accident, becomes very reclusive and angsty, until he finds out the heroine has been pretending to be engaged to him...

Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas--Derek Craven was born in a drainpipe, named himself, and essentially was a sex worker until he made his way up in the world, now feels completely not good enough for the intrepid novelist who's stolen his heart

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall--hero has survivor's guilt and chronic pain + a laudanum addiction after surviving the Battle of Waterloo when his best friend died... twist is that his best friend faked her death so that she could transition and live as who she really is, and now they met up again for the first time in years without him realizing it's her

Pippa and the Prince of Secrets by Grace Callaway--scarred hero reunites with his childhood sweetheart, who's now widowed and way above him in social station... but she's also tortured, and they come to find solace in each other (also: her old husband told her that pursuing her desires was wicked; hero DISAGREES)

Duke of Midnight by Elizabeth Hoyt--literally Georgian Batman, he is the night, also he has a home gym

The Duke I Tempted by Scarlett Peckham--super tortured duke who hides his masochistic tendencies from the world enters into a marriage of convenience with a woman he believes will reject him if she realizes what he wants

A Rogue by Any Other Name by Sarah MacLean--local man who lost his inheritance and land in a game of dice shows up again after years and forces his childhood friend to marry him so that he can reclaim WHAT IS HIS!!! (both the estate and her)

Rake Recs:

Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake by Sarah MacLean--prototypical rake book, Ralston is all "my God woman, binding your breasts is a crime and I am here to save them"

The Duke and the Lady in Red by Lorraine Heath--this guy's mom literally shows up at his house and is like "please tell me you've cleaned this place since the last orgy"; he then gets taken in by a con woman and learns how to love

The Lady Gets Lucky by Joanna Shupe--hero's not taken seriously by anyone because he's such a playboy; he makes a deal to teach the shy heroine sex stuff in exchange for recipes so he can start a SUPPER CLUB and prove himself as a Srs Person

A Rake's Guide to Seduction by Caroline Linden--hero is a ne'er do well rake who realizes he's fallen for his best friend's little sister right when she's proposed to by another man; years later they meet up when she's a depressed widow, and he brings her to life if you know what I mean

Indigo by Beverly Jenkins--hero is a VERRRRRYYYYY smooth rake who also helps free enslaved people in the Underground Railroad, gets the shit beaten out of of him and ends up being cared for by the quiet and practical heroine; and he's like "HOLY SHIT SHE'S THE ONE"

Scot Recs:

When A Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare--heroine makes a Big Mistake and ends up having to marry the gruff hero, but it's only a handfasting so as long they don't consummate the marriage it won't be legit--SIMPLE ENOUGH

When a Girl Loves an Earl by Elisa Braden--heroine becomes obsessed with local giant man, doesn't even realize he's Scottish until she's trapped him in marriage and he drops the English accent and it is a RIIIIIDE for her from there

The Taming of a Highlander by Elisa Braden--heroine ends up having to marry physically and emotionally scarred hero in order to avoid testifying against him, he's all "YE WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE ME LASS" and she's like "oh bet"

The Highland Guard series by Monica McCarty--medieval Scottish books "what if Robert the Bruce made a Suicide Squad and they were all hot"

The Madness of Lord Ian MacKenzie by Jennifer Ashley--widow heroine ends up in a FWB situation with the hero, who is on the spectrum and considered "mad" by many; then shit gets complicated

When a Girl Loves an Earl by Stacy Reid--heroine gets pregnant by another man and runs to Scotland to marry this guy she's been writing platonic letters to; he agrees to claim her baby; hero is mute and they communicate through written notes at first, but the heroine learns sign language to make it easier for him, super emotional

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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foreficfandom · 3 months

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Why Was Alastor A Serial Killer?

I'm willing to bet that Hazbin Hotel is trying to avoid the true crime route of portraying serial killers with gritty 'realism'. Characters kill for theatrical reasons, not because the creative team is doing a deep dive into criminal minds.

I foresee Alastor's serial killer spree to be plot-spurred. Not because he's gonna be revealed to have antisocial personality disorder, or a psychopath, or something polarizing like that.

Realistically, any of the current Hazbin Hotel cast could have a personality disorder. Real-life serial killers aren't profiled (by USA FBI) to be more likely to have mental illnesses. After all, there are other serial killers than the ones you hear about most often. Serial killers are also the organized criminals, or abusive husbands, or political/religious extremists. They may or may not view their victims as fellow individual humans. They may or may not be influenced by bigotry.

Hazbin Hotel is a musical comedy first and foremost. It follows Loony Toons rules over Hannibal, or The Cell, or Silent Hill. It's possible that Alastor's serial killer past won't ever be a plot point. It's as relevant as any other character's reason for being in hell.

If his serial killer spree is ever addressed, I theorize it might be because:

They were magical sacrifices. Alastor's magical abilities take heavy hits from Hollywood 'voodoo'. One of the smear accusations against New Orleans' budding Vodou culture (especially against Marie Laveau of the Victorian era) were sacrificial rituals performed in areas like on the shores of Lake Pontchartrain. If Alastor was dabbling in magic during his living years, he might have killed and cannibalized solely for sacrificial reasons. Possibly involving his supposed 'deal', as well.

They were 'vigilante' targets. The lyrics in the pilot include the lines And we'll chlorinate this cesspool / With some old redemption flair. He values good manners. He doesn't believe in taking advantage of the weaker. One background concern of the Hazbin Hotel (and Helluva Boss) universe is the sheer number of humans who end up in hell, all equal in their sin. Like the angelic exorcists that descend to cull the herd, it'd be appropriate for a character to have a hand in playing a similar role whilst mortal. Or, at least, that's how he saw himself.

It wasn't spur killing, all the victims were connected. We've never had a full plot centered on why a soul ended up in hell. Canonical reasons have been revealed in side material, such as Angel Dust's organized crime and drug use. As the seasons continue, there may come a day where a character's mortal sins become very relevant. Many a protagonist has found themselves racking up a body count all of a sudden, thanks to his hero's journey. Perhaps that resulted in Alastor's notoriety.

Alastor was a living demon, and he consumed humans. His serial killing is one thing, cannibalizing his victims is another. He's obsessed with consumption and partaking in flesh. The pilot ends with his hunger for his mother's recipe. His side comic has him eating eggs at a cafe, then visiting Cannibal Town, then visiting a butcher to buy more food. He canonically dislikes sweets and is a snobby foodie that dislikes processed food. There's only three proper food scenes in season 1, and he's two of them - the deer, and when he eats other sinners in his monstrous form. If he made some sort of devilish deal while alive, perhaps the cost was the need for flesh. Thus gave rise to a human with inhuman bloodlust.

His reasons won't ever be revealed. Or, they'll be unimportant. We don't particularly care what gang Angel Dust ran with as a mafia grunt, and perhaps we're also meant to take Alastor's serial killing at face value. At of this writing, we poke and prod at the guy 'cause he's this huge mystery, but maybe we'll grow to care solely for his contemporary actions, and not for his backstory.

We may get our answer one day, but for now, he remains an enigma.

#alastor headcanons #alastor the radio demon #alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel headcanon #hazbin alastor

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glassbirdfeather · 9 months

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this can't be an original thought but dos2 is a contender for best game to worst title ratio.

Divinity - sounds like a Christian game

Divinity: Original Sin - reinforces Christian sounding themes, also has a subtitle. A generic name that sounds like it came out of a fantasy name generator

Divinity: Original Sin 2 - if I had to guess from the title I'd tell you that it's the sequel to a shitty, low budget Christian game that takes place in some of their most popular fables like Adam and Eve being cast out of Eden or Cain killing Abel. It's jank and the animations come from a low budget PS2 game, and it gives patronizing moral lessons

It's so bad that every time I recommend it I have to preface it I have to start with, "It has the worst title in existance, but it's good, I swear!"

You can cover the floor in ice and people trip over themselves Loony Toons style trying to run at you! Then when they get to you you can teleport them away to make them do it again! You can romance and fuck a skeleton man! A squirrel recruits you for a war against an Acorn God! Let's call it 'Christianity: The Bible'!

At least now I can start by saying "It was made by the people who made Baldur's Gate 3"...

#dos2 #divinity original sin 2

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beastkeeper91 · 3 months

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Mattholomule

(My Hazbinsona)

[Name]

•Mattholomule

[True Name]

• Matthew

[Nicknames]

• Matt

• The Crimson Ripper (Alias)

• The Fear Demon (Title)

• Maniac Matt (By his bullies)

• Sweetie, My little cupcake (By Charlie)

• Matty, Squirt, Little Nerd (By Cherri)

• Pipsqueak, Twerp, Loony Boy, Sparky, Kid, Dork (By Angel)

• Kid (By Husk)

• Kiddo, Sweetheart, Mijho (By Vaggie)

• Little Rascal, My Dear Boy, Sport (By Alastor)

• Youngman (Sir Pentious)

• Bloodthirsty Brat (By Vox)

• Blazing Inferno, Goat Boy, Homicidal Maniac (By Velvette)

• Psychotic Prick, Troublesome Little Shit (By Valentino)

• Darling (By Rosie)

• Little Fella (By Mimzy)

• Forsaken Child, Filthy Brat (By Lute)

• Fucking Dweeb (By Adam)

[Species]

• Human (Formerly).

• Sinner Demon.

[Age]

• 18.

[Gender]

• Male.

[Sexuality]

• Pansexual.

[Date of Birth]

• September 14th, 2003.

[Date of Death]

• August 5th, 2022.

[Sins]

• Wrath and Gluttony.

[Cause of Death]

•Smoke suffocation.

[Likes]

• Animals, Murder, Torture, Killing those who he deemed "guilty", The Color Red, Fire, His adoptive parents, His Friends, Pain, His stuffed bear "Teddy", Marijuana, Pizza, Sweets, Video Games, Reading, Listening to Music, Drawing, Snuff Films, Vintage Antiques, History, Halloween, Mythology, Sci-Fi, Horror, Cooking, Helping Others, Swimming.

[Dislikes]

• Loud Noises, Crowded Areas, Summer, Hardcore Drugs, Hardcore Parties, Alcohol, Gambling, Someone taking his things without permission, Innocent people getting hurt, His friends & family getting hurt, Bigots, Animal Cruelty, Bullies, Pedos, Rapists, Perverts, Pornography, Needles, Angel Dust's Pranks and Insults, The Vees, Katie Killjoy, The Exorcists, Adam & Lute, Heaven's Hypocrisy.

[Friends]

• Charlie

• Vaggie

• Angel Dust (Sometimes)

• Husk (Sometimes)

• Alastor (Sometimes)

• Sir Pentious

• Egg Bois

• Niffty

• Rosie (acquainted)

• Zestial (acquainted)

• Carmilla Carmine (acquainted)

• Cherri Bomb (Sometimes)

• Emily

• Teddy (His stuffed bear)

• Kodak (OC)

• Giggles (OC)

• Viscera (OC)

[Enemies]

• Adam

• Lute

• Velvette

• Valentino

• Vox

• Mimzy

• Katie Killjoy

• Helsa Von Eldritch

• Seviathan Von Eldritch

[Crush]

• Viscera (OC)

[Family]

• Melanie (Mom)

• Joseph (Grandpa; Deceased)

• Charlie & Vaggie (Adoptive Parents)

[Personality]

•Kind Hearted, Respectful, Polite, Generous, Protective, Sensitive, Enthusiastic, Sympathetic, Friendly, Anxious, Psychotic, Sadistic, Homicidal, Obsessive.

[Physical Description]

• Normal Form: An average and short body with light-grey skin and forty tallymark scars, curly desert sand-colored hair along with two black horns, red eyes with a white sclera, including a third eye, black-hoofed feet, and distinguished fangs that stick out from his lips.

• Full Demon Form: A slender and tall body with red glowing tallymarks all-over,dark flaming hair with black elongated horns, elongated fingers and limbs with the legs being bended back, elongated claws, a long prehensile tail, a red eye located on his chest, black spike protrusions on his body, fully red eyes with a black pupil, and a wide mouth having complete rows of vicous sharp teeth.

[Height]

• 5"11 (Normal Form)

• 10"11 (Full Demon Form)

[Disabilities]

• Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

• Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD)

• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

• Schizophrenia

• Pyromania

[Occupation]

• High School Student (Formerly).

• Serial Killer (Formerly).

• Asylum Patient (Formerly).

• Hazbin Hotel Resident.

[Residence]

• Oakwood, Washington (Birth Home, Formerly)

• Spring Valley, Arkansas (Formerly)

• Pentagram City, 9th Circle, Hell (Currently)

[Abilities]

• Intellect, Hand-to-Hand Combat, Lock Picking, Weapon Proficiency, Murder Intuition, Torture Intuition, Cooking, Singing, Demonic Transformation, Hypnosis Immunity, Weapon Summoning, Typhokinesis, Hallucikinesis, Night Vision, Enhanced Agility, Enhanced Strength, Hypnosis, Pyrokineses, Zoolingualism, Telekinesis, Teleportation, Fire Breath.

[Weaknesses]

• Due to his ADHD, it's hard for him to stay focused when using some of his powers. He would easily get distracted by something he either finds interesting, adorable, or unique.

• When creating illusions, it'll slowly drain him due to the need for concentration in order to create them.

• There were times where he couldn't control his full demonic form due to either panic attacks or uncomfortable rage. To prevent this, however, whenever there were signs of him transforming, he would take cannabinoids to keep him calm.

[Other/ Fun Facts]

• Whenever in a conversation he'll sometimes bring up references and facts.

• He has a lot of favorite animals in hell, though his most favorite are Dragons.

• Despite his murderous intentions and psychotic behavior, he's actually very genuine and kind once you get to know him better.

• His teddy bear acts both as a comfort item and as a memory of his mom back in the living world.

• Has a knack for bringing in animals and collecting antiques.

• Whenever he teleports, creates illusions, and manipulate or generates smoke. The color of the smoke will be Black & Red.

• Most of the overlords, except for the Vees, developed respect for him due to how powerful he is, which they'd never seen before, not since Alastor.

• His stuffed bear is sentient, meaning he can walk, eat, and understand people. Though he can't talk, he does make cute bear cub noises.

[Backstory]

• Matthew was a very good person in his early life. He was considered to be the sweetest, kindest, and most compassionate young man anyone has ever met, but that was before he moved to Spring Valley, Arkansas, which is one of the worst towns in America. There he became a target of bullying and prejudice to the point where he would get badly assaulted, harassed, and abused every day at school or in town for being both autistic and pansexual, but then one day he finally snapped and started killing not only his tormentors, but those he deemed "Guilty". From October 31st, 2021, to May 13th, 2022, he killed, butchered, tortured, and mutilated a total of 200 people and was later arrested and sentenced to "Spring Valley Sanatorium," where he would spend the rest of his life, but that was until a horrific fire happened in August, which killed half of the patients and staff, including Matthew. When he manifested in Hell, he arrived in the "Doomsday District" of Pentagram City where he stayed in for about a year till he saw a news report about a place called "The Happy Hotel" for those seeking redemption, but that wouldn't be the only thing he would find there, as it'll also be where he will start a new life and, possibly, a new family.

(Note: Might Edit once the show progresses.)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel oc #hazbin hotel rp #charlie morningstar #hazbin hotel vaggie #alastor #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin angel dust #hazbin niffty #sir pentious #katie killjoy #hazbin overlords #hazbin exterminators #hazbin adam #the vees #valentino #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel velvette #egg bois

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neuroticboyfriend · 8 months

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TW // a poem on psych wards for the sole crime of being human. i've already been to hell laid in it's suffocating loneliness crying among the screams of the tortured sinless sinners

i've clawed my hands against its gates thinking not of heaven, but praying that i should see the earth once more longing to feel its fresh air fill my lungs and replace the despair that's drowning me

i've felt the iron chains against my wrists the titanium shackles around my legs the hot metal searing itself into me relentlessly squeezing me to death just so i can die a second time

this hell is a place on earth and i know you've seen it before in your movies and your tv shows in the safety of your home in the simple joy of the theatre oh, you've seen it but you still don't know what it is

you call it a hospital, a psych ward an asylum, a loony bin a prison where undesirables like me go to commit more sins lost and alone, begging to be free leaving hollow ghosts in our wake as we leave your memory

and you laugh as you speak of us but no one ever speaks for us you scream at the tv screen but no one ever screams for us you stand there as you watch us bleed but no one ever watches over us you leave us lonely, isolated forgotten and abused

for the sole crime of being human we were sent to hell while still alive and nobody prayed us

we are not the monsters.

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the-warmesthello · 1 year

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barb

putting a tw at the beginning of this because i probably should. tw for religious trauma (including some mormon terminology), mention of fungi, homophobia (including derogatory use of the word queer), dysfunctional parenting, grief/mourning, alcoholism, bad mental health times all round, some tough parts of the therapeutic process

really i didn't expect this to get heavy part way through so if you want to skip the worst bit (aftermath of the banana incident), it's most of the next rb. :)

(btw i am nevermo, correct me if i got something wrong)

born on the 21st of december, 1934 in provo, utah

was raised in the latter day saints

had a keen interest in chemistry from the time she could express it, but because sciences were discouraged for the girls in her family, learned mostly about the science in domestic work

amazing baker, had the exact ratios for each ingredient memorised by the time she started school

became fascinated by fermentation and saw the scoby and starters as her pets, watching them make bubbles for hours on end

learned the old burning-things-with-a-magnifying-glass trick, but only used it for leaves because the ants didn't deserve that

one time when she was 6, she made chloroform out of cleaning chemicals, put it in a glass bottle, and smashed it in front of her bullies to see what would happen

(she got in trouble for that)

(worth it)

just before school started, her parents noticed that she would always hold books very close to her face, amongst other things, and when they took her to the doctor she became the proud owner of some incredibly nifty glasses, if she did say so herself

only had one friend in school, alma merrill, who she thought was kind and funny and beautiful and...

just the greatest

even though she didn't understand what barb meant when she talked about exothermic reactions, she'd still sit there and nod along, and she had so many exciting things to say in return even though it wasn't what barb usually liked

when she grew up, she wanted her husband to be just like alma

when they were 13, alma was told to stay away from her because she was 'queer, and not only in the loony way' (neither barb nor alma could figure out what that meant)

after that, she focused most of her time on her studies, which her parents were now suddenly encouraging of

("at least it'll keep her away from sin," she heard her parents whisper when they thought she wasn't there)

graduated high school at 15, youngest ever at her school

brigham young university wouldn't let her in until she was 16, so she took a gap year

she was told to stay on the property except for church, but as long as she did her chores and continued to learn household management, she was allowed to do whatever she wanted

she took this opportunity to study mechanical engineering, watching her father teach her brothers how to fix the mower then reading about engine torque

she knew that her ideas on how to make it go faster wouldn't be listened to, so she told her younger brother, isaiah, what to say and let him take the credit

he needed the praise, but it still hurt

but it was overshadowed by how good it felt to be right when her idea worked

at university, she was a bit too young to participate in the whole courtship thing that made up the backbone of social life there

she couldn't understand why her peers would choose to do all that for just some guy, but maybe she just wasn't old enough yet

graduated an accelerated course, a bs in applied physics with a minor in biochemistry, in 1954 at 19 years old

immediately applied for work in the military for the travel benefits

worked her way up very quickly since the need for chemical and nuclear weapons was increasing and they needed an innovative mind

at first it was weird, the way things were so different outside the church, but eventually she came around to the office culture of relaxed chatting over coffee while on break

and huh, come to think of it, the people she met were all different, and most of them seemed like pretty decent people to her

there wasn't an exact moment that cracked her belief, more just an increasing awareness of her own cognitive dissonance

and when she was invited to come back to provo for her endowment, she didn't respond

in late 1955, she got an offer from the a.s.s. to join their equipment development program for field agents where she would get full reign over what she did, and how could she say no to that?

and, ok, so there's this one guy, right? he's a field agent, his name is curt, and he's infuriating, but very conventionally attractive, and you know, theoretically, it wouldn't be awful to date him

is this what a crush is?

she thinks this is probably what a crush is

it takes a lot of work to feel this way, but she's pretty sure that she could be, no, is attracted to him

and she gets to be the one to supervise him on missions!!

but the issue is that curt has this friend and they're always together

if she wants to date this guy, she has to find some alone time, so she has to get rid of the friend

however... this guy, curt's friend, he's shockingly competent at his job, and he stops curt from dying constantly

plus, he's nice to barb, even if it's in that weird stiff british way all the mi6 guys seem to be

and one day, when she's briefing them on a tool neither of them have ever used before (of course they haven't, barb invented it herself), this friend, who's been staring behind her the entire time, says 'why don't you make the handle smaller? that way it's not as bulky and makes it easier to press the buttons on the right in a combat situation'

and oh.

the answer was that simple.

from then on, he stops being known as 'curt's friend (british)' and starts being 'owen (my best friend)'

they become each others' sounding boards, each of them dumping all their ideas out and talking through it with each other

barb knows how all the technical stuff for how her inventions work, but owen is detached enough to not overthink it and just state the obvious that she forgot

owen is continually formulating arguments and debates; why he should get a raise, why his partner (who barb still hasn't met yet, she hopes she'll get to meet her some day) should consider his point of view in conversation before going off on a tangent about something that wasn't even what he suggested, why whatever politics going on in england actually does affect his siblings, etc.

picking apart his arguments and playing the devil's advocate is one of barb's favourite things

curt is an unwilling participant in this little club of theirs, and often provides what she assumes he thinks is comedic relief

and for the first time, barb is content with how things are going for her

#yeah i did switch the tenses around to show how connected to that part of her life she was #thank u for not noticing like i did until after when i realised that's what i did #sorry about heavenly father-dropping i usually censor g.d but i know barb wouldnt so #also lmaoooo i wrote enough that the typing started lagging #update on the lag: tumblr forced me to make this in multiple sections so the rest of this will be ready when its ready #oof this took almost 6 months and im finally done now #barb #headcanons #im right #spies are forever #tin can bros #barb larvernor

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selfproclaimedunicorn · 24 days

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2 and 7!

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

2: talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

I mean, most of my conceptualization of Aldreda was this, lmao 😂. She said "let me kiss the MILF instead of her twink son & then you will know me"

In terms of actually writing, I'd say probably the entire post-funeral sequence from chapter 9 of Sins Of The Father. Ella wasn't supposed to get her first period that chapter, like, it just wasn't going to be addressed & then the spirit of the narrative grabbed me by the throat & said "put her through puberty right now" & then it wound up being a bit of Ella/Rhea bonding that I really, really liked & I think serves the overall character journey

7: tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

That I ever wrote? Oh man, okay let's see. It was probably the singular chapter of a mostly-orignal "anime" I co-wrote with my best friend in middle school. The story itself was about hopping through different realms to gather...crystals? to save the world/multiverse, but then we just paused the whole narrative so we could write a chapter that took place in Naruto. It was totally unserious & was mostly an excuse for me to subject Sauske to my wrath & continuously have my fairy OC push him from high spaces that saw him experiencing loony toons level comedic but non-serious injury.

Can't tell you what else happened other than mine & my friend's OCs did save the world & that the narrative was incredibly disjointed after the Naruto break.

#asks

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romulussy · 1 year

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i blocked everything except what i need for uni on my laptop for the next six hours so i can’t make the web weaving post i want to BUT thinking about connor’s “loony” cake thinking about gerri 1x4 sin cake eater speech thinking about logan’s upcoming funeral….

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imsparky2002 · 1 year

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Class of Villainy - Worst Fears

What could possibly send chills down the spines of these dastardly students? Well it’s time to find out.

Marinette: The fashionista is terrified of losing her fortune and the possibility of being killed by an animal. She always gets a little paranoid whenever she sees something reminding her of a dalmatian.

Adrien: Adrien is afraid of not being in control of a situation. To him, not knowing how to influence someone is the scariest thing of all. His biggest fear is losing his charm and being unable to manipulate others.

Alya: Not much scares this sorceress. Well... except the possibility of being turned into a creature or object with no ability to change back.

Nino: As a conman, Nino’s afraid of the law. He’s also scared of being mistaken for an actual fox, and being hunt down.

Nathaniel: The psychotic King of Wonderland is hard to scare. The only things that can spook him is stuff that is extremely mundane. Khakis or jazzercise videos, things like that.

Marc: The Poison King is deathly afraid of becoming “ugly”, or not being seen as the “fairest of them all”. He is also afraid of getting struck by lightning or being crushed by a boulder. The other thing that scares him is his little brother, Kiran, getting into danger. That’s why he rarely lets him out of his brooch.

Max: He dreads the chance that his machines and inventions will turn against him, even though he treats them with respect and kindness.

Kim: The hunter is terrified of heights, or falling from heights. He also works out everyday in the offchance that he somehow loses his strength. Being weak is a sin in his eyes. The last thing that scares him is somehow being killed by a beast.

Alix: The worst thing to her is fire. She’s had bad experiences with it in the past, just like her mother. Some of her villainous friends prank her by putting a lighter under her tail.

Juleka: The Mistress of Evil recoils at things that are light and happy (well... except for her darling Queen Rose). The only things that truly scare her are Rose being in danger, her mom or brother getting hurt, and being impaled. She may be evil, but she cherishes her loved ones.

Rose: As a murderous video game fugitive, Rose fears being deleted from the game, or losing her status as royalty. She also fears Juleka being hurt.

Ivan: Unlike the other villains, Ivan loves to be scared. That’s why he’s the Boogie Man, to taste the fear of his friends and victims. One of his favorite things is to be frightened by his girlfriend, Mylene, or his roommate, Denise. The one thing that always terrifies him is bunnies. So naturally, he loves to be near them whenever he gets the chance.

Mylene: Despite stealing voices on a daily basis, this sea witch is terrified of losing her own. Mylene has a highly inflated ego about it, thinking it is the greatest voice of all time. She also has a fear of harpoons.

Sabrina: Like Marinette, she fears becoming a lowly commoner. She also is afraid of her crocodiles somehow turning against her.

Chloe: As an aristocrat, the last thing Chloe wants is to lose her status. She becomes scared if she is not the boss of the situation, alot like Adrien.

Kagami: Kagami had a bad experience with fireworks in a past battle. Now she avoids them at all costs. Otherwise, she is fearless, which fits a terrifying warrior such as herself.

Aurore: The only kid in school without fear. Nothing can unnerve this loony weathergirl. Ivan has tried so many times to scare her in the past, only to get a psychotic giggle fit as a response.

Mireille: You’d think that as a young goddess of death, nothing would frighten Mireille. Well there are two things that scare them. The possibility of becoming mortal, and large bodies of water.

Zoe: Due to neglect from her siblings and parents, Zoe needs to have complete control and attention in a situation. If she doesn’t, it scares her.

Jean: The crab-human hybrid is afraid of being seen as boring. But that fear is small potatoes to the chance he is turned into crab cakes!

Cosette: The assistant is scared of falling into obscurity, or being attacked by predator hybrids. You can tell when it’s scared due to their bleats of panic.

Denise: As a gambling witch doctor, the teen is scared of somehow being unable to pay their debts to their friends on the other sides. They take solace in the fact that they know their villainous friends will find a way to bail them out.

Simon: He’s obviously scared of “sinning” in the eyes of God, even though he willingly commits evil acts all the time. They still fear the Lord’s wrath, and the chance they are sent to Hell for his relationship with Denise. He also fears fire, burning from the stake, or falling from high places.

Ismael: The King of the Savannah fears his subjects turning against him, or becoming hunted by those who mistake him for an actual lion.

Reshma: The first mate has had horrible memories of being chased by crocodiles. She fears the creatures and hates the sound of ticking clocks, because they remind her of Tick-Tock the Crocodile.

Lacey: Even though she is fourteen like everyone else, Lacey fears becoming old, which is why she seeks the magical Sundrop Flower.

And that’s everyone! Thank you to @msweebyness for coming up with the fears with me. Also thank you to @artzychic27 in general. As always, please reblog, reply, and ask about the Mirrorverse and the Class of Heroes/Class of Villainy AU. Production on the Marc crossover short is starting soon, so keep on the lookout for that.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #class of villainy #disney #disneyau

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year

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So You'd Like to Fuck a Villain: Romance Novel Recommendations

Have you gotten caught up in a villain ship? Are you, perhaps, what might be called a villainfucker?

The issue with stanning for villains and wanting them to have romantic love and happiness and possibly group sex, is that they often don't. At least, not onscreen. Some of the most popular romantic ships, obviously, have been villain ships--Reylo spawned a wave of romance novelists (though, I might add, many do not actually write villain-centric romance novels, which is fine), Darklina powered no small part of Shadow and Bone's publishing success... and let's be real, the success of the soon-to-be-ill-fated-from-what-I'm-hearing TV show. On a darker level, Interview with the Vampire took off in no small part because people love the tainted love that is Louis and Lestat, where maybe? They're both villains? (Definitely more Lestat, but you know.)

You know what the great thing about a romance novel is? The villain has to get a happy ending. They just must. It's a rule. If a villain is a lead, the HEA is guaranteed (rhymes), or it's not a romance novel.

So, for Cupid's birthday, I'm recommending some of my favorite villainfucking romance novels. I just think that we deserve it.

CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE

Wicked Villains by Katee Robert.

As you might guess, this series is in fact about villains getting their happy ending, full stop. And it does so by adapting Disney villain ships and placing them in a contemporary setting full of organized crime, sex clubs, and deals gone wrong. It is fun, it is campy, and it is very, very sexy. Check the trigger warnings (which Robert typically lists for each book on her website)--some of these do feature heavy BDSM and CNC.

The diversity of the pairings is so appreciated--while my favorite thus far is the first, Desperate Measures (Jafar/Jasmine with a mob wife "you killed my father" spin, for those curious) you get several triads (Hades/Hercules/Meg, Beast/Gaston/Belle, Ursula/Ariel/Eric, to name a few) and the ever-coveted sapphic Maleficent/Aurora moment. I don't think there's a straight person in this collection of characters. Contemporary romance can be a hard sell for me, especially in terms of villainy... But these are just a ride.

HISTORICAL ROMANCE

Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas.

Obviously, if you haven't read Devil in Winter yet, you need to read Devil in Winter. It's a classic--not just of historical romance, but romance in general. Though, pro-tip: I would recommend reading the preceding It Happened One Autumn first, as that's where the villainy takes place. Devil in Winter is about a recovering villain--a rake who did a very, very bad thing (kidnapping his best friend's lady love) simply because he did not want to get a job. I mean.....

Sebastian St. Vincent is a soft touch villain, and not just because he's super good at touching. You know he's going to roll over and beg for it with his seemingly-gentle, secretly-iron-willed heroine; but it's watching him get there that's so fun. His bark is worse than his bite, but he does deliver quite a bark (and quite a bite). If you like 'em snarky and slutty, read this book.

Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt.

If you like a blond villain who seems better at lounging about than doing manual labor, Valentine Napier takes what St. Vincent was doing to another level of insanity. St. Vincent is sane; Valentine is not, and he's a lot less fun about his kidnappings. Fortunately, his heroine (dispatched to spy on and steal from him) does not take any shit.

This is a book for those who like them loony, because I really don't think Valentine reforms in the least. He just falls in love, all while running around naked in bedazzled, open robes and brandishing a knife. At least he's good in bed and keeps giant, nude portraits of himself in his own house. Keep in mind that this book does delve into some pretty massive childhood trauma, including all kinds of abuse.

Villain I'd Like to F...

This anthology of novellas delves into five stories of historical romance villainy, by five great authors. I'm going to list each novella and its author, as these collections typically disband after a period of time, allowing the authors to sell the novellas individually (though you often can find the collections in online libraries like Libby). In the brackets!

[ Lady Viper and the Bastard by Eva Leigh.

Do you enjoy Dangerous Liaisons? Try this delightfully sexy Georgian-era novella about a widowed vamp and an illegitimate libertine, teaming up to break apart two young lovers (for a price). Except what happens when these two assholes start to catch feelings? Notable in that these characters are in their forties, know themselves, and do engage in some fun role-playing.

Seven Sinful Nights by Nicola Davidson.

Our young-but-ready widowed heroine is toiling in the service of her dickish in-laws... Until the owner of the local gambling hell (who isn't above murder and torture, and does enjoy dominating a bit) shows up demanding payment for her brother-in-law's debts. Those who love an innocent heroine lured by the darkness will love this one, a she very much goes willingly to her "doom" of being his mistress for a week, and loves every minute of it. It's sexy, it's sweet, she also loves a torture moment, there's some exhibitionism.

The Gangster's Prize by Joanna Shupe.

A Gilded Age gangster is thrown off balance by the young woman who comes to him demanding help in finding her missing father. But wait... who's in his dungeon as we speak? Could it be? Her dad? Joanna doesn't pull her punches here, and it's delightfully wacky. Watching our hapless villain hero be like "uhh, what screams from the dungeon" while our heroine looks for her father... who he has captive.. is hilarious.

The Bootlegger's Bounty by Adriana Herrera.

Did someone say sort-of pirates? Our heroine is a nightclub singer, and she books passage to New York with a dangerous rum runner. There's a lot of sex in this one, and--delightfully--a triad, as there happens to be a young gentleman who catches the eye of both our singer and our rum runner...

The Conquering of Tate the Pious by Sierra Simone.

Hedonistic nuns? A Norman invader (in more ways than one) who turns out to be a lady conqueror? As in, a conqueror who is a lady and conquers ladies? I think yes. Our proud abbess Tate is ready to stand up to the Wolf, but what happens when the Wolf is very sexy and cruel in the best possible way? ]

The Prince of Broadway by Joanna Shupe.

If there's one thing Joanna Shupe loves, it's a hero (or a villain turned hero) who hates your dad. This book opens with our casino-owning hero beating the shit out of someone, and when he meets the headstrong spoiled rich girl who wants to open a casino for ladies and needs mentorship... He takes her up on it. All while planning to take down her father (as revenge!!!).

While Clay isn't a super hardcore bad guy, he is pretty violent and pretty diabolical. What makes this book is, of course, his dynamic with Florence, and her defiance of norms that quickly has him completely besotted. This book has a very good grovel, and it should. Does anyone deserve Florence?

... and after reading this one, you can mosey over to Shupe's next book, The Devil of Downtown, in which a bad, bad gangster gets his ass emotionally kicked by Florence's goody goody angelic sister.

The Dragon and The Pearl by Jeannie Lin.

This is another one that benefits from reading its previous book, Butterfly Swords, first. In that novel we're introduced to the treacherous warlord our heroine is fleeing--Li Tao. Lin doesn't shy away from his intimidation factor: he even gets into a sword fight (that turns into an outright brawl, lmao) with the hero. In this novel, Li Tao gets full focus, kidnapping a former emperor's concubine to get information out of her.

What follows is a match of wits that gradually gives way to two manipulative, emotionally closed off people falling madly in love with each other while being unable to say it. Li Tao is a cold, seemingly-unfeeling villain-as-hero, and he really pushes how far he's willing to go to reach his end goals in this book. Also, there's a sex deal. If that matters to you.

Daring and The Duke by Sarah MacLean.

Again, one that does in fact benefit from reading the two preceding books, Wicked and The Wallflower and Brazen and The Beast (fortunately, they're both good!). Ewan, our titular duke, is the villain of both--and he is completely batshit insane in his pursuit of his childhood sweetheart, Grace. Who, for reasons relating to villainy, wants absolutely nothing to do with him.

This is a book-long grovel the way Sarah MacLean does it best--with abject shame and humiliation. Ewan is put through the ringer: and he should be, because he did a really bad thing! And was legitimately a nutjob of a villain! But that's what makes it so, so good.

PARANORMAL/FANTASY ROMANCE

The Four Horsemen by Laura Thalassa.

This series has the rather bold take of "what if the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Fucked". Starting with Pestilence, bleeding into War and Famine, and ending with Death, this series is a bit bonkers. But it doesn't let up on the extent of the villainous heroes' determination to lay waste to the world. There is a lot of gore. There is a lot of moral ambiguity.

But it's also legitimately funny. Pestilence discovers the joys of a bathtub. Death receives his first blowjob and is like "I don't know, maybe the apocalypse is bad". It's campy, and it's fun, and it leans the fuck in to the concept. I would recommend reading these in order, as the love stories stand alone but the overall arc leads to a big finish (and there are lots of finishes in between, if you know what I'm say--)

The Tenebris Trilogy by Kathryn Ann Kingsley.

If you're interested in the occult and some Lovecraftian vibes set in a pseudo-1920s world, this is it. Our heroine is on the search for her brother, and who is to assist but his stuffy-hot professor who happens to be a cult leader and has perhaps merged his body with that of a Cthulu monster?

What's interesting about this series (which cannot be read as standalones, and must be read in order) is that our hero is legitimately loony tunes, and our heroine is into it. She falls in love with him and his monsters, and that does... extend to the physical. (Tentacles, everyone! Shadow tentacles! Think Venom.) I will add that there's a lovely secondary romance with a trans heroine (with a hero that's not a villain) and it is excellent, but at one point an antagonist is transphobic towards her. An attempted off-page forced detransition occurs. The main heroine is totally supportive of the secondary heroine and stops it, but read with caution.

Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole.

This rare villainess/hero romance sees a sorceress heroine take a deposed demon king captive to coerce him into impregnating her so that she can bear his heir (all for villainous purposes, of course). Yes. So this book is heavy on the dubcon--lots of edging, lots of people chained to beds--but to be frank? He is into it. We have a stern, morally upright hero being driven to the brink by the baddest of bad girls, and it's great.

This book is a bit controversial because of the content, and I do recommend checking out my IAD Cheat Sheet before reading for a full list of triggers/details about the world of Immortals After Dark. But it reads fairly well on its own, and I personally adore it. The sex is hot, the romance is angsty, he gets back at her in every possible way, and it's so fun to see a villainess take center stage and bring out the dark side of such a noble hero.

Dreams of a Dark Warrior by Kresley Cole.

Here, we focus on an immortal valkyrie heroine who's had centuries of near-misses with her would-be Berserker love--every time she kisses him, he remembers his past lives with her and promptly dies in increasingly gruesome ways. He's always be good and loving to her... which is why she's so shocked when he returns to her, this time in the form of an immortal-hating torturer who's taken her captive.

This one is dark--yes, he does torture her (not that badly, but there are other scenes of torture at the hands of different villains which are... bad). But if you can hang in there, I think you'll find a very compelling romance with a legitimately troubled, intense hero and a woman he can't get out of his head. There's also a very, very good bathtub scene that turns into "let me blindfold you so you can't see my hideous scars".

Lothaire by Kresley Cole.

The villain romance to end all villain romances (best read after Dreams, so you get the one-two punch of a pair of very different villainous heroes). What happens when you mix a 3,000-year-old megalomaniacal vampire with a 24-year-old whip-smart human woman he believes houses the soul of the goddess he's supposed to wed? A fucking ride, and possibly my favorite romance ever, that's what.

Lothaire goes HARD. It goes hard on the villainy (this is a story of a villain falling in love, not a villain finding redemption), it goes hard on the sex (with possibly one of the most infamous sex scenes in romance, and I love every word of it), and it goes hard on the angst. As much as Lothaire fucks with Ellie's head and is determined to deny his love for her, she's determined to one-up on him and will never, ever break. I think this book is always best summed up in a scene early on where he kisses her, bites her lip, and draws back, smugly expecting horror--only to find her grinning through the blood and pulling him in for another kiss. Tell me that isn't villain romance perfection.

Sworn to the Shadow God by Ruby Dixon.

Not so much a super hard villain romance as it is a "falling in love with Death himself" book, this wacky romance finds our gamer girl heroine falling through a portal to another land and... yes, sworn as the mortal companion of the God of Death as he attempts to complete a trial set before him by the father god. It is funny, it is sexy, it's adventurous, and it is for the Reylos.

You think I'm joking. No. He is very clearly modeled after Kylo Ren, and he sweeps around in dark cloaks and emo smashes about being the God of the Death, and it is glorious. He's less bad than he is detached and uncaring, but, you know... Death. By the end of the book, though? He cares very much about one particular person.

Look, man. Check your triggers always, especially with romance novels about villains. These won't work for everyone. But I imagine... if you like a villain... some of these are for you.

#romance novel blogging #book recs #books #anyway happy fuckin v day

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