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#lots of death mention
lizkreates · 8 months
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Reflection ~A Trigun fan comic~ (Comic Script in the Keep Reading)
Context note: This takes place just after the events of TriMax Vol 10 on Brad’s ship going to December. I’m giving them more time on the trip because Livio grew a full-ass beard between pickup and drop-off (prob because of his healing factor, who knows.) Enjoy!
Vash's coffee is a reference to my first comic Black Coffee & Donuts!
Comic Script for Reflection: A Trigun Fan Comic
PAGE 1
Panel 1: Vash, with his hair down and dressed in his black undersuit, wakes up startled in a cold sweat. He clearly slept poorly bags under his eyes. It’s only been a day or two since he laid Wolfwood to rest.
Panel 2: A full body shot of him stepping out of the bed, his Colt weight down his hip, face obscured.
Panel 3: He leans over the counter in front of a mirror, shoulders hunched, head hanging.
Panel 4: He looks up, hand covering the remaining blonde of his hair so it appears full black. Large pale portraits of Rem and Wolfwood flank Vash on each side in the background.
Vash: Rem, Wolfwood, you both sacrificed everything. Funny isn’t it that I’m beginning to look more like you?
PAGE 2
Panel 1: Vash flashes back to a moment when he and Wolfwood walked side by side in the arid desert of No Man’s Land.
Vash: Wolfwood, you were there every day by my side, now I'm alone again. 
Panel 2: Another flashback to a moment Vash and Wolfwood sat on the edge of a rooftop and looked out over the cityscape to the stars pricking the sky.
Vash: There was so much unsaid between us.
Panel 3: A fresh flashback to the couch, where Vash held Wolfwood's hand in his final moments.
Vash: I wish I had known how to tell you that I loved you before it was too late.
Panel 4: A dramatic crop of half of Vash’s lower face, tears streaming down his cheeks as he cries out.
PAGE 3
Panel 1: Livio, a tall, tan, broad-shoulder, white-haired man with a tribal tattoo over his left eye, dressed in a white shirt and black pants, bursts through the bedroom door concerned.
Livio: Mr. Vash, I heard crying, are you okay?!
Panel 2: Vash looks over, a little comically rattled and surprised
Vash: Livio?
Panel 3: Close-up of Vash’s lower face smiling, a tear rolling down his face.
Vash: I’m alright.
Panel 4: A blank Panel, filled with still air
Vash: Actually.
Panel 5: Big Panel, Vash crying into the crook of his arm.
Vash: I'm not... I miss him. I can’t stop missing him.
PAGE 4
Panel 1: Vash rubs the tears from his eyes, Livio grabs his arm shamefully, his body language clearly showing regret and discomfort.
Livio: I’ll uh, leave you to it, and see myself out.
Vash: It’s okay, I just didn’t want anyone to see me like this.
Panel 2: Close-up of Livio looking down.
Livio: It’s better to let yer feelin’s out than to hide ‘em and let ‘em fester, I should know.
Panel 3: Livio turns to the side and a sad snot stream runs down his nose he was trying to keep in. Livio is very much struggling allowing himself to miss Wolfwood. He doesn’t feel like, he should even though he desperately does.
Sounds effects: sniff
Vash: Now who’s keeping in their feelings? Let it out! He was your friend too, wasn’t he? You deserve to cry too.
Panel 4: Livio smiles sheepishly. He wants to make Wolfwood proud of him first.
Livio: Yeah, I suppose he was, all this time. But I don’t think I’ve earned that right yet.
Panel 5: Livio’s stomach growls LOUDLY. Draw in a chibi style, breaking the tension.
Sound effects: grumble
Panel 6: Drawn in chibi style, Vash waves around his noddle arms and Livio’s mood brightens, grinning with excitement.
Vash: Oh, are you hungry?
Livio: Hell yeah, I am!
Vash: What would you like?
Livio: Uh, pancakes!
Vash: Alright, pancakes it is!
PAGE 5
Panel 1: They sit down and eat at a retro 50s-style diner booth in a small nook of the ship. Livio swirls the last of his pancake in syrup on the plate. Vash cradles a black coffee with both hands looking at Livio.
Vash: Hey, Livio, what do you want to do when this is all over?
Livio: Dunno, maybe wander around for a while or return to the orphanage to help make up for what I and the other guy did.
Panel 2: Livio hangs his head, eyebrows worried.
Livio: If I can be honest with ya, I'm scared to face them.
Panel 3: Zoomed out drawn in chibi style to break the tension. Livio shivers.
Vash: Is that scarier than Elendira?
Sound effects: shivers
Panel 4: They laugh.
Livio: Well, when ya put it like, hell no!
Vash: Haha!
Panel 5: Extreme close-up of Livio’s eyes softening as he remembers back to his time at the orphanage.
Livio: I think he’d like that. They were my first real family.
Panel 6: Vash is hit with a sudden realization, Livio has no one right now. In a misty background, he remembers when Razlo cried out after Wolfwood did in Master Chapel.
Vash (internal): Wolfwood, you left Livio in my care... so we wouldn’t be alone.
Razlo (background): ...I’m all alone again!
PAGE 6
Panel 1: Close-up of Vash with the sincerest smile.
Vash: I hope you know you’re not alone. You have me now.
Panel 2: Livio’s face contorts sorrowfully.
Livio/Razlo (internal): I don’t deserve this.
Livio: Mr. Vash I --
Vash: Wait, before you say anything...
Panel 3: Zoom out so we can see both of them and the table. Vash extends his leg as he digs deep into his pants pocket. Livio leans on the table watching him.
Vash: I know that we don’t know each other well yet, but he trusted you with me and I trusted him, wholly and completely, so…
Panel 4: Extreme close-up, Vash pulls out 2 black leather wristbands with silver latches.
PAGE 7
Panel 1: Vash offers Livio a wristband while holding one for himself in the same hand.
Vash: Here. One for you, one for me. I used a strap from his cross to make it, so part of him will always be with us.
Panel 2: Livio puts the wristband on his left hand.
Livio: Thank you.
Panel 3: Extreme close-up of Livio’s non-tattooed eye, tears pricking his lashes.
Livio: I hope one day I can repay yer kindness.
Panel 4: They fist bump wristbands in view.
Vash: Welcome to the family, Livio.
PAGE 8
Panel 1: A large portrait of Wolfwood with his sunglasses and back turned, fills the background, smiling as he holds his cigarette in his hand.
Livio: Hey, Mr. Vash?
Vash: Mm?
Livio: Would you mind tellin’ me a lil more about him… Wolfwood? Ya see, we were close at the orphanage as kids, but I don’t know who he became. I’ll understand if you don’t want to, you owe me absolutely nothin’.
Panel 2: A close-up of Vash’s coffee, Wolfwood’s staple morning drink, Vash’s reflection smiles back, tears in his eyes.
Vash: I’d love to.
PAGE 9
Panel 1: Bonus! Sometime later.  Drawn in chibi style.
Livio: Can I hug ya?
Vash: Sure, buddy!
Panel 2: They hug, Vash smiles, and Livio whimpers as he lets out the waterworks. He’s thankful for Vash’s kindness.
Panel 3: This sets Vash off, who also sobs. They cry in each other’s arms.
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i may have forgotten some because they were too traumatic, but here is my definitive list as i could think of it this morning. oh, how i've suffered! 😢
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the-meme-monarch · 6 days
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hey. what if i got really normal about (my designs for) the fallen kids. i promise.
my prev drawings of them here :]
also scrapped doodles involving flowey bc I forgot flowey probably didn’t exist for a while until at least most of them were dead, what with alphys’ dt experiments. i just wanted kris and flowey to meet :( they grew up together in another universe
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ruporas · 1 year
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i’ll find you again in every universe. let us be a little more honest, let us have a little more time.
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#despite it all though badlands rumble is like. the only universe where we get wolfwood thinking vash died first... and i think that means a#lot to their relationship and how it may bloom if there was more to badlands rumble considering vash literally saw wolfwood carrying a piece#of vash after his supposed death. u know! despite the short time they were together vash still meant so much to wolfwood that he couldn't#just move on or forget him in anyway. needed to keep a piece of him for himself and the rest of his days. but ofc vash lives and wolfwood#was like ill beat ur fucking ass into tomorrow. there's just so much honesty in vash being able to see that gesture bc he wouldnt know#otherwise just how much he might mean to him. ANYWAY. trimax with with the eternal pining featuring the two chapters where imo#where the both of them really fell for each other... i wrote my thoughts about this on another comic i did before#but vash solidifying his feelings during the hospital arc -- ww solidifies his when he realizes his allegiances are permanently with vash#98 my lovelies but also to me they are so one-sided bc ww pined like no tomorrow and vash only realizes after ep 23?24? his heart did tickle#whenever ww complimented his smile though#and tristamp vw my beloveds. it really just feels like they get the  chance to be closer and closer and more honest with each other#with every version that comes about. in trimax they knew how little time they had but struggled so desperately to get closer. in 98 ww felt#more willing to forsake for vash. in badlands rumble theyre Angry but as mentioned earlier ^ more blatant truth... due to circumstances#mainly but has the chance to lead to discussions and tristamp literally. first day of knowing each other ww saves vash - 2 days later vash#saves ww like. Man. AND NOW THEY MAY POTENTIALLY GET EVEN CLOSER!!!! with s2....#ruporas art
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meaningless-mayhem · 5 months
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If there's anything that this session has taught us, it's that the life series has the amazing and completely unintentional power of foreshadowing, poetic cinema, and the butterfly effect. There's:
The wither painting in the roommates' home.
Mumbo: "...pressing shift economically would be a skill [that I wish I had]..." -> running off the edge of a platform into lava
Joel recruiting Lizzie to hurt/kill Scott leading her to go to the End to try and kill him, which led to her death.
The two wooden fence posts that Mumbo placed as a joke to stop Martyn being the thing to ultimately seal Mumbo's fate.
Grian failing last week's task without realizing it, making him roll for a hard task this week, thus making him have to get the Wither and Warden with Etho that killed Jimmy and Mumbo.
Edit: Lizzie's poem to Joel from Session 1: "You won me a bone, I'll never leave you alone. / I hope you stay alive and also thrive. / Don't forget to shift, when you're near a rift."
There's probably more I've forgotten but this session in particular has been CRAZY with all of this.
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turtleblogatlast · 5 months
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[ cw: sacrifice / self sacrifice / slight suicidal themes / death mention / ]
I personally think that Leo took the wrong lessons from the movie. I definitely think he grew to understand the importance of teamwork and making sure he takes others into account so as to not harm them by proxy of whatever scheme he has cooked up, however based on the ending events I’m not quite certain he fully grasped two things.
The first thing is communication. Oh, he can communicate, and he does, when he deems it necessary. When he’s setting up a plan prior to the action. But this is where the second thing comes in.
The second thing I don’t think Leo truly grasped is “it’s not about you.” It’s so unbearably easy to take that the wrong way, especially when taking the rest of the series into account.
What I believe Leo took from this message is not “it’s not just you, everyone matters and can contribute, can help and be helped” but “put the whole of everyone above yourself” which can both be a good lesson…and a fatal one.
And it is fatal, we see as much in the movie.
Even after the big hope speech, when Leo is “fighting” Krang!Raph, he takes a huge risk. Sure, it worked, and Leo managed to get through to Raph through a well deserved apology, but it could have so easily ended in his death and yet he barely even hesitates to go for it.
And then again, to the big scene at the end, where Leo sacrifices himself not only for the sake of his family, but for the whole world.
To him, that’s the message to take from this. That the lives of everyone, of the greater good, matters…more than him. That the risk to himself is worth it if others can be saved.
Leo learned that gambling with his life as the betting chip is always the best move to make in the end.
And to make matters worse…this thinking is what works.
These risks are ultimately what is needed to save the day, so why would Leo look away from it now? Clearly it’s the right move and everything worked out!
Thing is, Leo did grow from the events of the movie. He learned to take things more seriously and be more mature, he learned to value his team’s input and capabilities enough to rely on them more, and he learned to be less self-centered and realize the turmoil others were going through (especially if that turmoil is a result of his actions.)
But still, he’s grown to accept the gamble of his life as a viable answer to their problems.
Personally, with how Leo has been shown to toy around with the idea of “it’s better me than them” I think this goes beyond sacrifice in the name of love or even sacrifice in the name of responsibility, and pushes over into sacrifice in the name of worth.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#death mention /#sacrifice /#self sacrifice /#suicidal tendencies implication /#I honestly could go on for hours but this is all a kinda messy ramble rn#but yeah like…I genuinely can’t see how Leo doesn’t take the wrong message from this all#sure he gets a lot of good growth but#he’s a gambler at heart#it’s just now he’s only willing to bet *himself*#ONCE AGAIN-#‘I’m nothing without them’ and ‘it’s not about you’ can and do mix into quite the dangerous cocktail huh#thing that gets me here too is that a lot of what Leo has to learn in the movie is things he already showed moments of knowing in the show#like Leo KNOWS what his family is capable of and can rely on them if necessary#the problem is when it’s necessary#and he grew to understand that it’s actually ALWAYS necessary…except at the very end#leo is also often the voice of reason throughout the series…but he also often folds and just goes with the flow#he’s goofy like that lol#and tbh he likes to RELAX#that’s a pretty subtle but pretty substantial part of his character#imo at the beginning of the movie Leo KNOWS he’s being immature and THATS THE POINT#they’re still kids man#they’re all just kids#but yeah#I keep rambling and rambling but Leo really is such a tragic character in the grand scheme of things#he’s so utterly fascinating to look at because of how many layers and complexities he has but I just want to give him a hug and let him rest
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marrowwife · 2 years
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We all know and love the final girl, but I want to know more about the first girl. The forgotten girl. The unlucky catalyst. The girl who's buried twice, first to be killed and last to be avenged. The girl that everyone else thinks about, when that phone call comes, when the backdoor is mysteriously unlocked, when the blade slides home. But she had no one before her to provide context. She was all alone with her fear and she died without knowing that her brutal sacrifice would birth the creation of a final girl who lives. The girl who watches as the girls after struggle and fail again and again until finally, finally, she wins but it's bittersweet because she had a whole lineage of dead girls to guide her way and the first girl had nothing. She was always supposed to fail and she did it so beautifully they've changed the meaning of her name about it, she is no longer a person she's that first brutal death.
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mishy-mashy · 13 days
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Theory: some High-Ends use the corpses of past OFA users
There aren't tons of High-Ends. They can't be mass-produced so easily, and there's only one that's blatantly female, literally named Woman and with a tall, defined figure
Maybe Woman's original identity is already confirmed, but... she's similar to Nana in build, isn't she?
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It's hinted that All For One actually kept Nana's corpse. How, 20+ years later, could he give Tenko his grandmother's pristine hand? Is he just keeping their hands? Or their actual corpses?
Also, when looking at corpses to give multiple Quirks to, One For All users are the best for this. Having inherited One For All, their bodies had maintained multiple Quirks when they were alive, even if they couldn't use more than their natural Quirk and One For All's physical ability. And to their bodies, One For All doesn't count as just one Quirk; the natural one, and Yoichi, are already too much for a human. But Shinomori shows that it counts each previous user's Quirk, on top of Yoichi's and one's own natural one.
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Their bodies adjusted to holding multiple Quirks, and when they were alive, they didn't become deformed or lose brain function. They were perfectly fine, and only had shortened lives—but that doesn't matter as corpses.
Nomus go brain dead when they have multiple Quirks. But the past users didn't, being completely fine, making them perfect for Nomu development.
High-Ends can think. They're all physically powerful, and One For All users make the best basis, even from leftover embers and physique. So why not use that great base to make the best outcome Nomus (High-Ends)?
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messiahzzz · 10 days
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going through the files once more and...
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player: if this is truly what you want... gale: what i want is a life i could share with you, but alas... knowing you're still out there will suffice for now.
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player: it's a heavy burden, yes - but one you're able for. think of the good your sacrifice will do. gale: i am trying. believe me, i am. the path is set and i will not stray from it - even as my heart quakes. gale: i am terrified - i will not claim otherwise. my face could scarcely conceal it even if my words sought to deny it.
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gale: yes... but there is so much to live for, and so few moments in which to house it all. gale: damn you. damn you, for giving me so much to care about. our friends, our adventures... this would've been so much easier if it was just me. but it isn't. gale: if there is a way - any way - to save all that's grown dear to me, i want to seize it. i just cannot fathom what that might be, other than to fail mystra and condemn the world.
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gale: i fear mine is a dream for another life. but a fine one nonetheless.
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gale: i thought i made my feelings plain - i do not want to take that step. not anymore. player: you're certain you won't reconsider? gale: you make it sound like such a small thing. no - i do not wish to die.
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player: you would rather end your own life than trust the emperor with the stones? gale: do not mistake me - i want to live. but i've been careless enough with my life in the past. i can hardly stand by and watch you sacrifice yours.
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withers: who flickers there 'twixt the shadows? gale, who didst surrender his very self for the salvation of faerun. withers: tell me, gale, how doth thee weigh thy sacrifice, now it hath been made? player[gale]: i didn't want to die, but i couldn't see any other way... player[gale]: one wizard for the whole of faerun seems like a fair trade to me. withers: it is time thou learnest to value thyself truly. thy sacrifice weighs greatly on those thou left behind, as it doth in this place.
i can’t help but once again be reminded of the ign interview they published at the end of last year. that contained the devs proudly claiming that pushing gale to sacrifice himself is “the right ending in many ways”
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unbidden-yidden · 6 months
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Okay I'm a little afraid to post this because of how ridiculous the discourse is right now, but I figured I'd ask anyway.
I am NOT looking to discuss politics or current events on this post.
Can anyone recommend to me reputable, fact-based resources (ideally books, articles, or websites) that can help me learn more about Palestinian history and culture? Pretty much everything I have ever learned about the Palestinian people has been in the context of the conflict with Jews and with Israel, and I would really love to know what is unique to their culture and who they are separate and apart from the conflict. When I've gone looking for this myself I've found: (1) lots of materials that define them as one half of a conflict and only discussing them in those terms, (2) lots of materials that function as Zionist propaganda that erases their history, connection to the land, and unique culture, and (3) lots of materials that function as Anti-Zionist propaganda that demonize Israelis and/or totally erase Jewish history and delegitimize Jewish connections to the land.
I just want to know more about, idk, if they have a specific dialect of Arabic, or the history of their beautiful textile art, their naming culture, music trends, or their olive orchard cultivation. Idk, anything that doesn't involve explosives and bloodshed.
I refuse to accept a political narrative that erases the humanity of Palestinians or their neighbors, but I don't know enough about Palestinians as people and want to fix that.
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livvylubug · 2 months
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I don't know if this has been asked yet, but how or why is Cyn with the ladies group? I'm genuinely curious of the circumstances. If you're not ready to answer that quite yet I have a simple question, what do all the ladies like to do as hobbies?
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Uzi was fully aware of who she was rebuilding, V of course tried to attack cyn the moment they saw her.
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but considering how they found her? Uzi had to sympathize with her situation, After all she’s been in a similar position.
Tw: robot gore
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popsicle-stick · 2 years
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i will defend jonathan and mina harker from bad dracula adaptations By My Sword. anyway have this
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ohara-n-brown · 1 month
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[WARNING: Rant]
Sometime made a post going 'Love the trans women in your life while they're still here'
Someone added 'Trans men and Nonbinary too!'
And this was the response.
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My response: Cut this shit out, you're acting literally ridiculous.
First of all - no it's NOT an All Lives Matter moment.
ALL LIVES MATTER was created by white people who DON'T experience racism to silence the experiences of those who DO experience racism and die at the hands of it.
A transmasc or nonbinary person saying 'Us also!' is a not the same.
It's a group of people who DO experience transphobia adding to the experiences of those who ALSO experience transphobia.
It's A LOT MORE like a black person going 'BlackLivesMatter' and sometime commenting '#StopAsianHate too :)' and OP going 'wow fuck you read the room you're being racist.'
That's like a Gay person speaking out against homophobia and how it's wrong. And then a trans person says 'Transphobia too!' and suddenly it's 'Read the room. This isn't about y'all. Why do y'all have to bring yourself up always. This isn't about gender. Read the room-'
Sounds familiar to y'all? It should. I'm reading the room and the room is saying you just fucking hate another group of oppressed people lol
Another oppressed person who experiences the same violence as you adding their voice to your choir is NOT the same as white people using their privilege to silence others who experience racism when they themselves don't.
SECOND OF ALL - (tw death mention under cut)
YEAH THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO ADD 'Celebrate your trans brothers while there here' on a post you know..
considering a transmasc non-binary person got fucking beat to death on school grounds exactly a month ago.
Remember that??? The one whose death is being actively covered up by school, law, and state officials on a systemic scale??
Also - a fucking trans man from NJ is still missing as we speak (Elliot Ganiel)
But calling attention to that is like being a MRA??? Talking about a children deaths in a school bathroom and missing people are like being MRAs whose main concerns are women playing video games or some shit?
No. No it isn't.
Y'all misusing terms like MRA and yelling 'That's like all lives matter!!!' clearly show youdon't understand how oppression works in the slightest.
If you try to compare any white racist movement to an oppressed group of people - YTA.
One of us gets fucking killed with no justice, LGBTQ crisis line calls skyrocket, and when asked about it state officials say and I quote 'We don't want that filth in our state!!'
- and when we talk about it amongst people in our community it's 'read the room!!' or 'wow really MRA like'
Fucking bite me.
And before - 'Oh but they didn't have to put it on THAT post, they could've made their own'.
Did you not hear what I just said. A transmasc teen was beat to death and misgendered publically statewide.
Maybe transmascs would like to feel included by the community at this time? So they can feel safe? Safety in numbers? And maybe want to feel like the wider community cares when shit like this happens - which clearly.. y'all don't.
Cause when a transmasc kid is literally killed - and we see a post saying 'Love your transfemme friends whine they're here!' and add the same - only to be told to read the room - it tells us 'You only have a month or so to morn. They died last month? Why are you bringing it up now on a post about appreciating trans people before their death??? Read the room. That was for us only. Stop trying to hog all the attention'.
Like damn sorry for wanting to feel like my community would care if I got wiped off this fucking earth silly me. Silly us.
When we start the conversation on our own we're ignored. When we try to contribute our experiences to other conversations we're told to shut the fuck up and read the room and then compared to actual racists and sexists.
You constantly compare us to people who DO NOT face oppression - cis men and white people - in order to silence us, despite the fact you know we face oppression in ways both groups could never even imagine. You think you're slick. You're not.
BITE ME. HARD.
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sad-leon · 6 months
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What happens when shadow Leo is hit by light?? In all the comics Leo has enough time to dodge but what if he was caught by surprise? Does it have some kind of effect to him?
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If shined with a flashlight, it would burn, but he would likely be able to dodge into other shadows before he gets too hurt. If he's unable to hide, a flashlight would burn, but because the light fades away form the center, Leo could hide in those patches of faded light. If the light was shining too long, he's be burned significantly and it is possible that those injuries would kill him.
Sunlight on the other hand, burns significantly. Think, touching a hot stove vs sticking your hand in a pot of hot oil. The sun hurts and it hurts badly. If Leo were to be trapped in a surface or area that was revealed to sunlight with no shadows to flee to, he would die.
Being in a room with an overhead makes Leo warm, but unless the light is shines directly on him, he's fine chilling near the walls. Donnie keeps dim lights in his room and lab to provide Leo a comfortable, safe space. When the rest of the family is aware of Leo, they allow Donnie to dim the rest of their lights so Leo can become a part of the family
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thefanciestborrower · 2 months
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The Devouring of Prometheus
Ohh boy this fic has been over a year in the making and by golly am I proud of it. It was mostly an attempt to imitate Mary Shelley’s writing style while adding more classic lit vore into the world cause oh boy do we need it. This fic is a little darker than my usual fluffy stuff because. You know. It’s Frankenstein. But everything is still safe despite what Victor thinks. Anyways, please enjoy and let me know what you think!
Warnings: Contains soft, safe, unwilling vore, mentions of digestion, mentions of dying, mentions of cannon character death, minor injury, and vomit
Characters: Victor Frankenstein and the Creature
Word Count: 2,830
Mankind has no greater fear than that of being devoured. It is an instinctual fear, engrained deep within our very beings from the moment we are born, as it is in every living being, and yet it is perhaps one of the most uncommon fears to experience in its true, unaltered form. We are quite familiar with the notion of being killed and eaten by a wild beast, since such a thing, while not terribly common in the more civilized parts of the world, is often talked of in books and by explorers returning from long voyages to strange, wild lands. It is a threat to be sure, but perhaps not the most fear inspiring one. A hungry lion might indeed pounce upon you with his teeth and claws bared as if to shred you to ribbons while you lay awake in agony, but in truth he is far more merciful than even most men and will end you swiftly with a bite to the neck before he ever starts to feed. The fear of being eaten in this way, then, is diluted by the promise of a swift death at the claws of a creature who bore you no more malice than you do a butchered duck. 
The terror of being consumed lies not in the act of consumption, but in the method. Stories full of giants and ogres who devour men whole and alive fill the countryside and take captive the minds of all who hear them, filling their dreams with images of gnashing teeth and slavering mouths, capable of sending a grown man down, kicking and screaming, in a single swallow. I must confess I never heard much of these tales growing up, aside from a few Clerval was so fond of telling, and when they did reach my ears, I simply scoffed, laughing such frightening images away in the clear light of day when nothing could seem more ridiculous. They were children’s tales, I thought, simply meant to frighten and entertain, for nothing, man or beast, could swallow whole a living man. Oh, how I wish I had been right. 
He came for me in the night. I was asleep, or nearly so, when a sudden noise at my window startled me awake. At first I assumed it to be the scratching of a branch or perhaps even some night creature making its rounds through the garden outside. After all, I was far more unfamiliar with the Oxford landscape than my dear friend Clerval, who had spent much of his afternoon exploring the grounds, so I felt there to be no need for concern. Indeed, I had nearly turned over to drift back to sleep when I saw his eyes. Those wretched, sunken, yellow eyes staring as if into my very soul through the dusty window I had neglected to lock in my naivety. I might have screamed had fear not grasped my throat and strangled my voice, and though I longed to run, terror turned my legs to lead and forced me to watch as the fiend pried open the window with a delicate ease that seemed almost laughable compared to the rest of his hulking mass. I pulled my sheet up to shield my chest like a child might, entertaining fantasies that perhaps this was simply a nightmare, and if I remained still in my bed then he would be unable to harm me, but when he began to climb through the window with the elegance of a lion stalking his prey, eyes never once leaving me, panic settled over my heart and I realized this was no mere conjuring of an overworked mind. The beast was here, looming over me in my chambers as I trembled in bed with naught but a thin sheet and even thinner night clothes to protect me. 
“Devil! What do you want from me!” I cried at last, terror loosening her claws from my throat. “I have not forgotten our agreement, so why do you insist on tormenting me so!” 
I received no reply, the beast more than content to simply stare at my trembling form. Perhaps he enjoyed how weak I must have appeared before him as his eyes flicked over me, almost sizing me up for reasons I could never have comprehended in that moment. Cold and yellow as they were, I could see an inkling of some mysterious emotion behind those eyes, but it’s identity I couldn’t say. Nor did I care. My thoughts were quickly preoccupied as he advanced upon me, padding forwards like some great and terrible cat, until he stopped just shy of the side of my bed, so close I could have reached out and touched him. 
Again, I saw that strange emotion flicker behind his dead eyes, but before I had time to ponder it he wrapped his hands around my chest and lifted me from the safety of my bed with terrifying ease, like one might lift a small child or a doll, and while I screamed and writhed in his hideous grasp, his hold only tightened. My ribs creaked and complained under the pressure and my cries became strangled and choked. With a ghastly popping sound he opened his grotesque mouth, jaw hanging at an angle too wide for any human to achieve, and to my upmost horror he quickly stuffed my head inside with the terrifying efficiency of a ravenous beast. The slimy muscle of his tongue lapped against my face and my body convulsed in disgust as I desperately fought not to be sick. Revolting as my situation was, I did not wish to add my own vomit to the mix, even if it might have disgusted the fiend enough to free me. 
I could see nothing but darkness, each desperate gasp for oxygen only supplying me with the barest sliver of foul air. Teeth ringed my neck like a terrible collar, and for a moment I entertained ideas of those teeth, the very same I had picked and sorted by hand, crashing together to sever my head from my body like some terrible executioner. Before my thoughts could spiral much more in this direction, his grip changed and I was suddenly shoved against the slick, fleshy opening of his throat. My blood curdled and, with a sudden, crushing pressure, my head was crammed downwards in the most painful manner which caused me to cry out in despair. My skull felt as though it would shatter, and I screamed a horrible, terrible shriek of agony and terror as my shoulders were crushed down after me, the tight gullet of the beast threatening to break them into splinters. My vision swam, stars of pain and lack of breath sparking and dancing before my eyes, and though no light followed me into my hellish prison, I could still see the blackest pitch wavering at the edge of my vision, threatening to drown me in its inky embrace. For a moment I wished it would, if only to keep me from the terrible suffering I knew lay before me, but fate is a cruel mistress and before I could sink into that comforting ocean of darkness a terrible pressure bloomed upon the crown of my head and forced me into an open pocket of stinking, putrid air. 
Coughing and gaging I struggled to draw even a single breath. My ribs, now horribly compressed, creaked and shuttered terribly under the pressure of the creature’s throat, and though my legs still flailed outside, and my hands desperately scrambled for a hold on what I felt to be his chin, I did not dare move the length of my compressed torso for fear of inflicting more damage upon myself. Another painful swallow jolted me down, my face jamming roughly into what I presumed to be the bottom of the creature’s dreadful stomach, and the grotesque flesh not only yielded to accept my presence, but did so with an almost pleased sounding groan, if stomachs can be pleased, as if I really were simply a morsel of food to be consumed and forgotten. The sound filled my heart with a terror I’ve never known, and I cried out, though my voice was quickly silenced by the slick flesh as more of my body was squeezed through that terrifically tight ring of muscle and forced to bend and twist to fit my new prison like some sort of contortionist. 
I know not how long it took the devil to consume me: the darkness of my surroundings and constant pain dulled my senses and left me disoriented to the point where I no longer could even tell up from down. I remember no longer feeling the cold air on my body after some time, my entire being now encased in sweltering heat, and searing pain as my legs were crushed down against my ribs. Finally, it was all over. My entire body had been fully compacted into the creature’s stomach, and although this new development was arguably a much worse position than my previous one, I was far too preoccupied with gulping down precious lungfuls of oxygen to care.
Then, all at once, the reality of my situation came crashing down upon me and with the fervor of a cornered beast I began to lash out and fight, twisting and turning in the confined space in hopes of causing my captor at least the slightest bit of discomfort. 
“Fiend! Devil! Release me at once!” I panted, gnashing my teeth in fear and anger. “This is no way to treat any man, let alone your maker!”
I had no doubt that he could hear my cries and feel my struggles, confined as I was, and yet no answer came. Despite the nature of my location, I was completely and utterly alone, for what man pays attention to his food after he’s eaten it. Again, I tried to call out, to plead for release as I fought against the smothering flesh, and again I was ignored, save for a light pressure against my back from which I hastily jerked away. It was his hand; I knew it instinctively. The brute was no doubt relaxing after so fine a feast of human flesh, and that touch was nothing more then the satisfied gloating of a predator now sated with a filling meal that would last him far longer than any morsel of bread or wine. I was merely something to be enjoyed, digested, and forgotten.
 How many more, I wondered, would be lost in the same way once I had perished. Clearly my current location indicated my captor had grown fond of the taste of human, and with a heart wrenching shudder I suddenly realized I had no way of knowing wether I was the first victim of the monster’s appetite, or if he had already glutted himself with other gentle country folk, just as he had done to me, and I was now resting in their grave. The thought was too much for my already distraught and troubled soul, and the disgust which filled me suddenly became too overwhelming to sustain. With a thick heave I proceeded to retch onto myself, my sick mixing with the beast’s own bile, and I sobbed bitterly for my home. 
“Oh, my dear mountains and precious lake. Will I truly never again delight in your sweet air and radiant beauty? Am I to perish so far from all that is fair and wholesome, without even the cold stars to bare witness to my demise?” I lamented; my voice thick with the grief of a man who believes he is to die isolated from everything he once held dear. 
The spongy flesh seemed to mute my voice effectively as a heavy curtain might, and my words fell upon deaf ears, for no reply came from my creation. My captor. My killer. Was I really to meet my end as nothing more than a meal? My last breath tainted by the stench of bile and vomit? The pressure to my back returned, and although the touch revolted me, I was far too exhausted from my fear and the quickly thinning oxygen to do more than twitch in protest. What difference would it make anyways, my fate was already sealed.
Each breath I drew grew more ragged and gasping with every passing second, my panic having done nothing but quickly use up what little air I had in the stale cell, and in some fever, I realized that, although my air was quickly thinning, I had not yet begun to feel the slightest tingle of digestion. Oh, what sweet twist of fate was this! I still would meet my end as nothing more than a morsel of food this was true, but I would be long since unconscious and perhaps even suffocated before acids truly began to work on me and thus spared the sensation of digesting alive. It was a small assurance, but so consumed was I by grief and terror of my fate that even the small mercy of a painless death brought me comfort. It was more than a man like me deserved after all I’d done. The innocent blood on the creature’s hands stained mine as well, and I thought bitterly of poor darling little William and dear Justine. Their blood has been spilt on my account, and yet, while their deaths had been horrific tragedies, I took solace in knowing they had left the world far quicker than I would, and that I would be seeing them again soon.
My vision swam before me, and with one last shuddering sigh I slumped against the slick walls, no longer attempting to catch my breath, for what would be the point in trying to breathe when there is no air left to fill my lungs. The stomach clenched around me with a disgusting squelch, smothering and squeezing my helpless form as it worked to knead what I presumed to be caustic acids into my sodden clothing and soft flesh, preparing for the undoubtably difficult task of liquifying my un-masticated body. With a gasping, barely audible sob I pressed a trembling hand out against my churning prison walls, cursing my creation and praying my end would be swift. Then the darkness engulfed me, and I knew no more.
Due to the circumstances in which I had fallen unconscious I fully expected to never wake again, so when I started awake some unknown amount of time later in the very bed I had been snatched out of, I could seldom comprehend what was happening. My first thought was that my horrendous experience had been naut but a dream; an apparition brought upon me by the dreadful task I knew I would soon be required to complete. Then I became aware of the disgusting film of sticky, foul smelling sick coating my body and the dull, yet throbbing pain in my ribs, and my blood ran cold. It had been no dream. My creation truly had assaulted me in the night, swallowed me whole and alive, and, by some miracle, vomited me back out before his digestive system could process me. In fact, aside from my ribs, which were badly bruised, I appeared whole and unharmed. Not even a drop of acid had singed my clothes, and my skin was fair and unblemished as it had always been. I pressed a hand to my cheek as if to make certain of my unharmed state, and then, to my own surprise, I began to laugh. It was not a mirthful laugh, but rather one of incredulous shock and relief as I grasped at my warm and unharmed skin. So certain had I been that those final moments filled with slimy blackness and foul reeking air inside the creature would be my last that the cold air of my room and the sting of my nails against my face might well have been gifts from Heaven itself. Even now I marvel at my incredible escape and wonder what could possibly have prompted the monster to give up as filling a meal as I surely must have been. I do not think I shall ever know, but judging from the healthy nature which I possessed upon waking, I can only assume he realized he could not process me as he intended and his body expelled me, though wether such an expulsion was voluntary on his part I still could not say. Nonetheless I knew I was no doubt incredibly fortunate to have survived such an encounter and my resolve had the been strengthened. Where before I had postponed my promise, I vowed to not do so again, for who knew how long the wretched beast would be content to wait and leave me and others be. As soon as I was able, I would set to work creating another who would contain his terrible urges and put this dreadful encounter behind me forever. 
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intyalote · 1 year
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the thing about doctor/river is that the blatant romance is a defense mechanism. it’s playacting it’s how they sketch out the boundaries of their relationship because they can never be sure of how the scales of intimacy are balanced - they love each other, sure, but they are so rarely in a place where they both know enough about each other for mutual trust. so you get these really interesting juxtapositions like how eleven is in full flirty mode for impossible astronaut/day of the moon to the point where it feels like they’re about to make out every time they’re in the same frame but at the same time he dismisses her with “trust you? seriously?” and is shocked when she actually kisses him goodbye. in let’s kill hitler they flirt like hell when she is literally trying to murder him but not at all when they save each others’ lives. in the wedding of river song kovarian complains about them being lovey-dovey in front of her but right after that the doctor attempts to reset the timeline and river has to drag him kicking and screaming into respecting her enough to tell her the truth. in angels take manhattan we get both “just you wait till my husband gets home” (flaunting their relationship to grayle) and “never let him see the damage” (she doesn’t trust him to love her as a flawed, mortal person). they’re out of sync all the time, so sincerity is off the table except when it’s a necessary shortcut to trust that doesn’t exist yet - river whispering his name to him in the library when he doesn’t know her yet, their literal wedding being a tool the doctor uses to convince her to let him “die.”
the thing about “hide the damage” in particular is that river was responding to the doctor’s own fear of seeing the damage. she lied to him because she was trying to give him what he wanted, even if he couldn’t admit it. and it applies both to the broken wrist and to their relationship in general. every time he looks at her all he can see is the pain of her death, and she can see that he’s holding back even if she doesn’t exactly know why. this was always going to be a barrier to true intimacy between them unless they could be linear for long enough to know and see each other as they are, not as they’re going to be or as they were.
that’s why husbands of river song is such a perfect resolution for them. the only way river would ever be honest enough to let him see her insecurities is if she didn’t know who he was, so it had to be twelve and not eleven. and it specifically had to be twelve fresh from losing his memories of clara, so that he’d stop running away from confronting her death and just give them those 24 years together on darillium to really get to know each other, to see the ugliness and the imperfections and stay together anyway. it makes perfect sense that after that they could reach the level of love and trust river has for “her doctor” in the library, in a way that just isn’t possible with a relationship built on whirlwind dates done out of order and nothing else.
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