#loud introspection

[non-un-topo]

Biggest fear is that the long-awaited old guard 2 is going to be really disappointing because we've built up years of fandom and headcanons and whatnot, and that a week or so after it's released the fandom just dies

#if i speak the fears out loud they won't happen lol #but i fear it because this happened to me with umbrella academy. season 2 was good but not the same as the first #and season 3 was just off the rails lol #so i kind of have 0 expectations for tog2 except that i expect there to be no andy/quynh. i fear that. but i expect it. #because i feel like having two canon gay relationships is just too much for netflix lol. but why do i care? idk it would be nice to have? #only other expectation is that they're going to try to cram in so much action - #- that there's not going to be a lot of time for reflective moments or character development #or those soft quiet introspective moments that made the first movie so different from any other action movie. #okay fine i have one more fear. that whatever happens in the sequel -- however quynh is represented -- #-- will be totally different from the quynh in my head and i will no longer want to write all the stories i have planned. #we could also always just say screw you to canon material. there's that option. but i like the canon !!

[imminent-danger-came]

Curse MK is so delightful because like, as I've mentioned before he functions as a mirror to MK, and that gives us the opportunity to have some out loud introspection. He forces MK to emphatically admit insecurities and even reveals to the audience some insecurities that wouldn't have been voiced otherwise:

"We're just like Wukong, a fraud! A trickster! Destructive! Why would our legacy be any different?"

You wouldn't EVER catch MK admitting his doubts about Wukong out loud like that, but that's fine because we have our buddy the curse to do it for him. I love it so much.

#''Nice hero speech bud! But I know—deep in your hearts you don't believe a word of that'' hello #Well I know MK certainly doesn't believe a word of that. MK let's himself drown in his past mistakes #It's just wild #s4 is wild #this post has been sponsored by the beautiful prose of the new tdp short story #Like the introspection is the SAUCE of that scene/story #And then it got me thinking about how Curse MK enables that introspection (that sauce) to be said out loud #''I know more about you than you'll even admit—to yourself or to others.'' #hmmmmmmmmmm monkie #lmk rant #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk MK #lmk ink mk #monkie kid #I am very tired I pray to god that this is coherent

[tolerateit]

not swayed by the controversy. im just.

#meg talks #im in a dire need of some serious self introspection right now #Idk if I'll post everything I'm feeling here bc it sounds silly when I say it out loud #But I also don't think anyone would understand it better than you guys rn #Maybe later.....need a nap

[mxgoldenwood]

I'm doing a little project on language development and it got me curious! (this poll is not for academic research purposes, it's just for my own personal intrigue. even so.) please feel free to reblog for reach because I want to KNOW

for purposes of specificity - this is asking about phrases that you enjoy hearing from friends, whether you add them to your own personal lexicon or not

#polls #language #slang #my personal answer is 'I do sometimes' (neurodivergent ofc) #because it's something my brain does naturally but also if I try to type it or say it out loud it often feels awkward/ironic #so the poll is prompted by a sequence of events like... I've been reading about slang and language development lately #caught myself thinking 'naur' in response to a minor inconvenience today #even though I've never typed it or said it out loud #but I love seeing friends type/say it #cue convoluted introspection that I'm now making everyone else's problem. ie I'm curious what y'all's experience is with this kind of thing

[gillianthecat]

Gonna end my semi-intensive campaign for the best kiss bracket here. I can see the writing on the wall: I've looked at the number of voters in each poll, and not only is this round decided, I can already tell who will win the semi-finals and the finals.

I was having a lot of fun campaigning and analyzing and updating my posts. But it stopped being fun. The one I don't want to win is going to win it all, and in the next round campaigning for OFC over PatPran is going to feel unnecessarily divisive.

I went into it as a fun way to talk about BL kisses, but my hater's heart has emerged a little to strongly, which isn't fun for me.

At some point I may write about my thoughts and feelings about Kinnporsche. Both the show itself, and also the fandom around it; which fascinates and baffles me, and sometimes annoys me, and is pushing me to face the fact that in some ways I can't help but be a contrarian. Seeing something get super popular that I have mixed feelings about, or think is only ok, usually pushes me to the other direction and dislike the thing and see its flaws.

In general I also tend to get tired even of shows I love if I'm overexposed to them. So I have filters even for things I really liked, like The Eclipse, Bad Buddy and Big Dragon because I was reaching saturation point and didn't want to stop liking them.

None of this is self-knowledge that's new to me; I've been thinking about it vaguely all along, but this poll is pushing it to the forefront. Even though I assumed from the beginning KP would win, my feelings about seeing it beating out other shows are stronger than expected.

And on an intellectual level, I am just so fascinated by why it is THE show out of all BL shows that has developed such an enormous fandom. My impression is that most fans of BL are fans of the genre as a whole, or at least multiple shows, but that there are large numbers KP fans who are fans of only that. (I don't know if that's accurate though. I've drafted a poll to try and get some of the demographics of that, though I suspect my reach isn't big enough to get a enough responses to get any real answers about it.)

Don't get me wrong, I was completely absorbed when I binged the first half of the series in late June. And also went a little crazy over vegaspete when I binged the second half after the whole show was out. It was the show that got me talking on tumblr, and in that way was the first show that made me part of a "fandom." So I can see why people get obsessed with it. Just not sure why there are so many more than for other good BL shows.

Is it because iQIYI did such heavy advertising? I actually heard of the show several months before I even heard of BL, and then watched it mainly because iQIYI kept reminding me about it. For me, it became a gateway to BL more generally, but perhaps there are a lot of fans who just stopped with that?

Is there also a large group of people who were watching BL casually but weren't particularly BL fans, and then watched KP and thought it better than anything other BL? I've seen scattered comments with those opinions, but not sure how broad-spread it is. (I suppose if I'm feeling very curious and very brave I could go into the comments and reviews on KP's MDL page, which might give me some idea of numbers.)

With how my ADHD manifests, I don't have the attention span to become devoted to one show at the exclusion of all others, and so I can't really understand the mindset of fans who do fandom like that. (For any show, be it Star Wars or Marvel or The Untamed.) But I guess there are many people who do participate in fandoms that way? And KP is one of the shows that many of that style of fan found?

Is it the mafia plot? (there have been other mafia plots.) Is it how glossy and expensive it all looked, and the truly excellent cinematography? Is it how high heat the sex scenes were? (Were they significantly higher heat than anything previous though? Could be.)

Is there something about Kinn and Porsche as a couple that is particularly compelling to people? (I don't personally think so, certainly not compared to other BL couples. For me their story kinda petered out once they got together. And I found Mile's acting serviceable, but not that compelling, but I do see that he has lots of fans so perhaps it's just me.)

If so, what is unique about them? Enemies to lovers, boss-employee, torn between duty and love—I guess that combo is somewhat unique? I can't think of other shows off the top of my head now at least.

Is it the darkness and danger and plottiness of the mafia story? I know that sort of thing tends to engender obsessive fandoms. Are there other shows that have that too? I can see why if that's your thing, you wouldn't be into more slice of life BL like Old Fashion Cupcake or Semantic Error, or the youthful high jinx of most HS or Uni set shows.

Some combination of all of that? Some luck of timing? Did the advertising have a significantly bigger reach than for any other BL? With KP being my entry point into BL, I'm not able to compare with what the fandom was like before it came out.

Anyway, not sure if this is coherent, and absolutely NOT trying to start discourse. But if you do have theories you feel like sharing about how KP ended up with the fandom it has, I'd love to hear them. Or do you think I'm wrong and its fandom actually isn't unique for BL?

For context, the ten most popular BL shows on MDL are

The Untamed (2019) - 83,572

2Gether (2020) - 60,952

TharnType (2019) - 57,444

Until We Meet Again (2019) - 55,451

KinnPorsche (2022) - 52,838

Where Your Eyes Linger (2020) - 50,310

Semantic Error (2022) - 50,309

Theory of Love (2019) - 49,263

Bad Buddy (2021) - 48,411

Love By Chance (2018) - 46,652

I'm measuring "popularity" by the number of MDL users who list the show as watched. The show on MDL with the most watchers of everything is Goblin (aka Guardian: The Lonely and Great God) with 199,983.

The Untamed I would say has it's own fandom, overlapping with but distinct from BL fans. In some ways (other than heat levels) I can see it as a model of what might make KP so uniquely popular as well - complex plot, violent danger, and angst, and lovers kept apart by circumstance.

Most of the other shows on the list are popular Thai BL from three to four years ago, so it makes sense to me why they've accumulated lots of watchers. Where Your Eyes Linger, at number 6, surprised me, I don't hear much about it on tumblr these days and would have guessed it was much further down. KinnPorsche and Semantic Error are the newest shows on the list, coming out around the same time last year. But although I hear a lot of love for SE, I don't see it having an obsessive one-show fandom like KP does. I do see a lot of very devoted Bad Buddy fans, but again, most of them seem to also be general BL fans.

Addendum: (For the record, my assumption/prediction is that KP and PatPran will win their respective semifinals, and KP will win it all, by at least a 20 percentage point difference.)

#fandom thoughts #introspection inspired by the best kiss poll #why do some shows get super popular? #no tags here #not trying to open a can of worms; just thinking out loud #my ramblings #i'm probably talking in circles a bit but that's one of the reasons it's behind a readmore

[mars-ipan]

i've been feeling like. More imposter syndrome than usual lately. and it's confusing as hell. i'm doing pretty solid rn Why Are You Here

#marzi speaks #not a vent post per se but i don't want ppl rbing this <3 #*looking at my feelings of inadequacy* bro you are. straight up false. why are you loud right now #who the hell knowssssss #i think it's bc i'm currently growing in a lot of ways or smth. improving my art improving my work ethic #trying to eat better (SO fucking hard on a college meal plan dear lord) #etc etc #could also be that i've been doing a lot of introspection for assignments lately. that could be doing it #or MAYBEEE i've been blorbothinking a bit too hard and absorbing insecurities from my meow meows lmao #probably a combination of things i'll be real #...i should get a job i want to make money. or maybe i'll actually open commissions one of these days

[narciso-anasui]

the older I get the more I have to reckon with the fact that my first fandom instinct has been and will always be to be a contrarian. This is not really a good thing or a flex, but it does make me very aware that I have strong opinions that run counter to fandoms I'm mostly removed from even years after the fact

#toca.txt #AND I STAND BY EM #just because they started from a contrarian root doesn't mean they're just to get a reaction #I am fully authentic in my DR and PW hot takes. I'm mostly just frustrated that I know they either sound like I'm #1. absolutely no fun and 2. just trying to start shit #SKDJFSJDKLFKLSDJFD #ignore me I'm thinking out loud on my lunch break #SOMETIMES I DO EAT MY WORDS THOUGH #I've been failed by my contrarian instincts before #but man. KFLJSDFKJLSDJFDS #I love opinion and honest discussions on differing opinions on characters and themes. I do not like being incendiary for the hell of it #but sometimes the years-long unpopular opinion demons win and I get introspective instead

[gandalfsbignaturals]

one of the most difficult personal neurosis ive had to confront in my brief adulthood has been my complete aversion to responsibility. any sort of appointment or scheduled event is terrifying right up to the moment it happens. even commitments with my friends like scheduled dnd sessions feel like they are ticking time bombs of panic and dread.

i think a lot of this is due to my parenting. growing up, responsibility was an implicit threat. it meant, "if you dont complete this task or go to this event or talk to this person at the specified time, you will be punished." usually by getting chewed out by my mother and having one or more of my privileges taken away. this compounds with my own incredibly volatile energy levels. seemingly inoccuous tasks have, at times, completely sapped my batteries and left me feeling too tired to do much of anything, let alone drag myself to a social event or bureaucratic meeting. and so any sort of upcoming, scheduled event carries with it the anxiety inducing thought of, "what if i feel too tired to go, and end up getting yelled at?"

obviously, that rarely if ever actually happens--and even in the rare occasion that it does, as an adult, if someone else yells at me, i can yell at them back, or better, just remove myself from the situation--and yet my learned anxiety response persists, constantly threatening my ability to live my own life unmolested by its cold, creeping fingers.

its... hard. to think about the things one loves to do with anxiety and dread rather than the natural excitement id much prefer.

#theres not a huge point to this post #im just kinda introspecting out loud

[daz4i]

i'm like a people pleaser but only in theory bc i'm just so bad at it. like i wanna be useful and helpful but i truly just Suck (<- literally can't do shit) and my reflex reaction to anything is to argue. i'm like the most stubborn person on earth that somehow ended up unlocking a few trauma combinations that made it want to justify its own existence but also other... trauma...?? combinations that made it even more stubborn and insistent on being itself no matter what. you can see how this is a problem right

#i write often abt feeling like my entire existence is a show i'm putting on #but the character i'm playing seems to be really opinionated and stubborn and even confident #which i think. is how i get ppl interested in me? i think i tend to have a ''hey look at me!!!'' vibe for better or worse ajdklflh #UNFORTUNATELY not irl. bc my anxiety takes over. but in some settings ig irl too just not in recent years 🤔 #i wonder. since i'm starting a new place next week. if i should start out quiet and shy or immediately lean into loudness #both in a volume sense and a personality one. like. most new ppl i met lately told me i'm the second type #that they're impressed by the strong sense of identity i'm giving off i think. which is. interesting 🤔 #this ramble has no point i think all the chemicals in my brain are mixing in an introspective direction sorry 😌 #tldr we are the mask and wearer etc etc smth smth persona hahahaha

[sunsage]

🕯️ sup

send me 🕯️to hear my character's inner thoughts about your character.

He really doesn't get it.

Sun Wukong isn't new to forgiveness, having granted it many times and occasionally (though not very often) being offered it in turn. And he's not... new to the concept of forgiving someone you loved who hurt you greatly either.

(But there is a wide gap between being forgiven and having what they once had.)

But he just can't see why Macaque keeps coming back to him. Back in their world, he could always assume it was mostly because of MK, since the kid was first to make an offer of friendship. Amidst the constant threats to the realm's stability, the safest place to be is among the people you could trust to protect you.

(And if Macaque can trust MK but not him, that's fine.)

But why does he still cling to Monkey King's side here? In this place that seems to thrive on change and new experiences, where none of their (his, mostly) enemies were trying to end the world and death was temporary, why would Macaque need to trail him all over the city, spend so much time in his house and sleep in his bed?

That's what he doesn't get.

Macaque is strong, smart and capable. He is handsome and charming and, once you get used to his acerbic sense of humor, quite funny. He can dazzle any audience and get himself out of any situation, death included. He is (despite whatever image he is trying to project) a kind, brave and extremely loyal person. He doesn't need to be anyone's shadow anymore. He can be anywhere he wanted, doing anything he wanted.

So why would he want to be here? With him?..

Wukong doesn't know if Macaque wants to be friends (he doesn't even dare to wish for anything more, not in a thousand years at least). He doesn't know if he just wants to pretend none of that ever happened (they are not going to do that). He doesn't know what he can say or do or give to make things between them better.

...He does know that they need to talk about it. All of it. Except every time he opens his mouth he says something wrong and Macaque scowls at him or fires back with one of his favourite cutting remarks or leaves. So he backs down (like a coward), because Wukong would rather keep them in this weird neither here nor there place than risk actually hurting Macaque again.

(It scares him to think that maybe he just doesn't know how to not hurt him again. Sometimes he wishes Macaque would really just leave so he doesn't have this hope that maybe-)

...

It's not his place to push or to rush things, not this time. Sun Wukong is a patient man, these days. If there is one thing he can do it's to let Macaque figure it out on his own terms. And if he needs to stay close while he does that, that's fine too. He can wait for Macaque to make up his mind even if takes another five hundred years. And he will. He will be right here, always, waiting for it.

Because someone you love is always worth waiting for.

#sageshadowed #rambled a lot about nothing so im putting it all under readmore #cool introspection bro now maybe try saying some of it out loud or something #im afraid it doesnt make too much sense (m tired) but to be fair he is also very confused re: what the hell macaque is trying to do here #so 'ill just stay put and wait for him to figure it out' sounds like a good plan in theory #unfortunately macaque knows exactly what he wants he just sucks at getting it #because cuddling your crush when he's asleep and being mean to him every time he says smth at the same time is not the way to do it clearly #im tired im really tired but man

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

just wrote a sentence that's 72 words long. I'm a regular amount of hinged.

#personal #it's in the next chapter of You Are Of Their Ilk if you're wondering #LQR gets real introspective and is even wordier than out loud 💀

[yetdevout]

me, relaxing, having a good time:

also me: second guessing my choice of a name and thinking it's too late bc i've been this name for like THREE YEARS NOW AND EVERYONE KNOWS ME BY THIS NAME + IM CREDITED IN A COUPLE PLACES USING THIS NAME

#BANGING FISTS ON TABLE #NOOOOOOOOO #like i had an introspective moment like #i. i feel weird saying my name out loud #it felt like the same feeling of saying my deadname out loud like #AND THAT SHOULDNT HAPPEN. THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER MY NAME IS MY CHOICE #man there's no way. NO WAYYYY #THREE YEARS OF AKAASH CMON MANNNN

[ghostzzy]

why am i awake!!!!

#i know why but it is incredibly inconvenient!!!! i have SO MANY THINGS TO DO TOMORROW!! 😩 #someone save me from my revenge bedtime procrastination turned pathetic introspection #richard siken you said i could have anything i wanted but i just couldn’t say it out loud #it’s terrifying! no one will ever want to sleep with you!!! #izzy.txt

[misericorsalvator]

Penny for your thoughts on other hunters? (In a general sense)

Well... We're all human. For that, we come in all sorts. But a hunter's life, 's not one you choose. You don't wake up one day, flip open the newspaper to the job postings, see "Hunters Wanted" and clock in the next day. Either you're raised in it, or... you fall into it. I don't know if either's more merciful. Suppose the former gives you more time to adjust.

As I said, there's all sorts. For every hunter that's devoted their life to protecting others, there's those who grow to see it as a sport. For every hunter who'd suffer so others wont, there's a hunter who just sees it as power. An excuse to be the same sorta monster they claim to hunt.

Hell, if humans couldn't be monsters, vampires wouldn't either. And hunters're only humans, thrown into inhuman circumstances. Took me too long to figure that one out.

...If the world were perfect, there'd be no need for us. But same as vampires say they protect their coteries and domains, hunters protect our families, our Cell, our towns and cities.

But 's damn easy to lose yourself in the fantasy. That you're holy and divine, that you're better because God sent you on this holy mission. Too many say that, and half of em use it to do thing that'd make God puke.

'S damn easy to think the rest of the world's a pit of monsters once it's hurt you. And you'd do anything to keep from getting hurt again.

#{ic} #{ask meme} #{thank you for the ask!} #{bit more introspective; not sure he'd Say all this out loud but those are his thoughts put on paper; #still swirling and figuring themselves out}

[awrittenrebirth]

👻☠️👽💀👻

oCtoBer'S Stream of Consciousness. 11/10/2022.

Hello, Hello. Hollow Hollow!

It is Spooktober and I feel good! ⭐️🕸🍁🌕 🌚 The Full moon is out in all it's glory and I have been going through the epic day-to-day that is my life!

I wish it was more epic in the adventure sense, but it has been epic in the "emotional me" - "realising things" sense.

It's ... a lot!

If I have something to share with the world and my close ones at the same time, it is that it can be overwhelming having the brain I have and so that is probably why I fell so liberated in writing this right now.

There is only so long one can go without feeling totally nutty.

I am proud to say, in combat of my stagnant energy or lack of expressing msyelf (and really In an act of reclamation), I have leant into being active again.

I have made an effort to move my body more but with that also a crippling bad habit of treating myself with copious amounts of coffee and terrible amounts of tobacco 🥲 LOTS of it.

ANYWAY we aren't about to go down the shame spiral! UwU

I have new energy to centre myself around and that is of the holiday-type. The I-am-going-away type.

Somewhere Tropical, somewhere rooted in family, even ancestral spirits. L'il Maurice 🪘⛱🏖🏝

My roots, my roots, my roots...

Anyway, that is me done for the night (morning?)

P.S How good is the sailor moon aesthetic?

P.P.S How good is Pink. Pink everything these days!

#thinking out loud #personal blog #introspection

[randomcanbian]

#the way op is talking about the wilds HAHAHA based!!! #god like--all fandoms have awful subgroups #but the wilds fandom seems to be the loudest and most active on twitter and the people there have the shittiest takes ever #not to mention how loud they are about how much they hate the writers and the male actors like--shut the fuck up #they lack any kind of introspection and compassion #like it is so fucking wild how they talk about how the characters make them better people and in the same breath say the most vilest things #also like LMFAO they're such huge fans of the actresses but then they say the worst stuff about the male actors? like lmao if they met you #in real life (the actresses) and knew what you've been doing they will absolutely HATE YOU #get it through your thick fucking skulls #that said though the handful of people i do respect are so fucking lovely i love them ;o; #it feels like we are on a raft holding on to each other and trying to love the show and appreciate the characters together and ignore #how mean and annoying those shitheads are