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sylvansleuth · 2 months

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Riz, you fucking cracked it!

#fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #dimension 20 #d20 #dropout #brian murphy #brennan lee mulligan #emily axford #ally beardsley #riz gukgak #we love a big brain murph moment #but also emily's hearteyes @ her husband kfadkfjgnf #sylvansleuthings

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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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halcyon-autumn · 6 days

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The bad kids are insane this episode. It's crit city. It's tactical genius. They are blowing through the kinds of monsters that make most dnd parties shit themselves. They've come SO FAR from the scared kids who died to cream corn and I am LIVING for the sheer competency on display here. No one is doing it like the bad kids are doing it.

#i love them #and that's not even getting into kristen's moment when she [redacted]#ally was insane for putting that together #fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #fhjy #fantasy high junior year #dimension 20 #the bad kids

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bisexualseraphim · 2 months

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You know what, fuck it. Let’s show some love for the “unpleasant” autistics.

For the autistics who are always accused of being angry or moody when all they’re doing is sitting there.

For the autistics who take everything literally and respond sincerely.

For the autistics who come across as “blunt” or “rude” for being honest.

For the autistics who are called “control freaks” for needing a sense of order and routine.

For the autistics who get told to shut up for infodumping about uncomfortable topics.

For the autistics who find it too exhausting to mask and pretend to be sunny and friendly.

“Unpleasant” autistics, I love you.

#It becomes more and more apparent to me that everyone’s an ally until an autistic person displays these symptoms #And I’ve fucking had enough #I also need a bit of self love here too tbh lol #autism #autistic #actually autistic #autism positivity #ableism #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #disabled #disability

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disco-troy · 3 months

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KG Beast had the worst time of his life after he shot Nightwing.

First he got beat up by Batman and abandoned in the snow

Then Nightwing himself beat him up (and told him a pun)

THEN The Batgirls lured him to their turf ON PURPOSE to beat him up

Damian nearly kills him

He gets beat up by a guy at the speed of light

and that's not even counting Kory's reaction!

Entire hired killer career OVER bc he shot one man

#the tone shift is so funny like as more and more people beat this man up it gets easier and easier #bruce has a drawn out fight in the artic #cass and steph just like have a fun time mugging this man in an ally #i realize the tone shifts of the books r to blame but i love the implication that hes just given up at this point hes not winning ever #dick grayson #kgbeast #batman #dc comics #wally west #damian wayne #cass #steph

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brennan-lee-mother · 3 months

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Between "Hey girlie", "What are you, four dogs?" and slowly pirouetting in the middle of a conversation with her parents, Kristen has truly reached critical levels of unhinged this season. And it's only the third episode.

#i love love love her energy its so fucking insane #hey girlie lives in my mind rent free #fantasy high junior year spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high #fhjy #dimension 20 #d20 #kristen applebees #ally beardsley #mera speaks

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bigfatbreak · 5 months

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Must be insane for Adrien to be living with a murderer and what is essentially a walking talking corpse lol

Sorry if you've already answered this but is the reason Adrian remembers everything because he's a creation of the miraculous?

If so does Felix remember everything? How is Felix in this au by the way?

Sentimonsters remember the last timeline for the most part~ and Felix is doing fine, doing his... best?

bonus:

Kagami is around too, she's just trapped by circumstance.

#my art #dad villain au #kagami tsurugi #felix fathom #adrien agreste #aka kagami and felix are trying to wear ladybug's colors to alert potential allies that they also remember the last timeline #but they also have to appear differently physically to hide themselves from hawkmoth realizing they remember the last timeline #felix has a rufus shinra side swoosh and per zoe's lovely lovely suggestion kagami has long hair #theyre both lookers tbh. standing in a room together is danger. esp with adrien involved lmao

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kelsh · 6 months

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“You were a friend when we needed it, and we won’t forget that. Should you ever need it, you have family in Baldur’s Gate.” - Zevlor

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chushanye · 13 days

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I love Kristen Applebees so much. She finds out she's expelled and is really calm about it, but she decides to make a strategic decision to trick her wack-ass cleric teacher into believing she is rejoining his church to find out more about the mystery. fake crying and everything. locked in. she's absolutely eating up her presidential candidate rival. is powering through emotional regulation when talking to her family. and i think "wow she's so fucking cool"... after watching her perform the worst flirting to get a girl to tell her information for that very same mystery. and then i think, "god she's the biggest loser to ever live" what a weirdo god bless

#get her on the complicated women podcast NOWWW #i dont wanna hear people being dense about the character decisions ally is making btw #kristen is flawed and messy and i love it yall are not about to treat kristen acting like a dick as ally the irl person being a dick #kristen applebees #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy #fantasy high junior year

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cassietgirl · 8 months

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