mitski, strawberry blonde / chen chen, from “when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities” / art by ellen he (@littleyellowleaves) / E.C., love freely / dermot bolger, from “ontario terrace, rathmines,” that which is suddenly precious
venus in scorpio vs. "the one who cares less wins"
in my experience, as a venus in scorpio, when someone doesn't seem to care about me, doesn't seem to look out for me, i don't develop stronger feelings for them. i only feel unsafe and on guard.
so much of my own feelings of intimacy, platonic or otherwise, only arise when I feel utterly safe with someone. the most emotional high that i am able to feel for someone depends on how surrendered i feel i can be with them, which in itself is a rare feeling to cultivate even on my own.
caring less for me is the worst way to get me to express myself authentically, or get me to feel anything wonderful. people who've done that to me in the past usually got my earth angel pisces ascendant eventually. it's a convenient armor i put on for dealing with unfamiliar people. it's unconditional kindness as a defense and as a principle. but i will literally be unable to feel anything sexual for them. and though there may still be lingering feelings of affection it's bound to burn up as more fear piles up on top of it until, finally, my brain decides they're too unsafe and puts them on the other side of that wall. i will always care, but open up? be myself? not so much.
there's not much to actually win by caring less or loving less or expressing yourself less. love needs safety.
what turns me on is pretty simple and cliché. someone who can love heroically, in a way, even if it's quiet. someone who keeps their word. who is a person of honor. who will not switch personalities. who is safe. who cares so much and loves so much and loves everything.
I love Runaan and Ethari. I think that their love is do pure and I wanted to pass that on my drawing.
I Also wanted to make it difficult for someone( who does not know the characters ) to guess their genders because their genders do not matter. They could have been girls or boys or a girl and a boy or non-binary and their love would be the same.❤️
you don’t actually have to be obsessed with something. to consider it a hobby. you can paint once a week or once a month if you can’t do it everyday. you can use your skateboard twice a year. you can have one song off the album in your playlist if you don’t like the rest of the album. you can buy a piece of clothing in a different style without changing your entire wardrobe. we are flexible animals. we can change whenever we want. don’t ever feel guilty for not “enjoying something enough”. enjoying anything at all for any period of time is beautiful and will never be a waste of your time.
Today I revisited some videos about the hardships BTS faced and continue to push against. I'm not sure why-- perhaps I was feeling more introspective today than usual.
As I pondered on the history of the unfounded negativity that seems to trail after BTS like a pack of hyenas waiting for any moment of weakness, I couldn't help but wonder why. Specifically why people choose to live that way.
Moving past BTS, how anyone could live their life looking for things to hate or deciding they dislike something because of cultural, social, or religious biases is beyond my rational. It sounds like an absolutely exhausting existence.
So my sleep-delirious mid came up with this gem:
If you live your life with unbridled prejudice against new things, experiences, or people, you will never know how to find joy.
Nurturing Warrior, don’t constrict others with your love for them by keeping them and their unique beauty for your benefit alone. An analogy to put this idea in better context would be the relationship between an expectant mother and her burgeoning child. The mother cannot keep her baby in her womb until she crosses the threshold of this earthly Life. If she were to accomplish this act, the baby would not have space to grow and develop into their purpose: the opportunity to experience existence on earth. Unfortunately, the asphyxiated, confined, and trapped human being would be fatally defeated by the debilitating qualities of such a cruel, obsessive, and selfish love. In sum, Love never confines, and True Love liberates!
?? \\ david wojnarowicz when i put my hands on your body \\ e.c. love freely \\ madeline miller the song of achilles \\ mary oliver west wind \\ @apollomusing \\ richard siken \\ mahmoud darwish a river dies of thirst \\ jeanette winterson why be happy when you could be normal?
One of the most annoying things I find about people when they are asked why you love someone is when they say, “I just do. I don’t need a reason to love you.” Excuse me? Why are you there then? If you don’t have a reason to love them why stay? You have to have a reason to love them. Any reason. If you only love them because of what they offer tell them. If you only love them because you are afraid to be alone definitely tell them. Enough with this I don’t want to hurt them. You staying and not being honest with them is hurtful. Stop bullshitting people and just be honest. Be honest with yourself first tho. Know why you love someone. And once you find out why never stop telling them. Never let them forget how that heart of theirs makes you even more in love or how the way they caress your cheek. Anything tell them every way. Don’t hold back. Love freely! Love effortlessly!