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#love me some dysfunctional siblings
gelloonnery · 2 years
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Therapists would have a fuckin FIELD day with these little bitches
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irregularbillcipher · 2 months
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demon show is one of the biggest examples of a fanbase doing a lot of heavy lifting to play around with/explore premises that the show doesn't seem interested in, but are wildly entertaining
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zanathan-aisling · 2 years
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mary doesn’t know what a gay person is enough to be homophobic towards gary
#ib spoilers#(written after All Of This: Apologies for the brain vomit.)#this eventually turns into a screed against liking sibling ships LMFAO#ok now the tags begin:#thats the only thing stopping her#(semi-joking. like lol heehee mary hostility moments but. honestly i'm not sure she even dislikes him particularly????????)#(like. replaying the game. she's more frustrated than anything at him + obviously thinks the 'bunnies' are cute)#(she doesn't HATE the guy and has some sorta warped affection for 'im in that 'rips up your heart flower in a loves-me-not game' way but.)#(still clearly sees him as an Obstacle more than anything. a means to an end.)#(jealous of ib's trust in him in their dysfunctional three-person found family dynamic BECAUSE SHE CAN ONLY CONTEXTUALIZE#HER BABY-BRAIN AFFECTION FOR IB AS A SISTERLY THING BC WRAPPING THIS AROUND SHE DOES NOT FUCKING KNOW WHAT A GAY PERSON IS#also for the record i said this before but i Do Not Ship Them!!! and frankly mary would move on by the time she realizes what being gay actu#actually is. she's like 9 and ib was the first girl she met in her age group. we aren't having any funny buisiness here thats gross.#i. hate explaining that every fucking time i bring this up but i cannot stress enough how unwelcome *those* sorts of shipping-brains are.#it sucks. i just want to discuss the definitely-embarrassing-to-her-#.-later-in-life motives of the human sacrificing painting girl and insinuate she's gay without the precident of FREAKS getting wierd aboutit#ANYWAYS CITRUS FUCKING *SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS* AND IF YOU SUPPORT FICTIONALIZED GLORIFICATIONS OF STEP-SIBLING SHIT DIE fJHKSDHGLKJSDG#*cough* anyways but yeah mary doesn't know what a gay person is
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1-8oo-wtfbro · 6 months
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does it bother anyone else how Jonathan is so obviously the third parent in the Byers household? Joyce’s reaction to him when they couldn’t find Will in the morning, the way it’s so obvious he has way more responsibilities than a sixteen year old should…
i understand Joyce is upset, but this scene just kinda made me stop and think about how dysfunctional this entire dynamic is, and how Joyce does need help and support, but this is so destructive for Jonathan.
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aceyanaheim · 2 years
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you really just put siblings with Resentment out the ass but also Love like so much love at the end of it all in front of me and I go feral huh
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gotham-daydreams · 6 months
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Oh my god due to the recent Alfred ask it makes me wonder and scream at the thought if there has ever been a moment when Reader asked Alfred if there's something else they can call him. Like DAD perhaps...(and this can go for different routes and so many juicy things, but ill get into that later).
But since the backstory is up to us, I like to think the Reader has a bio family which was questionable(maybe I'm projecting), so they never had a good track record with their dad and then Bruce adopted them and we know that didn't end well.
So when they ask Alfred if there's something else they can call him ( a lil show that they do see him closer than anyone and that he's important to us.) We could have gone back and forth with him talking about what to call him and stuff when we jokingly say something along the lines of "maybe not Dad since my track record with such isn't the best." Maybe they open up to Alfred about how their family/ life was before they were adopted by the batfam. Maybe even admit they can't see anyone as a dad figure after them (😭), so the thought is uncomfy for them( this hits in so many ways.) Or how they're scared if they call him dad something will change about Alfred and become like their 'dads'.
Which will undoubtedly hit some strings with Alfred. Seeing as how every 'dad' has failed them to the point they can't fathom or be comfortable with seeing or thinking of someone as a dad. But the fact that BRUCE had played a part in it 💀... Which is what's making the Reader confused and feel unsecured in his own personal relationship with the Reader (on what to call him, but probably in other stuff as well).
Back to the top part of the reader asking what they can call him, and they end up at something along the lines or at calling Alfred Dad.
It will undoubtedly make his heart squeeze and scrumble( One way could be he's being called 'Dad' after so long). Probably make Alfred a lot closer to the reader than before. Probably stepping up to the title and being closer taking care of Reader even more, now that he knows they have that emotional bond( stronger than before and the permission).
For little cute ideas/cenerios I imagine he makes an even greater effort to come to our plays and tournaments and sit front row probably recording.( in a reserved seat next to all the other empty ones 😒). And get a lil prissy when he can't make it (ESPECIALLY IF ITS BC OF THE BATFAM). He asks some of the organizers to record it specifically for him if they aren't doing it already, so he can watch it live (or once handed to him)while doing whatever keeps him from going. All so he can talk about it with us when we come back home and show how proud of us he is.
Definitely gets us gifts for each performance/ tournaments. If he was present he would walk with us a while after it ended and get us ice cream or out for a celebratory dinner. 😭
Okay but now for the lil angst part in that moment when we settle on what to call Alfred whenever it would be similar or is Dad or a different title all together that would be the moment we lose any real attachments to the Batfam. Not seeing them as siblings or parental figures anymore. At most just wanted to impress them but that quickly died off and just just focused on what we do have.
Alfred would also know that that was the moment or the end of the falling bridge with the Batfam and Reader. Which would probably hurt him cause the Batfam is still his family, but now he also has us and sees our neglect and what the batfam's consequences are. Probably breaking his own hope of us being accepted/ integrated into it and the Batfam to being back a normal dysfunctional but loving family with us in it.
Okay but the real ANGST. It's not just the reader and Alfred having heart to heart or other situations between the two of them. BUT INSTEAD BRUCE HEARING READER CALL ALFRED THE TITLE WE SETTLED ON. And it doesn't have to be only Bruce that would work for angst because the others are smart so if they hear Reader call Alfred by the title... They know it doesn't correlate to them and their relationship of being Reader's sibling because Alfred isn't that title to them. Connecting and discovering at the same time that the Reader doesn't see them as siblings and hasn't for a time they weren't even aware of.
Imagining just Bruce sneaking away and thinking by himself or even confronting Alfred 😩😩. The Batkids doing their research seeing Reader live their life completely disconnected from theirs only hammering that Reader doesn't see them as family. The only thing connecting to them being Alfred and even Alfred is a different role in Reader's life than in theirs.
Maybe Batfam finds out about what the Reader tried to get their attention only to give up, maybe they don't and just see the Reader slipping away until the Reader becomes a foggy memory again until the Reader moves away like in the [Not] series everything follows.
Hope you enjoy 🥰🥰💕 drink water 💦
Yeah!!! And since there is another ask that's about the reader considering Alfred their dad, and how Bruce would react to that, I won't be going too much into how Bruce himself would react since I'd like to explain it there when I get to it- but I will say that in very, very simple terms. Bruce is not happy about it. At all.
As for how the whole name thing would start? Alfred would definitely say that you can call him whatever you'd like, but will definitely silently try to nudge you in the direction of calling him dad or something akin to that. He may not expect it to work right away, especially in this scenario where the reader already has a messy relationship with people who were supposed to be their father's in the past. However, when you do call him dad or something similar, he is literally about to cry.
He won't cry in front of you! But he might later-
Regardless, words cannot express the amount of joy he feels when that happens, and as you've mentioned, Alfred does try to not let you down. Unwilling to become another reason why you have a hard time seeing people as your father, or father-figure. He feels more inclined to look after you above everyone else, and tries even harder to be present. There isn't a single event of performance that he'll miss willingly, and even if he does- he has his ways of making it up to you, even if you know that it was out of his hands.
I think a neat detail would also be that the amount of unoccupied seats next to him slowly shorten with time. It starts off with there being a seat for everyone in the Batfam, but as time goes on the amount begins to dwindle, until there's just one for him. Maybe with the occasional one other seat beside him if it's for an event, and you get to sit next to him before going or doing whatever you have to. Further showing how you, as the reader, begin to care less and less about the Batfam, and really only see/recognize Alfred as your family. As there is only one reserved seat for him at each and every performance and tournament.
I think the idea of the Batfam noticing this and trying to fix it, yet the reader still being able to slip away, and them forgetting all over again is both just out right heartbreaking and infuriating.
Like, can you imagine as a neglected!reader, finally having your family notice you (despite you growing used to their lack of attention at this point), only to have them forget you exist all over again? Or just forget about you enough to where you still leave without saying much of anything, and only leave behind a note to the one person you considered family?
And imagine the Batfam- not only feeling, but knowing that they've failed you more than they could ever imagine? Not only making you feel alone and isolated in your own home, since they never noticed you, not only once, but twice? That's borderline unforgivable. They noticed you, and somehow still managed to neglect you all over again. It's astonishing, really. Maybe they do have powers after all.
But really- how I could see that happening is if they get too busy with the idea of you rather you yourself, if that makes sense?
Through their research and everything, they form a version of you in their heads that they're all clinging onto, that they unintentionally don't give the real you a chance. Hell, they don't even give themselves a chance to even see it as they drown in their own delusions. Stuck with plans and ideas they ultimately never saw through, either because they were far too worried to further mess things up (like a certain brooding bat), or were far too certain of the outcome and therefore came up with more ideas and plans that they ended up not doing. Like a certain robin who, after two generations, finally wore pants. So by the time they realize their mistake, (which probably happenss when one of them finally decides to actually act on a plan they made) you're gone. Lost to the wind. Like a distant whisper they nevr quite heard, but dreamed about encountering ever since. Forgetting that chasing and searching were things they could do right from the start instead.
Though Alfred and the reader having a heart to heart? Please, we could all really use that. Forget about how horrible Alfred is behind the scenes- we need the closest thing we can get to a positive influence in this family. Or really just a good source of comfort, honestly.
Though his dying hope does break his heart, he just takes it as another opportunity to fill in the shoes of being your father. Even if at this point it means being your only family out of everyone in the Batfam, then so be it. He'll just have to fill in where they refuse to, but he doesn't mind since it gets him more time with you- and I can imagine that, despite the hurt of realizing that you'll never be 'fully' apart of the Wayne family, at least you have a part with Alfred and the Pennyworth's. And there is some comfort and reassurance that comes with that. Since, while you may not be able to have this big, huge family- at least you have this small, comfortable one right here with Alfred.
Hell, this time around Alfred might even fully support the reader moving away, as he's more certain than ever that he'll still have that connection with them. That he and the reader will actually communicate, and as long as he can still see them and so on- he doesn't mind.
He'll let the Batfam run around, and play dumb at all the right moments with that sassy, sarcastic attitude of his. Letting them know that they've wasted their opportunity- wasted the one real chance they had with you, and probably won't be getting another one.
After all, it isn't his fault that they fucked up. If anything, he's probably the only reason why the reader is connected to the Batfam at all, or even associates with them the smallest amount. It isn't because of Bruce or any of the others. It's because of Alfred. Even if he won't say it out loud, he'll make sure that they all know it one way or another, and though Alfred doesn't necessarily view himself as cruel- he wouldn't mind throwing a little shade if it meant emphazing that point a little further.
You are his kid. His family. Why would they think otherwise?
On a lighter, more wholesome note, I definitely agree with the more light/cuter ideas!!
Alfred is definitely spoiling you if he can help it, and will poorly disguise his favoritism- though probably would stop even trying to hide it all together at some point.
There is never a moment where Alfred doesn't/won't remind you of how proud of you he is, and how much you've improved. He isn't afraid to admit that you're doing a good job or doing the right thing, even if you can be reckless at times, to your face. And if you end up doubting your ability, or just yourself as a whole, Alfred will definitely be there to comfort you, and remind you of how well you've been doing and reiterate how proud you make him.
He wants you to know that he'll always be there for you, and by the time you leave, you still feel that.
Alfred also makes sure to check up on you and tend to your needs, along with spend time with you in other ways- which does include, but isn't limited to; watching films at home, baking/cooking together, sewing, reading, tending to the garden, and just generally being in each other's space. Maybe even a small hang out outside of the manor if you both can help it.
Nevertheless, that was a fun read, and I fully agree!! Make sure to drink some water and rest up too!
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secondhand-snow · 2 months
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a body of impulses
chapter 2: feeling like unraveling
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lukas matsson x f!roy! reader (succession)
★ chapter 1 ★ | ★chapter 3★
wc: 9.0k+
warnings: super dysfunctional family, fluff first then angst, roman roy as his own warning, season 3 finale as its own warning, mentions of manipulation, drinking, smut, virgin!reader, inexperienced!reader, corruption kink (for real this time), dick pics, mention of phone sex, making out, dry humping/grinding, biting, pussyjobs, cum play/eating, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), aftercare, no use of y/n
summary: Lukas is amazing. He's tender, he's deviant, he's everything for you. But you're still worried, your family has never seen a beautiful thing that they haven't wanted to break.
author's note: chapter 2 is here, thank you for all the love on chapter 1! i hope you love it as much as i loved writing it ♡ be warned that this is heavy on the plot of episodes 3.08 and 3.09, so if you haven't watched the full show you may get a bit lost. please consider liking, commenting, or reblogging if you enjoyed!
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You have a tendency to get anxious when things are good for too long. A few weeks without a family fight, a month without a scandal, half a year without Kendall relapsing; nice things usually end in flames in your family. They make you superstitious, always looking around the corner for something to jump out and fuck everything up. So, when Lukas is good, you get scared. You expect some kind of backhand. A threat of blackmail, a tweet exposing your promiscuity, a package of anthrax at your door. 
It never comes.
He calls you every night, your timezone, not his. Listens to you talk about your day and doesn’t press when you can’t give him details on the company. He loves to send you pictures, just of him doing the most mundane things. Lukas on a Zoom meeting, Lukas working out, Lukas eating dinner. Together, you fall into something almost domestic. It’s still a secret. You don’t open his messages in public, stay far away from any conversations about him at work that could lead a blush to your face. But when has anything in your life been completely honest?
He’s been begging for a while now to fly you out to Sweden. You know it’s a risk you shouldn’t take at the moment, but you entertain him anyway. When you ask why he wants to see you so badly, he says he misses you. Then he says he wants to fuck you on his desk.
 That almost convinces you, and you’re about to start packing when a roadblock emerges. Your dad asks you to come with him and your siblings to Italy, for Caroline’s wedding. You hadn’t been planning on going, she wasn’t your mom and you didn’t have much of a relationship with her. In fact, you actually thought she secretly hated you, something to do with how quickly Logan married your mom after their divorce. Regardless, you didn’t want to go to the wedding. But when Logan Roy calls, you come. Always.
So the bags were repacked and you found yourself on a different private jet with your siblings, once again at the mercy of your family.
“She’s probably in sexual thrall to him. He’s driving her wild with his sugar dick.” Siobhan spoke matter of factly, completely oblivious to how absurd her words sounded. Still, it wasn’t the strangest conversation of hers you’d walked in on. “So there’s nothing we can do.”
 Roman was perched across the aisle from Tom and Shiv, sitting oddly in his seat, running his hand through his hair while he spoke. “All right, fine. Let him kill her for her emeralds and… screw us out of the fucking firm. See if I care.”
“Mommy issues?” You spoke up, setting your bag down on a free seat before moving to lean over the back of Shiv’s chair, kneeling on the seat behind it.
“Always. I didn’t know you were coming?” Rome turns to address you, eyebrows coming together in question.
“Dad drafted me. I think he just wants to terrorize Caroline with my presence.”
“I think you torment her enough by just existing. She doesn’t get to be the perfect mother of Logan Roy’s prodigal children.” Shiv pitched in, finally acknowledging your presence with a little smile.
“I don’t think I’m even invited to all the events. He’s just gonna have me working on the GoJo deal the whole time.”
“Oh! About the deal, I was talking to Karl and Frank-” Tom is addressing Roman more than you, but still gives you the courtesy of eye contact before your brother cuts him off. 
“Yeah, no, you’re not really a part of that. Either of you, actually.” Rome nods his head to the couple, a smirk on his face charged by his current power trip.
“Well, I am.” Shiv interjects, annoyed.
“Well, I can’t fire you yet Shiv, because I’m still a little bit scared of you. But, my thinking is, when I take over, I’m gonna put you in the office next to mine and you’re gonna be my sexy secretary.” You just shake your head at Roman’s comment while he turns to head back to his seat. 
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Siobhan is more irritated than really upset, going back to her phone as Roman leaves the conversation.
“I dunno. We’re working on it.” He taps the back on his legs in a rhythm before sitting down. “Ongoing process.”
You address Tom, seeing the confusion in his eyes that people tend to get when talking to your brother. “We’re just working on outlining terms. Honestly, Gerri would be better to ask for specifics. I don’t know how much Dad wants me to say.”
Tom just nods in thanks, which you return with a small smile before heading to your seat. You’re across the aisle from Roman, who’s already curled up and ready to nap on the flight. Taking out your phone, you see a new message from Lukas, covertly labeled in your phone with just an “L.” You turn the screen away from your company, making sure to not catch the reflection in the window as you open his text.
Stockholm is a 4 hour flight to Italy. 
Is it? I’ll be in the air for at least 10 hours.
10 hours without talking to you?
I think you can manage it.
I don’t know about Italy. I can’t be held responsible for what I do when I’m in the same country as you.
It’s a risk. 
Will there be a reward?
…I’ll text you when we land.
He sends a picture of himself doing a kissing face. You send a heart emoji in response, hiding your face with your hand to conceal your smile. 
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It turns out that you were invited to a few events of Lady Caroline’s wedding. Not the ceremony, of course, but at least you were allowed to attend the receptions leading up to it. You weren’t going to be cooped up in a hotel room all weekend, signing documents and having Facetime sex with your not-boyfriend. In fact, you ended up at one of these events just a little after your arrival, a garden party full of snobby aristocrats and expensive champagne. It’s too hot out for your liking, you're already sweating in your semi-formal sundress and downing your second glass of cold bubbly. 
You end up with Shiv, partially blocked from the sun by the shadow of her hat, quietly snickering at her and Tom’s jokes about a clueless cousin Greg. It’s surprisingly calm for one of your family gatherings, no shouting or challenging or worse. The tranquility snaps like a twig with a ding on your phones.
“Uh- Matsson…” Shiv speaks first, the two of you pulling out your phones simultaneously, her angling her screen to share it with Tom. A message from Karolina leads you to Matsson’s twitter page, and his latest tweet. It’s a goofy gif of his face with a Snapchat filter on it, the text reading ‘Going to Macao, feeling lucky.” You’re half excited, half alarmed. You don’t really know if you should believe it at first but, against your better judgment, you hope it’s true. Hope he’s just an hour or two from you, the closest he’s been in weeks.
 “What? Going to Macao? Feeling lucky?” Tom squints against the sun to see the Tweet before pulling out his own phone. “The fuck is that?”
“You get this thing from Karolina? It’s off the radar and now this? Is this- is it a move?” Gerri’s entrance is quick, followed closely behind by Roman. You open your mouth and close it again, not sure if your words will betray your duplicity.
“It, um, it could be…could be nothing, you know? Fucking social media fireworks!” Roman’s hand is threaded through his hair, the silver watch on his wrist glinting in the light.
“‘Going to Macao, feeling lucky.’” Gerri repeats the four words, she’s as flabbergasted as everyone in this little Waystar circle. Business has once again interfered with pleasure. “Is he trying to boost his price?”
“Is he just rocking the boat?” Shiv’s voice is unsure, wavering from her usual monotone state. “Or trying to blow up the deal? I mean, has he got good subscriber numbers coming in?”
“Maybe he’s just going to Macao and he’s feeling lucky.” Tom chimes in as Rome steps away from the group, phone pressed to his ear in a call you can’t fully hear.
“I mean, yeah… It’s not out of his archetype to post something like this.” You shrug, not sure what to contribute that hasn’t already been said. 
Roman finishes his call, turning back to you to speak. “I don’t know, it’s like, his thing. He’s a- a trickster.”
“Okay. Well, sounds cool. Is he gonna, like, steal our watches and fucking saw the deal in half?” Shiv’s getting upset, you know she likes control and she’s too far removed from this deal to do anything about Matsson’s stunts. 
“Maybe!”
“You’re supposed to be inside this Rome!”
“Hey, it’s gonna be fine. Mattson’s not stupid, he wouldn’t deliberty fuck this deal and announce it to the world on Twitter.” You’re trying to reason with your siblings, though it’s not really working. Roman mostly ignores you, Siobhan rolls her eyes. Atleast Gerri and Tom look somewhat appreciative for your input. 
“I am inside, Leave it.” 
You’re done with the dialogue, done with being the peacemaker and getting stepped over by your narcissistic siblings. You throw your hands up, phone held in one and the other in a flat palm to signify your retreat before you walk away from the cluster. You hear Greg say something behind you but don’t bother to answer him, instead moving to find a quiet place far away from your siblings.
You end up in a corner somewhere, mostly blocked by trees and bushes, a little cubby hole you hoped was private enough to not be listened in on. Your fingers nimbly click through the apps on your phone, pausing briefly before pressing the call button on Lukas’s contact. It rings once, twice. Then, an answer.
“When are you coming over? Should I send you a helicopter?”
“Macao?” Your voice is higher than normal, laced in shock and thrill.
“Closer than we’ve been in weeks.” The smile is apparent in his voice, he’s pleased with himself, you hate it. And love it.
“You’re fucking insane. I didn’t think you were serious!” 
“Yeah, I am. I’ll send my jet over.”
“Oh my God, I still cannot believe you. I can’t- my family is on high alert after your little rogue Tweet.” You laugh, not really mad at him, just eager and amazed.
“Oh come on, that was nothing.”
“It was a play to keep them on guard and you know it.”
“Well, partially. It’s for the numbers too. And for your attention.”
“It’s so hard to be away from you when you do shit like this…”
“Oh yeah? You miss me?” It’s a taunt, he knows the truth even if you deny it. So, you’re honest.
“You know I do.”
“Mmm… I miss you too. Keep thinking about what I’ll do when I see you again.”
“Lukas… I’m in public…” You can’t help but glance around, be sure you’re alone when he starts talking like this. His plan is already so clear to you.
“So you don’t want me to tell you about all the ways I’ll fuck you?”
“... Don’t do this to me now.”
“It’ll be just us in this house. I’ll take you wherever I want to. You can scream as loud as you want, don’t have to be worried about someone hearing.” His voice drops, there’s a small rustling on the phone. His words shoot straight to your core, a sensation beginning to form there.
“I’m at a fucking wedding party and you’re getting me turned on. You’re evil.”
“You love it.” You pause a moment, taking a deep breath and steeling yourself before responding. 
“I’ll call you tonight. Please be careful.”
He chuckles.“I will.”
When you hang up, your text thread with Lukas is immediately graced with a photo of his dick, hard and gripped tightly in his fist. It makes you inhale sharply, curse under your breath at the growing need between your thighs. You text him back, simply writing “Fuck you.” before clicking your phone off. It takes you a few minutes of breathing exercises, but you’re able to calm your desire and soothe the blush in your cheeks before returning to the party.
Nobody asks where you went, nobody even really cared that you were gone. You can blame it on Connor’s show of making a proposal, or Matsson’s antics occupying everyone’s minds, but this is how it always is with you. The good child. The innocent daughter. Forever right where she needs to be, never in anyone’s way, constantly willing to help. You disappear when you aren’t wanted, you emerge only when you’re useful. The perfect loyalist, somehow being turned to a deserter.
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Lukas leaves Monaco before you can sneak away to see him. You know it’s for the better, but it’s still a disappointment. You resign to finish the family trip and visit Sweden as soon as you get home to New York, going along with the planned events, a false smile plastered on your face. It’s during Caroline’s bachelorette in Cortona when your plans change. You were nursing a glass of wine, silencing your discontent at the rooftop bar when Gerri approached you.
She dragged you around to speak with Roman, revealing that your Dad had once again put you on babysitting duty. Logan wanted Rome to go talk to Mattson at his house in Switzerland, and wanted you to keep him in line. He couldn’t trust Roman to not fuck the deal, but he didn’t want you to speak to Mattson alone. So, you were recruited to accompany Rome. Speak just enough to stop him from saying something stupid, but not enough to draw attention. It was a game you were good at, one you had been practicing since youth. You were loyal to a fault, and Logan always used it to his advantage. 
Lukas is ecstatic when you tell him you’re coming. Less so when he learns Roman is accompanying you, but still thrilled. You ask him for discretion, first nicely and then sternly. You can’t afford to make your relationship, whatever it is, public. He knows this too, knows what your family would do if they found out, but can’t help teasing. It’s only a day after Logan’s request that you board a helicopter, headed to Lake Maggiore. Headed to Lukas.
Roman is oddly quiet on the flight, constantly on his phone or looking out the window, eyes blank. You know him well enough to see the anxiety clouding his mind, feel the nervous energy radiating off his body. You reach over to him and hold his hand. He looks annoyed. He doesn’t drop it. You squeeze his fingers gently, he returns the motion, lets you quietly comfort him until you land.
 Lake Maggiore is beautiful, surrounded by the Alps and lush vegetation, villas and lake homes dotting the shores of the water. You move straight from the helicopter to a boat, which immediately takes off at high speeds, skating over the surface of the lake. The wind fucks up your hair, blows up the skirt of your sundress, almost makes you loose your sunglasses. When you finally dock, you quickly pull out your phone, using it as a mirror to fix your smudged makeup and windswept hair before your host arrives. Roman gives you a weird look, silently judging you for putting effort into your appearance. As if he doesn’t spend hours in front of the mirror every morning styling his hair to look perfectly imperfect. 
When Lukas’s frame finally emerges from the hedges of his property, you have to bite your lower lip to hide your smile. He’s so himself, wearing sweatpants and a plain t-shirt, not bothering with real shoes, just a pair of casual slip-ons. It almost hurts to see him and not be able to immediately kiss him. Jesus, your inner monologue sounds like something from a cheesy rom-com. You feel so love-struck, it makes you crinkle your nose in embarrassment. 
The boat is tied up to the dock now, Roman perched on the side trying to make it onto solid land. The waves rock the vehicle back and forth, knocking him off balance and ruining his attempt at disembarking. 
“Do you want me to hold your hand?” Lukas has one hand in his pocket, the other reached out to Rome, close enough for him to grab. If he wanted to. “Come on, I’ll hold your hand.”
“Piss off.” Roman swats his hand away, finally moving off the boat with a small jump. You move, taking his place on the edge of the boat. It’s a bit unsteady, but you manage getting on to the dock in just a few seconds. You shoot a smug smile at Roman before following the two of them up some steps, away from the water and onto Lukas’s yard.
“It’s nice to see you again, man.” Roman speaks first, breaking the silence that had fallen over you three.
“Yeah, yeah. Long time.” Lukas has his usual posture, slightly hunched and lanky, with his hands in his pockets nonchalantly. 
“This is an amazing place!” Rome looks around, you continue to follow him and Lukas through the lawn, letting them lead you as you observe.
“Yeah...”
“No?”
“I don’t know, it kind of freaks me out, to be honest.” 
“Oh, yeah?”
“When I got it, I wanted everything to be perfect.” You climb a few steps, the group arriving at an outdoor pool area, lined with shrubs and facing the lake. “Now I’m sleeping on a camping mat until I get a deep dive on the best mattress in the world. It’s great- it’s great. I’m just not feeling great. I mean… I’m fine… Well, but, not really.”
You frown at his words. You want to reach out, hold his hand, touch his back, do something to comfort him. But it would be too obvious, too impulsive. Instead you nod sympathetically, catching his gaze for a moment.
“Maybe let’s leave the little feeley-feelings out of it. Cause I’m gonna give you nothing. Nothing!” Roman’s half joking. He hates emotions, tries to diffuse bad ones with humor, even if it feels inappropriate.
“Roman.” Your tone is a warning, pushing your sunglasses back on your head to give him a glare before turning to Lukas. “I get it. You want the best, but you don’t realize how boring perfection is when you always have it.” 
“Yeah, yeah. Success.. It doesn’t interest me anymore. It’s too easy. It’s fucking… anyone can do it. Analysis plus capital plus execution. But failure… that’s a secret.” Lukas is looking at you like you’re the only person in the world when he speaks. Sometimes he thinks you can see into his soul, you somehow know him better than anyone. He takes his sunglasses off, using the collar of his shirt to hold them. His blue eyes look directly into yours.“What are you worst at?”
“Well… I… am never telling you any of my weaknesses. Ever. Never, ever, ever.” Roman breaks into the conversation again, disrupts the eye contact between you two. “And I won’t let her tell you any either. Stuff a sock in her mouth, a ball gag or something.”
“That’s smart.”
“I know, I am smart.”
“Cause I ream people. Juice em like oranges. I get way too into people, and they disappoint me.” He looks at Roman when he says that, but you can’t help but take his words as a warning. Things moved fast between you and Lukas, you’ve barely known him for a few weeks and were already opening your heart to him. Letting him into your mind, letting him rearrange the furniture there like he owns it. “Hey, I’m thinking of doing like a- quarterly up and outs at the company.”
“Oh, yeah. Firing people is like, 85% of why I get up in the morning.” Roman shrugs when he talks, moving to take his sunglasses off and hold them in his hand. “But, uh.. I do want to ask you about that tweet, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh the…” Lukas laughs, looks at you, back to Roman. He makes a face, sticking out his tongue to mimic the Snapchat filter on his tweet. “That one.”
“Yeah. Seriously, yes. You got like, big shit coming your way?” Rome uses his free hand to run his fingers through his hair.
“...Are you- are you asking me for material nonpublic information?” Lukas’s grin is lopsided, he’s testing the two of you, seeing how far you’re really going to go.
“Maybe. Were you trying to get your share price up by tweeting unverifiable information outside of normal disclosure channels?” You cut in, raising your eyebrows at him, tilting your head in a way a little too close to flirting. Roman smiles at that, watches you exercise your knowledge like a proud father.
Lukas’s voice is mocking, a fake sad cartoon tone coming over it. “No, you’re not allowed to do that.” He moves his hands to his eyes, pretending to wipe his tears. “So mean.”
“Do you want this deal? Are you into it… like, at all?” Roman asks next. You’ve moved a bit from your area at the pool, following Matsson as he slowly circles the water. 
“Yeah, I am. I’m just a little Swedish, you know? I’m.. into equality.” He moves nonchalantly, like this deal isn’t as serious as it is. “I like getting into bed with people, but I also like to share it equally.”
“More of a merge than a takeover.” It isn’t a question, and it isn’t directed at Lukas. You turn to Roman as you say it, verbalizing what you both were thinking. Lukas just hums, doesn’t articulate a response. Even though you all know what it would be. 
“Okay. We’re just… heading to Milan to lock things down with our Dad and the bankers. And the tweet- it just didn’t feel great. If you’re hoping to blow this whole thing up, just tell me, okay?” Roman’s anxiety is back, you can see it in the tense way he’s started to move, in the higher tone of his voice.
“I just want to get myself the best. Of everything.” Lukas looks at you when he says it, darts his tongue out to lick his bottom lip. Roman’s too lost in his own head to notice it, or notice the way your breath catches in your throat. 
“Yeah, I fucking get that. Definlety.” Roman moves to pull out his phone, cursing under his breath when he reads a notification. “I uh- have to take a call really quickly. I’ll be in the boat, it shouldn’t take too long. Okay?” 
“Yeah, I’ll give her a tour.” Lukas shrugs, sounding indifferent. Rome nods at him, then you, and quickly takes off towards the dock, already lifting the phone up to his ear as he walks. 
You watch him leave, round the corner and leave your line of vision before turning to Lukas, face neutral save for a hint of a smile. He’s less composed than you, smiling broadly and staring into your eyes. He walks closer to you, wraps his arm around the small of your back.
“Wanna show me around?” You raise your eyebrows in question, slightly rocking back and forth on your feet. He sighs quietly, nods, and moves to extend an arm for you to hold. 
“There’s really not much to see. Your average rich person house.” You hold his arm, walking with him into the villa as he speaks. 
The interior is nice. Well, you’re sure it cost several million dollars to furnish, but that was the standard you were used to. It’s Italian inspired with a few modern elements. You take note of the high end appliances everywhere you go. A thousand dollar air purifier, a ten thousand dollar toilet, a hundred thousand dollar refrigerator. Lukas really did want the best for himself. The downstairs looks strangely perfect, like there wasn’t really anyone living there. Everything is clean and immaculate, no traces of human life. This trend continues into the upstairs, only stopping when he shows you the primary bedroom. His bedroom.
It’s simply decorated, a bed, desk, dresser. A large TV mounted on the wall across from his bed, nightstands, some artwork on the walls. There are a few large windows on the farthest side of the room, offering a view to the lake. Most things are black, or gray, with a few navy blue accents here and there. You had slipped off your shoes when walking around the house, now you let the fall to the floor from dangling on your finger. Stepping into the room, you walk until you round the bed, seeing a camping sleep matt rolled up and leaning on a wall. The sight brings a little smile to your face before you turn to Lukas’s desk, fingers grazing softly against the wood of it. 
He has a Macbook laying on it, a pair of over-ear headphones sitting next to it. There’s a cup with a few pencils and pens, a box of tissues. It’s not much, but it’s something. Above his desk sit a few wall mounted bookshelves, made of the same wood. The books on them are mostly motivational, shit that he definitely hasn’t read. One thing does catch your eye though, an older coding textbook written in Swedish. It looks worn, the spine cracked and the pages wrinkled. Your fingers move to trace along the row of books, following them until the shelf ends and you meet the wall behind it. 
“I like it. Very you.” You move your gaze back to Lukas, who’s been leaning in the doorway, watching you explore.
“Very me?”
“It’s exactly what I pictured.” You walk up to him as he steps inside, right at the foot of the bed, just a few inches apart. “Have you really been sleeping on a mat on the floor?”
“Yeah…” You wrap your hands around the back of his neck as his sentence trails off and he moves to grab your hips, closing the distance between you.
“Lukas, just sleep on the mattress. Your back is gonna get all fucked up.”
“Probably. I just- I don’t trust it. I want something I know is good, you know?”  His reasoning makes you roll your eyes.
“It’s better than a camping mat.”
“Hey- that’s the best camping mat money can buy.”
Your hand moves to cup his face, bringing him to you and planting a light kiss on his mouth. He tries to deepen it, follows your face when you pull away, looks like a sad puppy when you deny him.
“So you haven’t used the mattress at all…?” You smirk, quirking your eyebrows teasingly.
“Not yet…” Lukas grins, his eyes traveling from yours to your lips. “Why? Do you wanna help me break it in?”
You don’t answer, just smile, roll your eyes playfully, and move away from him. You turn so your back is facing the bed, and with all the drama you can muster, flop down onto the mattress. It cushions your fall nicely, though you do get left a bit breathless and giggly. Your knees dangle off the side of the bed, feet almost grazing the ground as you kick your legs. 
“It’s really not bad.” You don’t bother raising your head, just direct your words to him knowing he’ll hear. “Not the best, but definitely ‘trustworthy.’” Laughing when he sighs in response, you throw your arms up and stretch theatrically.
You feel a hand on your knee, spreading your thighs wider apart. He slots himself between your legs, moves his hand to your waist, and pulls you quickly to him. The bed is high enough that your hips meet each other roughly, a gasp escaping your mouth at the sudden pressure on your vulva. Lukas is already half hard, and making the most subtle movements to grind you perfectly against his cock. 
“Lukas… Roman is just outside…” You’re already a bit breathless, still allowing him to rub against you as you speak. He leans close to you, tall frame bending at the waist to brush his lips against your ear, still keeping his hips flush to your as he moves. 
“I guess we’ll have to be quick then.” He places a kiss to your jawline, starting a messy trail down your neck. Lukas pauses to nip the slope of your shoulder. “And you’ll have to be quiet.”
He lifts his head, eyes staring straight into yours, and waits for your response. Your lips are already parted, breath coming quick and cheeks flushed with desire. The lust clouds your judgment, as it always seems to do with Lukas. Impulse takes over and, with a hand threaded into his hair, you pull his mouth to yours roughly.  
It’s rushed and powerful. All teeth and tongue, no time for being gentle, no time for romantics. You bite his lip, he groans into your open mouth. Your legs move around his hips, keeping his body close as he ruts against your clothed core. His movements started soft and teasing, but now he’s fully thrusting against you, rough and wanting. It feels hard and hot, has your eyes shutting and your mouth whimpering. You love being close to him like this, hearing his panting in your ear, his lips on your throat, his chest pressed to yours. But it’s not quite enough. 
“Fuck Lukas, I need more.” He pulls his head from his attack on your throat, looks at you with a grin on his face.
“You need more?” You nod, a little frantically with a small hum. “Look at you, asking for things. Tell me what you want.”
You’re a bit hesitant, cheeks still red from the vulgarity of your situation. Your mouth opens and then closes again, biting your lower lip as you try to find the right words. His hand comes to your chin, fingers pressing into your cheeks as he forces your eye contact with him. 
“Tell me what you want.”
“I just want to feel you- really feel you.” Honestly, you don’t know exactly what you want. You’re so needy, you can feel how uncomfortably wet you’ve gotten and just need some kind of satisfaction. “You can fuck me.”
He shakes his head, still smiling. “No, not yet. I have plans for that, it’ll be special.” His words are a little shocking, but turn you on even more.
“Please Lukas. I need you.” Your voice is barely a whisper, laced with want. The motion of his hips has stopped and you feel yourself desperately grind yourself against him for some relief. His hands move to your hips to hold you in place, releasing the grip on your chin.
“I’m not taking your virginity in a quickie where I can’t even get you naked. And you need to be able to walk after this.” He moves and pushes your dress up, exposing the lower half of your body. “Here you’ll like this.”
 Your panties are soaked. His gaze moves down and he notices, gives a small chuckle, runs a finger up your clothed slit. It makes you shudder and whine deeply in your throat as a response. Hooking a finger around both sides of your panties, he pulls the fabric off with one quick motion, dropping them to the floor when he’s finished. He moves from between your thighs briefly, causing you to instinctively shut your legs. Lukas pulls down his pants then, just enough to expose his cock, hard and leaking already.
He moves back, uses a hand to gently spread your legs as the other grips the base of his cock. He’s so close, his dick hovering just above your cunt. Your eyes go wide with anticipation, a light gasp escapes from your lips. Then, Lukas moves. His hips angle downwards and, using his hand to guide his cock, he gently rubs his length over your slit. The feeling is immediately intense. It’s wet and strong and burning, and when his tip touches your clit you swear your vision goes white. You really can’t help the moan that escapes you, it’s Lukas that caused it. 
“Shhh… I know, I know. But you don’t want someone to hear.” He leans over you, presses a light kiss to your mouth and grabs one of your hands. Moving your hand over your mouth, he helps you press your palm to your lips, muffling the noises coming from your lips. You nod in response, keeping your hand there when he moves his away, gripping back on to your hips to hold you in place. “Don’t want everyone to know how I’m corrupting you.”
Another moan leaves your mouth at that, luckily much quieter due to your palm. Your free hand flys down, grips over his on your hip. He keeps moving, parting your lips and spreading wetness across your pussy, hitting your clit perfectly with each thrust. A curse leaves his throat when your back begins to arch, the white hot feeling in your cunt growing fast. You can almost feel the restraint leaving his body, feel the roll of his hips getting heavier, harsher. A tear rolls down your cheek, your eyes wet with the sheer strength of this new pleasure you’re experiencing. 
“Fuck, you’re doing so good, so quiet for me.” Lukas’s accent is thicker now, his head tipping back in pleasure as he ruts against you with abandon, chasing his climax. “So fucking beautiful like this.”
That’s all it really takes for you to fall apart, cumming on his cock. Your orgasm hits in a wave, making your thighs shake and eyes squeeze shut in ecstasy. You’re incredibly glad for the hand on your mouth as it muffles the high moan that leaves your lips. You don’t see him with your eyes shut, but the groans you hear let you know that Lukas is not far behind you. A few mascara stained tears run from your eyes when you open them again, your gaze being met with Lukas’s head tilted toward the ceiling, his mouth open in pleasure. 
His cock moves from your cunt, positioning over your lower stomach. His hand moves, jerking himself roughly as he looks down to meet your eyes. Your hand moves from your mouth, and you sit up a bit as you reach for him, fingers coming to rest on his hip to keep him close to you. Another low curse falls from his mouth, and with a gravely groan he cums. White ropes shoot across your stomach, resting on your skin warmly. You whimper in sympathy, watching as he twitches and bucks against his hand recklessly. 
Lukas’s chest rises and falls quickly, breath coming fast and deep as his orgasm washes over him. When his eyes reopen, he’s quick to pull you up to meet his mouth with a burning kiss. The kiss isn’t long, but when you pull away he rests his forehead against yours, eyes shut and breathing slowly returning to normal. You stay that way for a while, just close and quiet. A few moments pass, and when he moves to stand back up you take the time to dart your hand down and gather up some of the cum on your pelvis, licking it off your finger as you raise it to your mouth.
He quietly laughs, blissed out and smiley. “You love that, don’t you?”
“Mhm. I don’t know- ‘just makes me feel close to you.” He kisses you again, softly this time, almost proud.
“I’m making a monster. First you ask me to fuck you and now you’re swallowing my cum.” He moves to his dresser, retrieving a hand towel as you sit on the bed, careful to not let any of his spend drip onto the sheets. 
“Why didn’t you fuck me?” Your head tilts as you ask. He moves to kneel in front of you, gently wiping the cum from your skin as he answers.
“I told you, I’m gonna make it special for your first time.”
“Bold of you to assume I’ll even let you be my first time, now that you’ve rejected me.” It’s playful and he knows it, grinning up at you as he moves to wipe the wetness from the inside of your thighs.
“It wasn’t a rejection, it was a postponing.” Lukas stands, quickly cleaning off before tucking himself away and turning to look for your panties. “And who else would it be? Are you cheating on me?”
“No, but I can’t cheat on you if weren’t not together.” He pauses at that, head cocking as he makes eye contact with you.
“We aren’t together?”
“You haven’t asked me!”
“I thought it was self-evident. You don’t need to ask if it’s already obvious.” Lukas stoops to grab your panties from the floor, moving to hand them to you. 
You accept the fabric in an outstretched hand, setting it on the bed next to you. “Well, I would like you to ask. Make it official.”
He gives a dramatic sigh, reaches out and grabs your hands to pull you to standing. Lukas holds your hands, smiles and looks into your eyes. “Will you date me?”
You think about teasing him, making him wait, but your excitement gets the best of you and you release your answer quickly. “Yes, I will date you, Lukas Matsson.”
Your kiss is domestic and cheesy, after you separate he pulls you back into his body, rests his chin on your head for a while while he holds you close. You end up leaving your panties with him, they're still too wet to wear comfortably. Lukas helps you fix your makeup and hair, and you check to make sure your lip gloss isn’t all over his mouth (it was). He fastens your shoes back on for you, kneeling in front of you so you don’t have to bend over with your still shaky legs. He holds your hand until you reach outside and you put some space between yourselves as you enter public once more.
Roman is just finishing his call when you get back to the boat, waving at you as he quickly hangs up. You give Lukas a handshake, Rome just shouts his goodbye from a distance, and you quickly speed off again across the lake as soon as you enter the boat. Once again separated, you swear you immediately feel heavier without Lukas’s presence.
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Your brother thinks the deal is fucked, he makes that clear when you’re alone again. He half blames you, half blames himself. Either way, he’s scared shitless to tell your dad about Matsson’s merge idea. So it’s a major shock when you arrive in Milan and Logan is receptive to the proposal. He praises Roman openly for once, and even commends you on your role in negotiating the deal.
But good things don’t tend to stay good for long in your family. You know something’s wrong when Logan calls you and Shiv into his office abruptly, right before your meeting with the bankers is supposed to begin. It honestly doesn’t surprise you as much as some would think to learn Roman had been sexting Gerri. You try to defend him against Shiv’s attacks, but it doesn’t do much good, not when the evidence is sitting in front of you. At the very least, you make some kind of progress covering for Gerri, reminding your dad of her loyalty. 
Things are weird and fucked the next day. The night before Comfrey had texted you to let you know that Kendall was in the hospital. She wouldn’t say what happened, just that they were keeping him overnight and he was okay. You texted your siblings but everyone was skirting around the answer with you. They knew you cared about Kendall, maybe too much, and that telling you he had nearly drowned (possibly by his own doing) would set you off like a firework.
You wanted to go visit Kendall the next day, or be there when he arrived at the villa, or just do something to help him out. But he didn’t answer your calls and all the information you were given was extremely vague. You weren’t invited to Caroline’s wedding ceremony, so you planned on staying in bed and Facetiming with Lukas all day, waiting for a response from your brother. Your day starts off that way, sleeping in and chatting with your boyfriend into the late morning, but then Lukas tells you about Gojo’s market cap. You knew he was good, you knew he was doing all he could to get the market in Gojo’s favor, but you never expected it’s worth would surpass Waystar’s.
It’s no surprise that your dad ends up calling you, recruiting you to join him on a trip to Matsson’s. When he tells you he’s considering not inviting Roman, you manage to convince him to bring him too, citing his friendship with Matsson as a cause. So you head to Lake Maggiore, again, and arrive at Lukas Matsson’s villa, again. The excitement you feel when seeing him is shrouded in the anxiety of the sudden meeting. 
You feel like every glance between the two of you is obvious. The way he parts his lips, the way your eyes drift across his frame, it’s all unmistakable of two lovers. 
Lukas leads the three of you to an outdoor area on his grounds and when the conversation starts, his intent is clear. He didn’t tell you he wanted to buy Waystar, well he may have hinted at it, but it still feels like a bit of a betrayal. Like a shock. Even worse of a shock, Logan doesn’t immediately hate it, not in his usual way.
“Yeah. This is not happening.” The rage isn’t there behind Logan’s words. His gaze drifts to Roman, then back to Matsson. Lukas raises his eyebrows.
“Okay, I see that. Understood. But, you want to stick around? See if the old deal still has shape? Side snacks?” Logan smiles, he actually smiles, at Matsson’s offer. “You have that Israeli AI operation I might like. Maybe an asset swap sort of thing?”
“Why not.” The eye contact between Lukas and your dad is never ending. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. “Rome, you should head back. For your mom, and everything.”
“Yeah, sure thing.” Roman looks to you, motions with his thumb in the general direction of the dock. “Do you wanna…?”
“I’m not going to the wedding. Not invited.” You offer a small smile, look to Logan for reassurance. 
“We’ll catch up with you later, Romulus.” 
Roman is dejected. An intruder, again. An outsider in the deal he’s worked so hard on, the deal he partially started. “Alright. Hate to miss the big nuptials! So… yeah. I’ll just go do that then…” He’s hesitant to go, pats you on the leg as he leaves, Dad on the shoulder.
They wait to start speaking again until well after he’s left, and when they do it’s straight to business. Your dad wants to sell. Lukas wants to buy. You’re the reluctant bridge between. Things move inside, to a formal dining room, and the real discussion begins. Numbers start to fly, calls get made, lawyers begin flying out. You end up doing more work than you meant to, arguing for both GoJo and Waystar. Trying desperately to keep all the men in your life happy. At the same time, you’re conflicted. You know your siblings will hate this deal, you know how badly they want to inherit the company, how hard they’ve worked for one of them to eventually be CEO.
But the thing is, you don’t hate the deal. You were never going to lead Waystar, never going to be more than the founder’s child. You’re the youngest Roy sibling, a woman, and from a different marriage than the others. There was no chance of you ever being number one, and you knew that from the day you were born. So why not sell the company? You don’t want to dedicate your entire life to this soul crushing work. At the same time, you care so much for your family, more than you do for yourself. This would wreck your siblings, they wanted Waystar more than they wanted life itself. Even if being family owned fucks you, it means the world to them.
 When you finally leave Lukas’s, it’s well past the wedding ceremony, and it’s clear Dad doesn’t intend on joining the afterparty. The operation moves to Logan’s villa. The cavalry marches in, dressed in designer suits and holding briefcases stuffed with Macbooks. There’s dozens of people you’ve never even met swarming around a huge table. It doesn’t even feel real, like you’re watching a dream, or a nightmare, play out in front of you. You retire to your dads private office, curl up on a leather upholstered couch and just think. You know you should tell your siblings. Siobhan and Roman have been blowing up your phone for hours, you haven’t had the heart to answer. Your dad would kill you if you reached out. Ostracize you like Roman, or disown you like Kendall. Your brain feels like a whirlpool, your thoughts flying around enough to give you a headache. You turn to the only person you can think of.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“...”
“Are you okay?” Lukas’s voice is genuinely worried, silence isn’t normal in the conversations between you two. You hear a rustling on the other line like he’s stood up.
“I don’t really know. I wish you were here.” 
“What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
“I feel like a traitor.”
“Why?”
“My siblings… you know they will hate this deal.” You stress the word hate, voice a little bit breathless with anxiety. 
“I do.” His voice is quiet, almost whispering as he speaks to you.
“They would rather die than sell Waystar. But I-” You sigh, swallow thickly. “I almost agree with Dad. I think this is a good move for us. Not just because I’m fucking the guy who’s buying the company.”
“Well then, why do you agree?”
“If we don’t sell, we’re gonna get swallowed whole. All we have is the content, not the platform to back it up, not new technology to keep us relevant.”
“That’s all true.” Lukas’s voice gets a little louder, his sentences trailing off a bit as he prompts you to keep talking.
“But even if we had that, even if we were doing better, we were more stable…”
“You still would want to sell?” He already knows what’s on your mind. Of course he does.
“I think so… I mean, I will never be CEO. Not if we’re family owned, not if we’re owned by GoJo, never. And I don’t want to spend my life in this company, especially if I’m not running it.” Your head tips back against the wall you’re leaning on. You’re hiding away in a bathroom, your voice echoing a bit as it bounces off the marble walls. “This work… it fucking destroys people.” 
“It sounds like you already know what you think.”
“But Shiv and Roman and Kendall… They want the company so badly. They’ve been prepped to run it since they were kids. Even if they kill each other for CEO, at least one of them would get what they wanted.” You’re louder now, voice still stressed but frustration peaking through.
“You need to stop wasting your life making other people happy. You would do anything for your family, and they wouldn’t do shit for you.” Lukas’s tone isn’t angry or yelling, it’s stating a fact.
“That’s not true-”
“Is it? I see you go above and beyond for them every single day, and they never spare you a second glance.” Lukas’s voice is almost pleading when he speaks next. “Think about yourself, for once. Please.” 
“Thank you.” Your eyes are brimmed with tears, your fingers coming up to brush them away quickly. “I will.”
There’s a small pause before he talks again. “Are you mad I didn’t tell you about buying Waystar?” You laugh, breathlessly, at the simpleness of his question after all you’ve just talked about.
“No, I’m not mad. I was shocked…but I think it’s worn off. You’re just doing what’s best for you.”
“Yeah, yeah I am.”
“I think you’re really smart actually. If I was in your position I’d do the same thing.” You move from your stance against the wall to look in the mirror, checking to fix any smudged mascara.
“That’s what I thought. I asked myself what you would do.”
“No, you did not.”
“No, I did not. I did think about how it would affect you though.”
“Thank you for that.” It’s half sarcastic, but you know he really does care for you. 
“You’re welcome.”
“I’ll talk to you later today.”
“Okay. Come visit soon.” Lukas ends like he always does, asking for your presence. 
“I’ll try.”
It takes you a minute to compose yourself. Fix your hair, wipe off some of your fucked up concealer, blow your nose. You exit the bathroom, walk down the hall and down some stairs, finally arriving in front of the massive wooden doors leading to your dad’s office. Your brain is finally quieter now, thoughts forming clearer and headache fading quickly. You slip a small smile to the bodyguard, Colin, who opens the door for you to enter. 
Your three siblings are there, backs facing the door as they stare down Logan, who’s just moved to press a button on the phone resting against his desk. Their heads snap to you. The door shuts behind you. Siobhan opens her mouth, but you speak before she does.
“What’s going on? When did you get here?”
“What’s going on? You know what’s going on, Dad is selling and fucking our entire lives up.” Shiv faces you, her eyes are daggers and her body is a rocket about to explode. “And you didn’t tell us.”
“No, he’s not fucking your lives up. It’s not the end of the world, Shiv.” You approach them, eyes wide and pleading. 
“So you do know. You knew he was selling the company and you didn’t think ‘Hmm maybe I should tell my siblings this, you know, since they’ve spent their entire lives thinking they were going to run Waystar!’” Roman throws his hands up, his jaw is clenched and his eyes are watering.
“Do you think it would’ve made a difference?” Your voice drops, both in tone and volume. “Do you really think I have any sort of control? Any say in what happens?”
Everyone is quiet for a moment, Kendall won’t make eye contact with you. Logan is watching you intently before gazing at his other children’s faces.
“I have never, and will never, be number one. I will never have control over the company, I will never even have control over one branch of the company. I will never be CEO, I won’t even make it to CFO, because I will always be lower than you. And I will always be there for you to yell at and use and manipulate. You already fucking do!” You’re more angry than sad now, maybe it’s misdirected, but you’re too wound up to care. “For once in my life, I’m thinking about myself. And I will not let this shit, this work, destroy me like it has destroyed you.”
A few tears spill from your eyes, you don’t bother to wipe them up, just continue your eye contact with your siblings. You’re right and everyone knows it, from Gerri and Karl sitting on the couch to Logan in front of you. Shiv can’t hold your gaze anymore, she drops her eyes to the ground. Roman turns to your Dad, his eyes are wide and desperate.
“Please?” His voice is meek, barely a whisper.
“‘Please?’ You bust in here with guns, but now that you find they’ve turned to fucking sausages, you want to say ‘please?’” Logan moves from where he was half-sitting on the arm of a couch to stand in front of your siblings. “You should have trusted me.”
“Dad, why?” 
“Oh you need me to tell you why? Like your sister didn’t already? But your too fucking ashamed to admit she’s right.” He begins walking to the door, past your siblings, pausing at you to put a hand on your shoulder. “Because it works. I fucking win. Now go on, go on, fuck off you nosey fucking pedestrians.” 
The doors open, Logan is immediately tasked with papers to sign and business to attend to. Roman moves to Jerri, asks her something you don’t quite hear from the blood rushing in your ears, before moving back to the crowd of your siblings. Roman crumples to the floor, Kendall with his hands on his shoulders, Shiv next to them. You turn to see Tom entering, him offering you a weak smile as he passes.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Kendall.” Your voice is monotone. Ken looks up at you, opens his mouth to say something, then decides against it. Tom starts speaking to Shiv, but you don’t hear what he says, already turning to walk out the doors, to head back to your hotel suite, to head away from your family. 
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You stay on the phone with Lukas the rest of that night. You can’t sleep but you don’t want to be awake. He eases the pain. He says he’s proud of you. He cares more than anyone you’ve known. 
When you finally fall asleep in the early morning hours, you dream of space. You’re a cosmonaut, dancing on Saturn’s rings, playing baseball with meteors. The darkness is liminal, and pure, and calm. And the constellations are breathing around you, lighting your lawless orbit. You break the trail of a comet, its fire dotting the sky like a stitch on black cloth. Venus is a stray dog, following you wherever you lead it, spinning for attention and praise. Stars flicker like faces, you can’t recognize who they are anymore.
 When you touch the Earth, everything sings.
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© secondhand-snow 2024
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hp-hcs · 5 months
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yandere! mother! narcissa malfoy & gn! malfoy! reader
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just some quick lil headcanons for you guys since i’m jetlagged as fuck 🥲👍
(also, anon, yes i do have your request! dw, tumblr did not eat it :D )
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let’s say the darling is younger than draco, by a fairly significant amount. maybe three or four years
as the baby of the family, you get all of the malfoys’ overprotective behaviors
lucius is definitely overprotective, yes, but he’s always just sort of distant in nature, so it never comes off as oppressive as narcissa’s
but if you got your heart broken hoooo boy, the poor sap better start writing their last will and testament
(that is, assuming narcissa or your brother didn’t already get to them first 😬)
((although let’s be honest, you wouldn’t be allowed to pursue any romantic relationships. a partner might try to take narcissa’s darling away from her, and we can’t have that))
from the time you were born, you had always been narcissa’s darling
she wouldn’t let anyone else hold you, because what if her darling started liking lucius or auntie bella more than her? no no, we can’t have that
you two were practically attached at the hip. so much so, that she rarely even let you play with your brother
if you were hanging out with draco, then you weren’t hanging out with her, and that was An Issue™
up until you were maybe… five or so, your bed was in narcissa’s room
(which wasn’t a problem. look at that dysfunctional family and tell me lucius and narcissa don’t have a sleep-in-different-beds situation going on)
narcissa was having a tea party? you were in her lap or playing with your toys on the floor at her feet.
narcissa went shopping? no no, lucius. really, it isn’t a problem. y/n loves going shopping with me, isn’t that right dear?
narcissa was seeing draco off as he boarded the express for his first year? well, first he was going to have to hug his little sibling goodbye. but not for too long, narcissa hates when other people touch her darling.
narcissa saw her toddler darling wave to another wizard child across the street? she’ll buy you everything: candy, toys, books, whatever she perceives you as needing in order to stay by her side. just don’t expect to be allowed outdoors for a while.
some of narcissa’s friends come to visit? oh yes, this is y/n, say hi, dear. no, they’re very sick right now and must stay in their room, the poor thing.
she definitely dresses you up in outfits that are matching or complimentary to hers
you’re really just like a possession, in her mind. you’re a thing to be owned, something to sit still and look cute, rather than a living breathing human child
now, hogwarts. hogwarts is tough.
given you and your brother’s age difference, you should be entering your first year at about the same time as the dark lord returns.
this is great news for your mother
she now has a plausible excuse for homeschooling you. oh, no, my husband and i are just so worried, given the state of things.
(if anyone asks why they don’t homeschool both of their children, narcissa’s lips will thin into a straight line, and her top lip will curl back into a sneer. it’s so unsettling to see that people just drop the question.)
she has the house elves make you your favorites every day for meals, all while sighing about how the house elves at hogwarts won’t ever make you these, it’s such a shame.
by the time the next year rolls around and you can go to school, your mother only does so because of the dark lord’s newfound residence inside malfoy manor.
she is Not Happy™.
draco is overjoyed. now he has a chance to be around his darling little sibling without his pesky mother in the way
as a prefect, he has his own private dorm room. he pulls a few heartstrings, really, professor mcgonagall, i’m just worried about my sibling leaving my sight, especially in these uncertain times, and convinces the staff to let you move in.
draco’s friends try to sit with you both on the train, but that does not go well
“hey, little malfoy. i don’t think we’ve officially met yet.”
“nott, if you don’t stop looking at my y/n, i’ll rip out your eyes myself.”
so basically, you’re fucked! 👍😆👍🌈✨💖
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Dia De Los Muertos 18+ Taiju Shiba x Fem Reader Halloween Collab: 31 days of Horror w/ @fuyuswifey Resident: @enchantedforest-network Masterlist WC:2.7k TW: Angst, N/sfw, death, illness, making out, Fingering, slight masturbation, Penetration, Taiju being rough, orgasm,pet names, breast sucking, hickies, creampie, suggestive language and suggestive them (unedited) MINORS DNI
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“She is late again..” He looked at his watch as it was close to 6 o'clock. Sticking his hands in his pocket he took off of work early to celebrate something that meant something very special to you. He never celebrated something like this before. Taiju walked to the glass shelf in his living room where a photo of his mother was placed. Looking at the photo for a moment a sudden rush of memories from his childhood came to him. The way his mother smiled, how soft her voice was, or the way she made his favorite dishes. When she became sick he wouldn’t let anyone see his weak side trying to be strong for his parents and his younger siblings. As he saw his mother's illness becoming worse he was mentally preparing himself for the worse. In a matter of weeks, his mother was gone from his life. All the emotions he had in him were locked up and never released. He never spoke about how he felt when his mother passed to anyone. He was hard on himself and his siblings at a young age. His father constantly works endless hours to provide for him and his siblings. He had to be the man of the house and he had to admit he wasn't a pleasant teen, his hardcore demeanor and ego getting the best of him. They all had their issues of being a dysfunctional family that they overcame as they got older, and periodically they would check up on one another as they got older.
Taiju picked up the photo of his mother, walking back with it as he sat on the couch. Thinking about if she was still around things would have been different. But that was a dream that would never come true. He heard the door knob jiggle and turned his head to see you open the front door “Sorry I know I’m late but I went to the store before going home.” you placed the bags on the floor as you closed the door. 
Taiju saw the bright orange flowers along with a few other items. “You know it’s just me and you right? Are you expecting more people?”  he raised his brow looking at the items than you. “I know but all this stuff is necessary! Help me with the bag please?” giving him a smile. He placed a photo of his mother on the coffee table as he got up to help you with the bags. Taking them into the large dining room. You had a table that was empty you were going to use.  Taiju saw how you began to decorate the table placing items in certain areas making it look as aesthetic as possible. He had some idea of what  Dia De Los Muertos was and what it stood for but the little things with the flowers and the mass amount of them piqued his curiosity. “Why marigolds?” He picked up one of the orange flowers twirling it by the stem. 
“Marigolds are traditionally the flowers used for Dia De Los Muertos. When you pair them with just the right candle they say the spirits can find their way back into the living world to see their loved ones on this specific night.” plucking the flower from his hand “you can feel the presence when they arrive it's like a sudden rush of comfort. That’s how I could explain it.” Taiju, hearing you explain it, was a bit skeptical. You were more open with your feelings and emotions compared to him. The saying opposites attract applied to you both when you guys started to see each other. You tried to make him open up more but you didn’t want to push him too. He hardly talked about his family to you since you could tell it was a topic he wasn’t comfortable with. But all you knew was his mother passing at a young age, his father always working and him having two siblings younger than him. In your bag, you pulled out a photo frame. Taiju looked over your shoulder to see the photo of your parents. It was a photo of their wedding day. “My mom said this was one of the best days of her life, she was marrying her best friend,” you remembered your mother's words. Every time she looked at this photo she would say those same exact words every time. Taiju saw the smile on your face begin to fade the more you looked at the photo. “She is now reunited with the love of her life.”  you tried to shake off the sadness you were displaying hiding it with a smile. You placed their photo on the decorated table. “Do you have your mother's photo?” you asked him. “Yeah let me grab it.”  He walked back to the coffee table picking up his mother's photo and bringing it back to where you were. He placed her photo next to your parents. “Your mother is beautiful.” you looked at her photo. Taiju’s sister Yuzuha took a lot after her mother.  
“Thank you.” in his pocket he pulled out something that belonged to his mother, he kept it with him since he was a kid. It was a necklace she would often wear. She gave each of her kids something before her passing. “This necklace was given to my mother by my father when they first started to date.” He placed the necklace right next to her photo. He missed her, he wished he had her for a bit longer in his life. You grabbed the match as you began to light the candles next to their photos. “What memory do you have of your mother that is special to you?” you asked him. You tried to pry a bit to see if he would respond. He stood silent for a moment, you thought he wasn’t going to respond to your question. He let out a low sigh. In that time frame of you asking him the question he was thinking of one specific one. “I don’t know how old I was but I remember I didn’t want to go to school this was before she was sick.. She took Yuzuha and Hakkai to school and daycare. She ended up taking me to the Aquarium. It was empty in the Aquarium since it was a weekday with each exhibit in the Aquarium she would pronounce each fish in the tank and point them out….” he stopped for a moment then proceeded to speak “I remembered just being amazed she knew them all….she promised me she would do this again with me…..” he took a deep breath  “but then she got sick...”  his hands in his pocket as he looked at her photo then at you. You could sense that memory held a special moment for him. “Your mother would be proud of you Tai. You worked hard to get where you are for everything you have. You accomplished more than most people.” You reached for his hand. Taiju smirked, “Thanks, there is more I want to accomplish in my life but it will come later on…”
“You have your whole life planned out it seems.” you teased him. “Not all of it… There are some areas in my life that I’m still trying to figure out.” Taiju yellow orbs looked down at you. “Like what?” you blinked a few times. “Me and you, I'm still finding out so many things about you that I wasn’t aware of. Getting to know you more and more of you” he placed a strand of hair behind your ear. “Oh, Tai there is much more. You are just getting a taste of it.” you chuckled he gave a low smirk sound. “Hopefully you would do the same. I want to know more about you.”
“What do you want to know?” he asked. “I… I want to know how you feel at times or what you are thinking about….” doing a dry swallow before continuing to speak “I noticed you don’t really let your guard down even when we are alone. I’m not sure if you think it's some kind of weakness to do so, I don’t think it is.  We have been together for some time now and being a couple we should be open with one another. I want to continue growing our relationship strong where we can come to one another whenever.” “Is that what you want?” Taiju looked at you. “I do more than anything,” you responded with a bashful tone. “You will have to give me time on that… I can’t do it all at once with a snap of a finger.” He had to make that point clear. “But I will try.” his hand reaches the top of your head bringing you a bit closer, placing a kiss on the crown of your head. You had a bit of a relieved smile on your face. “Thank you, Tai.” A few moments passed before Taiju got a whiff of something he hadn't smelled since he was a kid. The perfume his mother used to wear. Something came over him that felt what you described earlier: it was comforting and relaxed his body. ‘She is here’  looking at his mother's photo. He wasn’t expecting her presence to be this strong. It hit him like a tidal wave. He closed his eyes and he got the image of his mother. He couldn’t hear what she was trying to say but he could read her lips. ‘I’m proud of you Taiju.’ his eyes shot open. It was becoming too much for him to handle all at once.  
You saw he looked a bit distressed “Taiju what's wrong?” you asked him. “I just… need some air, I’ll be back,” he said. He walked away towards the backyard.
You watched him head towards the backdoor. You assumed he felt his mother's presence. It would take him a moment for him to let it sink in. The cool brisk air hit him as he stepped outside. Lighting a cigarette to relax his nerves he kept replaying the image of his mother in his mind. All those years of blocking his emotions he couldn’t keep blocking this one. After the discussion he had with you that happened. “Fuck.. Is this your way of getting me to open up  to ______, Mom?” He looked at the sky as if he was waiting for a response from her. After about 30 minutes Taiju came back in, he took a seat in the living room. When you heard the back door closed you walked into the living room. “Tai? You okay?” you walked towards him. “I’m fine.” he looked at you, his hand was extended out to you, and he brought you to his lap. “What you said earlier... I felt it... I hadn’t felt her presence since the day she passed…it was a lot to handle…” “I see.. Tai, I know she is still watching over you even when you think she is not. You may not feel her all the time but she is there.” you gave him a soft smile, and your fingers ran through his hair.
He nodded “It gave me more conformations on what I want in my future.” he brought you closer to him. “What do you want?” asked him softly you looked into his eyes then his lips then back at his eyes. “You will have to stick around and find out.” Taiju’s hands rested on your hips. Both of you leaned as your lips met, you could taste the cigarette he smoked just a few minutes ago. Your arms drape around his neck as he pulls you closer to him, pressing you against his large chest. His tongue dominantly invaded your mouth. His hands roamed your body, his hands sliding up the hem of your dress touching your exposed soft skin. You nibbled on his bottom lip playfully would earned you a low groan coming from him, his hands found your panties pushing them to the side. “Such a good girl you are.” His large finger began rubbing between your damp folds. The moans spilled out of your mouth. “How does that feel? Do you want me to continue?” he spoke in a deep voice that was low. You nodded at his question. “I need to hear you say it. Come on, I know you can.” “Yes Tai~~~please continue~~~ mmmmmm” You were focused on his fingers. As he was making you squirm in his lap. You gripped his shoulders. The bulge began to form in his pants. You couldn’t help yourself as one of your hands began to rub his encaged cock. “Fuck.” he grunted as your hand continued to rub his clothed cock. “Tell me how bad do you want my cock deep inside you?” Taiju needed that bit of control at this moment as he slipped his finger into your wet cunt. “Shi~~~ mmm….” you couldn’t respond at that moment as his finger pumped into you. “Really bad Taijuuu~~~”  the moan lingers as you get to his name. “I want your cock in me~~~ please give it to me~~~” your glossy eyes looked into his. 
Hearing that desperation in your voice as you begged for his cock was more than enough for him. He slid his finger out from your moist warm cunt. He undid his pants letting his large thick cock out. The tip of his cock was damp due to the precum as you were rubbing him. You felt his tip rubbing against your pussy. Grazing against your throbbing clit. He continued to tease you for a moment. “I want you to look at me as my cock slides into that tight pussy of yours. You began to lower your hips as his cock began to penetrate you. “Don’t you dare close your eyes baby girl.” he let out a husky moan. You followed his orders as you kept your eyes on his. Your pussy was throbbing a bit as you were able to fully have him inside of you. It took you a moment to catch your breath. His hands rested on your hips as he began to help you move up and down his cock. 
“Taiju~~~” You moaned slightly, rocking your hips back and forth. 
Throwing his head back on the couch  “ Yes baby girl?” holding you steady. “Are you enjoying yourself?.” He pushed his pelvis up a bit more and he was pushing you down a bit harder. The slap of your skin began to fill the room. 
“Yes Taiju shit you're making me so wet,” your juices were sliding down his cock.
Taiju slid the traps of your dress down exposing your breast. He began to suck on your breast switching back and forth leaving hickies traveling up now to the neck leaving the same love bites. He loved leaving his mark on you. “Fuck I love you so much” his hand resting on the back of your head bring you to his lips as he began to kiss you hard. 
You couldn’t even say it back as his lips were dominating yours. The string of saliva broke you both separate from one another trying to catch your breath. Your forehead rested against his. “I love you Tai~~” 
“Say it again”  He moaned louder, moving you faster as he gripped your hips tighter. The intense sensation in his lower abdomen approached he wasn’t going to last much longer as the sweat trickled down his brow. You weren’t going to last much longer either.
“I - love you, Taiju Shiba.” You moaned the phrase over and over. Your body began to shake as the sudden rush of your orgasm approached. “Fuuuuccccckkkkkk!” 
The way your pussy constricted as your orgasm hit around his cock his hot seed shot in deep he pressed your hips down all the way on his cock as he let out a loud animal-like moan. He clenched his jaw tightly and poured every ounce of semen he had in his body into you. Only so much was able to fit into your cunt as some of it began to seep out from inside of you running down his own cock. Taiju's sudden rush was coming down his grip loosening on your hips. The look of satisfaction hitting his face as he his hand reaching for your chin brings you closer as placing a gentler kiss. 
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Tags: @the-haitani-baton, @satanlovesusall666, @galactict3a, @ratlovecat, @niko-ash, @iluv-ace, @captainmycaptainn, @strawberrychrome, @missgab, @anxious-chick, @livefromraleigh, @kei-b-gurlll, @spookiisopium, @bontensbabygirl, @txna04, Interested in joining the taglist please fill out the form below to get a notification of your favorite characters when they are being posted! Link here ->taglist
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Lucifer appears to be the only fallen angel in hell in the hellaverse
(even vaggie as pointed out can still enter heaven), with the other sins being far more clearly demonic and somewhat implied to have been created along side hell
and, I love this change, that not all the big names in hell were originally angels, makes hell really feel like it's own place with its own history and power structure that got haphazardly repurposed into an afterlife as a second thought
(there's a very interesting meta-narrative to follow if you assume the human realm of the hellaverse has the same understanding of Christianity and the Lucifer story as we do and all reinterpretations are in world misconceptions, it makes it look like the story was reframed to make hell existence more defined by heaven, to delegitimize their right to self-determination, that anything in hell is just a result of heaven's defects going to stir trouble, which is a justification that commonly pops up in imperialism, and on top the resistance from oppression being used to justified even greater atrocities, golly the themes-)
right where was I?
i like that Lucifer stands out so much, his silly little guy sits a top the throne works cause he feels like he's operating on an entirely different Power system to everyone else, it doesn't matter how weak of an angel he lets himself be they'll never even begin to touch him (overlords cry themselves to sleep over not being able to beat the whimsy out of this stupid little guy that ranted about differences in scale colourization of snake breeds for 3 hours)
the contrast of the other sins being giant demonic creatures while he's this small angelic humanoid of light in chef's kiss
Everyone talks about the other sins being like aunts and uncles to Charlie but we need to acknowledge the equal importance notion that that means Luci crashed into the sins' realm at mach 5 with the impact cater alone probably forming a whole ass new ocean (his distraught sobbing filled it) and they immediately accepted him as their new not-sibling (they fucked at some point lets be honest, you can't convince me he and Lilith have a monogamous exclusive relationship, she invented feeling restrained by a relationship) in the sins weird eternal dysfunctional found family
Fuck, I Need That Fic with a freshly fallen Lucifer and the other sins So Bad, link me if you know one
The Six: No Angels allowed in hell
:Lucifer
The Six: OK we'll make an exception because he looks very polite-Prideful
there is one(1) acceptable angel
It's so important to me that Luci has his sibling archangels in heaven just so they can watch him have a better family in hell
Given it seems like Lucifer's fall wasn't a result of being intentionally cast out but some inherent consequence you know they miss him so much, that twist of 'how could he do this?' and 'why didn't I stop him?', you know there's this awkward mix of pity, anger and longing whenever they interact that Luci's grown both resentful and numb to
He needs to lose his entire family only to find a new one please Im so attached to this concept, shaking him
Trading in one group of assholes that lovingly give him shit out of jealousy(dad's favourite) for a different group of assholes that lovingly give him shit out of jealousy(highest ranking prince, also A Mess)
Luci: "Hey, Can you finish signing off on those trade-?"
Belph, yawning: "Can you talk to your daughter?"
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spencerrxids · 2 years
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memories
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pairing : sparrow!ben hargreeves x fem!reader, past!umbrella!ben hargreeves x fem!reader
genre : angst, heartwarming, hurt-comfort
warning : prepare your tissue if you’re attached to umbrella!ben ig
summary : in which she found glimpse of them together through his eyes—the man that wore the face of the love of her life
wordcount : 3k
a/n : inspired by the song glimpse of us by joji. and i am aware that there are a lot of stories especially these days. If there are resemblance between this story with others then that is completely out of my control. great minds thinks alike after all. requested by @torchioethan i’ll try my best to interpreted the song to their relationship. the story is up to your interpretation by the way. on my remus lupin angst i wrote “some endings are meant to he interpreted differently.” also do you think this is ooc for sparrow!ben? cause this is what i think he’ll act like in this situation. also i put some addie larue reference in this iykyk
masterlist
Have you ever lost someone and then you just feel like you see that someone everywhere? Every place, every street, everyone, reminds you of the memories you hold dearly close to your heart no matter how hurt it is to remember for you refuse to ever forget about it. It hurts so much it does, but that’s the price you have to pay.
The first time she saw him again after going back from the 60s with the dysfunctional bunch of siblings, she thought she was dreaming. Perhaps, it’ll be easier if it were just a dream. Cause now she has to look at the face—at the body of someone who once had loved her and found nothing. A stranger with the face of the love of her life.
Same name. Same face. Different memories.
But does it all even matter now? The world is ending in hours. She could meet her Ben again, that only if he really does exist. She has never been the one to fully understand the concept of time and Five doesn’t speak in a language that she is capable of understanding.
She raised her glass of champagne in Luther’s direction as he danced with his newfound love before averting her gaze to take a look around the room. Diego and Lila being in each other's arms. Klaus being Klaus. Five who seem to be enjoying his time with the number of empty glasses on his table. And lastly, him. Sitting on the table far back from everybody else, drinking quietly as his eyes, too, roamed around the room. Even from a distance between the two, she could tell that he was judging all of them silently.
Slowly she rose and walked toward him with her glass wrapped around her fingers. Once she arrived at the spot, she gestured to the seat next to him. “May I?” Without hearing any response from him, she sat herself on the seat, putting her glass on the table. “The party is over there yet you distance yourself from the others, emo boy.”
He rolled his eyes at the nickname she gave him. “If anyone here is emo that would be your brother. All brooding, laying down alone in my room, wearing nothing but black.” He looked over at Viktor and she followed his line of gaze. “First, Viktor isn’t emo, and second, you just prove my point here.” She gestured to his situation right now. “You just described yourself.”
The look in his eyes was nothing like her Ben as he glared at her, glass tightly wrapped around his fingers. “Look, if you’re going here just to brag about your oh-so-perfect Ben. The others had took their chance every time they passed me so don’t even bother.” He leaned forwards to her—trying to somewhat looking intimidating as she looks at him, totally unfazed by it.
“No.” She leaned closer to him as he leaned back, clicking her glass with his. “That is a too sensitive topic for me to talk about. Actually, I was trying to give you some company.”
“Well, I don’t need your company.” He talked back.
She leaned her back on the seat. “Too bad. I’m already comfortable sitting here.”
“Then I’ll just go away from here.” He got up, looking at her irritatingly, clearly annoyed by her presence. Turning around he began to walked away from the girl that has been haunting his mind, but then she said something that made him stop. “You know you don’t want to, Ben. You wished to stay here. You want someone to tell you to stay. So here I am doing you a favor by saying this.”
Walking back towards her, he pointed his finger right in front of her face, a look of exasperation plastered on his face. “You stay out of my head. Don’t even try to use it on me.” He said. “You think you know me. You know nothing about me. Nothing. I don’t need your company and I most certainly don’t need your pity. I don’t need you.”
Her gaze softened at his words, his last words may hurt a part of her but it was nothing she hadn’t heard before. “I don’t need my powers to know what you’re thinking, Ben. Besides, it never works on you. Not on you. Not on any version of you, I suppose.” She looks back to her glass, avoiding his gaze before feeling him walking away from her.
***
Looking at Luther and Sloane, she offered them a large smile. “I’m happy for the both of you. Wish we could have more time to know each other, Sloane.” She said, eyes falling onto the girl that is wrapped around Luther’s arms before looking back at the sky that is torn apart every second that passed. “With the world ending, there’s nothing anyone wants more than spending time with their loved ones. I know I would do the same.” She could feel Luther’s eyes on her as she said that. “Cherish the time you have left together, okay?” That were the last words she uttered before she went back inside the building, leaving the newlywed to have their moments alone.
What she didn’t know was the fact that Ben was listening to her words as he finally succeed to get rid of Klaus’s presence. He was about to grab another drink when he heard her saying that. Spending time with their loved ones. What is left of his family are only Sloane and Reginald. One who is currently with the man of her life. The other one probably conspiring something against someone. Sloane, his sister, what left of his bunch of adoptive siblings, sure there’s a part of him that cares for her although he won’t admit it out loud. On the other side, Reginald doesn’t deserve any love from anyone in the building. An ounce of him may won’t stop trying to prove himself to the guy but he’s sure that there is no love that he holds for the old man.
Before the girl who just entered the building could fully walk passed him, he grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. She looked at him expectedly, a look of nostalgia flashed for a second. Perhaps it’s the alcohol talking, but the words come out of his mouth without permission at all. “Want a drink?”
She let her hand out of his grasp, raising one of her eyebrows. “Did Klaus really manage to talk some sense into you? Or is it the alcohol talking?” She paused before answering the real question. “The answer’s yes by the way. But not here. Let’s go somewhere else.”
***
“A windowsill?”
“A quite spacious one, yeah.” She put herself in a comfortable position before patting the space in front of her. “Come on. There’s still much room left here.” Rolling his eyes slightly, he sighed before sitting in front of her. Both of them facing each other, on the windowsill as the world out there is falling apart. Her gaze stayed on him as he sat there trying to search for a comfortable position. A nostalgic smile went onto her face. Happiness and sadness all become one as a glimpse of her Ben took over his position for some split second.
A memory from her past.
“Out of every place in this goddamn hotel, you-“ He began to complain.
“Hey, the world is falling apart. Be grateful for a few seconds.” She looked out the window. “Ben would’ve loved this.” She muttered loud enough for him to hear.
“I am Ben.”
“Well, not you. I mean Ben Ben.”
“The other Ben?”
“No. You’re the—Can you just drink it already and try to not be an asshole?” She almost forced the alcohol down his throat if it weren’t for him who already doing that as she spoke before. She looked at him before averting her attention to her glass, muttering under her breath. “Maybe this is a bad idea.”
“Not really. No.” His response caught her off guard as she wasn’t expecting him to even hear her. She pursed her lips, before taking a sip from her glass. “So you do need some company. Is this your attempt to not be alone at the end of the world? Was it because of the speech I gave earlier?” She put it down and then propped her chin on the top of her knee.
This time, he is the one that avoids her gaze, looking at the falling word around them from the window. “I thought you said it didn’t work on me.”
“Just because my powers don’t work on you. Doesn’t mean I’m an idiot who cannot connect the two dots together, emo boy.” She said.
He looks down for a few moments before looking back at her, an uncharacteristic look on his face. “Guess that—guess that makes me a special emo boy or what?” This time he didn’t complain about the nickname. Instead, he said the words that brings a smile to her face. She nodded slowly before leaning back to the window frame and with teary eyes she lets out a chuckle. “What?” He asked, raising one of his eyebrows.
“You’re making it difficult for me to not cry. You see, you’re not supposed to say that. Not with that face.” She paused, taking a deep breath trying to not let the tears out just yet. “Gosh, you don’t just look like him or sound like him. Now, you talked like him. I suppose my prayers are granted in a way. I see you again now. Breathing and alive. Just not—just not the you that I need. It hurts looking into your eyes when all I see is him and yet there is no trace of him in this falling world.”
“What was he like?” His gaze stayed on her, less tense than usual. “Truly. What was he like?” He asked once more.
“What did the others say?” She asked back.
Hesitantly, he answered her question. “He was……kind. Selfless. A tiny dark cloud on a perfect sunny day. A know-it-all. A scold. Most of them-Most of them are bad qualities.” He furrowed his eyebrows together and seems to be frustrated not being able to decipher why the other Ben was so special compared to him. “I’m the Number One. Numero Uno. He wasn’t, was he? All of those praises about him, look how he ended up 6 feet under.”
Brushing over his last comment, she nodded her head. “Well all of them are true. He was a great guy, wasn’t he? One of the best that I ever knew.” Her eyes trailed over the window. “I first met them all when I was around the age of 8 or 9. He was hiding behind Klaus or Number 4 at that moment. He was never been the one to love the public attention but somehow tried to gain mine. I suppose that makes him sweet. After his death, none of us have been the same. All of us were drowning in a sense, well we all have been drowning for a long time. But since that happened, none of us could ever reach the shore.” Her chest got heavy just from thinking of that feeling.
“Where are you now?” He inched closer towards her.
She pursed her lips before letting out a deep breath. “Just floating around, I guess? Not drowning but not completely free either.” She thought about her last interaction with Ben. “Perhaps this is it. With the world ending, I’m getting closer to my final destination.”
Looking back at him, she continued her words. “Ben. He was-He was easier to love out of everyone in that room earlier, out of all the people I’ve known in my whole life. And mind you remember this, I love all of them greatly—well not all of them,” She referred to Reginald. “We all have a fair share of memories together, mostly in our youthful days that are full of trauma created by your daddy dearest—even I had some of mine too and I’m not even a Hargreeves.” Both of them chuckled at her words.
“Very much relatable that last bit. Klaus said a similar thing earlier. About how he was easier to love.” Ben inched closer once more, perhaps this is the alcohol talking, but seeing him open up his feelings to her like this makes her pay no mind to the fact that by tomorrow he’ll probably change into hard-shell Ben again. “That doesn’t seem fair. All of you love him like that yet none can do the same for me.”
Biting back a snarky remark, she decided to say something else instead. “One thing about him is that he makes love seem to be a casual thing to feel, I mean it is, truthfully it is but not many people have the opportunity to realize that.” She wiped a single tear away. “There are a lot of things to pay for when it comes to love. To any kind of love. Meeting you is one of those. The price I have to pay for this moment is not a kind one.”
He nodded quietly before looking back directly into her eyes. “I’m not him, you know?”
She chuckled at his words. “Of course, you’re not. I’ve said that already. If yes then I won’t be just sitting in front of you right now.” I would hold you and never let go like you had wished once before your last moments. The last part remained in her mind. Glimpses of them together flowed around the two, yet she was the only one to remember. “It is a lonely thing, isn’t it? To remember when the other person doesn’t.”
“What if……the other person does?” Her head snapped back towards him as he said so. Letting out a shuddered breath, she opened her mouth to ask what he means by that but she wasn’t able to find her voice at all. Then he continued his words. “You know what sucks, you have all of these memories with your Ben and I-” He took a glance at the sky before looking back at her. “And the only recollection I have about you is the one I had in my dreams. The one that I forgot the moment that I woke up. The one I wished to remember because there’s this feeling that I can’t understand every time I am in that dream.”
“You said all you see when you look into my eyes are him. Yet when I see into yours all I see is you. No other version you. Just you you cause you’re the same one from my dreams. The dreams that left only glimpses in my memory. But then even in those dreams, you were with him, I suppose. That happy feeling was his feelings, it was never mine, to begin with. All this time I was dreaming of someone else’s memories.” Tears stream down her face as she takes in the look in his eyes, the same look he used to give her.
This Ben would never be her Ben. He was already gone from her world. Leaving nothing but the memories that remain in her heart. Nothing but the feeling that she would always feel till the moment she passed. Meeting this Ben had brought heavy feelings to her heart. Makes her yearn to see a glimpse of him in his eyes. And when she found what she was looking for, hurt was all she found. “I’m sorry, Ben.”
He smiled bitterly. “Out of everyone, I thought you hated me the most.” He said. Recalling her avoiding him at all cost during their first interactions when the Umbrella first comes back to the timeline. The look in her eyes when she first laid her gaze on him was one that he will not forget.
She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. “That is an ability that I am not capable of. I cannot afford that. I don’t think I could even if I tried. You’re too much like him. Any version of you they all-well, I’ve only met two of you but you’re much more alike than I thought you do. Your feelings. The way both of you feel, I found it beautiful.”
A comfortable silence engulfed both of them as the two leaned back to the window frame simultaneously. The world is still falling around them. Slowly fading away from reality. Most people are already gone, reuniting with their loved ones on the other side.
“You were right.” His voice makes her look back at him. He offered the palm of his hand to her, so she made up a scissor using her point and middle finger. “I won.” She said with a large smile on her face.
Ben rolled his eyes. “You’re so childish. I couldn’t see why he loved you so much.” He said, clearly lying.
She crossed her arms. “Oh, the alcohol finally worn out? I was enjoying the non-asshole you.”
“Oh shut up.” He hushed her.
“What was I right about?” She waited for his response.
He met her eyes once more. She could tell that he was hesitant about it. “With the world ending, there’s nothing anyone wants more than spending time with their loved ones. Any kind of love.” Her eyes stayed locked with him as she reached for his palm once more, a warm smile on her face.
“Any kind of love.” She replied back.
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ananke-xiii · 3 months
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About Sam Winchester.
[This post has been edited after my discussion with @samjgirl , @sam-winchester-admiration-league and after @adaav 's comment to my post. I really want to thank them for their time and for pointing many interesting points out. I wasn't well informed about the techniques of storytelling and I believe I lost a bit of focus after season 11. Now I'm actually happier as I've started to even more appreciate this character, so win-win for me!]
The character of Sam Winchester was my biggest surprise and my biggest disappointment while watching Supernatural (but it's not his fault). [EDIT: while I still don't particularly like (for now) s12-15, I've realized that my disappoint was more due to my ignonorance of storytelling techniques rather than by the way the character was written]
It was my biggest surprise because I had never related to a fictional character this much before. I think you just have to both be the younger sibling of a dysfunctional nuclear family and be trauma-bonded to your elder sibling to get it. I won't go into further details about it because it's a whole essay, but I have to mention it because I need to state that I feel a deep connection to Sam. We both made the same choices, the same "mistakes", the same sacrifices.
So I was astonished when I started Supernatural because of the way it felt true and real. I don't know if the writers lived similar experiences and were therefore able to tell this story truthfully, but they nevertheless did a hell of a job in describing the unique bond of two siblings trying their best to navigate their traumas.
From season 1 to 8-9ish, we see Sam morphing from being the hero of the story to one of the two main characters. [EDIT: this is incorrect, Sam has always been the hero of the story. I think I felt like he was "shifting" into a slightly less prominent role because Dean, as supporting protagonist, was given more space in order to proceed with the filler episodes]Slowly but surely, Dean also becomes the hero and I think that was fair. [EDIT: see above, technically this is incorrect, sorry lol!]You can't fully narrate the story of a bond withouth fully integrate one part of it. I loved all the parallels to Michael/Lucifer and Cain/Abel. I thought they were brilliant. The show allowed me to go deep inside and start sorting out some stuff I've lived. It really made me think a lot.
It's fair to say that the brothers' codependency was the crux of their problem. It was painful to watch and sometimed downright awkward but the writers got it all right: the otherwise unxeplicable and toxic jealousy they felt for one another, the inability to share their deepest feelings in way other than fighting, and hell yes, even Sam's decision to run away and not look for his brother after season 7. It was not OOC, it's exactly what he did when he was 18 and what John did as well 4 years after that. As a matter of fact, Sam is more similar to John than Dean could ever be.
It's definitely been a long journey but I find that the resolution of their codependency (in season ELEVEN!) was cleverly thought-out and brilliantly executed. It couldn't have happened before, the two bothers must have been either already in or close to their 30s to confront the knot, to acknwoledge the grip the trauma they've lived had on their life. Sometimes getting older does help and give you perspective. This might be why (as I've stated here) season 11 is my favourite one: it gives a sense of closure and hope.
However, here comes the biggest disappointment part. [EDIT: this is due to the fact that in part, I didn't fully get it]
After season 11 Sam morphs from one of the two main characters to a side character. [EDIT: incorrect, as per previous EDIT, Sam is always the hero and lead protagonist]The show must be about the brothers' bond and I'm okay with that. However, it looks like after season 11 the writers couldn't come up with new ideas to talk about this kind of bond. It felt like, other than co-dependency, the bond didn't have much to say. Therefore, both Sam and Dean almost go back to square one while they had all the possibilities to explore a new aspect of their relationship.
What could've been this new aspect? Easy: making them realize that the family they each wanted was, simply, different. This is just my opinion on the subject and how I've felt about season 12-15 so it's okay if you disagree. [EDIT: well, this is still my opinion, although it has nothing to do with Sam's narrative role in the story and more about my personal preference, so I think this is where I got confused]
In my opinion, from season 12 Sam is just a part of Dean's family. It's not "Sam&Dean"'s family. It's just Dean's. And I think the writers could've explored that in a more meaningful way. Let me explain: let's take Cas since he makes the perfect example for this scenario. Dean has repeatedly included Cas in the "family", he's called him not just his brother but "our brother". He includes Sam in the equation but I personally don't think Sam feels the same way. Sure, Sam cares for Cas and thinks he's family, but I think his idea of family is "Cas is my brother's husbandbest friend and therefore he's part of the family". He's extended family, kind of. [EDIT: this is still just my opinion and has nothing to do with Sam's narrative role. Although "family" is one of the themes of the show, it was not the only one]
My opinion is canonically backed because, aside from Rowena, all the members of the Winchesters Found Family are part of the family because Dean has allowed them, Dean has a deeper relatioship to them and ultimately because Dean decides who can enter the circle. This is totally in character and I love Dean for his ability to care and form deep bonds. [EDIT: this was also needed for Dean as a character because he's not the lead protagonist so he had to have something else in the story that was not necessarily connected to the mytharc]
However, this is not in Sam's character: Sam is the one who runs away, the one who wants to create his own family, the one who really needs to emancipate himself from his older brother. I truly wished the writers explored his passivity in "accepting" the status quo and made him, if not rebel, at least express his wants.
It would have been a moment in Sam's growth if he could've just, instead of running away, confronted his brother and stated that his desires were different, that he was part of Dean's family but it was not his family. Instead, we only have glimpes of what Sam really feels: he doesn't think of the bunker as his home, he doesn't ever say that he has a family (not surprisingly it's Dean that in "Lebanon" tells John "I have a family" and not Sam), he doesn't really have any other meaningful relationship aside from his brother.
Supernatural ending did him dirty, too. Not just for the awful wig and make-up but because the ending framed Sam as a two-dimensional character: "freed" from his brother and his brother's family, he finds a blurry wife, a dog, a son, a white picket fence. How sad is that? We never get to see Sam really connecting with anyone: all (and by all I really mean ALL) the women in his life, from his mother to one-night-stands while on the road passing through Ruby, end up dead (RIP Sarah Blake). Of course his wife at the end had to be a blurry figure in the backfround (she was not even besides him on his deathbed!): she was a testament to all of his past relationships. Like, seriously, apart from Dean, the ONLY lasting relationship Sam has throughout the whole series is with LUCIFER and this alone, I think, speaks volume. [EDIT: again this just relates to the fact that I'm not particularly fond of s12-15 and of the overall ending. Technically speaking, the ending makes sense. Whether I liked it or not is another issue]
In conclusion, after season 11 Sam is no longer an interesting character because the writers both downright refused to give him another substantial character to interact with and insisted once again on his codependency with Dean (which was already resolved). [EDIT, tbh it was a weak ending to begin with, LOL, I didn't like it even after I wrote it hahahhaa, but yeah, as this whole post proves Sam Winchester is far from being an uninteresting character because I just spent a frigging afternoon learning new things thanks to him so I guess he's like the gift that keeps on giving!]
Having said that, in my heart of hearts, Sam Winchester will always have a special place because I get him, I really do.
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llamagoddessofficial · 11 months
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Do you consider any of your skeles to be neurodivergent? And if so, what flavor of neurospicy are they?
As someone who thought they were neurotypical until very recently (guess who was probably autistic this whole time) I'm always hesitant to put neurodivergent labels on my boys, simply because I don't want to end up misrepresenting a really serious issue. I've always believed that my characters are open to individual interpretation, and if you look at one of them and see yourself/your own neurodivergency reflected in them, the last thing you need is me clumsily rolling in and going UHMMM ACTUALLY THEY HAVE [insert completely incorrect view on mental illness] SORRY.
If you look at one of my skeles, and you see a particular neurodivergency that speaks to you, it's canon. Everyone's individual interpretation is canon. That's my rules. I'm definitely interested to see what people think!
That being said, if we're looking at my individual interpretation of my boys, I do have some thoughts.
Sans: I think we can all agree this man is depressed. There's no argument there. But as someone with two siblings and a parent that have ADHD I also see a lot of inattentive ADHD reflected in him. Though his ability to read people has made him pretty good at masking his main issues, others can't help but peek through- the executive dysfunction when it comes to "basic" chores and tasks that don't interest him, hyperfocusing on a particular subject and working himself into exhaustion on his 'projects'.
Red: To me, Red has anxiety. Anyone would after living in his world- his Pap probably does too. But since weakness cannot be tolerated, his anxiousness manifests as a more acceptable outlet in the form of aggression. Even when he's with people he trusts, he finds it hard to ever completely relax, constantly restless an 'on edge'. As soon as any of his fears begin to manifest, if he can't escape, he lashes out in seemingly over-the-top manners.
Skull: PTSD is a big one. And his relationship with food isn't exactly... stellar. But also given my sudden closeness to the subject of autism Skull does seem to fit an oddly large number of those criteria. Desiring safety in mundane routine above all else, getting upset if the routines are broken. Struggles with/fears social situations, loud spaces are overwhelming, he can come across as blunt and uncaring. Unless it's his loved ones he despises being touched- and when it is his loved ones he has difficulty registering what is and isn't 'normal' and displays his affection in ways that can seem bizarre and frightening in their intensity if you don't know him.
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AITA for not reconnecting with my brother?
I (21x) have a really complicated relationship with my brother (18m), not helped by the fact we both live with our mom right now. He’s had a really hard time in his life, with having anger issues, ADHD, what we both suspect is NPD, and our family being. Dysfunctional at best and neglectful/borderline emotionally abusive at worse. We both know that our family wasn’t particularly good for us, but we have pretty different approaches on how to deal with it/how we feel like it’s effected us.
This is where some of my (100% AH) behavior comes in- I was incredibly cruel to him as a young teen (12ish) and basically belittled him and pushed him away at every opportunity. We used to be intense but loving with each other and I feel like I took that and made him feel like he couldn’t love or trust me (which he’s told me himself multiple times). I know I failed him as an older sibling and I hold so much regret and shame for not nurturing him into all the good he held (and still does).
Where it gets rocky is our current relationship. I hate to say this and I’ve never said it to his face, but I feel like the roles have completely swapped. He talks over and down to me, gets incredibly upset when I won’t drop everything for him (I won’t get into it bc this would turn into a long vent but he once got legitimately mad at me for days for not giving up my bed and bedroom for him out of nowhere because he didn’t want to be in his anymore). He’s called me every cruel name under the sun, and when I fight back or our fights get ugly, he reminds me it’s all my fault he’s like this because I ruined our relationship. I’ve tried to heal from my own separate trauma and mend our family situation but whenever I talk to him it’s like I regress into a fawning doormat who never challenges the way he absolutely steps over me and puts me down (my friends have talked to me about this and have come down a lot harsher than me, so I’m borrowing their words because I can’t let go of the fact he’s not. Wrong to be this upset with me- I’m a victim of emotional abuse in my own right and I know how it feels to be wrapped in fear and hate and don’t hold it against him that he’s been hurt by me).
I’ve wanted to be a better sibling for a long time, and since about 16 I’ve made a conscious effort to shelf my pent up resentment and hurt emotions to try to always understand him and give him space to be upset, plus always taking the step to reconcile and apologize for my part to play in arguments. I refuse to call him any of the horrible names I used to (bare minimum I know, but I’ve really worked to diffuse that anger and make sure everything I say isnt an attack on him personally and only ever touches oh his current actions) and I try every diffusing move in the book with only framing my feeling as mine and not reflective of who he is and how I want to know his feelings so we can work to understand each other and move past the proboem. But he still treats me like an unstable, untrustworthy bitch who “emotionally manipulates him” by breaking down crying when he calls me names and tells me I’m stupid and he’s above my level of intellectual thought and rationale (I wish I was joking but he has directly said this, almost word for word).
I’m at a big crossroads. I want to keep trying to show him I love him and want him in my life, but it feels like he’s given up on me. If he truly has, I think I have to accept it as part of my failures and shames, but he also tells me he wishes I spent more time with him and that he wants to have a relationship with me. AITA for trying not to engage with him anymore? I want to support him but when he treats me badly if makes me regress into anger and like I’m just digging myself deeper and I’m never going to be good enough to be part of his life. I don’t know what to do with myself and how to live around him when a conversation as small as asking him to do the dishes turns into him berating me for being a nagging stupid asshole.
What are these acronyms?
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that-ari-blogger · 7 months
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Stray Gods vs Change, Part 2
Why does Stray Gods keep mentioning family?
That was a genuine question, I'm not sure what the answer is. This post is going to be my thoughts and I'd really appreciate some discussion in response because again, I'm not quite sure.
SPOILERS BELOW
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So, to say that Stray Gods mentions family dynamics several times is an understatement. Persephone, Orpheus, Hermes, the whole deal with the Idols list goes on. And there is a distinct repetition that comes up. Most of these dynamics are dysfunctional.
The Idol family is the obvious one. The myths of the Greek Gods can be summarised by one main quote from Disney's Hercules, of all films.
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Essentially, the Greek Deities are one massive family tree. It doesn't have the healthiest of dynamics (to put it mildly), but they coexist. In Stray Gods, there is a notable absence of Hera and Zeus, the two parent figures of the Olympians. Dameter is also deceased, and her direct daughter is one of the main characters. As a result, the Idols feel directionless, there is no closure there. On a similar note, Apollo's sister is missing as well. Essentially, they feel like a shattered family.
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Athena has become the mother figure, although she's not good at it. She's a sister trying to be a parent and you can tell by her demeanor. She's overcompensating and antagonistic and a lot of elder siblings in real life who have been through similar experiences show similar characteristics.
On a different note, Persephone has killed Hades, for understandable reasons. It's a horrifically abusive relationship that ended in bloodshed.
Similarly, Hermes makes a passing reference that i noticed when asked how they knew the old Hermes.
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This keeps coming up.
But then we get three relationships I thought were interesting. Grace and Freddie, Asterion and Hecate, and Aphrodite and Eros.
Grace and Freddie are close. Historians will say they were the best of friends. Even if you don't romance Freddie, the two are family. Best friends who live together, etc. If you do romance Freddie, you get an Orpheus plot to bring her back to life, literally meeting the previous Orpheus as you go. But where Orpheus failed his quest because of a lack of trust, you can succeed, or not, I'm not gonna tell you how to save Freddie.
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Then we have Asterion and Hecate. First of all, I didn't consent to have my freestyling singing capability so perfectly replicated by my sweet minotaur boy, and Summerfall will be hearing from my lawyers. On a serious note, this relationship is so wholesome and I love it, if you make it work in the story. They are proof that there can be a healthy relationship in this weird world.
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Finally, we come to my favourite moment of the entire musical. I've already gone into detail on the Ritual as a song in a different post, so go check that one out (I crave validation from the internet people). But the challenge here is can you soothe this broken family here? Can this work? If you choose the green path, Eros gives a fantastic verse.
"Mother, I've stood by your side, now I no longer see, the purpose of love, when it tears at the centre of me. My arrows are rusty, forget the bow, and I won't be begging you not to go. But when you're away, you leave us a broken home..."
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My arrows are rusty, forget the bow. Is a phenomenal metaphor for a loss of purpose, but I would like to focus on the last two lines. When you're away, you leave us a broken home, and you leave me alone. The characters here are aware they are falling apart and they are desperate to try and reconnect, and if you play your cards right, you can help. You don't "fix their relationship", you just give it a nudge. You don't repair the scars in this family, but you convince them to talk to each other.
That, my friends, is a microcosm of the entire plot of the story. Can you fix this broken family? No. But you can get them to talk to each other and convince them to try.
The story goes out of its way to say that some relationships cannot be salvaged. Some families are too far separated for that, but in this situation, you can give people who are hurting a nudge towards peace.
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So, why does this musical keep bringing up family? And what does that have to do with the title of this post?
Well, because it is a story about change, and how to move on into a different world. Grace quits college before the story begins and doesn't know what to do, and the Idols have no idea how to navigate the new world.
The theme that the story presents (in my most humble of opinions) is this: "for things to get better, you have to be willing to change." You have to step out of your comfort zone to find the love of your life. You need to change direction and start running together instead of away to find peace with your family. And, you have to take the lessons you have learned and become someone more mature, not necessarily someone different, but someone who is capable of adapting to a wild world.
Part 1
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least-carpet · 4 months
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No, no, but now I want to read your ideas about how wwx is set to an implosion in 1-3 years. How do you get him there? In canon, he needed jyl's death, the wen siblings death, the world against him
Another neglected anon! Sorry for the late response and happy new year!
I actually think what we saw in terms of Wei Wuxian's devolution after Jiang Yanli's death qualifies as an explosion rather than an implosion, i.e. the force was directed outwards from the centre and killed whoever was in the blast radius. I don't think he'll do that.
I do think we see him implode earlier than that though, in the post-war period, where he drinks excessively (to the point that Wen Qing comments on it), he's unreliable, his moods are volatile, he self-isolates, etc.
To be fair, a certain amount of this is related to not having a golden core and practising demonic cultivation. However, I also tend to read it as a reaction to his war trauma, since self-medicating is a pretty normal response to surviving horrifying events?
Let me be clear that I don't think he always used alcohol like this—I think his partying as a teenager became a problem in adulthood. I think that was always a risk for him for a variety of reasons (we know that he survived becoming a homeless orphan and doesn't remember big chunks of his childhood, which tends to indicate trauma) but I don't think we see it happen until after the war, during which he saw and did some buckwild shit. I also don't know that he ever developed a physical dependence on alcohol, just that his post-war alcohol use looks pretty dysfunctional given its context and all the other choices he was making.
So. Given what we know about:
his behaviour in the post-war period;
his behaviour immediately post-resurrection, specifically that we see him desperately trying to avoid people, places, and situations that make him remember traumatic events from his first life;
his partner, specifically that Lan Wangji doesn't have a real barometer for what "normal" drinking looks like, and also has a tendency to enable Wei Wuxian;
where his partner lives, the extremely calm and controlled Cloud Recesses, where everything is on a strict schedule, therefore predictable and regular, and many activities Wei Wuxian likes are just not allowed—
We have a scenario where a person who thrives in exciting situations and likes working under pressure is living in place that is quiet, regular, and predictable. He is not supposed to drink there, but has a spouse who's willing to smuggle in as much alcohol as he wants. He has thus far throughout the story distracted himself from processing a long series of very traumatic events, and has only been willing to be in relationship with people who can't or won't hold him accountable. All of those feelings are waiting to explode out of the closet he's stuffed them in and fall on his head. And now he's often in a place where there's nothing fun to do...
Like, I think that it might take a minute, since the euphoria of new love will at least provide, you know, some positive feelings, which are their own distraction. (Plus all the sex! And night-hunting!) And Lan Wangji has many qualities that make him a real support to Wei Wuxian, and that might get him through that inevitable post-honeymoon period of quiet where all his feelings pop out and come for him. But I don't think that's going to be a fun experience for anyone?
TL;DR I think eventually he will have to stop running away and actually think about what he's lost, and we know what he does with Bad Feelings he doesn't want (excessive drinking, avoidance, withdrawal from loved ones). Grief and shame are gonna get you every time!
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