opened her dress,
and i did the rest.
And in her memory,
was a smile.
A dimly lit, soft endearing smile.
Oh god, and she simply ached to see that smile again. To grasp hold of it in her sight just once more. Holding it tender and sweet.
For now, she has her memory and that will have to do. Yet, even that will fade with time. Over the years the edges will become more blurry. The thought won’t shine as bright. Eventually, that memory of a smile, will become nothing more but a vision in the dark.
And only as she is looking back on her life, the time passing by like reels of film, will she again recall that smile. And then perhaps that laugh. And the touch of soft fingers against her warm skin.
Only then, will she remember her.
A watch ticks nearby
A steady sound in the sand of the hourglass
Each minute turns into 15
15 turns to 30
And soon the hours are marching by
1 and 2
3 to 4
I am paralyzed
Paralyzed by words left unsaid
Words spoken that I wish weren’t
But I am no master of time
And regrets can do nothing save torture my mind
I find myself dreaming that I had one more heartbeat to share with you
A touch can hurt so much more than
An empty promise.
A touch is undescribably painful
For it reminds us that mortality is not long.
We are flesh and flesh is just borrowed.
A touch makes reality fall.
Upon the shoulders of the world’s beings.
Young, old, well, ill, loved, unloved…
Reality falls with a touch.
I struggle to voice my inner demons.
I struggle to speak full stop.
This is why I do not understand
Why you don’t
Why you don’t choke on your own harsh words
Yet you do struggle.
But is that because I do?
Or is it that we’re all the same?
Slowly as we go,
Towards the sky.
Towards each other.
Slowly as we go,
I shall not give you the time of day,
Nor the satisfaction of knowing I still miss you.
This person before me?
I’m uninterested, unfazed, indifferent.
and all that is left
is rumpled bedsheets
his touch fire on my lips
melancholy lingering on my skin
as Liberty spreads her wings wide;
won’t steal my soul tonight
— inspired by, Kill Your Darlings (2013)
Te conocí en un nido de golondrinasllena de misticismo y me pregunté: ¿regresará alguna vez nuevamente ha mi sepulcro?
Y entre dormido balbucie tu nombre imaginario, la fronda de los violines esparcían tu risa.
Mariposillas surcaban el arcoíris del amor y la esperanza, la suave brisa hacía caer la hojarasca de tus sonrojos…armoniosos querubines cantan alrededor de tu nido.
El azul celeste del crepúsculo humedece el color canela de tus ojos.
Anhelosa sentencia fortifica mi corazón… se refugió en tu guarida de las encunadas golondrinas de mi esperanza.
I have no idea what’s going on but here we are with no fucking clue what to do but every bit glowing with fucking hope.
everything is going to suck today
and nothings nearly as pretty
but i’m sitting here staring at your face
hoping you find me funny
the parts you’re longing to hide
show themselves sometimes
but not for a while
i’ve not seen you smile too often lately
but i hear your heart working overtime
over and over
just to cover it up
wrap it away
and swallow the key
i’m just digging for something you might’ve already found
but last night my heart was unzipped
it was out
and i was proud
and we come back to where we both could just be
and you still couldn’t do that for me
i’m town between two selves i want to be
and i squeezed you into both
please don’t leave me before i get you out
please don’t leave before i figure it all out
please don’t leave me at all
to brush your hair back with my fingers
and touch you somewhere to get that feeling
but the feeling is rare
you would never kiss me there
comparisons the enemy
but the enemy was him
and now i’m torn between my new one being you
or the zipped up version of my heart
that sits on my shoulder in plain sight
begging to be undone
and never zipped back up right
i’m the kind of girl that looks for things in the wrong places
and the something i get from you is so unusual
and i’m drooling over you again like you just did
all over your pillow
and wondering how or when i came to feel like i understand you so little
i don’t want to put my heart away
i can’t cause the zippers broke
so even when i do some pepto bismal pink sap
comes pouring through the cracks
and everyday i choke
on words i want to say to you
and words that you say back
and all the things left unsaid
just ringing in my head
ringing is a lonely word
i am a lonely world
your heart would feel so good next to mine
if you could make your fears unheard
so i guess the point of all this
is just to say
i’ve been staring at the back of your head for 3 hours now
and i’m still fucking enthralled
and i can wait for the hard parts of a hard heart to crumble
break your shell
i just hope you know i’m waiting for you tomorrow and until
i’ve drained all the sap from my broken heart
and i’m all i have left to kill
The question is
“How long will I write about you?”
“Is it always gonna be this hard?”
“Will your face get out of my mind anytime soon?”
I’m a coward when it comes to matters of the heart. That is my fatal flaw.
- Haruki Murakami
the grass under my porch is now a cigarette graveyard
33 degrees no shoes on my feet
missing you everyday isn’t restraint
its a pain that lingers past when you’re awake
grows in your toes
comes out through my nose
lift my face to the sky so your fingers might find it
you’re my alibi
wink your eye
and toss your cigarette into its final resting place
come inside grace
you’re so contentious
but i’m in my head less
when you’re around to fill the space
Loving you was like the start of a phrase,
and then ending it.
Our destiny wrote itself like a sad poem,
this was the only way I knew how to love you
and I would trade all the poetry for you.
When I saw you
I fell in love, and
Because you knew
But you’ve fallen
Who will never be able
To be brave enough
To fall for you