#love this season so much you guys have no idea. i am THRIVING
actually you know what life is indescribably beautiful and we will all one day experience he happiness we so rightfully deserve and we will get to live the life we always had in mind for ourselves!!!
DEXTER SEASON TWO SENTENCE STARTERS (PART TWO)
Lines taken from 2x07-2x12 of the show Dexter. Feel free to change pronouns or edit in any way to better fit your needs. Here is part one.
❛ I thrive on chaos. But this is good, too. ❜
❛ I had to do a little creative problem-solving at someone else's expense. ❜
❛ Pardon my tits. ❜
❛ Are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire? ❜
❛ Sometimes the truth speaks from a peaceful place. It's taken me a long time to find that place, but I think I have, and it's telling me you're not the right one for me. I'm so sorry. ❜
❛ Is that what I am? Clean? 'cause I don't feel that way at all. ❜
❛ No, I won't do that. I won't let you turn me into you. ❜
❛ Hope you don't expect me to comment on that so you can record it on your hidden tape recorder. I wasn't born yesterday. ❜
❛ Your past is a bigger mystery than fucking Jimmy Hoffa. ❜
❛ No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work, I'll always be a step ahead of you for one simple reason. I own you. ❜
❛ When I'm alone and it's quiet, I get scared shitless, like I start hearing what's really going on inside. ❜
❛ 'Cause when you're around, I kind of feel like I can deal with anything, you know? ❜
❛ I've always worked best in the shadows, and that's where I have to stay. ❜
❛ You can't go back. You know that. ❜
❛ You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you're seeing little Miss "pardon my tits." ❜
❛ She is obviously a vampire. A gross english-titty vampire. ❜
❛ Can't change who I am. I'm crass and dirty, and...I have a very filthy mind. ❜
❛ Jesus Christ. They sell anyone a gun in Florida, won't they? ❜
❛ That man. He wasn't trying to rob you. He was trying to kill you. ❜
❛ Nothing you could do,___, would scare me. ❜
❛ Whatever comes, we'll get through this together. I'm not leaving your side. ❜
❛ I need to embrace who I am, who I've always been. ❜
❛ It's like I've been living underwater, holding my breath, and now I can finally breathe. ❜
❛ ___ almost had me believing it was possible to change, to become something else, as if that ever really happens. I've always known what I am. ❜
❛ I'm finding it's best to accept things you can't change, you know? ❜
❛ Is this the monster that you keep telling me about? ❜
❛ Trust me, when you meet the monster, you'll know. ❜
❛ Nice. My subconscious isn't even bothering with symbolism. ❜
❛ I feel...such regret, which is rare for me. But not that I don't mess up. I do...just never so stupendously. ❜
❛ If they're looking for proof, they won't find it. Not here at least. ❜
❛ Then maybe you should come with us, because who knows what secrets will come ❜ pouring out of me once the drinks start flowing. ❜
❛ I'm done with it and you. Did I not make that clear last night? ❜
❛ Those friends of yours, they didn't even know you. They just see the mask, but I see it all. ❜
❛ Can't live with her. Can't kill her. ❜
❛ Fuck! I'm talking about my feelings. What the fuck is your problem? ❜
❛ I've always sensed there was something... off about him. Like he's hiding in plain sight. ❜
❛ If you got in the middle of this and you got hurt… ❜
❛ The only way I can help you is if you turn yourself in. ❜
❛ Don't you disappear on me. ❜
❛ I want you to know that you meant a lot to me, more than you know, and... I just want to thank you for that. ❜
❛ If I never see her again, it'll be too soon. ❜
❛ Sleep would be nice, but there's too much to do. ❜
❛ Okay, I may be sleeping with him, but it doesn't mean he tells me shit or listens to me about anything, so stop asking! ❜
❛ That's right, motherfucker! It's over. ❜
❛ I knew there was something with you. But this shit? ❜
❛ What can I say? You were right about me. I never held it against you. I don't now. ❜
❛ It's a graze wound. Minor tissue abrasion. No hemorrhage along the bullet track. Sorry. I think I'm gonna live. ❜
❛ If you're not gonna let me go, then kill me now. Just get it over with. ❜
❛ You're a killer. I catch killers. ❜
❛ So it's okay to take a life as long as you get a paycheck for it? ❜
❛ Either kill me or set me free. ❜
❛ Taking a life is one thing, but the care and feeding of it is another. ❜
❛ I'm generally confused most of the time. ❜
❛ You ever care about anyone? Then you shouldn't have to ask. 'Cause when you care about someone, you do what you have to do. ❜
❛ I remember when life was easy, when the only question I worried about was "who's next?" Now it's: "How can I dodge my protective detail? "What should I do with my hostage?" These are not easy questions. ❜
❛ It's not about what I think. It's all about the evidence. ❜
❛ Hair-pulling may not be manly, but it's very effective. ❜
❛ If he wanted me dead, I'd be dead by now. ❜
❛ You are the only one I can count on, jackass. ❜
❛ It puts a pit in my stomach that I can only interpret as... sadness. ❜
❛ You working on an exit strategy? I'm afraid that's not gonna happen. ❜
❛ How come there's never a circus when you need one? ❜
❛ What was that shit last night? Some kind of fucking scare tactic? ❜
❛ Don't test me. I could have killed you. I didn't. ❜
❛ You're actually angry. I've never seen you angry. This is good. ❜
❛ I should warn you. You can't play on my feelings. I don't have any. ❜
❛ It's a tough job. It can wear on even the best of us. ❜
❛ I yell a lot...and bitch and complain, and I keep expecting people to guess what I want, but I never really say it. ❜
❛ And that was exciting, you know? The not knowing. What might happen, what could be. It was all possibility. ❜
❛ Your life is going to rest in the hands of the criminal justice system you put all your faith in. I wish you the best of luck. ❜
❛ You need help. Let me help you. ❜
❛ You don't have to do this! You don't have to kill this man! ❜
❛ Sorry it had to go down like this. But there really was no other way. ❜
❛ Stay away. Just stay away from me. ❜
❛ Did you happen to be stuffing a human leg into a garbage bag at that point? ❜
❛ There's that anger again. You got to let that out. ❜
❛ You're spinning. Let me help you. It's only a matter of time before you'll hurt someone else. ❜
❛ Take responsibility for who you are. ❜
❛ Why can't you just let me go? ❜
❛ If I got to choose a person... A real person... to be like, out of anyone, it'd be you. ❜
❛ Who joined who in the shower this morning? ❜
❛ For such a neat monster, I'm making an awfully big mess. ❜
❛ Maybe this is how evil works. Destroying everything it touches. ❜
❛ I've been held prisoner in a cabin for two fucking days. Fucking hellhole. ❜
❛ After everything we've been through lately, I just want... to be together with you guys. ❜
❛ You told me to take responsibility for what I am. You were right. ❜
❛ I can't live in this house of cards anymore, waiting for it all to fall down. I need to do something, you know? ❜
❛ If I do this, I need a day to get my affairs in order. ❜
❛ Mention that when they interview you for the story of my life. ❜
❛ Don't leave me in this cage, anything could happen. ❜
❛ I lie to everyone I know... except my victims right before I kill them. It's hard to establish much of a rapport there. ❜
❛ Sorry about the cage. ❜
❛ I've always been curious to try. Do you have any weed? ❜
❛ Love's a battlefield. Or in your case, a restraining order. ❜
❛ When a pretty girl smiles and bats her eyelashes, we're powerless to resist. ❜
❛ I met with a lawyer yesterday. He helped me prepare a living trust that gives you control of all my assets in the event of my death or... certain other situations. ❜
❛ God. Go away. This is creepy. ❜
❛ I'm free tonight, you wanna stop by? We'll have beer, a couple of steaks? I wanna talk to you about something. ❜
❛ I just need you to know that... you and the kids are very important to me. No matter what happens, I want you to always know that. ❜
❛ I know I've been taking things slow with us, but it's not because I don't have feelings for you. It's more like I have too many feelings, and I just wanna make sure to get it right. ❜
❛ I want you gone. Tonight. ❜
❛ I've spent a lifetime keeping up my guard, watching my back, wearing my mask. Relief was never in sight until now. ❜
❛ Lately, I was starting to feel like I had my head pretty far up my ass. ❜
❛ You decide who you are, who you want to be...and you hold onto that and ride it out. ❜
❛ I need some help! Just open the door! I'm being held captive. ❜
❛ Damn, it's good to see another face. I never thought I would. ❜
❛ When something beyond reason happens, it turns skeptics into believers. ❜
❛ If you believe that God makes miracles, you have to wonder if Satan has a few up his sleeve. ❜
❛ I can't exactly feel their pain, but I can appreciate it. ❜
❛ I kinda forgot who I was. I got it straight now. ❜
❛ The term is homicidal maniac. Not that I'm judging. ❜
❛ A public place. You thought I was gonna...That I would slip my needle into your neck? ❜
❛ You're afraid of me now, aren't you? ❜
❛ You're emotionally color-blind. You use the right words, you pantomime the right behavior, but feelings never come to pass. ❜
❛ You know the dictionary definition of emotions: longing, joy, sorrow...You have no idea of what any of those things actually feel like. ❜
❛ I created a monster of my own. ❜
❛ What did you do to make her so pathetically crazy for you? Does your dick dance? ❜
❛ What're we doing home in the middle of the day? She asked, hoping for sex. ❜
❛ Why? Why do I have to make up my mind? ❜
❛ I've never put much weight onto the idea of a higher power. But if I didn't know better, I'd have to believe that some force out there wants me to keep doing what I'm doing. ❜
❛ As it turns out, nobody mourns the wicked. ❜
❛ Am I evil? Am I good? I'm done asking those questions. I don't have the answers. ❜
The Expanse - 6x06 (SERIES FINALE)
Loved it. Let this be the tldr before I ramble on, I loved it. This finale, this final season, this show. They did me justice, I am satisfied. I am emotional.
where do i even start fuck, SPOILERS!
Okay cue the ramble apologies in advance for the long post.
Oh my god the different fight sequences I didn’t think they would even go off like that firstly Drummer and her band of Belters thinking they were only going up against some frigates but it was the Pella disguised like the Roci a few seasons back god damn. It was a miracle that Camina made it out of that alive and that decision by the pirate guy whose name escapes me really helped turn the tide. Amazing.
Then the Rocinante in the ring space HOLY SHIT that was so incredible wow. Bobbie BOBBIE facing all of those guns and her manoeuvre was exactly the same as when we first meet her on the Mars training course in season 2!!! I was sobbing. Amos going to shield her when she was down i simply cannot I love them both so much. PEACHES earning her keep, I was so scared for her because of her diagnosis and thinking she might faint I genuinely thought she died fixing the reactor problem but then Naomi going down to help and check on her, my emotions I love this found family.
THE SCENE IN THE KITCHEN. Did I mention that I love this Rocinante family so goddamn much and they even referenced Alex again and left an empty seat for him I was in floods of tears. Its always the scenes in the kitchen of them eating together throughout the show, firstly with Miller, then toasting to Miller after his sacrifice, after Bobbie joined the ship, then this final one with Clarissa before we knew what their fate would be.
Naomi thinking she killed/sent her son off to his death with the entities at the Ring gate broke me, that little flashback to baby Filip I could not handle it. Her courage and willingness to do what needed to be done even with such a huge sacrifice whew. Naomi Nagata the woman that you are.
Jumping to Laconia real quick Cara is crazy I feel so sorry for her parents goodness gracious, her brother is a zombie, I predicted correctly that the scene from the trailer was from his perspective and that whole storyline this season just confirms that no matter the focus on what our Roci team or the politicians are doing, there is always going to be some mad protomolecule shit going on in the universe that they have no idea about. This is the world they live in now, may as well embrace it.
Look at Jim turning the tides at the end and making Drummer the President of Ring transportation you go king I knew you’d never want to be in the position. It was so funny when they all turned to look at him at the table you could hear his brain going “hold on w-wait a minute, no that’s not what i meant”.
CHRISJEN LIVES I was so worried about her with the bonus content showing her health issues and even the one soldier on the ship saying he was worried about her like he embodied me. But she lived fuck yes I am so happy.
rip(?) Marco, at the very least GOODBYE BITCH hope you have fun floating through the cosmos with your disintegrated narcissistic self. It would have been nice to see him suffer but this will do. woah Filip is alive he deserted the ship before the transit and is now going forth as Filip Nagata okay go on get your redemption off by yourself, it is what Naomi wants for him.
Overall I am so satisfied, all of our Rocinante family are alive and thriving on the ship they will go off and live their lives together. The final shot of the Rocinante just flying off into the distance was *chefs kiss*. I will miss this show so much. Quite literally my favourite television show ever. I am so glad they didn’t let me down, as if they could.
I’m looking forward to reading the books and the The Expanse game with Drummer that will release in the future. I’m not done with this world. I’m glad i’ve been able to write these episode posts for this show, it truly deserves. Bye for now Beratna.
Cutting Yourself Off from the Entities: A Comprehensive Guide
I am once again overanalyzing the Magnus Archives for fun. This topic is super interesting to me, and I haven’t seen it explored as much as other theories, so here we go.
So, you’ve pledged yourself to one of the Dread Powers, but decided that you’ve had enough of terrorizing others. Not to worry, there is a way out. Melanie King did it and lived all the way to the end of the series!
Here is the summary, though I’m sure a full explanation will be more satisfying:
To escape the Buried, lose yourself to the emptiness. To escape the Corruption, kill what loves you. To escape the Dark, give yourself to the sunlight. To escape the Desolation, choose kindness. To escape the End, cut yourself off from dreams. To escape the Eye, blind yourself. To escape the Flesh, give up control of your body. To escape the Hunt, tear out your teeth and claws. To escape the Lonely, bind yourself to others. To escape the Slaughter, remove your emotions. To escape the Spiral, destroy your voice. To escape the Stranger, make yourself known. To escape the Vast, trap yourself in a small place. To escape the Web, give up your autonomy.
The rest is under the cut. Let me know if you have any ideas that you think I missed, I would love to discuss theories.
We know for sure that the way to escape the Eye is to gouge your own eyes out. The other entities have less information, but we get a few clues here and there. In the season 4 Q&A, Jonny and Alex joke about leaving the service of the Stranger by running naked through the streets. They also mention that the Desolation can be left by an act of true altruism. With these details, as well as other details in the rest of the canon, we can make a list of criteria that must be satisfied for an act that will cut someone off from each of the 14 Entities.
Firstly, it isn’t enough to just stop feeding your god. Daisy and Jon both tried to abstain and ended up wasting away, and it is implied that they would have died if they had continued. Dying is certainly one possible way to escape the service of a Fear, but we’re going for living out the rest of your natural life here.
Secondly, there has to be some sacrifice made that relates to the specific power. This is where the Desolation’s explanation kind of falls apart; doing one good act doesn’t stop you from just continuing to be destructive, so the act must also include giving up the thing that ties you to your Entity. In the Stranger’s case, one could argue that exposing yourself does count as giving up your anonymity, and there are several Stranger avatars that seem to thrive on being unknown. My theory is that each Entity has a draw of some kind, a power that it gives its followers, which you would have to completely give up if you are to leave it for good. Jon mentioned that the blinding has to be permanent, so I’m assuming this applies to the others as well. Basically, the avatar who wishes to leave must give up something that one who does not wish to leave would never want to.
Third, the change can be physical or symbolic. Obviously blinding yourself is a very physical change, while committing acts of altruism or making yourself known are less so. Some of the Entities will have pretty clear parts of the body that connect you to the power, others will need a bit more of an explanation. In special cases where a person gets their power from an artifact or a Leitner, destroying the thing would probably be enough to cut them off from that power. And of course, if you are as lucky as Georgie Barker and manage to completely get rid of your fear, that would probably be enough to cut you off from them as well.
So, here are my explanations for what you would have to do to cut yourself off from each of the 14. I’m basing it on examples we get in the series, the few rules I have decided to set, and what would seem thematically or symbolically appropriate. Realistically, each individual would have their own personal journey and each avatar is different, but it’s more fun this way.
The Buried- The draw of the Buried is a little difficult to narrow down, we’ve heard about restfulness, the comfort of enclosed spaces, the desire to be a part of the earth, etc. The thing Buried avatars seem to dislike the most is wide open spaces, though I don’t know how that would translate to something you can change about yourself. How would a person cut themselves off from the earth? You could move to a place that is very open, but you could also just leave. I’m not sure if there is a way a person could give up the concept of space, so I’m probably going to have this same problem when I get to the Vast. Probably the only thing you could give up that makes sense is the type of space the Buried is tied to, so you’d have to keep away from enclosed spaces. However you’re supposed to do that, I have no idea. This one is just going to have to be a less satisfying answer, unless I find another idea later.
To escape the Buried, lose yourself to the emptiness.
The Corruption- Most people who get into the Corruption get filled with bugs, and we know from Jane that it is appealing because you have a sense of belonging and purpose. The Corruption focuses a lot on toxic love, and I think communities specifically because the things we think of as infections are multitudinous: insect hives, bacteria, fungal colonies, etc. Even in the case of that one guy with the beetle wife, it was implied that there would soon be many more beetles. So, I think to stop being fed by the Corruption, you have to get rid of the infection in whatever form it takes. The one woman in the statement about the cult ended up leaving, but she wasn’t a full avatar, so I think that would require a bit more drastic action. If Jane had wanted to leave, she would probably have had to kill every worm inside of her. Knowing what we know about her, she would never want to do that, but she also had no regrets about becoming the Hive. Someone like John Amherst would have to get rid of all the diseases inside of him, so it might be as simple as a hospital visit and getting pumped full of antibiotics. If you got hollowed out by bugs, you might have to fill in the space somehow to be able to move, but I’m sure you could find a way. Maybe some help from the Flesh? It does seems to be in opposition to the Corruption in many ways, so that would work thematically.
To escape the Corruption, kill what loves you.
The Dark- Another abstract one. What’s the opposite of blinding yourself? The Dark, aside from the literal definition, includes things like weird science and unknowable things that lurk in the dark. Seeking knowledge would be a good opposite to darkness, but that’s not making a sacrifice or a permanent change. It’s not very clear what avatars of the Dark would hate to lose. Manuela Dominguez describes hating the light, how traditional divinity and knowledge are unnatural as opposed to the dark state of the world. This might be another location based one. Apparently, the sunniest places in the world are in northern Africa and the southwest parts of America, so moving there might do it. There isn’t an easy permanent change to make, but committing yourself to being in the sunlight as much as possible would probably work. Change your sleep schedule, move somewhere sunny, just avoid the dark in general. Maybe even start worshipping the sun; that would be in opposition to the cult following the Dark has.
To escape the Dark, give yourself to the sunlight.
The Desolation- We know it’s an act of altruism. I think it might need some adjusting, though, to make it more of a sacrifice by the person who serves the Desolation. This fear is all about sacrifice and loss, so it’s a bit tricky to think of something a Desolation avatar could give up when they’ve already committed to giving up everything. Well, everything except themselves. Many avatars, like Jude Perry, have shown themselves to be selfish, but I don’t think even they would be opposed to going out in a blaze of glory. No, the hardest thing for them would be to settle down and live a prosperous life. This one probably would have to be continuous effort instead of one grand sacrifice. It doesn’t fit with the others, but it does fit the theme of the Desolation. Yeah, I’ve just gone in a big circle. Altruism does make the most sense. Just make sure that selfless gesture counts. It’s not a real choice if you don’t mean it. I guess that would be really difficult if you’re used to burning everything around you, so maybe it’s more of a sacrifice than I thought.
To escape the Desolation, choose kindness.
The End- We actually already have a canon answer for this one: lobotomize yourself. Adelard Dekker found an End avatar that was killing people with carbon monoxide through their dreams, and he stopped him by cutting through his pre-frontal cortex- the part of the brain that lets you dream. It’s implied that this didn’t completely work, but I think the reason for that is that the avatar was not the one to make the choice. It’s emphasized again and again that serving the fears is all about personal choice, so it makes sense that any attempt to cut someone off wouldn’t take if the person hasn’t decided to give up their connection. The End is associated with dreams in most appearances, so I believe that a person who chooses not to dream would no longer be bound to it. Oliver Banks could see those whose deaths were coming in his dreams, which directly led to him becoming an avatar, so if he had decided to stop dreaming, that would be it. This procedure might be a bit difficult, I can’t imagine performing your own lobotomy would go very well, but I’m sure getting someone else to do it would count if you were the one to make the decision. Of course, Terminus would still have you in the end, but that will happen no matter what you do.
To escape the End, cut yourself off from dreams.
The Eye- This one is already answered. The draw of the Eye is the power to watch, so you have to give that ability up. Simple, straightforward, and definitely fits the theme.
To escape the Eye, blind yourself.
The Flesh- Oh boy, this is a weird one. We have dysphoria, consumption, body horror, I can’t say this one sounds very appealing. But it must be, or else it wouldn’t have people serving it. A lot of the draw to serve the fears could be interpreted as dishing out what you can’t take. You don’t have to be afraid of being watched if you do the watching, you don’t have to fear harm if you harm them first. Maybe the appeal of Flesh is making others share that fear that you are nothing but meat. I don’t think it’s really possible for people to give up their corporeal form, unless it’s metaphorical but I have no idea what that could mean. I think those who serve the Flesh thrive on being “more” than others. More body parts, more mass in general. You could go on a diet or become a vegetarian, which I think the writers may have joked about once? I want a more concrete solution, though. Diets are easy to break. You can’t fully give up food without dying, so I guess you could give up the control of food. Giving up your sense of taste would be interesting, but I’m going to keep it more general. No easy answer for this one either.
To escape the Flesh, give up control of your body.
The Hunt- People are drawn to the Hunt by that deep, primal desire to chase and attack. Humans have both predator and prey instincts inside of us, so you would have to completely leave the predator behind to escape the Hunt. I think a good way to do this would be the get rid of your teeth, or nails, whichever you use to cause harm. Daisy was able to temporarily leave behind her power in the Buried, but as soon as she got out, she started starving. I think this is a good argument that you could partially cut off your power by using a power that opposes it in some way, but you would have to give up a part of yourself to make it stick. As soon as she had the freedom and ability to hunt again, that was when the urge came back, and she eventually succumbed to it. Getting rid of the parts of your body that do harm wouldn’t completely stop you if you were dedicated enough, but it’s the choice to do so that matters. This one is a bit more of a symbolic choice, and you could probably do something else to your body that would prevent it from hunting, but I am going with the cooler option.
To escape the Hunt, tear out your teeth and claws.
The Lonely- Probably all you have to do to escape the Lonely is just…be around other people. I’m sure this is easier said than done, but there are lots of ways to commit to other humans. Get married, join a club, make a blood pact and permanently bind yourself to another human. The possibilities are endless! This one, I think more than the others, would require a bit more of a continued effort. I know that the whole point is to make one drastic, permanent change, but the Lonely feels like something that’s easy to relapse into. Maybe it’s the depression metaphor, I don’t know, but I don’t think this one has as easy a solution as the others. It’s hard work forcing yourself to stay connected to others, and it’s something most people in real life struggle with. Giving up any of these powers is a difficult choice, which is the whole point. Life is hard, and we have to make tough decisions. Anyway, I’m okay letting this one be a bit more abstract.
To escape the Lonely, bind yourself to others.
The Slaughter- This one is very similar to the Hunt in terms of actions, so I think the solution might be similar as well. Destroying your weapon would fit well, but it is just way too easy to pick up something else and continue hacking and slashing away. To give up violence entirely, you might have to destroy a significant part of your body. For the Slaughter, I think we should go with a less physical act. The opposite of violence is healing, so maybe become a doctor? You would have to really commit to helping others instead of hurting them, and that is too easy to go back on. I think the sacrifice made here would have to be emotion. Anger and the desire to hurt would go away if you couldn’t feel anymore. I don’t know how you would do this, except through drugs, but that isn’t permanent. There is probably a part of the brain you could destroy that causes emotion. It’s not the same as the prefrontal cortex, which we destroyed back in the End section, so at least it’s not the same solution twice. Honestly, the drugs could work if you did them long term, it’s about the choice anyway. However you do it:
To escape the Slaughter, remove your emotions.
The Spiral- The draw of the Spiral is the power to lie and deceive. There are many ways to do this, and there are probably just as many ways to stop yourself from doing it. However, there is one way that I think fits very well and is absolutely a permanent change: destroy your voice. This is actually the first one I thought of because even though it’s not technically the only way to stop yourself from lying, it fits very well thematically. Michael as the Distortion calls itself the Throat of Delusion Incarnate, so what better way to break yourself off from the same power then by tearing out your throat? It’s not perfect, but I like it so much that I’m going to pick it. I don’t know how one would go about destroying one’s voice, except with very careful surgery. Or screaming for a very long time.
To escape the Spiral, destroy your voice.
The Stranger- We got our answer to this one in the Q&A. Run naked through the streets, and make sure to engage with everyone who talks to you so that you can’t hide. Utterly terrifying. It makes perfect sense though; we heard from the Not!Them that beings of the Stranger hate losing their anonymity. Whether by switching skins, tricking the mind, or looking so generic that no one can remember your face, being known is antithetical to the Stranger. There are probably other ways to go about losing your anonymity then running around naked. You could get up on a stage somewhere and pour your heart out, or publish an autobiography. Basically anything the Eye would like. As long as you are putting yourself out there in a way that you can’t take back, you should be able to successfully cut yourself off from that uncanny fear.
To escape the Stranger, make yourself known.
The Vast- This one might actually be easier than the Buried, because it’s not purely spatial. It includes things like longevity, our insignificance in the face of a massive universe, and large scary things in general. A Vast avatar would hate to be enclosed, but they would also hate to be made responsible. They enjoy making others afraid of their insignificance, but what if they were important to the universe? What if the world was actually very small, and they fit neatly into it instead of being lost? There’s a lot of different ways to go here, so narrowing down one sacrifice might not be the best answer. I can’t really think of any one action that makes a person feel as though the world is small and trapping them. Giving themselves to the Buried would, probably. A direct contrast is the easiest answer.
To escape the Vast, trap yourself in a small place.
The Web- Avatars of the Web are manipulators, through and through. There are so many ways to manipulate a person that no one action could prevent you from doing that, so this one would likely vary a lot between individuals. That movie director who had people puppet him in his own house comes to mind, I think giving up your freedom like that is a good way to do it. Being paralyzed wouldn’t stop you if you used your voice to control others, and giving up both would suck, but if that’s what you need to do, then I guess it’s your choice to make. Maybe all you would need to do is let someone else tell you what to do, and fully trust them. That would be difficult, coming from the Web where everything is tied together and you know how easy it is to manipulate you.
To escape the Web, give up your autonomy.
tory nichols - your rant about her
YOU ASKED FOR IT. BUCKLE YOUR SEATBELTS ‘CAUSE HERE WE GO.
misogyny by the writers:
I believe firmly that Tory’s character is steeped in misogyny, either intentional or not. Like I said in this post, the way that Tory was written in S3 boils down to two things:
- Fighting with/harming other women (In 3x5, and 3x10 when she literally broke into sam’s house and tried to kill her over a boy - which will be addressed further in the love triangle and tory’s sexuality)
- Being harmed in some way, shape, or form by men. (Examples: when she was propositioned by her landlord in 3x2, and every single interaction with Kreese in which he attempts to turn her into a soldier for his own evil cause, the inevitable scene in season 4 where he uses the landlord thing against her)
So, harming other women and being harmed by men. Which, I hate. And, not to keep calling the CK writers misogynistic, but that reeks of it. If they wanted to do something else with Tory’s character rather than frame her as, again, the “crazy ex-girlfriend,” then maybe they could have scenes that didn’t fit into those two categories.
The exception for this was in S2. We saw her thriving within this friend group of Aisha, Hawk, and Miguel. We saw her smile more than (now that i really think about it) one time during the season. Then the Sam/Miguel cheating happened, and her character was completely changed by the starting of the school fight.
why hawk should’ve been the one to start the school fight:
I am a firm believer that Hawk should’ve been the one to start the fight in 2x10. His threats towards Demetri in 2x9 (“Demetri, you got lucky. I’ll see you in school”) alone are proof. That combined with the sheer betrayal of Demetri’s speech in 2x9 is more than enough reason for me to believe that he had more motive for a fight than Tory did.
It’s really nothing new that Hawk’s a little fight-prone. He literally tried to attack Demetri at the mall over a negative Yelp review. Demetri outing his biggest secret and telling the entire world about ‘Eli’ is a thousand times the betrayal that a Yelp review is, and him going after Demetri at school would’ve been a logical conclusion. Which, he did, but only after Tory had already started a fight with Sam.
Tory had only been dating Miguel for about two months at most. While Sam cheating with her boyfriend absolutely would’ve been upsetting, the writers used it just as an excuse to pit them against each other. Tory redirected absolutely zero of her anger towards Miguel, instead choosing to wholly pin her feelings about the cheating on the (extremely drunk) girl, not her boyfriend. If the writers really wanted to have Sam and Tory feud, they had so much more to go off of (namely: class tension), but now I’m just getting off topic.
Hawk should’ve been the one to start the school fight as retaliation for Demetri’s comments, and that’s that on that.
Tory was given such an interesting opportunity for character development with the sick mom/little brother/sole caretaker of her family at sixteen, but in my opinion, that wasn’t used enough so far. As other people have said, Tory spent a fair bit of time in S3 talking about how she couldn’t go to juvie because she had to be there for her family, and then immediately turned around and started the house fight. (Which, imo, that plot point was way too far. Having her break into someone’s home with the intention of killing them? Seriously?)
I wish that more time was spent on Tory with her family. Even just a scene where we see her mom, and see how she thrives in that different environment, would be a game changer. We’ve seen most other main character’s family. We’ve seen scenes of Robby with Shannon (and of course, Johnny), so we know how that affected him. We’ve seen numerous scenes of Sam with Daniel and Amanda, and scenes of Miguel with Carmen and Rosa. We’ve even seen a scene of Hawk with his mom, so we could see how disconnected she was and how that affected him.
We’ve gotten exactly none of this with Tory.
Getting to see a scene of her being sweet with her little brother or talking to her mom about everything that’s happened (and maybe even Kreese and Sam!) would definitely take her character in a new - and hopefully positive - direction. I am hoping for this in season 4, but not anticipating it. Even though Jon Hurwitz said that Tory was one of his favorite characters, I honestly don’t believe that for a second. If she’s one of your favorite characters, prove it by developing her beyond her feud with Sam and her romantic relationships with Miguel and Robby.
the love triangle and tory’s sexuality:
I am guilty of using love triangles in my own writing, but I’m not really a big fan of them in general. and, especially not the Sam/Miguel/Tory love triangle.
So, Tory/Miguel started after the scene where Tory saw Miguel making a ‘Sam please take me back’ edit on his computer. They quickly enter a relationship, Tory with the full knowledge that Miguel is not over his ex. Tory was fully aware that Miguel was (at least emotionally) unavailable. This, to me, reminds me a lot of a little thing called “compulsory heterosexuality.” Tory found the most unavailable guy that would take her west of the Mississippi, and convinced herself that this was who she had feelings for.
I think that the love triangle would have been significantly more compelling if it was Tory and Miguel vying for Sam’s affections, rather than the two girls fighting over him. That scene in 2x5 where Tory tells Miguel that his ‘Sam please take me back’ edit was embarrassing could’ve easily been interpreted as jealousy, and I think it would’ve taken it in a different direction. (But that’s just my opinion.)
My personal beef with Sam/Miguel in canon stems entirely from the 9th episode of all 3 seasons.
1x9: Miguel hits Sam, and it’s not even addressed after they get back together. I could be wrong, but I don’t remember him apologizing beyond his quest to get Sam back in S2.
2x9: The cheating. Enough said.
3x9: How Sam and Miguel immediately bounce back into a relationship, despite the events of 3x8 (namely: them getting caught together by Robby, who Sam never officially broke up with.)
Now I’m really getting off topic.
Back to 2x9. I’m definitely not the first person to talk about how queer that opening was (and this isn’t the first time I’ve talked about it), but I’m gonna talk about it again. That opening, where Sam and Tory are shown to be completely and totally obsessing over each other (followed by them kissing their boyfriends for just an instant, and then going back to obsessing over each other) is just about as wlw as it gets.
Like I said: I would much rather have seen a Tory/Sam/Miguel love triangle than a Tory/Miguel/Sam love triangle. Because Tory is a lesbian, and nobody can convince me that she didn’t have feelings for Sam in S2.
tory/robby in s4:
I’ve already said a million times that Tory is a lesbian. It’s true. I’m right. This isn’t the entire reason that I’m opposed (very publicly) to Tory and Robby dating in S4, but it’s definitely one of them. One of the other big reasons that I think Tory and Robby shouldn’t date is because they’re too similar, as I’ve outlined in this post. They’ve both been taking care of themselves and their moms at least since the beginning of the show, they’ve both been used and hurt a million times over, and they’re both being manipulated by two evil old men.
I’m a firm believer that the two of them have sibling energy, and could be so much better as a found family type of relationship than forcing romance purely because this show (and many others) refuse to believe that m/f relationships can be platonic.
I’m also a firm believer that their relationship is going to start (as it has been confirmed that they’re going to enter into a romantic relationship) on the premise of making Sam and Miguel jealous, and that’s really not a good way to start off a relationship.
I could talk all day about how much I dislike Tory/Robby (romantic), but I digress. Tory is ridiculously queer-coded, and the idea of her being forced into yet another relationship with a man under a premise that isn’t purely their romantic attraction to each other doesn’t sit right with me.
how the sam/tory feud could’ve been done:
If the writers insist that Sam/Tory had to be at odds, I think that there was plenty more for them to be at odds about besides Miguel. Namely, class tension.
Sam and Tory were introduced as rivals in 2x4, when Tory makes a joke about stealing silverware (after showing off her bottle of stolen vodka), and Sam snaps at her about it. Then later on, Sam accuses Tory of stealing her mom’s wallet, and their potential friendship pretty much devolves from there.
I’ve already stated my feelings on the love triangle (tl;dr - I’m not a fan <3). And, I think that this immediate dislike because of class tensions could’ve been the reason for their feud. If it was spun that way, I believe that it could’ve been even more compelling than the Tory/Sam/Miguel love triangle.
(Same with the Robby/Miguel feud, and how it could’ve been more compelling if it was about Johnny than Sam.)
I don’t have a lot of coherent words on this right now, but this is the truth: Sam and Tory had a lot more to feud about than just a boy that neither of them acted like they wanted to date during S2.
MY THOUGHTS ON TITANS’ RED HOOD,
BEFORE WATCHING THE LAST EPISODE.
I will start by saying that I haven’t been able to watch the show, these are my thoughts after reading a very well-written and detailed review of the last episode. The review is also written by someone that enjoys the show, this is important because my thoughts don’t align with theirs.
I understand that Titans is known for being garbage, I know their writing is messed up, and I had no hope whatsoever for them to actually write a good Jason Todd/Red Hood story. I would also like to make clear that this post is in no way hate towards the actor playing Jason, this post is just my thoughts on Jason’s characterization.
What I really don’t like is these shows/movies taking the names of loved characters and making an “original character” out of them. Yes, there are different takes of the character and you can build their story differently but I do feel that what they did with Jason is beyond all that. They twisted every concept from his origin and his story, nothing really fits, but someway, somehow, they still managed to push all the wrong narratives when it comes to Robin Jason.
Two of the most horrible narratives that DC has decided to push are “Robin Jason was reckless and a troubled kid that never did what he was told” and “Jason Todd is to blame for his death”.
The show does push the one where Jason is reckless. Jason is consumed by fear, and Bruce Wayne pays attention to that but he doesn’t only do that, he also offers comfort and help, he tries to make Robin Jason go to therapy.
This is huge, they build up the perfect scenario for Jason to not become the Red Hood. But for some reason, they decided to make Jason reckless and too eager to prove that he didn’t need that kind of help. And then they didn’t help Jason’s case because they wrote their Bruce as a caring father that does not want to see his son get hurt or end up dead.
This Bruce Wayne is doing everything that comics Bruce Wayne didn’t. This Bruce cares, so once more, one would think that this Jason wouldn’t become the Red Hood. But, surprise! Jason Todd doesn’t take well the news of him not being able to be Robin anymore.
Here is the thing, if you were Bruce in this situation, would you let this Jason continue to be Robin when he is a danger to himself? I know I wouldn’t.
Here is where Titans’ terrible writing reaches its peak. They have a vulnerable and reckless Jason try to prove that he can still be Robin by working on *something* that can take his fears away. Jason Todd wants to make a drug, let that one sink in.
Jason Todd wants to make something that is basically a drug. Did Titans really erase the fact that Jason’s mother overdosed? Because that’s one of the most important things in Jason’s life and that built up his hate for drugs and what they do to people. His mother was in an abusive relationship and that led her to do drugs and later led her to her own death.
This might not sound too important to other people but to me, it’s something that has always been important to Jason’s character before and after his death.
Going back to the actual show, Jason goes to Scarecrow, willingly, and asks him to make him a drug that will make him don’t feel fear. I know that this Jason is vulnerable and that he probably thinks that therapy isn’t working for him, but why on earth would Jason think that making Scarecrow make a drug for him would be a good idea?
How does that make sense? The show is basically telling us that Jason had a support system and that he was going to therapy because Bruce wouldn’t want to lose his SON. Why does this show go far and beyond to make Jason look reckless and dumb?
This is not me comparing Comics Jason to Titans Jason anymore, this is me finding Titans’ logic unnecessarily stupid, they really went out of their way to write pure stupidity.
Why would they write Bruce as a caring father and as actively working so Jason can be in a better mental state so he won’t lose him as his son if they are also going to write Jason as an incredibly reckless man? Are we supposed to be on Bruce’s side? Because as of now, Bruce is the only one with brain cells.
There is absolutely no way to compare that to comics because in comics Bruce neglected Jason’s needs and refused to see that Jason had different morals even back then, and that neglect was key in Jason jumping onto the idea that he needed someone that he could call family and actually care for him. He wanted love and attention from a parental figure because he didn’t feel like he had one. Robin wasn’t everything that Jason was, he was also a kid with normal needs.
So, you build that completely different and actually give Jason the support that he also wanted in the show but for some reason, he is fiercely attached to Robin even though his fear comes from the fact that he almost died for being Robin. There is no logic to this Jason’s actions and that isn’t on Jason it's on the writers’ incredibly garbage writing. It is like they come up with ten different ideas and they put all of them but none of them are actually solid and well-developed concepts.
And you can’t tell me to get over it because “Titans has always had bad writing, there were two seasons of bad writing”. Listen, if you are happy to consume media that is badly written then that’s on you, Jason is one of my favorite characters, I don’t want him to be written badly just because that’s the show’s style. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with me wanting writers to actually care about the characters they are writing for, all three seasons have had different writers, is it really so far-fetched for me to want one of these people to write something that makes sense?
Jason's death was tragic in both comics and the show, and he was a victim in both of them, yes. But the show really pushes the limits of that, Jason wanted to take something to make him not fear, he looked for Scarecrow (not Dr. Jonathan Crane, Scarecrow, and he was an already established villain) to make him this drug when he couldn’t make it himself. He trusted Scarecrow (for some weird reason) and then as a test he went to fight Joker? It’s tragic because it ended with Jason dying but it's also tragic because the writing is just bad. It just is, and that is a problem for me.
From then on, we have the “big connection” to comics, the Lazarus Pit! Wow, you guys did it, yeah, everyone loves the Lazarus Pit, every time I think about Jason, I only think about that one time in which he was thrown in a Lazarus Pit to recover his mental injuries or all of his injuries after he came back from the dead.
This Jason has no training, there is no Talia, no League of Assassins, no Ducra or All-Castle, there is only Scarecrow and his new puppet, the Red Hood.
It changes everything and I don’t like it. Once again, I understand and know the concept of the multiverse, the various earths, and the Elseworlds, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like this take on Jason Todd/Red Hood along with its horrendous writing.
I don’t have to like it, just like I understand that others do like it because it is their first contact with the character or because they are fine, as fans of the character, with a new take. I am not gatekeeping Jason Todd or Red Hood; I am just saying that my being angry at this version and absolutely hating it is just as valid as liking this version of Jason.
Red Hood in Titans is just Scarecrow’s puppet, that’s how things are, and I just think that it is too big of a change from the original reasons for Jason to become Red Hood. And I will never get tired of saying this, Red Hood wasn’t only all about the Joker killing him and Batman not killing the Joker. The Red Hood was Jason’s way to make things work, to prove to Bruce that Batman wasn’t enough for Gotham. Red Hood came back to Gotham to stop bad people from introducing children to drugs and to make Gotham’s people feel safe.
He thought that Red Hood was the better version of Batman for Gotham and its people.
But I am not blind, I can see how Titans can twist it again to give us Red Hood as a protector of children and Gotham in general. I can see the “I used to do drugs and now I will fight so no other person goes through the same”, I see it and I am aware of it but it does also bring me to my other problem with Titans and DC in general: story swapping.
Story Swapping is something that DC loves to do, they thrive when they make change people’s origins for others and when they take character traits from one character to another.
And Titans’ Jason Todd is just that, he has characteristics and plot concepts from Dick Grayson and if what I just predicted happens then he will have some of Roy Harper's characteristics. And that is exactly what Lobdell did, but somehow, they managed to get different results. I cannot praise Titans for giving us a new Red Hood origin because they made his characterization with the help of other character’s origins and/or stories.
This is the first time that we see a live-action Jason Todd/Red Hood, was it really that hard to just stick to his origins as both Robin and Red Hood? There is so much to explore from Jason, there is so much between his death and him becoming Red Hood, from both before and after New 52.
Jason becoming Red Hood under the influence of Scarecrow in moths is lazy, bland and an insult to Jason’s character. They could have done things by the book and then explore things that we have never seen before in a show or movie.
Jason has had so much training outside of Gotham, why did Titans think that they could do acceptable work at bringing this amazingly complex character in a show that has nothing to do with him.
They could have had him killed in the Titans show and then wait and make a Red Hood show to actually tell a good story. What is Jason Todd doing in a show that is called Titans? Where are the Titans? They chose the most recognizable Titans’ line-up and they are not using it. They butchered Garth and Donna and for what?
DC gets away way too much with selling their stupid shows and movies by telling us that x character will appear but then when you watch the thing for that x character, they are nowhere to be seen. That’s exactly what they did with Cassandra Cain and what they are doing with Red Hood.
I don’t know how this tv show is doing, I only know that as a non-American that pays the same money for an HBO Max subscription, I don’t get to see any Titans content, not even a miserable trailer.
But I know that if non-comic readers are watching it, they will love it and if they actually were to start reading comics because of the show, then they wouldn’t find that Jason there. So, either that leads to Jason’s characterization being messed up even more within comics or it does nothing for Jason or comics.
To end this post, I just want to bring up the animated movie Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010).
That movie was widely praised and loved by critics, comic readers, and non-comic readers. It was fantastic, the story was amazing (even though it had differences with the comic, one might say that the differences improved the story), the voice acting was phenomenal, everything was done beautifully. Do you know what made it that way? The writing.
And you know who wrote the animated movie? The same person who wrote the comic the movie is based on, Judd Winick.
With that I am not saying that Titans should have had Judd write for them, what I am saying is that given the fact that they are using a pre-existing character they should chat with the Red Hood’s creator or even the writer that wrote for him for ten years after the character came back to comics.
This show obviously didn’t do that though, they preferred to write Jason Todd/Red Hood as if he were a Titans original character, but the thing is, from where I see it Titans didn’t give us an OC, they gave us an OOC.
So, to sum it all up, I hate Titans’ version of Jason Todd/Red Hood, I think that it is not only badly written but there is also no real logic to what they are trying to do so far. I am also tired of their bad and lazy writing in general. And I would have liked the Titans’ writers to actually respect the Red Hood lore because if they had I would have actually been excited about a Red Hood spin-off show.
Using the material that is available to you isn’t a crime, building from that material is the best thing that they could have done, but all they really wanted to do was use Red Hood’s name to get more money from a dying show.
It makes the show look cheap and actually not interested in giving us good stories, and no, I wasn’t expecting Captain America: The Winter Soldier levels of good writing or good changes to a very loved story/characters, I was actually expecting some Lobdell writing level and the way I see it we ended up getting something worse.
These are all my opinions. You can like, love, or dislike this version of Jason and the show as much as you want but you won’t find any form of love towards the show in this blog, at least not right now.
MY THOUGHTS ON TITANS’ RED HOOD,
AFTER WATCHING THE LAST EPISODE.
Well, I will start this part by saying: Sorry. I am sorry that I believed that Titans’ Red Hood was bad, it is actually worse than bad.
I was so wrong on many things, that review really made me think that things weren’t that bad but I still hated what I read. Now that I have watched the episode because I wanted this post to be extra honest and to stop myself from saying stupid stuff, I can also say that I hated what I watched.
This show really validates the two most horrible narratives that DC has been pushing for Jason: “he was a reckless Robin that didn’t think about his actions” and “he was to blame for his own death”
Jason Todd wasn’t a victim of Scarecrow, this Jason Todd took every single bad decision that he could, and those decisions led him to his death. No sympathy for this man.
Also, this Jason is like 19? He doesn’t look younger than that, but that’s not the point, what I am trying to point out is that this Robin is extremely underprepared, he lacks training and the mental capacity to stop acting like an edge lord every time he opens his mouth. He is annoying.
And I was wrong about Titans erasing the plotline of Jason’s mother dying of an overdose, she did die that way and this Jason spoke of her as if he hated her. What is going on? This Jason really doesn’t make me feel an ounce of sympathy for him. This attitude of “no one understands my pain” when everybody is trying to help you doesn’t make you look cool or anything of the sort, it makes you look annoying.
It is even worse because this Jason is so immature and reckless that he made his friend Molly (that is just a normal teen with no training) go after a thug with him, while he was not mentally well. He made that decision for them and put himself and her in danger. If that scene had gone any other way, then Jason could have been guilty of getting his friend injured or killed.
Jason Todd is so incredibly dumb; he is not a child but he acts like one every step of the way.
Nothing makes sense in his whole ass interaction with Bruce in front of the theatre, it’s like Jason refuses to listen to what Bruce tells him, well not that he refuses to listen it is more like a “Telefono descompuesto” I don’t know if you guys have that game but you basically have to tell something in someone’s ear and then the person repeats what they understood to the next and so on, what you said is heavily distorted by the end of the game. In this scene that is exactly what happens but it’s between two people.
When Jason accuses Bruce of not taking away Robin from Dick, Bruce says something along the lines of “I learned from my mistakes” and Jason says “so, I am a mistake now?”. Jason, use your ears, if Bruce says that he learned from his mistakes when talking about Dick, then his mistake was what he did with Dick. The writing is so bad, it's actually painful and it is even worse because the acting is bad, but I can’t blame the actors, it must really be hard to make a scene work when the writing is that bad. (Also, the unnecessary pauses, and the sounds that they play after they say something stupid, it is too funny).
Do you know what made me cringe? When they were having the chat in the theatre, in my mind all I could hear was “if you are nothing without the suit then you shouldn’t have it”, not me quoting Tony Stark in my head! I haven’t even watched that movie! But it fits perfectly for that scene.
The interaction with Scarecrow was more than dumb, if Jason was already acting like a child, now, he is basically acting like a toddler. Scarecrow saw right through him in seconds and just as fast decided that he was going to have fun with his new toy. He gave him a formula that wasn’t quite correct even though it looked like he knew exactly how to make the reverse version of his fear gas. This Jason has zero detective or survival skills but we already knew that when he made himself get captured and tortured by Deathstroke.
Anyway, all the interactions with Scarecrow were allowed to happen because this Jason can’t put two and two together. He convinces himself that everyone is out to get him, dude, Bruce is a detective and he also has eyes, Leslie didn’t tell him anything. If I were Bruce, you wouldn’t be able to be Robin anymore either.
I understand that Jason is not in a good mental place and that he wants to make his fears go away, but he had support, people around him were trying to get him help, trying to make him understand that he was hurting himself. His over-the-top anger and recklessness are unjustified when you refuse to take the help that is being offered to you.
He made terrible decisions for selfish purposes and that got him killed.
This is one of the last things I want to say, Scarecrow either didn’t need Jason at all to get out of Arkham or the writers made an oopsie because at the end of the episode he had someone helping him put Jason in the Lazarus Pit and then he was out of Arkham and he had a suit ready for Jason and everything. How did he manage all that? No idea.
The Lazarus Pit, yeah, I am sorry to be that person but the Pit can’t bring back people from the dead, it can only restore or heal physical and mental injuries (however grave they were), but Lobdell messed that one up already and Titans really didn’t have time to write a single good scene so what was I expecting?
Anyway, the last thing I wanted to say is that I know why Jason or Red Hood seems to not be affected by the drug when he sees Molly at the end of the episode, it is because the executive producer of the show is Geoff Johns! He loves making Jason fall for girls and get all mushy and dumb, do you guys remember how dumb he got when he left with Rose?
Jason being written as the kind of guy that acts like a love-sick puppy with a girl but also screams at her when he gets mad is peak Geoff Johns. So, if you were wondering where that came from, well, there it is.
Yeah, that is all I had to say, honestly if you have read this whole post then you are one strong individual, I am sorry I put you through all my thinking and rambling. You didn’t really deserve that.
I didn’t want to delete the first part of the post because I talked about so much more than the show and my thoughts before watching the episode still stand. I hope this post isn’t too confusing. As always you can think the complete opposite of me about the show or anything, I am just writing my thoughts.
Having said all that, I hope all of you, Titans’ lovers, haters, and people that simply do not care, have a wonderful week!
Note: I think I got this ask quite a while ago but due to my hiatus it got postponed a million times. Now that I am slowly coming back and am publishing the bits and pieces I wrote during being away this A-Z is finally leaving my drafts as well.
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Given his S/O is a sorcerer as well I think he would limit PDA at work to a minimum. Even if they are officially together or even married. He just likes to separate work and home. Tho it doesn’t mean that he is not making small intimate gestures at work like randomly dropping in with coffee or - when they are on a mission - sending a text asking how they are doing.
At home he is pretty affectionate. Randomly pulling them in for a hug, giving small back rubs when they are doing the dishes after he cooked. This kind of thing.
B = Before (What were they like when they had a crush?)
Distant. Nanami would probably be a person who maybe actually mistakes the feeling for some other emotion at first. Leaving him confused about why he thinks about them so much. The poor man would likely be irritated every time they are nice to him. Why the heck doesn’t his heart stop pounding? And why is he suddenly excited to go to work? Disappointed when he is not assigned the same mission as them? Or - if they aren’t a sorcerer - sad when a mission takes him away from wherever he met them for too long?
C = Confession (What was their confession like?)
Well-planned and straight forward. Nanami was already observing them for a while before making a move. Although he doesn’t actually confess it is pretty obvious when he likes someone because it happens so rarely. Just imagine him asking someone out for dinner. That gives away so much - don’t you agree?
D = Date (What was the first official date they went on?)
If we don’t count the dinner mentioned above … I guess it would be something like a gallery. Nanami would definitely want to test his s/o’s taste in art because it tells a lot about a person’s character. What kind of art they prefer (paintings, photography, sculptures, … ) and how they look at it as well.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
Professionally. He would state the fact on why they aren’t compatible anymore and what made him draw this conclusion. I don’t think either one of them would cheat on the other mainly because Nanami wouldn’t get into a relationship with someone capable of doing that in the first place (I hope). He would sit down with his (not) s/o and talk it through. There might be tears on the other side but not on his. He thought about it a lot and made peace with his feelings before starting this conversation.
F = Fights (What would fights look like? What are things that upset them?)
Kento barely looses his temper. And if he does I wouldn’t say that it is necessarily a bad thing. Getting him so worked up about something does only mean he cares. Fights would mostly be on the calmer/diplomatic side. He might be upset about something but there is no need for him to yell or anything. If the problem can be resolved just by talking about it - great! Why waste his precious energy on negative things, when he can use them elsewhere?
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
We all know - and all those rough sm*t fan fictions can’t proof me wrong - that he probably is the most gentle character in entire JJK. He despises the violence of his job therefore he doesn’t want to inflict pain or anything on anyone on his good side. Especially his S/O. Nanami has the most gentle touch, fleeing kisses, he will hold them tight but never smother them.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
As mentioned above: Tight and secure. Or soft. His S/O almost automatically buries their face in the crook of his neck because - who wouldn’t. Is there anything else I have to say about hugs by Nanami Kento? Yes. Am I able to put it into words? No. It’s just a very overwhelming feeling - that’s all.
I = Intimacy (What is their favorite form of intimacy? Do they have problems with it?)
For him I think it would be things where they take care of him. While he shows his love through cooking and providing (which he takes a lot of pride from), he loves being taken care of as well. Maybe in departments he doesn’t know so much about. Like skincare. If his S/O teases him about his wrinkles and stern look he would gladly accept any advice in skincare from them, let them do their magic with face massages and serums. He doesn’t even care if it has any effect on his skin - he just loves the attention he gets and thrives on the feeling how much his S/O cares about him (and his skin apparently).
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
This one I am really indecisive about. I can see him get more jealous that we would expect him too - which would be a nice surprise tbh. But also not jealous at all because he is confident. Kento knows what his S/O likes about him and he also knows what separates him from other men. What makes him special. I think the times he gets jealous are the days he doesn’t get to spent with his S/O because of work or a mission. Which rather results in being mad at Jujutsu Tech than jealous of someone else.
K = Kisses (Are they a good kisser? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
Forehead. Kisses. It doesn’t matter what height there S/O is. It is one of the most protective gestures and he enjoys giving those as much as his S/O enjoys receiving them.
The back of the hand cheesy kisses. Because they are his everything, he wants to treat them like it. Nanami knows it’s cheesy but neither one of them thinks too much about it. When they sit across the table, fingers sloppily interlocked on the table top, he occasionally picks up their hand and places a soft kiss on the back of it. Almost absent-minded.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
He is not very fond of them. Not saying that he won’t love and do everything for his own kids but other people’s kids are usually a nuisance for him. If they are loud or misbehaving he is really not having it. Though he would never lash out or raise his voice against them/their parents. ‘Children’ as in ‘his students’ … he always makes sure to treat them as children in a way he wants them safe/won’t put them in unnecessary danger.
M = Messages (How often do they text his S/O?)
Kento strikes me as a kind of guy who doesn’t text often. Mostly because in his line of work sharing attention could easily be his downfall or worse. He will let his s/o know if he’s running late or occasionally ask if there is anything they need from the store or things like that but aside from practical messages he doesn’t text much.
Though if he is on a long mission and away from his s/o for quite a time span he usually rather calls them than text.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Nights as in ‘Nights Out’? Date nights? Well, he is a foodie so dinner is always a popular option. He takes the time to carefully research about the restaurant and the menu. If the rotate dishes, he will make sure they’re going at the exactly right season to get the best culinary experience possible.
Nanami is old fashioned. So he will hold the door for them, pull back the chair … helps them into their coat.
He also likes going to the movies. The intimacy of the dark theatre gives him the confidence to reach out for their hand or have his arm around their shoulder. Since he usually limits PDA in public this is exciting for him.
O = Opinion (Would they ask for their S/O’s opinion a lot? How important is it in terms of decisions?)
Probably more than I would expect him too. Maybe not about the smaller things but decisions that involve the both of them he would definitely ask.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Due to the time he spends exposed to Gojo this man has the patience of a saint. Literally. He rarely snaps at his S/O.
Q = Quizzes (How does a bar trivia night teamed up with them look like?)
Stressed. Yes, this man in very educated and cultured but imagine him sitting in a loud-ass bar, having to answer questions about the transformers or Megan Thee Stallion. Absolutely absurd. How old he must feel …
R = Remember (How much do they remember about their S/O or their relationship in general?)
Not everything but a lot. He will remember little things they mentioned early on in the relationship and bring it up again later. He also uses this ability for presents and such. As well as in fights. If they think they can outtalk him with something you accusedly said or didn’t say some time ago - I suggest they surrender, because he will remember much better.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
Very Protective. I mean yes, he knows that they can stand up for themselves but why should they have to do that if he is around? One of the big perks dating him is that he is who he is and that his presence confuses most people. So he might as well use it. Not so much in a physical way but rather in addressing the people bothering his S/O directly in the typical manner of his.
I think his understanding of being protected equals being taken care of which plays into the skincare thing I mentioned earlier. It is not so much physical procreation from danger but preserving a future together where one cares about the other deeply and only wants their best.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Medium effort. He prepares and researches but he rarely comes up with a new idea. He knows what he likes and his S/O probably does too. His work is so stressful and has close to no repetition so that he enjoys doing the same things on dates over and over. That does not mean it will get boring. Because Nanami sometimes thrives on going the extra mile. There is a restaurant across the country that he really wants to dine at? Buckle up - he is going on a vacation. Short trips or spa weekends are also things he appreciates.
Since he remembers dates and anniversaries well he is usually well prepared for those occasions. He puts a lot of thought into presents and barely ever gifts useless things. He does not like to have a lot of stuff laying around so what he gives to people usually serves a purpose.
U = Unique (What makes them unique as a S/O?)
Literally everything I mentioned above. Namai Kento is a unique mix of all his traits. A very balanced person.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Well … he wears the same freaking suit everyday so … but yes I think cares about his looks and hygiene in general. As far as clothing goes he probably has one brand he is loyal too, which automatically sets his fashion style in stone as well. He has the same haircut for quite a while and sees no point in changing it.
Overall just the classic hetero dude who ones figured out what works for him and stuck with it. lol.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without their S/O?
Yes. His S/O is the other side of him. Is what balances his inner peace. Without them he worries too much, stresses too much. He needs them to tell him it’s going to be okay.
X = X-Ray (How transparent are they?)
Nanami doesn’t actually tells them everything but will disclose if they ask. He just doesn’t think they are interested in small details about him.
Y = Yuck (Everyone has flaws. What is theirs?)
He. Doesn’t. Do. The. Dishes.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
Kento never lets go of his S/O. Which can be annoying. And suffocating. Especially in summer. He is not clingy and they don’t fall asleep like this but in the morning he always spoons them or weirdly holds their hand. Sometimes toes interlocked lmao. Which makes them even more lonely when they are apart, because they got used to it way too quickly.
@kpopsnowball @soleilsuhh @jeonghanmoon @himitsu-luna
@sagedevans @shampoocifer @your-consulting-fangirl @gwynsapphire
Detective L: Sherlock but make him jazzy
So if you were wondering why I’ve been slow to update with my next Guardian recap, it’s because my partner and I have spent every evening this week binging the hell out of Detective L/绅探, a procedural show set in 1930’s Shanghai, with Bai Yu in the lead role. Yes, we have watched it in a week. No, we don’t have any regrets.
“Well this is so far basically Sherlock”, messaged a friend of mine as she was watching this one a few weeks before I have gotten to it.
Alright, I thought. Great. A western IP-inspired period procedural? That sounds fun!
And then the opening credits start, and...
This is not inspired by Sherlock Holmes, the Conan Doyle series. This is inspired by Sherlock, the BBC series.
Right from the opening, right here. This is extremely close to The Game is On from the Sherlock soundtrack.
The parallels become apparent in the script, as well as some of the visual short-hands for the titular detective’s deductions. So, if this review is looking at it from this angle, Detective L brought it onto itself. But don’t worry, the comparison is mostly favourable.
Our point of view character, a rookie policewoman called Qin Xiaoman, moves into a shared house which is owned by a boisterous landlady who is definitely not a housekeeper. Xiaoman discovers that her neighbour is a consulting detective called Luo Fei, and, after a brief misunderstanding in which she attacks him, the two become partners. They then go on solving a series of complicated crimes some of which may or may not be tied to a criminal mastermind known only as the Captain.
The actual procedural side of Detective L is highly enjoyable, albeit rather formulaic, even for the genre.
The show’s 24 episode runtime is divided into seven cases, each three episodes long, and each case goes roughly like this: a seemingly trivial crime occurs, something piques Luo Fei’s interest enough to investigate it, a wrong person gets arrested, then a set of clues point to the case being actually about something else entirely, protagonists find themselves in peril, the culprit is caught, there is a last minute twist addition to the case, and the characters are enriched by the events. Sometimes the order of those narrative beats changes, but all of them are present in most of the cases. That said, the elements within this structure are well presented. The audience is given enough information to follow the twists and turns of the investigation, and to reach correct conclusions around the same time Luo Fei does, but not enough to feel smarter than the protagonist.
If you are familiar with the genre tropes, you will be able to predict, at times, exactly where the cases are going, but honestly, I prefer old fashioned well plotted murder mysteries over more outlandish ones that rely on critical information which is delivered by an omnipotent detective, and could never have been observed by the audience in the first place. I personally watch procedurals for the experience of solving the case alongside the protagonists rather than to marvel at the lead detective’s big brain. And if me saying this sounds like a jab at BBC’s Sherlock, it’s because it is.
Detective L does not take itself too seriously, either, mostly due to its unyielding pace.
The episodes are short and snappy; discounting previews, recaps and occasional screwball comedy specials tagged at the end of the cases, the actual runtime of each episode is about 30 to 35 minutes. And there is a lot that this show can cram into half an hour. Detective L simply does not have time to be pretentious. It’s fast, and loud, and over the top, and thrives that way. The action shots are incredibly idiosyncratic, equally loud and fast, chopped in a way which is almost reminiscent of comic book strips - but I genuinely think this is the only way they can offer any escalation to already relentless pace of the show.
The aforementioned little extra featurettess tagged onto four of the main cases are an absolute delight: they are charming, there’s some genuinely expert comedy, and pretty ballsy forth wall breaking. This show’s ability to not take itself too seriously pays off there as well.
Production-wise, it’s beautiful. I’ve no idea where it was actually filmed - but the locations are stunning, the set design is wonderful, the costumes are jaw-dropping. It’s well lit; it’s mostly well shot and well edited, and, discounting the opening credits, pretty well scored. Tencent has money, and it shows. In every way you look, beautiful really is the word that comes to mind. Although I am currently rewatching Guardian so any show that has actors wearing foundation that matches their skin tone, and sets which are not held together with papier-mâché is going to be beautiful.
The only fault I’d say it has is wanting to be BBC’s Sherlock so damn badly, it introduces us to elements of Mind Palace-type arrangement, as well as superimposed effects explaining some of the deductions.
While those are done reasonably well, not all of them are strictly speaking necessary, and their presence was at times distracting in a meta kind of way.
I had a fear very early on that Detective L’s hectic pace would mean that it would be void of any breathing room for the characters, but thankfully the show found time to linger on those. Thus, Luo Fei is actually a very interesting subversion of the Unsocial Detective trope. He is flippant, blunt and, yes, not very good with people: these are all parts of his public persona, which allows him to use sharp words to ensure that he is given space to be effective. The more the show progresses, the more of Luo Fei’s caring, kind heart is revealed to the audience. He is a character who would be beastly to his partner to her face, and then fiercely protective of her reputation behind her back; would verbally dismiss an emotional response to the resolution of a case, and then proceed to financially support those wrecked by it.
It is also interesting that Bai Yu puts a lot of foxy energy into his character’s enthusiasm for crime-solving, there is a bubbly twitchiness to his physicality; and even the harsh words the script makes him say are mostly a played as a joke, a tease, a deflection. All of this makes Luo Fei infinitely likeable.
Qin Xiaoman, the female lead and point of view character, is there, technically speaking, to have things explained to her, and, by extension, to the audience. Making her a detective herself gives two additions to that: one is maintaining a link between Luo Fei and the actual police force (which I’m like 90% sure is another censorship thing), the other is giving their relationship a mentor/mentee flavour. But - again, in a lovely twist - she is a protector more than a caretaker. She would be the one ducking out of the cover in a gunfight, she would be the one taking the bad guys out in hand to hand combat, she would be the one providing a shield to Luo Fei. And none of it would be played for laughs. It is a given that she is not just stronger than her partner, but stronger than most men on the show.
The two have a will they/won’t they dynamic, complete with a set of romcom tropes, which include such things as accidental tumbling on top of each other with slow-motion yearnful gazing, and comedic bath times.
Still, the two characters’ relationship is still mostly based on mutual respect, and the resolution to the will they/won’t they question is entirely contextual. Bai Yu and You Jingru have a lovely chemistry, which is also a plus.
It’s also... kind of interesting that Luo Fei is portrayed as having a close relationship with the coroner, Ben Jie Ming (or just Benjamin), in a way that has an almost OT3 kind of vibe. It could not have possibly been deliberate, but the protagonists’ romantic entanglements can absolutely be read as casually polyamorous. Which is a lot of fun to see.
Aside from the two mentioned above, Luo Fei’s team contains an overworked superintendent, an enigmatic psychologist and a narrow-minded rival, which pretty much ticks every box there is for a group of misfits solving crimes together.
Detective L’s shortcoming mostly comes from the last case being somewhat weaker than the rest: it is quite blatantly overwritten, almost as if the show ran out of time before it could put all the moving pieces into place, which really is a shame. “Oh boy, I hope they manage to salvage this” is not a feeling I like to experience before hitting “play” on the series finale. Thankfully, they do manage to salvage it, playing out a very well placed, and extraordinarily satisfying gambit. Make no mistakes through, this show does not wrap itself in a tight little bow, instead ending on a suspenseful, poignant, note. In many ways Detective L ends in a way which screams for a second season - only the second season never arrived, and, considering that this has been released in 2019, is unlikely to do so.
I wish there was a season two, and a season three for that matter; I would happily watch many more adventures of Luo Fei and his team.
This is not a comment on the show itself, but subtitles it comes with on YouTube and WeTV are so poor they cross all the way into sublime, and include some highly memeable content.
I feel like I need to clarify my feelings on BBC’s Sherlock, because I kind of ended up dunking on it here quite a bit.
As a person alive on the internet between years 2010 and 2017 I was hurt by it: not just because of blatant queer baiting (while I was definitely shipping Johnlock, I did not have any hopes for BBC actually delivering on their relationship as endgame), but because the quality of the later seasons highlighted just how poorly plotted it was overall. Season four made every bad writing decision on this show retroactively apparent: every time a plot resolution came out of nowhere, every time it hyper focused on the protagonist over the story, every time choices were made with the female characters.
BBC’s Sherlock is masterfully crafted from the visual standpoint. The camerawork is out of this world. It’s well acted. David Arnold and Michael Price’s score is wonderful. But I honestly cannot in good faith call it a good procedural. I’m not even into Conan Doyle’s writing, being more of an Agatha Christie gal, but even I had to sometimes question whether decisions made with the source material were wise.
YouTube essayist hbomberguy has a savage dissection of that show, which I think very accurately analyses its failures.
Before we begin have a Yoon.
So I was just hopping on to let you know I'm now adding Got7, Blackpink and Stray Kids to the list of people I'm writing for. So in addition to BTS you'll also start seeing content for them. Gilmore Girls is a coming soon item on the masterlist but I'm not sure when that will happen. I know a lot of people have been asking me about Harry Potter content but I am still on an indefinite hiatus from that. I've just reached a point where I hate it and I'm so sad about that because it was a big part of my childhood. I hate that it's got to that point. So to me it just makes sense to stay away from it and write things that inspire me.
Over the new few days there should be lots of updates on BTS content.
Blossom in Darkness pt 2
Completely Bananas pt 3
Updates on Untamed the BTS 8th member series with Jae x Jimin
Dreamy the BTS 8th member series with Jin x Joo
Sunbeam : kim taehyung x Yoongi's sister Sunny
Big Bunny, Tiny Tiger : pt 2. With Bunny kook and tiger hybrid . This somewhat wraps up the story between kook and Zoey but if you really really want more I'll see what I can do.
Witchy headcanons pt 3, 4 and 5
Some fake texts and fake social media posts featuring various members
A new story featuring Jimin's twin sister, Jessa
A new story with a magical world AU that I wont spoil for you but there is definite mentions of the fae
Also a new little situation with a lemur hybrid. It's obviously a non idol AU and a hybrid AU but it's so fucking cute and domestic lol. It's currently an imagine but if when I post it you really like it and want more I'll see what I can do!
*Btw you can always check the Navi linked in the bio for all my stuff and updates and all that. Just fyi. *
I've also planned some imagines with supernatural content. Some where the guys are creatures and some where the reader is the creature.
There are some fluffy pieces as I know that's always been a popular thing for my tumblr but there are also some angst pieces coming up and some horror as we are officially thriving in spooky season.
Some AUs coming up include: Mafia, Supernatural/Magic/Paranormal, Hybrid, Non Idol kind of goes without saying for some of these, Yandere, Roomates AU, Soulmates AU, Omegaverse (which to be honest kind of goes in with a couple of the others) , reincarnation
Some tropes that have been requested:
Enemies to lovers (with some damn sense), Best friend (with disgusting pining), the fake dating thing, literally locked in a small space together
Some tropes that I see all the time but are only ever one way and I'm sick of it so I'm adding a little spice and giving it a different perspective because we deserve it:
Height differences, wearing the other person's clothes, confession time, jealousy, having a God damn savior complex and saving the other person but with some much needed flavor, undercover lovers
And also some God damn autumn content because we got like two months (in theory) of this left and we deserve it. Winter content will start being introduced after Halloween likely. Yes, bitch I know there's Thanksgiving (for the USA loves) in November but I'm excited for Yule. I hope I will actually be out of the hospital and able to spend it at home with my fiance at that point. I am so sick of being here.
But I digress.
So that's coming.
Anyway I've had a rough few days and honestly just haven't had the strength to write. But I wanted to give you an idea of what is coming.
I love you.
bren’s thoughts from this past episode because i’ve seen it so many times now and i’ve got a lot of thoughts so here’s season 2 episode 7 of hsmtmts (a rant):
portwell morning announcements?? ICONIC whether you’re vibing with a romantic or platonic endgame the fondness and their chemistry is amazing. (sofia wylie and matt cornett better be sending their hospital bill to disney because they are literally carrying season 2 on their backs and i said what i said.)
the rini drama?? feels bad. like the way they built up the end of season 1 with them to have it come crashing down feels like drama just for the sake of drama and honestly it’s a little boring to me which is unfortunate because i really did like them season 1.
ricky my sweet baby ricky. you need therapy. but also he was right about the rose song and i stand by that. it doesn’t fit the show and i think he has a right to try to explain his feelings without nini shutting him down. i am all for nini focusing on her own music and thriving through that but don’t shut him down sis that ain’t it
the costume reveal scene was so funny from the DEH thing to carlos popping off on kourt to seb mediating to EJ and kourt’s convo about the costume i thought it was all really funny. also carlos totally had the right to snap at kourt because wtf kourt. HOWEVER i loved seeing her all giggly and excited. it’s a side of her character we haven’t really seen yet and i think dara completely embodied that high school first real relationship giddiness. also loved miss jenn saying don’t dance with the enemy and all of them IMMEDIATELY ignoring her and going to north high followed by her also ignoring her own advice and going as well.
all of them joining together to sneaky steal the mask back?? iconic. peak friendship vibes. carlos being the leader of the group in a sense this season is something i’m LIVING for. also Gina 1.0 to 2.0 is a spiritual journey and i’m so proud of her. Ash dressing up for the mission?? that’s so her (she’s undercover let her live wildcats). the disappointment in carlos’s face when they all finished the wildcat cheer?? that got me. frankie does so well with carlos’s facial acting and i love it.
also gina baby you got all these boys vying for your attention why are you wasting your time on ricky?? ricky baby i love you but you’re being an asshat about that whole thing. the way ricky hasn’t really taken into consideration gina’s feelings is not it. he really is just kind of trapped in his own world and refuses to see anything from someone else’s perspective. i saw someone talk about how ricky is the beast in this season. like yes he’s playing the beast but he’s also metaphorically taken on that role. he’s lashing out at people who don’t deserve it, he feels misunderstood, he’s struggling, etc.
ANYWAYS that’s my thoughts of rina right now so back to the episode. EJ coming in to help get gina out of the situation with the guy was fake dating excellence truly. there’s no way he heard what was being said since you can’t see him in the background at all so either he’s picked up on gina’s reactions so well that he could tell she was uncomfortable or he had a lil jealous moment. either way i’m here for it. and again whether you like them platonically together or romantically together that portwell scene was adorable as hell. the teasing ?? the fondness?? both sofia and matt’s acting is incredible. also a GREAT parallel to the homecoming episode to show just how far their relationship has come.
the rini drama plus kourt being giddy again. portwell standing next to each other?? antoine’s use of the word fugly really shows how unhinged this show is. lily proposing a dance off and everyone being like ??? no that’s fucking weird was hilarious. gina standing up for her sister ashlynn like that was gold.
man you may hate her (i do too) but lily is damn good at stirring the pot. i almost admire her complete understanding of the drama going on in everyone’s lives. she knows exactly what she’s doing when she says particular things.
the scene with antoine and ashlynn was so hilarious. joshua bassett seriously does not get a break from this damn show comparing him to people that are way more famous than him lol. also red hitting himself in the face was adorable and no i won’t take criticisms on that. also antoine is BOLD bold.
EJ cheering while everyone is upset that it was the mob song?? big golden retriever energy. i love him.
i don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but i actually really liked this version of the mob song. they really leaned into the whole stupidity of the dance off idea and i think it actually works out well. plus there’s a ton of talented people on that track which makes it so much better. (also thought east high should have won on vocals alone. no their dancing wasn’t better but they had that really nice blend on their vocals and they all seemed a lot less frantic than north did.) also if they had let sofia just be sofia and dance. east high wouldve won on that alone.
i liked the song with miss jenn and zack. the choreo was beautiful but god i hate zacky roy. and that’s all i’ll say on that. (miss jenn i know that’s derek hough but you got two other very nice gentlemen who want you. don’t go for the low hanging fruit sis)
what was the point of lily telling them they would be disqualified if they used the rose song?? the only thing i can think of is she wants it to be a fair fight. which is noble i guess?? i don’t have time to psychoanalyze lily and no one wants that.
EJ’s face when they all turned to him for the sports metaphor had me sCREAMING and all of them being disappointed and talking over one another was very funny.
nini joining up with the group at the last minute seems to be her thing lately huh? i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again ricky was right about the song.
the couples walking out together. ft. nini and ricky fighting (again). PORTWELL EXCELLENCE (and huge dorks. i love them). red and ashlynn getting a bit rocky which at first i was like why is red jealous but then i remembered its high school. seb, carlos and kourt is an iconic trio. seb and carlos running off to avoid the drama is the gay agenda but also being in on the drama is the gay agenda. you feel??
HOWIE?!! why am i gasping i knew that? the fact that some of y’all really thought they would cast roman banks on this show and let howie go free without any drama?? nah man he had to be the beast for north fOR THE DRAMA. my baby kourt looked so hurt im so sorry beautiful. howie looking so guilty and upset?? heart breaking.
all in all i really loved this episode. i thought it was well done and set up a lot of plot lines. i don’t love how much some of the stuff feels like drama for the sake of drama but we’ll see. i’m sorta over rini this season as of this point. rina is in shambles because wtf ricky. portwell is alive and thriving as they should. seblos is beautiful and wonderful as always (i think the sassy verging on mean and the literal ball of sunshine is always a great pairing) redlynn is a little rocky but they’re both so empathetic and sweet that i think it’ll work out alright. kourt and howie (kowie?? hourtney??) is not doing too hot but i LOVE them together so they better gets their shit together.
Hiya! I was wondering if I could request a one-shot with Sugawara where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe another person catches his attention and the reader starts to distance themselves from Suga to try to spare themselves the hurt? Then maybe turns out the other person was just using Suga/wasn’t serious bout him and he realizes that the person he really loves is the reader but now they’re staying away from him and just angst and fluff and dramatic confessions?? Sorry if it’s far too much detail, I get carried away. Your writing is amazing, keep up the fantastic work!
somebody, some body
goddddd i’m so sorry i am late with a post AGAIN. this has been way overdue to be posted actually, and last night i finished it and was almost done with editing but accidentally lost everything i added and edited in the draft :// so thank you for being patient with me! this ended up being pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait :) anyway, i really liked this idea! i have a little personal experience with this kind of situation, so it was fun to explore those feelings a bit. thanks for requesting and enjoy!
you didn’t always know that you would be in love with koshi sugawara. your dynamic was always friendly, and nothing more. so where did you go wrong?
when you think back to your history with suga, you could never find yourself resenting any time you spent with him. it all started when you moved into his neighborhood and as a shy child, you didn’t have the easiest time making friends. but he was a kind boy who was around your age and made it easy for you to form a bond with him. after all those years, neither one of you had changed that much. you were still reserved at heart but, he was the one who pushed you to things that you both could enjoy.
one is joining the high school volleyball club together. you weren’t usually one to go outside of your comfort zone, but with him, you felt like you could do anything. he had you fuel your enthusiasm and you had him to thank for that. volleyball ended up being a great idea because it was quite a versatile sport that anyone could play. you found that you were quite athletic and took a liking to the libero position. there was just something exciting about digging a ball off the ground and rolling on the floor to get back up again. also, it looked pretty cool.
so that was great until you hurt your shoulder during a game, which ended up being more severe than it seemed. now you couldn’t lift your left arm very far over your head unless you wanted to dislocate your shoulder again. it was already a tough recovery period because all you wanted to do was get back to the game.
he was there with you for the entirety of it and even though he mostly encouraged you, he had to make sure you knew you wouldn’t do anything to hurt yourself. you felt helpless. it was the lowest he had ever seen you and he did everything he could to lift you back up again.
that was something you could never take for granted with him.
the thing about you and suga is that you were in constant contact, especially during school. if it wasn’t sending each other funny memes or tiktoks, you were either on snapchat with each other or texting. sometimes simultaneously.
are you alive??
yeah i’m awake, unfortunately
what do u want sugar-wara
whoa how are you up this early lol and sugar is my thing ok
let’s go get sweet buns before class
ur right, it is ur thing. ur sugar-wara
okay i’ll meet you by the light in 15
there was a lonely intersection in your neighborhood with a red stoplight that seems to have malfunctioned and now the light never stops blinking. you and suga lived on the same street, with the intersection being a perfect place to literally meet in the middle.
“hey, sugar-- uh oh. someone doesn’t look so sweet today!”
he was always so peppy in the mornings.
“yeah, well, maybe if someone didn’t wake me up with their annoying texts..”
“if you really don’t want to be woken up, you’d put your phone on do not disturb. you can thank me later for being your alarm clock.”
he gave you a bright smile and a few head pats before you set off down the road to your favorite bakery which happened to be on the way to school. you didn’t go every morning, but most days it was necessary for you to start your day off right.
“how’s the team looking this year, mr. vice captain?”
“pretty good, actually! four first years joined the team and one of them’s over six feet tall. our blocks will be unstoppable!”
there were several things you loved about suga but, if there was one thing you enjoyed most, it was hearing him get psyched about volleyball. even though you couldn’t play anymore, his undying enthusiasm for the sport made you feel like you were living through him vicariously.
“and there’s one who’s on the shorter side, only a little taller than noya. but he seems to have so much energy and drive, it’s just-- i don’t know, i have a feeling we could actually make it to nationals this year.”
“wow, that’s great!”
“you should come to practice and see them! also we just got asahi back so i need to make sure my sets really land.”
“kou, you know i love watching you guys but isn’t that what kiyoko’s there for?”
“well, yeah, but you know how i play best!”
“yeah, sure. it’s not like i have anything better to do.”
“you never let me down!”
his smile never let you down.
it was your senior year of high school and it felt like things were going to be nothing but great.
“so...speaking of you knowing me best,” he started rather hesitantly.
“what would you do if i...made you dinner?”
“oh, uh, oh, no. not, like, i make you dinner but, like...rei finally agreed to come around tonight and i thought i’d make something for them.”
“oh, um,” you tried to force a smile. “yeah, i think they’d like that.”
“yeah? you don’t think it’s too cheesy or anything? we haven’t hung out very much but i’d thought it would be a nice way to show them that i mean what i feel, you know?”
“yeah, yeah! that sounds perfect, kou..”
if only they knew that they were so lucky.
you knew about this person, rei. they were your teammate and even a friend at one time. they transferred to karasuno during your second year and you bonded over your shared interest of the libero position. they didn’t get to play much that season until you got injured and had to quit playing.
to see them fill that position so easily, it made you feel so type of way. a way that suga couldn’t know because even though he was there for you, he couldn’t deny his feelings. you remember when he told you that he liked them. about how he’s liked them ever since they came to karasuno and about how he was nervous to talk to them.
and guess what?
you encouraged him. you encouraged him to try to pursue someone who you knew and liked, so now you had to hide that you were envious of both their position on the team AND the fact that your best friend is in love with them.
at first, you tried to look at it as a positive point. you were still friendly with them, but volleyball was the only thing that connected you so you didn’t talk to them that much anymore. but now that suga, the person you’re closest to, was talking to them, it opened up the possibility that you would be able to reconnect with them. you had to be supportive. you were his friend, his closest friend, after all.
the next morning you didn’t wake up from a text from suga. no, it took several snooze buttons to wake you up, which already put you in a bad mood.
it’s ur turn now. are u alive??
i actually woke up to my alarms, how weird. u must be dead lol
also have you done the english assignment yet? i need serious help >_<
you weren’t afraid to double, triple, even quadruple text him because more often than not, he did that to you. sometimes he’d even send longish paragraphs as he did later that day when classes had already started.
hey sorry today has just been filled with fun and thriving and good stuff! rei asked me if i wanted to meet up with them before school last night and they made me some sweet buns and they were soooo good. i think we’re going to eat lunch together with some of their friends from vbc. ugh english sucks for me too. idk why you think i’m good at it
you almost jumped at the gesture to reply. it was never this long that he would go without text you at least one dumb thing.
haha it’s okay don’t be sorry! so i guess last night went well?
also ur great at english sugar-wara what r u talking about??
it surprised you how quickly they seemed to become so friendly. it was kinda weird that he would already be spending a lot of time with her and now meeting all her friends. he probably already knew of them though, with volleyball and everything. the thoughts of how long you would have to wait for a reply crept in your mind, but that was quickly erased by an elapsed period of only a few minutes.
yeah it went great! they had never had someone cook for them before, so they really liked it. this morning they told me they’d show me how to make fried eggs bc i said i dont know how to use a stove lol
wait you made a whole meal for this person and u don’t know how to use the stove??
i used a crockpot and microwave ok :// don’t make fun of me dingus
well a stove would definitely broaden ur horizons lmao that’s nice it went well though
thank you i hope its going well
that conversation was truly the end of the beginning.
Every day after that seemed to happen the same way. you’d wake up, no text from suga. he hadn’t even replied to what you last said the previous night. you didn’t see him much either, but you knew who he was with probably. you would still stop by at volleyball practice where you did get to see him but they were there also. so you found yourself dipping out a lot more.
it just felt weird. seeing him talk to someone he didn’t even know before. they didn’t even know him. even when you two were on the team together, they never once showed much interest in him and now it just seemed strange that they would.
the transition was particularly difficult for you, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. one night you were so overwhelmed with work because you had waited too long to do it. frantically texting suga was an understatement.
you knew you couldn’t put all your reliance on him but it was weird that he wasn’t replying on a school night as he was just as much a procrastinator as you. you dragged yourself through the night, trying to put together a somewhat coherent speech for english the next day. which, again, started as it had for the past few weeks. you still hadn’t heard from him, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. by the time he replied, it was almost embarrassing on your part.
oh my god y/n i’m so sorry i didn’t reply sooner. i tried to get all my work done early so i could hang out with rei last night and i was asking my mom for advice and she told me to just pay attention to them as much as possible so i just wanted to be with them, you know? but i really hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about it and that you got at least a little sleep. i’m sure your speech went well :)
you sounded desperate for his help and meanwhile, he’s genuinely trying to show someone how much they mean to him. could you look any more stupid?
you didn’t even want to reply but you felt like you had to.
no don’t be sorry koshi! if anything i’m sorry i was just super frustrated in the moment and didn’t know what to do. i managed to pull something halfway decent together i think so it’s all okay now
was it okay though?
that was when you realized that things would never be the same. you’re his best friend and that’s simply it. you mean something to him, but not the same something that they mean to him. you couldn’t go to him when you help because then you’d be taking his time away from someone who wanted to feel that special meaning. it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. but there were still several questions that lingered in the potential of what your relationship could be.
isn’t it possible to be both a best friend and a partner at the same time? you didn’t see any problem with it, so why couldn’t it be true?
two weeks past and suga, your best friend, decided to let you in on some news.
going up against all these powerhouse schools is definitely tough but it’ll help our team in the long run. we’re really amped to play seijoh soon but also i have an s/o now who can come and cheer us on
WAIT you guys made it official?? when?
haha we’ve been official for like two weeks now
oh well that’s great!
(what the actual hell.)
months went by and you saw suga maybe two or three times. and only saw him, usually with the rest of the volleyball team or with rei and their friends. you texted now and then but it wasn’t the same. you had to accept that it wouldn’t be the same, so you did. you had a good group of friends who you spent more of your time with, as well as trying to focus as much as possible on school. entrance exams were coming up and you couldn’t let this be your downfall, even though you and suga had previously talked about possibly going to the same college together. but that wasn’t important anymore.
you had your priorities and suga had his.
which was the biggest reason why you decided not to go to the game against aoba johsai. you told him that you would try to make it, if schoolwork and college prep courses would lend you the chance. you were just trying to focus on yourself and work hard in on your own. you still texted him just to show that you still cared.
sorry i couldn’t make it to the game! how did it go?
we lost :’(( we were so close too
oh no :( i’m sorry kou. but i know you guys will get them next time!
he never replied, which only made you want to grow further from him.
summer vacation rolled around and it was about a month out from suga’s birthday. a strange text appeared from someone you didn’t expect.
Hey so I wanted to get manga for suga for his bday but I cannot for the life of me remember which ones he has so can you try to casually ask him which ones he has? like the next time you guys talk about manga or something?
you felt weird that they were asking for your help, considering that they now spent more time with him than you did. but you weren’t going to completely ignore them either.
to be honest we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i’ll try to subtly ask him
Okay awesome thanks!
what were you thinking of getting him?
Deathnote lol nothing original
hmm maybe the new aot volume?
Yeah, that’s a good one. Or maybe BNHA
yeah that too! do you still want me to ask him?
Yeah could you?
okay i’ll let you know what i find out
going through with this was even worse. if it were you, you’d take him to see his favorite artist in concert. he wasn’t never much of a concert guy but he would talk about how badly he wanted to go see them live. or a more lowkey and personal option would be to customize a crewneck for him. you had a knack for designing and decorating plain-looking clothes and he would try to do it himself but would always remark how much better yours always turned out.
but this time you’re simply the messenger and wouldn’t get that chance to get him something you know he’d love. not that he wouldn’t like manga, but it just seemed like they weren’t putting a ton of thought into it. maybe you couldn’t blame them though, it had only been a few months that they had been dating.
that conversation honestly seemed more out-of-the-blue than anything, but you were hoping that suga would be as oblivious as ever. it didn’t even matter in the end because he never even answered your subtle way of asking. you didn’t feel like double texting because a.) you hadn’t done that in months and b.) it seemed too obvious.
in the end, you did all that you could do and told rei that you had no information to provide, even after a week had passed. that was your, now monthly, interaction with suga that month.
but it wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him.
your interactions moved from text to strictly snapchat, where you would hold streaks for considerable amounts of time. but every time you seemed to break contact with him, you found yourself blaming them. but you couldn’t blame them. they were with him, dating him. they had a right to claim a spot by his side. you had learned to pull back and just live your life.
but life didn’t want you to have a great time either. albeit through a simple app like snapchat, he was the one asking you if you were okay. at this point, you would probably just deflect but somehow, you found yourself telling him about how you didn’t do so well on your entrance exams, despite having done what you could to prepare for them. you just thought you were so focused to do well, but maybe it was too much focus. you told him it would be alright. another notification came through.
snapchat from sugar wara
you opened it to a selfie of him, one that was angled upwards to position him looking right up into the camera, his wide hazel eyes being the centerpiece of the photo. the caption simply said, “promise?”
and that was when it happened. you felt something different in your heart like it was knocked around in your chest. you smiled at the simple response and replied, “yeah i promise!!”
it felt strange, but you finally admitted it,
you were in love with koshi sugawara.
timing was, without a doubt, a demise in all of your previous relationship endeavors. you could never seem to get that part right, also coming in too fast or not knowing if you should wait. you had only hoped that someone you liked would like you just as much. so catching feelings for someone, strong feelings at that, was not part of your current life plans. let alone with suga, someone you were, at one point, extremely close to.
you know so much about him and what scared you was that your confession would be the only one that could mess up whatever relationship you had left with him. why couldn’t you just enjoy where you stood with him? why should your selfish feeling have to get in the way?
stupid was an understatement as you how you felt. he was still dating rei, and that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. you didn’t know what to do or how to cope. you can fight your feelings, but they can’t change right away. and for as long as you’ve known suga, the history you’ve shared with him, it seemed like these feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon.
you spent the next couple of weeks trying to get everything out, while simultaneously trying to forget. you vented about it to your friends and while most of them offered advice, you stuck with just remaining stagnant. one of them suggested that you confess to him but that was what you feared most: that your feeling would become so overwhelming that you had to do something impulsive to relieve them. he would probably never talk to you again. there was nothing you could do. he was in a relationship with someone he really likes. why would you try to ruin that for him?
you didn’t go to any of the preliminaries, mostly because of prep courses and trying to prepare for the next round of entrance exams. you still kept up with suga and saw that they won in the game against seijoh and we now going to the finals against shiratorizawa. you swiped up on his story and typed a simple, “omg that's amazing!! see I knew you guys could do it.” you continue to scroll through your phone, not thinking that much about it until a notification popped up.
sugar wara is typing…
snapchat from sugar wara
yeah it was great! Wish you could have been here though :(
me too! college prep courses seem to have been taking up all my time :P
is there any chance that you could try to find time to come to finals?
we've been trying to get all the support that we can
plus it would be nice to see a familiar face there :)
yeah i'll see what i can do to try to be there!
wymd a familiar face? hasn't rei been going to the prelims?
they have been but we actually broke up about two weeks ago
i sort of initiated it but i promise it's okay
your eyes almost fell out of your head when you read that 2 weeks ago you were talking about how you were in love with him and were and decided to accept that it wasn't going to happen. now you're hearing that at the same time they had broken up? It seemed odd and... bittersweet.
oh no i'm sorry kou :(
you bit your lip as you couldn't help but ask.
wdym you initiated it tho?
so kageyama has been killing it as our setter especially with his quick attack move with hinata
rei was worried that i wasn't being treated fairly bc i'm a senior and vice-captain and all that. i tried to reassure them that i just want to see our team thrive and go to nationals but they still were worried about it and would talk about how they would go to games and never see me play once
it's been hard especially that it happened right before the seijoh game and now before finals
yeah i'm sure it's been difficult
but don't beat yourself don't blame yourself so much! the team needs your support just as much as it needs players. nobody could replace that :)
thanks y/n :) i appreciate you so much
although you thought you would be happy, you can’t help but still feel weird about this whole thing. you felt like the ball was in your court but your bum arm couldn’t receive it properly. your feelings for him had been strong and you felt like you had to pack them all the way so now it just felt wrong to let them flow out again. but now that there was no conflict of interest, did you have to hide your feelings?
it was more complicated than it was before. you didn't know how anything was going to play out at all and that kinda scared you. you did know one thing though, and that was how to be a loyal friend to suga because that's all you ever were from the start and that's what you could and would be for the future.
it was the friday before the finals game.
you decided to stay late after school to maximize your focus on studying. it seemed to have worked because the sun was going down before you knew it. you wanted to get ahead on work so you could go to the game tomorrow. you and suga had been talking more recently and while it wasn’t as much as it used to be, it was more than it had been in the past several months.
you quickly gathered up your things and left school for the night. the pretty orange and pink sky lit your way home through the quiet town and into the residential parts. at that point, the dark had met and light and-
“y/n! hey, wait!”
you turned to see none other than suga, jogging up behind you to catch up. you smiled at his sudden presence, looking past him to see the small group of the rest of the team.
“hey! funny seeing you here.”
“yeah, haha,” he chuckled, catching his breath from suddenly running a considerable distance. “are you going home?”
“can i walk with you?”
great! so i’m guessing you stayed late at school? you’re still wearing your uniform.”
“oh, yeah,” you affirmed, looking down at your monotonous outfit. “i just wanted to be all caught up on work and studying so i could go to the game tomorrow.”
“oh, yeah? that’s good to hear! yeah, we were-- we just had a late practice. coach left before us but we wanted to stay a little longer.”
“i hope you guys win tomorrow, it seems like you’ve been working really hard.”
“yeah, i hope so too. we’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, it just feels like we can’t stop now.”
you nodded in agreement. there was a beat of silence just then, and while it wasn’t awkward, it felt like something was lingering in the air.
“so, um,” he spoke up after several seconds. his eyes met yours and you felt that pang in your chest again, quickly looking away. “it’s been a while, huh?”
“yeah. yeah, it has, i guess,” you laughed lightly. you reached the intersection with the never-ending blinking stoplight and you turned around to face him.
“but i guess i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”
“okay, get some sleep. goodnight.”
he nodded and you grinned at him before turning around to walk the rest of the way home until his voice stopped you again.
he looked down and all around, anywhere but your face.
“i, um, i know things have been kinda weird between for a while but it’s made me realize that i missed you, a lot.”
“yeah, i missed you, too.”
“but it’s also made me realize that i enjoy spending time with you and talking to you. like, even now, just talking to you makes me feel-- i don’t know. it makes me feel at ease like i’m home. and i’d really like to spend more time with you because i, um, i really like you.”
“you, you what?”
“i really like you, sugar.”
in all the ways you had imagined this happening, you never thought that you would feel your face fall to a frown, your heart beating in your ears. something just didn’t sit right with you about it.
“i, i, i don’t know what to say...”
“it’s okay if you don’t! i just wanted to tell you.”
“but why are you telling me this now?”
“do you-- do you not feel the same?”
“no. no! i’ve been wanting to hear you say something like that for so long, it’s just. you broke up with rei not too long ago and-- i don’t know. something isn’t right about it.” you shook your head, unsure of what you were trying to say.
“it’s how i feel,” he shrugged. “i just wanted to tell you and have a good feeling to hold onto to make tomorrow a little easier.”
you looked at him in disbelief.
“oh, so you think you can confess all that to me right before this big game and that i’ll automatically reciprocate those feelings when you just broke up with someone not even a month ago? i’m not a second choice--”
“no, sugar, listen, that’s not how i meant it at all--”
“no sugawara.” those words made him go quiet instantly. you never used his full name, there was always some sort of play on it, so this was serious.
“maybe that’s not how you meant it, but that’s how i’m taking it. i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long how i felt but i wanted to respect your feelings so i didn’t. so please, respect mine. i’m not the good luck charm that you can just confess to and expect that it’ll all be okay. this just isn’t right. i’m sorry, koshi.
your voice broke as his name left your lips, tears beginning to fall. you didn’t even give him a chance to respond, a rush of adrenaline telling you to quickly turn and get out of there.
you didn’t get much sleep that night.
it was hard not to think about your conflicted feelings over suga’s confession. you had hoped for that moment for a long time but the timing simply wasn’t right. how funny and ironic is that? you thought your timing was off. maybe you were meant for each other in that way. you couldn’t help but let your feelings get the best of you and you were beginning to become what you feared most from him. you thought he would immediately reject you and make you feel bad about ever saying anything about how you felt. but the roles are reversed and that was the part that blindsided you the most.
you didn’t think that how you reacted was wrong but you also couldn’t imagine how he was feeling right now. he just wanted to feel good right before a big game but that backfired right in his face. some might call it karma, but part of you thought he didn’t deserve it.
the pressure was setting in as the game went into the fifth and final set. what made it worse was kageyama wouldn’t be starting that set, his nose bleeding from the spike he took to the face. suga was genuinely thrilled to be a teacher, a mentor, and a support system for his fellow teammates. he didn’t mind that another, rather talented, setter had joined the team because that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about passing the position over to someone who he thought didn’t deserve it.
he almost forgot he was actually a player on the team when everyone looked to him to fill in. this was his moment and it just happened to be at the most overwhelming part of this game. Both teams were tired while simultaneously running on pure adrenaline to see who was going to come out on top.
suga had an opportunity, not only to start the set but be the trailblazer for their success.
the nerves set in as he held up the paddle with the number nine on it, kageyama holding it up with him for a moment. It was symbolic in a way. suga always thought he’d be passing the baton to him, his successor as karasuno’s official setter, but this felt just as sentimental. Suga hadn’t played much this season but he got to watch the team grow into something that it once was: something great. They’ve had their share of loss and strife but it finally seemed like they had come so far and the only direction they can go is up.
the nerves set in as he looked around, anywhere to ease them. His eyes automatically went to the team banner, black with the simple word ‘fly’ written over it, where all the school and their supporters were watching. he went down the line quickly but the wave of a hand caught his eye. his eyes shifted back and felt that familiar grin on him.
it was you.
“c’mon suga! You can do it!”
and so he did.
once the final ball hit the ground, the room was quiet with shock. it had been tight for most of the game but no one really expected this outcome. they were going to nationals. daichi, suga, and asahi embraced, taking in the satisfying feeling of victory.
after the awards ceremony, you were buzzing with excitement for them, trying to calmly follow the rest of the crowd out of the gym. you could tell they were somewhere along the hallway as another crowd formed to congratulate the winning team. you weaved in and out of it, even getting on your toes to see if you could spot a familiar head of gray hair.
you finally caught a glance at him from afar, his smile growing as his eyes locked onto yours.
you mimicked his expression and found your feet moving quicker than your brain could process. he put in the same amount of haste to meet you in the middle. you both stopped at about an arm’s length away from each other. his flushed cheeks and slightly red but glistening eyes held your smile as you decided to speak first.
another minute couldn’t be wasted as you finally crashed into one another. it felt better to hold somebody that you knew and genuinely loved. you could be sure that he felt the same way as he held your body tightly against him.
heyo haikyuu night! send any requests right here..
izombie : season 2 … sentence starters
“You're a monster. Act like one.“
“It's meant to be ironic. It's a joke.“
“That is not a risk, that's a certainty.“
“I'm a better man with you in my life.“
“Oh, my god. Horny boys are the worst.“
“Go forth and direct your lust elsewhere.“
“This is why I pay someone to fix my car.“
“Your work, distasteful as you find it, saves lives.“
“You dig it. You get off on being a hero, don't you?”
“I am literally going through hell. Do you even care?“
“This doesn't change the fact that you still sicken me.“
“Shhh, the lying to save your life section comes later.“
“I texted you last night. Several times. Where were you?“
“You really need to work on the whole 'good news' concept.“
“I really should murder somebody, get my tax dollars worth.“
“It's a simple question. Don't stall for time. Don't invent a story.“
“Go away. Don't come back. I don't ever want to see you, again.“
“I have to say, I'm disappointed, I thought you'd be better at this.“
“I am overflowing with potential, and I'm tapping every last drop.“
“Try to keep it in your pants next time. Can you do that, champ?“
“Well, I do feel sorry for myself. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong.”
“Not the way I'd choose to go... Whale ingestion, if you're curious.”
“But we are both doing what needs to be done. We are saving lives.“
“Did they find the guy who did that to your hair, or is he still at large?”
“That is so cute. I literally want to die, just so that I can be buried in it.“
“Personally, I've been toying with the idea of, uh, becoming a bad boy.“
“I'm sorry. I just really need a pinot and some salty chocolate right now.“
“If you want a bazooka, I can get you a bazooka in fifteen minutes, at cost.“
“If I had known you'd be stopping by, I would've worn my less bloody lab coat.“
“I buy drugs one time, purely for research purposes, and this is what happens.“
“I'm gonna go get myself a coffee and try very hard to forget that you said that.“
“Isn't that kind of like slapping a bear to better understand being mauled to death?“
“It's not my fault! All my friends are cold-hearted bitches, and that includes the men.“
“Every decision that I made last year, I made trying to protect you from my new reality.“
“Stop! I'm coming here like and adult, trying to talk to you. How can you be this cold to me?“
“You know, I just... I keep asking you for some space, and every time I turn around, here you are.“
“Life dealt you a lousy hand, so you just folded tent, decided it was easier to be a rotten bastard.“
“Maybe it's better this way. I'm radioactive. That I repel the people I love. Keep things simple.“
“If you don't, by some time tomorrow, we can be looking at the beginning of the end of the world.“
“My annoying millennial speak knowledge ended with TMI, so I have no idea what you just said.“
“I threw my drink in her face and I walked out. I mean, I love that woman but she is too much drama.“
“I can't sugarcoat it. This won't be easy. But I'm here to make the process... What's the word? Palatable.“
“I bet ever since you got the news, you've been walking around like a zombie, am I right? Yeah. I thought so.“
“Turns out we're nothing more than chemicals hurtling through space, haphazardly bouncing off each other.“
“I feel amazing. I'm so present, so in my body, but I'm also floating. Like watching the experience be experienced.“
“You spend your life in a comfortable dream state believing in destiny. Then reality snaps you awake like a kick in the teeth.“
“Oh, he came, he saw, he was stabbed several times in quick succession with a sharp cylindrical object. Likely an ice pick.“
“I got a thriving business. I just learned I've been pre-approved for a Best Buy card. I've gone legit. Put my criminal ways behind me.“
“Of course I want to sex you up, girl. You're very attractive, and I very much have a penis. But just being with you is enough. Honest.“
Grey's Anatomy: Here Comes the Sun (18x01)
Hey, I still don't care about Teddy and Owen! The big cheesy wedding in the bar at the end does nothing for me at all, I feel nothing, I am dead inside!!! I think it's just that they've both been fundamentally so shitty to other characters, and that Teddy had an actually somewhat interesting vibe with Tom, and that a lot of the characters who have sustained me in these later seasons of the show are gone now... it's all just a little draining. It was nice to see Megan, but her and Riggs broke up? Oh come on! What's the point of that! If they're not on the show anymore, just let them stay together! They had a death defying love, for god's sake!
The guy that Meredith has dinner with is apparently someone who's been on the show before, but if you gave me a million dollars I wouldn't be able to tell you anything about him or his impact on her or the show. It's been four seasons and several other potential Meredith love interests since then. Why bring this guy back? I like the whole Cormac Hayes romance. I like the information we got here, that they'd tried to date but that Cormac's son had had a hard time with it. That's an interesting story right there. Why bring in this rando? I get this is a soap opera, but Meredith has mellowed out over the years. Give her a fundamentally peaceful, if still complex because they're both single parents with dead spouses, romance! It's sitting right there, for goodness' sake.
Then there's Amelia and Link... I just find this whole thing exhausting. They were a relationship that brought me a great deal of joy for a while there. I thought we might be able to move past the whole "Amelia is a vortex of drama" thing, but apparently even when she's happy and in love and thriving in her personal life, they still have to find a way for there to be angst. I'm sick of it! Link and Amelia should just be on the same page about this. I don't care if she decides to marry him, or if he realizes he doesn't need marriage, but either way, somebody needs to change their mind.
Jo and Luna are a highlight for me. I just love the actor who plays Jo, I think she's so charismatic and charming and she plays her angst with such a vibrancy that I never feel like I'm getting sucked down too deep, even when she's not in a great place. I love seeing her as a mom; it's interesting that this show has in recent seasons actually tried to delve into what it means to be a parent while also working this really demanding job. I love watching Jo grapple with that. She's going to succeed, even though it's hard!
The new plastics hire seems like an ultra-competent interesting lady! Not much to say about her yet, but I liked how professional she was, and how she was upfront about her concerns. It was awesome when Richard went to bat for the residents and promised to make them better. I'll be looking forward to seeing how this plays out!
Meredith is in Minnesota in this episode, and she's being offered an insanely interesting opportunity. Richard, Bailey, and Hayes all call her at different points to express their consternation about the idea that she might take a new job, and Meredith does seem legitimately interested. I'm wondering if this is setting up Ellen Pompeo's departure, or if this is a signifier that season eighteen might at long last be the end of the show? Again, it's still early days, so we'll have to see what comes of it all. I'll keep my eye out!
Maggie and Winston are cute, not much more to say about that one! Levi is a favorite as always, I love him being the disgruntled bff for the struggling Jo... I find Jo and Levi to be a fun dynamic duo, much more so than Jo and Link, which they haven't really done much with.
I miss DeLuca. I miss Jackson. I miss Tom Koracick. I hope our new additions to the cast can enliven things around here, because between Amelia and Link, and Owen and Teddy, I'm not exactly having a great time with a lot of our leads!
SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??
but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.
so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro.
oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry.
god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE
next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.
okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either.
so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.
It all started with a letter so here we go....
i’ve been thinking about this for quite a while so trust me when i say it’s not just the spur of the moment or that i had one too many shots of tequila last night....
seasons have changed with us together, days, months... like it’s been almost 6 months which sounds... crazy? to say the least. and for reals when we had our very first date back on valentine’s day if someone had asked me i wouldn’t had put my money on you, or us...
you were broken, not sure if you wanted a new person in your life after what you had to go through with your ex... and me? honestly i was going through a bumpy break up too and not sure if i was ready to meet someone and become exclusive... the idea scared me. was i ready for that kind of commitment? i wasn’t. certainly not then. and the question has been hunting me ever since. was i ready? what made me take a leap of faith...
that answer was easy, you know? but to accept it, now THAT was the scary part. cause to admit you were the reason why i changed my mind, to admit that i’m happy with you and wouldn’t change you for the world means also admitting that you matter to me and i can’t see a life in which you are not my leading guy and i don’t get to fall asleep to your voice on the phone.
oh, dimples.... i’ve always heard my friends talking about guys who had turned their whole world upside down, but with you? that’s the biggest understatement... my whole world change the day i met you, or well --- started changing. and i’m no longer to admit that out loud.
i’m no longer scared to admit you are my biggest weakness and that when you cry i cry and when you are sad so am i but when you smile? oh, when you smile it’s when my whole world shines. everything feels like a field of dandelions when you say sweet things to me and my feet are no longer over the surface --- i float. and not in a vecna creepy kind of way...
when you kiss me i get that thriving sensation they write about on romantic novels. i’m almighty whenever you call me your leading lady or just casually mention i’m yours.
so yes, i personally figured out the best way to say this was just how everything started between us... with a letter... remember that one day? you were in toronto, just like now, but i wasn’t there - i was in hawaii and yet you didn’t think it twice. it felt like an eternity but kissing you made the wait worth it... once again sorry for how long my reply took that time around but i wanted to be sure of my decision. as sure as i am now...
the whole purpose of this letter, and the only reason why i waited until the last minutes of your special day to give it to you is i’m shaking and internally screaming... guess this is how you felt on that road trip --- and i’m much better with words on a paper than saying them out loud... like imagine if even writing it’s taking me this long how it would be if i was actually speaking, face to face.
but enough. i’m writing this with the fear of scaring you but i can’t live a life in which i’m scared to live, to feel, to .... fuck. well, not to fuck.
shawn, the truth is, i think i love you. and not just like i love pancakes, i love you in the way a girl who can’t stop thinking of you does. i love you and my heart skips a beat each time you get really close to me, your hands against my skin.... i love you and count down the minutes for every new meeting of ours. i love you and that four letters word never made that much sense to me before. i love you and im afraid maybe it’s just one sided (and it’s okay if it’s like that cause i don’t mean to rush you, we all have our own pace but i love you and i don’t want to keep it bottled up anymore)
i love you and i tried to mask the feeling as other things but it’s been a few weeks since i realised what others described me as loving their special one sounded a lot like what you make me feel.
in your presence my heart races, my legs shake and my hands feel all sweaty. but even if all those sensations are uncomfortable, i wouldn’t change them for the world. i love feeling that way for the most special guy i’ve ever met.
so... yes, this isn’t a letter to get a response back, it’s just my confession cause just as you did that day on your car, i couldn’t hold it inside of me anylonger or i’d explode...
but have some mercy on me, mendes.... even if you don’t love me, and even on the worst case scenario in which you feel like you could never love me... come find me in the bedroom cause there is one last surprise i have for you that implies a lot less clothing. one last birthday surprise you can have before midnight and that is all yours to take and enjoy as you please. here a hint:
(P.S.: come rushing cause i’m getting cold and i might be able to resist it if you don’t say me that words back but it’s been a long day and what i can’t take is one more minute without your kisses and your hands all over me.)
Hey!! Always love to hearing your thoughts on the show would love to know if you ever felt like Beth ever had genuine feelings for Rio? I go back and forth with this because on one hand I felt like in s2 to there are moments where she really started to have feelings for him like nothing that deep but it could've been something. . Like when she was jealous in 2x06, when she broke into his loft and they had that moment. The break up scene. Etc. just the way she would look at him in certain scenes. Though The season 2 finale really changed everything. I feel like the writers rly rushed that and it just felt ooc for both of them esp the aftermath. I wonder if the writers had a certain plan for brio and changed something last minute idk . what do you think?
Awn thank you anon. You are so sweet.
Did Beth have genuine feelings for Rio? A little yes and a big no. A simple question and yet a complicated answer. So let's unpack
Beth before Rio
I think before trying to understand if Beth had feelings for Rio or not, we need to recognize who Beth was before Rio. And I am going to base my answers here on something illuminating that Christina had said during one of her old interviews where she admitted that Beth has never felt like that for someone like Rio before. And with Beth discussion with Max about heartbreaks, we got to know that's because Beth married her first boyfriend. This means she's never left her comfort zone before Rio. Dean has always been her first love and also her protector in a lot of ways. She genuinely picked Dean, there was no competition and Dean was definitely the kind of guy that I believe a teenager like Beth would be drawn to. Athletic, popular and a senior, that's like the dream of a teenager who I read as always feeling invisible. And I read Beth as one. It's why I think she allowed Dean to take reign of almost everything in their lives down to credit cards. She's used to it. But Rio shattered all of that constructed beliefs she's got about herself. Saw the real her beneath that facade.
Beth feelings in season 1
Beth's feelings in season 1 for Rio is rooted in the mystery of who Rio is. And I also believe in the appeal of who he represents at a time when she was just taking control of her life back. As I said, Rio saw Beth beneath her suburban mom exterior and she keyed herself into the person that she feels Rio saw. So, season 1 Beth is all about Rio's appeal rather than Rio himself. I think she has feelings for the new Beth than Rio. She's got a lot going on for her and tbf, the show never allowed her to breathe to assess her feelings about her new reality or the new figure eye-fucking her in a way no one has ever done. In essence, Beth's feelings for Rio in season 1 was fleeting cos it was mainly curiosity about the mysterious man. Can't remember if it was in season 2 or 1 but I think it's quite telling that Dean specifically asked Beth if it was the mystery/the strange that has Beth all over Rio.
Season 2 ushers in a new Rio for Beth with the introduction of Marcus but before Marcus, I'd like to think Beth recognized and liked the power that comes from Rio during 2*01 and she feeds on that confidence. She's always admired it but it was on full display for her to see and feel in that scene and I believe she subconsciously revelled in it. Rio saw that in 2*01 and he tested that theory when he touched her during that scene and Beth had instinctively leaned into his touch. It wasn't about preying on her vulnerability in that scene. She had the gun and yet he clocked the moment when she recognized his control and liked it. Cos I have always wondered how he knew Beth wasn't going to pull the trigger on him or how he knew she was going to let her guard down once he touched her?
Then after that, he brought Marcus into the game which changes everything for Beth. He's no longer an idea, they have something tethered to each other that is no longer crime. And that's parenthood. So Rio shifted into a person in her mind but not as Rio but as parent Rio. So season 1 Beth sees Rio as an appealing figure and a looming figure knocking at her door and in early season 2 Beth sees him as a parental figure. In other words, Rio has now become a person that is still wrapped in ideas of the different versions of Rio that Beth wants to allow herself to see without seeing Rio the man.
Just the way she would look at him in certain scenes
There are moments when she looks at him in a way that makes you think, oh, this is it but after many rewatch, I am going to link that to her responding to every button that Rio pushes, he ruffles her feathers and further unravels her in a way no one has ever done and I believe a big part of her thrives on that. Beth was like a wilted thorn plant starved of affection and attention and Rio unloading all of his lewd looks and attention on her means she will definitely blossom but remember she's a thorn and she will hurt you once you stop. Hence the jealousy angle in 2*06.
With that said, I don't think Beth had feelings for Rio the man but Rio the idea. It's why it's so easy for her to switch into another idea of Rio the psychopath throughout season 3 and now Rio the pesky mosquito disrupting her life. It's like Beth gets to pick each version of Rio that she wants at a particular time. If she had genuine feelings for him, the switch would have been difficult. This is not about Beth being a compartmentalizer, you can be one and still not allow yourself to go beyond the line that you have set. Beth had always had a line drawn when it comes to her and Rio. She decides when to cross it and decides when to step back and nothing about her actions have shown she cares about him. Absolutely nothing. She respects him and wants to be him but still doesn't want to see him.
But as much as I love to blame Beth for all of this, (blame the writing but let's pretend) I think I am going to blame Rio for some part too (I am in physical pain over this). He doesn't allow to be seen at least not until recently. His actions are all over the place, one minute he's pattling her on the back for making mistakes (yes, that's my stance) and the next he's blaming her for not knowing his intents. Yes, Beth already created different versions of Rio in her head that's mostly wrapped in fantasy of how he makes her feel but I think Rio except for a few actions also kept Beth at arm's length. Although that's fair, Beth is not to be trusted. But how is she supposed to move from beyond the little she knows about him to start seeing him if he wouldn't allow it? This is why she had that look on her face when she was going through his things in 2*11. It's the first time she's seeing beyond what he allows although he did allow it but she doesn't know that when she had those longing looks on her face. This is why her face and body language changed immediately after he made his presence known. And he's back to the Rio that makes her hot and bothered hence why she almost kissed him. Beth is intoxicated by the power that radiates from Rio but we all know Rio is more than that. He's a father, he's someone son, someone's friend and a lot more. So, how can we say Beth had genuine feelings for him when she refuses to see all these? When she sees him as an act of rebellion (2*09 script to screen). Rio is Beth's revenge for the years she's wasted with Dean and the invisibility that came with those years. And now that her revenge is over and the fight has been drained from her, Rio has become a problem.
So yeah, Beth had feelings for Rio just not for Rio the man. Beth was/is attracted to the dangerous appeal that Rio represents, someone beyond her comfort zone.
And about the writers, I don't think they changed anything at the last minute. I believe it's always been in the works to write such an angle for brio cos I believe they thought by then, the audience would be on Beth's side and they will justify her actions towards him in the coming season although they clearly succeeded in that aspect since half of the fandom on Twitter is calling for Rio to be written off the show. Most especially for Beth to get rid of him.
I hope addressed this right and I apologized for the long response.
Got any other pk headcannons?
Lmao yeah sure dude, I have enough to make a new post anyways
-Okay first off PK has no idea what gender is. He has a vague idea but the exact social mechanisms of it completely escape him. He took the first pronoun set offered to him when he came to Hallownest as a way of being all like ‘how are you doing fellow bugs’ but understanding the social connotations?? No
-This is bc wyrms basically have only one social stereotype associated with sex and it’s that anything that smells like it’ll lay eggs is probably huge and scary and will fucking murder you outside of the breeding season. But because they aren’t social, that’s really more like looking at someone taller and wider than you and going ‘huh they can probably beat the shit outta me easily’ instead of going like. ‘Tall and large’ is a social marker now
-Actually anything with social rankings just completely destroys him. Wyrms measure social rank in a line of ‘how easily can you beat me up’ with ‘absolute assblasters’ ranking dominantly over ‘only possible assblasters’. And even then dominance/submission doesn’t really mean anything outside of territory sparring and courtship displays, so. He views all of his subjects to be exactly the same rank, with him being way over all of them simply due to how easily he can kill them
-Bugs he favors get a little bumping in ranking in his mind merely bc he’s fond of them. This would be Monomon, Lurien, and the Five Great Knights, who tend to receive lots of grants, gifts, etc to show his appreciation- they’re basically his friends, except he doesn’t know what friends are because wyrms don’t keep them, so they’re kinda like….friends mixed with coworkers mixed with prized possessions???
-But not in like, a bad way, if that makes any sense. More like a ‘You’re fragile and fleeting so I consider you to be under my protection and in charge of your maintenance’ sort of deal
-Like sure the Five are powerful warriors worth their salt but they’re still mortal, y’know?? Same with Monomon and Lurien. And he is from a species where the only friendly social interactions come from mates (which may not even be romantic partners, more fwb that wont kill you when in season) and MAYBE family if you’re lucky. Hence why his friendliness is a lil more of a possessive thing than what we would consider healthy; he doesn’t experience friendship love the same way that we do
-This is common for all draconic species I write tho, not just PK. They’re all asocial beings, so positive relationships, particularly with other species, are usually possessive. That doesn’t make them any less affectionate or make them abusive or bad or w/ever, they just experience love differently than we do because they are not social and do not have the power dynamics we have in place
-Which is leading me into my next point about his love for WL
-I like to imagine them as being perfect compliments to each other (for good or for bad), so this doesn’t affect the way they treat each other much, but there’s a def. sense of possessiveness going on for them both. Gods are territorial beings by nature, and wyrms are even worse, so forming a partnership with one comes with a heavy sense of power dynamics that need to be balanced out in some manner, even if both parties have no ill will for each other. For PK and WL, I see this as him submitting to her/considering him to be hers, and for her to accept his submission/see him as hers, while he technically holds the land and civilians
-So like, he conquered their shared territory for her, so that she might grow and thrive and Ascend without the Radiance destroying her, but because he is deferential to her, she owns him and whatever he owns. And he is comfortable with this because he trusts her and their union augments each other’s strengths, so she essentially is a protector figure for him while he pulls in and controls the worshipers that keep them both strong
-As for the whole dominance/submission thing, for wyrms this is less ‘I’m better than you I call the shots’ and ‘oh fuck this other wyrm can kill me easily so I’m going to look as small and nonthreatning as possible to try to convince them that I’m not worth wasting the energy to kill me’. In territory crossings, submitting might (might) save your ass, but it’s primarily used in courtship as a way of showing trust, and thus as a major sign of affection, because if 95% of encounters outside of the breeding period result in fights, then openly showing your vulnerable spots and acting passively is a HUGE display of ‘I trust you to keep me safe, I am in your power because I give myself to you’
-Which, PK’s not really a wordy dude, so this is his major way of showing affection to WL. And with gods, worship through mortals is a way of maintaining a form essentially too powerful and ancient to continue on surviving through normal means, so another god offering worship to you?? Powerful. REALLY powerful
-But anyways back to PK’s shit
-I like to see him as the builder and structure-worker of Hallownest while WL rules over the life within, so most of his work as King is working on architectural maintenance, expansion, the writing and passing of laws, and the upholding of said laws. He deals with the paperwork while WL deals with the social problems, mostly because WL, as a plant, has at least SOME idea of how societies are supposed to work and support each other, whereas he has caused some sort of scandal multiple times in history by completely ignoring some powerful lord’s son in favor of talking to a lowly menderbug about their techniques in structural support
-This is also how Lurien and Ze’mer ended up ranking higher in his court than many others born into the role. Ze’mer, as an outsider, was bound to be considered with much suspicion, but he saw her skill and accepted her based on it alone. Lurien was the son of two immigrants that fled to Hallownest, so he def. wasn’t born high-ranking by any means, but his devotion to the soul arts and his keen eyes/love of Hallownest was what essentially earned him the most politically powerful role in Hallownest after the King and Queen. WL tends to do this as well, but bc she's a little worse at the whole 'individual people are vastly different' thing, she tends to blend in with higher society a bit, lmao
-Btw when he means ‘Hallownest is the only civilization’, he doesn’t actually mean that it’s the only gathering of intelligent bugs out there, he means that it’s the only one that fits HIS definition of a civilization. He doesn’t lie, he speaks in half-truths based on things he believes to be true. Very, very tricky, very very fae
-I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but he’s a real sweet tooth! He seems like the guy to drink exclusively black coffee (and he does, to keep himself awake), but he’d actually drink it near white with sugar and cream if he could. I hc that at one point, he and Hornet ran into each other attempting to raid the kitchens for honey, froze, and then he went ‘I shall share if you won’t tell your mother’ and that’s pretty much her only father-daughter bonding moment that she had with him
-He tries to stifle them, but he makes several different types of vocalizations relatively frequently! Wyrms are mostly silent beasts, but when they do communicate, it's often through a series of rumbling purrs and trills to show affection, or hisses, snarls, clicks and roars to show discontent. These vocalizations are often extremely deep/out of a normal bug's hearing range, as they are made to travel miles through stone, but he'll often use the mating-rumble while greeting WL (reguardless of whether or not he wants to fuck, the meaning is 'greeting-safe-mate-joyeous-reunion-trust-safety-protect-no-ill-will' and is used for all encounters as such), trill quietly to her when he's very happy, click deep in his throat while he's thinking about annoying projects, or thrum softly to Hornet when she was very little. There's a lot of different rhythms, pulses, and frequencies to the humming and rumbling, all which mean different things, but this often goes unnoticed by everyone (including the King) because the pitch is quite deep, and the walls of the White Palace do not lend themselves well to echoing the vibrations
-Lil Hornet used to use him as a white noise machine all the time tho. The thrum a parent wyrm makes to its offspring is not only a means of telling their young that they are close and safe, but also a warning to any other predators/wyrms that seek to kill them and take over the nest, so she was just instinctually wired to hear that particular frequency and Conk The Fuck Out
-Likewise, PK himself didn't have much control over whether or not he rumbled, because her squeaking would trigger his parental instincts, and years of 'failed' clutches cranked his hormones into tricking his brain into going 'FINALLY ONE OF OUR HATCHLINGS SURVIVED WE MUST PROTECT THEY ARE SMALL AND THEY ARE WEAK'
-this didn't make him a good dad tho it just meant he wasn't nearly as detached as he wanted to be at first. He started retreating once she started talking and walking and he was able to better force himself to keep his distance
-I should also mention that he's one of those bitches who has no idea what something would feel like emotionally until the event actually happened. So pre-vessel plan he was just like 'my body is a machine and children are mere copies of said machine I shall feel nothing', he had NO IDEA how mcfucked he was gonna be until the first clutch hatched and he watched them die in his hands
-I'd say he has ptsd from the whole experience but tbh it's hard to tell bc he's always been kinda fucked up by nature
-Oh did I ever mention this? He had a longass tongue. Three tines, flicks like a serpent's, surprisingly muscular and dextrous considering how thin it is. This is leftover from his wyrm days, where such a long tongue was useful for scenting/testing water, as well as grabbing and pinning prey so that the jaws could accurately clamp down on it and pull it in. I was thinking pharyngeal jaws might be fun, too, but tbh I feel like the tongue fits better with him being a scent-based ambush predator
-He's got several sets of eyelids, as he did not trust the whole 'protective eye scale' thing while looking into the whole sight-based deal while making his body. While there is a hardened scale over the eye to keep it safe, the eyelids are primarily there to blink away debris and block light
-He has colour vision!! And he hates it. Most of the time he deliberately keeps it turned off because it can often overwhelm him on long court days and give him headaches. He's much better at noticing contrast than colour, really
-Maybe this is my synesthesia speaking, but if emotions are colours, then his pride is silver, his joy is blue, white is good neutrality, grey is nothingness, and black is regret. His emotions are a near-constant plane of grey (lighter or darker depends on how close we are to the fall of Hallownest), with a shining silver-blue-white splotch for WL and a myriad of colours for Hollow and Hornet. They're still just splotches on a field of grey, though. Most of the time he feels nothing unless it's triggered by stimuli, though if you ask the White Lady she'd tell you there was always a deep, aching loneliness and desperation for fulfillment lurking within him. He can't see it until it threatens to eat him alive
-He's not so much arrogant as he is oblivious to the concept of family pride tbh (though he was also quite arrogant in youth, albeit in a rather cold, factual manner). Like, he didn't understand why people like the Mantids, Deepnest, and the Mosskin refused to join Hallownest, because in his mind, he can kill all of them quite easily, so it's much better to submit and reap the benefits of a shared society instead. It wasn't until Herrah (rather unkindly, as was necessary) informed him of the phenomenon called 'cultural genocide' that he understood, and even then he was like 'but wait I can still kill you are you...not alarmed by that at all'
-Cultural genocide is how the moth tribe died out btw. He's too indirect to have done it any other way. And too much of an arrogant coward, even if it would have benefitted him greatly, and other wyrmkin would have urged him to do it. This doesn't excuse him at all, he's just as bad as Radi was, it's just more...insidious
-But also, it is in the nature of the gods to be cruel. They are sympathetic in spirit, yes, but they are massive beings far beyond the scope of mortal comprehension, and are childlike in how easily they turn to unthinking cruelty
-I've been thinking about this a lot, it's a general wyrm thing, but the reason why polyamory works for him ties back into the dominance-submission aspect of wyrm power plays. He belongs to the White Lady in a possessive sense, because he is equal to her in power, and thus she is capable of protecting him. Lurien, however, is his because he is so much more powerful than he is, so Lurien does not pose a threat of stealing WL from him, and thus is under his care and protection. With Dryya, he sees her as being the White Lady's, posessively speaking, and so far below him in power level that she's not a threat to his status. Throw Grimm into the mix and this shit would devolve into chaos
-Again, this 'possessive' thing is 100% due to latent godly territoriality and wyrms being an asocial species, it doesn't actually affect the dynamics that much other than the fact that he's a little more assertive with Lurien (though this is bc Lurien is also open to it)
-Also the immortality thing I had him do for those close to him in the Court is 100% bc he's one of them high-stress bitches who would be incapable of handling any changes in coworkers. It took Monomon and Lurien the good part of a century to get over the 'stiffly awkward' phase with him, he's not letting them die so he has to start all over again
-He actually doesn't mind his subjects talking back all that much, as it's a sign that his gift of free will is working. It's when they start challenging him that there's a problem. Unless it's one of the Five or the Dreamers, in which case they probably have a point to snark him and he really should be listening, bc he knows they respect him and are doing it out of genuine care for the kingdom, not him. Probably.
-Once again, the Pale King has no fucking clue how the economy works and at this point is too tired/overwhelmed by Annoying Squeaky Bugs to ask