hi : ) I am new to this fandom ( new as in new to start reaching out to the other fans not prongsfoot shipping-wise ). I have been a simp for them since like when I was 20? And believe me I am waaaaay older now xD and I am very happy to c other ppl love this ship because it certainly needs more attention. ❤ The potential between Sirius and James is so great that I dunno how to describe, like to me, they do absolutely anything ( and I mean that ) to have each other and not fall apart. Like, James is trying to woo lily and he keeps showing off in front of her but the moment Sirius tell him to - stop - he listens and obeys, no questions asked xD it is kinda funny in this sense tbh, like Sirius has him and his huge ego on the leash ( although he is not better than James in that matter anyway) . Tbh though, I think that James would do anything to have Sirius's attention on him, even if it means by him stop showing off and Sirius scolding him ( softly of course ) like, most ppl always HC that Sirius is a dramatic attention seeker but I think it more applies to James. Also, for some reason I always thought that James has a more darker side than Sirius. Everyone going all about the Black family madness but true as it may be, to me James has the same dark side ( maybe even more ) although it's not running in the family like Blacks. It is more like a deep bitter cesspool of savage feelings for him cause he is very sentimental when it comes to Sirius and down right obsessive and possessive. I get it that most of the fandom think other way but I guess I have a soft spot for a lovelorn James who cannot let Sirius walk away/move on/ even take single step further without him, despite the fact that he himself flirts with lily. Like, he has been spoiled and pampered all his life, so whatever he wants he should get and that's that ( in his opinion) .
ahhhh welcome to this side, anon!!! (the fandom, not the shipping :p) i’m always so giddy whenever a j/s fan sends an ask bc !!! more for our numbers!!!
i’m totally w you on the ‘james would do absolutely anything for sirius’ train. that scene literally lives rent free in my head bc it’s so fkn antithetical to what arrogant teenage boys are like i’m just,,,,, like. anyone who’s tried saying no to one would understand how difficult it is—they’re brimming w defensiveness and bravado and a need to be contrary no matter what. the fact that james just,,,listened? to sirius? just like that? it tells me A. it’s not the first time. the lack of hesitation shows he’s used to and not bitter about occasionally following sirius’ lead and B. there’s absolutely zero defensiveness or bitterness. he’s not showing off or acting like he’s mightier than he is. and that’s so precious. because it shows his level of comfort with sirius? how he’s willing to give up on all pretences and doesn’t even care. (i kinda hc james as someone who’s concerned with his image? not in a self absorbed sense but more of a golden child way where they like to be in good graces at all times)
also okay that’s so interesting bc i’ve never seen anything like that before. i’ve definitely seen a similar characterisation of sirius who’s possessive and wants james at all times (he hexed lily bald in it lmao) and he’s toeing the line of morality but to have it flipped onto james? 👀 definitely needs some cognitive restructuring on my part but i don’t hate it, hey. the bit about him being a pampered little fuck who expects everything he wants to be his is definitely the part that convinces me. you can have these little instances of like, james being an absolute asshole to people because they’re trying to get sirius’ attention (which, ofc, they won’t get bc they’re not james) or he deliberately sabotages others’ attempts at asking s out on a date. it’s a toxic, codependent, unhealthy dynamic bc u just know both of them will be as intensely passionate about the other and i absolutely adore it.
is there anything better than a ‘i’ll burn the world down for you’ relationship tho?
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Despite all the accolades, I think the magnitude of what VM achieved is underrated. Probs bc they were GOATs for so long and achieved so much, people got used to their excellence and that diminished the shock- awe that their success might have generated. Also: too much BS about their relationship (the story of their comeback is so much more interesting to me). Which is why I loved your post about why their achievements are unlikely to be repeated. I’ve just listened to the Rodcast (which, btw, was gorgeous - how relaxed and sweet and just them were they? Also damn they looked good. Also Scott’s hair. Mmmm). His comment about being more open to discussing their love now that they both have a SO was quite telling (but not for the reason some of the VM crazies might think). A major part of their success and longevity, along with their work ethic and sporting ability, was their partnership. So a big downside to the VM madness post PYC is the fact we haven’t been able to delve into the psychology of that + why it was so powerful. Maybe it is just a one off - an alignment of the stars that can never be repeated. Or maybe there are other partnerships like that - and I’d like to learn about them too. My point is, imagine if everyone had a someone like S + T to spur them on to great things. Wouldn’t the world be a better place? And I don’t just mean sport, I mean across disciplines and inter-personal. That’s why I want to know more about them. And if the tinfoil hat VM brigade could shut the fuck up and chase some other conspiracy, maybe we could find out more? Sorry about the rant but I am deep in the feels on this and your post has really set me off!
I won’t share a pic of me currently crying but this made me cry.
Big same mate, when are we NOT deep in our feels over these precious dorks. (Prepping a ‘comeback story’ post coz big big same).
I too even more than their phenomenal athletic and artistic… amazingness… is the psychological side.. it’s just so damn fascinating because as you said that’s what facilitated their greatness along side their athletic talent and that is so damn underrated and the more I think about it not just being clever or strategic of them to deflect the ‘relationship’ question every time with ‘but our business partnership’ and ‘we care so much about each other’ is because it was THE GOD DAMN TRUTH and every tin hat or white coat with a problem with that can as you say find an actual bullshit conspiracy to obsess over. Their partnership legit needs to be studied properly coz everytime I come back too, well what makes them different, both in the sport but just as *PARTNERS* it’s that. I neeeed to know more it’s what I’m obsessed with them I need to get inside their heads.
*needs to catch my breathe* 🥵
And YES I wasn’t gonna post about it coz I cbf with cringy anons but the ‘we can talk about our real genuine love now coz we have other people’ was so telling and more than anything it’s sad it took that for them to feel they can speak freely about their love because it was right there in front of us how much they love each other and they just couldn’t say it publicly just has me throwing a thousand middle fingers to everyone who made them feel like they had to suppress their feelings about each other- but as I said they found ways to by gushing about the amazingness of each other in every facet of life, and that’s clearly what they are still doing, how much they love working together (AND STILL PLAN TO) I kid you not the amount of times a squealed listening to the RODcast- him calling her ‘kiddo’ or her LITERALLY OPENINLY SAYING SHE WOULD NOT HAVE SKATED IF NOT FOR SCOTT SHE OWES EVERYTHING IN HER LIFE TO HIM/TO EACH OTHER 😭😭😭😭 is the real fkn love story we should be talking about..
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Fic Author Self Rec
When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love.
i was tagged by my darling @pchberrytea ❤️ throwing tags at some of the most talented people i know @jld-az @shallow-gravy @lilin-writes @ejunkiet @tiesthatbind1899
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1. Comply [Marvel Cinematic Universe]
In her, some part of him recognizes itself.
Or, in which SHIELD is reformed and not dissolved, and Bucky feels the weight of his wounds. A story told in vignettes.
MYY FKN BABY my current hyperfixation the air that i breathe. like all my most precious ideas, this one came to me in a dream and shortly after, wrecked my life and stole my sanity. literally don’t care if this is only ever for me bc i adore the story and the characters and their relationships to each other. the chapters are short and i’ll probably always worry that it’s a bad thing but i also feel that the medium suits the particular story i’m trying to tell and anyway i have Bucky Barnes brain rot and it’s terminal
2. Visage [The Mandalorian]
The way Mandalorians appreciate beauty is...subtle. Quiet and reverent.
This is the way.
eyyyy i just wanted Din Djarin to be soft and yearning and it’s completely self-indulgent
3. Cruel World [Fallout 4]
Danse and Nora's relationship fell apart years ago, but when they both end up in the Commonwealth waging war against the Institute, their paths cross again.
Time can't heal everything but they'll always have a soft spot for each other.
listen…..reading it now it’s kinda hot garbage LMAO i’m really tempted to rewrite it but it’s never gonna not be one of my faves because it was my first fic and the thing about me is i’m a sentimental ass bitch and also i’m in love with Nora <3 it made me so many friends and i grew tremendously while writing it and i think about it all the time. the story that got me through college has a special place in my heart.
4. Whiplash [Red Dead Redemption II]
Arthur Morgan meets a lone outlaw, a wanted woman, and his pursuit of her isn’t purely a matter of money.
i proved a lot to myself with this one. i made a character much different than what came naturally to me and it’s finished (!!) and damn. got a lot of seratonin from Maggie thank uuuu outlaws for life
5. Gaps in the Armor [Fallout 4]
She strikes when he isn’t ready, like any worthy adversary. She’s formidable, beautiful, and she knows how to shoot through the gaps in his armor.
this one is also impressive simply by virtue of it actually having been completed. i did wanna take it another direction at one point and draw it out more but i wanna do that with everything so what’s new y’know. i do actually like this one still mostly and it’s some of the only smut i’ve shared and even if it ain’t much it was a big step!today i can proudly say i’m unapologetically horny on main, even if i still keep my smut locked away where it can’t see the light of day.
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I AM QUITE LITERALLY SOBBING RN
YOU ARE SO CUTE IDEK WHAT TO SAY
I LOVE YOUR VOICE SM AND YOUR LAUGH IS SO CUTE AND PRETTY
I LITERALLY DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY
I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE
you are so so precious :(( i’m literally going to be listening to this over and over again every day i swear. you don’t even know how much i needed to hear such nice words ugh :((((((. you’re my favorite person ever thank you sm for being so sweet and always making my day sm better :((. you are so awesome and your writing is also so amazing. i adore you so so so so so much
UR EVEN SWEETER i love you more than you know sweetheart ☹���☹️ THANK YOU AGAIN (specially for being so cute and amazing, my best wife ever <3333)
also still can’t get over how fkn cute your laugh is, you are so adorable i just want to grab your face and kiss you
thank you again i can’t even produce words for how grateful i am for you :(((
U SAY THAT BUT NOW IM ON THE VERGE OF TEARS CAUSE UR JUST SO NICE <333
LIKE UGH UR SO SWEET AND AWESOME AND TYSM FOR THE COMPLIMENTS BAE <3
aww i don't even know what to say to that, like every single sweet message from you just makes me speechless, i literally cannot stop smiling and squealing from how kind you're being <3
you're my favorite person in the world and I treasure you deeply, you'll always be so so important to me and i could not have asked for a sweeter, cuter, kinder person to be my wife hehe <3
ur too fkn kind ilysm and ty lol i very much would like you to do that <33
well i just wanted to show you how much i love you and appreciate you and your presence in my life, cause you're just so amazing <3
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hi hi cuties and thigh enthusiasts!! just about a day ago my lil blog full of hornies and changbin thirst reached 1,500 and i am just jaflkjasd :’) since then haha
ah ah this post is already so cheesy hehe but i wanted to say thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for following me along with my journey with this blog! after having the hobby of writing for the greater part of my life, i’m so immensely thankful that i started this blog and hopefully took ya all on some of the crazy adventures i keep locked up in my head hehe
having this blog has been such a wonderful experience, from learning about myself as a writer, exploring the many, many hornies that i’ve got, and most of all, meeting all of the freakin’ fantastic individuals in this community! ~thank you to each and every one of you for being the sweetest, loveliest, most hilarious and welcoming people i could ever wish to meet and have the honor of getting to know and write for!~
to celebrate, i wanted to make a lil list n’ love letter to my lovely pals for ya to check out! there is fkn CRAZY talent on this list and i highly recommend that ya check out everyone and their masterlists!
to my moots~ GAH I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH my whole experience here on smutblr has been made absolutely amazing by you all! GOSH hehe i am full of so much love for you all your brains are seggsy as hell and i’m always rooting for you!! thank you so much for being my friends <3
to my readers~ my loves, thank you, as a writer, to bee seen and heard fulfills every word i write and every lil idea i scribble down. wherever ya are in the world, thank you for taking the time to read my pieces and for sending me love. you are my reason!!
to my anons~ thank you my darlings for all of your kindness, screams in my inbox, every song rec, hard thought and word of encouragement. my lil anon family i love you and appreciate you all so much! thank you for reaching out to me and makin’ a lil home on my account! it means the world to me! <3
to my bunch of (ro)ses~ thank you so much for hyping me with each of my updates, for showing up in my notifs and being overall frickin’ angels! thank you so much for reading as always and i hope that ya like what’s to come!
~hehe i wanted to write ya all lil messages too! while they just scratch the surface, please know that i love ya all to the moon and back!! 🥰~
🌹Writers🌹
@aliceu ~ alice, hehe here’s to all the times that we would ramble about fantasy aus and bounce ideas off eachother, thank you so much for being my go-to and my muse at times! your works are literally magical my love!
@bearseungmin ~ hehe dawn i think that you might be one of my oldest moots on this list! ever since i started out here in this lil corner on the internet, you have been the most supportive, sweet individual there is to me and I can’t say thank you enough! i’m also like, highkey obsessed with everything you write hehehe
@binniesbrat ~ oh my gosh té , hehe lol i will bring this up over and over again bc i’m just so ah ah it makes me melt but fun fact hehe back when i was babybinniesthighs, té reached out to me, and made me felt like i belonged--i literally lysm! your hornies are fantastic my dear, we are so lucky to have you here!
@bruh-changbin ~ dear sky, while we’ve only talked a little in asks, i wanted to express how very dear you are to me! hehe when i update and you hype me up it literally makes my whole frickin’ day! you keep me going! not to mention that your writing is *chef’s kiss* teehee
@bubblelixie ~ ah! kc! we’ve also been moots for a good while, i think back when i was babybinniesthighs too! hehe your overwhelming love and support of me makes my heart frickin’ swell and seeing you in my notifs and my asks with hornies makes me feel so dang fuzzy! you are quite literally one of the most adorable cuties on here! your writing also just *knocks me out* OOF
@chaangbin ~ ours is quite the story dear hazel bean...meaning....i was like, the biggest, nerdiest fangirl of your work for quite some time and very very shy to tell you that it was me ahhhhh haha well here i am ooP your writing is so beautiful and human and immersive in so many ways! i’m crazy lucky to be moots and friends with ya! omg if i say more i will literally embarrass the heck out of myself hahahhaha
@decembermoonskz ~ beautiful izzy, you are such, and i mean such an inspiration to me. the way that you write is so gorgeous and i feel as if i’m in every scene. the way that you create worlds and place your readers in them is frickin’ insane! hehe i love obsessing with ya over chan any day and night! keep goin’!
@dom--minnie ~ len, when i think of comfort, i really think of you. the way that i feel so safe with ya is like, insane. even when we first started chattin’ i just knew that we had an amazin’ thing coming hehe. from horny rambles to literally just talkin’ bout life, i am absurdly lucky to have met you here! you literally deserve everything wonderful in life and i love ya so much!
@etherealeeknow ~ gah gen, my dear, the way that you checked up with me over my lil break just huhuhu thank you so much for being such a lovely and caring person towards me and everyone else whom you meet! you are so precious and i hope ya never forget that!
@fight-me-m8 ~ darling and sweet rosetta, FRICK literally when i think of you oh my gosh i get the fuzzies, i’m so happy that we met and that i was able to witness the beginnings of your account! you have so so much love to give and i will fight you and give you more love back. bb i’m so happy to have you as a moot!
@film-in-my-soul ~ alex! hehe while our friendship is still in the bb stages, i wanted to throw some love your way too!! i’m so hyped to write with you in the future and talk even more! i love how fast we clicked when we started talking about BLs AHA darlin’ you are so sweet and i can’t wait to get to know ya more!
@formidxble ~ kim oh my god, you are a frickin’ force. when you entered this community a lil bit ago, and then made it your own, sharing with us your beautiful brain and lovely kindness, i swear the world must’ve taken a breath or something LOL you always astonish me with your works and i’m literally so excited for what the future holds for you!
@hanflix ~ i think that i speak for so many of us here that rue, you are truly an inspiration. back when i was starting out and even now, reading your works feels like such a treat and i try to savor them all up! as a writer, i look up to you so much and as a wonderful, humble and hardworking person i look up to you as well!! thank you so much for welcoming me when i was babybinniesthighs ilsym!
@hongnanglen-arina ~ arina my fuckin’ love oh my god if i could fly to where you are i frickin’ would!! i really think that the universe did a lil somethin’ somethin’ allowing us to meet. i feel so comfortable with you talkin’ about anything and everything especially hornies they are fkn’ unbridled. i can’t count how many times you’ve made me topple with laugher at like 3am. i’m so happy to have you in my life!
@hyunsluvv ~ kathy istg you are one of the sweetest people i have had the pleasure of meeting on this lil corner of the internet! the care and love that you give to each of your anons, moots and in your work is truly astounding. i remember when you were just starting out i knew that big things were in store for you, and they still are! hehe
@imagineinnie ~ el, you are literally an angel if i have ever met one. it means the whole world to me when i see your dms, and the way that you check up on me and so many others goes to show the utter kindness and selflessness that you exhibit. cutie, thank you so much for always cheering me on and being such a light in this community!!
@instachans ~ kenny, although we’ve just met, i’m already so excited for our friendship to come! you are such an angel and have so much love to give, i’m so thankful that you slide into my asks hehe the future holds such amazing things for you!
@itsapapisongo ~ javi, my dear, there’s just somethin’ about us that flows like frickin’ water. i feel like there’s the people that you meet in life that you kind of just click with, and i’m immensely grateful that i’ve met you. your love, support, hornies and lethal timing with gifs keeps me smiling. you are an astonishing writer and i feel so lucky to be here with you!
@jisungsplatforms ~ sweet ina hehe i’m so glad that ya slid into my asks the day that you did! your vibes are so sweet and peaceful and i feel as if you and your account are such a safe place! i love, love sharing hornies with you over our boys! there is so much ahead for you my dear and i can’t wait!!!
@mochinnie ~ omg i’ve totally said this before so many times, but i am so, so wowed by your work isa and they stick with me for like days after i read your pieces! i am so utterly inspired by you! i love your blog’s aesthetic and how you are always truthfully yourself i admire this so much! when i was starting out your works kept me goin’! thank you so much for this hehe
@mzmezzler ~ ryan you literally deserve the whole world! not to mention that you are doing god’s work writing sub!skz! sweets, each of your pieces are so wonderful and imaginative and your lil memes and thoughts are so cute! please always keep doing you!!
@ohmysparkle ~ sparkle: oh my gosh where can i start??? you are one fkn’ badass sparklin’ cat and my freakin’ role model. every day i am so astonished over how well spoken, wise, and reasonable you are while also being off the walls unapologetically yourself. my dear plz always shout with me about sub!hyunjin teehee
@seungmoomin ~ nia big sexy brain!! holy shit the fkn talent in this bus? astronomical! nia i am absoluately WEAK over your writings and highkey you as a person over all! i swear, your blog is a gold mine and your personality is so wonderful i can’t put it into words LOL there’s no one quite like you and i can’t even count how many times you’ve got me dying laughing here ily!!
@yourdaddychan ~ LUNA my queen of capitalization and screaming in dms, you add a spice to my life that i didn’t know was missing. talking to you in every format is fkn fantastic and lights up my day no matter how gloomy its been. i really feel like this is your world and i’m just livin’ in it LOL I LOVE YEW
🌹Readers🌹
@introjoonie ~ mai, this account would literally not be in existence if not for you, and it’s provided me with such happiness over these few months! thank you so much for encouraging me to let my hornies to the wind, and for listening to all my rambles about it since. thank you so much for being a lovely best friend, cheerleader and person. i’ll be seeing you soon!
@jeonglixie, @lechanters, @inlovewithasa, @pixxie-lixxie ~ my loves there is something so, so beautiful about each and every one of you, i cannot thank you enough for reading my works and for being so overwhelmingly supportive and kind with your feedback time and again. i’m so blessed to have such wonderful readers such as you! my time here on tumblr has been made by you and so many others of my unbelievably sweet readers!
@lovesfaith ~ ahh tumblr is being rude not letting me tag ya but sweets i just wanted to thank you so much for your kindness too! i adore talking with ya about astrology n’ just life and the way that you read me like a book is CRAZY haha thank you for being you Bambi!
@meow-minho ~ marine, every time that i see you on tumblr i am so thankful for your grace, and just lovely welcoming vibes. i am so thankful to have such a lovely person as you in my life and i can’t express how much me (and i’m sure so many other writers on here) appreciate your feedback. thank you so much!
@synnocence ~ wonderful cee, since first meeting you i feel like i’ve had the pleasure of getting to know such a wonderful human and equally amazin’ fellow bin stan! i can’t thank you enough for how much you’ve helped me grow my bin collection! dm-ing with you is always such a joy and you deserve the frickin’ world my friend!!
once again, thank you so much for poppin by and giving me a read, an ask, a dm or simply just sending bin pics my way hehe
i hope to write much more in the future and to lash out with all the hornies that i’ve got! i can’t wait to share more with you all! thank you so much for being my motivation, as well as seggsy ass cuties who i am so lucky to share this space with!!
have you thought about changbin’s thighs today yet? well...now you have 😉
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honey nooo🥺 i wish i was there with u so i could listen to you.. i love listening about diff things!! i really dont wanna say anyth to make you sadder so im not sure how to go abt this, but honey youre so so so fucking precious.. i mean it literally hurts to see u down, actually hurts :( youve always been so kind to me, and just so kind in general and i cant believe people have the fkn audacity to even act that mean. please, please do not believe in those things and i know its easier said that done but i genuinely want you to just believe in goodness. there are dark times and you just feel like youre going thru a long phase of slump (bc honestly everytime u share yo probs i relate sm w it but anyways) but i promise you its just trying times. in time like these i always motivate myself to think abt the pain yoongi endured, and now look at him, receiving love from angels like us njbdhbf (sorry bad joke) but i just- please dont shut a part of yourself because of someone else. that will just give them satisfaction. instead, be an absolute brat and do not care abt what they say. share smth, say smth, do whatever the fck u want.. they laugh? dont give a fck. they criticize u? honey they dont hold that position. and this is what my sis once said, and i genuinely dwell on it, "u can be whatever you want in life". then do it. love yourself em, and i promise you everything will get better. you are MEANT to be happy. you DESERVE to be happy. live just the way you are!!💖💖sending you sooooo much love and strength. POWER!!
i swear, your messages always make me tear up, but in a good way 😔❤️ it's okay, I'll be okay. there's still a long journey ahead of me and there's so many things i have to learn and go through, i'm doing well so far and even though sometimes there are days like this I'll just learn from them and one day it might change <3 I'm trying my best to keep positive, i really do, it's just that reality is crushing sometimes, but that's just life isn't it? hopefully there's a future for me where i won't care about those things anymore, and i don't ever wish for that to happen to anyone. it'll be okay <3 thank you so much for your message, it means the world to me, and i promise you that i will try my best to make it work <3 I'm sending you just as much love honey, please take care of your precious self ❤️❤️❤️
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You guys, I'm-
!!!! We hit 500 omgg and once again, I'm gonna tell you all how much i love you so shush and let me.
I really love and appreciate y'all so much and you guys mean more to me than you could possibly know cause, okay confession time- I wasn't in the best mental state when I'd created this blog. I'd kinda lost touch with all my close friends after we went off to college in different places cause you know, life or whatever. And in a nutshell, I was pretty sad .
Anyway whatever all that crap aside, i was basically really lonely and i was starting to get depressed and then i created this blog and i really never thought I'd get so much happiness from this cause you guys validate me so much and ugh it makes me so happy and it really helped me a lot cause I'm so much better now and it's honestly all completely because of y'all and how you've made me feel. You guys are so supportive and amazing and some of you are always saying such nice things to me and i just wanna buy you flowers and feed you cake??? (@psychofishie and @praisingkuroosbedhead this is a direct reference to you both, i can't tell you how thankful i am for you guys, you make me so soft cause @psychofishie you're so fkn sweet like you're literally always commenting on ao3 as well as here i mean???? You're a literal angel and @praisingkuroosbedhead you're literally always sending me over the moon with all your compliments and reblogging every piece of crap i write i mean ughhh you're a fkn gem)
And the rest of you are extremely precious too. I'm so lucky. I love having this space where we all hype over the same thing and I'm so grateful for ALL of you and all the love you've shown me. I wanna like, write poetry for you and name stars after you. You make me very happy. So, thank you. Thank you so much. I love y'all.
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TRIGGER WARNING : I know you're not a psychiatrist tbh I just need to vent and I really like you so yea, I've come to the conclusion that I am what everyone thought I was which is a lazy little bitch using depression and suicidal thoughts as an excuse to be lazy I use to feel guilty but idc anymore it just shows there's no hope for me at all the only problem is I don't have the guts to shoot myself in the head and it's the last option I have Im sorry I just don't know who to turn to
hey dude. i’m sorry to hear you’re hurting so much right now. i know it’s a complex and personal issue that words alone can’t solve, but i still hope you’re open to some comfort, some alternative narratives to center your thoughts around. and idk just a few words from someone who can understand to an extent....i think first and foremost it’s a good idea to ask yourself, when you’re in the right state of mind to, where all of this self loathing is actually coming from. whether it’s grounded in anything substantial. it’s important to remember that a massive part of depression is feeling like you’re faking, over-exaggerating, using it as an excuse etc. i’ve heard a lot of people with mental illness echo the same sentiment. and the fact that you feel this way, so violently negatively towards yourself, indicates that you ARE struggling with a much deeper problem. but we’re taught to overlook it and to blame ourselves, partially due to society’s attitude regarding mental illness. in short we’re conditioned to feel like we’re lazy and worthless if we can’t produce labor and profit, or if something prevents us from doing so, but that’s merely a capitalist myth. those around you have internalized its message and are now projecting it onto you. but now that you recognize that fact, you can begin dismantling that belief system in your own head. cause in actuality, it’s got nothing to do with you or your value as a person. it’s the system that’s the issue, and the way it sees human life as nothing more than a means to an end, when people are so much more than that. you are so much more than that. you’re not here to constantly please everyone or to be some emotionless machine. so anyone who was judging you by that standard is fkn deluded and their opinion doesn’t hold much weight to begin with. then there’s also the stigma surrounding depression itself. people who’ve never experienced it don’t get how debilitating it is to live with. how it doesn’t just prevent people from working, how it prevents people from progressing in all areas of their lives when it’s left unacknowledged. which is why the answer isn’t to hurt yourself, it’s to admit to what hurts. this isn’t a matter of personal failure, or of laziness. it’s an illness, something that needs to be confronted head on with time, treatment, and self help in order to move beyond it. it’s just as serious as any physical ailment, but you don’t have to beg anyone to understand that. you’re going through so much just by getting through the day and the fact that you’re still here counts for so much. i promise, you are not your negative thoughts. your mind is just trying to get you to stay in the cycle of self hatred > self destruction > self hatred so that you feel more discouraged and less likely to seek the support you need, even though that could be the one thing that would break the repetitive pattern. idk who made you believe that you are this bad and unforgivable person but i hope you know that it is genuinely, truly possible to grow beyond that way of thinking. it may take time, and it may feel unreachable right now, but change is honestly constant especially if you seek it out. the way you see yourself in five years will not mirror the way you see yourself now, you know? this is all a process and as long as you’re getting through it, you’re doing so much better than you realize.
it’s ok to recognize all of that and to still feel like shit, to still feel like giving up sometimes. sadness, anger, pain - they’re exhausting and terrifying, but you don’t have to push those emotions away. though they don’t have to control all of your actions either. because they’re never as permanent as they feel. part of being suicidal is thinking in a black and white fashion, where everything has to be all or nothing. but it doesn’t. there’s a lot of nuance and a lot of different choices you can make, if you just breathe and keep yourself in a safe environment above all else. like i said, you’re living with an illness and bad days are a natural part of that. but having the tools to be able to cope with them in a healthy way could make all the difference. and that IS an option for you, even if you can’t see it right now. are you currently seeing a mental health professional? if not, i’d really really suggest looking into that before you make any permanent and heavy handed decisions about whether or not it’s worth it to stay alive. seriously, even if you’re unable to see a therapist at the moment - there are depression/suicide hotlines you can call who can help you with the next step, there may be support groups in your area, your doctor may be able to refer you to a counselor. you are capable of reaching out, as proven with this message, which is a really good sign. and building routines around personal self help and finding what works for you would be a step in the right direction, too. there is so much that can be done in terms of identifying what you feel the way you feel, relearning how to treat yourself, developing a support network over a period of time, opening up to make room to heal - it’s possible. i promise it is. it’s possible to live a full, stable life that you’re proud of despite having depression. if you have any trusted loved ones, now may also be a good time to talk to them about whats going on. i’m sure they want to have the chance to be there for you, and it’s alright to lean on them when you need it. you’re clearly in a very emotional state right now so i don’t blame you if you can’t bring yourself to believe me, but i hope it’s an idea you can keep revisiting. because really what my main point is, is that you deserve to stay alive regardless the fact that you’re dealing with a mental illness. i don’t want to sound cliche but it’s true that nothing would be the same without you, that you’re here for a reason (which you fulfill every day, just by being who you are) and that your presence is far more precious than you know. i’m sorry you were made to feel any different. you get this one life and i would really hate to see you do something you could regret over situations and feelings that can be helped. you are not beyond hope, you are not a lost cause. especially if you live your life as if you’re not. you still exist and that means there are a million different ways things could turn out, the future is ever changing. the present is all you need to worry about. it’s just another symptom of depression to catastrophize and picture everything ending in the worst case scenario, which is something that can also be helped with therapy/practicing mindfulness. anyway, i’m aware that this is getting super long and i’m going to leave some links that may be of some use to you in terms of follow up support, but i’m really begging you. no matter how awful you feel tonight, just allow yourself to breathe through it. cry through it. call someone if it all feels like too much. keep yourself away from anything you could use to harm yourself with. and then wake up tomorrow knowing you have the chance to try again, knowing that that is a good thing, knowing that this moment is not what your whole existence is going to look like. please, please call someone if you think you’re a danger to yourself. even if you have to pick up the phone on autopilot. you mean so much. im sending you a lot of love and hoping you find the self appreciation you deserve. if you ever need a friend please feel free to message me. you’re not on this alone.
https://faq.whatsapp.com/general/security-and-privacy/global-suicide-hotline-resources/
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm
https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/a-z/resource/50/suicide-coping-with-suicidal-thoughts
https://medium.com/@sameoldzen/finding-intrinsic-self-worth-in-a-capitalist-system-7069be072b5b
https://serenitymentalhealthcenters.com/31-coping-skills-for-depression/
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I was tagged by @missemperor to do this com-myu-nity ask :D
1. What is your hobby?
History! I was fascinated of past times very early. When I was a child, middleages and stuff pretty much scared me but through that fear grew a deep interest and out of this interest grew an even deeper passion and here I am now studying it :D On my 2nd tumblr @renaissance-prinzessin I spam post a lot of history content :D Oh and I write. xD
2. What is your special skill?
Special skill? Ehm maybe the way I understand animals? I am a very sensitive person. J
3. What are your strengths and weaknesses?
Like I said, I am very good at working and interacting with animals. I also think that I am pretty good in academic writing.
Weaknesses: as if I’d share that xP
4. What is your favorite color?
Green!
5. What is your favorite animal?
Omg that is hard? I love them all! But if I have to pick one.. horses! But ALL animals are precious babys!
6. Which food are you into lately?
My mum’s risotto and I had really GREAT herb Schupfnudeln when I was on holidays in Bavaria this month <3
7. What is the thing you never lose to from anyone?
My own goals.
8. What is your most treasured item?
I can’t really think of an item, of course I love my books and my merch but there is no item or thing that matters to me as much as for example my horse Poly or my dog Pauli do :D
9. What is your cooking specialty?
Recently I brought perfection to my beloved avocado-tomato soup xD I really do enjoy cooking (veggy of course!) and tried some vegan recipes recently too!
10. What is the thing you want the most at the moment?
Oh, I wished my bachelor’s thesis would be done already ahahaha.
11. What is the thing you are most scared of?
Nothing I’d share in the internet but I have to admit that, beside the fact that I love all animals, ostrichs somehow really scare me xDD
12. What is the thing you were happy about this year?
I think it’s getting back to my old university after switching to another last year. It feels home again but I am still glad that I was able to collect so many new experiences at the other uni.
13. What is the thing you were sad about this year?
The retirement of Mirio and Miyacchi! I mean on the other hand they are/will be free to be themselves now without hiding behind the Otokoyaku mask but it’s still sad because I really adored both of them
14. What is the thing you regretted this year?
Regret? Actually there is nothing that I really do regret atm
15. What is the thing you were angry about this year?
Unistuff, yep yep yep
16. What is the job that gave you a sense of fulfillment this year?
Does my studies count? xD
17. What has changed about you since you entered com-myu-nity?
Mostly that I don’t care anymore if other people dislike me or my opinion
18. Which character would you play in Sera myu?
Aw! I would want to be Venus! Venus! Venus! But I think as for playing I’d be predestined for a bitchy badass Neptune or Mars xD
19. If you were to form a collab now, who would it be with?
Do ya mean a song collab like the stuff we do like everyday in the com-my-nity? Actually I am doing a lot of stuff with @missemperor and it’s always a pleasure! But I also want to do something again with my first besties @sailorzakuro and @MyuToni sooooo I am open to do collabs with everyone xD
20. What do you love about Sera Myu nowadays?
That it made me be part of something and feel welcome among my friends <3
21. Which cast member catches your attention the most at the moment?
Hmm, at the moment it might be Kana Nakada because I really liked her performance in NogiMyu. But tbh I am more into the BaniMyu actors/actresses.
22. Which cast member would you want as your significant other?
EDO HIDEMASA <33333
23. If you were to marry a cast member, who would it be?
EDO HIDEMASA <333333333
24. If you would go to a deserted island, which cast member would you like to go with you?
Probably Yuuko Hosaka? She is such a mum, I’m sure she would get us back to civilisation easily xD
25. If you would be born again, which cast member would you want to be?
Ehm… Nao Inada? I could play Venus in two very good productions then xD
26. Which Sera Myu production would you want to be a part of?
The Dracul Arc!
27. If you would create your own kingdom, what kind of country would you want it to be?
Don’t expect a pinky, plushy kingdom with worldpeace and same rights for everyone :P. Probably something like Middle-earth. I think there can’t be light without darkness.
28. What is an interesting book or manga you read recently?
Thanks to @vampiruchan I am totally into the Black Dagger Brotherhood books atm xD
29. What is an interesting movie you watched recently?
I rewatched The Hobbit and I realized again how much I love Bilbo and how much of an Elve I am xD
30. What is your favorite Sera Myu song at the moment?
Always and forever FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! *starts dancing*
31. What is your favorite Sera Myu song choreography at the moment?
Probably Fumi’s LINK from 1999?
32. What is your favorite Sera Myu costume at the moment?
LOL totally Lamia’s breast pad I mean sexy cape outfit xD
33. What is your favorite Myu at the moment?
Always and forever.. Kessen or Last Dracul. Can’t decide, it really depends on my mood. As for this moment it’s LD
34. What is your favorite Myu cast?
I go with Last Dracul, I still love KSDK too and I really wished Yuuko was part of Myu in LD already
35. Is there something you say a lot recently?
At least I use „!s” way too often xD That’s a typical german thing I guess
36. What would you do if you could plan a Fan Kansha?
I wouldn’t change anything from the Bandai era. Just record it, PUT IT ON DVD and and add official subs xD
37. What do you hope to see Sera Myu doing in the future?
Not to relate too much on the manga…
38. What kind of person do you want to be in 5 years?
I want to be done with studying and gain ground in working life
39. What has been a memorable concert or event this year?
I saw the ballet “Swan Lake” by the russian nationalballet and omg it was awesome!
40. What do you want to do in your private life this year?
Private life? Does that even exist? lol
41. What kind of job would you like to do in the future?
I want to gain ground in historical research
42. Do you have a hairstyle you would like to try in the future?
Let’s see: Last year I dyed my hair tips blue (it stayed like 3 weeks) that was fun. And recently I managed to get my hair back into it’s original colour (medium blonde) and I am really happy with that. Wished it would still be a bit more even but hey xD
43. What Sera Myu merchandise would you love to have?
The Death Vulcan VHS as well everything available of Miyuki-Moon!
44. Where would you want Sera Myu to come to?
It would be nice if the other country’s themselves would organize Myus. Like, Germany was one of the countrys in which Sailor Moon was just so fkn popular that we even had an own Sailor Moon band, okay? xD So Myus based on the Bandai era here in Germany would be nice (even though I had no chance I’d so apply there xDDD)
45. If you could have a holiday with any cast member, what do you want to do?
Probably talk about their life at Sera My and ask them things especially about backstage things.
46. Please say something to your favourite cast member.
Well, Miyuki is in heaven but I’ll still dedicate this to her: You were wonderful. You didn’t made Sailor Moon just come to life, you put love in every single performance and transmitted all feelings to the audience with such a warm energy that it is always a pleasure and honour to watch your performances. I get never tired of watching them again and again. I hope you are happy where you are now but let me tell you that you can be really proud of what you did. You were not only an enrichment for the whole Sailor Moon franchise but also for my life and I just can not thank you enough for that.
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rules:
always repost the rules
answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!
give 11 questions
tag 11 people
i was tagged by @isakvdhflorenzi, ty miss lorena <3
1. Is the social media presence of the characters important to how you view the quality of the remake/show?
hm well skam nl is my favorite and their social media game is trash LMAOOO so generally No but i do feel like remakes who DO have such a good presence kind of elevate the show and i think it’s pretty heartwarmin to see some remakes go sm farther than skam with social media and puttin out educational and IN CHARA resources like skames does this so well and i feel like in that way, the team is really really spreadin skam’s spirit via these resources (like joana’s billion bpd awareness ig accounts and lucas rubio’s yt channel)
2. Least favourite clip of the show? Why?
tbh there are definitely some duds but probably one of the clips with sana gettin herself into a hole in s4 just bc some were hard to watch cus cringey or yikes .... idk i cant think of others LMAO
3. Which character did you feel the most connected to and why?
ijeoiqjiwoij even tho even is my all time fave skam chara, i have to say isak for all of these reasons
4. Your least favourite part of every season?
season 1 - tbh even though i really enjoyed this season, it does take a while for it to build up like i rmr at first not being that interested until ep6 maybe ?? which is hard when you’re trying to get your friends to watch but they have to wait until ep6 before shit starts RLLY buildin up and gettin wild
season 2 - hm ig noora chasin after william ??
season 3 - bro NOTHINGGG call me a purist but its such a refined masterpiece like the pacing is good the characterization is so good ugh i deadass cant think of anythin
season 4 - i always felt a little ??? w noora being sana’s bff ig bc from s1-s3 it didn’t Feel like they were that close like even in noora’s pov, sana wasn’t really a part of it that much ?? like eva was more of noora’s bff ?? so i feel like it would have made more sense if maybe sana spoke more with chris or vilde bc sana and vilde eventually seemed to get closer esp with kosegruppa and chris has always been by sana’s side ?? idk that always confused me
5. What is your opinion on the cast’s participation on social media? Do you prefer it when the cast aren’t that involved like the Skam cast, or do you like a lot of content like the Fr cast do?
tbh i don’t care much abt the casts LMAOOO if anythin it kind of brings more harm as seen with the harassment axel and maxence get and also can bring more controversy like with irene (which honestly is p sad considerin how much i love skames bc now i feel super :/ watchin it like she shouldve just had private accts at this point)
6. Favourite song you found from Skam or the remakes?
OMFGGG love this question .... def doorman by slowthai and mura masa bc its one of my fave songs now and i got it from skam nl <3 ugh taste
7. If you could decide which characters from Skam got a season, who would you choose?
OOOHHH ugh torn bc i like isak’s pov but also i want even’s so might have to forfeit isak season for even season ....... hm so probs vilde, sana, even, noora (maybe not w william tho) and honestly maybe jonas too ??
8. Are there any moments that you liked in the show that everyone else seems to hate?
IJXDWQOIJJ yes .... remakes-wise, people hate skam nl s2’s last half but i enjoyed it for the most part ... i think the pacing was off for the last ep but personally, clip 50 made up for it and is p god tier imo ..... and also don’t think the first half of ep10 is enough to discredit the entire season bc i rlly loved seeing liv’s pov and have sm fave moments from the season
but skam wise, omg might get a lil controversial w this one IM SORRY !!! im bein honest and its Just my opinion ok
personally s2 got me more invested than s1 and i don’t think its a super bad season like i didnt really say many problems wrong with it until i got on tumblr wiejioqjoiqjq i was sort of interested in the questions that the noora/william dynamic brought up which is, as expressed in william’s war speech to noora, that nothing is ever black/white which i feel was a huge message and feeds into the ‘you never know what ppl are going through’ theme of the season ... like i like the idea of someone like noora, who can have a black/white mentality (as seen in the first clip of s2 when she tells vilde that they can’t have the tannin company as their sponsor bc they objectify women or smth but misses the context and what it could mean for the bus monetarily bc shes caught up in bein ‘woke’) having to break out of that and see more than one side ... and i think remakes like skam austin expanded on this idea well like when zoya was like ‘must be so nice being right all the time’ which i Do feel like is an important for youth to know today .... bc i think its so easy to get caught up in the idea of being so objectively right and morally superior that people lose sight of the more nuanced characteristics to life ... (omg long ramble BUT)
also LMAOOOOO this one might be more controversial as it pertains to bench scene s4 ok oops again doNT GOTTA AGREE !! ........ but i feel like the scene had a lot of good intentions ... i was def kind of cringing a bit tho bc i understand the subject’s sensitivity and how these topics are hard to talk about but i genuinely feel like they both made Some points and should listen to each other .... like as Hard and as maybe ‘unwoke’ it is to admit, unfortunately you sort of do have to answer the tough questions bc that way we learn from each other .... and i perfectly understand why some ppl wouldn’t want to do this and i certainly am tired abt havin to answer shit abt my sexuality or stupid male questions abt women but if u dont answer them, people do go lookin for answers still and the internet is such a shitty place that its pretty easy (esp with youtube’s algorithm) to lead you to ignorant ppl and perhaps radicalization .... questions help us to better understand our community and sometimes they can have good intentions too but we have to ask and answer them or else people will make up answers (which ive literally seen and its honestly worse to see fake as shit and UNINFORMED answers bc ppl did not want to ask you or ppl of ur identity, esp when they’re already startin from a place of hate .... but i rather have ppl ask me patronizing questions than have them spread false info bc that can do much more harm in the long run) however i DO think that isak should also consider sana’s side and i sort of wish we saw him conceding more bc they both have smth to learn from one another, like sana shouldn’t just be learnin from isak, isak needs to learn from sana too
PHEW SORRY QWIOJQWIO girl i just got opinions on some things this is when my desc rlly comes in handy .... oqjdwqioj
9. What did you learn from the show?
omg honestly too much to write here tbh ..... but if it says anythin im (very slowly) in the works of a three part skam essay about basically how skam teaches us to be better humans and how to better treat the people we care about diowjqioj essentially the three biggest themes of the show: you never know what someone is going through so always be kind, always communicate with your friends, and no person is ever alone and i feel like these are definitely rlly good messages to live by (also livet er nå BITCH !!!)
10. What is your favourite headcanon about your favourite characters?
omg tbh i could not tell u at all how the skam charas are doing except i hope even is okay thats all im thinkin of ok .... OIWXIOJX omg remakes wise tho ..... honestly im so bad at this girl IDK !!!!! LMAO i have to really think i have a bit of vdh and dutch even but thats bc we know like Zero abt them so its easier oijwiojqio idk liv and noah bein cute as shit ..... OH WAIT personally i feel like janna got a bunch of pansexual energy so my BIGGG hc is that she’s pan also bc she’s one of my all time fave charas and my fkn url so itd be dope if she was pan ok boom
11. What is your opinion on fanfiction in the fandom?
tbh i don’t read skam fanfiction but i don’t mind reading some from the remakes (tho still its rare) ... eiojeioqw i just don’t trust anyone but julie to write skam charas bc i think that’s how precious the show is to me LMAO like idk everything ive seen of skam fanfiction and ficlets and one shots, i could never get into bc the tone is just so out of character or there will be lines that just take me out of the fic bc im like this !!!! is not !!! how the chara acts !!!! so yeah idk not rlly a fan bc of my purist ass but i dont mind others reading it
Questions:
1. Favorite quote of the show?
2. Which country would you like to see have the next remake? Do you have any headcanons?
3. Which season would you rewrite and how would you rewrite it?
4. What clips do you personally like or don’t mind, but others hate?
5. Which songs do you think SKAM or the remakes should have included? For which moments?
6. Who would you give SKAM season five to and what topics and themes would it cover?
7. What moment spoke to you or touched you from SKAM the most?
8. How did you find SKAM? How did you feel about it right after watching?
9. Have you shared SKAM with any friends in real life? What did they think of it?
10. Of the remakes, which characters are your favorite of their SKAM counterparts? (Ex. who is the best Vilde remake? Eva? etc.)
11. How do you feel about the SKAM (and remakes) tumblr fandom?
I tag: @smileykeijser @whatadaze @queenofpurgatoryx @itlukey @skamyeets @shaykeijser @megeliz01 @isakcijser @wackpainterkid @axelauriantblot @kar-d-momme
(omg ik some of yall have been tagged so just ignore if u dont want to do it ok im srry it was in the RULES!)
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hypocrites nauseate me. he said it too but turned out to be the biggest one ive ever known. people change so terribly, and its shown me that change is not always slow and predictable, and it doesnt always make sense. by now i can tell from spelling and posture and the most minor of habits when someone is fading away. thought i knew it all but i guess im still open to that quick and dirty kind of betrayal thats so hard to see coming.
it hurts you know, because u can never win. stay cautious to avoid getting hurt and regret not giving your all. do your best without fear and collapse into pieces when it still wasnt enough.
i did my best. it was the first time since i was fkn 17 that i loved with innocence. i wasnt cold and cruel anymore, powered by years of self improvement and inspired by his purity. i could have loved him forever. even now, i know my best should have been enough and weaknesses of others are not a reflection of my own. and so ill keep saying it til its branded inside me but im still just human and the amount of armor i wear or weapons i hold will not stop a pain i willingly accepted.
im not who i used to be. i wont let the world ruin me and ill hold close my refound idealism that anything worth having is worth fighting for.
in all seriousness. i adored him since the moment we met and would've until the end of time. but. i was a diamond he dropped in the ocean for being too heavy, and my heart is too big for weak hands to hold and has always been too precious to be wasted on liars who dont really care.
he promised forever; in the end he didnt even call. wednesday i was the love of his life and thursday i was erased from existance. see things for what they are. someone real would build a window when I closed the door, plant new flowers where he cut them down. this fucking life is hard enough, i need someone to walk through the fire together. weakness is no excuse for hypocracy. im sorry u turned out to be fools gold, i really fkn wish u werent. i wish my strength was enough for the both of us, and most of all, i wish even more you'd be brave to fix it.
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The One (Part III)
Part II <- Part III –> Part IV
Genre: Hybrid!Taehyung, Fluff, Angst, slight smut
Paring: TaehyungXreader
Word-count: 3,3K
Warnings: Abuse, unjust, anxiety, force, animalistic feelings, panic-attacks, indication of mating, a dilemma to chose between heart or mind
Summary: You’ve never liked the idea of hybrids, since it’s straight up abuse from a owner to a hybrid, they aren’t treated like humans. But what happens when your boss gave you a hybrid as a gift?
A/N: SORRY FOR THE WAIT I HOPE YALL DIDN’T FORGET ME. I legit just wrote and edited this part in 2 hours, I’ve never written something this fast lol. ALSO 1,8K y'all, fkn amazing, LOVE YOU PEEPS<3
Masterlist
‘Number 5, what was the 13th rule of our enactment?’
Taehyung shot his eyes up to the dangerous and furious looking man, though he hadn’t done anything to upset him. Everything he did was wrong in their eyes, everything needed to be trained to the fullest. If you exactly did as they told you to do, you still had to improve. Everything could be improved. Nothing was good enough for the human’s needs. Nothing. If you scored a 100% on your final test, you still would be having a long training after. They do everything to brainwash the hybrids to the point they had forgotten their own name and then became numbers in the system.
‘Always call your owner ‘master’, but anything can be indicated if they’d prefered something else.’
‘that’s right, number 5, I think you may be ready for your second home.’
Taehyung’s eyes began to widen even more. This would be indeed the second time he would be go to a house he didn’t know, didn’t want or need, but needed to go anyways. At first, 3 years ago to be exactly, he had questioned himself a lot. Why did he for god’s sake participate to this? Why hadn’t he read the contract for a second time? It would’ve been life-changing.
‘You will be send to your new home tomorrow, so pack your clothes.’
‘No!’
Your eyes yanked open as you immediately sat straight up in your bed, shocked by the hard sound coming from your house. You tried to recall the noise and after you remembered, you immediately sprang up from your bed to ran to Taehyung’s room, scared to what happened to him. What if he got hurt? You will never stop blaming yourself if that’s true.
You opened his bedroom door and you see Taehyung all crawled up into a ball, tail surrounding his legs and ears uncomfortably twitching around. He looks scared and more scared when he noticed your presence. You cock your head to the side, inspecting his figure. You knew that nothing had hurt him and that he most likely had a bad dream. But the way he looks so alone and sad, got you questioning what the dream was about.
You nonetheless let out a sigh of relievement. You walk up to his still scared-looking figure and you felt how he came only more on the end as he looks into your eyes. Though you wanted to stop walking up to him, not wanting to scare him off more, something told you that it was okay. He needed comfort, so you could at least give him that.
You sit down beside him, eyes still on his as you let a little smile slip from your lips. Immediately, the thick atmosphere calmed down and became a lot more lighter. He felt relieved being in your presence after such a dream. He actually has been having these dreams a lot this past year after his last owner. It felt as if his body and body began to resist against this torturous living.
‘Are you okay?’ You softly ask as your hand went up to his arm around his knees, electricity immediately shooting through your bodies and warmth spreading along. You felt the affection, of course, but this time it was in a more relaxing way. You see and feel it in his whole body, how his in- and exhales became slower and his posture relaxed along. You had such a big affection on him and it made him happy knowing he could have such a person in his life. The only thing that makes him scared about it, is that you may not want it that way and that you maybe even abandon him, like all those other horrible humans did to him after they grew tired of him.
You frown as you could feel a certain gloomy feeling inside of your body, as if something within you is dragging you along in a dark pit in their mind. You feel scared, sad and uncertain at the same time. Why? It’s not you, for sure, so it must be Taehyung feeling so sad. Why does he feel sad like this? It was only 5 hours ago that he was climbing above you and wanting to fuck you on the couch, what happened in his dream?
‘Don’t you worry about me ___, I’m okay now.’
‘How-?’
‘I can feel it.’ He says bluntly as his tail now untangled around his legs. You frown again upon questioning what he meant, making him grin a little. He somewhat found you so adorably when you had so much questions, so clueless and innocent. It’s what makes you precious to him. You are a hard woman, though your cluelessness always shows off the more soft side of you. You are like a open-book to him, so readable for him.
‘We are mates from each other, remember? I can feel every emotion you go through, though it’s not that big in humans to feel what we feel.
‘I ready have to do my research.’ You sigh, smiling to yourself. It makes you happy for some reason, when he talks about you being his mate. It’s no denying it now, you like it beyond believe. It’s obvious when you feel your reaction towards his touches, of course you like it. But the question is, do you want it? Do you want this to be your reality? It’s more complicated even when you think about your family, friend and colleagues. Yeah I got a hybrid and found out we were mated so now we are married? It’s not something so simple, you may be mated together, but it will not mean you can just let it become your life like that.
Immediately you feel him becoming more sad again and upon knowing he will probably feel what you’re thinking, you immediately let go of his arm. You look down at you lap as you didn’t know wether to go away or to stay and watch him for a little. Taehyung also looks down at his lap. He feels sad to know you are so nescient from what you really want, your true feelings. If it were to him, he wouldn’t want to have anyone else in his life beside his own mate, but humans are still different and he has learned to accept that a long time ago already, but he couldn’t stop himself from getting disappointed in you. The only thing he could do is to get you to fall in love with him even more, manipulating your choice.
‘Can you stay with me tonight?’
The question filled the air and eventually your ears. You look up at him, yaw clenched. You don’t know if it’s the best idea in such an unstable mindset. Taehyung picks up on your hesitation, so his hand went up to your arms this time and gave it a small squish in a comforting way. Again, as always, warmth spread through your body and you almost began to lean into his touch, but worked against it as you again look down at your lap.
‘Please?’
“Okay.’
How could you ever refuse Taehyung? He will get anything out of you whatever he would want, that kind of power he has over you. And you know it’s not in a bad way, because you knew that mates wouldn’t want to do anything wrong with their own significant other, never.
Taehyung placed himself further towards the edge of his single-bed and waited for you to join him. You stood up and grabbed the edge of the blanket, scooping it to the side and placing yourself on the bed before closing the blankets around you again. You felt his warmth lurking on the covers and his eyes were strictly focused on your doings. His presence became a bit too much for a second, your senses being too affected and just wanting to have him already, to be his and for him to be yours.
You turn around to face the door, wanting to focus on something different and you felt yourself hesitating on walking out of that very same door. It was at that moment that Taehyung slipped his arms around your waist and his head got buried in the crook of your neck, leaving no space between your bodies. You felt by the way his heart was pounding and his nose was sniffing, that he felt very affected by your presence as well. Though all the signals of wanting to be mated right now, you kept yourself focused on what is really important and to think about what is right in this situation.
‘I love you Y/N, you’re mine, all mine.’ He whispered before his tail began to find their way around your leg. You gulped slightly and you knew it was now or never to walk away. Because if you stay there, you just knew this would be the moment that you will get mated with him. No, you can’t, it isn’t right ___, get out of there now.
You pushed away from his arms that had held onto you and stood up. You almost began to speed-run out of his room, leaving Taehyung empty and alone. You could feel the sadness rising within you and you knew it was from Taehyung who was now really scared that you may leave him. Every single nerve in your system tries to stop your movements, to walk back to the one that makes you whole. The one that is really important in your life, but no. Your head gets the best of you and leads you straight to your own covers.
‘Fuck, I really need to be quick to find him a save place.’
That night, was a sleepless night of wonders. Everything could go wrong at this point. You saw how much you want to be close with him, you body and you senses. It makes you scared, knowing how much he effects you and you actually don’t want any of it. The more you think about the way your head began to spin around in his arms, the more it made you so scared.
You’ve actually never felt any hatred towards the thought of marriage, commitment or any of that kind, but when it comes so close in such a dazzling way, it got you so lost in your own thoughts. You don’t know to who you should talk either. Your parents is already a No No, they will never understand by their old-fashioned ways. Maybe your friend, Iris, would understand. But when you would place yourself in her position, you would only be weirded out about it. It has no use talking to anyone, not when they don’t understand you and have felt the way you feel.
That got you an idea, maybe you should look up someone who has experienced the same thing. So, that’s exactly what your plans were today. You’d been hunting down hybrid/human-mates and had found only 2 online. You tried to contact them and after an hour or so, you got a reply from the first couple you had tried to reach out to.
Unknown: Hey! It’s Emma. You’ve tried to contact me today through my email, so here I am! :) You said you had a few questions about the whole mate thing, ask me anything.
You smile as the message came up on your screen. You excitingly open the message and after you had read it, you began to type your main question.
You were still in your room and hadn’t left it since you came to the kitchen for breakfast and to prepare for the both of you and Taehyung. You were relieved to see an empty living-room and knew from that point on that Taehyung wasn’t planning to come out very soon either. You somehow knew he felt as shitty as you, so meeting you today probably wasn’t on his list.
You: Hallo I’m ___ :)) I indeed have some questions about the whole mating process. I’ve recently found out that I’ve been mated with my own hybrid and i am now deciding on wether to really commit to this relationship or not.
It didn’t take Emma very long until she would be replying to you.
Emma: Ahh, I totally understand why you are questioning yourself like that, I have had the same problem. I have to be truthful with you of course, so I have to say that this is a huge commitment to be honest.
You: Is it very hard?
Emma: No, not very hard, it’s just really different. It’s in the beginning very weird, because you’re now a 100% aware of your mate, his thought and doings. It even came to the point where I could feel where he was out and about, I just sensed it, as if I became some hybrid too. But it wasn’t bad, I felt very secure knowing what was going on with him and he feels the same about it.
You: What kind of hybrid is your mate?
Emma: A panther
You smiled slightly, happy that you have a similar kind of hybrid.
You: I have a lion :)
Emma: Oh! That’s so similar.
Emma: So, now talking about you, have you already felt the urge to be with him? I can remember that my senses went crazy every time he came closer to me.
You: Yeah, I go completely insane every time he touches me or anything. Like last night, he hugged me under the covers and I just felt like running away, which I did. That’s why I contacted you, because I just needed some kind of advise hehe.
Emma: Wohh, you’re deep in already. But, besides all the feelings inside of you, I think you really need to think if this is worth it. Because, after the mating process, your mate will not be able to stay away from you for max. 5 hours a day. Like I noticed, he will just go wherever I am and drag me home only to cuddle me and saying that he missed me.
You sigh as you sadly look down at the message. That confirms your exact thoughts. Committing to this relationship means to just give up on your job. Though it’s a fucked up place, it still pays well. You can’t afford to lose this job, this house and your normal healthy life.
You: Thank you for your advise :) I’ll try to figure it out myself now.
Emma: Okayy. But, if I really could give you an advise, I would do it, nonetheless your circumstances.
You: Why so?
Emma: It’s worth it. I’ve never been so happy in my life.
You: Hmm, I will think about it, thank you again. Goodbye! xx
And with that you locked your phone and threw it somewhere on your bed as you fall down with your head on the pillows. This conversation hadn’t helped for any little bit. You’re still conflicted. She says you have to do a lot to commit to this relationship, but it’s still worth it. What if it’s really worth your job, your living and house? What if all that doesn’t matter and real love is really stronger than that, like those cliché series they always show at 10 am.
Suddenly, the hairs on your arms sprang up as goosebumps covered your skin. You felt your heart suddenly race, but to what was unknown. It was only when you heard a knock on your door that you knew what the unpleasant feeling was about. You slowly stand up and walk up to find Taehyung standing there, looking down at his feet but ears and tail twitching around. He feels nervous and anxious to your reaction to his presence.
After he got to know that he made you scared last night, because of the feeling he had created between the both of you, he didn’t dare to cause any more disturbance within you. It at first was his plan to manipulate your feelings like that, but when he felt your racing heart and changing mood, he knew he went through a mistake. He just couldn’t help himself, when he knows he is on the edge of losing you. He had felt how much of hesitation you felt, conflicting what to do, he just wanted to show you more and more of his love to you. But appearanly it didn’t end up so well on your side and you began to run off.
He was, right at that moment, scared and anxious to what your further actions will hold. If you will abandon him and he could swear he heard you saying ‘ really need to be quick to find him a save place’ In his head and maybe it was just an illusion, but those words got the best of him and had lingered inside his head. So, after contemplating on confronting you about it, he finally did so.
‘Yes?’ You say with a quiet voice, trying to find his eyes to look if there may be something wrong. Of course, there is something wrong, it’s obvious, but you just need a confirmation nothing had happened during your stay in your room, like a nightmare or any of that kind.
‘Do you really plan on throwing me out of the house?’
His voice sounds broken and scared. Your heart sank right on that moment and your senses told you to to hug and caress him. But like always, your mind took the first step.
‘I-I don’t know yet.’
His eyes shot up to yours and you could see how noticeably red they were. You couldn’t decide on wether it were old tears or new, but whatever it was, it was you who caused them and that crushed your insides. Taehyung doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment, you don’t deserve him.
‘You don’t know? So you are really hesitating on throwing me out? Your own mate? You can’t leave me like this ___, I will not be able to bare it to stay away from you.’
He began to rant and tears again streamed down his face as he couldn’t stop himself but to speak his mind. You can’t do this, you aren’t able to look dead in his eyes while he is so broken in front of you, not when you can literally feel all of his emotions. It losenes up your own emotions and tears aren’t failing but to also stream down your own face as you just listen to his words.
‘___, don’t leave me, please, I need you with me otherwise I’ll go through hell all over again, not again ___, I can-‘
You step forward and slipped your arms around his torso as you burry your head against his chest firmly. He didn’t show any hesitation and closed his arms around your smaller form, almost trembling. You stay like this for a long while, both crying in each others arms as emotions flew through the air.
’Taehyung, how in heaven’s sake can I commit to this relationship, tell me.’
‘Please ___, I know that it’s a hard decision.’
‘You don’t understand.’
‘I do.’
‘Of course you do.’
The both of you silenced for a second, but never broke away from the hug you two shared, but thinking.
‘I want to be with you, marry you, have kids with you, go to thin and thick with you. Everything ___-’
‘Give me 2 days, 2 days to let me think about it all. Don’t force me, don’t try and effect my answer because we both know you will win it that way. I want to solve this problem with a proper mind-set.’ You say as you look up at his beautiful eyes, twinkling by just the mere touch of your hand on his back, torso against yours.
‘Okay ___, I’ll wait.’
Hope you liked it!
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artists hating themselves and what they create is such a sad thing
I was just vibing and staring at my layout homework when I suddenly remembered something important that i had created and then lost forever.
When I was in grade 9, we had a unit in English class based on the book “unwind”
a super interesting read. TLDR it’s about kids who are unwanted by their parents and so they get their organs harvested (it was an au where this was the alternative to abortion). ANYWAYS, we had to do a project making a video one minute scene from the book. There was one scene where a kid was getting “unwound” aka he was getting his body parts harvested and donated and he was conscious through the whole thing. I decided to DRAW and make an animatic on it.
The effort that I had put into the project was frikken insane. we had two weeks to do it and in those two weeks I had casted some old friends of mine at the time to voice the surgeons and doctors. Like dude... i fkn SCOURED freesound.org for the perfect sounds, and i did so much research on what an operating room looked like.
I didn’t even have a desk at that point in my life. I slaved over my shitty huion tablet with a broken pen while I sat on the ground with my laptop sitting on a box on top of my bed. I used free programs such as fire alpaca, audacity, and windows movie maker. Tiny 14 year old me with her shitty drawing skills went all out on this project just because she really loved to make animatics.
The animatic was cleaned up and shaded with a grey scale with some weird green overlay. and it was ONE MINUTE LONG (very long)
Bro i was so fucking proud of it right. I showed it in class ad everyone praised me and they all really liked it.
and Idk why but i kept watching it and nitpicking it until I hated it. No one was even critical about it. I impressed all the other grade 9s around me with it bcuz i was the only person they knew who drew digitally. I hated it. I deleted the youtube channel which had also some shitty AMVS that I used to make.
I don’t have the laptop anymore. This was the age before I started using google drive so i lost it. I was the first animatic I had ever made. It was my small step into discovering my love for making cartoons and films you know. Along with losing the laptop, I lost a lot of my old art that i “hated”
I’m going to go into the industry soon and my goal is to become a storyboard artist, and I really wish could look back and see what I did back then. I want to be able to compare my first animatic that I did back then to one that i’m doing now in class. I wonder how many other artists lost their precious films and works due to this same feeling. I really wish I could go back and tell myself to take care of everything that I had created. I’m currently trying to unlearn this hate that I have buried within myself but it’s really hard. my wish is that people cherish what they make more often. Losing that animatic s one of my biggest regrets in my life.
anyways here’s a thumbnail from my most recent storyboard for no reason. thank you for reading my story if you got this far
TLDR: ARTISTS PLEASE DONT HATE YOUR ART. I know artistic growth is slow, but YOU ARE IMPROVING. TAKE CARE OF EVERTHING YO MAKE SO YOU DON’T LOSE YOUR PRECIOUS WORK. you will regret it in the future
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Song Tag Double Whammy
So my dude @fujiquacki tagged me in some things and I’m gonna do em and add vague descriptions because it’s 3am and I love music. (sidenote this took me like 3 hours so now it's 6am whatever tho)
I'll do the tagging stuff now, I don’t think i have 10 mutuals who aren’t also tagged in fuji’s post but I’ll tag as many as i can way up here so you don't have to read like 1100ish words of me being gay for music if you don't want to lmao
@standarddivination, @thecockmeister, @samsucc, @marvelfangeek09, @tia-lewise, @pure-love-and-destruction, @thehavenabovereality, come check this out and do it if you feel like it lol
Part 1:
Rules: If you can, list the Top Ten songs you are listening to lately, and tag ten mutuals to do the same!
1) Get Got // Death Grips
(Brutal experimental industrial hip-hop that about police chases and death with really dark and intimidating synth)
2) Garden Shed // Tyler, The Creator
(The number one song about being in the closet ever, also some really trippy melodies and great vocals from both Tyler and Estelle, also I don't know what pedals they used to get the great guitar effect in the bridge but i fkn want them)
3) Under Your Thumb // Godley & Creme
(Fabulous synth and a haunting (haha) story about meeting the ghost of a suicidal woman on the train she threw herself in front of.)
4) Thou Shalt Always Kill // Dan Le Sac vs Scroobious Pip
(More great hip-hop, this time an inspiring message about how to think critically and not worship content creators)
5) Barracuda // Heart
(That classic flanger riff at the start is really ingrained in my mind recently and also Ann Wilson's voice is freaking great on this track wow)
6) Garbage Truck // Sex Bob-omb/Beck
(Scott Pilgrim is my all time fave and I got a new fuzz pedal that sounds so much like this I've been thinking of covering it, indie rock with heavy overdriven bass and simple but loveable vocals)
7) Now The Action Is On Fire // Biffy Clyro
(The kind of heavy alternative rock that’s the staple of Biffy's early albums, the driving guitar and interesting drum pattern contrasted with violins and soft vocals on this one keep me coming back to it despite it being fairly hefty at like 8 minutes long ish)
8) Just Keep Walking // INXS
(A great Australian mix of New Wave, Ska and a dash of poppy melody, this track has a sweet bassline and a catchy hook and I haven't been able to stop playing it since I bought the band's 1st LP last week)
9) Friend Zone // Yucky Duster
(Brooklyn quad Yucky Duster's intro to their self titled album is a fabulously blunt deconstruction of the way creepy guys think. Coupled with a great guitar riff that makes for a short but surprisingly replayable track here)
10) The Working Hour // Tears For Fears
(MMMMMmmmmmm that saxophone and also Roland Orzabal's voice is honey right here wow I love new wave and synthpop and damn I'm very gay for the 80s in general but jeez this song exemplifies it)
Part 2:
Rules: Write the first 10 songs that come up on shuffle, write your favorite lyrics, then tag 10 people.
Moonage Daydream // David Bowie
Keep your electric eye on me babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream oh yeah!
(This one always makes me think of like an awesome raypunk romance type scene I love it)
Irresistible // Fall Out Boy
You ought to keep me concealed just like I was a weapon
I didn't come for a fight but I will fight 'til the end
This one might be a battle, might not turn out okay
You know you look so Seattle but you feel so LA
(I’ve never been to Seattle or LA but damn I guess I’m feeling what he’s saying here)
Here Comes The Hotstepper // Ini Kamoze
Nah, na na na nah
Na na na nah, na na nah, na na nah
Na na na nah
Here comes the hotstepper (murderer)
I'm the lyrical gangster (murderer)
Big up di crew in-a di area (murderer)
Still love you like that (murderer)
(A true classic, really, if you don’t naaa nananana along with this we aren’t friends)
Lullaby // The Cure
Quietly he laughs and shaking his head
Creeps closer now, closer to the foot of the bed
And softer than shadow and quicker than flies
His arms are all around me and his tongue in my eyes
Be still be calm be quiet now my precious boy
Don't struggle like that or I will only love you more
For it's much too late to get away or turn on the light
The spider-man is having you for dinner tonight
(Robert Smith is creepy af when he wants to be and this is such a great depiction of depression and addiction in a lyrical form wow)
Letter From God To Man // Scroobious Pip vs Dan Le Sac
So I apologize for any mistakes I made
And when my words misconstrued
But this apology's to Mother Nature
Cause I created you
(Weirdly not the only song about how we’re messing up earth but probably the wittier of the two)
505 // Arctic Monkeys
But I crumble completely when you cry
It seems like once again you've had to greet me with "Goodbye"
I'm always just about to go and spoil a surprise
Take my hands off of your eyes too soon
(damn this breakdown is depressing but also a banger)
Waiting // Green Day
I've been, waiting a long time
For this, moment to come
I'm destined, for anything at all
(aimlessly drifting has always been my thing so yano)
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" // Fall Out Boy
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with
And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances
I'm sleeping on your folks' porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said
"Why don't you just drop dead?"
(I feel like this pre-chorus haunted me back in my angsty emo days and it will probably actually haunt me for the rest of my life, but secretly i kinda love it)
Forest // System Of A Down
Why can't you see that you are my child?
Why don't you know that you are my mind?
Tell everyone in the world that I'm you
Take this promise to the end of you
(A song about mother earth pleading with her offspring humanity to recognize what they’re doing to her and step out of the forest of their denial, equally ghostly and heavy this chorus is always hard hitting)
Shoplifters Of The World Unite // The Smiths
Shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over, hand it over, hand it over
(Karl Marx’s “worker of the world, unite...” remixed by Morrissey to suit harsh realities in the dole lines of working class England)
Thanks for coming to my musical TEDx talk you guys
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They just don’t make em like you dad. When I asked you if you think you were strong enough to make it up and out to the car to go to the hospital you puffed up and said “I can do anything,” I laughed, yes, you really can. I love you so much. It’s now the next day and you’re still cgh and mom is still the only one that can be In the room cause one visitor and strict policy. I’m worried I won’t see you again. After your procedure hospice will come in and then they say I’ll get to see you. I’ve read the articles, I know your progression. I had to fight with mom to even get you here because you’re so stubborn and told her she better not go behind your back. I love you. God I love you dad. It’s weird sharing this last precious moments of your life with mom because you’re so young she wants to be there on your last breath holding your hand, but so do I. I dropped her off at the door today and she said I can’t wait to see him and took off. I can’t wait to see you either. I love you. I know this has been hard on you because giving up your independence has been difficult. You’re still a fkn bad ass dad. You’re still my idol. When grandma Ruth passed away, I was so close to her. I took her to her appointments. That was my litttle g, she passed away and I never felt her again. Im afraid I’ll never feel you again. I love you
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Good evening scrollers, stragglers and homies! Along my life's path of decorating the whole world I have chosen a favorite canvas. Rocks. Why? 1. Shopping for canvases along the trickling rivers with warm sunshine hugging my skin is totally a privilege. It beats trudging through department stores any day! 2. Rocks are free. Art supplies are seriously expensive and, for a starving artist, can be unattainable. Have you ever paid for a river rock? I haven't ;) 3. The surface!! The history a river rock carries is precious. They have held their ground for umpteen thousand years, strong and secure under miles of pounds of violent currents. The aftermath? A perfectly buffed mineral ready for a fancy well deserved new outfit. I fkn love river rocks buddy. Tiny happy treasure pebbles, massive pancake boat sinkers, they're all perfect. . . . Now with the popular placing of painted rocks, we get to enjoy little pieces of pleasant folk everywhere! If you have ever been lucky enough to stumble upon one of these handmade gift of gratitude, then you know the feeling of thanks you have for a secret hero. I am always dropping these fantastic treats on my endeavors, so be on the lookout! And if you ever spot one of mine, look for the doodledandy tag, post a pic and add the #tiffadoodledandy hashtag so I can see all the happy I've scattered for y'all :) And I'll stay on the lookout for yours too! . . . . #paintedrocks #riverrocks #decoratenature #responsibly #sunshinehugs #secretHeroes #treasurehunt #spreadthejoy #createhappiness #fantasticfungi #staytrue #staypositive #staywarm #explorewaters #appreciatenature #starvingartist #harrisonburgartists #handpaintedrocks #mothernature #groovynature #oldsoul #oldrocks #porchrock #lawnrock #acryllicpaint #dandyland #doodledandy #tiffadoodledandy #createeveryday #believeinart (at Harrisonburg, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8IJc42He14/?igshid=1lpvjqfub4tqw
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