#lovely lashes

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[ieidolon]

Insane to me that certain comic book creators who shall not be named dismissed Jonathan Harker as a "milk sop" and a boring character. White-haired avenger with ambiguously vampiric superstrength Jonathan Harker. Most violent and unhinged member of the vampire hunters Jonathan Harker. Ran at Dracula with a kukri knife without skipping a beat and then tried to climb out of a window to pursue him Jonathan Harker. "Like a living flame" Jonathan Harker. Calls his bond with his wife "the holiest love" and determines that if she becomes a vampire, even if Dracula calls her to his side, "she shall not go into that dark night alone" Jonathan Harker. You know. That one.

#dracula #dracula daily #Jonathan Harker is almost tailor-made to be hot to a certain audience demographic #he's traumatized and angry #but not at his wife #never at his wife #he has more reasons than anyone to hate/fear vampires #but if it's his wife #he trusts her implicitly #he has more reasons than anyone else to hate Dracula in particular #but if that's where his wife is going #you bet he's going to follow her #he is so extremely devoted to her #it's the exact contrast you see in so many bad boy romances #between traumatized lashing out and gentle tender protective love

[lotus-pear]

the fine people of bsd tumblr have asked for fem skk and i shall give it to them

#bsd one of the realest animes out there for having unisex outifits i didn't have to change anything (yes this probably defeats the point) #i normally hate feminized male characters bc nine times out of ten they become hypersexualized and/or lose their og outfit #bc ladies can't wear pants?? god forbid. no. give them a miniskirt or ridiculously skintight see through leggings/stockings #i was extremely normal drawing this tbh. i totally wasn't falling in love w my own sketch. god i love women <33 #also if any one of you points out that chuuya looks the same but w longer lashes i will cry😭 #i couldn't give him long hair he looked too different pls hear me out ik i robbed you guys but pls forgive me #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #fem soukoku #fem skk #(<- is that a tag???) #bsd #lotus draws

[brella-boi]

Someone said bugs with eyelashes is a weird choice

So I drew mors bugs with eyelashes

#because its Cool and genderless to me #bugs with stylystic lashes look fifty times cooler to me #its me being indulgent #i love me some cunty lashes #myart #insects #bugart #oberon #atlas

[shitpostingkats]

Oh to have the poetic symbiosis of a rogue who bites people when he’s stressed and a barbarian who becomes resistant to physical damage when he’s protecting his friends

#we learned something VERY IMPORTANT today and it is that riz is a BITER and gorgug LETS HIMSELF BE BITTEN #your honor I love their friendship #something something the poetry of being lashing out when ypur overwhelmed finding a friend in someone whos interest are taking hits #and fixing things #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #dimension 20 #d20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #d20 fhjy #dimension 20 fhjy #dimension 20 fantasy high #riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring

[ren-144p]

something about the first few episodes of the terror having so many numbers. the men, the provisions, the inventory; but also the tension of counting. the scene where goodsir takes a picture of john franklin and his men and he's counting down the seconds. the lashes being counted down during hickey's punishment. and something about how in later episodes, numbers get lost. dates get forgotten. counting just stops. all of it becomes insignificant. like it was a countdown at first but now the time is just running out instead

#the terror #the terror amc #just some thoughts #loved the tension this show managed to build with countdowns and numbers #especially the countdowns that happened in real time like the ones mentioned #i was stressed out of my mind counting down seconds along with mr. goodsir #and i was counting in sheer shock during hickey's lashing #technically i know not all numbers went away; they still count guns in the camp later on for example #but the way they talk about food for one. the way at some point it switches from every can being accounted for #to 'we're mostly down to biscuits‚ tea and chocolate' #because the numbers don't matter anymore; all that matters it's that it is not enough #i dunno man!! numbers! i love when numbers and countdowns are utilized well to bring more horror and tension to the situation! #ren.txt

[violaobanion]

AUSTIN BUTLER and CALLUM TURNER in MASTER OF THE AIR (2024), part four

#austin butler #buck cleven #callum turner #bucky egan #masters of the air #motaedit #perioddramaedit #periodedit #pdedit #myperiodgifs* #motagifs* #edits #userperioddrama #weloveperioddrama #onlyperioddramas #ceremonial #dailyflicks #usershelby #ronsparky #riveterema #simizone #userlin #userbells #THE LASHES #THE WATCH #THE CAMERA ANGLE <3 #and the coloring fucking slaps #if i may say so myself #i love when that happens

[liverbird87]

I am unwell 😭🫣🧡

#lando norris #ln4 #mclaren #formula1 #f1 #lashes #hot babygirl #green eyes #papaya #love

[hypewinter]

The JLA members are having a tough time communicating with the Young Justice team. None of them can really understand what it's like to be a teen hero which leads to most conversations turning into arguments. They're at their wits end when Phantom comes back from a long term mission.

Danny comes back from a year long mission to find himself put in charge of mentoring the next generation of heroes. And here he thought he would finally be able to take a break.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #hyper prompts #danny becomes a cool uncle of sorts #the yj team loves him #finally an adult who understands what they're going through #who doesn't just yell at them for being 'impulsive' and 'irresponsible' #once danny realizes what they had to put up with #he pulls his teammates aside for a particularly scathing tongue lashing

[caitas-cooing]

Reblog this post if you are professionally diagnosed and you support informed self diagnosis and you hate people accusing others of faking disorders when they have no evidence to support that

#I love self diagnosis #I hate fake claiming #I hate gatekeeping #actually autistic #actually adhd #actually disabled #doctors are expensive and not everyone has access #I'm lucky to have healthcare and doctors who care because lots of people do not #I'm irrated today but I'm gonna do my best not to lash out at people who don't deserve it #and try to direct it towards other things #so yeah

[hedgehog-moss]

Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I adore your posts about you life with your animals and plants! Nothing brings me as much joy as one of your posts appearing on my dashboard!

Have a great start into the new year!

Thank you for the message & wishes! <3 I'm glad you like the posts and I love that you included my plants on equal footing with the animals :) My Christmas cactus lived up to its name for the first time this year, actually blooming on Christmas... The little yellow fox looks so impressed:

Poldine says it's the thought that counts <3

She got a special treat this week! I told my New Year visitors that (on account of my Christmas Broom) my herbivores wouldn't get to eat a Christmas tree this year, so they came with a couple of bags filled with the chopped-up remains of their own tree :)

But Pampe wasn't fast enough (she only fully trusts muesli) and as she was cautiously inspecting her first branch, her daughter materialised next to her and claimed it.

Best wishes to everyone for the new year!

#ask #crawling along #pampe has such a pretty face in that first pic #lovely fine features. long lashes. striking ears #but she wants to be a role model for young llamas and prefers to be known for her mutinous spirit than her silky dark facial hair

[accio-victuuri]

wang yibo for harper’s bazaar january 2024 issue 🤍

#i wanna thank everyone who made this shoot possible #he really went in bared faced and no make up artist was credited #def my fave yibo photoshoot #thank you bobo for letting us see this side of youuuu!!! to be this incredibly vulnerable and allow us to see it #i love him so much please #wang yibo #accio victuuri edit #accio victuuri gifs #IM SO MAD HIS LONG LASHES!!!!!!!! i could never!!!!!!!! #my mascara is shaking!!!!!

[speakbythechariot]

the way this 3 second long clip changed my entire life . I can’t even begin to describe it

#inhuman screeching #THEY LOOK SO CUTE WITHOUT THEIR GLASSES FIRST OF ALL #AND THEY LASH OUT UNTIL EDA PUTS THE GLASSES ON AND THEY SLOWLY REALIZE ITS THE LOVE OF THEIR LIFE AND NOT BELOS #AND THEY ARE JUST. SO IN LOVE . LOOK AT THEM #eda’s scary appearance contrasted with how gentle and loving she is with them #god #raine whispers #the owl house #eda clawthorne #toh #raeda #<3

[wendybergmann]

the shot of nate being stopped in his tracks seeing ted and trent talk is making me mental because we as an audience know that nate leaked ted's mental health to trent. nate wanted to be an anonymous source so he probably didn't piece together that ted knows what he did because ted hasn't really confronted nate about it and not many people know the full story of what went down so it hasn't spread around (the team just now know about the sign being torn in half). nate couldn't make amends for his accidental slight in not shaking ted's hand because he couldn't face the deeper hurt he has caused to the man he looked up to, who was one of the first to see his potential

#ted lasso #text #mackenzie speaks #nate shelley #trent crimm #ted lasso really took the miscommunication trope but made it for a platonic relationship and i love them for it #nate and ted need to sit down and hash it all out and its not lost on me that the underlying vibe this whole episode was them needing to #talk but for one reason or the other things got in the way #honestly i keep expecting things to go v dramatic and ted leaking the cam footage to the press #i forgot what show im watching lmao #nate cannot stand ted not lashing out or fighting back so unless im wrong and nate knew ted knew before this #i can see it bothering him like how ted didnt insult nate when nate was talking shit #ted lasso spoilers

[honeypleasejustkillme]

bpd is turning nothing into everything, its knowing you’re being irrational and not being able to stop regardless.

#literally just started an arguement because he said love ya too #i need ″you‶ it gives me security #so ofc i lashed out instead of just explaining #god i’m such a fucking mess #actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd #bpd fp #actually borderline #bpd favorite person #bpd problems #bpd vent #bpd mood #bpd shitposting #bpd splitting

[aleeyenn]

LIGHTNING GJINKAAAAA

#bfdi #bfb #tpot #lightning #he deserves everthing in the world actually #still so fucked up over his eliminationARGHHH he’s my baby he is me #hot takeee! but he deserved to have that moment to lash out He has been treated so poorly he needed to let everuoje know how he felt #I LOVE YOU LIGHTNING