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It is in the darkness of the night where I remove the mask I put on during the day, and surrender myself to my Lord with a broken heart. I smile during the day pretending I’m okay. Surely, only Allah knows what is in every heart. I open my heart to Allah & talk to Him about you. I pray that my duaas reach you, and you know how much I miss you. Constantly telling the people of this world that I still haven’t healed from your departure will tire them, I miss you baba. Ya Allah, I’m writing to you again. I am here again writing about the man that left and took a part of me with him. Ya Allah, I know he belongs to You, but my heart seems to miss him. I know He is safe in Your hands now, alhamdulillah. Ya Allah, tell him how much I miss him, but tell him I’m okay. Let him know I miss how safe I felt wrapped around his arms, and how his smile lightened up my days. Today marks 2 years of his departure, and the pain is still the same. Alhamdulillah. Ya Allah, I ask you to unite me with my loved one in the gardens of Al-Firdaws, امین یا رب -Fahya M
i hate starting new relationship— like getting to know them again, asking what kind of food they like, telling them about my favorite movie, and debating on whether to trust them or don’t. why is it so hard to find someone who already knows my favorite color, who knows when i can’t sleep, who knows when i’m about to swear or cry— someone who already knows what my soul and my heart longs for.
I have tried already three times
To sprout wings and shout hollow from my disrepair
A lust I am so far lost in I decorate
the inside of my own casket twice
Each time differently
Once with Roses that I hated and Violets that you loved
Once again with sheet music for Beethoven’s fifth
and a poem I wrote that never saw the light of day
about Gram Parsons burning body at Joshua Tree
I wrote you a note asking you
to put a can of lighter fluid in the lapel of the suit I’m buried in
So I can pretend we’re good enough friends for you to
Strike up a match and
Set me ablaze in the desert under a billion stars
You didn’t get the message
Because we aren’t
anymore
I have this knack for leaving people sad voicemails
Good enough to be song intros
I remember once trying to tell you
about Gram Parsons and Joshua Tree
I tried to ask you if you thought it
would be possible to imagine
how the sky probably looked like
A Kinkaide painting
In my head you said no
Maybe Matisse
Maybe VanGogh
Maybe it just looked like
Whatever the sky looks like to you
Here but better
But you didn’t really answer then
Did you?
I don’t remember that part
I just remember the last time I ever saw you
you fingerpainting the poppy field
From Wizard Of Oz
On the side of the shoebox we buried my fish in
I poked a bunch of holes in the top
and taped a flashlight on facedown
So that Oscar might pretend
Heaven is a sky full of stars
But I really just thought
It might have been one more night
Staying up late
on the phone with you
For The Angels Rejoicing On The Streets Of Baltimore- Alex Castillo
Oh dear, to tell you what you mean to me affords beautiful words, words that are worthy of your beauty and so i soon realized that even by using the most beautiful words of the universe, the will never compete with your uniqueness✨✨✨