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pansyfemme · 6 months

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jude + he/him + nineteen

FTM femfag colorfreak and general rainbow lover. I’m a sophomore in art school, a lover of obscure indie pop, and a guy who makes transgender penis jokes on the internet. Stay weird with it always, yknow?

I’m veryyyyyy t4t towards other trans guys butch, fem, femme, and masc alike and this is 90% of my content fair warning.

Art: @fagboyfriend

Twee/Indie Pop blog : @upforabit

dm for nsfw blog

selfies are under: #Jude pansyfem irl

putting a short faq under cut bc. i get the same questions a lot. check it before you ask about my icon or header or anything

faq:

How long have you been on T/How do you have a beard at 19? I came out at 12 years old, started blockers at 14 and HRT later that same year, and had top surgery at 17, making me 5 years on t and 2.5 years post op.

What show/game/comic is your icon from? its a cropped version of the album cover of the 1999 album “shake the pounce” by vancouver based twee pop band Gaze. It’s a favorite album of mine as well as just a cool little guy i like a lot

Where is your header from? a painting i did in gouache a year or two ago and thought would make a nifty header.

Oh come on, you’re not unboyfriendable! “unboyfriendable” has been my title for a long time now on account of it being a lyric from a song that means a lot to me, “all my little words” by the magnetic fields. i promise i am very fuckable im just really into sad music sometimes

How do I refer to you? Actually, i don't get this question a lot, and I shouldn't, since this info is both in my pinned above and in my bio. But a lot of people still seem awful confused. I am male. FTM. I use He/Him pronouns and masculine terms with the exception of compliments like 'pretty' and all that. I am not nonbinary, and do not like to be referred to gender neutrally. I simply am a trans man who enjoys gender non conformity and cross-dressing.

Are you Bi or Gay? this world is full of beauty. im queer. take that how you will. I generally consider myself open to any gender as long as they’re trans, (i am strictly t4t.) but still identify pretty strongly with being a queer guy in the way that i do like other men.

What style are you wearing/where do you get your clothes? I started by wearing my personal version of the japanese fashion subculture Decora Kei. My decora became a bit messy and grungy, and while i do still identify as a decora boy and wear full coords from time to time, i consider myself now someone who enjoys colorful fashion and takes influence from 90s harajuku fashion, punk subcultures, drag and other campy fashion. I shop a variety of places, but a lot of my stuff is from Kei Collective or Candy Trap.

What is Twee/Do you Make Music? Twee is a music genre I developed a special interest in a few years back. It's a style of indie pop that originated after the UK rise of the famous c86 compilation tape in the late eighties, and was developed with a focus on low-fidelity, diy sound combined with upbeat, bubblegum-y pop sentiments and a naive, childlike outlook. It's both cute and somewhat rough around the edges. I do not make music, and don’t hold any musical skill. I’m just a major fan.

Do you take commissions? you may direct all art related questions to my art blog inbox, but for the time being, please just dm me for commission info. I take them on a case by case basis currently, im a full time student and have a lot on my plate. I’ll let you know my availability and pricing upon request, but i generally prefer the ‘you tell me your vision, i give you a quote and you tell me if that works for you’ model of pricing because each peice is considered its own thing in my mind. Pricing for ‘full body’ or ‘lineart’ doesnt work for me beacause the media and subject doesn’t really dictate how much time or effort a peice will take for me.

Can you boost/reblog this post for me? This is a tough answer, i know, but if we are not mutuals, or I do not know you, I cannot do that for you. My reasoning being that I have been baited by very similar asks in the past that turned out to be scams, and I do not want to take the risk of spreading misinformation or scams now that I have a much larger following. I do my best to spread stuff that ends up on my dash and/or I can factcheck, but if I do not have that, I will be wary, considering my past interactions.

Can we be friends/Can I DM you? Anyone is welcome to send me a message of any type at any time, unless I have those settings changed, in which case i likely have it off short term, because i experience fairly regular transphobic harassment and i find it the best way to protect myself. However, just understand that I am a stranger on the internet. I don't always want to continue every conversation, and I'm not online all the time. I have all push notifications for tumblr turned off, including asks and dms, because it's much better for my mental health to be able to opt out of tumblr the moment I close the app. So, if i don't respond, i'm probably just doing something else or didn't see your message. And, if you come in full force flirtatiously, i appriciate it greatly and i'm sure i'll let you know, but i'm pretty shy one on one. Additionally, i may not respond if you're a blank blog, way older or younger than me, or honestly.. anything that makes me uncomfortable. so like. all of these are pretty basic rules but, people don't follow them so i must clarify.

Do you have a DNI? I haven't in a long time, due to it being pretty frequently ignored and my following count growing to the point i can't really control that anymore. I can and will block people, but i feel my opinions are made fairly clear through what I post here.

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little-diable · 10 months

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Shattered Glass - Charlie Swan (smut)

This is somewhat similar to my Jasper story "Waves cover up what I've done" but with a focus on Charlie this time. Paired with the lyrics of the song "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover". Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated. Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: She finally had enough. She snapped, she killed her abusive husband before her mind could pick up on what her body had done. Or: When Charlie Swan helps dispose of a body

Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, murder, blood, abusive husband, very loving relationship with Charlie (2.7k words)

Pairing: Charlie Swan x fem!reader

header by @deathofpeaceofmind

"The problem is all inside your head," she said to me. "The answer is easy if you take it logically. I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free. There must be fifty ways to leave your lover"

“Fuck.” The word rolled off (y/n)’s tongue, hands wiping away the drops of sweat pearling on her forehead. She was heavily breathing, forcing her body to stand still for a moment, trying to calm her racing heart. Her eyes didn’t dare leave his frame, staring down on the lifeless body of her husband. “I should cut you up and dump you in the ocean, you fucking asshole.”

The curses left (y/n) as if her dead husband could still hear her, forcing tears to well up in her eyes as her mind slowly caught up with what she had done with her bare hands. The broken bottle was lying to her feet, covered in blood, just like his neck. She could still hear his screams, how he had called out for help, followed by slurs (y/n) could no longer remember.

It had felt as if the coil had snapped, as if the timer had run out, finally setting off the bomb. Her body had moved without thinking twice, reaching for the sharp neck of the glass bottle he had thrown at her. She still wondered where her strength had come from, allowing her to push him down the stairs before she followed him down, taking one step at a time. Deep down she had felt a sick sense of satisfaction, listening to his whines, to his begging, asking her to spare his life. He had touched her one too many times without her consent, had struck her across her face too many times to count, allowing her to finally set herself free.

The sharp edge of the broken bottle had cut through his skin almost too easily, forcing his red blood to gush from his neck, pouring out of the wound like an avalanche rolling down a hill, burying their life together six feet under. She was free, finally, almost – at least not fully just yet, needing to get rid of his body before anybody could stumble upon her bloody carpet, her bloody clothes, and his blood covered body.

Her eyes flickered to the window of their entrance hall, it was dark outside, completely dark. She’ll have to move quickly, pushing his heavy body into the trunk of her pick-up, hidden beneath whatever she could find to cover his corpse. “Fuck, I hope you rot in hell.”

(Y/n) opened the entrance door of their home, checking her surroundings one more time before she grasped his shoulders, pulling him out of the house. She didn’t focus on the bloody trail she was leaving on the dark stones outside, didn’t worry about the “what if’s”, all (y/n) could focus on was the burning of her arms, not used to carrying something this heavy. The body was placed on the ground as she opened her trunk, praying to whoever was listening that she’d manage to heave him into her car.

With a deep breath inhaled into her aching lungs, (y/n) tugged on his shoulders, managing to roll him into the car, upper body followed by his heavy legs. Sweat was covering her body, and yet she didn’t pay the running drops any mind, wiping them away with her bloody hands before she started to cover his body. The car was locked moments later, legs carrying her back inside, straight to her bathroom. She couldn’t risk being seen like this, couldn’t risk driving past people with blood sticking to her face and arms, with blood seeping through her clothes, fabrics she’d have to burn later that night.

The warm water cascaded down her back, and finally it began to dawn on her what had happened in the past hour. A sob clawed through her, hand darting out to cover her mouth, trying to keep the sounds from leaving her as if she was scared somebody would pick up on the mess she was stuck in. Fuck, what had she done? She could have disappeared, could have packed her bags and left Forks behind, but the terror he had unleashed upon her had been too much, it’d haunt her till the end of her life.

She said, "It grieves me so to see you in such pain. I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again." I said "I appreciate that, and would you please explain about the 50 ways?"

Exhaustion clung to her body as (y/n) drove through the forest, trying to find a good spot she could use to get rid of the body, wondering if she could stage an accident. Her husband had been a passionate hunter, perhaps he had been attacked by an animal? Perhaps he had been distracted, not noticing the creature moving closer? One scenario after another began to fill her thoughts, hoping that she could pull off the role of a grieving wife, crying about her husband’s death.

Before (y/n) could try to come up with another somewhat believable scenario, her eyes found a car in the distance, blue lights flickering in the darkness. She tried to slow down, though before (y/n) could turn around, driving back towards the city, her eyes met Charlie Swan’s dark ones. Curses left her as she stopped the car, watching the handsome chief move closer, hands placed on his hips.

“Everything alright, Charlie?” A smile tugged on her lips as she spoke to him, instantly picking up on the curious gaze he shot her. The two had been friends for years, sharing stories and memories whenever their paths crossed, relishing in one another’s company. Deep down both knew that they’d give into the pull inside their chests if she wasn’t married, searching one another’s body at any given chance.

“We’re checking all cars leaving Forks, we aren’t sure what’s happening at the moment, another body turned up. Would you mind stepping out of the car for a moment, sweetheart?” Heat flushed through her at the nickname he always used on her, enjoying the way she tensed in her seat, eyes momentarily avoiding his. (Y/n) needed a few seconds to snap into motion, heart pounding in her chest at the mere thought of Charlie opening her trunk. He opened the car door for her, smiling at the trembling woman before he directed his fleshlight onto her car.

Charlie started moving, with (y/n) frozen to her spot, not daring to move. “So, what are you looking for?” Perhaps she could distract him. Perhaps she could force the man to focus on her, instead of on her car. But Charlie didn’t reply, eyes focusing on the back of her pick-up, no longer moving away from the spot he was now standing on. No words left his thin lips as he opened her trunk, eyes momentarily flickering towards her frame, meeting her dilated pupils.

“Tell me, (y/n), what will I find beneath those blankets?” His voice was emotionless, not giving away what he was feeling. She stumbled over her reply, unable to think straight, trying to find something she could use to explain the mess that now threatened to drown her, pulled under without any air lingering inside her lungs. “Why is there blood on your car?”

A sob clawed through her, unable to keep her cries bottled in, giving into the tears wanting to roll down her cheeks. “Oh, (y/n). What have you done?”

I realized she probably was right, there must be fifty ways to leave your lover, fifty ways to leave your lover

“Alright, it’s done. I’ll follow you back home.” Charlie walked past her, without looking back once. No longer was the light of his fleshlight illuminating their surroundings, no longer was he looking at her with that unreadable gaze of his. She murmured his name, forcing the chief to halt in his step, slowly turning back towards her. (Y/n) moved closer, taking cautious steps, till she came to a halt in front of the man. Without speaking another word, (y/n) wrapped her arms around his middle, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck.

“Thank you.” The words were swallowed by the sigh leaving the man, arms slowly wrapping themselves around her, keeping (y/n) close. He covered the back of her head with one hand, cradling the crying woman, not daring to let her go just yet. Charlie pressed a kiss to her scalp before he pulled her away, cupping her warm cheeks with his cold hands.

“Your husband was awful, we all knew. I was trying to find something to use against him, anything to free you from him. What you did wasn’t right, what I did just now wasn’t right. But nobody will hear of what we just did. Tomorrow morning you will come visit me at the station, with tears in your eyes you’ll tell me about his disappearance, and we will start the search. Eventually we’ll give up, because there are no traces left, nothing that can tell us about his whereabouts. Do you hear me?” She nodded her head, unable to speak another word as her gaze found its way to his lips. For the first time since crossing paths with Charlie, (y/n) felt as if she was allowed to give into her longing, the pull she felt inside.

A chuckle rumbled through Charlie, he pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth and murmured a soft “We’ll have to take care of your house first”. He left her standing, walking to his car with a smile tugging on his lips, a smile that now matched hers, allowing (y/n) to let go of the tension buzzing through her system, thoughts starting to wander on the drive back to her home.

The moon was hidden behind the thick clouds hanging over Forks like a veil covering a crying bride, allowing Charlie and (y/n) to take care of the traces she had left outside her door, grateful that no neighbours were living close by, giving the two enough time to wash away the blood, to burn her clothes, and the carpet.

“I am forever grateful for you, Charlie.” Her whispers filled her now quiet home. (Y/n) couldn’t remember a day where her house had been that silent, not filled with the sounds of the running TV, of her drunk husband. Her heart clenched in her chest, though not because of pain, of regret, or because of guilt, no, but because she could now finally start a new life.

“I am glad you’re okay, that’s all I kept worrying about.” His murmurs left her smiling, searching his closeness once again. This time Charlie didn’t pull away, allowing (y/n) to slowly close the gap between them, lips meeting his soft ones. The two gave themselves enough time to get used to the unfamiliar touch, to the new sensation, hands finding the right spots to hold onto one another.

“Are you sure about this? You had a rough night, I don’t want to pre-”, Charlie was interrupted by the kiss (y/n) pressed against his lips, feeling his moustache burn her skin, leaving her aching for more. His rough chuckles vibrated on her skin, hands tugging on the shirt she was wearing, exposing her bra-clad chest to his dark eyes. “So beautiful, I promise to take good care of you, I’ll never hurt you.”

“I know, Charlie.” She could tell that he was pained by the mere thought of seeing her hurt again, not wanting (y/n) to live through another trauma ever again. (Y/n) interlaced her fingers with his, pulling Charlie through her home to her bedroom, silently thanking the spirits above that her husband hadn’t shared the bed with her in months. It was time for new memories, new moments to forget about old ones. Their eyes kept meeting as she helped him out of his uniform, hands wandering up and down his upper body, enjoying the feeling of his warm skin pressing against her palms and fingertips. “I need to feel you, that’s all I want for now.”

Charlie gave himself a few moments before he nodded his head, making a silent promise that he’d find shelter with his head buried between her thighs tomorrow morning. All it took was a gentle push for (y/n) to land on the mattress, shuffling out of her underwear as Charlie stepped out of his boxers. His cock was twitching in anticipation, begging to be touched, wanting to feel her wrapped around him, needs she’d fulfil in the upcoming hours.

(Y/n) reached for her bedside table, ripping the silvery foil packet open with her teeth, crawling closer to Charlie to roll the condom down his cock. His breath hitched in his chest as she touched him, wordlessly promising him that this was real, that this was really just about to happen. Their lips met for another kiss before (y/n) found rest on her bed with her back pressed against the mattress, arms slung around Charlie’s neck, keeping him close.

Warm fingers found her heat, exploring her aching cunt for a few moments, rubbing her pulsing bundle, brushing through her slit. Once again he asked her if she truly wanted this, without any words, just silent gestures and glances that managed to communicate their every thought. She wrapped her legs around his waist, set on keeping him close as Charlie slowly entered her, spreading her walls with his twitching cock.

Both needed to hold their breaths for a few seconds, adjusting to the new sensation, growing used to feeling one another this close. The moment had something awfully loving to it, a moment both hadn’t experienced in years, once again reminded that they should have found one another far earlier.

“Move, please.” Her whimpers were swallowed by his kisses, distracting (y/n) for a moment as he started snapping his hips, burying his cock deep inside her tightness with every thrust. (Y/n) choked on her gasps, walls clenching his cock, needing to feel him as close as humanly possible. Her arousal soaked his cock, producing sounds Charlie would think of for weeks to come.

“That’s it baby, you’re doing so good, so good.” Charlie kept praising her, staring down on her with so much love swimming in his pupils, an emotion (y/n) was no longer used to. Her heart swelled in her chest as she began to realise that she finally got her chance to be loved like she desperately wanted to be loved, held close by a man that would cherish her.

His calloused thumb found her clit, pushing her even closer to the edge with a smirk tugging on his lips, feeling her walls flutter around his cock. Both were close, ready to let go to start their new life together, heralding a new beginning without any sorrows, without any fear.

“Cum for me, let go with me.” His raspy words left her moaning, eyes squeezed shut to let go, curling her toes as her legs tightened their grip on his waist. Charlie kept thrusting into her, fucking them through their highs before the feeling let go of them, allowing the two to breathe through the adrenaline pumping through their veins like whisky, a substance so fiery and yet so smooth.

Their bodies found rest next to one another, cherishing the silence they were engulfed by, allowing them to sort through their thoughts. Without speaking up, (y/n) reached for his hand, holding him close as a smile tugged on her lips. Everything will end well, if she could keep him close, and if he’d let her in.

She said, "Why don't we both just sleep on it tonight, and I believe in the morning, you'll begin to see the light" and then she kissed me, and I realized she probably was right, there must be fifty ways to leave your lover, fifty ways to leave your lover

#Charlie Swan smut #Charlie Swan imagine #twilight #Charlie Swan x reader

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