#lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

oh my god!!! why did no one tell me there’s this adorable official art where BLACKQUILL IS GIVING TAKA SCRITCHES!!! i love...

#simon blackquill #lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

i love how everyone make a huge deal out of Simon Blackquill being a “psychological mastermind” with SPECIAL ELITE TRAINING from Metis Cykes, etc

then you face him down in court and... it’s all basic shit you’d learn from reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

like, imagine someone in the prosecutor breakroom asking Blackquill how he wins so many cases

and the dude’s just like “idk, have you tried complimenting the judge occasionally, if he likes you he’ll rule in your favor more often”

everyone else:  [pikachu face dot gif]

#simon blackquill #ace attorney #lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

so you’re Miles Edgeworth

and you’ve spent literal years trying to end the Dark Age of the Law TM

and all your planning and plotting has finally come to fruition, the truth is finally going to come out, Simon Blackquill is going to have his name cleared, and then:

Edgeworth:  Prosecutor Blackquill! Are you trying, even now, to turn away from the truth?! Don't you realize we could bring the dark age of the law to a close today?!

Blackquill:  You expect too much from me. I'm just a murderer, beyond redemption. Why don't you just let me go so I can settle down into Hell?

“A prosecutor acting like a total drama queen just to avoid facing the truth?  in my court system???” —Edgeworth, apparently

like, Edgey, my dude, my man, how did you fail to forsee this?

recall: Edgeworth has previously confessed to a murder he literally could not remember committing, because he was just pretty sure he must’ve done it before he blacked out, and his guilt was just too much to bear

recall also: Edgeworth has previously faked an entire suicide for like a whole goddamn year because he just Could Not Cope with how much his childhood bestie loved him or whatever

...but gosh.  what beautiful poetic justice.  Edgeworth, Biggest Drama Queen In The Prosecutor’s Office, has his plans thwarted by.... yet another Drama Queen Prosecutor.  perfect.

#miles edgeworth #simon blackquill #ace attorney #lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

god, Edgeworth’s plan for ending the Dark Age of the Law is such “two people who are perfectly smart independently, but total dumbasses together” energy.

like, if Edgeworth had never met Phoenix, he would’ve come up with a perfectly reasonable plan, like “run a pro-lawyers public relations campaign” or “reform how prosecutors/defense attorneys are chosen, screened, etc” or “actually establish some goddamn evidentiary standards in this goddamn courtroom”

and honestly the courts probably would’ve been fine before the year was done

but instead, he’s like “restoring my boyfriend’s honor is definitely highly relevant to this plan and definitely what i, as chief prosecutor, should be spending my energy on”

and presumably Phoenix is like “yeah sure that makes sense”

which only makes Edgeworth descend deeper into dumbassery.  he’s like “yeah, and making a death row inmate prosecute some cases is absolutely the most efficient way to bait out a highly dangerous & accomplished international spy”

and Phoenix is like “hell yeah”

what!!!

like, no wonder Edgeworth is so pissy when Phoenix shows up in the first game.  the man can feel his IQ dropping by the second.  by Dual Destinies, he’s too far gone, and he doesn’t care anymore.  but in Game 1, he still has a considerable number of brain cells, and he’s desperately trying not to lose them...!

#lua replays dual destinies #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #narumitsu #ace attorney

[queenlua]

Apollo:  I... I want to believe in Athena. I really do. But what is faith without doubt? That's why... I need to question her guilt! So that once the truth finally comes out, I can really, fully trust her!

Apollo Justice is out here channeling his inner St. Augustine.  fides quaerens intellectum, bitches

#apollo justice #shitposting #jokes that literally only i will find funny #ace attorney #lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

i zoned out of an entire meeting today because i was too busy trying to construct a Complete Theory of Simon Blackquill TM in the back of my mind

like

i cannot get over his whole deal.  what was this dude like in prison?  how the fuck did Edgeworth look at THIS dude, of all the dudes, and think “yeah there’s no way he’s guilty”?  also what does Simon even do once he’s out of the clink?  i mean, he prosecutes, obviously, but like, for instance—take Athena. can you imagine how weird it’d be striking up a friendship with the dude who metaphorically took a bullet for you after seven years.  the inevitable “Athena and Simon hang out at Waffle House after he’s released” reunion must be so cringingly awkward

...also, all his weeb knowledge probably ossified, like, seven years prior.  like, i remember when i was obsessed with Bleach, and then college happened and i forgot anime existed for several years, and when i paid attention again it was all this Attack on Titan shit that i did not understand???  that’s the mood Simon’s having, except, y’know, with everything

...

anyway

i am only the slightest provocation away from going feral and spitting out a bunch of fic,

so if you have any headcanons or prompts or whatever you want to share with me before this all ossifies and i finally go wild... now’s the time to do it

#simon blackquill #lua replays dual destinies #actually i'm just gonna preregister what i already know is gonna be my biggest annoyance writing fic for this #no idea how to balance Ace Attorney goofiness with the whole. being in prison thing #prisons just seem Bad but jamming all that Prisons Are Bad energy into your goofy AA fic is like. weird energy #but you can't just ignore it either so... #grits teeth and mutters I WILL NOT WRITE OVERLY SERIOUS ISSUEFIC multiple times #(props to those who want to! but i'm fighting my own instincts here lol)

[queenlua]

did... did Athena just suplex a police officer that was trying to arrest her?  suplexed him so hard that he got knocked unconscious?  and then she and Apollo have a nice little chat about their life stories next to this unconscious officer of the law like nothing happened?  HOW did i forget this, and also, goddamn Athena rules

#damn i wish i could panic-response suplex my problems away #lua replays dual destinies #athena cykes

[queenlua]

replaying Dual Destinies and

Blackquill: ...Listen, missy. The person you'd like to save more than anyone else in the world? I'd be willing to wager that your defense isn't what they desire.

Athena: B-B-But...! I became a lawyer so I could--

Blackquill: You still fail to understand? After so much pain and defeat? The courts are not the play yards of little children dressed as lawyers. So before you break your back in failure... ...run along home and grow up!

damn... this hits differently during the second playthrough...

#simon blackquill #athena cykes #SEE OSTENSIBLY THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THE CURRENT CASE BUT. ACTUALLY. DEEP DOWN #don't mind me i'll just be ugly-sobbing over Simon in the corner #lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

god... can you IMAGINE the Wright Anything Agency’s reviews on Glassdoor?

#apollo: manipulated into convicting his former boss of murder #and then joined under duress only to be further manipulated #athena: my boss proved *i* was the murderer in the middle of a trial wtf #ace attorney #lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

so we all agree that Cosmos Space Center is literally SpaceX, right?

#space company centered in LA? yep #run by an egotistical maniac overly convinced of his own genius? yep #look. i don't like Yuri Cosmos being a stand-in for Elon Musk any more than the rest of you #but the parallel is unfortunately too uncanny #lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

in your very first conversation with Aura Blackquill, she:

declares an entire fuckin’ subfield of the humanities to be worthless garbage

makes some dubious evobio assertions

ignores you in favor of messing with electronics

spouts some weirdly specific weeaboo knowledge (who taught her karate???)

drags her manager through the dirt & dishes out some gossip on incompetent bullshit in her workplace, because she is SO done with this company’s bullshit and SO out of fucks left to give and FUCK those guys, seriously

she’s SUCH the complete stereotype of an asshole engineer... incredible... i love her

#lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

AU where some broke-AF law school student deliberately caused the Dark Age of the Law

because he was sick of competing for internships against hotshot ivy league students

& maybe if the profession got knocked down a few pegs, he’d at least have a prayer of landing a clerkship

#shitposting #lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

i'm halfway through Case 5-2 in Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies, and—

you really don't appreciate how good Ace Attorney's gameplay is, until you see a game handle it... less-perfectly :D;;;;

like, i always thought the gameplay was kind of beside the point in the Ace Attorney games.  realistically, i care way more about watching lawyers flirt than i care about figuring out the right piece of evidence to present, and i'll absolutely pop open GameFAQs the second i get bored trying to figure out the correct piece of evidence to present.

but the puzzles in the original trilogy, as simple as they were, did offer a satisfying combination of "game-y progress feels" + "characterization/worldbuilding."  stuff like "Oldbag won't let us into the guard tower," "we need to investigate the guard tower," "therefore figure out some way to distract Oldbag," is not exactly galaxy-brain puzzle-solving, but it is fun to figure out, and it makes Oldbag stick out in your mind way more than she would otherwise—she's not just a stubborn old goat, she's the stubborn old goat you had to actively subvert!

by contrast, the only thing i've had to "solve" so far in Dual Destinies is the little puzzle to break into the forbidden chamber, and that felt like such an... isolated, removed-from-everything-else sort of puzzle, very meh.

and even in court—idk, the biggest part of 5-2′s day-one trial involved me, not presenting evidence, but doing a series of sorta weird deductions about "where could the criminal technically have been on this map."  meh.  just not as fun as watching people squirm and perjure and have meltdowns, yaknow?

#lua replays dual destinies #i'm sure some game designer or game writer somewhere has done a massive exegesis on this #i am but a humble shitposter

[queenlua]

though, to round out the previous post with “shallow things i LOVE about Dual Destinies”:

i’d totally forgotten how fantastic all of Blackquill’s animations are.  every time he does that condescending hair-flip i simultaneously feel my heart skip a beat, and want to punch him.  every time he slaps the table and startles poor Taka my heart goes out to the poor bird.  the poor, murderous, vicious bird who perches on the judge’s head when he’s not assaulting me for the mere act of “having a bracelet.”  amazing.  perfect

#lua replays dual destinies #god i wish i could look that condescending when i flip my hair

[queenlua]

i’m replaying Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies and

opening cutscene: 

* there is no way Phoenix has ever looked that cool putting on a suit.  i know it’s literally canon but i’m saying the canon is wrong

* honestly does Phoenix even know how to tie a tie

* ...did Mia tie his tie for him when he was lawyering under her tutelage

* d’awww.

* and, damn, then he and Maya had to work together to figure that shit out after Mia died

* presumably by watching youtube videos and failing a lot, the same way i figured out how to tie a tie when my brother was having a Moment Of Crisis, etc

#lua replays dual destinies

[queenlua]

Blackquill spends Day 1 of Turnabout Academy relentlessly taunting Athena & absolutely destroying her & clearly trying to get her to give up lawyering altogether

then, at the Peak Crisis Moment in Day 2, he’s suddenly giving her a condescending pep talk about not giving up...?

dude do you want Athena to save you or not, make up your mind

#simon being all tsundere wrt murder charges here #it's not like i WANT you to save me baka or whatever #lua replays dual destinies