#lucy listens to cp

[sircarolyn]

douglas in joburg proclaiming to be a 'happily married man' when he's literally getting a divorce.... all of cabin pressure is about Performance... being the person you think you should be (martin and theresa) or the person you want people to think you are (carolyn and douglas and herc) and it isolates them all until they let it go. meanwhile arthur, 'i'm very often just completely happy' arthur, 'i can't lie' arthur... his performance as Australian Son in zurich saves the day....

#lucy listens to cp #cabin pressure #literally could write essays on this ourggggg

[the-storyteller-and-her-soldiers]

I know I don't mention it a lot but I do heavily think of Ignis like my dad?? With my FFXV insert when he first met her as a ghost-writer, he pulled some strings at the castle to become Noct's secondary tutor since he saw my S/I had a good head and heart but was taking on an adult role while still a child. It reminded him of himself...

Meanwhile, with my royal AU, he just was like "I already look after one royal, two shouldn't be that much harder when they hang out." Though Noctis did get a little jealous when Ignis would begin praising me for eating veggies so well. Noct gets us back by very begrudgingly eating some broccoli (The one veggie I will die before eating ><)

But as we grew closer I'd go to him for things I needed help with but was too embarrassed to ask Gladio for. CP's acting up and can't tie my shoe too well? Iggy's got it and some new non-tying laces! Your girl wants to make lunch but was never allowed to? Iggy was going to make some for the guys and would enjoy an enthusiastic helper, plus he has some tips on how to make things easier for me. Basically in a way, I become the Prince of Lucis's Assistant of his Advisor.

But then one night, while traveling with the guys, long after we call it a night, I awaken from a nightmare. But since I have years of practice, my sobs are silent and I can easily sneak out of the tent. Ignis wakes up soon after since he can just sense something's amiss. When he sees the prince sleeping, the shield snoring, and the quicksilver peacefully tossing that means that the newest addition is nowhere seen.

He's more alarmed than anything until he sees a faint light just outside. He joins me, and I try to hide the fact I was bawling my eyes out. There's no use though and when he says that I can just let it out and he'll stay right here to keep me safe until I go back to the tent, I bawl harder.

In all my life (No matter the universe) I never had an older figure who had given me that. My own father left when I was little and when he came back he saw me as his soldier rather than his 4-year-old daughter... And let's just say that relationship only grew more strained and frayed until I finally cut it at 18. And despite what everyone from my mom to my friends to my aunt who lives with my dad now says, I still have moments where I wonder if I just wasn't a good daughter and that's why he'd let me down amongst the other horrible abuse he scarred into me. (Not going into it here, but you can see glimpses of it in my writing)

Ignis not only stays, but he listens. At the end of it all, he understands where I come from but can't understand what father would do such things to such a sweet young girl. He doesn't say that though, the words catch in his throat. I simply laugh at my own silliness for crying over old scars that I say have healed and rub my eyes. I tell Ignis as I shakily stand up that I'll make sure to knock it into Noct to count the lucky stars that he has Ignis. Without him, who'd know where the prince would be. Who knows where I would be... Ignis simply thanks me, rubbing my back as he guides me back to the tent and I snuggle up with my big teddy of a boyfriend.

Nothing much changes after that, outwardly anyway. But Ignis does start checking in more. Did you eat? Meds?? How's uni going?? How are your friends??? Everyone thinks it's normal since I was always checking in on him since I could see he was just as self-sacrificing as I was. But then, I mistakenly call him 'Dad' in front of the guys and my friends.

IT'S OVER, I CRAVE DEATH! I WANT TO HOP IN A HOLE! Noct is just confused, Prompto thinks it's so sweet, and Gladio can't stifle a chuckle... I look shyly at Ignis as I go to apologize but he looks flattered?? (This takes place mid-FFXV so he's 22 and I'm 19) I stutter out an apology citing it as a genuine slip of the tongue. He just ruffles my hair and tells me I should take after Noctis and get a bit more sleep then rather than staying up with my podcasts.

I don't see Iggy as the type to be like "SIGN THE ADOPTION PAPERS IT'S PART OF THE RECIPE!" But he would step into the role more because I think he would wanna settle down but due to his position gave up the whole children bit since the royal family IS his family in a sense. But there's nothing wrong with guiding one of the prince's friends. (especially when I'm a royal so you know political benefits to Lucis and all~!)

So like I never openly start calling him 'Dad' or anything. But a lot of people have caught on. For if I'm going out with my other friends and don't have physical cash but offer to send him some, he'll just give me a 50 and tell me to treat next time the 5 of us go out to eat (He won't let me pay for more than my own if that!) And he'll always be open to talking while he does his work or while he has an ebony break! He'll share in my excitement as I talk about school, what I'm into, or my own personal adventures, and he does get protective of me as he does Noctis. Though he shows that differently, such as comforting me from my nightmares and whenever I do have to meet my dad.

I also may have asked if one day, if I ever get married, if I could have him walk me down the aisle and give me away to whatever lucky person. He quietly but happily said 'of course'!

Also, he has no problem being in 'dad-mode' to my older f/os (Miguel, Thancred, Jack, Raiden, Yagami, Kaito) a lot of them don't even catch on that he's younger than them until later! Gladio's the only exception since they go way back!

Also when I'm like "IGGY MEET MY NEW SIBLINGS/KIDS" He doesn't bat an eye but does sit us down to ask if we've eaten. All in all, best dad figure!

Now I just need a tag for Iggy!

Taglist: @disneymarina @floweringforgetfulness @goldenworldsabound @singingdeepinme @nyandereneko @hadesgoddess @canongf @wanderers-wife @maskedanarchy-ships

#selfshipdom #selfship community #self shipping #self insert #selfship #self indulgent stuff #self insert community

[saltisnacks]

Three Buddie unfinished stories below. I hope you enjoy anyway. I didn't scan through these, so please ignore any massive errors.

The third story has an ending inspired from the penguin pair and their new chick. I didn't plan for this to get so long. Whoops!

#1 - more a prompt really. Feel free to take it.

Eddie arrives at the 118 to talk to Bobby about returning to the 118. No one knows. Not even Buck, who supported Eddie through his and Chris's start/return to therapy.

They're talking again, but things aren't quite right between them yet. Occasional blowups and misunderstandings. Their relationship isn't the same as it was and Eddie's worried it never will be (though he now realizes he loves Buck and wants more, but thinks that's impossible). He can see where they both went wrong and Chris does too.

The bays are empty due to a callout minutes before where the trucks drove past Eddie at a red light and can only stare at it as it passes with Buck at the wheel, who is too focused on driving to notice Eddie.

He notices changes and starts feeling nauseous. It feels like he's been erased. His name has been replaced. Some possible missing things:

Pictures on the cork board

His favorite mug

The fridge magnet he bought as a joke at Chimney

The slightly melted, but still usable, spoonula from the one time Bobby asked him to help cook.

His favorite pool cue.

The squeegee/sponge he preferred because it was the perfect length for him to clean the windshield from top to bottom.

The cue ball that broke in half from a scratch caused by Buck somehow that sent the ball rolling through the hole for the fireman pole before anyone could stop it, memorialized by Chim on a little shelf on the wall by the pool table.

Random miscellaneous things that would go unnoticed if a person didn't know where to look.

The others come back. He knows about Lucy, but he didn't know Buck had formed that tight of a relationship with her so quickly. He tries not to panic but he's been replaced. He's too late. He slumps to the floor out of sight behind the pool table.

"Hey, where's Buck?"

"Looking for Eddie. His truck is in the lot."

---

"Open it, Eddie."

Eddie opens Buck's locker to find several of the missing items stacked inside, barely leaving enough room for Buck's personal items. More in Chim's locker and Hens. His turnout and helmet are in Bobby's office.

Buck hands Eddie a jewelry box. Inside is his nameplate, shined and waiting.

Ending somehow leads to Buddie endgame.

---------

#2 Warning! This one is possible hurt/no comfort.

Chris does the same to Buck as he did to Eddie at Christmas during a game/movie night. Buck understands Eddie's situation now. But, he still tells Chris no. It's the job he loves and fought to get back.

"Are you going to quit, Buck? You could die, too."

Buck and Eddie get into an argument where a lot of hurtful things are said on both sides, more from Eddie than Buck. Buck walks out the door. Eddie has a panic attack and Chris is screaming.

A few days later, Eddie is in front of his lawyer's office wondering where things went wrong. The future he thought he saw crumbles to ashes behind his eyelids. He and Buck went up in destructive flames. He realizes it's the day he refused to believe the universe screams. When he ran into Ana and began that doomed relationship. Where his with Buck began to fracture. Where he talked to a man that couldn't be a firefighter despite wanting to be. He could be a firefighter, but does he want to be now?

Either he opens the door for the hurt/no comfort ending,

or...

He turns around and goes back to the truck. Buck was right and he should have listened. He now sees he needs to get Chris help as soon as possible. And maybe himself, but he doesn't matter right now. Only Chris.

And in turn the therapist tricks Eddie into his own talking at the same time, until Eddie catches on and finally agrees to his own therapy.

"46% of children with CP in a study reported anxiety, Eddie. It's more common than you think. Compound that with his inability to express his emotions and it's a dangerous cocktail. We can try him on a medication to see if this helps and continue his sessions."

"I didn't want him like me. He learned it from me. I don't... My dad."

"Toxic masculinity and Latin machismo. If I had a dollar for every... I'd be able to splurge on at least a Rolex."

---

"Eddie, nurture is one of the biggest ways a child learns. They mimic, emulate, and mirror. Especially their parents."

"He saw Shannon breaking things when she was upset. Now he's doing it, too."

---

"Eddie, you can't let every decision or choice you make be because of Chris."

"I get it. I begged my father to quit smoking, but he did until the week before we buried him for lung cancer despite having to use an electrolarynx."

"Imagine a teenager who hates her stepfather because he doesn't put up with the crap she tries to pull. There's no physical or mental abuse. He helps provide for the family. The mother understands because his actions are to discipline her. As a couple, they're happy and in love. But, the daughter keeps demanding she divorce him because he's "mean." He's ruining her life. Her friends make fun of her he took her phone. Should she divorce him? That's her kid that's unhappy. Or, should she sit the kid down and talk to her?"

"My kid tried to hide a kitten despite my many explanations that I'm highly allergic. I knew as soon as I started wheezing. Children sometimes don't get their way, especially if it's hurting another family member."

"If you understand Buck could die, too, why didn't you ask him to quit?"

"Your wife wasn't a firefighter."

"When is the last time you did something for yourself? Bought something for yourself? What do you like to do? No Chris. No Buck. Just you. If you had a completely free, no obligations day, what would you do?"

"I was shot! Not in a warzone, but in the middle of the street! Why me?! Why the fuck was it me?"

"Dragging him... Okay, let's talk about that comment right now."

"I screwed up. I overcorrected so badly, I'm in the ditch."

---

"Ed - Whoa!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You were right. I should have. You were right. I'm sorry."

"Eddie, shhh. I got you. Alright? Come here."

---

"How are you so forgiving? Of the things I said? I knew where to hurt you the worst. I took your insecurities and turned them into weaponized words."

"I knew you were hurting and confused, Eddie."

"Still."

"Sometimes you have to let the bird try to fly while it's wing is still broken so it realizes it's still in pain. That it needs to heal more. You were that bird in my mind, Eddie."

---

"You don't have to apologize. I understand because he blindsided me, too, but... I didn't realize it was the warning sign it should have been. What Chris asked of you... I didn't know he was going to do that, Buck.

---

"Can we try again? To fix...us? To go back to the way we were?"

"We can't, Eddie."

"What?"

"What we had... I don't think we can go back to that. Like Maddie and Chim weren't the same after Doug. They just started something else. Like a new beginning, I guess. Or Japanese kintsugi would be a better description, maybe?"

"Kint-what?"

--------

#3

Eddie runs into the man from Jinxed. He finally succeeded and is now a probationary firefighter after a bit of jail time and therapy. He's excited and doesn't let Eddie get a word in edgewise.

He starts to remember his own excitement from his beginning days. The rush. The fulfilment of successfully saving someone. He misses it more than he ever has.

It's the jumpstart he needed to finally start getting the therapy Chris and he needs.

Buck has an amicable split from Taylor because she's moving to an affiliate news station for an anchor position and she knows he's not going to leave LA. His sister and Jee-Yun are there. And she hinted at Eddie, but it goes over his head.

Eddie goes with Chris to therapy where he starts asking questions about Shannon after she is brought up by the therapist. Eddie feels like an idiot and starts answering them.

"I don't remember her much."

"And I don't tell you about her. Mijo, I'm sorry."

"She loved Christmas. I remember that."

"And when she was done decorating, she always said "Perfect." with that little happy twirl of hers. Her mom teased her by telling me she did it every year since she was little. Her own Christmas magic."

"She didn't the year before she died. With the tree."

"No, she didn't. I get it now. Chris, I'm sorry."

"Chris, let's talk a little. Do you think of Christmas and your mom's death together?"

"Is that bad?"

Eddie can only meet the therapist eyes in understanding.

He starts his own therapy and slowly realizes he's quite fucked up in the head for many reasons. The therapist asks if he wants to start from the past to the present or go backwards through events. He chooses the past because he's further removed from it in his opinion.

The therapist goes a little further back and surprisingly asks about his childhood.

"Why?"

"Humor me."

Eddie rambles for a few sessions with guided questions from the therapist who only sighs at the end.

"What?"

"I really hope Latin machismo eventually fades one day just like the idea that not bathing was considered healthy. And no, I'm not being racist here, I can see you brewing for an argument. Let me explain. We also call it toxic masculinity.

Men having to provide for the women. Shannon stayed home to watch Chris while you provided for the family instead of her helping you. Your father insisted your mother stay at home despite being a registered nurse."

"She picked up a job after my sister started school at a nursing home. I think they argued when he came home. She hasn't had a job since."

"Controlling your choices or trying to force you to make one with his approval. Baseball instead of the science club. Soccer instead of theater with your sisters.

Applying for Texas A&M because that's where he went instead of University of Texas where you wanted to go. You even said yourself you think he threw away their acceptance letter. You wanted to be a nurse like your mother, but he "encouraged" you to go for a being a doctor. You burned out because it was too much, but you could have succeeded if you had stayed on track for nursing because it's what you really wanted at the time. If your son said he wanted to be a gardener, would you instead tell him to be a botanist?"

"No."

I...let my parents ruin my life and didn't fight back.

"Would you have married Shannon if they hadn't pushed?"

"We had already split up twice before. Our relationship...ran hot if you know what I mean. The one time we weren't careful enough, Chris happened. We were already halfway to split up again when she realized she was pregnant. We were always arguing. I don't ever remember even looking at rings before then. Maybe in passing, but it never solidified. Until Chris."

"No. Think again."

"Until my parents stepped in. Shannon didn't even want to get married until her mom encouraged her to because they just found out she was sick."

I let my parents control my life and didn't fight back.

"Do you regret it?"

"Chris? Never!"

"Marrying Shannon. Would you have still joined the military if you hadn't?"

"I had dropped out of my last year at A&M and was working at a garage. Shannon wanted an Aunt Annie pretzel from the mall because of cravings and while getting it, I walked passed a recruitment office. I signed up. I didn't even talk to her about it. I just did what I thought I could do to support her at the time."

I let my parents ruin Shannon's life and didn't fight back.

"Do you regret marrying Shannon?"

"She asked me for a divorce. Right before she died. She was leaving again and then she was gone forever. I was... confused and angry because I thought our family was going to be whole again. She told me she was pregnant! And then it all got ripped away. The baby and then her."

"Eddie, answer the question."

"Yes! Damn it! Yes! I wouldn't have gone to Afghanistan and avoided all of what happened to me! Shannon would have went to her mom instead of being around my controlling parents who made her feel like a worthless mother! We still would have had Chris. She could have found a man who loved her better than I could and been happy! I could have gone back to school for something. I could have found someone else, too, but I was stuck and couldn't even look at someone else without my father reminding me of my pointless vows! She'd probably still be alive and Chris would still have his mom!"

"Take a deep breath, Eddie."

---

"I... I've never admitted that out loud before."

"Last time we started talking about toxic masculinity. I have a few more things if you don't mind."

"I looked it up. I get what you're saying now. My friend, Buck. I told you about him. He helped me walk through all of it. He joked that all the website needed was a picture of my dad as an example."

"Your father always demanded respect from you and your sisters and if you didn't you were torn down until you did. Even when he's doing something that you don't agree with. Like harassing your neighbors just because they were lesbians. Your older sister tried to gently chide him and he basically went "This is my house, my rules. You will not tell me what to do.""

"In my defense, I didn't realize they were together until a few years later."

Thank you, Scott. I wonder where you are now? Did you succeed?

"The whole concept that men aren't supposed to show emotions. Your grandfather died when you were twelve. Why shouldn't you have cried? You watched your dog get hit by a car. A dog you'd had since you were seven, and you weren't supposed to cry. To be frank, and briefly unprofessional, that's bullshit and you know it. Do you expect the same from your son?"

"No! Well, he doesn't cry much anyway. He didn't even cry at... Shannon's funeral. Oh my god. Buck said he didn't cry when I was shot. Instead he comforted Buck."

I let my parents ruin me and didn't fight back until they tried to do the same to Chris.

"Children learn more from their parents even if they're not speaking."

"This ends. With me. I swear it ends."

"Then let's get started."

---

"If I may... When we were discussing Shannon you said something, twice in fact, that I'm not even sure you noticed because of what you were admitting."

"What?"

"For Shannon, you said she could have found a man. You, instead, for yourself said someone."

"Did I?"

"You did."

"I meant woman."

"Eddie."

"I'm... I'm... I was married and had a girlfriend!"

"So? There's your father again, right? The lesbians next door. He probably cussed or threw offensive words at Elton John. Maybe Catholic guilt mixed in?

"I..."

"High school. Look, Buck went on a research binge because a woman at a scene was asexual and the man hitting on her wasn't getting the hint. He tried to drug her drink, but ended up grabbing the wrong glass and dosed himself."

"How long, Eddie? How long have you denied yourself?"

"I'm not. Not... really, no. I just..."

"Eddie, how long have you known?"

"Karmic justice. Sorry. Continue."

"Shannon and I started out as friends. Her locker was always next to mine and seating charts almost always had us together because her name was alphabetically behind mine. Shannon Dickenson. I never had problems with sex with her... for the most part. Sometimes I just wasn't in the mood no matter what she did. That... was one of our first arguments actually."

"Buck started reading all of these sexualities to me because he thought there were only gay, bisexual, and straight. Gray ace made sense if you know what I mean."

"I'm aware of all the terminology."

"But once you started that fighting..."

"Poof, it got worse. I think I was forcing or tricking myself after she came back because I wanted that connection back. I thought it was back so it became easier. With Ana, it just...never clicked. I thought I could kiss her until I was driving home from... a bizarre date turned math lesson."

"Math?"

"She was a teacher. But on the drive home, I was relieved it didn't happen. She kept insinuating she wanted to have sex, taking my clothes off, but we never did. I kept hoping, but nothing. That solidified the gray ace in my head.

"Anything else?"

"No."

"Eddie, I told you on our first meeting that all lying must stop at the door for this to work. You said high school."

"One of the varsity pitchers, Elliot, my sophomore year took me under his wing. Before... before I really connected with Shannon. I didn't want to play baseball, but I was told I had a good fastball and he made it fun. We talked while goofing off as we tossed the ball back and forth. About anything we wanted to. Because of him, I was bumped to varsity mid season.

"Shannon and I were split up and my first year roommate, Scott, was openly gay. He was funny. Loved singing, although badly, and dancing around like nothing else mattered in the world. Flamboyant but not obnoxiously so. Brilliant. Like really brilliant. He was doing calculations that made my eyes cross with ease.

One game, I had to sit out because I had twisted my ankle and was benched for a week. Elliot was on the mound and for a few seconds a ray of sunlight hit him just right. Back straight, head up, ball tucked behind his back with his mitt down at his side. And it hit me. Then the shame quickly followed because he was a boy."

"Anyone else?"

He tinkered around with things people brought to him. He fixed the card reader for the building before the technician even got there. My computer was so advanced I could barely use it when he was done with it.

Spoke two languages besides English fluently. And he was so kind. Generous to a fault."

"Eddie."

"We ended up getting drunk one night on cheap beer another student had snuck in. I woke up naked in his bed. I didn't leave it before he woke up."

"How long were you together?"

"Until the end of the school term. He was offered a transfer to MIT because one of his professors had shown his designs to them. I wouldn't let him turn it down. It was MIT! I couldn't let him turn that down for me."

"I know. But you didn't want him to leave."

"No, I didn't."

"It was the right choice, Eddie. You didn't want to hold him back."

"I know. Once I arrived back home... It didn't feel wrong until I got home under their watchful eyes again."

"And then Shannon came back."

"During the summer between my third and fourth year. I dropped out right before Christmas break. I couldn't take it any more. Ha, Hen doesn't know why I help her so often with her studies. I forgot to tell her. Oops.

There was no one else in between Scott and Shannon. A few people tried, but I just wasn't interested in hooking up. I have only slept with two people my entire life. One woman and one man."

"There's no shame in that, Eddie. Not the number and not the genders. None."

"Isn't there?"

"Was Scott ashamed?"

"No."

"Is your friend Hen ashamed."

"No."

"Anyone else you know?"

"At first yes, but he isn't now. Oh."

"And I think he gets it."

"Shut up."

"Nope."

---

"So, Afghanistan."

"Been there, been shot, don't recommend."

"Nice try."

"So that didn't work?"

"Nope."

"Dammit."

---

"The ladder truck explosion."

"Why do we need to talk about that?"

"Keep humoring me."

---

"The well collapse."

"How do you even know that was me?"

"How about the several news cameras that recorded everything. All I have to do is Google and you're everywhere. You and Buck."

"Really?"

"Have you watched any of them?"

"No."

"I recommend you do."

"Why?"

"You'll see. Now tell me what happened from your perspective."

---

"How do you feel about talking about the sniper?"

"Nope. Not today."

"All right."

"Wait? What? No pushing this time?"

"No. How are you feeling in relation to Chris's therapy and talking about Shannon? I know we've talked about showing Chris how to healthily express emotions."

---

"I was shot. In broad daylight. In the middle of an LA street by someone with a vendetta against the fire department because the LAFD kept reviving his former partner! Then the wacko shot Bobby, too. I'm stuck in the hospital with Ana when all I wanted was my son and...

Then I almost drop out of a crashed medical helicopter, I don't even know how many stories to the ground, from the roof of a hospital.

Then I'm taken hostage with Buck by escaped prisoners because one of them had a dying son and demanded to be taken to him at the hospital! He killed himself, don't breathe a word of this to anyone or I'll sue, to save his son by giving him his heart. And, I somehow related to him because I would do anything for my son, too, and the thought makes me sick.

Then we almost lost two innocent children in the hospital fire because of a reflection!

My son, Shannon, my grandmother, Buck, Chim, Maddie, Athena, Bobby. Me. I hate hospitals! I hate hospitals!

And helicopters! If there's another helicopter involved, I'm walking the fuck away. I'll show someone else how to power them down and then I'm never going near one again. If there's ever a medivac, I'm going to the truck and staying there."

"Hospitals because you never know if they're going to come back out. Including yourself. Helicopters because it sounds like nothing good has ever happened to you while being in one. War and almost falling."

"Hen almost died in a crash and Taylor Kelly."

"The 118 responded to her helicopter accident a few years ago?"

"Yup. And I wish we hadn't."

"Why?"

"Nope."

"Your using a different tense, Eddie."

"What?"

"I'm going. I'm walking. You haven't noticed but you've been using present or future tense for a while when talking about the 118. When you first starting talking about it weeks ago, it was past tense. How do you feel about that? Then we'll back track to...all the rest.

---

"Taylor Kelly. News reporter and former girlfriend of one Evan "Buck" Buckley."

"Damn internet."

"So lets finally talk about Buck beyond the ladder truck and lawsuit."

"Do we have to?"

"If you can tell me right now why we need to talk about Buck, I'll let it go."

"I made his Christopher's guardian without asking him first?"

"You did what? That was your one chance to come clean, Eddie, before I poke and prod it out of you."

"Fuck."

---

During all of this, he has his own cheering squad in Buck and the 118, who he's still in contact with. He meets Lucy and isn't too enthused because she's encouraging Buck to do riskier and riskier rescues, and he's not there to stop him or have his back.

He meets back up with the man from Jinx for coffee where he learns he's had his first loss and is taking it hard. Their other station probie had made a major mistake and it cost him time he didn't have to get to the victim. Eddie walks him through his guilt and recommends seeing his therapist again, at least once.

Chris and Eddie both learn to deal with their traumas and their emotions. It's hard for Eddie, but he's trying for Chris. Especially about Shannon. He's been sharing one memory of her a night before bedtime.

Buck is Eddie's decompression after each session. Eddie can talk about it if he wants. If not, Buck just sits with him while reading a book, etc. in the silence.

"I have your back, Eddie. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to punch something, we'll head to the gym. If you need to yell, I'll find the closest place to do it. And if you're happy... Show me that because it makes me happy, too."

Buck starts sharing funny and/or gross calls when Eddie asks.

---

"Evan Buckley, what the fuck were you thinking? Did you think I wouldn't see that all over the news?"

"I'm fine! I swear! Nothing happened."

"I don't care what she tells you, you are taking too many risks. This isn't a competition or a talent show. You're going to get hurt or worse. Or her. You want that on your conscience?"

"No. Ow!"

"Then quit it."

---

"So. I finally watched some footage from the well collapse."

"Um..."

"Care to explain?"

"Did Chris just call for me? I'll be right back."

---

A rescue to get a teenager out of a basement rec room at a youth center, under Bobby's order of, "Don't get caught, Eddie, or it's both our butts in the hot seat."

He tells Bobby when returns the spare turnout that he's ready to come back.

"After discussing it with Chris, of course. Do I need to recertify or reapply? Do you even have a spot for me?"

"Eddie, I've had you on extended unpaid medical leave with LAFD approval since the paperwork was filed after Christmas."

"That was months ago!"

"Yup."

"How did you..."

"I know my team. And I saw your face. You really don't like Lucy, do you?"

"Nope or that gear. It stinks."

"Agreed."

---

Chris surprises him by being really excited about the possibility of him going back.

"We were, uh, actually talking about it today when I picked him up from school. You tried to play it cool, but did you really think I wouldn't recognize you through that mask yesterday before you could run away? We were going to talk to you actually, but you brought it up first."

"Busted, I guess. That gear reeks, by the way. I don't think it's been used in years. Bobby is ordering a replacement."

"Why we're you there anyway?"

"I was at the bank. The atm closest to home chewed up my card. I had to go to a larger branch to replace it. Then the lot was blocked by you parking the 118 rig right in front of the exit."

"Oops?"

"So you're really okay with me going back?"

"Yeah, dad. Just be careful. And you have Buck."

"I will keep him as safe as I can, buddy, but..."

"There's no promises because anything can happen to anyone at any time. Whether their a firefighter or not. I know, Buck."

---

"Um, okay. So. Did you hear about the male penguins that have their own chick now?"

"Yea, I did."

"So... Random Eddie babble about penguins and how same sex pairings have adopted eggs for years and stuttering until " I hope I haven't been reading this wrong and if I ask you on a date, you'll say yes, and then Chris would be like our chick or whatever."

Buck busts out laughing, but quickly answers yes through his laughter when he sees Eddie start to get nervous and back up.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Why are you still laughing?"

"The stuttering, blushing. Chris is a penguin chick now. I just saw a whole different side of you, Eddie Diaz. Were you like that with Shannon and Ana?"

"Shannon, yes. Scott, yes. Ana, no. Did I really call Chris a chick?"

"Yup."

#pre relationship buddie prompts #buddie #not quite flushed out stories im releasing to the world #this is loooooong! #anti bucktaylor #just to be safe

[flyandfamousblackgirls]

Just a lil atrevida Born in 1982 in Lincoln hospital in the Bronx. My parents immigrated from the Dominican Republic and met in NYC. We moved around a lot The Heights , Upper West Side even lived on Roosevelt Island. Mami and Papi were on and off for years. Crack was off the chain in the neighborhood. I would have to wear my sneakers til they started talking. But Mami always made sure I had food, shelter and clothing. Papi would take me downtown to the Village and go thrifting. Moved to the East Village in 90’s and that’s where it all started. Club Kids, Skate Boarders , Punks , Voguers, Hip Hop, & House Heads. Smoking weed almost daily at my friends house who lived in the projects on Ave C. A lot of violence on the streets and in my home. Cops coming to my house to break things up. Cleaning on Sundays listening to Salsa, Disco and Sade. AQUARIUS SUN & MOON in TAURUS. Performed at every talent show until I performed around the world. I got PELAS for days & CPS started picking me up from school. I was insecure and suffered from crippling anxiety and depression and thought that drinking it away was my solution. The first time I got eaten out was on Pitt St. 13 yrs old copping Lucy’s on Broadway & 135th. Raves under the George Washington Bridge. Got jumped a couple of times and Spent my summers in DR. Met my best friend in Catholic School on St. Marks and She still my bestie. Broke into city pools, snuck into every night club. 2 abortions and no regrets! Had the BEST times and WORST times in this city and wouldnt have it any other way. B/C everything that’s happened has inspired me and prepared me for NOW. Imma #NYCBABY

Maluca

#Maluca

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume Five, Number 10

The Hammered Hulls

Time again for a load of short, mostly positive reviews of records that caught our attention at least for a little while. This edition is typically wide ranging with free jazz, teen garage pop, piano experiments, acoustic guitar picking and goth-y post punk all jockeying for your ear. It’s not just obscurities this time around either, as Ian Mathers looks for the solid core of the National’s over-long latest, while Jen Kelly makes peace with the Futureheads. Participants besides these two include Bill Meyer, Andrew Forell, Nate Knaebel and Justin Cober-Lake.

CP Unit—Riding Photon Time (Eleatic Records)

Riding Photon Time by CP Unit

CP Unit, an evolving ensemble formed around saxophonist Chris Pitsiokis, exhilarates live, the sound anchored by antic, twitching, faster-than-advisable-but-nailed-anyway bass, complicated patterns of percussion and abstract slashes of guitar. Live, the music is colored rather than dominated, by the urgent, chaotic energy of the proprietor on horn. A late summer set at the Root Cellar in Greenfield, MA left me gasping. Riding Photon Time captures the same band I saw—Pitsiokis, Sam Lisabeth on guitar, Henry Fraser on bass and Jason Nazary on drums (which is different from the line-up Derek Taylor reviewed here )— in two fiery 2018 live settings. The first half of the disc was recorded at the Moers Festival in Germany in May, the second at the Unlimited Music Festival in November. “Once Upon a Time Called Now,” from the earlier set, captures the spare, rippling tension between Pitsiokis’ free-ranging inquiries and Nazary’s intricate but grounded rhythms; they duel for a couple of minutes before the rest of the band enters. The cut also foregrounds Fraser’s restless, rampaging bass work, carving a headlong through line in the squall and storm. “Seasick,” from the November show, gives space to Lisabeth’s guitar, lyrical in a tilted, offkilter way, the tones bouncing off Pitsiokis’ sax melody in loose conjunction and counterpoint. My only complaint is that the mix favors melody, zooming in on the sax and obscuring, somewhat, the fascinating interplay between drum and bass. In most bands, that’d be fine, but in this case, the rhythm is just too good to hide. 

Jennifer Kelly

 Eluvium — Pianoworks (Temporary Residence Ltd)

Matthew Cooper has done enough things under his Eluvium moniker that even those only mildly acquainted with his work might not be surprised that he’s put out an album of solo piano compositions; they might, however, be surprised to find out that Pianoworks is the second such Eluvium album, after 2004’s An Accidental Memory in Case of Death. That record, coming after the striking (and often noisy) debut effort Lambent Material served to establish that Cooper wasn’t going to be restrained by genre, form or instrument. Here, having accomplished an awful lot over the past 15+ years it’s fitting that Cooper appears to be in a more contemplative, even melancholy mood. Whether it’s the gently rippling “Underwater Dream” or the brightly rounded runs of “Carrier 32”, Pianoworks serves as a reminder that Cooper can stop you in your tracks with the simplest of setups, if he chooses. (And for those really a fan of his piano work, the deluxe version features an extra disc of new versions of practically all the previous Eluvium piano pieces as well.)  

Ian Mathers  

 Frieda’s Roses — Jessica Triangle (Mika)

The three women of Frieda’s Roses—that’s Greta Fannin, Ava Miller and Poppy Lang—aren’t even in high school yet; their ages range from 13 to 15. And yet, this debut album, Jessica Triangle, is a marvel of minor key garage pop, raucous and wistful at the same time. Its bristly onslaught of guitars guards a tender center. You also realize, about halfway through the album, that teen girl pop has changed since the last time you looked, and the subject matter here is rather empowered. In a very strong middle section, “Isadora Giving” chides a girl for being too accommodative (“She’s kind in the way of giving things away”), while the stand-out “Lucy Poe” celebrates the complexity and intelligence of a young woman (“She’s happy and not/at the same time.”) “Forever Defend Her Story” recounts the ordinariness of sexual assault and the way women are blamed for it. The songs are bright and dark simultaneously laying in the pretty vocals of, say, Grass Widow, atop a raucous, acerbic foundation. There’s no way you’d know, without reading the coverage, how young this band is. They sound like they’ve been doing it forever.

Jennifer Kelly

 The Futureheads — Powers (Nul)

Back at the old Dusted, I wrote perhaps my most vicious review ever about the Futureheads’ second album, News and Tributes. It was disappointment speaking — I’d genuinely liked their taut, fizzy debut — when I said, “Now, with News and Tributes, the sad truth emerges. The Futureheads were lean from hunger, not discipline. With opportunity, they tend toward the flabbiest sort of excess.” Well, 13 years have passed, and I no longer expect anything from the Futureheads. I’d forgotten they existed, to be honest, but their latest album, Powers, is kind of fun. Much of what made the debut such a pleasure—the tightly wound guitars, the unexpectedly complicated vocal counterparts, the exuberant avowal of depressing ideas—is here, too. “Electric Shock” trips all the wires (ahem) by itself, with its zingy guitar and drum cadence, its densely harmonized vocals and its celebration of an extreme form of mental health therapy (“When I got my electric shock/it knocked me off my feet”). “Jekyll” punches, stings and tantalizes, its hoarse, wracked northern lead pillowed by giddy oohs and ohs. “Can you control your transformations?” asks the singer Barry Hyde, and then the song itself transforms itself, turning into a popcorning cacophony of closely aligned vocals. Even the willfully positive, good time anthem, “Good Night Out” ripples with existential angst; it’s only a feel good song if you don’t listen too closely. And yet, there’s a great deal of joy in these tight, complicated songs. They burst into flames as you listen, leaving spots in your eyes from the brightness and the bitter taste of ash.

Jennifer Kelly

 Hammered Hulls — S/T (Dischord)

S/T by Hammered Hulls

Perhaps it's a bit lazy to toss out the old "super group" appellation; but, come on, if you're even a moderate follower of that thing we call indie rock, you have to recognize the extraordinary line-up of Hammered Hulls for what it is. With DC hardcore royalty Alec MacKaye on vocals, newly minted arena rocker Mary Timony on bass, Chris Wilson of Ted Leo and the Pharmacists fame (among other outfits) on drums, and Des Demona/Pink Monkey Bird Chris Cisneros on guitar, Hammered Hulls represents an undeniably impressive assemblage of rockers. If any individual band member's musical history comes to the fore here, though, it's probably MacKaye's, as the band trades in a brawny yet cunningly complex punk that recalls the musical revelations delivered by Dischord's first blasts of post-hardcore creativity. And while this is clearly a team effort, each sonic component is worthy of the listeners attention as much as the superlative whole. Though two of the three tracks clock in at just over a minute, indicating that at least in spirit the band isn't denying its past, the practically byzantine by comparison (coming in at almost four minutes) "Written Words" hints at the potential Hammered Hulls has to be more than just a spirited one-off by some friends with impressive resumes. This single should leave everyone desperate for more.  

Nate Knaebel  

 HTRK — Venus In Leo (Ghostly International)

Australian duo HTRK’s latest Venus In Leo is a collection of electro-acoustic minimalism characterized by a woozy shimmer reminiscent of Mark Nelson’s work as Pan American. Jonnine Standish and Nigel Yang have stripped their music to the bare bones. A heartbeat throb, sparse percussion, occasional washes of synth and Yang’s simple guitar strums underpin Standish’s voice mixed to the fore on nine songs redolent with damaged longing. There is a rawness of emotion and acute observation of small domestic moments recorded with an intimacy that draws the listener close. Influenced by dub’s use of space, echo and silence Yang and Standish achieve a feeling of momentum to evoke quiet turmoil. Their miniaturization of Missy Elliott’s “Hit ‘Em Wit Da Hee” takes repeated lyrical snippets from the original and turns the song into a ghostly waltz. “What's up star? /We know who you are/Shit, no shit I thought you hadn't noticed.” Venus In Leo’s unadorned modesty is at times devastating.

Andrew Forell

  Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster — Take Heart, Take Care (Big Legal Mess)

Songwriter Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster frames his new album Take Heart, Take Care as the result of an artistic problem. He'd become used to writing dark songs, until he found he was content and had mostly good things to say. It's a false dilemma, of course. Any number of artists have built not only albums but careers on encouragement (see the War and Treaty as an example of a current act doing it really, really well). The real trap for Kinkel-Schuster was to avoid get treacly in his new mood, and he successfully avoids that snare.

His performances rely on his patience — he's content, remember, but not exuberant. He builds his songs comfortably within his context, but he doesn't jump on them. When he sings, “There's plenty of wonder in this world still to be found,” on the opener, his ease prevents it from sounding like a naïve epiphany. Kinkel-Schuster's Americana-influenced indie-rock comes carefully constructed, but only to make space for that heart to come through. It's a songwriter's record, easy melodies supported by well-balanced guitars. It's the singer not the guitars who have done their processing. The record and its bright sound create a warm space and sit down in it. Kinkel-Schuster may have found his ease, but his desire to share it quickly becomes apparent.

Justin Cober-Lake

 Longriver—Of Seasons (Hullaballou)

Of Seasons by Longriver

David Longoria of Longriver picks nimbly at his guitar, plucking out porch blues-y tunes that are steeped in tradition but freshly imagined. Not quite spare, his tunes are abetted by a crew of Texas regulars, songwriters Sarah LaPuerta of Strange Paradise and Lindsey Verrill of Little Mazarn, Evan Joyce and Colin Gilmore, as well as composer/percussionist Thor Harris. Though mostly acoustic guitar and voice, his sound is filled out with harmonica, soft percussion and twining communal harmonies. His songs run at a mid-temperature folky pace, so soft spoken and unassuming enough to elide one into the other, and honestly, don’t quite catch fire until late in the album when ghostly, lovely “Texas Doesn’t Care” comes along. This one uses all the tools, an aching pedal steel guitar, some silvery electric keyboards, punchy drums and fiddle. It also contains the prettiest melody of the disc, fluttered out in a high, not quite falsetto quaver. A few more like this and Texas might sit up and take notice.

Jennifer Kelly

 Lunaires — If All the Ice Melted (Shades of Sound/Wave Records)

IF ALL THE ICE MELTED by Lunaires

If All the Ice Melted is a highly polished blend of cold wave, goth and stadium synthpop. This first outing from Milan post-punk Jeunesse d’Ivoire veterans Patrizia Tranchina (vocals) and Danilo Carnevale (guitars, programming, synths) evokes the heyday of 4AD bands such as The Cocteau Twins, Xmal Deutschland and Dead Can Dance. Here, Tranchina ruminates on loss, mortality and nature’s power as Carnevale constructs dreamy electronic soundscapes with sparklingly clean guitar lines twinkling above. The results are lovely but polite. The edges have been sandpapered to nothing and the dust swept away. “Mirror Trancefix” stands out precisely because it has that grit — the drum programming a little ragged, the bass dirty, the guitars cutting. Otherwise the gloss creates an emotional distance, which may be the point but discourages complete engagement with Tranchina’s often affecting vocals. If All the Ice Melts sounds good, and if it never quite breaks out there’s enough here to enjoy and look forward to what Lunaires could do with a little less restraint.

Andrew Forell

  Bill Nace & Chik White—Eel (all parts) / Wild Wire (Open Mouth)

The news that Bill Nace (Body / Head, Vampire Belt) has picked up an acoustic guitar and sat down to jam with a jaw harpist might give some cause for pause. Is he going American Primitive, or maybe going skiffle? Spoiler alert — the ghosts of John Fahey and Lonnie Donegan will not hear their names called when you play this record. But play it you will, and for only the best of reasons. First of all, it’s a seven-inch, black vinyl single, and no one buys such things anymore unless they really, really love them. But this one does more to earn your affection than merely exist. On the a-side, White’s orally organized vibrations and Nace’s persistent smacks on prepared strings stir up a constellation of buzzing sounds that’ll reliably destabilize your equilibrium without getting you fired when the Feds drop by to drop everyone on the work floor. The flip combines broad feedback ribbons with intermittent glottal eruptions to create a sonic sweat lodge experience so deep that you’ll be unloading all your Scientology machines on e-bay, all issues resolved.

Bill Meyer

  The National — I Am Easy to Find (4AD)

The National have been getting expansive recently (with the instrumentation and their runtimes, among other things), and who can blame them? Having attained the kind of big-venue prominence that means either you start lapsing into the version of yourself the hecklers always claimed you were (an especially slippery potential slope for a band like this one, so precisely emotionally calibrated and so close to being the bad kind of dad rock) or you start just going for it. The latter approach served them mostly well on Sleep Well Beast a few years ago, but this time finally feels like the kind of record that the National needed to make for their own progress more than one that’s necessarily fully successful. One absolutely successful move is the series of accompanying singers (“backing” seems almost disrespectful for what Gail Ann Dorsey and Lisa Hannigan, among others, bring to these songs), and the expanded studio palette first highlighted on Beast is still mostly working for them. There’s even a quick comparison in the form of old fan favorite “Rylan,” which still sounds great here. Ultimately what doesn’t quite settle right is just the sheer length, bulk, and discursiveness of the album, complete with accompanying film, brief interludes by the Brooklyn Youth Chorus, interpolating a Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 song into a track that was already too long and feeling that somewhere within these 63 minutes is a really killer 40 minute or so album just waiting to be carved out. Eight albums in, things could be a lot worse.  

Ian Mathers  

 Reduction Plan — (Ae)Maeth (Redscroll Records / Dune Altar)

(Ae) Maeth by Reduction Plan

Reduction Plan swells to epic size in this sixth full-length, turning the darkwave, synth-heavy aesthetic laid out in the five previous albums into an enveloping, shimmering, near-post-metal overload. Daniel Manning, the band’s single member, worked with Swans/Walkman producer Kevin McMahon this time, a move which transformed his Cure-circa-Disintegration gloom into a weighted, gleaming edifice. “An Act of Self Immolation” sets the tone with giant masses of guitar sound that tower and lumber. Unencumbered by vocals, it’s more like Pelican than gothy-post-punk. “The River” hews closer to new wave, with its clean, chiming synth tones, gate-reverbed drums and echoey vocals — there’s a nice smouldery sax solo in this one, too — but still looms and glowers with a palpable heaviness. “Ae Maeth,” at the end, brings on Jae Matthews from Boy Harsher for added vocals, a kindred spirit in reviving music at the intersection of dance, goth and industrial; the album’s longest cut slows the thump of dance floor into a desolate cadence that can’t and won’t stave off destruction.

Jennifer Kelly

 Rosenau & Sanborn — Bluebird (Psychic Hotline)

Bluebird by Rosenau & Sanborn

The house on the cover of this LP is surrounded by fallen leaves. But even though it depicts the location of this recording, and that recording took place in October, and they recorded with the windows open, the sounds inside are not particularly autumnal. Chris Rosenau’s (Collections of Colonies of Bees, Volcano Choir) is too quick and eager, Nick Sanborn’s (Sylvan Esso, Megafaun) electronics too effervescent. This music feels like the sun hitting your brow, refracted by heavy air. It feels like the first awareness of escape when you turn off the work phone and start a vacation. Or maybe it just feels like Indian summer. Put it on, put the speakers out the window, and go kick some leaves.

Bill Meyer  

 We Melt Chocolate — We Melt Chocolate (Annibale Records)

we melt chocolate by we melt chocolate

The reanimation of shoegaze pioneers My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive and Ride has brought renewed attention to the genre’s flourishing across Europe, the US, and Japan during their absence. Italian band We Melt Chocolate — that’s Vanessa Billi (voice and synth), Lorenzo Sbisa (guitar), Enrico Baroncelli (guitar), Marco Crowley Corvitto (bass) and Francesco Lopes (drums) — hit all the classic marks on their latest, excellently produced self-titled album. Ethereal vocals, banks of effects laden neo-psychedelic guitar, washes of synth, and a thick bottom end are all present and correct. Taking Loveless as their template, We Melt Chocolate strive for the epic and on tracks like “wishful” and “orange sky” reach it with elegance rather than sheer volume, although turning it up never hurts. We Melt Chocolate probably won’t convert non-believers, but fans of shoegaze and dream pop will find a lot to like here.

Andrew Forell

#dusted magazine #dust #cp unit #jennifer kelly #eluvium #ian mathers #frieda's roses #the futureheads #hammered hulls #nate knaebel #htrk #andrew forell #justin peter kinkel-schuster #justin cober-lake #longriver #the lunaires #bill nace #chik white #bill meyer #the national #reduction plan #rosenau and sanborn #we melt chocolate

[pipestonecreekgc]

Expect to play well

Expect to play well

By Nancy Quarcelino

Karrie Webb has been a force on the LPGA Tour for many years. Although she has not played well (by her own admission) the past few years, she played a great second round at the ISPS Handa Vic Open in Victoria, Australia shooting 65 (before firing a third-round 82 to miss the cut).

I listened to her interview after her round and when asked if she expected to play this well after being in a bit of a slump the past few years, I loved her response: “I don’t not try to play well.

The good players expect to play well. They expect to win. They do get disappointed when the round does not go the way they want, but the desire and will to play their best is still in them.

Phil Mickelson at Pebble Beach told in his interview before he started the Monday finish, that he is in his own bubble when he plays. He wanted to keep playing even in the dark, but when his playing partner did not want to finish, you could tell he was upset. He was in his bubble, alone in his own world, and did not want any distractions.

I had the great honor of helping two PGA/LPGA women professionals who played in the PGA Women’s Stroke Play in Port St. Lucie, Florida, with their games. Dr. Alison Curdt (LPGA T&CP Vice President) told me she was hitting the ball much shorter today so in her own words, “I just took longer clubs into the greens.” She had just shot 1 under for the day. Laurie Rinker (8-time LPGA Tour winner) wanted to get rid of her duck hook she played all day to a round of 69. “I just played my game the way it was.”

Play to play great. Have no fear. Don’t worry about the outcome. Take dead aim.

What do you tell yourself when you play? How do you talk to yourself on the golf course when your game is not going the way you want?

As Dr. Bob Rotella tells all of us “love the challenge of the day.” We all can learn from these great players.

Source here

The post Expect to play well appeared first on Pipestone Creek Golf Course.

[chokememrstark]

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 7

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2746 (Chapter 7 / 12)

Fic Summary: The next day, Sam returns to the hospital hopefully, only to be faced with the horrors that the last night brought for Lucifer. He never thought he would see his classmate the way he does now, but it makes him realize that his decision to help him was the right one.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.

Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.

This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥

Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @daddycasstiel @nnegann @blakechaos08

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

Sam would have loved to just stay in his bed forever and not think about anything other than sleep anymore, but he couldn't do that. He had promised Lucifer to come back today, and Raphael too, and he knew he couldn't break this promise. Too much depended on it, if he just stayed here he would be a total coward and an awful human being. So, when noon came closer, Sam pushed himself off the bed and got dressed properly.

With a duffle bag full of clothes and other necessities, as well as his laptop and the hope he was making the right decision, Sam locked the door to his room and made his way outside. He called a taxi to get to the hospital again, this time the ride was much shorter because they didn't stop to buy flowers. At the hospital Sam walked up to the info counter again, luckily facing the same young woman from the day before.

“Hello there!” she greeted him surprised. “Back for a visit?”

“For starters,” he smiled and showed her his bag. “I might stay a while, we'll see.”

“Right, doctor Francis told me! I’m really proud of you for offering your help, you are truly a wonderful young man.”

“Thank you, but it’s nothing,” Sam smiled awkwardly. He did not expect this kind of reaction.

“It’s more than most people would do,” the woman smiled back brightly. “Lucifer instructed me to let you through when you arrive, same way as yesterday.”

“Thank you.”

Sam had expected Lucifer to pick him up again, but he still remembered where they went to before luckily, so he easily found his way alone. He knocked at the door, hearing a quiet voice asking him to come in after a moment. When he did, he saw Raphael sitting upright in his bed and Lucifer laying half on his blanket, head on his arms and visibly asleep. He had to smirk at this sight. He closed the door as quiet as possible and walked over to the bed.

“Hey, Raph,” Sam whispered as the boy grinned at him. “Did your brother have a long night?”

“Dad was mean to him again,” Raphael scowled and looked at Lucifer. “He didn't get any sleep I think.”

“That's awful,” Sam said sadly and carefully carried another chair over to the bed to sit down. “Where's your little brother? Didn't he bring him over today?”

“Luci said he'll stay with friends for a while,” Raphael answered very quietly and visibly sad. “He didn't wanna tell me why. Maybe he was too tired.”

“I'm sure he'll be fine,” Sam assured the boy, but deep down he feared there was more behind it than just that. There was no reason to upset Raphael though, so he decided to ask Lucifer later and focus on his little brother for now. “What are you doing right now? Do you wanna play a game maybe?”

“Yes!” Raphael's eyes lightened up at the question. “But we have to be quiet so Luci can sleep.”

“I think we can do that,” Sam smiled.

After a bit of searching through one of the closets near the door, Sam found a memory game and a card game they could play and the two actually spent the next two hours with quiet laughter and silent victory cheers. Sam really enjoyed playing with Raphael. He was obviously really happy and excited about this new experience. They were in another round of playing cards - Sam tried to explain the basics of poker to the boy because he had asked and Raphael turned out to be a very good student - when Lucifer finally moved and slowly got up.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Raphael greeted his big brother, who looked at the two in front of them rather confused for a moment.

“Sam?” he asked before quickly hiding a yawn behind his hand. “What are you doing here?”

“Getting destroyed by your brother,” Sam laughed and put his cards down. “He's just too good for me to win.”

“I told you, I learn fast!” Raphael grinned and put the cards together to shuffle them. “Another round?”

“Later, okay?” Sam said and looked back at Lucifer. “I hope you don't mind, we didn't wanna wake you up, so we played some games.”

“It's alright, no worries.” Lucifer yawned again, rubbing his eyes. “Do you wanna grab a coffee?”

“Sure, do you mind Raphael?” Sam asked, but the boy just shook his head.

“I still got my book, I'll be fine.” Raphael smiled.

“We won't be gone for long, promised,” Lucifer said as he got up. Sam smiled at Raphael quickly before following the blond outside of the room.

“Your brother is really sweet,” Sam said as he followed Lucifer down into the cantina, to which the other simply nodded. Only after they got two strong coffees and sat down somewhere, Lucifer spoke again.

“Sorry for that, the sleeping thing, I mean.” Lucifer groaned and gulped down a huge sip of steaming brown liquid. “I didn't know you were coming over so early. I was just so damn tired, I guess I passed out.”

“Don't apologize, you needed some sleep,” Sam assured Lucifer and took a sip of his coffee too. “Raph and I had quite some fun together, it's alright.”

“Thanks for entertaining him a bit, I think he really misses company sometimes.”

“He got you at least, I'm sure he appreciates that.”

Lucifer sighed, but didn't answer. Sam thought he knew why. A brother was nice, but it was different from actually having friends and that seemed to get to Lucifer quite hard. He didn't want this for his brother and Sam understood. Just the thought of Dean being in a similar situation without him being able to do anything was more than just a little depressing.

“I talked to doctor Francis yesterday,” Lucifer eventually said without looking up. “He told me the tests were all positive, only the blood work needed to be done.”

“I know, I'm glad it all went well,” Sam nodded. “I made sure I can still keep up with school if I'll stay here, the counselor said I might be able to copy someone else's notes who keeps them online and reschedules a test I have, so it won't end in total chaos.”

“I never thought of that,” Lucifer chuckled deeply. “I'm already weeks behind again because I just said I'll be gone for a while. I already lost two years because of this, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had to drop out completely this time.”

“You have more important things on your mind than classes for now,” Sam smiled knowingly. “When this is all over I can help you catch up with everything if you want to. I mean, it’s just a few weeks now, right? I’m sure you can still make it.”

“I'll manage somehow, but thanks.” Lucifer shook his head, but more to himself than towards Sam. “I'm more worried about Gabe right now, I'm not sure if Raphael told you.”

“He said he stays with friends for a while because your dad was mean to you again.”

“That's the light version of what happened,” Lucifer scoffed. “I didn't want to scare him more than I had to, but he asked about his brother of course.”

“It's much worse, right?” Sam asked and Lucifer nodded sadly.

“CPS took him,” he said with the most heartbreaking shame in his voice. “One of the neighbors finally had enough and called the cops when my old man lost it again last night. Gabe  woke up from the noise and he has a huge bruise on his arm from falling a few days ago, they saw it of course didn't believe me when I told them about it and called CPS for his own safety. I saw it happen, even comforted him, but they didn't seem to listen. They thought dad beat him up and said they had to do it.”

“I'm so sorry, Lucifer,” Sam whispered and laid a hand on the other’s. “Is there nothing you can do? I’m sure they want him to be happy and well, right?”

“I might've made it worse when they said they'd take him… dad didn't give a shit about the news and somehow my hand and his nose had a small meeting. His nose lost.”

“Ouch.” Sam felt awful, but his lips still jerked at the thought of Lucifer breaking his dad's nose.

“He launched at me and they arrested him because I'm still a minor,” Lucifer smirked with a hint of pride. “But it'll be hard to get Gabe back, they told me. I talked to the CPS lady for a few hours and she said they won't let him go back to my dad. She believed me when I told her that I would do anything for him and that he never hit him, but if I want him back I need to file for custody and to do that I need a place to live and money and, of course, be a legal adult…”

“Fuck, that sure is a mess...”

“Yeah,” Lucifer huffed unamused. “They can't stay at the house because it's dad's and I can't work because Raphael needs me and I need a job to earn money to get a place to live with them. A dilemma if I ever saw one. Right now he’s in a very nice family with two other kids his age, the woman told me, but it’s just not his home, you know? It’s not  his family...”

“Well, for now Gabe is safe, right?” Sam tried to point out something positive, to which Lucifer nodded slowly. “Your dad can't hurt him and maybe things with Raphael will get better soon. One problem at a time.”

“If that idiot who calls himself our father would just die, a lot of our problems would be solved.”

“I guess you don't have any other family members around?”

“No, no one. I don't know where the hell Michael is and I don't care, all we got is dad and he's a useless piece of shit,” Lucifer sighed. “I'm sorry, I keep bothering you with all this crap, it must be really annoying.”

“Well, you have to talk to someone and I'm here. I’m glad if I can help somehow, even if it’s only with listening.”

“And you feel obliged to listen because of some dumb coincidence, don't you?”

“Do you really think that?” Sam wondered and gave Lucifer a curious glare. The blond shrugged.

“You don't know me, I don't know you, we're not even friends, even if everyone here thinks that,” Lucifer said, looking at Sam. “The one I am out there, the asshole that scares everybody by just looking at them? That’s a mask I'm wearing to protect my brothers. It stops people from talking to me and from stealing my time and attention, but you still didn't stay away. Why else if not for this dumb soulmate thing? Oh, don't look like that, do you think I didn't feel the same way you did?”

Sam felt his face heat up and looked away to hide his blatantly obvious blushing.

“So, I'm not making this up,” he said and bit his lip. “It’s true.”

“Yes and it's why you're here, why you want to help my brother even if you don't know him at all and why you listen to me rambling. It's not because you  want  to do it, it's because you  have  to.”

“I hate to disappoint you, but you're wrong,” Sam said and turned back to face Lucifer with a stern glare. “I'm not a cold-hearted monster, I would help your brother even without this shit going on.”

“But you wouldn't know him if it wasn't because of it, right?”

“No, I…” Sam blushed again, but this time kept his eyes on the other. “I wouldn't. But that doesn't change a thing, I'd still help him if I knew he needed it.”

Lucifer sighed. He looked into his empty cup, shook his head and got up to get himself another. When he came back he still had this very concentrated expression on his face that made Sam feel miserable.

“I'm not saying you wouldn't, don't get me wrong,” Lucifer continued, stirring his coffee. “But it's a fact that this soulmate thing exists and neither of us likes it. I don't have time for this, I can't afford thinking about it or allow it to consume me. My brothers need me, they don’t have anyone else they can count on. If I give into this I will be distracted and can’t be there for them anymore the way I have to anymore. I can see that you try to fight it yourself and you're starting to lose, that’s not good. It won't end well, it just can't. Soulmates or not doesn't matter, I can't afford these kind of things.”

“Do you know why I fight it?” Sam asked and Lucifer shook his head slowly, looking up from his coffee. “My parents were soulmates too and I saw what happens when you let it consume you. Mom got killed and dad just… he just stopped caring. All he does anymore is drink and yell and pass out in random places. I never knew what it's like to have a real family, a place you come home to and where you are loved and can just be happy. I only had my brother and the knowledge that soulmates destroy people. I don't associate them with love and compassion, just with coldness, anger and hate. If they were both still here, maybe things would be different. I’m the little brother in your story, the one that only ever had his big brother… it didn’t help strengthening my faith in soulmates.”

“And you're scared you'll end up like your dad, don't you?” Lucifer assumed, unknowingly hitting very close to home. “You're scared that you'll be unable to go on if something happens to your soulmate; that if they die, you won’t manage to live your life without them anymore.”

“In a way," Sam mumbled ashamed. "But that's not al, not reallyl. I don't know why I shouldn't be able to choose the one I spend my life with alone, you know? It's just not fair, I never asked to get a soulmate, I never asked to be played with like a puppet on strings. I have plans, I don't want my life to depend on someone I don't even know. It’s a selfish reason, I know, but it doesn’t change that I feel this way.”

“You're not as shallow as I thought you were,” Lucifer smirked at the other. “You know what you want, you're stubborn and determined. I like that. Kinda makes you less appalling.”

“T-thanks?” Sam didn't know what to think of this. Lucifer didn't try to flatter him right now, did he?

“I'm glad you want to help Raph, really,” Lucifer continued after nodding. “But I don't want to use you like that. You don’t owe me or him anything because of fate or coincidence, it would be wrong to ask you for it. Just don't do it because you feel like you have to, I guess, that's all I'm saying.”

“I don't do it because I have to, I  want   to do it,” Sam answered immediately, without hesitation. “Raphael deserves better and so do you and Gabe, soulmates or not. Even if we’d shake hands and never see each other again after this day I'd do it, because it's the right thing to do.”

“I can’t say I’m not relieved to hear that;” Lucifer sighed. “It’s just all too messed up, no matter what I do, it won’t work out. Meeting you was weird and kind of scary, I admit that. I didn’t expect something like this to happen anytime soon, it just wasn’t on my radar.”

“It wasn’t on mine either, in case that helps,” Sam smiled weakly. “I just wanted to study and become a lawyer to finally get away from my dad, you were not part of the plan.”

“Yeah, sorry for that,” Lucifer smirked. “I tried my hardest to throw you off at least, you gotta give me that.”

“Oh, I do,” Sam laughed. “I was so creeped out I whined to my brother about why I had to be punished like that.”

“Thanks.” Lucifer returned the laugh. “I guess he found it highly entertaining.”

“Yeah, he suggested a bullet to the head as the alternative of talking to you. Not really what I wanted either, so I decided to just talk to you.”

“Regret your decision already?”

“Meh,” Sam shrugged, not without a slight grin on his face. “You’re not what I expected, but I guess I could have had it worse.”

“You know,” Lucifer smiled, for the first time not only weakly. “If my brothers wouldn't suffer from it I'd actually consider to drop my thoughts on this whole soulmate topic. You're rather interesting.”

“You mean because I'm a stubborn idiot with daddy issues too?” Sam joked and Lucifer’s smile got a bit wider.

“Something like that, yeah,” Lucifer laughed.

#samifer #sam x lucifer #sam winchester #spn lucifer #soulmate!au #college!au #human!au #multi chapter fic #myfics

[swishandflickwit]

believer

A Henry-centric oneshot that takes place after the closing scene in the finale. 6x21x22 spoilers abound so read at your own risk!

Also on ff.net // AO3

He is in the bathroom.

He is completely blindsided.

He is in utter disbelief.

He is hiding.

He is in the bathroom –

And he has a daughter.

At the very least, he thinks, now I know what Emma felt like then.

For years – during every family gathering, every hometown visit and every holiday – they’d gather round at Granny’s and recount all their great adventures together, never failing to recall the one that started it all of course, his journey to finding his birth mom.

I love you, kid, she’d tell him, but you gotta work on your delivery! She’d chide with a sarcastic roll of her eyes, one that he’d return as she ruffled his hair, but unfailingly accompanied by an affectionate smile on her lips and tender swipe of her thumb across his cheek.

He used to love those moments.

(Used to, but not anymore. Not since –)

But now… now–

I’m Lucy. I’m your daughter.

–now he has a child of his own, apparently. A girl.

She is all dark eyes, golden skin and bouncing curls, and no matter how many times he tries to suppress the memories, flashes of similar features that should have been a blur from 10 years ago stand out sharply and contrasted in his mind.

(His head wants to forget, but his heart – spun from light and belief – his foolish, foolish heart, won’t let him)

“Hey, do you have any food in here? I’m starving!” There’s a scuffle, rubber skidding across the linoleum of the kitchen floor then the creak of a cabinet door before she calls out again, “Never mind, found some!”

Her voice pierces through the narrow wood of the bathroom door and despite the crippling panic that endeavors to grab him and bring him to his knees, he cannot help the brief flicker of a smile that steals across his lips.

A smile that threatens to grow once he’s stepped out and seen that she’s helped herself to the strawberry Poptarts that he himself had just been about to partake in for a meager dinner.

But he doesn’t let his amusement show. Instead, chooses to adopt a stern expression as he asks her who she really is, what she’s doing there and what she actually wants.

His expression turns graver as she insists upon her earlier truth, his daughter, god, as she spins a tale of curses that span realms and a Darkness that threatens to consume and he needs to go, and it’s all too familiar, all too real and all too painful.

Despite his gut urging him to listen, to trust her, to believe (his heart begins a low beat, thrumming in a way it hasn’t for a long time), he just refuses doesn’t. he pulls a page out of his birth mom’s book and makes to call CPS. His hand closes round his phone except –

“Please.”

– except she whispers the word, carrying it right across the space between them, and his heart thuds even harder against his ribcage.

It’s not even the word or the way she’s said it that does him in, rather it’s the unspoken I need you that hangs in the air – echoing loudly in his ears she might as well have shouted it, and worming right into his beaten heart.

He doesn't believe her, really. He doesn't. But even the smallest possibility that she could be telling the truth, that she might actually be his, their, kid tugs at a part of him he's afraid is already crumbling in resolve, and he finds he can't refuse her.

(He ignores the voice in his head, one whom he hasn't thought of in years and sounds awfully like his grandmother, that whispers at the power of the possibility of belief.)

He sighs.

“Where do I need to go?”

“Home.”

He feels himself blanche. It’s one word but it’s everything. Home, he thinks. He used to believe he knew where that was. He used to believe that home would always be there, waiting for him. He used to believe home was Storybrooke. Then he found himself changing that belief and home became her.

He used to believe a lot of things.

And now he doesn’t.

He looks at her, her dark brown eyes wide and imploring and he feels his resolve slip. He tells her to grab her coat and her answering whoop makes something in his battered and bruised heart stir.

“I still don’t believe you, you know.”

The way she smiles, the curling of the corner of her mouth familiar and causing him to gulp down the memories that suddenly crash over him, makes him think that he fools no one, not her and most especially, not himself.

“Sure,” she quips with a trademark roll of her eyes.

Damn, she is my kid. The thought enters his mind unbidden and he falters, struggles against the urge to bring a hand to his chest as his heart flutters timidly but rapidly inside him.

Believe, it whispers. Believe.

As they go out of his shoddy apartment complex, he asks her what she’s clutching and she shows him the unfamiliar, white bookbinding but the incredibly familiar lettering and he feels himself stutter.

Believe, his heart begins to chant.

But his heart has been too still, too broken, darkened as it is by anger and grief and longing and so he just doesn't. He doesn't want to is the thing and he isn't ready for this. He isn't ready to dive headfirst into what is undoubtedly another pool of heartache, not again and maybe not ever.

They step into the dark and cold night and onto the sidewalk where they have to cross to get to his car. So focused is he on trying to drown out his traitorous heart that he nearly misses the way her hand instinctively closes around his as they cross the street.

He succeeds, for the most part, in steadying his heart into a dull thrum.

But whatever short progress he makes dwindles when in that one simple contact, coupled with the excited spring in her step as she innocently sways their arms between them when they cross, he feels his heart truly begin to start again.

(Believe, believe, believe)

They set off onto the road, him insisting that he's only doing this cause someone (he refuses to think it's her because she would tell him, right? But also refuses to think of the permanent alternative and so doesn't dare dwell on that at all) is looking for her and he should at least get her home.

She obviously sees through him cause all she does is giggle. He keeps driving.

His heart thunders in his chest.

(Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing)

And when she shoots him a look, the dazzling gleam in her eyes loaded with unfettered hope. He thinks, maybe… maybe.

Believe, believe, BELIEVE –

He just might.

AN: Yo, I saw it coming but, I did not see it coming. That last scene in the finale gave me soooo many S1 feels and this just came right out of me! And I know it's an unpopular opinion but, I'm actually so excited to see adult Henry's story unfold this coming season!

#ouat #henry mills #ouat ff #ouat fan fic #ouat spoilers #heart of the truest believer #swishandflickwit ff

[hailridge]

Expect to Play Well

GolfWRX

Expect to play well

By Nancy Quarcelino

Feb 26, 2019

Karrie Webb has been a force on the LPGA Tour for many years. Although she has not played well (by her own admission) the past few years, she played a great second round at the ISPS Handa Vic Open in Victoria, Australia shooting 65 (before firing a third-round 82 to miss the cut).

I listened to her interview after her round and when asked if she expected to play this well after being in a bit of a slump the past few years, I loved her response: “I don’t not try to play well.

The good players expect to play well. They expect to win. They do get disappointed when the round does not go the way they want, but the desire and will to play their best is still in them.

Phil Mickelson at Pebble Beach told in his interview before he started the Monday finish, that he is in his own bubble when he plays. He wanted to keep playing even in the dark, but when his playing partner did not want to finish, you could tell he was upset. He was in his bubble, alone in his own world, and did not want any distractions.

I had the great honor of helping two PGA/LPGA women professionals who played in the PGA Women’s Stroke Play in Port St. Lucie, Florida, with their games. Dr. Alison Curdt (LPGA T&CP Vice President) told me she was hitting the ball much shorter today so in her own words, “I just took longer clubs into the greens.” She had just shot 1 under for the day. Laurie Rinker (8-time LPGA Tour winner) wanted to get rid of her duck hook she played all day to a round of 69. “I just played my game the way it was.”

Play to play great. Have no fear. Don’t worry about the outcome. Take dead aim.

What do you tell yourself when you play? How do you talk to yourself on the golf course when your game is not going the way you want?

As Dr. Bob Rotella tells all of us “love the challenge of the day.” We all can learn from these great players.

Originally published on GolfWRX

golfwrx.com/547148/expect-to-play-well/

The post Expect to Play Well appeared first on Hail Ridge Golf Course.

[persephones-journey]

Book Review: All Good Deeds

This book is by Stacy Green and it is a Lucy Kendall thriller.

Lucy Kendall had seen the worst life had to offer. She used to work for CPS and she had seen over and over the system fail children. After a judge refuses to listen to her and releases a man from prison who as a child had raped and murdered a little girl, Lucy had enough. She took matters into her own hands and began giving out her own brand of justice on pedophiles who managed to escape justice. She believes she is doing what is right until one night she is confronted by a man who knows her secret. She is barely able to deal with that when she hears of a little girl who has been taken. To make matters worse in Lucy’s eyes, the little girl lived across the street from Justin Beckett, the man who had been released and who Lucy believed was still a danger to little girls. Lucy is determined to find the girl and put Justin back behind bars where she believes he belongs. However, instead she gets pulled into the case and discovers that she may have been wrong about Justin all along, and if she was, what does that mean about her own personal brand of justice?

I enjoyed this book. I thought it was exciting but also realistic. I also thought it brought up very valid questions. And Lucy while she not a complete hero, her character does seem good but it’s a different kind of good. The book and Lucy’s character make you question if pedophiles should be killed or not? Should they suffer longer prison sentences or can they be helped and change? And the ending, well I saw some of it coming but not all of it, so that made it exciting. I highly recommend this book. it’s a great thought provoking read. 

#all good deeds #stacy green #book #books #book review #book lover

[sircarolyn]

actually, further from my last point, all of joburg is about deconstructing the douglas performance. the image he presents as the cool guy who drops sweets for his daughter, the suave guy who makes quips and jokes about doing illegal stuff. and martin and arthur, trying to be that become a parody, 'i'm glad we're stuck under this bridge' and faith in one's instincts but they can't be douglas because 'douglas' doesn't exist. meanwhile douglas is trying to hold onto 'douglas' so badly he washes a car. image is everything to him. like herc, he's too busy trying to be his own performance that he sabotages himself in the meantime. argh

#lucy listens to cp #cabin pressure

[sircarolyn]

controversial opinion perhaps but i don't actually hate kuala lumpur. is everyone mean to martin? maybe more so than necessary, yes. but that is exactly how it feels though, to be in a room of 'normal' people, to know you're nothing like them and even if you try, you can't pretend to be. to be the eternal outsider

#lucy listens to cp #and yes douglas and carolyn are mean to him about this by stringing him along #but arthur and carolyn are cute #and i'm in a Mood so it's hitting :/

[sircarolyn]

you know, martin does it in cremona too - arthur treats martin with this absolute faith and reverence, but martin just treats him like he's a massive hindrance and also idiot. says a lot about s1 martin i think. that he's so busy trying to prove himself that he turns into a dick

#lucy listens to cp #cabin pressure

[sircarolyn]

not to be back on my 'arthur isn't stupid it's just no one understands him' box but like. his logic in ipswich for the exam questions makes sense! 'we always carry at least one steward so the minimum number of passengers is one' makes sense! it's a reasonable logical leap! and if you actually pay attention there are loads of these, he's just not academic in the slightest and he doesn't necessarily follow '''normal''' logic. but he's not stupid. he never has been

#lucy listens to cp

[sircarolyn]

carolyn in rotterdam telling martin 'we'll let you know' re his bad acting vs martin telling the gang 'they're going to let me know' re his fear over going to swiss. is this anything

#lucy listens to cp #also douglas and arthur in rotterdam are SO cute #'i think you might be being hard on yourself' 😭😭😭

[sircarolyn]

it is just the way herc is so sincere to arthur. it's the way he takes him seriously. it's the way he believes that arthur might have heard of satre but is dismissive of carolyn for not liking opera. AND it's the way linda immediately assumes martin MUST have heard the cal air drama like they're not a tiny little airline too. much to think about

#lucy listens to cp