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imaginesfordifferentfandoms · 1 year

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Hold You To That

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Prompt - ‘A person could hold a longing in them all their life, but every now and again it broke the surface and breathed.’

Sometimes it was easier to distance yourself from a situation, when you could see it playing out in front of you, could see that you were only setting yourself up for heartbreak, setting yourself up to fail, it was easier to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.

It was the smart thing to do, taking yourself away from the situation would save you a world of pain, of hurt, of wasting your nights away thinking about the what if’s. And you were smart, you usually put yourself first and could deal with things not going your way.

But when it came to him…god you felt like you were the dumbest person alive. You’d tried at the beginning, you really had tried to step back, to put some distance between the growing friendship when you realised your eyes gazed at his smile for too long, when you realised you were doing anything to hear his laugh, you really had taken a step back and thought of the pros and cons.

There hadn’t been too many cons but there was one major one that stopped you telling him how you felt.

Penelope Garcia also liked him.

You could see it a mile away, could see it in the way she insulted him and complained about him behind his back. You could see it in the stolen glances both of them risked and the smiles that pulled at their faces when the other looked away.

You knew letting your feelings develop would only hurt you but by the time you had realised they were there it was too late.

Luke and you had been fast friends, it hadn’t taken more than a conversation or two for you to feel comfortable around him; to start smiling naturally around him. The two of you worked well together, easily able to read each other without a word and moving together silently to catch whatever unsub you were dealing with. It hadn’t taken long for Hotch to notice and the two of you were paired together more often than not nowadays.

The close bond you’d developed at work bled into your personal lives and it wasn’t long before you were spending as much time at the other's house as you were your own. Luke had a draw of your things in his place, clothing and toiletries swapped from your to go bag into his draw and bathroom, his hoodies had found their way into your closest as his own spare sets of clothes lay in their own draw and a collection of Roxy’s toys and spare bowls occupied a corner of your living room like they’d always been there.

By the time you realised you liked Luke it was too late, you and Luke’s lives were so connected, the daily routines you had made around each other were too developed. You tried putting some distance between the two of you, tried keeping it professional and only seeing him at work but Luke hadn’t let that last for more than a few days before he called you out on why you were avoiding him. Obviously you hadn’t been able to tell him the real reason and that had left you standing in front of him like an idiot as your mouth opened and closed before you were saved by Hotch calling you all into brief on the newest case.

Distance hadn’t worked, so instead you tried just shoving your feelings down. Naturally that also didn’t work but there wasn’t much else you could do. It was hard to hide how you felt, watching as Penelope and Luke went back and forth with each other and having to hide how much it hurt you was difficult at the best of times but when you were surrounded by some of the best profilers in the country…well it was nearly impossible. Thankfully though most of the team hadn’t noticed, you were pretty sure Rossi knew from the sympathetic looks he shot you but he had never called you out on it so you didn’t mind you hadn’t completely been able to hide it.

It had been years since Luke had joined the team and not much had changed, Luke and Penelope had only gotten more comfortable around each other, you had continued to fall harder and harder for Luke as each day passed and kept on shoving it so far down until it hurt.

“Y’know,” Rossi said from your side, causing you to startle as you hadn’t heard him. You had been too busy watching Luke lean against the counter, giving Penelope a soft smile as she had her back turned to him, their words not loud enough for you to hear from your desk. “Sometimes we put other people’s happiness above our own too much.”

You turned away from the break area and looked at Rossi who was leaning against your desk, looking at you with a soft look of concern.

“Rossi,” you began with a sigh, “I’m not about to ruin my friendship with Penelope just to get rejected.”

“Who said anything about rejection?” Rossi shot back, his lips twitching upwards as you rolled your eyes and gestured discreetly over to the pair.

“Seriously, Rossi? Aren’t you meant to be one of the best profilers? They like each other, I’ve known that for years now so any hurt I’m feeling is on me.” You told him, trying to keep your voice firm but it shook a little, betraying you, not that you could hide much from Rossi.

“Y/N,” Rossi sighed, bringing his hand up to rest on yours but you shook your head and pulled away from him as you stood from your seat.

“Please just drop it, Rossi.” You pleaded softly and Rossi just nodded at you sadly, watching as you walked away.

Luke’s attention was pulled away from Penelope and over to you, his smile softening as he watched you and Rossi talking amongst yourselves. It only took a moment before his eyebrows knitted together as he watched you swallow hard, your jaw tensing as you listened to whatever Rossi was saying. It was when you stood up that he took a step forward without meaning to, noticing how shaky your hands were even as you clenched them in a fist to hide it.

He watched as you left the room and missed the way Rossi’s eyes followed him as he left after you.

“Hey,” he called and watched as you tensed before seemingly forcing yourself to relax as you stopped and waited for him to catch up to you with a few quick strides. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” you told him as you looked past his shoulder rather than at him. “Rossi and I were just, it doesn’t matter, everything’s fine.”

“Y/N,” he murmured softly and watched as your jaw tightened slightly, “c’mon talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you told him, keeping your voice as even as you could before taking a steadying breath. “Listen, if there was something to talk about I’d tell you, ok?” You lied and watched as Luke looked over you once more before nodding.

“Alright,” he said with a smile and you felt yourself relax, sure maybe you and Luke would never be a thing and you would spend so much time longing over what could have been but Luke was still here, he was still smiling at you, he was still your friend and that was enough.

It had to be.

“You wanna get some lunch?” He asked you, keeping his tone light and smile in place. “My hands cramping from all this paperwork.”

You laughed and suddenly Luke felt his smile become more real, of course he was still worried over whatever you and Rossi had been talking about but if you wouldn’t talk to him then the least he could do was take your mind off it.

“Sure, I could use a break.” You answered and mirrored his expression back to him even if it did carry a hint of sadness in it, you would savour any moment you had with Luke, dating or not.

“Good, my treat.” He insisted and when you went to open your mouth he shushed you before he broke out into a grin and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him as he led you to the elevator.

And so it passed like that for a long time, you forcing yourself to be content just being Luke’s friend, watching as him and Penelope settled into whatever kind of relationship they had going and your feelings for Luke just never letting up, never giving you a break.

You thought it might have been easier when Penelope left, much as you hated the thought because you loved Penelope, she was one of your best and closest friends, but not having to watch her and Luke every day at work made it easier to ignore your feelings, ignore the hurt you hated feeling when you saw them together.

It had been easier for a while until covid hit and the team was pulled apart, you and Luke were pulled apart. Where Luke, JJ and Rossi got to stay with the BAU, Spencer and Matt had been sent on secret missions that only Emily, with her promotion, and the other FBI higher ups were allowed to know about, Tara had been sent well honestly you were even sure where she was now but you hadn’t seen here in too long and then there was you.

You had been requested back with the FBI’s Undercover and Sensitive Operation Unit, a job you had worked for years prior to transferring to the BAU. You hadn’t minded at first, honestly you hardly protested at all, Emily promised it was a three month assignment and then everyone would be back together and as much as the thought of not seeing Luke for three months ached another part of you needed it.

But now it had been three years, the undercover mission you had originally been assigned to long since complete, along with four others and here you were in California deep undercover as you worked a drug case. You and Luke hadn’t seen each other for more than a few minutes in nearly two years and now here you were on opposite ends of the country, not even able to call each other for fear of blowing the operation.

Thankfully you were nearing the end of this operation, waiting on one last bit of evidence that would find all the big names in jail before the week was over. It only took two more days before you were in a hotel room, dreading the call where you’d have to decline another operation because…honestly you were drained. You missed your team, you’d done three years of back to back undercover work and you just wanted to go home.

You missed your friends, missed your own bed, your own identity. You missed Luke. God, you missed him so bad. You didn’t know what was happening with him anymore, three years ago the two of you couldn’t have imagined going a day without seeing each other yet alone nearly two years.

You used to love your position with the undercover unit but after spending so much time with the BAU you knew that was where you were meant to be. Just as you sat on the bed and picked your phone up to call Emily and plead with her to get you back it lit up with a call from Luke.

You felt some of the tension leave you just seeing his name before your eyes went wide and you quickly answered it. Luke never called, he knew it was dangerous to call you and you hadn’t let him know your operation was over.

Something was wrong.

“Hey, can you talk?” He asked, a smile on his face as the video call connected but he kept his voice hushed.

“Luke,” You breathed out, cursing yourself as you felt your eyes sting at hearing him for the first time in months, you took a shaky breath before nodding. “I finished my op today, I was just about to call Emily and then you.”

“Oh thank God!” Luke breathed a sigh of relief as his smile broke out into a grin, “I’ve missed you, Y/N/N.”

“I miss you too.” You choked out, feeling the tears you’d tried to blink away well up and you shook your head as you let out a shaky laugh. “I miss you so much.”

You didn’t care if Luke pieced it together, didn’t care that right now you were just too tired to push down your feelings, didn’t care that they had been dragged up to the surface so abruptly and it was too much. You didn’t know if Luke and Penelope were together, you knew they had gone on a date before everything had been ripped apart so you hadn’t exactly been able to keep up to date with how it had gone but right now you didn’t care.

You just wanted Luke.

“Hey, hey, you’re alright.” Luke murmured softly, his own eyes tearing up as he swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffed as you wiped at your eyes, “I’m sorry, I’m just so tired, Luke. I just want to come home, I miss everyone so much, I miss you. I’m gonna call Emily and see if she can arrange for me to come back because I can’t do another six months away.”

“Well then I’m glad I called,” Luke smiled and your eyebrows knitted together as you looked at him but before you could say anything Luke spoke, “we’ve got a situation down here and we need you back.”

You let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob causing Luke to grin at you through the phone and you grinned back even as more tears slid down your cheeks.

“Thank you.” You managed to choke out and Luke’s smile widened even more.

Luke had briefed you on what they had so far which, admittedly, wasn’t much. He gave you the rundown and had one of the new tech analysts send you over whatever else they had so once you boarded the plane you filled the five hour flight with getting up to speed with the case.

By the time you landed it was already midday so you got an uber to your apartment, took a quick shower and only spared half of a longing glance towards your bed before changing into some work clothes and heading over to join everyone else.

You felt a wave of relief hit you once you were in the elevator and nearly cried with happiness as the door opened and you could see your desk. You walked in and saw through the window that everyone had gathered in the round table room so made your way up the stairs and stood in the doorway.

It only took a moment for Emily to glance over at you before her face lit up and she made her way over to you, her arms already open and you easily went into them wrapping your arms around her and forcing yourself not to cry.

“Oh it is so good to see you.” She said and you could only nod into her shoulder and grip her a little bit tighter. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get you back sooner.”

You nodded again into her shoulder and pulled away from her, giving her a shaky smile. You opened your mouth to tell her it was ok but you were stopped when you saw movement behind her, glancing over her shoulder to see Luke standing up and staring at you with wide, also watery, eyes.

“Y/N.” Luke said softly, so softly you almost didn’t hear him, especially over the sound of your heart pounding in your chest.

Emily looked between the two of you as she stepped aside but you hardly noticed her any more as you took two steps forward, Luke moved forward to and pulled you into his arms, you practically melted into them, unable to stop the tears as you buried your head in Luke’s chest and he gripped the back of your jacket tightly in his fists.

“I missed you so much.” He whispered into your hair and you nodded against him, letting out a shaky breath before you were able to speak.

“I missed you too, every day, every single day.” You told him, the words muffled against his shirt but he heard them clearly and you squeezed your eyes shut tightly when you felt him press a gentle, lingering kiss to the top of your head.

The two of you didn’t move, content to stay in each other’s arms after going so long without seeing each other, needing to feel the other against you, hear them breathing and feel them in your arms to reassure yourself that they were here. You probably would have stayed like that all day if you were interrupted.

“Alright, alright we get it, you two missed each other.” Rossi said, causing you to jump slightly and feel more than hear Luke’s chuckle. “But other people missed you too, kid.”

You grinned into Luke’s chest even as your cheeks were stained with tears before pulling away, looking up at him and feeling your cheeks heat up to see him smiling so softly at you. You finally glanced away and looked over to Rossi who winked at you causing you to laugh softly before you let him pull you into a tight hug.

“I missed you too, Rossi.” You murmured, brushing one hand up and down his back as you lowered your voice slightly, knowing that everyone else in the room could still hear but it didn’t matter. “And I’m really sorry I couldn’t be here for you-”

“Hey now, none of that.” Rossi interrupted and pulled you away from him before placing his hands on your cheeks and gently brushing the tears away causing you to smile sadly at him. “I’m okay and you’re back now, nothing else matters.”

Your heart ached as you looked at Rossi, losing Krystall had taken its toll on him but he was right you were back and he was ok, things would be ok. Rossi patted your cheeks gently before he pulled you close and placed a kiss on your forehead causing your smile to brighten.

“It’s really good to have you back, kid.”

And you were back, immediately thrown into work with no more catching up with anyone. It was impossible to crack anything without Penelope and your heart ached something fierce when Luke offered to go and try to get her back. You’d forgotten how much this bit hurt, for three years you hadn’t had time to dwell on it, too wrapped up in your undercover work to even think about your actual life but now it was like you never left.

You shook your head and focused back on the case at hand, working away until Luke walked back into the room and handed a hot mug which you took gratefully.

“How’d it go with Penelope?” You asked and watched as he shook his head with a frown.

“I get it, you know?” He said and your eyebrows knitted together as you waited for him to carry on. “This job takes its toll on all of us but her, it took everything she had and she never complained. I hate that we’re trying to drag her back into this.”

“If there was another option you’d take it, even if it took longer to crack the case, you’d take it to protect Penelope. This isn’t on you, Luke, whatever happens in this case, if Penelope comes back and it’s too much, that’s not on you.” You assumed they were together, they had to be, it had been years since their first date and there was no denying their chemistry, so you’d sit back like you always had and not get it in the way of that, no matter how much you selfishly wanted to after being away for so long.

“God, I’ve missed having you around.” Luke breathed out and you smiled over at him. “When this case is over I’m taking you out for dinner, it’s my turn to buy.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” You laughed and shifted closer to him, close enough that your arms brushed against each other and you hesitated for a moment before letting yourself have one selfish moment, Luke wouldn’t think too much of it, you’d been gone for so long it made sense you’d be a bit more clingy.

You let your head rest against his shoulder and felt Luke relax into the touch as he gently rested his head on top of yours, tilting slightly so he could press a kiss into your hair as he did. Neither of you spoke, both of you were content where you were.

That brief moment of peace was all you were able to steal before you were separated again, Luke working with JJ on finding a connection as you stayed with Penelope, who had thankfully come back because you seriously didn’t know how you were going to finish this case without her.

You desperately wanted to ask Penelope about her and Luke, wanted to know as badly as you didn’t want to know but you couldn’t ask her yet. Now wasn’t the time, right now you had to focus on the case.

“I’m telling you I hate this guy, hate him! I mean first he brings me back to this job and I love you people, Y/N, you know I love you with my whole heart but I was out! And then he refuses to work with me, like I’m the problem, me! And now, now Rossi and Emily are teaming up and making me work with him.” Penelope ranted as the two of you walked to the ballpen, a smile on your face as you listened to her.

God, you really had missed being back.

“Good luck.” You grinned as you made your way over to your desk, Luke already leaning against it, as Penelope turned to glare at you before disappearing into the room with Tyler Green.

“Think Rossi will be able to get anywhere with him?” You heard JJ ask as you joined them, leaning against the desk next to Luke who was looking towards the briefing room with a fond grin.

“I think the real question is, will he survive Garcia? It looks like Tyler Green is Garcia's Most Hated." Luke said, amusement clear in his tone and you smiled even as you felt a pang of hurt at the affection in his voice.

“Sounds like you miss it, buddy.” Tara said with a grin and Luke chuckled warmly as he turned back to you all.

“No. He can have that title.” Luke said, the fondness in his expression staying even as you got to work on the case, pointedly ignoring every time you and Luke brushed against each other.

The case seemed to lead to more dead ends than anything else, victims and witnesses refusing to help and share their story, share who their attacker was, it was driving you crazy.

“Here,” Luke said, handing you a warm to go cup and a sandwich from the coffee shop down the road. “You look like you can use a break.”

“God you’re the best, Luke Alvez.” You grinned as you took the items from him and both sat at your desk. “I feel like I can’t complain though, I mean this case is rough but I’ve missed being here.”

“We never did get a chance to talk about your undercover ops.” Luke prompted after swallowing a bite of his own sandwich. “I know you can’t say much but are you ok? I mean from what little you told me and what I was able to piece together from Emily, it seems like it was just back to back assignments with no chance to breathe.”

“I don’t know, I mean, it’s the unit I worked with before the BAU so I already knew how hard it was but…I don’t know, Luke. I mean I’m tired, I’m exhausted but I also haven’t had a moment to think about adjusting back from that to this. It’ll hit me at some point, it always does, but I guess we’ve been so busy here it just hasn’t yet.” You told him, wishing you could go into detail but even if you were allowed to you wouldn’t share it with anyone, especially Luke, he didn’t need to know the horrors you’d seen out there.

Luke reached over and cupped his hand on your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting it rest there as he spoke.

“You call me, the second it hits you, you call me and I’ll be there.” Luke promised and gave you a stern look that caused you to smile before you nodded.

“I promise.” You swore and Luke nodded once seriously before a smile broke out on his face and he switched the conversation to a lighter topic and if your gaze stayed locked on his smile for longer than necessary, well you were allowed to be a little bit selfish sometimes.

“Give me a minute,” you interrupted Luke as you watched Penelope leave the briefing room looking shaken. Luke turned to follow your gaze and frowned in concern but watched the two of you leave together and he knew Penelope was in good hands.

“Hey, what happened?” You asked softly as the two of you entered Penelope’s office.

“I don’t want to talk about it but that guy, Tyler Green, is a jerk and he infuriates me.” Penelope fumed and you nodded at her, knowing her well enough to see she’d shut down even more if you carried on questioning her.

“Alright, so we won’t talk about it.” You agreed easily and she turned to face you with a grateful look. “We’re still waiting for leads to be verified so I’m free until they call me away.”

“How are you?” Penelope suddenly asked and you frowned at her, did you really look so bad that both Luke and Penelope were concerned? “Sorry, I just meant, this whole Sicarius thing has been constant since we both came back, I missed you like crazy and we’re together again and haven’t spoken about anything but this stupid case.”

“I’m okay,” you told her, unsure why you were lying so easily to her but hadn’t been able to tell Luke the same thing. “Once this case is over we’ll have a girls night but for now, I really just want to focus on this case.”

“You’ll tell me if you need anything, won’t you? Even just a hug.” Penelope asked and you couldn’t help but chuckle warmly at her as you nodded, a surge of love filling you as you looked at your best friend.

This is why you stayed silent all those years, why you let yourself fall in love with Luke Alvez without a word. It was because you loved Penelope Garcia, she was your best friend and if Luke made her happy then you would never get between that.

“What’s going on?” You asked Luke as you slipped back into the bullpen a while later and Luke shifted closer to you as he filled you in on the new lead, telling you that there was something connected to Sicarius in Georgia.

“JJ, Luke, I want the two of you in Georgia by nightfall.” Emily commanded and you couldn’t help but frown slightly, watching as Luke’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he glanced between you and Emily, even JJ looked slightly surprised you and Luke weren’t being paired together.

“Um, yeah sure, on it.” JJ murmured as she tapped Luke’s arm and gestured for him to follow her.

“Be safe.” You told him softly and he took your hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze before nodding and turning to follow JJ and you could only watch him leave before turning to Emily who spoke before you could.

“I need you in with Tyler Green, Garcia refuses to work with him, see if he knows anything about Benjamin Reeves and get him and Garcia on the case together.” She said, passing a file to you before turning on her heel and walking away.

You sighed before heading into the briefing room and placing the file down.

“You’re new.” Tyler said as he lifted his gaze to you and you nodded at him.

“Agent Y/L/N.” You told him before jumping right into why you were here. “Benjamin Reeves, does that name ring a bell to you?”

“Well hello to you too,” he muttered but you just sat down next to him and pulled the tablet close to you. “Reeves, no, never heard of him. Should I have?”

“Maybe, he’s a possible Sicarius connection we’re looking into, could be nothing, could be something.” You explained, turning to face Tyler. “ Reeves had a thing for biting people, a wannabe cannibal.”

“Now that rings a bell.” Tyler told you and you raised an eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue. “Look up the term ‘overbite’, you should get something.”

It took you a few minutes to pull the servers up, you weren’t bad with technology but you were no Penelope Garcia and all of this looked like a different language to you. Eventually you had overbite searched up and results appeared. You and Tyler went through the chats together, him explaining the private chats to you as you searched for something.

“I don’t get it.” You murmured to yourself causing Tyler to raise an eyebrow at you.

“Get what?” He asked when you didn’t say anything else and just continued to stare at the screen.

“A rich kid like him, he has everything, there’s no way Sicarius found a way to convince Reeves to kill himself when things got bad. This Sicarius, much as I hate the bastard, is smart, he’s planned for every version of events, every contingency, so why bring Reeves in?” You questioned, not so much directing them to Tyler but needing to work through it aloud.

“Think about it,” Tyler said and you turned to look at him expectantly. “Sicarius has this whole operation, something like this costs money. Your Reeves guy, he’s the funding, I’d bet Reeves knows all about Sicarius’ operation and he has special privileges.”

“But soon enough Reeves’ will just be a loose end.” You realised, standing up to go and tell Emily they needed to find Benjamin Reeves.

You didn’t have a good feeling about this.

Before you left the room you turned to Tyler, you needed Penelope on this case and Tyler seemed to be proving useful.

“Listen, we need to know everything Reeves and Sicarius are talking about. We need to find out what their plans are. This could be our shot at Sicarius. Now I can’t do it, you don’t know where this private forum is but…” You said watching the man sigh before he interrupted you to finish your sentence.

“Penelope can. Fine, bring her back in.” He told you and you laughed at him before shaking your head.

“I have a serial killer to help catch, you’re gonna have to grovel and get her back yourself.” You grinned at him and watched him put his head in his hands. “Talk to Rossi, he’s good at messing up with women and winning them back.”

“Emily!” You called as you watched her enter the room, jogging down to meet her half way. “Tell me you still have Reeves’ here.”

“No, he was let go.” She told you and you cursed softly causing her to frown. “What is it?”

“We need to get to him. Now.” You told her and you were already moving past her, nearly knocking into the Deputy Director.

Both of them followed you out and into one of the SUV’s as you filled Emily in on your theory that Reeves’ was a lot closer to Sicarius than any of you had originally thought, that Reeves could be the one to lead you to the head of the network.

“Fuck!” You cursed as you all entered the house and saw the Senator dead on the floor, bite marks clear on her face and body and you turned away from her, not able to feel anything but anger at the thought of your best lead slipping away.

The ride back to the office was quiet and you prayed Penelope had managed to find something, no doubt that Tyler would have listened to you and convinced her back to the case. You checked your phone before getting out of the car and forced yourself to breathe when you saw Luke hadn’t texted you back.

As you and Emily walked in Tara was already making her way over to you with a tablet in hand.

“Benjamin Reeves' jet just touched down at the Municipal Airport in Whitfield County, Georgia." She told you both urgently.

“What?” You said, frowning as you snatched the tablet of her and read over it.

“That's where he said the ‘buried treasure’ was.” Emily murmured as she looked over your shoulder and down at the tablet.

“Something's not right.” You said as you pushed the tablet into Emily’s hands and pulled your phone out, already pulling up Luke’s contact.

“What...he should be flying to Brazil. Why would he lead us to more evidence?” Emily asked in confusion as she thought back to their conversation.

“You think it's a trap?” Tara asked her but Emily shook her head.

“No. I think Benjamin Reeves is a patsy and he's too dumb to know it.” She said.

“I’m calling Luke, I’ll let him know him and JJ have company.” You said, phone already against your ear as you spoke.

“Hey Y/N/N, we’ve just got here, how’s everything back there?” He asked and you felt a shiver of fear run through you, something really wasn’t right with this case and it had you on edge. Every part of you wanted to tell Luke to fall back, that it was a dead end and to come home, part of you wanted to scream at Emily for not letting you go with Luke.

“Reeves is coming to you.” You said instead and pushed everything down into the same space you kept your feelings for Luke. “His jet just landed there, be careful Luke.”

“Hey, I’ll be fine.” Luke assured but something in you wasn’t letting you relax.

“Luke,” you breathed into the phone and you heard him tell JJ to wait a second, there was some rustling and you assumed he was taking the phone off speaker and moving a few steps away from JJ.

“Talk to me, what’s wrong?” He asked and you shook your head, seeing Tara and Emily looking over at you and you followed Luke’s lead as you moved into the hallway.

“I don’t know, ok? I just-Luke, I have a really bad feeling about this one.” You told him, not wanting to worry him but you always trusted your instincts, you’d rather Luke be overly aware of his surroundings and nothing happening than have him let his guard down and Reeves get the upper hand.

“Alright, okay, I trust you, Y/N. We take this one seriously, careful every step of the way. I’ve got JJ watching my back.” Luke assured and you took a shaky breath that he picked up on. “Hey, I promise you I am going to be back with you soon.”

“God, I hate Emily for not letting me go with you.” You mumbled into the phone and let Luke’s laugh wash over you.

“Yeah, right now I’m pretty glad she kept you there if you think something bad is going down out here.” He told you and you couldn’t help the fond eye roll that escaped you. “Rather have you worrying back there than risk anything happening to you out here.”

“Just be careful, ok?” You asked softly and you heard his voice soften too when he spoke.

“I promise.” He told you seriously, causing you to nod even though he couldn’t see you. “We’re gonna head out now, satellite found a hidden door, our body cams and radios are gonna be on the whole time, alright?”

“Alright. Just…I’ll see you soon, yeah?” You asked and you could hear the smile in his voice when he replied.

“Yeah Y/N/N, I’ll be home soon.” He said and the two of you let the silence wash over you before you finally pulled the phone away and hung up, heading to the briefing room where everyone else was already set up.

“We’re live.” Penelope said as the screen showed both body cameras and she pointed out which was which.

You moved over to stand at the table, the radio in front of you and you felt like you couldn’t breathe, hardly let yourself blink as you scanned the screens in search for anything.

You really didn’t like this.

The team around you spoke but you paid them no mind, only listening when Luke’s voice came through the radio.

“We’re going in.” He announced as you watched him pull the bunker door open and you stood straighter at his words, dread filling you as they entered.

Luke walked in first and JJ followed after him, giving you perfect sight of both Luke and the bunker. At first it just looked like the other shipping containers that had been found but then you saw something, something the others hadn’t clocked yet.

“Oh my god.” You whispered and startled when a cell phone rang in the container.

“What the hell is that?” You heard JJ ask but your hand pressed the button on the radio before anyone could register what was happening.

“Luke, get the hell out, it’s a bomb!” You yelled into the radio and watched as Luke shouted at JJ to get out.

Then the cameras went out and you could only stare at them in horror.

“Luke, Luke, come in.” You said into the radio but there was no answer. “Luke, please.”

The team around you spoke but you couldn’t hear them, you continued to plead into the radio, begging for Luke to answer you until you were pulled away and only then did you snap back to reality to see Rossi looking at you in concern but before he could say anything Penelope called your attention to the screen.

“Oh! Oh! One of the camera’s is back online.” Your head shot around, tears falling harder down your cheeks when you realised it was JJ…Luke’s was still out. “Where’s Luke? I take back every mean thing I ever said about him. Please let him be ok.” Penelope said before excusing herself to see if she could get communications working from her office.

You didn’t have it in you to be hurt by the blatant reminder that him and Penelope were a thing, you didn’t care, you just needed him to be ok.

You turned to leave the room but Rossi caught you by the arm and gently spun you around to face them, Emily raised an eyebrow at you as Rossi spoke.

“Where are you going?” He asked and you shook your head as you tugged your arm free from his light grip.

“Georgia.” Was all you said before turning to leave again but Emily stopped you this time.

“Y/N, wait-”

“I’m going, Emily!” You snapped as the tears fell harder down your face. “You already stopped me going once, you’re not stopping me again.”

“Douglas,” she said after giving you a hard look, “it’s time.”

The Deputy Director didn’t say anything, just looked from Emily to you before nodding and gesturing for her to go. You didn’t know what they were talking about and honestly you didn’t care, you were going to Georgia.

You pressed the button for the elevator and shot Emily, Tara and Rossi a confused look as they stood with you but before you could ask what they were doing Garcia came up to them just as they stepped into the elevator.

“Where are you- you’re going to Georgia. Driving or…oh,” Penelope managed a smile as she nodded at you all, piecing together something you hadn’t. “Return it filled up and not just with fuel. Bring them home.”

“We will,” Emily said confidently enough that you believed her and you just hoped she was right. “Wheels up.”

Your eyes widened as you turned to look at her, you hadn’t asked but with all the politics and budget cuts it made sense why the jet hadn’t been mentioned. You didn’t think too much about it though, just thankful you had a quicker way of getting to Luke.

The hour-long flight felt like forever. Rossi sat next to you on the plane but other than holding your hand and letting you squeeze it tightly in yours he didn’t try and comfort you. You hadn’t stopped crying, you needed to see Luke with your own eyes, praying to God he was alright.

“Oh, thank God.” Emily said as you arrived on the scene and JJ and Luke made their way over to you.

You had frozen a few steps behind Emily, Tara and Rossi when you saw Luke. He looked fine, a bit beat up but considering what had just happened he looked fine. Your eyes filled with tears again and Luke’s gaze immediately drifted past the other three to land on you, making his way over to you just in time to catch you in his arms as you wrapped him in a tight hug.

Luke hugged you back just as tightly, burying his face in your hair and struggling to hold back his own set of tears as he heard you sob into his chest as your fingers dug into his back with how tightly you held him.

The others watched on as they spoke quietly among themselves about what had happened but Luke shut them out and focused solely on you. He knew he loved you, hell he’d known that for years now, but he never realised just how much until he’d nearly been taken away from you. Before he passed out, not even registering if he was ok or not, his thoughts had been consumed with you, regret from not telling you how he felt, guilt that you were watching him die through the body cam, sadness that he’d never felt your lips against his.

He swore to himself he was going to tell you.

“I’m alright, cariño, I’m alright.” He murmured into your hair and you shook your head, shifting into the hug like you could bury yourself further in his chest. “Yes baby, I’m ok, I promise.”

It took a few more minutes until you were able to pull away from each other and even then you didn’t go far, your hands coming up to cup Luke’s face, his hands covering yours as he ran his thumb across your knuckles.

“Next time I’m coming with you.” You told him shakily as tears continued to slide down your face and Luke chuckled as a tear slid down his cheek.

“Not a chance.” He answered and you just shook your head. “But the next time you have a bad feeling about something I’m listening.”

Luke leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead, murmuring once more that he was fine, before he wiped at your tear stained cheeks.

To nobody’s surprise Reeves turned up dead and Sicarius was missing again. With all the evidence from the container turned to ashes there wasn’t much you could do but head back to Quantico.

You were exhausted by the time you got onto the jet and were asleep against Luke in seconds of being up in the air. Luke wasn’t complaining though, he just wrapped his arm around you and pulled you even closer.

“So does your brush with death mean you’re finally ready to tell her how you feel?” Rossi asked once he was sure the girls were distracted and you were asleep.

“You’ve been pushing this for years now, Rossi.” Luke sighed, looking down at you in his arms and thinking about how right it felt. “Every time I told you no, I couldn’t risk our friendship, couldn’t risk losing her.”

“And now what are you telling me?” Rossi asked with a smile, knowing full well what the answer was but wanting to hear the younger man say it.

“I’m telling you that I nearly died today.” Luke said steadily and paused for a moment, Rossi didn’t say anything, knowing he needed to sort through his thoughts. “I nearly died today and the last thing I thought was I really hated that Y/N was watching this. I didn’t want her to see that, Rossi.”

“I know you didn’t, kid.” Rossi told him, thinking back to your reaction back in the briefing room, watching you shut down, plead with a dead radio and snap at Emily.

“I’m telling you I love her.” Luke finally confessed out loud. “I love her and I have for longer than I know and I already lost so much time with her when she was sent back to the undercover unit and I nearly lost the rest of my life with her today. I can’t risk having another day where she doesn’t know, even if she doesn’t feel the same, I don’t care anymore, I need her to know how I feel.”

Rossi sat back in his seat with a smug look of satisfaction that had Luke rolling his eyes and suppressing a smile. For years now Rossi had been hounding him over when he was going to make his move, he knew if this worked out for the two of you he’d never heard the end of it from the man.

“Attaboy.” Was all Rossi murmured before the two of them settled into silence and Luke let himself savour the feeling of you in his arm.

By the time you were walking back in the building Tyler Green had been released without charges for his cooperation, another lead came up and Luke and Tara were being assigned to it and before you could say anything Penelope rushed over and took JJ and Luke into her arms.

As Luke, Emily and Tara worked on the death row inmate lead you and Rossi sat in the briefing room with Penelope in an attempt to pull up anything about what Sicarius’ next plan was. Like most of this case though it seemed impossible to find a solid lead even after the hours you'd spent reading through the forums.

It was when you had moved to comparing the victims that Penelope’s phone rang and you glanced at her questioningly as she excused herself in a hurry, turning to look at Rossi who just shrugged and turned back to the boards in front of you.

“Here,” You said as you handed Luke a mug of coffee before pulling a chair up next to him at his desk, “you look like you need it.”

“Thanks.” Luke sighed tiredly as he brought the mug up to his lips, you were able to catch a soft smile before it was hidden by the mug. “This case is exhausting.”

“No luck with the death row inmate then?” You asked and he sighed again, a deep and tired one that you felt deeply, you were all running on even less sleep than usual as this case took up every moment of your time.

“We have a guy who’s prepared to die to keep the man he loves safe. The boyfriend just came in and gave us evidence that Herrera couldn’t have committed the murder because they were together. Now Tara and her girlfriend are fighting but at least we got the guy off death row.” Luke filled you in between sips of coffee and you watched him lean back in his chair and let his eyes fall closed.

“And I thought me and Rossi were having fun scrolling through post after post of wannabe serial killers.” You chuckled tiredly causing him to turn his head and smile softly over at you. “How are you holding up anyway? I feel like we’ve barely had a minute after coming back from Georgia.”

Luke let out a chuckle as he nodded, bringing his hand up to rub at his face before letting it fall, he seemed to hesitate for a moment before reaching across and taking your hand in his, his thumb brushing across your knuckles as he locked eyes with you.

“Y/N, I heard that bomb go off and I didn’t know what was gonna happen.” Luke sighed and you squeezed his hand softly, trying to offer some comfort without interrupting him. “I figured I could have died, now I know Sicarius timed it perfectly and warned us but then, I didn’t know if I was gonna live or die and my only regret, the only thought in my head was-”

“Y/N, Luke!” Penelope exclaimed loudly, her heels clicking against the floor as she ran into the bullpen and just like that whatever peaceful, hopeful moment that had settled between you and Luke vanished as you jumped, his hand pulling away from yours as he turned to Penelope, your gaze staying on him a second longer before you turned and faced her too. “Meeting room, now!”

Luke turned to glance at you and you shrugged before following the other woman into the room where JJ, Emily and Rossi were already gathered. You took a seat next to Luke, desperately trying to ignore the way your knees brushed together and forced yourself to focus on Penelope informing everybody about her theory on how Sicarius hunted.

It felt like there had been a shift in the case with the new information and you wanted to be happy over it, hell you were happy, for the first time since you’d been called in it actually felt like you could catch the unsub. But then there was the Luke of it all. You had been so close, Luke’s hushed words felt like the confession you’d wanted for so long and you were so close.

“Y/N, I need to talk to you. Now.” Penelope said as when everyone but you and Luke left the room. You glanced at Luke who just shrugged at you before Penelope pushed him out of the room, Luke letting her with a laugh.

“Penelope, are you alright?” You asked as she paced in front of you, her hands fidgeting with each other before she stopped in her tracks to look at you.

“I kissed him.” Penelope rushed out and you stared at her in confusion as you waited for her to continue only for her to stay silent as she looked back at you with wide eyes.

“You kissed who?” You prompted, eyebrows frowning as you glanced out of the window, your gaze falling on Luke but not sure why Penelope would seem so flustered over kissing her partner.

“I kissed Tyler.” She clarified and your head shot around to face her as your eyes widened in shock.

“You kissed Tyler Green?” You exclaimed and she shushed you even as she nodded, confused as she watched your frown deepen. “What the hell, Penelope?”

“I know, I know I said I couldn’t stand him and that he was a jerk but you know…and he ended up not being so bad and I kissed him.” Penelope rambled but when she saw you shake your head she paused. “Are you ok?”

“What about Luke?” You finally asked, keeping your tone even despite being furious with her. For years you’d pined after Luke but kept it to yourself so she could be happy with him and now she was here, quite casually telling you she had kissed another guy whilst her boyfriend was sat in the next room.

“Luke? What does Luke have to do with this?” She asked, seeming genuinely confused causing your eyebrows to knit together. Neither of you said anything for a long moment before Penelope broke the silence. “Oh my god, you think me and Luke are dating.”

“You’re not?” You asked in confusion, head spinning at the new information.

“We went on one date three years ago.” She told you with a slightly panicked laugh and you could only stand there and stare at her wide eyed. When you continued to stay silent Penelope’s eyes widened and she stared at you in shock. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!”

“Penelope!” You hissed stepping closer to her and risking a glance out of the corner of your eye to see the team had turned to look up to the window at her raised voice.

“You like Luke!” She exclaimed and you could do nothing but collapse into one of the seats, unable to deny the statement but still reeling from learning that the one date you knew about was all that had happened between them. “Oh my gosh, you like Luke and you didn’t tell me! I mean I know he’s y’know,” she said and pulled a face, “Luke, but you two would seriously be so cute together!”

“Wait, you’re not mad at me?” You asked, feeling like you were drowning with how confused you were. “I thought you liked Luke. I thought you were together this whole time.”

“Y/N, me and Luke had one date, it didn’t go anywhere. Did I like him? Sure but I wasn’t heartbroken that we were better off not dating. Wait, is that why you never said how you felt about him? How long have you been keeping this a secret?” Penelope asked and she seemed genuinely upset for you.

You felt way too overwhelmed right now and leaned your elbows on the table, resting your head in your hands as you took a shaky breath before looking back at her to see her sit in the seat next to you.

“You always had this love-hate thing from the beginning,” You stared, knowing you wouldn’t be able to leave without answering her questions. “You didn’t need to be a profiler to see the chemistry between the two of you, everyone knew something would happen between you and him. So I kept my mouth shut.”

“Wait, you’ve liked him since he joined?” Penelope asked sadly and you just shrugged.

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t say straight away. I mean we hung out together outside of work after he’d been here for a month or two, I spend as much time at his place as I do my own, you know? At some point I started, I don’t know, I wanted to be with him.” You told her, looking down at your hands as you messed with them to avoid her eyes. “But I, I saw the way you looked at him when he looked away, I saw the way he smiled at you when you called him names. I didn’t want to mess with anything between you two and then when I came back, I just assumed the two of you had finally gotten together.”

“There was never anything between us. I mean sure we flirted but it wasn’t serious. Maybe it could have been years ago but too much time passed and nothing happened.” Penelope sighed and you glanced up to see her frowning. “You should have told me.”

“Yeah, now I know that.” You murmured, your mind on all the time you could have potentially had with Luke. “You really don’t like him?”

“Y/N, if I wanted Luke Alvez I would have done something a long time ago to have him,” she told you, “plus I probably wouldn’t have kissed Tyler, who by the way is so hot.”

You let out a shaky laugh before nodding to yourself. Now things were looking up, the case seemed like it might actually be possible to solve and Luke words from before that you desperately wanted to believe were leading into a confession seemed like a more realistic outcome now.

“Sorry, I have to take this.” Penelope said apologetically but you just smiled at her as she answered it, standing up and gesturing for her to stay in the room as you left.

You kept your head down as you walked out of the room, thoughts racing a mile a minute as you made your way out of the bullpen area, missing movement from the corner of your eyes as Luke broke away from the rest of the group. You hadn’t realised he had followed you out until he jogged up beside you and caught your hand in his, stopping you in your tracks.

“Hey,” he said softly as he stood in front of you, his eyes filled with concern. “Is everything alright? Things looked pretty serious between you and Garcia.”

You hesitated a moment, it would be so easy to tell him now. There was nothing to stop you, no fear of losing two of your closest friendships lingering over you anymore.

“The thought in your head,” you said, causing him to frown slightly in confusion at the change in topic, “the thought in your head when the bomb went off, what was it?”

Luke’s face shifted to recognition as he looked back at you after glancing around at the people walking through the hallway. He shook his head before he gestured for you to follow him, not that he needed to as he kept his hand in yours as he pulled you into one of the empty meeting rooms.

“How much I regretted not telling you how I feel about you.” Luke said once the door was closed and he turned back to you. “How I’ve been in love with my best friend for years but I wasn’t brave enough to ever tell you.”

As he spoke he got closer to you, raising his hand to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone and you felt frozen to the spot, scared to breathe in case you shattered the moment and he pulled away.

But Luke wasn’t going anywhere, not now that he had finally managed to force the words past his lips. He leaned down and rested his forehead gently against yours as he waited for you to say something.

“I thought you died,” you finally choked out, watching as his face softened and his other hand came to rest on your waist. “I thought you died and I hated myself for not telling you that I’ve been in love with you for as long back as I can remember.”

Your words were quiet, barely more than a whisper but with how close you were pressed against each other Luke heard them clearly. A grin broke out on his face, he tried to reign it in but it was impossible when the person he’d fallen so hard for was telling him his feelings were returned.

His eyes glanced down from your eyes to your lips and he watched as you smiled back at him. It was all the permission he needed to lean down and press his lips to yours. The kiss was nothing more than a brushing of lips first before it turned into something more. Luke’s hand on your cheek made its way up to your hair, fingers tangling in the strands, as he pulled you impossibly closer with the hand around your waist before pressing you against the wall. Your hands found themselves pressed against his chest as you let yourself explore it and the kiss…

The kiss was filled with a mix of emotions, so much passion, so much longing, so much desperation. This was a kiss that was years in the making, a kiss both of you had only let yourselves dream about, neither of you thinking it would ever become a reality.

You were forced apart when both of your phones chimed at the same time, Luke pulling away first and the pair of you breathing heavily as you caught your breath, Luke’s forehead coming back down to rest against yours as he grinned at you and you mirrored the expression back.

“I promise you, cariño, the second this case is done I am taking you out.” Luke promised and you couldn’t stop the breathless laugh that escaped you as you nodded and put his shirt back into place.

“I’ll hold you to that, Alvez.” His smile seemed to get even wider as he ran his hands through your hair, smoothing the strands he had held.

Your phone’s pinged again and Luke sighed before dipping his head down one more to press a rushed kiss against your lips. When he pulled away for a second time he pulled his phone out and showed you that you were both needed back in the briefing room.

As the two of you entered Luke held your chair out for you and you felt your cheeks heat up as you smiled at him before sitting down, glancing over at Luke as he rested his hand on your knee but he focused his attention on Emily though you could see the smile pulling at his lips.

When you finally looked away from him you caught Rossi and Penelope’s gaze. Rossi looked at you with a proud smile on his face, even if it was slightly smug and you couldn’t help but smile back at him as he winked at you. Penelope’s face had broken out into a full on grin that wasn’t entirely appropriate considering what Emily was saying but you let your smile widen as you looked at her, glad things had worked out and she wasn’t mad at you.

As Emily spoke you sat back in your seat. Luke liked you back, something you never thought would happen and wished like hell you had just spoken to Penelope about this years ago but it didn’t matter now. Now all you needed to do was solve the case, something that seemed possible now, especially with the motivation of a date with Luke at the end of it.

__________

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#luke alvez #luke alvez x reader #luke alvez imagine #luke alvez imagines #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fic #cm x reader #cm imagine #cm imagines #luke alvez fic #luke alvez fanfic #luke alvez fanfiction

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fuckingstrange · 30 days

Text

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Trust him.

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WARNINGS: Reader has trust issues, HURT/COMFORT + SMUT, sweet smut tho, praising, pet names ("baby", "good boy"), cumming early, sexual undressing(?), Luke doesn't cum in this but he will in the next one, kinda non-beta read

WORDS: 1,170+

PAIRING: Luke Alvez x M!Reader

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·a/n - Comments/Reblogs are appreciated! I love feedback!

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You follow Luke's guidance, letting him push you onto your back, surprising yourself with how close you're letting him - emotionally and physically. You feel him slot between your legs, his lips brushing against yours delicately, as if he was making sure to treat you with care, as if you were something fragile. In his mind — You are fragile. You own a heart shattered enough to cut somebody's foot if they were to step on it. The sight of blood would be anything but foreign to you.

His skilled fingers start working on your shirt, pausing about halfway down the line of tan buttons. “Are you okay with his?” You hear him ask, though your mind is so clouded with anxiety and fear you're unsure you can even verbally respond without betraying yourself in some way.

You don't know if you're okay with it. You have to ask yourself if you truly want this, though end up giving yourself no better answer than when he asked. You love him, and you think he loves you. But with how many times somebody has told you that then ended up hurting you, you're not sure if he's being truthful.

Luke notices the empty stare you have, the slight tremble in your hands as you think of the worst that could happen. You've trusted him enough that you stayed in this relationship with him for seven, coming up on eight months now. You've let him in enough that he can tell the nod of approval you gave him was forced. He leans back, looking down at you. “Baby.. we don't have to do this if you don't want to, y'know?” He says while rubbing your hip, the touch meant to be soothing.

You prop yourself up on your elbows, looking him up and down as you conjure up reasons to trust him this deeply. Your mind runs in circles for a few minutes, your gaze directed at his face, trying to read any hidden meanings behind him trying to get in your pants. Your heart begs for the deep connection, wanting nothing more than to be his and have him be yours. Your fear-riddled mind has no chance against your heart, but it does have you whispering “Spare my heart, please,” as you pull him down to meet your lips again.

Luke's own heart aches at your plea, his hand coming up to cup the back of your head as he deepens the kiss. He can't help but mumble soft words of reassurance, saying, “I'll heal that heart of yours” before he lets his tounge slip between your lips.

The kiss is gentle. It's soft and slow. Something you're not used to with past relationships. You lean into it, sighing quietly and falling to your back, this time bringing him with you, letting the weight of his body press you down into the couch.

His hand moves up your side until it finds your hands, your fingers interlacing as he presses it down next to your head. Luke definitely isn't pinning you, scared that you're too mentally fragile to be restrained in any way shape or form during sex, he's simply holding your hand for comfort. You feel him give it a soft squeeze, which you do back to reassure him as well.

Luke adjusts himself, and for a minute you think he's simply straddling your leg before you feel his knee press up against your crotch. Your eyes immediately open from the foreign feeling of it, a boyish moan slipping past your lips and drowning in the kiss when he starts rocking his knee against you. You squeeze his hand tight, feeling your heart begin to pound in your chest while your cock hardens in your boxers. You start to squirm beneath him when his lips find their way to your jawline.

You give him a mix of a moan and a whine as you start rocking your hips to meet his knee, the movement slow but feeling good anyways. Heat rises to your cheeks when you hear him mumble a praise, the words “good boy” and “keep going” slipping from Luke's lips before he can even think about it. You pull your hand away from his to wrap your arms around him, pulling him even closer than he was before. He takes the opportunity to resume unbuttoning your shirt, working off the other half of buttons he hadn't before. You feel your cheeks burning, feeling on fire from being so exposed to him.

You close your eyes, not sure if you're ready to see the look on his face when he sees you like this. He works off the last button, the loose brown material sliding off and getting splayed out on the couch beneath you. You feel him start to pull off of you, letting your arms drop so he can sit up. You feel his eyes on you, making your breath hitch as you wait for some kind of degrading moment. But nothing comes. The silence hurts. More than if he were to be calling you ugly. His knee has stopped moving, your hips protesting the absence of friction with a rut against him.

Luke stares at you like you're a work of art, his hand coming up to ghost along the bare skin of your waist, causing you to flinch and whine. He soothes you with a kiss, his tounge finding it's way into your mouth as he resumes the movement of his knee, grinding it against your hardened cock.

“You're gorgeous. So.. fine.” He mumbles against your lips, his hands resting on your chest so he can focus on providing you with more friction, more pressure against your aching cock.

You can barely hear him with how much you're paying attention to the feeling of it all. His knee moving against you, his tounge brushing over yours, his hands on your chest causing goosebumps to rise. You whimper as your hips buck involuntarily, your hands shooting to grasp at his sides, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. You have to pull back from the kiss, croaking out a weak warning of “If you don't- if- I'm gonna-”, only to cut yourself off with a pant or whine each time.

Luke seems to take this as a challenge, hearing you're about to cum just from his knee alone makes him want to moan. His hands slide from your chest to your hips, purposely brushing over your nipples to earn a gasp. He grabs your hips and starts guiding their movement, making sure you don't have to lift a finger to get what you need. The second he hears you start to beg, involuntary “please”’s falling from your lips, he knows you're just about there. He makes sure to keep the same slow but deep rhythm of his knee, not wanting to pull you off the path to your orgasm.

He encourages you almost absent-mindedly, praising you for each noise that you let out, praising you for each drop of cum that soaks into your boxers. His knee grinds into you even as you let go, making you moan louder than you ever thought you'd be comfortable with. You squirm, you moan, you cry, as you cum. But you find yourself not caring one bit. Because Luke is the one making you do it.

#God this took forever to write #hhhhhhhhhhhg #hotboxed fanfiction #luke alvez x m!reader #luke alvez fanfiction #x m!reader #criminal minds fanfiction #Luke Alvez #x male reader #I forgot how to tag fics..

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fortheloveofwonderland · 1 year

Note

Hey!!! Congrats on your milestone, you totally deserve it! My request is

Isn’t it messed up how I’m just dying to be him? I’m just a notch in your bedpost but you’re just a line in a song - Sugar, We’re Going Down by Fall Out Boy

With Luke Alvez! Thank you!!

Hello Angel, this was super fun!

Send me a song lyric from my list to celebrate my follower milestone! 🎵

Sugar, We’re Going Down

Luke Alvez x Fem! Reader

Summary - Luke Alvez has the unjust reputation of being a ladies man. All he really wants is to settle down and when he meets you, he thinks he’s found the woman he’s been searching his whole life for. The only thing standing in his way is your boyfriend.

CW - set ups, blind dates, drinking, hangovers, mentions of sex but no detail, swearing.

WC - 4.2k

Luke Alvez didn’t like the term ladies man. It was a turn of phrase he’d first heard to describe him by his old partner Phil and something that seemed to stick with him since.

He’d gone from serving overseas, straight into the FBI, neither of which were conducive to allowing long term relationships.

Other people did it, it wasn’t as though it was unheard of. But Luke liked not being tied down, he enjoyed it just being him and Roxy. It was far less complicated that's for sure.

When he joined the BAU, he was accused of not wanting to get close to even his new team. He’d overheard Emily profiling his desk, assuming him to be a loner with commitment issues.

And maybe there was an element of truth to that. In his time with the Fugitive Task Force he’d moved around a lot which made it impossible to form a lasting relationship. Was it through fear of getting close to someone? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t think so, being alone just always seemed easier somehow.

But a ladies man, he was not.

In reality, Luke was the polar opposite. He was a hopeless romantic, he had a huge heart that had so much love to give he just unfortunately hadn’t found the right woman to receive it.

When the members of his team started setting him up on blind dates, Luke had at first tried to protest, but ultimately it had been easier to just go along with them than argue against it.

So far he’d met Janice, Kristy’s work friend who was incredibly overbearing. Olivia, a TA at the university Spencer lectured at who was sweet but fundamentally boring. Then there was Garcia’s friend Nicole who was deathly allergic to dogs. Ramona, Rossi’s publisher, Hariet, a woman from Emily’s gym and Grace, Tara’s old college roommate who was new in town. JJ was only the one kind enough to spare him the pity of trying to find him a date.

The fact that none of the women went on to get a second date invitation only went to perpetuate their image of him being a ladies man.

Luke preferred the term fussy.

He took each woman to the same place, a bar in his neighbourhood called the Steel Star Tavern. It was a lowkey hole in the wall that served cold beer and hot fries and had the added bonus of being close to his apartment so when the date inevitably didn’t go well he didn’t have far to drag his sorry ass home.

After six dates with six nice yet unfulfilling women, Luke had drawn the line. No more set ups, no more blind dates. He’d humoured his friends for long enough but now he was done.

He sipped his beer and ran his hand over the scratchy stubble on his chin as a long, pent up sigh escaped through his nose. It was a Thursday night and the Steel Star was only a quarter full at best which allowed him to sit and wallow in his loneliness without being disturbed.

Or so he thought.

He was looking down into his beer and didn’t see someone approaching him. It wasn’t until his company’s shadow cast over the table that he looked up to see a figure standing next to his table.

“Another date? Jeez, you really do get around.” You chuckled, picking up the two empty glasses on his table.

“You been watching me?” Luke cocked an eyebrow at you as you placed the empties on a tray cradled in the crook of your arm.

“You come in here so often, every time with a different woman. It's hard not to notice. It's part of my job to get to know the regulars, you know?” You shrugged.

“Right.” Luke nodded. “It’s not quite as terrible as it looks. My friends worry about me, I guess. I begged them not to keep setting me up but they are the most stubborn group of people you will ever meet in your life. I’m not a dog or anything like that.” He had no idea why he was telling you all of this, trying so hard to convince you he wasn’t the ladies man he’d been pegged as.

Clearly you didn’t know why this stranger was telling you all of this either, by the way your lips twitched into an amused smile.

“Contrary to popular belief, bartenders don’t actually enjoy hearing the sad life stories of our patrons.” Your eyes sparkled playfully and your words caused Luke to chuckle.

“Fair enough.” He nodded. “Thanks for making me somehow feel worse than I already did.”

“You are most welcome.” You smirked at him and then you were turning on your heels and sashaying towards another table to clear more empties.

Luke watched you go with a shake of his head and a smile playing on his lips. And god dammit if he wasn’t already smitten.

***

Luke nursed his beer for around an hour, unable to stop watching the way you seemed to float around the bar. Your smile was an easy one, but most definitely practised. Inside these walls you were in your element, confidence exuding for your every pore but he was sure outside of the door of the Steel Star you were riddled with insecurities.

Sometimes, he just couldn’t turn off the profiler within him.

Just as he was considering leaving, heading home to another pathetic night spent on his couch with Roxy, two shot glasses were being slammed on the table in front of him and someone was sliding into the booth opposite him.

You gave him a smile out of the corner of your mouth and nodded towards one of the shot glasses. The liquid was amber coloured and he could have a pretty good guess it was probably whiskey.

You picked up the other glass and held it in your hand, waiting for him to do the same. He complied and wrapped his hand around the little glass, lifting it to click against your own.

He waited for you to bring the glass to your lips and down the contents before he did the same. You hissed before slamming it back on the table top.

“Should you be drinking while you work?” Luke raised an inquisitive eyebrow at you.

“I’m finished for the night.” You shrugged.

“And instead of going home you decided to join me? Even after my sad life story?”

“I can go if you’re going to make a big deal about it?” You shrugged like you didn’t care much either way. Maybe you didn’t.

“Not making a big deal, just observing.”

“You do that a lot.” You leant forward on the table.

“Do what?” Luke mirrored you.

“Observe. I’ve noticed the way you always seem to be on high alert, you give the once over to anyone who walks through the door. Hell you’ve been giving me the once over all night.”

“Occupational hazard.” Luke shrugged.

“What do you do?” You narrowed your eyes on him.

“If it's ok with you, I’d rather skip those kinds of questions. The get-to-know you spiel. I’ve been on more dates than I care to count recently and I’m sick of talking about myself.” Luke exhaled.

“Works well for me because I’m already sick of hearing about you.” Your eyes sparkled again and again, Luke laughed.

“Perfect.” Luke shook his head in amusement. “I mean, I could maybe stretch as far as telling you my name.”

“Don’t feel obliged, I won’t need to remember it anyway.”

“Ouch.” Luke pretended to be offended, holding his hand to his heart. “Woman, you are cold.”

“As ice.” You smirked. “Fine, tell me your name if it’s going to make you feel better.”

“Luke. Luke Alvez.” He held his hand out across the table for you which you scrutinised for a moment or two before sighing.

“Y/N.” You reluctantly shook his hand. It was warm and rough, calloused in places.

“No last name?”

“Nope. Just Y/N. You know, like Madonna or Cher.”

“Ok, Cher. You want another shot?”

“Only if you’re buying.” You winked at him and Luke swore the small gesture stopped his heart.

Was it possible the woman he’d been searching for had been under his nose all this time? Because from where he was standing, you were just about perfect for him in every way, even though he barely knew you.

His friends called him a ladies man, but Luke Alvez wore his heart on his sleeve. The problem with that was, leaving himself so exposed made it easier for him to get hurt.

And he was about to find that out.

***

The hangover that ensued the following day was like nothing Luke had ever felt before. He was sure his skull was trying to cave in and that his insides had turned against him, he was sure it wouldn’t take much for yesterday's food to make a reappearance.

Thankfully for him the team didn’t get a case and he was able to quietly die at his desk.

The previous night's events played over in his head on a loop and he was grateful that the alcohol hadn’t inhibited him from remembering every beautiful detail.

After drinking at least an entire bottle of whiskey between you, you had stumbled back to Luke’s apartment.

He lost count of exactly how many times he’d had sex last night and well into the early hours of this morning. But each time has somehow been more mind blowing than the last.

He’d been alone when he woke up this morning but that didn’t deter him.

When he finished at work for the day, feeling slightly more human than he had when the day started, he went straight to the Steel Star and found you behind the bar with ease.

He smiled as he made his way over but you didn’t return the expression. Instead your brow was slightly furrowed and if he wasn’t mistaken he could have sworn you rolled your eyes.

“Hey,” he approached, leaning on the bar.

“What can I get for you?” You rolled your lip between your teeth.

“Uh, I wasn’t here for a drink.” He chuckled dryly.

“Weird of you to come to a bar then.”

“Uh…” he scratched the back of his head at your frosty demeanour but he wasn’t easily perturbed. “What time do you get off?”

“Why?” You straightened your back, a defence mechanism.

“I thought I could maybe take you for dinner?”

You started to laugh and this time you definitely rolled your eyes.

“What part of last night gave you the impression I would want you to take me to dinner?” You folded your arms across your chest. Another defence mechanism.

“I thought we had fun.”

“We did.”

“Uh, so I figured we could have fun again?” He was frowning deeply.

“We had fun. Past tense. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“But uh…I thought that-”

“I have a boyfriend, ok? Jeez if I’d known you’d get this clingy I wouldn’t have bothered.” You dropped your arms to your sides.

“You’ve…you’ve got a boyfriend?” Luke stood back up from the bar, feeling his heart clench inside of his chest.

“Yes.” You shrugged.

“Yet you slept with me?”

“Which should give you an indication of the kind of girl I am.”

“You…are you for real?” Luke swallowed thickly, feeling his hangover flooding back tenfold.

“What can I say? I…” You trailed off when the door behind the bar opened.

Luke noticed the way your body tensed as a scruffy looking man in a leather jacket ambled out, eyes cast downwards at his phone. As if sensing he was being watched, he glanced up and met your eyes.

“Oh, hey. Didn’t know you were working today.” He offered you the vaguest hint of a smile as he spoke.

But when he went to pass you, his hand grazed over you, from your lower back around to your hip. It was a brief moment, so fleeting anyone else might have missed it. But not Luke.

“Him?” Luke scoffed, garnering your attention back to him as the other man walked away, head back in his phone.

“So what?” You shrugged.

“What does he have that I don’t have?” The second the words were out of his mouth he wished to take them back.

They made him sound so pathetic, so clingy as you’d called him. And it didn’t surprise him when you started to laugh.

“You should leave, Luke. Last night was fun but it’s never gonna happen again.” You shrugged once more before turning away from him and starting to clean some glasses.

And despite the fact he didn’t want to leave, it was for the best that he did.

Luke Alvez was certainly not a ladies man. Far from it.

***

Weeks passed and Luke couldn’t stop thinking about you. He’d never felt like this about a woman he’d just met, a woman he hardly knew anything about.

You were stuck in his head like an earworm, a song he couldn’t get out of his mind. And it was equal parts the sweetest yet most depressing tune he’d ever heard.

After a few weeks, sick of feeling sorry for himself he went to Reid and told him he wanted to see Olivia again. She was, in the nicest terms, the best of a bad bunch.

Spencer had been surprised by his change of heart but nonetheless said he’d pass the message onto his colleague at the university.

Four days later, Luke took her for dinner.

The month that followed he’d taken her for three more dinners and one movie.

Olivia was an exceptionally nice woman. She was pretty in an understated way, not flashy or showy. She was incredibly smart, working towards a doctorate for which she told him Spencer was helping her with.

She liked books and foreign cinema, playing chess and meandering museums. She was for all intents and purposes the female Doctor Spencer Reid. And as much as Luke liked Spencer, he didn’t want to date him.

But maybe she was just what he needed, who knows, maybe she could be the woman of Luke’s dreams. He very much doubted it, but stranger things had happened.

After a month of dating they hadn’t even kissed, hadn’t even so much as held hands. She was a really nice girl, but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry between them. And he’d started to get the impression, by the way she constantly brought the topic of conversation back around to Professor Reid, that she might harbour a little crush on her coworker.

After dinner that night, Luke knew it would be their last and he was sure she knew it too. But as they left the restaurant he mentioned drinks and she was happy enough to oblige.

He told himself he didn’t mean to take her to the Steel Star, that it had just been a simple coincidence that they’d been nearby. But whether he’d meant to or not, that was where he and Olivia ended up.

He’d spotted you behind the bar straight away as Olivia excused herself to use the bathroom. He made a beeline for you and he definitely noticed the roll of your eyes this time.

“Jesus, Alvez. Can you not take a hint?” You frowned at him, your back immediately up.

“You think I’m here to see you?” You scoffed. “Please, you’re not worth the chase.”

“Oh really?” You scrutinised him. “Why are you here then?”

“If you must know, I’m on a date.”

“Funny, because to me you appear to be alone.” Your lip twitched at the corner in amusement,

“She’s using the bathroom.”

“Convenient.” You nodded. “Let me guess, any minute now this mystery woman is going to call and say she felt sick and had to leave?”

“You think I’m pathetic enough to come here and make up a woman to try and make you jealous?” He couldn’t believe this.

“You were pathetic enough to think one night of sex meant I’d fall for you, so who knows?”

“You really are an ice queen, do you know that?” He spat.

“And you’re a pathetic sap.” You bit back.

Luke went to reply to try and hurt you like you were hurting him but before he could form an insult, he felt a presence at his side.

He glanced down at Olivia who smiled meekly at him, toying with the strap of her purse with her hands. You looked between the two of them, your blood boiling in your veins. And it was only made worse when Luke wrapped his arm around the petite woman’s shoulders.

“Y/N, this is Olivia. My date.” He turned back to you, his eyes dark. “Olivia, why don’t you get us a table while I get the drinks.”

“Ok.” Olivia nodded with a small frown as Luke let her out from his hold.

She practically scurried away while Luke smirked at you a little dangerously.

“I’ll have a beer and a glass of white wine. Please.” He leant on the bar, a smug look on his face.

You swallowed down your emotions and turned away from him to make his drinks. There was a swirling in your stomach, a tightening in your chest that you couldn’t place. Surely it wasn’t jealousy? You couldn’t be jealous because you didn’t like Luke in that way.

He was good in bed, there was no doubt about that. And he was unfairly gorgeous, sweet and fun to be around. But you didn’t like him, you were certainly not jealous.

You returned with his drinks and he paid you, that same self-satisfied smile on his lips that you half wanted to slap off of him, half wanted to kiss off of him.

“Y/N?” He said your name as you went to retreat again and you turned to him with a cocked eyebrow. “I might have just been a notch in your bedpost, but I guess you were just a line in my song.”

And with that, he picked up his drinks and walked away.

***

After only one drink, Olivia called it a night and Luke walked her out of the bar and waited with her for a cab.

As she was slipping inside she confessed she didn’t think they should see each other anymore as she was interested in someone else.

It didn’t take the genius himself to figure out who that was.

Luke had smiled and placed a soft kiss on her cheek telling her that he understood. He watched the cab peel away and turned to head in the direction of his apartment.

As he walked, he glanced up the alley that ran down the side of the bar and he could make out a shadowy figure leaning up against the wall. And his instincts told him exactly who it was.

He knew it was best if he kept walking home but of course that’s not what he did. With a sigh he turned up the alley and slowly headed your way.

You barely offered him a glance as he approached, instead looking down at your hands. Luke stopped a few feet in front of you and folded his arms across his chest.

“She didn’t seem like your type.” You couldn’t help the words they left your lips.

“Uh, and what exactly do you know about my type?” Luke felt the smirk tugging at his lips.

“That mousy little thing? She’s seriously your type?” Your eyes snapped up at him and that’s when he saw it.

Jealousy.

“Looks can be deceiving, Y/N.” He unfolded his arms and shrugged, stepping closer to you.

“Oh yeah I’m sure. A mouse in the streets but a freak in the sheets is she?” You rolled your eyes.

“That’s…that’s none of your business.” He felt a blush creeping to his cheeks.

“Oh my god, you haven’t slept with her, have you?” Your jealousy seemed to fade in an instant, replaced by something much more amused.

“Again, that’s none of your business. Why the hell do you care anyway? You’ve got a boyfriend!” Luke raised his voice slightly but you didn’t even flinch.

You tore your eyes off of him and glanced down the dark alleyway. Your arms snaked around your waist as if you were trying to protect yourself from something.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Your voice was so quiet Luke barely heard it. But he did hear it, he just wanted you to say it louder.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” He tried to hide the delight from his voice

“I said, he’s not my boyfriend.” You let out a haggard sigh. “We’ve hooked up a few times, I don’t even know why I said he was my boyfriend.”

“What the fuck?” Luke frowned deeply at you. “Why would you lie about that? I was…”

“You were what?” You quickly asked with your own frown.

“Jealous.” He admitted with a sigh. “I was jealous because I was dying to be him, how messed up is that?”

You gnawed on your lip, taking one tentative step closer to him.

“You deserve more than I can give you, Luke.” You shrugged but he was shaking his head.

“That’s not true. You’re more than you think you are.” He softened.

“I’m more than you bargained for, trust me.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“Well it’s true. I’m a fucking mess, Luke! My whole life is a mess. You deserve a woman who has her shit together, a nice, kind woman who wants to settle down and live in the suburbs and bear your extremely good looking children. But that’s not me.” You huffed, feeling tears suddenly burning the backs of your eyes.

Weirdly, Luke was smiling at you.

He stepped dangerously closer, raising a hand cautiously and cupping your neck. You remembered all too well how intoxicating his touch was and you shuddered a little.

“Just tell me one thing.” He lowered his voice.

“What?” You replied in equally hushed tones.

“Am I worth it?”

You narrowed your eyes on him curiously, not understanding what he was getting at. His fingers gently brushed your flesh and it was making your knees tremble.

“Worth what?” You swallowed thickly.

“Allowing yourself to be vulnerable for? I’m not asking for the world on a silver platter, Y/N. I’m not asking for a home in the suburbs and extremely good looking children. I’m just looking for someone who might want a little more from me than just sex.

Someone who wants to spend time with me and not just when they’re drunk. Someone who will go to dinner with me, maybe eventually meet my friends. Someone to cuddle up on the couch with and watch bad TV. Someone to go for walks in the park with me and my dog. I’m not asking you for forever Y/N, I’m just asking for a tomorrow.”

His eyes were begging you, pleading you to see that there was more between you than just one night.

It wasn’t as though you really needed convincing. You’d known when you dragged yourself from his sleeping embrace that you could have a future with this man if you let yourself. If you allowed yourself for once to be happy, you knew this man wouldn’t disappoint.

But still, you liked to keep your cards close to your chest.

“Wait, you have a dog?” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

“A Belgian Shepherd named Roxy.” He beamed as he talked about his beloved mutt.

“I do love dogs.” You mused.

“I have no doubt that I can make you love me too.” He blurted out rather bodly and you felt the smile spreading across your face.

His hand was moving around to the back of your neck, fingers grazing gently across your baby hairs that grew back there.

You swallowed again, feeling slightly light headed due to a combination of his touch and the way in which he was looking at you.

You believed it wholeheartedly. You knew falling in love with Luke Alvez would be the easiest thing in the world. You were probably already halfway there.

But you still didn’t want to make it so easy on him.

“Cocky son of bitch, aren’t you?” You smiled, moving your own arms upwards until they were wrapped around his neck and your bodies were flush against one another.

“I actually prefer the term charming.” He grinned at you.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at this man in front of you, the one still gently caressing your neck.

He’d done the impossible. In the space of one night he’d wormed his way in your heart, like a catchy song gets itself stuck in your head. He wasn’t just charming, he was a miracle worker.

Instead of responding you simply closed the small space left between you and crushed your lips together.

Luke didn’t waste any time in deepening the kiss, his other hand finding solace on your hip.

He kissed you until your lungs were empty and even after he continued to kiss you some more.

When he did pull back he gasped for air, his lips deliciously puffy as they quipped up into a smirk.

“I lied before Y/N, when I said you were just a line in my song.”

You frowned a little at him, keeping your arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

“What do you mean?”

He placed a chaste and tender kiss to your lips before he rested your foreheads together and whispered, “you’re not just a line, you’re my whole damn song.”

#luke alvez #luke alvez fanfiction #luke alvez fanfic #luke alvez x reader #luke alvez x you #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #luke alvez x fem!reader

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beelmons · 11 months

Text

But who is he to you? (Luke Alvez)

Luke, the one guy you met during college, before he went off to the army after dramatically dropping his degree.

Luke, who would call you every night after his departure to make sure you were taking proper care of yourself. Who would talk you down whenever you felt like quitting, and reminded you of how you were doing this for your future.

Luke, who disappeared for months after he joined the rangers, and had you praying every night for his safety. Who didn't once write to you to tell you he was okay, who had you believe the worst had happened.

Luke, who showed up at your doorstep with flowers and chocolates after years of no contact; who stood by the entrance of your home for twelve hours until you were ready to talk to him again after you had slammed the door on his face after his first attempt.

Luke, who, like a gentleman, protected you from every man at the bar that looked a bit too sketchy. Who drove you home wasted without landing a finger on you. Who sobered you up and cleaned the mess you had made, only to sleep on your couch until you woke up to make sure you were okay.

Luke, who, without fail, would show up in the middle of the night, after you called him while crying your heart out, or the pieces that were left of it, when your boyfriend confessed to you that he was still in love with his best friend.

Luke, who had, accidentally, introduced you to Spencer Reid, the very own source of your bitter tears, and now had to contain himself from beating his beloved partner up into a pulp for the pain he was causing you. Who invested his time, money, and heart in putting a smile back on your face.

Luke, the first person you called, bursting with joy, after you and Spencer had sorted it out, and had made the decision of moving in together.

Luke, who, unbenknownst to you, loved you with every pore of his skin, vein on his body, fiber of his heart, even since he was just a college kid. Who had to fake a smile as he helped you move in with another man, the one you desired in the way he wished.

Luke, who was your best friend and confidant, your knight in rusty armor, your shoulder to cry on, the guiding moonlight in the night, a comforting shadow on a sunny day. Who you would describe as your all.

Luke, who, regardles of giving his all to you, was never enough.

#luke alvez #luke alvez xreader #luke alvez x reader #i was seeing luke content and idkkkk #i needed angst #i need angst #criminal minds #luke alvez fanfiction #blurb: mine #blurb: luke #blurb: angst #i might turn this into a series hahaha i already thought what i want to do for morgan's #quick writing just so i don't lose practice while i lose my mind on the daily

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foxy-eva · 1 year

Text

Patience & Hope

Summary: Spencer and Luke learn what being a family really means

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Luke Alvez

Category: Hurt/Comfort

Request by @sassymoon: established relationship, having an argument, mental health issues, adopting a pet

Content Warnings: Post-Prison Spencer, implied/referenced mental health issues (Spencer), crying, mentions of not wanting children

Word count: 1.8

Masterlist

Seeing his boyfriend around his godsons always made Luke's heart jump, a warmth spreading through his chest whenever Michael or Henry broke out in giggles at Spencer's goofiness.

Those moments seemed to be so rare - Spencer smiling and laughing as if he didn't still carry all the weight prison left on his shoulders. More than anything, Luke wished for a life where he could see his partner being that happy every day.

It was hard not letting his mind wander to a fantasy of seeing Spencer with children of their own. It was something Luke had thought about countless times but managed to keep it in.

Until that day.

On their way home from JJ's house, Luke couldn't hold back any longer. He averted his eyes from the road to find the warm amber of Spencer's irises.

"You'd be such a great dad," Luke cooed.

To his surprise, Spencer didn't respond, instead he showed him a shy smile before turning his head to look out of the window of the passenger seat. A knot built in Luke's stomach at the realization that it had not been the right moment to bring up this topic.

It was still too early in their relationship to have talked about the future a lot. Even though Spencer had never explicitly told him about wanting children, Luke had always assumed that he would want to be a father one day.

Neither of them dared to speak for the rest of the car ride. It wasn't unlike Spencer to shut down when he was scared to say the wrong thing and it wasn't unlike Luke to hold back so he wouldn't scare his boyfriend away.

They had both worked hard to carefully take down Spencer's walls when they started dating but things were still so fragile.

Luke watched Spencer as he sat down on the couch and nervously fidgeted with his fingers. He found his place beside the other man and carefully brushed over the back of his hand, a sigh of relief escaping Luke's throat when Spencer opened his palm to welcome his boyfriend's touch. With fingers intertwined and concern still visible on both of their faces, they found each other's eyes to talk about the inevitable.

"I'm sorry," Luke mumbled when the silence between the two of them became unbearable for him. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable," Spencer clarified. "I'm nervous."

Luke gently squeezed his hand to encourage him to keep on talking. "Why are you nervous?"

"Because–" Spencer paused to avert his eyes from Luke, staring at the floor instead.

With a tender motion Luke touched his partner's jaw to turn his head again until they locked eyes once more.

"Please talk to me, Spencer," he pleaded.

The glistening in his eyes revealed that Spencer wasn't just nervous about voicing his thoughts, he was terrified.

"I don't want to have kids and I'm scared you're gonna leave me for someone who does."

Spencer's voice broke at the last syllable as sobs started wrecking through his body. Luke was quick to wrap his arms around his boyfriend, pressing their chests together to keep him close to his heart – exactly where he belonged.

Spencer became so small inside Luke's arms, his limbs bent and folded to the point where it was impossible to recognize the grown man he was. Right then Luke wasn't comforting his boyfriend, no. He was holding a scared little boy, longing for someone to stay and protect him from the chaos of the world.

He placed a soft kiss into Spencer's unruly curls before whispering, "I won't leave you. I promise," over and over again until he was sure that his boyfriend had heard him.

After a few moments Luke heard his boyfriend mumble something into the fabric of his shirt. It was inaudible, so he tried to lean back to be able to hear Spencer's words. The man in his arms didn't let him, though, and held onto his body tightly to hinder him from moving away.

"It's okay, I won't go anywhere," Luke spoke softly. "I just couldn't understand what you were saying."

"I don't want to be the reason you won't have a family," Spencer muttered as he dared to lean back.

With eyes rimmed red Spencer looked at his boyfriend, still convinced that this conversation could be the end of what they were. Luke, however, still radiated the same warmth and comfort he did anytime he came to visit in prison.

It had been him who gave Spencer hope to make it out of his cage alive. He was adamant in showing his love and didn't plan to stop doing that anytime soon.

"Spencer, I have found all the family I need with you. I'm perfectly happy to spend my future with just you. We don't need kids to be complete."

Luke's fingers made contact with his boyfriend's cheeks, carefully wiping away the tears from his face while whispering, "I love you."

It had been Luke who showed him that there were still so many reasons to keep holding on after he got out of prison – the sweetness of his lips being one of them.

It was a surprising move but Luke welcomed the feeling of Spencer's lips against his nonetheless.

There was no need for words to be spoken, this kiss expressed everything Spencer wanted Luke to know.

Thank you for finding me.

Thank you for staying with me.

Thank you for understanding me.

"I love you," he decided to say out loud.

The two men found comfort in their new-found realization that they didn't need to expand their family to be complete. Their bond only grew stronger over the next few weeks. Getting this conversation out of the way helped Spencer open up more, finally able to fully show his boyfriend the extent of his love.

They were wrapped inside each other's arms on the couch in Spencer's apartment when a loud knock disturbed their lazy Sunday afternoon.

"Are you expecting anyone?" Luke wondered as the other man got up from his place beside him.

"No I–," he was interrupted by another, more urgent sounding knock against his door.

He found a wide-eyed Penelope standing in his hallway, a small ball of fur pressed against her chest. She walked in before Spencer had the chance to invite her.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt you boys but this is an emergency!" She exclaimed while Luke got up from the couch as well.

The small ball of fur started moving, ears and eyes sticking out from Penelope's arms to reveal she was holding a kitten.

"I found her beside a dumpster, all freezing and scared. I wanted to take her in but Sergio apparently hates company and kept hissing at her. She's so scared and needs a safe place to stay!" She explained without taking a breath between her words.

The two men locked eyes with raised eyebrows and mouths agape.

Spencer turned his head to face Penelope again, voicing his concerns, "I'm not sure I can take care of a cat. Besides, Luke has a dog and they probably wouldn't get along."

"Actually, Roxy is very fond of kittens," Luke chimed in.

Spencer thought about it for a moment. It had taken him months to get used to the presence of Luke's dog, it didn't seem rational to make room for another pet in his life.

He laid eyes on the kitten in his friend's arms. It was tiny and fragile and so, so scared.

"I already gave her a bath and made sure she doesn't have any fleas," Penelope said. "Look at her! She just needs some love."

"And food, a littler box, toys, a scratcher, vet visits…," Spencer added.

"Spencer, just look at her," Luke suggested, his large puppy eyes not unlike his dog's whenever she wanted something.

Just when Luke wanted to reach out his hand to make contact with the tiny creature, the kitten started to squirm until she escaped Penelope's arms to jump onto the floor instead. After looking around for a split second, she ran into Spencer's bedroom to hide under the bed.

All of them followed the kitten, crouching down in front of the bed to take a look at the scared ball of fur. After several failed attempts to get her to come out, Penelope got up from the floor and concluded, "Looks like she wants to stay here."

Spencer had no interest in scaring the poor thing even more by forcefully getting her out from her hiding spot. He slowly warmed up to the thought of sharing his place with a cat.

"Okay."

Luke showed him a wide smile and excitedly exclaimed, "Okay?! Does this mean she can stay?"

"Yes, she can stay," Spencer confirmed.

Penelope was relieved to have found a home for the rescued kitten and promised the men to come by later to bring them cat food and other essentials to make the new roommate as comfortable as possible.

Spencer sat on the floor of his bedroom, his back leaning against the wall while he watched his partner laying on his stomach, trying to reach under the bed to get the cat to come out.

"Maybe you should give her some space," Spencer suggested.

Luke sighed defeatedly and shifted his position to sit beside his boyfriend.

"Yeah, you're right."

"We just need to stay here and wait. She probably needs some time to get used to our presence. She needs to be sure that we won't hurt her and she can trust us. That'll take some time but I'm sure she will eventually. We just have to be patient," Spencer let him know.

The men locked eyes before Luke confirmed, "Okay. I can do that."

"I know."

Spencer let his fingertips dance over the other man's palm before their fingers interlaced. They were both aware of the parallels of this situation to the beginning of their relationship.

In fact, Luke had often thought that Spencer resembled a scared animal when he was released from prison. He was desperate for someone to show him love and take care of him but had trouble not to let his claws show when someone got too close, terrified that he could get hurt again.

Luke softly smiled at Spencer, whispering, "It will be worth the wait."

They sat in comfortable silence as many moments passed. Just when they considered going back to the living room, they noticed some movement under the bed.

Slowly and carefully the furry creature showed herself, step by step coming out from under the bed. She was hesitant but eventually decided to move closer to the men sitting on the floor. Both of them tried not to move while intently watching the kitten.

After careful consideration the cat decided to sit down right next to Spencer's thigh, rubbing her face against the fabric of his pants.

Spencer turned his head to look at Luke, whispering, "I think I want to call her Hope."

Thank you so much for reading! Your comments mean the world to me and feedback helps me stay motivated to come up with more stories. Let me know what you think!

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#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x luke alvez #ralvez #ralvez fanfiction #ralvez fanfic #luke alvez #luke alvez fanfic #luke alvez fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fluff

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spritehouse · 7 months

Text

me: i love luke alvez. he deserves the world. he's amazing. i love him. he can do no wrong.

me: and here's 3k words on me hurting him.

#i am single-handedly populating the 'hurt luke alvez' tag #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #angst #luke alvez #writing #writers of tumblr #luke alvez fanfiction

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thelukesalvez · 8 months

Text

Luke Alvez x Reader: Amnesia

Prompt: You experience some retrograde amnesia after you and Luke are in a car accident.

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: car accident, trauma, blood mention

A/N: continuing to repost these :)

The first thing that you notice when you wake up is that your head is throbbing. The pain is worse than that time you and Penelope decided to go bar hopping all night when you were visiting Emily in London. It had taken two whole days for the three of you to recover. Judging by the way you feel right now, you think it might take a whole lot longer than that to get over whatever you had been up to the night before.

It takes a moment, but soon, you start to realize that this pain felt like much more than just a bad hangover. Your entire body aches, and when you try to touch the spot on your head that really stung, a sharp pain shoots up your entire right arm, making your eyes open slowly in response.

Slowly, you take in the room around you, including the IV attached to your arm and the sterile, white walls. Your mouth feels dry, and your body is still in a bed that feels so much different than yours at home.

When you feel someone touching your arm, you turn your head.

“Rossi..?” You see your coworker looking at you with worry in his eyes and tears that are threatening to spill down his cheeks.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe now.”

You don’t know what he’s talking about. Disoriented and confused, your heart starts racing. The beeping from the heart monitor suddenly increases and Rossi quickly scoots forward on the edge of his seat, squeezing your hand and telling you to calm down.

“What happened?” you ask, your voice shaky and scared. “Why am I here?”

You’re almost afraid to know the answer.

“You guys were in an accident, in the SUV. It’s okay, you’re okay, and he’s going to be fine…everyone’s alright now.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, and try to take some time to process things…an accident… in the SUV. Derek was always the one who insisted on driving.

“Oh my god…how’s Derek?”

There’s a strange look that flashes across Rossi’s face that you can’t quite read before he gives you an uneasy and forced smile, “He’s fine, everyone’s fine. He’s at home.”

“Oh,” you sigh a breath of relief. “So he wasn’t in the accident with me?”

“No…” Rossi’s voice trails off and his tone indicates that there’s something he’s not telling you.

But you don’t dwell on it. Instead, you think to yourself, Morgan’s okay. He’s fine. And I’m… you look down to your own body and see no visible casts or slings. I’m okay. We’re okay.

What you didn’t see was the worried look in Rossi’s face, or the way he gently excuses himself to go call the doctor as quickly as he can.

…

A nurse comes into the room after an hour and gives you some more painkillers.

“How are you feeling?” she asks as she injects them into your IV line.

“Tired,” you say. “And my head really hurts.”

She nods. “That’s to be expected from the trauma you endured.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

She looks at you, “You were in a car accident.”

“I know, but like- how’d it happen?”

“I’m not entirely sure- your coworkers can probably tell you more. But I know there was a car chase, and you ended up getting t-boned on the side of your vehicle. You suffered some head trauma, that’s why it’s taken so long for you to wake up. Probably why you’re a little groggy too. But Mr. Alvez received a few minor injuries. I think they’re starting to stitch him up now.” Just as she finishes administering the drugs, her pager goes off.

“I’m sorry, I have to run. The doctor should be here soon though to check on you.”

Mr. Alvez. The name sounded vaguely familiar to you, but you couldn’t quite place it. Instead, you just assume he was the one who ran into your car. The nurse hadn’t mentioned anyone else, either, so you can only assume that you were alone in the SUV.. But why would you be chasing an Unsub alone?

Your thoughts are interrupted when Rossi re-enters the room. Except, he’s not alone. JJ, along with a middle aged female in a white lab coat and dark scrubs trail behind him.

JJ offers you a small smile before crossing her arms across her chest and standing in the corner of the room with Rossi. They gaze at you cautiously.

“Glad to see you’re awake,” the doctor says. “I’m Dr. Hall. You’re very lucky that you weren’t seriously injured considering the severity of the accident.”

She takes a moment to shine a light in your eye, and then again in your ear. She checks the movement in your arms and legs, which only causes a little discomfort at this point. “I need to ask you a few things, just some standard simple questions.”

You nod slowly in agreement.

“Can you tell me your full name?”

You nod and tell the doctor.

“Okay, now your date of birth?”

Again, you answer.

“What do you remember before the accident?”

“I'm not sure, but..” you stop, feeling a little confused. “The nurse said it happened during work. That I was chasing someone, I can’t quite remember who.”

“Okay, and what do you do for work?”

“Uh,” you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to concentrate despite your fuzzy mind. “I work for the FBI, I’m an agent for the BAU.”

“Good, and who do you work for?”

“Aaron Hotchner,” you say.

But something feels wrong when you look up to see the look on JJ and Rossi’s faces. JJ’s got her hand covering her mouth and she won't quite meet your gaze. An uneasy feeling settled in your stomach as you watch Rossi inhale and place a comforting hand on JJ’s back.

Dr. Hall nods slowly at you. “Okay, we’re gonna do some more tests, if you’re up for it now.”

“What’s wrong?” you looked over to Rossi, hoping that he’ll tell you what’s happening.

Instead, he avoids your gaze. Dr. Hall is the one to speak. “It looks like there might be some retrograde memory issues going on, but we’ll need to do a quick CT just to be sure.”

“Oh my god,” you say, surprised, but also relieved to have an explanation as to why everything feels so foggy. “How much am I forgetting?”

Finally, Rossi speaks. “Morgan left the BAU three years ago,” he explains somberly. “And Hotch left a little over two years ago.”

Your eyes widen in shock. You feel like your heart might have stopped.

Three years? You’re forgetting the last three years of your life?

You hear the heart monitor start to beep faster again as you fight to remain calm.

The doctor puts a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“No need to panic,” she assures you. “This kind of thing happens, and there’s no way to know for sure what we’re looking at here until we get a CT scan, okay? So let’s not fret yet.”

You nod slowly, but can’t quite manage to look over at JJ and Rossi again.

“My nurse here is going to take you up to get a scan. We’ll review the results when I get them, okay?”

You just nod, because what else are you going to do?

The nurse from earlier comes in with a chair. After helping you slip into it, you don’t look back to JJ or Rossi before she wheels you out of the room.

Turns out, the walk to the scanning room was a long one, and you hated awkward silence. So, you bring up your conversation with the nurse from earlier.

“How’s the guy who hit me doing? You said his injuries were less than mine, right?”

She pauses slightly before speaking. “The guy who hit you was arrested by your team, I think,” she says.

“Mr. Alvez?” you ask, maybe that’s why his name was familiar. He was the Unsub you were after.

“Mr. Alvez is getting a cut stitched up, yes. But he’s okay.”

You frown. “I don’t understand, wasn’t Mr. Alvez the guy who hit me?”

The nurse hesitates even longer this time. “Mr. Alvez was driving your vehicle,” she explains.

“What?” You were dumbfounded and tired of everything being so confusing.

“Mr. Alvez was driving your vehicle, the black SUV.”

You fall silent. He must be a member of the team. With Hotch and Morgan gone, like Rossi had mentioned, it was obvious you had acquired some new team members. You can't understand why else this Alvez guy would be in the FBI car. Your head starts to hurt from the chaos. Rather than ask more questions, you let the awkward silence take you the rest of the way to the scanning room.

…

When you wake up later that day, you smile to see Penelope and Spencer sitting in chairs across the room. Reid has his nose in a book. Finally a familiar sight.

“Guys,” you exhale a breath of relief. The heaviness in your chest and the throbbing in your head isn’t so bad anymore. Instead you feel safe…because that’s how Garica and Reid always made you feel.

Spencer looks up from his book, his face breaking out into a huge grin. “Hey, you’re awake!”

“Oh my gosh,” Garcia stands up and hurries closer towards your bed.

“You have no idea how happy I am to see those beautiful eyes,” she says. She gives your shoulder a reassuring squeeze before sitting down in the chair by your bedside.

Spencer remains standing and asks, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” your eyes wander towards the profiler and you pause. “Your hair is different,” you observe. “It’s so long.”

Reid and Garcia exchange a quick glance before turning back towards you. Oh yeah, you thought, the missing three years.

“Apparently I’ve lost my memory,” you laugh dryly, attempting to joke at the awkward situation.

“So I heard,” Spencer says uneasily, his lips pressed tightly together.

“It’s a shame I still remember your face though.”

That remark seems to bring Spencer’s electrifying smile back. It was even enough to get a small laugh out of him.

“So, does anyone have the highlights from the past three years?”

The smile that’s been lingering on your lips slightly fades as you realize how much you didn’t know, so much you were missing out on.

“Who took Hotch’s place?” you ask.

Garcia jumps in. “Oh, that’s good news. Emily!”

Your jaw almost drops to the floor. “Emily? Our Emily?”

Garcia nods frantically, her red lips smiling excitedly. “She came back from London to help out when she found out we were down a man, and when Hotch left, they made her Unit Chief.”

“Wow. That’s incredible, that’s such good news.”

It’s making your head feel heavy, trying to piece together the jigsaw puzzle of your own life. You continue to play 20 questions with them until there’s a faint knocking sound at your door.

You turn to see some familiar and some unfamiliar faces entering the room.

The first you see is Emily. She looks almost exactly the same, which is comforting. Then there’s JJ and Rossi and Tara, who you’re relieved to recognize. But two unfamiliar men walk into the room. They file towards the back. You try not to focus on them, because it made you uneasy. How could there be two members of your team- that you may have known for as long as three years- that you just don’t recognize?

You try focusing on the members of your team that you did know instead. It brings you an infinite amount of more comfort.

“How’re you doing?” Emily asks sympathetically. “We all couldn’t wait to check up on you.”

“I’m okay,” you tell her nodding, even though everyone in that room knew it was far from the truth.

“Have you gotten your CT scan results back yet?” JJ wonders.

You shake your head. “Not yet, the nurse said the doctor would be in soon, though. I guess he was finishing up a surgery.”

You can’t help but glance towards the back of the room towards the unfamiliar members of your team after a few moments. One is standing with his arms crossed, but a similarly sympathetic smile on his face as the rest of your team was wearing. But the other, with dark, curly hair and tanned skin, is staring down at the ground. He won’t meet your gaze. He has a bandage on the left side of his forehead that he keeps itching at.

Why can't you place him?

It’s awkward and uncomfortable with the team. Something that makes you feel very uneasy, because that’s not how you remember things being at the BAU. This is your family, so why can't you wait for them to leave?

After exchanging pleasantries and promises to visit soon, the majority of the team finally started to file out of your room.

You wave goodbye to them as they left, realizing that no one introduced you to the two unfamiliar men. You assume that they didn’t want to overwhelm you. But as soon as it was just you, Spencer, and Garcia again, you let your curiosity peak.

“Okay, who were those two guys, in the back there?” you point to where they were standing.

“That was Matt Simmons and Luke Alvez,” Spencer explains nervously. “They’re part of the team.

“Alvez!” you remember the name from earlier. “The nurse told me he was driving- Was he the one with the bandage?”

Spencer and Garcia exchange another nervous glance, as if they’ve been waiting for this question all along. But you can read their faces like a book, and you see the way their faces fall.

They both nod slowly.

“Yeah.” Spencer nods. “Yeah, that was Luke. And you’re right, he was driving the SUV.”

“Who is he?” There’s a sinking feeling in your stomach that you can’t quite place.

“He took over for Morgan when he left. So he joined the team a little under three years ago.” Reid explains cautiously.

But Garcia gives a strange look, like there was something they knew that you didn’t.

“What is it?” you ask them. You can't stand the fact that you don't know half of what was going on.

Penelope sighs and when she speaks her voice is shaky.

“He- he is a member of the team,” she explains. “But you've also been dating him for the past two years.”

…

Luke’s gripping at his hair harshly as he paces through the halls of the hospital.

“She has no clue-” he exclaims frustratedly. "No clue who I am.”

The truth is that he had been overly anxious to get to your room ever since arriving at the hospital. He pleaded with the doctor who was stitching up his forehead to hurry up. He needed to make sure you were okay.

Even when a somber-looking Rossi had entered his room earlier in the day and told him you were experiencing some memory loss, he still felt like he needed to see you.

“She didn’t remember that Emily took over for Hotch,” JJ explained to the team, all huddled in Luke’s room. “Or anything after Morgan left.” Her gaze wanders towards Luke.

“Meaning she doesn’t remember me?” Luke had asked, wincing as the nurse continued to stitch up his wound from the accident.

JJ bit her lip before looking to Rossi to answer his question.

“We don’t think so,” Rossi declared.

Luke had nodded slowly. “But we don’t know for sure? I mean they haven’t done any tests or anything?”

“They’re doing a CT scan now, I guess to see what’s really going on,” JJ had folded her arms across her chest tightly.

Luke nodded, his hopes not faltering. He’d be what made her remember everything. One look- and all the memories would come back. Because their love wasn’t something you could just forget.

“Just give her space, okay?” Rossi urged, he was the only thing blocking Luke from bursting through your door. “Try not to overwhelm her.”

“Yeah, okay,” Luke said without realizing what he was even promising. Because he knew that as soon as you saw him, this whole nightmare would be behind them.

But when he did finally walk through the door to your room and your eyes didn’t immediately light up, Luke’s hopes started to quickly fall.

In fact, you didn’t look at him at all. He bit his lip, trying not to give way to the fact that his entire world was coming crashing down around him while you told Emily that you were feeling okay. He found a spot on the floor to focus on, a single piece of dirt, or something, from somebody’s shoes remained the focal point of his gaze throughout the entire visit.

What he wanted to do was charge your bed- wrap his arms around you and tell you how much he loved you. He wanted to say he was sorry for not avoiding the Unsub’s car- wanted to apologize over and over again until he was blue in the face. But he couldn’t do that. Because you had no idea who he was.

It isn't until he's out of your room and back in the hallway that he realizes he’s been holding his breath. Luke exhales sharply, panic setting in.

Emily tries to calm him down by saying, “She might get all those memories back, Luke.”

“But she might not,” he admits, pulling even harder at the strands of his hair.

“We don’t know that yet,” Tara reassures him. “Oftentimes, amnesia after an accident is only temporary.”

“Okay,” he says, “Okay, but what if she doesn’t? What if I’m a stranger to her?”

Rossi steps forward this time, and grabs Luke by the shoulders. He has a stern look on his face while he lectures Luke. “Then we deal with it then,” he says. “But until then, you have to be strong for her, okay? Because she’s scared and she’s confused and she needs you to be strong.”

Luke nods as he slowly starts to come down from his panicked state. He takes a couple of deep breaths. “Okay,” he agrees.

…

The sun is shining outside and the little rays that escape through the blinds on the window illuminate your room when you hear the door rattle.

The door opens a second later and Garcia peeks her head in. “Hi, you’re awake!” She doesn’t open the door all the way, which makes you look questioningly at her.

“What’s up?” you ask.

She looks at you hesitantly. “You have some people to introduce you to. If you’re up for it.” She says it like a question, and you want to say no, but there’s something about the way Garcia looks, her normally bright, vibrant self looking dull and tired, that makes you agree.

You wonder if talking to Luke and Matt will help trigger your memory. So you give Garcia a little nod, who looks at you smiling before opening the door all the way to reveal the two men who are waiting in the hall.

Matt walks in first. He’s got a sharp jaw that’s clean shaven and a tattoo poking out from the sleeve of his T-shirt. His hands are tucked into a pair of jeans that look slightly worn. There’s warmth in his dark eyes, and a comforting smile on his face as he looks at you.

The guy that comes in behind him is Luke. He has a head of thick, curly hair, and a pair of brown eyes that pop. He’s wearing a dark maroon shirt that clings to his biceps and makes his tanned skin look even darker. There’s something sad about the way his face is mixed with both exhaustion and sorrow. He looks like he needs a good night of sleep.

“Hey,” Matt speaks first, and you can’t help but mirror the smile that’s greeting him. “I’m Matt.”

You look at both of them intently, trying to feel something, anything…but it only makes your head feel foggier.

“I guess this is probably pretty weird for you guys, huh?” you ask, trying to lighten the mood. “Introducing yourself to someone you already know.”

Luke offers you the slightest smile, but it’s laced with dejection.

“I’m sorry…” your face drops and Luke’s body goes tense. “I can’t remember you guys.” You look down at your hands because you can’t stand to look at them. You hate the disappointment you’ve caused on their faces.

“It’s okay, you’ve been through a lot, I’m sure it’ll come back to you eventually.” You look up to see it's Luke speaking for the first time. He’s got a warm, reassuring smile replacing the old disgruntled look and it instantly lifts your spirits. For a moment, you find yourself thinking, yeah, I can see why I had you in my life.

There’s a bit of an awkward silence for a moment, and you realize that you’re not entirely sure what to say.

You want to be polite, and you want to give them both a chance, because at one point you obviously knew them well.

But when you look at them, you don’t see your team members. You don’t see your boyfriend. You just see strangers.

…

Dr. Hall comes in that evening to discuss your CT scan. You’re relieved that it’s only you and Emily in the room at the time that she arrives.

“See that area there?” she asks, pointing to a mark on the screen she was showing you. “That indicates damage to the hippocampus. That’s the primary memory storage site of your brain, so it’s no wonder why you’re experiencing what we call retrograde amnesia.”

The words she speak sound foreign, and while you did everything you could to understand, all you cared about was one thing.

“Will I get my memories back?” you ask.

Dr. Hall scooted back in her chair and took off her black rimmed glasses. “Some people do,” she nods. “But some don’t. The good news is that the damage to your hippocampus is relatively minor. So much so that we missed it in our original MRI scan.”

You nod slowly. “So there’s a chance then?”

“There’s a chance. But even if it doesn't, the chunk that you’re missing is relatively small in the grand scheme of things. So even if you don’t get your old memories back, you do have the ability to create new ones.”

…

“Do me and Luke live together?” you ask Penelope in the car. You had been released from the hospital that day and the question popped into your head suddenly while you were on your way home.

She nods, her grip tight on the steering wheel. “Yes, but he’s going to stay with Rossi for now. He didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

You sigh a breath of relief.

Garcia gently pushes the door open to your house that you don’t recognize. You take a deep breath to prepare yourself for what you’re about to see. You’re uneasy, but there’s an odd sense of familiarity that settles in your stomach despite not knowing what to expect.

The entrance opens up to an open living room where the gray curtains are drawn open, the light coming in from the windows shined bright against the furniture.

There are shoes lined up neatly next to the door. A few pairs of sneakers lie next to a pair of giant boots that you know must be Luke’s.

You recognize some of the furniture. Like the rocking chair your mother gave you, and the homemade blanket. The more you recognize, the more at ease you felt.

The warmth only spread when you walked over to the coffee table to find a copy of your favorite book left out.

That’s when you notice that there are so many photos. Some hang on the walls and some are in frames placed around the shelves and tables.

One in particular captures your attention, and as you draw nearer, you feel like the wind has been knocked out of your lungs. It’s a picture of you and Luke, he has his arm around you and is wearing a huge, ear-to-ear grin as he stares into the camera lens. You, on the other hand, are looking up at him, a similar smile on your face.

You steady yourself against the wall, but suddenly feel like you’re having an out of body experience, your surroundings blurring out and Luke’s voice ringing in your head.

“I’m not gonna drop your phone, don’t worry-”

“Just do a selfie, that isn’t going to hold my phone, it’s going to fall!”

“This will look so much better than a selfie, trust me! Look, steady as ever, this branch is coming through for us-”

“Looks more like a twig to me-”

You’re squeezing your eyes shut but all you can see is Luke rushing towards you to beat the self timer on your phone, his smile wide.

Your eyes snapped open as Garcia entered the living room to announce, “I put your suitcase upstairs- what’s wrong?” she asks when she sees your frazzled state.

“Nothing,” you lie. You don't want to get her hopes up by telling her you think you just remembered something, so instead you say, “Just tired.”

“Oh, okay. Well let me get out of your hair then, so that you can rest.”

You nod, but all you can think of is getting your hands on some more photos.

After wandering upstairs, you seem to know just where to look to find a photo album stashed away. You open the binder to find countless pictures. You flip through them eagerly, until one a few pages deep catches your eye.

It’s another photo of you and Luke- this time you’re both looking into the camera. He has his arm around your shoulder and you’re pulling yourself into his side, your arm stretched across his stomach. Your head is resting comfortably on his chest and the closer you look, you realize that there’s tears in your eyes.

Suddenly, Luke’s voice pops back into your head.

“I wouldn’t have asked you out if I knew it was going to make you this upset-”

“I’m not upset, I’m- so.. so happy.”

“Happy. As in, yes, you’ll go out with me?”

“Of course I will.”

It’s like the floodgates open and suddenly, an influx of memories and information come pouring into your mind. You feel dizzy as you sort through them, wondering if any of this could be real.

When you look back down at the photos beneath you, your eyes narrow in on Luke.

You can’t help the sudden rush of tears that come streaming down your face when you realize that Luke’s no longer a stranger.

…

You take a deep breath, trying to gather courage before pressing the call button on your phone. It seems strange to you that just a few hours prior, you didn’t even feel comfortable having small talk with Luke, but now, with your memories coming back, he was the first person you wanted to tell.

The phone rings once before his warm, now familiar, voice answers on the other line.

“Hey,” he greets.

You exhale sharply before whispering a soft, “Hi.”

“Is everything okay?” he asks, concern evident in his tone.

You nod, before realizing he can’t see you. “Yeah,” you say through the tears streaming down your face. “Yeah, can you- can you come home?”

After a brief moment of silence you add, “Please.”

You hear stirring on the other line, like Luke was moving around.

“Y-yeah,” he stammers. “Yeah, I’ll be there in 10.”

After you hang up the phone, you continue flipping through photos as you wait for Luke. The memories come back to you faster and faster. It’s a relief, but it’s also exhausting.

Only when you hear the front door of your house open and close do you tear yourself away from the photos. You shut the book and hastily run downstairs, eager to see Luke.

The Luke you see in your memories and pictures around the house is different than the one standing in front of you now. The Luke you now remember has skin the color of caramel and eyes so warm the sun would be jealous. But this Luke looks flushed and exhausted, with dark circles encasing his eyes.

“Luke..” you say softly, your voice coming out in a whisper, as if saying his name would take all your memories away again.

He looks frazzled and worried, but you make your way to him slowly.

“What’s wrong?” he frets, looking at you wildly.

You feel bad to have worried him into such a state. “Nothing-” you manage to get out. “I-I-” You’re so taken aback by just knowing who he is, that it’s hard to speak.

But Luke’s face softens, and when he comes to the conclusion that you must have called him over here for another reason, his eyes widen. “Do you- are you remembering things?”

Your face breaks out into a large, relieved smile, despite the tears still falling down your cheeks. You’re afraid that if you speak, you might just sob forever, so instead you nod frantically.

“Oh my god,” Luke gasps before crossing the room in just two, large strides. He wastes no time before wrapping his arms around your body tightly. He lifts your feet off the ground, his face getting buried in the nape of your neck while he spins you around. “Oh my god,” he repeats, followed by a little chuckle.

You breath in his comforting scent, wondering how you went so long without craving his touch.

“I remember-” you choke out. “I remember now.”

Luke lifts both of his hands and cups your face, and you can see tears in Luke’s eyes. “God, I’m so sorry,” he tells you. “I’m so sorry I let you get hurt.”

But you’re shaking your head. “It’s not your fault, Luke.”

He’s quiet for a moment, his lips pressed tightly together like he’s trying to find his own words.

“I thought I’d lost you,” he finally says. “First when you were unconscious at the scene, but again when you didn’t know who I was.” He takes a slow, unsteady breath. “I wasn’t sure you’d ever remember.”

He leans his forehead to rest against yours, his thumb gently rubbing against your cheek, it grazes the corner of your mouth before he leans down, wanting nothing more than to press his lips against yours, to remind you about what the two of you had together.

When he finally pulls away, you’re breathless and wide-eyed.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” he whispers.

You nod and ignore all the thoughts and fears that are racing through your mind, and instead close the gap between you and Luke once again.

Luke tastes like mint and coffee, he smells like citrus, and he’s warm like a hot, summer day.

Luke feels like home.

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criminal-minds-girlie · 24 days

Note

do u think you could make another pt to the ralvez fic? it was cute and I'd love to see how theyd be when watching a movie <33 like cuddling, kissing orrr idk other stuff

Quiet attraction Pt.2

part one

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Authors note: This is my first time writing a part 2 i hope it reads alright

paring: luke alvez x spencer reid

genre: fluff

Summary: luke brings spencer back to his after their first date

word count: 593

They leave the restaurant, holding hands, and make their way back to Luke's place. They're both excited and nervous, but they know that they're in good hands with each other.

When they arrived at Luke's place, they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

as spencer tripped over something and fell on the couch he jumped into Luke's arms hearing a loud prominent bark spencer had tripped over Roxi and she's not happy about it.

Luke couldn't help but chuckle. Spencer was a little clumsy sometimes, but he thought it was cute. He pulled Spencer up and helped him dust himself off.

Spencer was still a little shaken up, and he could see that Roxi was not happy with him.

"I am so sorry for that Luke" he curls into Luke he is petrified of dogs after being chased and bitten by them when he was younger.

"Hey hey hey it's okay I will go put her outside she will not hurt you" he says, stroking Spencer's hair, he can feel him shaking and his breathing is fast.

"no no its fine she shouldn't have to go outside because im scared" he sits up on the couch as roxi sits in front of spencer her tail wagging as she rests her head on spencer and spencer just freezes.

"See, she's not going to hurt you"

Spencer's heart was pounding, but he trusted Luke. He reached out and gently stroked Roxi's soft fur. She licked his hand, and he smiled.

roxi barks quietly and her tail wags but spencer jumps scared at her bark "hey girl its okay you're fine" luke coos to Roxi rubbing her ears "spence... are you ok"

"I'm okay, she just startled me." He laughed nervously, but he was already feeling better.

luke smiles softly walking to the kitchen and pours two glasses of wine and walks back over placing the glasses on the table but he notices spencer is stiff as a board as roxi nussles in his legs "hey it's ok she's just being friendly"

Spencer relaxed a little and tried to enjoy the sensation of Roxi's fur. He had never been close to a dog before, and he had to admit that it was a little scary, but also kind of nice.

luke smiles putting docter who on after jj told luke it was spencers favorite tv show and cuddles him "just relax she doesnt bite spence"

Spencer was still a bit nervous, but he slowly began to relax and enjoy himself.

roxi jumps on the couch and nussles into spencer and luke

"she's fluffy.." spencer whispers "and warm"

"Yeah, she is. She's also very affectionate and loves attention."

roxi barks quietly as spencer rubs her belly

luke smiles, happy that spencer was starting to enjoy himself

After a few episodes, Luke could see that Spencer was starting to get tired.

"Why don't we call it a night and go to bed?"

Spencer nodded and followed Luke into the bedroom. He couldn't deny that he was a little nervous about sharing a bed with Luke, but he was also excited.

As they snuggled up together under the covers, Spencer felt safe and secure in Luke's arms.

"..i love you luke i have since you joined the team" spencer cuddles in as roxi jumps on the bed and lays at the bottom of the bed

Luke's heart skipped a beat.

"I love you too, Spencer. I've wanted to tell you for a long time."

They shared a tender kiss and drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.

#criminal minds #luke alvez #spencer reid #ralvez #cm #spencer reid fanfiction #luke alvez fanfiction #i love them so much #i love ralvez #tooth rotting fluff #boop

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prentissluvr · 6 months

Text

two mugs, half empty — luke alvez

pairing : luke alvez x bau!gn!reader (can be read as platonic or romantic) ➖⟢ genre : hurt/comfort ➖⟢ cw : feelings of guilt and shame, nightmare mentions, talk of canon typical violence, crying ➖⟢ wc : 2.8K

“you look like hell.”

“wow, thank you, luke. way to compliment somebody,” you deadpan, even though he said it with a voice full of empathy. he gives you a good-natured roll of his eyes before his face returns to that concerned look you opened your apartment door to.

“but seriously, did you sleep at all over the weekend?” you want to hate how much he cares about you, but the sincerity of his voice has you nearly ready to cave.

“come in,” you offer, completely ignoring his question because the answer is “no, not really.” he raises his eyebrows at your lack of response, but steps in after you anyways. he can guess the answer well enough from the exhaustion evident in your whole figure.

you sit down with him in the kitchen, grabbing him a glass of water before he can say no to it. his gaze on you is heavy, but you ignore it in favor of examining the wood of the table in front of you. since you won’t say anything, he goes first.

“i came to check on you,” he states the obvious, “i’m– we’re kinda worried about you, you know? like, you haven’t responded to any of my texts all day and you never call in sick, even when you probably should, so i figured you’d probably be bedridden for you to make the choice to stay home.” he pauses for a long moment, as if inviting for you to explain why you’re, in fact, not bedridden, and not really physically sick at all. you don’t say a word. “so,” he prompts, “what’s up? why’d you turn down drinks with the rest of the team on saturday? kinda feels like you’re avoiding us.”

“i am avoiding you guys,” your voice comes out far quieter than you intended. you had wanted to sound nonchalant, and all you got was exhaustion. you sigh before continuing, “because you’re profilers and i don’t want to talk about it.” he sighs too.

“if it’s so bad that you went to the lengths to call off sick from work to avoid talking about it, it seems to me like it’s something you should talk about.”

you turn your head even further from him because you know he’s right. you’ve been holed up in your apartment, agonizing over what happened three nights ago, desperate to scream and cry about it to someone else. god knows you’ve done enough of that with yourself, but you’re reverting to old habits and it feels like you’re back to only knowing how to avoid, avoid, and keep avoiding.

“listen, i don’t want to push you, but i need you to know that i’m here for you.” his hand hovers over yours for a moment, silently asking permission before gently wrapping his fingers around yours. you clench your jaw and bite the inside of your cheek to keep tears from forming in your eyes. honestly, you didn’t think you could produce anymore, but here you are, trying not to cry in front of your coworker turned close friend whom you’ve probably upset by ignoring him.

luke gains a little bit of hope when you squeeze his hand. he squeezes back, hoping you feel the love and care that he puts into it. you do, and it doesn’t help your case with the whole crying ordeal.

“thanks,” you whisper. the thickness in your voice completely gives you away. tilting your head up to try to stop the flow of tears is plain old silly at this point, and he watches with a weight heavy on his heart as they overflow and fall down your cheeks. the tears catch in the light of the only lamp that’s turned on in the room. “fuck. goddammit,” you curse through the tears, well aware they won’t stop anytime soon. “luke,” you cry.

“i’m here,” he replies so earnestly without missing a beat that you begin to cry harder. that’s the last straw for him. quickly, he stands and wraps you up in his arms without a second thought. with you sitting, your face barely reaches his chest, and your arms reach around his lower torso. he’s got one hand rubbing up and down your back, the other cradling the back of your head into him. the way you hold onto him is desperate and breaks his heart, but he’s glad to give you something that you so clearly need. comfort.

“i–,” you try to explain, but you can’t get anywhere before choking on your own sobs.

“shhh, it’s okay. just let it out. i’m not going anywhere.” and he sticks to that promise, standing strong and unwavering, even after your tears run out and you can’t find it in yourself to pull away from him just yet. he doesn’t force a thing, just strokes the back of your head gently as a silent reminder that he’s there.

when you finally pull away, it’s only by a few inches, and he keeps his hands right where they are. he looks down at your face as you stare at the maroon fabric of his shirt and the tear stain you left behind. slowly, as if to not startle you, he bends down to be closer to your level. at first, you avoid meeting his eyes, but when the hand on your shoulder shifts up to your cheek and he gently wipes at the leftover tears, you let your gaze meet his. he gives you a smile, small and comforting, before speaking softly.

“i’m gonna make you some tea, alright?”

when you nod, his hands slide away from you, hesitant to let you go. your gaze follows his form as he turns and walks to the counter behind you, first grabbing your favorite mug from the cabinet and taking the liberty to grab one for himself too. then he’s at the pantry for the tea bags and he can feel your eyes on him. once the tea bags are on the counter, he’s by your side again. he gives you another soft smile as he grips the sides of your chair and turns it and you to face the counter. somehow luke just knows that him staying in your line of sight is a comfort to you, proof that he’s right there. he doesn’t want you to have to strain your neck in order to feel safe.

his silence as he fills and turns on the kettle, then sits back down beside you to wait for it to boil is a comfort too. it makes a difference that he’s not making you explain anything.

with him, the passage of time isn’t so horrible, and it’s easy to wait for the tea to be ready. when he sets the mug down in front of you, he tells you to be careful since it’s hot, even though you already know it. that’s when you make the decision that you will tell him what’s kept you holed up in your apartment for three days straight, what made you cry into his arms and skip work today.

it takes you four minutes of failed attempts to open your mouth and force a sound out of your throat before you finally get any words out. four minutes of sipping tea and thinking about how to start or how grateful you are that he’s here.

first comes a big, deep breath and another long moment of quiet. and then you realize you can’t just get into you, so you do your best and start by skirting around the actual problem.

“i know this job–” you have to clear your throat, “i know this job is really hard.” that sentence is kind of stupid purely because of how obvious it is, but you’ve at least started to tell him what this is all about. “and we’ve all learned ways to cope with that. i just– the way that, uh,” you pause to try and collect yourself a bit, but it does nothing to keep your voice from getting quiet, “the way that this last case ended? it, um, it…” suddenly you’re unsure what to even say. luke places his hand over your own, easing its shaking. you take another deep breath.”i can’t– i can’t get it out of my head. i can’t get her dead body out of my head and i can’t shake the feeling that it’s my fault.”

he’s about to say something, assure you that it absolutely was not your fault, but then everything comes tumbling out.

“i know, logically, technically, that it’s not. i know that, i’ve rationalized this whole thing in my head, even out loud, over and over and over again for the past three days. i know, we didn’t profile him to be so paranoid. i played into his narcissism like i was supposed to, like anyone of us would have, but fuck! it was still my words that set him off, the shit i said got a bullet through her brain.” he squeezes your hand in support. “and when i wake up from the nightmares, i can still hear her whimpers as he held her at gunpoint, even worse, arguably, is her mom begging me to bring her home alive that same morning. you know what i told her? that we were doing everything we could to find her and bring her back, i promised.” the tears start up again. “i told her not to give up hope because the people i work with are incredibly good at their jobs. then i see her sobbing in the corner of the police station after rossi told her that her daughter was fucking dead. and you know what i fucking did? i put my head down and walked in the opposite direction with the excuse that reid could use some help taking down the evidence board.”

your voice gets even shakier and the furrow in his worried brow deepens as you continue talking. “and i’m so ashamed, i’m so fucking ashamed, luke. i got her daughter killed and i couldn’t even tell her that–” a sob cuts you off, “that i’m sorry,” you cry. “i couldn’t face her. i couldn’t bear to see her crying about it or try and comfort her about it because i was too goddamn guilty to even look her in the eye. and now i see her and her dead daughter everytime i close my eyes.”

the silence after that is colossally heavy. to hear his softest voice calling your name as you stare into your half empty mug is enough to send more tears rushing down your cheeks. he sounds so heartbroken for you, like even he’s choked up by hearing your longwinded confession.

the way he moves is both careful and purposeful as he stands and urges you back into his embrace. this time your crying is quiet, just tears without sobs because you don’t have that left in you. it’s more short lived because it seems like your body’s finally run out of tears to give too. with one side of your face pressed against his shirt and his hands holding you there, it does feel a bit easier to breathe.

when he starts to talk, his voice is as soft as it has been all night. “i don’t want to tell you to just not feel ashamed or guilty. i wish you wouldn’t have to feel that way, really. but i want you to know that i understand. i don’t want to invalidate those things because they are real and they hurt and i understand why you’re feeling them. but it is not your fault. not for one second is it your fault. i’m sure you’ve reminded yourself this already, but we can never forget that it is only ever the fault of the people who pull the trigger on innocent lives.”

you nod because he’s right, you’ve told yourself that many times. but you realize it makes a difference to hear these things out of his mouth, not just from your mind that was only desperate to ease your guilt. you suppose that’s what he wants too, but it’s somehow better.

he pulls away from you, and positions the chairs so that you’re sitting knee to knee as he holds both of your hands in his. he looks you in the eye as he speaks, every ounce of sincerity visible in his face and easy to hear in his voice.

“and we just can’t be perfect, we can’t be expected to be everything for everyone every time. dealing with family members who have lost their loved ones is one of, if not the, hardest thing that we have to do for this job. rossi was there for her this time, and it’s okay if it was too hard for you. what you did is completely understandable and completely okay. throughout this whole case, you followed procedure and you followed the profile. we all did. so if any of us stood where you did, with the mother and with the unsub, the same exact same thing could have happened. would you blame me for it if i were in your place?” he gently wipes a stray tear from your cheek.

slowly, with his hand still cupping your face, you shake your head. “and would you forgive me for it?” it takes you a long moment of holding back more cries to answer, silently and slowly again. up and down, just once, you nod your head.

“there’s your answer. you’re allowed to not blame yourself and you’re allowed to forgive yourself. you are allowed to feel okay because we can’t fix this world, but we are making it better and we certainly deserve our own happiness. there will always be people who die and the people they leave behind. we just have to keep going because we are still saving lives. even more, our lives deserve to be protected as much as anyone else’s. we do that by allowing ourselves happiness, a life outside of all of the pain and gore and monsters of the world we work in. i’m sorry, and the things i say can’t make this all just go away. but i’m here for you and i think that being reminded of these things is a must for all of us. today’s one of those days where you deserve to be reminded.”

you don’t even think you could really cry again, even if you wanted to, but you certainly feel like it. only this time, it’s out of relief. your guilty conscience still tries to fight with his words, but the part of you that knows he’s right is holding onto his comfort with all it’s got and it’s making you want to burst into tears again. being reminded of your right to let it go is something you’ve needed, not just for this case, but for months. you didn’t even realize, but you’ve holding onto little things here and there and letting it build up until it all blew up in your face last friday night. so to let that all out and feel comforted is a relief far stronger than anything you’ve felt before.

“thank you.” your voice is back at a whisper, but you hope he can hear how much you mean it. you think he does when he smiles.

“of course. you’ll always have me, and you have everyone else on the team too, you know that.”

you nod and do your best to smile back. “thank you,” you repeat. you don’t even know what else to say. “and um, i’m always here for you too, luke. you know, just when i’m not a complete hot mess.” the lighter tone in your voice as you attempt a joke is luke’s relief, the relief that you’re on the way to feeling better.

“thanks,” he chuckles lightly. the sound makes you glad.

“hey luke?”

“yeah?” he replied in earnest, eager to give.

“can we order some thai food and watch movies until we fall asleep on the couch?”

that really makes him happy, and he grins like he always does to show it. “you know it.” so, he buys you food and tells you to pick all the movies. he lets you lean on him when you get tired, then carries you to bed and tucks you in when you fall asleep halfway through the first film. he stalls in your room by fixing the hair the falls onto your face and pressing a light kiss to your forehead. then he leaves the door cracked, just in case, and takes a while to fall asleep on your couch after putting the leftovers in the fridge. he cries a little, because he hates that it’s so hard for you, and it’s hard for him too.

at the end of the day though, he’s just glad you’ll be okay.

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