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#luke hemmings angst

Interviewed by a fan | Luke Hemmings

Summary: You interview the band and acquire yourself an admirer. 

Request: @mundrakes hiii i’m probably annoying lol but do you think you could do another luke hemmings write where you get to interview 5sos as a fan (you won a contest) with a radio station and michael, calum are on your left and luke and ashton are on your right and you’re kind of in the middle….you get to ask them questions and stuff and luke can’t really seem to keep his eyes off you and is constantly joking with you on the side lol sorry this is long!! end it however you’d like ♡

Word Count: 1.3k 

Masterlist

A/N: I hope you enjoy this imagine and that it was what you pictured when you requested! I don’t find any requests annoying so please feel free to send any others to my inbox. 

:)

Your hands were sweating considerably as you continued to read the questions you had written out on your phone. Being given the chance to interview your favourite band of all time was an incredible privilege but also ridiculously nerve-wracking; you were not only about to meet a band who had been entirely influential in your life but also because your celebrity crush was on the other side of the door and you were finally going to be able to meet him, have a photo with him but also have entire conversations with him. 

After five minutes of waiting, you were finally escorted into the room that five seconds of summer were situated in. They smiled at you upon entering and promptly introduced themselves; you went to shake hands with them but were pulled into a hug by Ashton, then Michael, then Calum and finally Luke. Your breathing was rather rapid as you realised what was actually happening. You pushed yourself onto the high stool that was placed in the middle of the 4 men and quickly pulled out your phone. 

“Hi, I’m Y/N and I have a couple of questions to ask you guys if that’s ok?” Your voice somehow came out as confident and strong as you smiled at the four men you admired so much. They all nodded enthusiastically, and each spoke some sort of agreement. You smiled back at them, muttering a quiet thanks before glancing up from your phone to make eye contact with Luke. You instantly blushed causing him to smirk slightly. 

“Most importantly I wanted to ask… How are your dogs?” They all chuckled, Calum began to tell you how he missed Duke, Michael following up with an amusing story about Moose, then there was a pause. “Luke, how’s Petunia?” You encouraged Luke to speak up about his adorable dog that honestly, just increased your crush on him. 

“You know her name?” He seemed surprised by your knowledge and you were glad to learn that they were unaware how much of a fan you were. 

“Yea, honestly I think it’s your pets that makes me such a big fan!” You joked causing the four talented band members to laugh, Luke smiled widely, appearing glad that you enjoyed their music. He then went on to question which of their songs were your favourite, you answered before quickly steering the questions back onto them. 

Throughout the interview you continued to ask questions, receiving insightful answers from Ashton whilst Michael, Calum and Luke seemed to be averting every question and just making jokes. Luckily, as you were not a real journalist, you were amused by their antics and laughed along. 

The band was thoroughly enjoying your interview with them and were positive that it was their favourite interview so far on their press tour. They were shocked however, at how obviously Luke was attempting to flirt and make you laugh. I mean it was working, you were blushing quite a lot and giggled at his jokes and answers but they hadn’t seen Luke flirt with a girl since his breakup, they smiled at the younger man and were ready to take the piss out of him as soon as you left the room. 

After a further ten minutes of asking questions and joking around the band, the five of you stood up and said your goodbyes. Once again, you went around giving each member a hug, Michael then Calum, then Ashton and lastly, Luke. As you gave Luke a hug, he squeezed you more tightly than the other members, it made your heartbeat more quickly as you wished you could stay and interact with them a bit longer. As you waved and headed out, Ashton realised that Luke wasn’t going to make the move that everyone thought he should, he called you back and you turned back to look at them. 

“Sorry, I just thought well, you said you were a fan and I think I speak for all of us when I say,” Ashton nudged Luke subtly, “that we thoroughly enjoyed this interview, it’s definitely the best one yet. So, what’s your twitter or your Instagram and we’ll follow you?!” You squealed internally at this news, you smiled brightly before proceeding to type your username into Ashton’s phone that he had held out towards you. 

They thanked you and promptly wished them a goodbye, before heading out again, sending a wave their way before exiting the room. Once outside the room you allowed yourself to do a little happy dance and a jump for joy. You couldn’t believe that your favourite band had followed you on twitter and Instagram. 

Ashton gently hit Luke over the head as the other three members of the band turned to look at the lead vocalist. 

“What?!” Luke seemed concerned as to why everyone was looking at him, he ruffled his hair and waited for his bandmates and best friends to explain. 

“Dude, you clearly fancy her! Why do you think we got her username!? We’ve not seen you flirt like that in ages, you’ve got to message her!” Calum decided to just spell it out for him, knowing that Luke would never admit it himself. Luke sputtered for a bit, considering whether to deny it or just accept the truth. After a couple of seconds of incoherent mumbling he muttered a quiet yes causing a cheer from his bandmates.

When the boys got into their car, Luke sat in the back staring at his phone. He continued to write and re-write his message to you, but he couldn’t decide what to say. Eventually he decided on a simple ‘Hi, I really enjoyed the interview today! X’. It took him nearly two minutes to decide whether or not to put the kiss on the end, but he decided on it in the end. Once he had pressed send, he spent every couple of minutes looking at his phone hoping that you’d have replied. 

He finally saw you had replied when he got back to the hotel, saying a quick goodbye to everyone he rushed to his bedroom. For the rest of the evening, the two of you messaged back and forth. It continued until early into the morning; when the two of you finally said goodnight to one another, it wasn’t before you had swapped phone numbers and texted for a while. 

The two of you texted each other nearly every second of the day when you could, the two of you joked and flirted, neither of you being able to stop smiling when you saw a message from the other. Every evening when Luke got back to his hotel room and you had finished all your work, you would facetime one another. 

This went on for three weeks before Luke finally asked you out on a date, from there the two of you went on a number of dates for the next month and a half. Some were formal dates like going out for dinner or going to an activity like ice skating or seeing a movie, some of them, however, were really chilled as you got takeout and watched movies cuddled up to one another. 

It was on your fourth movie marathon that Luke finally got the balls to ask you to be his girlfriend, it had been a long time coming and you had launched yourself at him, muttering a yes before pressing your lips to his. The kiss you shared was built up of months of tension, both romantic and sexual, it was a release of how much you liked each other; you could see yourself falling in love with him, and he felt the same. So, as you sat on the sofa together, lips pressed together, you were ready to start a relationship with a man you admired and cared for deeply and Luke, Luke was ready to invest himself in a relationship as much as he did in his music. 

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this and that it fulfilled your request! As I said, please feel free to send any other ideas to my inbox!

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image

Originally posted by talksopretty

Quite short just fun, inspired by a video i found of my best friend and i before quarantine 💕

You peek around the wall of the shed, heart pounding fast as you check that Calum is nowhere to be seen. The empty garden stares back at you, no sign of him. Clutching the water pistol to your chest, you silently turn the corner and dart behind a tree. Still no sign of Calum. You leave the shady safety of the tree, bare feet patting along the concrete by the kitchen window. You gasp and duck down as you see Calum at the sink, filling his blue and green super soaker. He grins as he sees you and opens the window, squirting icy water at you. A squeal leaves your mouth as it drips down your spine, giving you goosebumps. Calum takes this as an opportunity to open the kitchen door and dash in the opposite direction. “CaLuM hOoD!!” you squeal after him. “Get your ass back here!” You take off after him, pelting his back with cold water.

As you turn the corner, you stop in your tracks. He’s nowhere to be seen. You frown. Where could he have gone? Just as you’re about to turn around, the bush next to you giggles childishly. What? Bushes don’t giggle. You creep closer and you see Cal curled up behind the lemon bush. His chocolate brown eyes meet yours and he gives you a playful, pleading look. Your heart absolutely melts, but you’re not going to let him get away with this! You aim your water pistol and hit him with a jet of freezing water right between the eyes. “Y/n!” he screams, jumping up. He lets out an evil cackle as he drops the water pistol and picks you up around the waist, throwing you over his strong shoulder like a sack of potatoes. You laugh and continue to squirt water down his back in an attempt to get down, but he doesn’t stop as he strides through the back garden. Your eyes widen as you see his destination, the open, blue pool. “Calum no!” you yell playfully as he swings you one … two  … three! And tosses you into the rippling, sapphire water. You manage to grip onto his arm as you fall, pulling him into the pool with you. Bubbles fizz to the surface as you both come up, hands still connected tightly. Laughs tumble from both your mouths as you both check that the other is okay.

Calum reaches out for your hip and pulls your body towards him and you wrap your legs around his waist. “Truce, baby?” he suggests. You nod with a giggle. “Truce.” Your lips melt together and his hands go to your hair, deepening the kiss. As he’s distracted exploring your mouth, you reach for a stray pool toy, filling it with water and dumping it over his head. You laugh even harder and swim away from him. The shock on his face as water drips from his hair is hilarious, and he stands for a second before plunging in after you. “Oh, am I going to get you back, Y/n!”


not sure how i feel about this but it’s cute ?

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image

Originally posted by 5sospicturesque

luke hemmings x reader

fluffy blurby thing

warnings: none

Monday was a long day. Work dragged on, your favorite lunch spot was closed and the rain ruined your bomb makeup look. All you wanted to do was curl up in the arms of your boyfriend Luke and cry it out. Opening the door to your shared apartment, you were greeted with silence and the cold air of a room that’s been empty for hours. Peeking into each room, your heart sank as you realised Luke must be still at the studio. He’s been working long hours recently, trying to perfect each song for his band’s  upcoming album.

You took off the remaining makeup, changed into comfy sweatpants and sank down onto the plush sofa in the living room. You begin to scroll mindlessly through your phone as you wait for your loving boyfriend to return home.

After an hour you’re still chilled to the bone so you decide to turn up the heater in an effort to warm your chilly toes. As you stand up, you hear the familiar click of the front door and the sounds of Luke trudging along the carpet. He enters the living room and stands still, with the sofa in between you two. He offers you a tired smile and you open your mouth. “If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”

Luke practically dives over the sofa to stand with your noses touching. He wraps his long arms around your shoulders with no hesitation and you return by holding tightly to his large frame. You bury your head into the crook of his neck (or as close as you can get because this man is tall) and the scent of his cologne washes over you. One of his hands slowly rubs your back as he leads you to sit on the sofa, still tightly linked. “Tell me all about your bad day, baby”.

hi so um idk if i like this. it probably won’t get seen as it’s my first imagine/blurb but if you like it let me know <3

lots of love, p

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Can you write a blurb about having an open relationship with Luke but Luke doesn’t want to anymore?

• • • •

It all started out with you and Luke being on the same page. With him travelling a lot and you being busy with work and school, an open relationship seemed like the best option at the time. Casual hookups without the attached strings of an actual relationship. 

Luke’s been acting different though. With the latest tour having ended 3 months ago, Luke’s been around a lot more. He’s been at your place more, texting you more and inviting you over when he and the guys are together. 

You aren’t complaining but it’s definitely out of your norm.

You’re all out at a club for a night out and you’re chatting with a guy at the bar after he’d just bought your drink before you could hand over your card. 

“Wanna dance?” he asks holding his hand out to you. 

You accept his invitation and lead him to the dancefloor where Luke can clearly see you. As you spun around placing the guy’s hands on your waist, you give Luke a look as if to say “what’s your problem?” but start dancing anyway. 

By the third song you feel all too familiar hands pull you away from your dance partner. You open your eyes to see Luke give the guy a death glare causing him to back off, and Luke continues to pull you out of the dancing pit. 

“What the hell Lu–”

His mouth is on yours suddenly when you’re in the back near the bathrooms, his hands tight on your hips as he pushes you against the wall. You give in to his kiss, humming at the familiar way his lips feel against your own. 

Luke presses his hips against yours and you link your arms around his neck thinking this will be another quickie in the club like so many times before. 

“I want you,” he mumbles on your lips then knocks his forehead against yours. 

“I want you, too,” you sigh slipping your hands down to his buttons on his shirt. 

“No, not like … I want all of you to myself, Y/N,” he shakes his head, his nose rubbing against yours.He pulls back so he can look at you properly. “I don’t want an open relationship anymore, I want to be with you. Just you.”

You stare at him blankly, mouth open in shock. 

Luke smiles wistfully and runs his thumb over your lip. “Let me know if you want the same, lovie.”

He starts to walk away and right before he’s about to turn the corner you call for him. 

“Luke, wait!” 

He spins around and you launch yourself into his arms, kissing him with all you’ve got in you. 

“I want you too.”

• • • •

Taglist: @galcalirwin @cashtonasff5sos @wokeupinjapanisabop @myloverboyash  @rotten-kandy @tea4sykes @jannimoeller3 @loveroflrh @iovehemmings @cxddlyash @princesslrh @here-for-the-uproars @katiaw2 @g-l-pierce @fairyintheglass @gosh-im-short @banditocth @dezzym17 @wildflowerxcth @lukeisbaby

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Summary: You’ve liked Luke for as long as you can remember, and in the winter of 2020 you decide to pursue the new decade in a daring way: by asking him out. But does he reciprocate those feelings, and what will come by summer of 2020?

Note: It’s long eek but pls read it because it took me 2 weeks 

Word Count: 9,360 words

Warnings: Swearing

image

Originally posted by bandsandyoutubeimagines

January 12th 2020

It’s a universal idea that there are certain areas on earth that feel as though reality is manipulated, and things aren’t as they should usually be. Some of which include walking down the street at night and using a different McDonald’s (than the go-to) at service stations, on long drives across the country or state. Another popular twilight zone is a bathroom at a party: where the music is muffled by the wood of the door, and you’re left alone and still as people live to the highest of highs just one room away.

This is where you stood now, with your hands clasping the cool porcelain of the sink rim, eyes focused on the reflection before you: staring, as if challenging the girl you were observing. It was hard to believe that that person was you, and that that was the person everyone saw every time they talked to you or merely glanced in your direction. What was more mind-blowing (or at least, it was for a tipsy person such as yourself) was that this was what Luke saw on the rare occasions that you’d catch his eye. The thought of the curly haired giant made your fingers tighten their grip, knuckles slightly fading from pink to white, as you felt the sickening nausea creep up on you once more. But you shook your head, almost violently, willing to keep it together. It couldn’t be that difficult to do so, either, as you’d been keeping it together around Luke for years now.

Let’s say that you had a crush on Luke the first time you met him. You were young, as was he, which meant that your eighteen-year-old self could easily conjure up a fantasy of which Luke was the focal point. Most people had a crush on Luke (then and now), as he was simply the most charming guy to ever walk the earth second to Young Leonardo Decaprio – who was, in your eyes, unbeatably attractive in all aspects. Every time he laughed heads turned and girls visibly swooned, and he added in the odd sarcastic quip here and there that made you want to listen to his voice on a podcast as you tried to fall asleep at night. He had a heart of gold, keeping a concerned eye on someone who felt sickly or was slightly too high or drunk, which was practically a torture weapon when this was combined with his devilishly handsome looks. Luke reminded you of the glow off the pavement just after it had finished raining, with the lamp light shimmering on it, reflecting the patchy pattern of the leafy canopy of the tree above: artistic and individual.

This crush faded away. Well, actually, you forced yourself to get over it because you weren’t going to do anything and he was mostly unaware of your existence. Instead, you’d stare after him dreamily – like a girl in a sappy rom-com – as he talked with his friends and glowed in his corner of the planet, with you dawdling about confused and dazed from one thing to the next. Luke then vanished for a while, spending most of his time in the studio and on tours most likely, so you found the idea of him a pipe dream. He was nothing more than a whirlwind crush built off of a daydream.

And then you reunited. Tonight, to be precise.

There came some sort of tapping on the door and you turned to unlock it, about to nag at the drunk party-goer that you were nearly finished and merely needed a few more minutes alone, to spot Sophia (the host) standing there. In her left hand was a beer bottle, that was mostly empty, and in her right was a cigarette that had just dyed out, dangling precariously from her fingers. You wanted to almost chuckle at the sight of her, but instead invited her into the toilet (as it was tradition to be bathroom buddies at parties it seemed). 

“Thanks, I was dyin’,” she muttered, not even waiting for you to lock the door before sitting herself down on the loo. You turned back to the sink, resting your forearms on it and hunching over slightly, picking at your nail varnish. 

“You know Luke?”

“Just a bit,” she chuckled slightly, waiting for you to continue. 

“I, um,” you let yourself be interrupted by uneasy laughter that bubbled out of your chest, “I kinda really like him. Do you think he’d mind if messaged him, or something?”

“What!?” she shrieked, causing you to hop up as though your hair had caught fire. You spun around to see her straightening her skirt, leaning to flush the toilet, with a Cheshire grin adorning her face. “That’s so great!”

“Really?” you checked, the two of you doing this strange dance routine so she could reach the sink. 

“Yes! Oh my God, yes. That would be so– oh you two would just,” she didn’t even finish, instead reached for the towel and aggressively swiped at her dripping hands. Then she grabbed you by the upper arm, shaking you a little in your place, and gave you this firm look as if warning you of what she’d do if you didn’t message Luke. At some point along this conversation she’d ditched the bottle and the cig and it was a little odd how you barely questioned that, mind focused elsewhere. 

“Okay. Okay…I will, then,” you hummed in thought. After that (slightly strange) ordeal in the bathroom, you both slipped back into the party. It wasn’t a large one necessarily, but a house full of close friends and music and drinking. To be honest, it was one of the best party’s you’d been to in a while (but you couldn’t be sure as to whether it was because Luke was there or not). As the night drew to a close and you called a taxi home, you pondered how to message him. Was it strange that you’d never asked a guy out before? It was 202, so what harm could there be in contacting him? Besides, it took years until you two ran into each other again so even if he did reject you - shattering your soul into a thousand tiny shards - it meant that you wouldn’t have to face him for a good while. With your heart in your throat, palms sweating prefusly as though you had some sort of medical condition, you typed out the message which would decide the course of your next few days. Of your future. 

He rejected you. 

It was nice. He was humbled and polite and pleasant. But it still stung like freshly melted caramel on the hob: sweet but painful. Part of you found it amusing how much it bothered you that he didn’t feel as though he was in the place for a girlfriend, and a cruel part of you was almost angry that he was being so selfish - even though he wasn’t at all. He travelled too much and visited too little, and he’d just got out of a long term relationship a few months back. The puzzles pieces were from different boxes and the story was a mash-up of books. Somethings just aren’t meant to be. 

At least you wouldn’t have to see him again, for a long time. 

February 2nd 2020

He was here. You wanted to do a comical double take, eyes as wide as fried eggs bulging out of your head, as you laid eyes on him: relaxed on the sofa, cider in hand. Why the fuck was Luke here? 

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Tongue tied and Luke!!!

Thanks for the suggestion! (This is tongue tied by grouplove for anyone else interested!)

Please considering donating to my Ko-fi. I’m saving up for graduate school. Also please reblog if you enjoy. It helps me out by getting others to see my work and increasing the eyes on my donation page. 

____________________________________________

Youth

Luke just wanted to feel like a kid again. There was something about the wilds of being a teenager that was striking his core again. This urge hadn’t hit him in a long time. Between writing music, touring, and making sure he kept his head on straight, he didn’t worry too much about what it meant to be young. Besides, he had spent his wilds already. He made dumb choices and broken some hearts, got his heart broken in return too. He was ready to be a better man. He was still young, he knew. But there were bigger pictures and smoother roads to take now. 

And maybe it was the voicemail he had just gotten. Maybe he wanted to forget the way she sighed into the receiver. Maybe he just wanted not to go home to another argument. They were going good. That’s the thing–they had their highs and their bumps. But lately, it just seemed like Luke couldn’t do anything right. It seemed like he was always in the wrong. Tonight, he just wanted a little fun. He wanted to forget responsibilities for 0.2 seconds. 

Who wants to go out? It’s a simple text to the group chat. He stares at it, still in the parking lot of the pharmacy. He stopped, at his girl’s insistence, to grab a few things for her. Things he was supposed to get yesterday, according to the voicemail she left him. 

You do realize it’s a Wednesday. Calum replies sits for just a moment and Luke shuts his eyes. He realizes the day of the week. That’s not what he asked. His phone buzzes again. But sure, I’m game. 

Keep reading

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luke blurb with the song lies by marina, lil angsty + maybe smutty (could end fluffy idk)

I made this one kinda hurt :/

• • • •

You’re going to tell him no this time. You’re going to look straight into those perfect baby blue eyes and tell him you’re done playing a game that you keep losing, that loving you as a friend isn’t enough anymore.

You’re going to tell him last time was the last time.

Then, as you’re walking out of the bathroom he yanks you into the adjacent room, his lips hot and needy on your throat while his long fingers work on the snap of your jean skirt. 

And just like that, whis his mouth and hands all over you, you’re right back in his clutches. Weak for his touch, weak for this fleeting moment that feels like more.

*** 

You think it will be different now, as you walk up to the rooftop party. It’s the middle of the afternoon and when you spot Luke you approach him with a wide smile. 

“Hey,” you smile going in for a hug.

“Hey,” he greets but you feel the coldness. 

See the quick glance to the people he was talking to. See the way he blocks your arms from wrapping him in a hug. 

***

It’s a night of drinking at Calum’s and you’re scrolling through his playlist when you feel all too familiar arms snake around your waist. 

“Hey you,” Luke hums in your ear, the smell of tequila on his breath. 

You tense. 

You freeze.

You push him away. Then you push him more in the center of his chest.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his eyes glazed over from alcohol.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong is that you only touch me in the dark and you only want me after you drink. That’s what’s wrong, Luke. I can’t keep living this lie of fucking you now and then and being your friend when I’m in love with you. It hurts too much. I don’t want to let you go but I… I have to.”

You shove him to the side so you can run off into the night, leaving Luke behind who’s feeling lousy and like the biggest idiot in the world. 

• • • •

Taglist: @galcalirwin @cashtonasff5sos @wokeupinjapanisabop @myloverboyash  @rotten-kandy @tea4sykes @jannimoeller3 @loveroflrh @iovehemmings @cxddlyash @princesslrh @here-for-the-uproars @katiaw2 @g-l-pierce @fairyintheglass @gosh-im-short @banditocth @dezzym17

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i love angst so much omg can i pls request number 10 with luke - thank you!!!

Hi Z! Babe! :) Hope you enjoy! 

PROMPT: 10. “Because I still fucking love you!” 

Luke isn’t really sure what he’s doing here. The church is decorated in pretty purples and blues. He is horribly under dressed but seeing her mother at the store last night and catching up, she let it slip that her daughter was getting married today.

Luke left Australia 2 years ago to try to make it big with his band. While his band made it big, it came with the price of breaking promises he made before he left. He hasn’t been home in 2 years. He hasn’t seen her in 2 years.  

Keep reading

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Evil Author Day Part 2: Dad!Luke

This is part of a blurb that was requeted months ago from a prompt list I posted. I really want to write more of it and I’d love to hear your feedback.

You’d been spending an afternoon in the city with a friend and your son when Calum Hood has spotted you sitting outside of a little café. Eager to catch up with you after so long, he’d obviously enquired about the baby in your arms and you’d found it impossible to lie to him. He’d quickly done the math and determined that the little boy you were holding was Luke’s. Even if there was a single doubt in his mind about how faithful you’d been to his best friend, your son’s pretty blue eyes and rapidly developing blonde curls were an obvious enough indicator of his who his father was.

A rather awkward conversation had followed and you’d agreed to meet Luke and talk with him. After all, you keeping the secret is one thing, it’s entirely another to expect Calum to keep it for you as well.

You’d called Luke to arrange a get together for the following day. It was possible that Calum had forewarned him he’d hear from you as your ex-boyfriend hadn’t seemed surprised to hear your voice. He’d agreed to a meet up easily enough, offering to buy you lunch which you’d declined. This conversation definitely needed to be held in private. You’d invited him to your apartment, insisting that he prepared himself for a serious discussion.

Now that your meeting was imminent, however, your stomach was churning uneasily and you’d started to have doubts that this was the right thing to do after all. Luckily your son had gone down for his afternoon nap easily for once, so you’d busied yourself tidying the apartment up ready for Luke’s arrival.

When the intercom buzzed, you hastily allowed Luke in and tried not vomit due to your nerves.

Tag list: @clffrd @byxthexway @afuckingunicornn @painkillerash @moonchildsblack @calumbbyyy @h0tsos @loveroflrh @sexgodashton @megz1985 @myfalsedevotion @aulxna @honeyedlashton @tea4sykes @ghostofmashton @fairyintheglass @cashworthy @cashtonasfuck @opheliaaurora23 @5sosnsfw @wildmichaelflower @myloverboyash @loverofcashton @irwinkitten @cxddlyash @wildmalumflower @cashtonasff5sos @iovehemmings @kindawannacryx @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles

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hi! I hope you’re still taking requests for songs and boys. If so, especially after your last one (mean it was so so good)and with Valentine’s Day coming up, can you do Valentine’s Day - lany with Luke? feeling angsty 🥺

Lots of angst lately. Thanks for the suggestion and thanks for your patience!

_______________________________

Coffee Suggestions

“How can I help you today?” The girl’s smile is bright behind the corner.

Luke, inhaling the scent of vanilla and the bitter edge of coffee beans, opens his mouth and his lips are moving before he can think twice about it. “A grande Mocha frappe, almond milk, double on the sweetner.” He blinks once the sentence is done. He hasn’t had to order one of those since his breakup. He hasn’t accidentally ordered one in three weeks. He was getting better, or so he thought.

His eyes water, he can see the edges of the tears at the bottom of his eyes. It was a mistake, coming here. He hadn’t come in three weeks for this exact reason. He had avoided the dimly lit cafe in the hopes that he wouldn’t stupidly order their usual drink. But it’s on the way to the studio. It had become part of his routine. Luke didn’t have to think about what he was doing here. It had cost him. He had gotten too comfortable with his new normal.

The girl rattles off his total and he shakes his head, trying to rid his nose of the smell. All he can smell is them, their scent mixing in with the coffee and he’s immediately reminded of the time they managed to convince Luke to make a mocha frappe at home. Everything went well until the blending because Luke hadn’t put the lid on tight enough and coffee sprayed everywhere. He found sticky spots from the coffee for two weeks after the incident.

“Can you cancel that?” Luke whispers. He knows it’s probably apparent that the tears are about to fall from his eyes. He’s doing his best to keep the emotion out of his voice. “I’m sorry. I–” There are no words really. There’s no way to tell this poor girl that he accidently ordered his ex’s usual and even though it had been months since they’re end the thought that his brain hadn’t rid itself of that information stings.

“No, no worries.” She cancels the transaction, tapping away at the screen.

“Th-thanks.”

He turns, heading back to his car. God, he was so stupid to come here. Why didn’t he think about this before? Why hadn’t it hit him that this would only end poorly? God, he was so goddamn stupid to come here. Nestled into the front seat of his car, Luke locks the doors and buries his face in his hands.

The tears are warm against his palms. He needs to find another place to go. He needs a new routine. That’s what he’ll do. He’ll find a new routine, somewhere else along the way to the studio. He’ll ban the phrase mocha frappe from his vocabulary. He won’t even read the phrase ever again. It takes a lot of untwining, he knew. After spending months, even years of his life, so wrapped up in someone else, it was so hard to unravel who he is from what they are and what being with them meant for him.

Luke’s learning himself all over again and he just fucking wishes a phrase, a smell didn’t set him back on his progress. When would be the day that he didn’t wake up and think about how cold the sheets were? What day of the week would it happen that he finally took that garbage bag of their things that were left behind to the shelter? What time of day would his chest finally breathe easy? What second would his brain let go the last piece of them?

A tap echoes from his window. Luke wipes his face with his palms, trying to clear the tears that had tracked down his face. He sniffles hard, sucking back the snot that was threatening to escape. The girl behind the counter stands at his door, a bit of an awkward smile on her face. She holds up a regular iced coffee. He can tell by the color. “I know I’m a mess before my coffee too,” she jokes.

Luke gives a tuft of laughter, mostly all through exhale. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Shit’s rough.” She hands over the coffee and turns back to the building. How did she even know his order? Had he come here that frequently that everyone else noticed? What else had she noticed? Did she notice him coming around less? Did she worry about him?

These are insane questions to have, Luke knows. But she had to have noticed something. Could this be a new routine? The thing that helped him break the last few chains of them? The first sip of coffee is slightly warm but freshing over the hint of milk. He opens up his door again, his feet carrying him back into the shop. She’s just handed over a small bag. It might carry a bagel, maybe even a dessert.

Luke leans into the display case. “I could be asking the wrong person. But I need new coffee suggestions.”

He needs new suggestions on everything, like how best to climb out of the dirt of the past. But he decides to go with something easy. Like coffee. Her grin is still bright, it shows a lot of her teeth. “Well, that depends. Iced coffee? Hot coffee? Weird combinations? I’ve seen it all.”

“Just hit me with whatever.”

As she thinks, tapping her chin, Luke knows this might be bad. He might be throwing himself into the woes of this hopefully new found friendship searching for a way to bury his past hurt. It could blow up in his face. No one will ever completely fill the void they left behind. But why not take a shot? What would Luke stand to loose if this didn’t work out when all that he had left had already been taken?

-H

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mean it - lauv & lany

Thanks for the song! I went with Luke. 

______________________________________________

Running Parallel 

She laughed across the room with her drink in hand. Luke tried not to pay attention to her. He could hear the twinkling of her laugh. He would be lying to himself if he didn’t love the sound. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t done anything and everything to hear it from her on more than one occasion. They hadn’t come to this party together. She did text him to see if he was going. 

He knew it was dangerous to play this game. He knew that she was only using him for her convenience. He’ll be damned if he didn’t kind of like it. It was just a tired game. He knew he would always be on the losing end if he didn’t put his foot down. He was trying too now. He kept stealing glances at her in the shimmery pink dress though. She looked good. Like really good with the curve-hugging dress. 

Snap out of it, mate, he reprimanded. He turned his attention back to the story being told. He hardly heard what was being said. He laughed along with everyone else though. He nodded along. It was just keeping appearances. The real test came when he left the party. 

Luke made sure to keep alcohol consumption relatively low. He wasn’t trying to get fucked up tonight. He was just out socializing. He hadn’t truly been in the mood to go out tonight. Truth be told, Luke didn’t really want to go out. If it had not been for the text she had sent him, he would have ducked out last minute. It was stupid for sure to only come out because he knew she would be out. He dug his grave before and now, he only served to dig it deeper. 

But he went and he left, not super early in the night but amongst the first to go, he was sure. That’s when his phone chimes. Leaving so soon. I didn’t even get a goodbye. 

Luke knew the moment he saw her name he should’ve just cleared the notification. He opened though and he read. Then he did the stupidest thing of the entire night, he responded. Maybe next time. 

Why was he giving her hope when he was the one losing it? Why was he bending over backward just to keep her stringing him along? How fucking stupid did he have to be? 

Yeah, maybe next time. Or maybe I can come by your place later. If you’re around. 

Luke was always around. After six years of constant touring and constantly moving, he liked having a place he could come back to that was his own. He had a rock and he wasn’t going to give that up. She knew that. She knew just how much Luke enjoyed his time at home. 

But the ‘if you’re around’ to put the ball in Luke’s court. It gave him the out if he wanted to take it but he hated that she was toying with him. She was dangling the line, the fruit, right in front of his face and she knew he’d take a bite. He always had. 

Let’s take a rain check. His fingers trembled as he typed the sentence. What was Luke doing? What he finally going to give her a taste of her own medicine? Was he finally going to cut her off and tell her she had to mean what she said? 

Her reply comes fast with a simple, Okay. 

Luke stared out the front of his windshield. The night was just thickening with darkness. The lights of cars and neon signs were keeping it bright though. It looked as if the sun had never really set, just changed the color hue bulb it was using in the city. She would never mean it. She would never settle down for Luke. They would infinitely be on separate pages, running parallel to each other but never touching. 

He needed her to mean it when she called him and said she liked hanging out with him. He needed the kisses to mean something. He needed to know in his gut that she would come around for him. And he didn’t feel that conviction like before. He didn’t know in his gut that she would settle down. 

He wanted to text her did she ever meant it? Would she ever like him for more than a fling? But he knew the answer. 

-H

You can support me on Ko-fi! 

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MDLSNDKX YOU AND LUKE BREAK UP AFTER LIKE 6 YEARS BUT LIKE IDK THE REASON I’m just in sad girl hours

sad girls need luv too 😔💞 i broke my own heart writing this

“so that’s it? we’re really just giving up?” you were in tears, falling apart right in front of the man you’ve loved since you were 16

things had changed. it felt like the fire you and luke once had was slowly burning out and nothing hurt worse than the idea of losing him

he was your best friend, and it broke both of your hearts, living in the same house but feeling miles apart, little to no communication aside from pointless fighting nearly every night. you were tearing each other apart piece by piece and there was no going back.

“i don’t want to fucking give up, i just don’t know what to do, y/n.” Luke sobbed, his eyes bloodshot and hair a mess from tugging at it

you could hardly bare to look at him, he was absolutely broken and you tried your best to stay composed for his sake.

“i don’t want to throw away six fucking years, i don’t want to lose the love of my fucking life but it’s like neither of us can change, we can’t be what we need for each other!” his voice began cracking as he raised it, looking at you almost desperately

you couldn’t speak, all you wanted to do was hold luke and deal with the problem tomorrow, but you’d done that too many times already

“please, y/n! say something.” he cried, grabbing your hands in his and trying to get you to look at him

“i don’t know what to say, luke. we’ve tried and tried. nothing we do is good enough, we’re only hurting ourselves more.” a tear slipped down your cheek when you finally looked at him

he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to his chest and using one hand to hold your head to his heart, whimpering out “i need you. so fucking bad.”

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Ceo Luke Hemmings meets employee Madelyn Sparrow. A lil series inspired by the Killer’s song Miss Atomic Bomb (because music is my driving force).

image

Originally posted by ghostofmashton

The coffee was burnt. Luke had a favourite coffee place, and it certainly wasn’t Starbucks and their sad excuse of coffee. But it was closest to him, and considering he barely got any sleep last night he defiantly needed it. The stress from the bad reviews of the sport bras (a sentence Luke wouldn’t imagine himself saying with a straight face a few years ago, before the business took off from just good quality gym bags) making sales suffer had him staring at the ceiling in a cold sweat for most hours of the night. That added on top of the fact that Madelyn was still in his mind from the Halloween party three days ago meant that Luke was especially sleep deprived. 

He hadn’t seen her around the office at all. He wasn’t sure what floor she worked, what division. But he knew that he felt normal around her. It was like he wasn’t trying so hard to impress her, and vice versa. He could be a person, not a rich twenty-something year old. And she was so cute: something Luke couldn’t shake. It would be both desperate and creepy if he looked up the area where she worked, especially if it was a few floors down to the point where he couldn’t make it look natural if they collided on accident. The universe was against him. 

By the time the second cup of coffee hit, the pain staking face also collided with him like a fist to the face - impossible to ignore. She was his employee. Luke had a reputation. He specifically remembered vowing against sleeping with his employees, which also included dating them. It wasn’t a rule, but it would be frowned upon. And messy. Luke groaned, leaning back in his leather desk chair and pushing off from his desk, hands going to tug on his hair in frustration, eyes closed. His head lent back, he spun around to look outside the full length glass windows. 

The office was on the twenty-second floor up, meaning the view of L.A was pretty damn spectacular. The building itself had thirty floors, but the top three were mostly storage, as were the basement. He exhaled slowly, leaning his elbow on the arm rest, cupping his jaw and gazing lamely from the office he sat in. He was so fucking tired. 

“Mr Hemmings,” Harper interrupted, the door opening. The hustle of the office was less muted when she entered, the open door allowing the noise to seep into his tranquillity. He turned around, hands falling to clasp in his lap. “There’s a meeting that’ll be held in ten minutes on floor eleven. That okay?”

He glanced to the clock, as if that would give him the answer, before meeting her eyes. All he wanted was the buffer. 

“Yeah,” he replied, pushing himself back towards the desk. She made her way too him, the skirt she wore knee length yet extremely tight fitting. Reaching out, she placed down a folder of paper work. 

“In case you wanted to read through the information before the meetin’. Do you need anything else?”

“What room?” he asked, fingers already reaching for the file. She backed to the door, leaning against it slightly, jutting out a hip. 

“8b.”

“That’ll be all. Thanks,” he smiled, and the door shut. The smile dropped. This week couldn’t be over sooner. 

___

Madelyn was already running late for her first official meeting. Her hands fumbled with the rolls of new designs that her team had produced and printed, and she did her best not to drop them as she rushed from the elevator to the meeting room in her heels. 6A, 6B, 7A, 7B, 8A,8-ah! Slowing in front of the fogged glass window, the outlines of several individuals sitting - waiting - in the room already making her anxiety heighten, she took a slow breath in. So she was a little late. It’d be okay. 

“You plannin’ on headin’ in, or?” Luke’s familiar voice asked. She turned her head to the sound and smiled, before managing out a little flustered laughter. 

“No, yeah, I’m just a little late so…”

“Oh, preparing yourself?” he checked once her voice trailed off. She nodded sheepishly, feeling a little stupid now as she’d been caught standing there like a clay figure. He chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’m leading the meeting and I’m late, so technically you’re on time. You can head in before me, if you like?”

Madelyn liked Luke. Despite his reputation and power, he had this friendly aura that made her feel like she knew a genuine version of him, not just the side that he exposed to others in the work place. With a little nod, juggling the rolls of laminated paper under one arm, she reached for the handle and pushed open the door. 

The conversation hushed a little as she made her way to a vacant seat, cheeks already catching colour. This didn’t go unnoticed by Luke, and he made a mental note of how she became flustered so easily. With the Starbucks coffee (which was, by the way, still the worst thing he’d ever tasted) in one hand and the file in the other, he made his way to the head of the table. 

“Hi everyone. Thanks for comin’ on such short notice,” Luke started, not having even sat down yet. Madelyn felt like she was on another planet, an outsider observing how humans interacted. Their undivided attention was on Luke, staring at him like he was an act in a show, and yet Luke didn’t even react. He didn’t rush or sweat or hesitate. Without a doubt, it was clear who was the leader in this environment. “So, as you have all heard, the women’s sports bra range has had some negative comments.” A few grunts of agreement could be heard. Her eyes darted from person to person, all holding faces like this was the most important moment of their life and they must focus. 

“Social media,” Luke glanced up from his paperwork to meet the eyes of the person representing the division. “What did you report most complaints were about?”

She pushed some hair back, although most of it was held within the tight bun that was oiled into place. Not even a leaf blower could shift that, Madelyn reckoned. Her long nails, pointed, slipped out a piece of paper filled with text - yellow highlighter disrupting the monotone. 

“Many discussed the lack of support, and the discomfort from the fit under the arms,” she replied in a robotic voice. Then something strange happened, and it made Madelyn want to laugh. The woman’s tongue poked out and she ran it along the inside of her lower lip. The only thing that Maddie could think of at that moment was a lizard. 

“Right,” Luke spoke up, nodding to himself and scribbling down something in a notepad. “Right. Um, the design team have come up with some improvements on the design..uh, regarding the comments. The design team?”

Madelyn was still for a moment, until it came to her that she was in fact the design team representative, as her boss was off work sick. She cleared her throat, and reached for the rolls of paper that were lent against her chair. Luke glanced at Madelyn, a smile threatening to come to his face, as she fumbled with removing the elastic bands from the designs. 

“Okay, so..uh, we- damn it,” she muttered to herself, the elastic snapped and twanging against her fingers. Her cheeks went pink like Luke suspected they would. “We decided to make the cut deeper, uh, here,” she pointed at the design. Luke lifted himself slightly, as did the others, to get a view of what she was referring to. “Then we thought of making the material more tightly…um, what’s the word?” Her eyes stared at the design, begging it for answers, and she was sure she was giving out buckets full of sweat. “More tightly threaded, so it’s still elastic but…tighter? Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” Luke consoled, and a few representatives looked a little stunned by his input. He cleared his throat, meeting her brown eyes that looked like the milk chocolate he’d mix with Oreo filling. A smile came to her face, and she licked her lips before nodding, glancing down at the designs once more. Her heart rate had slowed, for some reason, and just by Luke’s soft expression she felt more relaxed, more capable. Madelyn didn’t have time to wonder about what that may mean, but the thought would surely come to her later in the day. 

___

When the meeting drew to a close, it having run for just over an hour, many people filtered out. Luke remained seated, smiling and nodding at those who left who decided to give him a farewell, and flitted through his notes and paperwork: attempting to give it some element of organisation. He’d hardly noticed there was another person in the room with him until he heard her clear her throat, causing him to look up. 

“Hey,” Maddie smiled, and he returned the sentiment. “So, my brother helps out at this small gallery, and they’re having an exhibition. The more people he gets there the better, so he gave me two tickets and insisted I bring someone along. This may be totally inappropriate - and I completely understand if you don’t want to go - but I was wondering if you wanted to, kind of, be my plus one?”

Luke’s lips parted, and he blinked a few times. Madelyn shifted her feet. The rolls of paper sat in her hands, sandwiched between her front and her palms, and the missing elastic band was replaced by one of her hair bobbles from her wrist. 

Luke wasn’t sure if he’d ever thought so quick in his life. A debate of morals, of reputation, of business, of selfishness, of social life, of romance all happened at once in his mind and it made him feel a little dizzy and very sick. 

“In..uh, in what way would I be your plus one?” he managed out, fingers stilling over the A4 sheets. Maddie wasn’t sure what answer she was expecting (well, that wasn’t true, she was expecting a laugh or the words ‘you’re fired’ to be the most likely responses), but it certainly wasn’t that. Therefore, she mimicked his previous reaction. 

“Oh, well, in any way you like.” Instantly she cringed. “That sounded wrong. I don’t…you can just be as…a, uh, guest to the gallery. Or as a co-worker with me?” Luke wondered if she was aware that she’d left out he option of him being her date. He then wondered that if she had given him that option, if he’d have said yes. A few moments passed, Maddie had shifted numerous times out of discomfort from the silence, and Luke still wasn’t sure if he’d have said yes to being her date. But he did know that he wanted to spend more time with Maddie, with or without the office as the setting for all their interactions. And he also knew that connecting with your employees helped performance, or something or other, so that was the only reason why he said:

“I’ll go as your co-worker.”

The smile that came to Madelyn’s face, and the relief she felt in her chest of being able to leave the room with both a job and a plus one, was like a breath of fresh air when she’d been submerged under water for an hour. To Luke, it was like a kick in the guts. He watched as she nodded, muttering some sort of response that may have been ‘groovy’ before leaving she left the room. And then he lent back in his chair, eyes closed like they had been when the day had begun, and hands moving to run down his face, before pushing his curls back. 

It was clear to him at that moment that if she had given him the option to go as her date, he would have easily said yes. 

God was he screwed. 

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Feb 14 - Luke Hemmings x Reader Angst

Inspired by the song Feb 14th by Cavetown, this angst explains why Luke hates February 14th so much (*sad*).

image

She rubs my back for me
On February fourteen

Luke hated this day. Then again, he wasn’t alone in the feeling of despite for the corny holiday. February 14th: what a joke. His eyes had stared at the ceiling, unblinkingly, for at least half an hour since his alarm went off. The skin pressing to his chest was warm and welcoming, and her hair smelt of apples and lemongrass. The brown locks danced over his arms and onto the mattress sheet. She was so beautiful. 

Luke decided a coffee was what he needed, and so strategically removed himself from the equation of the bedroom and made his way down the stairs. He opened the cupboard door after flickering his expresso machine to life. His fingers wrapped around the ceramic of the first mug he could see - with a marble effect and block capital ‘S’ letter printed on it - and he put it on the counter top. He then went to reach for the mug that was beside it, until something caught his eye. It was tucked away in the back corner, but it was standing out like a duck among geese. His fingers clasped around it delicately, terrified to break it despite the loose hold probably posing more of a risk of him dropping it. A smile came to his lips, and he turned the mug over in his hands. 

It wasn’t anything special. The only thing that made it distinguishable from any other mug that could be bought from Target was the chip in the top of it. The pattern was a blue floral design, and it twisted and twirled around the mug. 

“I don’t drink coffee,” you hummed, lips still slightly touching the top of the mug. He frowned at you like you were speaking another language. 

“Why not?”

“Makes me too hyper,” you replied with a shrug. He chuckled, shaking his head. 

“As if you could get any more hyper,” he breezily said. Now it was your turn to shrug, and you took a long slurp of the Earl-Grey tea. 

“It’s a blessing and a curse,” was the witty response he was met with. 

The coffee tasted burnt. Perhaps everything this holiday was to make him more and more bitter. It stung his tongue and he wanted to brush his teeth twenty times after. Maybe that was the true reason why you didn’t like coffee? As he stood before the sink, hair damp from the quick shower he’d had, he felt arms wrap around his waist. 

She could feel how tense he was. 

“Hey, Essy,” he greeted, but it was mumbled and unenthusiastic. She smiled against his bare back, eyes shut in peace. She knew how shitty this day was for him, therefore made no complaint from the lack of holiday greeting, gift or bed in breakfast. A coffee was a gift, to show she was on his mind a little this day. 

She says that I’ll do great
That’s not what’s scaring me

“Hey, sunshine,” she responded. He liked that. One time she called him ‘Blondie’ and he nearly saw red. He was mess, yelling at her until it turned to sobs. She knew never to call him that again. But sunshine was nice. It was their thing, and it made him feel brighter and better, and stronger and powerful. Not today, though, nothing could make him feel better or brighter today: not even by firing himself into the sun itself. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“That’s alright,” he hummed. There’s this silence, and it’s hard to tell if it is awkward or comfortable. She shifted off of him, and jutted out her hip to lightly hit his, inching him more to the right. Usually, the playful action would ignite a laugh from him, but not today. She reached for her tooth brush, and then passed him his. She reached for the toothpaste, used it, then passed it to Luke. They brushed their teeth in silence: aside from the rubbing of bristles against teeth. Once that was done, she turned to him. Her hand reached out and cupped his jaw, he watched the interaction through the mirror as though he was watching another couple. His eyes never strayed from his reflection, but he watched her from the corner of his gaze. 

“You’ll do great today.” That’s not what was scaring him, though. 

I get up on my feet
Give her one last hug

The outfit he chose was lacklustre to usual. Every album, every song, had an aesthetic the band would show cast. But Luke didn’t. He opted for a pair of black plain pants, some old converse that he originally thought he’d thrown away, and a white t. The leather jacket that had glitter and bright red print on the back made it seem more put together. She combed her fingers through his hair, trying to style it in a way that didn’t look as though he’d tossed and turned all night. 

“I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” Her gentle tone floated through the air as though it was lighter than icing sugar dust. It was soaked up through his nose and flooded into his veins. 

“Can you drive?” he asked, in reference to the night. It was one of the few words he’d spoken that whole two hour morning they’d shared. She nodded gently. 

“Of course.” As he stood, her arms wrapped around his neck. She held him tightly, but his arms remained dead and against his sides. But guilt twanged in his chest - more than the usual amount it did on this day - and he lifted a hand and ran it over her hip. A selfish thing then occurred. For a moment, and only a short one - he swore - his eyes slipped shut. He lent down and nestled his head into her shoulder and if he tried hard enough (and really focused) it felt like he was hugging you. 

It was the motivation he needed to get to the door and leave for the day ahead. 

They’re all waiting for me
I wish that was enough

The Uber journey to the meeting point - which was Ashton’s apartment - was quiet. The man driving played the radio, and it lulled out a gentle melody that eh recognised to be Halsey’s newest song. It faded into the background, though, as beautiful as it was. His eyes remained focused on the world whizzing past his window. But suddenly the song changed, and he was especially focused on the music. The familiar introduction danced out the speakers: it was your favourite song. 

“What song do you want on?” he asked, fingers hovering over the keyboard open on his phone. Your hands gripped the steering wheel, eyes trained on the road in focus. A look of ponder came to your features, and he liked the way your eyebrows scrunched together a little and a small crease appeared between them. Then your teeth gnawed on your lower lip. You indicated left. 

“Love Really Hurts Without You,” you replied. He smiled and nodded, before typing in the words. It didn’t take long for it to pop up, and he clicked on it. The familiar introduction danced out the speakers: it was your favourite song. 

“You run around town like a fool…” your melodic voice sang along, and he watched you with a smile that competed with most cover girls and guys. How he would treasure you forever if you gave him the opportunity to. Your hand reached out, with one still strongly gripping the steering wheel. He didn’t hesitate to intertwine his fingers in yours. You squeezed his palm. Is this what happiness really was? He thought he’d experienced it before but this felt so much more vivid and clear. Or maybe it was something stronger…

The apologetic smiles that filled the men’s faces, as they watched Luke drag himself into the room, made him want to vomit. Sympathy was the worst fucking thing. He decided to take a seat at the island. Michael was next to him, phone screen still blaring bright, and Calum on the other side of the island near Ashton. 

“You want a drink?”

“No,” he grunted. Ashton nodded. There was a pause, and non of them knew whether they should address the storm cloud that was hanging over Luke’s head. 

“You…you know we’re all here for you today, right?” Luke’s eyes slipped shut, and he placed his head in his hands. A hand patted the back of his shoulder, and by the firm but kind grip he knew it was Michael. It was rude not to reply. 

“I know.”

“The bus will be here soon. Then you have an hour in the car and we’re at the venue. We thought of getting Chinese?” The nod was so scarce that Luke gave in reply to Calum that it was questionable if it even existed, or if he was just twitching. 

“Then the show and you can go home.”

“‘kay,” he spoke into his hands. They all shared a look. 

I got your letter
Hope you feel better
Than I do

The dressing room was loud with music. Upon three years of experience, the band knew the best way to go about this day was to act as though it was any other. It was usually the most effective way to avoid Luke from having a breakdown. So Queen played through the speakers, and Michael chatted animatedly with Calum. Ashton sat in front of a mirror, hands dragging gel and oils through his hair. The three agreed to leave it just to the band and team today - no girlfriends - so Luke didn’t feel even worse. When the day had passed, and he was out of his hole, Luke was so grateful for having friends as close, special and considerate as them. They never got angry, no matter how enraged he became on this day. 

He fished out his wallet, and opened it. The old leather was fraying slightly on the sides from being so well loved. It was a gift from his mother, so it followed him around everywhere. Swallowing thickly, he dug into a tight pocket of the wallet and retrieved a piece of folded A5 paper. It was ripping and tearing, and had been and opened and closed so many times it was at the stage were the paper was so thin it looked nearly transparent. But the ink was still there. The clear black ink that displayed your quirky but beautiful writing. And even better, your thoughts. When he read it, like he did nearly every two months, he could hear your voice saying the words to him in bed. Your lips near his ear, speaking softly. 

So, apparently my grandma used to write letters all the time. Crazy to think, huh? I wonder if she sent them using a carrier pigeon…

Hi! I know we have phones and shit but you can’t beat a good piece of written literature. How poetic, right? So I thought I’d write this letter to you - as you’ve figured, because you’re reading the letter I’m acc so dumb - and your tour manager said I can send it to one of the hotels you’ll be going to. So hopefully you get this letter!

I miss you. No shocker there. Petunia misses you, too, though. And I miss your crap breakfast baking and how you always forget I don’t like coffee and bring me a mug every morning. But I actually miss the crap coffee. 

I think I’m going to see this band with my friend, Yasmine. Do you remember her? A little over dramatic but has cool fashion sense? Yeah, her. I don’t remember the band name (they’re a small one) but I’ll let you know if they’re any good. 

I’ve finished the shopping and I’m all done with responding to emails. Life is pretty boring right now. So I miss you more than usual because it is at this point we’d watch a new series or something, and cuddle etc. etc. ;) ;)

ANYWAY! I’ll let you get back to important shit. Good look at your gig tonight, I’ve been loving the pictures so far hehe. Give the boys my love. 

Love you, 

Y/N/N

A few tears dribbled down Luke’s cheek but his motivation to wipe them away wasn’t there. It was weird but he didn’t want to forget this feeling, he hoped you’d always have this effect on him. Because he worried that he’d forget how much he loved you, and that would tear him apart like a dog attacking a soft toy. 

He felt drained when he put the letter back. He felt drained when he did his vocal warm ups. He felt drained when he went on stage. His guitar felt heavier than usual. But it was weird. He remembered all the lyrics. He nailed on all the solos. It was like he was running on auto pilot, and doing everything from muscle memory. G, E, E, Bb, F, G, F. Every harmony was gorgeous and sounded to people the way melted chocolate tasted: perfection. 

His persona was thriving. He gave jokes and conversed with the crowd. But he felt possessed. His mind wasn’t on the show, on the crowds, on the songs; his mind was on you. It was always on you. 

Think I zoned out again
But I sure tried my best

The concert was over before Luke could blink. He wondered if he actually did anything at all on stage, as when he was out of the screaming echoes in the hall with bass playing through his ear piece, he didn’t have any recollection. 

Ashton took the earpiece out of Luke’s ear as though he was an incapable infant. But at the same time it appeared as though he was, as he remained unmoving in lent against the wall of the hallway. People ran up and down, juggling items. 

“You feeling okay?”

“Mhm.”

“You gon’na be sick?”

“Mhm-mhm,” he shook his head. Ashton nodded. Instead of leaving him alone, he decided to stay by his brother’s side. The wall was pretty inviting, so he lent against it to, on Luke’s right. Luke stared at the wall ahead. There were marks splattered all over it. Usually black stains from where equipment had been dragged over the white wall. But some had blood stains - only small blood stains, but still vibrant in colour - and some had dents that seemed darker than the rest of the wall. 

Suddenly he could feel something in his right hand. It was a sweaty palm, that had been clasping some sticks of wood only moments prior. Luke held Ashton’s hand, squeezing it tightly, as he felt his throat begin to close up. He didn’t want to cry, not yet, anyway. He tossed his head back and lent it against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. A long breath left his lips, shivering and shaking as it entered the atmosphere. His eyes stung so harshly, like someone had sprayed lemon juice in them. Ashton just stared ahead at the wall. 

They said it’s my best show
I hope you were impressed

The door to his apartment seemed unwelcoming and rude. It stared at him blankly, and he was welcomed into a warm apartment. There was a faint smell of cooked chicken in the air, but it wasn’t fresh so he knew it must have been from her lunch. He didn’t really eat on this day. He didn’t bother slipping off his shoes. He carried himself into the living room and collapsed into one of the soft cream sofas. Piggy trundled towards him, body swaying side to side as she stepped, and plopped herself at his feet. He lent down and lifted her up onto the sofa beside him, letting her nestle her head against his chest. 

She knew he was sad. Therefore, a few licks were rewarded to his face, before he pushed her slobbering mouth away from him. She took the hint and decided to lay on his lap, head between her large paws. His hand fell to her head and gentle stroked through the short hairs, that were spiky but gentle at the same time. 

A notification caught his attention. He shifted slightly, much to Petunia’s displeasure, as he fished the mobile from his back pocket. The screen showed it was a text message. 

“Thought you might want to know, fans are saying it’s our best show so far from the videos uploaded.”

The text was of polite and genuine nature, but Luke felt as though it stung a thousand times more. He stared at the screen, wondering if you had watched it. He wondered if you thought any of the lyrics were about you. Most of them were, especially from the YoungBlood album. The concert was an afternoon one. Fans were never told why, but it was for Luke. The evenings were reserved on February 14th. He remembered evenings of February 14th with you in previous years. But one stuck out the most. 

“That’s a fucking joke!” she laughed, humorlessly. He sighed, running his fingers through his knotty curly hair. 

“What the fuck do you want me to say? I fucking forgot, okay?”

“That’s the whole problem! You could at least make it up to me!” she snapped, tossing her arms up in the air. He mimicked the action, but with more force, as they stood on opposite sides of the kitchen. 

“It’s fucking 10pm! All restaurants will be full,” he exclaimed. She scoffed, mouth hanging open, slightly smiling in disbelief. She shook her head, clasping her lips together and sucking on her teeth. 

“No,” she spat, head violently shaking left and right, left and right. “If you had shown up at our reservation for 8pm, there would be a fucking table for us. And this fight wouldn’t be this fight. Instead, it would be drunk sex in that bed-” your finger flew to the doorway, pointing upwards, directing him to where your bedroom was located. “But instead you didn’t show up and now you can have some pizza from our freezer alone. I’m going to Yasmine’s.”

“You don’t even like Yasmine!” he laughed, as you strode to the door. 

“Well I like her more than you at the moment,” you called back, and then he heard the door open. A pause. 

The front door slammed shut.

He blinked himself back into reality, mind feeling as though it was drowning, and he glanced to the doorway. She stood there with a smile on her face, but it wasn’t bright and pearly white (with teeth glimmering) like usual. It was solemn and apologetic. 

“Sorry I’m late. Traffic today is just shit,” she chuckled. He nodded. He understood. “I’ll go get changed and then we can go.”

“Don’t worry about getting changed,” he replied quickly. She rose her eyebrows at him. “You look lovely.”

“Thanks, sunshine.” Really he hadn’t taken into account what she was wearing, but he didn’t want to waste more time. He wanted to go there. 

The car journey was, once more, silent. Luke had grown accustomed to the silence of journeys on this day. The radio counted as silence, as it wasn’t registering. If he paid attention, he could hear her humming under her breath. But she didn’t want to be rude and sing, despite knowing all the lyrics to the new Anne-Marie song off by heart. Luke reached out a slender finger and flicked on the heating. L.A felt cold for February. 

They pulled into a space and he opened the door. They walked to the front doors, her heels clipping against the pavement in a rude disruption to the peace the building provided. This didn’t go unnoticed by her, and she wished Luke did give her change to change. It wasn’t her place to say, however, and allowed him to call the shots. Besides, the small compliment on such a love oriented day mean the world to her: that and the coffee from the morning. 

Luke hated how she was so understanding. How she’d done this for the second year in a row without any complaint or argument. It made him feel wicked and evil for ruining the day where she should feel spoilt and special. He wanted to propose his idea of them making their own special holiday themed around love on a different day in a different month. But this wasn’t the place to do such a thing. He wondered if she’d still want to do this for years to come, if they were still together then, of course. 

When as she goes she says

But she fumbled with her acrylic nails as he talked to the man behind the desk. They followed the slick suited man to the doors of a room, her trailing behind slightly. He presented the doors and pushed them open, before briefly mentioning where he would be. As Luke went to take a step into the room, he remembered he wasn’t alone. His head turned to see her standing  a few feet away. She fumbled with her acrylic nails as he looked at her.  She looked at him with one regretful smile. Regret for what? He wasn’t sure. But he knew this must kill her, for him to constantly revisit his past on a day so special for couples of now: of the present. Maybe that was the regret, the fact she had fallen in love with a man who couldn’t let his fingers let go of the grasp of his past. 

Selfishly, Luke didn’t care. He wouldn’t stop coming here, especially not on this day. 

Happy Valentine’s Day,” she spoke gently, as though it was a curse leaving her tongue. His heart shattered as her eyes filled with tears that she refused to let fall. Her shoulders broad and head held high, she sniffed and turned on her heel. He knew she’d wait for him in the car, like she had the previous year. But it still felt as though she was walking out of his life, like you had years ago. He wanted to reach out and grab her and tell her to stay, but it wasn’t what he wanted at the moment. He wanted you. 

With that thought prominent in his mind, he inhaled slowly. He walked into the grand hall. The walls stretched up for miles and moulded into the round topped ceiling. The roof was painted with incredible art of star signs and blue skies, laced with white clouds and angels cradling harps and arrows. The gold finishing and marble walls and floor complimented the bright and serene look they’d created. He walked to the end of the infinite hall, and found himself at a stand-still. 

In front of him sat a plaque, attached to the wall proudly, surrounded by many more like it - each with black backgrounds and silver writing. And on this plaque spelt a name he would hold in his heart forever.

Y/N Y/M/N Y/S/N 

Feel my body fallin’ away

His lips twitched into a smile, and his eyes stung with tears. He couldn’t hold it back anymore, as he let out a shaky breath. He flickered his gaze down to the date that sat in cursive letters. 

February 14th 2016

His mind shot him back, violently, to that night. When he’d snarled at you in mock as you claimed you were going to Yasmine’s house. As he heard the door slam shut and didn’t move to chase after you. As he refused, in his proud and greedy mind, to apologise for getting caught up at the studio because the song he was writing was about you. As he sat, hearing the clock faintly tick by, as he watched the TV to try and distract from the numbing guilt he felt. As he proposed a plan he had wanted to play out for so long: buy as many types of tea as he could find, buy ‘Love Really Hurts Without You’ on vinyl record, and show up with a ring in his pocket. As he heard his phone ring when he had only just lulled off to sleep in the all-to-empty bed. As he raced to the hospital, panting and shaking as though he’d had a fit. As he paced the waiting room before sitting, inert, waiting for the doctors to tell him anything. 

As he felt his whole world fall from his fingers. His whole world crumble beneath his feet. He felt like he was falling and falling and nobody could catch him, nobody could comfort him, nobody could tell him it would be okay. Because it wouldn’t be okay. The girl he’d always wanted, the girl he was going to marry and live this incredible life with corny picket fences and too many dogs and three children - she was gone. 

You were gone. 

Feel my body fallin’ away

Luke shook with sobs, and he heard his voice echo around the room, twisting into his mind and mocking him. It was the curse he’d always live with, when his selfishness really did exceed him. He hated himself forever. People would say it wasn’t his fault, it was the luck of the draw. But how could you live with yourself?

He shook his head, closing his eyes, and (as he always did when he came) questioned if she could have come to relive the worst mistake of his life. But he owed it to you. 

“Blondie,” he’d hear every time he visited, hushed into his ear, as he cried and cried with no shame. “Blondie, it’s okay. I don’t blame you. I don’t hate you. I never did. I loved you until the very last second. I will always love you.”

Your voice would dance in his mind, and his breathing would come to be more clam, but still rocky like ocean waves after a storm. 

“I miss you,” he’d whisper out loud, as though you could hear him, as though the voice in his head was really you. He didn’t care if it was all in his head, it sounded like you and that was enough. And a gentle giggle would come, the same giggle he’d hear for days and days but never appreciate. Now he could only hear it on recordings, or when he got deep into his head like this. 

“Of course you do, everyone does,” you’d sarcastically quip, like you would when you were alive. And he smiled and laughed. He shoo his head and chuckled. And he dug into his pocket and lifted up the ring. 

Feel my body fallin’ away

It was time to close the book. He knew the girl in the car waiting for him would never be you. But she was pretty and funny and so understanding it made him want to vomit. He knew if you were alive, you’d joke at how you’d want to date her. You’d joke how you’d steel her off of him. He knew you’d approve. 

You wouldn’t want him to live in his past, and blame himself until he too found himself as a pile of ashes. 

So he pressed his lips to the ring, hands shaking, and he looked at the plaque before him. 

“I will always love you, Y/N,” Luke whispered, before his fingers let go of the ring. It fell, and hit the ground with a gentle tink. The item would bounce once, only slightly, before spinning and spinning and spinning. He turned on his heel, and lead himself to the exit. He felt the wind push through his hair and set his eyes on the car. 

Sierra sat in the front seat, staring out the window. He made his way to the vehicle, and opened the door. She turned to look at him, clearly lost in a daze. She offered a nervous smile, and he easily returned it. He cupped her cheek gently, before pressing his lips to hers. Pulling away softly, her eyes still shut in bliss, he felt the words he’d avoided saying (due to guilt) for so long bubble at the back of his throat and push their way forward. 

“I love you.”

I’ll see you again someday

Thanks for reading hehe. I hope you liked. Also I cried whilst writing this…

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